#i won't pretend any of this was especially brilliant BUT it was fun to write down

[ginnyluna]

Damn, making a poll was kinda genius, but at the same time evil because now i cannot pick more than one... IF I COULD vote for more than one, i would have picked 1, 2, 5, 7-8-9 and 12!

And for some thoughts (because OF COURSE i have some of those)...

#2- Leo dealing with the aftermaths of dying is such a great idea, and a great opportunity to showcase some ptsd, and i'm thinking, maybe there's a way to tie it in with some unresolved past trauma he still carries? Like, realising what he's going through rn is actually ptsd, and then this helps him realise some stuff about what he has already been going through eversince his mom's death, with the nightmares and the guilt and the flashbacks and yada yada. And also i really like this au/headcanon floating around of Leo having physical burn scars and/or loosing a leg or arm in the explosion (and replacing it with a mechanical one?!), and i think it could tie really well with the theme of #2? Aaaand i know this one was not in the Valgrace category, but i think adding Valgrace to this one would be sooo goooood, like, Leo struggling and Jason helping him out and being so gentle and patient and understanding about all of it. And even better, maybe this fic is post-Jason's death from toa, but Jason has also just been brought back *somehow*, and now both boys struggle with this, and it somehow brings them closer, they both learn to help each other through their struggles and deal together and and and i just got emotional. (Alright, i am aware this might have gotten quite far from what you originally intended with this fic, so feel free to ignore me). 

#5- this sounds like the sweetest oneshot ever, i wanna read this so bad. Like i'm thinking, Jason might not have been exposed to those kind of events before, and it's his first pride, and while he's there he suddenly just has this epiphany of "wow i've never felt more right and accepted and included than how i feel right now" and Leo is so happy for his boyfriend feeling so right and they hold hands and Leo kisses Jason's hand and Jason just holds him tight and kisses his forehead as a response, and everything around them is so awesome, people are so nice and the costumes and the music and the parade just makes you smile and laugh like it's freedom, and they both feel so happy and free, and it's the fluffiest fluff that has ever fluffed. 

#7-8-9- honestly those could all be the same fic just different moments, it would work so well together. (Also, IS THIS WHAT YOU TALKED ABOUT IN YOUR REBLOG A FEW DAYS AGO? ABOUT JASON TAKING LEO'S LAST NAME???? cause i have not forgotten about this i'm gonna keep thinking about it until you post it.)

And last but not least, #12- DUDE THIS IDEA IS GENIUS. Were you planning on writing only when they were kids on the run, or did you want to write present day teenagers but with this specific backstory? (Both sounds amazing btw) I wonder if it would work though? Luke turning Leo against the gods i mean. I also wonder if Luke would also try to turn Annabeth against them as well? (I don't think he did it in canon before tlt, or maybe he tried but it didn't work?) I think you'd have to change the timeline a bit, since Leo's mom died a few years after Annabeth Luke and Thalia arrived to camp, but it could totally work with a few tweeks. OOOH I JUST HAD A THOUGHT do you think in that case that Annabeth and Leo would join the Titan Army? And fight against CHB? We'd have some dark!Leo and dark!Annabeth opportunities.... Or even sadder, only Leo joins, Annabeth stays at camp like in canon, and Annabeth looses her childhood best friend as well as her big brother figure. (Does that means Leo meets Percy for one brief summer when they were 11-12?) Cause i think, yes Leo would follow Luke in part because he is incredibly loyal, but more than that, if he had been raised by Luke to put the blame of his mother's death on someone else, i don't think he'd be able to refuse to follow Luke, cause rejecting Luke would mean Luke was wrong, and so if Luke os wrong then Hephaestus might not be to blame, and so Leo would have nobody else but himself to blame, and by that point he's just 12yo and it's way to hard to accept any of that. But that brings us to an incredible opportunity for some kind of grand redemption arc, where he joins Luke when he's 12, and then a few years later when he's older he starts to realise Luke is wrong and what happened to his mom wasn't Hephaestus's fault, and in the middle of the arc he starts to put the blame on himself (because that's what Leo does) and this gets super angsty and really dark for a while because Leo knows now he's not on the right side of things and he blames himself for what he's doing for Luke and he also blames himself for his mother's death but he can't change the past and can't leave Luke now he's in too deep and he doesn't see how to get out of this.... But eventually for x y z reason he starts to accept that what happened to him was no more his fault than his father's, and he finds the courage to leave Luke and join back CHB and to forgive himself. (Maybe those *reasons* could have to do with meeting some handsome blond demigod from another camp idk just spitballing here - even Leo meeting Piper somehow and they become instant friends but then she joins CHB so he has to rethink everything he thinks he knows, etc etc). 

