#i would never invalidate the wetcatitude of a single blorbo

[ohnoitsjetster]

I need to respond to the sizable group of people in the tags saying that Paul is still a wet cat. I apologize for the possible miscommunication, but when I said that she was “the wet cat character of Hatchetfield,” I by no means meant the ONLY wet cat character of hatchetfield. I should have specified. I meant “THE wet cat,” as in the ultimate, the absolute, the platonic ideal of a wet cat. I cannot fathom being so audacious as to claim that Paul mother-freaking Middle Name Matthews the twenty third is by some metric a dry cat. No. Come on now, I’m not blind. hes in a sad little puddle, completely disoriented and trying to use his truly horrendously blue eyes to make sense of his surroundings. Charlotte is not the only wet cat by a very long shot. I would go so far as to say the town of Hatchetfield is a Wet Cat Only zone.

Alright. This may be a controversial opinion but Paul is not the Wet Cat character of Hatchetfield. Neither is Ted, neither is Richie. No it doesn’t matter that Paul is an actual cat. Nor does it matter that Ted went through hell and back a thousand times then realized he lost his house keys. Nor does it matter that Richie talks like that. Because wet cathood is about a very specific vibe. And not even Jon Matteson’s big sad eyes can earn him top spot because he’s not Starkid’s only pair of big sad “buy them brown contacts” blue eyes. That’s right, In this essay I will explain how Charlotte Sweetly is THE true Wet Cat of Hatchetfield …