#i won't be able to live alone for Multiple Years but fucking god

[loverboybrightsideghost]

dw about it

i've gotten to a point where i can't really tell if i'm okay or not. maybe there is no Default state of being, but it's gotten to the point where i can't tell if i'm Actually Okay and the clouds and fuckery of my brain is telling me that i'm not or if I'm Not Okay and i'm just pretending that i am.

[words-after-midnight]

Read a post earlier about conceptualizing the darkest scene in a wip (won't say by who as i'm not sure if they're comfortable being tagged), which reminded me of my own rather bizarre story about the darkest scenes (three) of my own wip. I won't say what happens in the scenes, nor where they fit in the story. The scenes are not actually included in the novel, and they were written around two years after I finished the first draft of the novel. They compose a "companion piece" (for lack of a better term) that, other than myself, one person has read (though I've offered it to three other beta readers, one of whom declined to read it and two others who want to wait until they're in the right headspace).

The piece is 2,288 words and was drafted on February 25th, 2013. The only reason I know this is because I kept a novel diary throughout the drafting process of the novel, up to the first version of the manuscript (2008-2013). I don't actually remember writing the piece at all. I'm not just saying that to be dramatic. I don't remember where I was, what I was doing, writing any specific passages, nothing. I do, strangely enough, remember the dream it was based on. I say "strangely" because I almost never remember my dreams.

The general sequence of events covered by the piece was planned in advance, but the dream gave me vivid details, an ambiance, and emotional context - even a few specific lines. The dream was essentially the entire sequence from beginning to end. I had the dream on January 4th, 2011 - a little over a month before the pre-planned "deadline" on which I would finish the draft of the novel - but I tried really hard not to write the piece. I honestly didn't feel like the sequence itself needed to be in the novel (and I still, firmly, don't). But, as many of you know, the thing about ideas is that sometimes, they won't leave you alone until you just fucking write them. And I really, really wanted this particular one to leave me the fuck alone. So finally, two years later, I wrote it. In one shot, apparently. And then I basically didn't look at it for nine years.

That's a bit of an exaggeration. I tried to revise it multiple times in that time period, but every time, I'd get to the end of the first scene, remember what came next, and nope out. I finally forced myself to revise it in March 2022, because I just wanted it to be done. Hand to god, I'm never touching that thing again.

It's the best thing I've ever written. Not because the prose is particularly good, or because it has the tightest structure, or because it's "original" or whatever, but because it's the only thing I've written, to this day, that I've been able to put on paper exactly the way I saw it in my head.

Anyway. I'll never publish it as long as I live, but it's the piece of writing I'm proudest of, and probably always will be. The whole thing was also a pretty interesting and unique (to me) writing experience.

[kittykatinabag]

Cab driver today asked if I had any plans for Christmas. I told him I don't and he was a bit flabbergasted.

The only thing I could respond with was "I'm used to it"

But that's a lie. I'm not used to it. I'm really quite bummed about missing another year of Christmas. I haven't seen any of my family's faces beyond the occasional post or picture sent. I guess we could video call but I don't like video calling because (probably autistic) reasons.

And I'm fighting the urge to blame myself for not thinking ahead and making plans way earlier in the year. But I was kind of in the midst of a depression slump. Still am, I can feel it in my mind and body. At least the anxiety is not that bad, and when it is bad I know how to control and get through it rather quickly. I just wish those techniques worked with the depression at a more consistent scale.

If there's anything that's settling into a bitter taste on my tongue about this last year and few months, it's that I'm both coming back in one sense with nothing physical to show for it (I don't care about this but this seems to be the lens most people understand the world through), but I'm also not coming back with some big ass trauma like I had after undergrad was done. There's some trauma there, but it's more of an extension of past trauma or a continuation of the constant trauma of living in a capitalistic society/the calamities of this reality. It's nothing world altering in my eyes right now.

That kind of annoys me. If I'm going to fail, at least let me have another god damn mountain to climb up and over. I've done this hike before, multiple times. Part of me wants to be able to shake a manifestation of the last year and few months scream "just let me get hurt, just let me feel the fucking pain!"

That's probably something I should go deeper into if I ever get the will to go back to therapy. But fuck after the shit show that was my therapist here, the thought of not only finding another person but also having to sit through what seems like 6-8 weeks of bullshitting around to figure out if they're actually a decent therapist or not sounds like a waste of everyone's time (but mostly mine).

I don't want to keep blaming my environment for how I've been feeling for the past however many months. But fuck, do I currently hate the dwelling I've been living in. I'll go into the city or somewhere and feel completely fine, good even. Then I'll get tired because walking around outside, it's windy and chilly, lots of people about- the usual. So I get back on the fucking hour tram ride back to this apartment that's in the middle of no man's land, only to get back to a dirty apartment (that I cleaned the previous day, so not even 24 hours of cleanliness), sometimes my flat mate's kid(s) are there and I lose psychic damage every hour they're in the place, and sometimes my other flat mate will have her friends over (they're nice enough on the surface but they're also mostly heavy drinkers, extroverts, and not my crowd 95% of the time). But there's always people here. Even when I'm home alone, it doesn't feel like a good place to just relax. Because by the time evening rolls around, people are back, and my flat mate slams every fucking door when she's back. She was this way at the university dorms too, and I get so fucking stressed when doors slam because it reminds me that for both me and my family, being loud is how we end up being when we're angry and hurt and the sounds of slamming doors is one way that comes out. Also sudden loud noise = stressful in most circumstances. She does this at any time, even at like 1am. It's almost as infuriating as her shit dishwashing skills.

I won't even get into the constant annoyances that is my other flat mate because he is simply summed up by the fact that he's in his early 40s, divorced with two kids from two different women and still single, and is less competent in cooking and cleaning than most of my friends when they were 20. Also he's misogynistic and a functioning alcoholic who does not recognize he's a functioning alcoholic.

I have had the patience of a deity, but even a deity ends up smiting some people. I'm just surprised and a little proud that I haven't blown up on them. But yeah I might cry when I get back to my parents house to see that the only thing not clean is the cat hair that kind of never goes away fully. And I'm okay with that because it's cats.

[vdlest]

Onto It

Characters:

TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Summary:

Bucky and Sam are both in New York to finish their mission with the power broker, turns out to be Sharon Carter. The latter is not just the villain in this story, but you once got jealous of her as well when she tried to seduce your man.