Raise your hand if you have a million bajillion works-in-progress!!!

Because I sure as hell do.

Anyway, I want to see which ones I should prioritise, so I’m doing a poll. Out of the 97 fic concepts i have in the vault, all with varying levels of completion, I have narrowed it down to 12 (the max number of poll options on Tumblr).

Please Vote!

Category 1- ANGST:

1. Ok not too many spoilers for this one but it’s SUPER angsty. All I can say is Leo faces a very creative punishment from Nemesis for cheating the prophecy and coming back to life, and it’s called “The only sad person in paradise” (undertones of Valgrace).

2. Leo deals with coping with the trauma of dying. LOT of angsty headcanons, including one where the design for the chb bead for the summer hoo is set in was the moment of Leo’s death. And he just has to keep that around his neck the whole time, and it’s chocking him. The opening line is “Every so often, Leo needed to remind himself that his heart was still beating.”

3. A curse befalls camp half-blood that’s slowly reversing the effects of their powers. Hecate cabin’s spells are being undone, plants are un-growing, arms healed by Apollo cabin are re-breaking. Magic is being unwound, and then Leo’s body starts to ache, and he realises… does that include a certain Physician’s Cure?

Category 2- VALGRACE

4. Platonic Valgrace (Romance implied)- “Never go to bed angry”- Leo and Jason have an argument on the Argo II. Jason thinks Leo won’t understand him because he’s never had to live up to the expectations of leadership that come with being a child soldier. Leo thinks Jason won’t understand him because he’s never had to fend for himself, he believes everything Jason has is because of who his father is. They storm off (Jason in the literal sense), argue with themselves for a bit- I did a really cool thing where I switch POVs every line or so, as their arguments parallel each other, like in a TV show where two characters are rehearsing a conversation with the other, but using the HOO multiple-POV thing- and then they go to sleep. They both have weird vision/flashbacks/prophetic dreams, where they experience a day in the other’s childhood. They then realise they completely misunderstood one another, and they’re not as different as they thought.

5. Jason and Leo go to New York pride. That’s the whole fic.

6. Instead of… whatever that ending to BOO was, the Gods reward Leo for his sacrifice by bringing Esperanza Valdez back to life. She thanks Jason for taking care of Leo while she was gone, and they have a heart-to-heart. They are officially boyfriends in this. Jason keeps being reminded of his own reunion with Thalia, and how Leo had stayed with him through that. He vows to do the same.

Category 3- MARRIED VALGRACE:

7. Leo and Jason get married (A classic “Wedding Episode”)

8. Just a fic describing married life with Leo and Jason- it’s called “Violets and Marigolds”

9. A fic from the POV of Leo and Jason’s kid, Isabella Valdez. Some angst, but I don’t have the full plot outlined yet. She’s adopted, and they don’t know her true godly heritage, and Leo suspects she might be mortal, and maybe Lupa made a mistake. Leo and Jason argue over whether she should join the Legion (They’re living in New Rome). Leo struggles with his fear of hurting the people he loves with his powers.

