#i would post them on instagram but they would drag me for my cool emo hair and cool emo clothes and

[crunchchute]

me itching to post some cosplay pics i just found because i look good there but also fighting for my life to Not post them cause i dont want my face online

[cierrabiscuits]

Koutaro Bokuto x Fem Reader: Eligible Bachelor

 Summary: Some of the MSBY team are scheduled at a charity event and are auctioned off for dates, you being the manager go with them. The team is well aware of your crush on Bokuto and put a plan in motion. What’s the worst that can happen. 

 Words: 5.1K

 Warnings: Angst if squint, happy ending, MSBY 4 being sold as dates for Charity.

 Authors Note: Hello! This is my first time posting a fic so go easy on me, I hope you all enjoy it and get a good laugh out of it like I did! This is part of a collab with @ambershaydeoffical! Please support all the talented writes who participated. 

Update: I made a route for Sakusa! Find that here

Update: I made a route for Atsumu! Finda that here

Story

“Alrighty boys are you ready to go on in?” You said staring at the four well dressed men  behind you.

 “No, and I want to go home.” Sakusa adjusted his black facemask. He wasn’t keen on coming to this event whatsoever.

 “Sakusa I know, but I really need you! Besides what would you be doing anyway? It's Valentine's day and you're as single as single gets. Live a little. Maybe you will find your Mrs.Clean tonight! Ya never know!” You said as he rolled his eyes and scoffed.

 “Omi-Omi don't be that way. Our lovely manager here worked hard to get us this opportunity, and it's benefiting a charity you scrooge.” Atsumu smacked Sakusa’s back.”I think your just upset because you know all the ladies are going to bid on me.” The blond setter smirked at the very pissed Sakusa who just glared at him.

 “NOoO It's going to be me who gets all the bids. I still have my tan from Brazil and I’m alot cooler than all of you.” Hinata piped up, proudly adjusting his tie that had little volleyballs on it. 

 “Well if we don’t get our asses in that building, aint none of y’all getting any bids, besides I’m freezing to death,” You said rubbing your arms. The dress you wore done little to protect you from the cold night. 

 “Take this please, I don’t want to freeze to death. I like you warm and alive.” Bokuto, who's been oddly quiet, spoke up wrapping his grey tux jacket around your shoulders leaving him in his blue button up. You could smell his cologne on the jacket, you could drown in this and wouldn't complain. Your cheeks ran hot and you managed to let out a “thank you” through chattering teeth.

 “Okay let’s get going.” You said wrapping the jacket tighter around you as the boys followed you like baby ducks. Bokuto walked up beside you while the two boys bickered over who would have the most bids in the back, Sakusa wanted no part in it and stayed to himself. You look at Bokuto  who seemed nervous. You decided to hype him up a bit before he went into emo mode. “Bokuto you are going to have some gorgeous high profile women coming after you tonight, I’m jealous of them.” You didn't lie, you had the biggest crush on Bo, ever since you took the job as the MSBY manager. You never have a frown on your face next to him- until now. You knew he’d have a woman, that's not you, by his side tonight. You’d bid on him until your bank went in the negative but you don’t get paid like the women at this event do.

 “You wait and see, I’ll have the most beautiful one by time the night is out.” Bokuto said, smiling at you. You felt a pang of sadness creep on you, if he only knew. 

 The warm air of the ballroom felt nice against your cool body. You gave Bokuto his jacket back, you secretly wished you could keep it forever. You took in your surroundings, the ball room was filled with women in designer dresses and you could see the small stage in the middle of the room. 

 “Guys I have to find the event coordinator and see what time you guys need to get on stage. Please be on your best behavior, there are cameras everywhere. Atsumu keep the drinking to a minimum, Shoyo for the love of God go to the bathroom now, Omi keep these fools in line and you better be nice to people and last but never the least Bokuto, If you dance please be careful, I don’t want to take you to the ER again because you hit the Cha cha slide too hard. And with that I’m out. I’m counting on you guys.” You said giving them a thumbs up as you got lost into the sea of people to hunt the event coordinator. 

~

 “Thank you so much Y/N! Everyone is looking forward to the auction. We have some models and a couple pop stars who will be in the line up as well as a few volunteers . I want your boys to go at the end, as they say ‘always save the best for last’.” The coordinator spoke over the bustling crowd. She went over the rules and where they needed to go and what time to line up. You soaked in all the information the bubbly coordinator was giving you. “I have to go let the rest of the people know the game plan. Please have your guys here and lined up in half an hour. Thank you again!” And with that she disappeared into the crowd. Now here came the hard part.

You scanned the large ballroom to find your heathens. Sakusa would be the easiest to find because he is most likely on one of the four corners in the building. Hinata was most likely with Bokuto, and Atsumu was a wild card, he could be at the bar, maybe even on the dance floor trying to impress girls with his dance moves(That suck by the way). You recall the time you found him passed out in a bush drunk off ass at a gala last year. You make up a game plan, you would get Bo and Hinata first, then find a hopefully sober Tsumu and lastly get Sakusa (you figured it best not to drag him around the ballroom) You spot Bokuto’s tall figure next to a snack bar, and as you figured Hinata was with him. They were both stuffing their mouths with meat kebabs and other foods like wild animals, they sure love to eat you thought. 

 “Bokuto,Hinata, they are getting ready to line everyone up, wait for me over there.” You said pointing towards an area that was not  too terribly crowded.

 “HEY HEY HEY Y/N try one of these things, they are so freakin good.” He shoved a cake pop in front of your face. You took it from the gray haired boy.

 “Thank you Bo, but we really need to go.” You took a bite from the cake pop. “Wow that is really good.” You said finishing it in one bite. You heard some snickers from a group of girls, they made a smug comment about you eating it all at once. You normally would throw hands but you had an image to uphold. You shouldn't let it bother you but it did.

 “Hey don’t let that bother you, besides I like a girl that can eat.” Bokuto said, patting your head. He is literally the human version of sunshine. 

 “Thanks Bo. But really we need to get the move on, I still have to hunt Tsumu down. Can you and Hinata wait for me over there.” You said pointing to the area again.

 “Roger that.” They said unison. 

  “I’ll be right back.” You said going back into the crowd. You checked the dancefloor first and he wasn't there(You were relieved he was not.). You made your way to the bar and found him surrounded by women who were mesmerized by his thick accent. You waved him down and he nodded and turned his attention back to the group he had attracted.

 “It looks like It's time fer’ me to go, make sure you all bid for me. I’ll be a waitin’” He said getting up and following you. The women he had been entertaining giggled as he walked away.

 “Look at you being a player. I didn’t expect that from a man who yells at girls when they cheer for him.” You leaned into him so he could hear you over the crowd.

 “I’m just tryin’ to raise some money, it's strictly business. My heart belongs to volleyball for the most part.”He said winking at you. He truly is just a fool in love with the sport. 

You led Atsumu to the group and went to retrieve poor  Sakusa. You looked around for a few minutes and felt a tug at the back of your shirt. You turn around and see Sakusa towering over you. 

 “This is new, I’m used to finding you sulking in a corner.” You said staring into his black eyes. 

 “I watched you gather everyone up, I figured I would come on over to make it easier for you.” He began to walk towards the rest of the group.

 “I guess being 6’4 has its perks huh Omi? You're like a watchtower.” You said looking up at the tall spiker.

