#i wont. it's futile
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wrote a whole Thing about how i characterise akc and ren in response to an ask but got so embarrassed about how long it is that i immediately banished it to the drafts. later
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#ffxiv#emet selch#hythlodaeus#hythades#ff14#fanart#as stiff as emet is about workdays and waking early on command he strictly keeps weekends for spending those extra morning moments#sleeping and lounging with his sleepy boyfriend#pulls gay shit like gazing fondly at his sleeping face and pushing his hair out the way from it being tousled from sleep#lil things like that emet is very much about those seemingly small insignificant gestures#as much as he likes to seem like he isnt#all his willpower and then some is needed to stop himself from being beckoned back to bed#sleepydaeus has a charm all on his own so he needs to get up and out or he’s FUCKED on weekdays#can you imagine#sorry lahabrea sir my fucking beautiful gorgeous purple twink husband told me to come back to bed all warm and cosy like#what do you mean of course we fucked nasty and no i wont apologise#if he asks me again i’d do it withiut hesitation#fucking convocation goes dead silent save for my azem’s futile attempts to stop laughing#emet is pissed to be away from such a beautiful creature called in an emergency meeting on short notice
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i saw that u have ur own hc for curly and jimmy's backstory; do you have one for anya as well?
I do!!! It's actually a lot less depressing than you think!
I imagine that Anya grew up in an average happy family, well average for whatever lower middle class family is in a world we can assume exist in a place where late stage capitalism won. I'll try to keep this in line with how I describe Curly and Jimmy's backstories but she had a family that tried to uplift her when it matter. They paid attention to what she cared about and made sure they knew she cared. I believe they couldn't support her in school due to her path and the modern expenses but they encouraged her and her every choice. She didn't have parties but she got gifts to help her express and explore herself.
Life was something I think Anya handled well. She was not the top student but she was a good student. She managed her job and school as well as she could and took the PE job so she could go back. She had nothing saved up but she planned in accordance, hence her concern about the baby. She had a good circle of people, maybe not someone who ever got her, but people that heard her out and understood enough to where she always got herself. She had partners and thought about futures but always thought about hers specifically first, not selfishly, but truly asking if they were facing the same directions.
She was always in her own head, not in a bad way though. She was always thinking about what she could do. I think she just liked knowing she could. I think she became a nurse because she wanted to give people choice in the same way she understood it. Doctors just fix a problem but nurses walk you through it, I think Anya
I genuinely believe that because she lived thinking of all the choices she had and all the ways she could overcome things, the fact that she was trapped on board with so little escape and choices, while not being heard or understood really just put the pin in her final acts of agency.
#i kinda have a separate post about her exact personality but that short post wont mention much about her backstory#like i think Anya is like a free bird and is passionate about what she does and also a little sardonic because she understand the futility#in somethings so its just like I see her a parallel to Curly because he's trapped in a futulity he purposely blinds himself to vs how she#sees it and tries to circumvent it#i hope this is close to what you wanted but yeah I think Anya is the most well adjusted outside what happened on the Tulpar#you watch her get taken down and assulted and strip of what she most valued about herself with no one to listen to her and it tore her apar#like i think shes competative and sarcastic. I think she's hyper aware and contemplative but she can't force people to ask the same questio#shes proactive and its so unique cause literally everyone else is reactive like i love you anya no matter what people try to do to your#character like sparkle on without Jimmy#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#ask#sirenc0re
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realizing that communication actually doesnt matter as much as ppl say it does, bc most ppl glorify it and see it as a magical solution when in fact communicating your feelings/wants/needs only work if other ppl are receptible to it. which... most ppl arent, both bc many dont want to bc it requires too much effort of them and it's easier to shift blame on others not "communicating", but also bc many many ppl just have brains that arent wired to understand others, or other viewpoints and perspectives. thus, no level of communication will make someone who isnt capable of receiving it hear you. most efforts to "communicate" are completely wasted. and it's frustrating, but what can u do?
