#i wished they showed her struggling but am ok with what we had!!

[peachdalooza]

some grief Paulings

[bleedingoptimism]

Calling Eddie on the phone that first time, when he’d panicked about Tarja’s cold, was like opening a dam. They start talking on the phone all the time. At first, it’s always about Tarja, photos of her drawings, a story about school, questions of whether she forgot her plushie in Steve’s car again or not.

But then it’s just them chatting, asking about their day, showing each other what they are working on, or sharing a meme. Soon, they start wishing each other goodnight and Steve knows he’s stepping into deep water with both feet at the same time but he can’t stop.

He likes Eddie, a lot. He’s in too deep already. He was already halfway in love with him when he realized he liked him as much more than a friend… That he liked him much more than he liked his own boyfriend. That he doesn't even like his boyfriend…

But if Steve was dreading breaking up with Tommy not to lose Tarja… now that he has double the people to lose… There’s no way.  Thinking about not seeing them again makes him feel like he’ll never be able to take a full breath of fresh air again. 

They are hanging out at the park the day Steve completely loses control of the situation. He’d promised Tarja he’d take her there last week and Tarja had begged Eddie to join them so now, they are sitting side by side on a bench watching Tarja build sand castles with another kid in the playground.

The comfortable silence gets interrupted by Steve’s phone going off and, checking his messages, he sighs, already bothered by seeing it’s from Tommy.

‘get your big pretty ass home soon. i have guests tonight’

‘Big? Shit. Is my ass too big?’ He thinks as he frowns at his phone.

“Everything ok?” Eddie asks, looking at him curious.  

“We need to get back, it’s Tommy” is all Steve says, shaking his phone in explanation. He can’t help but pull a face of exasperation trying to make light of the situation but Eddie frowns.

“Steve, about Tommy… If he’s not good to yo-” 

“You sound like Robin” Steve interrupts, he’s talked to Eddie about his best friend before, but he never mentioned Robin is always telling him to break up with Tommy. 

“Well, then I’m not that far off am I?” Eddie presses kindly, ducking his head to try and catch Steve’s eyes.

But Steve keeps them fixed on his shoes. There’s a stain on the tip of his left one. 

Eddie takes his silence as agreement and keeps going, “Why haven’t you broken up with him, then?”

Why does Eddie want him to break up with Tommy? Is he trying to get rid of him? Does he not like him around? No, it’s not that. Eddie is his friend, he’s kind and lovely and has never once been mean or rude to him and Steve needs to stop projecting.

But, he can’t answer that or tell Eddie the truth, he thinks. And then, his eyes betray him, drifting from the floor to Tarja, who is now…being buried in the sand with the help of the other kid. Her little feet kick up as she giggles delighted. He smiles to himself a little. That kid, she’s a menace.

Eddie gasps and Steve realizes his mistake. He looks at him and Eddie is looking back, eyes huge,

“Steve… don’t tell me, it’s-”

Steve shakes his head no frantically, “No, it's not- there’s a lot of reasons! It’s not- Ugh fine, it’s not only because of her but, she’s one of the reasons…” he struggles to say.

And then he shrugs, like ‘What can you do? Hehe’ Because he’s an idiot.

Eddie stares at him for a long time, unblinking and with his mouth half open, “You’d do that for her?” he whispers and it sounds so… raw.

Steve just looks at him, not knowing what to say and trying really hard not to get distracted by Eddie’s beautiful lips.

He suddenly turns to face him properly and takes Steve’s hand with both of his, “Fuck, Steve…” he says and then closes his mouth shut and opens it again. Steve leans a little closer eager to hear whatever Eddie wants to say but then his phone rings and he jumps off his seat, startled.

Looking at the caller ID, he curses, “It’s Tommy”

He picks up the call and starts walking in a big circle, he can never sit still while on the phone,

“Hey,”

“Hey dummy, you didn’t answer. Is everything ok?” Tommy asks like he’s actually worried and not just impatient.

‘Dummy’... it’s supposed to be affectionate but every time Tommy calls him that it feels like he’s sticking a needle in his heart.

“Yeah, we are at the park, we’ll be right there. I’m-” But Tommy hangs up before he can finish the sentence. 

“Asshole,” Steve murmurs to himself and looks back to see Eddie has already collected Tarja and is waiting for him.

Seeing both of them holding hands and smiling up at him makes Steve want to cry and scream at how much he needs them. He’s so fucked.

🧸

A week later, he’s at a dinner with Tommy and Tommy’s coworkers. 

Because Tommy doesn’t have friends, he has coworkers. Because friends are for children.

Or so Tommy says… Fuck Tommy.

He’s bored out of his mind and pushing his food around on his plate. Lost his appetite after Tommy looked at him funny for ordering fries instead of a salad. 

He can’t stop thinking about Eddie, about him asking why he hadn’t broken up with Tommy yet, and about whatever it was that Eddie didn’t say that day.

And then, as if it were fate or something, he gets a message from Eddie, he looks at it under the table when he sees it’s a photo. Not that Eddie would send him a nude or something he just doesn’t want anyone else to see.

However, he might’ve been wrong about the nude because Eddie is shirtless in the photo he sent, Steve notices with burning cheeks.

But the photo is not sensual at all. Instead, it’s the cutest, loveliest thing he’s ever seen in his life. It’s Eddie and Tarja standing in front of the big mirror in Eddie’s hallway with big smiles, identical dimples on their right cheeks. Both their curly hairs are bundled up on top of their heads and they are covered in paint. 

All of Eddie’s tattoos are colored in bright colors, his demon skull, the sword, the dragon, the goat, the vines that adorn his top scars, everything. The colors don’t respect the lines and the paint is dripping a little, clearly Tarja’s work. Meanwhile, she has cute skulls, bats, and roses drawn on her arms, and her freckles are now every color of the rainbow. They are fucking beautiful.

The text below says ‘she forgot toothless at tommy’s. im trying to distract her’

Steve bites his lip to hide a big smile and sends at least a hundred heart eyes emojis and then answers he’ll bring it back later.

“Are we boring you, Steve?” One of Tommy’s coworkers asks. He can hear the venom in her voice.

‘Yes’

“No, not at all. Just answering a text,” he says with a closed-lip smile.

“Oh! Let me guess, from your ‘job’” she laughs, doing air quotes with her claws, and then whines, putting on a voice, “Help me, Steve! I can’t decide what to wear to a party” 

They all laugh, Tommy included and Steve just glares at her unsure if he should rise to the bait or not. 

“Aww, don’t be mad Stevie,” she coos at him, “I’m just messing with ya!” she smirks and then looks at her nails as if she were a disney villain or something, “I wished I’d gone to college for something as simple as fashion. You are very lucky to be so successful,” And they laugh again. Only one of them has the decency of looking uncertain about it and Steve is seething.

Lucky?! He’s worked his ass off to get to- whatever- he takes a deep breath and smiles at her.

God, fuck his people. They are so… miserable.

Making other people feel bad about themselves just because there’s no joy in their own lives. He feels sorry for them.

But Tommy laughing alongside them makes him feel sick to his stomach.

After, when they are going back to his place, Tommy takes one hand off the wheel and puts it on Steve’s thigh slowly going up. Steve briefly considers opening the door and jumping out of the car in motion but ends up just slapping Tommy’s hand off of him aggressively.

Tommy scoffs but he doesn’t say anything and keeps his hands to himself the rest of the way. And when they get home, he confronts Steve, “What’s got your panties in a bunch now, uh? Steve, we haven’t fucked in weeks!”

Steve swirls around and laughs, “Are you shitting me right now?! You want me to let you touch me!? After how you just laughed at the way Carol talked to me?” he says.

“Uhg, not this again! Did you get your feelings hurt again, princess?” Tommy mocks him and Steve rolls his eyes so hard he wishes he could do a backflip to accompany them. Hell, he probably could.

He doesn’t even bother answering Tommy, too sick of his shit, and just walks past him on his way to the door.

“Oh c’mon, Stevie! We were just kidding!” Tommy says, changing his tune completely and trying to sound nice. Then doing another 180 when Steve just keeps getting ready to leave, “Why are you so fucking sensitive. Are you seriously leaving right now?!”

Steve doesn't stop, doesn’t even look at him and Tommy follows him to the door, “Good! Fine! Leave! Run back to your Robin. You’ll be back!” he tells him, and Steve hates that he’s said it before and had been right. But when he’s closing the door as Steve is walking towards his car Tommy yells one more thing that completely breaks him, “You are too much work, Steve! You are not worth this much trouble!”

Steve slams the door of his car and drives away but ends up pulling over a few blocks later because he can’t see through the tears.

He whales and heaves, shaking while he rubs his eyes over and over again. All he can hear in his head is ‘you are not worth it. you are not worth it. you are not worth it. you are not worth it.’

Fuck Tommy.

He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself and rests his head against the headrest, rolling it from right to left and massaging his scalp but when he looks to the left, something in his passenger seat makes him gasp. As if it were fate or something… Toothless, Tarja’s plushie is sitting right beside him.

☝️first part

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[sparklypinkflightsuit]

Lost to the Skies: Part 3

A Bob Floyd x Reader mini series

Warnings: Lots of Fluff and Angst, Sexual Themes, Sadness and Loss, Tragedy, Alcohol, Swearing

Masterlist

———————————

18+ Only

———————————

Part 3: A Tragedy

———————————

You and Bob wrote to one another as often as possible, and he called when he was able to.




You spoke to Nat often, but hadn’t heard a word from Rooster since the day he stormed off your porch.




It had been 4 months, and it was only 2 more months if they didn’t get extended before they got home, and you were absolutely itching for the day you could kiss Bob again.




You missed everyone, you longed for a proper hang out with Nat, and to try and repair things with Rooster. You just wanted things to go back to normal, at least as much normal as they could be.




You relationship had only gone from strength to strength over the last few months. You and Bob had somehow really gotten to know one another through your letters, and they really were love letters, each of them folded neatly in your bedside drawer.




“My dearest, beautiful Y/N,




We’ve been apart for 3 months but it feels like an eternity. Every day the thought of coming home to you gets me through the hardships we face and the war zones we encounter. I wish I could tell you more about my day to day, but just know that the idea of you fills me with the strength to see it through.




In the mornings the first thing I think about is you and how I long to hold you again. At night I fall asleep thinking and dreaming about you and your body against mine. I have never felt such love before, and it physically pains me when I realise we’re only halfway through deployment and that I have to wait another lifetime to see you.




