#i woke up feeling like crying bc in the dream she felt like a memory

[willowfey]

woke up after a dream of having an older sister that was beautiful and soft and that i looked up to so much feeling so sad and nostalgic for my bedroom at my grandma’s old house in winter when i would come home from school and sit on the bottom bunk in front of the heater and write and write and indulge so heavily in my fantasy worlds that i forgot about everything else until she was done making soup and bread and cobbler which i would then eat from a clay bowl with my favourite red spoon i’d loved since i was a small child that i haven’t used in years and watch the snow fall on the trees and the deer out the window while smelling the soup and the heater and the incense and the browning sugar in the oven and my favourite face lotion i haven’t been able to find in years and daydreaming about having an old sister that was beautiful and soft and would teach me how to be as well

[ahhscheisse]

before I get into this, I want to say that I added internal dialogue like how I was feeling and stuff and also that idk if it’s a schizophrenia thing or what, but I can remember most of my dreams like I experience ptsd flashbacks or like. I can close my eyes and hear them moment by moment if they hit me hard enough. also I woke up and wrote this shit down almost immediately. so. I'm sure I got shit wrong but I can still hear their words and things happening and it’s been a solid 24 hours since I had it. but I digress... lets fuckin goooooo.

this dream started out with me working the night shift at a giant chain hardware store. a friends family - all the women I'd met - from my hometown were my coworkers. the shift was ending and they asked me to stay bc they were having a group dinner. i didn’t want to stay because i just wanted to go home but i was always scared of thelma - she wanted me to be more social so i caved. the food ended up being the best home made korean food i’d ever eaten, which I thought was funny because the only food they ever fed me when I was around them was home made Mexican food or shakeys pizza. they invited me to the old house across the street from the quad for a movie. i was stressed bc i struggle to sit still long enough to watch a movie if i can’t use my hands on something my brain likes. art or something.

suddenly everyone shot up out of their seats and told me i needed to see a show “right fucking now, get up hurry.” it was just down the street so we were all running through the whittier suburbs. blurs of purple and green and brown from the jacaranda trees. we walked into a building - glowing blue and purple and gold and green - and eddie vedder was playing a surprise secret show. it was crowded at first and then it wasn’t crowded and i managed to get as front row as you could get. my memory is glitchy - i think he was singing “alive” - but he looked down at at me and smiled and then the room was empty and so quiet and we were at an old piano together and i couldn’t smile, i just wanted to cry and ask him how he survived and how he moved on from a shitty stepdad, from not having a real dad, from bad life stuff - and eventually ed nudged me. he put his hand behind my head, right where my spine meets my skull, and my brain was like. soaking in warm ocean water. “the ocean cleanses,” he said. it was like we were in water now. i thought about hawaii. maybe that’s what the water feels like? i wasn’t cold or hurting anymore. my hands felt younger and newer. no pain. he told me, “life doesn’t have to be so hard, kid, seattle is pretty fun. make music. write lyrics. who cares if they’re bad? remember life so your life can be a better one.” i keep hearing it, even now. hours later. his big, deep voice echoing from an empty room with aluminum walls or something. that’s what he sounded like. it went into my blood stream. i wasn’t cold or hurt anymore. my veins were blue with gold specks shinning thru my skin and i thought, “your voice is crazy powerful.” he heard me and laughed. said it was the tequila and pickles. i smiled, said, “i think it’s more than that.” he was wearing a light beige hat with a black band. you know the one. he handed it to me and then it was a tambourine. he patted my hand before i took it. i thanked him, said i’d wanted one for years, and he said, “don’t forget, there’s a place for you in seattle. the water is warmer than you think, even when it snows. orca’s, y’know? don’t wait. you gotta find a life if you really want one.”

when i walked out of the building, i had a lot of feelings in my chest. i felt close to puking. i wanted to ask ed what he meant but got distracted because now i was surrounded by a fair ground with tents everywhere. it was so hot and cold at the same time. my arm felt empty and i realized i’d lost ravi. i started running around calling for her. so many people had miligold macaws - but their beaks were white or their eyes were too dark or their blue feathers weren’t the right blue or i’d look at them and they just weren’t her. a doctor pulled me into a hospital tent, it was raining, and i realized my arm was bleeding and that i had blood on my fingertips bc i’d been scratching it. she saw and said for me to wait where i was, to not move, so i knew she was going to 5150 me. i panicked because if they took me, i wouldn’t be able to find ravi. she’d be lost forever. i figured i’d just get help on my own thru therapy so i took off when no one was looking. i kept feeling like, “it would just make me worse to lose ravi, hospitals do so much damage anyway. and ravi doesn’t deserve to die bc they won’t wait a god damn minute.”

it felt like an hour before i saw someone holding ravi. i was sobbing. people were looking at me like an insane person. i just felt like losing her would take whatever living reason i had to keep trying away. i knew it was her this time, tho, so i called up to them and thought, “oh great, dracula found her.” this tall lanky guy in all black… black straight legged pants, black shoes, black socks, black shirt, black thick knitted cardigan - all different shades of black - walked down some scary steep stairs and handed her to me and i kissed her and held onto her and held back more tears before realizing dracula was actually chris cornell. he looked so gentle and fragile. almost worried. said “sorry” and i said “thank you, you found her.” he was kind of hunched over but he was smiling now. he looked back up at the people behind him - all of them had orange skin and blue suits on drinking something thick and neon green and yellow out of martini glasses. he asked if he could come with me. i said, “yeah, sure, it’s far, tho.”

all of a sudden we were on a bike. i was peddling and he was standing on the back pegs. he had his hand on my shoulder while carrying ravi so i could focus on steering and was humming “show me how to live.” I look back and laugh bc I swear, at one point I'd wanted to ask him how to live. i felt so calm bc everyone was looking at chris cornell and ravi, and his hand on my shoulder was nice, too. my heart would do the adrenaline thing when i’d hit a bump or wire on the ground and he’d squeeze my shoulder, sometimes he’d pat it. say, “you’re all good, man.” he was so warm. like one of those warm people that seem to take all the bad out of you and keep it locked away inside themselves so it doesn’t find their way back. my gramma was like that. i laughed and thought like, “i’m so glad he exists. ed, too. gramma would’a liked them.”

we made it to my moms car. my aunt was there and got out of the car crying, frantic, cussing. my mom got out and said she was so worried. thought i’d killed myself. how could i do that to her? chris got off the bike and idk why but he put his hand out for me to take as if he were a princess walking down some stairs. my mom said, “oh, holy shit.” i introduced them and chris said, “your kid is just a funny little guy. i knew a funny little guy once. the skies nice, huh? you can see everything down here. no rain.” and then i woke up.

[rosenallies]

H/c scenario prompt 66 “saying goodbye” alternative breakup au 🥺

I’m trying to see if I’m getting low engagement bc I suck or if it’s bc I’m posting prompts in the middle of the night (or maybe it’s both) so imma post this now in the afternoon and see what happens. I think maybe 1 person reads this au so if it flops completely, no harm, no foul Lmao <3

This prompt surprisingly doesn’t really have any tws wow <3 except like being in a hospital but that’s about it <3

——

Rosé’s heart broke when he stepped back into the room, Denali curled up in the emergency room hospital bed, his tear stricken face hidden in the pillow.

“Baby,” Rosé said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking his hand, “what did the doctor say?”

Denali’s lip wobbled. “They-they’re admitting me.”

There was a part of Rosé that breathed with relief, glad that Denali had told the truth so he could really get the help he needed; but there was another part of him that felt lost, so helpless as to what to do from here on out. Who knew how long Denali would be gone for? Who knew if it would even help?

He ran a hand through Denali’s disheveled hair. “I think it’s for the best, love. I’m gonna miss you a lot, though.”

“I-I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep, I can’t sleep without you,” Denali admitted, embarrassment wrapping itself around him like tendrils, embarrassed that he got to this point and that Rosé had to witness how pathetic he was.

Rosé frowned, his own lip wobbling a bit as he fought the urge to cry. “How long until they take you upstairs?”

He shrugged. “They said probably a while, they have to get a room ready and stuff.”

Swinging his legs over the side, Rosé laid beside Denali, pullling him close and kissing the top of his head. “Sleep now, baby, I’ll wake you when they’re ready to take you upstairs, okay?”

“But-but, this is all the time I get with you before our visits are confined to a few hours a day, if you even want to come-“

“Baby, my love, of course I’m coming every single day, and I’ll call you whenever I’m allowed. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Denali whimpered, pressing his face into Rosé’s neck and inhaling his scent like he was trying to commit it to memory.

They stayed that way for a while, Denali eventually falling asleep in Rosé’s arms while Rosé watched; counting each breath and hoping he was dreaming of happy things.

Rosé wished they could stay that way for longer, just prolonging the inevitable that came eventually, a nurse popping her head in, smiling sympathetically when she saw the two of them.

“I hate to break this up, but the room upstairs is ready to go and we need to start intake on the psychiatric side as well.”

Nodding, Rosé gently woke Denali, kissing his cheek and whispering lowly to him. “Baby, it’s time to wake up.”

Denali blinked awake, his eyes filling with tears as he realized why he was awake.

“No, no, no, please don’t leave me here, please,” he cried, clinging to Rosé like a child clings to their mother, how Denali himself clung to his own mother the first time she put him on the ice as a little kid. He remembered being so scared then, but it didn’t hold a candle to the fear that currently gnawed away at him.

Swallowing down his own emotions, Rosé spoke softly. “Sweet boy, you have to, it’ll be okay. You’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

“I-I don’t want to!”

“I know you don’t want to, I don’t want you to go either but I love you too much to keep watching you hurt this badly. You need help, honey. Please, just let them help you.”

Denali let out a deep sob, chest heaving and hiccuping into Rosé’s neck. “I-I know! But I don’t want you to go,” he cried, feeling more pathetic than ever as he begged Rosé to stay.

Rosé looked to the nurse who still hovered by the door. “Can I walk with him to his room?”

“Unfortunately not, it’s hospital policy that for psychiatric patients, no one is able to come up to their room with them. I really hate to do this, but we do have to go.”

He knew the nurse was just doing her job, but that didn’t stop Rosé from growing frustrated. “Okay, baby, we’ve got to go. I’ll call as soon as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” Denali said softly, untangling himself from Rosé and standing up on shaky legs.

“I love you so so much,” Rosé said, wrapping Denali up in a final hug, not caring that the nurse began to tap her fingers impatiently; his boy needed him.

“I love you too.”

They kissed quickly, just to appease the nurse as they peeled away from one another.

“Thank you, sir. If you’ll have a seat,” she said, gesturing to a wheelchair just outside the room.

“I can walk.”

“Hospital policy.”

Denali sighed and sat, looking behind him at Rosé standing in the now empty ER room as he was wheeled away.

[n0tamused]

Hellooo hon can i request pls? Can u write for tobirama a one shot where he rejects his s/o but then he sees her with another guy in the village often and starts to realize about hia feelings but its late bc she is marrying this other guy? I need some angst hahahah. Its ok if you don't want to write it! Thank you 😘

A/N: Hello anon, thank you for the request! Here's some Tobirama angst. It made me sad to write this but here we are. The things we do for angst. Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: none. Just pure sadness.

Words: Around 1.475

' The Fire Which Didn't Burn '

-"No. I do not love you."

Those words echoed in your mind days after his initial rejection. Over and over again until it was all you could think about. It stung your heart each time you repeated the sentence. The never ending feeling that it was something you did wrong wrecked your mind, it made work harder and rest scarce for a while. You didn't understand. You were sure he felt at least some semblance of love for you, in the end you were the one he truly did let in his company. One he could rely on for anything that he may need. Or did you read the signs that wrong? At that point it wouldn't be a surprise if it was all for business sake, seeing as you both worked together on making the village prosper and bloom.

But that was almost an whole year ago. Even more. Since then you have moved on from the heart ache. Although a few select close friends knew of your pain, you never indulged them with your gloomy moods that came and went. It was a tendency you seemed to pick up from the younger Senju and the years you spent at his side. Not letting anyone really in. Only letting them scratch the surface of it, to know enough to leave you be.

It has been a whole year since the last time Tobirama had spent proper time with you, a whole year since you both sat down to unwind and discuss things amicably. At the confession of your feelings for him he was rather cold, cooly brushing you off and trying to get back into his work. He didn't feel like it was such a big deal then, he believed that it didn't matter as long as you both still remained a good bond. But he was proven wrong. You recoiled from his reach and even disappeared from his sight. His ears seldomly heard of you anymore. It was as if you disappeared from the village all together. Even if he saw traces of your work, your signatures and reports. It was all superficial.

At first this didn't bother Tobirama much, even if he was initially worried about your lack of communication with him. The man was simply so drowned in his work to take some kind of action, to do anything to smooth things over with you again. On certain days, when work was lesser, he would indulge himself in things he did with you once. Only then feeling the effects, the weight on his shoulders due to your absence. There was no more of your reasoning voice, no more laughter, no more endless teasing when the two of you were alone, no more long nights where the two of you shared your worries and even fears. There was none of it. Only distant memories.

As stubborn as he was, he would finally come to terms that he, in the very least, missed you greatly. That he should've done something sooner. Now he felt embarrassed to even try after so long had already passed.

Tobirama had recently started to seek out information about you. Head full of things, horrible things. Were you alright now? Have you moved on?

As it turns out, yes you were alright and yes...you have moved on. You were still working as a ninja, so how you managed to keep out of his sight so much and for so long surprised the silver haired Senju. And when word reached him that you were getting married soon. He was...he didn't know how to feel, actually. You had found another man to love and share your burdens and future with. He had spotted the pair of you once in the village, walking peacefully side by side. Hand and fingers entwined together. You pressing into his side once to give him a quick hug. Him smiling down at you, a genuine, earnest smile which you reflected back just the same. It made Tobirama ill. A deep, gut wrenching feeling over took him so much that he wanted to bolt. As unlikely as that was for him.

Perhaps this was karma. You were his most trusted friend. You understood him at best and at worst times, and you dealt with him when he was being difficult. You were with him at his side even when his brother got fed up with his arrogance. The amount of times you sat at the stairs on his porch, waiting for him to cool off were countless; even your company alone was salve enough. And not to even mention your beauty, you were the rare one that really caught Tobirama's eye, like no other woman has before. And yet, he pushed you away. Perhaps this was his punishment. The maker gave him a chance, a chance to be happy and content and have someone with him and he let it fall and shatter to the floor. Tobirama could only scowl, and he found himself in a sour mood ever since.

He wouldn't admit it but his heart was aching. Was this how you too felt?

-"Tobirama!"

You exclaimed. Shock written all over your features, the basket of fruit, fish and vegetables hooked onto your elbow. Neither of you knew what to say at first. Tobirama was just as shocked as you, regretting not using his sensory abilities to sense you and turn in another direction. Now that you two ran into each other his tongue felt dry.

Your breath stopped in your throat as you searched his eyes, his face for anything that could indicate some sort of reaction. Yet the only thing you found in his scarlet gaze was yearning, and then emptiness once he collected his racing thoughts.

"Y/N. It.. it has been a while."

He spoke, clearing his throat while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. The clothes he wore suddenly felt suffocating and scolding. A tangible tension grew between the two of you.

"Yes. It has been...How have you been doing? I surely hope you are getting some proper rest, I heard there was quite a scuffle recently."

Trying to keep the conversation average failed. A frown became prominent on his lips as he only nodded, in a almost mechanical fashion, but didn't respond to the question. You caught his gaze flickering, only for a second, down to your ring finger. Where the silver ring was. A small gem held on the top of it. And you understood, in a way.

"Oh..."

A wind breezed past the two of you, but it didn't feel comforting. It felt chilling and hot and dry all at the same time, like raking hands that clung to the both of you. If you were paying just a little more attention to the Senju, you would've seen the sadness collect in his eyes. Even if his face remained cold and unreadable. His eyes gave it all away.

The conversation ended rather awkwardly with both of you wishing each other well and saying your goodbyes. So many things were left unsaid then. It wouldn't take Tobirama long after that quick encounter to really admit it to himself that he has grown feelings for you, that he was in love. Realizing a year too late. A year he wished he could get back so he could be with you instead of that man. A year that could make it all better, for the both of you. But no matter how many sleepless nights he had, no matter how much he wished and even prayed, he couldn't take your happiness away. He couldn't even dare do such a thing, couldn't dream of it.

