#i would like a closed seat in my tiny ass bathroom tbh (:

[baekuras]

alright, i give up

I need help changing the toilet seat in my current apartment because i have NO clue how to at this point

This is the setup+Underside+Hinges the seat itself (no cover-rip) is on

Unscrewing the....above screwy bits only reveals that they lead straight into the wall so they are there to hold the toilet itself only The seat hinges are unmoveable and have some cover on it so the seat closes softly Pulling on the seat does literally nothing

Whatthefuck do I do and is there any at least cover I could conceivably put on there or can I only live like this until I call the company owning the apartment for help either this live or shortly before I move whenever again to fix this up? I'd prefer just changing this myself but we only had bolted down seats in our old places and there aren't any bolts or screws in the usual places here (:

[suchdan-veryphil]

A Whole Ass Baby? - Jack Barakat Imagine

Anonymous said:

How about a Jack Barakat headcannon/whatever you wanna write about you two finding out that you’re gonna have a kid? I need more Jack content tbh 

Word Count: 2,367

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, getting sick, sex mention, menstruation mentioned, doctors

A/N: 

This is the second time I put something back in my drafts instead of posting it when I was done. And this is now the second time I was sad that a post wasn’t getting notes when it was never posted. I will do better. This took forever, but here it is. I love Jack Bassam Barakat. I love writing Jack Barakat. I am HERE FOR THIS

------------

It had been three weeks since I started feeling nauseous. I would just be sitting down and be hit with a sudden wave of nausea, like I was on a boat for too long. I could still eat, I could still drink, I could still shake my ass to Mr. Brightside but if I sat for too long I would just be hit with the feeling that it was time to vom. 

Then two weeks ago, I was fine. The nausea was gone, the world was bright again.

Then about two days ago, it hit me again. I couldn’t eat anything that wasn’t toast, crackers, a banana, or water (although the water was a hit or miss). Too much of anything caused me to be violently sick, and unfortunately for me, “too much” of most things meant one bite. Otherwise, I felt fine. No aches and pains, no headache, no fever. I wasn’t thinking too much about it, though, mostly for those reasons. 

Meanwhile, Jack was pounding back cake, pizza, ribs, wings, margs, and everything in between four or five times a day without a second thought. I was honestly jealous. 

We were sitting on our sofa, watching The Office. I was laying on two of the cushions and he was sitting on the third, resting his elbow on my knees. I watched as he popped three pizza rolls into his mouth at once and started chewing rather loudly. In response, I groaned and pushed his shoulder with the pad of my foot. 

“Do you have to enjoy the good food in the house when I’m sick?” 

He started to reply, but I couldn’t understand him with all of that food in his mouth. It was a low grumble, and he was starting to drool a pizza stained slobber the more he attempted to speak.

“What?! I can’t understand you,” I chuckled a little and sat up before wiping his nasty spit out of his beard. He chewed the food and quickly swallowed before answering. 

“I said, if I don’t eat it then nobody will and that’s a shame. Besides, I still think you should go to the doctor.” He popped another roll in his mouth and looked over at me. 

“I disagree. My stomach has just been off. I have literally zero other symptoms.” 

“You haven’t eaten in like a week. You need to go to the doctor.” Jack raised his eyebrows at me and stared intently. He was probably right, but I hated the doctors and he knew this. 

“If I don’t feel better by Sunday, I’ll go to the doctor. Okay? Just two days.” 

We just stared at each other, both of us begging the other to give in silently. I leaned in and did my best to pout my lip without it being obvious. 

I could tell the second that he went to inhale deeply through his nose that I had won. 

“Thank you,” I leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. 

“I didn’t even say anything!” 

“You didn’t have to.” I kissed his cheek once more, getting a whif of his greasy lunch. It hit my stomach instantly, bringing me to my feet and to the bathroom to empty whatever small contents that were left. 

That was definitely the universe giving me some sort of karma. 

I could feel his hands rubbing my back as I leaned over the toilet and waited to see if anything else was going to invite itself up. 

With a deep breath, I grabbed some toilet paper and wiped my mouth before flushing and sitting on the cold tile. 

“Do you feel better?” Jack continued to rub my back. I took a second to listen to my body, and also to get reoriented. After a moment, I nodded my head and pressed my palms against the floor to push myself off of the ground. I was only a few inches off the ground when I started to feel dizzy and fell back into Jack’s arms. I closed my eyes and put my hand up to my forehead. 