In other news, Rooster still hasn’t spoken a word to me, and most days he sits alone. I promise I am doing everything I can to repair this, but I don’t regret a thing. I would do it all over again a thousand times just to be able to hold you again.




I am utterly, unequivocally, painfully in love with you, princess. I cannot wait to show you just how much when I’m home.







Love,

Your Bobby.”







You were excitedly getting ready for your scheduled face time with Bob that afternoon, making sure you looked perfect to remind him what waited for him when he returned, eagerly trying to pass the time.




You watched the clock and finally as it struck 4pm, you sat on your couch and waited, battery fully charged.




5 minutes passed but you chalked it up to scheduling issues, and waited eagerly, impatiently scrolling through tv channels on mute.




4:30pm came and went, and still no phone call. You started to worry, but figured again there may be scheduling issues, and that he would call when he could, so you busied yourself around the house with your phones volume on loud.




By 7pm you really became worried. Bob would never forget, he made every call exactly as scheduled without fail, ever the punctual gentleman.




Frustratingly, you had no way to check, so you eventually went to bed around 10pm and hoped he’d call you the next day.




The next day, you checked your phone as soon as you woke up. Nothing.




The rest of the day passed much the same, and every time your phone went off, your heart jumped excitedly, only to deflate when you realised it wasn’t him.




A week went by without word, and you struggled to focus on work, so much so your boss sent you home for the day. You decided to visit the military base’s visitors centre in the hopes they could find out what was happening.




You pulled up to the gates and filled in a visitors form before parking up and walking inside, making a beeline for the woman at the desk.




“Hello.” You said, out of breath. “I was hoping to find out about someone who’s been deployed, I just wanted to check if he’s ok.”




The woman nodded and clicked on her computer, “Sure honey, what’s his name and status?”




You confirmed his name and that he was a WSO and his deployment details that you knew.




The woman typed into her computer and had a look, scouring the screen behind her glasses. Her eyes flitted to you for a second, suddenly serious.




“And what’s your name and relationship to him, honey?”




You confirmed your full name, “and I’m… his girlfriend, I guess.”




The woman looked over the details on the computer, her eyes nervously flicking to you ever so often.




You held your breath.




“I’m really sorry darling, your details haven’t yet been added to his authorised list, or to his emergency contact, so we can’t release any information at the moment. I’m sure someone will contact you shortly.” She said apologetically.




You knew Bob likely had not had time to add you to the approved contact list, but her words made you worry. “Contact me shortly? Has something happened?”




The woman took a deep breath, “I’m afraid I can’t release that information.”




You left the centre a bundle of nerves and in a daze, barely remembering the drive home, and spent the rest of the day writing letters to post to Nat and Rooster.




The next day you sent the letters, and waited eagerly for a response, hoping one of them could shed some light on the situation.




When another month had passed and you still had not heard back, you tried to tell yourself that these letters could take a while to reach them and vice versa, and that it was likely they were actually just busy.




It was only another 2 weeks until they were due to return anyway, so you’d just try and keep your mind occupied until then, and everything would be ok.




You returned to work as normal and when people asked why you had been away, you lied and told them you had been sick. You forced a smile and got on with life as usual.




The return date had finally arrived and you eagerly got ready, impatiently waiting for 2pm.




You got to the docks early, securing a spot close to the end where they would be. You eyed the ocean and scanned up and down the horizon, waiting for something to appear. A tiny dot eventually emerged far away, and you watched as their ship appeared on the horizon and slowly made its way to you, as the docks began to fill up with people.




Your leg bounced anxiously and your heart thudded against your chest. You couldn’t wait to see their faces.




Finally after what felt like forever, the ship docked and the military men and women were allowed off, and your eyes searched the crowd for any familiar faces.




Eventually you spotted Nat, and she made eye contact, and you jumped up and waved at her excitedly. Nat, however, did not look excited to see you, her face a picture of sadness and anxiety, eyes red and puffy.




Behind her, Rooster whispered something in her ear, and she nodded, walking away from your direction. Rooster slowly walked through the crowd that had formed in front of you, his eyebrows pinched.




You forced a smile as he approached, your stomach twisting with nerves.




“Hey Roo.” You said softly. Part of you already knew what was coming. “Where… where’s Bob?”




Rooster’s shoulders slumped and his eyes moved from the ground to yours, “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”




That was all he had to say. You felt your body grow hot as waves of nausea ran through you, adrenaline pumping through your veins. You began to shake before you really registered what was happening.




“Tell me. You have to say it.”




“Bob died, honey, he’s gone.”




Rooster wrapped you in his arms just as your knees gave out under you. “No.” You whimpered, and then the floods of tears took over, and you began to scream.




The crowd surrounding you knew what that meant, and sympathetic faces ushered others away, to give you space to breathe and grieve.




Rooster held you in his arms as you broke down on the ground. Nat, Javy, Jake and Reuben joined you, all had clearly also been crying. No one dared to bring up how Mickey was also missing, now was not the time.




Eventually you managed to ask what had happened, still lying on the floor half wrapped in Roosters arms. No one said anything.




You became angry and looked up at them and then at Rooster. “Bradley. Tell me.” You demanded through the tears.




“Bob and Fanboy were paired together for a mission, Phoenix was out sick with food poisoning-“ he began to explain, your eyes flitted up to Nat who was bawling and barely able to contain herself next to Jake.




Rooster continued, “They didn’t come back, Y/N. I’m so sorry.”




You spent the next few weeks in bed, heartbroken and unwilling to do anything. Nat ended up spending a few nights with you, also heartbroken having lost 2 of her closest friends, and knowing had she not been sick, that would have been her.




One day, you and Nat hibernated in your bed, hoodies pulled over your faces to shield your eyes from the light, splitting headaches from all the crying had you feeling quite sensitive to stimuli, when there was a knock on your door.




You didn’t move, quite keen to ignore whoever it was, so Nat got up and made her way to the door.




A couple minutes later she returned with Rooster.




“Hey, kid.” He said softly from the door.




You half heartedly lifted a hand and then let it fall back onto the bed, not even sure you had the energy to say hello.




Rooster sighed, “Nat, can I get a minute with Y/N?”




“Yeah,” she nodded, eyes puffy, “I should get home anyway. Call me if you need anything.”




You waved goodbye to Nat and Rooster climbed onto the bed next to you.




“You okay?” He asked.




“I’m fine.” You responded softly, removing the hoodie from your face, “can’t you tell?”




Rooster let out a soft chuckle, “Your sense of humour’s back, that’s a good thing right?”




You burst into tears suddenly, something you’d been doing at random moments over the last few weeks.




“Hey, hey, I’m sorry. Come here.” Rooster cooed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him.




You sobbed into his t-shirt, the smell of the beach on his clothes slowly calming you down.




Eventually you sniffled away your last tear and sighed frustratedly, “I’m never gonna feel normal again, am I?”




Rooster sighed and gave you a little squeeze, “When my mom died, I thought I’d never feel normal again. The pain never goes away, but it does become manageable, and there will be days where you will feel normal. Eventually you’ll have more good days than bad, kid.”




You nodded, “Thanks, Roo.” You made no move to get up off of him, quite comfortably tucked under his arm.




“I’m always here for you if you need me, you know what right?”




You did know, you could tell that he really cared about you, despite having hurt him in the past. He was there for everyone despite also grieving the loss of his friends.




You decided, even if just for Roosters sake, you were going to pull yourself together and try to be there for him and for everyone else that was hurting.




The next 6 months passed, and the pain you felt began to subside a bit, but was always there as a painful reminder of what you had lost.




In the beginning you were furious no one called you to tell you what had happened, but you remembered that as you weren’t on his emergency contact list, they weren’t allowed to disclose that to you, and over time the anger also subsided.




You began hanging out with the squad more, and spending quality time with Nat, and as a group you mourned, and as a group you healed.




You could tell Rooster still had feelings for you, but you weren’t quite ready to move on yet. It was nice to have him around, and you enjoyed his company, so one day when he built up the courage to ask you for dinner, you made it clear you were nowhere near ready to date again, but you would love to have dinner as friends.




Rooster picked you up that night, and told you how beautiful you looked in your flowery dress. You thanked him and made a joke that his shirt matched your dress, and the drive to the restaurant was pleasant.




If Rooster was nervous, he didn’t make it obvious, and it made you feel better about the night ahead. If we wasn’t nervous, surely it wasn’t a date.




The restaurant was packed but Rooster had reserved a nice little table close to the edge of the room, out of the hustle and bustle of the busy patrons.




“This place is great, how did you find it?” You asked, commenting on how beautiful the ocean looked outside of the windows, even in the dark.




“A friend recommended it, apparently the pasta is to die for.” He brushed a hand nervously through his hair.







You knew it took a lot for him to get over what had happened and to ask you to dinner, and you felt bad he was so nervous, you stretched out a hand and squeezed his, “I know exactly what I’m getting then. Thank you for taking me out, Roo. I needed this.”




You chatted for an hour as you drank and ate, laughing and genuinely enjoying each others company, feeling better than you had in a while, but then suddenly, just before dessert, Rooster, who had previously been staring at the way the moon refracted against the sea, stood from his seat, pale as a sheet.




“Sorry kid, I… I’ll be right back.” He stammered, quickly disappearing into the busy restaurant.




You watched him go, hoping he was ok. Maybe he’d eaten something bad, or the pasta wasn’t to his liking.




Your eyes slowly scanned the restaurant as you turned your head back to the table, smiling at all the happy couples and so wishing you felt the same, but also glad you were gradually beginning to feel better.




Your eyes swept briefly over the big windows facing the bay, the moonlight glistening but otherwise pitch black. You looked back at the table but immediately did a double take as your brain registered what you had just seen, or what you thought you’d seen.




You stared out the window for a while, trying to spot it again. Nothing.




You shook your head and folded your fingers together, resting your chin against them while you waited for Rooster to get back, the noise of the restaurant doing little to sooth your suddenly frazzled nerves.




You glanced out of the window again, and your heart jolted as you saw it once more. Unsure if you were imagining things, you got up out of your seat and cupped your hands against the glass, peering through them.




It was pitch black, and you sighed. You pulled away, but just then, almost as if teasing you, you saw it.




The glint of a pair of military grade glasses looking back at you from the darkness.




——————————




The end.

