#i woke up in pain and im still out of spoons from yesterday so bear with me guys

[inkyquince]

DAY 02: Once Human (Sydney/ Jennifer's Body)

Changed from the Inside Out

content warning. this one isn't as good, since im not feeling so hot, so less smut in it, more feelings. Sydney is a bit homicidal, drinking people dry (of everything they can), accidentally harming the reader, reader and Syd in their feels and reader with transformed.

“You’re killing people!” 

“No, I’m killing sinners.” Sydney grinned at you, unable to see the irony in his statement. 

It would have looked like a normal night to anyone peeking into your bedroom window… Which your childhood best friend managed to climb into, despite being far above the ground. You and him, him and you, together in your room, snacks on the bed with the TV quietly playing a forgotten movie, so eerily similar to the weekend sleepovers you’d have had for so many years. 

It was all wrong now. 

You were stiff as a board, unable to relax or even stand near your childhood best friend, keeping on the other side of the bed as he watched you. His soft golden locks were gone, replaced by inky black tresses that he kept loose around his face. The glasses he’d sheepishly nudge up his nose with his knuckle were gone too, swapped out for contacts, you think. Even his usual neat pressed clothes had been tossed aside. He, indeed… Looked good. But… You knew that despite the familiar face, this wasn’t your Sydney. Not the same boy you spent most of your life trotting behind, hanging out with every spare moment, not the boy you asked… To…

“Don’t give me that look.” Sydney rolled his eyes and flopped onto your bed, rolling onto his stomach to look up at you with heavy lidded eyes. “God, I didn’t know you were this boring, Needy.” 

You flinched like you had been slapped in the face. He never used that nickname before for you, not ever. It was whispered by classmates, sneering as you hurried to catch up with him, by some of your shared friends, once or twice a teacher slipped up when trying to remember your name. Even Sirris stammered when he started to call you it, blushing up to his ears. 

“It’s wrong.” You muttered, trying to fight through the hurt you were feeling. 

“No, it isn’t.” Sydney snorted. “You really miss Whitney? Do you, huh?” 

“N-No, but he didn’t deserve… That!” You didn’t see the body, but rumours and gossip were gospel at your school, despite the teachers trying to keep everyone quiet. 

“Kylar? You miss him dragging his filthy hands all over you?” 

“He didn’t even do-” 

“He wanted to!” Sydney snapped, sitting up and lunging at your wrists to yank you onto the bed, nose to nose. “I could feel what they wanted to do. Horrible fucking sinners. I couldn’t let them even think about what they wanted to do to you, so I did what I had to. But I’m still hungry.” 

His grip tightened, beginning to bruise your wrists trapped in his wrists. Sydney’s eyes stared into yours, wild and reckless, alien. 

“They taste so good.” Sydney murmurs, his own fingers loosening from your wrists and hungrily pushing up the sleeves of your jumper to expose your forearms. “It’s like I can taste what they want from me. They want to fuck me and god, I let them. They can never handle it.” 

Your stomach twisted in horror, at his stranger pawing at you. 

“I’ve started letting people use me. Old perverts, the ones that would try to grope up before, and their hearts nearly give out when I push their hands into my underwear, or when I touch them right back. Lonely people at the beach who nearly cry when I bend over, even those with families sneak away with me with one look. I fucking love it.” Sydney’s breathing sped up, almost lost in his own world. 

“But… You didn’t kill any of them. Why did you-” 

“Because they’re not allowed to want you!” Sydney shouted, tightening his grip again. “I took them for every drop they had in their bodies, because you’re not the one they’re supposed to look at, it's me now.” 

You felt tears well in your eyes. He watched one escape and seemed to settle down, pulling you closer against him, gently shushing you. 

“You’re different, Syd.” You could only blubber, as if a child again, clinging to him for comfort when you scraped your knee.

There was a beat of silence.

“No, I’m not.” He sighed. "You don't even know, do you" 

"Know what, Syd?" You whispered.

"I was always like this, deep down. God, even before you asked me to help you lose your virginity, I was touching my cock to you. Barely, but still, stroking enough to feel bad about it when I sat next to you the next day. I was happy to be your friend, help you, and then maybe marry you, but now I want it all."

You flushed, startled that he brought up the evening you two shared one evening, a quiet pact formed to not tell anyone, just to make sure the two of you lost your virginities to someone you liked, in a safe way. 