“Ok, let’s go to the doctor.” I leaned against the sink counter and collected myself before I began to brush my teeth. 

I could see Jack’s face become instantly relieved through the mirror as I spoke.

“I’ll get the keys.” 

Within the minute, we were getting into the car and buckling up. Jack reached over as we stopped at a light and pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. 

“Well you don’t have a fever.” His hands dropped to hold mine, fingers interlaced. 

“I know, that’s why I really didn’t want to go anywhere. I’ve had stomach aches before,” I sighed and rubbed circles along his hand with my thumb. 

Jack nodded and focused on driving. “I know. I know,” 

It wasn’t long before we were in the waiting room of my doctor’s office. I was busy concentrating on not getting sick in front of the other patients waiting to be seen and Jack took out his phone to play a game. 

I stared at his phone screen as he made switched pieces of candy to watch them pop. I concentrated so hard on the screen that I didn’t hear when they called my name. 

“Hey, that’s you.” Jack locked his phone and elbowed my arm as I came to. 

“Oh. Oh, I’m coming. Sorry.” I turned and handed Jack my bag. “Can you hold this?” He just nodded and slung it over his shoulder casually and continued to scroll through his phone.  

I followed the RN into the examination room and sat on the chair with the noisy white paper on it. “So, Y/N, what brings you in today?” 

I sighed and sat back on the chair, making the paper rustle. “Well, I haven’t been feeling well for the last couple of weeks. I have bad nausea, I can’t keep anything down. Today, my boyfriend was eating a pizza roll and just the smell made me sick. I got really light headed in the bathroom after getting sick. I don’t have a fever or anything, but Jack, my partner, is set on me getting seen so... here we are.” 

I let out a breath and watched as the nurse processed everything. “Are you on any medication? Any change in your diet or exercise routine?” 

“Nope, I’m still not on anything and I still don’t diet or exercise.” We both chuckled at my little joke before she nodded and started to take my temp and my blood pressure. 

“Sexually active?” She asked, releasing the air from my arm band. 

I nodded my head and watched as she removed the band. “Yes indeed.” 

“Do you use contraceptives?” 

“We do.” 

“When was your last menstrual cycle?” 

“Um,” I paused and thought back to when the last time I got my period was. I couldn’t remember, which was probably not the best sign. 

“I’d like to give you a pregnancy test to rule it out before the doctor goes and prescribes you something, if that’s alright.” She opened a cabinet and began to reach for whatever she was grabbing as I answered. 

“Yea, that’s fine.” I could feel my palms begin to get sweaty as I thought of the possibility that I was pregnant. Me? A mom? I couldn’t imagine it. I slept until almost noon most days and ate mac and cheese for most meals. There was no way I could be a mom. 

Jack as a dad, though, that was something I could see. He was always ready to take care of others and make someone laugh. Jack was someone who had a lot of patience, was goal-driven, and just made everyone happy. I tried to imagine what it would be like if he had a tiny baby to love and care for, but I was pulled back by the nurse who handed me a cup. 

“Here you go, just pee in this and leave it on the shelf over the sink with your birthday written on it. You can come back in here when you’re done and we’ll let you know what we get and take it from there.” 

I took the small plastic container in my hands and sighed as I looked at it. Getting up from the seat, I couldn’t help but notice my cheeks started to hurt. I could not stop smiling, just imagining that Jack and I could possibly be having a baby. 

Once I reached the bathroom, I followed the nurse’s instructions step-by-step and washed my hands thoroughly. All I could think was “I should have drank more water today” and “Jack and I might be parents”. 

Sitting back on the seat, I bit my lip and rested my head back in the headrest. Jack had no idea what was going on in this room. He was just sitting in the waiting room with my purse over his shoulder, playing Candy Crush or scrolling through TikTok. 

I could feel another wave of nausea hit and I silently prayed to whatever higher power would listen that I would not throw up in this office. All of my energy went into holding in whatever it was that was threatening its way up. To my demise, I was quickly pulled to my feet and hunched over a garbage can to hurl. Between heaves, I heard the door open and close before being met with the voice of my nurse. 