Warning:

Swearing

Jealousy

Mention of Smut

"You know you could just call Bucky instead of being a grumpy old lady in here," Wanda pointed out as you accidentally dropped your pen for fifth time.

You and Wanda are doing some mission report in the house that you share together, the reports that you and Wanda are reading and discussing has something to do with the mission two had last week. But your mind is not completely concentrated to whatever the report says. Your mind is in New York, thinking of your man, Bucky Barnes.

"Come on, y/n," Wanda handed you your phone, "Just call him already. I know you're worried about the fact that he and Sam is there in New York to deal with the Sharon Carter," she raised her two hands to make air-quotation-marks upon mentioning Sharon's name.

You used to have no problem with Sharon, you actually wanted her to and Steve to enjoy each other's company before. But that was before. Before that witch became a villain in your lives. All along she is the power broker and she made a fool out of you all. Not just that, she even tried to seduce Bucky because she wanted to cover up her real identity. She put a substance on Bucky's drink to drug him and make it look like something happened to them, but before she could pull off her plan, you and Sam were able to stop her, however she escaped.

"Sam and Bucky are in New York to take that woman down, so I shouldn't feel worried about it anymore," you confidently said, realizing that Bucky promised that there's only woman in his life and that's you.

The two of you started dating a year ago now, but both of you just want to keep it unlabeled for now. But you won't deny the fact that you have been wanting to take it to the next level. There were times when you would ask yourself what is your right to get jealous if there's someone trying to steal your man, he's not even yours to begin with.

"Aren't you guys getting tired of the unlabeled thingy?" Wanda asked you as he closes the folder she's holding, "I mean, no offense, okay? But you clearly like each other. You guys have been dating for a year now and don't you think it's a bit unfair on your part?"

"Unfair, why?" you questioned her. "Wanda, it is also my choice to put it this way. We don't want to rush things about us," you explained.

"Yeah, I know that you guys are confident with your relationship as exclusively dating, but it's better to put label in it. Trust me, you should do it while you still can," she reached for you hand and gave it a squeeze as she smiles at you, "Vis and I didn't have much time. So you and Bucky should make it lasts while you can."

You can sense pain in Wanda's voice. It must've really hard for her to move on and accept her and Vision's fate. If you were in her place, you don't know what will make you stay in your sanity.

Wanda has always been a good friend to you. She has always give you advices and her presence in your life makes you understand the things you were having a hard time understanding, like love itself.

"Do you want some coffee?" Wanda asked you as she stood up from her seat, "I'll probably order some food as well, I'm starving."

Just when Wanda's about to leave to order food and coffee, your phone rang.

B U C K Y calling...

"Seems like your guy cannot live in a day without hearing your voice," Wanda teased before she made her way out, leaving you alone inside the family room.

You grabbed your phone and answered the call of your unofficial boyfriend.

"Hey, I've been texting you, but you're not replying. Are you okay?" he asked as soon as you accepted his call.

"Oh, yeah," you saw the multiple messages that came from him, but you weren't able to see it because you were too preoccupied with the reports and the fact that Sharon Carter is bugging your mind, "Sorry, just got a little mixed up with the mission reports. Wanda and I have been reading it for almost 2 hours."

First of all, you did not want to tell him about your issue with Sharon Carter, although he's already aware of it and he knows already that you got jealous and really angry of her for what happened. Second, you did not want him to feel like you don't trust him.

"How's the mission?" you asked him, changing the topic.

"Well, we finally caught Sharon red-handed. She's in custody right now and the investigation about her will start first thing in the morning tomorrow," he said. Even though they've already taken Sharon down, he and Sam have to stay in New York for a few more days since they have to stay for the investigation, "You, alright?"

You hate it when he knows something's wrong with you or something's bothering your mind. He can already sense it just by the way you breath or speak.

"You know that I know you already, right? So, tell me, what's bothering you?" he questions.

The sigh you let out confirmed his hunch, you're not gonna get away with it anyway so you might as well fire with it. You've always been so honest with him anyway.

"I'm just not so comfortable with the fact that Sharon Carter witch, God, I hope Agent Peggy Carter will forgive me for telling bad words about her niece," you heard him chuckle in the other end. "But God, I can't just forget what she did to you, what she almost did to you."

"You mean when she almost raped me?" he joked.

"Look, Bucky, it's not really funny, okay?" you groaned as you hear him chuckle again on the other line.

"I get it, y/n. Okay? I get it. You have to stop worrying about it, okay? It won't happen ever again. Besides, after this mission, I won't be involved in anything about Sharon anymore. And I also want to take you out again, something that I haven't done for a while now," he reassured you.

It's true that two of you haven't gone on a date for quite some time, as both of you got busy with different things, especially in saving the world and humankind. But it's not really something that bothers you. He still makes you feel special in different ways.

"Buck," you remembered what Wanda advised you and you know you had to open it up to Bucky as soon as you could, "Can we also talk about us when you get back?" you hesitantly asked.

"What do you mean talk about us?" he sounded worried. You closed your eyes as you asked yourself if you did the right thing of opening it up to him this early, "Y/n, do you want us to stop? 'Cause if you do, you can just tell me now."

"Bucky, no," you answered immediately. God knows that's the very last thing you want to happen. You didn't want to lose him. "I just...I...I am...fuck!" you swore, you don't know how to tell him about it.

"Y/n, what's happening? Just tell me so we could do something about it."

You sighed as you prepare yourself to tell everything to him, "I know I was the one who told you and suggested that we should just do the unlabeled relationship because it's much easier that way, and it really was. We did not feel any pressure. We did not feel we have to rush or something, but I just got tired of it. I got tired of it the moment Sharon asked me a few months ago when the incident happened that what is my right to get jealous, to get mad, we're not even in a relationship. It hit me. That question fucking hit me. And here's Wanda telling me how we should make everything last while we can and I feel so guilty that we're taking our time for granted knowing that she and Vision did not get to their happy ending." You took a deep breath and closes your eyes for a second, "I didn't mean to pressure you or anything Bucky, I really don't. I just don't want to take what we have for granted."

After you let your feelings out, it took a few seconds before Bucky could finally answer you. His silence made you nervous but the moment you heard him chuckle, you felt a little relief.