 “Yeah, guess so.”He said playing with one of his dark curls.

~~

 “Okay we have everyone, so you guys are going last, I’ll leave who goes first to you guys. Now let's go get lined up.” You lead them to the stage and let them line up. Atsumu insisted on going first, Hinata would go after him, then Sakusa and lastly Bokuto. 

 “You owe me some umeboshi after this.” Sakusa said, taking his mask off and putting it in the pocket of his tux.

 “Sure thing. I'll even throw in a thing of nice smelling hand sanitizer for the trouble.” You crossed your arms and smirked at him.

 “I’ll hold you to that.” He said, filing behind Hinata.

 You looked at Bokuto who appeared to be a nervous wreck. He had a small layer of sweat on his forehead and his hands were shaking slightly. “Hey it's going to be okay, I’ll be right here.” You said pulling out your handkerchief and dabbing the sweat off his forehead. “You're amazing and dare I say you're the best looking one.” You said making him blush.

 “Ummm HEY.” Atsumu said glaring at you, obviously butt hurt from your comment. Sakusa was unamused and took it upon himself to kick Atsumu. That gave you the opportunity to turn your attention back to the nervous male beside you. Before you could comfort him the loud speaker cut you off.

 “Ladies and gentleman, would you please give your attention to the center stage, the date auction will begin momentarily.” The coordinator announced causing everyone to tense up a bit.

 “Come on guys loosen up a bit, I’m going to be in the front taking pictures for our instagram page. So show off a little! Show them you are proud to be a part of such an awesome volleyball team!” You hyped them up one last team. “With that being said I want a group picture so bring it in guys.” You said pulling the camera and ushering the athletes into the frame. “Say cheese.” Atsumu wrapped his arm around Sakusa who didn’t have the chance to push him off, Bokuto gave Hinata bunny ears. It was a chaotic photo, but It caught their true essence. 

 “I want a picture with you before you go Y/N. Pleaseee.” Bokuto gave you puppy dogs eyes and you couldn't deny him.

 “Sure Bo. Atsumu here.” You handed him the camera and got beside Bokuto. He wrapped an arm around your waist and held you close to him. You could feel his muscles through the tux that fit just a little too good. 

 “Aww you look like a cute couple.” Atsumu teased as he brought the camera up to snap a picture. You couldn't make a comeback as embarrassment washed over you. You looked up at Bokuto who had a blush adorning his handsome face.

 “Y/N I’m going to do something, don’t get mad.” Bokuto said, picking you up bridal style before you could even protest.

 “That’s what I’m talking about!” Atsumu said, snapping more pictures. 

 “Bokuto put me down, I'm heavy!” You shriked  gripping onto his tux.

 “No you're not. I could carry you around all night like this if you wanted me to!” He smiled down at you! You felt your face light up like a Christmas tree. No matter how big or small you were, Bokuto always made you feel like a princess. 

 “As much as I’d love you to, we gotta get this ball rolling.” You said as he gently placed you back on your feet. “I’ll be taking that.” You said snatching the camera from Atsumu who was smirking. He seemed to be hiding something from the way he was acting. He is definitely sus you thought. You waved the boys goodbye and made you way to the front of the crowd. You got the camera ready as the spotlight of the stage flickered on. 

 “Thank you all for coming out tonight! We hope you are ready to see the heartthrobs we have lined up for you!!” The announcer said setting the tone. “Valentine's day is all about love and being with one another. So if your single, ladies, pull those yen out and let’s get to business!” The crowd cheered and applauded as the auction began.

You didn’t pay much attention to the men coming on stage, your only worry was the last 4. You scrolled through the camera to see the pictures Atsumu took of you and Bokuto. Bokuto had such a wide smile on his face in the pictures, your smile was just as big, even though your face was full of panic in the one where he effortlessly picked you up. You’re pulled from your day dream when you heard the announcer’s voice.

 “We have some special guests tonight from the MSBY volleyball team! We’ll start first with Miya Atsumu!” The announcer said as Atsumu walked on the stage like he owned it. He flipped his hair and looked at the group of women he serenaded earlier and blew them a kiss. You got lucky and snapped a picture of it, he may be annoying as hell but he knows how to get women. He had about ten women fighting over him, his bids kept going up and up. After a cutthroat battle he was sold for roughly  200,000 yen. He smirked and walked off the stage. You couldn’t help but chuckled to yourself, he’d be one of a kind if he didn’t have a twin. 

 “Up next we have Hinata Shoyo!” She said as the tangerine headed boy shly walked on stage. He looked confident for the most part and he thankfully went to the bathroom before this. He had on one of his classic charming but cute smiles. You could hear girls behind you talk about how cute he was. His skin was glowing under the spotlight thanks to the Brazilian sun. His bids went up high, he ended up being sold for 120,000 yen. He waved at the audience and bounced off the stage.

 “Let’s welcome our next bachelor who just so happens to be the tallest one tonight, Sakusa Kiyoomi!” You watched on edge as Sakusa walked out, he didn’t seem nervous but he wasn’t all that interested either, he stood in the middle of the stage like a statue. To make matters worse he wasn’t smiling. You grabbed his attention for a moment and smiled as wide as you could and pointed at your face, you felt like one of the psychotic moms from toddlers and tiaras but you had to do something or he wasn't going to get any bids. You mouthed the words “Smile please” at him and he finally took the hint. He had an awkward but cute smile on his face finally. You relaxed a little and resumed taking pictures. His bids began to go up and quick. Sakusa looked at the exit of the stage and smirked at someone and turned his attention back to the crowd. You could only guess he was looking at Atsumu who was probably pissed at how high Sakusa’s bids were. Sakusa was sold for a whopping 500,000 yen. You know Tsumu’s ego was damaged beyond repair right now. Sakusa bowed and left the stage. 

 “Now let’s end this night right! We have one more contest so let’s welcome Bokuto Koutarou to the stage!” You felt your heart drop and the announcer said his name. You had to watch someone you loved dearly be bid off to some rich girl who would probably steal him away. You tried to knock away negative thoughts but you couldn’t help it. He looked sinfully good when he walked on stage. What nervousness he felt was gone and now it’s nothing but his overwhelming confidence. He carefully watched one specific area of the crowd. You snapped pictures of him (a lot of them being for your personal collection) as he walked around the stage flexing and showing off. His eyes met yours a lot and he seemed to be smirking at you. But his attention always went back to the one area of the crowd. You heard his bids go up, one particular girl was bidding for him like her life depended on having him. Her voice came from the direction he kept starting at. He looked nervous when anyone but her called out a bid. You began to get ate up with pure jealousy, you wish you could take him off the stage and run away with him right then and there. The bids kept going up and up and the girl that kept bidding on him got him for 150,000 yen. He looked ecstatic. He looked at you and smiled before he went off stage. Your heart dropped and you wanted to leave, but you still have work to do. 

 “That concludes the auction tonight! If you won you can meet up with your bachelor over here on the left.” The announcer pointed towards the group of men. You made your way to find the guys so you can take more pictures and let them know where you’ll be when they get done.

 “You guys did awesome!” You said running up to them. They gave you a soft smile. You notice Bokuto was MIA. “Umm guys, where is Bo?” They hesitated for a second but your conversation was cut short as the boys dates for the evening came up.