Sometimes you would even worm your way in his dreams, his mind visualizing a future he knew he couldn't have. A happy one with you at his side, in a house different from the one he was in now, with enough space for the both of you and even another addition. No matter how much he dreaded those dreams, he let himself drown in the comforts of them even if for a moment. Letting himself experience what could have been. The phantom touches and plush kisses that soon turned to dust in his mouth when he woke. The image of you still dancing vividly in front of his sleep hazed eyes.

Other times he even found himself crying in those dreams, angry, bitter and regretful tears. Clinging onto you in his dreams, pleading to not wake up yet to make it all better. It pained him. That he couldn't have you anymore. You were now married to someone, and that someone wasn't him.

Tobirama saw how happy you were, genuinely. And he wasn't going to take it away just because of his own mistakes.

Now it was his turn to share the pain you went through. He accepted it all. It was now his responsibility. His mistakes.

[tojikai]

kai i just woke up from my nap, dreamed about childe and now im back to crying again bcs of the latest chapter 😭

its so annoying that rie tries to put herself in every situation. like yeah, i get it, you dont mean to overwhelm yn and your feelings are valid but to repeat it over and over again? atp i dont think shes even genuine about it anymore. cmon, read the room pls 😭 yn literally just woke up from a coma that rie had dropped a bombshell bcs shes so blinded by jealousy 😐

she sees so much of herself as the other woman that its making her incredibly insecure about their relationship. i get that you dont want satoru to go thru this alone and you want to support him, but let him right his wrongs or whatever 🤣 god, im literally pissed over a fictional character 😦

i hope that when yn gets into a relationship with someone else, regardless of who they are, she doesnt think of it like as an act of revenge, (as much as i love some cold ass bittersweet revenge) of getting back to satoru to let him get a piece of her mind or to numb the pain by using someone as a rebound. i hope that she truly loves them and cherish them as much as the new person does.

also i hope satoru gets to suffer seeing yn thrive and leave him in the past as nothing but memory and character development device and for him to regret ever letting her go. boo go cry about it hoejo 🤪

anyways, thank you for the heart wrenching chapter as always. i do love to have some angst as my meal of the day jshsjsjs i really appreciate you being so dedicated to writing and providing content. dont forget to take the rest you deserve, dont forget to stay hydrated, dont forget to take care and put yourself first before anyone else. ily bb <33

(anyways, getoyn all the way 🫣)

omg you dreamt about childe i miss him 😭but yeah , you're so right about rie being so blinded by her emotions :(( that's why she says things that are out of hand or could get her and the other person in trouble.

AND angst as meals omg djsfhsdk FELT !!😂 thank you sooo much, bb~!! i really appreciate this too🥺❤ please, take care of yourself as well and have a great day/night !! <33

[delightfulcrasher]

Bc of your last sleep head canon post I just had this idea like

Like imagine one night Lord Dimitrescu hears a knock on his bedroom door and a shaky voice(?) behind it, asking to be let in. Concerned, the man sits up in his bed, putting down the novel and allows the guest to enter.

Surprisingly, it’s Belmont, and he is in tears? But why?

He comes up to his father’s bed, looking like a child that just had a terrible nightmare and tried explaining what led him to crying.

Turns out he had a very vivid dream, like a memory of sorts, in which he saw an older woman, a gorgeous one at that, with such a warm smile and loving eyes, she hugged Belmont ever so tightly, her voice as smooth as silk. It was such a beautiful dream, yet Bel abruptly woke up from it, his heart beating out of its chest, his rib cage too small for his lungs and his entire mind overflown with sorrow and despair.

What was that dream? Who was that woman? And why did he feel so much at once? He didn’t like feeling. Father, please make it stop.

And then Bel got interrupted when the tall man before him grabbed his son’s hand and pulled him into a hug, not as warm as that woman, yet so tight and caring. You poor little thing. I’m so sorry you had to go through this..

(I know I know, too wholesome for a horror game, but hey, we all need some comfort sometimes ok😤)

This is a surprising scene indeed.

Having felt so little and supressing the more tedious emotions, then being suddenly confronted with this image, it messed with his head.

He's confused, startled, angry... But most of all he's scared. Whoever that women was, she affected him greatly. He doesn't remember her, and yet at the same time he knows her greatly. She is familiar yet unknown.

Remnants of the past can often haunt the experiments. They are reminders of who they used to be. There is a reason why the creatures in the cellar cry. Belmont is one of the lucky few who still retain cognitive thought.

The Lord, having more experience with these things, can do nothing but comfort his son. His son. Not hers. Not anymore.

[thefanbasewhore]

United As One. || Part 2.

Summary: While Din is trying to convince the reader to marry him, the elders show their distaste while the reader finds out something that can impact her decision.

Warning/Content: 18+ please, fingering, oral (male on female), light smut, body hair (bc it's normal!!!) fighting between characters and angst. Also I don't ever write smut... Please be gentle with me lol this is one of my first times.

Paring: Din Djarin/female reader

Clan Leader Din AU

Part 1. || Master Post. 

Light seeps through the gaps between thin curtains, eyelids flutter as the sun hits her skin, heat creeps up the nape of her neck, warming her forehead. The brightness makes her squeeze her eyes harshly, she uses her hands to try and face the other way but dead weight against her chest makes it impossible.

Thick brown curls rest against her chest, Din's face appreciating the warmth and comfort of her breast, his own chest pressed against her stomach with small, shallow breaths. She can't see his face, he's too low angled downward, facing the wall but it surprises her. Her eyes widen in embrassment, the sudden feeling to run her fingers through the ringlets that he's decided to show her for the first time.

Din has never removed his helmet in front of her, sometimes in the dark but this was different, his skin pressed against her chest, hair she dreamed about tickling her chin is an overwhelming feeling, to add to it the memories of his last words that Din admitted. She's conflicted, It looks more beautiful then what it felt like in the dark between her fingers but what if she wakes him and he demands an answer? Something she's unable to give at the moment.

"Marry me, I've always known you'd be my riduur since the day I met you."

Despite the nervousness fingers softly tug on the tips of hair that reached his collar, silky and well managed despite being in his helmet and the long night sleep. It's a soft sigh that falls from his lips as nails scratch his scalp, sleepily pushing his hips against her.

A breath his held as she feels the hardness against her inner thigh, swallow breaths still falling from Din's chest signaled he was still sleeping but hips unknowing to himself press harder and again wanting the friction.

Fingers stop, heart beating so fast she swears she can hear it in her ears. While they have laid next to each other many nights in the Razor Crest it was never like this. There wasn't enough room, someone would end up bumping into someone which would end up with a sleepy grunt for Din and him finding else where; leaving the bed for her.

Sex was out of the question, Grogu was the number one concern. Between finding a Jedi, keeping the Crest running before it was destroyed, and keeping up with the baby it never left the time too.

It wasn't by choice, there were many nights Din spent longing over her, greedy eyes running over any exposed skin she allowed, they showered together once after the battle against the Kypt Dragon, skin against skin but the lights cut leaving his creed intact.

Even now asleep all Din wanted to do is touch her, with the child's safety secured, and being able to come back to his clan, there was no reason not to.

He's not, heavy and throbbing against her bare thigh, Din's body weight shifting her pajama shorts up further exposing smooth skin. Finally, she takes in a deep breath, eyes shift to the child that lays feet away from them snuggling a pillow, sucking on his fingers for comfort.

"Mmmhmm." It's a soft moan, breath fanning against the swell of breast, that ever so tease him, hips indistinctly pressing further into her until he's sliding against the junction between her thigh and soaking heat. Shame makes her face red, mostly because of how much she wanted him, wants more.

Din's eyes flutter, eyelashes soothing the skin of her breast with a huff. He says for a second, evaluating the situation: his hardness throbbing, pressed between his girls creamy thighs, the worst part of it being he can feel how hot she is, see the wet spot the formed through the thin shorts, feel it.

The room was suddenly hotter, he doesn't dare move, freezes actually, would be absolutely horrified if she woke up finding him pushing against her. Lips gently lay a kiss against her chest, listening to the beats under her chest.

"Good morning cyar'ika." It's whispered against skin, not meant for her current consciousness, it's followed by a few more kisses, her eyes flutter shut at the feeling, breaths slow at a result. Din's hand press against the bed on each side of her, extending his arms to push himself fully up.

"Wait Din, I'm awake!" Her own hands come to cup her eyes as they catch a glimpse of his forehead. Din pauses, he doesn't move just keeps is face angular.

"Why... Why did you say anything?" Din's voice is caught in his own throat as she grinds her hips towards him. A small groan falling from the pressure against his hardness.

"I..." She trails off, Din looks up replacing her hand with his own, the other hand knotting the crown of her head, tangling into the hair with a slight pull that makes her whine. "I wanted to keep feeling you."

Din feels his own heart beat beginning to speed up, her fingers blindly in front pressing against the smooth skin of his throat, first cupping his chin feeling to thick hair there. Then they press against his throat, feeling the pulse thicken herself. Din might have thought it was more sexual then it was intended, truthfully honest she forgets how human he can really be.. the pulse helps remind her he's just as much as her, maybe even more.

"Din.." The whine of his name wanting and feral shoots straight to his aching cock.

Fingers soak the touch of her chin, gripping it just watch lips part with want, chest heaving that makes Din's face red. He's unexperienced, he'll be the first to admit it but it felt so, so right.

"Do you want me?" He doesn't mean to words like that, it makes him seem as if he is the prize when truthfully he's the lucky one to see her spread her legs further in response. "Can I touch you sweet girl?"

"Please, Please." She chants as he moves closer so he's on his knees in-between her legs. There's a few minutes of silence, he uses them commit this memory of her to his brain forever.

"Din." She's impatient as she calls for him, hand following it's own trail to the hem of her short but Din swats it away, tisking under his breath. "You look..." He gulps, "beautiful, so good for me."

Din's lips move agonizingly slow, pressing a piece of love across her neck, hands cupping both of her breast through her shirt feeling nipples react instantly, hard through the thin material of the shirt. "Keep your eyes closed."

"I-I.." Tears of frustration wet eyes, she want to cry, beg for him to touch her but he's to busy enjoying the feel of her, parts he's never been able to explore before. "The kid."

Suddenly Din feels like an idiot, eyes shifting across the bed, thankfully the kid is still sleeping unbothered. "I'll be right back, keep your eyes closed."

Once the child is safely tucked away, comfortable as Din made sure to cover him with blankets in the other room. Nothing could prepare Din for the sight in front of him, smooth bare legs, breast naked on display with soft nipples, his hand slips further down his abdomen to grasp his own arousal, hard and aching. A small moan makes her head raise but eyes stay closed. "Din?"

"I'm here pretty girl." Din finds himself between her legs again, hands stroke the sensative skin of her inner thighs, she managed to take her shorts off the only thing keeping Din from seeing her naked is the cotton underwear. Din cant help but stare, the light colored fabric left little to the imagination, dark hairs shape against it, the wet patching showing just how badly she wants him.

With her eyes closed, it's practically sensory overload. Her skin can feel his touch so much more, the warmness of him, not to mention his smells, musty and warm, it reminds her of old leather. Ears twitch at how horse his voice is, breath against her skin as lips touch her neck. "Do you, I mean, Do you want me to -"

Din's feels his own skin heat at the words, he didn't have much experience besides when he want younger and one of the clan members went down on him but it didn't feel like this. Nothing can make him feel the way the cry that falls from her lips do. "Please, please touch me Din."

Din mades sure to take his time, spreading the wetness around the bare mound with his thumb, his mouth parting with want. If this was the last thing he’s ever seen, he’d die happy watching her skin flush pink, chest heaving with deep breaths, grinding her desperate, needy hips against own hand.

He loves to watch, watching her mouth open to beg for more but he's greedy, he wants hear more. Hear that he is the reason for her wetness. Fingers pinch the most sensative part of her, eyes open in surprise but Din's too fast, covering them with a hiss. "Eyes closed."

She obeys almost instantly at the rough grunt, eyelashes fluttering against his palm. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to."

"Mhmm." He agrees inside his chest, his hand leaves her completely with a protest but it's soon gone and she's flipped onto her stomach, face pressed against the mattress as fingers dig into her hips, dragging them into the air. He found himself so wrapped up in her he didn't care if she saw his face, all that was on his mind was her pleasure, with her eyes against the wall there was no reason to worry.

His length straining against the back of her thigh, heavy. Pressing kisses against shoulder blades and his hand finds its self between them, lowering her down against the mattress with a hand. His other thumb spreading across her clit, whining with the contact. His finger’s hook inside with no warning, filling her completely.

They're large, there's only two of them as they scissor against her walls, coated with her arousal that helps them trust into her again.

When his fingers find that spot that makes her cry, whine his name he can't help but moan, "Stars, Din."

She squeezes around him, hips naturally fighting his own trust of his fingers. "So, so beautiful."

He groans at the tightness, it sends shivers down his skin. Finger’s never lead up, filling and entering as soon as they left, over and over again until she feels the bundle of heat in her stomach, bubbling for a release. 

Din notices as he quickens the pace, chest against her back as he leans to press kisses against her neck, shirt discarded moments ago but neither could remember, lips sucking softly on the skin, huffing in frustration at his own arousal pressing against the back of her thigh for relief.

"Din.." it's a warning that make him suck harder, fingers so good it makes her mewl.

"Cum pretty girl, give it to me."

That's all it takes, from his fingers milking her through, the pretty girls that make her heart leap, his bare chest against her back, something snaps, squeezing against his fingers as a cry falls from them.

Her chest falls and raises quickly against the mattress, Din's fingers don't leave her heat but his head leans against her shoulders with a huff. Blind fingers reach behind her, squeezing his hardness so softly, it's an experimental touch that makes him groan but he pushes her hand away.

"Don't worry about me, I want you to cum again." She wants to protest, wants to say she can't but Din doesn't give her the chance to even catch her breath before fingers are leaving her, the dirty sound of his lips sucking on them making her gasp.

He uses this time to look at her, soaking begging for more under her breath. "Sweet, so sweet."

She couldn't tell if he was talking about her or her the cum on his fingers but eyes didn't miss a beat as legs lazily spread wider for him.

Hands spread across the back of bare thighs, trailing to squeeze a large handful of her cheek. "I always knew you would beautiful like this.. dreamed of it baby."

His arms flexing and expanding against thighs again as fingers curl into the softness of them, anchoring himself as lips closing down around her clit, suckling softly. 

“Din!” it's a whine of surprise as his tongue flickers against the sensative bundle, taking his good time with. His fingers finding her heat once again, sinking into the gaping hole, his finger’s moving faster, pace increasing with every squeal, scream or sound that was made.

His tongue doesn't let up from her clit as his fingers pushed deeper inside, purposely messaging the spot found in the deepest of her pussy, his cock throbbing at the thought of feeling it.

Hips lifting off the bed trying to escape his brutal lips, but he doesn't allow it as his free hand fell to hips, roughly pushing her back down against it the pillows. "Stay." The vibrations make her cry, beg for more.

Finger’s curling in her, collecting any juice they possibly could spreading against her as much as he could as hips jolt once again, a soft mumble against her making her moan.

The familiar feeling of heat building up and bubbling in her lower abdomen spreading warmth through out her whole body as he continued to finger fuck her as fast he could.  The heavenly sound of wetness dripping to his hand, covering his face and into the bed. "Give it to me, please, please sweet girl."

“I'm -." His name is like a prayer on her lips, his only reply is slamming his finger back into as hard as he could, lips puckering against her clit one more time. Eyes rolling back into her head, as her body let's go, Din sucks up anything he could manage. Her body slumps instantly but Din's finger grabbing her hips saves her from falling harshly against the bed. Loving lips press to her shoulder, laying his cheek against the warmth, slowly lowering her to the bed.

She wants to speak, but can't. Her head is still so high up in the clouds, mind so full with the thought of Din, Din, Din.

"Cyar'ika." The soft words make her heart jump, "Think about it.. I know it's not what you expected but I don't expect an answer right away."

Soft fingers trace her hairline as if they would never feel it again. His other arm wraps around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. Very prominent hardness against her back, but he ignores it. Eyelids flutter close, exhaustion taking over even when his lips meet her neck where he barries his head.

The sun once again is brutal, groaning as she blinks the tiredness away. Reaching behind her to feel for the loss of heavy weight but just to realize no one is there. Jumping up, looking for any sign of the green little monster as well but there is none. She moves to quickly, soreness from her legs reminds her of earlier, cheeks red with heat. It's been no long since anyone has touched her, she would feel it for days.

