#i wont get home til after 8 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kashimos-hajime · 4 years ago

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no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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knightartorius · 3 years ago

Text

wwdits 4x1 countdown!

the long post where i document every day until wwdits returns on july 12! all 60 days of misery, pain, hardship, love, joy, and innocence all in one place. why did i do this you ask? ………………..

60:

WWDITS ANNOUNCED NANDERMO REAL WE WON YES. YES. JULY 12 SAVE THE DATE. YES. YES. YES wwdits is upon us soon. i feel nothing but joy. WWDITS WWDITS YEAHHH

59:

The excruciatingly long wait until July 12 has hit. It’s starting to look dim. I am unsure if I will even live to see it.

58:

i started this on day 59 because i needed a way to get the absolute amount of soot off my heart from the 60 day wait and it is STILL day 59 as im writing this and i just cant wait til day 58 to say that im fucking dying. i cant. and theres going to be another wait for ofmd eventually and oh my goddd. im such an impatient person and i cant. its currently day 58 and i am watching flight of the conchords to cope

57:

i have decided to watch one critical role episode every day which will occupy about 25 days worth of my time. this may vary with school and summer break but i need a distraction. i am rewatching ofmd for the first time in a little while. this is terrible… i have school today as well which is stunting my coping abilities. not good. havent once been able to focus on anything because my head is just critrole ofmd wwdits on repeat i am dying… my critrole pacing is also already so off, im on like episode 4 and i shouldve only finished 2 or something like that. but i cant help but have the cliffhangers resolved

56:

day 56 has begun, and im starting to realize how fucking long this post is gonna be. and how long the wait really is.. obviously when you think of 60 days as 2 months it feels like not all that long, but when you break it down into days, and hours of days, thinking each time you update this post and whatnot, it makes it feel much longer. in better news, only 3 more days of school left!

55:

this being the last week of school might be slowing down time. it feels like the longest week on the fucking planet… after days 57-53 this should be smooth sailing. anyway speaking of school nobody is taking this shit seriously anymore, nobody is here and ive just been playing minecraft in class

54:

unsure if im now behind on critrole because i had to spend hours working on a “group” project from complete scratch due at *checks watch* 11:59 because my partner ghosted me… i also have another project due at *checks watch* 11:59 today and i wont be getting home to work on it until 8. this is pretty great idk. why did all this stuff fall on the last week of school im more stressed than ive ever been on a “chill week.” maybe if wwdits was back itd be better

53:

IVE BEEN SO BUSY ALL DAY RHAT I TOTALLY FORGOT TO UPDATE HII.. SCHOOL ENDED TODAY!! i finished me projects and all…very proud of myself for getting through this week kinda ok? forgot to add yesterday that in class we wrote letters to ourselves as graduates in english and i mentioned both ofmd and wwdits… more than once like they were plot points..loved writing it too. but yes summer is officially upon me!!!!!!! yeah baby

52:

first day of summer has sucked. woke up far too early (who wakes up at 7 in the summertime like the sun hadnt even risen) and now im sick..life is pain quote the nun

51:

so i absolutely underestimated how sick i was gonna get towards the end of the day, to the point where i only have a very hazy memory of the entire evening.. but its 1 am and i woke up from a nap i presume and i feel a lot better now. definitely a few days behind on critical role too, havent had any time to watch in between being sick as FUCK and school. we are almost through the first ten days of the wwdits wajt though!!!! im so excited im also getting a new phone today, ive had the same one for 4/5 years now and shes starting to be a little shit so. GOT THE NEW PHONE! (iphone 13) it is so smooth and the camera BUMPIN… it fits in me hand nice too. lord how i needed this baby. i also watched 25 minutes of morbius too, and its..absolutely unwatchable so i turned it off. i cant even watch it as a joke

50:

TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!!!!! the impossible task is starting to look…possible! in fifty days ill have the pleasure of saying…nandermo is real. but for now, all i can say is nandermo will be real in 50 days. im also starting to feel a little better? my throat is still killing me though. the one issue i have with this phone is that “autistics for otori emu” use to fit perfectly in one line of text but now its like

AUTISTICS FOR OTORI

EMU

and its kinda ugly. ill never change it though

49:

LOVE AND THUNDER JULY 8…july is gonna be a big month for taika god damn anyway I CANT WAIT!!!!! i wanna see this movie so bad….AHH.. also lowkey been inactive at the moment. not sure why

48:

watched the lighthouse last night, it was lowkey gay porn but i loved it. certified really good movie. anyway, im in a movie watching era of this countdown. except i watch like 1 movie a day every night. tonights is everything everywhere all at once! im very excited i hope i cry. didnt cry but still really enjoyed the movie! i wish they took a more “you dont have to forgive your parents” approach, cause they kinda just ignored the fact that evelynn was the one who broke joy, and her breaking joy fractured her in every universe… and like yeah joy was able to heal and forgive but she shouldnt have to forgive her mother just because she saved her. a lot of people with trauma have it in our brains (especially those of us with parental trauma) that we have to forgive our abusers and media rarely ever empowers those of us who are unable to simply forgive and forget, and this movie had the perfect opportunity to do that, but in a sense im glad they didnt also

47:

its morbin time. not really anything to say today, but its been cloudy for the past week and im wondering when im gonna get to see the sun again. the countdown is smooth sailing otherwise! OH WAIT ive been playing life is strange true colors and its been..fun?? idk ive also been playing the sims for fun again too which .. it has been ages since… i have a “legacy” going kinda but the first gens story is pretty fucked up so im just having fun with mods really

46:

kissed ryan and its the only choice ive been 100% confident about in this game. i love ryan. hes my one true love. they dont make men like this in the real. im also gonna retry watching morbius im obsessed with this movie + my bff is graduating today im so happy for him

OKAY MAYDAY THE WWDITS EPISODE TITLES JUST RELEASED AND. WE ARE 95 DAYS AWAY FROMA “The Wedding” it could be nandermo. it could and im scared (KITE FROM THE FUTURE: its not nandermo nandor is marrying a woman??)

45:

these past 5 days have been going so fast im scared. too fast almost. in like 30 minutes were gonna have wwdits 4 like it was nothing. also rewatching morbius second night in a row because my friend wants to watch it with me. hes morbing out oh my god oh shit. okay we ended up not watching morbius but i watched wwdits (2005) and 1) taika hot 2) the montage of people calling them fags is so..timely idk. but for everyone who always says “ah nz is so progressive” and acts like conservatism doesnt exist there and idolizes the countrys politics… reality check please. 3) taika hot like all the letterboxd review are about his hair and shit and yea i agree completely. but i made a post to my instagram story and tldr it was about how the wwdits franchise kinda encapsulates the changes in perception of queerness throughout the 21st century and honestly its one of the most interesting aspects to me while consuming all wwdits content

44:

hunt for the wilderpeople is a movie that i watched that broke me a bit. i didnt cry or anything of the sort but god i loved ever second of it. how will i live. anyway i think im officially over the ofmd grief but rather im shocked that the show still hasnt been renewed..not in like an awww boo hoo but like..what the fuck is hbo doing (KITE 3 DAYS IN THE FUTURE HERE: THIS IS SO FUNNY. THEY WERE WAITING UNTIL PRIDE MONTH)

43:

watching both top gun movies, was inspired by flight of the conchords. will be back. ok i only watched the og top gun but i did thoroughly enjoy it, and damn that movie is beautiful if nothing else + american psycho. and american psycho i loved a lot. also if youre wondering why im watching so many movies its a summer goal of mine to watch a lot of movies because i notoriously dont like movies as an artistic means and have watched like barely any movies proportionate to my lifespan and im trying to change that. i still dont like movies really but…oh well im glad im using this to watch some good films. my letterboxd is kite4444_1 if you were interested in seeing my ratings (they are wonky…and 3 means i liked/enjoyed it btw)

theres also a meteor shower tonight (allegedly) so im sitting outside at 1 am viewing the sky, ive seen 1 so far so dub! rare once in a lifetime experience in the wwdits countdown

42:

i really dont know how to break the meteor shower stuff up but its 1:30 am so its officially day 42. i saw 4 big meteors, a lot of little guys, and 1 orange fella so i consider this a big win.. i also just enjoyed sitting outside and watching the sky, i should do that more often honestly. literally did nothing today! W

41:

its pride month! happy pride month. also one month closer til wwdits..dub OH MY FUCJING GOD I JUST GOT THE NEWS. YES. YES. YES. YES OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES YES IM LITERALLY CRYING IM BESIDE MYSELF WITH JOY AND EVTASY I CANT oh my god i cant wait until i have an ofmd countdown god is so fucking real best day of my life nobody understands my joy rn GOD im crying so hard incant i cant i cant i just cried so hard IM CRYING AGAIN it’s definitely been like an hour or something but i cant think. i cant feel. hello #BestDayEver

season 2 requests:

1) bearded stede. dgaf if rhys says he cant grow a beard hes lying

2) jim and jackie romantic interactions… i read the vico interview and when they said maybe jim will find someone else during their separation to olu…my mind went bonkers

3) mary gets many gfs and they are poly and in love. doug is also in the polycule

4) izzy, jim, lucius, ivan, frenchie, fang need to be BESTIES. BFFs4L. and izzy and lucius you already know i want them together idc

KITE VS RAINBOW CAPITALISM: RAINBOW CAPITALISM WON

40:

ANOTHER TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!! YEAHHHH soon there will be no time left.. what the hell! pride month really is off to a great start and im ecstatic.. still not over the sheer high of ofmd 2 announcement but it also makes me fear season 2s existence. BUT GOD I CANT WAIT UNTIL I HAVE ANOTHER COUNTDOWN entiled “Ofmd 2 countdown” its going to be glorious and im going to be fucking FERAL. FERALLL!!!!