 “Sakusa was it?” A well dressed man walked up to the tall volleyball player. You noticed a small girl clutching his dress shirt. She couldn’t be any older than 8. “This is my daughter, she wanted someone to dance with her but in all honesty I’m trying to make some business deals while I’m here, keep her company for me.” The man patted his shoulder and slipped some extra money in Sakusa’s shirt pocket, leaving him slacked jawed. 

  “All the umeboshi your heart desires, a big box of the nice face masks you like, and whatever else you want, just please be nice to this poor girl. She looks sad.” You whispered into Omi’s ear trying to persuade him a little more.

 “I didn’t come here to babysit, but I guess I can.” He said low enough that the girl couldn’t hear. Omi peered down at the small girl, she actually had moles on her face kinda like he does but on the opposite side.

 “Umm hi.” She said looking up at the tall man. She seemed nervous. You nugged Omi in the side to get him to say anything.

 “When was the last time you washed your hands?” He asked the girl and you could have choked him. The girl giggled at his statement.

 “I wash my hands all the time! Look my mom even bought me this!” She pulled out a small key chain with a rabbit on it, attached was a small bottle of hand sanitizer. “Would you like some?” She said opening the cap. Sakusa held his hand as the small girl poured some into his hands and she gave herself some as well.

 “Good.” Sakusa said, pulling his mask from his pocket to put it back on. The little girl grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. You knew this was way out of his comfort zone, but he was still doing it. 

 “Omg your hair is so cute! Can I touch it?” You whipped your head around to see a young bubbly girl talking to Hinata. 

 “Umm s—s sure.” He said nervously as the girl ran and hand through his hair. You couldn’t help but laugh a little. The poor baby seemed so embarrassed. The dance floor was filled with couples and the girl dragged Hinata to the dance floor before he could even get her name. You turned to Atsumu who looked like he had seen a ghost.

 “Young man I’m getting my money's worth tonight so let's go dance.” An old lady who you thought resemble Baba Yaga from spirited away stood in front of poor Atsumu. 

 “Yes ma’am.” He said, forcing a smile.  He looked at you pleasing eyes that screamed “please save me Y/N”. You shook your head at him.

 “Pay attention to me boy, I paid good money for you.” The old lady said whacking Atsumu with the cane she carried.

 “Yes ma’am, sorry ma’am.” He said walking with the old woman to the dance floor. You had to turn your head and laugh, between Sakusa getting stuck babysitting a kid and Atsumu being stuck with a senior citizen after talking all that smack, it was priceless. You guess them ladies Atsumu talked to must not have liked him that much.

You searched around for Bokuto to make sure he got his date for the night, you were also curious who she was and how pretty she was. You felt that jealousy creep back on you. This was going to be a long night. You finally spot Bokuto talking to a drop dead beautiful girl, she looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place her. She and Bokuto seemed to be having a good time, she was laughing at something he had said. Your heart shattered. You look back up to see Bo making eye contact with you. All you could do was smile and get lost in the crowd before he could see the stray tear falling down your cheek. You needed to get outside for a bit, you felt like you were suffocating. You fought the crowd and finally made your way to the exit. You pushed the metal door open. The cold night felt good against your hot skin. You walked down a path in front of the building and tried to collect yourself. 

 “Another year alone and single.” You blurted out to yourself. You find a small bench and decide to sit down for a bit. The night sky brought a sort of comfort to you. The stars twinkled and the moon casted a peaceful light. The cold was getting to you but you were afraid to go back in. You mentally couldn’t handle it. 

 “PARKOUR.” You felt your soul leave your body as you saw a shadow jump over the bench you were sitting on. You flinched back ready to fight off the attacker only to be met with Bokuto standing in front.

 “BO you scared me to death!” You said inhaling a deep breath and clutching your chest.

 “I’m sorry my parkour was so awesome it scared you.” He said, taking his jacket off and draping it yet again around your cold body. Your nose flooded again with the scent of his cologne. It’s calmed you down in a bittersweet way. “But angel what are you doing out here, you’ll get sick if you're not careful.” He kneeled down a bit and pulled the jacket around your cold body more. 

 “I could ask you the same things Mr. Parkour, you have a beautiful woman in there waiting on you, so stop wasting your time on me.” You said trying to hold it together.

 “Well I’m more concerned with the real beautiful one sitting right in front of me.” He said grabbing your shaking hands. Your eyes went wide with what he said.

 “Bo I’m confused?” You said looking into his golden eyes.

 “Well that woman you saw me with is not really my date, yes she did bid on me, but she was never my real date. She is actually the guy who owns our gym's daughter! She agreed to bid on me, but in return she wanted a date with Atsumu’s brother and he agreed to do it! The team helped me do this so I could be with you tonight, but I guess it didn’t go as smoothly as I planned. I’m sorry I made you sad.” Bokuto sat beside you on the bench,

 “Bokuto are you low key confessing to me?” You looked over at him and he smiled and shook his head. 

 “Yes and let me do this properly.” He cleared his throat and held his hand out for you to grab, which you gladly accepted. “Y/N please let me be your date tonight and from here on out please!”  

 “So like boyfriend and girlfriend Bo?” You said wanting to make sure you got the message right.

 “Yes Y/N, please be my girlfriend. All that flexin on the stage was for you baby!” He stood up and flexed again making you laugh. “But in all seriousness, I freakin love you. So what do you say Y/N?” 

 “Yes. I would love nothing mo-“ Bokuto cut you off by lifting your body into his strong arms. You giggled as he swung you both in circles. He slowed down and seen you finally smile again

 “Now that’s a pretty sight, you're not going to be sad on my watch anymore. Now we better get back inside before we freeze to death!” Bokuto wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you two began to walk back. “Wait I have something for you!” He dug through his pockets and pulled out a small jewelry box and handed it to you. You opened it and there was a necklace with a small owl charm and a “B” charm next to it.

 “Bo this is so cute! Can you help me put it on!” You said handing him the necklace. He struggled to get it on but finally got it. The silver was cold on your skin, but you didn’t mind at all.

 “Omi actually helped me pick it out, believe it or not. He said if I would have went alone I would have got something stupid.” Bokuto said, sliding the jewelry box back into his coat pocket. You hate to admit it but Sakusa going was probably a good thing. 

 “Bo I really love it, thank you.” You said leaving up and kissing his cheek. “Now let’s go back, I’ve got to check in on everyone.” You walked into the ballroom with your arm hooked around Bokuto’s bicep. 

You scanned the room to see if you could find any of the guys and the only one you could see was Hinata laughing with his date. They seemed to be hitting it off pretty good. “Bokuto let’s go get something to drink.” You both walked towards the bar, you see that girl who bid on Bokuto sitting next to Osamu. They both seemed to be having a good time.

 “Thank you again! The planned worked Y/N is my girlfriend now!” Bokuto walked up to them and showed you off. 

 “I’m so glad!” The girl said, clasping her hands together. “You are a cute couple.” 

 “Speaking of a cute couple.” Osamu chimed in and pointed towards his brother Atsumu who was being dragged around by that old lady. “I may have given her some free Onigiri vouchers and a few hundred yen to bid on him.” The twin laughed at his brother's despair. 

 “Your evil, but I like it.” The girl said as they clinked their drinks together. 

 “You guys enjoy it, we still have to hunt for Omi.” You bowed and clung back on to Bokuto. 