Category 4- MISCELLANEOUS:

10. Platonic Perleo- Percy and Leo get captured by government agents and have to escape Area 51 (Vaguely inspired by an episode of Helluva Boss)- VERY NERDY. This is a very fun one.

11. Leo talks to Hestia about… life, I guess. I started writing this while still on TLH and never found an ending, but it’s a good concept. Leo learns to accept his powers as something that can be good, when he only sees the bad. Hestia tells him “If fire was only about danger and destruction, then it would be the symbol of Ares, not Hephaestus.”

12. Thalia, Luke and Annabeth find little Leo while on the run. Leo and Annabeth bond over engineering. Luke tries to use Leo’s trauma as leverage to get Leo angry at the Gods. He tries to put the blame of Leo’s mom’s death on Hephaestus, since he’s responsible for giving Leo his powers. He points out how the Gods are all-powerful, and yet they leave the four of them- their own children- to starve on the streets. Leo in canon harbours a lot of resentment for his situation growing up, and Luke could easily spin that to justify his own anger.

Tagging people who might be interested:

@four-leafed-queer-gal @lavenderfairiez @child-of-helios @green-tea217 @puzzled-pegasus @imasimpdealwithit @123letsgobestie @ginnyluna @euryvices @ollieisanerd @sleepyycapybara @twomanyfandomshelp @lokiwiiiiiii @yoshuko-ew @keefessketchbook @frankzhang-appreciation-posts @hollow8007 @fairytalesociology @via-rant @daonedaonlyskh

If you have any suggestions for things to add to these fics- leave them in the comments. A lot of these I’ve struggled to flesh out/find endings for. Any help is much appreciated and you will be tagged in the fic if I use it.

Also, Lmk if you want to be tagged in any/all of these!

[pastanest]

A/N: unbelievably, this is the first actual piece of Doctor Who writing not counting the dogshit on my wattpad account we’ll all pretend that doesnt exist fr so please be nice x

Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve x gender neutral!reader

The Doctor x Short!Reader

- is cheeky about it but not outright mean, unless he’s in one of his God-humans-are-the-fucking-worst moods

“Honestly, it’s like you idiots are TRYING to wipe your own planet out of existence, and you, well, you can't even reach the top of your own cupboards! What use are any of you?!”

- you’re literally on his side and think the human race sucks but ok go off, way to throw us all under the bus lol

- he’ll apologize afterwards if you’re clearly upset or if he thinks he went too far

- most of the time it’s very lighthearted jabs at your height

- always waits a few seconds before helping you reach something because he thinks it’s funny and also very sweet but he won't dare admit that

- as much as he convinces himself and everyone he encounters that your height is solely something he finds hilarious on occasion, he can't help feeling a little more protective of you, like your smaller form makes you more likely to break

- very much still recovering from the Time War, he’s prone to overthinking disaster scenarios, especially when it comes to you

“Stay behind me. These creatures can't be trusted at the best of times.”

- but you always find a way to spin it into something more lighthearted, to ease his mind

“I’m a smaller target than you, so I like my chances! Perhaps it’s you that should stay behind me?”

- won't make fun unless he knows for a fact you’re comfortable with it

- as soon as he finds out you are, he makes jokes only in a very lighthearted way

- also comes up with cute nicknames to use when you’ve done something that’s impressed him, like saved a civilization or two while he was busy being broody and hot or something

“Oh, you little star!”

- generally speaking, he doesnt really care about your height, but he does find it endearing

- he’ll never see it as a point of weakness

- if he ever finds you struggling to reach something or down in the dumps about clothes not fitting you right because of your smaller proportions, he’s always right there to lift your chin back up and remind you of the wonderful person you are, that your stature holds no sway over how brilliant you are, especially not to him

“Some of the most mighty species in all the galaxies are the smallest ones you’ll find, some don't even have physical bodies big enough to detect with the human eye! Each and every one is perfectly unique in their own way, and you are no different. The stars you’ve seen in the night skies all your life, are they any less magical for appearing so small?”