#one of my main examples of this is...#i clearly stated in the beginning of someone expressing potential interest in me#that i have feelings for someone and i cant help that or do anything abt and its just how it is#but that person continued to call me stupid for not just stopping my feelings for my person#thats just an example *i* FEEL is obvious#even if u tell someone or warn someone or give someone a head ups#if they arent capable of comprehending it or you... it wont matter#they will still hurt / punish / get mad at u for not being what they want#so yeah... makes me wanna scream#humans are just too much fkn pain in the ass </3#i barely even see the point in being upfront or direct or honest anymore#it doesnt even fucking matter bc apparently most ppl are fkn incapable of hearing u 😒#i've always thought it so important to be considerate to others#not waste their time... not give them fair warnings etc etc#but more and more i feel like 9/10 they just fkn lash out on u anyway#maybe i should just be sketchy and dodgy and vague distant and detached and avoidant like everyone else is#and just protect myself and my own selfish desires and needs and wishes. everyone else does that.#i just am not wired to look at ppl and see what they can give me or what i can use them for#thats why i often am just upfront and honest. i dont see ppl as merchandise or their sole purpose being to serve me and my needs#im just a human and theyre a human and we have a mutual thing going#but no. nooooo. thats how *i* work. i've learned that now#most (not all but far too many im tired) look at others and automatically calculate how they can use them#what they can get out of talking to u. what they can take and get from u. how to make u act the way they want to#idk where im going with this.... uh. i just dont see the point in communicating. ppl dont listen..#bc they dont want to cummincate. they want u to shut up and act like the marionette they see u as. they dont wanna hear u out or understand#they want u to just behave and act how they tell u. thus communicating is a total waste of energy 9/10 times#like .. for example on here. i can put like warning im mentally ill in my bio. but ppl will still be personally affeonted when i act that#way to myself ... most ppl just are not capable of listening to others or processing the fact that others dont exist for them#it doesnt matter how much u try to be honest or direct or upfront bc they dont care. they dont hear it. they wont adjust or respect u.#so why even bother communicating? or warn? or be direct? none of that even makes a lick of difference its so futile
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fuck you all, and fuck me as well. merry christmas. check your bathroom now.
#when i think about the themes of change and identity and blood family vs. chosen family well :) i get a little bit silly with it#care couldnt be changed into lina but she could be changed into the egg by paul. the family wont change no matter who they hurt.#rainer couldnt change the fact that he was a shitty person. daniel couldnt see another way to change the family's minds#nothing changes bc 1997 is 2017 and the house is captured in moment in time and paul is exactly where he started-#-every time he comes back to the game bc he can never understand the mystery at the heart of petscop#rainer so firmly believes in the futility of change and in some ways hes right. the family doesnt change by the end and paul's only-#-way out of obsession is to just leave and never come back. petscop didnt change their minds or get revenge-#-it just killed rainer and got buried in time. nothing changes#hm anyways teehee#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#petscop#rainer hammond#petscop rainer#rainer newmaker#daniel hammond#tw suicide
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sufjan stevens should have been imprisoned for futile devices
#op#and i would say i love you but saying it out loud is hard so i wont say it at all....but you are the life i needed all along.....#i think of you as my brother although that sounds dumb.....and words are futile devices....#sufjan stevens
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Fargo is a fantastic show and there’s been a lot of moments that have left me stunned, astonished, thrilled, chilled, absolutely blown-away, but bitch…………...I’m telling you…………..in 5 seasons, nothing has ever gotten me to a state of white-knuckled, gripping the chair, shock and awe…………………like that cover of Toxic……………
#I swear I literally gasped and gripped my recliner and my mouth dropped open and stayed there like a cartoon idiot that whole scene#(and yeah the moody atmosphere of the scene itself excellently conveyed the futile circumstances#of being a woman in the clutches of a man’s bruised ego and first brush with consequences#drawing out what we know is coming as Roy walks to that shack and we’re close up on him the whole way#not to attempt to make us the audience empathize with him but to isolate us with the fragile state of his self-worth as his humiliation#makes his abusing women and Dot in particular shed its skin its declarations of justice and faith in god#and show it for what it is: hate and fear and weakness and other things I wanna get into but wont#like yeah that was all good or whatever too)#but BABY CANT YOU SEE……..I’M FALLIIIINN…………#fargo fx#fargo s5#fargo s5e8
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So, I’ve decided on a system for classifying ghosts!
Elemental type ghosts are ghosts that possess an element. Their bodies are made entirely of the element they possess. Examples include Lava Bubbles, Magmaarghs, and Freezies:
They can possess any element, though fire appears to be the most common.
Illusion type ghosts are ghosts that don’t possess a vessel, simply appearing as they already are. Examples include Boos and Bonneters, as well as the many ghosts that appear in Luigi’s Mansion:
The final class, the physical type, is ghosts that possess a physical body. While anything could be a potential vessel (for example, the piano from Super Mario 64), this class is mostly made of recently deceased ghosts who possess their old bodies. Examples include the many skeletal creatures like Dry Bones and Fish Bones:
All three classes are made up of both ghosts that were once living beings and ghosts that are “born” as ghosts.
With that in mind, I wanna talk about the Tostarenans and Chinchos.
Chinchos appear to be undead Tostarenans despite Tostarenans themselves already being undead. So I’m thinking the Chinchos are the illusion form of the Tostarenans, meaning them without a body to possess. And they get aggressive when they don’t have their body. Not all ghosts are like this, in fact the Tostarenans might be the only ones like this. I’m sure I’ll figure out a lore reason for why they become hostile when they lose their bodies…
#devin speaks#super mario headcanons#i mainly wanted to talk about the tostarenans/chinchos but i had to explain the ghost classes first#its probably futile to try to classify something as broad and varied as ghosts since there will probably be some that wont fit anywhere#but whatever we’ll cross that bridge when we get there#me studying ghosts so hard i put elvin out of business >:3c
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doing the unthinkable (deleting screenshots from my laptop)
#i just rip off the bandaid i didnt even double check any of them I Will Never Ever Use Them#if i did. i would have used them already#the only ones i have not deleted are the recent ones— from my undertale playthrough#however! this is all futile. because i've noticed UT is the game ive taken screenshots from the most ever#i have 769 screenshots so far. i have been screenshotting nearly every bit of dialogue <- insane in the head#I PROBABLY WONT USE THOSE EITHER!!!