After circulating the ballroom a few times you finally find Sakusa and the little girl sitting at a table. Sakusa looked dead tired and the little girl was stuffing her face with cake

 “Omi you look like a tired dad.” Bokuto said bursting out laughing at his teammate. 

 “I see your plan worked.” Sakusa said, looking at the necklace through tired eyes. 

 “Yes it did now this cutie is all mine.” Bokuto said peppering your cheek with kisses.

 “How disgusting, when you grow up don’t date idiots like him.” Sakusa looked at the child who just nodded her head. It was hilarious to see Omi so out of his element. “That was directed at you Bokuto not Y/N.” 

 “Omi, he is a idiot but he is my idiot.” You patted Bokuto's back. 

 “Omi-Omi let’s go dance some more. I like this song.” The little girl tugged on his jacket. 

 “Fine.” Omi sighed and followed her dance floor.

 “Now that we know everyone (for the most part) is okay let’s dance!” You said leading Bokuto to the dance floor.

 You danced to every single song and Bo didn’t break anything when the cha cha slide came on. He swung you around all night without a care in the world. 

 “Let’s end the night with something nice and slow.” The Dj said putting on (Insert your favorite slow song)

  “May I have this dance pretty girl?” Bokuto asked, holding his hand out to pull you closer to him.

 “The Macarena may have wore me out, but I guess I have enough wind in me for one last song.” You teased wrapping your arms around his neck. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and began to slowly dance you around the room. 

 You see that little girl struggling to keep up with Omi’s big steps as he attempted to dance with her, he was at least trying you thought. Hinata was slow dancing with his date of the night, they both seemed comfortable and content with each other. Atsumu was still with that granny but he seemed to have accepted defeat as he danced around with her. Osamu danced with the gym owner's daughter and made it a mission to kick his brother when they got close enough, he even messed him up enough to cause the old to hit him with the cane again. You felt Bokuto's grip tighten and he dipped you down enough to finally kiss you on the lips. He pulled away and brought you back up to continue dancing. 

“ I love you Y/N.” Bokuto spoke softly in your ear. 

 “I love you too.” You said as the song faded out.

   “And one more thing Y/N” Bokuto said, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “I told you I would have the most beautiful girl here.”

Fin

[hairringtonsteve]

spoiler alert.

(joe keery x reader)

request: oh oh oh! Joe Keery meets Y/N when being interviewed and she's like the camera woman or something and he invites her out on the town with the rest of the older cast and it's drinks and love, you know! And Y/N ends up at Joe's hotel room

summary: of course you and joe would bond over something as dumb as spoiling movies and tv shows you’ve (mostly) already seen to each other. weirdly enough, it also kind of is a massive turn on for joe. huh.

word count: 4, 532

a/n: so there are a lot of spoilers in here, but none for stranger things (go figure). but here are the movies and shows that are: star wars episode v, star wars episode vii, fight club, the handmaid’s tale, game of thrones, the sixth sense, 30 rock, harry potter and the halfblood prince. 

At least once a month, you post a picture of you wearing an all black outfit on Instagram with the caption let’s play a game called production blacks or emo (or a variation of that incredibly worn out joke). When you’re filming a live event, it’s all black, even down to your shoes. You can’t count the number of times that you’ve thrown on black sneakers, only to notice that they’ve got a white stripe down the sides. Which means running around the venue, trying to find some black duct tape or a black Sharpie to color it in.

In your college classes, you can remember multiple professors drilling it into your brain - people behind the camera should be invisible, to blend in with the background so everyone forgets that you’re there. On sets with scripted content, it’s a different story. But for anything else, you’ve got to be background noise. And you’re fine with that. There’s a kind of comfort that comes with being able to just settle into the background and watch the action go on around you.

Which is why it’s so unnerving when he noticed you.

It’s not that actors haven’t talked to you before, it’s just that there’s some kind of unspoken code with most of them. They’re polite, but distant. You’re just running the camera, a person that’s meant to be glanced at but not really looked at. It’s not a rude thing, it’s just how it is.

You’d just gotten off a string of interviews with the cast of a huge blockbuster that was coming out (not to brag, but you did get to meet most of the actors in the new Captain America movie), and you’d gotten used to a quick handshake and a brief hi, how are you? before they move on to the person who’s running the whole thing. It had been a long day, adjusting the camera settings and staving off boredom as you listened to Matt ask similar-sounding questions over and over and over. By some miracle, there was actually a couple of hours in between interviews, but that was mostly due having to switch from the Captain America backdrop to something simple for whatever new Netflix cast was up next. You were fiddling with the camera settings, killing time as you waited around for the girl who was running the lights to finish up.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to adjust that fill light, I guarantee it,” you said, grinning as she shot you a scowl.

“I think I know what I’m doing, Y/N.”

“I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure that this dude is taller than you think. It doesn’t look like it’s going to be high enough.” She shot you another glare, making you laugh at the sight of it. The two of you had worked on enough stuff together, and you knew the exact buttons to push to annoy her, and vice versa.

“You working that event tonight at the Bowl?”  

“Does it look like I’m working the event tonight?” You ask, motioning to your outfit, which was most definitely not production blacks. “The only thing that I’m doing tonight is getting caught up on Game of Thrones and eating leftover pizza.”

“Uh, excuse me, I was told to come in here for a lighting test?” You turned around at the voice, plastering on a quick smile for the actor.

“Right, uh-” You hesitated, glancing down at the chair next to you, littered with papers that Matt had printed off for the interview. You scanned the words for a second before settling on his name. “Joe, right? Just take a seat there. Cassie will finish up with the lighting in a second.”  

It was really hard for you to keep the smug smirk off your face as Joe sat down, the fill light hitting his face a weird way on camera. You waited until he was looking down at his phone to do it, the corners of your lips tugging upwards just enough to convey your message to Cassie.

I fucking told you so.

“So, you watch Game of Thrones?”  You looked from Cassie to the man in front of you, your eyebrows raising in question.

“Huh?”

“You were talking about Game of Thrones when I came in. You watch it?” The confusion was written on your face as you rested your hand against the tripod, fingers tapping against the cool metal.

“Yeah, I do,” you said. The words were coming out slow, your brain more concerned with trying to wrap your mind around his little grin than with understanding his exact words.

“What season are you in?”

“I just finished up the first season.” His eyes widened, mouth opening and you knew exactly what was coming. “I know I’m behind, okay? I get shit for it all the time.”

“How much has been ruined for you?”

“I honestly try not to think about it. Spoilers piss me off. I accidentally found out that Dumbledore died before I finished reading the book, and I ended up crying on the bus. It was terrible.”

“Dude, Dumbledore dies?”

For a second, your heart stopped pounding. A sick feeling settled into your gut. Oh God, you just ruined one of the biggest spoilers in history to this guy. But then his look of dismay turned into that little grin, and you scowled.

“That was low, man.”

“It’s not as low as Kylo Ren running a lightsaber through Han Solo’s chest.” You tried to act annoyed, but it was in vain since you literally could not stop grinning at him. “I assume you knew about that one, then?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure everyone knows about that one by now.”

“That’s true. But did you know that in -”

“Hey, man! Sorry I’m late,” Matt butted in, causing a brief flicker of annoyance to rise up in your chest. You caught Joe giving you a look before he shifted his attention towards Matt, sliding right into professionalism.