Taglist: @princesssunderworld

[checkoutmybookshelf]

...It is possible I am about to bring the Bridgerton fandom down on my HEAD, but I have an opinion and I am sharing it.

The show hasn't set writer Colin up sufficiently well for me to believe that he is going to catch professional jealousy about Pen being Lady Whistledown.

Yes, we got the journal reading scene, and it is well established that Colin is a prolific letter writer. I am also aware that the fandom is happy to headcanon Colin being as prolific a letter writer as he is made out to be is setup that he is a prose writer. But um.

Contextually, when all you have to communicate with people is letters? Like, that doesn't necessarily HAVE to equate to also being an excellent prose writer. For one, when you're writing a PRIVATE letter to someone you like (such as a friend or family member) your audience is extremely specific, so you don't have to tailor to a general audience. The skills are different. I imagine the letters being a combination of text messages and a Tumblr blog and a Facebook profile before Facebook became functionally unusable. It's a means of connecting and sharing experiences, and given how the Bridgertons react to the letters and their content, it's basically an amateur travel highlight blog. Which is why the letters and journals worked TOGETHER in the book to establish Colin as a good travel writer, because he had the letter format and the longform format. They complemented each other and there was more emphasis on Colin actually engaging with his journals in the book. Like, he was talking about editing them and refining the prose and really engaging with the text. That piece is missing in the show for me. He doesn't seem to really give a damn about the writing unless the plot needs him to in a given moment.

We got two full seasons of Penelope building her private life around Whistledown and finding time to write and struggling with writing and working out the logistics of getting published and protecting her identity. Even without the time jump in the book that gives her extra experience as a runaway successful gossip columnist, I believe that writing is important to Penelope in the show.

Colin spent season 1 being a naive white knight, without so much as a hint that our boy is a writer. But maybe he discovered writing on his travels. Ok, fair enough, but then why didn't they have him working on writing in season 2 when he was feeling directionless and purposeless? Would that not have been a direction and a purpose? He just...kinda shows back up in season 3 and there's a journal for one scene and we're expected to believe that he is suddenly as avid a writer as Lady Whistledown? Sorry, no, I'm not sold. We don't even get what might have been an interesting internal conflict where his fuckboying around the ton in a desperate attempt for validation is CONFLICTING with some kind of internal validation that writing brings him. Like...the foundation and the groundwork and the moments that Penelope gets to establish writing as something important to her just are not there for Colin.

I honestly think I'd have preferred them to drop writer Colin altogether (I'd have been disappointed as hell) rather than try to token in the writing with like...the letters and the singular journal scene. Writer relationships can get MESSY and DRAMATIC and...I would have loved that. But the show just hasn't spent enough time there for me. I'm still here for the Polin relationship, but I wish we'd gotten the love and care in setting up writer Colin (or even a fraction of it) that Penelope got.

[nodulemodule]

Camp Camp S5E1 opinions (spoilers)

I just watched the new episode of Camp Camp and nobody cares but here's what I have to say, first:

(this is your disclaimer to please watch the new episode LEGALLY and in a way that supports the creators. Even if that means blocking spoilers for a bit so you can watch it for free when it's available. It's a small team, and they deserve all the support they can get because making cartoons is hard!)

All this is my opinion, if you disagree, let me know! I genuinely want to discuss it. If you agree with me, then feel free to vent along with me and we can be excited or dissapointed together. The show qualifies as art and is open to criticism. Also WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SEASON PREMIERE OF CAMP CAMP!

Ok with all that garbage out of the way, here's what I have to say:

Likes:

• Max’s new voice is pretty good. I got used to it pretty quick. Props to the VA!

• Dolph’s new design is cute. I totally understand why they changed it and the redesign is good.

• DAVID WITH GUN. DAVID WITH GUN.

•I think the idea of the whole camp hating the trio is funny and I kind of wish they made it real even though it went against the point of the episode kind of.

• The part where the trio is shaming Preston and they all move in sync was the one part that made me laugh. I love when they're all being goofy together.

• I liked the idea with the circle in the dirt at first because I thought it was just Max’s way of illustrating a point and I thought it was cute how he included his friends. Started as a nice moment

• Nurf lovingly flipping them off was funny.

• my gwenvid heart was soaring. They were very cute and I wish we got a more overt gwenvid moment as a send-off. Like, it doesn't have to be made canon and can stay subtle but something for the fans would have been nice.

• Gwen’s new voice did a good job. Slightly different vibe to her but it wasn't bad at all. I liked it. It was an interesting change and I didn't mind at all.

• The scene with Max and David’s hike was beautiful and the best part of the episode by far. They're both so in character, they are well-written and their dynamic is so sweet, and the message rings true. It was a nice moment and something I think Max needed to hear.

• “somebody. Fucking. Has to.” GUYS WHEN I TELL YOU I FJGKRNGKRHDNR WHAT A CALLBACK. I wish they made David’s reaction a little longer and made it more of a moment because I nearly missed it at first but once I heard it I got so excited. Really, Max’s whole pep talk in that moment is very good.

• The camera is such a thoughtful and fitting gift for Max because he's struggling with letting go of camp, and the fact he uses it himself too makes it all the more sweet.

• My lil Makki heart jumped when Max came back and Nikki shouts his name. It was sweet, the excitement and joy in her voice. I forgot it was meant to be a joke at first honestly it was so sincere.

• the animation was great! I loved the facial animations, especially on David and Nikki. Idk why those two had such good expressions but I'm not complaining.

• the trio. They're such besties. I'm love them.

• Honestly the fight cloud with Nikki and Neil was fun idk why I liked watching them wrastle. Children fighting is amusing.

• I'm glad Gwen finally got recognized for her talent. It’s a running theme throughout the show that Gwen is more talented and capable than she lets on and this was a fine way to end it. Good for her.

• Whe- WUH- THE ENDING. WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GO FROM HERE? I AM EXCITED AND INTRIGUED

Dislikes:

• opening narration was unnecessary

• wish they introduced Dolph’s new look more organically. It deserves to be it’s own moment.

• why can't Nikki write? She's 9 not 4. She was never stupid.

• plot is all over the place. It's like two or three episodes smashed into one and there's not enough extra time for any of them. It lacks focus. If it were up to me I would have cut out the first half with the social media app and the trio trying to get people to like them. It felt like filler.

• it's just not very funny. There was maybe one joke that made me laugh. And not even hard. Camp Camp is usually pretty funny to me so I don't get what happened. The comedy is all so slow despite the plot being so crammed so I wonder if the delivery was faster if we would have more time for plot. Anyway, they just lacked any sort of setup or punchline. Just nothing jokes.

• Why does Max go along with trying not to be bossy? He clearly didn't care before and the way it's written it isn't implied he's doing it for his friends. It's like he suddenly did care about being liked out of nowhere. I think it would have been funny and made more sense if maybe Nikki or Neil made him play along, like Nikki bit him until he stopped.

• the circle thing. It was a cute idea at first because I thought Max was just making some kind of metaphor, and I thought that it was cute. I wish they kept it like that and just made it a sweet moment of Max expressing his devotion to his friends in his own way but instead they stay in the circle and are just unfunny for a few minutes and then Nikki says they ran away?? Like first of all why are you running away and also no, you didn't run away because you're still at camp. WHY ARE THEY IN THE CIRCLE IT DOES NOTHING FOR THE PLOT AND MAKES NO SENSE?

• I HATED THE CLOSE-UP OF NIKKI’S NOSE SO MUCH IT WAS SO UNFUNNY WHY IS SHE MADE TO BE SO UNLIKABLE FOR THAT ONE BIT JUST SO MAX CAN LOOK AT HER IN DISGUST IT WAS SO BAD

• Is it just me or do they keep playing sad music like... A lot? It just keeps popping up every other scene and at some point it just became funny to me. It's so badly paced out lol

• I mentioned Max’s pep talk was good and it was but also I wish that it was in a better written context. Like, I think it would have been a better end to the cliff scene instead of a way to motivate David to... fight a robot cause... He thinks he can't... Because reasons? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and I think that it's supposed to connect but it really doesn't.

• Too much Preston. Never liked Preston never will. Why did he talk so much.

• the running gag of everyone being like “oooookay” when the trio assumes they hate them is just... So unfunny omg

• This episode suffers from season 4 syndrome, which was a characteristic of season 4 that I heavily disliked where they sacrifice the outrageous personalities of the characters to have them sit around and discuss life lessons that aren't even that profound to begin with. It's boring, unnatural, and uncharacteristic. At least make it funny. I don't want to see them sit on the ground and calmly discuss basic friendship lessons like I KNOW THAT NOW PLEASE DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.

• I wish David and Max got a better goodbye. I kind of liked David’s line of “That's good enough for me.” but I wish they expanded on it. Maybe have Max struggle to be sincere and make it more obvious that he's trying to act tough and David still sees through it. So he's like “I get that's you're struggling to be sincere so ill take what I can get because I appreciate the effort.”

Overall, it was kind of a mixed bag. It had some very VERY good moments and a lot of good ideas, but I think it was messy and didn't use it's time well, as well as not taking advantage of a lot of potential jokes. I understand that they likely had limitations but they tried to tackle too much with one episode. If I were to change anything I would cut the first half and work on giving the characters a more clear and smooth arc from beginning to end. Pick a focus and stick to it! Still, I'm excited to see where this will go!

[channiesbedroom]

Surprise!

She's BACK! I wrote this ages ago but only just finished it - I promise I'm going to move on to something new soon (I've seriously been getting into seventeen recently so keep your eyes peeled.)

Genre: Fluff Pairing: Bangchan x reader

No warnings I think! Just fluffy fluffy fluff

You feel like you’re having a luxury spa day, reclined on an armchair with your feet in a basin of warm water, your eyes closed whilst the lady in the salon paints your fingernails. You hear Hannah whisper your name, trying to gauge if you’re asleep, so you reluctantly open your eyes and smile at her. She’s sitting in the same position as you, the next seat along. Her nails are painted a dark blue, with yellow smiley faces dotted over them; yours, in contrast, are a sheer sparkly pink, a colour she picked for you.

“Say yes, ok?” She states, suddenly.

“What?” You reply, perplexed.

“Nothing, just ignore me.” She pauses, then speaks again. “Just say yes. Don’t say anything to me now, but you’ll know when you know, ok?” You’re more confused than you were before at this point, totally lost as you try and work out what on earth she could mean.

