#i won't because i'm lazy and busy but hey a dude can dream

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

What if. Listen to me. Like. I'm just fantasizing but bear with me

What if the scene in 15x18 had originally been longer (before censors butchered her) and was something along these lines:

CASTIEL (tearfully) I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. DEAN What are you talking about, man? CASTIEL I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. (sad laugh as a tear rolls down his cheek) You changed me, Dean. DEAN (quiet, resigned) Why does this sound like a goodbye? CASTIEL Because it is. Dean inhales, ready to argue, but Castiel confesses before he can. CASTIEL I love you. (he smiles) DEAN Don't do this, Cas. CAS I want to do this. Because I love you. Dean opens his mouth, trying to say something, but nothing comes out, and just looks striken and desperate. They look at each other, a moment passes, Billie’s bangs against the door become louder, and Cas furrows his brow, and something that looks like worry starts to appear on his face. CAS (a little frantically) It’s not working, why isn’t it working? The door makes a very worrisome noise that makes it clear that Billie is almost going to smash it open. Cas looks at Dean with panic on his face now. CAS It was supposed to work! The moment I’d let the... the sun shine on my face—! Dean’s breathing shakes, and makes a desperate grimace like he’s bracing himself for the most painful thing he’s ever done. He doesn’t want to do this, but he knows it’s important for Cas. DEAN Because this isn’t about your happiness. It’s about my curse. CAS (a little taken aback) What do you mean? DEAN (He gulps, diverts his eyes from Cas, pain clearly written on his face.) It’s about my curse, Cas. It was always going to end this way, wasn’t it? Me killing you. Killing you because I love you. Cas’ eyes widen in amazed shock. DEAN (Through gritted teeth, barely holding back tears, but with a surprising softness) I love you, Cas. I— CAS (softly, as a gentle smile blooms on his face) I am happy that this is the reason I die. There's a wet noise from behind Dean and he turns to see black goo from The Empty squeezing through the bricks in the bunker's wall as a portal begins to open. They both know what this means. There are tears in Dean's eyes as he turns back to Castiel. Castiel is still smiling tearfully. The warded door busts open. Billie stands behind it with her scythe. There's no more time. DEAN Cas... Castiel puts his hand, bloodied from when he'd cut it for the warding, on Dean's shoulder. CASTIEL Goodbye, Dean.