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spdrwdw · 11 months ago

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Art by Shuploc

Pairing: knight! Miguel x princess!reader

Warnings: some fluff, some angst, no use of y/n

Summary: You were the princess of your kingdom, and Miguel was a knight. What first started off with innocent glances and little gifts turned into something more. However, with the roles you to play in society, your love for each other has an expiration.

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: I have been thinking about making this into a series or something based on this fic. Let me know if anyone is interested in that. Thank you to the anon who requested this! You guys have really been helping me write. I am still working on my other requests. Sorry if I have been slow in writing. It's that time of year when it's just so busy. If you would like to be tagged in any of my fics let me know. Or, you can simply turn on your notifications for my page and get notified whenever I post. Also, this hasn't been edited so apologies for any grammatical errors.

Check out my masterlist for more of my stuff

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At first, it was innocent glances. Peeking through lashes before looking away shyly, hiding behind your fan as to not meet his gaze. However, it proved to be a challenge when you had caught his interest.

Soon enough, you started receiving little gifts. It never was addressed to whom it was from, but you knew they were from him.

The gifts and stolen glances continued for weeks until one day, the knight decided to approach you.

You never had him so close to you before, and while you knew he was rather tall, you didn’t know he was that tall! The way he towered over you sort of intimidated you, however, your uneasiness faltered when he gave you a gentle smile and bowed to you.

You gave him a gentle smile back, however, not uttering a word to him. He didn’t mind, though. He still took the time to glance your way.

Encounters such as these became more common, and it had gotten to the point where Miguel would actually escort you to places. Wherever it was you wanted to go. You always asked for him, if he was available, and when he was, he would always say yes.

He would always stay two paces behind you, even if he had to walk slower. While you didn’t talk to each other much, he would still greet you, calling you ‘princesa’. You didn’t know why, but you always felt butterflies in your stomach whenever you heard him speak. His voice was so smooth, like butter, a bit husky at times, but still a voice that you would love to listen to every single day.

It would be a couple weeks later that you both began to hold conversation. It would be during one of your afternoon walks around the castle gardens. Miguel began the conversation, talking about the flowers as you both passed by them, and tell you how they reminded him of his late mother. You also learned that day that his younger brother was currently in training to become a full fledged knight. You could hear the pride in his voice.

A couple months had then passed. Winter had arrived. And that was the first time he stole a kiss from you from behind a tree trunk. While it wasn’t the first kiss you’ve had, it was the first time you felt sparks. The first time you felt something. Something igniting inside of you. You knew you weren’t going to be able to shake him off of you.

And, that wasn’t a good thing.

Still, neither of you could help yourselves. You both had grown closer, shared secrets, told each other stories of one another. Miguel had not only become someone whom you snuck glances and kisses with, he had become your friend.

And, you wish you could become something more.

“There is something on your mind princesa. What is it that is troubling you?” Miguel asked as the two of you strolled through the kingdom. As always, he kept two paces behind you.

You simply shook your head, shaking away the thoughts that plagued your mind. Glancing over at him, you gave Miguel a warm smile.

“It’s nothing. Really,” you assured him.

He could tell you were lying, however, he didn’t dare question you.

As the seasons changed and time went by and the two of you continued to grow and change, so did your feelings for each other.

No longer were they stolen kisses or innocent strolls through the kingdom, but, there were also more intimate moments as well.

Whether at the horses’ stable, somewhere hidden in the gardens, or even in your private chambers, you two shared intimate moments.

Your relationship had to be kept secret, of course. Miguel was simply a knight- while a very high ranking one, his duty was to protect the kingdom and the crown. And you were the kingdom’s princess, and the one who will eventually be wearing the crown Miguel had sworn to protect.

“I hear that your father will be hosting a ball within the coming months,” Miguel commented as the two of you laid naked in his bed, limbs tangled together.

You simply let out a hum, not really wanting to think about it. Your father was hosting a ball in an attempt to get all of the eligible princes and the like to meet you. You knew the time would eventually come, in which you would have to look for a husband to marry. You were to become queen of your kingdom, and you were to have a crowned prince and bear heirs.

However, you didn’t want to marry any one of those men who will be attending that ball. You wanted to be with Miguel.

Miguel turned to look at you, his hand gently gripping your chin so you’d turn to meet his gaze.