With shaky legs she stands, dressing rather quickly as she leaves the hut to search for them. The day is like any other, faces that aren't covered with helms show their distaste, while she can't see the other's faces she knows theirs match their conrads.

The temple is rather large, tikis of fire trail to the entrance and for some reason she finds herself drawn to it. The long pull over is stretched across her chest as she wraps it closer to herself as she moves towards the deep rasp she knows as Din.

Symbols and drawings are itched against the walls, the low light of the torches wouldn't let her decipher them, she wouldn't be able to anyways they are written in a language she does not understand. The doorway opens to a large room, space large enough to fit hundreds, tables and chairs fill the majority of it. There's a large throne in the center against the wall, followed by smaller ones that sit directly behind.

Throat dries as eyes run over the familiar plates of beskar covered thighs, up to the small green child who plays with a small stuffed toy on the mandalorian's lap. Basker doesn't notice the new eyes in the room, too busy snarling at the wrinkled men and woman in front of him. They all look identical, long cloaks that cover their baldness, charcoal symbols in a perfect line down their faces.

"No." The words fall from the woman who threatened her lips days ago, Din doesn't like the words as he lets out a huff.

"There is nothing against it, it's allowed." He argues, the elders around him show their distaste with a hiss.

"She is not mandalorian, she will bring shame on this clan. You will shame us Din Djarin." Once again she feels unwanted tears of embarrassment sting eyes, she wish they would just go away, that it didn't bother her.

She wants to curl up and disappear when she meets the gaze of sharp basker, the elders follow suit. "What are you doing here?" It's soft, low.

He doesn't like the look she sports, face twisted in anger, in sadness. She tries to hide the tears, faking a smile as she looks up at him. "I was worried... Grogu wasn't there.. you weren't there."

"I'll be done in a second, wait outside for me cyar'ika."

One of the elders hiss, "Do not speak our language to her, she does not deserve it!"

It happens before anyone can react, Din holds the baby close against his chest, the other hand drips the elder's cloak around the neck line, threatening him with rough gasp. "Don't you disrespect her. You may keep order of the clan but I am Mand'lor. I meant it when I said you have to go through me."

Din's eyes flicker to her, she gulps nervously at the display of power. It fit him so... Well. "Outside, take the child I will be out."

The sound of his voice, the authority in his voice has her feet moving before her brain can even process the words. Grogu reaches out for his mother with a giggle as he's notices her, before Din can turn his head in her direction she's gone.

It's not long after that Din is walking from the temple. Even though his emotions are often masked by his helm, anger just radiates from him. Hot, deep inside his veins. If shows with his slow steps roughly dug into the ground beneath him, shoulders high, alert, his trembling fingers at his side.

"Are.." she pauses, eyes meeting his visor as he's only inches away, towering over her. "Are you okay bear?"

The nickname makes him pause, a rare smile lifts his cheeks pressing his forehead against her own. "I'm fine, everything is going to be alright."

His heart pounds in his ears, heart warm with admiration? Love? Honestly, he couldn't quite place his feelings when it came to her but the nickname made him feel warm, happy at the affection. The nickname was a jab at his parenting, papa bear she called him, ever since then it stuck.

Grogu small hands wrap around her neck, breaking them apart in jealousy as his face finds warmth against her neck. Din rolls his eyes with a chuckle, hand slipping into her free one. The act makes her pause, looking for eyes to see but Din tugs her toward, not caring who sees.

The walk back is slow, cool while they enjoy the spoils the planet offers. A few stares but Din keeps her distracted, "There's a celebration tonight. I want you there."

"No." She admits too quickly for his liking, he sighs stopping movement all together. She feels guilty, redness blooming cheeks. "No one wants me there, I'll just spoil their fun."

"I want you there." He admits, fingers find silky strands of hair, playing with the tips with gentleness. "It's my coronation, it's the celebration of me.. there's no one else more deserving to be there."

Din can't help but notice the awkward shift from hip to hip, trying to shift weight to make standing just a little bit easier. "What is it?"

Cheeks are even hotter as she looks down at her feet. Worried hands tip her chin to meet her own reflection in his helmet. "Tell me."

"I'm just sore is all." It's Din's turn to blush, hear claims his cheeks, runs up the nape of his neck.

"Let's go back, get ready. The child needs a bath anyways." The way the petal like ears raise at the mention of a path with a lifting lip makes them both laugh under their breath.

There's laughter in the distance, the smell of fire, roasting meat, chatting among peers when she arrives. She tucks the child closer as she manages to walk past without being detected, her only concern being to find Din.

Tents scatter across the green ground, the largest which she guessed with hold him. Two mandalorians stand out front, as if they are looking for any kind of danger to pass through. The one's helm shift towards her face, looking her up and down before gesturing her entry into the tent.

Din is seated, a blonde woman's fingers pressing white lines along with symbols that have no meaning to her against his basker on his thighs. His head tilts up towards his girl, a small smile forming underneath the mask. Beads lay in layers on his chest, peaks of flowers tangled between them, he's almost covered from head to toe in white clay.

His eyes never leave hers, despite how nervously she stares at the woman who sat between his legs.

"Hi pretty girl." The words pinch her cheeks red as his fingers mention her closer, the woman kneeling in front him remains quiet. Din can sense her irritation so doesn't dare recognize the fact another woman is between his legs. He presses his hand against his lovers back pushing her close to press their foreheads together.

"Hi bear." The nickname makes him smile again, a simple word that makes him feel loved. Leather gloves stroke the petal shaped ears on the child with a soft coo, "Hey buddy, how was the bath?"

The displeasure isn't hidden on Grogu's face but he still climbs over the chair to his father's lap. The blonde woman looks up from her handiwork with a smile as the curious child peers at her. "Hi little guy."

"I'm done here Mand'lor." Din gives a pleased nod, dismissing her silently. The girl gets to her own knees, angling herself to stand between his legs. There's something about her flirty grin, eyes that meet her own with a looking that just screams, 'I know something you don't.'

Even though it makes her narrow her eyes, it really doesn't matter expect when she bares her neck to them. Wrapped around with a thin piece of string is the mud horn signet that exactly resembles Din's.

She tries not to think the worst, but it seems like a claim of some sort. Like she is his. While she silently moves to exit the tent, a long strand of beads run across the whole length of her hair, dark brown in color.

Din's hands try to move her to his lap but the look of confusion etched across her face makes him pause.

"She wears your signet?" Din is caught off guard, bitting his bottom lip under the helm. While it made complete sense to him, how do you explain it to someone how doesn't understand this way of life.

"Yes." He answers truthfully, "I made it for her."

The words make her take a step back, Din's fingers don't allow her as they fight to move her between the V of his legs. He's successful, stronger.

"I will make you one when you're my riduur."

"but why does she have one?" The hurt can't go unnoticed, pale in color, anxiety making her heart thump faster.

"It's not important."

"It is to me. Why does she have one?" Din doesn't want to talk about it, he wants to enjoy the night, enjoy it with his clan, his son and her.

"She is my breeder." While she doesn't know what it means, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. She's silent, chewing on the fat of her lip. "Sweetheart?" Din looks up, uneasy with the silence.

"Breeder? You mean as in -."

"Have my children." The fear is answered, "It's tradition, the clan needs an heir. If a riduur cannot produce a child, the breeder will be used. It's nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about? If I marry you and can't have children you will just have them with her?"

He doesn't like it, the way her voice fills with hurt. "Yes but it won't happen, it's just in case."

She's trying to distance herself, Din let's go, he doesn't like the way she struggles from his grasp. "If it does happen what I'm supposed to sit back and watch you two raise a child together?"

"It won't happ -."

"Who picks her?" It's a jab toward him, makes him regret his choice that he made years ago, before he knew her.

"I do but it -." He wants to say it was before her, before he feel in love but watching tears fill her eyes makes him pause, if he had one weakness in this world it would be watching her cry, something he's seen too much over the past week.

"Don't cry." He stands tall placing the child on the chair, with every step towards her she moves further away. Her chest is heavy, heart breaking as tears that slip past eyelids.

"I was never your first choice." Din can see it, the way her eyes show the fear of loving him. Hand pressing against her own chest as if it physically hurts.

"You are, you're my only choice." His words try to reason, hands try to comfort but she presses a hand against his chest to stop him. The wall of the tent is against her back, Din boxes her in.

"It's tradition, I don't want her. I want you."

She shakes her head, tears burn her cheeks. "Your traditions are ugly, I hate it here."

The words make his face drop, heart stuttering in his chest, it hurts. Her defiance, the way she admits those words about his home. He wants it to be her own.

"I can't change them. I can't help them." Her eyes flicker to the beads against his chest, reaching out to feel the hardness of them.

"What were the beads in her hair?"

Din doesn't want to say it but none the less cannot lie. "I don't want to lie to you." It was too much already, it would only bring her more pain.

"Then tell me the truth Din."

"She wears the color of my eyes in her hair."

.."What?"

The amount of time it took Din to even admit the color of his eyes to her was months.. she just walks around parading them and he allows her, he did pick her after all.

"Y-Your eyes?" The words choke up in her throat, bottom lip trembling. "I never got to see your eyes, you said they were brown. The first time I see the color is on another woman. Do the whole clan a favor, take me home and marry her."

"No, No. Stop." His hands grasp her wrist, pulling her close to his chest, the dried clay scratched her cheeks, beads press against her temple. "It was long ago, before I met you. You are my choice."

Tears smear, melting the clay with a cry. She pulls away, "You might want to have her come in and fix that."

Din Djarin is left speechless as he watches her walk away, his own heart breaking inside his chest. Not even a full week home and it's already managed to distance them. Now her own broken heart matching his.

[berrynarrybanana]

pink lemonade

A/n: I...had a cliche moment of I wrote this and it got deleted bc my computer had a hissy fit while I was trying to find a good pic to use. All I want to say is that I spent weeks agonizing over this piece because I wasn’t sure that it was good enough and that it touched on bi!reader as much as it should. I started it out in Harry’s POV and it kind of just took off from there. This is very heavily based off a song from one of my favorite bands. It’s called pink lemonade by the wombats and it really gave me inspiration to write this whole fic and for my reader and flatmate!h. I hope that I did this justice, because as a bi woman, I know how little representation we get in media and in fics. So thank you to the beautiful @bopbopstyles and @harrysclementines for hosting a challenge that made me feel included. I really appreciate and love you both so much! 

warnings: smut, drug use mention, angst, harry’s pov

word count: 4.3k+

Please enjoy and feel free to tell me what you think! 

Friday Night 

Harry remembers the day he met his flatmate. 

She was a little shorter than him, but her personality definitely made her seem much taller. She had her hair up in a messy bun, her Rolling Stones shirt tucked in, and her jeans cuffed at the bottom. She introduced herself to him with a dazzling smile and a witty joke about being a stereotypical bisexual being. It made him laugh, pulling her into a hug (after asking her permission) because they were going to be flatmates and she needed to know he was a hugger. He didn’t want to start off on an awkward note with a person he would be spending so much time with. He suggested they order some pizza and drink wine on the floor of their living room on their first night. 

Their furniture hadn’t been delivered or moved in yet, so they had to settle for putting a few of y/n’s pillows under their bums while they watched comedy specials on Harry’s laptop. A majority of their evening was spent giggling and sharing stories about their previous experiences with old girlfriends. He found it oddly comforting that the beautiful girl was a little bit different, because he had always felt that way in life. With her, he didn’t feel so alone in being different. Perhaps that was one of the things that made him fall in love with her. She was a bright, radiant soul that brought him more joy than anyone else ever had. But she could be a bit thick, sometimes. 

As he watched her prance around their apartment in her tight mini-dress, he tried his best not to let her see his obvious attraction to her. 

The pillow on his lap would seem obvious to just about anyone else, but not to his precious flatmate. She practically floated through life, oblivious to how people looked at her when she moved. She was like a walking porn ad, her beautiful hair and gorgeous smile nearly impossible to ignore. He tried not to focus too hard on what she was wearing, but christ, it was hard not to. Her legs looked a little longer due to the black heeled booties she’d put on and she was most definitely wearing tights with little sparkles in the fabric. 

He hated seeing her dressed up like this, knowing that he wouldn’t be the one sliding his hands up her dress in the backseat of the taxi on the way home. He wouldn’t be the one gripping at her thighs while she straddled him on their shared couch. He wouldn’t be the one making her scream, unable to contain herself as he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of her. He hated that she was wearing the perfect shade of red on her lips, a shade that painted the walls of the prison cell in his own personal hell inside. He wanted to smear it off her lips with his own, kissing her until she was breathless and begging. 

Instead, he flipped through the channels on the telly, pretending to pay attention.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out, Harry?” She stood in front of him, pouting her lips out as she tilted her head to the side. He shook his head as she crossed her arms, the gesture pushing her breasts up just a little. Fuck me, Harry thought. “You love going out!” 

“I know, love.” He grumbled, glancing behind her as if she was in the way. “But I’m not really in the mood to party tonight and I don’t want to bring the mood down.” 

“Well, I don’t feel right going out without you.” She sighed, dropping her arms to the side, causing Harry to look up at her. “Maybe I should stay home? We can order takeout and-” 

“Absolutely not.” He shook his head. “You have a date. You can’t stand him up!” 

“He’s just some rando from Tinder, I really don’t care about his feelings.,H.” She snorted out a laugh, rolling those perfect eyes as he tried to fight off a smile. “I’d rather be with you if you’re feeling down.”

“Don’t give up the chance for a good time because I’m a grumpy old man.” He shook his head. “I really want you to go out.” 

“Okay, okay.” She let out a heavy exhale, stepping farther away. “How do I look?” 

“Perfect.” He didn’t tear his eyes away from the telly, knowing he would overshare if he actually looked at her right now. 

“You didn’t even look!” She laughed around a playful groan. “Boys.” 

“I’m a man, love!” He called out as she walked into the kitchen for her keys. “If you’re too drunk, call me. Don’t go home with your random tinder date and-” 

“Lock the door when I’m home.” She nodded. “I know the rules, dad.” 

“Please do not ever call me that again.” Harry narrowed his eyes at her. “Go, get out of here and go have some fun. Tell everyone I said hi.” 

“I will!” She smiled. “Bye, roomie!” 

“Bye!” He waved, his heart sinking as the door shut behind her. “Guess I’ll be having a sad wank about that later.” 

Harry grumbled, sinking further into the cushions of their shared couch. 

                                   ******************************************

Saturday Morning 

The guy from Friday seemed to be a keeper. 

He was there the next morning when Harry was making a hangover breakfast in the kitchen for his flatmate. He strutted  in without a shirt or a word, reaching for a coffee cup as if he owned the place. Last time Harry checked, only two people paid rent here. Harry watched from the stove, spatula in hand as he glared at the man’s back. What a sodding prick. With a quick roll of his eyes, Harry pushed around the potatoes he’d chopped up earlier. Of course she brought him home. It had been weeks since she’d had a proper shag and it was bound to happen sooner or later. And even if Harry hated to admit it, the man standing in his kitchen gave it to her proper. Harry closed his eyes, cringing at memory of her moans melded with the banging of her headboard against the wall last night.

He hadn’t heard her moan out like that in a long time. Halfway through orgasm number two out of god knows how many, Harry shoved his headphones in and tried not to cry. He hated that someone else was making her feel so good that she was screaming the bloody walls down. He wanted to sink into her, to have her screaming out his name instead. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not even in his dreams could he have her, always cutting off right around the time his hands landed on her hips. 

“Oh, didn’t see you there, mate.” The guy turned around. “M’Alfie.” 

“Harry.” He grumbled, reaching up to the heat down. “Y/N’s roommate.” 

“She told me about you.” Alfie nodded. “Said you’re a right laugh when you’re drinking.” 

“Did she now?” Harry hummed as if he was actually interested in the conversation. 

“Shame you didn’t come out with us.” Alfie said. “Y/N was a fucking animal. Have you ever had sex with her? I mean she’s amazing when she’s high.” 

Harry wanted to vomit. 

This guy was a total prick.

“Yeah, what a shame.” Harry cleared his throat, glancing over at Alfie. “When Y/N wakes up, let her know that breakfast is here. She’s going to want two pieces of toast with butter.” 

“I will tell her.” Alfie sipped out of the bright pink mug and Harry’s face grew hot. That was his mug, the one that Y/N got him for Christmas last year. The little lamb on the front with a comical smile was mocking him now. “You alright, mate?” 

“Yeah, I’m stellar.” 