Using your momentary shock, Sydney pushed you down onto your back, putting enough of his weight on you so you couldn’t wriggle away. He gently trailed a finger over your cheek, in a quiet reverence, and all of a sudden, you were back in his room a few months ago, awkward as you two kissed for the first time, giddy to lose your virginities. 

“You saved me, love.” He murmured, but before you could ask, Sydney slowly lowered his head, brushing his lips against yours in a sweet, gentle kiss. He broke away after a few seconds, sighing. "I always wanted to kiss you. Wanted it to be special. I'm glad my first… Everything went to you. But it feels unfair to you. Your only experience with a fumbling churchboy, who somehow struggled to even put my cock in.” 

An old, familiar smile flickered over his face and he leaned down again, sighing as you two pressed your lips against each other again. His kisses were innocent, warm and gentle as he ran his fingers over your arms, making you shiver. You shakily exhaled and relaxed into it, and he decided to take that as you were ready for more. His tongue pressed into your mouth,dragging against yours slowly.One of his hands stopped caressing your arms, pulling away, but you were growing dizzy, feeling as if with every stroke of his tongue, your entire body grew more malleable to his touches. 

 It took you a moment to realise he had slipped his hand in between the two of you, palming his crotch and making sure the back of his hand rocked against your genitals. 

Sydney was in heaven. Not that he was ever to be able to go there now, but this earthly euphoria was more than enough for him. He was aware he was feeding off of you, but not the same way he felt as when he fed off his victims, his willing participants. Those felt like he had been starving for far too long, trying to cram his mouth with nutrition, needing his body to be sustained with their boiling lust. This was different, savouring a treat, something rare, to be enjoyed and not scarfed down. 

Rolling over, holding your sides so you would be pulled onto his chest when he switched to lying on his back, Sydney had the chance to take your cute expression in full. Hazy, with your shared lust having sunken in, but there was that adoration, that puppy love he always found cute, shining oh so bright, just for him. 

It hurt, in some ways. That you would never know that he meant it when he said you saved him. 

As you finally took the initiative to kiss him back, mouthing slowly at his bottom lip, he was grateful you never would find out that not too long ago, a gag was shoved in his mouth, his lip cut exactly where you were shyly dragging your tongue over. 

That the same shoulders you gripped for stability were held down, the hands he used to shed your clothes with, were bound to the fallen trees in the clearing. The chest you shyly were pawing at, the one missing a heart beat, was sliced open with an ancient knife. 

That the only reason he woke up at all, was because they thought he was a virgin. 

You would never know that your clumsy tryst saved his life, and now he was going to use the rest of his not-life, just for you. 

It seems you shared his sentiments, finally relaxing with his new state of being, letting him bully his cock into your hole. This didn’t mean that he wouldn’t feed from others, he thought as he tucked his own face into your chest, groaning as his hands gripped your hips, moving your body for you. No, he was going to sink his teeth into those fuckers who wanted to taint you for themselves. As if you weren’t completely submerged in his own pure lust with him. Their filthy hands would never touch you, not when his own clawed ones were dragging their nails against your back, his light, playful nips against your skin beginning to draw droplets of blood from his razor sharp teeth. 

You couldn’t notice, of course. You were lost the moment the succubus fucked his drooling cock into you, mind blank except to chase your pleasure. 

It wasn’t Sydney’s fault for not going easy on your mortal body. 

But neither of you could truly mind, not when you awoke in the morning, cum dripping from your abused hole, covered in scratches and bites, and with the same appetites as your beloved friend. 

EVENT MAIN POST

[zmayadw]

Hello to all :)

Its time to continue the story. I’ll post 2 parts today, since next one is a bit short, but the second one a bit longer, so bear with me :D