“So, he’s cute,” Cassie muttered behind you, making you jump. You blinked at her, a little surprised that she’d somehow managed to fix the fill light and walk behind you, all without you noticing.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure,” you shrugged.

A lot of actors were cute. It was no big deal.

“So you do know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father, right?”

You didn’t even have to turn around from your camera to know who it was.

Spoilers had become a sort of thing between the two of you. You were a freelancer, so a decent amount of media sites hired you to film their stuff. And at some point, Joe’s little, weird, niche sci-fi show thing (his description) had blown up. Which translated into more interviews, but more importantly, more spoilers. Somewhere along the way it had turned into this inside joke between you both.

“Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.” You turned around just in time to see his face as you said it, the corners of his mouth curving into an even wider grin as he ducked his head. He pressed his lips together like he was trying to rein it in.

Belatedly, you realized you were staring at his mouth.

“So you have any plans tonight?” You - reluctantly - dragged your gaze to his eyes, ignoring the little smirk that was planted firmly on his face.

“Nothing but eating an entire jar of Nutella and finishing up Jessica Jones.”

“My God, you are so far behind on TV. Have you even started Breaking Bad?”

“Uh, yeah. Walter White was dead the whole time.”

“Holy shit, do I need to make you a list of shows you need to watch?”

“Probably, yeah.”

There was a pause in the conversation as he looked at you, his smirk fading the longer he didn’t respond. Was he really that upset with your lack of TV watching?

“I could make you that list tonight. Over drinks?”

Oh.

Oh.

“Over drinks?” Internally, you swore at yourself for the way your voice wavered over those two simple syllables.

“Yeah, over drinks. You know, the thing where you go out and drink? With other people?” It was like magic, the way his smirk just appeared once more. “Me, and Dacre and Charlie and Nat are all heading out for drinks. I mean, Natalia can’t drink because she’s underage, but she’ll still hang out.” His smirk started to fade the longer you kept quiet. “So there’s no pressure for you to drink, but uh, I thought I’d just ask because, you know, we’ve known each other for like a year now and I just… You can stop me whenever you like because it’s going to get a lot worse and I’m honestly rambling right now…” he trailed off, offering you a helpless look.

“I’m down with drinks. I kind of just wanted to see where you were going to end up.”

“It would’ve ended up with me crying from embarrassment.”

“Way to ruin the ending for me, asshole.”

“It could’ve been worse. I could’ve told you that Tyler Durden isn’t real and is actually a product of the narrator’s split personality.”

“.... Yeah, I actually haven’t seen that one. It’s Fight Club, right?”

“Oh, fuck.”

It felt like the two of you had passed through, like, twelve friendship stages since you’d seen him earlier that day. Before, all you’d known about him was that he was funny and nice, he was an actor, and his name was Joe. All he’d known about you was that you were funny and nice, you were a camera operator, and that your name was Y/N.

But suddenly, you were getting drinks. And exchanging phone numbers. And texting. And possibly flirting (but according to Cassie and just about anyone that had seen the two of you together, you’d been flirting with each other since you’d first met).

Joe: Here. Everyone else is already inside

You: Pulling up now 👍

Your heart was currently located somewhere within your throat as the Lyft driver pulled up to the curb. It wasn’t hard to find Joe, who was leaning against the building, eyes shifting from left to right before settling on your car. He smiled, soft and small, before straightening up and heading towards the car.

“Thank you!” You said, giving the driver a quick grin and handing him the tip before opening up the car door. Joe was grinning then, offering his hand to you to help you out.

“You look great,” he said, teeth dragging across his lower lip. His voice was softer than it usually was, the look in his eyes warm and bright. Everything about him was making your body tingle with nerves. Your hand rested in his, igniting a warmth that spread down your arm and settled into your whole body as you stepped out of the car.

“Thanks. So do you.” You felt a little awkward, almost stilted. You knew how to react with him in short, teasing bursts. But this was a whole other ballgame, and you were terrified that you were going to strike out.

He didn’t let go of your hand, instead adjusting his so that his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Is this okay?” You looked up at him, and found a little solace in the fact that he looked just as nervous as you felt.

“Yeah, Joe, it’s good.” He gave your hand a quick squeeze as he started forward, leading you inside. You waited a couple of seconds before allowing your word vomit to start. “So this is kind of awkward, right?” Joe let out a loud laugh, causing a couple of people to turn their heads in your direction as the two of you made your way to a table in the back. You’d expected that you’d be grabbing drinks at some fancy place, but instead, it was some little pizza place hidden away on a side street in LA.

“This is really awkward, yeah. I feel like I don’t know what to say, y’know? Like maybe I should’ve asked you out when it’d be just the two of us.”

“You know what we need to do then, right?” Joe just looked down at you, pausing a little before you reached the table. “We drink.”

And drink you did. Charlie kept his down to a single beer, admitting that he was taking pity on Natalia since she couldn’t drink at all. Dacre drank more than you’d ever thought was humanly possible, but Joe kept reminding you that he was Australian, and they can drink infinitely more than Americans ever could. You and Joe, however, were right in between the two extremes. A couple of beers in each, pleasantly tipsy. With each sip, you found yourself leaning against him more and more. His arm rested against the back of your chair, fingertips brushing against your shoulder every so often.

“So, wait. Have you or have you not watched Stranger Things?” Natalia asked you, eyes wide and incredulous.

“I’m getting to it! Do you know how many TV shows I need to watch? Just thinking about it stresses me out!”

“Dacre, hand me a napkin,” Joe ordered, looking up as the waitress passed by them. “Excuse me, miss? Whenever you have a second, could I borrow a pen?” She fished one out of her pocket, giving him a wide grin. “You are a lifesaver, thank you.”

Dacre leaned across the table, watching as Joe started to write.

Shows and Movies That Y/N Needs to Watch Right Fucking Now ASAP

You just ate your pizza as the four castmates started chiming in with show suggestions that were a must for you to watch.

“Oh, have you seen Fight Club?” Dacre asked, mouth full of french fries.

“I haven’t, but I don’t really need to. Joe ruined it for me this morning.”

“KEERY!” Dacre yelled, throwing a couple of french fries in Joe’s direction. “What the hell is wrong with you? Fuckin’ spoilers, man.”

“It’s been out for years! How the hell has she not seen it?”

“It doesn’t matter! It’s like telling someone that Jon Snow isn’t really dead.”

Joe grew quiet as your face went white. Charlie and Nat picked up on it almost immediately, both of them staring wide eyed at the big-mouthed Australian.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Wait, are you not caught up?”

“I’m in the middle of season three.” Dacre was the one whose face went white in that moment, turning a bright red in mere seconds.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, holy shit. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

You didn’t want to, but a quiet chuckle escaped your lips anyway. Dacre looked so remorseful in that moment as he practically tripped over his words, still rambling on in an attempt to really apologize to you.

“It’s fine, Dacre, really. It’s not like you told me something really important, like the fact that Offred ends up pregnant with Nick’s baby.”

“I told you that I was on episode six, are you fucking kidding me?” Dacre exploded, causing Joe to grin wide enough that it looked as though it’d hurt. The table burst into laughter, bolstered by the fact that Dacre was just sitting in his chair sputtering as he shook his head violently.

“That might the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” Joe said, as casual as though he was commenting on the weather. But when you looked over to him, his eyes were dark as he watched you. Something dropped in your stomach, and in that span of a second, the pizzeria became stifling.