“No…”

“Exactly! And, you know, the more humans I meet, the more I realize how similar you are to Time Lords.”

“In what way?”

- and then he’s grinning down at you, all giddy about getting to use the line he loves hearing more than any other

“You’re all so much bigger on the inside.”

- will make a joke about your height to test the water

- if your reaction tells him you’re not okay with it, he’ll feel guilty for the rest of eternity and never do it again

- but if you laugh with him or roll your eyes with a smile, he’ll grin like he’s accomplished something great, cracked some impossible code, and he will wear that like a badge of honor

- regardless of the fact you’ve made it clear he is allowed to make fun of your height, if anyone else does it in front of him, he doesn't like it

“Well, surely the smallest one should be sent in first, their loss would be the least noticeable!”

- and the Doctor is straight up, clapping his hands together and pointing in all directions as he lays out the plan of action very clearly to all involved, ending it by pointing at the man who dared make fun of you

“Now, you. From what I gather, jokes are supposed to be funny- supposed to land laughs with the nearest crowd; clearly you missed that memo, but that’s fine. Depending on (Y/N)’s reaction to your poor excuse for a joke, I’ve got a snowglobe with a blackhole suspended within it that I think you’d fit just perfectly in. (Y/N)?”

- the man looks terrified, and you try your best to refrain from laughing at him as you raise an eyebrow in dramatic silence

“Jury’s still out, see if he survives this first.”

the Doctor claps his hands again. “Cool! I’m never saying that again, but it would be very uncool of me to have to trap you inside a snowglobe that would tear you atom from atom in a continuous, brutal cycle, so consider that a warning.”

- takes the ABSOLUTE piss, don't ever think he won't

- will 110% pretend he can't see you and stare right over your head

- will 1000% make up short-based nicknames all the time

“Hello there, Short Round.”

“Really showing your age with that one.”

“Oh, what was that? A tiny and insignificant mouse, or perhaps it was the wind, arguing with me?”

- you’d think in all his whimsical, magical, time-travelling glory with his constant bustling about and his mind going a mile a minute in the most erratic fashion possible, he wouldn't notice your height, let alone find the time to make a joke in literally any setting, but oh boy, does he

“Is everyone clear on their roles in my carefully laid out plan, because I know that the accent can be difficult, but if I have to explain it again I think I’d rather do everything myself and you can all sit here with (Y/N) and applaud me when I get back.”

“Wait, sit here with me? Why aren't I coming with you?!”

“Because you’re-”

- he gestures to you with his hands, up and down, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and you’re sighing because you already know what he’s referring to

“What does my height have to do with anything?!”

“You’re all compact, like a foldable deckchair or one of those raincoats that turns into a conveniently sized pouch. It’s frankly distracting and my pockets are full so you cant sit in any of them.”

- he never laughs at his own jokes but sometimes he makes you WHEEZE with the inventive short jokes he comes up with

- similarly to Nine, though, he also can't help viewing you as more breakable, not only because you’re a human, but a very short one, too

- despite him completely understanding the biology of humans, he is convinced that a papercut on you is the same as an average-sized person getting stabbed

- so yes, he takes the piss at absolutely every chance he gets, but if he sees someone else trip you up by accident or hand you a piece of paper and it cuts your finger in the most barely noticeable way, he will be a GRUMP

- consider the paper in your hands stolen, read very passive aggressively, then scrunched up into a ball, possibly chewed or ripped apart or even thrown on the floor and stamped on

- consider the person who accidentally hurt you the subject of his rage until they are out of his sight. every time they speak, they’re met with a “Shut it!”

- and you’re like “Doctor, there’s really no need-”

“That IMBECILE tripped you up approximately 3 AND A HALF HOURS AGO, and you think I’m overreacting? You could have DIED!”