“Yeah, ok.” You don’t bother to push it any further, leaning back and closing your eyes again.

“I wish you could stay in Seoul, Han, it’s so nice to actually have someone to talk to.” You swear you can hear her roll her eyes as she replies sarcastically.

“You talk to Chris every day!” You open your eyes again to look at her.

“And no one else” you sigh, pulling your face into the same expression you know Chris makes, like the :] emoticon. You’re happy with your boyfriend, 100%, and you love Seoul, but you miss your friends who live abroad, and you miss the community you had when you lived at home. You’d struggled to make friends since moving, and you longed for the day that your friends would visit.

“I miss you, y/n. I am thinking about moving here for a bit longer, you know.” Your eyes widen.

“Han, you know we always have a spare room for you. As long as you want.” She smiles as the salon staff member finally finishes off your nails and gives you a thumbs up before asking for her payment. You leave the shop grinning, freshly painted nails shining in the spring sun as you stroll along the streets.

Chris’s home-office door is closed and locked when you get home, which is unusual but not unheard of. You know even your presence can be a distraction, so when he desperately needs to work on something, he’ll lock the door in the hopes he’ll finally get it done. He emerges from ‘the cave’, as you like to call it, an hour later, when you and Hannah are curled up half asleep on the couch, watching a random show on Netflix.

“I don’t get how he could hang onto that bar for so long.” She sighs. You reply quietly.

“18 whole minutes. Wow. I still wish the gymnast had beat him though.” Chris wraps his arms around your shoulders from behind the sofa, making you jump.

“I bet I could do that.” He’s confident, but you don’t quite agree, frowning.

“Babe, an Olympic gold-medal winning gymnast, a national ice climber, and a military drill sergeant managed it, I don’t think ‘kpop idol’ is really the right person for the job.” He laughs, squeezing you tighter before letting you go, and joining you both on the soft cushions.

“Right, Hannah.” She tilts her head. “I love you, but it’s time for you to go so that me and my wifey can have our anniversary dinner.” Chris pats her on the head as if she was a puppy. “5 whole years!” You roll your eyes at him.

“We’re not married, Chris, you can’t call me your wife.”

“Yet.” He mutters under his breath, and Hannah laughs as she puts her jacket on, ready to make the short walk to her friend’s house, where she’s staying for the weekend. Before she leaves, she pulls you into a tight hug.

“Yes.” She whispers into your ear. “Please say yes.” The confusion continues as she walks out the door, and Chris takes you by the hands.

“Well Sunshine, you have one whole hour until I take you for our surprise dinner.” You hate surprises, but Chris has been insisting on this one for weeks.

“Can you at least pick my outfit? I don’t want to put something fancy on and then turn up to a barbecue place, yknow.” He nods in response, and motions for you to stay in the living room whilst he picks.

An hour later, you’re applying your last coat of mascara. The dress Chris picked is the same one you wore on your first anniversary – it’s a pale pink midi covered in floral embroidery with impressive puffy sleeves. You haven’t worn it for a while, it always seems too fancy for the places you go. He’s picked your favourite heels, the only pair you can actually walk in, and gold jewellery to match them. Chris opens the door slowly, peeking his head through the small gap. Spotting you by the mirror, he lets out a low whistle.

“Ok y/n we need to find more excuses for you to wear that dress.” He wraps you up tightly in his arm, head on your shoulder. He’s in a well-fitting navy-blue suit. You still have no clue where you’re going for this special dinner, as the both of you don’t tend to frequent restaurants where a suit is necessary.

“Let’s go.”

After a short drive, Chris takes you by the hand, walking into one of the most beautiful restaurants you’ve ever been in. Faux cherry blossom trees line the walls, silk petals draping from the ceiling, surrounding glimmering golden chandeliers. It’s completely empty, save for the few members of staff dotted around, and Chris leads you to the only table in the room that has been laid with cutlery. You feel a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“Chris, what is this?” He passes your coats to a waiter as you both sit down. He’s blushing too, much like he did on your first date.

“It’s a special day, sweetheart, I wanted to do something special.” He holds your hand across the table. There are no menus, and you haven’t even spoken to any staff yet, but the waiter from earlier soon appears with 2 glasses of some sort of sparkling wine, which you don’t have a chance to decline. “Ok, I can’t wait. Now’s the time.” With little warning, he pulls you back to your feet, gripping both of your hands tighter than he ever has before. Before you know it, he has one knee on the floor, and you finally realise what’s happening. You’d talked about getting married plenty of times over the last few months, but Chris had always said that it was too early, that you should both spend more time building your careers, so when Hannah had made cryptic comments earlier, this had never come to your mind.

“Oh my God I’m so stupid.” You giggle. Chris frowns at you, tilting his head. You take his face in your hands, bending down to place a kiss on his forehead. “Keep going.”

“y/n l/n, I have been completely obsessed with you since the day we met. I never want to spend another day apart from you, so now it’s time for me to beg again, just like I did the day I managed to convince you to love me back.” You’ve started tearing up by this point, thinking back to the day you met, when he accidentally poured a full iced americano down the front of your shirt. “Sunshine, will you marry me?” He looks up at you with shining, tear-filled eyes as you nod, pulling him to his feet with your hands cradling his face. You place a sweet kiss to his lips.

“Of course I will.” All of a sudden, the restaurant explodes in to rapturous applause, and you turn to find what feels like every single person you know gathered around. You lift your head closer to his so that your lips are by his ears.

“Some big changes in your life.” You whisper. “You’re finally going to be both a husband and a dad.” His eyes widen.

“What?!”

[pardonmydelays]

so it's been a few days since you saw waitress, what are your initial thoughts?

thank you so much for reminding me and sorry for being quiet about it for so long, i've been meaning to write this mini essay but i really needed to take a deep breath & collect my thoughts first. so...

sugar, butter, flour... (it's been ringing in my head for days)

i honestly didn't really know what to expect when i started watching it. i knew a little bit about the plot, not that much tho, & i knew who wrote the music for it, the rest was a mystery to me.

i always say the best musicals are the ones that make you cry & this was definitely one of those. it made me feel... so many things at once. so first of all, i think the proshot was absolutely beautiful & i wish we could see more musicals this way. second of all: the characters! all of them so incredibly written & so real!

ok, i am really trying not to be chaotic here, but it's not easy (i've cried multiple times while watching it, ok???). jenna's story completely broke my heart. also, as a person who ended a very toxic relationship not that long ago, i must say i could feel her pain & struggle even more (earl reminded me of my ex so much it hurts, but we are not going there). but she wasn't the only relatable character here, this may be surprising for you, but i literally had a mental breakdown on "when he sees me" cause i found a little bit of myself there (wow, i've got issues)... another song worth mentioning is definitely "she used to be mine" (that was the moment i had to stop watching for a second cause my eyes were so full of tears i couldn't see anything lol). and don't even get me started on "you matter to me"... especially when you think about the ending...

the ending was really surprising for me, but not in a bad way i guess? as much as i wanted a happy ending for jenna, i didn't want it to be all perfect cause that's the thing about life, right? it's never perfect. but she did found herself & her happiness eventually & to be completely honest with you anon, i love a good story that shows us we can be happy without men (even tho it broke my heart a little bit). also, she wasn't left alone. she had amazing friends (another thing that always makes me cry because friendships are so important to me & they are always my favourite part of the plot) & her little daughter! & her own place! & omg i think i'm gonna start crying again...

so, like, you know. i will probably rewatch it pretty soon, i'm also gonna listen to the soundtrack more cause my thoughts are really chaotic at the moment, but overall i think this is such a great musical, definitely one of the best i've seen so far and i am dying to see it live! the choreography was absolutely incredible, the whole cast was amazing, the music was really, really good and the plot made me cry like a baby. this is all you need to know. i loved it so much!!!

[shadowsandsunset]

I wish nothing but good things for Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr.

They gave us such an authentic, gentle, tender experience. I've watched the clip of that kiss several dozen times now.

Oliver, especially, has been amazing in his interviews and social media posts, empathetic and honest and sweet. I don't know his sexuality and I don't speculate in real people's sexualities, but regardless he seems like a true ally. He seems to Get It.

As someone who came out later in life** it really touches my heart what they're doing.

9-1-1 has always seemed to try to do good by their queer characters and I really appreciate that.

Hen and Karen have always been a fantastic and very real feeling example of a wlw relationship.

This show is doing amazing. I wish nothing but good and happy things for the cast and crew who make this happen.

**Under the cut is my coming out/self acceptance story if you're interested.

Tw: repression, self harm, drug use, shitty relationships both familial and romantic.

I tried to come out as a teenager in the early 2000s after I kissed a girl for the first time. It did not go well.

My mother was a complicated woman and she loved me very much, but when I told her I was bi (I prefer pan now but at the time I didn't have that word) she told me it was a phase and that she was disappointed, that she would always love me but that it was wrong in the eyes of God and she couldn't accept it.

Disappointing my mother was worse than her being angry. It felt like my heart was carved out of my chest. I feel like if she had been angry or openly cruel I could have fought back, but her sadness destroyed me. I was 16 then and I continued to live at home until I was 24. I'm in my mid/late 30s now.

So I repressed that part of myself for well over a decade and spent a lot of time depressed and miserable. I self harmed and did A LOT of drugs. I'm clean now except for super occasional weed use. I have a lot of scars from self harm.

My mom died several years ago and it wasn't until after her death that I allowed myself to even think about it, any of it. I was in a relationship with a man for eight years that was loving but he was an alcoholic and I had to walk on eggshells around him because of his mental health struggles; he was emotionally abusive but in a way that was only apparent in hindsight. I thought that my relationship with him was as good as I was going to get. We broke up not long after my mom died.

The only family member I am out to is my older sister, who has been amazing and accepting and loves me completely. Without her support I would be lost.

I have now dated/hooked up with women, men, nb and trans people. I have explored my own gender identity (it's whatever, I don't feel like a woman despite having the female equipment and appearing female in body, I feel pretty masculine but not like a man either, and I don't have strong opinions on pronouns, but I feel like I fail at femininity and masculinity in equal measure so I call myself genderqueer. I don't have any desire to take hormones or have any surgeries, I just want to be a person without having to perform gender).

I live in a conservative small city in the US south and I feel disconnected from the wider queer community. I don't know how to bridge that gap. There is a small queer community here but you can't really be openly out and be safe.