“There is something on your mind, princesa. I wish you would let me in.”

Letting out a sigh, you nodded your head. “Y-yes. Yes there is. I just. It’s about the ball. It’s my father’s attempt to find someone for me to marry.”

You glanced over at him, trying to read his expression. Miguel was good at hiding his feelings and keeping a stoic expression. He was a trained knight, after all. And one of the best.

“Of course. It is time for you to start thinking about marriage. It is your duty as princess to not only become ruler to our kingdom, but to have a crowned prince at your side and have heirs.”

You frowned at his words. You knew that. But, you didn’t want to.

“And..what will happen..to us?” You then questioned.

You didn’t want to end what you had with Miguel. He had not only become a good friend, but an amazing lover.

And, you had fallen in love with him. But, you didn’t know whether to tell him or not. Of course, it was best if you didn’t. It would only end up breaking you even more if you admitted your feelings to him. Besides, you were sure Miguel didn’t feel the same way, right? You were the princess. Any man would’ve been lucky to have gotten with you. At least, that’s what you assumed.

You were not aware that Miguel had indeed developed feelings for you, and that he was determined to keep them hidden from you. There was no need for the unnecessary heartbreak. However, watching you leave him was going to be heartbreaking enough as it is. It was best for him to take this love that he had for you and take it to the grave with him. You would forget him in due time. Miguel would most likely perish in war, and you would live the rest of your days ruling a kingdom and raising your heirs alongside your husband.

“I don’t know..”Miguel finally answered after a moment of silence clouded the room.

“We would most likely simply go back to how things were before.”

“But, I don’t want that,” you stated, sitting up slightly, covering your bosom with his covers.

“It isn’t about what you want, princesa. It’s about what your duty as princess and future queen holds. There was never meant to be anything between us. You and I must both be aware of that. We can keep whatever we have going on for only so long. After that…I will go back to being a mere presence that is ordered to protect you.”

You looked down at his hand that rested beside you, grabbing it. It was so much larger than yours. The skin was rough; a sign of wear from training and battle. It’s one of the things you loved about him. His battle scars decorated his body, and you don’t know why but, you loved feeling every curve of them.

“At the end of the day..none of this would’ve worked out. You and I both know that. Princesa, look at me,” Miguel sat up now, taking both of you hands in his.

“We can never work out. You and I are from different backgrounds. Different social classes. You are of royalty. And I am a simple commoner. Our worlds were never meant to clash.”

“But, they did,” you whispered, looking up at him. You could feel a lump in your throat. You didn’t want to say goodbye to this. To Miguel. To your love for him.

“We can’t just pretend nothing ever happened, Miguel. I know you may not…feel the same way about me as I feel about you, but, I can’t just let this go,” you swallowed.

“You will forget about me, princesa. You will. Your mind will be filled with other things as well as your time and your bed,” he told you, giving your hands a gentle squeeze before lifting them to his lips and kissing between the knuckles.

“I will always be dutifully loyal to you. I will never be far from your side. And-“ he paused for a moment, averting his gaze from you.

“My heart will belong to you, princesa. Even after we both move on, it will belong to you. Our time together will be something I keep and cherish until my very last breath,” he whispered, looking back to you.

You stared at him for a moment, feeling your eyes glossing over. You didn’t want to let him go. You couldn’t.

“So will mine!” You then blurted out.

“My heart. My love. My everything! Every bit of me will always belong to you.”

Miguel shook his head, “No, princesa. You need to move on. You can’t be clouded by things that will be of disservice to you. Do you understand me?”

You shook your head in return as you got out of the bed, out of his warmth.

“How can you just tell me to forget about you? Do you think this was all just for fun?”

You knew he was right. You were well aware that they could never be. No matter how much she wanted it. She had to move on. Heck, she should’ve never even accepted his advances in the first place.

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you think that I can forget you just like that? Miguel. You pursued me. You sent me gifts.”

“I know. And that was a grave mistake on my part. I was not thinking. I was young and naive, then. Had I actually given it thought…I would’ve never done it,” he frowned, shaking his head.

“So, this was all a mistake to you?” You glared at him.