“Well, I think we know why you’re getting so sick.” The water turned on and I soon saw a cup of water in my line of vision along with a tissue. I took both gratefully once I knew I was done before wiping my mouth and drinking the water. I threw the cup and tissue in the trash before sitting and apologizing. 

“I can take that out with me, I’m so sorry. Thank you.” I was rambling at this point, feeling just embarrassed that she had walked in on that. 

“Don’t worry about that. Grosser things have happened here, trust me. We’ll get it taken out once you leave. Now, I have news that could be either really good or really bad depending on how you take it but know that there are options from here.” 

Somehow, this only confused me so I just nodded in hopes that she would get to it. 

“You’re pregnant. This would explain the sickness, the lack of appetite, the lack of fever, and the lack of a period.” 

My heart started to race and I could hear it pumping in my ears. “Wow.” 

It was all I could muster before I looked at her and smiled a little. “Can... can we go get Jack?” 

“Of course! I’ll go get him, I just didn’t want to tell you in front of him just in case.” She smiled back at me and left the room for a minute before returning with Jack, who was still holding my purse over his shoulder. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I saw him looking so non-chalant with it. 

“Hey you. Is everything okay?” He reached out his hand to grab mine before squeezing gently and looking at the nurse and then back at me. 

“Yea, everything’s fine.” I smiled widely at him and bit my lip before looking at the nurse. 

“Well we figured out why Y/N has been getting so sick.” The nurse started before she looked at me. I nodded and held back my tears as she continued. “She’s pregnant.” 

Jack was silent for a second before he looked down at me. “Wait. What?” He smiled widely and dropped my bag to the ground before taking my other hand and squeezing them tightly. 

All I could do was nod. 

“A baby?” He asked and tilted his head, much like a dog would when confused. 

I chuckled and nodded my head. “A baby, Jack.” 

I was barely finished with my sentence before he leaned down and wrapped me up in his arms tightly. 

“Oh my god. A whole ass baby. A kid. A child.” he rubbed my back over a few times before leaning back and holding my face in his hands. 

“So you’re happy?” I asked and smiled widely, reflecting his. Jack let out a quick, “ha” before leaning in and kissing me deeply. 

Once we separated, he bit his lower lip and glanced down at my stomach. “How far along are you?” 

I shrugged, and the nurse chimed in momentarily. “By the looks of your period chart, it would look like you’re about 7 weeks along. I’ll give you guys a few minutes, but when you’re ready you can go to the front and make an appointment with us for within the next few weeks and we can follow up.” 

“Thank you.” was all Jack or I could muster as she excused herself. He looked down at me and dropped his jaw. 

“A whole baby!” 

I laughed and nodded. “Yes! A whole ass baby! Growing in here!” I poked my stomach and chuckled before I bit my lower lip to contain the smile. 

“So you bothered me and pestered me about condom usage and we ended up getting knocked up anyways.” Jack commented. I gently and playfully pushed his shoulder and shook my head. 

“Oh shut up, Barakat. Looks like that wine room is getting turned into a nursery.” 

“Says you. I was thinking your office would be comfier.” 

I laughed a little and shook my head. “Yes, because we need a wine clubhouse AND a wine closet. Sorry, how dare I?” 

With a smile, Jack helped me up to my feet and held my hand. With his free hand, he picked up my bag and handed it to me. 

“I’m carrying a child and you want me to carry my bag too?” I teased as I reached for it. Quickly, he pulled it back and slung it over his shoulder again. 

“Fine, I look better with it anyways. It’s definitely not your color,” he said and lead the way to the front reception area. 

The way my heart swelled with love and joy told me that I was on a very eventful and joyous journey with my boyfriend and our growing family. 

[softforcal]

POLY!5SOS HAS A BABY WITH READER

-part 2 to this HC

-Cal x pregnant reader here

-okay so you’re nearing your due date and everyone is on edge

-and as always, i know nothing about child birth, and with that said, here we goooo

-”did your water break?!” “no i’m just peeing relax.”

-”what happens if your water breaks while you’re in the pool?” “then i guess my water breaks in the pool.”

-waking up at night to go pee and as soon as you move Michael always snaps awake, “is it time?!” “no i just gotta pee.”

-one of them is with you at all times just in case

-you’re in the bath with Ashton, completely relaxed, eyes closed when Ash goes “fuck babe, i think your water broke!”

-you open your eyes and sure enough the water looks a little weird, just a little though so you’re not really sure… and then the first contraction hits you

-”holy fuck Ashton you’re right.”

