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DA: The Veilguard Spoiler Review pt3 - Politiks
oh my little void in this world wide web, we are really in it now.
a little PSA before you read this word vomit, i am from westernmost middle east, and that will inform much of what i know about the topics i discuss. i wont know about race politics of america or the intricacies of it beyond what i can see online but as an immigrant i do have some perspective on western experience. so when i talk about heavy topics it will come from a foreign place. i do understand and admit that i cannot ignore that BW is a north american studio and that colours every theme they touch.
so there are two angles to approach this, 1st is to assess DAV on its own and 2nd is to assess it as a part of a whole and continuation of a franchise.
lets get 1st out of the way, its safely uncontroversial beyond taash's story. and eff-plays voiced my feeling verbatim on that subject more succinctly than anything i can possibly write.
2nd is very, very grim.
every DA game that came before had been interlaced with politics of its world so severely that its absence is disorienting. every game you were given the choice to change the political landscape of the countries youre playing in, for better or for worse. even the 2nd game with its vastly smaller scale sees hawke trying to navigate through their life as an immigrant, even at the games climax you are given a choice to drastically alter how this uprising will be remembered and it tells hawke that there are no half measures, they need to pick a side.
"Slavery or no, flesh is always for sale."
in my very first DAV playthrough i picked a shadow dragon elf, i didnt give her any backstory as i though being an elf in minrathous would shape her world view regardless.
first scene i got when organising my room rook pulls out the SHACKLES of a slave shes freed as she reminisces about how much good shes done, and puts them on her bedside. then proceeds to talk to a book and say "everybody looks down on elves but we were here first >:c"
(at this point i rerolled my character so i dont yet know how shadow dragon background plays out.)
at the very beginning of the game we see similar shackles and varric informs us that solas hates slavery, hes been freeing them.
when we make it to minrathous we learn that these people in neves circle have been freeing slaves.
alright so, the heavy handed deliveries aside, what purpose do all these scenes/expositions serve?
well, it makes these people look good. we know theres slavery in this part of thedas and these people are fighting against it not by any elaborate means but dont worry kitten <3.
[i had to look up the english for some of these terms so feel free to correct me if im wrong] patterson describes slavery as "one of the most extreme forms of the relation of domination, approaching the limits of total power from the viewpoint of the master, and of total powerlessness from the viewpoint of the slave". death of the soul, death of what makes one human -and for the purposes of this section- death in the eyes of state. slavery has such a long history that predates early modern colonization of africa by thousands of years. it is a staple of human history and where we have come from shapes what we are now. we can shun it, call it abhorrent but we cant pretend it never happened. theres always been people dead in the eyes of state.
heres the uncomfortable truth, there aint never been enough steel in the world to hold every hittite or mittani slave. to assume slavery is people getting abducted and put to irons is as naïve as human trafficking being a rando ruffying you and hauling you across the sea in a crate. yea, it could happen but 99% of the time its just a waste of time to physically hold someone against their will by force. and this idea makes us think its this far off thing that happened thousands of years ago by bad individuals doing very comically bad things, which is a very deliberate choice, because to depict period accurate slavery would be to portray social and economical classes, and that would be confronting how little we've changed in certain aspects.
people were born into that caste, shaped by it, worn down by it, and abused by it systematically.
in DAI Dorian says something -apparently- very controversial that i dont think this fandom has fully unpacked, and i aint gonna do that here either because im not remotely qualified. he likens the working class of south to slavery of north, theres no way to engage with this argument in any meaningful way, even as an elf, and in general people brush it off as dorians pro-slavery rhetorics.
try as DAV might to disregard, we actually did meet an ex-slave and trafficking victims on three separate occasions, and the games have set a premise already. we got to talk about their unique circumstances, and they were handled with some measure of dept. maybe you liked them, maybe you didnt, but you knew them and that makes a difference. they had agency in their own stories. a far cry from DAVs nameless faceless props for righteous gentiles to circle jerk about.
but, sure, lets tell ourselves showing them would be too gratuitous.
can you imagine how batshit insane it would look if zevran kept the belt her husband used to beat isabela with as a trinket, to display in his tent? that scene with rook disturbed me more than most anything in this entire franchise and coming from an anders supporter, thats saying something.
this is how little the writers were willing to engage with their source material. this is how little they are willing to engage with the world around them.
which makes the next blunder inevitable.
