#i would have done more but there's a character limit apparently

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Learning stuff about behind the scenes of The Batman (show) really is just when seeing them not feature certain Batman villains or having to adapt Batgirl first and Robin as soon as Teen Titans was done with, just know it was likely down to the Bat Embargo.

[muletia]

[tfp] starscream x human!reader

summary: starscream wakes you up to see the sunrise

cw: fluff, pinch of angst, starscream has feelings for you, silliness, bad writing, i may have butchered his character a bit but i want him to be happy for once

word count: 1365

btw if you want to be silly about your favs my askbox is open!! you can send thirsts too wink wink ;)))

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Aggressive tapping on the window ripped you from a cozy sleep. You quickly propped yourself up on your arms, looking for the source of the sound. The warm blanket slipped off your shoulders, waking you even more. Your sleepy mind tried to shake off the fog with rapid blinking as you looked around, alarmed.

You tapped twice on the screen of your phone lying on the table next to your bed. Four o'clock. Good Lord. So much for sleeping in.

Who would even go through the trouble of reaching your house (crossing acres of untouched forest), tapping on the window hard enough to wake you up, and then disappearing without a trace? A thief? you thought. No, a thief would take extra care not to wake you. And would probably use the front door. With your still-clouded mind, you tried to remember who knew you lived here, but only two names came to mind: your mother and…

Red light pierced through the window, illuminating your bedroom.

Oh, right. He.

You slid out of bed and shuffled to the window. Even with limited light, you could make out the look of impatience on his elongated, metal face. You’d taken too long.

"Finally! Does it take humans this long to wake up?"

"Hi, Starscream," you greeted him. After a few months of acquaintance, you’d learned to ignore his jabs directed at you and your species. "May I ask what you need from me at four"—you emphasized the hour—"in the morning?"

You yawned, and he grimaced, his optics flicking away.

"I need you to finally step outside. Then you're coming with me."

"But it’s so early…"

"Will you be more encouraged if I punch a hole through your wall and take you by force?"

"Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't done that already."

"Don’t tempt me," he warned.

Your mind flashed back to the incident four months ago when he actually demolished half your wall because you apparently hadn’t come outside fast enough. Those were the days of testing his patience, which, as you quickly and painfully learned, was more fragile than porcelain.

"Get out. I'm not giving you a third warning."

You sighed because, unfortunately, he was right; you could soon end up in his servo, your house with yet another unwanted window. You put on your warmest coat, an old shearling from your mother, and left your cozy little home, making sure to lock the door behind you. It was still dark outside, but the first hints of dawn were breaking through the treetops. Sunrise was near.

"Finally! I can’t believe such a simple task took you this long."

"I’m sorry, alright. I just don't want to freeze to death."

One moment, you were standing quietly on the ground, bantering with your alien companion, and the next, he scooped you up in his claws and placed you in his servo. You held tight to his thumb, pressing against the only anchor point several meters above the ground. He was warm, which still amazed you. You nestled closer to his slender finger.

Starscream’s optics lingered on you for a moment, ensuring you were alright. You noticed.

"I’m fine," you assured him, smiling softly.

He looked away, embarrassed to be caught in such a state; you shouldn’t see him like this. You shouldn’t know that he cared, that he was trying to be gentler with your body; that his spark shone brighter when he was with you, that your companionship mattered to him.

The problem was, you did know. The humans he thought were primitives did have well-developed emotional intelligence, and you were no exception. It took you just a few weeks to see right through him. At first, he thought it was about finding his weakness, then stab him in the back, contact the right people or Autobots, and turn him in. Betray him. But each week, the betrayal he almost expected never came, and before he knew it, he started to trust you. And he hoped you trusted him, too—otherwise, you wouldn’t have stepped out of your house at such an early hour to meet him, right? He wanted to call it foolishness and naivety, but he knew you too well by now. You weren't either.

"I haven’t seen you in a while," you remarked after a moment of silence. "Are you okay?"

His wings fluttered happily. If you noticed, you chose not to comment on it, and he was forever grateful for that.

"Yes, I’m alright," he replied briefly.

"I’m glad."

His spark flickered with joy. It was nice to have someone who cared. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone of his kind had asked him something like that. Maybe no one ever had.

"Where are we going?" you asked. You didn’t expect a clear answer, but just listening to his voice gave you comfort. You missed this diva.

"Patience," he deflected. "I don’t want to spoil the surprise."

Oh. You beamed. With one sentence, he made you feel special, not to mention excited. Suddenly, the night’s chill stopped biting your cheeks, and the last traces of irritation at being woken up early faded away.

Starscream noticed the sudden shift in your body language, allowing himself to catch the mood. A dangerous thought popped into his processor—he’d like to see you smiling more, him being the reason for your smile. He wanted to make you happy, not occasionally, not out of whim or boredom; he wanted your smile to be genuine, brought on by his gestures or words. He held onto the hope that his surprise would have a similar effect.

As you climbed the forested hill, Starscream pondered when you stopped being just another human and became [Your Name]. Was it when you didn’t hesitate to express disapproval of Megatron, who had tormented him for most of his long life only to abandon him on an alien planet? Or maybe when you outright told him that you cared for him and that his opinion mattered to you when he wasn’t pointing a weapon at you?

You’d both fallen hard, but he was at the bottom.

"I think I know what this surprise is," you whispered as the forest thinned out, revealing a meadow dotted with rocks. "You remembered that I love sunrises."

"It’s hard to forget when someone keeps pestering you about it."

He was bluffing; you saw right through it. You’d only mentioned it once, a long time ago, but you let him win, not wanting to spoil the moment.

"Thank you," you whispered.

He muttered something under his breath, but his wings lifted proudly, betraying his true emotions.

Starscream stopped in front of a large rock jutting from the ground in the middle of the clearing. He placed his hand on the hard, dewy surface so you could step down and admire the view in front of you.

"Wow," you whispered.

You’d arrived just in time for the sunrise, which was slowly emerging from behind thick clouds, creating an orange gradient, fading into muted pinks and shades of gray. The panorama before you was raw and ethereal. Untouchable. It formed an image Starscream had reserved just for you. And that meant so, so much to you.

"I think I’m going to cry," you sniffled.

"What? Why?" he squawked, stunned.

Did you not like it? Humans only cried when they were sad, right? For Primus’s sake, he’d messed up again, as always. But before his worry could turn to anger, your response reassured him.

"I’m just… so happy. You have no idea how much. Thank you for bringing me here; I’ll never forget it."

There it was again. That pleasant churning in his spark, throwing him off his calculated balance. Would you be just as thrilled if he gave you a star from the sky?

"The pleasure’s all mine," he replied, now focusing his entire attention on you.

Impulsively, he reached out towards you. A sharp claw, designed to cause suffering, now gently brushed your back with the utmost care. Starscream soaked in your contentment like forbidden nectar, losing himself in the moment, wishing it would last forever.

[kiss-me-cill-me]

Stars Forever

Pairing: Robert Capa x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary: The night before launch, the crew of the Icarus II stay in a nearby hotel. The sleeping arrangements are less than ideal for you and the ship's cranky physicist.

Warnings: Smut, extremely trope-heavy and contrived shenanigans, kinda enemies-to-lovers, teasing, mentions of birth control (IUDs)

A/N: The title of this fic was inspired by Starless Heaven by Guster. That song has nothing to do with the fic, but it's really pretty so I wanted to share it lol. For the purposes of the "plot" here, reader is taking Trey's place on the ship (sorry Trey). Only one bed is my favorite trope and I just want to write it for every character ever <3

***Please read the warnings before continuing. Minors DNI***

Capa was a few paces ahead of you, walking with his hands stuffed in his pockets. The soft yellow lights of the hotel corridor surrounded you on all sides as you glanced at the room numbers.

“Quit following me,” Capa barked, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder.

You rolled your eyes, once he had turned back around and couldn't see you. This was so typical. 

“I'm not following you. I'm looking for my room.”

You checked another room number. That wasn't it. Capa continued down the hallway, not pausing as he spoke over his shoulder again.

“Aren't you with Cassie or Corazon? Go bother one of them,” he spat.

“First of all, I'm not bothering anyone. And second of all, no. Cassie and Cora are together. I'm rooming with someone else.”

At least, you assumed you were. All you had was your assigned room number. With eight crew members and apparently very heavily limited space in the hotel you were staying at for the night, you had been informed that everyone would need to double up. You, Cassie, and Cora had quickly compared room numbers to determine that you were the odd one out, but you had no idea who your own roommate would be. Obviously one of the guys, which was bound to be at least a little awkward. 

But, you would be fine. This was only going to be for one night. Tomorrow, the lot of you would be driven to mission control and then launched into space, bound for the Icarus II module currently hovering in the moon’s orbit, and then for the center of the solar system. This hotel was simply the closest accommodation for tonight, even if it was slightly too cramped for all eight of you.

“Well, quit walking so close to me at least.”

Capa’s voice brought you back to reality, and you realized that you had been zoning out and not looking at the last several room numbers. You checked the next one. Still not yours.

You slowed down, but only a little bit, putting some distance between you and Capa. You had no particular desire to be close to him. Though you certainly didn't hate him as much as he seemed to hate you. 

His dislike was obvious, but it confused you. You hadn't done anything that should have prompted him to feel so negatively toward you, as far as you were aware. But from the moment you and Capa had met at your first briefing, six months ago, you could tell he was incredibly tense whenever you were in the room.

Finally, your eyes landed on the room number assigned to you. You stopped in your tracks, then looked up, confused. Capa was standing in front of the same room.

“Why don't you get lost?” he asked, still testy.

“This is my room,” you said, motioning to the door.

Capa’s eyes darted to the room number and then back to you. His brows creased as he scowled openly.

“No. There's no way,” he said. “This is my room.”

“Well, it's my room, too,” you insisted.

You felt your cheeks heat up. Usually, Capa’s opinion of you didn't bother you much. He was just a coworker. Both of you had proven that you could put personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission, and whatever he thought about you in his free time didn't much matter. But now, faced with the challenge of sharing a hotel room, you suddenly wished that you had spent a bit more time working on your relationship.

“This has to be some kind of mix-up. Why aren't you with one of the girls?” Capa muttered.

“Maybe because there's three girls and five guys?” you replied, sarcastically. “Jeez, Capa - I thought you were good at math.”

Capa rushed to turn his face away, but you still caught a glimpse of the bright blush that rose on his cheeks. You - almost - felt bad. Usually, you tried not to antagonize him, but sometimes you couldn't help it.

“I know there's an uneven split,” he hissed, slightly wounded. “But why would they put you with me?”

You rolled your eyes again, not caring whether he saw you. Capa always thought of himself as the main character. God forbid he be inconvenienced.

“Look, it's late, and I'd like to go to bed,” you sighed. “I'll stay on my side of the room, you stay on yours, and we won't talk to each other. Deal?”

“Fine,” Capa muttered.

It was just for one night. Already feeling your temper wear thin, you slid your key card into the lock. You didn't hesitate to barge in ahead of Capa, not bothering to hold the door open behind you. He scrambled to follow, muttering something to himself.

You stopped short. Capa nearly crashed into you as you saw it first. There was only one bed.

Capa let out a deep breath of frustration. You watched from out of the corner of your eye as he swiftly turned on his heels and walked out of the room.

“Nope,” he said simply, letting the door slam behind him.

As it turned out, there had been a mix-up. But unfortunately for you and Capa, it was not one that could easily be resolved. Talking to the front desk did nothing, as the clerk explained they were booked up completely.

“There are a lot of people staying overnight so they can watch the big launch tomorrow,” she explained cheerily. “The second Icarus ship. Very exciting stuff!”

Capa looked ready to rip her head off, but somehow restrained himself. You snickered as you followed behind him, this time purposefully trailing as Capa made his way to Captain Kaneda’s room. He was almost cute when he was angry.

Talking to Kaneda didn't get you anywhere either.

“Capa, it's late,” the captain sighed. “You'll both just need to put up with it for one night.”

“But we don't even have separate beds!” Capa grumbled.

“Yes, well… if you two really dislike each other so much, that shouldn't be an issue.”

Capa opened his mouth to speak, but then the scandalous suggestion hidden in the captain’s words dawned on him, and he snapped it shut again. You were tempted to interject and say that you didn't hate Capa - his feelings were all one-sided. But then you thought better of it. You had to admit Capa’s hissy fit was amusing, but if you actually had to share a bed with him, it was better to not provoke him too much.

Capa stormed out of the captain’s room, and you followed. Back in the hallway, you ran into Mace.

“Mace,” Capa called, hurrying to catch up with him. “Hey, Mace - switch rooms with me.”

“Why would I switch rooms with you?” Mace snapped.

Capa and Mace didn't get along either. At all. He must have been truly desperate to ask Mace for help.

“Because I'm with her,” Capa replied, jabbing a finger back at you. “And we only have one bed.”

Mace stopped mid-stride, and turned around to look at you. He was clearly amused. Capa’s scowl deepened, and you shrugged. Mace crossed his arms as he spoke.

“No way in hell am I sharing a bed with her, you, or Searle,” he laughed. “You got the shit room? Tough luck, asshole.”

Mace walked away, leaving Capa to rake an exasperated hand through his hair. He turned to face you, looking you directly in the eye for the first time since you had both left your miserably shared room.

“Okay, one of us needs to take the floor,” he informed you.

You had already started to walk away, and Capa hurried to keep pace beside you.

“Well it's not gonna be me,” you said. “If you can't grow up enough to sleep in the same bed as someone else for one night, you get to take the floor.”

Capa’s cheeks blushed pink again.

“You actually want us to sleep together?” Capa blurted.

“Ugh, don't say it like that!” 

You felt your own cheeks start to heat up as Capa’s blush deepened. Each of you pretended not to notice how flustered the other was getting.

You reached the door of your room and slipped the key card inside. This time, you held the door open as Capa followed after you.

“I'm just saying, why sleep on a hard floor the night before one of the biggest days of our lives?” you sighed. “We can both be adults about this.”

Capa silently considered your words for a minute, stubbornly refusing to meet your gaze.

“Well, just think about it,” you said, reaching for your small backpack. “I'm gonna get changed.”

Capa choked, letting a small, strangled sound escape his throat as you pulled your pajamas out of the bag. When you looked up at him, his eyes had blown wide.

“You're getting undressed?” he sputtered. “In here?”

“In the bathroom, Capa. Jeez!”

You stepped into the little bathroom, closing the door behind you before he had a chance to reply. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you let yourself sink back against the door. This was going to be a long night if Capa kept this up. 

You wished he would calm down. It had been funny to watch him scramble around trying to get out of sleeping with you - or, next to you, you corrected yourself. But now, your annoyance had started to settle in again. 

With a huff, you straightened up. It was only one night. You could handle this, and you knew Capa could too, once he had gotten over his initial shock. You set about changing into your pajamas and brushing your teeth.

When you came out, Capa seemed calmer. He was sitting slouched in the small chair next to the desk, which neither of you would have any occasion to use during such a short stay. It was only one night. The words were a mantra in your head.

“Okay,” Capa relented. “I can agree that it's important we both get a good night's rest. Especially with everything happening tomorrow.”

Privately, you thought to yourself that you were the one who needed sleep more than Capa. Your job as navigator was much more imperative than… whatever he would be doing. Capa was little more than a piece of glorified cargo; just coming along for the ride so that he could deploy the bomb. Which was important, of course - but he would have several months worth of time to catch up on sleep before he had to make himself useful, and-

You stopped yourself. That kind of thinking wasn't helpful. It was just nerves making you snap; you always felt tense the night before a mission. And this would be the longest one you had ever been on. Capa was probably feeling the same way, especially considering this was his first. You thought back to your first flight as a rookie, and felt yourself soften a little.

“So we're both going to be mature about this?” you asked.

“Yes,” Capa agreed, sighing as if it pained him.

“Good. Then go get ready for bed.”

You regretted the words as soon as you'd said them. They felt entirely too domestic. Too familiar. A lover telling her husband to come to bed with her.

Capa stood up, crossing paths awkwardly with you on his way to the bathroom. Once the door had shut behind him, you let out the breath you had been holding. Maybe this was going to be a long night.

While Capa got ready for bed, you crawled awkwardly under the covers. Picking a side so that neither of you would be able to argue about that, you settled in and pulled the blankets over your lap.

Capa stepped out, rustled in his bag for a minute, and then came to stand by his side of the bed.

“So, do I just…”

“Here,” you offered. “We can put a few pillows between us.”

The hotel bed had entirely too many of them anyways. You took a couple and placed them between the spaces that you and Capa would occupy, making a little wall.

Capa climbed into bed with you, a little hesitantly. He flicked off the lamp on his bedside table, and you did the same, plunging the room into inky black. 

In the dark, things felt suddenly more… intimate. Your eyes took a long minute to adjust, but when they did, you saw Capa. Still sitting propped up in bed next to you, just like you were as you stared back at him.

“This isn't so bad, right?” 

Your voice was barely a whisper. Capa’s response came at a similar volume. 

“I guess not,” he agreed.

“Let's try and get some rest.”

You sank down, snuggling into the mattress and the pillows at your side. Pressing into them almost felt like you were cuddling against Capa’s body; ironically, the makeshift barrier only made the bed feel more crowded.

“Stop wiggling,” Capa complained.

You bit your tongue. You wanted to snap at him, but you reminded yourself again that you were probably just both on edge. Something in Capa’s deep voice sounded almost miserable.

“Sorry,” you said instead. “Just trying to get comfortable.”

The only sound in the room was Capa’s breath. For some reason, it seemed like he was breathing a bit harder than usual.

“You okay?” you asked.

“Fine,” Capa replied, the word curt and short.

You sighed.

“Capa, why do you hate me so much?”

An uncomfortable silence hung between you. For a few seconds, you thought that he wasn't going to answer, and tried to think of how you could backpedal out of your question as you stared up at the ceiling.

“I don't hate you,” Capa said finally. “I just… you're distracting.”

“Distracting?” you echoed.

As far as you could remember, you had never done anything particularly distracting. At least not to any of your fellow crew members. The months you had spent together preparing for this mission were serious, and didn't leave much time for distractions of any kind.

“Don't worry about it,” Capa insisted, which only confused you more.

“What do you mean? Don't worry about being distracting, or don't worry about you calling me that?”

“Don't worry about any of it!” Capa groaned, suddenly exasperated.

“What's up with you?”

You propped yourself up on one elbow, leaning over the stack of pillows a bit to get a better look at him. Capa flinched, trying to hunch over himself. But it was too late. You had seen the obvious tent in the blankets.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” you squealed. “That's why you didn't want to sleep with me. You don't hate me at all. You like me.”

“Shut up!” Capa snapped, still trying to cover himself with his hands.

You smiled. This was too good. All those months you'd spent wondering what his deal was, and now it was so obvious. Capa had a crush on you. And a pretty big one, by the looks of it.

“It's nothing to be ashamed of, Capa,” you laughed. “You can admit that you like me.”

“I don't,” Capa insisted.

“I have a hard time believing that,” you murmured, eyes trailing down to his crotch.

“Look, don't tell anyone,” Capa begged.

“Why would I tell anyone?” 

You peeled the blankets back, taking the wall of pillows with them. Capa, in his shock, watched as the sheets fell away but did nothing to try and stop you. His hands were still clamped down over his erection, and you lifted them up to guide the blanket away.

“If I told someone,” you continued, “then I'd have to tell them about this…”

You leaned down, capturing his lips in a kiss. You felt Capa tense beneath you, sitting up slightly before he melted back into the pillows. You followed him, moving to straddle his waist and put your hands on his shoulders, holding him there.

“W-what are you doing?” Capa stammered.

You’d pulled back to look at him, and even in the darkness you could tell just how wide his eyes had blown.

“I dunno - what do you want me to do?” you teased.

Your fingers trailed up and down his chest, his breath hitching once as you reached the base of his neck.

“Well, you could get off of me, for starters,” he answered, voice wavering.

His deep voice, usually so smooth and clear, had taken on a desperate, slightly strained quality. You moved your fingertips over the hem of his shirt collar, teasing just beneath the fabric.

“Come on, Capa. Be honest,” you prodded. “What do you really want?”

“Fuck,” Capa whined.

“Fuck? We can fuck,” you agreed, voice lowering.

“Th-that’s not what I meant and you know it - Shit!”

Capa interrupted himself as you slid lower, centering your hips over his clothed erection. You rubbed against him, and he clenched his jaw, throwing his head back into the pillows.

“Fuck! How come you like me all of a sudden?” Capa hissed, slightly out of breath.

“Who said I ever didn’t like you?” you questioned, sliding your hands under his shirt.

Capa’s back arched against the mattress as your hands moved over his bare chest. You swore you heard him let out a little moan.

“You’re just doing this to torture me,” he accused.

“And what if I am?” You leaned in to whisper against his ear. “It seems like you kinda like it.”

Your gentle touches turned harsh; raking your nails down Capa’s chest. As he moaned again, you leaned in to capture it with a kiss. His lips slotted into yours, and Capa bit down, desperate. You hummed with your lower lip trapped between his teeth, still dragging your hips against him. Capa mumbled something, and you pulled away to hear him.

“Hm?”

“Please don’t make me come in my pants,” he groaned.

You lifted off of him a little, putting a stop to the friction between you. Capa groaned again, this time at the loss.

“Oh, okay,” you said mischievously. “Let's take you out of them, then.”

You moved to take off his shorts, pushing them down just enough to free his leaking cock. Capa had a pretty one, you had to admit. Even in the dark, you could see how it shined with small, milky beads of his arousal. As it sprang out from the confines of his boxers, Capa whined desperately.

“This too,” you said, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

Capa sat up to tear himself out of his t-shirt, and then started to pull off yours. Once you were both out of your shirts, your lips crashed together again, and Capa’s arms wrapped around your waist, pressing into your back to pull you closer.

“Hang on,” you breathed, pulling away to wrestle yourself out of your own shorts.

Tossing them to the side, you went back to straddling Capa, and pushed him back down to lie flat on the mattress. Your bodies were tantalizingly close together, hovering just on the edge of you sinking down onto his cock. Capa’s hands came up to rest on your sides - clearly wanting to touch your breasts but not daring to. You guided his left hand to cup one.

“Fuck,” Capa sighed again, digging his fingers into you.

“Be patient,” you scolded, giggling a little at the way Capa’s brow creased.

“Haven’t you played with me enough?” he moaned.

“I don’t think so, actually.”

You lowered yourself down just a bit, enough to let his tip brush through your folds. You were pretty wet already, but not quite enough to take him in yet. Pressing down more, you trapped his cock between yourself and his stomach, sliding up and down the underside of his length.

“Ah!” Capa gasped.

His fingers tightened on your breast, and you basked in the feel of his hands on you. The way your clit was rubbing against him with every stroke of your hips wasn’t so bad either, and you thought fleetingly that you might actually be able to get both of you off just like this. You considered it, but where was the fun in that?

You sat up, reaching down to position him so that it would only take one more stroke to enter you. You felt how wet you had gotten his shaft, just by rubbing against it, and laughed softly to yourself. Maybe you did like Capa a little more than you’d thought. As you swirled your hips, getting the head of his cock wet enough to slide into you, Capa lost what little remaining resolve he had.

“Fuck - please,” Capa whined.

“Please what?”

“You know what you’re doing, you jerk.”

“And?”

Capa bucked his hips beneath you, but you inched up and away from him, keeping his prize just out of reach.

“Tell me what you want,” you taunted. “You can use your words, right? Or am I ‘distracting’ you again?”

“Yes - it’s very fucking distracting to feel you dripping down my cock,” Capa moaned.

If he was trying to get to you, he would have to do better than that.

“Come on, just tell me. What do you want?”

“You! Fuck,” Capa grunted. “God, I want to be inside you.”

“There, was that so hard?” you laughed.

“Fuck you, you’re driving me crazy.”

He was speaking through clenched teeth, jaw straining once again as his eyes squeezed shut. The sight was enough to make you pulse, clenching around nothing. You had held back for long enough, you decided.

In one swift motion, you sank down onto his cock. The stretch was enough to make you hum, pleasure filling your chest as your walls wrapped around him. Capa was slightly less subtle, moaning loudly at the feel of you.

His desperate, needy sounds were like music to your ears. Slowly, you rocked your hips back and forth, keeping yourself pressed flush against him. Capa let out a breath.

“Don’t stop,” he begged you.

You didn’t plan on it. You kept your pace steady, stopping the rhythm every once in a while to swirl your hips.

As much as you were enjoying the sight of Capa falling apart beneath you, you needed more to help yourself over the edge. You brought your fingers down to your clit, letting the motion of your hips guide the pressure.

“Oh, I’m close,” you sighed.

Your eyes fluttered shut, and you tossed your head back. Capa’s hands were planted on your hips now, greedily pulling you down as far onto his cock as you would go. His voice was a mess as he answered.

“Me too - fuck - you're gonna need to get off of me.”

“Not yet,” you moaned, grinding your hips down again.

“What do you mean ‘not yet?’” Capa grunted, sounding miserable.

“So close,” you replied, your own voice getting shaky.

And then, you felt the coil in your stomach snap. You cried out, pressing down onto him harder than ever as your nails raked down his chest. While you rode out your high, Capa scrambled to grab at your hips and lift you all the way off of him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - get off!” he gasped.

As your orgasm faded, you looked down to see Capa, desperate and flushed-red cock in his hand, spurting ropes of cum onto his own stomach. He’d managed to pull you off just in time, but barely. A smirk crossed your lips as you watched him.

You weren’t sure what he was so worried about. As precaution, all female members of the Icarus crew had been required to have IUDs placed months ago. They would last the duration of the journey, and ensure that no mishaps occurred. Although, now you considered that maybe Capa and the other men hadn’t been told about that, to prevent… well, to prevent them from getting any ideas about doing what Capa and you had just done.

You crawled off of him, grabbing a box of tissues from one of the nightstands.

“Here - clean yourself off,” you told him. “I like to cuddle after.”

Capa took the tissues and wiped up his cum, tossing everything into the trashcan next to the bed. You flopped down on top of him, forcing his arms to wrap around you in surprise before they settled into the curves of your body.

Bringing his lips into a slow kiss, you felt the hum of Capa’s moan against you.

“You’re gonna kill me if this is what the next three years together are going to be like,” Capa complained.

“That’s a funny way of saying ‘thank you,’” you teased, resting your head against his chest. “And besides,” you continued, poking him in the ribs, “what makes you think that this is what the next three years are gonna be like?”

You could practically feel Capa blush, his arms tightening and the skin on his chest getting just a bit hotter.

“I mean…”

“I’m just kidding,” you laughed. “Of course I’m gonna keep torturing you like this. Since you like it so much,” you added.

“Yeah, well… maybe I’ll torture you instead next time,” Capa threatened, tugging you harder against him.

“You can try…” Bringing your lips back up to his face, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “It’s kinda cute that you have the confidence.”

You giggled as Capa held the sides of your face, stopping you from pulling away as he kissed your lips. Both of you sank down, Capa turning to hover over you this time as he kissed you again. 

You smiled against his lips. You could certainly think of worse ways to spend the next few years.

Taglist: @cillianslvt, @cillmequick, @dynamitehacke, @franzine-xii, @hanawrites404, @hypotheticallyspeakingwitch, @littlewinter1917, @mothhball, @nnattu, @red-riding-wood, @sea-star-of-the-ocean, @slut4thebroken (also going rogue and tagging @vintagepvssy because of our only one bed trope conversation lol)

[crossdressingdeath]

I'm thinking about Karlach and in particular her relationship with Gortash, and the more I think about it the more I really wish that she'd known he was a Banite from the start, or at least for a good chunk of her time working for him. I mean, the canon story of "I didn't know what he was, he lied to me and I didn't realize the truth until he stabbed me in the back" doesn't not work? It just feels like a very... safe option. Now, I love Karlach, I really do, she's a joy to be around. But I don't know, the whole "I didn't know what they were doing" method of letting a wonderful person work for the bad guys has been done. It's been done a lot. And it also makes Karlach feel less morally complex than the other origin companions to me! I mean, it's entirely possible she didn't even know Gortash was a criminal; his public persona would require bodyguards too. So if we assume that she didn't even know he was a criminal then her moral complexity is limited to having some friends who are devils and wanting Gortash dead, which... even just by general fantasy standards and especially when compared to characters like Astarion, Shadowheart and Lae'zel (as the most obvious examples, but personally I also find Wyll's pact with Mizora and Gale getting the orb at least as complex if not more and they didn't work for the villain, so that feels like a bit of a problem) is very straightforward. She's good. Maybe she used to be a bit naive and then learned not to be so blindly trusting through betrayal. Sure. Fine. Personally I do not find that particularly compelling, if I just saw her backstory written out without the super hard work of her writer and VA in the rest of the game my reaction to her would basically just be "Eh". And if we assume she did know he was a criminal then it feels kind of weak that the only time that even vaguely comes up is Gortash potentially making one comment about how Karlach knew what he was and shouldn't really have been surprised.

Also, an additional point, the fact that supposedly Gortash was putting enough work into keeping her ignorant that there was a noticeable drop in his ethics after he sold her is... kind of weird, because the only reason we're given for it is "He liked her"? To be clear the fact that he liked her isn't the problem, we know Gortash is perfectly capable of liking people. But... he went out of his way to deceive this one employee? To the point that people noticed a change when he was gone? Or alternately selling her specifically actively made him significantly worse, which... would also be kind of weird. There isn't even any particular reason for him to see himself in her, other than the Lower City upbringing they had very little in common before Gortash sold her (unless baby Enver was way better of a person than his current self would suggest). I feel like if Larian was going to justify Karlach apparently not realizing she was working for an arms dealer and slave trader as his personal bodyguard (so someone who'd logically be around for a lot of shady shit or frankly what is the point of her being on the payroll) with "he lied to her" more needed to be done with it.

But if she knew he was a Banite and knew what he was doing for a good chunk of the time she spent working with him that adds a tasty "I didn't think the leopards would eat my face!" energy to the whole situation! I love the idea of Karlach liking and trusting Gortash despite knowing what he was because he treated her with respect and that was all that mattered! Obviously this is subjective, I will freely admit I like my characters with a bit more moral greyness than Karlach shows, but to me at least her reassessing and improving her morals from a standpoint of "Him liking me and respecting me wasn't enough to save me because other people's lives do not matter to him" would be much more interesting than her being a perfectly lovely person from the start and not knowing what her boss was doing and getting betrayed and then continuing to be a perfectly lovely person. (I'm not going to claim that a person's morals improving when the thing they did to others is done to them is particularly ground-breaking, but I would argue it's no less ground-breaking than "they didn't know and were good all along and their boss was lying to them" and to me at least it's significantly more engaging.) And it would also neatly remove the question of why Gortash cared enough to lie about what he was doing to this one specific employee from day one (so before he could bond with her at all), which. y'know, would be nice.