-so he hops from the tub and doesn’t even dry himself before he throws on black sweatpants and a hoodie, running back to the bathroom with a robe

-”Ashton i am not going to the hospital naked.” you scream

-”you’re not naked, it’s a robe, plus they’ll all see you when you give birth anyways-”

-”Calum!” you scream

-and of course Calum comes running in and he immediately grabs you a pair of his sweats and a hoodie and the two of them help you out of the tub and into clothes

-”you tried to make her leave in just a robe?” Calum grins as the two of them help you out of the bathroom

-”Luke! Michael! it’s happening!” Ashton screams, “Luke grab the overnight bag!

-Luke shows up with your bag in his hands but Michael is god knows where

-of course Luke has to go find him and Michael is playing video games with his head phones on and as soon as he realizes he almost missed the whole thing he is screaming and running to the car

-”Michael you are not driving.” Ashton says as he helps you into the back then gets in the drivers seat

-Michael gets in the front as well

-Luke and Calum go in the back with you

-”so Ashton tried to make Y/N leave in just a robe.” Calum states

-”what?!” Luke and Michael both scream

-you’re holding Luke and Calum’s hands and the contractions aren’t super painful but then a bad one hits you and you’re screaming and Luke and Calum are screaming and then Michael is screaming

-”can everyone please stop screaming i’m trying to drive!” Ashton screams

-”deep breathing!” Luke suggests, beginning the breathing techniques that some lady on youtube said would help

-”fuck! distract me!” you yell

-Michael turns the radio up super loud and of course Youngblood is playing because of fucking course it would be

-but then you’re all singing it at the top of your lungs to distract you from your contractions

-it’s kinda wild tbh

-pulling up to the hospital and Michael runs in to try to get a wheelchair or something but Ashton goes in as well in time to see Michael floundering and not knowing what to do

-the two of them going up to the receptionist and Michael is like “we’re having a freaking baby!” and he’s all wild and Ashton calmly says, “our girlfriend is pregnant she’s outside her water broke her contractions are pretty close together-”

-as the hospital staff follow Ashton and Michael outside Ashton answers all the medical questions

-they get you into the wheelchair and one of the nurses finally asks, “so which one of you is the father?”

-they all look at each other but you’re the one to say “they’re all the father.”

-the nurses look at each other because holy shit

-but like… your doctor knows the whole situation so there will for sure be enough space for all 4 in the delivery room

-the nurses are timing the contractions and yeah, this baby is coming

-they get you into the delivery room and your boys are freaking out

-Ashton takes lead and gets Michael and Luke (who are freaking out the most) to each take a seat on your left side so they stop pacing

-as soon as the doctor shows up Ashton and Calum stop pacing and sit on your other side

-”at least you’re not all pacing, that’s good.” the doctor smiles

-you groan because there’s a contraction and this causes all of them to make sounds of discomfort

-Michael and Ashton take a turn holding your hand because Luke and Calum’s hands are still hurting from the car ride over

-”baby i’m so sorry but can i give you my other hand, this is my good guitar hand and-” all of you turning and screaming at Michael, “or not, i don’t need this hand it’s all good.”

-”you’re doing amazing baby.” Calum tries to sooth you

-”yeah, amazing.” Luke agrees

-you follow the doctors instructions and you push which makes all four of you scream again

-”Don’t make her push again that really hurt!” Michael whispers but of course you all hear him

-i mean valid but you kind of have to push

-”can’t the baby just stay inside?” you groan, “just a little bit longer?”

-”you’re doing great Y/N, but you have to push on three, one, two, three!” the doctor instructs

-you push and there’s pain but then the pain isnt so bad and the sound of crying fills the room

-”congratulations, you all have a beautiful baby girl.” the doctor says as the baby gets cleaned

-”you did it Sweetheart.” Ashton says, kissing you

-you let go of Michael and Ashton’s hands and they both let out sighs of relief

-Luke stands and goes to see how the baby is doing, Ashton going and joining him while Michael and Calum both kiss you and hold your hands

-”who wants to hold her first?” the doctor asks

-wrong question because of course they all do

-and it’s not like the doctor is going to decide

-”Y/N should get to hold her first.” Calum states

-they all agree and the doctor brings your baby over and sets it down in your arms

-your four boys come around you and you all look down at the beautiful baby that you created

-”you look just like your mommy, Princess.” Ashton melts

-yeah. you all know in that moment, your baby is going to be such a daddies girl, and she’s going to have four of them so she’s going to be the luckiest child ever

-and yeah, your title as Princess is gone. lets be real here

-”okay rock paper scissors on who gets to hold her first.” Michael states finally, “i will fight for this.”