Harry stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall. 

He nearly made it to his door when she stumbled out of her bedroom. 

“Morning, Harry.” She yawned before smiling at her roommate. 

He didn’t respond, ducking past her and into his bedroom. 

Maybe he didn’t really know the girl he loved after all. 

                                            *******************************

Another Magical Friday Night 

Alfie, as it turns out, wasn’t a keeper. 

During their second escapade, Alfie shouting to the top of his lungs pulled Harry out of his half-asleep state. His heart sank and his blood ran cold as he sprinted out of his bedroom to Y/N’s. When he got there, Alfie was storming out of her bedroom, half dressed with a red face. Harry stood in Y/N’s doorway, avoiding her gaze as she struggled to put a t-shirt on. After a few moments, Harry couldn’t stand to hear her soft whimpers and loud sniffles. He tore his own shirt off, walking over to where she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed in front of her. 

“S’alright,” He cooed, sitting down in front of her as he slipped his shirt over her head. “It’s okay, love.” 

“I’m sorry we woke you up.” She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the column of his throat as she cried. “I know you have an early yoga class tomorrow.” 

“Please don’t apologize.” He said softly, rubbing his hand over her back. “Tell me what he did?” 

“He didn’t do anything.” She shook her head, pulling back as she wiped at her cheeks. “I just...Alfie dabbles a bit in drugs and I tried some with him last week, but I didn’t like it. I told him I didn’t want to do it again and he called me a whore and a tease.” 

Harry’s jaw tensed as he watched his best friend hiccup, swiping under her eyes again. 

“You are not a whore.” Harry reached up, gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, demanding her attention. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you need to be ashamed of yourself.” 

“Thank you.” She sniffled. “Sleep with me tonight?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Let’s go to my room instead, okay?” 

He didn’t have the heart to tell her he couldn’t sleep in her bed right now. 

Not after Alfie had been in it. 

“Okay.” She gave him a wavering smile. “Thank you, H.” 

“Anytime.” 

Harry held her that night, his heart pounding against his chest as she cuddled into him. 

As he drifted off, he mumbled out loud, “This must be what heaven feels like.” 

He hoped she didn’t hear him. 

                                            ****************************

Harry decided that if Y/N was going out this Friday, he was too.

He couldn’t stand the thought of her going out without him by her side after last week’s incident with Alfie. There was no Tinder date for her to meet up with, just Harry and a few other friends who wanted to have a good time. They got ready in their shared bathroom together, pre-gaming with whatever they had left as they sang loudly to Harry’s pre-game playlist. When she spritzed her perfume over her neck, Harry’s mouth started to water. 

The warm vanilla and citrus hybrid was damn near a love potion to him. 

“Alright,” She nodded, giving herself a once over in the mirror. “I’m ready.” 

“You look perfect.” He smiled, trailing his eyes up from her vegan, leather combat boots to her black skinny jeans, finally settling on the lacy bodysuit that she had recently purchased. “S’a bit like lingerie, innit it?” 

“Yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders, pursuing her lips as Harry looked at her eyes. “But it’s nice and light and extremely sexy.” 

“One of those nights?” Harry’s brows quirked up and he forced a little smirk to settle on his lips as she nodded. “Good, you deserve a bit of fun.” 

And he actually meant it, this time. 

She did deserve to have a little fun after Alfie

He could suck it up for one night if the girl he loved would be happy at the end of it. 

“I do.” She giggled, reaching down to grab the bottle of tequila set on the bathroom countertop, wiggling it around. “One more shot for good luck?”

“Pour it up.” 

                                         *****************************

Harry bucked his hips up as the girl above him rolled her hips over his denim clad cock. 

This time, he brought someone home. 

Granted, Y/N brought someone home as well, he now had a distraction to keep his mind busy and his cock wet while his flatmate got off. The girl he’d met at the club was so sweet, her hazel eyes enticing him the moment his gaze met hers. Her lips were so soft and they tasted like strawberries. He wondered what Y/N tasted like? They were normally covered in gloss when she went out, shiny and peachy. Did her lips taste like peach? Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as the girl dug her nails into his stomach. 

“Can I take your pants off?” She asked, timid and soft. Nothing like Y/N demanding the naughtiest of things on the other side of the wall. “I’m ready to...I want to ride you.” 

“Okay, yeah.” Harry opened his eyes, sitting up as he wrapped his arms around her. He pressed a few soft kisses over her jaw before catching her mouth in his. “Just a second, love.”

“You’re sweet.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead, swinging her leg over his thighs as he reached for his buttons. 

“Fuck, yes!” 

Harry rolled his eyes, fumbling with the zipper on his trousers as the girl next to him slapped her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. 

“She’s loud.” She giggled, reaching down to start working on her heels. 

“I know.” Harry sighed. “I’m really sorry about that. I...I didn’t know she would be bringing someone-” 

“Right there, y/n! Yes baby yes!” 

“Jesus.” He let out a huff, reaching his hand up to tap the wall with his fist. “Oi, other people are trying to have fun here.” 

“Oh my god.” The girl tossed her head back, barking out a laugh. “You don’t have to do that, it’s fine.” 

“Sorry, H.” Y/N called back. “We’ll keep it down.” 

“I just don’t want to ruin the mood for us.” He shuffled out of his jeans and boxers, tossing them to the side before he looked back at her. 

“I’m okay.” She climbed on top of him again, her shoes now tossed aside and her dress hiked up to her hips. “I really, really don’t care about anything else but fucking you right now.” 

“Oh.” Harry’s cheeks were surely tinged pink as she gripped his cock in her hand, stroking up with gentle movements. “Fuck, that’s nice.” 

“Good.” She leaned forward, pressing her free hand to his shoulder. He fell back onto the mattress, dropping his hands to her thighs. “I promise I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you won’t even know there’s anyone else in the world besides me.” 

Harry dropped his head back, digging his nails into her thighs as she lined herself up with his cock. It had been so long since he’d fucked anyone, his emotions for Y/N a huge cock-block that he couldn’t seem to shake. Other girls just didn’t do it for him anymore.  But tonight, the alcohol in his veins and the vision of Y/N nearly fingering some girl in the back of the club reminded him that he was free to fuck whoever he wanted, despite his love for Y/N.

“Y/N!” 

Harry let out a heavy sigh through his nose, the sound of Y/N’s one night stand screaming making the fire in his belly dim just a little. He didn’t even care that his own girl was sinking onto his cock, soaking wet and tight like a vice. He barely even remembered that she was on top of him until she moaned his name out. 

He opened his eyes, watching her face contort as she settled onto his thighs. 

“You’re huge.” She whispered, tilting her head back. “I swear I’ve never had...never had someone so big, fuck.” 

“Yeah?” He licked over his bottom lip, sliding a palm up to her belly. “Feel me there?” 

“Mhm.” She whimpered, gripping onto his wrist. “M’so full.”

“Y/N, please let me cum.” 

Harry let out a frustrated sigh, reaching his hands up to rub over his face. 

“Are they bothering you?” The girl asked softly, lifting off of his cock. “Because it seems like they are.” 

“A little, yeah.” Harry nodded, wincing as his cock slapped against his stomach. “I’m really sorry, it’s not that you aren’t amazing-” 

“I get it, it’s okay.” She fell next to him as his cock started to soften. “I would be kind of wigged out if my roommate was fucking while I was too.” 

“She does this every Friday night.” Harry said. “And...not to continue ruining whatever we had going between us, but I’m kind of in love with her.” 

“Oh.” The girl whispered. “That would really turn me off.” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And I was trying to have fun for once, you know? Because she seems to go about life oblivious to my feelings and I’m stuck pining for her while she’s fucking whoever she wants to.” 

“Do you think she knows that you like her?” His date asked. 

“I don’t know, probably not.” He mumbled, turning his head to look at her. “You don’t have to listen to me moan on about it, I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay.” She turned on her side, pressing her palm to his chest. “I have a feeling you haven’t talked to anyone about this and it’s not very healthy to keep things bottled up.”

“You’re right about that.” Harry smiled. “You know, I have a friend who would absolutely adore you.” 

“Is it Y/N?” She giggled. “Because I don’t swing that way.” 

“Oi, you think I’d let you shag the girl I just told you I’m in love with?” He laughed, his brows crinkling together as he reached over to pinch her hip. “It’s not her.” 

“Good.” She laughed with Harry, sliding closer to him. “Would it be weird if I stay?” 

“No,” He shook his head. “It’s the least I can do after wasting your time.” 

“And...what about a cuddle?” She asked. “Because I do enjoy a good cuddle session.” 

“I can deal with that, I think.” He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. “Thank you.” 

                                           *****************************

The next morning, Harry was livid. 

He sent his date, Halle was her name, off with a sweet kiss and a coffee to-go. Maybe in another life, she would have been perfect for him. A soft, sweet girl with kind eyes and a willingness to listen to him. Unfortunately for him, he was too far up his obnoxious flatmate’s ass to see anyone else. And even if it made things awkward between them, he had to tell her how he felt. There was no way he could keep going on like this if there was a way to prevent it. 

“Good morning,” She chirped, her hand linked with the girl she brought home last night. “Are we having breakfast?” 

“You can do whatever the fuck you want.” Harry snapped, taking his coffee mug and his breakfast plate from the counter. “I don’t care.” 

Y/N’s jaw dropped and the girl’s eyes grew wide. 

Harry didn’t say another word, walking past the two girls.

He hated being a dick, but lashing out made him feel the tiniest bit better about what happened last night. He pushed his bedroom door open with his hip, settling back into bed as he flicked through his options on Netflix. He wasn’t even thinking of Y/N, his mind struggling to remember whether or not he’d seen the last episode of the Great British Bake-Off. When he realized that he hadn’t, clicking on the title to start the episode, his bedroom door flew open and his roommate stormed in. 

“Fuck you!” She snapped, reaching for his remote, standing in front of his bed with a scowl on her perfect lips. “I don’t know who pissed in your cheerios this morning, but you don’t get to talk to me like that! Especially not in front of guests.” 

“Okay.” Harry shrugged. “Can I have my remote-” 

“No, you can’t!” She shouted, tossing her hands up as she let out a noise crossed between a groan and a growl. “What’s your deal?” 

“I haven’t exactly finished my coffee, love.” Harry was trying not to relish in the sight of his roommate frustrated and adorable. The feeling she was experiencing now was a fraction of what he felt every time he heard her through the wall. “Maybe come back later?” 

“Are you upset because I fucked someone last night and you didn’t?” Her brows shot up. “I know you didn’t cum last night and neither did the girl you brought home. Are you mad because you’re shit in bed?” 

“Maybe we were quiet. You know, decent and considerate of other people,” The smile he gave her was sarcastic. “Or maybe- and this is a good one- maybe, I had a girl sitting on my cock, ready to fuck me so bloody good I would cry, but I couldn’t let her because all I could think about was how much I love you. ” 

“What?” She asked, her mouth falling ajar. 

“Maybe when I was kissing her at the club, I was thinking about kissing you.” He set his coffee mug down on his nightstand, continuing on. “And maybe when I had my fingers in her cunt, I was thinking about you. And maybe, just maybe, every time you fuck someone so loud that it keeps me up at night, I wish it was me instead.” 

She didn’t say anything, watching as Harry moved forward. He snagged the remote from her hand, proud of his little confession. He turned the show back on, ignoring his roommate as she stood there with her eyes wide. He smirked, crossing his legs before he settled his hand on his stomach. 

“You process that and I’m just gonna watch Noel and Paul bicker.” Harry said. 

“You’re an asshole.” She whispered. “You...you can’t just be upset with me because I didn’t know that you liked me.” 

“I’m not upset with you,” He said. “I’m a little upset that I was trying to have a good time for once and you ruined it with you and your girl’s pornstar moaning, but I’m not upset with you. That would be extremely unfair of me.” 

“Why have you never said anything?” She cleared her throat, fidgeting with the hem of her oversized shirt. “We’ve been roommates for years, Harry.” 

“Because I love you as a friend, too.” He started. “I didn’t want to risk it.” 

“And now?” She squeaked out. “You’re willing to risk it now?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m tired of wishing that it was me on the other side of this wall, Y/N. So...take some time to think about what I said and let me know if you’d be willing to give it a try. No hard feelings if you don’t want the same thing, I completely understand and I’ll respect your choice either way. We’ll just have to work out some arrangement where you let me know when you have someone-” 

“I want to try.” She said quickly, kneeling on the edge of the bed. “Because I really like you, Harry. Like, the only reason I’ve brought so many people back home with me is because I couldn’t have you. I knew that there was no way in hell you would like a girl like me. I’m obnoxious and boisterous and just...I didn’t think I was your type.” 

“You’re kidding?” His brows shot up. “You thought...oh my god, we’re both bloody idiots.” 

“You’re telling me.” She laughed, falling on her ass in front of him. “This whole time I’ve been fucking people that loudly to make you jealous and the entire time you’ve been listening, imaging it was you?” 

“I guess so.” He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Well, I guess that leaves us with two options.” 

“And what might those be?” She asked, a soft smile settling on her lips. 

“I take you out for brunch, maybe a nice walk in the park, and then I bring you home and fuck you so hard you won’t even remember the orgasms you had last night.” He lifted one finger up, smiling as he watched her inhale sharply. “Or option two, I fuck you now and we go to brunch later?” 

“Wouldn’t it just be lunch by then?” She tilted her head to the side, playfully narrowing her eyes at him. “I mean...that defeats the purpose, yeah?” 

“Really, that’s-” Harry let out a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re missing the point.” 

“I’m not.” She leaned forward, sliding her hands over his thighs. “I see it clear as day.” 

“And what does your heart tell you to do?” He licked over his bottom lip as she moved closer, her nose nearly bumping against his. 

“To take you up on option two.” She whispered. “Because it’s really not fair that I came five times last night and you didn’t come, not even once.” 

“Fuck.” Harry sputtered out as she brushed her lips over his. “Kiss me?” 

She pressed her lips into his, moving his body back onto his pillows. She moved over him, straddling his thighs as she deepened the kiss. When her tongue slipped over his bottom lip, his mouth fell open in response. His hands fell to her hips, digging into the soft flesh as his mind tried to catch up. The girl of his dreams was sitting on his lap, in his bed, and she wanted him. She wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, sure that he was just a fever dream or a nightmare that he would wake up from any second. But he was brought back to reality when her tongue slipped over his. 

And at that moment, Harry knew he was right. 

She did taste like peach. 

[tardytothepardy]

hm

Ok, so I've just finished reading through Gakuen Alice, the whole finale and everything, and I kinda feel like it was either rushed, or missing something. There were just weird elements to it, and stuff that doesn't make sense to me.

(massive spoilers for a lot of the series below, just an fyi)

So, in the finale, Mikan's been taken away from Alice Academy, and has been away from it for a couple years. She has no memory of anything from that time, though she sometimes still gets hit by intense emotions unexpectedly, most likely parts of her memory trying to get through. She's a high school student, she's 16 years old, and apparently there's recently been an incident of kidnappings in the area that seem to specifically target girls around her age.

So when she goes down to the beach with her two friends, simply called Sa-chan and Shi-chan, and a bunch of shit starts going down, there's reason to panic, right? Ahh, there's a bunch of men here that I don't know that are going to kidnap me!!! But then, another group of men that she doesn't know show up and beat them up! Whoa! Then, randomly, for some reason, one of her friends just smooshes up her face and suddenly she's an entirely different person. But that's not all. All these new strange men seem to know her, and they have crazy powers! There's one guy who just made all the kidnappers pass out with a wave of his hand! Another guy seemed to just make fire spring out of nowhere! What the fuck??

I just,, the way that Narumi and Tsubasa and Natsume and Tonouchi and fuckin,,, everyone else just seems to think it's so funny and wacky that Mikan, who does not remember any of them, is freaking out and thinking they are going to kidnap her, it bothers me. Like, imagine just going through your day, then a bunch of weird men who act like they know you surround you completely, then just laugh at you when you freak out. What the hell.

I just generally have gripes about how the characters act, basically. It's just fucking weird to me, idk. Could it be due to the fact that I read all of this within the span of maybe three days? Sure. But still.