39:

watching muppets treasure island and ofmd season 2 looks CRAZY… anyway im watching this because apparently black sails has prior reading and i was not watching some old movie or the novel so muppets treasure island it is. i also need to stop writing these entries early in the morning (it is 1:45 am) because it throws my rhythm off..in better news though its all been good, im going to the beach tomorrow oh fuck it just hit me im going to the beach at peak ofmd fixation..its going to be all i think about NEVERMIND ITS ONLY FRIDAY I THOUGHT IT WAS SATURDAY? not going to the beach tomorrow cause we leave sunday im an idiot

38:

god i cant wait to go to the beach i need it. no pirate bullshit but i need to be one with the sea its been over a year since ive been there gah…my mom keeps being weird about it but you will not ruin my fun beach adventures!! i will walk for miles in one direction listening to music or something or talking to myself without a care in the world because i am one with the oceanside. i will cry for no reason walking my dog and thinking wow. this is what stede wouldve wanted. i cant wait to spend the next 4 days pacing with the sand between my toes as i ponder season 2 and what explorations of heartbreak means for each character. i will cry

also im on episode 3 of black sails and this shit is DRAMA??? like ofmg i was not ready also what is the ofmd/muppets treasure island/black sails pipeline because ive seen multiple fans with muppets treasure island profile pictures and how did i manage to fall down the same fucking hole

37:

BEACH DAYY!!!!!!! i cannot wait til we get there holy fuck [ x ] <- pics here! i also went and updated the layout of this post so ideally its easier to look at i REALLY need to stop writing these at 1/2 am because whyd i wake up and learn we aren’t even going until wednesday and my mom isnt even sure we can get reservations..if i dont go to the beach ill die like actually ill perish

WAIIITTTT WWDITS TEASER DROPPED [ x ] oh my god?????? this is the most unhinged the show has ever been and i cant wait

36:

nobody told me black sails was gay…like super gay this is insane. everyone is bisexual and they were so real for that. anyway im very much enjoying watching because the drama is real

also wwdits poster..wow 2 days in a row theyve been giving us content also renewed for seasons 5 & 6?!?!? idk why i had it in my head that season 4 was going to be the end but YES wwdits is goijg with me to college W…also on that note its crazy to me that ofmd and the like arent going to be finished until im in college…wow…im getting old

35:

we are almost halfway through the wait! god damn the past 25 days have felt almost nonexistent but regardless… beach tmw!!!!! for real this time. and as i said i will be at peace. i always thought if they were real id be a mermaid. and ill probably reincarnate as a lobster or something of the like.. i am one with the sea

also ever since that article about taika being a failure or sellout or whatever (i didnt read the article) made the typo calling jemaine “jermaine” i have carried the torch. he is now jermaine clement to me

34:

beach day beach day beach day… i cant wait for this “getting-to-beach” arc to end because this has went on for far too long… anyway, im gonna finish black sails either today or tomorrow and wow! what an adventure. the worlds longest origin story. i have enjoyed every minute of it!

33:

i finished black sails! also here are those beach pictures i promised [ x ]. other than that this trip has so far been pretty uneventful (not saying it will ever be eventful) but i am enjoying the sea view

also rumor has it ofmd season 2 should be airing around june/july of next year which is so insanely far but also very close. its also going to be insane comfort for me after i graduate i can tell +£~£

32:

going on a bender of listening to old 90s alternative rock songs i havent heard since i was like 10. and i still know 97% of the lyrics to all of these songs… my music taste has come a long way really. hot take though i dont understand why people bend over backwards to defend bjorks racism because her music is not even that good?? what is the appeal here. let her go

31:

havent had much to say recently but today is my last day at the beach… but now we are for real for real close to reaching that halfway point… i am quite geeked if i do say so myself

30:

WE ARE OFFICIALLY HALFWAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHYHHHHHH BABY its been a long ass thirty days but im sure that its going to go by fast now? also because we seem to be getting a lot of random content (not just for wwdits but yk).. im quite ecstatic. i cant wait for my silly little tv show

later tonight i have a music listening event with my friend and i have to choose 5 albums for us to listen to and so far i have and otherwise i have zero idea

jyocho - the beautiful cycle of terminal

イツエ (itsue) - いくつもの絵 / many pictures

ABBA - voulez-vous

never mind apparently! it was supposed to start about 2 hours ago and im like 80% sure im getting stood up! oh well. i say oh well because im a bit used to it but also im fairly upset because i was really looking forward to thissss ahhhh

29:

getting stood up aside i think im sick AGAIN???? i think ive been sick like 50 times this entire countdown but also i have like 5 chronic illnesses and so it could be one of them. besides i feel bad but not too bad so ill live

i woke up with a super weird tender rash on the palm of my hand and???? what the hell. god is spiting me now that the countdown is on the downward path

28:

nah not sick but i was not feeling hot yesterday. im very excited though because my broccoli plants are looking very healthy after the trip (i was a bit worried theyd fucking die) but they are taking to the environment quite nicely. on the contrary i planted SIX cucumber plants and they are taking over my entire garden like a goddamn parasite. i dont even need tgat many cucumbers why did i plant six oh my god. also my onions should be harvestable soon… if youre wondering what all plants im growing: cucumbers broccoli red pepper onion spinach & carrots. very nature over here

also i am plugging flight of the conchords as one of my albums..! pay me jemaine

27:

DIDNT UPDATE AT ALL TODAY??? but omg my cucumbers were ready for harvest and theyre HUGE. i also started a worm bin today and i had to collect 2 worms on my own i hope they enjoy having sex and shitting for me but yeah. this is a beautiful thing. overall a great day i very much enjoy getting gritty in the garden

also fun sketchful.io night with my friend and now we have official plans to meet irl come january!!!!!! fat fucking double you

26:

do tumblr posts have a word limit…i feel like i mentioned this before but it comes more of a growing concern every single day. otherwise its a good day except me waking up to my dog having a seizure because i overslept my alarm for giving him his meds. in case you were wondering hes completely fine just a normal hiccup

also bios dont have a word limit either do they.. also layout change! i changed the color yesterday but today i moved the rant bio to be under the cut because i just cant part with it

25:

watched thor ragnarok so im officially up to date for love and thunder. i love korg no im not biased but also everyone who was like thor and bruce have serious couple energy are so right its such a shame he wont be in love and thunder. the “rom com” aspect with jane peter and bruce would be so hectic but also so good?!!? havent been hyped for a marvel movie since endgame im so excited

introducing a new conflict: me trying to watch fotc live in london without paying for hbo max. this has been an uphill battle and i signed up for the apple one free trial which gives me free apple tv and they said they had live in london on there BUT NO IT REDIRECTS YOU TO HULU AND HBOMAX. now you may be thinking “just sign up for hulu free trial” BUT HULU DOESNT HAVE IT EITHER WITHOUT YOU PAYING FOR THE HBO ADDON!!!! also i tried literally every pirating website i know and nothing. i feel like im fighting a goddamn war just to watch live in london idk

ok update: its currently 2:55 am and i found it on the pirate bay but obviously thats a torrenting thingy so tomorrow evening im going to relearn how to torrent so i can watch it. also last time i downloaded utorrent it absolutely wrecked my computer, managed to uninstall it but its still fucked up but oh well! anything for fotc

adding onto an already incredibly hectic log, i ended up not downloading it today because i didnt feel like getting out my laptop charger. it was one of those incredibly lazy days. but man if theres one thing this post is gonna do, its gonna make me realize how much of my summer i am spending RELAXING. its well deserved and this is my last high school summer so i should definitely waste the most i can because ill never get this again, but like.. come august the regret is gonna be reallllll….

24:

another day of completely forgetting to update this! im getting back into terraria and that has kept me mostly entertained all day. im so bad at it but i used to be cracked (kinda. i never got to hardmode cause flesh but)

to add, i have a 4 day streak going of eating toast late at night. the first 2 days it was tuna on this asiago cheese loaf and these past 2 days have been cinnamon butter on sourdough. very real

23:

days are flying by! wow. but my sleep schedule is so off it’s ridiculous. but today was even less eventful than yesterday, except i think im finally in my terraria groove and i even beat the eye of cthulhu + i wanna fight skeletron but like, i have no idea where his temple is and ive went so far in both directions

22:

i have whipped cthulhu’s ass thrice. he doesn’t even stand a chance! but i did attempt skeletron and got whooped so hard it’s ridiculous?? did they buff him since i last played like 5 years ago. also attempted the eater of worlds twice for some scales so i can make demonite equipment and CHRIST i keep having like sensory overload. also sorry for making three consecutive short posts where i exclusively talk about terraria but that is all im doing so we! will! have! to! deal!

also sometimes its so hard to tell if i wrote already. like i have no recollection of writing today but i think i did??? did i????