[makeste]

So... How was watching that episode?

I meant to do a post on this sooner, as opposed to late on a Friday night hours before the next episode drops (eta: well apparently there's no new ep airing this week after all so that makes my timing slightly less atrocious), but yeah. basically I loved it. it hurt in all the right ways.

music was incredible. no shot it was ever not going to be incredible. Hayashi Yuuki thank you for always making my emotions your bitch.

there are admittedly a couple of moments in the anime which I felt weren't quite as impactful as they were in the manga. one of these is the moment when Jeanist, after seeing that Kacchan is (he thinks) traumatized and crying, immediately shifts gears from trying to hype him back up to return to the battle, and instead starts reassuring him that he's done enough and he doesn't have to fight anymore and they'll figure out a way without him. when I first read that part in the manga it absolutely slaughtered me. it's so rare to see media that stars young adults as the protagonists, and portrays them as capable young warriors, and yet also acknowledges that even so, they're still just kids. and to then surround said kids with adults who aren't dumbed down, and who are actually smart and capable and who are actively looking out for them and trying to protect them even though the kids are more OP than they are.

so to have a character that looks at someone like Bakugou and sees past how powerful and determined and ferocious he is, and instead just sees a kid who has been so incredibly brave and who they've asked so much of already. and to have that character make the on-the-spot decision to pull this kid out of the fight, regardless of the consequences, even if it means they might LOSE, just because he thinks the kid is hurt and scared and past his limits, and he needs someone to look out for him. that moment says everything about what kind of person Jeanist is. just, that one part got to me so much.

BUT, in the anime it all happens much faster and the moment gets kind of lost because Kacchan almost immediately starts doing his Deku-style muttering, and Jeanist quickly realizes that his initial read was wrong and this kid is actually FULLY AND COMPLETELY LOCKED IN MORE THAN EVER. which is exactly what happens in the manga as well, to be fair. but in the manga I got to read and absorb it at my own pace, whereas the anime just keeps on going with no concern over whether you've had enough time to process everything that's going on. and so that moment just kind of slips by, and almost isn't even noticeable unless you're looking out for it. it's not really a complaint, because there isn't really any other way the scene could be adapted, probably. but it does give me a good excuse to write a mini-essay about how much I love it, so yeah.

moving on though, in spite of my wishing we could have somehow lingered on that part a second or two longer, I did absolutely love the reveal of Kacchan mumbling and analyzing Deku-style. the first of many outstanding Okamoto Nobuhiko performances in this episode. full nerd powers activated. we'd already seen him do this in Bakugou Katsuki: Rising as well, but this is where it really stands out and it was awesome.

and by the way, shout out to the Big Three who are fucking great. eventually when I get around to posting my manga recaps for this part of the story, those will get more into their antics. for now though, I'll just say that everything was very well adapted. and the part where poor Mirio is all "???? sorry????" when TomurAFO has his brief little Tenko outburst was everything I hoped it would be, and Mirio's actor absolutely nailed it. like I knew it was coming and was anticipating it, and it still slayed me. easily a top five funniest moment in the whole damn series.

Kacchan standing up and telling Jeanist to look after the others filled me with just as much dread as the first time I read it. and the first time I read it, I had already been spoiled. so what I'm trying to say is, knowing what's about to happen does not in any way lessen the intensity of this moment. if anything it just enhances it.

the reveal of Kacchan's powerup was so incredibly badass. I can't even describe how badass it was. just, BOOM. now you see me, now you don't. LA DEE DA, HERE I AM! and the narration in the background talking about his quirk. chef's kiss.

no matter how many anime characters I see pulling off the omae wa mou shindeiru, I will never, ever tire of it. it's the single most badass thing anyone can ever do. especially when they were being underestimated the entire fucking time, and now all of a sudden they're out here scaring the shit out of the big bad himself. no one is faster than Kacchan. KACCHAN CAN RUN FASTER THAN ALL OF YOU. HE CAN FUCKING FLY!! HE'S BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW!! GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

and then Nobu hits us with the coup de grace. "Izuku… can I still catch up to you?" fellas is it gay to spend your last thirty seconds of life having an imaginary conversation with your beloved rival even as you're zapping around like a bolt of lightning, kicking more ass than anyone on earth has ever kicked.

and I was already dead by this point, but then the All Might vestige scene kicked in and resuscitated me so I could die again even harder. worth it.

so what really killed me nineteen times during this part was the way that Kacchan sounded so completely and utterly different from how he has ever sounded before. this is a scene that's taking place entirely in his head (or… in OFA land… maybe???? goddammit Horikoshi still owes us an explanation. THAT VESTIGE SHOULD NOT BE THERE I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS). there's nobody else around. nobody to perform for. nobody to show off or look tough for. it's just him, and this big mysterious yellow All Might ghost thing.

and he sounds like an entirely different person. nervous, shy, sheepish. no crudeness, no insults. just, aw shucks. hand to back of neck. avert eyes. so this is kind of awkward, but... the thing is, I always wanted to... but I was such a brat when we first met... and I just never found the right moment after... anyway yeah I'm sorry and it's really dumb. but I really just. wanted to get your autograph.

just. this is him at his most sincere. this is who he's always been, all along. the one and ONLY time we've ever gotten a glimpse of him with absolutely no walls. and he is NOTHING like what he presents himself as to the outside world. he is sweet, he is gentle, he is self-effacing. he is painfully vulnerable, which is doubtless why he never dares to show this side of himself to anybody, ever. and he is ultimately so calmly accepting of this one last regret during what he believes are his final moments.

anyway. so yeah. it destroyed me. what else is there to say.

and then it happens. and once again, not to shit on the anime at all because this episode was fantastic, but this was another part that seemed much clearer in the manga. particularly that one page where we see that everyone else -- Jeanist; Mirio; Hadou; Tamaki; even Mirko -- tried to save Katsuki from that final blow, but they were all just a split second too late. the anime did its best to show that, but I think it was just harder to convey in that format. whereas the manga did it beautifully in a way that couldn't really be replicated.

but on the other hand, one thing the anime did VERY well was showing Kacchan's ragdoll body just flop lifelessly away afterwards. holy shit. I watched like a half dozen reaction videos to this episode on Youtube, and in most of them the anime viewers didn't quite realize how bad of a hit it was at first… until they showed that. then they were like, D: D: D:

and then last but not least… the image that broke the internet so hard that it spoiled me even in my paranoid social media isolation. Kacchan lying lifelessly on the ground. it's such a well-drawn panel in the manga, and the anime absolutely did it justice. having him be so pale was a wonderful touch. you see him, and you just immediately know. there's no room for doubt at all. it's powerful af. the Youtuber reactors all lost their minds. one woman actually started sobbing. phenomenal cinema.

so yeah! needless to say I thought it was spectacular. pour one out for the anime-onlys though. and now their watch begins.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Twist of Fate - The End**

IT'S FINALLY DONE! I hope you guys like this final part of the A Twist of Fate series

Warnings: mentions of drug and alcohol, mental health/therapy themes, coming out as poly conversation, fingering, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex.

WC: 25.5K

There's a playlist for this one!

When you woke up the following morning your head hurt and your body felt sore. You knew you were dancing a lot and moving in ways that your body was not accustomed to. Moreover, you were reminded of why you’d decided to stop drinking when you went out. You laid in bed in silence for several minutes, recapping all of the events from the party, and your stomach turned again as you envisioned the disillusioned look in Taylor’s eyes when she saw you coming into the bathroom.

She wasn’t mean or rude to you in any way, but a lot things flashed through your mind that made you react the way you had. The song a few months ago, the momentary lapse in your character that made you judge her when she and Harry were on vacation, and the kiss. You genuinely hadn’t felt all that bad about the kiss with Harry before, it had been a lapse in judgement, a mistake… that was until you were standing in front of her. You remembered how much you’d been fantasizing about kissing him again and apparently he felt the same way. It just felt like too many things to hold in, so they came out however they could. You were dying to apologize for ruining their evening, but you knew that speaking to either of them would cause more harm than good.

Your phone dinging with a text made you exhale. So you got a good stretch in, hearing a couple little cracks as you reached your limit and held it before relaxing and sitting up. You opened your phone and smiled when you saw Ricky’s text.

Ricky:

Hey:) Did you make it out alive? 

You had been seeing Ricky casually. It was quite an unexpected but almost obvious pairing. You’d spent a lot of time together now that you were back in the studio and you had also developed a friendship after working together for a couple years now. But after helping his sister out is when you starting hanging out more. One night when he was dropping you off after you guys had seen Provoker you just had this tense moment and he kissed you and you kissed back and well, now you’d been hooking up for a little over a month. 

Y/N: 

I did! Barely, but still haha

Ricky: 

But still:) When are you back?

Y/N:

Tuesday morning. Why…?

Ricky:

We should do something.

Y/N:

Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe we can go to Venice? Grab some brunch and get high on the beach.

Ricky:

I think I might have to break our no romantic feelings rule over that.

You giggled as you read his reply and before you could respond a few knocks on the door startled you.

“Come in!” You called out.

“You’re up already?” Caitlyn asked with a smile and you nodded as she came over and climbed into the empty side of the bed. “How’d you sleep?”

“I should be asking you. The couch wasn’t too bad?” 

“It was alright. Better than being the audience to your tears all night.” She teased and you chuckled.

“Well, I didn’t really cry last night any more. I think it was just all really overwhelming in the moment.” You said and she nodded.

“Good. So you’re feeling OK? No bad crash?” She asked and you shook your head.

“I mean, I do feel a little down, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the molly…” you said and she hummed. “I’m just not happy with-” you paused and turned your attention back to you phone when it dinged in your hands and saw Ricky’s message.

Ricky:

I’m sorry. Did I make it weird?

Y/N:

No, not at all! Sorry, Cait just came in to check on me:)

Ricky:

Okay, thank fuck haha

Ricky:

Well I’ll let you go, I actually have to work out now so…

Y/N:

Stoooop, you do not lol It’s the worst, so I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t.

Ricky:

Okay. I’ll just pretend not to know anything about your track history lol

Y/N:

Yeah, do that. I’ll text you later:)

Ricky:

Sounds good! 

“Look at you, all smiley after you said you’re a little down…” Caitlyn pointed out and you chuckled.

“It’s just Ricky.” You explained.

“Ah, still riding that…hmmm.” she hummed and you chuckled.

“God, so crass…” 

“I know.” She grinned and then your smile dropped as you recalled the previous topic at hand.

“I just feel really bad for yesterday. I hope I didn’t cause too big of a fuss with Harry and Taylor. I’m sure my reaction made me seem guilty of what she assumed.” You sighed, already overthinking it all over again. You’d replayed the scenario over and over at least a solid thousand times in the shower last night.

“Oh, they’ll be fine.” Caitlyn scoffed through a laugh, “You did the right thing in trying to avoid him. Who cares what she took the whole puking thing as. Hopefully she is able to believe Harry that you weren’t together and if she doesn’t well, that’s her issue, not yours.” She advised and you nodded.

“Right.” You smiled a bit.

“Well, what should we do today? Have breakfast and go for a little walk? Help wear off any hangover symptoms?”

“Yeah, that actually sounds good.”

“OK.” She smiled and got out of the bed, “I should shower first. S’gonna be a long one after the night we had.” She mumbled and you nodded.

“Oh yeah, please. Take your time.” You insisted.

**************

HARRY’S POV:

Harry hardly slept a wink. He hadn’t been able to reach anyone to stay with at the last minute and all the hotels he knew he could safely stay at were booked out, so he stayed on the couch in the suite. The couch was far too firm for his liking, but he still laid down there and just thought. He thought and thought for hours and hours if all of this had been worth it. He didn’t have Taylor and he didn’t have you. He felt heartbroken but he knew that this was the best outcome. He clearly couldn’t make up for the past, at least not in Taylor’s eyes. And it was better that they end things than for him to keep trying to meet an impossible expectation. Taylor wanted him to stop loving you, it was genuinely an impossible request. And settling deep in some crevice somewhere beneath all the hurt he recognized the feeling of relief. 

He tried his best to figure out what the relief was about, but he kept coming back to the same thing, he was relieved that the relationship was over. He felt wrong for having that thought. It was uncomfortable to have that knowledge and to just sit with it. But he processed through the discomfort and soon concluded that just how Taylor said she didn’t like herself anymore, neither did he. He was afraid to say or do the wrong thing and then be back in a weird limbo thing where she’d leave his place for a few days to clear her head and then come back a few days later with another condition he needed to meet to make things “work”. She was never unreasonable, but he was tired. He felt like he was fighting against who he was and he hated it. His mum always told him that he should be with someone who loves and accepts who he is and that he shouldn’t have to change fundamental parts of himself for the sake of making someone else happy.

He checked the time, it was only 7am and he dreaded being an early riser right now when he needed the rest. He just lay there quietly for a while, he could hear her moving around in the bedroom, she was probably packing up, their flight left that night. He had no idea what her plans were. Eventually, he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted a shower so he sat up and stretched his arms back behind his head and arched his back up, the low crack of his back releasing its tension made him hum before he stood. He knocked at the door gently with his index finger.

“Yeah?”

“I need a wee. And a shower.” He said. Moments later the lock clicked and she opened the door.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” He murmured.

“You alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” He said, “And you?”

“Good too. I don’t…regret it. Or take it back if that’s what you’re asking.” She said and he nodded, “Ummm, well go ahead and get in there.” She said.

“Tay?”

“Yeah?” She asked, eyes meeting his.

“We should talk logistics after. Don’t scamper off, alright?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, ummm, should I order up?”

“Yeah, I’ll have whatever you have.”

“Kay.” She hummed.

When Harry got out their breakfast was being delivered. So he got dressed quickly and then headed out to the little table out in the lounging area of their suite. The spread looked good and he soon sat down and started eating. It was tense and quiet for a bit before he spoke up.

“So ummm…are you going to come back to London with me or take some time away?” He asked.

“Ummm, I think I’m gonna stay here. Just ummm…get a bit of space.”

“Yeah, that’s alright. Ummm, obviously, I can take care of this for you-”

“No, it’s alright. I mean…I broke up with you, if anything I should pay for you and…soothe your broken heart.” She said with a small smile and he chuckled.

“I might not seem like it but I am upset. It just doesn’t feel real yet.” He explained and she offered a tight-lipped smiled.

“It’s alright, I know what you mean.” She mumbled before they ate a bit more. “So ummm, are you gonna go after her? Y/N?”

“Ummm, we had this deal where we’d see where fate led us, so no.” he said and she sighed.

“All that for you not to go after what you really want?”

“It’s not like that. I really wanted things to work with you too, like I love you and I care about you-”

“Sure, but the whole time you’ve loved her. So you should go be with her.” She said, as if it were the obvious next move. He still didn’t think that she was fully understanding what was really going on inside of him.

“I mean, it’s not that simple…” 

“Sure it is, Harry.” She sighed, “You’ve been pining after her all these years. I mean, I know that things didn’t work out how you wanted the first time and that letting go really hurt you. But I think you’ve been running from what you really want for long enough, H. I know you’re scared that you’ll put yourself out there and it won’t work again, but you have to take the risk.”

“I will, just…when the time is right.” He said and she nodded.

After she packed the last of her things she headed off to somewhere he didn’t know and that was that.

****************

You had just finished breakfast and Caitlyn had just hopped in the shower and you were trying to figure out what to wear out. You had two options laid out on the bed when Caitlyn’s phone started ringing from the bedside table and you hurried over and froze as you saw “Harry Styles, mobile” displayed on the glass screen. There was a wacky picture of him making a funny, irritated face in the background. It made you smile for a moment before you wondered why he’d be calling. Maybe something was wrong? You decided to deal with the consequences later and just answer it. 

“Hello?” You greeted tentatively. Your voice faded into a breathless whisper by the second syllable of the word as the uncertainty of your decision grew.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost in disbelief and you nodded and then remembered you weren’t in front of him and inhaled sharply.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You responded and smiled when you heard him sigh in relief and then chuckle.

“Hi!” He greeted cheerfully.

“Hi.” You laughed breathily and then waited for his response.

“Ummm, I was only calling to check on you actually.” He said.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you.”

“Well, I heard through the grapevine that you got a little sick.” He chuckled and you giggled.

“Yeah, that happened…” you said and he hummed, “I’m alright, I just got overwhelmed because I was drinking and also I…did drugs. I don’t think I would’ve had such a theatrical reaction otherwise.” You explained.

“Well either way, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thank you. And how are you? I was worried that I maybe… caused some…tension between you and Taylor last night.” You said carefully.

“Yeah, I’m…alright.” He said, face twisted up a bit awkwardly.

“Why did you say it weird?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Did I?”

“I know you…” you said knowingly and he smiled to himself.

“I’m just so happy to hear your voice again. I missed the sound.” He expressed and you felt your cheeks getting all warm as you blushed.

“I’ve missed you too. A lot.” You responded. “So, how are you? Really.” You asked again. Harry was great at deflecting. But if something was wrong with them and you had unintentionally caused it, then the least you could do was talk it out with him.

“I swear, I am fine, but ummm…Taylor actually…broke up with me.” He said and you gasped audibly.

“Oh my god…” you sighed regretfully, already feeling awful and guilty for their demise, “I’m so sorry, H. So truly sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?” You asked and he sighed, “Was it because of me?” You asked next, your voice was small and quiet.

“Oh no, get that out of your head. Not at all.” He responded immediately, “It wasn’t you. This was all me…” he said and you sighed, “But I promise I’m good. Well at least right now I am…” he said.

“Well, when you don’t feel good you can call me, you know?” You said and he chuckled.

“Actually I can’t…I haven’t got your number any more.” He confessed and you scoffed.

“Oh…Okay…” you hummed in playful offense.

“I assure you it wasn’t my idea.” He added with a chuckle, “But I mean, deleting it didn’t really do what it was intended to, which was get me to forget about you, so…” He chuckled.

“I mean…” you hummed and giggled.

“Well ummm…I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thanks. When are you heading home?”

“Tonight. I leave at 10.”

“Oh ummm…if you wanted some company we’re gonna go for a walk in the park?” You offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah, H.”

“Yeah, I’d love to come. Ummm, I’m staying at The Mark, so right near the park.”

“Oh, we’re at the Carlyle! Just down the street from you. We can walk over and meet you in the lobby?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Text me when you guys are walking over.”

“Will do.” You smiled.

“Alright, see you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When Caitlyn came out of the shower you immediately told her what you’d done and that Harry and Taylor had broken up. She was completely shocked that something as seemingly insignificant as running into you in the bathroom had been the thing that pushed Taylor over the edge.

“Wow…”

“I know. He said it wasn’t my fault but…I mean it all goes to shit after I had a wee run in with Taylor in the bathroom?”

“Yeah…I just can’t believe that is what broke the camel’s back. Like, it must’ve been quite bad between them if that’s all it took, you know?”

“Yeah…like I feel like it’s kind of my fault, but I also know I didn’t do anything, you know? But God, just seeing the joy drain from her face when she realized it was me…that sucked.”

“I can imagine. But hey, now you’re both single, maybe you guys can try again now.”

“Maybe…but he really loved her so I think he will need some time to get past this.”

“Just don’t wait too long. With both of you griping at me I don’t know what to do anymore.” She chuckled and you smiled.

“Yeah…”

***************

You and Caitlyn were waiting in the lobby at The Mark and after a few minutes Harry was wandering down looking cozy in a hoodie and some workout shorts. He smiled and waved when he saw you guys. You and Caitlyn waved back as he came closer.

“Hiya.” He said lowly as he hugged Caitlyn.

“Hey.” She hummed and then they pulled back.

“Hi.” He said more timidly as he stepped over to you and hugged you into his body. You relaxed in his hold and sighed in relief.

“Hi. It’s so good to see you.” You smiled as you pulled back.

“You too.” He grinned, “Umm, shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Caitlyn agreed.

You were all chatting, recounting your adventures from the MET as you made your walk through the park. Then, Caitlyn would take you guys to a coffee shop she really liked. It was relaxed, though as you got deeper through the park a couple of people did notice you guys and two girls started following you guys for a bit until you were veering too far from their path. You were all linked arms and skipping as you playfully sung the “We’re Off to See the Wizard” song from “The Wizard of Oz” through your laughter.

“Okay friends, ready for a little caffeine boost?” Caitlyn asked.

“Definitely.” Harry chuckled and then you guys started heading back. 

While waiting in line at the coffee shop and chatting with Caitlyn about what you guys should try, you and Harry had to respectfully decline getting pictures and videos with fans to avoid making a huge fuss. But nevertheless, it was obvious that people were recording from afar or taking pictures without your consent. He didn’t seem as nervous or fearful about it as he did when you two dated, so at least there was that. He felt far more confident and comfortable declining these requests now. Before he felt a little bit obligated, as did you, because if it weren’t for these people’s support you wouldn’t be where you were. 

You did a lot of work on boundaries in therapy and now you thought of it as being on and off the clock. If you were at an event or on a stage or out in public repping a certain brand or product even if you were with friends then you were “on the clock”. But if you were just hanging out with your friends, running errands, going about your day…then you considered yourself to be “off the clock” and during these moments, depending on where you were or who you were with, you might accept or decline the requests fans made of you. Now, after what Harry had been dealing with since the night (or early morning technically) you didn’t really want anyone getting too close and you could see the gratitude in his eyes when you turned away yet another fan who was gazing between the two of you and deciding that you might be the easiest target. 

“You’ve gotten really good at this.” Harry hummed lowly as he leaned closer to you and you giggled as his lips slightly tickled your ear.

“Thanks. Therapy.” You said as you glanced up at him and he hummed.

“Not cause of me, right?” He asked quietly.

“Not primarily, but you came up.” You confirmed and he smiled.

“I talked about you too. A lot.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“All good things I hope…”

“Oh yeah…definitely.” He said sarcastically and you laughed and you moved to elbow him playfully but he caught your arm first and just pulled your body in front of his. “Had to overpower you to prevent any violence.” He said quietly and you laughed and tossed your head back to rest on his shoulder and he glanced down at you.

“You have boogies.” You grinned as you informed him quietly and he furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed.

“No I don’t.” He sniffled and ran his finger under his nose just in case and you laughed and turned around to face him again now that his dominant hand was occupied. “Do I really?” He asked you quietly and you sniggered and shook your head.

“No, just messing with you.” You assured him as you laughed and he rolled his eyes before suddenly grabbing your arms and pulling you in and then pulling your arms around his torso.

“Hug me.” He requested softly and you swore the entire world stopped just then and you smiled as you leaned into him and hugged him tight before he squeezed around your waist and exhaled. You gently scratched over the expanse of his back for a few moments, “Now when I google us this’ll come up.” He said softly.

“Hmmm, very clever.” You smiled, “Love it.” You decided and he chuckled.

“Okay, stop flirting and decide on your drinks, we’re next in line.” Caitlyn said.

“Ready?” You asked softly.

“No.” Harry mumbled, “But do it. Just do it.” You sighed and let go of him and you looked up at him with a gentle smile as you rubbed over his shoulder.

“Oh, I missed you.” You said and he grinned and you turned around as you heard Caitlyn start ordering her drink.

“Please don’t check ‘em out, I’ve got them covered.” Harry called to the cashier who nodded and smiled at him. Soon after you were all corned up near the pick up counter chatting, including Caitlyn in it a lot more now that you and Harry had been able to just relish in each other’s company for a little bit.

“Order for Harry!” The barista called and Harry walked up and grabbed the drinks, smiling at the barista and mumbling a thanks before going the few steps over to you guys and handing over your drinks. 

Caitlyn had gotten a matcha latte while you and Harry opted for plain cold brews. Once again, you guys took off but this time back to your hotels with your drinks in hand to beat the warmth of the day. You guys were talking about your favorite looks of the night as you made the walk back and when you were down the street he turned to you guys.

“Ummm, would you guys want to come up for a bit? I don’t have to leave until 8 from here?” He asked, “We could have dinner?” He asked you two and Caitlyn shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m down.” She smiled and you turned to Harry and nodded in agreement. 

After being seen leaving earlier, there were people waiting around for him outside the hotel but you guys rushed in quickly and then headed up to his suite. You headed off to the bathroom while Caitlyn and Harry picked something to watch. You looked yourself over in the mirror and you were glad that you looked alright, you felt a little weird from your slight hangover still, bit you were glad you didn’t look dead. When you opened up the door Caitlyn was sitting on the bed waiting for you to get out so she could go in.

“S’all yours.” You smiled as you stepped out.

“Behave.” She admonished and you giggled and headed back out to the little “living room” area to see Harry still scrolling through the channels on the TV with a little furrow in his brow and a slight squint to his eyes and you smiled.

“Where are you glasses?”

“I lost ‘em a bit ago.” He said glancing over to you before you plopped down beside him.

“Oh H…”

“I know. Haven’t been able to secure an appointment.” He said and you hummed. 

“You feeling OK though?” You asked more seriously and he nodded.

“Yeah…like it sucks, but you guys are good company. I’m sure I’ll feel it when I’m on my own though.”

“Well I think that’s great, H.” You said and he looked at you a bit perplexed, “I mean that you have to feel this out. I know that you really love her and that this can’t be easy for you, so you have to sit with it a bit and just go through the motions of it all.” You explained.

“And what about us? Didn’t we agree that-”

“Technically you said a few years from now…” you said with a soft smile.

“Well I’ll be 30-something by then…”

“So will I…” you shrugged and he smiled a bit sadly.

“Have you…changed your mind?” He asked you cautiously. He was trying not to look broken up about it, but you knew him well and you could see the fear and concern in his eyes.

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying you need to be single for a little bit. More than two months.” You said and he chuckled, “Seriously Harry, when we ended you had a new girlfriend a few months later. And then when that ended you were suddenly with Taylor, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah, I did kinda rush into this last few more than usual…it just felt really right at the time and we vibed well. I knew I’d be off for a bit so it felt like good time to try.” He explained with a shrug. “Taylor actually started talking to me before I was single, so we were friends for a bit so it’s not like I just dated someone I hardly knew.” He defended and you giggled along with him.

“Yeah, I joke a bit. But I mean, as long as you don’t regret the time you’ve spent and as long as you’ve learned and grown from these people and your relationships with them I think that’s great. But I think we both know that filling the void is simply a bandaid.” You explained.

“I know…” he sighed, “I really am just so scared of being alone.”

“Well H, you’re never going to be alone. I’m here whenever you need anything.” You assured and he glanced to you with a smile, “I know that maybe it was just…scary to talk and be around each other before, but I mean once we did see each other it didn’t…hurt. Not at all. It actually brought me…relief that…nothing had really changed between us.” You said to him and he hummed and nodded.

“Yeah.” He smiled, “You know I was genuinely dreading the day I’d run into you. I think I also thought it would be painful or feel like defeat or failure… it did fuck me up a bit but in a good way.” He assured and you chuckled.

“Yeah, same…” you smiled, “Well, all that to say that I love you, a lot! And I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens with us. I don’t want us to be estranged ever again. Got it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded with a relieved smile, “You know, I think you’re right though…”

“Of course I am.” You said, “About what?” He chuckled.

“That I need to just take a little bit of time to really just get through this and then we can think of everything else.”

“Right.” You smiled. 

You guys fell silent for a bit and then you heard that Caitlyn was actually on the phone in the bedroom. When you glanced back there the door was nearly closed all the way and you sighed as you glanced down at your hands.

“How about you? How’ve you been?” He asked.

“Good.” You nodded, “I mean, Seb was relentless for a bit, but a few weeks ago he just stopped trying to win me back. I mean, I don’t think what he wants is awful, but I don’t see myself changing that much of myself just to fit the kind of person he wants.”

“Yeah.” Harry nodded in understanding. “Like I don’t think that’s a bad thing either, but it’s just the way he expects it to rest on you that’s a little…antiquated.” He chuckled and you nodded.

“Right, like don’t tell it to me like it’s my job because I’m a female. That’s where it really upset me. Like if you have a life together and you share a home and have a family it’s both of yours to look after!”

“I agree.” He chuckled, “You know, I still don’t know how to change a tire.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“I don’t think you’ll ever need to know anyway.” You teased and he sniggered. He repositioned himself so that he was facing you now and you glanced over at him. “What?” You questioned and he smiled.

“I’m really happy that you’re here.” He said softly.

“Me too.” You assured and then he pulled you into his arms and hugged you tight. He sighed in relief as he rested his cheek over the top of your head. As you exhaled your body melted into his even more until he just left himself fall back against the arm of the couch.

“You know, when we were together, I genuinely thought you were the best person I’d ever met. And like even now, it’s like you’re still the same person but just elevated, if that makes sense?” He asked and you hummed, “I want to experience you as you are now. I really love what I’ve seen. Your self control, your patience, and your self awareness, I really enjoy seeing you this way. I think when we were younger you kind of…looked to me a lot to gauge how you should feel about things…like not that you were just agreeing with me, but that my views and perception of things mattered a lot and influenced yours a lot.” He explained and you hummed.

“Yeah, that’s very true. I think you just had so much more experience in the world and I agreed with mostly everything you cared about and so I definitely tried to learn things from you and let those things influence me a lot.” 

“Well not anymore…” he smiled, “I mean, I think values-wise we’ll always be on the same page, but now you’ve grown into it on your own. Like, you took all this time to just look after yourself and understand yourself and I’m just so proud of who you’ve become. And I want to…get to that point. I want to get to a point where you are proud of me.” He said.

“Oh, I am!” You said as you set up and turned to face him again, “I think you’ve come such a long way, H. And I think you know who you are now and it’s so refreshing to see it. I think you’ve overcome your need to people please and also your fear of what people think of you and what you do. Before, the way you were perceived was almost the most important thing to you.”

“Yeah.” He agreed.