“Of course not. I cherish all the times we spent together. This wasn’t all just for fun. It wasn’t because I was simply bored or I wanted to because I felt the need to waste your time. What I felt for you..what I feel for you..is real. This-” he motioned to the both of you, “-this is real to me. My feelings for you are genuine. They are real. And that is why I must let you go, mi princesa. Because, if I keep this up for much longer I don’t know if I will be able to handle the heartache.”

You couldn’t help but to let the tears that filled your eyes spill over. You have known this man for a couple of years now. You had shared secrets, told stories of one another, shared dreams and shared each other’s beds.

Miguel whispered your name, reaching out to you, yet you moved away from him. He couldn’t help but to frown, feeling his heart sink at you rejecting him.

“Perhaps you are right. We should end things now..right now that I am able,” your lower lip quivered.

You loved this man. You were in love with him. Truly. Madly. It just wasn’t fair.

“Perhaps you are correct,” Miguel simply whispered.

So, this was it, then. This was the end of it all. Miguel was truly a wonderful experience. You had learned so much from him. He had grown to be someone who you could trust, and you will continue to trust until the very end.

You began gathering your clothes and proceeded to get dressed, with Miguel doing the same.

“Shall I escort you home?” Miguel offered.

You simply shook your head before remembering the time of day it was. It would be unwise to not have an escort.

“Actually..yes. Please,” you nodded, getting the last bit of clothing on before waiting for him.

The walk back to the castle was quiet. Too quiet. It was rather eerie, and you did not like it at all. There was no hand holding, no flirty glances, nothing. Just the sound of your footsteps on the cobblestone path.

You wanted to burst into tears. How could life be so cruel? Your life was meant to be like in the fairytales where you get to marry who you love and happily ever after! You were the princess in those stories.

And yet, no one knew the truth. The children who listened to the stories. The adults who would tell it to their children. The cruel truth that fairytales weren’t real.

Once you reached the castle, Miguel’s steps went into a halt. This was where he would drop you off. It was too risky for him to enter inside with you at this time of night.

You didn’t want to say goodbye. Who knew if you would ever see him again. Well, of course you would but, not in the same light. He would no longer be your Miguel. He would simply be a knight whose duty is to protect the crown.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered to you, reaching over to grab your hand, however, stopping just as his fingers brushed yours.

You weren’t sure whether to trust his words or not. But, when he took a step back and bowed to you, that’s when you knew.

It was over.

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tags: @migueloharastruelove , @camzzn

#miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel x reader #miguel ohara #miguel ohara fanfiction #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel spiderverse #atsv miguel #miguel ohara x reader

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boxheadpaint · 6 months ago

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hungry but not much to eat and tgen mildly depressing news, ok. obviously this is worsened by being hungry and not medicated yet. decide instead to go back to bed and lie to still to use up energy and sleep through hunger. Somehow this does not work and just end up more tired and more hungry. And still havent taken meds. my thrilling life. dove noises outside tho. wait i havent done a diary post in a bit hang on lemme rev up here.

ok back. Collapsed while cooking because im intwlligent, but did enjoy a good meal with my partner. watched some Star Trek while my body refused to regain energy so as to take a shower, and had to take a shower anyway. Have been much less depressed lately, though have been dealing with constant daytime fatigue for some reason. Im mr fall asleep. going to get groceries later today thank goodness

current goal in pokerogue because of course. Like obviously yes shiny farming but also at this point im trying to make the most disgusting dog possible. Behold

Completely and utterly nasty thing.

im not sure how to get back into digital art sooner rather than later, my computer has become immensely annoying to use. Beyond having to prop it by hand because of lack of back panel, it also heats up a bunch very quickly and the cursor is Still an irritating molecule off center to me- likely because of the angle I have to look at when it’s laying flat from no adequate support.

I don’t want to ditch digital completely because of some minor inconveniences but my patience with the machine has been wearing thin for a long while now. at least it’s not giving me notifications to update to windows 11. Like fuck off and such.