alot has been said about the absurdity of elves feeling responsible for the events of DAV, but maybe this hasnt been said enough; this is a blatant fascist rhetoric.
i will spell it out though, even though i never thought it needed to be said, the social performance of accountability indicates that the party who has done harm has benefited and continues to benefit from that harm, this is why reparations are paid, and thats what "check your priviledge" means. elves in DA have never benefited in any way from the warmongering of evanuris, they were enslaved by them.
to say that these people should feel some sort of responsibility towards what befell dwarves is a fascist rhetoric used irl to offload responsibility and divide and alienate the opposition further from eachother.
i cant tell you if this mouth piece is same everywhere but i know a few people who have clocked it immediately so im gonna assume it was obvious. and truthfully, i wouldnt even be annoyed if i thought it was intentional. genuinely, one of my favourite games is an unapologetic military propaganda whos protagonist would make ayn rand write sonnets about, and the game knows what it is. but no, i fully believe the studio tried to address the criticism they got about their lackluster handling of elves and either completely misunderstood or willfully disregarded the experiences of marginalised peoples that the games drew inspiration from.
the writing is so hollow beyond horrible dialogue that when writing an enby character whos also multicultural they didnt even notice the parallel theyve created. i know this because after an entire plotline about their struggle with binaries their story concludes with a binary decision on their culture. this just confirms to me that any dept this game has is completely accidental.
imma level with yall i dont subscribe to the belief that you need to have some type of experiences to write some type of characters and i find that "ofc a white person wrote it so..." response very tired because yea we should be allowed to expect more from white people. i too had OCs of different cultures that i wasnt very familiar with and handled poorly, but unlike me, a company can afford a consultant.
i played greedfall recently, and sure the maori tattoos were a shit decision, and im disappointed that after all the criticism they still stuck with it, and yes maybe its story was not sensitive enough but you know what? as the person whos recommended it to me said, i rather have a story who boldly engages with its own themes than one whos terrified of them. say what you will about its shortcomings but at least at the end of that game you can have an ending where the colonizers leave for good, and yes their plague is not healed but the narrative doesnt punish the natives for their isolationism. i am glad that the game allows that catharsis to its players.
DAV could have had 300 well thought-out endings and still not please everyone, but the endings they chose to include directly implicates the group theyre trying to appease and its literally just people who either want to punch or kiss solas, thats how fucking deep they think their fanbase it. not the people who wanted to end slavery, or achieve equilibrium with beings no matter how alien they are. or people who wanted to see a culture connect with its roots etc etc.
and maybe they were right, many people have been enjoying this game immensely and i am just, so fucking jealous. i wish i liked this game and enjoyed it and didnt want to tear out my hair every second i spent in treviso. i wish i wasnt seething white knuckling my sink like an insane person when a little kid wrote to crow rook that hes recruiting orphans now. i wish i had any belief in this game to read that as satire.
at least i wish i felt any form of vindication when i immediately realised this game was going to be a soulless cashgrab that unashamedly uses the name of a popular IP to push a sub-par product earlier this year, i just spend 80+ hours watching a company parade the carcass of a franchise i loved and beat it like a pinata as it continuously slapped me on the face with a botched wax figure of it.
i just feel this profound sense of sadness. i wish this game didnt exist. and no i dont feel any kind of brand loyalty, even when i actively enjoyed their work i didnt but i definitely dont now, not after 3 consecutive games that theyve delivered with more or less the same problems. as the company is today, i dont care whether bw survives or not, its been made clear time and again that the bw i liked is long gone and bw today is clearly not interested in making games for me.
even as i write this i dont feel fuelled by my anger for DAV but by the love a have for what came before. i still think the story deserved better, the fans deserved better, the people who contributed into making DA universe what it was before DAV deserved better. and, as rook told harding, our anger is justified.
but, hey. hair looks really good.