I'll be going to my first pride event this June. I'm excited and terrified because I don't feel like I'm queer enough or The Right Kind of queer, which is such a stupid stress to have, but I don't have many friends to talk about this with and I am hoping to get out there and make some but I'm nervous. I'm socially awkward and kinda weird. I'm also single and trying to mingle, lol.

I like who I am now but it was an incredibly difficult road to get to this place. I'm still on that journey, and maybe I always will be but that's ok. I'm finally myself.

[ohifonlyx33]

So so so much to love about Love Next Door.

Its a story about a boy falling in love with his best friend, it's a story about a girl fighting her struggles and finding her path in life, it's about families coming to heal and support each other, its about friendship, its about finding your own family when you've lost your own... it's about being open and honest, about giving and receiving love, about overcoming pride or shame and just letting people see the parts of you you want to hide so you can share your burdens.

The entire cast had so much chemistry as friends, family, and romantic partners. The drama, with a few notable exceptions, felt natural. The episode 8 plot twist especially revealed a darker layer I honestly wasn't expecting, but it added so much. I liked the main couple and the secondary couple both. The parents were all mostly interesting and fun (although probably at least a little bit on the abusive side). Even these kids cracked me up and stole the show...

But I do take a few issues with it.

It's just a little annoying because I know with a few small tweaks here and there these issues could be resolved.

One being the fact that it didn't know how to end, which is a common problem with a simple romance and family drama. I literally went "what wait that's it?? That's the end?" Because I thought there had to be at least 15 minutes left for SOMETHING. But no, they actually decided to go for the fast-forward time jump... but for what?

We don't even see the main couple get married. Which, I WOULD BE TOTALLY FINE WITH.... trust me, the wedding episodes often make me cringe. Except, why have the flash forward at all, if nothing happens *after* the flash forward?

We could have set up another small dramatic hurdle for the main couple instead in the last 2 or 3 episodes... (I personally would have gone with the "do you want kids?"/"yeah, I think that'd be nice... do you?"/"yeah maybe...but what if I can't have them because cancer is high risk?"/"then that's ok too" route then to flash forward to them at Kang Dan-ho and Jung Mo-Eum's wedding 1.5 years later, with a little baby girl. 🥺

It definitely feels like the only reason we didn't see either of the main couples get married was because they wanted to be "different" by leaving it open... and AGAIN... I am fine with avoiding all the slow, sappy, overly-the-top clichés and pacing pitfalls of the wedding episode. but tbh, the last episode was just as slow and clichéd as any "wedding episode" just without the main couple getting married.

Don't get me wrong I liked seeing Choi Seung-hyo's parents renew their vows... but it was not something I NEEDED to see.

Another thing is the balance in the main couple... occasionally it felt off.

Now overall, I did feel like the main couple were a great fit, well-balanced and suited for each other... truly I loved them most of the time... but I just wish we had seen more of how Bae Seok Ryu came to terms with her feelings for Choi Seung-hyo or seen from her POV how she avoided developing them as a kid, the same way we clearly saw Choi Seung-hyo pushing his feelings away.

We saw poor Choi Syeung-hyo agonize over his feelings for about a dozen episodes and then struggle waiting for Bae Seok Ryu... but then we spent so long learning about how Bae Seok Ryu and her ex-fiance were actually a decent, happy couple... and the show refused to show more than 2 minutes of why they broke up or fell out of love. They easily could have had a QoT style Kdrama of their own about how they get back together, etc.

at least with Choi Seung-hyo's ex gf, we saw that they both moved on pretty easily without much attachment because really they were never that serious or special... it had been a while and they were both over it too. But with her ex-fiance, it was still a recent break up of an otherwise-strong relationship. So it seemed like they could have done more to convince us they had enough reasons to break up... like IDK when she stopped loving her ex and started loving Choi Seung-hyo because it's rushed and unclear what she is feeling... I also did not like that her ex pointed out that it looked like she'd already found someone when she herself had not come to that conclusion with any certainty.

I guess I just feel like all her thoughts and feelings about Choi Seung-Hyo were often hidden. Maybe to make the viewer feel suspense... but even after they got together, it felt like he told her how he felt and she avoided it. Then a few petty fights and a talk or two later she just agreed that she did like him after he convinced her... and when she ran to find him, even then—still—HE kissed her. And she's left to mutter about banana milk.

She does show her love for him later, and expresses it clearly. But even later, he proposes on a whim, before anyone even knows they're dating, and she rejects his proposal... and then immediately caves in after he convinces her... the whole timing does feel off. But it also just feels like we see the relationship more from his perspective than hers.

Like the romance is HIS plot line and the cancer is hers.

Then there's the brother... he didn't do much, his plot went nowhere, and I really only liked the scenes that brought out the contrast between his failures and Bae Seok Ryu's successes....

Then there's the way they set up Jung Mo-Eum and Kang Dan-Ho... it was a little forced, especially with her immediate (and a little bit creepy) interest in Yeon-Du and the whole "Mudflat Man" which was maybe taken a little too far. But I loved their family dynamic and their chemistry.. Just felt like their love story was a little underdeveloped... And really sending Jung Mo-Eum off to Antarctica for a year, right after they stared dating, and not even seeing her reunite with Dan Ho was not my favorite.

[kalmiaphlox]

Practice Makes Perfect

AO3 Link / Masterlist

Astarion can appreciate that his sweet, little daughter just wishes to help out and bond with a certain lady-lizard in the house.

But dear gods, all Izzy does is tangle Kalmia's hair into a nest. Maybe it's time for a lesson.

Main Tags: Domestic Fluff, Dadstarion, Established Relationship, Hair Braiding, Minor Tantrum, Apologies

His eyes blink open, inhaling sharply as he takes in his surroundings.

Alone.

He’s alone in bed. How? When he fell asleep, he had been sandwiched between Kalmia and Izmezine, how could they both move without waking him?

The room is perfectly dark, but the clock reads just past five - in the morning if he has to guess. Light peeking out from the bathroom door catches his eye and quiet voices drift Astarion's way. Ah, there they are.

Sneaking over to the door, he peers inside, listening in on their private conversation.

Kalmia is sitting on the ground in front of Izmezine criss-cross on a chair, his little girl is working very carefully to entangle the dragon's hair in a poor excuse for a braid. He really needs to teach Izzy how to do it right, Kalmia's hair doesn't deserve such atrocities. 

“Kalli, when I g-get big, I be a d-dr-dragon?” The dhampir is tying strands of her hair together and then just spinning it all around her hand. Astarion's fingers ache to fix it but he isn't going to interrupt their conversation.

“Oh, I don't think you can turn into one on your own, but I bet we can ask nafldask. She can probably change you into a baby dragon for a little bit.” 

Izzy grins in excitement. “And- And I f-fly?”

“I don't see why not. Nafldask will show you what to do.” Kalmia pulls her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. 

“You fly w-with me too, Kalli?” 

“No, I'm sorry, sweetie. I can't fly.”

“Why?”

He knows it's only natural for Izmezine to be curious but he cringes at her bluntness.

Kalmia doesn’t sigh or sound particularly sad, though he imagines that this hurts to talk about. “I don't have wings, but I am a very good swimmer as a dragon, so you can swim with me instead, ok?”

And she's talented at deflecting.

“Can Papa swim too?”

“Hmm, I don't know. We can ask him when he wakes up.” She says with a contented smile.

Izmezine has finished her destruction of Kalmia's hair, patting the dragon on the shoulder with a confident smile. Kalmia steps before the mirror, admiring Izzy's… handiwork. Of course, the wizened lizard is ever gracious. “Wow! Maybe I should start paying you for such fine work!” 

Kalmia takes the girl in her arms, giving her a big squeeze which she starts squeaking at. “Shh, shh, shh! Your father's still asleep, we don't want to wake him up! He might eat us!”

They giggle together quietly and he rolls his eyes, returning to the bed.

It's just the three of them today with Gale and Shadowheart out on vacation.

Izmezine needs that lesson. “Little love, can you come sit with me? I want to show you something.” Astarion holds an arm out, beckoning to his daughter. When she throws her pencils down and runs to him, he turns his attention to the old lizard. “Will you sit here in front of us? I think it's time for a lesson on hair braiding.”

Kalmia pauses in her sorting of her hoard, having been searching for topazes at his request. “Well, how could I say no to that?” and she settles on the floor in front of them, continuing her task. 

“Alright, Izmezine, my sweetest little darling,” he pulls a comb out from beside his chair, handing it to Izzy. “Let's brush Kalmia's hair, gently. Her skull is very brittle from how old she is, so we must treat her with care.” Kalmia offers no response to his slight, but he anticipates a punishment later.

Izzy takes the brush in both hands and with Astarions help, they smooth out Kalmia's brown locks. So much hair makes it easier for him to braid, but Izzy's little hands can only hold so much, maybe they can give Kalmia dual braids.

He's getting ahead of himself, Izzy is going to struggle even with a small one.

Once the dragon's hair is brushed to perfection, Astarion pushes most of it over one of her shoulders, leaving a small handful for him and Izzy to practice with. “Dearest, are you ready?” She nods silently. “Alright,” He grasps the strands,  laying them out on his palm, “We need to separate these into three equal pieces. Can you do that for me? You can leave one piece here,” pointing to Kalmia's back, “And the other here.” Pointing to his wrist.

It's hesitant, but Izzy very carefully does as she's told, splitting the hair up into three almost equal pieces. Her golden eyes glance up at him, swimming with uncertainty, and he gives a soft smile in response, kissing her forehead. “Good job. Hold the middle piece in your left hand and the right one in your right hand.” 

There's a long pause as Izzy looks between her hands, remembering which one is left or right, she'll ask for his help when she needs it, so Astarion refrains from rushing her. Eventually, she makes the right choices, picking up all the hair she should, awaiting further instruction with a determined set to her brow. 

“This is the hard part now, kitten, so take it slow. Cross your right hand over your left one,” he waits as she does so, “And now move your left hand to put that hair on my wrist. You can let both of them go.” Izzy does, and with that, they have successfully completed one motion. “So we need to repeat that move again but on the opposite side. Left hand holding that one and right hand, middle one.” 

Her confidence has soared as Astarion instructs her on twisting Kalmia’s hair back and forth, eventually ending with a very loose and tangled braid once finished, but a braid nonetheless.