Anyway, wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 5

The sun was shyly peeking through clouds when i woke up. I felt a bit woozy,  the events of last night coming back to me. My stomach ached, tears forming in my eyes as the image of Jake leaving flashed before my eyes. „Good morning, hun.“ It was Doris, worry still written all over her face. „You gave me quite a scare last night. Are you allright,hun?“ she asked. „Yeha, I will be, thanks Doris.“ I said, whiping those tears away. „Oh, dont you worry, hun, he'll come arround.“ She smiled, and winked at me. „Sorry?“ i said. „The guy that was here yeserday. A girl can only cry like that because of something like it.“ She said, gazing at the wall, like remembering something similar herself. I gave her the best forced smile i could make „I hope your right, Doris, i really do.“ „Oh, trust me, hun. I can bet you he will.“ She smiled at me so warmly, gave me my breakfast, and left me to to it. I didnt really have much of an apetite, but i forced myself to eat, and i drank some tea. I took my phone, texting Jessy, asking if she might come arround today. She replied quickly that she's actualy on her way here already, and i was glad for it. I could really use her company right now.  It wasnt long till her cheerful voice echoed through my room „Hey, hey, miss Reckless“ she teased. „I bring coffee and icecream.“ She waved the bags at me, but imediatly stoped seeing my face. „Oh, Maya, what happened?“ she asked, her face taking on the sadden look. That sadness came back to me, and i started crying. Jessy left the bags on the chair, quickly sitting next to me, hugging me tightly. „Let me guess“ she sarted „He texted you, didnt he?“ I shook my head, wich made her ask again. „He called?“ Again, i shook my head. She pulled away from me, a bit of curiosity on her face. „He was here?!?“ I finaly nooded. „Nice.“ She said, and i looked at her a bit confused, saying through tears „Nice? Jessy, i would not cry like a little bitch if it was nice!“. „Oh, shush, you silly, and listen!“ she stared, taking a hankerchief from the stand, handing it to me. „You said it yourself, its gonna be a tough conversation. And lets be honest, he has EVERY right to be pissed at you.“ I growled at her, but she shushed me and continued. „Wait, wait, im not done. He probably heard all the information from Lily about what happened, and im sure he 'interrogated' her for every little detail. She definatly didnt sugarcoat any of it, so he got the good picture.“ That word 'interogated' got me smiling a bit, i could totaly picture Jake naging Lily to tell him every little bit of events that happened. „Ok, you following me. So tell me this then: if he already knew all that happened, and if he knew how you wer doing, would he come here himself, if he was that much pissed? Or if he doesnt care anymore?“ she asked, looking at me, with a cheerfull grin on her face. She got me some hope back with her words, but it quckly got replaced with despair again. „But you should have seen him, Jessy. He looked so dissapointed and betrayed by me...like i drowned that little spark of hope he had in him. I dont think he will ever want to see me again, let alone talk to me.“ She looked at me smiling. „Dont worry, Maya, im sure you're wrong about it, if i can judge by other men.“ „You and Doris both.“ I said, mumling it more to myself then to her. Jessy didnt seem to notice. „Give him some time to cool off. Maybe then you two can talk again about everything..without all this drama.“ She nudged at me, getting up and grabing one of the bags from the chair. „This needs some serious icecream overdose, like right now! „Thanks, Jessy..for being here for me.“ I said, as she handed me the spoon. „No need to thank me. You know i'm here for you, Maya, for anything.“ „I know, Jessy, right back at ya'.“ We ate some icecream in silence for a while, and i could see on Jessy's face that there was something that occupied her toughts. I poked her leg with my finger, wich made her look at me. „Whats on your mind, Jessy? I can see something is bothering you.“ i asked. She hesitated for a moment, before saying „Are you really sure you want to know?“  That got me a bit confused „Ofcourse, Jessy, you know you can talk to me about anything.“  She looked through the window, wich was now full of rain drops, and her face took on the same gloomy features as the weather outside. „They burried him yesterday.“ She said finaly, and i didnt have to ask who she refered to. „Oh..i see.“ I didnt know what more to say. „Thats why i didnt come yesterday.“ She continued. „I dont know why, but i wanted to go. I guess i wanted to be sure it was really over, you know?“ she said, her eyes getting a bit sad. „I cant belive what i'm about to say, but it was sad. Seing his dad like that, alone.“ She turned her gaze back to the window. „Jessy..its all right. Its understandable you have mixed feelings about it.“ I said. „Is it?“ she asked, turning back to me. „Isnt it crazy to care for someone, even tho he caused us so much pain, and almost ruined our lives? After all thats happened?“ now her eyes wer full of tears. I got out of bed, crouching next to her, taking her by the hand „Your not crazy, Jessy. You wer friends for so long, all of you. You all shared so much together, I saw how close all of you wer. And for that bond to be cut so suddenly and cruely..Especialy for you, since you two wer the closest...No, Jessy, its not crazy you feel this way.“ I hoped my words would make some sense to her. I could see it really bothered her so much. „Maybe you shoul talk to others about it.“ I advised. She looked at me, a bit sceptical, but i continued. „Hey, dont dismiss it so fast. And beside, eventually you guys will have to discuss those events.“  „Later sounds better to me.“ She replied, some of her cheerfullness coming back. „Whenever you guys feel up to it.“ I told her, getting up and sitting back on the bed. She got up, went to the bathroom, and when she came back she looked at me „We have to stop crying everytime im here, its almost all we ever do.!“ She grinned, and i returned her a grin of my own. „Well, lets make a pact then, shall we? From now on no more crying! Agreed?“ i asked, extendig my hand towards her, wich she took instantly, laughing „Agreed!“ She stayed with me for a while more. At some point a doctor came in informing me that if all would look ok, next week i could get discharged from hospital. That made Jessy even more happier, since she couldnt wait for me to get out of here. „Oh, dont get so excited just jet“ i grined at her, and she looked puzzled at me. „Dan cant wait it also, he said you forbid him from drinking, but when i get out you wont be able to say no to him!“ „Ohh, that hooligan! He will hear from me about that!“ she said fierce, but couldnt hide the smile. „Go easy on him, i think we all deserve one 'crazy night out', considering all.“ I told her,and she agreed, but added „Just not too crazy, please! Dan thinks he can sing when drunk, and unfortunatly we can barely keep him away from the karaoke machine at Aurora.“ „Ahh, you shouldn't have told me this, now you have to let Dan loose, i have to hear that amazing vocie of his!“ We both laughed at it. Doris entered the room „Oh, its nice to see you laugh, hun, thats the best medicine there is.“ She siad, winking at me. „Sure is, Doris.“ I said, winking back.