“Like over the last couple years, seeing you out and about with your friends, your partners, or whatever it be, I mean, I love it! You’ve started choosing the things and people that make you happy regardless of what other people think and I love that for you so, so much. I’ve just always wanted for you to feel happy with yourself.” You said as you reached for and then squeezed his hand in yours. He glanced down at it and smiled.

“I do, I really do.” He assured you. “You know, I just can’t help but get excited when I think about how things will be with us when we try again. It’s going to be so good…we’ve both grown up so much and really taken care of ourselves. I think I might have a bit of catching up to do with you…” he chuckled, “But I’m going to work hard at it for myself and for us too.” He said and you smiled.

“Well just know that I’ve loved every version of you so far because you’ve always been good to me. But it’s really important to me that you feel happy with yourself and clearly that’s something you’re getting more and more in tune with and it’s very beautiful to witness.” You said.

“Ummm, thank you.” He said with a timid smile as you ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“Yeah, of course.” You replied. And before anything more could happen Caitlyn came out of the bedroom and let out an exasperated sigh. “Is everything alright?” You asked her as you both watched her come around.

“A writing session got moved up for a show I’m working on and I’ll need to be back in LA tomorrow afternoon.” She groaned as she plopped down on the couch. “I found a flight, a red eye though.” She said and you hummed.

“Well I’ll go back too, don’t want to be here by myself.” You said and she nodded.

“OK, let me get them then.”

“OK, I’ll Zelle you right now, just let me know how much they are.” You said and she nodded.

“We need to pack.”

“Yeah…” you sighed.

“You guys can go if you want. Please don’t feel obligated to hang around here.” Harry said.

“What if we help you finish your packing and then you can come with us and we can pack while we have dinner and then you go from there?” Caitlyn suggested.

“Ummm yeah, I’d love that actually.” He said.

“Settled then.” You smiled at him and he returned a brighter smile, “Let’s do it!” You said and he guided you guys to the bedroom and got his things together. 

He only had a carry on as he was only there for a few days so this didn’t take too long. You guys ordered an Uber while Harry checked out and then you all headed back to your hotel. Caitlyn did her own packing as she didn’t want Harry seeing her intimates and such, so he stuck to helping you. Not that he had seen any of your new stuff, but at least he’d been in that position before. Since you guys were going to be there for a week total you guys unpacked your things into the dressers and closet, so currently all your things were laid out on the floor while Caitlyn’s were on the large bed you had shared over the last several days.

“So you guys shared?” Harry asked as he folded up some of your jeans.

“Yep. Though I don’t think we will ever again-”

“Oh my god…I shoved you one night.” Caitlyn said as you started to laugh and Harry did too.

“One night’s enough trauma.” You said and she scoffed.

“Do you kick?” Harry asked.

“No, I think I maybe had a very vivid dream because I’m usually a very still.” She explained, “Though you are a cuddler. Maybe I was trying to get away from you.” She said to you and you giggled.

“Maybe…it’s just when I sleep in unfamiliar spaces.” You explained and Harry smiled at you.

“Still? With how much you’re on the road for tours and shit?” He asked and you shrugged, “S’cute.” He assured you softly as he continued folding one of your tops.

“It’s not.” Caitlyn said to you with a grin and you just stuck your tongue out at her and she chuckled.

After a bit you guys ordered in some grilled cheese sandwiches because it’s just a lovely comfort food. With Harry there and some stimulating conversation you guys finished packing quite fast, but now you had to go down to reception and sort out the early check out. Harry offered to go with you but you assured him it was fine, you didn’t want him to get flocked in the lobby and then you hurried out promising to be back soon.

“So…what’s up with you two?” Caitlyn asked Harry when you left.

“She wants me to stay single for a while and properly move past this. I mean, she’s right of course, but it’s just something I struggle with.” He admitted, “But she said I can count on her if I need anything.” He said of you.

“Yeah, of course. And me too! You have so many friends out in LA who would more than gladly lend an ear since we don’t see you as much anymore.” She explained and he smiled.

“Well thank you. I will definitely take advantage of that. And like…I do want to work on myself a bit more…maybe I can head out there for a bit and get some face time with my therapist. We talk on the phone or do virtual stuff sometimes, but I think I could use some in person intensive work. We haven’t spoken in maybe…close to a year.” He explained with a chuckle.

“Well yeah, if it’ll be beneficial to you, do it.” She encouraged him.

“Ummm, I hate to do this to you but ummm…I saw Y/N texting someone quite a bit while we were down here…is she seeing someone?” He asked, “Or maybe I should just ask her…yeah, I’ll just ask her.” He said instead and Caitlyn chuckled.

“Alright.” She smiled. Shortly after you came back into the room and told Caitlyn everything was good to go for your earlier departure. “Excellent.” She said to you, “Well, now that we’re all packed I’m going to smoke my joint on the balcony, I want this to be the greatest grilled cheese I’ve eaten in a long time.” She said as she stood from the bed and stretched. “Do you guys want some?” She asked glancing to them and then giving Harry a knowing glance.

“No, I’m alright.” Harry said.

“Same.” You assured her and she smiled and then made her way out of the bedroom and into the common area of your shared suite and after a few moments you guys heard the door shut behind her. 

“You still don’t smoke?”

“I’ve tried, I just can’t. It burns so bad.” You grimaced and he chuckled.

“S’not good for us anyway…” he said and you nodded, “Ummm…can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, of course.” You nodded and waited for him to speak up expectantly.

“That umm…the guy you keep texting? Are you- is he-”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” you said to him right away, “Well…we are…ummm, hooking up, but he’s just a friend.” You explained and he nodded.

“Oh okay. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t like…coming on so strong just for you to be…taken again.”

“I’m not the one who moves lightening fast here…” you teased and he chuckled and bit down on his lip to suppress the laughter he wanted to let out, “Come on…you know it was funny.” You pressed as you giggled.

“Yeah, real fucking funny.” He grinned and you chuckled as you stood up from the floor, “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just up here. I wanna pick a really funny movie because I really like it when she gets all giggly.” You explained to Harry and he laughed as he also pushed himself up off the ground and joined you on the large king bed. You glanced down at the remote with about a bajillion buttons and scoffed as you tried to find the one that would bring up the list of the scheduled programming.

“Need some help?”

“I can do it.” You assured as you pressed yet another wrong button, “Doesn’t it usually say guide?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah? Does it not?”

“No…” you hummed, “Here.” You said handing it over and he scanned over his options before just trying “menu” and hoping that would take him somewhere useful but nothing happened, “I think we’re on the menu page.” You said to him and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Should we call the front desk?”

“Oh no, that’s humiliating. I think we can just press every button until we find it.” You sniggered and he handed it back over.

“You do it then.” 

“Gladly.” You hummed and started going button by button, after a few tries you gasped and you got it. “Oh! Hooray!” You exclaimed and he just watched you light up at such a tiny thing and it made his heart flutter at just how cute you were. That’s one thing he missed so much about you. You made such a big fuss over things, truly anything was an excuse to celebrate and be joyful. He missed being around that, there truly wasn’t a victory too small for you. Harry studied your face as you looked through the channels listed on the screen. “You’re staring.” You smiled without peeling your eyes from the screen.

“I know.” He responded and you glanced over to him to find him just admiring you. “You’re just so breathtaking.” he said softly. It made your heart flutter and for your tummy to feel all tingly as his gaze raked down your face and then landed on your lips. You had to look away because you swore your throat was closing up from how nervous you were. But when his hand landed under your jaw and angled you back up to look into his eyes you swallowed thickly.

“Har…” you whispered and squeezed your eyes shut.

“No, baby. Look at me. Please.” He insisted and you blinked your eyes open to look at him again with a racing pulse as he inched closer to you. Your noses touched and you lingered near each other nervously, eyes flickering between each others as your lips skimmed together as your breaths started getting heavier. Both of you were hoping one of you would be brave enough to bite the bullet or to just break it off. But preferably to follow through with the kiss.

“Fuck it.” You whispered before surging up to properly connect your lips. The first kiss was just a quick one, a tester almost since you both just looked at each other for a moment.

“One more.” He mumbled and you nodded before he leaned back in and held your neck gently as he kissed you deeper this time. But that kiss inevitably became a string of smiley pecks as you two tried to pull away. “Just one more then.” He smiled and you laughed a bit as he kissed over your top lip and then your bottom lip before he pulled back and your eyes met again. They were both sparkling with need and before you knew it your arms were around his neck and he was settling himself over you as your head sank into the fluffy pillow beneath you . Harry’s warm smooth lips moved in a perfectly synchronized and familiar dance with your own as you kissed ardently.

You moaned as he rolled you onto your sides and his arm draped over your hip and then slid under your shirt. His fingers tickled up your bare back before his hand flattened right beneath the band of your bra and pushed you closer to him. His thigh was trapped between your legs, allowing just a bit of friction for you. Your tongues slid together before he sucked on your bottom lip and then went back in to kiss you properly. Just as things were about to get a bit more heated you heard some heavy knocks on the door along with the room service call. 

“Mmm…need to get the food.” You mumbled against his mouth.

“In a second.” He hummed before licking into you again and you shuddered and moaned into his mouth at his intensity and fell back into the languid kiss. You were buzzing with excitement as he started to peck your lips a few times before slowly retreating until finally, you were both just panting heavily as you regained your breaths. “Okay, go.” He hummed softly with a smile.

“One more.” You whispered to him and he grinned and grabbed your face before pecking over your lips several times until you were both giggling through it, no amount of kisses were enough for either of you.

“Just leave or I won’t be able to stop.” He mumbled and you laughed, tossing your head back which caused him to kiss your chin. When you straightened up again he ran his thumb down your smile line, “Mmmm, I’ve missed your laugh. And your lips, and how you taste, and how you kiss me…” he muttered between gentle smooches. “It’s just not like this with anyone else.” He mumbled and you pressed your forehead against his.

“It’s really not.” You agreed, “Okay, let me get the food. And Caitlyn.” You said and he nodded before kissing the tip of your nose and letting you go. You rolled out of the bed and then hurried to get the door to wheel in your tray of food and then you went to grab Caitlyn who was already quite stoned. “Come to bed, we’re gonna watch a movie or something.”

“Kay.” She mumbled and followed you into the bedroom as you pushed the little cart in.

Harry rolled out of the bed and grabbed his sandwich before hopping back on and then you grabbed yours and got on the bed next. Caitlyn stayed standing as she picked at the fries on her plate.

“Get on.” You giggled and she sniggered.

“Oh right, right…” she hummed and got in behind you. “What’re we watching?” She asked as she leaned against the headboard.

“Oh, we’re watching Derry Girls. This thing has Netflix.” Harry said as he searched it up.

“How convenient that you know how it works now.” You said to him as he pointed the remote at the TV.

“Oh no, I just pressed something by mistake as I adjusted myself a bit.” He chuckled, “Well m-my position! I adjusted my position.” He clarified quickly for Caitlyn’s sake.

“Oh please, I only left to give you guys a moment. The sexual tension is suffocating.” Caitlyn said before biting into her sandwich and then moaning in delight at the perfectly crisp bread and then the gooey, warm cheese. “What you two have is what I have with this sandwich right now…fuck, that’s perfect…” she sighed happily. And you just giggled as you glanced to Harry and shrugged and he smiled and then you all started eating as the show started up.

The time for Harry to go came very swiftly and before you knew it, you and Caitlyn were getting in the elevator to walk him out to meet his driver. You all chatted a bit during the ride down and finally you were heading out to the lobby.

“Ummm Cait can you be a look out for a minute?” Harry asked her and she smiled and nodded as she reached for his suitcase and Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into the stairwell. “I just wanted to hold you for a little bit.” He said and you smiled and hugged him tight and he sighed and squeezed you.

“You’re gonna be a alright, H.” You assured him, “And if at any point you’re not, I’m here for you. Always.” You assured him and you felt him nod in understanding. “I love you. So, so much.” You reminded him.

“I love you too.” He whispered back. After a few more moments you pulled back and tiptoed before you grabbed his face gently in your hands and smiled as you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

“One for the road.” You hummed and he smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” You assured him and then you grabbed his hand and led him back out by the elevators.

“That was quick.” Caitlyn smirked and you both rolled your eyes at her as she giggled.

“You’re a menace.” Harry said as he grabbed his bag from her hands.

“I know.” She giggled.

“Come on. Can’t keep the driver waiting.” You said and then you guys headed out. 

The night was still warm and Harry greeted his driver before getting his bag in the car. There were a few people lingering outside who were now watching the three of you considering Harry was a hard person to miss, his energy alone commanded people’s attention. 

“Well thank you both for including me today. I had a lot of fun and I missed being with you guys.” He smiled.

“I’m glad you had a good time.”, “Of course, H.” You and Caitlyn ensured.

“A group hug is in order, I think.” He said and you both smiled and huddled around him.

“Don’t be a stranger.” Caitlyn hummed as you guys pulled apart.

“I won’t.” He assured with a smile before hugging her and then he hugged you. He held you a bit longer than Caitlyn before he released you.

“Let me know when you land and make it home safe. Okay?” You smiled up at him as you rubbed his arm sweetly and he nodded before hopping in the car. You guys waved him off and then headed back up to your suite.

“You know you’re gonna go way more viral now…” Caitlyn said and you sighed.

“No, I think people will say he cheated on Taylor with me and wreak havoc on me.” You said, realistically. 

“Well, he kinda did…” Caitlyn said through a chuckle.

“Oh, shut it.” You quipped and she laughed. “Fuck…he did though.”

“It was a kiss.” 

“A kiss she doesn’t know about.” Caitlyn reminded and you nibbled on your bottom lip as you rode back up to your floor.

“Maybe asking him to join us was a mistake? I mean…he looked far too happy for just being broken up with.”

“Friend, he hadn’t been happyfor a while now and it was all to do with the path his relationship was going down. Not you.” She said emphatically, “You both kept your end of the bargain by keeping your distance and seeing what would happen in the future. It was just hard for Taylor to live with the information that he still loves you. Do you think he’s polyamorous?” She asked you.

“I don’t know…maybe?” You shrugged.

“I mean, at least when we spoke about his predicament that’s what it sounded like to me. That he loved you but that he also loved Taylor and he wanted to try and keep his feelings for you “on pause” somehow to work on his relationship with her.” She explained and you hummed. “But I think to her it was hard to come to terms that he was in love with you while simultaneously being in love with her. And I told him that it just doesn’t work for some people, they don’t see how love can be expansive like that in a committed relationship. My first ever girlfriend in college, Jen, was poly. And I thought I was okay with it, she said she could be monogamous, just her feelings continued to exist for others. She had this friend though that she loved too, it was just so obvious how they felt for each other and it sucked. It started to affect how I felt in that relationship. She never crossed a line and neither did he, but I just felt really insecure in it. I understand it so much better now, I mean I was only 19 when I dated her. But I fully understand why for Taylor it was just not possible to move forward with Harry if this is her first time in a situation like this.” She explained and you nodded. “And I mean, I think that you also need to figure out if that’s something you can live with if he is.” She said.

“Right…”

“Like I get that you guys are like each other’s person, but that doesn’t mean he can’t meet and love someone else along the way, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s true…I mean, just seeing how he was trying to accommodate things to support Taylor’s needs gives me a sense of peace. But I mean, we should definitely have a conversation about what this might look like for him in the future whenever we get back to a stage where we’ll have a relationship.”

“I agree.” Caitlyn said.

Overall, you felt good about where you were now to be back in touch with Harry if he needed you at any point. You were also extremely proud of yourself for the way you handled the situation about your future together. Of course, you would run into his arms at a moment’s notice, but he was sad and he needed to grieve the wonderful person he had lost. He did love Taylor, at least enough to put all of his effort into making up for breaking her trust. It had just happened and you really wanted to give him time to sit with the situation and work through the hard feelings you knew would come soon.

As soon as you guys landed early the next morning you, Harry, and Caitlyn were plastered all over social media per a call from your manager. She sent you a link and you looked and sure enough there were photos and videos of you three talking and skipping through central park, looking like you were having the best day of your lives. You showed Caitlyn who just mumbled a low “it is what it is” and you bit your lip.

JENNY L:

And there’s also this one…

You saw her next text and then clicked on the linked article and when it loaded you couldn’t help but snort out a laugh as you read the obscenely cheesy title of the gossip article: “STYLES CHOOSES TO SKIP OUT ON TAYLOR!” It was staring at you in big, bold red font. But your stomach twisted a bit in anxiety as you scrolled down the article recounting what witnesses had said to the tabloid. There were quotes in the same bold font saying how you guys seemed really “happy”, “cozy”, and “familiar with each other.” And of course there was a short clip of him whispering into your ear while you hugged and gently scratched at his back at the coffee shop. Also of you glancing up at him and the both of you smiling when you joked with him about having visible boogies… you smiled at the memory but you knew that what would surely come next when the both of you gave no real explanation to this. Towards the bottom of it there was one more photo, one of the only ones ever taken of you two a couple years into your relationship. You guys had been walking back to his house in London after having some lunch. It explained how it seemed that you guys had been familiar at some point and maybe you’d lost touch but were back in touch after the MET.

JENNY L:

I already have a few reporters reaching out for commentary. Please tell me you guys didn’t do something bad…

Y/N:

No, don’t worry about this. Taylor actually broke up with him after a MET after party. There was an incident, I’ll call and explain when I get home. We’re in the car service right now on our way back from LAX.

JENNY L:

For sure. 

Y/N:

I’ll also call Harry and see what his team is going to do.

JENNY L:

For now don’t. I’ll get in touch with Jeffrey and Tommy. I know they’ll want to isolate him from this as much as possible. I’ll be standing by for your phone call.

Y/N:

Sounds good. Talk soon!

Jenny “hearted” your message and you guys drove off to your place in silence. Caitlyn had left her car at your place and since Sebastian and you had broken up she decided to keep some things at your place for impromptu sleep overs. So as soon as you got in she went to get some more sleep in the guest bedroom while you called Jenny and explained what had happened the night before. It hadn’t been anything bad, but you then explained what Caitlyn had shared about how Harry and Taylor were struggling with getting back on track after he admitted he had feelings for you.

“…so yeah, there wasn’t anything fishy per se apart from that. We actually hadn’t even spoken since we saw each other last year. Taylor never attempted to contact me or anything either, we don’t even know each other. Just that little run-in in the bathroom which no one saw.” You shared with Jenny, “So uh, no connections there either.”

“Okay, sounds good. Already the fans are labeling you a home wrecker, they really liked them together.”

“Yeah, I was expecting that.” You sighed.

“Oh, Jeffrey just texted me!” Jenny said and opened it up, “Okay he said that Harry wants to clarify that you have been close friends since you were 19 years old but that he’s not all that sure that they should do that because you guys having a history could mean more of a logical framework for any theories of cheating.”

“Yeah, like we were so close that it eventually led to that…” you said, “I mean we could just both go no comment. I know we didn’t do anything wrong so… ”

“Yeah, I agree. I guess Harry doesn’t want to “hide you from his life” is what Jeff just said.” She shared and you bit your lip.

“I think I need to talk to Harry ,this is something he feels like he might owe me for. When we dated, I mean, you know…we were both so worried about the public ruining it for us. He did tell me that he felt bad that he let his fear of what others might think get in the way of us living our lives. And that it sometimes felt like we never happened because everything was so hidden. He said he wished that everyone could’ve seen how happy we make each other. He could be wanting to make up for that…”

“Mmmm, okay. Let me tell Jeffrey to get him on the line, we can do a group call or FaceTime?”

“Yeah, that’s alright.” You assured her.

“Okay I’ll call you back.”

“Yeah.” 

A few minutes later a call was coming in with the three of them and Jenny, and you guys started to discuss. Tommy said that he had tried to get in touch with Taylor’s team but she didn’t want to weigh in on anything as she was still dealing with the decision to break up with him. Harry understood that, so they weren’t going to get a confirmation from her any time soon that she had ended the relationship.

“H, I completely understand why you want to release that statement but I think it’ll only perpetuate the idea that we were doing things behind her back.”

“I just don’t want to hide that you make me happy anymore.” He sighed.

“We’re not, I mean the pictures are everywhere.” You said with a small smile, “People can see it but we don’t owe them any explanations about it. I don’t think we should address speculations.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He finally agreed and everyone looked relieved.

“I think if we gradually increase your time together it might make it look more natural?” Tommy suggested.

“What about private photos? What if we have an “iCloud leak”-”

“Absolutely not.” Harry cut Jenny off.

“Well Harry, that might establish what you want without having to say anything.” Jeffrey explained.

“We could choose what we release. Just things from birthdays or shows, parties…” you suggested, “We could show them this is nothing new, that we were always like this.” You smiled.

“Okay, fine…I mean, even Caitlyn has some stuff on her instagram from years ago…I was…looking.” He said and you smiled. “Oh shut it…” he chuckled as you all laughed.

“She’s on private though…always has been.” You reminded and he hummed.

“What if she’s the one that gets “hacked”. People are starting to look into who she is as well. I already saw one article that identified that she’s a screenwriter, I’m sure more people will be trying to see how she’s linked.” Jeffrey chimed in.

“I’ll have to ask her…I don’t want her to give up her privacy for us.” You said and Harry agreed.

“Well I think that would be the best case if she gives us access to her instagram and iCloud. But if not, then we just do the iCloud leak from one of your accounts.” Jeffrey decided. “Start looking through your pictures guys.”

You guys agreed on this strategy and you agreed you’d ask Caitlyn when she woke up. Of course, your best friend listened with an open mind and wasn’t even reluctant to agree and help you guys out. She knew that you guys had messed up when you saw each other that first time, but your commitment to let each other try and live your own lives really showed her that you guys regretted betraying your partners, so of course she wanted to help you both now. When she checked her instagram there were already tons of DM’s and follow requests waiting for her. She wasn’t even verified, she really just used this for personal things, so it would be understandable if she got hacked now that she was connected to you and Harry. Over the next few days your teams figured out the logistics of this plan and Caitlyn shared with you and Harry any pictures that she had of you guys on her iCloud and then a few weeks later the “leak” happened. 

Screenshots of Caitlyn's grid were taken and leaked on twitter from years back and it worked. People were immediately finding what you guys wanted them to find. Then two days later the “iCloud leak” happened. With this stunt, a solid timeline of your and Caitlyn’s friendship with Harry was established. There weren’t too many photos but the ones that fans were circulating the most were the ones of you two with Harry while he was still in the band. Of you guys at Caitlyn’s 25th birthday party with you and Harry kissing her cheek on either side. There was a video of you and Harry doing karaoke, a couple of pictures and a video of Caitlyn and Harry at your first big, sold out show in London. And finally one of him painting your nails with a prototype of what fans soon discovered was now the Pleasing polish “inky pearl”. It had to appear as though “the hacker” had intentionally dug through years of things to find this specific content. And once those were out into the world the tune changed and people thought it was cute that you guys had been friends for that long. People were saying that you guys appeared to be really into each other even back then and that you would make a cute couple.

Naturally, that started shifting the narrative into “maybe Harry dumped Taylor and was just out with his old friends to cheer up a bit”, which was mostly right. But once that became the main rumor an anonymous source leaked to a few gossip news outlets that Taylor had actually been the one to dump Harry the night of the MET. Obviously, Harry and Tommy had been in on that with her representatives because they didn’t want her looking like the chump when she had been the one that did the dumping. And once that came out the internet went wild and people were overwhelmed with the knowledge that his old friends truly were comforting him after a break up and that Taylor had dumped Harry because they were “growing apart”. 

You were fine, but having that all out there in print is what really seemed to make it real for Harry and he started to disappear a bit. You knew he needed space and time to process and heal, so you gave it. You didn’t want to bug him or make him feel pressured, so you assured him that he didn’t have to talk to you if he wasn’t in the mood. But if he didn’t mind, you’d just check in every few days, say hi, send some encouragements and he agreed to that. It was all very one sided as the months inched by and boy, did you miss him, but he really needed to get through this on his own terms.

…. August 2024 ….

Harry’s POV:

When Taylor returned to London in early June to pick up her things from his place it was extremely bittersweet for him to see how she looked so much lighter in terms of her mood and persona as a whole. She didn’t look tired or stressed how she had towards the end of their relationship. She looked more like herself and even sounded like herself, all bubbly and optimistic about things. It made him feel really happy for her, but it also made him sad, knowing that he contributed to her unhappiness. Knowing that he had hurt her enough to dull the gorgeous and bright person that she had been before. The person that he had fallen in love with. He even tried to kiss her when she was leaving and nearly died of embarrassment when she rejected him, but he understood.

He and Tommy did share the PR plan you guys made and assured her that you were cautious in trying to keep her out of it as much as possible. But he heard from her again when the public brought her into the picture and she wanted to set the record straight and he agreed that she should, he didn’t mind it. But once all of it felt resolved he just crashed. 

He stopped talking to you around the second week of June because he just didn’t have the energy. But you had been kind and checked in, assuring him he didn’t need to answer, but you just wanted to encourage him a bit. It meant the world to him that you understood to keep doing that, but still giving him the space he needed to get through this. For months now he had allowed himself to feel it, like you told him he needed to do. And god, it hurt…it hurt so much, but it was relieving to have felt it all. The sadness had faded seemingly very suddenly, he just woke up one day and didn’t feel hopeless. He missed you though, he wanted to see you so badly but he had no idea when too soon was “too soon”. 

Y/N:

This popped up on my pinterest feed! IT’S YOU! Lololol. I laughed so hard and it’s so, so cute. I hope today is better 💛

Harry’s head knocked back as he laughed at the little image on his screen. It really was him and the fact that even the text said “Feel it all” was extremely fateful. He smiled and “hearted” the message before setting his phone down on the counter and turned to go make himself some coffee. Seconds later he came back and unlocked his phone and texted his assistant to book him a one-way ticket to LA for next week.

****************

Y/N POV:

Your summer had been very nice so far. You genuinely were not worried about Harry in the slightest, you knew that healing took time and he knew well that you’d be waiting whenever he was ready. After seeing the way things worked out after the MET, you had a restored sense of hope in fate and the universe, so you let it be. For the time being you were having a lot of fun in the studio working on some new things. You were also spending a lot of time with friends and with Ricky too. You guys were just enjoying what you had going on. It wasn’t a routine at all, your hookups were sporadic and spontaneous, like now…

“Oh fuck yes, right there!” You mewled as his long fingers prodded into your g-spot as his thumb glided over your clit over and over at the perfect pace.

“Shhh…” he chuckled as he looked around briefly. You were in a hidden little nook at the studio. Everyone had gone for lunch but someone could always come in at any moment. “Look so fucking pretty today. You wore it for me, didn’t you?” He mumbled against your lips and you smiled.

“F'ourse.” You panted and then inhaled sharply as your walls fluttered around his fingers as your orgasm neared. It always took longer for you to come standing, so you’d been there a while. “I’m getting close…fuck, faster!” You implored and he listened and started pumping his fingers faster until your legs were trembling. Your head knocked back against the wall and you huffed out a laugh at the thud, but it wasn’t enough to deter you from coming.

“Come for me, Y/N.”

“Yeah, jus’don’t stop…don’t stop…oh my god, I’m coming!” Your moan broke through your throat and he brought his other hand over your mouth to mute your sounds. Your arms hugged around him to keep yourself upright as your knees went weak and shook at the waves of pleasure coursing through you. Your walls were pulsing rapidly around his fingers as you rode it out. He removed his hand from your mouth as you started panting and wrapped it around your waist while his fingers continued fucking into you slowly to help you ease off of your climax. You angled up and kissed his lips before smiling giddily, your eyes all sparkly and heavy with lust.

“Y’good now?” He asked with a grin after a minute or two and you nodded.

“Yeah.” You confirmed and he let go of you and pulled out his fingers before sucking them clean. 

He tugged your skirt back down to where it was before your little romp session. Your lips met eagerly for several moments, smearing together and connecting fervently. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t return the favor now, there wasn’t time. So you kissed him to show your gratitude for his immediate attention to your obvious need. 

“So after the afternoon session do you want t-” you paused when you thought you heard a door close.

“What’s-”

“Shhh.” You shushed him quickly and he froze as you definitely heard some movement in the control room. 

“Maybe they’re just grabbing something?” He whispered and you both stayed quiet trying to hear anything else, whoever it was wasn’t leaving.

“Where’s my underwear?” You asked him and he patted at his pocket and then glanced around to find that they had not stayed in his pocket.

“I think they fell out of my pocket in the live room somewhere.” He said and you groaned quietly. He peeked out a bit and saw them near the large amp you’d been sitting on before you moved into this little nook. “They fell out near the amp.” He said regretfully and you swore your brain melted from how embarrassed you were. If anyone walked into the live room they would surely see them. And then the worst thing that could happen did, you both heard the soft creak of the door to the live room opening.

“Shit!” You whispered and decided to just get out there. Maybe you could grab them before they even noticed and hurry out to the bathroom and Ricky would just stay hidden until the coast was clear. “OK, I’m gonna grab them. Just stay until I come get you.” You whispered and he nodded. You exhaled shakily and then stepped out of your little corner only see Harry Styles himself stop as he approached the piano bench, thankfully on the other side of the room. He smiled wide as soon as he saw you.

“Surprise!” He exclaimed through a chuckle and you reared back a bit, at least to kick your panties behind the amp so he wouldn’t see them on the floor. “Why are you backing away, come here!” He chuckled and you glanced down quickly to see they were hidden enough before hurrying over to him.

“W-what’re you doing here?” You asked him with a smile as he sighed and hugged around you and then squeezed a bit tighter. You were completely flustered now and distracted and he could feel the weirdness you were exuding as you cut your hug short.

“I just wanted to surprise you.” He explained and you nodded.

“That’s really sweet of you.” You said and he chuckled as he took you in for a moment.

“Are you OK?” He asked and you nodded quickly.

“Of course!”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know I kind of just showed up but I was expecting a little more enthusiasm form you after not seeing each other for months.” He chuckled and then the next worst thing happened, Ricky’s phone started ringing. Of course he had to have Patrick Star saying “Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee” as his ringtone. Your face fell into your hands in absolute mortification as Harry burst into laughter at the very random interruption, “Is that your ringtone?” He gasped through his laugh and you shook your head, still hiding your face in your hands. “Oh. Then…” he sighed and you glanced up at him, “Oh…” he said more quietly and you exhaled.

“Ummm, Ricky it’s fine. It’s Harry.” You said and he stepped out from the little hidden corner seconds later. He looked between you and Harry with painfully embarrassed smile. But he inhaled sharply and pushed the feelings aside.