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ohhhhhh nooooooooo. oh nooooo. oh this SUCKS this is so scary
#the inevitability of it all..... the fuckin. futility of it all. oh this SUCKS#part of me is still holding out hope they wont use the cauldron vials. i think its ENTIRELY possible they can all trigger in this situation#but they all end up with like wildly different powers so. i dont know HOW#but. god.#man.#reaction time#WHAT DID WE DO TO ASHE........................... WAH#WHAT DID HE DO TO HIS MOM. AUGH
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No but seriously it IS so sad and such a futile action to try talking to people online these days bc you can try to make the point ”my whole outlook on life is changing, and re-prioritizing what and who you support and forging new friendships and getting to talk to likeminded people @ protests or via endeavours online is a good thing actually. it’s a good thing to try, it benefits everyone - if your mental health is improving somewhat it helps you to keep doing things and your community and also yourself long term” and they’ll be like ”oh so you want (idol/celebrity) TO DIE IS THAT WHAT youre saying, racist!!!!??” like, respectfully, bitch are you stupid??? try not to deflect from the topic. please practice reading comprehension, and then keep going with compassion and growing personal morals because you really need all three…
#anyone else losing respect for 95% of people on social media these days bc its very clear where their priorities lie….#and idk i guess its futile to try to talk to some people but it still makes me extremely sad…..#its the wilful ignorance and toxic positivity for me - upholding the status quo because its Normal and Good 😊#for YOU karen……. please have a look around#months ago i saw this tweet that i will Not stop thinking about for the rest of my life probably….#that ppl need to realise that while therapy and ~self-care and anti-depressants arent bad things of course#they wont change the fact that the world around you is still an absolute nightmare#and ofc especially for people who dont have access to any of these things#overconsumption… climate change… racism… transphobia…. genocide and colonialism… animal cruelty….#and you should NOT stop complaining about those things making you deeply upset#because not only are you allowed to its important that YOU DO
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i cnat sleep.
#i hate these nights where i dont flop down and fall asleep in a few minutes#and have to stay up such a long time to actually have it happen#like i went to bed early today bc i felt tired#but thats such a dangerous thing to do bc it doenst guarantee i wont be staring at the ceiling with futile attempts#to be the eeper for three hours
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can we talk about the fact that being a fan of a netflix original feels like a job these days. i just came across a video analyzing the lockwood & co hours watched numbers, and it basically said you should just stream the episodes in the background 24/7 if you want a second season. i’m paying for a netflix account and i watched the show the month it came out, i should not have to take 23 extra steps every time i like something and want it to continue. fuck netflix!!
#netflix#i wont even mention the fact that gifmaking sometimes feels like a futile attempt to make more people check out media
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forced myself to attend one (1) class today i deserve a pat on the back for not being a Pussy
#i call myself a masochist but i don’t even derive pleasure from pain . i do subject myself a lot to it tho .what do u call that#online diary#at least i participated in our discussion about semantics of culture so my attendance wasn’t futile#also had to sit for an hour with friends >_> not that i hate them but masking can be too much for me. also theres some shit left unsettled#no i wont elaborate
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on the topic of olivace tho vace/sol really does get me like Thematically........... sol is sooo space themed right........ sol system/the sun pendant > wormhole pendant thing/"you always pick the star frame" etc etc right......... and meanwhile vace as obsessed with space right. its just........ its so...........
#something something astro end as the only one where u can take vace to space w/o him dying (loyal end only tho lol)#something something sol is the one person who can totally and utterly chnage the course of his life#something something in the end you always break up + the futility of trying to conquer the stars#tbh if i were smarter i wouldve named The Guy Who I Designed To Kiss Olivace after smth earth themed but u kno. too late now#but also the false cognate of sol as the sun when their full name is solanaceae#also something abt dys+vace parallels to be found in this i wont lie#THINKING........ THINKING...............#i just think vace/sol is v v fun tbh#besties worsties killing each other in unarmed combat etc etc#u kno. u kno. u kno#teenexo stuff#i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ?
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this is the first time ive died via ghost matter actually and i gotta say its really not fun
#anyways#the interloper is sooo cool#i think i understand what i need to do#i anticipate many future death via ghost matter tho#also intrigued by the enegy readings the nomai called dangerous#like ooh what is it#michi tag#also ive revised my theory on the use of the vessel#was talking to some people again and remembered the secret sixth planet and how someone mentioned its not possible to reach it with the hear#hearthian ships so i think thats what the vessel will be used for#interesting that it might not be used to escape#i mean im not complaining the futility of it all is a definite appeal#but interesting to me that it seems like a token effort wont even be made#well i guess ill see#anyways thats it for today my back aches 😭
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