- such a drama queen

[autumnslance]

I noticed you doing character bingos again! I’d like to see one for Zenos if possible. I had fun with him in Stormblood, but found that joy to drowned with how he was handled in Endwalker. By the end I just wanted to be done with that monster. If the game had let me walk away without fighting him, like he suggested, I would have.

Wild, we're about the opposite; I disliked Zenos a great deal in Stormblood--he was bloody useless and an annoyance out of nowhere--while I feel they finally figured him out and mostly hit their stride with him in Endwalker, as he gave up pretending to care about military and political matters and became the wandering blood knight he actually is.

Almost got a bingo, but let's be real; I always have too much to say about major characters.

I also won't say anything negative about folks' WoLships, which are by far the most popular Zenos pairing; folks have their fun and they're welcome to it. But fandom is a good chunk of the issue with Zenos. One either loves him or hates him, and both sides tend to take it to extremes and flanderize / mischaracterize the man rather than dealing with the canon portrayal.

In my opinion, he's not that deep. Yes I have read "The Hunt Begins" thank you I own a copy of Chronicles of Light. It told us nothing new about his history and personality, just gave us a glimpse of where he started to find his focus, exactly as the title tells us. The thing is, Zenos doesn't have to be "deep" (whatever one means by that) to be compelling and do his job as a character in the story. Given his straightforward viewpoints, especially in EW as he gives an answer to Hermes' questions, Zenos himself might scoff at the need to find hidden depth of meaning to his personality and existence.

I've also said somewhere, probably my other big Zenos write-up, that he's not quite tragic, though there's tragedy all around and through him. He chooses to not deal with it in any fashion, a creature of the present entirely.

I think he needed a better introduction, seeded over the HW patches, even just in discussion and rumors if we still didn't see him until that patch 3.55 shot. I think he should have done something in StB other than be a "lose the fight the right way" plot checkpoint and just handing Doma and Ala Mhigo back to the heroes without having to really work for them.

I really think a massive part of the dissatisfaction many folks have with StB's story is that the victories are hollow after so much misery in those lands, who are then each shorted due to sharing the expansion. And a lot of that comes down to the misuse of Zenos, whose attributes are mostly told to us as he sleeps on the throne and bullies his underlings. For a supposedly brilliant man, we never see it in his military strategies, and he's played handily by Fandaniel, who knew just how to pull Zenos's strings.

So yeah. I was ready to be done with him in EW; "In From the Cold" is horrifying but I see it more as Fandaniel's scheme that Zenos goes all into. My WoL stopped caring about Zenos the moment trial 1 ended and Fandaniel's scheme became clear. I eye rolled whenever Zenos came back onscreen, though I think the scene in Garlemald with Jullus and Alisaie were good for him and lead directly into the finale.

I know what I just wrote and that I checked "too much screentime" but honestly he got a shade too little in EW. I DID dread/expect some kinda 11th hour teamup, though the "how" made me laugh incredulously. It worked in its weird way.

The final fight he still didn't understand my WoL but she was done and wanted to make sure it was finally over and he wouldn't darken her door or threaten anyone again. The solo duel is not unknown in other FF games, and I rather enjoyed it and the final punch-out at the end as they exhausted themselves entirely.

Mileage varies, depending on one's WoL, feelings on Zenos, and on that tropey duel of mirrored characters. I've also already spoken to the gripes about him being truly gone per Word of God and while one can do whatever one wants in fanfic, there's a lot of reason it does, in fact, work to leave his corpse at the edge of the universe and I'm OK with it. His part in the story, and how that affects Assumed Default Warrior of Light's self-understanding, is complete.

Like the Ascians, he's done. Interested to see what's up with his Avatar, since we also got nothing on his being a Reaper (could have used more on that too!!) as we move into the 6.x patches and build up of the next arc.