“Hello Harry, I’m Ricky.” He said extending his hand out and you winced.

“Mmmm, maybe don’t do that right now.” You said softly and he glanced down at his hand and then pulled it back once he realized that he had just used that same hand to finger fuck you.

“Right, ummm…”

“Just, come here.” You said as you went behind him and gabbed his arms to corral him out of the studio and to the bathrooms. “And you, stay here please.” You called back at Harry who just nodded, still quite shocked at what he’d walked into and moments later you had emerged into the hall and exhaled shakily.

“Oh god, that was bad! That was so bad!” He panted nervously.

“I know! Fuck…”

“Did you get your underwear.”

“No! He was already in there, I just kicked them behind the amp.” You explained. “Look, I ummm, I think I need to talk to him alone for a little. Just go wash up and let everyone know to take another thirty or so?”

“Yeah, OK.” He nodded and then chuckled, “I’m sorry to put you in this position.”

“It’s fine, I was the one that was too impatient to wait until after.” You reminded and he chuckled.

“True…” he mused with a grin, “Ummm, well you go deal with that and I’ll go stall everyone a little.”

“Thank you.” You breathed out and then inhaled slowly.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. OK?” He smiled and you nodded with your bottom lip bitten beneath your front teeth out of nerves, you needed to take it out on something, “Go on.” He insisted and you turned around and headed back into the studio. When you entered the control room and looked out the large window into the live room Harry glanced back at you from his seat on the piano bench. You headed back in a bit timidly and he smiled at you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah! Sorry about that, it just…happened.” You explained bashfully and he nodded.

“Yeah, I get that.” He smiled, “S’good to put a face to the name.”

“Oh yeah…” you hummed and shook your head again. Harry chuckled and reached for your hand before hesitating.

“Is your hand clean?” He asked before grabbing it and you chuckled but nodded. “OK.” He hummed and stood before grabbing both of your hands and running his thumbs over your knuckles. “I’m fine.” He assured you, “Well…maybe fuming inside…just a little…” he confessed.

“Don’t worry, it was just that, not sex, m’not that crazy.”

“And I wonder whose idea that was, you little exhibitionist.” You teased and you shook your head as you giggled.

“Either way, ummm I am happy you’re here.” You said, “So can we have a do over?” You asked and he chuckled.

“Of course.” He said and released your hands before wrapping them around your shoulders and pulling you in. You hugged around him and leaned into him.

“I’m really happy to see you. Missed you.” 

“Me too.”

“So what made you come out here?” You asked and he pulled back a bit, his hands grabbed your face gently.

“The froggy picture.” He admitted and you laughed and he bit his lip as he watched you laugh. You were so pretty, he was glad he saved seeing you again for the first time for this face to face encounter.

“When I saw that little cardigan on him I just about died.” You recalled, giggled at the memory. “It’s so cute.”

“Yeah, it was cute.” He agreed, “You look so pretty today.” He complimented.

“Thanks. You too.” You hummed and he chuckled.

“Mmm…particularly like you in this skirt. Though it is a bit skimpy…” he pointed out and you smiled.

“Yeah, s’quite short.” You agreed.

“Then you might be…” he reached down and hooked on his index finger was your underwear, “needing these back.” He hummed and you felt your face heating in embarrassment as you glanced over to them and then to him. He was smirking and you reached for them and he raised them out of your reach. “Mmm…just a little higher, love.” 

“If I reach any higher my ass will show.” You laughed and he did as well.

“So unprofessional…” he mumbled and you rolled your eyes before looking deep into his eyes pleadingly.

“Please.” You insisted, “Would love it if I didn’t flash anyone at work today.” You said and he chuckled and lowered them so that you could reach for them but then pulled them away from you. 

“May I?” He asked and you bit your lip. He smirked at your response, “I’ll take that as a yes.” He hummed and stepped forwards, effectively backing you up until you bumped into the piano, the higher keys at the end clanked discordantly as your weight pressed them down and your gazes met as you both sniggered in amusement at the happy little accident. The sound seemed to reverberate forever, that’s how tense it was between you two. He crouched down and spread them out for you, allowing you to step into them as he stood and pulled them up your legs and finally over your center. He really tried his best not to look or lean in when he got them up to your pussy. He knew you were wet, but it was not from what he had walked in on, it was all for him. It probably had been all along, he didn’t want to assume, but he hoped. He really hoped. “There you are.” He hummed as his fingers fixed the straps along your hips, tugging on them a bit to straighten them out.

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“Of course.” He smiled as he fixed your skirt again and placed his hands on your hips. You suddenly smiled even wider and he giggled, “What’s that cute little smile about, then?”

“Nothing. Just thinking that you’ve never… I don’t think you’ve ever done that before?” You shrugged.

“Mmm…surely I have.” He mused, his face scrunching a bit in thought, “Or not…maybe not…” he decided a few seconds later. “I’m glad I was clever enough to pull it off.”

“Oh yeah, that was…a moment.”

“Core memory?” He smirked.

“Oh yeah, core memory.” You smiled and just hugged him again and he hummed happily, “You’re staying, right?”

“Yeah, if you want me to.” He mumbled and you pulled back.

“Yeah, of course. Could use some of your expertise. A little Styles sparkle.” You flirted.

“I like that!” He chuckled, “M’stealing it.”

“Okay.” You giggled. “Caitlyn’s friend, Melissa, from the pilates studio? Well she’s my friend too kinda, but more Cait’s. Either way, she’s having a little pool party with cocktails. It’s a casual thing. If you wanna come, I’m sure we’ll end up ordering in.”

“Oh yeah, that sounds nice.” He smiled. “I-is Ricky coming?” He asked.

“Ummm, maybe? If you don’t mind?” He shook his head and you squinted your eyes suspiciously.

“I swear.” He chuckled.

“OK.” You said softly. You let each other go and then grabbed your phone from a music stand a few feet away. 

“Have you eaten?” He asked

“Nope.”

“Want to go pick something up together?” He asked and you nodded.

“Sure.” You said and soon you were heading off to the closest thing before heading back to the studio with your food.

It was nice sitting with him while you two ate and talked casually about your music and what you wanted out of it. You were trying to find the words to describe what you wanted this project to be and what you wanted it to evoke. You missed talking to him about this kind of thing. Harry just had a real gift for expressing everything he was trying to express when he made his music. And at the moment, you felt like your vision just wasn’t cohesive, or at least you felt that way.

“…I don’t know, I’m a bit lost on this process, I guess.” You decided finally when you started bouncing between ideas, “I don’t even know why I wanted to do an album anymore…” you confessed with some sadness.

“What initially pushed you to decide?”

“I think seeing you, the weird things with Seb…I mean, I just feel kind of like things have taken a twist I didn’t expect. And I’m just…lost. I feel lost, even though I shouldn’t be. I feel like what I need to do next in life is kinda a no brainer, but-”

“A no brainer to who?” He asked and you shrugged, “Everyone I guess. But I also feel…like…I’m in a glass house.” You said and he hummed, “I feel like everything right now is really fragile right now. With my heart and my head…with this album, I know that it’s been a while so I need t-to deliver, I mean obviously. And then w-with us too.” You explained and he hummed, “I just don’t even know where to start to be honest. And I think…that shows in the music. It’s going to be a big, fat flop.” You chuckled sadly, “I can just feel it. It’s murky…”

“I mean, you always know what I think. At the end of the day you have to like what you produced. And you have to be proud of it. I get that we do this for a living, but it’s also our entire heart and mind in those songs. All the things we’ve dealt with during this time, the joys the sorrows…I mean, that’s what we’re putting out there for everyone to judge and feeling like it doesn’t make sense anymore can be scary. But honestly, things don’t make sense for a lot people out there, and hearing that just might help them feel not so shitty about it.” He said and you hummed.

“Is it crazy that I really want to embrace another sound? I don’t even know what it falls under, but I just want it to sound exactly how I hear it in my brain.” You explained, “Like…” you paused and chuckled, “there are lines I wrote while I was like at the grocery store or stuck in traffic, and like I can only hear them in that setting. Like just to show how banal my life is, you know? Like, I want to put in the beep of the check out machine in or staticky radio chatter about the heat wave, my alarm going off in the morning, the chirp of the fire alarm I haven’t changed…I was thinking of maybe putting in some like voice notes between the tracks, like texts with friends, or little things I make to remember what I need to buy at the store. Like I want it to be like a day through my perspective I guess…almost like the music is narrating a routine?” You explained and he nodded and smiled.

“I think that’s really cool.” He said and you bit your lip.

“It’s not too…messy and chaotic?”

“No, it is for sure, the layering is going to be insane.” He said and you chuckled and nodded, “But it’s a cool concept. Like basically if your life was a kind of like a musical.” He said and your eyes widened.

“Exactly.” You sighed and smiled, “Wow…who knew a word for that already existed.” You chuckled and he did as well, “I was struggling for a while there trying to describe what I wanted. Thank you!” You said and he chuckled.

“Happy to help.”

When everyone returned you shared a more clear idea of what it was that you wanted. You wanted things to be a little odd but as real as possible. This helped your producers and sound engineers adjust what they were doing a bit to make editing easier on themselves. At some point Harry was at the help of the control panel, pressing buttons and raising and lowering settings, asking you to go again.

“Hey man, how about in that bit there where she ends the bridge, she does the final chorus in an octave lower and we fade it out from studio into the raw audio. I believe this is one of the songs where the demo is from her voice notes.” Ricky suggested and Harry smiled.

“Yeah actually, that’s sick.” He nodded and then he told you what Ricky was thinking. “He says we can layer them and blend it, so just try the chorus in a lower octave and the rest will be done via editing.” He instructed and gave him a thumbs up before running it again. 

After another couple of hours of working, your day was coming to an end. Everyone started cleaning up after themselves and you invited Ricky to Melissa’s place and soon he was heading off and assuring you he’d be there later. Harry was chatting with one of the other sound engineers, Billy, as you looked around the space one final time to ensure you weren’t leaving anything behind for the night.

“I was just telling Harry that now what you were asking of us makes a lot more sense.” Billy said and you chuckled.

“See. I wasn’t crazy!”  

“Yeah… it’s gonna be cool, what you’re doing.”

“Thank you. I think so too. I mean, I know I enjoy those kinds of things when I listen to music, so I hope others like it as well.”

“Oh yeah, people are suckers for that.” He smiled, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Billy said to you, “And it was nice to meet you.” He said to Harry, “Will you be joining us again?”

“Ummm…” Harry said as he glanced over to you.

“Well, you’re always welcome. You know that.” You said to him and he smiled.

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said and Billy chuckled. You guys exchanged a few more words before Billy headed out.

“So where are you staying?” You asked as you put things into your tote bag.

“Not sure yet. I don’t know how long I’m staying for, so I didn’t want to book a hotel indefinitely, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.” You hummed, “Well if you need a place to crash for a bit I’ve got an extra room. Caitlyn already claimed one room.” You said and he chuckled.

“Of course she has…” he grinned and you smiled, “Well yeah, if it’s no bother. And like, I know that I came for you-”

“That’s what she said.” You slipped in and he laughed and rolled his eyes as you giggled.

“Real funny…now, I know that I came here to see you, but I’d also understand if you didn’t want me in your house.” He chuckled.

“I’d love you in my house.” You said and he smiled.

“Then let’s get going.” He responded and you grinned.

*****************

“Welcome!” You chirped as you opened the back door to let Harry in with his big ass suitcase.

“Thanks.” He chuckled.

“Do you remember where my room is?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well yours is the one right beside it.” You said and he nodded and took off. You put your bag down to wash the tumbler you used for your coffee that morning. And after that you headed off to get changed. When you passed by Harry was just stripping off his pants and you turned away quickly before rushing into your room. You first got your shirt off and then got your make up off. You’d be swimming anyway, so it was pointless to have it on. Once you got done with that you went to pick out a bathing suit which you quickly changed into. You were throwing your skirt back on when Harry announced himself. “What’s up?” You asked and he came over to your closet.

“Nothing, just wondering what was taking you so long.”

“Oh, sorry. I was taking off my makeup. Let me just grab a shirt.” You said and just grabbed the first one within reach and threw it on. You slid your feet into your sandals and then tugged at his shirt as you breezed past him. “Let’s go.”

“Hey…hey, hey, hey come here.” He said reaching around you and stopping you as you giggled.

“What?” You asked him and he just hugged you and released a long exhale. You smiled and rubbed over his back softly, fingers dancing across his shirt as you held him for a little while. 

“I’m really happy to be here.” He spoke quietly.

“Oh me too, H. I missed you a lot. It was getting hard not to hear from you.” You spoke softly before tiptoeing and kissing low on his cheek. His lips twitched up in a little smile and you ran your thumb over his bottom lip. He kissed the pad of your thumb a couple times before letting you go and grabbing your face, pulling you in closer to him.

“Can I?” He asked and you nodded quickly. 

Just a moment later his lips were pushing and pulling against your own slowly in a deep and emotional kiss. It was nostalgic and magical; your body felt alive and tingly all over. Moreover, the raw emotion of the tension finally bursting was overwhelming in the best way. It felt like you had just jumped into a cool pool on a hot summer’s day. You were so in the moment that you forgot to breathe, so you suddenly pulled back to do so. And his mouth chased after yours, pecking around your lips as you inhaled sharply. When your eyes blinked open and met his, you smiled and his cheeks went all warm and pink. Suddenly you were transported back to the time when you had kissed for the very first time. He was smiling then too, relieved to have kissed you. And you were in mental shambles as you relished in what had just happened. It felt like the beginning again. He started to pull back and you arched up and kissed him again.

“Not yet.” You whispered and he sighed and pulled you closer. His thumbs stroked over your cheeks as your lips met over and over again in soft little pecks in between deep kisses. Your noses nuzzled against each other for a few seconds.

“D’you wanna drive?”

“Yeah, sure.” You smiled and were heading off a few minutes later.

****************

Harry was actually having a nice time at this pool party/dinner thing. He was glad he had come because he needed the distraction. He was afraid of the conversation he was going to have with you about polyamory and how he believed that he fit under this category. He was nervous because of how this had impacted his previous relationship. He had spent the past couple months talking to his therapist every couple of weeks on the phone to help him through the depression and grief of his relationship. His therapist mentioned that a friend of hers is a sex therapist and she asked him if he would be interested in having her come sit in on a few of their sessions and then take the lead for a few about this new discovery he had made about himself and he agreed and he would be meeting her for the first time the following day.

He had also been keeping a keen eye on the interactions between you and Ricky. Ricky and him kept making awkward eye contact and he was acting really relaxed with you. He figured it was because Ricky was a bit intimidated or still feeling weird about him walking in on you guys. Either way, Harry was being more of a spectator for now.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” You asked as you came up to him after emerging from the pool.

“Nothing, just watching everyone. Thinking…”

“About?”

“Me. You. Us…” he said as he made space on the big chaise lounge he was on. 

He patted the space beside him and you climbed on, legs crossed as you faced him and you extended your hand out towards his and just grazed your fingers over his own discreetly before pulling away. This little gesture transported Harry back to your fifth date. He remembered it so clearly, you guys had gone out to eat and even though you had a private dinging area, he still wouldn’t hold your hand because he was worried that someone might see and then it would all get out and things would surely go to shit. He remembered because he did that same gesture to you that you’d just done to him. Just a feather of a touch to ease your need and want to be closer to him in that moment. 

“Did you feel…invalidated when we were together?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue and you hummed pensively. “Like not seen or maybe…less important than you were to me?”

“Maybe a little bit at the start but it went away quickly. I knew it was because of the band and all those crazy rules they had for you guys.” You said and he nodded, “But after all that ended I was expecting you to change a little bit? Lax up about being together in public and things like that.” You explained, “I didn’t feel like you hid us because I wasn’t good enough for you. I know all that was sort of a deal breaker for you then, so I just went along with it because I mean, I hadn’t dated anyone with your level of fame before. I just figured you knew the best way to deal and go about that.” You shrugged and he hummed.

“What you did just now, touched my hand?” He said and you nodded, urging him to continue, “I did that to you, on our fifth date. You just wanted to hold my hand over the table top at the restaurant.” He chuckled sadly, “And I wouldn’t. Do you remember?” 

“Vaguely.”

“We were in some tiny little private dining room…” he reminded you.

“Oh yeah…” you hummed.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“That.” He said and you hummed. “I wish I had been braver. And I feel the same now. I think if I had listened to other people and been more open and braver about the things I think or feel sometimes then maybe I wouldn’t be so carelessly hurtful towards others.”

“You’re not a hurtful person, H. At least not intentionally. You have concerns and fears and doubts like everyone else and sometimes that can affect how you relate to and interact with others. But I mean, you dealt with things the best way you knew how at the time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, good. You did your best to protect what we had and I trusted you and your approach. I don’t hold it against you.” You said and he nodded.

“So just now then, you didn’t do that because you’re like…conditioned to be unaffectionate towards me in public?” He asked and you smiled and shook your head.

“No, it was just a little reassuring thing.”

“Okay.” He smiled, “You can, by the way. I want to hold your hand.” He said as he reached for yours resting flat over your thigh.

“Oh, like right now?” 

“Yeah. Can I?” He asked.

“Yeah, if you want to.” You smiled.

“Do you want me to though?”

“Yeah!” You laughed a bit and he smiled and pulled your hand into the small space between your bodies. His fingers intertwined with yours and you smiled up at him.

The one thing that you kept feeling was eager anticipation. You loved Harry at the core of who he was and every part of him that you’d known and experienced over the years. The prospect of getting to know him again, this version of him that you were the most unfamiliar with, it was exciting. Even just being around him you felt in tune, on the same wave length as him. When your gazes met you felt curiosity and interest in understanding what was going on in his brain in a far deeper way than before. You’d happily spend the rest of your days learning about him and loving who he was now and who he would become over time. You smiled to yourself as you thought of him in 10-15 years, with you. Happy, fulfilled, it was making you emotional.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” He asked softly.

“You.” You responded, you didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper, but it did. You were just so in your head now as you gave thought to all of this. To all of him.

“What about me? You seem like you’re about to cry.” He said lowly with a bit of concern.

“They’d be happy tears then.” You assured him and he smiled. “Was just thinking about you, how far you’ve come. Well, the both of us, and how I’m jus so excited t-to get to know you again. And just thinking about the future, like…what we can have. Like…we’re different than…five years ago, you know?”

“Yeah, a little more grown up.” He smiled.

“A lot more grown up.” You chuckled, “And I think it could only get better the older we get.” You said and he smiled.

“It will.” He said decisively, “I’m also excited about getting to know you in a deeper way again.” He said and you smiled as a comfortable silence took over for a minute or so. But then he spoke up again, “Honestly, I don’t think there’s a reality in which I wouldn’t be in love with you.” He confessed with a bashful smile and your gaze softened as it met his own, “I mean that.”

“I know. I feel the same way.” You responded, your heart was pounding so hard you felt it in your throat. 

Harry just smiled and let his thumb smooth over your knuckles as you just looked at each other. His eyes flickered between your own, taking in every possible detail. He loved how the sun streaks showed off the pattern of your irises. He loved how you looked back at him with so much adoration. He wanted everything with you. He couldn’t even contain the fluttering feeling in his tummy as he thought about you when you had a baby with him and looked at them the way you were looking at him now. With love, acceptance, pride, and every other good feeling and intention you could muster up.

“I need you to know that we’re making it this time.” He whispered and you nodded.

“Yeah we are.” You whispered back with a smile.

*********************

You were quite nervous as you made it back from the studio the next day. You’d had a great and productive day and you hoped Harry had too. You were feeling a vast range of emotions as you tried to picture where the conversation would end up. Especially after the intimate things you had told each other the evening before. You had even called your mom on your lunch break to just get all the irrational, anxiety inducing things off of your chest. She was excited for the possibility of you and Harry working things out after all this time. She and your father loved how he looked after you and were very supportive of your relationship with him back then and it was no different now, he and his family had left a really great impression on them. And your family on his, you still spoke to Anne and Gemma and a few of his cousins for birthdays and little things like that. Obviously, you kept a respectful distance, especially since he dated quite quickly after, but you had grown to love the people in his life too. 

“Hello?” You spoke out into the car when you answered his incoming call.

“Hey, love. Just checking if I can open any of the wine bottles you have? Or are some special?”

“Nah, have at it.” You assured him.

“Perfect. Are you close by?”

“Yeah, about 10 minutes away.”

“Great! See you soon.” He hummed, “Be safe.”

“Thanks, H.” You hummed and he hung up.

*****************

As soon as you made it inside you were greeted with an absolutely divine aroma and “Always Alright” by Alabama Shakes was playing from the kitchen. You bopped your head along as you pushed the door back and it landed into the frame with a loud thump.

“I’m home!” You called out as you toed out of your sneakers and just as you were about to make it to the living room Harry was coming to the entrance with a glass of wine for you in hand. 

“Hey, how was it today?”

“Good, we wrapped up the ones that might be the singles so it was a productive day.” You said with a smiled as you guys hugged briefly and kissed cheeks.

“That’s great.” He hummed as he handed over the glass and you thanked him softly before taking a sip.

“Mmmm.” Your eyebrows perked up as the sour and crisp wine tingled on your tongue. “Which one did you open?” You only had three bottles of white wines as it wasn’t your favorite variety. So the flavors of it were not as obvious to you.

“The chablis.” 

“Oh…good choice.” You complimented and he smiled.

“Yeah?” You nodded and he hummed. “Well c’mon then.” He said and you followed after him to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” You asked.

“Also quite productive. I found two potential places, so there’s that.”

“And in therapy?”

“Really good too.” He smiled and you nodded.

“Good. I’m glad.” You hummed, “Do you need my help with anything?”

“No, just sit. Wanna plate it all nice for you.” He said and you smiled.

“Wow, thank you.” 

“Of course.” He smiled as he plated up the baby potato and veg mix on the plate and then he lifted the sheet of tin foil placed over the pan on the stove, “They had some really great sea bass fillets at Erewhon. I couldn’t resist.” He hummed.

“How much did they cost you?” You asked with a grin and he chuckled.

“I’m not ready to talk about it.” He mumbled with a smirk and you giggled. “Here you are love.” He said handing you a plate and you grabbed it quickly.

“Wow, so beautiful.” You complimented, “The skin is so crisp.” You slightly moaned as you ran your fork over it. “I’m so excited to eat this.” You praised him and bit down on your lip in excitement. Harry grinned bashfully as he served up his own plate and soon he was settling in beside you and then you guys started eating. You made some light conversation and hummed to the music playing in the background of your conversation while you guys ate your dinner. Everything was so delicious you even went in for another helping of the veggies. “Wow…this is may be on of the best things I’ve eaten in a long time.” You said in satisfaction. “The fish was so buttery. It just melted in your mouth…damn.” You smiled, “You did so good! I’m so impressed.” You chuckled.

“Yeah?” He smiled as he reached for your hand and you nodded again. “Glad you liked it. Got the recipe from Shellie.” He said and you hummed.

“Ooh nice. She’s a good cook.” You recalled and he nodded.

“And I made some cereal milk panna cotta for desert. Should be set by now.”

“Ooh, fancy!” You chirped with excitement. You washed the remaining dishes as he brought out the panna cottas and then headed over to your patio, he balanced the little ramekins in one hand as he unlatched the glass door and slid it open and stepped outside. You dried your hands and grabbed your glasses of wine as you headed over as well and cozied into one of the seats outside.

“So?” You asked and he smiled at you.

“So…I think that I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am probably polyamorous.” He explained and you nodded in understanding.

“Okay and what does that…look like for you?” You asked him.

“Ummm…for me it’s largely about the fact that I can connect romantically with multiple people simultaneously. I have felt it before but just thought of it as like a crush…because I had never fully fallen in love with any of those people or just stopped myself from talking to them more because I was already seeing someone. And I mean, to me, you’re the biggest love of my life. And when we didn’t work I just…I wanted to feel that way again and so I searched for it and I did fall in love with Olivia and Taylor all w-while being in love with you the entire time. I see now that I buried what I felt for you, but it was never gone.” He explained and you nodded in understanding, “I told Taylor once that she wasn’t competing with you for my love, that I loved you and loved her in your own unique ways. D-does that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, H. It does.” You assured as you dipped into your panna cotta and he hummed ‘good’ before he did the same. You sat silently for a little bit, watching the sun starting to move closer and closer to the horizon.

“And say, what if we get married and somewhere along the way I…fall in love with someone else? Can you accept that?” He asked and you shrugged.

“I can tell you that I can right now…but I mean, maybe that will change if we get married or have kids or something…” you said with all honesty. “But I mean, i-if that’s how it is then I’d expect to have boundaries or rules for what’s acceptable if we’re the married ones.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He nodded, “So, my therapist brought in a friend of hers, a sex therapist, t-to talk about this with me. To answer any questions and to help prep me for this talk I wanted to have with you.” He explained and you nodded urging him to go on, “So poly people can have different types of relationships and she was explaining them to me to see what resonated with me the most and I think a hierarchal approach or a polyfidelity approach is more in line with me.” He explained and you nodded.

“Okay, so what does that mean?”

“So in the hierarchal one the main relationship is the priority. So say we started a relationship, to me that would be my main relationship. If I met anyone who I was interested in I would run that by you. Like we would work out what any other potential partners would have access to together. And polyfidelity can be like, I have two relationships but they’re closed relationships on both ends. And well, it’s not like I’d actively be seeking out someone else to involve in my life, this is just an option in case I meet someone who I develop feelings for. I have no desire to have an open relationships or even sexual or dating relationships with other people just because. I would only want that if I even met anyone that I just had that deep of a connection with.” He explained.

“So like with Taylor…if she was okay with this…what would you prefer or?”

“I would kind of leave that up to her. I think she might have preferred a hierarchal thing though. Where if we were together first then that relationship is the priority and together we could set the boundary for what our relationship would look like. So say she was only fine with us dating and sleeping together when I was in California, then that’s what we would have. I think that a polyfidelity thing would be what I’d prefer in that case. I mean, I know that you guys wouldn’t be sleeping with other people, just me. And I wouldn’t say either one was more important than the other, we wouldn’t even have to do things together, each relationship would be what it is.” He said and you hummed as you gave it some thought.

“Wouldn’t that be…exhausting?” You asked and he chuckled.

“I don’t know…maybe.” He said pensively, “But like…to me, the way Taylor loved me didn’t feel the same as the way you love me, and vise versa. And then the way I loved you both also came out differently. I didn’t feel more for you than her, but it was just different. Does that… make sense to you?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, that’s extremely logical.” You said and he chuckled.

“Are you just saying that?” He questioned skeptically.

“No!” You giggled, “I’m serious. I mean, there’s this quote from Ted Lasso that I really love and that I live by now. The quote is: “All people are different people.” And I mean, it’s so obvious and simple, but it’s something that we forget far too easily. So when you say that the way you felt love from and for us was different, it makes sense. Each person loves differently and has different needs. Our energies are different, you know? Of course it feels different with another person. Each relationship is going to be as unique as the people in it.”

“Right, it’s not like a competition between who I love more.” He said and you nodded.

“Right.” You confirmed and he smiled and then frowned. “What it is?”

“I don’t think I had the proper words to explain this to Taylor when I first told her about you. Maybe if I had more knowledge or simply just accepted and understood this part of myself before I could’ve hurt her less. Like, I’ve apologized and explained and we’ve forgiven each other for any hurt we caused each other, but I just…feel bad for how I affected her.”

“Yeah, of course. That’s understandable. I’m glad you guys got to talk that out eventually though. Is she better now? When was the last time you saw her?”

“Ummm, early June?” He hummed, “She looked so much lighter than when we were together. She was back to her old self and it was hard to see how badly what we had was affecting her.” He explained, “That’s really what pushed me into the depression phase. Just seeing how much better off she was without me. It just…fed my fear that I only hurt the people I love.” He said and you hummed. 

“Do you think that if you’d known this about yourself with certainty before that she would’ve been alright with it?”

“Absolutely not.” He chuckled, “Her concern was that I’d start to love you more than her and like fall out of love with her and just leave her for you.”

“Mmm, well at the risk of sounding like a total dick…isn’t that just what happens when a relationship starts to…fall apart? You start to fall out of love with someone for whatever reason? Like that’s just what can happen to anyone. It’s part of the general risk of being in a relationship, no?” You asked and he chuckled.

“That’s basically what I said to her one time. I just said it less delicately, but it really offended her. But it’s the truth, feelings can change at any time for any number of reasons. And I mean, I did love her, I think I still do a little bit, obviously.” He said and you nodded, “But I’m starting to move past it. See with you I…thought I was moving past it.” He said, “Thought that this whole time. The sex therapist? She was basically saying that in me moving on so quickly, I was just…distracting myself from having to properly move on from you basically. And like…seeing each other again after so long, I mean…it just brought everything up for me again and it almost felt like we had broken up a week before. I missed you terribly and I was constantly thinking about you and Sebastian and I just…I had to say something to Taylor about it.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” You said and he sighed.

“I guess, I’m still figuring things out in terms of this polyamory thing. But again, I just want to reassure you that I’m not actively seeking another partner, nor am I interested in dating or sleeping with other people at this time. If it happens, it happens, but obviously if it takes away from what we have going together then our relationship would take priority over that. I do believe that we connect in a very special and extraordinary way. I love and miss what we had before, but after seeing you again last year and with the time we’ve spent together already I absolutely cannot wait to see how good we can be together this time around.” He said and you smiled and just got up and climbed into his lap and hugged him tight.

“I love you.” You hummed and he sighed in relief.

“I love you too.” He answered as he hugged your waist tight for a few moments until you pulled back from him to be able to look into his eyes.

“So where do we go from here? What are you comfortable with?” You asked him.

“Well, we don’t have to rush into a relationship. I mean, I know we love each other, but I want to date you. I want to reacquaint myself with you and fall in love with the you, you are now all over again.” He said and you smiled a bit, “I also want to make sure that I’m not using us a distraction to finish moving on from Taylor.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” You agreed, “I mean, if you still have feelings for her do you think that maybe you might want to keep that door open?” You asked him and he shook his head.

“Yeah, she’s not on board with the polyamory thing at all. It just wouldn’t work for her.”

“Right…right.” You said and he nodded.