"You're right, we should talk about us when I get back. I should put label to our relationship and I shouldn't make you feel that we're nothing, because you really mean the world to me, y/n. And it's about time we put this whole thing we have in the right pedestal," his words made you ease the embarassment and the awkwardness you're feeling. "Just stop thinking about Sharon, okay? I don't give a damn about her. The whole time I'm away from you all I think is how I would kiss your lips and every inch of your body."

You laughed by the fact that he's thinking of making love to you while he shove off the idea of Sharon Carter or any woman in his life, because there's only one woman in his life and that's you.

"You know I like it when I see you so possessive of me, makes me so eager to fuck you until you realized that you're the only woman I give a fuck," you could clearly hear him he was whispering.

You went out of the family room and went up to your room, giving you more privacy since the man you're talking to right now is starting to propose phone sex.

"Is it just me or you're whispering?" you innocently asked.

"Well, I'm not now. I just got inside my car so," he paused for a moment, "So prepare yourself 'cause I'll make you so wet that you'll wish I'm beside you tonight to attend to your needs."

"You wish," you teased him. "Come home first and I'll cum for you, you tease."

He chuckled, "I'm onto it, sweetheart. I'll ask Sam if I could leave early."

"And what excuse will you tell him?" you asked.

"I'll tell him that I need to make Y/N Y/L/N officially mine, officially my girlfriend. I'll also tell him that there's someone I need to help with her sexual needs," he's joking on the last part but his first sentence made your heart shiver and so excited at the same time.

"That's exciting, and tempting," you teased him back. "Why don't you start pumping your cock and imagine that I'm doing it for you? While I lay here in my bed, thinking of your vibranium fingers making me whimper and moan your fucking name?"

"You're killing me," he groaned and that gave you the sign that he's already pumping himself. "Remind me to punish you for teasing me like this when I get back."

Wanda is right. You should never waste the time you and Bucky have. You should never take anything for granted. Bucky told you that you mean the world to him, and he makes you feel that way, not just sexually, but in romantic way. He would swept you off of your feet. He would do anything for you. That is why if there's someone who'll ask you who are you in James Buchanan Barnes' life, you would just simply answer that you're the love of his life. Too proud to claim it but that's the truth.

No woman can ever make you feel threatened of her anymore, as Bucky claim you his and you claim him as yours day by day, night by night.

-v.dl

[taenamseok]

Masterlist

Summary: After receiving a mysterious invitation, your life is changed forever. Is it better or worse? It all depends on how you handle the situation.

Previous/Next

Chapter Two

You groan softly, stretching your aching limbs. There's not much room to move on the couch, so you almost fall off, but you're stopped by something. "Y-Y/N?" Your mysterious counterpart stutters. You sit up, but feel dizzy. "What have I done?" The male says shakily. The light blinds you as your eyelids part. After your eyes adjust, you see Lestat, sitting on the floor, knees tucked to his chest. Your eyebrows raise as you see his mask off, revealing his face. He's incredibly handsome, and you'd love to focus on his features, but you realize you're freezing, and your neck hurts.

"Sh, please, lay back down, Y/N. You need to rest." He cooes. You nod slowly, not arguing as you lay back down. "What happened?" You ask, your voice raspy. You hear a sniffle and shuffle, a large hand pushing the hair out of your face. "I'm so sorry. Oh God, what have I done?" He cries. Just then, there's a knock on the door. "Oh no." He whispers. He gets up, and you hear the click of the doorknob. "Dude, are you ready? Hoseok really made a mess this time. It's all hands on deck." Another voice says. "Um, now's not exactly the best time, Taehyung." Lestat stutters. "Why? What-" "No!" Lestat shouts. "No way." You open your eyes to see a young man hovering over you. "Dude, Namjoon is going to kill you." The man says.

You hear the door close, and Lestat sigh. "I know. I just, I don't know why. I couldn't go through with it. She's special, Tae." Lestat explains as you sit up. "What's so special about her?" The young man, Taehyung, asks. He gets really close to you, examining your features closely, making you uncomfortable. "Wait, is she the one I smelled at the party?" "Yeah, she is." Lestat replies. "Shit, man. You're definitely screwed." Taehyung chuckles. "I'm sorry, what are you guys talking about? Who are you?" You ask.

"I'm sorry, I haven't even introduced myself yet. I'm Taehyung. Nice to meet you." The man knelt down in front of you smiles, holding a hand out to you. You shake his hand, whispering a hello. "My name is Y/N." You reply. "What the hell is the hold up?" A shout comes from the hallway. You all turn to face the door as a man stands in the doorway. He's nicely dressed, just like the two men in the room, his head held high. He radiated power, and the men cower at the sight of him. His gaze lands on you, and his jaw tightens. "What is the meaning of this, Seokjin?" His voice deep and chilling.

"Namjoon, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I couldn't let her die." Lestat stutters. 'Seokjin' is what the man, Namjoon, called him. So is that his real name? "What the hell do you mean you couldn't kill her? That's what we do!" The man's voice booms, causing you to jump. You feel a hand on your thigh, and see Seokjin's shaky hand resting there, squeezing softly, but you push it away slightly. "I'm sorry, but could someone please explain what's going on?" You spit. The dominant man looks towards you, smirking slightly. "You." He says. "You're the one I smelled earlier. The virgin. Oh, Seokjin, what mess have you put yourself into?" He chuckles before moving quickly. Before you know it, Seokjin is pinned to the wall, fingers tightly wrapped around his throat.

"Namjoon! Hey!" Taehyung cries, racing to the men and trying his best to pry Namjoon away from Seokjin. His cries apparently attract attention, and you hear many footsteps echoing through the hallway. Multiple men appear in the doorway, and three of them run in to help Taehyung in his efforts while the other just stands there, eyes as wide as a dear in the headlights. Shouting and tussling continues until they finally free Seokjin, who gasps for air. "Namjoon, what the hell?" One of the new men ask. In the group that rushed in, you recognize one red haired man, Deacon he said his name was, standing with them. "Look for yourself." Namjoon says, pointing at you. All eyes are on you now as you shift in your seat uncomfortably. "No way, Seokjin did that?" The shortest one asked. Namjoon nodded, and you wonder what they mean by 'did that'. Surely you guys didn't hook up, unless he did that while you were passed out. But, he didn't seem like the guy to do that.