21:

21 days? THREE WEEKS?? three weeks ???? three weeks!!! i really am so excited. also i might be going to see lightyear soon with some of my friends who i haven’t seen in like 3/4 years! definitely not the most hype movie we couldve went to see but idc chris evans keke palmer and taika are all in there and thats all i care about. mm

I DREAMT ABOUT S2E1 of ofmd that they like released episode 1 early and it was so funny. i don’t remember much about it but stede and ed werent in the episode at all (but blackbeard was in the last like 15 minutes of an hour long episode, but i didnt even watch that part because of dream logic) and i don’t remember much at all but someone was in a white void with john silver. a completely different show. and they had to complete some kind of bullshit puzzle it was great the rest of the dream was mostly on the deserted island with the rest of the revenge and jim was there too but hell i dont know it was such a mess

also i never mentioned it but i watched guns akimbo like 2 days ago and jesus christ i haven’t recovered. the pacing never slows down and its balls like the movie is hot balls but it was so insane that like. i havent recovered

20:

TWENTY!!! FORTY DAYS DOWN WOWZA. that’s literally insane. its doggy bath day for me so im bathing the dog and he hates it but boo hoo stinky dog. maybe dont pee on yourself so often

also the plans are saturday!! i cant wait. and these are actually definitely go through so WWWWW

TRAILER DROP!!! WE GOT IT. POLYAMORY?!?! YES!! excited. thats all i can say

19:

time to get a little sad and vulnerable. got out of the house for the first time in awhile to go to my nana’s, she passed in late february and we’ve been working to sell the house and had a cleaning crew finish everything up before contracts were signed with realtors. and it was hella gutting seeing a home that has so many childhood memories emptied…or gutted i guess you could say, and today is the last day i’ll ever step foot in that house and it’s literally crazy. i dont regret not going up there as often as i could or anything but it is quite a sad conclusion to come to. it was a pretty productive day too, and im proud of myself! especially because ive been conscious about my productivity, motivation, and the like. so yay!

18:

i regret updating the tumblr app so bad..its so ugly now and theres so much to look at for what..i also woke up to some of the worst news imaginable for us americans, and like…idk

17:

yesterday was rough but i cant wait to see my bsfs so good vibes. great vibes even

it was fun!!!!!!!!!!! lightyear was..bad? it was very mid. but taika…so thats better. i gave it a 2/5 on letterboxd and the extra star was for taika so. but i feel so relieved i get to see them again because it really has been so long.. none of us have seen each other since we were 14!!!!!!!!! now we’re basically grown?!?!?

also ive been watching greys anatomy trying to catch up (for japril) and this show is so good but also extremely garbage… what do you mean deluca got stabbed in between episodes?? also these topical covid episodes are so tired and this is only episode 7 of a 20 episode season. if this whole season is covid themed ill kill myself because ive already heard the same spiel about feeling isolated and lonely and whatever. like yeah, everyone watching knows that, we all lived through the worst of it and have to deal with an unfinished aftermath. im so glad i waited to watch this because if at the high of the pandemic i tuned into this shit id be so over the show. but im attached to these characters and the neverending drama. im eating the tom and teddy stuff up!!!! i do want them to be together, i love tom and he deserves teddy. i quite like owen too and i feel bad for screwing him after he put in so much effort to make it work for teddy but thats exactly it. he shouldnt have to put up with her bs anymore (i like teddy too but girl)

16:

bored out of my mind.. so bored. thats all i can say today. bored.. i think im gonna force myself to start drawing again because i havent in months. i was in a bad burnout after art class so yk

15:

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15!!!!!!! but KORACICK AND JACKSON LEFTttttt…. you can understand my pain. obviously it was for a good cause but goddammit!!!!!! ill miss you tom.. gone but never forgotten

14:

its day 13 but i completely forgot to update. it skipped my mind completely. i can’t remember anything that happened yesterday but teo weeks!!!!! two weeks left

13:

day 14 was an absolute blunder on my part. i knew missing a day was bound to happen eventually but man. that shows just how uneventful my days have been. i redownloaded genshin and this game is so boring even though i have all the inazuma and chasm stuff to do…but i hit 698?k with childe ult and that. makes me happy! back when i was into the game i was on a road to 1 million and this gets me about 7/10 of the way through…. im not p2w too so

I DISNT EVEN SKIP DAY 14. IM SO CONFUSED RN. YESTERDAY WAS DAY 14. IT IS DAY 13. god im such an idiot but im not going ro backspace any of this… late night phone call watching sing 2 and i got my best friend to watch some ofmd with me!! we are up to episode 6 but he fell asleep and i am so tored. also rsd is so awful like i love this show to death and when he doesnt laugh at something i want to cackle at i feel like im being stabbed brutally in the stomach? pretty sure hes enjoying it though. i feel glee! but the best part comes when i get to talk about every interview ive read, the story of how rhys was casted, because ive already had the honor of sharing tidbits like izzy canonically being the one who put the bows in eds beard in e5, and rhys taking sailing lessons while taika couldnt even read blackbeards wikia page… autism won today.

sing 2 was also an absolute blast, my friend asked if the little koala dude was voiced by the “guy who plays eddie from ofmd.” i was deeply confused, turns out he affectionately named stede ‘eddie,’ and no rhys does not voice buster moon. matthew mcconaughey does and he isnt even kiwi……. also i am like a rhys detector because that man is the voice of my conscious. it was a really great movie tho, like bono was in there and ??????? i love the sing franchise

12:

HAPPY JULY!!!!!!!! we are so close now. 1 week until thor, 12 days until wwdits, 4 months until greys anatomy, and about 1 year until omfd. its like everything is happening soon! also maybe i should stop thinking about time passing in my life relative to media i enjoy… but also it makes me happy. i watched boy (the taika movie) and that was another banger. taikas best talent isnt directing its finding insanely talented kids. boy is tonally similar to hunt for the wilderpeople but personally it lacks something in comparison? if i had to guess its because wilderpeople builds on family dynamics in a positive light while boy explores parental idolization and its wayyy too relatable at some points. its still a great film though 4.5/10 on letterboxd

11:

I think i counted the days wrong…? and now im weirdly confused and scared because it’s currently the 2nd and this is day..11? meaning this will end on the 13th as opposed to the 12th. this is so fucking scuffed and im not gonna edit anything i just have to live with my mistakes. maybe i really did miss day 14 though. im so confused?????? what happened. what went wrong.

anyway WE FINISHED OFMD TOGETHER!!!! he is not an izzy fan and im glad. hes also a jim/olu supremacist which like…yeah so true? now i just need to get him to watch wwdits and everything will be solved in the world probably

10:

TEN DAYS!!!!! (actually 9.) or maybe this is accurate but it goes to like 12:00 am july 13 which doesnt really count

anyway 5 am thoughts: been thinking about boy again and its growing very fond in my mind. i think letting the ending sit with me was for the better and i love this movie a lot more now (and i already loved it lots.) how cute

watched mysterious skin and damn. in life youre either a neil or a brian and i am a brian so hard. nothing really remarkable to say today

I DIDNT EVEN FUCK UP THE TIMING… the issue is that i always update this at like 5 am the next day and it throws everything off for me.. otherwise its the fourth of july i guess? nobody really celebrates this holiday anyway. its an excuse to grill and set off illegal fireworks and nobosy is thinking about the revolutionary war… also a bit of a rough time sociopolitically in the usa rn so. extra bunk holiday… i fixed up these star leds that have just been hanging on my wall for like 2 years and it added so much ambiance i love how my room looks now! its great

forgot to update again except this time 2 days in a row hahahahahahahaha i was writing out the july fourth thing yesterday but got distracted and it never saved. i pulled itto today though!!!!!!’ im so happy but rest in peace to the next banner because im definitely not getting whatever character is on it. genshin is occupying my brain again and i dont like the inazuma lore but the characters have grown on me (mainly people i can associate with ayaka because shes one of my favorite characters all time) but others still have the personality of like a wet rag (cough raiden yae kokomi and gorou) IF YOUR FAV IS ON THAT LIST, FIGHT ME! id like to be proven wrong honestly! i want to like the characters! otherwise ONE WEEK! ONE WEEK! YEAH YEAHHH

thor tmw!!!!! yeahhhhhhhh

that being all i wrote today tells so much. burn out isnt really the word because that seems like a real big overestimate but i am a bit exhausted of updating this, especially when i have to rack my brain for things to write? and i feel like im letting myself and others (despite me talking to a brick wall with this post basically) by not providing any interesting content in here. like that span of me playing terraria. how boring. and recently it’s been similarly dull. but luckily we’re coming to a quick end to this timeline with only a big 6 days left!

its also a real struggle to scroll all the way down. thor today! thor soon. 2 hours until thor! yay. but also woke up to some terrible news that my dog *COULD* have cancer, we wont know really for another 2 weeks and then we wont know for certain until after a biopsy. sucks like shit though, that dog is like a brother to me. but…thor! thor is getting me through this

ITS SO GOOD. and say what you want taika did put gay sex in the marvel movie. korgdwayne forever. i cant even begin to comprehend how much i enjoyed that like tis so real. i am biased i am. but also i dont care what cishet people have to say about this movie. the queer rep was there and frankly its all i ever wanted/ask for