“Ummm baby, I have to ask because I can’t stop thinking about it.” He sighed and you nodded, “Wh-what’s the situation with Ricky?” He asked, evidently he was a bit nervous about asking you, you could see it in his eyes.

“It’s still just a friends with benefits thing. We don’t really hook up on the regular, like it’s not a planned, routine thing we do. It’s more opportunistic.” You explained.

“So the other day was like a fluke, basically?”

“For sure. I would never normally do something like that, especially while we’re in a professional setting.” You explained, “But I was just a little more…needy than usual.” You chuckled.

“Mmm, I see. I only ask because if I’m gonna stay here for a bit, like I just don’t want to make you guys feel weird if he’s like constantly around or staying over too.” He explained. “Like we kept making awkward eye contact yesterday at the pool party thing and like…yeah. I’m not…like it’s not a jealousy thing. I’m not jealous of him.” He said quickly.

“Just fuming inside a little?” You teased, repeating his words from the other day at the studio.

“Yeah, just a bit.” He chuckled, “Still.” He confessed.

“Don’t. To answer your question more seriously, Ricky doesn’t stay overnight here. Ever. And I don’t stay overnight at his either. We literally do the most to not blur any lines even more than they already are.” You explained.

“So you just…fuck and go?” He asked.

“It’s not that transactional.” You chuckled. “It’s usually after we’ve gone out with friends or just hung out together. And if we both want to hook up we do and then we go our separate ways.” You explained. “We really don’t do sleepovers or even like lovey-dovey things like cuddles or holding hands. It’s just the sexual favors bit. Like we might lay around for a bit, but we just talk, we don’t like…hold each other and…bask in the afterglow.” You said with a giggle and he nodded.

“And it doesn’t feel….empty? Without the soft bits?” He asked you more seriously.

“Of course it does.” You smiled a bit sadly, “I think it does for the both of us. He’s hung up on someone else and well…same.” You said and he smiled and nodded, “So we just hook up when we’re both feeling in the mood for it. So we really are friends first and the benefits are there when needed.” You explained and he nodded in understanding.

“So if it’s one of those times when you guys talk afterwards, like is it feedback about the sex or just random conversation?” He asked.

“Just conversations. Like sometimes we talk about the people we miss and things about them. We talk about how we’re feeling afterwards, like sometimes when that post-coital haze is lifted you just get so sad, you know? So we talk about that and try and figure out why we might feel sad. We talk about what the point of all of it is…I think we’ve achieved a rather deep level of friendship from this.” You said pensively.

“And you don’t like him even just a little bit?” He asked you.

“I mean, of course I do. I hook up with him, don’t I?” You chuckled and he did as well, “But it’s very surface level. We did talk about that one time, about what would happen if we ended up together. We both decided it would be a no-go.” You chuckled, “He’s just so…unworried and unbothered by everything. Doesn’t really plan or anything and well, you know how that drives me crazy. Especially with the job we have.” You said and he chuckled and nodded. “I’m definitely more balanced with my time now than I was before but it’s because I’ve been able to schedule and plan and whatnot. Like he’s kind of the type to get bored on a Tuesday and drive down to TJ with a friend or his sister because they want tacos from Taconazo. Like, I don’t have the same freedom to just do things on a whim without it throwing a bunch of things out of whack for myself.”

“Right.” He hummed, “So you…like him? Like you’re into him?” He asked and you looked at him quite perplexed, “Like in the way you like me?” He clarified.

“Are you asking if I like him more than you? Or are you asking if I…like him and you? Simultaneously.” You asked and he nodded. “I mean, I do like you both, but not in the same way as you do. Like, I definitely like you more, I mean, I love you, you know? I wouldn’t be able to love you and him. I would have to choose.” You said and he smiled.

“And you’d choose me.” He said quite confidently and you rolled your lips into each other to prevent your lips from widening in a grin as you shrugged. “Baby.” He pressed more seriously and you giggled.

“I mean…”

“Say it then.” He smiled smugly.

“Why? If you already know?” You asked.

“Because. I want to hear you say it for me.” He insisted. “Tell me you’d choose me. Every single time.” He hummed with a smile and you grabbed his face tenderly and leaned in until your lips were pressed together. 

Harry hummed in satisfaction as his hands slid down your waist and to your hips. His thumbs gently kneaded at the pudgy part of your hips. You giggled when it tickled you a bit and he chuckled before sucking on your bottom lip a bit. Your eyes fluttered open and met his lustful gaze. You could feel him hardening up beneath you as he leaned back in for a hungry kiss. Your lips moved sloppily, it was all tongue and heavy breathing as your slid down and held at the side of his neck. His hands were groping at your butt now, smoothing his big warm palms over them, helping you grind over him and feel his obvious need for you. You pulled back and pecked his lips a few times before taking a proper breath.

“I choose you, baby.” You confirmed quietly between the two of you. He looked into your eyes, his lust was evident.

“It would be wise to stop, wouldn’t it?” He asked and you giggled and nodded before kissing him a few more times and hugging him tight. After a few moments you pulled back and smiled at him and he bit his lip and reached around the back of your neck and pulled you down and kissed you deeply once more.

…. A FEW WEEKS LATER ….

It was your birthday and you were having fun so far at the little dinner party you had thrown yourself at your place. You felt pretty in the short black linen dress you’d chosen for yourself. You were nursing a cocktail as you chatted with those who had already arrived, you were waiting for a few more people, including Harry. You had hired on a private chef to take care of dinner tonight so that you could enjoy with everyone, after all, you only turn thirty once.

“So when did Harry move out of here?”

“A few weeks ago? He only stayed about a week. He was able to find himself a decent sized house really quickly. It was furnished, so it was rather convenient, it’s cute.” You smiled as you shared this with Melissa who nodded.

“That’s great!”

“Yeah.” You smiled in agreement.

“Sooo…any progress?” she asked with an expecting look.

“We’re not talking about that.” You said to her and she sighed in some disappointment.

“Fine.” She said with a smile. You appreciated that she didn’t push any further.

In truth, you and Harry had been mostly seeing each other at the studio after he left your house. You had both been scared into keeping things extremely platonic after that dinner he had prepared for you when you guys talked about your future. You had said you were going to take it slow and ended up half naked on your bed just about to initiate sex when you asked him to stop in a panic. The entire week he stayed with you the sexual tension was completely overboard, but you both knew it was for the best to not get involved with each other like that yet. So it was quite a big relief to you both when he left and you only saw each other at the studio. This would be his first time back at your place after he left so you were a little bit nervous in all honestly, which is why you had refused taking a shot three times already, you needed to be fully sober in order to not act impulsively.

“Harry!” You heard Caitlyn greet him excitedly from inside. You straightened up a bit and sucked a bit more of your drink though the straw. “Harry’s here!” Caitlyn announced as she led him out and everyone greeted him happily as he approached you and you smiled and stood to hug him.

“Happy birthday.” He hummed as he squeezed you tightly, “Welcome to thirty.” He said as he pulled back and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You chuckled.

“You look beautiful.” He said more quietly, his compliment slightly drowned out by everyone’s chatter.

“Oh, thank you.” You said as you glanced down at your dress quickly and then back into his eyes. He licked over his lips as he scanned over your face and then smiled bashfully when he realized he’d been caught.

“Sorry.” He hummed and you smiled.

“It’s alright. Ummm, have a seat.” You said gesturing to the table and well, the only spots available were at the further end of the table.

“You can sit here, Harry. I actually need to talk to Ben.” Melissa said as she stood up and headed further down the table.

“May I?” Harry asked and you nodded.

“Of course.” You agreed and he sat there. It’d been two or three days since you’d spoken, you were busy finalizing everything with the party and Harry had therapy and some catching up to do with other friends he had in the area.

“So, how’s it been planning all this?”

“A little stressful, but I think it ended up well.” You smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah, it looks really nice. S’a simple, little thing. I like that.” He said and you nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.”

“I ummm, I got you something that I want to show you later, I-if I can hang out a little after everyone goes.”

“Oh okay.” You nodded and he smiled. Your curiosity was piqued and all throughout the evening you kept thinking back on this and wondering what it could be. 

You were having a nice time with everyone, you guys were playing games and sharing stories. You had a delicious, fresh peach pie instead of a cake and everyone seemed so delighted with that choice. The chef really knocked it out of the park with that one. Afterwards, there was a bit of karaoke but when it hit 10:30 you guys started to wind down as to not disturb your neighbors. Slowly, your friends started to head out one by one, congratulating you once more on your birthday and you were thanking them for coming as you walked them out to their cars. Harry, Caitlyn, Ricky, and Melissa had stayed inside talking a bit more but you suspected that they were also getting ready to go, well except Harry. You guys hung around a bit more, the glances between you and Harry were nothing short of obvious and frequent, so being the one person to read the room, Ricky suddenly stood up.

“Well, it’s almost 11:30, we should go.” He said as he stretched his arms above his head a bit and once they got his hint, Caitlyn and Melissa stood as well. You and Harry followed them to the door and you all said your goodbyes. “Don’t be scared of falling.” Ricky mumbled quietly against the side of your head and you squeezed him tighter.

“Thank you for everything. Love you, I appreciate you.” You mumbled.

“Me too.” He chuckled before you kissed cheeks and he was hurrying after Melissa and Caitlyn down the little path. 

You and Harry followed after them and waved them off before you locked the gate as Harry made his way back to the house. You felt nervous around him for some reason, like his energy was too great to allow you to breathe, or maybe that was the alcohol…you’d had three cocktails which was already a bit much for you by this point and you were convinced your friends made your last one a double without your permission. Regardless, you were smiling at him while he watched you come up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head.

“You’re making me nervous.” You chuckled.

“What? Why?”

“This mystery gift thing!” You scoffed as you guys made it inside and he locked up behind you.

“Yeah alright, fair.” He smiled as you headed to the kitchen.

“Want some water?” You asked as you headed into the kitchen.

“Please. Benny made the last drinks a double and that awful taste is not leaving my mouth.” He confessed with a slight grimace.

“I knew it!” You gasped and he chuckled, “They were trying to get me to do shots before you arrived.” You said and he chuckled.

“Well good thing you declined. You really don’t want a hangover at thirty.” He laughed and you did as well and soon you were both having a bit of water and then he sighed.

“Okay, well it’s two things.” He said and you nodded, “First gift is this…” he said pulling his phone out and after several moments of waiting, he looked back to you, “You should check your email. The personal one.” He said and you nibbled on you lip and went to grab your phone that was on the other side of the kitchen counter. You open up your email account and saw the link to a ticket and when you opened it up your free hand flew over your mouth and your eyes welled up.

“No…but th-these sold out in like five minutes!” You gasped in surprise at the Joni Mitchell ticket waiting to be accepted by you.

“I’m her friend.” He said simply and you shook your head in disbelief. 

She was playing two dates at the Hollywood Bowl and despite your best efforts during the sale in February, they sold out in moments. It was a bittersweet thing, seeing artists that were such icons and legends performing what would surely be some of their last shows ever. Being able to make it to things like this made for priceless memories and well, you grew up with Joni Mitchell, like Harry did, and you both loved her. It was one of the things that you both had in common and made friends over when you first started talking, so she meant a lot to the both you. “We’ve got a private box. We’re right up near the front so we can see it all!” He said excitedly, “And we get to meet her beforehand, if you want.” He said and you set your phone down and shook your head in disbelief.

“This is extraordinarily thoughtful, H.” You said with a wide smile.

“Our first concert out in the open. No fear, no worries, just us.” He said and you hurried over to him and hugged him tight.

“This is honestly so amazing.” You sighed as you squeezed him tight and he kissed the top of your head. “I can’t wait to do this with you.” You said happily.

“Me either. It’s going to be so good.” He said with certainty and you nodded against his chest before pulling back and peering up at him.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked him and he chuckled.

“Always.” He hummed and you laughed and tip-toed a bit more and your lips met in a sweet and chaste kiss.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You gave him another kiss with each ‘thank you’ and he was a smiley and blushing mess before you. “My parents are going to die when they hear about this.”

“Well, part two…they’re coming as well.” He said and you pulled away.

“No.”

“Yeah!” He laughed happily and you shook your head.

“Harry.”

“I swear it. Your mum and dad, and my mum and her boyfriend. A proper date night. Though the meeting bit is just for us two.” He added and you were crying now, it seemed something ridiculous, but it was a full circle moment.

“This is so nice of you.” You whispered as you hugged him again.

“Hey, look at me, my love.” He hummed and you glanced up at him, “It’s not just a concert, you know? I want to do this with you and with our parents t-to also show them that it’s not just a for fun thing. This is about the future. Our future.” He said and you nodded. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, “I’m gonna kiss you for real now.” You said and he chuckled.

“Yeah, do it. Please.” He insisted and you chuckled.

Your lips were soon colliding gently and moving in an improvised but effortless dance together. You relaxed in his arms, you loved the warmth of his hands around your waist and then traveling down to your hips as he held you tight. It was a feat as challenging as the greek mythological quests trying to keep your composure around him. Everything just felt so easy and right when you were together, it always had. But now it was even stronger than before, you could feel the love emanating from him as you held each other and kissed passionately.

“Baby,” he mumbled, “can I…say something?” He asked and you nodded and pulled back from the kiss but he chased after you and kissed you deeply again before also keep the distance so he could speak properly. “I know we said no more jumping into things with people but you’re not just anyone, you know?” He said and you smiled a bit, “The love I have for you has been here the whole time. I’m not burying the hurt by wanting to be with you, it’s not like that with you, you know that.” He said and you nodded, “I want to be with you. I want to a relationship with you. I don’t want to wait anymore, I’ve already wasted so much time.” He said and you caressed his cheek with your thumb, “And I…I see the woman you’ve become. How you’ve grown and blossomed so beautifully-”

“You too!” You sniffled and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He chuckled, “But ummm…I don’t want to miss out on this. On you. It’s different with you, you know that.” He said, “Let’s do this again. Be my girlfriend, please?” He asked and you laughed happily and kissed him.

“Yeah. I will.” You whispered against his lips.

“You will what?” He asked with a grin and kissed you a few times, awaiting your response.

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” You said breathlessly with a smile. 

Harry was beaming and his hand came around the back of your neck, holding you gently as he dipped down and you kissed once again. He was slower this time, but the intensity was still at all time high. You felt your lust for him simmering steadily, nearly ready to bubble over into a boil with whatever move he’d make next. Your skin was tingling, excited to feel his touch once again.

“Can I take you to your room?” He asked, his lips gently smearing against your cheek as he spoke and then kissed you there.

“Yes.” You confirmed and he found your hand and led you through your house until you were bursting through the door and he was kissing you ardently as you walked backwards into the dim, cool room. His hands slid down your waist and landed over your backside, he caressed over it and gave your cheeks a light squeeze.

“I miss being able to do that.” He chuckled and you laughed a bit. You weren’t as thin as the people he had dated lately, so there was a little more to grab onto. You didn’t mind it, you were happy with yourself and you knew you were healthy, so you didn’t feel bad or find a need to even compare and it was relieving to you that he felt the same. “You’re exquisite. You know that right?” He asked and you smiled timidly at his compliment.

“How about you show me show exquisite you are first.” You suggested and he chuckled and was quick to take a step back and pull off his shirt, not even bothering with the buttons. 

Like a moth to a flame, you were right up against him again, kissing down his neck lightly. Trying not to smile too much as you traveled down to his pecs and the smattering of hair between them tickled your nose a little as you smooshed a kiss over his sternum. Your hands slid up his abs, you could feel his tummy flex a bit from the tickles your light touches were causing. You continued sliding it up until your index finger was hooking into the chain of his trusty pendant with the Jesus and penis charms. You tugged it down a bit before arching up into him and kissing him again. His hands slid up your back, his fingers feeling around for the pull on the zipper for your dress. 

“It’s on the right side.” You guided him and he was quick to take his hands there and slid it down. 

Harry helped the straps off of your shoulders, planting kisses on each shoulder blade before letting the dress drop down to the floor. You weren’t wearing a bra with it as the neckline was a bit strange, but he didn’t seem to mind that one bit. He groaned at the sight of your breasts bare before him and he immediately brought his hands up to them and kneaded them gently in his big, warm palms. You sighed in relief and glanced up at him and he seemed to have snapped. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you towards your bed. He sat and pulled you onto his lap in a straddling position and kissed you urgently. His tongue met yours sloppily before he started to kiss down your jaw, then your neck and finally he reached your chest. You arched your back in as he gently sucked on your collar bone and then skimmed his lips down to your right breast before parting them and latching around your nipple, effectively hardening it in a second. You moaned in relief as his blunt nails dug into your back as he started sucking more fervently.

“Yes! That’s so good.” You whimpered as he moaned around you. You peered down, looking at his gorgeously hollowed our cheeks as he sucked and nibbled at your tender little bud before popping off and moving to the other one. He payed it just as much attention, letting you whimper and whine as he went a little harder on you. Your fingers scratched against his scalp and you chuckled as he pulled back, nipple still in his mouth until it inevitably slipped out with a soft popping sound. He buried himself in the crook of your neck and inhaled and then exhaled, sounding relieved.

“I missed the scent of you and your perfume. I’d forgotten how good it is.” He said softly.

“I do too. Even had the same body wash you use for a while.” You said and he pulled away and smiled up at you.

“Yeah, baby?” You nodded.

“I’m never gonna forget again.” He told you with certainty and you smiled and caressed his cheek with the back of your hand. He leaned into your touch and let his eyes close for a moment.

“I’ve imagined this moment so many times.” You whispered and his eyes fluttered open and met yours. He smiled softly, peering up at you with so much love it made your insides flutter. 

“I have too.” He whispered back and kissed your lips quickly. “Hold on tight.” He said and you did and he stood and then had you on the bed as he laid over you.

He started to kiss down your body, you were already so wet for him, but knowing what was coming next practically had your legs trembling preemptively and your walls fluttering in excitement. He didn’t waste time or tease you at all, he needed this as badly as you needed it. He was quick to pull your underwear down your legs and toss it aside as he slid further down, parting your legs so that he could fit between them. He kissed down your mound and up your thighs before he nuzzled right up against your center, his stubble tickling your sensitive skin. You would normally want to be clean shaven if you knew someone was going down on you, just out of convenience, but you knew he didn’t care about that. He groaned happily at your scent and the softness of you against his lips as he puckered them up a bit and kissed at you a little bit, each time nuzzling a bit deeper until he brushed against your clit and you bit your lip in anticipation. 

“Fuck H, please. Please.” You begged and he let go of all the restraint he had inside of him and just let his tongue roll out as he spread your legs further so that he could lap up from your dripping entrance to your clit. He flicked over it a little bit before giving it heavier licks until you were pushing him closer and moaning in pleasure. Your hips were writhing up against his mouth and he moved with you, loving how you were losing yourself in this moment. He then started to gently suck around you as he sensed your growing need. You were soaking wet, making a right mess of his chin and you were obsessed with how he was using his mouth. He’s always been eager to please this was excellent. Clearly, he was well aware of what he could do now and it was amazing, “Fuck baby, that’s so good!” You gasped as he slurped on you until your legs were tensing up as your pleasure started to escalate further and further until they started to tremble. He was incessant, your chest almost burned from how shallow you were breathing, and in seconds you were inhaling sharply and moaning melodiously as your orgasm hit you. “Oh, I’m coming!” You mewled and held him against you as he licked you through it, mumbling about how good you tasted and how much he missed it. He didn’t even warn you when you felt his index finger rubbing at your sopping entrance.

“Can I?”

“Yeah, do it. Please.” You hummed and he gently pushed it inside. He moaned along with you, you were wet enough for another, so he pulled it out and then sunk back in along with his middle finger. His long fingers reached deep into you and rubbed against your walls, going deeper and deeper with each plunge until he had gone deep enough to reach into the soft spongy spot inside of you that had you crying out his name. He kissed up your stomach, waist, chest, and neck all to reach your lips again and breathe in your exhales of pleasure.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight and warm f’me.” He hummed into your mouth and you nodded, “So good for me.” He muttered and you smiled against his lips. 

Your hands slid down his bare torso and reached down to feel his erection straining against his pants. You rubbed into it, using the heel of your palm to add a bit more pressure. His jaw tensed as he inhaled shakily through his nostrils. You started to rub at him in a matching pace to his fingers sinking into you. You wanted to feel him inside of you desperately. 

“Harry. Baby, I need you.” You whimpered and he nodded and kissed you hard before retreating from you. 

He got off of the bed and reached for his belt buckle, his desperation and eagerness coming through in the form of his shaky hands. He soon got it undone and pulled it out before getting to the button and zipper on them and he tugged them down along with his underwear. He stepped out of them and quickly climbed back over your naked body. Feeling your warmth together like this was something that he’d been thinking of constantly since he’d seen you the year before. He was eager to be close to you in this way and finally, he had it.

“I have condoms in the bathroom, but I also have an IUD.” You informed him and he licked over his lips as his eyes met yours.

“D-do you mind if I go bare? Want to feel you so bad, want to fill you up, want you to feel it all.” He said and you kissed him as you shook your head.

“I don’t mind.” You assured him.

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and he kissed you once more, slower this time.

“I’ve only been waiting to have you again for…years?” He chuckled and you did too, “This might be over a little fast. But I assure you, I have far more in me. A couple rounds worth so-”

“It’s fine. Did you not see how fast I came?” You giggled.

“True.” He chuckled and tucked your hair behind your ear, “God, you’re so beautiful.” He complimented. His voice was soft and genuine and the love in his eyes made you feel faint. You leaned up and kissed him.

“I love you.” 

“I love you.” He whispered against your lips. Your kiss deepened and naturally, things started to progress. You pressed your body up into his, feeling his erection laying heavy between the two of you. You raised your hips up to feel it brushing up against your sticky folds and he sighed in relief at the slick warmth that his cock was up against now. “Fuck, put me inside, baby.” He said to you and you angled your up hips up a little bit more and guided him to your entranced. His thick tip prodded at your weepy, little hole, teasing at the entrance. You writhed around, trying to get him inside and he smiled, “That feels so nice.” He said and you smiled, “So wet for me, baby. All for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, baby. S’all for you.” You confirmed through a needy exhale and he kissed you again and then propelled his weight further forward until there was enough pressure against you that he sunk inside and you gasped in relief as he moaned into your mouth. 

“Fuuuuck.” he moaned as he bottomed out and you whimpered as you felt so full. You swore he was in your lower tummy, he was bigger than you remembered. You recalled that he loved a little bite of pain, so when he wriggled a bit and sunk in a bit further you winced and dug your fingernails into his back. He made the most delicious sound, it made you feral and he started to thrust in slowly but achingly deep, it was making your thoughts completely blank. “You feel so good, baby. Fuck, you’re so good, my love.” He panted in pleasure.

You were covered in goosebumps, relishing in the feeling of intimacy with Harry. With the love of you life. Everything suddenly felt right with the world. Your back was arching because each and every time he was thrusting in, he was hitting a spot that made you feel like you would soon levitate. Your hands roamed the skin of his back, feeling his muscles working to bring you both all the pleasure in the world. It was the most harmonious sex of your life, you were both yearning to be closer than you already were. It was absolutely necessary to get closer. 

While still inside, he pinned your hips down with his and knelt up making you gasp in shock as he got even deeper like this. You suddenly felt strung out as he started to pick up his pace, his hips undulated and ground against yours in the most satisfying ways. You were encouraging him, praising him for how well he was fucking you. He was giving everything to you, you could feel it in his movements and in the rising temperature between the two of you. Damp skin and filthy wet sounds from the place where your bodies were connecting perfectly. You could feel your orgasm starting to build again so you slipped your hand between your bodies and started to rub precise circles into your clit and he moaned.

“Oh, that’s it, baby. Rub your little clit for me, want you come for me.” He encouraged you and you sped up a little more, “Look at me. Please, look at me.” He panted and your eyes slowly blinked open and met his. He smiled softly and pressed his forehead to yours, his gaze burning into you, making you feel like the only other person in the world. “Fuck, it feels so good with you. You feel so good.” He groaned and you whimpered as you started to reach the peak.

“I’m so close, baby!” You warned and he nodded.

“Come for me, love. Let me feel you coming so hard on my cock.” He egged you on and you suddenly felt warm all over as you started to come undone. Everything inside of you was singing beautifully. You felt like you were burning bright, like a dying star, you were crashing and burning, it was a spectacle to behold. “That’s it, baby. That’s so fucking good, fuck you feel so good, love.” He praised you with a smile, “S’gonna make me come…fuck, you’re gonna make me come.” He grunted.

“Yes, baby. Please come inside me. Please give it to me.” You begged as your orgasm continued thanks to his fast and desperate thrusting into you. His eyes blinked shut and his eyebrows furrowed down as his lips fell open and he let out a low moan, “Oh fuck. Fuck, m’gonna fill up your little pussy. Fuck! Oh fuck, Y/n…fuck yeah, baby.” He sighed and then buried himself as deep as he could go and you gasped as you felt his cock twitching inside of you as he painted your insides with his generous load of cum. He was still for a few seconds before grabbing your hair and tugging you up so that he could kiss you. Your lips met sloppily as he started to thrust gently into you. Your abs were burning and your legs were shaking as he continued fucking into you slow, milking every drop of his sperm into you. “I love you. Loveyousomuch.” He slurred against your mouth.

After a few moments you had both settled down, trying your best to catch your breaths as you basked in the warmth, holding each other close. Your fingers scratched at his scalp gently, it felt so nice and relaxing. His lips were kissing at the part of your skin that they could reach while he held you close.

“I’m never letting you go again.” He whispered.

“Good.” You hummed and he smiled.

“This is where I belong. I feel safe with you. I feel seen. I feel…”

“Whole?” You whispered and he nodded.

“Yeah, you make me feel satisfied with myself.” He said and you smiled.

“You make me feel whole too. I love you.”

“I love you.” He hummed, “Forever.” He added with a smile.

.... THE END ....

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[flowerandblood]

The Taste of Shame (4)

[ dom!modern • Aemond x friend sister • female ]

[ warnings: sex content, oral sex, smut, angst, domination, remorse, doubts related to sexual life ]

[ description: Aemond works as a professional dom, fulfilling the various fantasies of his female clients - however, he guards his privacy and does not enter into any relationships with them, recognizing that he does not want or need it. It turns out that what he wants and what he doesn’t no longer matter when he meets his friend’s younger sister for the first time. Slow burn, sexual tension, doubts related to sex work. ]

Series & Characters Moodboard Aemond NSFW Alphabet

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

He woke up throughout the night, opening his eyes to make sure that what had happened was not a dream − he felt hot in his heart when he realised that she was lying right next to him, cuddled into his chest, wrapped in his arms.

He listened to her calm breathing, gently stroking her hair, not wanting to accidentally wake her up.

He had never let any woman stay overnight in his flat before.

He looked at her as if half asleep, at her gentle face, and thought about what they had done, how much she had tried for him, how much pleasure and satisfaction she had given him.

He thought he wanted to give her something too, to reciprocate her efforts, to give her the feeling that it wasn't going to be just her forever having to satisfy his needs and his fantasies, experiencing fulfilment only in the process.

Vanilla, soft sex was not his domain when it came to women indifferent to him, as he had no affection for them − such a form of intimacy did not seem exciting to him and he would get nothing out of it for himself.

However, looking at her, he was filled with tenderness and care, with the conviction that just watching her melt before him in pleasure would give him satisfaction.

That was why, as soon as she woke up in the morning after a few minutes of cuddling and kissing, he proposed to her that they take a shower together.

The two of them stood under a stream of pleasantly warm water, gently exploring each other's bodies with their hands, able to look at each other at last, placing loud, sticky kisses on each other's lips once in a while.

She could see perfectly well that he was hard and it wasn't just to do with his morning erection − she was beautiful, sweet and sleepy, melting in his arms as his fingers began to tease and rub her puffy clit with gentle, slow strokes.

"− oh −" She mumbled, looking up at him uncertainly with her lips slightly parted, apparently waiting for his commands, which aroused him even more, but she didn't hear any − he simply looked at her.

"− now we will take care of you − hm? − no prohibitions except what we talked about −" He murmured and she nodded quickly, knowing that he didn't like being held too tightly or being locked in an embrace that seemed too limiting.

He kissed her forehead, sliding the tip of his finger gently inside her fleshy, hot walls, rubbing and squeezing with a repetitive circular motion her spot hidden between her muscles − she moaned quietly, looking away, her thighs beginning to respond to the touch of his hand with rocking, demanding more intense caresses.

"− so impatient −" He cooed, leaned in and kissed her, her lips greedily reciprocating his gesture, her hands sinking into his hair, running down his cheek and neck.

A pleasant shudder ran through him, his cock pulsed hard and slapped against her belly, also demanding attention.

He turned off the water and took her in his arms, returning with her to his bedroom, laying down between her thighs.

"− I won't stop until you come − agreed? −" He gasped and she nodded, swallowing loudly, all red, her hips quivering in his hands.

He murmured and sank his face between her plushy thighs, her womanhood all moist from her moisture and water − his lips brushed gently her clit and began to lick and suck on it. She mewled loudly, arching back, her hands entwined in his hair, holding him close.

"− please −" She mumbled, and he felt her moan in his erection, all swollen and leaking with his precum − he took it in his hand and gave it couple quick squeezes at the root, sliding his tongue deep inside her puffy slit.

She moaned helplessly, opening her mouth wide, her nipples hard and popping, evidence of how much pleasure he was giving her, her hips bucking to meet his caresses.

With slow, decisive strokes of the tip of his tongue he massaged and rubbed the spot in her core that he had pressed with his finger earlier while his nose teased her clit − he could feel her hot walls clenching around nothing, her breathing increasingly ragged and accelerated.

"− Aemond −" She mewled, and he murmured loudly, jerking off faster and faster, licking her moisture with a hum of delight, thinking about the fact that she was only his, that he was the one she desired.

"− please, fuck me −" She cried out, and he lifted his shocked gaze to her, licking his lips, stopping in half-motion, feeling his cock pulsate painfully hard in his hand at her words.

"− say it again −" He said quietly, and she looked up at him pleadingly, writhing beneath him.

"− please, fuck me − fuck me − fuck me −" She babbled as he immediately guided the fat head of his cock to her swollen, throbbing entrance, panting along with her, and rooted into her with one sure thrust.

"− is that all my sweet girl wants? − cock inside her tight leaking pussy? −" He exhaled between one aggressive push and the next, resting his hands on either side of her head − she sobbed loudly and nodded, spreading her thighs wide in front of him, running her hands over his buttocks, making him shudder.