[jinyoungs-hipsdontlie]

a letter to you, jonghyun.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been hesitating and reconsidering alot regarding this but i felt the need to do it so here goes.

This is going to be my last farewell letter to Jonghyun. This is where i’m going to spill all my thoughts out on everything that has happened, in order for me to finally let go and heal from this situation. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but i guess i really need to let it all out.

I want to finally move on from this. I want to get back to my usual self. It’s been terribly exhausting for me lately; emotionally, mentally and even physically. 

And no, this is not the last time i will post about Jonghyun. But this would be the final one filled with sadness and grief. After this, i want to only post bright and happy memories of him, just like how i want to remember him forever.

NOTE: It’s going to be EXTREMELY long (2800+ words i never knew i had to express) and kinda triggering so i put it under keep reading. Please ignore and scroll past this post if you know you might be triggered. I really dont want any of you guys to hurt more than you already have.

[death tw] [suicide tw] [suicidal ideation tw] [depression tw]

. . .

And now i think, it’s time. 

It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace. ——————————–

Sigh.

Where do i even begin.

This is so hard.

…It still hurts. Everything hurts.

Hearing that you took your own life broke me. Death, especially of a loved one, has always been my biggest fear in life. I lost a schoolmate back in September 2012 through suicide. And just last year in November 2016, i lost my aunt to suicide. And 5 days ago, 18th December 2017, i lost you, my first ever idol through the same horrid way.  And that’s part of the reason why i think, that i felt the news of you leaving the world hit so close to home for me personally.

It opened up old wounds for me, and i thought that this time, instead of keeping strong and playing a facade, im going to let myself feel, to grieve and mourn and then recover. When i lost my aunt last year, i wasn’t able to grieve much. Because i had to stay strong for my mother who had just lost her beloved sister. I couldnt just stand and cry, i had to hold my mom’s arm and support her to walk during the funeral and prayers. So this time, i did not lie to myself that i was okay, because i wasnt at all.

The first 3 days. I havent been able to eat, just water and barely a few spoons of rice each day… eating so that i wouldn’t make my family worried about me. I havent been able to sleep well, just a few hours each day, because the image of you appears before me whenever i close my eyes. I couldnt even watch your videos or listen to your voice as it hurt too much. I couldn’t believe you were gone. I feel so lost, so empty, literally on autopilot mode.

But no, i’m not blaming you for taking your own life. I’m not angry at you, i’m not disappointed in you, i really have no negative feelings towards you. Because i know, that what im suffering now… is the tiniest fraction of how much you have. For how long you have been in pain and how much you hurt, i’m so sorry. 

I’m sorry that you had to go through all this. I’m sorry you felt so alone even though you’ve been practically screaming it out to us. I’m sorry that the world was not your fate. I’m sorry for everything.

It pains me so much, to know that you had everything planned out. You, suffering in the dark, still continued being the kindest person through it. You had waited for your member’s birthdays to be over, you waited until your solo concert series was over, you left a meaningful song for us fans… to cope with the loss of a loved one, knowing fully well that we would need it after hearing the news of your death. You left a note for your loved ones, you even messaged your beloved sister before it all. You have always been so kind. 