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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am i simply cursed to not find a hotspot review that i like
#they either dont get the point of the album across or focus on certain songs only or just totally miss the point#because why have i twice now read reviews that say only the dark is about a 'night of passion'. no its not 😭#and dont even get me started on the pitchfork review and what that person said about you are the one. im still mad#no i won't take matters into my own hands#and this isnt me being upset about mainstream pubs and reviews too this goes for indie reviews also#i get hotspot is a strange album initially to digest and it has its flaws and im not looking for reviews that praise it#because theres ones that do but do so in a way that doesnt pinpoint what to me at its core i like about hotspot#anyways this is just me worrying about context and all that and worried about opinions of nonetheless as a result#because that wedding in berlin -> loneliness transition is brutal#also this just ties into my general dissatisfaction with reviews of their recent albums but thats a whole other can of worms
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how life got me feeling now 😆
#don’t even get me FUCKING STARTED#THE SAME WEEK#JAEHYUN SOLO#also don’t get me started on jaehyun solo#guess who got her points proved by the king himself 😛#ALSO I TOLD YOU GUYS GONE AND LOST ARE RELATED TO EO#ok let me stfu and address the real. elephant in the room#moon fucking taeil you’re so dead to me and you’re the biggest dissapointment i’ve ever came across from.#long story short we don’t know these guys…#i feel so#betrayed 🥲 kinda bc he was my first bias (LORD IM PRAYING PLEASEEEEEEEE NOT JOHNNY SEO CMON 😞😞😞😞 ID BE THE MOST HEARTBROKEN PERSON)#also i feel betrayed bc this guy was raised by a single mom and a younger sister. it’s jaeil time. i fucking hate you#also about my two parents 🤗🤗 i congratulate y’all before johnny does#i can step down now 🥱#but my mood swings are even worse than chels starting from yesterday ☺️ but don’t worry i’m fine#i’m fine i really am#all there is to do is pray that ALL the victims get their justice#ALL OF THEM.#but rather than everything that has happened… i missed you all ☹️#if u even care 🥱🥱#anyways.#🎤 — mika on the mic 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 ꩟˚
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How do I tell an old friend that I'm like. Not pleasant to hang out with rn...
#shes inviting me to celebrate our friend getting married#i wasnt invited to the wedding and im worried i might come across as salty if its brought up. which is the point of meeting up so#plus theres another mutual friend who i said some stuff to...#taking out my frustration on someone else by complaining about things she did say#i dont wanna make that a big deal though#and then theres only like. 5 people total so all of this is unavoidable#plus ive spent the last year rotting with depression so i dont know how to talk to people#and to make matters worse i said i was busy on the friday but she now says saturday too cause shell be sleeping over#so now im worried ill be caught lying if i hang out on saturday#waahhhhh why cant i be normal
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i remember the first time ever i listened to SO i was like pfft rap? get out. (i was cringe) and then when i gave it a listen again a few months later i was a changed person... so i binge listened to their entire discography immediately and was genuinely shocked because how could ALL of their songs be bangers, like i couldn't believe it was possible it was surreal........ i wish i could turn back time (lol) to experience that pure shock again
#and the funny thing is i was in denial abt liking them for some time#i couldnt afford a new hyperfixation in that specific year#and i remember thinking to myself 'lol their music might be good but they're probably ugly its okay i wont like them'#(I WAS A TEENAGER SORRY FOR MY MENTALITY)#so i searched them up on pinterest and guess what i saw. the blurryface photoshoot#i kind of glitched and realized i was fucked#but i still tried to deny it and avoided looking at their pictures for days#but i eventually gave in and looked up videos and interviews and random facts about them#i was like SO stressed out abt this like i would get in trouble if someone found out i like them ahjdkdl#mind u in my country hardly anyone knows who they are#i made peace tho and then i fully embraced becoming a clikkie#technically im a hiatus clikkie#and one of the biggest concerns in my life then was the question of 'ARE THEY RETIRING WHY ARE THEY GONE'#idk looking back its so funny#this was in 2017#OH and one more thing#i was born and raised a christian and still was at that point (now i am not)#and all my life my mom would heavily censor stuff that would come across as 'devilish' or even mildly offensive to the christian religion#yknow even harry potter#so i had this irrational fear/anxiety abt stuff like that wired in my brain as well#so when i saw the hds live vid on youtube (the official one with a ton of views)#i got sincerely worried they might be some kind of devil worshippers or something 💀#them having a song called heathens did NOT help#off i went to google their religion and... the relief i felt when i found out they were christian lol#btw my mom did freak out over heathens when she found out 💀💀#i wont go into detail but she did give me trauma when she learned about the dema storyline too............#i still dont play lore videos when she's in the room 🥲🥲 thats why im lowkey jealous of clikkies with clikkie parents#okay story times over lol#tøp#nemotakeit
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Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃
#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!!#anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna#will make itself more aparant.#basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for#simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be#chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me#theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired#them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg#le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to#be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see#right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like#oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though#lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt#come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot#about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me?#and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im#just so tired. so fucking tired.#le text post
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Hi Mark! I just wanted to say that I hope you're still doing okay and taking care of yourself, and I hope you know how appreciated you are! <3 You're one of (if not the top) nicest people in the fandom, you're like the only person who consistently leaves nice tags on my art haha, so I just wanted to make sure you knew your kindness doesn't go unnoticed! (I know you're probably taking a mental health break or something right now so you can delete this if you want instead of replying, of course! I just wanted to give back some positivity for my favourite positivity goblin! <3)
Don't worry hun, I didn't get any of that impression from your first ask, lmao. I was indeed taking a bit of a break, as I had been hit with one of them unpredictable waves of crippling depression for a few weeks lol, but I am feeling better now! And I do have tons of cool art I need to queue up, that's for sure, WHY DOES EVERYBODY DRAW VILLAINOUS CHARACTERS SO GOOD, TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS
#THE ARTISTS IN THIS FANDOM ARE SO DAMN TALENTED I HOPE THEY KNOW THAT#OP#villainous#I feel like I dont really have much right to say “dont worry when I vanish for a little while” all things considered lmao#But yea I tend to turn off the internet sometimes when my emotions are on the fritz so thats generally the reason if I disconnect for a bit#So please try not to get worried or anything I promise I'll try not to drop off the face of the earth for multiple years again 😅#Like I appreciate the concern but I worry sometimes that Im gonna stress anons out every time I lay a little low lol#I mean perhaps its the same anon most of the time but I feel like Ive gotten a few similar asks in any case so like#For future reference#I could just be having deja vu though idk Im very scatterbrained#Point is. Dont worry Im good lmao#And see I totally understand what you mean about worrying the wrong impression may come across because here I am thinking that#I sound ungrateful asf by saying all this#But I really just dont want you to fret lmao
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okay so i don’t mind reg bc w/e this is fandom innit ppl can do what they want, but i think you’re so right that remus and lyall are fundamentally much more interesting characters and so is their relationship. reg by himself is somewhat compelling but no one in the fandom seems to care abt what makes him compelling i.e. stuff that actually happened in canon not just fanfictions that he’s been featured in. for instance, i see it being stated as though it’s fact that his parents abused him which we don’t know iirc? we know that sirius was mistreated and i do think being raised by political radicals would likely cause a turbulent home life, so i doubt regulus came out of his childhood unscathed, but we have no actual proof he was treated similarly to sirius at all. he was still a supremacist, just not to the extent that his parents were. as far as i’m concerned he died a fascist, but he had a “for thee but not for me” tory level attitude about certain things.
oh absolutely! with regards to my position on regulus, im in no way trying to say that people can’t/shouldn’t like him—as you say, people can do as they like, but im just personally not at all interested in him or with what general fandom consensus has chosen to do with him. the things that would make regulus compelling in canon do not necessarily compel me anyway, but more than that i agree that a lot of people have chosen to virtually wipe those things out out in favour of creating a morally pure conceptualisation of him that they don’t feel the need to defend (not that i think anyone should have to defend having an interest in regulus anyway).
i suppose i am just not personally predisposed to having an interest in canon regulus, so his popularity is not something i fully understand, but particularly the version of him that has been created by fanon...honestly i find him irritating, and generally i find even less to be interested in in a conceptualization of regulus that strips him of agency, flaws and responsibility. i said in that other post that i dont think regulus is as complex as he's given credit for (which applies even more once fanon is through with him), and i honestly stand by it--i reckon he was fully willing, albeit having been influenced by his upbringing, to become a death eater, and i don't buy the narrative that he had no choice and was forced into it and had no personal sympathy with the politics of it all. i find it ridiculously convenient. and then, i think he started having doubts when the impact of all it all became a little too close for comfort (for thee but not for me is quite a perfect summary lol), and he turned traitor. that is really all there is to it for me. i do not think that he would have rejected his parents' ideology if given the chance, the way sirius did. but i recognise really, since i don't think a character's morality or lack thereof should dictate whether you're allowed to enjoy them, the discussion of regulus' morality is sort of besides the point lol, other than the fact that i find his complete and unrealistic redemption via fanon rather boring and admittedly a little lazy.