OOPSIE DAISIE FORGOT TO UPDATE AGAIN. yesterday was fun. thor is my whole brain rn. thats all

3 days left is so crazy. like this has been 58 days of sheer insanity and its coming to a close.

late night/early morning thoughts: im in such a prison built by internalized ableism and i know unmasking is possible but i never see myself able to escape this endless fucking nightmare. i want to be unashamed about all my autistic traits but its unbelievably difficult.. and so many people who i love and who love me don’t really know me even if they talk to me every single day because i barely know myself because of how far buried he is. and so thats another thing ill have to deal with

talking about anything is so difficult for me to do. crossing the barrier of mentioning anything im watching or reading is like climbing mount everest especially to people i havent known basically my entire life and its so awful? i wish it wasnt such a struggle to be. even when im not talking and if im just thinking about a hf/si i feel so awful and like im failing and i cant take much more of this. any of it, the shame, the self deprecation, anything

SAW TOP GUN MAVERICK FINALLY!! im so glad i got to see it during the countdown its definitely part of the character arc ive went on throughout this post. what a tonal shift from yesterday also but wow only 2 days left! ive seen so many movies now… all i think of is movies anymore…. but its been a really good span of days recently i feel like summer is finally looking up! and soon wwdits is gonna be back with us like wow!!!! so much to look forward to im very excited. im always fucking excited for anything and everything. woo!!!

what can i say that hasnt already been said, what a fuckin journey this has been and its soon gonna come to fruition. and also what a better way to send this off than I AM SICK AGAIN. thats the spirit of the countdown really. today is a chill day and tomorrow im gonna rewatch the 2014 movie for vibe reasons but like. im so happy and proud. wooooooo!!!!!

also i love walking around the house and hearing ra ra rasputin blaring loud on the tv cause the wwdits trailer. it makes me happy but im also remindes like oh shit this show is on cable tv. weird feeling? havent watched a show on cable in so long

ITS OVER. THE WAIT IS OVER! i said most of the “sappy” shit yesterday but now its all official. im not gonna keep this going in between weekly episodes as a cheap way to keep this going. its over today. TODAY! gonna rewatch the movie in a bit probably just to get in a really vampiric mood but also the moon is full tonight iirc? what a coincidence (probably)

Well folks. thats the end there! just watched episode 3 so its exactly a week after this countdown so i think its a better time to write the conclusion, because its weird that it just cuts off. but there isnt a conclusion cause i already wrote it on days 1 & 0. see you next year when ofmd s2 is announced!

#kstposts #countdown #slowly melting…into a pile of melted me #aka: kite keeps a 60 day diary

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wolfstones · 3 years ago

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auuughh my birthday is in 19 days. getting older freaks me out. at least people think i look like im 8-10 years younger than I am. still. youth robbed by mental illness is still youth gone.

whiney things; josh got me a new ipad for my birthday but it wont get here til november at least. sucks. happy to finally have an ipad again after having my last one stolen from my home a few years ago.

other things; i finished my book. finished as in sent it to my editor to be edited then finished some more. big sigh of relief. big insane thing my brain cant comprehend that I actually wrote a fucking book. now I’m terrified that nobody will want to publish it, read it.

#notes

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dalgikiss · 4 years ago

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midnight neighborhood

disclaimer: i spent about 20min on this so if it doesn’t work please lmk so i can save myself from the embarrassment

---- shorts

Sharp Mouths: Atsumu Miya was good with his words in all the wrong ways

Shorts: Hinata Shouyo thinks your shorts are... really short

Dandelion Seeds: you ask Bokuto Koutaro what he wishes for

Dream a Little Me: Iwaizumi Hajime dreams of baby

Coffee Breaks: Kuroo Tetsurou finds that coffee with you is all he wants

･ﾟ*｡･ﾟ★｡

--- imagines

i. h. iwaizumi

Catch-22 (20/20)

the one where he has a girlfriend and you’re desperately pining after him but his girlfriend hates you because she thinks you’re trying to ruin their relationship when in reality you’re the one trying to stay as far away from him as possible and he sure as hell will not let that happen

i just want to know what you think of me (1/1)

no matter how good you think you are at hiding your loneliness, Iwaizumi always finds his way to you

‘til kingdom come (3/?)

princess diaries totally lied about what happens when you become a princess btw

ii. t. kuroo

Five Times (7/7)

the five times Kuroo Tetsurou realizes maybe it isn't so bad to fall for you and the one time he actually does

i called for you but you didn’t come (7/?)

maybe in this life, you two have a chance

iii. t. oikawa

Briefly Yours (1/1)

he only knows love if they leave him

this is where i leave you (1/1)

let’s go back home before dawn breaks, i wont go astray as long as I’m with you

‘til kingdom come (3/?)

princess diaries totally lied about what happens when you become a princess btw

iv. t. kageyama

Gratuitous Motion (1/1)

the moments leading up to you

v. k. tsukishima

Fragments of Memories (1/1)

the bits and pieces of the life he has with you

vi. a. miya

25 seconds (1/1)

25 things he wants to remember when it comes to the days with you

The Moon Would Be Sleepy Too (1/1)

Atsumu needs to be comforted too

drowning in sunlight (1/1)

you wish you were the sun

vii. d. sawamura

A Place Further Than The Universe (1/1)

graduation day comes and you’re just a little reluctant to let Daichi leave you

viii. k. akaashi

Boy Next Door (1/1)

you only get to see him when you’re home for the summer

i am unsure of how to mourn for you (1/1)

i’ll be right where you left me, come back soon please?

ix. o. miya

why am i the only one talking (1/1)

you don’t normally tell lies, i guess it’s starting to show

there is only the space between me and you (1/1)

it’s not so much your fault you forget important things when you’re drunk

x. r. suna

wherever you are is where I want to be (1/1)

a copy does not bring the same comfort as the real thing but he’ll work with what he has

xi. h. shouyo

the very condition of existence (1/1)

it's just a leap of faith, that's all it is

--- shorts

In the Gutter: You come to terms with the fact that Kaminari likes her instead of you

Valentines Day Promotions: your local restaurant is giving free entrees if you kiss someone and Keigo just so happens to be there

Wrong Side of the Door: how unlucky are you to be caught up in this mess just for dating Dabi

･ﾟ*｡･ﾟ★｡

--- imagines

i. e. kirishima

Do You Feel The Same (1/1)

cheater cheater pumpkin eater, had a girlfriend but couldn't keep her

Among the Stories (2/5)

in which you and Kirishima find your own story among the stories already told

ii. k. bakugou

Urban Loneliness (10/10)

flowers are pretty but you think they’d look nicer if you didn’t have to cough them up

Lonely Hearts Club (8/???)

hey siri, what are the chances of me falling for Bakugou if I pretend to be his girlfriend?

Hero Complex (1/1)

you will not forgive the heroes who put him in chains

iii. s. todoroki

Where Do We Go From Here (10/10)

in which he loves her and not you and you wonder where to go from here

iv. i. midoriya

Coming To You Live (12/12)

he thinks he loves you, or rather, he loves your actions but when you add it all up, it just seems to be that he loves you

v. t. todoroki/dabi

Did You Find What You Were Looking For (1/1)

stay in my doorway for a little longer and make small talk with me instead of saying goodbye

Voice Message (1/1)

please leave a message after the tone

i. y. amane/hanako

Call Me Sunshine (1/1)

'the moon looks beautiful tonight' is a term coined by Japanese author, Soseki Natsume, as a way to indirectly express one's feelings

ii. t. kamado

Lifetimes (7/7)

there you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere

iii. y. hyakuya

Before the Dawn (1/1)

does living hurt? yes, it hurts a lot

iv. zhongli

into the night with nowhere to hide (1/1)

he wishes to feel the fire once more

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 5 years ago

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Home - Part 22

A/N - So this is the last part my lovelies! (Well there will be an Epilogue) i just want to thank everyone who has kept with this til the end and for all the love you’ve shown. 💕

"Buck, i cant stop looking at them" i smiled down at my two boys laying side by side in the hospital cot.

"I know, their perfect" he beamed before turning and kissing me "you did so good baby"

"I didn't do anything, i didn't even know what was going on!" I chuckled, when they took me down to the OR the babies heart rates dropped suddenly and they had to give me a general anaesthetic and get them out quick.....when i woke up again i had my two boys.

"You did everything! You carried them for the last... what, 8 months? You've kept them safe and healthy"

"I guess i did do that, I've got the stretch marks to prove it" i rolled my eyes.

"we still need names, we can't just keep calling them 'the boys' you know"

"Mmmhmm okay but can we talk about it after i sleep?" I asked covering my mouth as i yawned.

"Sure doll, you get some sleep"

"You'll watch them?"

"Of course, Steve will probably be in here in a minute he was so excited" Bucky shook his head and laughed.

"Okay, Just let me sleep for an hour and wake me up okay?"

"You got it".

When i woke up again i looked over to see Bucky sat with his eyes closed, both boys sleeping on his chest. He wasn't asleep just resting his eyes, his thumbs gently stroking over their tiny legs as they slept soundly. It was the most beautiful sight ive ever seen, i couldnt help but reach for my phone and snap a photo.

Yes im gonna be that mom who takes photo's of everything! Don't judge me!

"What are you doing?" He asked opening one eye and looking at me suspiciously.

"Taking a photo of my boys" i smiled "i told you to wake me up in an hour Buck, how long did i sleep? Its dark out!"

"4/5 hours" he shrugged casually "enjoy it while you can doll, you wont sleep well for a while"

"Unless they take after their mama and like their sleep too? God i hope they do!"

"Their gonna need a feed, you feeling up to it?"

"Yeah".

Bucky got up and carefully passed me one of the twins while he kept the other close to his chest and sat back down.

"His so tiny.... i feel like i'm gonna break him" i said as i lowered my gown and tried to get the baby to latch onto my breast "He latched on straight away.... oh my god this is so weird..."

"Thats my boy" Bucky winked making me laugh quietly so i didn't disturb the baby.

"So names..... i was thinking Steven and Samuel as middle names? Both of them are important to us" i said looking down at the baby in my arms.

"I love that idea, they'll love that too"

"Is Steve gonna Cry?"

"Probably" Bucky chuckled knowing what his friend was like.

"Okay and first names?"

"How about Thomas....After your dad? I know you miss him" Bucky suggested.

"I really do, i wish my mom and dad were here to see this" i quickly wiped a tear away "Thomas Samuel Barnes?"

"I like it doll"

"Me too" i smiled looking down at the larger of the boys in my arms "i think this is Thomas"

"Okay and now for this little man"

"How did we not decide on names before today?" I shook my head.

"Because we've had our hands full with the girls and Jack's case.... we thought we had more time" Bucky shrugged before getting up and switching out the babies.

"I don't really know what names i like"

"Me either, i didn't think it would he this hard to name them" i said as i got comfy with the next baby.

"You know just before the girls went to bed i heard Allie talking to the bump again.... how do you feel about Theodore?" I asked raising an eyebrow questioningly "thats what she called one of them.... we could call him Theo or Teddy for short?"

"Theodore Steven Barnes? It kinda works" he nodded "for the record i'll probably never call him Theodore"

"It doesn't surprise me babe, the girls rarely get called by their full names either"

"Thats true"

"So are we agreed?"

"I think we are" he grinned as he got settled with Thomas again.

"Did Steve come see them while i was sleeping?"

"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, i didn't want to disturb you.... plus visiting hours where nearly up. His coming back up later with the girls though, then his gonna take them home and watch them til we're aloud to go home"

"Sounds perfect, i miss my girls already"

"Im sure their missing you too"

"Their probably too busy with Auntie Becca to care" i smiled over at Bucky who was shaking his head.

"Okay Teddy is done, can you take him please.... i think i need some more pain relief"

"Sure doll" he laid Thomas in the cot and took Teddy from me before sitting back down to winding him.

I held a hand to my stomach and winced as i pressed the call button for the nurse.

"Your gonna be feeling that for a while doll, your gonna have to take it easy too. Let me help you with things"

"I'll be fine...."

"You will take it easy and let yourself heal"

"But Bucky you cant look after the girls and newborn twins on your own! I can't just sit around and do nothing...."

"You can and you will, Ive already spoken to Steve and his gonna come stay with us until your better"

"Okay, its not like he isn't always there anyway. I sometimes wonder if he actually lives with us and i just don't know about it"

"You don't mind that Steve's around alot do you?"

"Course not, i love Steve"

"Good, you'd tell me if you had a problem with it?"

"You know i would"

"Ms Y/L/N, how you feeling?" One of the nurses smiled as she walked into the room.

"I need something for the pain, other than that im good" i smiled at her.

"Okay lets see what i can do about that".

It was about an hour later when Steve walked in with Becca and the girls.

Steve came straight over to me and placed a kiss on the top of my head, Rosie was cuddled up to him but held her arms out to me as he leaned down.

He let her down to lay beside me and she instantly cuddled up to me.

"Hey mama, how you feeling?" Steve asked.

"Im doing okay, sore.... but its worth it"

"Their beautiful" he nodded looking down into the cot beside me we're they both slept.

"Congratulations you guys, their beautiful" Becca smiled hugging Bucky before getting a closer look at the babies.

Brooke and Allie stood with Bucky looking down at Thomas and Teddy.

"Girls, these are your baby brothers" Bucky said quietly to them and they smiled.

"Their so tiny"

"What are their names?" Allie asked turning to look at Bucky.

"Well this one, this is Thomas" he pointed to the bigger twin "and this is Theodore" he pointed to the smaller one, Allie gasped and looked up at me.

"I knew it!.... i knew that was his name!"

"Okay can i hold one now?" Steve asked practically bouncing on the spot making us laugh at him.

"Sure Steve, hey Buck why don't you let him hold Teddy first?"

"Sure doll" he carefully lifted Teddy and placed him in Steve's arms "this is Theodore...."

"I know that Y/N just said so"

"Theodore Steven Barnes"

"What!? Are you serious?" He said his eyes going wide.

"Yeah pal"

"Guys...." he said with tears in his eyes "i dont know what to say"

"Told you he would cry" Bucky chuckled and Steve gave his his best bitch face.

"If i wasn't holding Teddy id kick your ass"

"Yeah whatever pal"

"Language! Uncle Steve!" Brooke said with wide eyes as she turned to look at him.

"You said a bad word Uncle Stevie!" Allie added making us all laugh.

"Yeah Uncle Steve you said a bad word! Don't be saying bad language words around my kids"

"God your such a mom already"

"Y/N?" Allie said walking over to the side of my bed.

"Yeah babe?"

"Does this mean your our mom too?"

I looked over at Bucky who shrugged with a smile, i knew he was telling me it was my choice what i told her.

"Yeah Allie, i'm your mom too..... if you'll have me?"

"Really??" Brooke asked coming to stand beside Allie.

"Yeah"

"And... can we call you mom?"

"You can if you want to, whatever your comfortable with" i smiled brushing a piece of hair back from her face.

"Im gonna call you mom" Allie said casually before running back to her dad who was smiling as he listened to our conversation.

"You guys are gonna make me cry again" Steve said sniffling from the chair in the corner.

"I think i might join in this time too" Becca added quickly wiping a tear from her face.

After spending the longest two days in the hospital the boys and i were finally aloud to go home. It was the best feeling being back home, knowing i had Bucky and all my babies under one roof and plus Bucky and Steve had been amazing.

They wouldn't let me do much though.....They'd even carry me upstairs!! I was now managing to walk around by myself, slowly, but i was on the mend.

Sam and Wanda came to visit us the day we got home, Sam had actually cried when we told him Thomas's middle name.... even though he tried to hide it.

Wanda had sat cooing at the twins for hours and saying how much she couldn't wait to meet her little bundle of joy.

I was sat in bed just finishing the feeds, Bucky was next to me holding Teddy, the girls were asleep on the bottom of the bed, we'd been watching Aladdin and they had all fallen asleep halfway through. I smiled as Aladdin and Jasmine were singing about 'A Whole New World' realising my whole world was in this room, i never thought id be this happy.

"You okay doll? You seem a million miles away" Bucky asked pressing a kiss to my lips.

"Yeah, just thinking about how lucky i am that i met you. You've made me the happiest woman in the world Buck.... you gave me 3 beautiful girls and my handsome boys, who already look so much like their daddy by the way!" Bucky chuckled as he laced his free hand with mine "i love you baby"

"I love you too, i couldn't ask for a better mama for our kids" he smiled bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my fingers "marry me?"

"What??...." i looked at him with wide eyes "did you just...."

"Yeah" he nodded with a huge smile on his face "make me the happiest man in the world and say yes?"

"Are you sure...? I mean i dont want you asking just cause we're having a moment...."

"Doll, this isn't just me being in the moment i promise" he said leaning over to the drawer in his bed side cabinet. When he turned back to me he had a black velvet box in his hand "ive had this for a while, i was just waiting for the right time"

"Buck...." i gasped feeling my heart racing as he opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring id ever seen.

"What do you say doll? will you marry me?"

"Yes!! A hundred times yes!" I smiled with happy tears as he slipped the ring onto my finger and kissed me.

"Its you and me doll, always"

"I think i'm okay with that".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames @death-unbecomes-you

#reader insert #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers #chris evans #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #home

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

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Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

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anasticklefics · 5 years ago

Note

prompt; You know the scene where Ben punches klaus and he turns corporeal- yeah I noticed klaus was wearing a crop top and I was wondering if you could incorporate how crop top= tummy showing= a recipe for getting wrecked by his siblings 😂 like Ben turning corporeal in that scene when he gets frustrated klaus wont put down the drugs and decides to wreck him til he promises to stop- or I can see five going “you’re practically asking for this” when teasing about how he shows tummy a lot at home

This is very short and not really what you asked for lmao but I hope you like it either way!

Klaus could understand why this would be a common misconception, but he truly didn’t walk around doing everything with the hopes of being tickled. Really, he didn’t! Yes, he oftentimes would be extra annoying and provoke people into playfully attacking him when he was in the mood (often), but it wasn’t a conscious thing he did after a routine.

8 am: Get dressed to impress (and provoke).8:30 am: Be cheeky to everyone.9 am: Attack them first to build up the tension.9:30 am: Get wrecked.