Starting off, I just have to talk about how Natsume,,, acted? behaved? responded? something,, to Mikan. He fecking grabbed her wrist (and uh, again, she hasn't remembered who any of these people are yet) and just fuggin stares at her. Sure, that does trigger something in Mikan's memory, and she's starting to vaguely re-remember stuff, but then he just??? grabs her chest????? What????? WHy?? Would??? you??? do?? that????? I just,,, I know that he did do shit like that earlier in the series, constantly making comments about how flat her chest was (YOUR HONOR SHE'S FECKING TEN YEARS OLD WHAT'S YOUR DEFENSE) and looking down her shirt or whatever, but,, from around the first Christmas party onwards, he never pulled any of that shit. He never made comments about any of that weird shit, none of that. I (foolishly, apparently) thought that he had,, I dunno,, kinda moved on from that whole,,,, assault,,, thing,,, but no. Guess not.

And like, at this point, idk how old he would be, but probably around 17 ish years old. Wh-- why?? What,, what-- WHY DID HE DO THAT??? WHY DID HE THINK THAT WAS A CORRECT THING TO DO??? It was bad enough when they were younger and actually knew each other, it's fucking gross and uncomfortable now that they're both older and SHE DOESN'T FUCKING REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK HE IS. To her, he's just some random creep who groped her? Ah, teenage romance, what a dream~~

After that.... incident, a few other things happen, but he just fucking grabs her (she still hasn't fully realized what is going on or who any of these random men are) and fukkin yells at her for leaving the school before he woke up, all those years ago. Dude, buddy, pal, friendo, she didn't have any control over any of that shit. She wasn't the reason that Nodacchi brought him back a week or so after Mikan left, she didn't know any of that!! She was waiting that whole time, but she didn't have any control over when Nodacchi would bring back Natsume, I just,,, why. It annoys me immensely.

(i'm rereading through the whole interaction again and uh,, yeah that one panel where he's holding her and just starts talking about shit that she doesn't remember or understand and then fuggin says "You are mine"??? UH,, DUDE?? NO. STOP. Props to Mikan for not losing her shit bc I definitely would. I'd be having a panic attack or something, this is an intensely stressful situation and I just,,, The sighs that I am sighing are so intense. Disappointment is accompanying every exhale, I stg.)

It is only after Mikan absorbs that fragment of her first Alice stone that she even starts to remember stuff and I just,, I do not like it.

Moving on from that, Ruka. What's up with him. What's he been doing this whole time. Idk. He just feels weird to me. Maybe it's the fact that everyone's all grown up and all seem to be experiencing a particularly nasty case of same-face-syndrome, but he just seems so,,, bland? Empty? There's something off about it, I don't get it. I mean, at least Ruka doesn't try to do something to Mikan when she hasn't remembered who tf he is, so he has that going for him.

At least he has a purpose beyond just standing there: it's to give Mikan those earbuds that Hotaru made, and they allow for Mikan to hear Hotaru's voice which spurs her to become determined to find her. (Also apparently whenever this is all taking place, that is actually Mikan's birthday. Some point in the summer, I think? I can't say for sure without checking the wiki.) (ok so I looked at the wiki and it says her birthday is May 17th, so, yeah.)

But yeah I just,, after Mikan remembers everything and agrees that she wants to find Hotaru, the entire Class B from when Mikan was in the Alice Academy is suddenly transported there, and among the things that I saw, I saw that Nobara and Persona,,, had a kid??? What??? I'm confused. Never mind the fact that he's probably like twice her age, easily, but like,,, where tf did that come from? I don't get why that happened. It's weird. Why? Why was that a thing? I'm confused.

I'm not sure that I'm just underwhelmed, I think I'm also kinda disappointed, honestly. The series had been picking up so much steam, there were so many things going on, feelings were developing and growing, and I was completely caught up in it. But after the scene where Hotaru and Subaru sacrifice themselves so that Mikan can be with Natsume in the future I just,, wasn't really feeling it? I mean, I was crying all the way through to when Mikan was being taken out of Alice Academy, that was sad and stuff, but then the last few chapters just felt so rushed. So many things (but it also felt like too few things) were just piled on top of each other, one thing after another, I didn't feel anything. I was expecting to be elated once Mikan and Natsume were reunited, after all, that was the whole reason why Hotaru sacrificed herself. I fuckin watched him die, and I was screaming and rocking around in my chair and hyperventilating, I was caught up in all of that. But when Mikan did remember everything and stuff, I was fine. "Oh, cool. That's nice." I don't even know why, honestly.

I think, really, that (and this sounds questionable) I preferred everyone as kids. Because up to this point, they've all been kids. The way that they act are the ways that kids act (more or less, no kid should be through a fraction of what these kids were through), and I became familiar with them. But now everyone's grown up, they're almost adults, but since this is the finale, there isn't time to show how people have changed, and so they just feel one-dimensional. Like, I think one of the main reasons why Natsume's actions threw me off so much was that, like I said, it seemed like he had dropped that behavior (of um, groping, assaulting, harassment, stuff like that) kinda early on in the story. From at least the first Christmas party and onward, he never made weird comments, he just didn't do weird shit, and that's why it's so weird that that's what he decided to do. "Hey, how I can jog the memory of the girl that I fell in love with all those years ago? Well, I suppose I can grab her chest and comment on how it's bigger. That seems like a solid plan." Dude, what? No.

This whole encounter, of finding Mikan, was a thing that was thought about, almost certainly planned, for who knows how long, but it just kinda feels like they (the entire group) had like, a week, to come up with a plan to find Mikan, try to get her memories back, and then ???? something???

It's weird, I'm tired, and kinda disappointed. Which is really sad, because I really liked the story up until the finale. I almost feel like there's something else, to the story. That chapter 180 isn't the end, but that's as far as I could read it, so that's all I could get from it.

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[raleighcarrera]

make way

open heart | bryce lahela x mc (casey valentine)

the prompt said: ‘bryce tells mc that he loves her while she's falling asleep and the next morning she just assumes it was a dream bc she was just so tired’

also for @choicesseptemberchallenge20 day 1 which worked out nicely (tired)

tags: @choicesarehard ; @zigtheeortega ; @omgjasminesimone ; @beccadavenport ; @pixeljazzy 💕

~2.3k words | T

she’s coming off of thirty-six hours straight at the hospital when it happens.

it’s been an exceedingly long week. balancing her work on the diagnostics team along with her regular responsibilities and managing her intern would be difficult enough without the added wrench of a bus crash thrown into her day, but, of course, that’s the way life at edenbrook goes: every day has its own new bus crash, in one way or another.

regardless, there’s new injured patients to treat and old ones to check up on and high-profile cases to worry about in the interim, so she can use her strategy to save the hospital and then rub dr. ramsey’s self-righteous nose in her success (in that order).

there’s a lot going on, and not much time to sleep. there’s brief breaks, here and there -- just enough for a quick nap in the on-call rooms -- but then it’s right back to work.

and before she knows it, it’s been thirty-six hours and bryce is forcibly dragging her onto the t in her scrubs, and she’s falling asleep with her head on his shoulder and almost definitely drooling onto his jacket.

because he’s bryce, and he’s perfect, he doesn’t say anything about that. he only runs his fingers through her hair and takes her home to his blessedly quiet, roommate-less apartment, where the pizza delivery’s been timed so perfectly that the driver is actually coming up in the elevator at the same time they are.

casey’s so grateful she could cry. instead, she waits until her mouth is half-full with her third slice to look over at her boyfriend with wide, appreciative eyes and groan, “god, you’re wonderful.”

bryce laughs at her. “please. i’m just glad i found you before you actually collapsed in ramsey’s office.”

she nods, finally chewing and swallowing the bite she’d paused to sing his praises. “i am going to sleep -- all day tomorrow.” her head is throbbing. it’s a massive effort just to remember what day it is, but there’s one thing sticking out to her, a fuzzy memory from when they’d compared schedules last weekend. “wait. you have to work?”

he sighs, dusting off his hands. “yeah.” bryce pulls a face as if to imply that it’s the single worst thing that’s ever happened to him. “sorry, babe. wish i could kick it here with you.”

“it’s okay.” a wide yawn stretches her mouth open. “you don’t mind if i stay here?”

“nah.” bryce’s smile is easygoing and a little excited. “stay as long as you want. knowing you’re here will make my day go by faster.”

maybe, she thinks deliriously, her limbs feeling even heavier now that she’s eaten than they had on their commute home, she can do something nice for him tomorrow. make dinner, or something -- after she’s slept.

casey blinks, realizing all at once that she’s completely zoned out again. “what? sorry. i’m just --”

“i know.” there’s a fondness in his voice and a softness in his eyes when he stands and pulls her to her feet, tugging her in so she can lean against him. she does so immediately, burrowing into the warmth of his chest. “come on. let’s get you to bed.”

she isn’t sure exactly how it happens, but when she yawns at him next, it’s from the lush safety of his mattress and the blankets on his bed; casey cuddles into the pillows and blinks sleepily up at him, waiting for bryce to join her. the only thing in the world that could make going to sleep now, at eight o’clock with a day off ahead of her, is having her boyfriend’s body heat beside her to soak up.

but bryce laughs at her again, shaking his head. “i gotta put the food away. i’ll be in in a minute.”

“fine,” casey mumbles. the word breaks with another yawn halfway through. her eyelids are already fluttering. “just -- hurry up.”

“of course.” she feels the brush of his lips against her forehead, and then her mouth, bryce’s kiss so gentle it’s almost not there. his fingers slip through her hair again.

the sound she makes is somewhere between a delighted groan and a sigh of pure content. she isn’t sure she’s ever been so comfortable in her life; bryce’s bed is warm and cozy and the sheets are clean -- they smell like him, and so does the shirt she’s wearing. her whole body is heavy with exhaustion and the satisfaction of the work she’s done. she feels cared for. she’s happy.

just before everything goes dark, somewhere, in the space she’s floating in between sleep and wakefulness, she hears bryce’s voice -- one last hesitant murmur of her name. it’s only on the very edge of her conscious, but she’s positive the words he says are, “i love you, casey.”

*

the apartment is predictably silent when she wakes up.

there’s nothing like the peacefulness that comes from waking up in an empty apartment. with so many roommates, it isn’t something that casey’s accustomed to, and she relishes it now, soaking up the stillness of bryce’s bedroom joyfully.

there’s birds chirping outside. she turns her face into the pillows and breathes in slowly, burrowing a little further into the sheets.

there’s nothing on the horizon, for today -- no work, no chores, no responsibilities. it’s the perfect way to start her day, if only her boyfriend was in bed beside her.

speaking of. casey reaches her hand out, fumbling blindly on the nightstand until it closes around her cellphone. she finally blinks her eyes open when she pulls the device under the sheets with her, balking at the time displayed on the home screen.

it’s past two-thirty in the afternoon.

she blinks, knuckling sleep out of her eyes. she really had been exhausted.

there’s a slew of text messages waiting for her, mostly from her roommates. the group chat is abuzz with wondering where she is and if she’s alive; casey holds off on answering them in favor of navigating to her thread with bryce, where he’s texted good morning beautiful and text me when you wake up. getting out of bed this morning was impossible with you in it

her teeth bite at her bottom lip to stifle the smile that’s threatening. eight months of being official with bryce and it still never gets old, to be on the receiving end of those cheesy, over-the-top compliments. no boyfriend of hers before him had ever sent a good morning text message.

hiiiiiiiiii she writes back, spreading out in his bed, just woke up. hope today’s going well for you. can’t wait to get you back in this bed with me

his reply is almost immediate. fuck you, it says, making her grin up at the ceiling, i’m about to go into surgery. you’re evil

casey settles for an onslaught of heart emojis, as she rolls out of said bed and heads for the kitchen. as expected, there’s no food in bryce’s fridge, but there is coffee, and she takes her time enjoying it and flipping through the channels on bryce’s tv -- they don’t have cable, at her place -- before finally making her way into the shower.

she’s in the middle of shampooing her hair when she remembers what happened last night. it comes back to her abruptly, the memory too vivid to be true. bryce’s lips, brushing against hers -- his hands pulling the comforter up to her shoulders -- and then...

i love you, casey.

she frowns, tipping her head back under the water to rinse her hair.

that has to have been a dream, right?

she’d remember it, if it were real. she’d’ve said something to him, last night, or... today. he’d’ve said something about it.

right?

casey marinates on it for the entirety of her shower, waffling back and forth. it both feels like a dream and not, making it difficult to ascertain what really happened. she was exhausted last night -- she barely remembers leaving the hospital, after all. but if bryce had really said... for the first time...

she’d have to remember that, wouldn’t she?

she thinks about it when she gets dressed and heads to the store to find something passable she can make for dinner (though it’s definitely going to be pasta, again). last night was a blur; her memory of everything that happened after bryce found her in the on-call room is in bits and pieces. there’s only the vague outline of their evening flashing in her mind: sleeping on him on the t, eating pizza shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch, stumbling into his bedroom and falling into bed...

and then the same bit she can’t stop thinking about, as clear as day -- his kiss, and the soft, hesitant sound of his voice when he’d said those three words and that reverent utterance of her name.

it plays in her head on a loop in the check-out line. it has to have been a dream, that’s the only explanation for it.

he wouldn’t -- they don’t -- because he’s not...

...except that he might be.

he might be, because she’s pretty sure that she is, and -- if he felt the same way, that would be... life-changing. exceptional. pretty much the greatest thing to ever happen to her, outside of her professional accomplishments.

because bryce is pretty much the greatest thing to ever happen to her. he is everything she’s ever wanted and didn’t know she was looking for -- completely different from her usual ‘type’ in the best way. bryce is smart and thoughtful and funny and witty and devastatingly sexy -- complex and considerate and an amazing listener and a world-class shoulder massager...

someone so easy to fall in love with she hadn’t even realized it was happening until it was too late.

so her stupid, useless brain had probably imagined that he’d said it first to give her something pleasant to dream about. casey glares bitterly at the tomatoes she’s blistering when the realization washes over her.

and that’s how bryce finds her: in the kitchen, stirring spaghetti in sweats she stole out of his closet, her long hair still drying where it’s damp on her shoulders. he’s loud when he crowds in behind her at the stove, talking a mile a minute about his day, how good it smells in the apartment and how much he missed her, all at once.

he buries his face in the crook of her neck and inhales, pressing his lips lightly against the side of her throat. “you sleep okay?”

casey relaxes despite herself and her annoyance, melting a little against his chest. she nods. “yeah. thanks for taking care of me last night.”

bryce’s hands are warm when they slip under the hem of her (his) hoodie. his hands fan out over her hips. “of course,” he murmurs, nuzzling his nose at the base of her neck, “anything for you, babe.”

maybe he had said it.

she thinks about it some more as she spoons pasta into two plates and they tumble back onto the couch together. the words bounce around in her brain while he slurps spaghetti beside her, interspersed with more compliments: how good dinner is, how thoughtful she is, how multi-talented she manages to be.

well, there’s only one way to find out.

casey lets him clear the plates away and load the dishwasher because she cooked, and it’s only fair, and waits until he’s back on the couch with her with that inviting space at his side wide open.

then, she slips into it, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning against him. bryce’s arm curls around her shoulders in turn, and his lips press a delicate kiss to the top of her head.

“i love you,” casey sighs. the words leave her lips so easily she’s hardly able to believe that there was once a point in time where she felt nervous to be the first to say so.

it’s true, after all. she’s not sure if she’s ever been in love, before -- she thought she had, but it wasn’t like this (nothing could ever be like this) -- but she’s positive about bryce. with her life constantly in flux, filled with so much chaos, being with bryce is the one thing she feels like she’s actually gotten right.

his hand stills from where he’d been rubbing her shoulder, hesitating for just a moment. then, he says, “i love you, too.”

casey turns her cheek to look up at him, her eyes wide. “really?”

the laugh he gives is low and fond, sending a thrill of happiness straight down her spine and to her toes. “how could i not?”

“so... you did say that last night. i thought it was a dream.” the swarm of butterflies in her stomach beat their wings harder at the very idea.

bryce makes a noncommittal hum into her hair. “i wasn’t sure if you heard me. i meant it, though. i love you, case.”

casey opens her mouth to crack a joke, but her throat feels suspiciously tight. how emotional she is catches her completely off guard, surprising her silent.

so -- she’s loved. by probably the most perfect man on the east coast, if not in the entire united states of america. or the world.

weird. part of her had thought something like this might never happen for her.

“i...” she trails off, shaking her head. it’s overwhelming, just how happy she is. her arms press bryce a little closer, pulling him to her a little tighter. “um, thank you.”

he laughs again, sounding taken aback. “for what?”