my comparison between his relationship with sirius and lyalls relationship with remus in the earlier post was mainly just me. making a joke of sorts and being a little unserious, but i do genuinely think lyall and remus are a lot more interesting and complex--though i 100% recognize that this is largely personal preference and im not trying to dress my opinion as an objective fact. mainly, i guess where i am with it all is that i already dont really have an interest in regulus from canon, and despite his huge surge in popularity i have never seen anything in fanon that really changes my mind about that (apart from. maybe one fic). which is fine! nobody is obligated to sit here and try and tailor their own takes on, or fondness for, this guy to attract my interest, or win me over. that is not their job. my opinion holds no more weight than the next guy's, and my lack of interest in regulus is not anyone else's problem, just like i am not ever going to exert energy trying to win someone over to liking remus or liking r/s. i am never going to go to someone's blog or fic and have a go at them for liking regulus/demand they justify themselves. BUT, in the safety of my own blog, i figure im safe to say these things xx and as far as im concerned, my favourite thing regulus ever did was piss off and die xx
#i feel like we've perhaps. been here before. and when im taking these unpopular opinions of mine a little more seriously im often conscious#of the fact that i might not be articulate enough to get across my point and therefore run the risk of just seeming like i am taking a#swipe at anyone who doesnt agree with me. which i absolutely do not want to do. but simultaenously i try to balance that with the fact#that i am entitled to voice my opinions on my blog without feeling the need to shroud it every time in the bubblewrap of excessive#placation to state over and over again how much i am not ever trying to peddle my opinions as facts or as moral truths like. hopefully#its just clear that i am just voicing my opinion here but i do worry about the possibility that it might not be.#can you tell im worried that one day ill regulus-post a little to close to the sun and get hate for it xx#anyway! less regulus and more on the r-boy its really all about...remus my special little babygirl princess <3 he is what im really here 4#and also his cunty gay boyfriend i suppose. <3#anon#telegram
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...
#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight#bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired#but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do#like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point#why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying#and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened#from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out#like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going#to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks#ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do#when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced#and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions#and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this#will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun#and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up#and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me?#like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire#but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b#ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place#dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code#somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno#ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day#it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse#unrelated#i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard?#let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo
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Your disappointment warrants a disclaimer though, otherwise you're seeding a certain sentiment a lot of trolls and shill are trying to whip up. Don't be that person who thinks writers and actors owe you endless content for less than a living wage.
i respect your opinion and you’re not strictly incorrect but… thats not my point lol & you’ve kinda proved my issue.
the main part of my thoughts was that i have an issue with, and i quote: not being able to post when you’re experiencing multiple conflicting feelings without explaining all of them without being attacked.
it’s not only about the strikes, it’s anything that someone thinks you cant have complicated emotions towards if you don’t explicitly say so. my example was about the strikes because thats the most recent thing i’ve seen, but it’s more than that. not allowing people to express only their negative feelings in their own space online, simply because it might overlap with people being dicks intentionally about it isn’t the right way to go about it. for example, saying you’re disappointed because your favourite band pushed back their album release doesn’t mean you’re not sympathetic to the fact they delayed it due to health issues, it just means you’re disappointed because you were excited about it & had planned for it happening on a specific day. you expressing that upset online shouldn’t need to involve a disclaimer, because it should be implied - until proven otherwise - that you care about your band’s wellbeing. if you send a string of posts abusing the band for postponing it, yeh, youre a dick. but if you send one which is ‘aw man this sucks so much we wont get the album’, thats not something you should associate with the people being dicks about it despite it being negative in tone.
idk, i like to assume the best of people rather than thinking they’re dicks & don’t feel a complicated way about things.
if someone expresses disappointment about their plans changing due to something, that doesn’t mean they disagree with the thing that changes their plans? it solely means they are disappointed that their expectations for the coming time period changed & to assume otherwise unless proven only makes your worldview more negative.
this… insistence that all your feelings must be explained entirely and in full in order for you to grumble about something online is exhausting, and unnecessary if you simply assume the best of people. and, quite frankly, it is why i stopped using my tumblr for anything beyond reblogging stuff until recently.
i’ll add a disclaimer here, as well as the one that’s in the tags, bc my point is being proven lol: i support pretty much all unions & their decisions to strike (us police unions are not included hence my ‘pretty much all’). i am 100% sure that the wga & sag aftra should strike & fully support them doing so, shutting down hollywood is a great way to have bargaining power. the conditions they are expected to work under are abhorrent & they need better protection. it is also absurd to say that you can’t express disappointment about things you were looking forward to being cancelled without needing to add a disclaimer that your frustration is aimed at the other side of the negotiations for not capitulating, and not at the sag members. if you are posting your feelings on your blog, you should not need to caveat those feelings. the default of people assuming the worst of others makes the world a worse place.
i have a tendency to over explain my point so that it gets across, and often that means my coherence suffers lol. please bear in mind i am cognitively disabled & severely ill.