-and he’s serious as fuck

-and yeah you never talked about who would get to hold the baby first

-no one even tries to rock paper scissors with Michael

-you hold out the baby and Michael softly accepts the baby, he’s so soft and is cooing and you can see him melting

-”hey baby, i’m your dada.”

-the others are getting restless because they want a turn so badly

-Luke’s right there so Michael passes him the baby next

-its funny seeing Luke, painted nails and all, looking down at this tiny human and he is grinning and is all angelic

-”she’s so small.” Luke whispers

-”no you’re just massive.” Calum grins

-Luke smiles and hands the baby over to Calum

-Calum’s beautiful hand tattoos contrast the new baby in the most beautiful way

-he is #sosoft

-Calum doesn’t even say anything, just kisses the babies forehead before handing the baby to Ashton

-Ashton beams down at the baby, “it’s me, the drummer who’s been soothing you for months. that was Cal, he plays bass for 5 seconds of summer-”

-you all laugh because what the fuck Ashton

-”in fact we’re all part of 5sos, we are the band, your daddies are a band.” Ashton laughs, “we’re your daddies.”

-the softest times

-they all cuddle you and the baby, usually in pairs because that’s easiest

-Ashton of course gets a picture of you with the baby

-one of them going on the twitter page to update and just say “just welcomed the newest member of the 5sos family, more details coming soon.”

-turning all your phones off

-when you’re able to leave the hospital Calum pushes your wheelchair to the car

-Ashton drives bellow the speed limit and a ton of people honk at him but none of you care

-getting home and they all fuss about getting you inside

-you’re still exhausted so Ashton and Luke take the baby up to the nursery while Luke and Calum take you to the living room couch

-Calum pulls you into his lap and rubs your shoulders, kissing your neck, “you must be exhausted baby.” he says

-you’re about to respond when Michael comes back into the room with the baby proof tape that you guys bought ages ago and he starts baby proofing the shit out of the room

-you and Cal watch and laugh when he doesn’t think one layer of tape is enough and doubles the layers of the coffee table edges

-”okay, i think i’m good enough to go up the stairs now.” you laugh

-they both help you up the stairs to the nursery where Ashton and Luke have already set up a chair for you right next to the crib

-having five parents makes things a lot easier

-like you’re actually able to get some sleep the first few months because you all take turns sleeping in pairs in the babies room

-so many cute pictures

-you bet your ass they’re all taking thousands of pictures of everyone with the baby

-whenever anyone looks exhausted someone is always down to tap in and take over

-but also falling asleep with the baby in your arms is a mood

-and the baby loves Michael’s hair, like she’s constantly grabbing at it and making all of you laugh

-finally posting a picture of the five of you with the baby on insta and the fandom has a heart attack

-the baby would be so wild though

-like she constantly has five protectors around but that doesn’t stop her from trying to wiggle everywhere

-her daddies trying to make her giggle all the time

-”she has your giggle Ashton.”

-like try as you might you all have internal guesses about who the father is but none of you ever bring it up because it genuinely doesn’t matter to you guys, you’re all the parents

-introducing her to the dogs and being careful just incase

-waking up one morning and finding Ashton outside holding the baby and showing her the lemon tree

-”seriously Ashton?” “its her lemonbrother.”

-and once this little monster begins to crawl its a whole new ballpark

-trying to give her respectful distance to do her thing but one of you always snaps and picks her up if she goes within a meter of something that could potentially be dangerous

-they all watch her with such wonder, like she is definitely the world to all of you

-trying to get laid during this period is so funny because you always have someone who can ‘help you out’ because the others will continue with the baby but sometimes it’s like “but Y/N, Princess is giggling again-” “Michael are you seriously turning down sex right now?”…. yeah, that convinces him

-they all love to sing to the baby to get her to sleep

-the baby loving Ashton’s voice the most and Luke is personally offended by that

-”aw Luke she loves your voice too, she just prefers Ashtons.”