“for loving me,” casey answers, as though it should be obvious.

she can feel bryce’s shrug against her side; the movement jostles her against him, a little -- but then he squeezes her back, crushing her into the broad planes of his chest.

“it’s easy,” he promises, and though he’s the first person to ever say so, she believes him.

[fenharel-babe]

I saw an idea of Solas meeting a desire demon and it relating to Lavellan. Here’s the post from @bloedewir and I was like “oh...”. So I imagined it dnwbd. But then I was like “what if it was multiple demons? Not just desire demons.” And if this isn’t okay with you since I’m kinda taking inspiration from your art, tell me and I’ll take it down :). But anyways-

Like,,he’s in the fade, just walking around (what do you do in the fade???) and he finds himself back at Skyhold. He feels guilt as he looks at the walls of the castle. He lead them here, he watched them grow, he supported them (he truly wanted to help them), and he fell in love with Lavellan. She was his Vhenan. His most precious person. Yet he left her, he betrayed her. He still remembers the way her voice and heart was broken when he left her in Crestwood. And the memory floods him.

“Solas...Dont leave me. Not now. I love you,” she told him, with her hands tightening their hold on his. He looked down at their hands and he saw her own hands shaking. She was shaking. She was scared. His heart hurt from this. He did want to stop. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her he was sorry, but he couldn’t. He kept reminding himself that he can’t. His voice would yell at himself, “I CANT.”

“You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world,” he started. But she cut him off.

“Why not this one?” Her voice was shaking, her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. He shook his head, because he couldn’t speak. His throat started to hurt from the struggle to not cry as well. He pried his hands from hers, giving them one last squeeze, and walked away from her. No matter how far away he got, he swears he could still hear her sobs. Her sobs of pain.

“Solas,” he heard a voice call out. He opened his eyes (not realizing he closed them) and looked at his surroundings. He was still at Skyhold and suddenly in the main hall (is that what it’s called?? Where Varric is???) of the Inquisition and he saw Lavellan standing at the balcony above it. The windows behind her let in the sunlight and it surrounded her in a glow. As if she was an angel herself...

“Lavellan...”. His voice was nothing but a whisper, too afraid to become any louder. He saw her smile, and she ran down the steps and was a few feet in front of him. Her smile was as bright as ever. “Solas...I missed you!” She ran up to him and threw herself in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He didn’t waste the short amount of time he had with her, and he wrapped his arms around her as well. They hugged each other tight. However, after a few seconds, he realized she was...cold.

Colder than a human should be.

He pulled away and pushed her so she’d be in front of him again. He looked her up and down and it was Lavellan. But it wasn’t. He felt it. Her warmth wasn’t there anymore. It was cold and the emotion in her voice felt fake. He knew fake...since he was it for so long.

“Vhenan? What’s wrong?” Her voice was suddenly sad and worried. It sounded genuine for a second, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t her.

“You’re not her,” he told her, voice filled with anger. How dare a spirit or demon try to take the form of his beloved. The fake Lavellan looked confused for a second and scared, but she eventually dropped the act. Her face went to annoyed and she sighed as she rubbed her forehead with her fingers.

“You can’t accept anything, can you, Dread Wolf?” Her voice became demonic and echoed and felt like multiple people were talking. The voice was more sultry and darker than his Vhenan’s was. “You can’t just play along?” The demon looked angry and frustrated.

“How dare you-”

“HOW DARE ME?” The demon was angry and it screamed out into the fade. The Skyhold around him was fading away, the sky became darker and darker. It eventually shifted to Crestwood. The place he left Lavellan. The demon shifted back to the form of Lavellan.

“You create your own hell, Dread Wolf. You’re gonna save the elven people? Really? And you’re gonna kill your precious Vhenan with it?” The demon teased him and it sounded just like Lavellan. The demon put a sad expression on Lavellan’s face and his heart felt more pain.

“Solas. Not now. I love you!” The demons voice mocked. It was echoing all around him. He looked around and saw multiple Lavellans starting to appear.

“I love you, Solas! Why not this world? We can change this world for the better! Me and you!” She has her arms crossed and was crying.

“Dont do this!” This Lavellan was wearing armor, blood all over her, and was on her knees on the ground.

“You’ll regret this!” This Lavellan was standing, wearing the clothes she wore at Crestwood, and had rage in her voice.

“Please...Solas.” This Lavellan was wearing what she wore at Crestwood, and her voice sounded defeated. It was weak, and not like the booming and sweet voice he loved. The sobs echoed and the voices continued. He closed his eyes and held his head in his hands, covering his ears.

And it went silent.

He opened his eyes and lifted his head up to see one desire demon in front of him. It was Lavellan from the top to her waist, but the rest was the desire demons body. She walked closer to him and he went still. She leaned in and placed her hand on his chest, the coldness spreading in his body. She got close to his face and smiled.

“I can be your Vhenan.”

“NO.” He shouted.

After he shouted, he woke up in a sweat in his bed. His breath was coming fast, his head hurt from the sudden movement of him jumping up, and his heart hurt. He remembered it. Dreams he didn’t often remember, and sometimes the fade would leave his mind, but this wasn’t. He still hears her sobs and voices in his head. And the way the desire demon placed her hand and had his beloveds voice.

“You can’t be my Vhenan...”.

HMMMM,,,IM SAD GUYS. ITS ALMOST 1 AM AND IM SAD FBWBDBE. But yh take my sadness. And please give some love to the sort of art!! It’s so beautiful and gave me the idea for this kind of fic!! And there isn’t much proof reading bc its 1 am and I’m Tired™️ and have a class meeting in the morning :))).

And once again, if this isn’t okay with you, tell me and I’ll take it down.

EDIT: BY THE WAY YOUR ART IS REAL BEAUTIFUL!!🥺💙

[quecksilvereyes]

Putting the Gentle Queen Back Into Her Own Narrative: A Suggestion in Ten Parts

                                                                                 I. I survived.

I survived Narnia, I survived the war, I survived being twelve and twenty-seven all at once. I survived. I didn’t mount a train I knew was never going to take me back home.

I said good-bye to my siblings, who, by then, hated me.

Or maybe didn’t hate me, maybe they were just annoyed with me, maybe – maybe I’d just lied to them too much.

Maybe I just told them that our memories weren’t real one too many times. Maybe I looked at Lucy and couldn’t see anything but a lion in the way she looked at me, maybe I looked at Edmund and couldn’t distinguish his eyes from the eyes I remember.

Maybe I looked at Peter.

At his trembling hands. Maybe I couldn’t bring myself to hug any of them.

Maybe I couldn’t bring myself to say good-bye.

                                                                                  II. Maybe – maybe, sometimes, I didn’t recognise my parents the way I should have. Maybe sometimes, I woke up in this damp, cold, sunless world, and couldn’t remember who I was. Maybe sometimes: I looked at my baby sister, and I looked at my baby brother and I saw; nothing. Maybe sometimes they fled into a world I couldn’t follow them into, maybe sometimes I couldn’t remember it at all.

Maybe sometimes I did, truly, forget.

                                                                                  III. Maybe: I remembered. Maybe I remembered a lion and I remembered the sun and I remembered the winter and I remembered the Talking Beasts and I remembered Tumnus and I remembered everything. Maybe sometimes I thought they were only dreams. Maybe sometimes I thought they work the way memories do; where, if you just tell yourself something long enough, your brain will create a memory for you. Did you notice? Tell a story often enough and it will change, and your memory will change to accommodate it. Or maybe that’s just me.

Maybe I just talked myself into it long enough. Maybe, when I was twelve, or twenty-seven, or maybe really just twelve years old, I looked into the mirror, at my curled hair, at the gap between my teeth; I looked at myself, and I saw: nothing. I couldn’t see the woman I thought – I knew – I’d grown into. I couldn’t see the way my hair curls naturally, couldn’t watch the way my eyes would glow. Maybe I didn’t see myself or even a girl, maybe I just saw a child; starving.

                                                                                  III. a) Maybe sometimes I had phantom pains in limbs that I suddenly could feel again. Maybe sometimes I imagined I’d lost them – and, conversely, imagined I never did.

                                                                                   IV. I survived.

I am the only one of us still standing, I am the only one of us who sits on this bench, who watches as they are all lowered into the ground in their best Sunday dress. Maybe I’m the only one who can see that none of them would have wanted to be buried like this. Maybe I look at my baby sister, the way she’s crammed into a dress with that collar she’d pull from her throat, groaning. And I see a lion cub curled up in the coffin, pressed against the satin, against the blood-red of it all. Maybe I wish there was a cherry tree to bury her under.

Maybe I look at my baby brother and miss the way his eyes would look, his suit is crinkled, his legs – his arms – all gangly things he’d not yet grown into. Maybe I wish there was a forest to carry him into, dryads in whose care to let him be buried.

Maybe I look at my eldest brother. Maybe I look at this boy I’d known all my life, with his blond hair and his hands; still. Still and unmoving, not a wrinkle in his suit, not a smile on his face. Maybe I look at this boy and I see; a beard, and I see; a tremor and I see; a smile and I see; a crown.

Maybe I just wanted to see them. Maybe I just wish that I had had a say in any of this, maybe I just wish that I could have picked the coffins, that I could have picked the clothes, that I could have picked the burial.

But I am twenty-one, see (or, perhaps, thirty-six, heaving). I am grieving.

                                                                                  V. There wasn’t a day I didn’t cry. There wasn’t a moment I didn’t hear the phantom memories of my siblings tumbling across the floor.

So Aunt Alberta did everything.

She wouldn’t let my cousin be buried with all the rest of them, see, and I wondered if she looked at her sister and felt the way I did when I looked at mine.

But the burial was the first time I didn’t cry since the telegram told me of bodies dispersed along train tracks. I put on lipstick, and nylons, and dresses, and petticoats, and a girdle and I smiled.

                                                                                  VI. My life is built on the back of survival. I went overseas because I couldn’t stand the dampness anymore. Perhaps that makes me a coward. Perhaps it makes me not a friend, perhaps it makes me unworthy in the lion’s eyes, perhaps it makes me a traitor the way my nine year old baby brother was when a woman fed him sweets and enchantments.

Maybe I betrayed them all by living; by surviving. Maybe, when I die, I won’t see them again. Maybe when I die I will – and the lion will stand there, and it will tell me to turn around, will tell me that there is no place in this country for Queens who grew up, for Queens who adapted, for Queens who survived.

                                                                                  VII. Perhaps then, finally, I can look at the lion and tell it what I think of its inaction in the face of genocide, its inaction in the face of its people starving and dying away. Maybe then I can tell it that a nine year old boy who misses his parents like the food he’s starving for, who hasn’t had sweets in a year didn’t deserve to be called a traitor because he was upset and hurt and a Witch spelled him.

                                                                                  VIII. Perhaps I will not say anything at all. Perhaps I will look at this lion and I will not recognise it, the way I go to the zoo and every time I see a lion I feel the urge to bow.

Perhaps my siblings will still hate me, will still be annoyed, will still be upset. Perhaps I’ve lied to them one too many times.

                                                                                  IX. I exist in this world. I have a life and I refuse to end it after fifteen years in another world, after nine years in this one. I’ve not lived yet.

                                                                                  X. I will live.

I just wish I’d hugged my siblings good-bye.

for @lucypcvensie bc it’s your birthday!

[jupiterlandings]

Here’s a lil Nutcracker angst/comfort drabble I’ve had rotting in my notes for a week bc ‘tis the season & we post our cringe & die like men.   

Clara woke up to the loud crackling of a roaring fire & Anders, his face as blank as when she’d received him on Christmas Eve, staring into it. “I’d say ‘a penny for your thoughts but I’m willing to bet they’re worth the whole bank” she said. Anders didn’t look up as she sat beside him, he continued to stare straight ahead, his eyes shining with the reflection of the flames. “I...I’m wondering,” he sighed, “if I were to toss myself into that fire, would I feel it? Would it hurt as I crumbled & burned like that pile of branches? It would almost seem worth it, Clara, to feel anything at all even if it would be the end of me. Everything before this seems so fuzzy & far away that I’m starting to wonder if any of it’s true; if I was really ever human or merely a contraption dreamed up by the master I remember being in the workshop with. Perhaps I’m just another automaton like we saw in the city & these ‘memories’ of mine are simply the dreams of a tool longing to be the craftsman”. Clara was quiet, because with all the wonders she had seen since arriving in this strange new world she knew what he was saying could be possible; but would an invention go to such lengths to help her? Could someone who had strengthened her spirit so much truly be lacking one of their own? Without words she slipped her hand into his & felt all the pain he couldn’t welling up within her. Could Clara, with her own clouded past & more questions than clear memories really be the right person to help not only Anders but all the people of this world? “It’s so odd,” he said, his voice somewhere between a laugh & a sob with all the emotion of the tears his wooden body couldn’t cry written across his face, “to know this place & its ways & people but have hardly a clue when it comes to who I am, or was I suppose. To know I feel so much more than any machine we’ve encountered but to feel like I’m an ocean away from any of the people we’ve met...It’s almost like looking in a window at either side but not finding a a door anywhere to let me in. How strange & cruel it is to know that I’ve been sent here to help free these people but to feel so utterly apart from them all. So alone”. Clara clutched his hand tighter although she knew he couldn’t feel it, hoping some small amount of comfort could flow from her fingers through to him. “I’m sorry that I don’t have the answers you need right now,” she said as he drew his gaze from the fire to her face, “but as someone who knows an awful lot about living life looking through a window I can say that your longing to be on the other side assures me that you have a soul as bright as that fire blazing inside you. And whatever we may find to be true about you, you are the greatest friend I’ve ever known and I promise I’ll help you however I can”. Anders didn’t say anything but he held her hand a little tighter & Clara knew that as long as they were together they would make it through the mess they were in & find the keys to who they were.

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

OKAY SO MY PARANORMAN IDEA WAS THAT:

Like ok my idea is a little conflicted and it’s going to be in 2 parts because I have 2 other versions (or 1 since my 2nd version isn’t making sense and isn’t too thought out) to write and this one is already long. This version goes with the “oh MC went down Hades route and listened to Astraeus and she loves Alex yet she kills all the gods.” So going down that part of the idea is that:

She is in pain. She is scared. She doesn’t know what to do. That one raised hand meant everything to her. And Hades raised his hand,,,and was going to let her die. He was going to witness it. And she was scared. Petrified. And so she listens to Astraeus. It pains her to kill people she does care for, but she doesn’t know what else to do. And when she sees Alex not even wanting to help her (I can’t remember if they turned their back on her? I can’t remember my bad-), she loses it. She listens to Astraeus, takes the clothes he gives her, steals the artifacts, and kills the Gods. However, MC takes a death blow and she’s dying and only Alex is there to comfort her. They swore to always be there for her since they were kids, and they failed before, and they’re not going to fail again.

“MC, I’m so sorry,” they would whisper to her, voice shaking with emotion. They blame themselves but MC smiles at them and places a hand on their cheek. “It’s not your fault,” and then her face turns into an angry scowl, “it’s the GODS’ fault!” Alex winced at the anger in her voice. They’ve never heard it that loud and that roaring, but they still comfort her. They love her and they failed her, and in her last moments they hold her close to them, listening to her heart beat and her words as she speaks, and then she takes her last breath, and they wish they took their last breath with her.

And like,,lets just imagine the funeral happens, and Alex goes home and sleeps one night. I sincerely don’t know how to do the scene where Aggie and Norman meet in the spirit world (In a way???) for Alex and MC so,,they got there by sleeping lol. They’re at a beach and its sunset. They don’t know why they’re there, but they know it’s not a dream, so they look around. They see MC wearing the clothes she wore as she died, and she was standing in the ocean, the water only to her thighs. She’s staring at the sunset and it’s not even hurting her eyes. They walk over to her, not caring about getting wet, and they stand next to her. They look at her beautiful face and see tears streaking down her cheeks. They move their hand to wipe them away and she closes her eyes at the comfort. 

“This...this is where Hades proposed to me, you know?” Her voice is shaky and sounds a little distant but they push through and listen to her, like they should have done before. “It’s beautiful here.” They looked at the sunset and it truly was beautiful. If they were to propose to her, they would do it here as well. “We were so happy,” she said, voice getting quieter with every word. Alex knew she truly loved Hades and they knew Hades loved her, and so they can’t understand why he wouldn’t fight for her. Was it fear? Cowardly? Shame? They don’t know, but they can see why she’s in pain. They don’t know what to say to that, anger rising in their chest from all of this mess. They heard the water swish and looked back at MC to see her turning to face them. “Alex...I’m so sorry.” 