#eli’s nightblogging#like i said in my other tags - i am always pro strike#but that support for actors getting appropriate contracts that arent exploitative#does not negate my disappointment that something i anticipated is no longer happening#and that is okay!!#because i am human and can experience multiple feelings at time#this is made even funnier to me by the fact i barely watch tvs/films & when i do its british stuff atm lol#*tv oops#i think i was gonna write tv shows#anon please dont take this as a personal attack - i dont mean to be rude or cruel#im just tired that the assumption is people are acting out of malice rather than just expressing upset#this might be a mish mash because writing this on mobile is hard for my brain & im already in pain that’s making it worse#but hopefully i got my point across#im happy to continue a polite discussion about this#but my opinion hinges on ‘assuming people are complicated and arent being dicks until proven otherwise’#and im not sure that can be swayed atp lol#if you’re really worried someone’s maybe being a dick then do the mature thing and ask them#even if its ‘hey whats your opinion on the strikes?’#assuming makes an ass out of you#wish you could edit tags on mobile. urgh. i wrote time above when i meant ‘once’
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i wish script-writing or writing for comedy skits in general came more naturally to me
#my posts#im a great writer i think or at least im able to write what i want to say#but when the whole presentation is meant to be like. in a physical space#thats when its tricky for me. i could be good if i stopped being so worried abt ppl understanding the joke#bc i am clever but i also always overelaborate. or overexplain#just in general i have a problem with wordiness (as evidenced by tags) bc i want to get my point#across EXACTLY. i want people to understand what i was going for very badly so i take the route of like#way to much detail bc i want to story to show what its about and really hammer it in
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I can not tell if harley is sick or if her allergies are just worse this year
Other than more frequent sneezing and being a little quieter and a little extra sleepy last week shes acting totally normal
But shes not lethargic. She didn't eat or drink much yesterday but sometimes that fluctuates anyway and shes been eating and drinking just fine today and had been before yesterday except maybe Wednesday but the weather was fluctuating again and allergens were high that day
Its possible shes having a reaction to the carpet cleaner cuz that was in and on my vacuum when I used it Monday (and her symptoms showed up soon after that) and I havent washed my rug so its possible I didn't get all of it back out of the rug after the vacuum spit it out
So im gonna clean my room this week and dust and wash everything and see if that helps
Like she was less sneezey when my mom took her outside earlier than she's been in the house all week (and she spends most of her time in my room)
She was doing yoga
#i need a vet that i can text and be like ''this is what im noticing should i be concerned''#because i have anxiety. particularly surrounding my cats health#and my parents are like ''well just google it'' and like. I HAVE ANXIETY. my brain is going to hone in on all the worst things it could be#also its annoying to have to sift through shit that i cant tell is ai generated or not#like the way half of everything i come across in duckduckgo feels ai generated#i feel like shes been groomimg her paws more than usual so i think they might be itchy#which is also pointing towards allergies for me#if she wasnt JUST at the vet for a checkup i would take her in#she hasnt been throwing up or anything#shes not really more or less clingy than she usually is#shes grooming normally#maybe not a vet i can text but even just someone who knows more about cats than me#my parents are not those people#like when it comes to my own medical shit my mom can usually reassure me that im not dying cuz she went to school to be a nurse#and while she never actually became a nurse she has worked in a medical field her whole adult life and spends a lot of time reading medical#papers just for fun#she doesnt get anxious around medical shit#its the same reason i like my doctor. shes straightforward and blunt. i appreciate that#i need someone who knows cats that is like that#cuz i dont have money to take harley to the vet everytime i get worried about something thats probably not an issue
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ᥫ᭡ thinking about heian era! sukuna destroying your swollen pussy while uraume talks you through it.