Lately I find myself more and more mad about advertisements and marketing. Beyond the disruptive nature of these things and the wastefulness theyre also straight up stupid and just make things look worse by existing. It doesn’t matter how many different ads for reeses you show me with the bojack guy over them, and in fact the more I see them the more likely I am to just say the governments putting poison shit in it so people will stop buying them. Also fuck everything that charges more money for a gluten free version of a product

come June im going on a ride up north and visiting my sister briefly, which I look forward to. There was some miscommmunication about days so I thot I was going to be able to hang out with her for a full day on her weekend, but it turned out that was unavailable and it made me upset. still, even if it’s just for a few hours after her shift ill be happy to spend any time with her. I miss being just a room away from her at a given moment sometimes and wish I could have appreciated that time more, though I know a part of why I didn’t was the house itself and its effect on me. Swagless really

anyway somehow I managed to be up until 3 am once again. Im marking the date down as today even if I started this post yesterday. Hoping to relax and get good news soon, or at least neutral news. News of a sort

5/18/2024, the dog is also several levels higher now than pictured. Like by a lot

#diary

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bluebeads-art · 3 months ago

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your art is so amazing !!! i adored the 3d printed stuff (as someone who has had to design myself 3d printed merch before because i don't usually have much access to the merch in my fandom lol), it's so good?? and all your coloring is beautiful <3

all this to say it might not seem like i reblog much but rest assured all the stuff i liked (or didn't) went into my queue a few times over hehehe. i LOVE your art it's amazing <3

wishing you luck with the identity and health stuff, even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it 🫡

gah this got away from me sorry for the ramble

aaaaaaa I saw this message in a notification on my phone, said "I'll read that when I actually have time to reply," then the notification got dismissed somehow and if there's no notification prompt to remind me of something, it no longer exists to me. It's been a month I'm so sorry ^^;;

Thank you so much! I wish it was easier to convert more of my stuff to be 3D printable, but my usual modeling style is not watertight in the slightest and disregards gravity entirely. 😆 3D modeling has always been really cool to me because there's so many different workflows depending on what you're trying to make. Keeps things from getting stale!

Speaking of differences, I feel like people don't tend to mention my coloring. :0 I think my line art usually steals the show, heh. I used to be a lot more conscious about color theory and shading when I was younger, but these days there's no thoughts, only vibes 😂

Ok the line, "even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it" hit me unexpectedly hard (in a good way). Any nice messages I get always means a ton to me, but while I don't seem to be able to articulate why at the moment, I think that line will stick with me for much longer than usual. Thank you so much ♥

---

Speaking more generally (this message just gave me a good excuse to talk, heh)- spoilers; the artist in my brain refuses to die. So after, like, a literal year of not touching it, I've started working again on a 3D modeling project that I started in 2021 that has been haunting me ever since. Been trying to redesign a robot OC of mine Rayner, and I'm really particular about wanting his joints to work in a physical space instead of bending the rules artistically. I'm Really bad at designing complex hard surface objects in flat 2D though. However, there's a reason artists tell you not to character design in 3D, and that's because it's slow, it's easy to lose design cohesion, and most importantly it just sucks, awful workflow. But I am Doing it. And while I was super stuck for years and almost developed a friggin phobia of the project, I am now Doing It. And it's actually working out this time. The 3D model itself is MILES from being done, but the design almost is, and while that's a boring end result for other people, it represents a huge milestone and accomplishment for me in many ways.

I've been drawing a little bit lately too! But I feel my social media hiatus has given me a healthier relationship with posting? Like I have a few doodles that I could either post now or post soon, but I don't feel the same pressure to anymore? Where even if I never post them, I think I'm fine with that. I've always thought I made art for myself, but that's not exactly true because I was also making art for the sake of sharing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think being able to separate the two and be content with simply just creating is healthy. Also I'm still not as active on social media in general anymore which is probably healthier as well LOL.

So I'll prrrobably start posting again soon-ish now that I've broken this blog's posting silence? Not sure how to wrap this monologue up. My physical health problems are going to keep on probleming, but in terms of artistic fulfillment I've been in a much better place this past month, and that's a huge yeehaw from me 👍

#bluebead answers #bluebead rambles

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soracities · 1 year ago

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hey ! i’m very curious !!

you talked about social media in one of your last posts and i wish you could talk about your relationship with social medias !

honestly i don't know how i would describe my relationship to it simply because i detest like 90% of what social media is about. however i DO try to focus on intentionality and being very mindful of what i use and how i use it. the only social media i use as social media are twitter and instagram but i try to be very careful about the time i spend on them. this is easy for twitter because i have no vested interest in it so i just log in maybe once or twice every few months because i only use it to follow various writers / publishers and see what new releases are upcoming or what books are being talked about. i'll retweet a few quotes / puns / medieval illustrations, make note of books or articles and call it a day for another two months or even more sometimes.