More tears slipped from her eyes and their eyes became blurry from their own tears. “I was so in love, but was I blinded? Was I an idiot to not see this coming? Why would he do this?” Her questions weren’t directed at Alex, she doesn’t even know who she wanted to ask. Alex would grab her hand and hate how cold it was. She looked down at their hands and saw how Alex’s grip was tight, but gentle. “Why?” Alex was confused for a moment. “Why what?” Her hand began to shake. “Why are you here? Comforting me. Why? I destroyed your family! I got rid of everything you care for.” She didn’t look back up at them, she was scared to look up at them. She loves them and they are family to her, and she has ruined that connection, there’s no doubt about it. However, Alex tilts her chin to make her look back at them. 

“Because I love you. You were blinded by anger and I see why. The God’s did a terrible action, not a mistake.  I disagree with your actions, yes, but I love you, MC.” Their words were rushed as well. MC finally looked back up at them and she was in shock. They love her? How did she not notice? She’s known Alex since they were both kids and knows Alex better than anyone else (other than their Mother and Nyela), so how did she not notice? “Alex...”. She didn’t know what else to say, so she only said the name of the last person she loves. “I’ve messed up. I’ve done something terrible. I’m gonna just end up in Tartarus and I see why,” she said with a small laugh at the end, even if they know it’s filled with sadness. “I went against everything I promised to never do. I always promised to forgive and help people, not do what they have done to me, but I’m just as bad as the Gods, Alex!” Her voice was now loud with despair. 

She believed she was now just like the Gods, even without becoming the Goddess that’s resting under her skin. Well, that was resting under her skin. Alex shook their head. “MC, you did something terrible, but listen to me. You were angry, you were in despair, you didn’t know what to do, and the Gods have done worse. They have killed innocent people in the stories I’ve read so many times that I’ve lost count, and you weren’t going to let it happen again. It’s okay, MC. I promise.” MC still felt horrible, but to see Alex just...here and comforting her brought her a bit of peace. “And I’m angry too. I love Hades and my mother, but they would’ve done something I would never forgive. They would’ve killed my best friend, someone I love more than a best friend, someone I’ve known all my life, and someone I broke a promise to,” their voice got quieter with every word, but they know MC hears it by the way a smile comes to her lips and more tears fall from her eyes.

“Alex, I know why you did what you did, and I still love you.” They know she didn’t mean it in the way they did, but she smiled brighter at them and placed her hand on their cheek. “I don’t know what I feel. I love Hades still, even after what he’s done, but my feelings...are changing? They’re weird, Alex,” she laughed at the end. “Feelings are extremely weird,” they said with a laugh as well. They needed to hear her laugh one more time, and they did. She then began to slowly fade away. She held out her pinky finger to Alex. “Will you pinky promise me that you’ll find me again? That we’ll find each other,” she said with a smile and a choked back sob. Memories rushed back to both of them as kids and Alex and MC promising each other to be always be there for the other. That they’d love each other forever and help each other, and it brought tears to Alex’s eyes once again. Alex linked their pinky with hers and they both smiled at each other. How could they not promise it to her?

She then faded away and Alex was left to look at the sunset for a few more seconds before they woke up. The ache in their heart is even worse now, but they know she’s coming back. They know it. And they won’t let her face a fate such as this. Whether she ends up with them or not, their love for her will last an eternity, and they will use their divinity to protect her, because they failed her this time...

SO LIKE,,,THIS WASN’T AS GOOD AS I WANTED IT TO BE FIJKDS. I love this idea but I’m just terrible at writing it lol. And this is only version 1. I didn’t put them all together because then it’d be super long, so I’m gonna post 1 more post with this idea. It may contain the other 2 versions I have but I’m not sure. But anyways I hope you like this and cried like I did,,,

There is proof reading but sorry if there is mistakes or typos :(.

EDIT: ALSO MEG!! I’m going to @ you in that fic of Hades killing MC to help relieve her of the pain of becoming Hera (the idea I sent in your ask box awhile ago) bc I’m still crying over that idea,,,and I need someone to read it and cry with me-

[camimcndcs]

i’ll look after you

TAGGING: KJ @itskjapa​, Cami.

LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.

TIMEFRAME: November 4th, 2020.

NOTES: KJ and Camila come together for the sake of their daughter after she comes down with a fever.

Cami: The past week had been a complete rollercoaster for both Camila and KJ. They hadn’t been communicating well and it had taken it’s toll. Overnight it seemed their relationship went from being about them to being solely about Talia. Speaking of their infant daughter, she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and when Camila had gotten her up this morning she was fussy and crying. KJ had been gone when Camila woke up, but he had an early call time which was expected. She was supposed to be on set later this afternoon, but Talia was really starting to worry her. Their daughter had hardly stopped crying in the last hour and Camila was reaching her limit. Reaching for her phone, the raven-haired girl called her mother in a panic when she noticed her daughter felt unreasonably warm. Gisel had tried her best to calm Camila down, trying to not make her freak out as she calmly explained that the baby probably had a fever brought on by a cold. The best thing to do would be to take the baby to the hospital and contact KJ on the way. Camila thanked her mother with a panicked smile as she rushed around the apartment grabbing anything she might need for Talia at the hospital. She called Lisa and asked for a ride to the hospital, explaining that she would inform KJ on the way and he could meet them there. The drive from the set was about 40 minutes so she made sure to call her fiancé as soon as she got into Lisa’s car. It felt like it had been ringing for forever when he finally picked up and before he could even get a word out she was rambling on. “Babe? Hi, um, Lisa and I are taking Talia to the hospital because she hasn’t stopped crying since she woke up an hour ago and she’s really warm, my mom said it’s probably a fever, please, just meet us at the hospital, okay?” she spit out in just a couple of minutes, hoping he was already on his way to finding a ride to the hospital. “Try not to worry too much, she’s going to be okay…” she whispered, holding back her own tears. Camila knew that not being able to be here with them now was probably killing him. “I’ll text you updates, we love you,” she whispered, the words already feeling somewhat foreign on her tongue which she hated.

KJ: Just as easily as autumn had settled over Vancouver, things behind closed doors had drastically changed. KJ had pondered on the situation enough to get headaches, but he was still as dumbfounded by the sudden turn of events regarding his relationship with Camila. It was as if one day she had decided to shut him out; their only common ground being their daughter. Although he was doing his best to keep a positive outlook, telling himself it was something most mothers went through the first weeks after birth, he was slowly losing such battle. Keeping up a good front was becoming harder, but there was nothing else he could do without fearing of worsening their fragile bond. Every day was a new prayer that she would find it in herself to grab the hand he desperately kept extending her way. His break between takes was spent as he usually did lately, looking at pictures of the two of them. Better times he kept longing for. It constantly brought this spurt of courage that died down as soon as he crossed the threshold of their apartment without any greetings from his fiancée -- unless she needed him to run to the store for diapers. The redhead was thrown off his walk down memory lane when her face appeared on the left corner of the screen, his thumb immediately brushing against the green button on the other side. "Hey--" he started, cut off by Camila who explained the emergency currently happening. Without missing a beat, he jumped from his chair, looking at Lili on his way out of the tent; who thankfully understood he needed to leave and went to warn the crew. "I'm not worried. You shouldn't be too, she's totally going to be okay." He breathed out heavily while racing to where his car was parked, door flung open before he quickly settled in. Phone still in hand as he reached out for the keys hidden in the sun visor. The next words she uttered made him pause and for a brief moment KJ thought he was probably dreaming them. Though his heart wouldn't be soaring for any other reason. "I love you too, Cami." he quietly replied, eyes brimming with tears as the emotions he couldn't contain washed over him. "I'll be there soon." All he left behind him was a cloud of dust as he sped away from the studio. Inclined to keep his word and be with them as quick as possible.

Cami: Hearing her fiancé on the other line brought a surge of hope to Camila's spirit. She knew that Talia would be fine, but bringing their tiny baby to the hospital was still scary. It was every mother's nightmare for their child to get sick. The raven-haired girl brought her free hand up to caress Talia's face as she continued to fuss in her car seat. "Drive safely," she whispered to KJ on the phone before hanging up, feeling some sort of relief when she saw the hospital come into view just a few minutes later. Lisa dropped the mother-daughter pair off at the front door to the emergency room, promising to be in as soon as she had parked. Camila took a deep breath before walking into the building, finding someone to speak with immediately to get Talia checked in. Lisa was entering the building when a nurse took Camila and Talia back for a physical exam to measure her weight, heart rate, temperature, and oxygen level.  The minutes seemed to pass like hours as the nurse tended to Talia before she informed them that they'd be put in a private room to wait for a physician. Camila sent a quick text to KJ to update him before taking Talia in her arms as Lisa grabbed the car seat to follow them into a more private area. She told the nurse that her fiancé would be joining them soon and the nurse promised to get him to their room as soon as possible. Again, the minutes seemed to pass slowly before the physician entered the room and Talia had gone back to inconsolable crying which was making it hard for Camila to stay calm. Taking a few deep breaths, she explained to the physician what was going on, and the doctor explained that they would have to do some tests on Talia to see what was really wrong. It could be something as simple as a cold or something more serious. Camila nodded her head in response, tears filling her eyes as she looked down at the little girl in her arms, hoping and praying she would be okay.

KJ: Drive Safely, Camila had uttered before ending their phone call, but KJ had been anything but safe while on the road. Wanting to be by her side and Talia's as soon as humanly possible. The traffic was busy as usual, but not enough to prevent him from reaching the hospital in record time. As if God had led the path himself and made sure there would be no obstacles on the way. As he rushed inside the building, he couldn't help but be reminded of the last time a similar scenario had happened -- except the circumstances had been more joyful. Yet still as nerve-racking considering they were both treading into new territory. This time, there was no one to greet him or lead the way, at least no one familiar, and although words rapidly fell from his lips in what he deemed as quite incoherent, a nurse seemed to understand him nonetheless. She was quick to reassure him as they walked down the hallway, believing their baby had surely caught a cold and would be alright. It's always frightening when it's your first, but you'll learn with time. He held onto those words and hoped she was right. "Thank you." he nodded at the older woman before stepping inside the room, his brown eyes settling on his fiancée as soon. Not wasting any time, he separated the distance between them and wrapped an arm around her frame while simultaneously caressing their daughter's face. Feeling for himself just how warm she appeared to be. "Hey, I'm here. Anything new? Did you talk to the doc?" he asked, pressing his lips against Talia's forehead. The fingers resting against Camila's hip digging slightly into the clothes she was wearing, resisting the urge to drive her closer next to him. They were both worried in that moment and she had whispered those three words he had failed to hear for a while; but he knew better than to assume anything. He would make himself available, but wouldn't force more than the current touch he was bestowing upon her as they both watched over Talia.

Cami: Despite the noise in the hospital, Camila could hear the sound of her fiancé's voice which caused her to look up, feeling a sense of relief wash over her as he quickly made his way over to her and Talia. "Hi," she whispered, the tears that had welled up in her eyes falling as he wrapped his arm around her waist and leaned down to press a kiss to Talia's forehead. "Yeah, um, they need to do a urine test and a blood test to see what's going on," she replied her voice shaky as she relayed the information she had from the doctor. Once it looked like the little family was settled, Lisa stood up and excused herself, letting the couple know she would be thinking of them and praying for a speedy recovery. Camila promised to update her as they got more news and then it was just the three of them, waiting for the doctor to come back to run the tests. Taking a deep breath, Camila handed Talia to KJ and then wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his bicep as she began to cry. She hadn't wanted to cry earlier because she had needed to pay attention to everything the doctor was saying, but now that it was just the three of them she felt like she could finally let go a little bit. Camila had been holding in a lot of tears and she knew things were off between them, but she also knew that they needed each other right now to be strong for their daughter. "I hate being here, I know it's probably just a cold, but I hate being here and I hate that they're going to run tests on her, she's so small," she whispered into his sweatshirt clad arm. At least Talia had finally seemed to calm down in her father's arms, Camila was thankful for that, but she was certain the tears would come again when they needed to get a blood and urine sample from their baby girl. "How was work? Were you busy?" she asked, hoping to distract herself from the reason they were in this hospital to begin with.

KJ: There was no denying the anxiousness she was exuding in that moment — the slight tremor in her voice as she explained what would unfold gripping his fragile heart and squeezing tight. No matter how frightened KJ was as well, despite the encouraging words the nurse had shared previously, he knew he needed to be the strong one. The shoulder she could lean on and be her vulnerable self around; like a rock that wouldn’t falter. “It’s gonna be fine.“ he reassured Camila as his gaze ventured to her face. The long strands of hair in the way not being able to fully hide the tears that were clearly rolling down her cheeks. The redhead had been too preoccupied to even acknowledge Lisa in the first place, though he gave her a small nod when she offered to keep Talia in her prayers. Thankful for the alone time they would get as a family during this situation. “Hi, baby.“ He was taken aback when Talia found place in his arms, but not as much as when Camila used the opportunity to fling herself at him. Her warm breath tingling all of his senses. How he had missed having her this close — the warmth radiating from her body enveloping him whole. “I know, Cami. Me too... I wish things could be different. But we gotta see the positive in this. Once those tests are done, at least we’ll be sure. And we won’t worry as much.“ he whispered in the crown of her head, pressing his lips against her hair while the hand that was resting on the small of her back kept her close to him. A handful of minutes passed before she tried to make small talk, something he wasn’t truly inclined to but humored her with anyway while they waited. “Just the usual, aye. I was finishing a scene when you called... nothing that I can’t reshoot later though.“ Standing in the middle of the room, he almost forgot for a second about the circumstances surrounding them; simply basking in the two most precious people in his life. “I’m sorry I wasn’t home with you. But I ain’t going anywhere now.“

Cami: The tears continued to flow from Camila’s eyes as KJ did his best to reassure her. “But what if it’s not just a cold? What if she’s really sick?” she whimpered a bit, closing her eyes and trying her best to take deep breaths. She knew that she shouldn’t be thinking like that, but being here was making her anxious and Talia had never been so cranky and upset before. Camila knew that it was the only way their daughter could show that she was in pain or didn’t feel well, but it was still scary. “You’re right, you’re right,” she finally breathed out, smiling softly as his lips pressed against her hair at the crown of her head. “Your daddy’s got you, T, you’re in good hands,” she whispered to the baby, reaching out one hand to caress the little girls cheek. “Well, that’s good. Anything exciting?” she asked with a smile, trying her best to distract herself. “That’s okay, babe, you were working to provide for your family, I can’t be mad at that, you’re here now, that’s what matters,” she whispered, reaching up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. It was at that moment that the doctor stepped back in to administer some tests. She asked that one of them hold Talia during the process, because it would provide some sort of comfort to her. Once they’d done the tests, they would get her into a crib and hook her up to some medicine to at least calm her fever down. The doctor informed them that if things started to look better in the next few hours they’d let them go home with some more medicine they could administer on their own since the tests wouldn’t come back for a day or two. Camila pulled away from KJ and offered him the chair in the room, wanting him to be the one to keep Talia safe through this because she didn’t know if she was currently strong enough to. Moving behind the chair, the raven-haired girl placed her hands on her fiancé’s shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze, watching as he listened to the doctors instructions for how to hold Talia during the different tests.

KJ: All KJ could do was hold Camila tighter against him, providing the comfort she was seeking while trying his best to prevent himself from following right along the negative thoughts she had voiced aloud. They were in the back of his mind, whispering softly but he refused to give in; instead keeping his brown eyes on their daughter as they both surrounded her with what he hoped was a sense of safety. Your daddy's got you. He wanted to tell his fiancée he was there for her just as much but swallowed the lump in his throat, afraid that if he pushed his luck in this moment, the spell would break. And then she would take her distance once more, leaving him feeling like an empty shell. Yet she surprised him on her own by being so kind and understanding regarding his absence -- something she had blamed him for days ago -- and as her lips came in contact with his cheek; a shaky breath flew past his own. The gesture so familiar and foreign all at once. One that didn't last as long as he would have liked it to and clearing his throat, he tried to get himself back on track. Finally answering the casual question she had thrown his way. "Nothing very exciting, nah. Just the same old drama in Riverdale, aye." A quiet chuckle followed suit before they were interrupted by the doctor, who immediately got his undivided attention. The redhead lost count of the number of times he nodded along as she spoke and settled down on the chair Camila dragged toward him -- indicating he would be the one to hold Talia during the different tests she would endure. "Is this okay?" he asked while holding the fussy baby against his chest, making sure one of his limbs wasn't in the way. The weight of his fiancée's hands as she placed them on his shoulders keeping him focused. Heavy and soothing; clearly still looking for the strength he had been supplying from the beginning while also sharing some of her own. They always worked best as a team.