You look at him as he slouches against the wall, catching his breath. He looks at you somberly before mouthing a phrase. "I'm sorry." What is he sorry for? "Do you think we have room for her?" Another man asks. "She could bunk with me." Deacon smirks. "No." Namjoon booms. "We aren't taking her." "But, we can't just leave here on her own, she doesn't know how to live like us! How will she survive?" The smaller one cries. "I don't care how she survives! Seokjin ruined her life as she knows it so there's no going back, but we cannot take her with us." Namjoon shouts. Seokjin ruined your life? How?

"Alright, I've had it!" You scream, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. "Somebody tell me what's going on before I lose my fucking mind!" Everyone stares at you in shock, Namjoon only smirking St your outburst. "Fine. I'll cut to the chase. We're all vampires that hold parties all over the world in order to feed. This was one of the parties and you happened to be invited. We have a few rules, however. We only go for people that are alone, so that no one suspects they're missing. You were one of those people, and it seems Seokjin had his eye on you. You're different though. Out of everyone there, we could all smell you. Your blood is pure, you are pure. The first virgin we've come across in a while. Another rule is that whenever we come across a virgin, whoever found them brings them to me. The leader always gets the virgins. But Seokjin broke this rule. He broke another rule too. No turning anyone." Namjoon explains. Turning? Does he mean-

"What do you mean 'turning'?" You ask. Namjoon sighs, shaking his head. "Seokjin had turned you into one of us. A vampire." He says. Your eyes widen, not knowing whether to believe this or not. You turn to Seokjin, and his head is buried in his knees, his shoulder shaking. A vampire. A room full of blood-thirsty vampires, and you were now one of them. "I'm a vampire?" You ask silently. "Namjoon please, let's just take her with us. Without our help she's gonna turn into a Wither." Taehyung says. Namjoon looks back at you, thinking. "Give me time to think about it. For now, let's clean up Hoseok's mess." He says before turning on his heel. Everyone follows suit except you and Seokjin, who is still shaking on the floor.

"Seokjin..." You call out to him softly. He looks up at you, tears staining his cheeks. "Oh my God." You gasp, seeing the fingerprints around his neck. You run over to him, kneeling on the floor before him. "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I took your life away. This is all my fault." He sobs. You think about his words. Can you really not go back to your normal life?

Your whole world has changed, just because of your decision to come here. You could've stayed home, spent the night with your wine and your books. The one time you decided to let go and be a little reckless, it cost you your life as you knew it. "Seokjin, can I ask you a question?" You ask softly. He nods, and you sigh deeply. "Why? Why did you turn me?" His lip quivers at he question, and he takes a deep breath before gathering the strength to answer. "Y/N, I, I know we only met tonight, and have barely talked, but, you just, feel, different, than anyone I've ever met. There's something special about you. A connection between us. I've lived many, many years, and never have I ever met someone like you. I know, I'm not making sense right now, it's just a feeling. Dancing with you tonight, I knew my mission for the night, but then when I was, you know, I couldn't fully go through with it. I couldn't lose you. It was selfish and I'm so sorry that I did this to you."

You know he's being sincere, your connection to him you felt before even stronger than when you were dancing. Your thumb strokes over his bicep, a soft smile on your lips. "It's okay. I mean, I didn't really have much going for me anyways. No friends or family around, dead end job, maybe you helped me." You tell him. He sniffles, looking down at the ground. "I still shouldn't have been so selfish. You had no control, no choice." He whispers. Maybe you won't be able to convince him. He may learn by actions, not words. The only way he'll understand is if you show him that it's okay.

As the door opens up, you realize you don't have time to do that right now. "Well, I've decided. She'll come with us. However, she stays with me." A deep voice says from behind you, Namjoon smirking at the two of you. Your eyes flicker between the two men, Seokjin's mouth hung open in shock. "B-But why does she have to stay with you? I'll be okay, I'll make sure she doesn't get in trouble." He stutters, standing up. "I met her tonight, I did this to her, she's my responsibility."

"No." Namjoon's voice so deep it reverberates through your whole being. "You fucked up, Seokjin. You don't get to hold responsibility over her. You were selfish, reckless, and this is the punishment. From now on, she stays by my side. She does not leave my side. You do not talk to her." Namjoon stalks over you to you, tilting his head to the side as he curls a finger under your chin. "From now on, she's my pet." He smirks.

You smack his hand away violently, glaring at him as he rubs his arm. "Like hell I'm gonna listen to you. I don't even know you, and now you think I'm just gonna do whatever you say now? Who do you think you are?" You shout. A hand grips your jaw tightly, the mysterious leader looking down on you intimidatingly. "A feisty one. I like it. Not my type, but I just have to break you in, that's all. Hoseok, shut her up." He calls behind him, his eyes locked on yours. He has no actual control over you, no connection like Seokjin has, but his mere presence, his power, had you almost kneeling. Almost.

You open your mouth to defy, but something pops into your mouth, a small ball, and a collar attached to it is wrapped around your head. Your eyes widen as you're unable to close your mouth, or even speak. A ball gag. Did they really just have this laying around or with them at all times? You try to speak, the only noises emanating from you being strained groans and gurgles. "Perfect. That oughta shut you up for now." Namjoon smirks, patting your cheek. "Maybe I'll keep this on you when I take your virginity."

"No! You can't-" Seokjin runs at him, but is cut off by a large backhand against his cheek, the hand that was just on your own cheek, as if he was just a small fly and Namjoon was the swatter. "As I said, Seokjin, you hold no power. Come. Hoseok and Yoongi, you're in the car with me. Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung. I trust you to take care of the bodies. Take Seokjin with you." Namjoon commands. You look to Seokjin, whose still knealt on the floor. The sadness on his face, the defeat, you wish desperately to hold him, to tell him everything is going to be alright. Everyone nods, and Namjoon grabs your hand, pulling you out of the room. You try your best to call back to Seokjin, but all that comes out is gargled whines.

You pass by a few people, and try to call out to them, but just a glare from Namjoon has them silent, ignoring your muffled cries. The grip he has on your wrist is tight, and you have no doubt you'll have a bruise. He pulls you all the way out to a pair of awaiting, black cars, and he rounds the car to open the door for you, putting you in the passenger seat. The back doors open, Hoseok and Yoongi climbing in as Namjoon climbs into the driver's seat.