-Ashton sitting with the baby on his lap and showing her how he taps beats on the drums

-she just randomly smacks it because, well, she’s a baby, but Ashton’s little drummer heart swells so much from that

-and it’s not like she can play with the guitars so no one else gets to have that experience and they’re all kinda sad about that

-bringing the baby into the studio for the first time and you watch her crawl around while her daddies work on music

-”but can we use her giggle in a song?” “Michael. that’s the best idea you’ve had in months.”

-the softest lyrics about their princess

-the baby having a bit of a fit so Luke takes her into the recording booth and rocks her while he sings his vocals and she settles down immediately

-”see Luke, we told you she likes your voice.”

-Ashton showing the baby new beats he’s working on by tapping his fingers on the ground and she just smacks her hands on the floor too and he melts

-they are all convinced that her first word is going to be “dada” because she has five of them and they’re constantly referring to themselves as dada or daddy

-so when the baby says “mama.” they are all shook

-four iphones getting whipped out to record it but the baby looks up at all her daddies and giggles because she ain’t pulling that shit again

-Michael playing video games with the baby on his lap and the rest of you are like Michael why the fuck are you playing first person shooter with OUR FUCKING BABY ON YOUR LAP!

-oh my god as soon as the baby starts to stand you all come running into the room and they each are there incase the baby falls

-they all want to see who the baby walks to first

-it looks like she’s going towards Luke but stumbles straight past him and hugs Petunia who was sitting behind Luke

-”are you kidding me!?”

-Petunia licks your baby’s cheek and you all melt because Petunia is in love with your baby

-your baby goes through a period where she will only eat if Calum feeds her

-and then one day Calum is doing the ‘open up for the airplane’ and she refuses, turning and looking at Michael

-”my time to shine!” Michael yells, running in and taking the spoon from Calum

-and these boys love taking her out and about

-Like Cal and Ash are down for walks or hikes with your baby on their back in one of those baby carrier backpacks

-the cutest pictures of Cal with the baby on his back and Duke running around his heels as he hikes up to the Hollywood Sign

-and Luke walks Petunia while pushing the baby carrier

-so fans see the boys, their baby and their dogs around a lot

-people are super respectful of the baby though

-there’s a scheduling conflict and the boys have to take the baby to the interview

-but its the sweetest interview ever

-like, they sit on the couch and let the baby just crawl from one boy to the other

-and then the baby says “dada.” which, i mean, by this point she’s said it before but never on camera

-and as soon as she says it they both just give her their full attention

-the interviewer rolls with it and adjusts all the questions to be like “so who’s voice does she like the best?” or “are you guys working on songs about fatherhood?”

-they just begin gushing info about the baby

-like the time Ashton died his hair a new colour and the baby hated it and wouldnt look at him for a few days until he changed it back

-”we think she likes red. she likes it when Luke paints his nails red, or when her mommy wears red lipstick, and she found an old picture of Ashton’s red hair and seemed to like it.”

-”and she likes the old music. our first album, she loves it.” Michael laughs, “it makes Ashton really mad.”

-”well Youngblood is really good and she’s sleeping on it!”

-”she sleeps a lot mate.” Calum points out. “pff. you know what i mean!” Ashton sighs

-whenever you’re home you and the baby are treated like royalty, you’re the queen and your baby is the princess

-they spoil the shit out of you

-the baby always wants to try to eat the food Cal cooks for you

-once again i don’t know jack shit about babies so this is about all i can think of right now fam, sorry ya’ll

[punchmedanny]

Chicago II July 25, 2018

Alright strap yourselves in cuz this is gonna be a long ass post WITH SPOILERS for Interactive Introverts. I will mark where spoilers begin if you want to read about pre show stuff. If you don't want any spoilers whatsoever, don't feel obligated to read this even if we're buddies! Feel free to send me an ask/dm instead 😅

Alright folks, let's go!

Playing the Waiting Game

I was supposed to get to the venue at 4 for m&g, but I got there before 3 because a) i'm terrified of being late and b) my uber driver made excellent time.

The venue was not open yet, so my bf and I walked to a nearby mall. We passed by the tour buses (presumably dnp's plus other performers'). There was a group of people hanging around them looking v stalkerish (please don't hang around the buses before the show)

We got back to venue around 3:50 and waited in line outside till 4 when the venue let us in. We were near the middle of the line, so if you want to be closer to the front, get there sooner lol

Turns out I was behind the lovely @noodlephil in line (although I didn’t know till after!)

Two internet friends were meeting for the first time and crying (it was adorable)

Inside, there was a table with staff that checked and marked our tickets then gave us silver paper wristbands

We got in a second line where we had a bag check (our venue allowed sealed water bottles, but that might vary) and were scanned by a wand metal detector. After that, staff scanned our tickets 

We went to a third line which was the actual line for m&g and were told the m&g itself would start around 4:30

Marianne came by and said we would be waiting a bit longer for "latecomers" (im p sure dnp were the latecomers because most people were there at that point haha)

Marianne walked like a frickin goddess and her voice was beautiful

She made a speech giving us a rundown of how m&g would work, which I recorded

The m&g area was set up in the lobby to the side of the theatre doors

Dan and Phil entered from our left (towards the back of the theate)

They jogged across the m&g backdrop where we could see them better and waved. Dan did the cutest bouncy jump ever while waving. He stayed out longer than Phil

There was a table to set your bag on as you approached the backdrop

The music was loud af and there was NO WAY to see or hear other people's m&g - it was v private even though there were tons of people

Marianne was at the very front of the line and asked what she could do to help. I was like uhhh (because I'm eloquent like that) and she asked if we had anything for them to sign. My bf had golf balls lmao and gave them to her. I said I wanted to take a Polaroid for them to sign. She had me turn the camera on because apparently they’d had issues with Polaroid cameras in the past

I thanked her for the way everything was being run and joked a bit while we waited

When it was our turn, the people in front of us were completely gone (I repeat: v private). Marianne gestured and verbally told us to go on in

Meeting Dan and Phil

Phil was wearing his red jacket and good vibes t-shirt just like the beginning of "week in the life" He welcomed us with open arms and I went in for the Phil Hug. Wow. Phil is an excellent hugger and his arms felt a lot stronger than I imagined. And, yes, he waited for me to let go first

As soon as I let go of Phil, I stepped to the side and and looked at Dan. He was wearing his II denim jacket over a white t-shirt. He also had his arms wide for a hug. And lemme tell you, that boi has a fuckin wingspan. Dan gave a more gentle hug than Phil and we let go at like the same time

I am not a hugger and wasnt even 100% sure before I went in that I would hug them tbh

After the hugs, I stepped back and took them both in that's what she said. My initial impression was confidence and class. Literally, the most confident people I've ever encountered irl

Everyone says they're tall, but they are, as my bf said, taller than advertised. He's 6'2 and still looked up to both of them. I feel like they're both close to the next inch up honestly

They are wide. Like we've all noticed the Phil is wide, but Dan is too! They are literal giants

The cameras do NOT do them justice. Phil looks his age irl and I mean that in the sexiest way possible. He does actually have pores and tiny wrinkles (gasp), but I think they only make him more attractive. He oozes understated masculinity. But he also has serious nerd energy and idgaf attitude. Basically, he seems kind of badass

Dan looked flawless. Like I know every so often people wonder about if he wears makeup and all imma say is either he does OR he has the best damn skin care routine and/or genetics ever. He looks like someone after they use a filter

I'd say dan is suave and phil has swagger

(I'm about to sound real fucking weird) They both had such strong auras or energy or whatever you want to call it. It was palpable and BIG - like it extended off of them a couple feet. Dan's felt more static-y, while phil's felt more like balloon about to burst. It merged together between them to where I couldn't tell where one stopped and the other started

Marianne handed Phil the golf balls and he and Dan just stared at them in his hand in confusion for a second then Phil said "golf balls?" before my bf explained it was because they were the caddy lads. They chuckled and Dan said it was "the only series that has any value"

I am now the proud (?) owner of photos and video of phil holding two balls in his hand and I feel really weird about it

Dan asked if I had anything for them to sign, so I told him I wanted to take a Polaroid to which Dan replied, "D'ya want me to attempt the rare Polaroid selfie?"