Reading that letter you left us, it broke me so much. I cant even find words to describe it because i never ever thought you have been in so much despair. I don’t advocate suicide or taking the life of ownself, but as your long time fan, i respect your decision. All i can say is, you did so well Jonghyun. It is indeed commendable that you made it this far, and you really did go through alot.  

I can’t help but feel so sorry even though i know that there’s nothing i could have done. It just hurts to know it was so bad, so bad that you had to end it yourself since it was too much for you to handle. I cant imagine the feelings that went through you that day, when you knew you were going to take your life. Did you eat your favourite meal knowing it’d be your last? Were you crying or just all numb? I tried to tell myself not to think so much about you on that day, but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking. 

Sigh.

The first three days was a nightmare. That monday evening, i cried so much. The initial shock and sorrow was too hard to handle. The news crashed down on me so hard. 

On the 19th, i remember breaking down when i came home after class. I broke down bad, crying so terribly hard.

On the 20th, I attended a vigil that we had for you here in Singapore. It was one of the hardest thing i’ve ever done. 

I tried to be strong, but seeing the other shawols at the florist also buying roses for you, i broke down. We all did. It was so heartbreaking. I had to fight so hard make sure i didn’t cry on the train as i made my way to the venue. 

I think the only way i could describe the vigil; bittersweet. Approx a thousand people came, of all ages, to pay our last respects to you in our own way. The lightsticks, the flowers, the letters, the shawols who relied on each other and grieved together. It was all so beautiful, but it hurt so much. 

I teared up when i was already in the queue. I held the lightstick and letters in one hand, and a red rose in the other. As i got closer, i brought the rose close to my nose. I took a deep breath, five times. Each time after i say a prayer for every member of SHINee. First you, then the rest by age order.

My walls finally broke, after i placed my flower near the picture of you and said a prayer. It was so hard. I couldnt stop the tears. And to the little angels over there who gave out tissues fo all of us who broke down, and giving free hugs to anyone in need, thank you. I cried in my sister’s arms. I’m not one who shows my tears infront of people i love, but this time i couldnt keep the strong facade. I had to let it all out. 

Shortly after, we all gathered close, and sang the chrous of your debut song, Replay. I tried to keep my voice stable, but i couldnt help the falter at the end. Also, like what you wanted and what you deserved to hear, we all told you ‘수고했어요 - You did well’ in unison. I couldn’t help but break down again at that. It was really so difficult to face reality, but that vigil had brought me the slightest bit of acceptance. Im thankful for my chance to attend it.

And then Thursday.

21.12.17, you were finally laid to rest. With all your loved ones by your side, i hope those last moments were not lonely for you. You are so loved Jonghyun, you really are.

I woke up that morning trembling for some reason. I checked my phone, and saw that none of my alarms had rung. Puzzled why i woke up so early, i looked at the time. And realized that it was just 10 minutes before your funeral procession.

I had to be in class in an hour and i knew i couldnt bear to see or hear anything about your funeral so i immediately uninstalled Facebook and Twitter. But when i came home that afternoon, i told myself, that i should just see the pictures/watch the procession. Not to see everyone mourning or what so ever, but for the sake of closure. For acceptance. I think i needed it. 

And so i did. And god, how much i cried. It broke me so much, i shook terribly while sobbing. It was the worst thing i have seen, every single second pained me. That was not the image i had when i said i wanted to see SHINEE has five again. What’s worse, Kibum’s letter to you was uploaded 10 minutes later. And damn, cue the tears again. He’s so strong and he really loves you so much, Jonghyun. 

After crying for longer than i’d like to admit, i drank a glass of water and stared up to the sky. I gave a final prayer to you, for you to rest in peace. 

A few hours later, strangely, i felt calmer. For the first time since your passing, i felt like i could feel you were finally in peace up there. I really hope you are. That evening, i managed to eat my first proper meal in 3 days. I guess i’m finally accepting it.

And yesterday. 

I woke up and even though it hurt, i told myself i have to move on. I still couldnt eat properly and skipped meals but i managed to eat dinner? And even though i was still pretty empty and lost, i agreed to watch a movie with my sister at the cinema. I was reminded of you throughout and i did feel pangs of sadness, but i could still enjoy it slightly. 