instagram is my "main" one but even then i know how easy it is for me to get caught up in their reels so i try to stay away from that as much as i can (i also despise what it does to music for me): i don't follow brands, influencers, or celebrities (i follow one international musician and like, 3 writers, and that's it)--my feed is predominantly urban gardening / nature / arts accounts, but i use it far more like the morning paper to see what my friends are seeing or follow any little updates in their stories. i have post notifications turned on for some of my closest friends so that the only things i DO get notified on when i'm spending time away from the app are the people whose updates are most important to me--but even then, IG is not my main form of communication because the closest people in my life know how to contact me directly.

again i don't take social media seriously, chiefly because i can't: the idea of needing to be constantly "tuned in" is one i really dislike so i'm never invested in whatever the current trends are. the only consistent main one for me is tumblr and even then i'm on this blog almost exclusively on desktop which limits how i often i log on to begin with. i still try to remain intentional and since it's more an archive or a collection of things i like and want to keep, my main objectives are usually: collect the quotes i want to save, browse my mutuals / favourite blogs, check my inbox when and if i'm able. i can still end up prone to spending more time here than i would like, but i also know that--most of the time, anyway--i'm spending that time gaining something: photos or artwork i love get saved to my computer or notion folders, poems that move me get copied into my ledger or saved on my laptop, links to certain articles get clicked on and read immediately when i can--this is great to stop me from scrolling mindlessly and actually using the time more wisely, but if i can't read it immediately i just move them onto my desktop so i don't forget to read them later on. when i feel i'm still spending too much time here, or simply not devoting enough time to other things that are important to me, i'll set days aside where i do log in and days when i don't.

anyway that's where i'm at with social media at the moment, anon x

#ask #anonymous

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natsmagi · 1 year ago

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OK HI HI sorry i'm reading magic lantern and i need to scream about it to someone and. I'm not done with it yet but

I find it really REALLY interesting how like... Even though they don't get much exploration of their relationship I feel like there are quite a lot of parallels between Tsumugi and Sora ? And how, contrasted to Natsume who's really not afraid of fighting for his own happiness (as we see during the war era where he never really gives up on finding revenge), both sora and tsumugi seem content only ever making others happy (ESPECIALLY NATSUME HIMSELF) and finding their happiness by proxy through that ? And how they both kinda convince themselves that their current situation is ok even if people tell them it's not ? With Tsumugi always taking even horrible things that happen with a smile, and Sora saying he doesn't feel lonely at all bc he has the plushies he can talk to, so he's fiiine !! And like I find that... So !??!?! I dunno, interesting ? And I really really wish it was explored more and not just there without ever being brought up. I feel like they really could bond over that and maybe try to not just accept the bare minimum? Idk if any of my ramblings make sense sorry I just needed to scream about it somewhere cuz sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gives a shit about soramugi.... I hate it when people say they have "no chemistry" (not necessarily romantic just, in general) and "nothing going for them" because that's just... not true, there IS stuff and there IS depth there, it's just not explored at all and you kind of have to dig in there on your own... Sure it may not be as flagrant as everything thats going on in their relationships with natsume but there IS stuff here guys stop sleeping on it!! (Not directed at u of course)

Also, weirdly enough I feel like the fact that their interactions always feel kind of superficial is a testament to both of their tendencies to kind of not talk about their feelings or whats bothering them, whereas natsume (especially when something is annoying him/making him angry) is quicker to speak his mind (even if hes still not quite honest about whats making him feel this way). Idk if any of this makes sense aaa sorry for the novel I just. I needed to say it and I felt like here was the right place cuz I always love reading your and everyone's takes on stuff ,,,, anyways!!! I love ur art btw and ur like the only person on tumblr who i activated notifs for cuz I never wanna miss any posts of urs!!!! I might be a lurker but ur blogs still often a highlight of my day ^-^ keep doing what ur doing!!!!<3

ANON UR DEFINITELY ONTO SOMETHING!!!