“Right,” Charlie began, but his voice sounded distant to you. Then again, everything was sounding distant to you, and becoming even more distant the longer you looked at Joe. “On that note, I think we’re going to leave.”

“You ready to head out, then?” Joe’s voice was the only voice that sounded close. You looked over to him, cheeks a little warm as you nodded. It was kind of a blur as everyone settled the check (the only thing that was clear was the fact that Joe was refusing to let you pay) and before you knew it, you and Joe were waving everyone off as the two of you lingered out on the sidewalk.

“So, um, hottest thing you’ve ever seen, huh?” Your words weren’t slurring by any means, but there was still a pleasant fog hovering over your brain, your words falling out of your mouth a little slower than they usually did.

Joe turned to look at you, his head moving in a slow nod. He took a step closer to you, resting a hand on your waist to pull you into him.

“I love Dacre, I do, but you ruining The Handmaid’s Tale for him like that was the single most attractive thing that I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” His lips were on yours right after the single word was spoken. It was warm and lazy, like the two of you had all the time in the world to just kiss each other. It was late out; the sidewalk was mostly empty. It was easier to forget that you weren’t in a more private spot, especially when his tongue swiped along your lower lip. You opened your mouth, deepening the kiss as you wound your arms around his neck. The tension spurred the two of you on, pushing you closer to him as his free hand wound behind you, grabbing your -

“Get a room, Jesus!”

The stranger’s voice sounded from down the street, but it was enough to make you spring away from him. You weren’t sure when your fingers had wound into his hair, but it was looking disheveled all the same, some tufts standing straight up as though he’d just gotten out of bed.

“You want to get out of here?” Joe’s voice was wrecked. It was low and scratchy. His chest was heaving up and down as though he’d been running in a dead sprint. The look he was giving you put images in your head, ones of him pressing you up against a wall and wrapping your legs around his waist as his lips made their home against your neck.

“Absolutely,” you said. Your own voice wasn’t that much better. That single word had come out far more breathless than you’d intended, but the effect it had on Joe made a fire run in your veins, screaming throughout your entire body.

Joe pulled out his phone, fingers trembling as he opened up the app to call an Uber. You were going to make some sort of joke about how he still used Uber when Lyft was so much better, but he glanced to you out of the corner of his eye, and it made your knees a little weak.

It was worse when he put his phone away.

The two of you were standing there, shoulder to shoulder as the driver took his or her good time in getting there. A group of drunken college students had meandered down the street, and as much as you wanted to, making out with Joe once more wasn’t an option.

“How drunk are you right now?” You looked up at him, appreciating the way that the orange streetlights lit his face. He was all soft light and shadows, with an occasional pink hue from a broken, neon sign.

“Maybe slightly tipsy? Sober enough to consent, if that’s what you’re asking.” His eyes were darkening with every passing second.

“Same here.” Your teeth raked across your lower lip, biting down on it. Joe groaned, running his fingers through his hair as he tilted his head back. “You’re going to drive me insane.”

The Uber pulled up right in front of you. Joe rested his hand against the small of your back, guiding you to the car.

The car ride was torture. It was a sweet kind of torture, but torture nonetheless. Joe kept his hand on your thigh the entire time, trying time after time to inch it up, only to be stopped by your glare. Every time he was caught, he’d shoot you this dark little smirk that sent heat right down your spine.

There was no doubt in your mind that if you let him continue, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself. The poor driver didn’t deserve to deal with that.

It was a little embarrassing just how fast you made it out of the Uber the second it was in park. You practically leaped out of the car, eager to try and get a handle on yourself. But you really couldn’t. All you could feel was the ghost of his hand gripping your thigh, or his lips against yours, nothing but need. Hell, it took you a full twenty seconds to realize that you were at a hotel.

“You okay?” It was as though he’d appeared out of thin air, made of nothing but attraction and a little bit of concern. Your hand reached out and took hold of his.

“I’m great.”

It would have been a miracle if the two of you could have made it up to his room before you leapt at each other. Thankfully, it was a little past one in the morning, which meant that the elevator was empty.

The second the doors dinged shut, Joe had you crowded into the corner. This time it was different. It was hard to tell where you ended and he began. With every move of his lips you were dissolving into him. You nipped at his lower lip, gentle as you tugged on it. A low groan emanated from his throat as he pressed against you.

It was hard to tell whether Joe was taking something from you or giving it to you. All you knew was that you felt like rushing water, shifting and moving and responding to every move that he took.

Far away, you could hear the opening of the elevator doors. It almost physically hurt to pry yourself away from him, but suddenly, you needed to get into that room of his. Joe blinked down at you, mirroring your exact expression.

“I…” He breathed out that lonesome letter, the look on his face telling you all that you needed to know. You took his hand and lead him out of the elevator, pausing as you waited for him to speak. “Lead the way,” he said, dazed.

“I don’t know what room it is.”

Joe stared down at you for a moment longer, the dazed look in his eyes fading until he realized what you’d just said. A furious blush attacked his cheeks as he led you down the hall. His thumb kept rubbing distracting circles into your skin.

It took a little longer for the two of you to make it to his room. Once, because he’d glanced back to you and caught sight of your lip between your teeth, which had ended up with your back against the wall, his lips against yours as he muttered something about biting that lip for you.

The bigger reason, however, was the fact that once your party of two had reached his room, his hands had been shaking so hard as he tried to put the key card into the slot. Apparently, it was hard for him to concentrate when you were pressing kiss after kiss against his jaw, fingers hooked around his belt loops to draw him closer to you.

“Y/N, I just - I - C’mon, I can’t - Yes.”

Just like that, he’d managed to unlock the door, practically shoving you through it and then promptly apologizing. You stepped into the room, taking it all in. It was an average hotel room, littered with a couple of shirts on the ground, and two PlayStation 4 controllers setting on top of the mini fridge. He flipped on a light, the room illuminated enough to make everything nice and soft.

A bout of nerves filled your chest as you glanced over to him. This was Joe, the guy that you’d been denying that you had a crush on for almost a year. This was the guy that had made you look forward to filming some interviews, who had popped in and out of your life ever since you’d first met.

You liked Joe.  A lot. A hell of a lot.

He was staring at you, patient as he waited for you to say something. There was a small smile lingering on his lips as he watched you, and it caused a kaleidoscope of butterflies to flutter in your stomach. He started to walk towards you, eyes focused on yours as your pulse quickened.

“You look a little terrified, which is kinda weird, since twenty seconds ago you were kissing me like your life depended on it,” he teased, his words gentle as he reached for you. You let him circle his arms around your waist, loose enough for you to pull away if you wanted to.

“I just, I like you, alright? I don’t want to mess anything up. Or give you the wrong impression.”

“The impression that I got was that you like me as much as I like you, and we’re going to be hanging out a lot more together, and that this isn’t casual at all for either of us.” The relief flooded through you, washing away any doubts that had sunk their teeth into your mind. “Am I close?”

“Spot on, actually.”

“Would it make you feel better if we just hang out, maybe watched some TV and made out a lot?”

“Are you proposing that we… Netflix and chill?”

Joe laughed, his head dropping against yours as he grinned. His laughter devolved into snickers as he looked down at you.

“Essentially, I guess so. It’s catchier than saying let’s watch Parks and Rec and make out a ton during it.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, followed by one to your cheek. “You have seen Parks and Rec, right? Because if you haven’t, we can’t make out during it. You need to see it.”