And last night, i managed to watch a video of you singing. I’ve seen it on my tumblr dash a few times and so i told myself to watch and listen to your voice again, instead of scrolling past. It was that video of you singing ‘This Woman’s Work’. Oh how much have i missed your voice! I would be lying if i said i didn’t cry, but i pulled through and watched til the end. The way you sang with all your heart, so beautiful, that’s the Jonghyun i have always loved. 

Then after, I listened to your song, ‘End of a day’. I already knew my dams would break with this one so i got my tissues ready. And cried hard did i. But i was able to listen to the end, paying so much attention once again to the tones of your voice and how beautiful it is. 

I don’t know how but somehow after listening to your voice, even though i cried through it, i felt much calmer and stronger. Sigh… look at you, even in heaven you’re still comforting me with your beautiful voice. An angel you really are. And last night after all that, for the first time this entire week, i managed to sleep well. For 10 hours straight. Call it wishful thinking, but im pretty sure it’s because i finally listened to your voice again. That calming voice which i love. 

And today, a Saturday, i woke up to Jinki’s letter. Look at him, the world’s greatest leader. Even in all this chaos, he’s still so strong and reliable. He loves you so much, Jonghyun. And so does all your members. 

I was also able to eat 2 full meals today. I drank more water than i had for each of the past 5 days. I  also watched funny videos of you, Jonghyun. I washed my hair, did my usual skincare routine which i paused since Monday. And now, here i am, about to sleep, with a facial mask to use once i post this.

I think i’m coping better these days.

Jonghyun, i’m doing well right? Please tell me i’m doing well too. Please continue to give me strength and happiness from up above, to help me move on and be myself again, and even in the future. Please be my guiding angel, like what you’ve been for the last 8 years to me. 

You’ve changed the colour of the moon and lamps to our favourite pearlescent aqua, you’ve given us so many signs that you’ve made it to heaven and the skies this past week, thank you for reassuring us fans that you’re doing well up there. Please look after us from above; most importantly, your mother, sister, the members, your friends and loved ones. 

…..

I just want to let you know again, that becoming a fan of SHINee and even more, a fan of you, Jonghyun, is still and will forever be one of the best decisions i have ever made. 

Do you remember that time i first heard SHINee? I saw a group of students performing Ring Ding Dong at a school event and thought it was great so i went to check it out.

Do you remember the time you made me smile and laugh so hard during Hello Baby? I watched the entire thing in 2 days on Youtube, it’ll always be my favourite, i can never forget you and your skinship with baby Yoogeunie.

Do you remember how i was so proud when you released your first solo album? It was amazing!

Do you remember how much happy tears i cried along with you and the boys when SHINee won Best Artist of the Year at Melon Music Awards in 2013? My heart was bursting with pride! 

Do you remember how i went to Seoul in October 2015 and September 2017 and took a picture/selfie next to every standee or advertisement of yours i saw? I didn’t care if i looked weird or funny cos as a fan, that was a golden moment as i never was able to get that close to you.

And of course, do you remember how ecstatic i was when i heard SHINee was coming to Singapore for Music Bank in August and Shilla Duty Free Beauty Concert in November? Who cares how overpriced the tickets were… I was the happiest person when i got them! 

Watching you perform and listening to your beautiful voice live not once but twice, is one of my happiest moments in life, and it will forever be.

…sigh… it sucks when reality hits me and i realize that i won’t be able to see you again, well not in this lifetime at least. But i can assure you, Jjong, that i will never ever forget you.

You may not be in the same form as me, but know that you are everywhere with me. In my heart, in my mind, in my music albums, in my phone’s gallery, in my old study notes that i scribbled your name, in my keychain hung on my bag, in my pearlescent aqua coloured portable charger and sweater, and ofcourse, in my beloved SHINee lightstick. 

I love you and i won’t forget you.

…Before i conclude, i want to say thank you. 

Thank you for being my first ever idol and my first love.

Thank you for making me smile and laugh til i cry.

Thank you for composing and writing such beautiful songs, your music as SHINee and as a solo artist has given me immense strength and happiness and comfort all these years.

Thank you for being an amazing role model, your actions/thoughts/words have inspired me to be a better person.

Thank you for being so strong all these years, and trying your best to fight the negativity.

Thank you for being the best son and the best brother to your mother and sister, your adoration and love for them are the sweetest thing ever.

Thank you for being the kindest, most loving and the most supportive brother to Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin; your love for them and their love for you have shown me what true friendship and family is. 

Thank you for everything, Jonghyun.

And now i think, it’s time. It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace.