#i wish i had math autism instead of this

[serpentine-illusion]

I wish I had good at math and stable career autism instead I have

'The urge to draw full on character sheets for all the papas in relations to all the Ghouls, going into every single detail im talking height, build, gender identity, personality, relation to each other, physical features and whatever tf not so i have an encyclopedia and categorized little list of all my little guys' autism

[attention-all-pickpockets]

i wish i had gotten the math genius type of autism. instead all i know how to do is make mountain goats playlists following a highly specific theme that nobody else cares about

[deadmegumi]

I wish I had the autism that made you good at math instead I got the kind that makes you handwrite out character sheets for a naruto themed bg3 campaign

[mentalknot]

“You aren’t crazy for simply having big mathematical ideas”

Well, after months of calling myself crazy, months of nearly begging others to commit me to a psychiatric ward, I got my answer…

There is a neuropsychologist in my hometown who’s known for her work with adolescents. She evaluated me twice: first in middle school, for autism, and again for ADHD as new 18-year-old “adult.” I knew another evaluation was out of the question, both financially and functionally — I’ve had five over my lifetime, and know every trick of the trade at this point.

Nonetheless, I reached out to inquire about the numerical aspects of my reports, and she offered a quick meeting at the start of the new year. The answer I got felt like a stab in the gut:

“You’ve always tested as an extremely gifted individual, but I worry that your self-image is blocking you from success… why can’t you simply accept this?

Sure, I’d scored in the range >95% for numerous visual and verbal reasoning tests, but my depression and anxiety ratings were just as high…

Plus, many view IQ as a faulty metric, and focusing on it seems to do more harm than good. Even if IQ was reliable, I know mine, and I’m not in the range people call “gifted.”

I started to ask her about this discrepancy, and she replied before I could even get everything—

“I didn’t need to give you one of those the second time around; your behavior presents clearly enough, and your conditions prevent you from testing reliably anyways.”

We talked a bit more, and she offered to answer any questions that might come up over email. This should be good news, but a part of me just wished she told me I was delusional instead…

She told me to accept my brain, to stop calling myself “dumb” all the time, but I’m terrified by the implications of accepting her words.

I already experience difficulty relating to others around me, but not in the sense that is riddled with superiority; connecting with others is disjoint from “intelligence,” and people who don’t try have their own issue with arrogance.

However, I find that it’s hard to have no one understand what this feels like. I simply try to share an idea for causal mathematical chatter, and people stare at me like they’ve seen a ghost. My mind is constantly racing with these ideas, and don’t get me wrong… I’m grateful, but I’d be lying to say it isn’t exhausting.

Most importantly, my brain doesn’t make me some “genius mathematician inherently.” Math is one of the few remaining honest professions; there is no way to “cheat your way to the top.” The quality of my proofs show a hilariously developmentally-appropriate level of sophistication!

If anything, I’m terrified of following my ideas to closely and becoming a crank. I’m terrified of becoming arrogant and harmful like my father and so many “savants” out in the world. I simply want a community where I feel at home, and someone to call a mentor at the end of it all.

I wish there were a person out there who, rather than necessarily “fixing” my story, could tell me their own. I’ve found great comfort in reading the stories of older eccentric mathematicians.

In the end, I just want someone who treats my experiences normally, who observes my flaws just as equally as everything else, but all this could be wishful thinking…

[franconianmenace]

I wish I had the math autism instead I have the turn German cities into humans autism

[goatlingsvent]

Hey, Demi here. I've known about this place for a little thanks to a different user and have avoided touching this place, but since I've been banned, I don't care anymore.

I don't know why or how, but I was banned for having an alt. which I don't have nor never had. I literally got up for a few minutes to look for my earbuds, only to come back to me banned. Considering staff has refused to answer my friends requests for them to email me or answer my emails asking for proof about this supposed "alt account", I'm afraid I'll never get my goats back.

So, at this point, I'm assuming this is a misunderstanding, or I've been framed. So congrats! Billions of ss worth of items are now gone to the void. Better make my lost DOTD count 21 because staff won't even fucking talk to me.

I haven't even been playing that much as of late, not as much as I used to. I was excited to have my IRL friends be able to join MM, but I guess they're doing it without me! And the prize goat for the giveaway? Say goodbye to them and all the retired shit they had because I was trying to help someone else get back into their account so they could donate. Oops, it looks like no one gets any of it!

Perhaps this is good for me. Even though I had refrained from spending money on Goatlings (I did the math and spent well over $4,000 in this goat forsaken site alone), this is now one less avenue for me to relapsePlaying, even if it may sound stupid, literally had negative physical repercussions on my heart and the way my brain makes adrenaline. I can't be excited for shit now without the adrenaline causing severe anxiety instead. So maybe this is good. I already regretted spending the money and regret it even more now!

