#i won't even talk about j's insane fuck-me eyes when the ref was explaining the tennis match

[leprosycock]

checking my notes. looking over what i have for this stream, stacking them together, nodding in my big news anchor suit and gigantic shoulder pads. sea said this was juiced pt. 2, similar to how i equated house flipper to the replacement stream. and i totally agree!!

every piece of jrma and Iudwig's relationship is told through smoke and mirrors, productions, lights, cameras, and costumes, both in front of and behind a screen. and we get to see little pieces of them in between them playing their roles, or at least what they imagine their roles to be. they definitely both seem to lose the plot at some point when they get too entangled in what the other must be thinking and how they, themselves, are perceived. or they just get too entangled in the presence of each other. and they're not voyeuristic about it either, they just don't/can't care who sees because they are each other's stage. they both create the rooms the other performs in.

feels really good to simultaneously return to a dynamic that we've been familiar with over the past year or so and see new glimpses of things that have changed. jrma is comfortable with Iudwig to the point where he can poke and prod at him, tell him to go fuck himself, tell him he sucks, he hates him, because jrma isn't so fucking terrified of him anymore. he doesn't need to shower lud with endless praise because they already both know how deeply jrma cares. they banter right from the beginning, even when the audience isn't quite supposed to be aware of who or what 985bot is, because they can't physically stop playing and batting kitten paws at each other.

even when they're supposed to be playing up that 985bot is, in fact, a computer and not a real guy, jeremy is not in there, lud can't help himself. and i think that thrill of false anonymity really excites him. "hold you down and kiss you", "how's that taste, fucker?", "i love this guy! i fucking love this guy!", acting out and flirting and calling him 'baby', just because he knows that he can. the entirety of this stream is them sticking their tongues out at each other and teasing each other like crazy just to see who'll crack first, if either of them will.

they actually both just crack when they see each other face to face again, when lud is drunk and jrma is so unbelievably, egotistically delighted to be seen on screen again ("i love chat" yeah i bet you do, freak), but also by lud. the little head pat that jrma gives lud, gentle and birdlike, very careful touches that barely last a second because he is dying to touch him and lud is dying to be touched. his voice gets sweeter and softer and kinder and he beams like he's in heaven when jrma puts the medal over his head. despite lud's penchant for 4d chess, he can't keep playing every single second of his life. he's just so happy to be adored. jrma is happy to adore.

the last time they were both this happy together on screen was almost a year ago, during the chessboxing stream, when they were one whole and united unit. lud didn't have to compete for jrma's attention this time and jrma didn't have to spend the whole stream worrying that lud didn't care about him. this stream was very clearly a big collaborative creative effort between the two of them, given jrma's theatrics and weird twist ending and the exact kind of fast-paced, low-stakes, casual, friendly tournament gaming that lud loves to organize and play, so we can only assume that offbrand is doing well. they seem to be closer than ever and it's heartwarming and it's thrilling and i couldn't be happier. i love my boys!!!! more than anything, i love my boys. i love my boys so much and so passionately and so tenderly and i'm so glad we've gotten them back. we are back in a big and enormous and fulfilling way