[spencers-dria]

Trauma

Someone To Stay Ch. 9

Spencer x fem reader

It's been several weeks since Y/N and I started our weekly movie nights. After starting Harry Potter we decided that we would keep watching our way through the series until we finished them. Last week I was out of town on all of her days off, but tonight we get to watch our favorite together, Prisoner of Azkaban. Seeing as we both love Halloween, this doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Last time I had asked to borrow her Harry Potter cookbook. As a surprise I've been cooking pumpkin pasties. I normally don't do much cooking, but this was well worth it. Movie night has become incredibly casual, so i slip into some purple pajama pants and a black t shirt before driving to her apartment. We decided movie nights would all take place at her apartment, seeing as she had the nice TV with a decent sound system. I had previously spent almost all my time reading, so all I had was my mom's old TV tucked away in the corner, only used when I felt the need to binge Dr. Who.

It's not long before i'm knocking at her door, warm snacks ready to go. She opens the door and looks down with a huge grin.

"Are those what I think they are?"

I nod, glad to see she's excited about them. After a moment I notice a pleasant smell wafting from the kitchen.

"You made something too?" I peek my head into the kitchen hoping to discover the source of the scent.

Y/N pulls out two mugs topped with foam, smiling like a giddy little kid. We both take a sip, and I feel the warmth filling me up as I take in the drink that tastes like Autumn in a cup. I've never had butter-beer before, but this is perfect. I look up to see whipped cream coating Y/N's upper lip, and based on the laugh she's holding back, I would guess I am sporting the same foam mustache. We both bust out in laughter. Something about spending time with Y/N makes me feel like a kid again. I know I can share my knowledge with her and she actually encourages me to do it quite often. But she also makes me feel like I can be goofy and silly and just have fun. I had almost forgotten what that feels like.

After we each curl up on our end of the couch with blankets and pillows, I can't help but realize how happy I have been having her as a friend in my life. Something about this realization pulls my mind in the opposite direction, and I suddenly find myself remembering why happiness feels like such a long forgotten stranger...Maeve. The name had not crossed my thoughts in weeks. This realization leaves me with a guilt that sits like a pit in my stomach. Before I know it, I am no longer focused on my favorite Harry Potter movie, but am spiraling into a dark hole once again. I lose myself so far into my thoughts that I almost don't notice that Y/N has stopped the movie and is staring straight at me.

I turn to her. "What is it?"

Y/N furrows her brow, a deep look of concern filling her eyes.

"Spencer, you're crying."

"I am?" I reach up to feel the wet streaks left behind on my cheek. I hadn't even realized. Now not only have I been crying in front of Y/N, but she knows something is wrong. Knowing her, she won't let this go so easily. I also doubt she'll buy any lie I try to feed her. She may not be a profiler, but she sure knows when someone she cares about isn't being genuine with her.

Luckily, she must also know me better than I realize. She doesn't push me too hard for information. She scoots over to my side of the couch before laying a hand on my shoulder. I keep my eyes glued to my lap, avoiding eye contact as best I can. I'm afraid that if I look into her eyes now, I'll completely fall apart. Something about telling your friends about your trauma makes it very real, and I don't want to relive that day, not again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure..." I answer honestly.

Instead of pushing me, she moves her hand to rub my back as we sit there in silence. Something about the kindness of this gesture finally breaks me. I let my head fall into my hands as tears start streaming down my face, and I don't even bother trying to stop them. I can't hold this back anymore, not from someone who's become like a best friend to me.

We sit there just like that for several minutes, Y/N silently rubbing my back, me crying like a big baby. Part of me feels embarrassed, breaking down like this, but the other part is too tired from holding all of this back to even care anymore.

Finally, I think my body has run out of tears when I hear Y/N say "What can I do? What do you need?" It's so quiet I almost miss it.

"Her name was Maeve." I am surprised to hear the words leave my mouth. I glance over to Y/N to gauge her reaction, but she's only sitting there, listening patiently.