Truly, his days didn’t look like that. Mostly because he woke up way later, but you get the gist.

He blinked now, Diego’s words registering. “Sorry?”

Diego’s smirk didn’t budge. “I said, your attempt to dress in certain ways to get us to tickle you is very transparent.”

“How can it be transparent if it’s not intentional?”

“Sure it isn’t.”

“No, I swear!” He gestured to his bare midriff. “Do you know how freeing crop tops are? And skirts? I mean, you think I’ve spent half my life raiding Allison’s closet to get something I can easily get in other ways?”

Diego tilted his head. “Huh. I guess not.”

“You wanna join me? I’ve got more shirts.”

“I’m good.” He rubbed at his neck. “And here I was all ready to pounce on you and now I can’t even do it with a good conscience since you haven’t even been annoying.”

“I mean, I can definitely be annoying if you need a reason.”

“Ah.” Diego’s grin reappeared, having lost its ability to fluster Klaus in any way years ago. “So you wouldn’t mind if I turn you into an incoherent mess?”

“Not really, unless you want me to pretend not to.”

“Nah, I’m cool. It’s better this way.”

And so Klaus’ favorite crop top had unintentionally done him more good than he’d expected that day. He wasn’t complaining; especially not as Diego pinned him to the couch and went to town on his bare belly. His cry - so hysterical and common - echoed around the room. He hadn’t realized how badly he’d actually wanted this today, but maybe tricking his siblings into wrecking him for so many years had led to some sort of Pavlov’s dog sort of thing. Klaus hadn’t dressed to get tickled, but, well, not that you mention it.

Maybe Diego knew him better than he realized, even if it was a little bit of a misunderstanding (he just really liked crop tops, okay?). Klaus really couldn’t complain.

#tickling #ticklish!klaus #tua fic #the umbrella academy fic #klaus and diego #tickle fic #crop top ficlet #ana's fics #the umbrella academy #ask

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years ago

Text

ZEP TIMELINE

This is the timeline of ZEP...based on my observations.

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist S1 (and S2 beginning) timeline...based on canon (things we’ve seen (being confirmed) on screen)

WARNING: LONG TEXT POST!

ZEP TIMELINE

Z = Zoey M = Max S = Simon J = Jessica D = David E = Emily

SEASON 1

1x01

Day 1: Meeting Zoey & her neightbour: Zoey wakes up as Mo plays Wham! music loudly. Meeting her best friend & co-workers. Z/M at coffee shop & going to work. Z saying "Hi" to Simon. Z's job interview with Joan. Meeting her family: Z. at her parents house. All of these things happened on one day... Confirmed by Z's outfit.

Day 2: Unknown number of days later. But pretty soon after... however long it took to with for that doc appoitment. This is probably several days later (but days, not months) Zoey gets the MRI, the earthquake happens & she gets her powers. Zoey hearing people singing for the 1st time, telling Mo about it.

Day 3: Unknown number of days later, but... not that long after, because she could not have gone through many days after getting the power without hearing her co-workers (and Max) sing to her... so it's probably the next day...or a few days after the MRI. Also: it's a Tuesday. Zoey wakes up to Mo singing again. 5 days til the Sprk Point watch launch! Z & L working late trying to fix the bug, Z. hearing S sing "Mad World" & telling Mo about it in the club.

Day 4: Next day after Day 3. Because Z. tells M. that she went to a club last night (hence the 4 cups of coffee, cause she didn't get much sleep). 3.5 (three and a half) days til launch. Z takes a lunch break & they have their 1st grief talk/therapy session. S's dad died 5 months ago. Z. & her mom have a talk about pills/meds & more. All same day cause of Z's outfit.

Day 5: Unknown number of days later. But based on everything it's one day after Day 4. Z. wants to tell M. about her power, asking about "mind reading" ability. Leif sings "all I do is win". Z. goes to get a cheesequake & runs into S. & Jessica... and runs... Z. goes to parents house & hears her day sing "true colours" for 1st time. They plan to go sailing...on Sunday. All happens during same day cause of Z's outfit.

Day 6: Unknown number of days later. But it's not launch day yet, so it's less than 3 days since day 3. Zoey figures out the issue with the watch, they fix it. Z's 2nd job interview & she gets the job.

Day 7: A day or few later. It's Sunday. The Clarkes go sailing

Day 8: Unknown number of days later. It seems it's the next day after the sailing, so Monday (cause she looks happy when she wakes up). It's her 1st day at work as the new team leader. She hears M. sing his 1st heart song.

EXTRA: Most likely ep 1 took place during one week: Day 1 was Monday, Day 2 Tuesday, Day 3 Wed (launch in 5 days aka next Mon), Day 4 Thu, Day 5 Fri, Day 6 Sunday (sailing) & Day 7 Next Monday (launch day, back at work). Though it could be longer between Day 6 & Day 7... it might be the next Monday...so the episode takes place during two weeks, not one.

1x02 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. Z. has a "I got the music in me" dream. Z. & Mo start documenting details about her power. She tells that her NEW ability made her aware of many things... and then she re-caps the ep 1 heart songs to Mo...so it cannot be that many days later. We're talking about days or a week/few weeks. Z. gives her "new boss" speech & M. sings his 2nd song to her (Sucker). We know it's only his 2nd song, cause she tells Mo that "he sang...again...and this time it was less ambigious song". M. asks Z. on a non-date to HandPicked on Thursday night. Z. sets M. up with Autumn. Z. hears "Moondance" Day 2: Unknown number of days later...but we know it's not Thursday yet...so it's soon after. Z. asks Mo advice about "Moondance". Z. is not happy with the team, and stays to work alone al night. M. goes to HandPicked with A. Day 3: Next day after Day 2. Z. wakes up at work. Makes a presentation in sweats. Talks "Moondance" with mom. M. bring butterscotch pudding from HandPicked for Z's dad. Day 4: Unknown number of days later. Z. asks advice from S. about leading a team. Reads her journal to the team, gets them to listen to her. Maggie sings Moondance to Mitch. Z. sees Max & Autumn at the coffee shop. Z. writes in her journal as Mo comes over to discuss experimenting with her power some more. All the same today because of Z's outfit.

1x03 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. 3 days until Sprk Point Watch Launch Party (Charlies promo). Joan lets the team go home "early" (midnight), Z & M. go to a club where Mo is playing... it's an audition for Simon's engagement party. Day 2: Unknown number of days later, but it's not "launch party" day yet, so most likely next day. Mitch asks for lemonade. Zoey hears "(no) satisfaction" everywhere. Day 3: It's the next day after Day 2, because Joan asks about the good advice Zoey gave her last night when they talked. It's not "launch party" day yet. It's Thursday ("fresh bagels on a Thu morning") Charlie comes to the office for a (sushi) lunch meeting. Charlie bails, the team try to find a replacement "celeb" to demo the watch. Max uses his "one-time favour" call (since the plane ride takes 14 hours & he'd make it on time, it means it's the day before the launch party). All the same day because of Z's outfit. Day 4: Next day after Day 4. It's Friday & also the Launch Day. Joan takes over the demo.

1x04 Day 1: Unknown number of days since last episode. A little while has passed. Probably weeks. Z. finds about her quiet downstairs neighbour & hears Mo sing a sad song. S. needs a new florist for their engagement party that is happening soon. D & E have the ultrasound pic that also reveals their baby's sex/gender. M & A. have taken a new step in their relationship...that causes him to sing opera & tells Z. that they're going to Napa over the weekend. Z. follows Mo to the choir practice & he does not appreciate her secretly following him. Z. sees S. & J. at her parents place. All the same day cause of Z. oufit. Day 2-4 : Unknown number of days later. But it's not the weekend yet, so same week. Mo wont talk to Z. + Same day or next day. D & E. + Same or next day: Z. taks to the quiet neighbour. Zoey & mom have a talk (over wine) Day 3- 5: Unknown number of days later, but probably the same weeks weekend: The baby's gender reveal party they organized for Mitch...cause "bigger moments". Z. meets Bonnie & talks to Mo. Mo decides to go perform with the choir. It is most likely a Sunday.