The car ride is tense in the front seat, the men in the back seat chatting away about their night. From what you've heard, he brought the gag you were wearing. He was planning on using it but apparently "her mouth was so fucking good" that he let her scream while he fucked her before he killed her. A tear rolls down your cheek as you think back to earlier in the night. That could've been you. You were talking to him before Seokjin swooped in. Seokjin. Your supposed knight in shining armor. Is he okay? You can't help but worry about him. Was Namjoon always so harsh with everyone? If so, you're scared of what he has in store for you.

Namjoon takes a turn down a dirt road, the path shrouded by trees, blocking the moonlight. Through the dense foliage, in the distance you see a large metal gate. Namjoon presses a button ad you approach the gate, and it slides open, allowing the car to pass through. A long driveway leads to a large house that make you feel insignificant in size. It's a lot nicer than the venue of the party, the dark elegance of it giving off a sort of foreboding feeling, as if when you step through the front door, you'll be doomed for eternity.

A garage door opens, and Namjoon pulls the car into it, and it's fairly large. He parks and turns off the car, the men climbing out of the back. "Come on. Follow me." Namjoon says to you, opening the door for you. You glare at him before reluctantly climbing out, following behind him as he leads you into the house. It's gorgeous to say the least. For a group of vampires, the flooring and walls are fairly bright. Eggshell walls garnished with intricate paintings, white marble floors, it was bright, but cold.

"Follow me please." Namjoon says, ascending the grand staircase. You decide to follow him, figuring it'd be best not to find out what would happen to you if you disobey. You're in their territory now, their domain. They have the upper hand. They could catch you and kill you before you can even think of a way out. You bunch up your dress, careful not to trip up the stairs. Maybe if you're obedient he'll take this stupid gag out of your mouth. You can barely swallow with it on, you're constantly wiping drool from your chin.

You're lead up to the third floor, the top floor, up to a dark oak door. Namjoon stops, hand on the doorknob. He turns it, revealing a large, dark room. The walls are painted a deep maroon, a king sized bed with plush pillows and a midnight duvet draped over it, neatly made. You're surprised, the room seems dark, but kind of cozy. That changes when you see a large, mahogany cabinet in the corner of the room, an intricate dragon carved into the top. You raise an eyebrow at it, and he chuckles deeply, noticing your reaction.

He stands behind you, moving your hair to the side and unbuckling the gag. You sigh in relief as you close your mouth, your jaw aching after being kept open for so long. He tosses the gag on the dresser, and you reach up to sooth your jaw. You stand there awkwardly, looking around, wondering what you should be doing. What was Seokjin doing? Somehow, you knew he was far away, but it felt like he was getting closer. Is he ok? Will he be here soon? Caught up in your own thoughts, you barely realize he's undressing until you hear the clink of his belt.

You shift uncomfortably as he sits on the bed, smirking over at you, his shirt unbuttoned. He does the come hither motion with his fingers, and you raise your eyebrow at him, shaking your head. "Y/N, is it? Do you realize the situation you're in?" He asks, a seemingly playful glint in his eye. You gulp, avoiding his gaze. Where is Seokjin? You desperately wish he was here right now. The feeling you have, he seems closer now, getting closer by the second. It's probably just your desire to be around him that's causing the feeling, wanting him to swoop in and save you again.

Namjoon gets up, stalking towards you, and you slowly back up. "Right now, you are in my room, in my house, surrounded by dangerous men that are under my control. You may not be under my control, but I have no doubt that in time, you will submit to me." He says, backing you against a wall. He has physical power over you, but you are in no way connected to him, and refuse to give into whatever he's trying to do. You try to turn away, but he grabs you by the waist, picking you up and carrying you over to the bed. You cry out, writhing in his grasp as he flips you onto your back, pinning you to the matress as he looks over you. "You're mine now. You will stay by my side, and you will not disobey me. Do you understand?" He asks, leaning his head down, his lips hovering over your neck. Was he going to try and bite you? Is he about to kill you?

His hands slide down your body, pushing the hem of your dress to bunch at your hips. He wraps your legs around his waist, and you've never been more uncomfortable in your life. You try to squirm your way out, writhing and hitting and shouting, but he just pins your arms above your head. "The less you move, baby, the less this will hurt." He smirked. 'Please. I don't want this. Seokjin, please help.' You think to yourself, closing your eyes and preparing for the worst.

Before anything more can happen, there's a soft knock on the door, Namjoon groaning at the interruption. "What is it?" He calls out, clearly annoyed. "Namjoon, please, can we talk?" A soft voice asks through the door, and the mere sound of it has you sighing in relief, much to Namjoon's disapproval. "You," He says to you, teeth grit "don't get to say anything to him." He warns. You hate him. You want to talk to Seokjin so bad. You wanted to know what's actually going on, you wanted him to help you. "Come in!" Namjoon shouts, climbing off of you to sit next to you, your body still sprawled out and disheveled.

The door creaks open, and Seokjin steps in, dirt staining his elegant clothing. As soon as he walks in he sees you laying on the bed, your dress up and your legs open, a tear rolling down the side of your face as you look at him, and at that sight, something takes over him. "You son of a bitch." He growls before charging at Namjoon. You move before they topple over you, standing and watching the brawl as they both fall from the bed to the floor. Everything moves so fast you can barely tell what's going on until they stop rolling, Seokjin on top of Namjoon, repeatedly connecting his fist with his face. You do nothing but look in horror.

Someone must've heard the quarrel because a young man with dark hair comes rushing in, pulling Seokjin off the leader. More men flood in, and it takes three to hold Seokjin back. A vein on his neck protrudes, his face red from rage. Namjoon groans as he gets up, rubbing his damaged face. "Why the hell would you do that?" Seokjin cries. "You have no right to take her virginity! It's not your decision to make who she gives it to!" He shouts. That's what he's mad about? He thinks Namjoon took your virginity?

Namjoon chuckles, standing up and leaning against the bed, rubbing his bruised cheek. "Look at her." He says simply. "Smell her. I didn't take anything." He shrugs nonchalantly. Everyone looks at you, and you're still embarrassed at your disheveled appearance, even though your dress had fallen back down, you still felt dirty from him trying to take advantage of you. "He's right." You croak, and all eyes turn to you. "He tried, but he didn't actually do anything." "See? I told you. I didn't do anything." Namjoon shrugs proudly.