Then I actually gently teased Dan (!?!?) because I'm a little shit lol I said, "I successfully did one this morning, so I hope you can"

They both seemed mildly amused and he did the thing where he touched his chest lightly in mock offense and said, "Well, let's see"

Tbh I think this was why I got genuine smiles in my pic

Dan said, "Beautiful" and Phil said "Amazing" lol (it really was tho)

Dan described the signature he'd be doing as "the tiniest little dan" and he used the highest voice ever

Phil's signature was so bad im pretty sure dan laughed at it lmao

Dan offered another selfie with my phone (i love him)

I shook their hands before I left and they seemed surprised, but appreciative. They both had excellent handshakes: firm, but not too hard. They both had soft, warm hands with Phil's being about average and Dan's being warmer than average

Overall, they were incredibly kind and professional. The vibe to be was sort of like talking to a boss who isn't your direct boss at a work party: fun, but still guarded

The saying goes "Never meet your heroes," but whoever said that obviously never met dan and phil. This was one of my happiest memories of all time

1500+ word description of the meeting including a sommelier worthy account of how the boys smell

And here’s the (real shit) video of my m&g

The Pre-Show

After meeting the bois, we were immediately given our goodie bags (one of them was double stuffed, lucky me)

Staff asked if we’d be staying in the theatre or not. Upon telling them we’d be leaving, they let us know we’d need to scan out so we could re-enter later

We bought merch (tie-dye/marbled look tee, long sleeved tee, and denim jacket). The line was basically non-existant, so if you have VIP 100% get your merch at this time

We scanned out and were told we could re-enter at 6 along with general admittance ticket holders

We had dinner then got back around 6:10. There was no line this time and we went through security and ticket scanning again

There were so many people everywhere and everyone was so cute! Why are we such a good looking fandom??? The line for merch was EXTREMELY long. RIP those folks

So was the line for the restrooms (and multiple men’s rooms were turned into ladydoors women’s restrooms)

We got 2 drinks (both for me) then went to our seats. We were front and center - I could literally touch the stage with my shoe from my seat. At this time I met @phandommom and @crunchytoasted1

The pre-show music was loud af where I was seated (I actually put in ear plugs lol). Lots of people were dancing and I got to witness crunchytoast dance to “Ladydoor” live which was a treat. At one point various people were running across the theatre with various LGBT+ flags to plenty of cheers. ‘Twas glorious. People did the whole waving the phone flashlights thing and sang along during “Welcome to the Black Parade”

My bf got me 2 more drinks

Showtime! 

THIS IS WHERE THE SPOILERS START!!!

It was so, so weird to see them onstage after having the m&g. I legit wanted to climb onstage and like be close again, but, ya know, I didn’t cuz I know what’s socially acceptable

We were called Susan. Classic

Phil was wearing waffle socks. As in socks with tiny waffles all over them

We sacrificed Phil to Satan and Dan died in a furry nightclub

None of mine or my bf’s answers got chosen and I’m a bit salty lol

We sacrificed Dan (the only correct choice fite me)

At intermission the line for the bathrooms was sooooo long omg. I got myself 2 more drinks at this point and called @h-owllslide to gush about the show. I spilled one of my drinks on my bf a little when I sat back down.

Danny was 3 centimeters away from loosing his dick and he got paint on his shoe. He seemed legit irked lol

Nick Jonas was in Dan’s box, but I don’t recall the other two cuz that was the only one that mattered imo

I got a piece of the sign and when they threw it into the audience it was a bit disturbing how everyone tore into it like a swarm of pirahnas

They wore Cubs baseball shirts over their usual shirts during the rap/song finale which was absolutely precious. I LOVED the finale so fucking much - it was magnificent

END SPOILERS!!!

Closing Thoughts

I wish I hadn’t drank so much (6 wines for those of you keeping track at home). I was getting real embarrassing by the end (as in screaming excitedly too much/ too often) and I don’t remember it as clearly as I wish I did. I was just freaking tf out and my anti-anxiety meds weren’t cutting it

I was struggling incredibly hard not to disassociate the entire time

I wish I could go to another show. It was so fun!

The following day, I had a major mood drop. If you’re prone to this, maybe have a plan to hang with someone and do something nice, but lowkey the next day

This was literally the most fun thing I’ve done in at least two years and was one of my happiest memories ever. We’re talking patronus conjuring levels of happy

If you can go, go. If you can’t, don’t feel too bad. It was EXTREMELY intense and not for everyone (especially m&g). Plus they are putting it up later, which I’m looking forward to because I think I’ll be able to better absorb it

Please feel free to ask me anything about the show! I’d love to go on about it lol