“Well, look at that! You did it!” He hugs Izmezine close before finding a small elastic to tie up the ends of Kalmia's hair. He throws the strands forward, “Take a gander, little wyrm, this anon is quite skilled.”

Kalmia inspects the braid with a keen eye, a bright smile breaks across her face when she turns around, pulling the dhampir close into a hug and smothering her in kisses as Izzy shrieks like a banshee. “Wow, it's beautiful! You can replace your father as my hair stylist!”

His glare could cut glass, but Kalmia is unfazed by such things, being a dragon and all, while she continues to snuggle against Izzy. 

“Enough of that. Would you like to try again, kitten?” He separates them so Kalmia can go back to her job and Izzy is up to the task of another try. 

Ever the independent one, she wants to do this braid on her own, with minimal help. There's quite a bit of frustration building as the twisting of strands together isn't going as well as she wants, which is fine, but she refuses all of Astarion's attempts for help. 

He has no idea where her stubbornness comes from.

Izmezine reaches a breaking point though, the braiding isn't going as smoothly as she would like, and she… yanks roughly on the ends of Kalmia's hair. 

Astarion is horrified that she would react like that, and Kalmia offers no response, not even a surprised grunt at having her hair almost ripped out. Grabbing Izzy's hand, he puts on a firm tone, “No! You can't do that. Apologize to Kalmia, now.”  

Izzy's lip trembles and he sees the tears are ready to start, but she closes her mouth with a scowl, before sprinting downstairs with a cry. Gods, what a dramatic exit. “I'm sorry, are you alright?” He rests a hand on Kalmia's shoulder.

The door to Izzy's room slams shut. Ugh.

Turning to face him, Kalmia smiles pleasantly, “Nothing to worry about,” and then her smile turns evil, “She throws fits just the way you do.”

“Fits?! What are you talking about? I am perfectly level-headed, at all times!” His indignation flares up and that just makes Kalmia laugh. 

“Awe, irthiski, it's ok if you can't control your emotions. You'll learn one day.”

“Ancient fiend! I've had enough of you.” Astarion abandons the wretch to check on Izzy. He's not ready to face her wailing, and as he knocks on her door, he can hear the quiet whimpers as she cries on her bed. “Izmezine, can daddy come in?”

The muffled response he gets back is unintelligible, but he'll take it as a yes as he creaks open the door, finding Izzy curled up on the head of the bed, hiding herself between pillows and stuffed animals. Her little cheeks are blotchy and stained with tears, eyes bloodshot and lip continuing to tremble as she stares up at him behind her kitty toy, most likely afraid of whatever reprimand is to come.

Perching himself at the edge of her bed, he sits cross-legged and straight-backed, gods, Astarion hates having to be stern with her, especially when he's so weak to her tears, “I'm very disappointed by how you acted upstairs. Do you know why?”

A high keening is building up from within her as Izzy sinks further into her protective shell of pillows, whipping her head to the side in defiance, “N-No!”

It takes all of his power to not raise an eyebrow and scoff, he instead opts for a shallow sigh, “You pulled on Kalmia's hair. That hurt her.” It didn't, but this is a lesson to be learned. Semantics aren't necessary. “I understand you were frustrated, but if you get upset, you should use your words. I need you to tell me what's bothering you and then we can work on it together. Can we do that next time?” 

The vampire who kills people on the weekly is really sitting here lecturing his daughter on how to be nice. What in the hells has happened to his life?

Izzy is still partially buried in her pillows and toys, peeking a teary golden eye out at him as he speaks, and finally she chooses to sit up, “I-I h-hu-hurted Kalli?”

“Yes, you need to apologize to her.”

“Ok.” She crawls into his lap, sniffling against his chest, and Astarion holds her close before placing a kiss atop her white curls.

++++

Later that night, Astarion and Kalmia are sitting at the bathroom vanity while he combs through her hair. It's a nightly ritual that they have taken up, he loves to lavish her with care and she loves to receive it.

“How did it go, little wyrm?”

She snorts, “I know you were listening.”

He rolls his eyes, thankful Kalmia can't see him from this angle. “Obviously, but I want to know how you feel about it.”

“Izmezine apologized nicely, and I know she meant it. She's a little being with big emotions, no harm done.”

“Magnanimous as usual, my love. Where would I be without your generosity?” Nibbling at one of her ears, Astarion ends the care routine with a smack to her thigh.

“Very cold and thousands of gems poorer.” She remarks as she glides into their bedroom.

With a mocking shake of his head, he follows Kalmia's lead, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, keen to never let go. “Might I love you tonight, my darling?”

“I hope you do for the rest of our days, irthiski.” She lays a fervent kiss upon him.

No one loves him like she does.

Some end notes: -anon = flower in draconic -nafldask = grandmother

[swiftfootedachilles]

you wanted more asks, so I'm here to deliver!

-favorite gallavich canon scenes?

-what are some favorite headcanons for them that you have? missing scenes, what ifs, etc.

-favorite characters besides gallavich?

-storyline you would have liked to seen/favorite storyline that the show did well?

-favorite fic tropes that make you just go fuckin feral?

-five things you think needed to be fixed/changed/improved about the show? gallavich related or just in general, dealer's choice

😘😘😘

rubbing my greasy paws together getting ready to type out an essay

ummmm uh okay lemme think.... the s1 juvie scene (CLASSIC!!!), all their scenes working at the kash n grab together, mickey finding ian and taking him home, club kiss, like all of South Side Rules pre-sammi fucking everything up, dock scene, literally all of their s7 scenes tbh, prison reunion scene, "I WANNA BE WITH YOU" "you dont get to be," mickey wasting his break getting noodles in the food court for ian instead of making ian get his own lunch, fiance shenanigans, "i only make toast for husbands with jobs," STEALING THE AMBULANCE AND MICKEY GETTING SO TURNED ON THEY IMMEDIATELY HAVE TO FUCK AND MICKEYS KNEES BUCKLES WHEN IAN PUSHES HIM AGAINST THE AMBULANCE, coworker husband shenanigans, "youre such a fucking barbarian" "thank you☺️," being SOOOO cute at their anniversary party together. so honestly all of their scenes

i love all the deleted scenes i literally need the show editors to go to prison for what theyve done. i especially love the original scripts for the s5 deleted sex scene/ians dream and their s5 breakup. favorite headcanons are autistic!mickey, casual D/s dynamics, not-so-casual D/s dynamics, 🏳️‍⚧️trans gallavich🏳️‍⚧️, hobby artist!mickey, ian becoming the new vee of their neighborhood (ghetto nurse!ian), annoyingly clingy codependent!gallavich being gross in front of everyone, s6 canon divergence where mickey doesn't go to prison bc wtaf was that, s5 canon divergence with no breakup bc that literally made no sense

ummm i love liam hes the true golden child. mandy. uh ethel i would've LOVED to see more of, and the other milkovich siblings. sheila. karen was a REALLY complex character that never really got more than surface-level analysis from the show writers. debbie and her journey as a child obviously struggling with bpd. i do like carl turning his life around and kinda fulfilling many of the dreams ian had growing up. i kinda wish they did more with kev than just "haha kentucky appalachian guy is stupid" like that whole family reunion arc of his was so fucking weird and honestly embarrassing of the writers. also we..... never really learn about vee's family? theres a whole episode dedicated to meeting kevs stereotypical family, and vee gets.....becoming a believer in the american voting system??? and of course svetlana. missed opportunity after missed opportunity with her character - but hey at least they didnt kill her off like isidora wanted⁉️⁉️🥴

really really wish the writers gave a fuck about showing ian coming to terms with his trauma of being groomed and abused. he never learns that what he experienced was abuse. i feel like if caleb can call mickey abusive, then surely ian wouldve mentioned something about literally any other relationship hes had and caleb or trevor wouldve been neen like "uhhh you should see a therapist about that thats really super fucked up that you were victimized like that as a CHILD"

ohhhh the fic tropes. my #1 is always bdsm i am a bdsm gallavich truther until i DIE!!!! um i like canon divergence fics (sometimes). domestic fics. post-s11 married life. learning to grow together as a couple after being off-and-on for like a decade, autistic!mickey!!!! trans!mickey and t4t gallavich!!!! aus where ian and mickey are actually dating starting s1-3 and are out to the gallagher/mandy. uncle!gallavich shenanigans. taking liam on adventures shenanigans

OK SO. FIRST AND FOREMOST I WOULD FIX THE FUCKED UP JUDICIAL SYSTEM IN SHAMELESS fionas/mickeys/ians court shit was so fucking unrealistic and BAD. how the FUCK did fiona get like 60 days in jail + house arrest for possession of a schedule ii drug and attempted manslaughter AND STILL KEPT CUSTODY OF THE KIDS.

literally what the FUCK did mickey get charged with. did he plea? what the fuck kind of plea is 16 years when the person you assaulted ALSO ASSAULTED YOU and is also a COMPLETELY unreliable witness/victim. youre telling me he wouldnt take his chances in court? as if debbie wouldnt be the perfect witness to prove his INNOCENCE? and bianca was dead and frank wouldnt even give half a fuck to testify to seeing mickey lock sammi in the trailer. literally no proof that ever happened. no proof he drugged sammi because it was FAR too late to test her blood and see how much of each drug she had in her system. just her testimony that she drank soda then fell asleep lmao. any defense lawyer would have an easy time getting him acquitted entirely, at most getting a refusal to comply with officers and disturbing the peace for running from sammi and then trying to kick her when the cops showed up to arrest them

literally what the fuck is ians trial. HE PLEADS NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY (WHICH NO LAWYER WOULD EVER DO BECAUSE OFC HE WOULD BE FOUND GUILTY WHEN HE CHOSE TO STOP TAKING HIS MEDS) AND IS FOUND GUILTY. OF ARSON. A CLASS X FELONY IN ILLINOIS. IN THE COMMISSION OF ANOTHER FELONY (KIDNAPPING.) AND HE GETS LIKE 2 YEARS IN PRISON YOUVE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. he could have gotten LIFE for that shit in the real world. i hate this shows pisspoor attempt at a legal system SOOOOO BAD. i stand by my belief that it wouldve made much more sense if he pled guilty and got put in the Chicago-Read Mental Health Center for mentally ill offenders. like he literally thought he was the gay Messiah what do you mean hes in a regular prison. plus it would've been much more interesting to see mickey in this environment - IF everything up to s9 was kept canon. otherwise he would only be able to visit ian like in s5, unless he found a way to get himself committed ?? idk it just makes much more sense than ian in regular prison

the attendees of their wedding. who the hell were those people. people from ians club ing days?? trevors friends???? i mean maybe. i assume sandy just went to every gay bar and passed out flyers saying there was a big gay wedding. it would've made much more sense if mickeys siblings were there especially mandy but what the hell ever. it's not like iggy literally has multiple scenes where he's supportive of mickey being gay and dating ian. WHATEVER. IT'S NOT LIKE THE GAY JESUS FOLLOWERS SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN BEEN THERE AT ALL SINCE THEYRE SHOWN LITERALLY ABANDONING IAN AFTER HIS ARREST AND IT WOULDVE MADE MORE SENSE FOR THE MILKOVICH BROTHERS TO BE OUTSIDE TO KEEP TERRY OUT. FUCKING WHATEVER I GUESS!!!