1x05 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. Clarke's look at their childhood toys. It's "peer review" day at work. Mo & Zoey eat at football bar, Z. asks M. about Napa... so it's a bit after that weekend (but I would say a week or few weeks, not months later). Z sees David at the bar Day 2: The next day after Day 1. Z. asks advice from S... to help D & E. She says "i saw my brother out last night" Day 3: Unknown number of days later. Z. brings S. a grief kit, because it's his dad's birthday (so he could be having a "bad day") tomorrow night. M. tells Z. about A's parents coming to town next weekend. Z has a talk with Emily. All the same day, because of Z's outfit. + most likely same day/night: D. coming to see Z. cause of what she told Emily about his "fears" Day 4: The next day after Day 3. Z. & Mo talk. M. & A. break up during a run. Z. talks to S., because it's his dad's birthday... day. S. calls D. to apologize. Maggie tells Mitch she's taking the job. M. calls Z. to tell about breaking up with A. and at the same time S. comes over to her place. And sings "should I stay or should I go"

1x06 Day 1: Starts the same day/night last episode ended. Picks up seconds after 1x05 ended (should I stay or should I go?) Day 2: Next day after Day 1. Mo tells Z. he saw S. go to her place last night. Jessica comes to talk with Zoey...about the engagement party happening "tonight". So the whole episode takes place during 24 hours (we start with last night & rest of the ep. is all one day)

1x07 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. Z/M movie night...after a while (she reinstated the tradition after he helped with her dad "the other night". So we know it's a few days later. Though there are outfit changes in this episode we know it's the same day, so she's just wearing 3 different outfits (at Mo's, at work, at the spell-iversary party) The Z/S/M elevator ride tells us that it's probably their first day back to work after the engagement party fiasco, so it's probably Monday. Then its Max's flash-mob performanace. That leads to her telling him about her powers. The same night they have a fallout at the club. Day 2: Next day after Day 1. Z. tells Mo "guess who I heard singing last night at the club?" Then Zoey has an honest talk with Max...giving him "the truth"...though considering the math I am doing here Z's line "I'm here to do what I should've done months ago" sounds strange, cause it's barely a few months since Pilot events. Same with S's comment to Max that "you & Z. weren't hanging out for a while...I noticed" (when that has lasted just a few days during their "not talking" phase in ep 7...unless we also count time time he was with A., so they spent less time together, and thats what S. noticed). And in the end she sees Leif & Joan kiss. We know all that is one day because of Z's outfit.

1x08 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. But it's days or a week/few weeks after last eps events. Z. is planning Emily's babyshower. All of the events of the episode take place during the Glitch Day (the Sprk watch glitch + Zoey's powers glitch)... from the Z/M elevator ride, where he says he needs space til the night when she goes & faces her dad & sings to him. But if we assume their movie night happen once a week then it's a week later. Yet it has to be pretty soon after, cause Zoey hasn't met Howie yet, who started working for Mitch in the end of last episode.

1x09 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. It's Friday (because Max says "tomorrow is Saturday"...when Ava tells to come in for an interview tomorrow) Z. cooks at Mo's place and breaks her finger...which Howie helps fix, then has a "need clarity" talk (about the kiss) with Simon. Ava comes to invite Max to the 6th floor... We know this is the same day because of Max's outfit. Day 2: The next day after Day 1. The "brunch", Z. meeting Howie's daughter, Max visiting 6th floor. It's Saturday. Mo tells Zoey about the brunch. We know it's one day later cause Z. says to Mo "this is a completely different you (opinion) than yesterday" Day 3: A few days later...most likely Monday...the first day back at work. Abigail comes to visit. Max tells Zoey about the promotion. During their 80s workout Z tells Mo about Abigail's visit that morning, & about her "we're done" talk with S. that day. So it's all the same day. Day 4: Unknown number of days later. Seems like the next day, but could be a few days later: Zoey arrives to work to see Simon & Jessica break up.

1x10 Day 1: Four days later. Cause Mo says "the boy just broke up 4 days ago" as Zoey is getting ready to go to work... This seems to imply that it's Monday...and 4 days ealier was Thursday (and S. just didn't come to work on Fri, hence they haven't seen since). Max moves to 6th floor & nobody even notices/cares. Z. and S. arrange a date for "tonight" & then she bails when he sings the same song again. Then she tells all about it to Mo later. Day 2: Unknown number of days later. Seems like the very next day. The bakeoff & 4th vs 6th floor things. Day 3: The next day after Day 2. Because Z. says "what you did yesterday was really rough" to M. Max comes to get his things from his old desk, M & Z have a "fight". And it's been just a few days since Max moved to 6th floor, because Z adds that "you've been there [6th floor] for a whopping 2 days". Then later she yells at Howie. And then she calls S. over for a "booty call"... andverbally attacks him. Mo interrupts them & tells them to "angry dance" & they have a "be patient" talk. S. tells about going to his mom's wedding in LV over the weekend. It's Zoey's "anger day". Day 4: Unknown number of days later. Zoey takes the day off work...for personal reasons. Arranges a nice anniversary dinner for her parents. Leif asks Max to help him move to 6th floor.

1x11 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. The Clarke's are planning the funeral at the funeral home, then Zoey goes to work...after her day off...and finds out about Leif's move. Later she tells Mo about her Max issues. Day 2: Unknown number days of later. Max encourages his team for their good work. Max asks Leif if he wants to go get a beer after work (that night). Zoey sees Deb. Joan & Zoey + Max & Leif all go to the karaoke bar. All this happens during the same day. Day 3: Unknown number of days later. Zoey sees Mo change his door lock. Zoey asks Deb to meet with her mom. Joan catches Leif & Tobin secretly exchanging code. Joan talks with Ava & they decide to work together (one big team). Zoey goes to talk with Max on the 6th floor & they make up. Her line "I have spent the last few/several days at a cemetary" confirms that the events of the episode have taken place during a short few day time period. Based on Zs outfit all that happened during the same day. Then Ava fires Max.

1x12 Day 1: Unknown number of days later. But based on Zoey not knowing Max has been fired & is surprised to see Leif back on 4th floor it's soon after. And Simon being back from his "weekend trip" to LV to be at his mom's wedding...after being away "for a few days"... So it has to be the next work day. So just a day or few days later. And most of the events of the episode happen during the same day, because we start with Zoey singing "bad moon rising" & the day ends with the bad thing happening...her dad dying. So while it seems, at times, that it's several days, it actually seems to ALL happen during that one specific day. Day 2: Several days later. A few days to a few weeks later. The day of the funeral. Everyone sings "american pie"

SEASON 2

2x01

Day 1: Picks up about 1.5 months (45 days) after the funeral (when S1 ended). Mo wakes Z. up, and its her 1st day back at work after the "hiatus". Z. & M. have a coffee talk on the bench & he gives her the "Z(s)hield" ring. Back at work everyone sings "Hello Dolly", she meets George, gets an update from Leif on the dogs & standing desks & everything else, Joan offers her her job. Maggie is dealing with the "financil stuff" all day. Z. finds that her three separate friends have become a trio/best buds now + the “two teams” sing a duet to her & Mo gives her the “champagne problems” talk. Max has an actual idea for a business (but doesn't tell others yet). Zoey helps mom with the password & they find the testimonials videos from Mitch to the family. Day 2: Next day after Day 1, cause Z. says that "mom & I found these videos last night". Z. doesn't have an answer for Joan yet, George sings his heart song. Everyone keeps asking Zoey is she's okay & she's not ready to deal with all/any of it & she asks for it to stop & storms off. Later that day/night Joan comes to see her & tells her about leaving (to Singapore). Seems as if the next scenes happen that same day/night, too: Max visits Mo, they make Crème Brûlées & talk about his new business idea. Zoey & mom talk about not knowing how to live without Mitch...as they sit on the coach. (how do I live without you...) & David calls them to watch the videos al together in the other room & then they sing "carry on". It's the same day/night ecause Z. & Maggie & David are all wearing the same clothes they did before. Day 3: Unknown number of days later, but soon after Day 2. Zoey tells Leif that she has taken over Joan's job, George thanks her for talkin to Tobin. Mo & Max talk business. Same night...Max comes over to tell Z. about his (and Mo's) new business idea...and that leads to the shipper content... ending. It's just a few days after the previous events of the episode, cause M. says that "I saw you were weirded out the other night when you saw us all hang out at Mo's place"

EXTRA: Since Maggie says she's been "on help mode" for the past 1.5 years, and they found out about Mitch's illness "last year" (about /less than a year before the Pilot episode picks up), then the whole foirst season does take place during a few months, not longer. And if we consider Zoey's comment in 1x11 that "a year ago I would never have imagined this is where I'd be..." tells us that it's been a little less than/around a year since Mitch was diagnosed.

2x02 Day 1: Picks up minutes after where last episode ended. Z. & M. in her childhood bedroom.

SUMMARY:

So..the whole of S1 took place...if we consider the “time jump” between days within the episodes & between the episodes... took place during a few months. 3-4 months in total (maximum!) if we stretch the breaks between eps to a week to few weeks instead of a few days which it often seems to actually be.

The events of S1 took place during 3-4 months (minimum 90 days, maximum 120 days... cause based on lines said by the characters, and other things no "timejump” between episodes is longer than a few weeks. Most pick up just days (some just minutes/hours) after last episode ended.

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS PLAYLIST #TEXT POST #L0ONG POST #TIMELINE #ZEP S1 TIMELINE #LIST POST #THIS IS WHAT I FOCUS ON WHEN WATCHING TV SHOWS #ANALYSIS

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captain-jinguji · 5 years ago

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Starish and Quartet Night - lazy day with s/o, please?

So I have a few minutes before my appointment so i decided to tackle this. Enjoy!

STARISH + QUARTET NIGHT on a lazy day with their s/o

STARISH

Natsuki:

His idea of a lazy day is staying home and just baking with his s/o. He's rarely home as it is so he honestly appreciates the few peaceful times they have like this. May or may not start a flour war.

Tokiya:

Ugh he LOVES lazy days because he's working so much that these become a rarity. Will sleep in and have a late breakfast/early lunch with his s/o. Homemade of course. After that it's whatever you want to do, even if you just want to lazily watch TV all day, he's down for it.

Cecil:

Sleeps all day. Literally. Have fun getting him out of bed. He will whine and complain to you that this has been the first time in a long time he gets a day like this. Better cuddle up or you're on your own.