"− yes − please − oh God −" She mumbled with difficulty with her eyes closed and lips parted, looking up at him dreamily − with each of his thrusts her breasts bouncing gently, he watched her figure as if enchanted, pounding into her, opening her wide on his cock.

"− look at you − how well you take me − you deserve a reward −" He chuckled, speeding up his pace, clamping his hands on her hips − he kneeled in front of her, slamming into her with sure, brutal thrusts at such an angle that every time his tip slid into her again she sobbed with pleasure.

"− my cum all for you, deep inside you − would you like that? −" He gasped and she nodded her head on the brink of orgasm, responding with a rocking of her hips to each of his thrusts, he could feel her walls squeeze him greedily.

"− please − m close −" She mewled, and he licked his lips, feeling that the sight of her like this, helpless, eager for him to fuck her good made him know that he himself was about to come.

"− cum on my cock, baby − that's it, that's my good girl −" He cooed as she cried loudly, her body shook with fulfilment and pleasure, she tried to push him away but he sped up, not letting her escape, feeling that her weeping cunt was sucking him inside.

"− lay still − let me fill you − yes, take it, theeere you go −" He gasped coming inside her with a sigh of relief, feeling his semen squirt inside her − he was surprised at how strangely peaceful this experience was, it seemed so innocent, so right.

"− fuck −" He mumbled falling on top of her, panting along with her, proud of himself, looking at her expectantly.

"− did you like it? −" He whispered like an excited child who was waiting for praise, and she nodded quickly, looking at him with misty eyes, her lips parted in a heavy breath.

"− yes −" She whispered, gently stroking his cheek with her hand.

"− was it tiring for you? −" She asked uncertainly, and he chuckled under his breath, running his thumb over her lip.

"− I'm afraid I'll never get tired of listening to you begging me to fuck you − you've just fulfilled one of my fantasies −" He murmured, and she swallowed loudly, all red, pressing her lips together. He kissed her and she sighed heavily, tired as if she had run a marathon.

"You can choose what you have for breakfast − scrambled eggs or toast."

They spent the morning together, then both separated and each wandered off to their classes − they agreed not to speak to each other for twenty-four hours to cool down and distance themselves from what had happened between them.

He wanted her to think things through properly without his presence, he was afraid that otherwise she would feel trapped.

It didn't change the fact that he'd been dying all day, fighting with himself not to text her, to simply say that she was wonderful, that in his wildest dreams he'd never suspected he'd ever be able to have this kind of sudden, unprecedented closeness with anyone.

However, he decided that he would not break his own rules and waited patiently until the next day.

She did not write to him.

He began to worry and wonder, feeling discomfort at the thought that perhaps he had overreacted after all, that he had over-sexualised the meeting, as if that was all he cared about, where he wanted something more.

He feared that once she had cooled down she felt objectified and used.

He clicked on his phone's display from time to time, pretending to listen to a lecture, his knee bouncing in a nervous gesture. He swallowed loudly, glancing at Robert.

"How are you doing? How's your sister?" He asked casually, feigning indifference as they left the hall.

Robert looked at him puzzled, completely not expecting this question, however, he didn't see anything inappropriate in it and clearly needed to get something out.

"I'm fine, and as for her, well... she's been behaving strangely. She was at a friend's house for the night, and after she came home she seemed sad and stressed, but she wouldn't tell me what happened." He muttered, and he felt a tightness in his throat and a cold sweat on his back, his heart starting to pound like crazy.

What had happened? What was she thinking about? Why hadn't she spoken to him, hadn't she wanted to share her doubts with him?

After their brief conversation, he said he would go out into the yard to smoke − he took a cigarette out of his jacket pocket along with a lighter and lit it with a quick, impatient gesture, slipping it into his mouth beforehand, taking a deep drag.

He exaggerated.

He'd let himself get carried away by his euphoria, allowed her to feel that he was all about sex.

FUCK!

He pressed his lips together, thinking despairingly that for some reason he wanted to cry.

Should he write to her or not?

If she wanted to, she'd write to him − maybe she felt it was a mistake and wanted to distance herself? Or maybe she didn't talk to him because she thought he didn't really want her to, that he had done what he wanted with her and didn't need anything more?

He clenched his eyelids as he let the air out loudly through his nose, swallowing hard, feeling an unpleasant tightness in his stomach as if he was about to vomit.

Why couldn't he be normal?

Why, instead of fucking her that morning, hadn't he just hugged her, talked to her while stroking her hair, focusing only on simple tenderness without subtext?

That's what she needed then, not sex.

He pulled out his phone quickly and started typing to her with a cigarette in his mouth, feeling his hands tremble.

He sighed wearily and swallowed loudly, feeling that he'd fucked things up with his purely physical approach, with his dominant, perpetually wanting more nature stifling her natural innocence.

He pressed his lips together seeing that she had displayed his message − he waited a few minutes, but she didn't write anything back.

He tucked his phone into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, smoking his cigarette to the end, thinking with regret that he didn't deserve what she wanted to give him, that he was clearly not mature enough to accept it.

He shuddered as he sat down in the hall for the next lecture and heard his phone vibrate − he took it quickly out of his pocket as if his life depended on it and unlocked the keypad with a hard pounding heart seeing the message from her.

He swallowed loudly, writing her back quickly.

They'd made arrangements for her to come to his place immediately after her classes − he'd finish an hour before her, so he'd have time to clean up quickly. He was terrified of what she was going to say to him.

Usually he was the master of the situation, but in this case he felt small and powerless.

Vulnerable.

He opened immediately when he heard her quiet knock on the door and let her in − they greeted each other awkwardly without embracing.

After he offered her some water to drink they both sat on his sofa in the living room without touching each other; she did not look at him and he could see that she was pale. When she finally lifted her gaze to him he saw that her lower lip was trembling, her eyes were red.

He felt a tightness in his throat and an ache in his heart, knowing that she had suffered because of something he had done.

"− I − I don't know how I feel about what happened − at the time, when it was happening, it was so pleasant, but when I came home − I felt empty − I don't know why, I can't explain it, I −" She whispered in a trembling voice and he felt his jaw clench, his eyebrows arch in pain.

He thought he was about to cry himself.

"− I know − I know, forgive me − I − I don't know what was going through my head to start all of this like this −" He muttered, trailing his fingers along the armrest of his couch in an involuntary, nervous gesture, not looking at his hand.

"− it's just − it's just something I know − something I'm confident in − I don't think I could show you the enormity of my interest in you otherwise − how much you affect me −" He choked out in a trembling voice, thinking it was pathetic − he swallowed hard and covered his face with his hand, trying not to burst into tears.

"If I stayed with you tonight…would you be able to hold back? Just hug me?" She asked in a breaking voice, looking at him pleadingly − he looked at her in pain and nodded, clenching his hand into a fist.

She moved a little closer to him and he stared at her with hope, only to find a moment later he was already holding her tightly in his arms, her face snuggled into his chest, looking as if she was trying to hide inside him, as if she needed confirmation that he would protect her, also from himself.

"I'm so sorry. Sex is the only way I have ever shown my emotions to women. I…I think I just need to open up to the fact that they can also be shown in other ways. To step out of my comfort zone, just like you stepped out of it for me. Will you give me another chance? One more first night?" He asked in a whisper, kissing her sweet-smelling, soft hair again and again, stroking her head and back.

She nodded.

He let out a loud breath with a feeling of numbing relief.

They didn't feel like watching or doing anything and just went to his bedroom. She got his T-shirt to wear, which she changed into in his toilet − although the sight of her in his clothes immediately made him completely hard, he didn't let it show, just reaching out to her with his hand.

She smiled at him shyly, just as she had when he had first seen her and he felt the heat in his chest. She let him pull her close and snuggled into him, while he was lying in his T-shirt and the sweatpants he always slept in.

He turned off the lamp and faced her, letting her sink into his body, enclosing her in the embrace of his arms, sighing quietly, closing his eyes.

He could hear her quiet breathing and the sound of cars driving past his window, the ticking of the small watch on his bedside table. Her warmth emanated in all directions, her scent filling his entire lungs, calming him despite his arousal, making him feel some kind of bliss and relief.

She was beside him, in his arms.

She didn't scold him.

He stroked his fingers through her hair, playing with her curls without opening his eyes, and heard her quiet murmur of contentment − he smiled involuntarily under his breath.

"Do you like it when someone strokes your head?" He murmured softly, smoothing her, nuzzling his cheek into her hair, remembering that she had also stroked him then, after the lecture, when he had told her about what he was doing.

She nodded, snuggling into him more, embracing him around his waist, her hands starting to run down his spine making a pleasant shiver run through him.

He'd never been this close to anyone before.

"Yes. When I was a child my mother used to stroke my head when I couldn't fall asleep. I loved it." She whispered, and he kissed the top of her head, snuggling his nose into her hair, taking in her scent.

"− then I'll do it every night from now on −" He whispered and heard her smile − she nodded and he embraced her tighter, stroking her head, her back and her neck.

He did this while feeling her slowly fall asleep in his embrace, breathing quietly, her body rising and falling gently with each movement of her chest − he lay with his eyes closed, combing his fingers through her hair, feeling only peace, only fulfilment.

Only love.

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @randomdragonfires @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes

[goldenshrikecomic]

Hello, this is gonna be a long one and I hope I don't bother you too much with it but you have something great going and and I think maybe some advice for someone like me who wants to do a longer comic and I took heart in that one ask you recently answered were you said you are plenty of pages ahead of the readers to not get paralysed by a deadline which seems like a no-brainer now that I read that with my own two eyes black on white but I had not thought to maybe go about it that way and I needed to have someone spell it out for me apparently. So to my question.. see, I have a skeleton of a story I have key scenes that need to happen and that I want to happen and I am sure in between things will shift and change and grow and a part of me can't wait for it to happen but- How do you start. How do you get going. It is in my head I have some written notes but most is in my head and I do not want it to remain there and rot I want to draw and tell the story I had in mind but I feel.. paralysed on the starting line of this journey and I am unsure how to go from there because my mind gets caught up in estimates of if I post one page a week that is "only" 52 pages. That seems so little. How many years would it take. Can I do this. And then my mind fires up in passion because I am willing to commit I want to do this I need to do this and I have a good idea of how to pace myself and how to go about it. I have the beginning of it on the back of my tongue and the tip of my fingers I can imagine it so vividly I wish I could animate it (if that wouldn't take up even more time and be insane I would) But somehow I still feel stumped on how to start. How to get over this first hurdle. It might be the executional dysfunction playing a huge part in it, maybe I am overthinking to much and stand in my way because of it, but like... How did you start your comic. How did your journey on GS begin? I know this was a bit of word vomit I am sorry but you are an inspiration and you seem to go about things (from what I could gleam from the asks) in a way that feels like it could work for me too and the way my brain functions but I do not know how to start? I dunno if it makes sense I am no english native and my thoughts are hard to put into words.

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while because it's such a loaded question. I have plenty of asks in this tag about my comicing process, so check them out maybe. This reply got lengthy! The more I wrote the more I noticed I feel very inadequate trying to give people tips on making comics. It's such a trial and error process.

I've seen plenty of advice for people wanting to start out comics to just start small, come up with a smaller story to get a feel of it before you go big. And I absolutely understand it in hindsight because I would've done many things differently if I had just tried it out first, but it's not what I did. I wanted to make a big comic, and a big comic I made, as my first project.

I don't think about the years these things take, but it'd absolutely ease your worries if you could come up with a simple style and be able to make pages faster. I've stripped my comic of shading and gotten more lenient with myself when it comes to backgrounds. You absolutely need to cut some corners if you want to make more than one story during your lifetime. It's a limited time afterall! Being able to turn your sketch into a lineart without having to redo everything with a careful hand would help a lot already. And colors, they take a lot of time.

This is not how I went about it in the beginning, but I'd love to tell you to write those things in your head down before you start. Leave holes, just write in what you know because you will forget some cool details if you keep them in. Write the starting point, middle and the end, even with just couple of words. Add things that interest you in the middle of those points. Do you want a sad arc for your character at some point? Write it in. Come up with what makes it happen. Weave it into the other scenes. If you know what's to come, you can add foreshadowing to the earlier scenes. Even if you didn't know what would come, you can take something from earlier scenes and make it foreshadowing. Writing is a fluid process. You can jump around and add things, you don't have to approach it by putting one block next to the other. Once you have the elements you want, you just have to tie those things together. It's the hard part. And you will change your mind about many things when you get to draw your characters and see them doing the things you've written.

The start! I always say it's the worst part, but I've started to think it might be the second worst. I think the worst part comes after you've started and worked for several ten pages on fumes and you finally run out of juice. Picking up after that is hard, for me at least. But if you can manage, it should get easier. You know your characters better by now, and they carry some of their own weight.

Make a canvas. Think about the scene you want to start your comic with. Night or day? Calm or busy? Just doodle, BIG and loose. Add some frames by just drawing lines, move things around, resize. What do you want to portray with the first page of your comic? I like to establish some of the world or atmosphere, and only then move on to the characters.

Don't try to be perfect, in fact leave that first canvas completely unpolished and move on to the next one. What should this page tell? Will you show the character? I'd leave the establishing shot of them as the last big panel. The rest of the page should build up to it. The last panel is important, it's a hook to turn the page.

Come back to polish those pages more only after you have a few of them done. The most important thing is to get yourself away from that first page, because the first page is scary. After five pages you can move things around and start adding ears to your spheres. You've started a comic now. You can go back to the first page and make it nice, because you already have opened the path to continue.

IT'S HARD. But it's rewarding. It's not for everyone but it's awesome if you can make it yours.

[the-lincyclopedia]

In Defense of Juliet

I just read Romeo and Juliet with @socialshakespeare, and I felt like I understood it for the first time, since it’s a play I’ve never studied, and I’ve mostly been exposed to it by seeing it performed a couple times. And I am so angry on Juliet’s behalf. She has been done so dirty, both by the adults around her within the world of the play, and also by the way she’s been remembered in pop culture. She’s not a foolish, simpering teenager the way she’s often thought of as being. I honestly think that Juliet is the most reasonable and pragmatic character in the play, and that there aren’t any major decisions she makes where she truly had a better option. 

Romeo and Juliet, the characters, are both often mocked for how quickly they fall for each other. And I do think there’s something to that when it comes to Romeo, especially given that he was professing love for Rosaline literally hours before meeting and apparently falling for Juliet. But Juliet? What people often forget is that, right before she meets Romeo, Juliet is informed by her father that he has arranged a marriage for her, and that she has to marry Paris whether she likes it or not. 

Now, a few notes on this: 

Juliet is 13 years old. There are plays and books where you have to kind of guess at characters’ ages or figure it out from context clues, but this is very much not one of those times. Juliet being 13 gets talked about, explicitly, a lot in this play. 

It was not normal for girls to get married that young, even in Shakespeare’s day. Here’s a great essay on that. 

Paris is definitely older than Juliet. It’s unclear by how much, but it could be over a decade, maybe by a substantial amount. He’s also canonically pretty skeezy. 

Even in many cultures where arranged marriages are common, it’s also common for the consent of the couple to matter. “Arranged marriage” does not by necessity equal “coerced marriage,” and indeed, the Church in Shakespeare’s day did (at least in terms of doctrine) require the people being married to consent in order for their marriage to be valid. (See the essay linked to in point 2.)

So here Juliet is, knowing she’s going to be forced into a marriage she doesn’t want. Her options are basically to go along with marrying Paris, or to do something that her parents can’t undo that will make the marriage to Paris impossible. What are her options for that? Well: 

She can become a nun. This isn’t her first choice, and she’s not too keen on it even later in the play, when her options are much more limited and Friar Lawrence suggests it. 

She can run away but not become a nun. This would basically mean she would be destitute and incredibly vulnerable. It’s not surprising she doesn’t choose this option. 

She can kill herself. Again, unsurprising that this isn’t her first choice. 

She can quickly and secretly marry someone who isn’t Paris and present the marriage to her parents as a fait accompli. 

It’s really, really not surprising to me that her first choice is option (4). I mean, personally I would have considered becoming a nun, but I’m ace, and Juliet seems to, uh, probably not be. So, okay, you’ve got Juliet, literally fresh off a conversation with her father about how he’s going to force her into an unwanted arranged marriage, and she’s trying to figure out how to get out of it, and then this guy approaches her at a party and seems totally into her. Like, are she and Romeo hasty and probably hormonal to think they’re in love this fast? Yeah, probably. And Romeo a) was professing love for someone else this morning, and b) does not seem to be under urgent familial pressure to marry. But Juliet is desperate to marry someone who isn’t Paris, as soon as humanly possible, and Romeo seems both interested and more tolerable than Paris. Is it surprising that she’s all in? 

So then Romeo and Juliet have the balcony conversation, and then the next day they get married in secret at Friar Lawrence’s. Cool. Now they can break the news to their respective families, Juliet won’t have to marry Paris, and everything will be fine. Right? 

Except then Juliet’s cousin Tybalt picks a fight with Romeo’s friend Mercutio and winds up killing him, so Romeo retaliates by killing Tybalt. Romeo, by law, should be facing capital punishment, but the Prince commutes his sentence to banishment. Which is still a problem for Romeo and Juliet since they’re newlyweds and the Friar and the Nurse are the only ones who know. After spending the night with Juliet in secret, Romeo leaves town because he doesn’t really have a better choice. 

Meanwhile, Tybalt’s death has significantly increased the urgency of Juliet getting married (which her parents don’t know she’s already done). Tybalt and Juliet are the only two in their generation of the Capulets, so Tybalt was The Heir, which means that now that he’s dead, Juliet needs to marry immediately, because, as a girl, she can’t inherit. Ideally, she needs to start producing heirs as soon as possible. Her father suddenly moves the date of her wedding from some inexact time in the future to this Thursday. 

So Juliet’s close cousin has just died, her husband has been exiled, and her second (and, by the standards of the time, inherently sinful) marriage is suddenly very, very soon. She tries to talk her parents out of forcing her to marry Paris, and her dad is still very much not having it. She is, understandably, desperate. She goes to the Friar’s place and starts talking about suicide. 

The Friar tells her not to kill herself, and he gives her a potion that will make her seem dead for a couple days. He tells her to take it before she’s supposed to marry Paris, and then instead of getting married, she’ll be buried, and then she can wake up and get smuggled off to join Romeo in exile. Juliet goes home and takes the potion as instructed. 

But unlike Much Ado about Nothing, this is not a comedy. The potion works; Juliet’s family finds her “dead” and holds her funeral, and Friar Lawrence sends a letter to Romeo informing him of the plan. But the letter doesn’t make it--the friar carrying the message is quarantined for fear of plague--and meanwhile Romeo hears that Juliet has died. He comes back to Verona, duels Paris at Juliet’s tomb, finds Juliet seemingly dead, and kills himself. Juliet wakes up, finds Romeo dead, and (despite the deeply inadequate arguments of the Friar, who leaves Juliet by herself when he hears someone coming) kills herself. 

And like, what the fuck else was she supposed to do? At any point? I thought of the musical Six a lot during today’s read-through, and Anne Boleyn’s line “Like, what was I meant to do?” feels so appropriate for Juliet (as does "All You Wanna Do," for other reasons). She couldn’t just keep living with her parents and being a teenager--she was going to be forced into an unwanted arranged marriage unless she could find a way to make herself permanently unavailable for marriage to Paris. Marrying Romeo seemed like a better idea than becoming a nun, running away and becoming destitute, or dying. Taking the potion of living death and then joining Romeo in exile seemed like a better idea than entering a sinful second marriage. Maybe becoming a nun would have been better than suicide, in the end after Romeo has died, but Juliet has been through an incredibly stressful few days at this point, her cousin is dead, her parents clearly don’t care about her happiness or well-being, and, oh yeah, she just woke up with her dead husband in her lap--I think she’s allowed to be Done at that point. 

I’m not sure that Romeo and Juliet make a good couple with long-term potential or whatever. But this is absolutely not a story about how teenagers are dumb and impulsive. The adults are the ones making terrible decisions--the Montagues and the Capulets for having a deadly feud, the Prince for not doing more to end the feud earlier, the Capulet parents (especially Lord Capulet) for trying to force Juliet into an unwanted marriage at a very young age, Juliet’s Nurse for encouraging Juliet to marry Paris even though she knows Juliet is already married to Romeo, Paris for continuing to try to marry Juliet when she’s clearly unhappy about it, Friar Lawrence for leaving the tomb before Romeo arrives and then leaving again when Juliet wakes up and is freaking out--literally all of the adults suck, and Juliet is trying her best in the face of some seriously awful circumstances. 

If the throughline of tragedies is that they couldn’t have gone any other way, I think that’s especially true for Juliet, specifically. She’s so smart, and she’s trying so hard, and there is no way out.

[nayziiz]

No Way | LN4

Summary: Lando Norris, an F1 driver for McLaren Racing, faces persistent attention on his single status. In an attempt to appease fans and quell rumours, his management suggests a fake relationship with a popular Portuguese model. However, Lando's PR manager, Natalie, disagrees, believing fans would see through the ploy. As an alternative, Lando's management notices the genuine bond between him and Natalie and proposes they feign a relationship for authenticity. Initially hesitant, they agree, given their existing friendship and professional connection. The fake relationship takes an unexpected turn as Lando and Natalie grapple with burgeoning real feelings, attempting unsuccessfully to conceal their growing emotions.

Pairing: Lando Norris x Original Character (Natalie)

Warnings: Mentions of physical and emotional abuse

Masterlist

CHAPTER 2

“Oh, sweetie, it’s so good to see you!” Lando’s mom, Cisca, squeals as she envelopes Natalie into a tight hug. The genuine warmth in Cisca's embrace reflects the affection she holds for Natalie.

“Yeah, we’ve really missed having you around.” Flo, Lando’s sister, adds, joining in the familial welcome. Natalie reciprocates the affection by folding her arms around Lando’s younger sisters, Flo and Cisca. The bond between them feels like a continuation of the family connection they've built over time.

“I think she’ll be around more often now.” Lando informs his family, a hint of assurance in his voice. Cisca shoots Lando a questioning look, curiosity twinkling in her eyes.

“I will be, I promise. I think you still owe me horse riding lessons.” Natalie concedes with a playful smile as she turns to Flo, acknowledging the young equestrian champion in the making.

The hotel suite is filled with joy and laughter as the Norris family re-welcome Natalie into its folds. The atmosphere is warm and familial, creating a scene that, to an outsider, might seem like a heartwarming reunion with in-laws rather than colleagues.

The night unfolds with shared moments of connection, laughter echoing through the room as they engage in spirited rounds of board games. The camaraderie extends beyond the professional realm, transcending the roles of F1 driver and PR manager. The familial bond they've built over time becomes more apparent with every smile and shared joke.

As dinner is enjoyed together, the sense of togetherness deepens. The suite becomes a haven of shared stories, genuine laughter, and a comforting sense of belonging. The familial embrace is not limited to blood ties, and Natalie finds herself enveloped in the warmth of the Norris family's acceptance.

As the night progresses, the exhaustion from a day filled with laughter and connection takes its toll. Natalie, finding a moment of comfort on the couch, succumbs to sleep. Lando, ever considerate, chooses the floor beside her with her hand resting gently on his chest, a silent testament to the unspoken bond that has grown between them. The hotel suite, once a space for family, fun and joy, now cradles the gentle stillness of a shared moment as they rest side by side.

- THE NEXT DAY -

“Job well done today, Lando. What are your goals for the race tomorrow?” The interviewer asks Lando post-Qualifying.

“The usual, really. We’re hoping for a good result tomorrow, possibly a win if we’re able to capitalise on the pace we showed today.” Lando responds, still slightly breathless due to the run from the garage to the media pen.

“Let’s get some fan questions.” The interviewer encourages and soon hands are flying up as the fans burn to ask Lando their questions.

“Who is here supporting you this weekend?” A young fan manages to squeal into the microphone the interviewer hands him.

“I have my family here this weekend, so I'm quite excited to perform well with them watching.” Lando sweetly responds to the young fan.

“There are rumours online that you have a girl here this weekend. Will she be watching from the garage?” A teenage girl asks Lando excitedly.

“Uh, no.” Lando hesitates before he regains his composure. “There’s no girl here this weekend.”

Lando finds himself increasingly anxious when faced with questions about his love life. The life of an F1 driver already comes with immense pressure, but the added scrutiny on his romantic relationships intensifies the stress. The expectation to have a glamorous partner by his side for public appeasement is an unspoken demand, and this season, the intensity of inquiries about his personal life reaches unprecedented levels.

Interview after interview, it seems there's hardly a moment without a probing question about his romantic entanglements. Lando, inherently private about his personal life, detests these inquiries and the unwanted intrusion into his private affairs. The constant spotlight on his love life becomes a source of discomfort and distraction from his racing focus.

Recognising Lando's unease, Natalie, his astute PR manager, has raised the concern with the management team. Together, they strategize to alleviate the pressure on Lando during interviews. The proposal includes reaching out to media outlets to request a ban on questions related to his romantic life. The goal is to create a boundary that allows Lando to maintain his privacy and redirect the focus back to his achievements on the track.

- THE NEXT DAY -

“Thank you for stopping by. I just wanted to briefly discuss a proposal with you.” Charlotte, head of communications and PR for McLaren, states as Lando joins her, Natalie, and Zak in the small conference room above hospitality.

“Sure, what’s up?” Lando asks, interested to hear what Charlotte had to say.

“As you know, the media has been trying very hard to draw blood from a stone when it comes to your love life. So, we think we may have a solution to that.” Zak begins.

“We are hoping you would agree to a fake relationship with an up and coming Portuguese model, Raquel Perrera. You’ll have the safety net of having a girl by your side on race weekends, shutting the media down, and she has the benefits that come with dating a F1 driver.” Charlotte continues.

“So, a fake relationship?” Lando clarifies.

“Correct.” Zak confirms.

Lando studies the faces of the people seated in front of him, their expressions revealing a mixture of anticipation and curiosity. His gaze eventually turns to Natalie, his trusted PR manager. The proposal catches him off guard, and while he's not entirely against the idea, he senses the weight of the decision.

Natalie, on the other hand, maintains a neutral face, concealing her emotions behind a carefully crafted expression. Internally, she is appalled by the idea of orchestrating a fake relationship for Lando. The concept contradicts her principles of transparency and authenticity, elements she values in managing Lando's public image.

The silent exchange between Lando and Natalie reflects their unspoken understanding. Lando contemplates the potential benefits of the proposal, primarily in alleviating the constant scrutiny on his personal life. Natalie, however, grapples with the ethical implications and the potential impact on Lando's credibility.

“Natalie, what do you think?” Charlotte inquires.

“No way.” Natalies quickly responds leaning onto the table in front of her. “That would be too obvious. They’ve never been seen together, nor have they interacted in any way, shape, or form. It would take ages to soft launch the relationship and he would just be peppered with the same questions every week. I don’t think it would work. The fans will see right through it and could cause more scandal than anything else.”

Natalie's immediate and firm rejection of the proposal reveals her astuteness in understanding the intricacies of managing Lando's public image. Her objections extend beyond personal discomfort; she sees the potential pitfalls in attempting to orchestrate a fake relationship with Raquel Perrera. Her analysis highlights the importance of authenticity in navigating the delicate balance of fame and public perception.

Charlotte sits back, realising they may have jumped too quickly with their proposal. Zak looks defeated, desperate to find a solution that could make Lando’s life slightly easier.

“Lando? What are your thoughts?” Zak asks him.

“Honestly, I’m not against it, but I have to agree with Nattie on this. It would be so far-fetched when I know nothing about her.” Lando responds.

Lando's honesty echoes Natalie's concerns about the lack of authenticity in the proposed plan. His reservations stem from a desire to maintain a genuine connection with his public image. The room remains enveloped in a contemplative atmosphere, grappling with the realisation that the initial proposal might not be the solution they had hoped for.

As Lando explains his thoughts, Charlotte’s expression softens as she watches Lando glance at Natalie every so often as he speaks.

“What about Natalie?” Charlotte pips.

“I’m sorry?” Natalie quickly questions her boss.

“You two get on well. You’re together pretty much all the time. Wouldn’t that be the perfect cover?” Charlotte explains. “You know each other well enough and are comfortable around each other.”

Silence hits the room as Natalie and Lando gaze at each other, each waiting for the other to answer. The unexpected suggestion hangs in the air, creating a palpable tension. The proposal challenges the boundaries of their professional relationship and introduces a dynamic that neither of them anticipated. The weight of the decision rests on the unspoken understanding between Natalie and Lando, leaving the room in suspense as they grapple with the implications of Charlotte's proposition.

“With all due respect, I don’t think that will work either.” Natalie states. “A relationship, fake or not, between the two of us would be a direct breach of our Code of Conduct.”

“We can make an exception. We can draw up paperwork or something to make it seem legitimate.” Zak adds.

Natalie sits back, folding her arms over her chest, not sure what to say. The room lingers in a moment of tension as the suggestion challenges the boundaries of professionalism. Lando's eyes remain fixed on Natalie, studying her, perhaps trying to gauge her thoughts and emotions in the midst of this unexpected proposal.

“I have to agree. It makes sense, sure. But, that brings a whole new list of problems. Fans would be coming after her like crazy and we’d be accused of being unprofessional.” Lando explains.

“Of course, I’m sorry. We’re just trying to find a way to make it easier for you to do these interviews. I’ll see if I can ban any personal questions in the meantime so we can think of something else.” Charlotte apologises, acknowledging the complexity of the situation and expressing a commitment to finding an alternative solution.

Charlotte and Zak leave the room after a few minutes of discussion, leaving Lando and Natalie to brew in an awkward silence. The atmosphere becomes charged with tension, and both struggle to maintain eye contact.

“Lando.” Natalie starts, but Lando interrupts her.

“You’re right, a fake relationship will just cause more trouble than good.” Lando states as he gets up and glances down at her still seated.

“We’ll find a way to get them to stop asking, I promise.” She assures him before he heads out to his race.

As Lando leaves the room, Natalie is left with a mix of relief and lingering tension, aware that the delicate balance of managing Lando's public image continues to pose challenges.