To the people who hated me because I was annoying or some shit, you could have just, you know, talked to me about it? I'm not a mind reader, I'm a guy with autism and a potential learning disability, learn to fucking communicate with people omg... Alot of your petty beef would be less abundant if you nicely talked it over with people. Why haven't I done that? Because I never felt like a personal problem with anyone! I didn't let little things take over my mind like a brain fungus that makes you stupid.

I may never get my account back. And hopefully, the anxiety and stress of it all will soon subside. Goatlings is becoming more of a hell hole, and I suggest you all quit before you lose it all, or it consumes you. You all sound so miserable... I wish I could help, but I already got my hands full with 3 little brothers and my mentally ill self. If I could buy the site from Kris, I would, and as much as some of you hate me, at least I would listen to your concerns about the site itself.

This may be long as hell, but I care or at least cared for the Goatlings community. Even to those who hate me. If I can't work this out with staff, I'll be here on Tumblr and on Flight Rising. You're lucky I didn't get my hands on the Sweet Nightmares I was gonna get from a buddy soon.

Quit while you still have control. This site isn't worth your well-being.

To long don't care: Demi got banned for having an alt he never made, and staff (so far) won't answer his stupid ass emails. Billions of ss lost.

Live life, love yourself, fuck cops 🥳🎉

🌐

[onemorecupofcoffee]

i wish i had math and science autism instead of tweeter and the monkey man autism

[leporellian]

god i wish i had like math or science talents and interests so i could be useful and not a total blight on everything but no i somehow managed to get the Opera Autism instead

[gokustits]

I wish I had the good at math autism but instead I got the “hmm actually 🤓☝🏾” about db autism

[phar1ka]

wish I had the huggy wuggy autism instead of the good at math autism

[loserkaleidoscope]

Wish i had the "good at maths" type of autism, instead I got the "about to meltdown when it's too warm" type of autism.

Yes you can have both.

But I don't. I'm just dumb and dying.

[olauivers]

i wish i had maths autism instead i got irrevocable knowledge of random products anyone could ever need autism

@jimmysownworld i'm so sorry

[tesghosterone]

blah blah i wish i had good at maths autism instead i got Ow My Whole Body Hurts Because I Watched A Video Of My Favourite TV Show And It Filled Me With A Surge Of Manic Energy That I Tried To Contain By Clenching My Muscles And Now My Heart Rate Is Up And My Head Feels Like It's Going To Explode disorder

[cyb3rktty]

I wish I had the math or science genius autism.. or even the trains enthusiast autism.. but instead I got stuck with the desire to consume (obsessed with cannibalism) autism ���('～`;)┌

[indigoisokay]

"I wish I had math autism" this "I have (blank) autism instead of math autism" that. Fuck it all i'm going to self induce math autism welcome to day one of training myself to be an academic weapon (I had to drop out of college)

[kisstheashes]

Do you find that kink is healing after being raised mormon?

Yes! Kink is healing for a variety of reasons, that being one of them. Now my later teen years as a Mormon already had me exploring kink, which uh. I still have some conflicted emotions about, having looked at hardcore kink quite young. But anyway, it's really very healing. Obviously bimbo is the biggest one, which I find healing for reasons to do with my family, my autism, and the pressures that were always put on me everywhere else too. Unlike Jehovahs witness or other cults, mormons really do encourage higher education, because if you get paid more that 10% that goes to the church is a lot bigger. And if you don't get a four year degree and a stable, well paying job, even as a woman, it was like. Well you're a failure. And I was supposed to be my family's golden child for similar reasons. So being a bimbo, being like "no, fuck you, I'm actually kind of stupid and I like thinking about sex instead of math or psychology" is an incredibly powerful mindset when you have been "the smart one" for your entire existence.

And even my enjoyment in ~taboo~ kinks that "uphold patriarchy" is a lot different when you are consciously deciding that this man can hold your life in his hands. And also when that man is trans and you had to buy his cock with capitalism.

I haven't thought too much about how my kinks deal with my exmo trauma and previous existence, frankly, but there's some obvious throughlines like corruption and innocence kinks and yes, I do wish I could get fucked in a church. Unfortunately that stereotype is very true. But also, one of my biggest kinks, my clothing kink, is kiiiiind of the reason I saw cracks in the church in the first place. I had my sexual awakening watching a kid's show episode where all the clothes shrank down onto everyone wearing them and got stuck on, so. Once I started puberty I got reaaaaalll angry that I had to cover my body so much, especially when summers even without massive climate change could get to 120F!! I wasn't allowed to wear clothes i felt good in, I wasn't allowed to express my personality in my clothing, I felt like my modest clothes had chains and cuffs attached to them, it was a big reason for my degrading mental health for a while. It sounds stupid if you don't get it, but it's an intrinsic part of me, and outside of sexual activities my clothing fetish dictates my daily thoughts and daily wardrobe, in & outside of work.

Wow i had a lot to say, ha. thanks for the ask💖