Cami: Keeping her hands steady against her fiancé’s shoulders, Camila listened as the doctor explained that they would draw some blood from the babies heel and then put an absorbent pad into her diaper and wait a few minutes for her to pee. She spoke up to let the doctor know Talia hadn’t really eaten much this morning, so a feeding would most likely have to happen before they got her urine sample. Watching as KJ held their daughter against his chest, the doctor wiped Talia’s foot to clean it and then pricked her heel with a needle which caused her to scream out. Camila couldn’t bare to see her little girls face become red with tears, so she gave the redheads shoulders a squeeze and closed her eyes, willing the tears to not come. The doctor placed a bandaid on her heel and KJ turned the little girl in his arms to try and comfort her. At that point, Camila had sat herself next to them in a chair, ready to feed their daughter. The doctor instructed her fiancé on applying the absorbent pad to their daughters diaper which he did carefully as Talia squirmed on the table. When everything was secure, he handed their daughter over to Camila who undid her shirt, silently praying Talia would latch on and actually eat something or else they’d be hooking her up to more than just an IV for medicine. The thought of her baby laying in a hospital crib, hooked up to machines did not sit well with her, so she needed Talia to eat this way. As she felt their little girl latch on to her breast, Camila almost let out a cry, tearing up slightly at this tiny victory. “She’s doing it, babe,” she whispered, looking over at KJ and reaching out to squeeze his hand. There was finally a comfortable moment of silence between them as the only sound came from their daughter suckling from her mother’s breast. Hopefully she’d have a full diaper in just a few minutes and then they could get her hooked up to some medicine to slow her fever down.

KJ: Everything that was coming out of the doctor's mouth seemed way too complicated to understand the more she explained herself. At least on KJ's side, despite how much he relentlessly nodded along whenever her gaze would find him. Which is why he was quite relieved to see Camila interacting so easily with her, appearing to be very in tune with the process Talia would be put through -- although the grip on his shoulders was a reminder that she was trying her hardest to keep her composure. For once in what had seemed like an eternity, they were finally on the same page about something. His heart broke for the second time that day as his little angel cried harder than she had before, but all he could do was press her harder against his chest. Praying that the gesture alone would appease her in some way. The redhead had always been good at doing what he was told to and followed the instructions properly when he was asked to apply the pad; the confident motions a stark contrast to the expression crossing his features. There was only so many emotions he could prevent from taking over after all. "Roger, roger... we're landing on Cami's island. Happy boob, Miss T." he whispered under his breath as a small smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. The sound of his voice loud enough for their daughter to hear. He never ceased to come up with some idiotic sentences that he was certain would make her laugh one of these days. Watching intently when his fiancée offered the boob in question so she could latch onto it, a bright grin broke on his face as she did so -- the look on Camila's making it hard to do anything but smile. A beautiful sight that had been rare to witness lately. After a handful of minutes and two hands that had been unable to let go of one another, KJ was given the task to burp Talia. Which he did as soon, pacing the room slowly while his hand came in contact repeatedly with her small back. "You just watch, she'll have that pad filled out like a pro.”

Cami: The laugh that fell from Camila’s lips at KJ’s whispering as he placed their daughter into her arms was the first time she had laughed in a couple of days. “Yes, happy boob indeed,” she giggled, keeping his hand held tight in hers. When Talia finished eating, Camila handed her back to KJ to burp her. Watching as he slowly paced the room, gently patting her back to get her to burp. His confidence in their daughter and his more positive outlook on the current situation was good for Camila. Once Talia had let out a burp, she watched as her fiancé laid the little girl down to change her. The doctor had returned in that moment from dropping off her blood sample and was ready to take a sample of her urine if their little girl had actually gone the bathroom. Camila stood, standing by KJ’s side, caressing Talia’s cheek as the redhead checked she diaper. To their relief, it was full and Camila let out a little cheer, leaning in to press a kiss to Talia’s forehead. She still felt so warm which worried Camila, but she knew they were now on track to getting her better. Their doctor took the sample and then explained that a nurse would be in soon to hook their daughter up to an IV to slow down her fever with some medicine. Scooping Talia back up into her arms, the raven-haired girl stood waiting for KJ to wrap his arms around her from behind and keep them both safe in his strong arms. “Will you hold us?” she asked in a whisper, knowing he had been staying back to give her space if she needed or wanted it. But space was the last thing she wanted right now. As his strong arms latched around her waist, Camila leaned into him, pressing her back against his chest. Looking down at Talia as their baby girl let out a yawn. “You can take a nap once they get some medicine into you, baby,” she whispered, feeling instantly calmer in KJ’s arms.

KJ: Just as he had predicted, Talia had filled out her pad as nicely as possible under such circumstances, and a part of him couldn't believe they were so happy to retrieve what ultimately could be deemed as a dirty diaper. Though it would determine whatever illness she was currently taken over with and that was quite enough for him to get on board with the idea -- a slight fist pump accompanying Camila's cheer. The obvious stress that had washed over them would only find rest once they would be able to go home, but being reassured regarding the current fever would lift a weight from their tired shoulders. As they were once again left on their own, KJ nervously licked his lips, his brown eyes drifting from the two most important people in his life and settling on the floor. Now that Talia was back in his fiancée's arms, he wasn't certain on what he was supposed to do. She had been very hands on from the start, but he didn't want to assume she was still looking to have him close. The question she suddenly uttered in a quiet and vulnerable voice caught him off guard, but he was quick to react -- moving forward and slowly wrapping his arms around them. The redhead allowed himself a brief moment to breathe her in, so tempted to kiss the patch of skin that was so near and seemed to call out his name. But a light kick from his daughter brought him back from the spell he had been put under. "She's gonna be okay. There's nothing that can get to her-- not while we're together." he whispered, so certain of such statement. The medicine would do the trick and they would watch over her like hawks nonetheless; barely get any sleep as they'd act like the protective parents they were. "T is strong like her mum. Ain't you, baby girl? All you need is a little cocktail and you'll be crying for food and that cute pacifier you love so much. It'll be like nothing's happened." He could only hope that would be the case for the tension between them.

Cami: With KJ's arms wrapped tightly around Camila's waist, she felt completely calm. Closing her eyes as she felt him breathe in her scent, the moment was interrupted of course by Talia, kicking at her father's arm, but they really couldn't be upset with her when she was sick. As he whispered encouragement to them, Camila nodded her head in agreement. Knowing they worked better as a team, but still unable to fully grasp why her hormones had taken such a toll on her mood. She couldn't help but giggle at his next comment, brushing her fingers against their daughters cheek and leaning down to kiss her forehead which was still warm to the touch. The doctor reentered the room again at that moment with a nurse right behind her, wheeling in a crib and prepping the IV for Talia's medicine. Stepping out of her fiancé's arms, Camila stripped their daughter of her clothes and gave her another kiss, offering her up to KJ so he could give her a kiss as well. Holding her close as they got the IV into her almost broke Camila as their daughters cries filled the room again. "It's okay, T, this is going to help you feel better, I promise, baby, please don't cry," she whispered, trying to soothe the little girl as best she could. Once her IV was in, Camila gently placed her into the crib and turned towards KJ, falling into his arms as sobs wracked her body. Deep down she knew that this was good for their daughter and she was going to be okay, but the sound of her crying just broke her heart into a million pieces. It was also scary to see their daughter hooked up to an IV with other wires surrounding her. Burying her face deeper into his chest, Camila tried to catch her breath as he held her. She was so thankful to have him by her side through all of this even though tensions had been high between them. He could've just been here for Talia, but instead he was here for both of them and it was just what she needed.

KJ: After agonizing hours waiting for things to get better, they had finally be allowed to leave the hospital with a sleepy Talia by their side. The results of the tests they had put her through wouldn't be available until the following day, but the doctor had felt quite confident in her diagnosis when the fever had dropped down -- giving them a handful of instructions regarding the medicine they were provided with. The ride home had been rather silent, though the tension was still nowhere to be found. Their interactions were slightly awkward at times, mostly on his side as he wasn't entirely sure how to react. KJ never failed to follow suit in the end and take whatever she was willing to offer him, especially under such stressful circumstances. Camila had found place with their daughter in the backseat, wanting to stay as close as humanly possible. Something he couldn't blame her for, quite the opposite. Glancing back yet again in the rearview mirror as he came to a stop at a red light, he was surprised to catch her looking at him instead of the baby who had been under her very watchful eye as soon as they had gotten in the car. The redhead mustered a small smile, one that was returned immediately and animated the butterflies in the pit of his stomach. Despite the anxious and tired look crossing her features, she was still just as beautiful and he wished he felt confident enough to utter such words in that moment -- ultimately, he wasn't. "Should we lay down in bed with her when we get home? Or do you prefer something else?" he questioned with a tilt of his head, brown eyes venturing back onto the road as he moved forward in the direction of their building. Although he couldn't find it in himself to compliment her, he was brave enough to include himself in the scenario that would unfold at home. She had been in his arms too much that day for him to think she would want the rest of their time to be different.

Cami: Sitting in the backseat with their daughter, Camila kept her eyes on the little girl in her car seat, glancing at her fiancé from time to time. When he caught her eye at a red light she couldn't help but return his smile, thankful to have him as her rock throughout all of this. "You look so handsome today," she whispered, blushing slightly as he looked at her. Glancing down again at their daughter she nodded her head in response to his question. "We should definitely lay in bed with her until she falls asleep and then see if she'll sleep in her own bed. You're not going back to work?" she asked, hoping he was going to stay with them, but understanding if he had to get back to work. Even though it frustrated her sometimes, she knew that it wasn't up to him when he worked. She was lucky to only have to work a few days a week, but he didn't have that luxury. Once they arrived back at their building, Camila got out of the car and let KJ carry Talia in her carrier up to their apartment. She was thankful to be home, with her family and out of that stuffy hospital room with their baby hooked up to different machines with wires. The raven-haired girl was quiet as they rode the elevator up to their floor, standing close to her fiancé and little girl as she waited for the elevator to stop. Once it did, she stepped out, grabbing her keys from her purse to let them into their home. "It's good to be home," she breathed out, setting her purse down and walking towards their room. Camila immediately changed into one of KJ's shirts and a pair of leggings, crawling into their bed waiting for her fiancé to join her as he changed Talia's diaper and stripped her of her onesie to keep her cooled down.

KJ: Just as if they were still on the same wavelength despite the rift between them, the compliment she uttered caught him off guard -- his gaze lingering in the rearview mirror until the car behind them loudly made its presence known as the next red light they had encountered turned green. "Shit." he cursed under his breath, pressing his foot on the pedal and turning right when they reached the underground parking of Shangri-La. Making a fool of himself wouldn't probably work in his favor, although Camila had always seemed to find it endearing. Alas, things hadn't been quite the same these days. "Yeah nah, I sent a text to Roberto. He understood I was needed at home. I can't really leave you both alone..." he trailed off as they came to a halt in the reserved space, eyes widening slightly before he quickly spoke again. Afraid she would take his words the wrong way. "I mean, I wanna be with you. It's been pretty tough seeing T this way." Before he could say something that would officially dig his grave, he led the way to their apartment; their daughter seemingly in better shape than previously as she quietly kept her brown eyes on the both of them. Instructions had been given on their way up and it was dutifully that the redhead changed Talia's diaper, leaving her practically bare. Once in the bedroom, he smiled at the sight of his fiancée wearing one of his shirts and kicked off his shoes -- gently laying down their baby in the middle of the bed and finding place beside them. "You look beautiful." he breathed out, his gaze trailing over the sheet before confidently finding Camila's. "I wanted to say so earlier, but..." A light scoff tumbled from his mouth and the little girl became the center of attention once more in an attempt to save himself from embarrassment. Small steps would perhaps allow them to find their way back to better times. They could meet each other halfway with simple gestures. "Someone's gonna have the best nap ever, aye. Can't get any better."

Cami: As the car remained stopped even as the light turned green, Camila couldn't help but laugh as the car behind them loudly made their presence known and KJ muttered under his breath. Thankfully, the honking didn't disturb Talia, who was too busy rubbing her gums against her mother's finger. If they had disturbed their daughter, Camila was certain her mood would've turned sour rather quickly. As her fiancé fumbled over his words, the raven-haired girl rested her free hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. "I get it, babe, it has been awful seeing our little girl this way, I'm glad you're staying," she whispered. Following KJ up into their building and then their apartment, she could hear him babbling to their baby girl as she changed her which brought a smile to her face as Camila waited for them to join her. Once Talia was laid in the middle of their bed, Camila threw her arm over their daughter's waist to keep her secure. She gently caressed the smooth skin of the little girl's stomach, as KJ joined them in the bed. A slight blush crept up on her cheeks as he complimented her, watching as he again fumbled over his words before focusing his attention on the little girl who had stolen both of their hearts. "Thank you, babe," she whispered in response, making sure to acknowledge his compliment. At his next comment, she watched as a yawn fell from their daughter's lips. She was thankful Talia had been able to calm down and was now feeling ready for a nap. It was a nice change of pace from the crazy morning. "I'll let her fall asleep here and then we can move her to her own bed, mommy and daddy deserve their own cuddle time," she whispered sweetly, reaching over to run her hands through the redhead's hair. Things had been tense between them, but right now, all she wanted was to be completely wrapped up in his strong arms. The events of the morning had really worn her out.

KJ: Like for most of the day ever since she had called him regarding Talia's feverish state, Camila's words rendered him speechless -- the surprise crossing his features undeniable as she mentioned cuddling with him once their little girl would be asleep. KJ couldn't quite recall the last time they had done this purposefully. He had woken up wrapped around her many mornings, but usually because they were both inclined to roll over during the night; thus finding themselves in close proximity. Her mood swings, that were more intense than the ones she had graced him with during her actual pregnancy, were in the way each evening when he came home. He never truly knew what to say or do in order to make it better, preferring to give her the space she needed and allowing her to come to him on her own terms. It was all so frustrating, but today was the first time there was a glimmer of hope for them to get back on the right track -- for their fun and loving side to take over again. "Yeah, we do." he breathed out as the look in his eyes softened, his own hand gliding between them and resting on the small of her back; drawing her closer against their daughter. Closer toward him. The ticking sound coming from his watch almost drove him crazy as the minutes passed them by, the anticipation of the moment bubbling inside his being. There was nothing that mattered more than Talia being safe and sound, but the thought of being close to his fiancée was at the forefront and had been ever since she had mentioned as such. When it became clear their baby was fast asleep, the redhead tried not to appear too eager while he moved her to her own bed -- carefully laying her down on the mattress and backing away just as quietly. Yet he couldn't conceal the excitement he was submerged with as he plopped down on the space he had previously occupied and waited for Camila to separate the distance. One arm folded behind his head and the other spread out; inviting her in his embrace.

Cami: Watching the look in KJ's eyes soften warmed the raven-haired girls heart. As his hand came between them before resting on the small of her back, drawing her closer to him she couldn't help but smile. It had been awhile since they'd been like this. Once Talia had finally settled down and was now fast asleep between them, Camila watched as her fiancé carefully moved her to her crib, being extra gentle after the long day their sweet baby had to endure. Once he came back to the bed, she immediately snuggled as close to him as possible. Camila pressed a kiss to his shirt-covered chest before nuzzling her head into it for maximum comfort against him and in his arms. The air in Vancouver was only getting colder and she was thankful for his body heat that always kept her warm. "I'm glad you're home with us," she whispered, truly meaning the sentiment she expressed. Sleep was soon to take over her body, the day had been exhausting and she was ready for a nap, but she was also just enjoying the feeling of being in KJ's embrace. Talia stirred and Camila turned her head for a second, hoping she wouldn't cry or need anything. Thankfully, she remained quiet after that and then the couple was free to allow sleep to take over their bodies. Camila hadn't felt this at peace in weeks which she knew was noticeable to those around her, but there was nothing she was truly doing about it. Being here right now with her fiancé was all that she cared about, the morning had been quite a scare, but now that Talia was alright, she felt so much better. A quiet late afternoon nap was hopefully going to be the rejuvenation they all needed. She could feel her eyelids closing as she lay with her head against KJ's chest and she fell asleep quickly to the rhythm of his heart beating in his chest.