“I’ll… I’ll get to it, okay! Don’t judge me!” Joe tugged you towards the bed, falling down onto it and pulling you down with him.

“What the hell have you seen? Because I really want to make out with you.”

“30 Rock.”

“I haven’t finished it yet, though.”

“Have you gotten to the part where Liz and Jack get married?” Joe turned onto his side so he could get a better look at you. You just grinned up at him, the laughter bubbling up out of you like a spring.

“Don’t start with me,” he warned. His words were low, but they were belied by the grin that he just couldn’t get rid of.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it, hmmm, Keery?” He leaned down, swinging his leg over you and resting a hand on either side of your head to hold himself up. His lips hovered just above yours as he smirked. His mouth brushed against yours, hot and open as you stared up at him.

“I can think of a few things.”

taglist: @allfandomxreader @myblackwings5 @morgandakotaq @rivedale @laterg8r @buckybass @alwaysmebeforeyou @istanuriss

[jaxxonpollux]

notes for vivien during her whatever of whatever v3

hey pee brain

writing here makes me feel less bitter, and it helps me maintain some level aloofness i think. moreso than calling you twice a day and pining away like a ghost wife that passed away out on the cliffs, the moors or whatever, waiting for her sailor soldier husband to return. i know you're a sweetheart but sometimes you're a real pain in the butt too. a real heck and a half. and i'm not like, dumb. i know what busy is and i know phone calls can still be squeezed in even then, but business and time are never really the problem when this stuff happens. i know i don't make myself very easy to talk to, being a sassy emotional sack of old balls and all that, so i wouldn't expect you to either. just enjoy being where you are and living a big life again and i'll watch your cute butt as you leave the room.

that's like a real mad men thing to think and say huh? "boy oh boy i sure do love to see her leave a room!" even when you dress it up and disguise it, it still sounds piggish. something joan would narrow her eyes at, or at the very least give like that phony 1960s "i'll take that as a compliment, you dumb pig man" smile.

i don't know why i feel bitter. god why do i have my ceiling fan on? i'm freezing, it's been in the 50s here. anyway, i don't know why i feel bitter. it's a gross feeling, it really does make me feel like a ghost wife, like just haunting you from the past and trying to drag you back into the deep black water. very selkie actually. it's loneliness doing its evil things and whispering in ears and gnawing on hearts and making me reach out my ugly haunted hand and trying to either have you pull me out of the afterlife or pull you back in. i just spelt gnawing as "knawing," and it doesn't say that it's a typo, is this some secret alt word i've discovered? some special 4am word?

knaw

Verb

(third-person singular simple present knaws, present participle knawing, simple past and past participle knawed)

Archaic spelling of gnaw.

Verb

(third-person singular simple present knaws, present participle knawing, simple past knawed, past participle knawn)

Eye dialect spelling of know.

what the hell is eye dialect? it sounds like when people talk with their eyes "her mouth says no, but her eyes say YES"

"her mouth says no, but her eyes say KNAW"

or basil's wife perhaps, "oh i knaaawr." you gotta slap an r at the end there because they're british. anyway

writing gets real out of hand real fast at 4am y'know. and i'm writing this on my phone too, what kind of sick fuck writes his autobiography on his phone? that sounds like the kind of thing b would do, but i don't have any business knowing the kinds of things b would do

is there anything i actually wanted to say? i've been buying and drinking wines like a madman. i drank half a bottle in an afternoon when i was trying a new wine and my mom goes "that's a LOT of trying!" like not really tho. wine is a trap cuz you gotta drink it freshly corked or else you're fucked. you gotta share wine, i'm always trying to coax my mom into a glass or two so i don't feel stupid drinking it all by myself. i feel like how my mom used to describe my grandma (on my dad's side), taking her wine medicine every day because "it's healthy" or whatever. i really don't drink like that. i actually forget that there's alcohol in there because it never occurs to me. i've still never been drunk. i was possibly tipsy when we had two bottles in miami and we were sitting out on the smoking bench together, but even then i was just slightly louder and happy.

i've tried merlot, pinot noir, pinot grig, rose, sauvignon blanc, "laurel blanc," chardonnay and i've got a riesling on the way, stashed someplace. i feel such like a stereotypical college early 20s girl when i drink wine, like hmmm like the thing where they order fancy tasty alcoholic drinks at bars and stuff? where they can't taste the alcohol at all and get wasted really easily? not that i'm over here getting wasted, but i mean that i'm picky about flavors, like sometimes wine to me is just bad-tasting grape juice that burns a little and makes you want to burp. i popped open a chardonnay yesterday and the intense oaky "full-bodied" flavor kind of offends me. at the end of the day, i'm still just a real soda jerk at heart, like i wanna drink things that taste good. sugary snacks and orange juice and stuff. sarsparilla. wine tastes bad in comparison to most other beverages (like, let's just be real here for a second, all alcohol tastes worse than a sprite), but makes me feel more sophisticated is all, and i already drink bitter black teas to fill that niche in my life.

i'm more just drinking all these different wines to take a peek into a life i don't live, i think. try to understand people i know that drink wine a little better. i wrote about this before, getting to know you through the back door? watching abfab and fawlty towers and reading swamplandia, following in your footsteps, inching my way through the path you hacked through the jungle. like that scarjo alien movie (another example), living in your skin. why is it so impossible for me to talk about getting to know you without diving into some creepy stalker persona? i don't get it. i must be naive to my own creepiness. i have been called "a creeper," but only once in middle school, and i don't think i was doing anything creepy at the time. just standing somewhere looking sad and emo probably. people just called each other creepers back then left and right. it really is a hurtful term, considering i still vaguely remember it

anyway, i have no idea what you're doing in new york, why you're doing foot stuff with strangers, who you're hanging out with, how long you'll be there, why you can't ever think about me or call me or have any space in your life or in your thoughts for me and i have no idea why everything is so difficult and i have no idea about divorce or wine or new york in general really. and i'm just always over here baking 50 loaves of bread and 600 chocolate bavarians and dumping rainbow sprinkles and maraschino cherries into bowls and putting 350, 850, 1100 pieces of flourless chocolate cake on plates over and over again and checking instagram every time i walk through the halls because it's the only way i know you're not dead. and i know you're awake at 4am when i'm walking into work and i miss you and think of you then, when we're the only souls up at that hour, but then you get like 7 likes on your 4am instagram post and i realize that's actually bullshit and yeah. i'm a dumb jealous bitch, but only like, a little bit, and every person that comments on your instastuff i just imagine that it's somebody that lives in new york and is in your entourage and is more important to you and more interesting than i ever was and i should really just keep dumb mouth shut about everything.

i warned you i was a boring boy, and i warned myself too. you're out there living big again, cool people dragging you into cool big city cocaine club experiences, swapping stick and pokes and fur jackets and call girl stories, writing novels and shooting music videos and hosting parties where you get to avoid your guests and be in the vip back room... (my imagination is endless you see!)