throw away the shitty homophobic gay man writer and let those 2 bi ladies write s11 gallavich. they were the only ones who wrote decent storylines. fr that gay guy needed to be fired SO BAD i can't believe he wrote the dumbass "who's the wife/bottom/submissive of our relationship" 11x3 plot AND the 11x7 orgy. HE SUCKS SO BADDD??? get rid of that stupid shit. give me more of ian and mickey in the growing pains of their relationship looking for jobs and dealing with the death of terry and trying to find common ground of their plans for the future and mickey being stubborn and scared without being "accidentally" an egregious stereotype of autistic people. LET HIM STIM AND GO NONVERBAL AND LET IAN LEARN TO GIVE MICKEY HIS SPACE WHEN HE'S OVERWHELMED GOOD LORD

[robo-milky]

NEW YEAR CLOCHE AND ROOK ARE SOOO CUTE TGT!!!!! I LOVE HER QI PAO ACTUALLY WIWMWMWKWKKWKW-

Chris hear me out…. Cloche restocking the shelves, and struggling to reach the top most one…. And Rook just sweeping in, gingerly plucking whatever goods are in Cloche’s hands. Ah, allow him to assist you, Cloche darling. With his back slotted against hers, stretching over her head to place the goods where they should be….

Maybe even grazing her chin with his fingers, tilting her face upwards to face him… the ghost of a smirk dancing across his cheek…

The brainrot ok- also randomly you know the beckoning cat? The 发财猫 (?) the little guy you see waving outside stores? Rook just holding cloche up outside the store like the lion king meme💀

New Year cards give me so much brainrot tbh including cater’s stupid fucking card I want to chew him so bad

WE STAN NEW YEAR CLOCHE DRIP!!!!! (Please give me a discount I am going broke)

Happy New Years, Ceru! I’m wishing all the best for you too <3 TYSM for popping by and I’m glad you liked her qipao 😭 (Girlie will not culturally appropriate… until she does- /j)

[Response]

• First of all… whAT THE HELL IS THIS NEW YEARS FIRECRACKER—?????!?!!?!

• C-C-Cloche is gonna do her best to be the best volunteer she can be and goddamn it, Rook! Don’t make it seem like she only took the job just for him- (she prolly did let’s admit it-). C’mon Rook, where’s your fighting spirit to have the best team and get the special bonus?!?!? No distractions !!!!1!1!1!1!1! I stg one of them will be “grounded” cause of this-

• …you’re not even ghost marriageable, rook… trying to show off and reach whatever shelf you can… waiting for him to be humbled when there’s a shelf even he can’t reach I’m- 😭

• Rolling on the hills and screaming at the top of my lungs you just had to infect me with more brainrot for this man… I’m gonna get you for this someday…

• Ah, the maneki neko ✨Love those lil guys fr. Imagine Sam having a broken one and then the Rook&Jade team swooping in all like “I have an idea for a replacement, if you’d let us” *cue scheme*

• Rook would most definitely hold up Cloche like that at one point- Only Rook cause… A) Cloche would have scratched Jade B) Rook may or may not want others touching what’s his in such a vulnerable state- I’m sorry I’m being so delulu rn I cant cry sobbing this is fanon event rn-

• …I’d also like to envision that Rook burst into tears whenever he comes in contact with Cat! Cloche because she’s just so tiny and weak/deformed???

• Cater wants to play hagoita with you so bad. …The 50 thaumarks will be worth it! Once the whole New Years sale is wrapped up, you may or may not have a surprise gift or two waiting for you. Cater just wanted to earn back the cash he’s blown, and he did, and what else was he to do with the special bonus?

• You’ll always have a discount, Ceru <3 Cater may or may not have passed on a little message to the third year part timers ;)

[sorenevans]

can we just talk about the song "Inkpot Gods" for a minute?

while I am 100% sure I am interpreting this song wrong I really don't care.

let me show you my vision-

(listen while you read- it makes more sense.)

There's a young girl- about 10-11 years old. She's probably been through a lot. and she tries not to cry because she thinks that is a sign of weakness, but a man who was supposed to care for this girl originally, but was so scared too he never really tried- POTENTIALLY A FATHER FIGURE, MAYBE EVEN HER ACTUAL FATHER- tells her that it's ok to cry, and to not worry about the other kids laughing at her because she's just learning how to fight for herself.

Oh, what? These, these aren't tears It's just the rain that wasn't brave enough to fall And what they hear isn't laughter, after all It's just your voice learning for once to stand up tall

that same man wants to keep her safe, and that's exactly what he does. he vows to stay by her side and train her until she can fight the monsters of this world without his help. he sees her for more than her scars, more than her marking, more than anything superficial. he sees her for her. he sees her the way his father never saw him. He vows to never be like his father. He wants to be present in this young girl's life, he wants to be the father she doesn't and he never had.

And when the rain came down I made a vow out to the dark "Please, let her live just one more day Cause she is so much more than all her scars And if she doesn't have the will But it seems the whole world does, I'll stay, because I will be the man my father never was"

this man knew her mother before she died. she brings it up to the man when she turns 15 so that she can get the letters from her mom that the man had been keeping safe. the last letter written very hastily written read these lyrics. \/ The girl asked the man and he said that her mother was always singing.

And what you hear is not silence It's just the trees waiting to hear what next you'll hum

She also wrote in these letters that she was never truly alone that she had the man and the darkness was only there so she could appreciate the light in her life, it was only there to discourage her in her quests. but her mother also wrote not to let the darkness stop her and that those who made her life dark only did so to hurt her.

And what you see is not the dark It's just the gods upturning ink pots 'cause they know what you'll become

And she wrote a letter to those powers holding her daughter back.

And to those gods, I will speak bluntly "We've an accord, if you ever touch or harm her Please, rest assured that you might not fear a man But to a woman, by the end, you'll kneel and plea

and her mother writes one last thing. telling the girl how her mother always told her to look out only for herself. but after having a child she couldn't imagine not gladly dying for her. this child was her life.

'Cause I'm more than what my mum told me to be"

She's 17 now. fighting her own battles, and she's doing well until one day she's not. She is struggling- SHE'S LOSING. She's overwhelmed and OUTNUMBERED AND SCARED! The man wants nothing more than to help, but after all this time he's become old and frail and unable to fight like he used to. he can see her fighting. he can see her trying. he sees her fall. He can't watch anymore. he's fully overwhelmed by that feeling of helplessness.

And I can hear her sing And I know she's giving up And I don't know what to do, how to help her How to bring her home

and she sees the man, no- her father- she knew he saw her fall. She knows he's seeing her lose. She can feel the waves of emotion. she was so scared for him. She craved independence but right now she just wants to hug him- but this is her quest and only hers.

And I can hear him break And he doesn't understand And I wish that I could take his hand But where I'm going is for me and me alone

the man sees a letter sitting on the table. the girl had left it there. for in case she didn't make it back. It's been hours, and he didn't want to admit she could be dead, but he could see no other outcome. he opened the letter. and reads it over and over and over. he can practically hear her singing it.

And I can her sing "If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along" "If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along" "If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along" "If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along" (loved you all along)

He sits in a chair facing the battle scene, where he watches something emerging from the horizon. he tucks the letter neatly away and walks out to meet the girl. she won. She won so she could come back to him. her father- the one who was always there for her, the one who taught her about her mother- the one who loved her unconditionally, and she, him.

If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along If I don't make it back from where I've gone Just know I loved you all along

[castlebyersafterdark]

I don't know! Why am I like this!!

hehehe ok firstly, shoutout to the peeps who can't watch panels due to the celebs, i can't relate but i feel for you! i struggle to watch them because of the awkwardness of the fans instead haha - awkward questions, silly questions, repetitive questions, people who burst into tears when they come to their turn. im sorry i just find that hard to watch lol! maybe its my inner journalist itching to be there and ask the real q's. or maybe im too british! pull yourself together, man! (said in a stiff military accent lmao) just kidding.

but as someone who used to find it harder than i do now to engage in this kind of content, my unsolicited advice that may not work for you is to really focus on being interested in what they have to say or are trying to say and what that might mean. then your brain kind of cuts out/dismisses the umming and ahhing, just sees it as a side effect instead of a tick or annoyance. obviously some speakers are worse than others but i honestly find most people in ST to be ok speakers, with the worst perhaps being finn. the others are all amenable and confident public speakers. i get the finn angst, it's never comfortable to see someone else who is uncomfortable... but he's fascinating, so i try to treat him as a fascinating person to observe when the empathy kicks in too hard and makes me want to hide lol.

which leads me to say vinny I AM HUGGING YOU RIGHT NOW! can't believe people were mean about you crying when another started crying - this is literally pure kind empathy at work and you are such a dreamboat for that. me and my whole family are the same, so i feel lucky to have had that experience. actually we used to be told not to cry as kids, only because my mum knew it would set her off too (she was already crying as she said it haha).

Yeah - good advice!! I really want to listen to what these actors have to say so it's a major power through moment every time!! And yeah, also not saying it to be mean but it's the fans primarily, but people can't help the reaction they have, and I know I'd fuck it up if I tried to ask something in public, which is why I never would. Actually, I'd try to be really funny and charming and it would fall completely flat and make me just seem like an ass so also, would never approach the mic at a con hahaha.

It's the same with live music or theater - I have this sinking fear in the pit of my stomach sometimes where as good as the show is, god if something goes wrong on stage and they flub lines and have trouble recovering or seriously mess-up a song or have a mishap, I would be dying inside and probably have a silent internal panic attack myself and wish I was anywhere else!! Get a grip, man, I am saying to myself!!!