"Just because you didn't go all the way with her doesn't mean what you did was right." Seokjin says, pulling out of the men's grasp. He's fuming now at how easily Namjoon brushed off the situation. "Stand down, Seokjin. I told you before. You have no power in this situation." Namjoon smirks. He stands up, straightening his clothes out. He stands in front of Seokjin, trying to tower over him intimidatingly, but it doesn't work. Seokjin straightens out, and he's about the same height as Namjoon, not backing down. "Namjoon, I think we both know that that's isn't true." He smirks. He seems different somehow, more courageous then at the venue.

"Y/N, come here." Seokjin says, holding his hand out to you. You avoid looking at Namjoon as you take Seokjin's hand, standing close to him. A loud chuckle startles you, and Namjoon stands there, a smile on his face. "So that's what's going on, huh?" He chuckles again. A round of mumbles sounds throughout the room, and you notice all the other men are just as confused as you are. "Well fine then. Why don't we make a deal?" Namjoon asks. "Since you're no longer loyal to me by connection, if you stay loyal to me out of your own free will, you can have your little toy."

You look up at Seokjin, whose glaring at Namjoon. "I stay loyal to you professionally. What I do in my free time is out of your control." Seokjin adds. Namjoon smiles, holding his hand out. "It's a deal then." Namjoon smirks, shaking Seokjin's hand. "She's too squirmy anyway. I couldn't do anything unless I tied her up. Which, I wouldn't have minded." Namjoon winks at you. "Come on, Y/N, let's get you to where you'll be staying." Seokjin says softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. Everyone watches in shock as he simply walks out of the room with you, Namjoon grimacing at Seokjin's newfound bravado.

Seokjin brings you to a room, and it's a lot cozier than Namjoon's room. The walls are painted a soft blue, a queen sized bed tucked into the corner of the room, a TV sitting on top of the dresser and a desk with a computer against the wall. It feels warm and inviting, and you sigh in relief as you finally don't feel a darkness looming over you. You look over at Seokjin, whose ruffling his hair, leaning against the desk. "Y/N, what did he do to do to you?" The worry and hurt on his face saddens you.

"Um, he really didn't do much. They gagged me and brought me here, then he took the gag off and put me on the bed and slid my dress up and laid on top of me and pinned my arms and then you came." You explain, shifting awkwardly on your heels. It doesn't seem like a lot when you say it out loud, but to you, it felt like everything. Before you know it, a strong pair of arms wrap around you, and Seokjin holds you in his embrace. "I'm so sorry." He mumbles.

"He's not gonna do that to you anymore I promise." He says, leading you to sit down on the bed. You feel safe with him. You feel like you can finally breathe again. "Seokjin." You whisper, looking at the ground. "Yes, my dear?" He asks. He's still so charming, even in this situation. "What exactly is going on? What did Namjoon mean by 'loyal by connection'?" He sighs, scooting back to sit against the wall, and you turn to face him.

"Well, let me think on how to explain it." He says, looking off in the distance. You nod, waiting for him to say something else. "So, you feel the thing, right? The connection between us? I know in the car, I could feel exactly where you were, how far away you were. Did you feel that?" You nod, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "Well, we call that a tether. It connects a master and their follower. A follower is someone who was turned, and whoever turned them is their master." He explains.

"So, you're my master?" You ask. The title seemed strange to you, but it made sense. "That's right." He said. "I was Namjoon's follower. He turned Hoseok, Yoongi, and I. All the guys in the house are his followers." "Wait," you interrupt "what about the other three guys?" "Oh, well, they were following another vampire, an enemy of Namjoon. Namjoon killed him, and once a vampire kills another, the killer becomes the new master. So, the younger ones became tethered to Namjoon." You nod in response.

"There are ways to break a tether. One of the main ways is if a follower turns someone, and becomes a master. Once a follower becomes a master, they are no longer tethered to their master, and are no longer loyal. That's why 'no turning' was are main rule, and I broke it tonight with you." He explains. "So, you're not tethered to Namjoon anymore, so you're not under his control anymore?" "That's right." He nods. "And we have the tether, the connection, so I'm loyal to you." You think out loud. "What exactly does that mean? Do I have to follow your orders or do everything with your permission or something like that?"

"Oh, no no no." He shakes his head. "I won't be controlling. You can do pretty much whatever you want, I won't make you do anything you don't want to like Namjoon does." He promises. "You can do whatever you want. The only thing I ask is for you to not go near Namjoon. I don't trust him anymore. I made a deal with him to only stay loyal through our business, but other than that, I would rather stay as far away from him as possible."

"I promise, I won't go near him. I'd rather stay away from him anyway." You say, looking to the side. "Hey." He says, placing a finger under your chin and gently turning your head to face him. You look into his sad eyes, and he smiles, cupping your cheek with his large hand. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asks softly. You nod, relaxing into his touch. It feels good here, like you belong here. What is this feeling? Is it because of the tether? The connection? Or is it something else?

"I'm sorry I pulled you into all of this. I'm glad you're not hurt though." He smiles. "Don't be sorry. My life kinda sucked anyway." You giggle, leaning back against the wall next to him. "I still took your life away. I don't know anything about your life and I took away everything you had." He frowns. You turn to face him, grabbing his hand. "I'm a twenty-three year old mail room sorter that lives alone in a studio apartment, has no friends or close family, not even a pet. I went to that party to change up my routine, take a risk. Now, apparently, I'm a vampire with a very handsome master in the most beautiful house I've ever been in. I don't think you ruined anything." You smile.

"You think I'm attractive?" He asks, smirking and raising an eyebrow. "That's the part you focus on?" You laugh, and he shrugs. "I wasn't sure if you actually thought I was cute or if you just wanted a hook up." You roll your eyes. "Well, I definitely could've met someone ugly. Plus, I'm not exactly one for hook ups, obviously." "So, you don't mind staying here?" He asks. You shake your head, smiling. "I'd love to."

"That's great." He smiles, and it really is the most beautiful smile you've ever seen. The way his plump lips curve, he pearly white teeth exposed. You look at his lips, desperately wanting to feel them on your own. You remember how it felt earlier, and your breath starts to get heavy as you think of what more could've happened if he didn't bite you. Maybe things would've gotten-

"Oh, you're still in your dress." He says, interrupting your thoughts. "Why don't you borrow some of my clothes for tonight and we can go buy you some clothes tomorrow? Or we can even go pick up clothes from your place if you'd prefer that." He suggests. He could order you to do anything he wanted, yet he was very sweet about everything, making sure you don't feel under his control. "I think I'd like my clothes." You nod. "Alrighty then. Tomorrow night we'll go out and get your clothes." He nods. Right. You probably can't go out in the sunlight anymore.