and i'm like a dumb ducking small town country hick boy pining and sending senpai-notice-me pictures of rice krispy treats as if it's anything to sneeze at (it isn't), pretending like my baking or my pictures of clouds or cats is worth anything in your life, because i'm just fumbling and grasping at straws and presenting them to you, like hey look at these straws eh? pretty neat eh? wanna go out with me? i feel like that picture of that kid holding a bunch of roses out to rihanna. a reference which is apparently too dated to show up on google images, grumble

speaking of baking, i went to this japanese bakery the other day to inquire about a job opening and the girl there, well first of all it's really cute because all the girls there wear brown berets and brown overalls, but anyway the girl there said they have TWENTY bakers working there. TWENTY. i keep telling people this hoping for a reaction because apparently only a baker understands how bonkers this is. a small mom and pop bakery with TWENTY bakers. i mean, their stuff is pretty nice, and they do a wide variety of things, but i work at a place with three bakers and we make food for hundreds of people every day.

what else do i have to say, hmmm... i feel like i dropped the ball on the whole self-loathing thing really early, like those couple of paragraphs up there are really more of a finisher but whatever. i'm just rambling, just ranting, just stream of conscious jack kerouac jacking myself off and it's honestly just fine, i don't gotta organize this any particular way do i? nah

but like, don't take any of this stuff too seriously (but do if it makes you like feel really bad for me and miss me or whatever heh), everything is a fleeting thought or feeling nowadays, some times are better than others. some days i text you simply because i wanna share something with you and i'm thinking of you, real simple, and i don't even think about how dumb and bitter i can get, but other days i just want to give up on you and crawl back into my haunted lake and stop trying and kill myself or hurt myself or at the very least make desperate phone calls to people i used to talk to and make myself feel relevant again. but eh. what a soap opera. i like how you think YOU'RE crazy when i'm like just a pile of flesh filled with howling, howling winds, like i'm a real fucking whirlwind in here, a real wuthering heights crazy animal sex energy in here. haunting away from my creaky old miasma mansion. i'm just full of sludge, i'm the swamp and trump never drained me, turns out.

anyway, like i said don't take it too seriously, i'm ok. i'm only flexing muscles, really, but i do miss you, and probably will forever, because i don't think we'll ever be Together Like That. which is fine but it also sucks. "don't you forget about me"

hey also if you happen to read this prior to halloween, or at all, send me some songs for a playlist i'm putting together for no particular reason. i listen to it at work. i've been in a real halloweeny mood even though i never have time or any reason to dress up. but i do all the other stuff, i carve pumpkins and wear candy corn socks and do generally love the season. nobody ever sees it, but i do love the season, i just never share my love with anybody the way i wish i could. just don't send like, the marilyn manson version of i put a spell on you or whatever, unless it's really good, i didn't actually look into it.

sincerely,

from out here on the moors,

the other brian

p.s. just in case new york actually really sucks for you right now and is really not fun or exciting and you are actually feeling very rotten and lonely, i do aplogize profusely! my imagination runs too fast for me to catch up sometimes. just always missing you and always beating myself up. i hope i don't ever rub you the wrong way. https://youtu.be/UDhmnoBVYlQ

p.p.s. 11am now, just wanna say i stand by this big black chunk of coal letter, except i didn't want it to be quite so angry and bitter. your business is your business and i'm silly for assuming i need to be included, as per, i'm really not as desperately invested as i come off. i feel stripped of a friend maybe, but not helpless hopeless careening into a black hole or anything. stay warm stay safe, i'm here when you need my brand of friend again, but i'm gonna make a concerted effort to stop prying. xo

[mlephoebe]

That time I artist liaised again?!?

That time we were artist liaisons, remember that blog post? If not check it out quickly on my blog. Well turns out I must not have been that bad as I was invited back to do it all over again, and what a night it was. Here is the blog post where I shall be talking through that night. Was a very rock and roll experience, some parts shall be removed just for the fact a future employer may be reading this. (I realise that makes it sound like illegal activity had taken place, I can promise you it wasn’t ahaha). Quite simply the hashtag #Luciathegroupie sums it all up and if I spoke about that it would merely drag the story away from the liaising part of the night. Which is what this post is about.

So It all started on the morning of Saturday June 3rd when I got a message from Henry the cool guy that runs Crash, my personal favourite night at the students union. He asked if I wanted to do artist liaison for the nights event, to which I said yes as quickly as possible. I absolutely love working on crash nights as it’s a night I have wanted to get involved with as soon as I came to University, so of course I always say yes.

At 7pm I arrived at the student’s union to greet Slipknowt the slipknot tribute act that would be performing at this year’s last Crash:’(. I was excited to be working on this evening as I knew so many people were stoked for this act and had been since it was announced back in April, and I was just as pumped. I always enjoy getting there early and watching the setup of the night, it always makes me kind of wish I had chosen the production course as it all looks super interesting.

Upon arrival, we all helped bring in their equipment which now looking back am unsure why we helped as there was 9 of them, 9! Once everything had been unpacked I spoke to Rob, the drummer and man that acted as tour manager too, he was kind of the head of the band in that sense. Like with Paramore or Less the Paramore tribute act that played in April they were all very taken back to have a helper, almost a slave I guess, being me ahaha. So with that I gave them the £30 ryder to which they told me to go to the shops and spend it all on alcohol. Little did they know they get a crate of beers for free from the student’s union, but the more alcohol the merrier they seemed. With that I headed out to Sainsburys and spent every last penny of it on a crate of Bud, Fosters and Becks and wheeled it all the way back to the SU in the rain, which took a lot of effort haha, yet everyone was very impressed I managed to steal a trolley from Sainsbury’s, something I will never be doing again (;

Once arriving back at the SU I helped the band settle into the backstage area then left them to get ready, all I had to do now was give them a ten minute warning then clear up after they had left, yet that didn’t go all to plan. One of my friends being a huge slipknot fan really wanted to meet them, so after the show I asked if they could meet them to which they said yes and came out after the show to hang for the rest of crash. Something which was appreciated by many that attended that night was how they did not leave after their set, they came and enjoyed the evening with everyone. Now something they said to me before their set was how people always act like they’re the real Slipknot around them and ask for pictures and autographs. This was something I took with a pinch of salt at first but once being witness to it I was taken back at how many people were going crazy over them.

3am struck and the light went on and the music wound down meaning Crash was over until September *sad face*. We ended up helping them pack up their van, by we I mean pretty much everyone that was singing their hearts out with them to all the emo classics.

Yet the party was not over for us there, we headed on out to our friends Jordan and Richards house to carry on the celebrations. Every 10minutes I remember at least one of say ‘’what on earth is going on, Slipknowt are in our house, how?’’ And the next day was spent pretty similarly with us all trying to register what had happened the night before. Once the guys followed us on Instagram we felt our lives were made. (I’m joking about my live being made) But I feel like we all slipped into the headspace of thinking they were the real Slipknot especially Lucia (;

So after hanging out for a further couple of hours it was time to call it a night as this one had work the next morning, which was so much fun, but am very greatfull  to all that came for the entirety of my 9 hour shift and ate Chinese takeout with me and kept me going, despite how very sleep deprived and hungover I was. But I survived and lived to tell the tale.

At the beginning of the night I was talking to Rob, asking how he got into acting as tour manager and explained how that’s something I wanted to do once leaving University. He then messaged me a couple days later with some websites and Facebook pages which I am very grateful for him showing me as its brought a new light to the industry for me. What I learnt here, which already knew and strongly live by, but was highlighted to me again was it’s all about connections and making the most out of the situations you have. Even if it is simply artist liaising with a tribute act.