And... thank you for the kind words. It's ok, I've manged to come out on the other side fine and unchanged, with people in my life who've made it known it's ok to be emotional, and be too much, and to feel deeply. And there's nothing wrong with being a guy who tears up a lot. (Part of what draws me to Will - I love him and I love his sensitivity and the way he feels so deeply. I've never seen a character like him before. Why when people complain about him being a crybaby it's a major 'shut up and let him be' moment from me! And Noah seems to also be similar so I feel kinship with that lovely guy). Listen. I grew up with 4 older brothers so. The little gay baby is my lot in life and it's totally fine now, but there was a lot of enduring bullshit growing up and breaking away from terrible friends and then finding people who let you be you. That's the goal in life. Find people who you can support and who will support you in turn, all sides. ❤️❤️❤️

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Faye Winters

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have Faye Winters with us, a contemporary dancer who can shape clay as fluidly as she shapes her body. Faye, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue dance and sculpting?

Faye: I've always felt a deep connection to movement and expression. Dance, especially contemporary dance, allows me to convey emotions and stories in a way that words cannot. And sculpting is a whole other thing! It allows me to create the human form in a single beautiful moment. It's so interesting to create something stationary that contains so much movement.

Interviewer: How do you want to be seen by others?

Faye: Honestly sometimes I wish that I could pick and choose when I'm actually perceived.

Interviewer: Ok...could you elaborate on that?

Faye: I'm naturally pretty extroverted and I really love being around friends, old and new. I've just been really struggling to navigate my relationships, peoples expectations, their assumptions about me. I don't like conflict but no matter what I do it seems to find me.

Interviewer: I see the more people you let in the more complicated life can become. How about your art, how do you want it to be seen by others?

Faye: Sometimes I really shy away from just letting my true emotions show, It's not that I'm not actually a cheerful person, I just don't know if people will like the other parts of me. When I dance...it's like I'm still me but since I'm performing I can put my whole self into it and not be afraid of being harshly judged for who I am. If someone feels the need to critique my work that's one thing, but when they judge my character then it actually hurts. *starts fiddling with her hair* Uh I'm not sure if that answers your question.

Interviewer: No, I understand. You want people to see all of you through your work even the parts your afraid for them to see. So what do you look for, what traits do you value most in a friend?

Faye: Authenticity. I value friends who are genuine, who accept me for who I am and who I can be myself around. I might have a really big social circle, but I've actually only got a few friends that truly understand me and make me feel safe.

Interviewer: Mhm that checks out. So, what is your latest obsession?

Faye: I've been baking even more recently. I'm trying to perfect some recipes before I start my blog. Mmm struggling to come up with a name for it though. Let me know I you think of something. *reveals the most charming smile*

Interviewer: *grins back* I'll start brainstorming ASAP! Ok could you describe your ideal partner?

Faye: *starts chewing on her bottom lip, lost in thought* I mean I don't have a type. I think that I just gravitate towards people that make me feel at ease. Chemistry should be natural, like I want them to be my best friend, but I also want to feel butterflies and be a bit nervous around them.

Interviewer: Alright, and what was your first kiss like?

Faye: *chuckles to herself* It was my eighth grade spring formal. I went with my friend Gabriella who I had a secret crush on. We were young and I was still figuring myself out, my sexuality my gender identity. She was so cool and I had a crush on her for a while but I wasn't sure if she liked girls. I wasn't even sure if I liked girls until we kissed. We were just going as friends, but the DJ (aka Mr. Harrison our English teacher) just kept playing slow songs and we still wanted to dance. So on the fifth slow song in a row we were swaying gently she was really locked in on my eyes. I suddenly felt brave and went in for a little peck. She didn't shy away, it was sweet. I didn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

Interviewer: That's honestly too cute. It's nice that your first have left such a sweet memory. Ok next question. Have you ever been in love?

Faye: *lets out the deepest sigh* I think you already know the answer to that. *she closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose* Yes I have been in love.

Interviewer: *clears their throat* Sorry about that...I don't think you'll like this next question either. When was your last relationship, and why did it end?

Faye: *covers her face with her hands* Uh god I really hate this. Ok, ok fine. You already know that Karla and I were together until recently, but hey I might as well tell you the whole story. We had a class together fall semester freshman year, Art-107: 2D Fundamentals. It's one of the core classes for Studio Arts. Anyways along with the obvious drawing assignments we also spent a lot of time taking field trips to galleries and museums. I had already noticed Karla in class but, she really stood out to me on those days...usually she would walk around with her headphones on, she seemed to be in a world entirely her own. Anyway, one day we were looking at the same piece and next thing I know she says, "You know we've been standing here for the last twenty minutes, and I haven't thought about anything except that you smell like lavender, honey, and sunshine." And then she just smiled at me...it was the most soft and unassuming expression. It's like she didn't have up any walls, she had a thought and just said it without worrying about it. She drew me in instantly. I never told her this, but I fell for her right then and there. At first everything felt so easy between us. Karla has this quiet confidence that just made me feel so secure in her, in myself...in us. *she lets out a bitter laugh* Then as usual when life starts getting to good obstacles come out to play! Long story short one of our "friends" started trying to drive a wedge between us. At the time I didn't realize it or want to believe it, but I think he was interested in me so he was always around and acting a little more than friendly. I tried to just brush it off as a little innocent crush. One day we were hanging out together waiting on Karla and next thing I know he's kissing me. *the interviewer's eyes go wide already knowing where this is going* Yeah...Karla had just walked in. Even though she saw me push him away. Even though I told here it was completely one sided she just didn't want to deal with the drama. And that was that.

Interviewer: Well fuck. That's really shitty. I can't even imagine having someone I thought was my friend do that to me.

Faye: Yeah it was really messed up. Sorry for rambling...I just wanted to get it off my chest, I'm so tired of people asking me about it. Now I just want to try and move on. But of course I haven't stopped thinking about her, not even for a single day.

Interviewer: I can imagine...sorry this next question almost feels to light hearted in comparison.*Faye shrugs signaling them to continue* What’s your ideal Friday night?

Faye: *she cracks a smile* Your right this is a rather light transition. Ok so my ideal Friday night would start with a sunset picnic. Just eating some yummy snacks, listing to music and being out in nature. Maybe we'll dance in the grass or just lay around and talk.

Interviewer: That sounds like a fantastic evening. What’s the last song you listened to?

Faye: "If You Were Mine" by Minova.

Interviewer: I'll have to give it a listen. How do you behave in a relationship?

Faye: In one word giving. I really like doing things for my partner. Curating sweet little gifts and dates keeping in mind how well I know them, in my opinion, is the best way to show them how I feel.

Interviewer: Do you approach those you’re interested in or let them come to you?

Faye: I think it's definitely a bit of both. I'll definitely approach someone first if it seems like they're on the shy side. Until I turned fourteen...maybe fifteen I was pretty awkward, but then I just decided to start accepting myself and putting myself out there.

Interviewer: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Faye: I really hate liars. Especially if you're lying about someone else. Like, why would you drag someone else's name through the mud.

Interviewer: What do you notice first about a person?

Faye: Their energy and presence. It's not that I believe in auras or anything, but people really do give off unique vibes.

Interviewer: What did you dream about last night?

Faye: Nothing that I can remember, thank god! I did watch a suspense movie right before bed, so I was sleeping with the lights on.

Interviewer: *lets out a light chuckle* Well Faye this has been an absolute pleasure, but I believe that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing more of your story with us!

[arshisrabbaves]

Arnav Singh Raizada and Redemption!

Ok so, let’s talk about it.

Rewatching the show as an adult made me realize that many people weren’t happy with Arnav’s redemption and how it was portrayed. They were looking for something more intense and serious

Now this might be a little unpopular opinion but THAT kind of redemption would be very unrealistic for him and let me explain it why.

By no means I’m trying to defend or justify his actions towards Khushi. I completely on the side that what he did to her or how he treated her was extremely wrong and toxic and I don’t support that, his past trauma shouldn’t be an excuse. However IPKKND is a show that handles trauma and trauma response in a better way than most of the ITV shows.

Notice how they (characters, storyline, scenes) never try to indicate that Khushi should fix Arnav’s trauma. That’s right! It’s because they are well aware that both of the characters are deeply traumatized yet have different outcomes. However I really wish they highlighted Khushi’s trauma as well and gave it more importance.

And now speaking of trauma they both had similar kind that of losing parents, but everything that happened later on was different.

For Khushi she was younger than Arnav when her parents passed away, only 8. She even mentioned it in one episode that she had no idea what death meant and always thought her parents would come back. And considering the fact that she was immediately taken in by Garima and Shashi there’s a high chance that they didn’t let her know or tell her anything about her parents death, leading her to believe that they’ll come back. There’s a high chance she found out later on after growing up or Madhumati told her while lashing out at her for something.

Notice how Khushi is always smiling, laughing, is very goofy and not only that she’s also always trying to fix everyone’s problem and never complains about her own. And even if she does she only does in front of her Devi maiya. It’s probably because she has a fear of judgement from other people.

I am very heavy on this but growing up Khushi heard a lot of such things as “You should be grateful for us, we took you with us and saved you. You would be in Orphanage without us” specially from Madhumati.

That’s why Khushi believed that no matter what happens she should always make them aka Guptas happy, never complain or do anything to make them upset. No doubt she was so hell bent on getting their forgiveness after the elopement track.

Arnav on the other hand was older than Khushi, he was more mature and had witnessed everything. His mother confronting his father, their deaths, his sister being left at the altar, his grandmother (Dadi) abandoning him and Anjali instead of taking responsibility and his uncle throwing him out of the house. Having to endure all this at the age of 14 made him more cold in general, which compelled him to ignore his emotions and just see things practically. It was his goal to be rich and successful so that no one can look down on him and he did that keeping his emotions aside.

You can critically argue that Arnav had some little changes after he started catching feelings for Khushi. Like being able to take jokes, laughing, having more compassion but still the huge parts were there. Notice how he still got nightmares and felt the pain deeply, and how he struggled saying things like sorry, Thankyou or even happy birthday. That’s the proof right there that falling for Khushi did infact NOT heal his trauma.

So that’s why! The kind of redemption people wanted would’ve required some intense therapy sessions which obviously didn’t happen 🤷‍♀️