A small part of Lando feels disappointed and rejected. The swift dismissal of the idea by Natalie stirs a sense of disappointment in him. He recognizes that she may not have given the proposal proper consideration, and a subtle feeling of rejection lingers. Despite understanding the potential pitfalls, there's a fleeting sense of what could have been—a solution to ease the relentless pressure on his personal life.

Natalie, on the other hand, hates the sinking feeling in her chest. She knows that she could have potentially offered a solution to Lando's biggest problem, but her commitment to professional ethics and a sense of transparency prevails. The idea of a fake relationship goes against her principles, even though she acknowledges the potential relief it could bring to Lando.

- AFTER THE RACE - 

Natalie sits quietly in her seat, her eyes fixed on the race unfolding before her. The air is thick with anticipation as the cars zoom around the track. However, her keen observation reveals that Lando seems distracted. Silly mistakes punctuate his performance, and the Ferrari relentlessly trails him around every corner on the last lap.

As the race reaches its climax, tension builds. The Ferrari seizes an opportunity and overtakes Lando on the final straight, securing the win as they navigate the last corner. The disappointment is palpable as Lando finishes in second position once again. The roar of the crowd and the cheers for the victor only serve to amplify the quiet frustration that lingers in the McLaren pit.

Natalie watches, her expression reflecting a mix of concern and understanding. She knows the weight that each race carries for Lando, and the disappointment in falling short of victory is a shared sentiment.

“That’s P2, mate. P2.” Jon, Lando’s race engineer, calls over the radio.

“Absolute shit.” Lando mumbles back over his radio.

The crew sighs with disappointment, but they still rush out to congratulate Lando on his second position. Natalie, aware of the impending media scrutiny, stays behind. Her phone immediately starts flooding with messages, signaling the onslaught of media questions Lando can expect once he gets to the media pen.

In the quiet aftermath of the race, Natalie prepares herself to manage the upcoming barrage of inquiries, shielding Lando from the immediate aftermath of disappointment. The pit buzzes with a mix of subdued chatter and the distant cheers of the victorious team. Lando's frustration is palpable, and Natalie readies herself to navigate the delicate post-race interactions with the media.

Lando returns to the garage after taking to the podium for his champagne celebrations and walks right to his driver’s room. Natalie follows him as she attempts to prepare him for his media debriefing. She runs him through some of the questions, but he merely grunts in response.

“Well done on P2, Lando. So close to that first F1 win. What happened out there on that last lap?” Jenson Button, the interviewer, asks Lando, the disappointment evident in his question

“It’s disappointing to say the least. And, frustrating. I don’t really know what happened, just stupid mistakes on my part. Braking too soon, I suppose.” Lando shrugs off the answer, visibly agitated and over the whole media session.

“That first win is so well within your grasp. What’s the next step to get you on that winner’s podium?” Jenson continues to ask.

“Just have to keep our heads down and keep pushing.” Lando bluntly responds.

“Any plans to relax and rewind tonight before heading to Australia later this month?” Jenson queries, changing the topic.

“Nothing special at the moment, we’ll see what the mood is like after debriefing.” Lando is stoic with his response.

“Hopefully the ladies can show you some love tonight to get your spirits up.” Jenson teases Lando with a light jab in the shoulder.

Lando grows visibly frustrated throughout the interview and before he can respond to the interviewer’s last statement, Natalie steps in, recognising the need to manage the situation and shield Lando from further agitation.

“Thank you for your questions. Please remember to refrain from making personal statements or asking personal questions in the future. That’s all for tonight. Thank you again.” She bluntly states before following Lando out of the media pen and back to his driver’s room.

The weight of guilt intensifies within Natalie. The frustration and discomfort Lando experienced during the interview only serve to amplify her sense of responsibility. As they retreat from the media scrutiny, the unspoken acknowledgment of the challenges in managing Lando's public image remains. The delicate balance between personal ethics and professional obligations becomes more apparent, leaving Natalie to grapple with the uncharted territory of their evolving relationship and the unspoken possibilities that linger beneath the surface.

“Why do they feel the need to know everything all the time?” Lando snaps once she closes the door behind her. “When did they become so entitled to the point where they need to know who I’m seeing and what I’m doing?”

The frustration in Lando's voice resonates, highlighting the relentless scrutiny that comes with fame in the Formula 1 world. Natalie understands the weight of the questions, the intrusion into his personal life, and the toll it takes on his mental and emotional well-being. In the silence that follows, she becomes a silent witness to the internal struggle he faces, torn between the demands of public life and the desire for privacy.

“As if I didn’t have a shit enough race, they feel the need to rub it into my face that I am single and have no one here to motivate me.” He continues.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Natalie sternly intervenes causing him to pause and look at her, his eyes widening just a tad. “When did you start caring about what others say or think about you?”

Natalie’s question hangs in the air, a gentle reminder that external opinions should not dictate his worth or define his identity. Her stern tone conveys a protective stance, shielding him from the unnecessary burden of societal expectations.

“So, you’re single. Great. Live your life, go out, go party, go hook-up with some random girls. You have nothing tying you down. Let them enjoy that, let them keep speculating, let them keep your name trending without any cause or facts. Your relationship status does not define who you are.” Natalie continues, exhausted and breathless.

Her words resonate with a sense of liberation, an insistence that Lando should not allow external perceptions to dictate his actions or self-worth. The exhaustion in her voice carries the weight of witnessing someone she cares about being affected by the incessant scrutiny. In this moment, Natalie transcends her role as a PR manager, becoming a confidante and a voice of reason for Lando, encouraging him to embrace the freedom that comes with being unburdened by societal expectations.

"And, there are plenty of people here to motivate you and support you." Natalie adds, offended by the fact that he has looked past her and the team's support.

Their conversation is cut short by a call from Lando’s best friend, Max. Recognizing the need for personal space, Natalie tactfully steps away, leaving Lando to converse with his best friend.

“Hey, buddy.” Lando answers.

“Hey, man. You good? What was that last lap?” Max asks.

“My head was not in that race at all today.” Lando admits.

“Why? What happened?” Max implores.

“You know how everyone’s been asking me about my love life. So, management suggests I fake date this model and Natalie shoots that down, and rightfully so, she made some good points. Then Charlotte asks if Natalie wouldn’t fake date me instead, since it would be more believable, and then she rejects that idea instantly.” Lando explains.

“So, are you mad that everyone keeps bugging you about it or mad at Natalie because she rejected the idea?” Max asks to clarify the situation.

“Is it wrong that I’m mad at her for not wanting to help me out?” Lando mumbles.

“Dude, she just got out of an abusive six-year relationship, do you really blame her for going the drama-free route?” Max counters.

“Of course, I don’t blame her for that. It’s just frustrating having to answer these questions all the time and deal with stupid statements.” Lando responds.

“She’s been doing a good job getting you out of answering those questions. Just ride the wave. They’ll get bored with this eventually.” Max assures his friend.

---------------------------

Taglist: @noneofyourfbusinessworld

[doubleddenden]

Diving through the leaks from today (I have not slept yet) in regards to the cut gen 5, 4, and even 3 content has been such an adventure. I feel like I've discovered several more AUs in which 1 small decision could have had a ripple effect on the franchise for years to come.

Especially the gen 4 beta lore that was apparently dug up. Yall thought shit was religious now, they had a straight up PANTHEON planned. Not to mention it makes that church suddenly make sense- this wasn't just worshipping a Pokemon, this was literally a god with god like mythos. Like Arceus hatched from an egg in the middle of chaos at the beginning of time, his own egg shards became GIANTS that tried to kill him, and Arceus rapidly grew and beat them all. He made Dialga and Palkia to be his alter egos out of his own blood and to be God's of time and LIGHT, apparently, and Dialga and Palkia LOVED EACH OTHER- not hated and tried to kill each other, LOVED EACH OTHER. HAD CHILDREN. And assuming I read correctly, those two had the lake trio, who made the tree of life, destroyed it, and Rayquaza, Groudon, and Kyogre were born. In fact, Rayquaza may have been the shadow of ANOTHER POKEMON that became the pillar of the heavens?

It's pretty hardcore and confusing stuff. The giants stuff absolutely puts the Fighting Plate lore into perspective with its text "the power of giants fills this plate with power" or something.

I think it's pretty obvious why it was all cut or severely dumbed down, but it is actually very interesting to see that at some point, they were extremely dedicated to the world building of the franchise before they kinda said "fuck it it's whatever now."

On a mechanical end, it's also incredibly interesting. Gen 5 was almost the gen to introduce 3d models for players, apparently. I think it's pretty obvious why they went with an enhanced 2.5d approach, given the ds wasn't ready for much beyond ps1 graphics, but it's still incredible to think that was even a concept at the time.

And the lost beta Pokemon, oh my God. Gen 3 had a bunch that were eventually redesigned. Lickylicky in gen 4 almost made sense because it's body looked READY TO ROLL OUT! Archeops in gen 5 was almost cool af with some slightly different proportions. There's just a bunch that go completely unused.

And characters- yall, Team Galactic almost served cunt. Saturn almost was cool, and Mars and Jupiter would have DONE something to people. There's also in depth profiles on certain characters- Skyla was apparently modeled after Jennifer Lopez and was coded to be Hispanic. Each gen 5 gym leader had races assigned to each, and a real life inspiration behind each.

Even mechanics are talked about- a lot of scrapped ideas, such as one from Morimoto that was basically Pinkan Pokemon from Orange Islands but shifting your Pokemon's colors depending on the berries they ate. Masuda apparently had some reservations about following Pokemon- hence why it was so limited in DP and other games he directs.

It's information like this that really amazes me. So much of what could have been, so much info fans have theorized just kinda confirmed in some cases. I wish they'd talk about this stuff, because this is all genuinely interesting to see. Genuinely, I want to know the thought processes going on for some of these ideas and designs.

[lucagray813]

Sensitive Ear

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 4,333

Characters: MK, Macaque, Wukong

Relationships: MK & Macaque, Macaque & Wukong (could be interpreted as Macaque/Wukong)

Summary: What are the limitations of the Six-Eared Macaque's ability to know the past and future?

CW: None

Link to AO3 Version

----

In light of the Scroll of Memory and the offensive comments from Macaque, MK had decided that he needed to brush up on his Monkey King knowledge. Clearly a lifetime of Tang's retellings of the legendary Journey to the West hadn't been enough and he decided to go straight to the source.

After an unbecoming amount of pleading, Monkey King had caved and presented him with the only unabridged written account of his adventures - literally buried beneath Flower Fruit Mountain's library.

Which seemed excessive to him but it was clear as Monkey King handed over to him how much he wished to snatch it back and bury it once more but after everything he’d put him through, MK figured that Monkey King owed him at least this much.

Before he could shoot off and start reading, Monkey King stopped him, looking guilty he requested, "Look, kid. You deserve to know everything but well, I'm just warning you now not everything makes for pleasant reading. I've done things I'm not proud of. But... Just come talk to me first before you think too badly of me, alright?"

MK was agreeable, "I will. I know this is the unabridged version but nothing will be as detailed as the Scroll of Memory. But I also know you're not the same monkey you were. You're way better."

Monkey King grinned and ruffled his hair before throwing an arm around him as he led them out, "What did I do to deserve a successor like you, huh?"

Well, MK guessed he was about to find out.

----

The unabridged version of Journey to the West had been enlightening to say the least. He was still working his way through it but so far it had been an invaluable source of knowledge and unexpectedly he felt it had brought him and Monkey King closer.

Which he had to admit was largely because Monkey King seemed to have resolved himself to be honest and upfront whenever MK came to him with a question. Which while sometimes serious, would often result in Monkey King's spirited retelling of the adventure in question which MK couldn't deny he ate up every time.

He had however recently come to the story of the Six-Eared Macaque and his part to play in Monkey King's journey towards enlightenment and it made for some somber reading.

He couldn't quite bring himself to talk to Monkey King about it yet. Combined with what he'd seen in the Scroll of Memory - he couldn't imagine that it would be an easy thing for him to talk about.

After taking a few days to think on it and coming to terms with Macaque's fate. He decided that there were perhaps safer questions he could ask about this chapter with the other monkey in question. And boy, did he have so many questions.

It wasn't too hard to find Macaque these days, if he was in the mood to be approached, you could often find him lazing in a tree somewhere around the island, apparently content to do absolutely nothing.

So, after finding him one day, he loudly cleared his throat as he walked towards him and read out from the open book in his hand, "The fourth is the Six-Eared Macaque, who has a sensitive ear, discernment of fundamental principles, knowledge of past and future, and comprehension of all things."

He closed the book with flair and looked up at Macaque expectantly, the monkey did not look remotely fazed to see him or the book he was reading from. In fact, he didn't even deign to sit up, still reclining on a tree branch above him.

"Ah, MK. Took up my advice to do some reading, huh? Wise choice. I'm sure Wukong is thrilled."

He let himself be momentarily distracted, defending his mentor passionately, "Hey! I'll have you know it was Monkey King who gave me this book! And he's been super good at answering all my questions!"

Macaque laughed a little meanly, before sitting up against the trunk of the tree to grin down at him, "Oh? I'm curious about the questions and answers on this chapter. Do tell."

MK fibbed slightly, "Er... I've only just finished it but I have questions for you first! Mr. "Knowledge of Past and Future"! How could you know the future and get into trouble with the Buddha and with the Lady Bone Demon?"

Macaque rubbed at his chin thoughtfully before he shrugged. He brought his hands to his ears for a moment and when he pulled them away, there were six where there had been two.

MK gasped dramatically and pointed at him, "You've had six ears this whole time!?"

"Why did you think I was called the Six-Eared Macaque?"

MK floundered, he had no answer. Lots of demons in Journey to the West had long and strange names, although admittedly most of them were pretty apt descriptors of the demon in question.

He shrugged sheepishly and Macaque just looked unimpressed. Wanting to move past his embarrassment quickly, he asked, "Why hide them?"

His response was sarcastic, "Oh right, because I just love idiots stopping to gawk at them."

MK quickly brought his eyes back to Macaque's face, not having even realised they had strayed - in his defense though they were glowing various different colours, it was a little distracting.

"Alright, fair point. Why'd you show me them?"

"Well, I can't have Wukong answering your questions about me - he'll get it all wrong."

"Wait. You're actually going to answer my questions properly? No talking around them or being vague?"

"I know. Don't you feel special? But as I said, you get your information from Wukong on this and you'll be expecting the impossible from me. So ask away, kid."

Somewhat suspicious but admittedly a little excited he made his way up the tree Macaque was in to sit on a nearby branch. Holding the book tightly, he asked, "You can really see the future?"

Macaque shook his head and pointed to his ears, "I can hear the future if I choose to. No visual to go along with it. Which as you can imagine does hamper my ability to properly know the future."

"Oh! So you don't just like know the future? You have to actually choose to listen to it?"

"That is what I just said, yes."

"But your plan to imitate Monkey King - you must have checked to see if that would actually work?"

"The future's not set in stone, kid. I can listen to various possibilities - the further in the future I listen, the less certain the outcome."

MK couldn't help but feel disappointed, "This power is sounding less useful by the minute."

Macaque shrugged, "It has its uses to me every once in a while but I'll admit knowing the future doesn't always mean you can do anything about it either. Sometimes by focusing on one future, you inadvertently cause another."

He supposed that made sense, still not completely down and out over it however he asked, "Can you show me how it works? How do you listen to the future?"

Macaque seemed to think about it before he shrugged again, "Sure, give me a time and a place to listen in on and I'll give it a go. Preferably somewhere close in space and time. I can listen for the most probable future."

Not quite prepared to have Macaque actually show him, he scrabbled for what to ask, "Er... What am I having for dinner tonight?"

Aw man, he could potentially learn his future and that's all he could think to ask?

Macaque sighed heavily, "Time and place, kid."

"Oh, right! Pigsy's Noodles! And I guess, at like eight tonight?"

Macaque sat in a way reminiscent of Monkey King when he meditated and MK's eyes were drawn to his ears. The top set had been switching between gently glowing black and white but now there was only a pure black light emitting from them. The colours from his other ears were almost completely muted.

For several minutes, nothing happened. And MK wondered if he should be concerned - should it take this long? Macaque didn't look like he was in pain or anything.

Unable to help himself he tried to ask him what the hold up was but Macaque didn't so much as twitch at his questioning, and no matter how close or how loud he shouted in his ears he didn't respond. Being prodded or shaken had no effect either.

Ok, he was starting to see why looking into the future might not be a good idea if this is what was involved - Macaque was totally vulnerable! He had a fleeting thought that he could pull a prank on him but he couldn’t bring himself to betray Macaque’s trust like that.

Another several minutes later and finally the black glow faded and Macaque opened his eyes, bringing a hand to rub at his temple, "You're having Ma Po Tofu. And don't be alarmed if Tang has a bandage around his hand - he got hurt trying to swipe food before it was ready. Also, if Mei invites you for a ride on her bike wear a helmet." He then paused, "I shouldn't have to tell you that."

"I'm practically indestructible! What do I need a helmet for?"

"If you're not partial to a full head of hair then by all means you set a bad example for impressionable young minds."

Bringing his hands to his hair protectively he cried, "I'm going to lose my hair!?"

"It's a possibility."

Silently swearing he'd wear a helmet from now on, he brought his hands down and asked, "You were out for like fifteen minutes! What took you so long?"

Still rubbing at his head, Macaque responded, "You know how much sound there is between here and Pigsy's Noodles? And then how much there is between now and several hours from now? It's a lot to sift through."

"Oh. You can't just like fast forward to the right bit?"

Macaque shot him an annoyed look, "I sorted through hours worth of information in 15 minutes - I'd say that was fast forwarding. You try listening to the future some time, see how well you handle it."

Macaque finally brought his hand away from his head and MK asked, "Does it hurt? Listening to all that noise?"

"It's not pleasant. If I'm at it too long I have the worst migraine you could imagine."

He felt a little bad that he'd had Macaque demonstrate for him but then again Macaque had offered and he had no idea that it sucked so much to do it.

"Does listening to something further in the future take more time then?"

Macaque nodded, "Coupled with a migraine and how uncertain the far future is - it's just not worth the effort."

"Dude, this power seems totally useless! It does you more harm than good and it might not even be accurate? No wonder you don't use it."

Macaque shrugged, "Try telling that to the Lady Bone Demon. My ability to hear the future was why she sought me out in the first place. My ears were basically at her command - could only use them when she let me and all she wanted to know was the most likely outcome of her various plans to reset the world. Ugh, my head was killing me every second she had me captive. And don't get me started on what she was like when I didn't give her the answer she wanted."

He'd never thought too much about Macaque's relationship with the Lady Bone Demon. On the hunt for the Samadhi Fire, Macaque had at first made it seem like he was working for her by choice. He was beginning to realise Macaque had probably had a worse time than anyone else had with her.

"But enough about that witch. Questions about my ability to hear the future satisfied?"

Mood significantly lower after thinking about the Lady Bone Demon, he tried to focus back on why he'd originally sought Macaque out, "Uh... Yeah. Thanks for the demonstration. I guess that's how listening to the past goes too?"

He nodded and pointed to the lowest ear on his right, "Only difference is the set of ears I use to listen but same deal. Although accuracy is more or less guaranteed with the past."

The bottom ears glowed red and green.

"Do the colours mean anything?"

"Hm? Ah, they just correspond with wǔxíng - green is furthest back, black is furthest forward."

"What about your middle ears? They're just yellow."

"For hearing the present - much easier to use than past and future but still likely to end in a headache if I stretch it too far."

He looked down at the book in his hands in consideration, "Do you ever listen to the past...?"

Macaque glanced down at the book and understood what he was really asking, "People that live in the past aren't really living. I'll admit I peak every once in a while but sometimes it's better not to know. If I'm listening to the past, it's for information I can use in the present or will be helpful in the future. I don't linger."

He nodded absentmindedly, that was probably a good thing. But his mind had started to wander to other applications of Macaque's abilities.

There was a part of him that desperately wanted Macaque to listen to his past - tell him how he'd shown up at Pigsy's door all the years ago but his fear of the answer would never allow the question past his lips. Not to mention it was asking a lot of Macaque, it might take him days and then to top it off he'd have a migraine from hell.

He supposed it was a power that might be helpful for the present, or the immediate past or future but Macaque was right - it didn't sound worth it most of the time. No wonder it didn't help him any with the Buddha or the Lady Bone Demon.

"I think you've answered all my Six-Eared related questions. Thanks for actually just talking straight with me."

Macaque huffed, "I suppose it does make for a nice change of pace every once in a while. You sure that's everything? Because once I put the ears away you've lost your chance for an easy answer."

He looked down at the book in his hands. He wanted to know about Monkey King's past to help him with his future - given that his mentors old "friends" and enemies kept popping up to cause him trouble. But while he was curious about what had gone down between Monkey King and Macaque. It felt wrong for him to know more than he did.

He knew more than most and anything else he learned would be about the complicated feelings that the two no doubt had for each other and what happened. It wasn't for him to know.

"I guess I have one last question... Do you think you and Monkey King will ever talk about what happened?"

Macaque brought his hands up to his ears, and when he brought them away there were only two.

"Who can say? For the moment, we have a truce of sorts. And I can live with that for now. Not going to get Wukong's take on that chapter then?"

"No. I don't think I should. Sometimes it's better not to know, right?"

"I'm telling you, kid. You listen to me more often and you'll go far."

----

Wukong had waited until MK had left the island for the day before seeking out Macaque. He found him methodically cutting up fruit a good distance away from the mountain.

Despite, making his approach obvious, Macaque didn't bother to look up at him as he came into view. He just continued his work, seemingly unbothered his spoils were being pilfered by some of the island monkeys.

He came to stand a few feet away, eyeing up the other, waiting to see if he'd be acknowledged. When he wasn't he tried to think carefully how to broach the topic he had in mind.

"You weren't honest with, MK."

Macaque glanced at him before shrugging, "I didn't lie either."

"He thinks your powers to hear the past and future are pretty much useless."

Macaque sighed and put down the fruit and knife in his hand, "Forgive me, if I find it works out better for me if people don't know what I'm capable of."

It irked him that Macaque had led MK to believe his powers weren't at all a dangerous thing, sure his long term future hearing was probably not that reliable but all his other abilities could be used to devastating effect. Particularly if combined with certain artefacts or magic to speed up the process or lessen the pain.

He wasn't really sure what he hoped to achieve by confronting Macaque. Maybe his new honesty policy with MK was convincing him that everyone should follow suit.

He sat down with a huff, "MK's a good kid. He wouldn't have done anything if he knew. You just want him to underestimate you."

Macaque's eyebrow twitched, "If you're just here to start something then leave. I'm not in the mood to deal with you."

He pushed down the instinct to bite back with an inflammatory response and took a breath, "I'm just here to try and understand."

"Like hell, people who want to understand don't start by throwing around accusations. Try taking a leaf out of the kid's book sometime and don't assume you already know the answer. Because you rarely do."

Wukong's tail swished agitatedly behind him, "And you do? Crazy how often someone who can hear the past and future gets it wrong."

Macaque snarled at him, before catching himself and standing with an aggravated sound, "This is pointless. I don't need to hear the future to know that talking to you is a waste of time and energy. You just never know when to leave well enough alone."

Wukong stood, "Oh typical Macaque! Something's too difficult so he'll just run away!"

"Have you ever noticed that you're the thing that's too difficult? I was literally just sitting here, minding my business! And I didn't owe MK any answers! Just like I don't owe you any answers! You want the kid to know what I can do? Fine! You tell him! Not like you've ever cared what I wanted anyway!"

Wukong felt like he'd been slapped, "That's not true! I-"

He what? Had always cared? Always listened? Always put what someone else wanted before what he wanted?

None of that was true.

Why were they even arguing? Macaque hadn't done anything wrong. Was it really a big deal that MK didn't know every application of Macaque's powers? He hadn't known anything about his ears before now but suddenly Wukong was unhappy that Macaque hadn't felt obliged to tell him anything other than what he'd asked?

What was wrong with him?

He swallowed, temper immediately reduced to embers, "I- I won't tell, MK. You... You're right. You didn't owe him any answers."

An apology was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't get it past his teeth.

Macaque looked taken off guard by the complete one-eighty, but he too calmed to respond warily, "Er... Alright. Good?"

Wukong tried to pull some semblance of an explanation together, "I just want what's best for MK. That shouldn't be at your detriment though. I just... I wasn't thinking."

Macaque scoffed, "There's a surprise. I still don't get why you flew off the handle like that."

Wukong crossed his arms and looked away - guilt warring with righteousness.

Macaque sounded incredulous, "You thought I was going to use my powers against the kid?"

"Don't act like that's unreasonable! It wasn't that long ago you were trying to kill us all! You can't expect me to forget that in just a couple of months!"

Macaque's tail lashed behind him, "Oh, of course! Why would I expect you of all people to think someone can change?"

"That doesn't mean you trust someone blindly! You think I would let you hang about my island if-"

"Your island!? This was just as much my home as it was yours!"

"Yeah it was! Past tense!"

"So what? Now I need to earn the right to call this place home again?"

"Yes! I mean, no! This is your home!" He made an aggravated noise, "Why are we fighting!?"

"You started it!"

"Well, I want to stop! I don't want to fight!"

"Then stop yelling!"

"You stop yelling!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

The both turned away from each other and Wukong felt his face heat up at how stupid this was. They literally couldn't say two words to each other without it dissolving into an argument.

He heard Macaque groan, "Look, I get why you don't trust me. The feeling's mutual but I just want to get on with my life. I don't want to hurt MK. Hell, I don't even want to hurt you most days. I'm done." He sighed heavily, before admitting quietly, "I'm tired. I... I just want to come home."

He decided to ignore that there were still some days where apparently Macaque did still want to hurt him as he felt Macaque's sentiment keenly. He was probably the only one who knew what it felt like to be so tired, to be so desperate for peace.

They'd both been forced away for five hundred years suffering their respective punishments, albeit not concurrently. And he knew deep down a part of him desperately wanted Macaque to come home too.

"I'm... I get that. What it's like to be tired... To want to come home... I-"

Macaque cut him off sharply, "Don't." He then took a breath, "Not tonight. I- I can't handle this conversation right now. It won't end well."

"...will it ever end well?"

Macaque stayed silent for a moment before admitting, "I haven't listened. I don't want to know."

Wukong nodded, deciding it was time to leave, he offered a roundabout apology, "I... I could have handled this better. Shouldn't have come already thinking the worst." He tried to grin, "I've still got a lot to learn from MK, I guess."

Macaque played along, "I'll say." He looked at him seriously, "He's a good kid, Wukong."

It sounded like a warning but he understood, "Yeah, I know."

He wasn't going to mess this up. He could admit he'd started off as a poor excuse for a mentor and friend but he was going to do better. He was already doing better.

Macaque seemed to accept all that had went unsaid and turned away, and swiped up the knife he'd been using to cut fruit, "Well, alright then... I'm off. The apple orchard is calling my name."

With a final nod, he walked off, quickly disappearing amongst the shadows between the trees.

Well, that could have gone worse. In fact, he'd even call that a tentative success. Though they really would need to figure out a way to communicate without getting so worked up almost immediately. Unfortunately, he couldn't lay all the blame at Macaque's feet for that one.

As he made his way back to the mountain, he reflected on Macaque's ears. He hadn't really meant to spy on him and MK earlier but he stood by his perhaps slightly overly protective nature when MK was around Macaque.

It'd been a long time since he'd seen them properly, he'd been surprised that Macaque had been so willing to show them to MK.

He could easily remember hundreds of moments when he'd been distracted by their glow.

MK couldn't possibly appreciate what those ears were truly capable of. They could hear sounds you wouldn't have thought existed - the stretch of muscles, plants growing, the frequency of stationary metals. Macaque could hear it all.

And he could pinpoint where those sounds were in space with terrifying accuracy - meaning a lack of visuals for the past and future was hardly a detriment. Sure he couldn't see the features of someone's face or clothes, couldn't appreciate any scenery but that was a truly minor detail.

In practice, Macaque could use this to predict someone's moves in a fight. Forever at least one step ahead of his opponent. It was why he had been able to perfectly fool everyone bar the Buddha of his imitation and how he was able to go toe to toe with him in a fight.

It wasn't an ability without flaws - it could quickly take its toll and as Macaque had said to MK, knowing the future didn't mean you could do anything about it but Macaque could use it with devastating effectiveness.

And don't get him started on hearing the past. Macaque could process and retain an insane amount of information, if he had the time and motivation he could learn everything about a person, could know their whole life and he had little issue with using that knowledge against someone.

And boy, was Macaque more than willing to suffer to get that information if he had the right motivation - take for example, a desire for revenge. Macaque knew things about his journey no-one else should know and he had previously not hesitated to hurt him with that knowledge.

And then of course, just his hearing for the present made him an impressive tracker. You'd be hard pressed to hide from the Six-Eared Macaque.

All this to say, Macaque was not someone you wanted as your enemy. He was extraordinarily skilled and he would happily spite himself just to cause you to suffer.

But, he tried to remind himself, when Macaque wasn't your enemy he could be an exceptional ally. Something, Wukong was slowly starting to hope he could one day be again - if not something more.

--End--

LMK Fanfic Masterlist

[garf-lover96]

happy anniversary to me and Julian :3 a few months ago i made a post that i will write a fic for the occasion and i DID and i reached the character limit in my google keep note because it was that long. it's almost 4k words!! that's how much i love him guys!! i don't know how i suddenly went from writing little 1k fics to this monstrosity but i'm happy with how it turned out🤞🤞 it's under the cut because it really is huge and also disgustingly mushy, be careful!!.....

i should start titling my fics or something but i don't really want to.. maybe they'll get their titles somewhere in the future

———

Rowan sits in the palace parlor, half sunken into the soft pillows of the sofa. His hand raises to pick at his lips, before the magpie on his shoulder screeches at him and he's forced to drop it back into his lap. The countess sitting across from him chuckles softly and speaks up for the first time in a longer while.

"I do agree with Bluebell. You're much too anxious about the whole situation." Nadia imparts and takes a small sip from her teacup. The magpie seems smug at the fact someone's agreed with her.

"I know, I know that... But are you sure the gift isn't too small?" Rowan asks and starts unconsciously picking at his nails, earning him another loud screech.

"A ring of all things is an accurate gift for an anniversary, I assure you."

"He doesn't even wear jewelry, this is silly..." he mumbles out and rubs his face with a frustrated huff.