Ren:

Another late sleeper. Will literally order lunch at some point so you dont have to leave the bed. Might flash the delivery guy because he definitely sleeps naked and your morning was busy. Can you blame the guy?

Otoya:

Doesnt? Know what to do with himself??? It's so rare that when he does get a free day it's so odd to him. Might take you to the beach if the weather is nice for ultimate relaxation and tanlines.

Syo:

Much like otoya, it's kind of odd for him too. He does sleep in though!!! It's just after that that he needs to do something. Might go on a run but if you wanna stay in and watch prince of fighting with him he's totally convinced.

Masato:

Isn't a long sleeper by nature but instead of getting up at 5 am he might stay in bed til 8 am and that says a lot!!! After that he'll tend to his bonsai trees (you can't tell me he doesnt have any) and his hobbies. Likes the little bit of alone time before you wake up and makes you breakfast.

QUARTET NIGHT

Reiji:

Loooovvesss lazy days. Wakes you up with soft kisses and a tight arm wrapped around your waist. King of lazy morning sex, and it's so loving? Makes you breakfast afterwards and eats with you in bed. This is a stay in bed all day kind of day.

Ranmaru:

Lmao good luck waking him up. Is literally dead. Will not leave the bed for the entire day and wont let you leave either. Holds you like a body pillow and if you're hungry? The phone is a handgrab away. Order take out.

Camus:

Like masato, he doesnt like to stay in bed for too long but you might be able to convince him to just lay with you for a while and talk. Afterwards, takes you out for breakfast and lazily stroll around town.

Ai:

He has like an inner schedule that he likes to keep so he still wakes up at regular time but leaves you alone. Goes about his day like usual except that he soon realizes he doesnt have anything to do? Decides to play around on his synthesizer which is what ultimately wakes you up. Pulls you into his lap and plays for you until you get hungry.

#uta no prince sama #uta no prince shining live #utapri starish stillnotsorry #quartet night #starish #utanoprincesama #utapri headcanons #ren jinguji #natsuki shinomiya #ichinose tokiya #cecil aijima #otoya ittoki #utapri syo #hijirikawa masato #reiji kotobuki #ranmaru kurosaki #camus #ai mikaze

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norahastuff · 6 years ago

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The Spn canon approved Dean Cas soundtrack (top five)

Youtube recommended a Destiel fan video to me yesterday, and I ended up losing about 2 hours while repeatedly saying ‘’just one more!’’. It got me to thinking about how the canon scenes didn’t need to be manipulated at all to fit the lyrics or show how romantic they were. Of course they don’t. The show itself has used music and montages to underline Cas and Dean’s relationship since season 7.

They have done this using songs that fit them so well, that you can track the evolution of their relationship pretty accurately, using just the songs the show has used for them.

1. 7x17 : Turn into Earth, The Yardbirds

Otherwise known as that time the show created it’s own Destiel fanvideo. Cas returns to Dean, after presumably dying in a Leviathan explosion, only to return with a never again mentioned wife and without his memories, believing himself to be a healer named Emmanuelle. The scene where Cas smites the demons, and in the process recovers his memories, is one of my favourite scenes of the entire series, and part of that is down to the song choice. We don’t hear any of the lyrics, but the melody itself is pitch perfect. The Yardbirds were known for utilising mock Gregorian chant styles in their music and I think that is reflected here. Cas recovering his memories is given an almost religious like quality. And what are almost all Cas’ memories of? A certain broken hearted hunter who carried his trenchcoat around with him for months, hoping against hope that the angel would return to him. The lyrics do somewhat thematically fit, but since we don’t hear them, I see this one as significant mostly for highlighting the importance Dean has in Cas’ life and that they used music to do it effectively, added this as an important tool that could be used in the future in telling Dean and Cas’ story.

2. 8x17 : Goodbye stranger - Supertramp

Here we come to Robbie Thompson, the king of the end of episode montage. The glorious 8x17, in which on his knees, Dean told Cas ‘’I need you’’, and broke his link with Naomi and heaven. Only for Cas to leave anyway, with the angel tablet.. The song that plays over the final moments, focusing first on Dean and then Cas alone on the bus.

‘’Goodbye stranger it's been nice, Hope you find your paradise.

Tried to see your point of view. Hope your dreams will all come true’’

Since purgatory, Dean has been trying so hard to keep Cas with him, yet at every turn Cas keeps leaving. He leaves at the portal, after their one hunter adventure in 8x08, after killing Samandriel and now again after Dean has laid himself, and his feelings, bare to Cas. I think it finally hits Dean that Cas is an angel. He doesn’t understand these human feelings, or at least doesn’t process them, in the same way that Dean does. It’s why he’s so resigned in the finale to Cas closing the gates and returning to heaven and doesn’t try to stop him. He has to say goodbye and ‘’let him find his paradise’’. He can’t be what Dean needs and wants him to be, or respond the right way to Dean’s feelings and declarations. Those are human things Cas would need to be human to understand and well...it’s almost like there’s a narrative playing out or something.

3. 9x18: The sun ain’t gonna shine anymore - Frankie Valli

Ah fancy meeting you again here Robbie. I felt personally victimized by this episode. From Metatron looking into the camera and telling us to listen to the subtext, to Dean and Cas smiling like idiots in love down the phone at each other over minibar jokes that were not amusing to anybody but them (Sam is here too), to the final montage at the end.

‘’Loneliness is the coat you wear

A deep shade of blue is always there

The sun ain't gonna shine anymore

The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky

Tears are always clouding your eyes

When you're without love’’

Nope no subtext to be found there. Cas taking off his coat of loneliness, tied to his angelic identity, only to once again put it back on before meeting the angels. Cas’ decision to take in the other angels stolen grace, to give up his human life that he had found a quiet dignity in, was because duty always comes first. Getting the angels home, and fixing heaven is his responsibility. He still feels the responsibility to heaven that he did last season but things are different now. He’s been human, he knows how it feels to be sorry, to enjoy things and to love. He knows how it feels to want these things. And now, after finding the mark of Cain on Dean’s arm, he knows how it feels to be ‘’without love’’.

4. 10x05 - I’ll just wait here then

Oh boy this song. It so perfectly encapsulates Cas’ emotional arc in regards to Dean in season 10, it almost winds me. It’s so thematically on point.

‘’now you need some rest/ so I will do what’s best I’ll just wait here then/ That’s all I’ll do/ I’ll just wait here then/ I’ll wait for you’’.

It’s not like a couple of episodes ago Cas and Dean had an emotionally mature conversation, making it clear that there are no personal grievances between them, after which Cas told Dean to relax and take some time off. And it’s not like they stay relatively drama free for the rest of the season, only to settle into easy domestic patterns when they do meet. The Mark of Cain stalled any significant emotional progress from occurring in their relationship, and all Cas could really do is wait. I could drone on about how significant this song is for Cas for hours so I’m going to make myself stop and just say, fucking hell Robbie kill me now and have it over and done with already!

5. 13x05: It’s never too late - Steppenwolf

Never mind Robbie, Yockey took up your mantle and finished me off.

This was the culmination of years of subtext. After the emptiness and the pain of their separation, there was no dialogue that could have done their reunion justice, not even ‘’Hello Dean’’. Instead the scene was presented in the classic Destiel language: wordless emotionally charged stares, with a rousing soundtrack saying everything these fuckers can’t/wont. At least not yet. But what does the song tell us:

‘’It's never too late to start all over again

To love the people you caused the pain

And help them learn your name

Oh, no, not too late

It's never too late to start all over again’’

and to hammer it in further:

‘’Tell me who's to say after all is done

And you're finally gone, you won't be back again

You can find a way to change today

You don't have to wait 'til then’’.

Come on! Seriously this song is straight up telling these two to stop dancing around each other. The way they’ve handled their relationship in the past isn’t going to work anymore. It’s not what either of them want. Their reunion is ‘’understated’’ as Jensen called it at the time, because both of them know what the stakes are now, especially Dean. They know what happens when they lose each other, how much this relationship means to them and they want to get it right. Since this was not the end of the story and they’re not going to get to live happy ever after, at least while the show is still running, Dean didn’t quite learn the lesson as well as he should have. There was growth for sure after Cas returned, but they still have a ways to go in regards to communication and just USING THEIR WORDS. Come on boys! I’m rooting for you.

From Cas showing the central role Dean plays in his priorities, to Dean recognising angel Cas couldn’t understand or perhaps reciprocate his feelings the way he needed him too. To a Cas that’s experienced being human realising that angelic life, and a life without love is not something he can be happy with. To Cas’ role being to wait for Dean while he figured his shit out and finally to them both starting to acknowledge that it’s not too late to change the way they’ve been doing things. The highs, the lows, you can get the cliffnotes version of their relationship by charting the music Spn chose to accompany these moments. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that these music choices started appearing in 7x17, the episode from which, at least in my opinion, the show started treating their relationship differently, before veering pretty heavily into the romantic tropes in season 8. Music has a language and power, that sometimes words can’t convey, and remind me - what was that gift that Dean once gave Cas?

#destiel #spn meta #deancas #Dean and Cas' soundtrack #canon #these idiots are in love #7x17 #8x17 #9x18 #10x05 #13x05 #my spn thoughts

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