He gets up, going to his dresser and grabbing a shirt and some sweatpants for you. "Here. You can wear these for now." He smiles, handing you the clothes. You get up and take them, smiling your appreciation before going into the bathroom to change. The bathroom is pretty neat, towels neatly folded on a rack, things nicely organized. You slide your dress off, and go to look in the mirror, and realize something strange. Aren't vampires not supposed to see themselves in mirrors? The thought partially leaves you as you see two small, reddish-purpleish dots on your neck. You lean closer, examining the marks carefully. They aren't too noticable, small with only slight bruising. Makeup would be able to cover it right up.

You get dressed and walk back into the room to find Seokjin also dressed in sweatpants, but no shirt, his broad shoulders and toned torso on full display to you. You don't realize you're staring until he walks over to you, smirking and tilting your head to look him in the eyes. "You know, normally it's rude to stare, love." He smirks. "But, you can stare as long as you want." A small gasp leaves your lips, and he chuckles at your reaction. He pulls you close, his body cold to the touch, but you don't mind it. You look at his chest, your small hands running over the skin delicately as his arms wrap around you.

"Y/N..." He trails off, licking his lips. You look up at him, and his face looks soft and tender, but his eyes look darker. "I'm sorry I kinda ruined things earlier. If I didn't, you know, would you have done, things, with me?" He asks. Your eyes widen, surprised that he seems a bit nervous. All you can do is nod, and he raises his eyebrows. "Would you have let me be your first?" You nod again, and he smiles. "Would you still let me do that?" Another nod from you has him as bouncy and giddy as a kid in a candy store.

Did he mean to do this right now? You lick your lips nervously, looking to the side as you wonder if you'd really be okay with doing that now. Seokjin seems to catch on, rubbing your back soothingly. "Hey, we don't have to do it now. Just let me know whenever you're ready. I'll take care of you. Okay?" He speaks softly, and you nod, thankful for his understanding. "Thank you." You whisper. He pulls you closer, slouching to hug you tightly, and you do the same, stretching to wrap your arms around his neck.

You yawn, and he chuckles, looking at the clock on his nightstand. "I guess it is pretty late. Or, early I should say." You pull back to look, and it's seven am. "I think it's bedtime, don't you think, darling?" He asks, and you nod. "Um, if you don't wanna sleep on the bed I have a-" "I wanna sleep in the bed, with you." You interrupt, and he smiles. "Alright then. Which side do you want?" He asks.

You think about your own apartment, the way your bedroom is set up. You don't worry about anyone coming over and spending the night, so your bed is also against the wall. Next to the wall was your favorite way to sleep. "Can I sleep next to the wall?" You ask softly. He nods, placing his hand on your back. You smile, climbing onto the bed and making your way to the other side of the bed. You slide under the covers, and everything is so comfortable, you almost fall asleep immediately. He chuckles, turning off the light and climbing in after you. It's dark, so you can't see anything, but you can feel him next to you.

You face the wall, feeling comforted by how normal feels. He shifts around, his arm slipping under your pillow, but he doesn't move close to you. For some reason, you're thankful for this. You've never cuddled with anyone or anything, so you're thankful he's keeping his distance for now. It might not be so bad to cuddle someone though. What does it feel like, to be so close to someone? In due time, you're sure you'll find out. For now, you drift to sleep, thankful for how kind he is.

[treadmilltreats]

Leah Remini's Scientology

So recently as I was flipping through the channels I saw docu-series about Scientology. If you know me, then you know that I started out as Catholic. I grew up in the Catholic Church and even did a short stint in Catholic School. When I met my ex-husband who is Jewish and we decided to get married and raise a family, I converted to Judaism so that the whole family would be one reglion.

When I was going through my divorced I found this church,  which was Christian and it saved my life, literary. So after my divorce, I decided to give my life over to God and I was baptized in the Christian faith.

So as you can see I'm always been interested in a lot of different religions because I practiced a lot of different religions.

Scientology was always this phenomena of what a made up religion was. So to say the least, I was very interested in watching and seeing what was the real story behind it as I knew nothing about it.

According to Wikipedia:

Scientology is a body of religious beliefs and practice "invented" in May 1952 by American author L. Ron Hubbard. Hubbard initially developed a program of ideas called Dianetics, which was distributed through the Dianetics Foundation. The foundation soon entered bankruptcy, and Hubbard lost the rights to his seminal publication Dianectics: The modern science of Mental health in 1952. He then recharacterized the subject as a religion and renamed it Scientology.

So that was an interesting start to learn that L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer and he decided to make up his own religion. In it he believes that you live multiple lives, and that his religion was trying to make the world a better place, they were going to change the world.

You have to remember this was in the 60's, there was a war going on and many people wanted peace, they wanted the whole peace, love and happiness thing, so they bought into it.

Since there was no other religions out there like this one,  he decided to start his own and asked that people who joined to sign a billion year contract.

Yes, you read that right, a billion years because you are coming back over and over again so he's keeping you for every one of your lifetimes you come back to.

That alone makes you shake your head, how does a person start his own religion? After being a fiction writer and then have the balls enough to ask you to sign you into it for a billion years? Well he must have been a very charismatic man to be able to do that.

After watching this series what really disturbed me, which also disturbs me about other religions as well, is that when your family doesn't want to be in this religion anymore, and they want to leave, all of a sudden you have to cut off all ties to that person.

Literally, no one can talk to you anymore, so none of your friends, none of your family, not even your wife, your husband even your own children. It doesn't matter, they won't be able to talk to you once you decide that you don't want to be in this religion anymore. Is anyone else shaking their head going WTF?

To me, with any religion, when there's somebody telling you you can't love a person because they are of a different color or because of a different religion or because of a different set of belief patterns, to me that is not a religion, to me that's a cult.

Who are you to tell me that the God you want me to believe in it's so small-minded that he could only love a certain sector of people or that he would want to rip families apart. To me that doesn't sound like a God of love and it definitely doesn't sound like a religion that I would like to follow.

Be that as it may, lots of people believe in many different things and trust and believe they have millions of people that are following them and living in this religion.

There are many things that had me shaking my head, you are required to take and retake all these courses, which you must pay for, amounting in thousands and hundred of thousands of dollars. You are required to buy books and programs, you are required to pratice for hours a day. You are required to go to these meetings where they will interrogate you and you must pay for this privilege!