"I started getting these headaches. They became so crippling that they started affecting my work. It scared me because...well my mom is schizophrenic. I guess I have always been a little paranoid about showing symptoms. The doctors ran tests, labs, scans...everything they could think of. As a last resort I reached out to this geneticist. After a bit of correspondence, it wasn't difficult to see that she was brilliant. She seemed to enjoy keeping in touch, so we would write one another letters. We eventually started calling one another. But...she had a stalker. She didn't know who it was or what they wanted, but she was scared. That's why we wrote letters. And I only ever called her from telephone booths, never the same one twice. I ended up sharing a large part of my life with her... One time before hanging up the phone she even said "love you" like it was the most normal thing in the world. I never said it back, but even if what I felt was love I never got the chance to say it to her. Her stalker was a former grad student, and she got to Maeve before I could."

I stop and take in a deep breath, swallowing the growing lump in my throat before continuing.

" She shot herself in front of me, killing Maeve along with her. It was the first time I had ever seen her in person too. It happened a couple months ago. Every time I think i've moved on it feels like the pain starts all over again. I sometimes feel guilty for even trying to move on, for ever being happy."

Y/N doesn't say a word as she lets me speak. She just nods, taking in every word. After a couple minutes of silence, she lets out a large breath before finally opening her mouth to speak.

"Spencer, I can't pretend to even come close to understanding what you are going through. I wish I had the answers. I wish I could tell you when the pain will go away, but the truth is it will probably never fully leave you. Trauma has a way of sticking with us. We learn how to process it and cope with it more efficiently, but it's never truly gone. Now I can't pretend to know what Maeve would have wanted for you, but as your friend who's with you now I want to tell you its okay to be happy. Its also okay to not be okay sometimes. No one has it together all of the time. It's ok to talk about it, to cry about it, and there's no right or wrong time. Trauma has a way of sneaking up on us, triggering us when we least expect it. And whatever you need to be ok, whatever you need to do in order to deal with this, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. You can always call me if you need to talk or come over. Even if you just need a distraction from it, if you find yourself slipping into a dark place, you can call me, and we will talk about literally anything else or go find somewhere to grab dessert or watch a movie. If you need someone to just sit with you, I'll be there. What I'm trying to say is whenever you're ready, just tell me what you need and I'll be there for you."

I feel like I could cry again, but luckily I don't. Instead, I turn on the couch to face Y/N and just pull her in for a hug, resting my head on her shoulder. This alone is all I need to at least be okay, even if just for tonight. As someone who lives alone, my only real family living across the US, no one ever really knows just how much I crave touch. It's not exactly like I can just approach JJ, Garcia, or Morgan and say "Hey I could really use a hug today." It's a love language for me, but I go weeks without touching a single person. It wears me down sometimes. Sitting here, hugging Y/N, is the most comforted I have felt in a really long time.

I want to tell her the other reason I'm struggling. About the cravings I have to battle when things are already emotionally challenging. I decide I'm not ready to share that quite yet. It's not that i don't trust her, but if it's going to affect the way she sees me, I want to put that off as long as possible.

I also take a minute to go over the words she's said to me. I can't help but notice her tone, her body language, the look on her face. She may be great at comforting people, especially since it's part of her job, but those were the words of someone who knew. She spoke from a place of fully understanding trauma, which tells me one thing: She has had trauma of her own. I make a mental note to bring it up later. I don't want to push her, but I want to make sure she knows she has the same support from me incase she ever needs to talk.

We sit there for a few more minutes, her arms wrapped around me. My breathing eventually slows down as I try to get my sniffles under control. I feel my head start to pound from how hard I have been crying. I sit back to rub my hands into my temples. Y/N stands up and makes her way into the kitchen, returning a couple minutes later with a cold water bottle, a box of tissues, and some aspirin.

She starts to walk out of the room before turning to me.