Seeing Rowan's distressed expression, Nadia sets her cup down and walks over to sit down by his side. The man straightens up a little as she places a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Can you tell me what this is really about?" she inquires with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Maybe it's just... A commitment thing..."

"...Could you elaborate on that?"

"I just mean- Are promise rings the right amount of commitment? Will he think I'm a hypocrite for giving him a ring when I've previously told him that I don't want marriage-?"

"...Dear, do you hear yourself?"

Rowan is about to start picking at his nails again before Bluebell hops down into his hands and he begins to preen the bird instead.

"I sincerely doubt that Julian would even be capable of such a thought. That is, when it comes to you, at the very least."

"I guess..."

"Rowan, I'm certain that Julian hasn't changed his mind on that agreement. He'll love those rings." Nadia assures, carding through his hair gently and putting unruly wisps back into place.

Sighing softly, Rowan rests his head on her shoulder, her fragrant perfume calming his nerves "I know how silly I sound, I'm sorry..."

Nadia chuckles fondly "This is quite an important milestone for you, it's natural to be nervous about it. Especially since this is your first time celebrating a relationship anniversary."

She glances down to notice that the man is now squeezing Bluebell's body rhythmically. Not that the fluffed up bird seems to mind, she seems a little drowsy in fact, as if she's entirely used to it.

"But you know, if you're this worried that I can't imagine just how troubled Julian is. Remind me when do you have to head back?"

Rowan's eyes move towards the big clock standing in the corner of the room. "In a few hours... And yeah, he's probably spiraling right about now. I bet he got me something beautiful though..." he says and smiles softly.

"Would you like to take a stroll in the garden? You could use some fresh air to relax before your rendezvous."

"Yeah, let's do that... Thank you, Nadia." he nods before reaching over to finish his cold cup of tea.

~~~

Portia stumbles through the streets of Goldgrave, Malak constantly pulling at her sleeves, leading her somewhere. She was really hoping to get some garden work done before the raven showed up and caused a big ruckus. All she managed to deduce from the urgent croaks is that Julian apparently needs help with something. The bird dives down to pull on a strand of her hair once more.

"Give me a break! I told you already, my legs aren't as long as Ilya's-" she yanks her lock back from Malak's talons with a small grunt, "Ugh, if you want me to bail him out again, I swear he'll be going to his little date with a black eye."

She's a little confused when the bird perches on top of her head not a few moments later.

"We're stopping? But this is..." she trails off and looks up. This is undeniably the building where she's watched her brother's stage performances before. But why would he be in the community theater of all places today? She makes her way through the entrance and soon enough she can hear some distant labored grunting, followed by a loud frustrated yell. Malak takes off from her head and flies further through the corridor, then audibly crashes into something with a thud.

"Where were you? I was starting to think you've abandoned me." Julian can be heard talking to the raven the closer Portia gets to the backstage. When the scene comes into view, her jaw drops a little.

"You're stealing a piano." Portia's tone isn't questioning in the slightest, somehow this does seem like something he'd do.

Julian straightens up and whips around to face his sister with a mortified expression "Stealing- I'm not stealing, this is a perfectly legal operation! And what in the world are you even doing here?!" his gaze shifts to the raven sitting on top of the said piano "I told you I don't need any help! Traitor..." he huffs hopelessly and leans against the instrument. The longer Portia looks at him, the more she notices just how exhausted he looks.

"...Don't tell me you were trying to carry a piano all by yourself. Where would you even bring it?"

"It's a gift, Pasha! I spent months trying to renovate this old thing so I could give it to Rowan! He's been taking those lessons from Nadia and he's already so good... I wanted him to have a piano of his own at home." he whines out and runs his gloved hand down his face.

"What- Why didn't you tell me that earlier? I obviously would've helped!"

"Because- Because it's my responsibility! I got the gift so now I have to carry it home! And it's fine because I'm sure you have your own chores to do today and I'm strong enough to drag this thing back to the shop myself. Thank you for your concern." having said that, Julian pushes the piano forward and it makes an outrageously loud creak as it moves against the wooden floor.

It makes Portia grimace. She can't bear the thought of the piano being massacred like this any longer.

"Stop! I'm not letting you drag it on the ground all the way there. You'll just ruin it, idiot." she grumbles and walks around the instrument, managing to get a pretty good hold on it from one end. She shoots Julian a meaningful look, urging him to grab the other side.

He sighs in defeat before quickly laying his discarded coat over it and they manage to lift the piano off the ground together. It makes Malak croak in surprise but he doesn't move an inch. Manoeuvering it through all the corridors leading outside is hard work, so they take a break once they've carried it out into the street.

Only when the daylight reaches the piano can all the intricate details finally be seen. Portia runs her hand over the carvings depicting a bunch of wildflowers and animals. The fresh coat of varnish makes the instrument glisten in the sun.

"And you're telling me you're just allowed to walk out with a piece like this? This must be worth a fortune!"

"A fortune is what I spent on getting it into proper shape... The exterior might be beautiful but the insides were all jumbled up. Not that I know much about pianos... I spent a long time trying to find all the necessary experts to fix it." he huffs out again and rests his elbow on top of the instrument, swinging his hand at Malak to shoo him off of it "Ride's over, I'm not letting you scratch it up..."

The bird relents and moves to perch on Portia's shoulder as she circles the piano, her eyes boring into the insane details. She brings the fall board up so she can see the keys as well.

"...Oh my god, is this ivory?"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure it is, yes. It's supposed to be durable, thankfully none of the keys were missing-"

"This is the kind of stuff they have at the palace!" she exclaims and looks at them in awe.

"It's- It's not too much, right? Will he think I'm out of my mind for getting him a piano with ivory keys...?" Julian suddenly seems a little less confident about his present than a second ago. But before his sister is allowed to answer, his eyes dart up and he winces when he notices the sun's position.

"Drat, look at us just standing around here, we don't have much time! We might have to take those tight shortcuts..."

"Maybe we won't have to if you just grab onto the piano, Ilya..."

"Right, yes!" he squares his shoulders, quickly stepping over to take the lead in the piano-carrying assignment. Once they both get a secure hold on the instrument again, they lift it up and start walking through the streets.

In this situation getting some surprised stares from people is inevitable, but Julian is not concerned with that at all. Instead, he keeps glancing up, clearly stressing over whether they'll be able to make it to the shop and carry the gift inside in time, before Rowan returns from the palace.

He glances behind briefly to notice that Malak is still comfortably rested atop Portia's shoulder. Then he speaks up, slight concern apparent in his voice. "Malak, friend, do you think you could check up on Rowan? Er, just to make sure that he's not going to be inconveniently punctual."

The bird seems mildly inconvenienced at the fact that he has to leave his place snuggled into Portia's soft hair but doesn't need much more convincing. Leaving some stray feathers behind, he takes off into the air. Without the ravens frequent croaking, there falls a silence between the siblings. Portia notices Julian's tense shoulders and can't resist to tease him a bit.

"...You know, maybe he will think you're a snob for the ivory keyboard."

"Pasha, don't stress me out!" he yells back at her, trying to hold back a smile at the sound of her jesting giggle.

~~~

While in the air, Malak obediently stays in pursuit of Rowan to distract him if needed, but shortly after spotting him on his way out of the palace, he notices the man seemingly taking the scenic route anyway. Hopping his way along the roofs, the raven notices him stop somewhere in the corner of the town square.

Hugging his knees to his chest, Rowan stares down at particularly stout, shiny beetle. His familiar jumps towards it again but he stops her with an index finger, poking her away.

"I told you it's too fat for you to eat. I don't want you to choke, sweetheart."

A grumpy screech.

"...I'm not going to cut it into pieces either. There are people here."

Another screech.

"What? I'm not tempting you! Can't I just stare at a bug in peace for a moment?" the tension between his brows increases a little as he keeps his eyes on the beetle "I'm not nervous anymore, I just need a second, okay?"

Bluebell hops forward and flops onto her back, trying to distract Rowan.

"Your little baby tantrum won't fix anything, you know."

The magpie seems offended now. She opens her beak threateningly...

"No, hey, don't you dare do that-"

A series of deafening screeches tear through the square as Bluebell tries to put a stop to Rowan's overthinking in her own way. He scoops her up from the ground and starts shushing her frantically.

"Stop screaming! We can go to the shop, you can take the stupid beetle, just don't make a scene!"

She stops immediately and wriggles out of his grasp to pick the beetle up by one skinny, squirming leg. It makes Rowan frown a little.

"...Just make sure to chew it well, please." he mutters and finally continues walking.

~~~

Already inside the shop, the Devoraks try to carry the piano up the stairs and not fall to their deaths in the process. A firm boot planted on the creaking step, Julian pushes forward as Portia leads the way, carefully climbing backwards.

"Just a few more Pasha, you've got this..." he reassures and angles his head so that he can see the short corridor the staircase leads to.

With a series of collective labored groans they manage to pull the piano onto the top floor before almost collapsing against it.

"Now that's a workout! Gosh, I barely feel my calves... And hands... And..." Portia trails off, raising her hand to pull her damp with sweat hair away from her face.

"I think I was seconds away from breaking my spine there..." Julian gasps and quickly pulls his gloves off of his hands, throwing them onto the piano "Just one more... Curve... I swear I'll get you such a nice thank you gift, you're the best sister in the whole wide world..." he seems to be getting a little teary-eyed but he quickly composes himself for the sake of the mission.

Portia seems to nod acknowledingly at her brother's emotional speech as she tilts her head to look downstairs at the sound of slight tapping "I think Malak's back..."

Julian turns around and observes as the raven wanders into the shop through the back door, his talons clicking against the wooden floor. He caws a few times which makes Julian grimace.

"Alright, I have no idea what that meant but I will assume that Rowan is already near... Are you okay to keep going, Pasha?"

She gives him a quick thumbs up and shakes her hands off, then grabs onto the piano as if she didn't just drag a half a ton instrument up some very steep stairs. Carrying it into the bedroom doesn't take near as much work as all the previous routes but once it's sitting in it's designated place, the siblings just slide down to sit on the floor for a short moment.

"You were right, you're always right, I wouldn't have managed without you, Pasha..." Julian weeps out and quickly pulls her into a hug.

"Yes, you would've been dead a hundred times over if it weren't for me." she wraps her arms around him with a grin, feeling just a little lightheaded from all the carrying she did today "I should get going, don't wanna disturb you loverboys." she snorts and pokes at her brother's waist.

"Ah, allow me to escort you then, dear sister!" he gets to his feet—his back cracking loudly—and upon wiping a stray tear from his eye, he pulls her up by the forearms "Good to stand?"

Portia nods. It's a careful walk back down, both of their legs are still quite wobbly after the endeavor. Upon opening the door for her sister, Julian is surprised to find a spooked Rowan on the steps just outside. He staggers back a bit as it suddenly opens.

"Oh, Portia...? What are you doing here?" he asks with growing worry on his face at her disheveled state.

She just smiles and dives in for a hug, making the magpie on his shoulder startle and fly up to the rafters instead "All will make sense in a jiffy! Enjoy your date!" with one last squeeze, Portia takes off, turning around to wave goodbye.

Locking eyes with Rowan, Julian promptly pulls him inside and up into his arms with a beaming smile "Lover, you're here at last!"

"Julian-! I wanted to- Why... Why is your shirt soaked...?" Rowan stares at him with a confused expression, his feet still awkwardly dangling above the ground as his partner holds him.

"Ahaha, I promise to freshen up before our dinner... But what were you going to say?" Julian inquires with a smile and sets him down gently.

"I, uh, wanted to give you my present first because I thought about it way too much and... Just wanted to get that off my chest, you know? Is that okay?" Rowan squeezes Julian's hands gently, looking up at him with an unsure smile.

"Yes, more than okay! I'm dying to see what you thought of."

"Should we go upstairs-?"

"No! Not... Not yet. We, er, can go sit down in the back room, if you'd like."

Rowan widens his eyes with surprise again but doesn't mind going along with the idea. Once they're seated next to each other, he speaks up again "Before you see the gift, I just wanted to say that... Even though we already had that conversation about whether we ever want to take our relationship to the 'next stage' and came to an agreement, I still wanted you to have some kind of confirmation, I guess... I know how important that is for you and I really wanted you to know that I'm very, very serious about this, so..." with one trembling hand and a soft sniff, he fishes out a small pouch out of his vest's pocket and unties the thin string around it. He can feel Julian's eye boring into him as he works on opening it.

"...Hold out your hand, please."

Julian obeys and gives him his hand, palm facing up. His smile is bright with anticipation until Rowan twists his hand gently and takes it into his own instead. A shiny, sliver ring comes into his view, with what seems to be a small, green gemstone embedded in the middle. His jaw drops wordlessly as his partner slides it onto his finger. He inhales a bit before Rowan stops him.

"Don't say anything yet! Just a second!" he quickly reveals a second, matching ring, with the same design as the first one, but the colors seem to be different. It's gold with a red gemstone. Rowan holds it up to the one that's already on Julian's hand.

"These represent us, see? I had the gemstones switched so that the green reminds you of me but you can still wear silver. Ah, and- And you don't have to worry about your gloves either! Yours is actually adjustable so- You can wear it whenever you want!" he raises his eyes to check on his partner's reaction and his nervous smile softens when he sees some tears already streaming down his face, along with a huge grateful smile. Julian takes it upon himself to take the matching ring and slide it onto Rowan's finger before pulling him into a very tight hug.

"God, you really thought of everything... Thank you, love, they're so beautiful-" he voice cracks just a little before he buries his face in Rowan's hair, who's already exhaling in relief because the gift did turn out to be a success.

"There's just one more thing, actually." Rowan gently dries Julian's teary cheeks and makes him look down at their hands again "I'll let you do the honors. Touch one of the stones, hm?"

Once he gently taps his own ring, the other one lights up in a soft glow. It makes Julian gasp softly "This is the single most romantic thing you've ever done, I'm pretty sure."

"I can think of a few more... And it's a simple enchantment, really..." Rowan mumbles with a shy smile, still observing the rings that are finally in their rightful places.

"I'd love to just stare at these forever but... Now I really want you to see what I got for you. You're going to love it." he lowers his head to leave a sweet kiss on Rowan's lips before helping him to his feet.

They walk up the stairs together until Julian covers Rowan's eyes in front of the entrance to their bedroom. It makes Rowan tilt his head in confusion a little.

"Just keep walking, darling, I've got you."

"Yes, okay..."

They stop in the middle of the room and Julian makes Rowan face the direction of his gift.

"Are you ready?"

"I hope I am." Rowan answers with a small chuckle. When Julian's hands drop from his eyes to his shoulders, his eyes settle on the piano at last.

His reaction is a little delayed, but once it kicks in, it's nothing like Julian's controlled few sobs. He bites down on his lower lip and absolutely breaks down. The thick tears streaming down his eyes make it hard to keep his eyes on the piano. It makes Julian worried for a split moment.

"Er, these are happy tears, yes? You haven't given up on the art of music, right?" he asks and steps in to take Rowan's face into his hands as he keeps sobbing loudly. He only manages to nod firmly and pull him into a hug to keep crying into his shirt.

"A whole fucking piano... You're absolutely insane..."

"Now, there's the reaction I was waiting for! I was a tad worried that you were just pretending to like it." he remarks cheekily and runs his fingers through Rowan's hair gently, "I should mention that I couldn't decide on what little bench I should get to go along with it so we can go buy one tomorrow, if you'd like. There's a ton of colors of the cushioning to choose from, apparently."

"Damn it, I should've bought you a vielle instead... We could've been playing a duet right now..." Rowan weeps, attempting to dry his face while the tears just keep flowing.

"Oh we'll play many duets yet, dear. And anyway, you can get one for me on our next anniversary."

"And let me guess, to upstage the piano you'll get me a boat next year...?"

"Oh shush, don't spoil it!" Julian rolls his eyes playfully "We'll have time to talk about the future during our dinner which we don't want to be late to, eh?"

"Yeah, future... We should start getting ready." Rowan wipes is eyes into his sleeve and pulls Julian's face down gently to kiss him "Happy anniversary. I love you."

"I love you too, Rowan. Happy anniversary."

———

according to my screentime app, i spent 2 hours on this yesterday ALONE and almost 12 hours in general during the past 2 weeks. waow❤️ i have a drive

AND FUCKING TUMBLR POSTED THIS WHEN I WAS CLICKING "SAVE AS DRAFT" I SWEAR I'M GOING TO GO ON A RAMPAGE

[animehouse-moe]

I Miss The Case Study of Vanitas Because Sex

Okay, please forgive me for the clickbait-y title, but I just had to take it. The whiplash is too fun to me. Anyways, yes, I miss The Case Study of Vanitas (both as an anime and manga, since we've not gotten vol 10 in English yet) because of sex. Not the act in and of itself, but the appeal, the tension, the experience. Animanga isn't nearly as sexless as North American media, but it presents its own unique challenges and issues. So, if you don't mind, please humor my little foray into an attempt to explain the decoupling of fan service and sex appeal, with The Case Study of Vanitas as a medium.

⚠️Warning: I've done my best to keep it spoiler free, but by nature there is mild spoilers in regards to characters and certain interactions.⚠️

Is The Case Study of Vanitas about sex? Well, obviously not, no, it's about vampires. But as much as it's about vampires, it's also about despair, hope, penance and revenge, and the intricacies of the human condition. It just happens to feature vampires as the selling point. And I believe therein lies the best explanation of Vanitas: it's not about sex, but rather contains those aspects as a part of the people that exist in its world.

Fanservice has become a rather perverted term. Rather than appealing to a broad range of applications, fanservice tends to exclusively apply to displays that are sexual in nature (most typically in regards to catering to male audiences). In that way it's not particularly awful in how the term itself has shifted, but the use of fanservice is borderline pathetic in most series. A gaudy display of body parts, it hangs on excessive scale and movement to catch the eyes of touch starved individuals. I don't need a ballooned bosom besetting my vision before bobbing about in a baroque display for all too long. That's not the point.

But what is the point? Well, I've prattled on long enough so here's an example.

A look in the eyes, the right lighting. Even simple posing. Sex appeal is not limited to explicit displays of sexuality, but is rather the personification of both the character's intent as well as their external perception.

There are so many moments in this series that are in no way explicitly sexual, but can easily be perceived to have sex appeal or sexual tension.

But then, how would that appeal not feel weakened? It's a good question, honestly, and an important one to ask. When you display the chest of an underaged girl enough times, it won't elate the audience enough to be perceived as "good". It's a universal issue with storytelling, so how does Vanitas get around it?

My answer (and perhaps not the only answer) is how this appeal and tension is derived. I had sort of said it earlier, but didn't really explain. Its source is the very nature of the characters and world. It is not an external force exposing these facets, but the machinations of the plot and its pieces themselves.

Have a look at this example here. Vampires are hot, right? Their power, broody nature, and the concept of the unknown have played into their eroticism and appeal since time immemorial (seriously, look up Carmilla). Vanitas pounces on that concept and immediately plays into it. We don't get blood sucking every episode and every second, no. But we get it enough to provide variation, it appears at the right time to provide another layer to the nature of the story and characters.

Anyways, the example. Lord Ruthven and Noe. Two vampires, engaging in something strictly non-sexual. He is simply biting Noe. But the posing, the nature of the layout. It presents tension. It presents Ruthven's ownership and commanding nature of Noe in this moment. Domination and subjugation.

Even more is this sequence. The commanding nature that presents a clear power dynamic. The phrasing. It absolutely exudes sexual tension. But nothing of the sort is apparent in the actual interaction.

So what's the deal here. I know I had spoken on how characters themselves can convey tension and appeal without explicit intent to do so, but how can circumstance and interaction play into it as well?

Another lovely question. What comprises the act of sex? What are the pieces that elate, entice, and encourage someone? Well, aside from the answer that it's down to the individual, there's a few core pieces. The "top and bottom" dynamic is certainly the one that appears the most when dealing with pairs. Another, while a bit unseemly and slightly (?) taboo is the concept of fear and violence. Of course, I don't mean in any serious context, but the concept is how those things make you feel, and that they stem from that similar power dynamic. Perhaps that's the best word to describe it with: power dynamic. It's all about how two characters interact with each other, where they stand in relation to one another. The above image is the perfect example of that, and the following is how to build on it.

Vanitas and Jeanne, an incredible combination born not out of a mutual desire for the other, but the sheer interest of one and the needs of another. It's a one sided love spurred on by the actions of one that encourages the other to let loose. It creates the interesting dynamic of a power bottom that remains refreshing alongside the other relationships that exist in the story.

So here's a clip of that dynamic.

The way the camera and characters hang on each moment, the way the layouts aim to both obstruct but also apply razor focus. The voice acting. All of it, every single moments provides for that tension and appeal, and it extends past the act of sucking blood and into the souls of the characters themselves. A terrible plead that spills from blood stained lips, a promise that comes from the origin of that crimson.

This "sex appeal" and "sexual tension" is not something manufactured, but the absolute core of these characters. The act of domination, the incredible an undesired need of a substance, the mental fractures eroding at the ego of a person. All of these moments stem from the very souls of the characters and bubble up to the surface in these forms of expression. Where words will not do, actions speak in their place.

Also, Vanitas moaning. Yes please. The greatest benefit to this series is the fact that it's willing to lean into the men as well. This is not "just" for the guys (and lesbians), no. This is for everyone, but especially those that enjoy a side of insanity and toxicity to their romance.

So that brings us to the end. Vanitas is not "about" sex, Vanitas is sex and is the purest way to deliver on fan service while providing sexual tension and appeal. It's subtle, subdued, infrequent and benign. It does not bend to the desires of the viewer, but rather stems from those of the characters. And so many series need to take note. "Lucky Lecher" and perversely excessive displays have no home in my heart when there are far more artistic and desirable sequences that can be produced.

[georgevilliers]

Mary & George thots

I watched all 7 episodes this morning starting at 4:30am on about 4 hours of sleep so here are all of my very sleep deprived but professional opinions. Also, I read the book The King's Assassin by Benjamin Woolley so i have Extra Opinions

(spoilers and lengthy thots beneath the cut)

These are not going to be in any specific order because I can not be bothered (see: me being up since 4am on 4 hours of sleep) and as a blanket statement I loved the show!!!!! Most of the things I will say are going to be neutral statements relating to differences I saw between what I read in the book and what was in the show. These are not good or bad things, just observations! I think it's fun and interesting to look at the things they changed to make it more interesting and palatable for a tv viewing audience, and I don't think it changes the quality of the product at all! With that out of the way, let's get on to the content:

we'll start with the things I loved

NICHOLAS GALITZINE. Like. HELLO??? I am very familiar with his work (watched everything he's been in and recorded a podcast about it) and I know he's been criminally undervalued in almost every project he's ever done but this really, really tested his limits and I mean that in a very good way. You can tell this whole project was a test of his abilities as an actor both physically and mentally and he really rose to the challenge in such an impressive way. I'm not really sure if this is ever going to be Emmy/awards fodder (if they meant it to be they released it at a very poor time but thats a different discussion for another time) but I do think this is going to lead to some very interesting places for him. People (important decision making ones) are going to see this and realise what his abilities are and this is a very good thing.

The costumes are so incredible. The details, the colours, the cuts, the CAMP. I'm not a costuming expert so I have no way of knowing how accurate any of the costuming was but damn did it look good.

On that note the CAMP. Oh my god. This really had that je ne sais quoi that makes something camp in the way only queer people can make something camp, so really hats off to everyone involved in the production value.

I should mention all of the actors here, including Julianne Moore and Tony Curran. I am biased, being that I now seem to only exist to consume Nicky G media, but everyone did such a great job.

The script is so complex and rich, I really don't envy the actors having to memorize some of the tongue twisters that were part of the dialogue.

I think they did a really good job of crafting George as a character. As someone who is predisposed to love Nick's face (lol) I really did feel a bit of hatred towards him sometimes. I found him embarrassing, hot headed, full of himself, and pitiable, sometimes all within a few scenes!

Let's talk about some of the big changes I noticed

they really REALLY made up about 95% of Mary's storyline, I would say. This is just going off the King's Assassin, mind you, but from what I learned about Mary from that book is that essentially her only role in the course George's life took was the initial bit: sending him to France to become a learned gentleman, and sending him to London to try to catch the king's attention. If anyone has any recommendations for sources about Mary's life I could read about I would be very interested in it in order to piece together more fact and fiction! In general, I would just assume the vast majority of Mary's storyline did not happen, but it was fun though! One thing that is mentioned in the book is that her and the king did become good friends.

I really missed the use of nicknames from James. I guess it was hard to show most of them on screen as a lot of them appeared in letters they wrote to each other when they were apart, but James often referred to him as "Steenie" referring to St Stephen who apparently "had the face of an angel", amongst numerous other nicknames such as wife, dog, and child etc.

I also really wish they had included this famous speech of King James' to his privy council, because it is burned into my brain I can literally recite it word for word now: "You may be sure that I love the Earl of Buckingham more than anyone else, and more than you who are here assembled. I wish to speak in my own behalf and not to have it thought to be a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had John, and I have George."

I think they sort of removed some of George's abilities in order to make him rely on Mary more to involve her character in the storylines. In reality he made all of his own political decisions, knew how to play the king without help if he needed, and was a competent (if not terrible and easily swayed by bribery and trying to level up his own interests) member of the government

One of my favourite things to learn from the book is that when George took a wife (which, I believe in reality he was all too happy to marry in order to secure his possessions with an heir) she was welcomed by the king with open arms. King James became besties with Katie and he considered her as sort of part of their "family". In general I think they played up the "jealousies" from King James.

While it is alleged that George did kill James, it was not by asphyxiation. According to the book, he was suffering what is now known as malaria and had a violent fit, thought to be brought on by a "medication" George gave him which was provided by a doctor but actually administered by George, which is what ended up finally killing him

In general I wish the end hadn't felt so...rushed? Maybe it only felt that way because I know how it actually plays out and maybe if I rewatch while not trying to think about real life events so much, it might feel less so. But the whole issue with Spain took up such a small amount of time in the show when in real life it was like...a problem spanning multiple years. And I know they obviously can not show all of that within a 7 episode television show, it does seem like maybe they should have left it out altogether if they weren't really going to see it to its full justice?

My other small complaint is that it felt to me in some parts that the love between King James and George wasn't there. Certainly it feels to me like perhaps George did not feel the same level of love towards King James as the king felt for him, but the king certainly felt so much love for George. There were multiple instances outlined in the book in which they were "on the outs" because George started ignoring him in favour of Charles, or for other reasons, and it seemed to really tear at the king and he seemed to often be the one reaching out to George trying to keep his love close, rather than George trying to rein the king back in under his power. At that point, George had all of the power he needed and the king was so passive and loved him so much, he stayed the king's favourite until death, and George had very little to worry about in that regard.

There! That's all I can think of for now, and I think this has gone on quite long enough. I feel I need to rewatch the show and try harder to not think about real life situations and just enjoy the story. The fiction in the series is greater than the fact but I still think it's fun! And I recognise that there is a need to dramatize things greatly because the way things really played out in reality would not make good television at all. I hope no real history scholars find this post, and if you do please be gentle with me! I am not really an expert, just a history fan (even though I do find myself wanting to quit my job and become a George Villiers scholar).

If you read all of this you really deserve a medal, and you have all my thanks!

[shihalyfie]

I've alluded to tri. having some very troubled production behind the scenes, and among everything that apparently went on back there, there seem to have been at least two major bottlenecks: 1) the fact that the director (who, based on his own statements about deliberately not consulting source material, most likely didn't even watch Adventure to begin with) kept asking everyone to make things more "mature" without being clear on what that actually meant, and 2) the fact they ran out of budget and had to rewrite the entire plot halfway into it. Even the most brilliant of creators probably wouldn't be able to work at their best under such conditions.

But conversely, this also means that there were some excellent people involved in production whose efforts probably haven't been as appreciated as they should be! So I want to take a moment to spotlight some people I want to give props to:

Ayana Yuniko and Nakanishi Yasuhiro: These two scriptwriters were childhood Digimon fans who were thrilled to be on the project, and their enthusiasm clearly shows in every interview they were in. Ayana even made keen observations like noticing that the Adventure kids aren't as super-tight as people tend to make them out to be (something I've pointed out myself, and something that generally only tends to crop up among fans who have studied the series closely), and Nakanishi stated that she would slip him detailed notes about the characters and their relationships.

Both of them stated they were trying to portray the Adventure characters in a character-accurate way but kept getting their scripts rejected for not being "mature" enough, leaving them unsure about what they were supposed to do. Their roles on the series were also limited; Ayana was on parts 1, 2, and 4 while Nakanishi was on part 4 only, and they were sharing the scriptwriter role with multiple others (even within a single movie). But if I were asked to pick who on the staff list I would want to see come back for another Digimon work, it would absolutely be these two.

Kakikara Yuuko: The one in charge of overall writing for the series. tri. had a total of five scriptwriters and could have up to four(!) on a given movie, so because of that, her statements on the series and its story direction have been a bit difficult to tell whether it was her idea personally or whether she was delivering the writing room's discussion result. But one of her final statements on the series basically amounted to "I'm grateful if you even came to watch it to the end at all," and she was quite humble about saying she felt things could have been done differently; considering it sounds like she had a hard time keeping everyone and everything in order, I can only imagine she went through a lot trying to make sure everything ended safely. Incidentally, her writing portfolio is also quite respectable (and even includes kids' shows).

Suzuki Takaaki: The person with the job of "setting researcher", i.e. the one with the job of looking into the lore. Sadly, it seems like most of his ideas didn't make it into the final series (possibly because of the budget loss-induced rewrite), but his one solo interview indicates that he put quite a bit of conscientious thought into how Digital World lore works, including the idea of an EMP weapon that would affect Digimon easily but not humans (an idea that doesn't pop up among fans as often as you'd think, and took up until last year to make it into actual Adventure material via Takeru's 02TB in-universe fanfic).

Sakabe Gou: The person in charge of the series BGM. We haven't heard a lot from him, but the little we have indicates that although he also had difficulty understanding what the director was asking for when he wanted "mature" music of some kind, he himself put some very thorough thought put into the composition. In particular, he went into detail regarding the music used at the beginning of part 4, which seems to be a fan-favorite track from what I've seen (it's also my favorite too!). Sakabe also has an extensive and respectable portfolio outside Digimon; in particular, he's very highly regarded in Kamen Rider circles, so if you have a friend who's a fan, it might be a good idea to ask them about it!