If this wasn't bad enough, the really scary thing I've learned about this "religion" is that if you start questioning the religion,  they will bring you in interrogation, again at your cost. Then they will put you in a sector or on a ship and make you do hard labor until they get you to admit or change your mind. Wait a minute that sounds like prison doesn't it?

If you do happen to escape, they will hire PI's to follow you, to harass you. They will literally drag you back and again punish you. If you escape again they will make websites, post things on the internet, talk to all of your family members to tell them to cut you off, like your dead.

They will make your life a living hell for years. Is that a "religion" you would want to be in? Not me! I know a good friend of mine who was going to a church like that. It was my birthday, and people were flying in from all over, we planned this for months and she told me that she couldn't miss Sunday service. Wtf?? Your my best friend, they will get over it, you have to be there. Well she did and they punished her by making her sit in the back of the church and taking away her role as usher for months. Hello!! If that isn't a controlling church, who is cult like I don't know what is, well.... obviously this Scientology is.

This is total mind control, from the breaking up of families, to the abuse, to the hard labor, all forms of control. We must know what we are getting into when we start to "follow" someone in the church. They are not God and hello, this is a made up religion for fucks sake, yet millions of people are giving their power away day after day.

I am glad Leah Remini is shining the light on this and others should do the same thing if it is happening. The God I believe in loves families, he wants you to put them first, he wants you to be happy, he is not going to force you to be there, to honor him. He wants you to know of other religions, because he is confident of his teachings.

I am saddened by the families torn apart because of Scientology, and I hope this docu-series will shed the light and help other's heal. We all need to be brave and stand up for what is wrong. We need to be the voice for those who have  none.

So today my friends, open up your minds, don't blindly follow someone, do your research, learn what's going on and then without fear, without bullying,  without consequences, do what's right for you.

I highly recommend this docu-series on A&E and also now playing on Hulu called

Leah Remini's Scientology

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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[call-my-master]

OKAY!! so i finished it yesterday night! and i went to sleep around 3am afterwards because i was watching edits on yt/insta like crazy😂

i won't lie, there were things that i didn't like or i think had no real influence on the story in the end, like Kim's investigation (and i'm sorry, i know how much you love Jeff🤧) and his relationship with Chay as well, since i wasn't looking for a university romance in mafia drama👀 Jeff's 'Why Don't You Stay' OST is BEAUTIFUL tho😭😭 i can't stop listening to it🤧 also, what in telenovela-ending was that? the last episode was so messy i was sad all the previous amazing work was kinda stomped on by that "he killed your mom" Korn dies .."no, he killed your mom" Korn suddenly lives and so does the killed mom😅😅 also Porsche thinking he's related to Kinn for like 3 seconds because of all this shit Korn was saying and then Korn goes "your mom was adopted"🤣

but when i ignore that disappointing 14th episode... I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO PRAISE🙌💖 the fact i thought this is just gonna be your typical perverted BL drama and everyone loves it because the hot guys are fucking, but there really wasn't that much sex in the end? at least not as much as i expected😂 i always get annoyed by the guys in BL acting like women and here the dudes were just dudes.. Porsche was super.. active and manly-seductive bottom😳😁 i love Kinn actually apologized to Porsche in the woods and their time alone wasn't used only for making-out as it usually is when the couples stay alone in other stories.. their whole communication skills felt extra fresh to me, especially as i've seen Cutie Pie this year😅 mafia guys in/near their 30s seem more authentic than the usual 18yo scrawny boys we get in other BL dramas😗

i loved all the main actors' acting, but girl, the psychos always show the most so i gotta go and appreciate Vegas here😳💖 he was *chef's kiss* the fact he could go from borderline evil while torturing Pete to kicked puppy in a second when his father appeared.. gosh.. amazing i actually got stuff spoiled here on tumblr (mainly thanks to you😁) and i've seen gifs of that scene with Vegas telling Pete he wants to be killed by him so when that scene actually came on and he survived i was like "phew, thank god😪".. what i haven't seen before was that scene by the pool where Vegas gets shot multiple times😳 when that happened i probably had eyes the same size as Pete😂😂 BUT THE ACTING BY BOTH OF THEM IN THAT SCENE!!! IMMACULATE🥺 don't even remember if i cried because i was so shocked😅 but i probably did🤔 and Vegas' english? made me blush srsly...💦

Kinn totally isn't my type look-wise, however his acting and voice got me so hooked he became my second fave from the cast💖 okay, i can't actually decide between him and Pete😅 i could give unlimited praises to Vegas, Kinn, Pete, Porsche and Tankhun's actors🙌 and Kim's "don't" in the club😳

the humor kept the drama so easy to watch, some things i totally didn't expect, like Tankhun hitting Vegas with the tray when he was acting all suave😂😂 or Porsche farting under the blanket😂

there are srsly so many things, i wouldn't be able to stop talking😅 i just loved it so much and now my life is empty, because the past months/year i couldn't really get into anything, everything started boring me after some time and i'd either drop it or force myself to finish it😪 but this i couldn't stop watching and i was mad the evenings/nights are so short😂 i feel like a Jehovah's witness now tho because i'm recommending it to everyone😂

what do i do now, friend?😭 i'm sorry for talking so much, but you asked for it👀😁 now you can tell me where you agree/disagree with me😌 tell me especially what you think of the 14th episode, please😅

Hi!

I didn't check on you for a long time so I am just here to say hen-lo! 😊 I hope the end of the year will bring u much joy and will see ya here next year, too! Seeing ur content on my dash always makes me happy!

❤️💐

hi, babyy🤧💖

thank you for always being this sweet and for keeping my dash so alive all the time😭💕 and you'll be seeing me here till the day i die😎

but what i need to tell you..... GIRL!! i started watching KinnPorsche!!!!!! i went to it like "okay, i'll watch one episode today, just to test the waters" AND I WATCHED SIX and i need to sleep😭 i'd totally watch more if i could😭 i'd probably binge the whole thing, actually😅

i originally wanted to watch it one day anyways (once it was complete ofc), but your posts reminded me of the show every day😁 so thank you for kinda kicking me into it😁💖

.... and whenever vegas appears i feel like a giggling lil' schoolgirl😳😂😂 nobody ever had this effect on me in any thai bl drama😂