"I think I've got something that might help you feel a little better. It can't heal with heartbreak, but maybe it can help you to relax and take your mind off everything, if even for a little while."

"Y/N, you take care of people all day at work you don't have to..,"

"Hey!" She cuts me off before I can finish. "Why do you think I became a nurse huh? I enjoy taking care of people. And if I can help, even just a little, I won't feel so completely useless in this situation."

"Y/N, you've already helped. Just listening, being here with me. But I guess its no use arguing with you, you're too stubborn." A small breathy laugh leaves my nose and I glance up to see a small smile before she steps out of the room.

She returns a few minutes later and doesn't say a word. Instead she grabs both my hands and pulls me off the couch, leading me into the guest bathroom.

A take a look around at everything she had gotten ready.

"A bubble bath?" I shoot her a look of uncertainty.

"Just trust me okay." She rolls her eyes playfully. "I'll be in the living room. Just shout if you need me okay?"

I decide to just go with it. She leaves, shutting the door behind her and flipping of the lights. The room is suddenly glowing in light from candles scattered all around the bathroom. After slipping into the bath, I tense up at how hot the water is before it finally relaxes all my muscles. Breathing in, I notice the smell of eucalyptus and lavender filling the air. There is also a bluetooth speaker in the corner, softly playing zen spa music with the trickle of a rain in the background.

I have to admit, this is the most relaxed I have felt in...well I can't remember ever feeling this relaxed. Baths always seemed a bit girly, but this was incredibly therapeutic. I may have to try this again after my next difficult case.

When I finally decide to get out, I realize I'll have to change back into the same clothes. I quickly realize Y/N had also laid out a  star wars t shirt and black sweatpants for me. She thought of everything. With her being on the taller side and enjoying baggy clothes, they actually fit me fairly well.

When I finally step back into the living room she looks up at me and grins.

"Looking good Dr. Reid!"

She never calls me that, and for some reason it makes me blush just slightly. She pats the spot next to her on the couch, signaling for me to come over.

"Well, how do you feel?"

"Umm I wasn't sure about the whole bath thing but... I feel fantastic actually! How did you know that would help?"

"When you do what I do, you have to find multiple ways to unwind" she laughs.

I glance down at the shirt I'm wearing.

"So Star Wars huh?"

Y/N smirks "Are you really that surprised?"

I answer with a laugh "No I suppose not."

"Well I hope you like them too, because that's what I had lined up when it was my turn to pick for movie night!"

I can't help but hide a giant grin. I was happy to hear she wanted to continue our movie nights. Between all the Harry Potter movies and Star Wars movies combined, it seemed like we'd be spending a lot more time together.

"Is it okay if we finish the movie?" I am hoping I didn't completely ruin the night with my breakdown.

"I thought you'd never ask" she smiles before turning to the TV and resuming the movie.

As I watch the characters making their way into the shrieking shack, I feel my eyes grow heavy. I guess I had gotten a little too relaxed, as I am now struggling to stay awake through the rest of the movie.

When I open my eyes I notice the room is no longer glowing from the light of the TV but from the daylight streaming in through the windows. I realize i'm stretched across Y'N's couch, under one of her many fuzzy blankets. I sit up and look around, noticing Y/N is no longer there. After checking her kitchen and bedroom, I start to worry. Before I start to call her on the phone, I notice movement outside the window. I make my way onto the patio balcony to see her sitting on her bench with a book in her hands. At the sound of the door, she looks up and meets my gaze, smiling as she closes her book.

"Good morning sunshine" she says laughing just a bit.

"What happened?" I ask, joining her on the bench outside, running my hands through my hair as I attempt to fully wake up.

"Well, after awhile I noticed you fell asleep. I really thought it would be best to just let you get your rest."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." I start before she cuts me off.

"Its no problem! Not last night and not any other time. You are always welcome here." She gives me a warm, genuine smile. I know this is a sincere offer, one I'm sure I will take her up on again.