you were being absolutely manhandled at the mercy of sukuna, who was currently indulging himself in the sharp thrusts of his hips ramming up into your cervix. all that was audible in the large bedroom were your whimpers and pleas for him to slow down, and at this point, you could not keep up with your king, so he had to call in reinforcements.
with a loud yell, he calls for uraume to come to his quarters, and assuming it is for the usual of helping you take sukuna, they come prepared. holding a tray, consisting of a glass of water, a fresh robe, and a warm towelette for your forehead. sukunas harsh movements on your body can be seen from outside the shoji doors of your large bedroom, the noisy sounds of your pleasure coming closer with every step.
uraume opens the door, unfazed by the way sukuna was completely crumbling your exterior as well as interior walls. your body shook as each thrust made the bed rock. sukuna would revert his attention to uraume with his bottom set of eyes. "make sure shes doing okay. i dont need her passing out on me now." he said, his eyebrows furrowing as you grip onto him tightly. "at once, my lord."
walking over to the opposite side of the bed, uraume feels the vibrations of the bed creaking with each step on the floor. they place the trey on the nearby nightstand, as they sat up on the bed, propping their legs below their knees, seating in a criss cross position, your head resting on their lap. your head bobbed as sukuna forcibly moved you in and out on his cock. "hold her head still- shit-" he groaned, as uraume held your head still, each of their hands on either side of your head.
you whimpered as you felt him rearrange your insides, your eyes rolling upwards to look uraume in the eyes, barely holding eye contact due to the pleasure bubbling up inside you. you felt sukunas cock hit your sweet spot repeatedly, making your forehead bead with sweat, your mouth agape, at a loss for words at the fulfillment sukuna is handing you. but you manage to mutter a small, "please... need towel..." you say in a short whimper, shaking your hand in the direction of the trey. uraume grabs the moist towelette from the nightstand, placing it on your forehead.
you reach out to grab uraumes hand, squeezing onto it for dear life, shaking it as uraumes thumb brushes over it .you look down at sukuna, who is amused by your reactions, whereas uraume is not the least bit worried. "hmph. looks as if she's enjoying the attention, huh uraume?" he says, an evident smirk crossing his face. uraume reaches down with their free hand to brush the hair sticking to your sweaty forehead off of your face.
"yes, my lord, she does seem like she enjoys it." they say, focused on the way your nose scrunches, and the way your eyelashes flutter with embarrassment, the same feeling etching across your face. you move your free hand up to try to muffle the sounds you are making, making sukuna unhappy. he grabs your wrist with his upper left hand, the control over it leaving your body. "m'close, 'kuna- please"
"hold it, im about to- fuckkkkk-" he groans as he fills your cunt to the brim with his seed. the warm feeling of his cum inside you pushes you over the edge, making you see stars as your orgasm hits you like a truck. you practically lose vision at the pleasure you are given. sukuna pulls out of you, making you whimper.
"uraume, get her cleaned up, and run her one of her 'bubble baths'. 'dont need to carry a limping brat the next day."
#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukuna x reader#heian sukuna#heian era sukuna#heian sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x Charlotte#heian#heian era#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x Charlotte#jjk smut#sukuna fluff
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I wouldnt say ur racist but maybe just fetishy towards asian people idk
Is this cause I'm fixated on ososan? I genuinely don't understand how to prove this, cause I've never been accused of fetishization, but i know for a fact I'm don't have some sort of fetish towards Asian people or any ethnicity.
But if you have specific reasons as to why you believe I'm fetishizing, I'd like to know them, genuinely, cause maybe I'm just unaware or I'm posting things that come off that way but let me know. I'll take note of this either way, thank you anon.
(also sorry if this sounds like I'm talking too seriously or formal I just don't wanna ignore genuine criticism and come off as uncaring, I'm not used to this kind of thing.)
#/nm#if anon doesn't get back to me then idk#I do think I tend to be unaware of how my actions come off so being informed of it helps#Idk I'm just worried and a little confused#but thank you again for letting me know anon i do appreciate your input even if I may disagree I still care to hear your view on it#(i still think i sound too formal but eck i feel like i should be idk)#(and i hate specifying but i am autistic and am unsure exactly how to word my points across in a way thats friendly but firm)#(if this sounds like im trying too hard to be “presentable” or “caring” it's cause im not used to expressing my feelings- )#ask tag
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if the reason that the mom was transphobic to Saff was bc the magic wouldnt have unlocked if it wasnt three sisters then i am going to start biting
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