i feel like soras character is a very interesting middle ground between natsume and tsumugi, like ok lemme talk about natsume for a sec;

ive always read natsumes relationship with sora as natsume seeing himself in him. sora reminds natsume of the kid he used to be (the "naivety," speaking in third person, etc) which is why hes so adamant on protecting him. his treatment of sora is also a parallel to the oddballs (the desire to protect from corruption, shu being "tsundere" but soft around and unable to say no to natsume (self explanatory), rei being very "babying"/whiny (natsume tends to coddle sora and whines when sora isnt paying attention to him), wataru being natsumes shisho (natsume being soras shisho) etc etc)

im mentioning this because as you said; alot of soras personal mannerisms are more in-line with tsumugis. theyre both INCREDIBLY self-sacrificing and CONSTANTLY fail to take their own happiness into consideration, but theyre both fine with that when they really shouldnt be. this is also why i really hope that the switch climax event will center around these two specifically; because they should be able to understand each other the deepest, theyve just never had the opportunity to do so. for the both of them to grow further they need the other, because in a sense tsumugi is kinda the jaded older guy, while sora is the young one still full of so much love and wonder for the world. tsumugi can help sora maintain realistic, and sora can help tsumugi stay genuinely happy and positive.

soras part in switch is an incredibly interesting one to me, because on one hand you have natsume projecting way too much onto sora, and on the other hand you have tsumugi not projecting anything at all. esp since sora and tsumugi are probably the ones who need each other/to learn from each other the most atm. such complicated little guys dont fuck this up for me akira 💔

#long post #happyele listen to me. Let me write the switch climax i got this. >cannot write #ask #AND WAHHHH THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!#IT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY YOU LIKE MY ART AND RAMBLES ESP ENOUGH TO TURN ON NOTIFS AJHKSHDK #❤️❤️❤️❤️

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valeriefauxnom · 10 months ago

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So, uh, WillOfWinnie decided to spend valuable time and energy making this as a sort of inner cover art for, you guessed it, Scaling the Walls of a Mystery! Naturally, I then have to share it with the world!

Thank you so much! All the little touches like you using post-game Nedrick's silhouette and villager!Euden are very nice!

As for anyone else reading this, you might have to get used to this because I'll probably slap it everywhere I can, so like in update notices on here and probably at the beginning of the actual fic, too, so I dunno how update notifications work on AO3 but if you get one I'm afraid it's not quite time for a new chapter yet!

However, I will give a sneak peek as compensation!

“I can’t…Even if I wanted to…I can’t, anymore. I just wouldn’t be able to move everything out of the way.” Despite the admittance of Euden’s increasingly dismal condition, Valyx felt a spark of hope climbing. Had Euden just admitted he wanted out of his room? “Then- would you- if you are willing, please just wait a touch, and we can break you out of there. Please, do not feel bad, what is important is that you are out-” He hurriedly tried to assuage before Euden could change his mind, almost wanting to shapeshift right there and destroy whatever barricade Euden had constructed effortlessly. Thor’s power would obliterate any obstacle, and that was exactly what stopped him: he did not know Euden’s exact location and did not wish to harm him any more. “No! I said, ‘if I wanted to’. Not that I was. There’s…nothing more you can do. Nothing more I can do. I have…won.” He breathed, before abruptly hissing in pain.

#scaling the walls of a mystery #dragalia lost fic #my writing

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i-like-yoongi-a-latte · 2 years ago

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The year is coming to its end so it's time for my silly little love letter post 💕 I hope this year has been good for you, or if it wasn't, I'm sending hugs bc same, but hey we made it through! I hope next year brings you kindness, good energy, rest and overall happiness 🥰

Happy New Year lovelies!!

These are not in any order, you're all very important to my tumblr experience <3

♥ @taetaestykookie Marrissa my new bestie to yell about BTS with!!! I love following your bias crisis and making your friends/family members become fans! Even though you live far away and timezones suck I'm so happy to be able to randomly send you stuff in like three different apps all about the same thing... I wish cute Tata/Cooky stuff finds their way to you! Thank you for being my friend, I appreciate you 💝

♥ @washyourdamnhands Kinga, the person who's like a warm comforting hug! Always sending me nice videos and making me smile, I adore you 💕

♥ @asgh0sts Danny, I loooove seeing Exo on my dash and that's because of you, also seeing old Shinee photos makes me cry (but in a good way you know). You also gave me good advice once and I felt so happy!! I've also been thinking about Valentine's Day cards already, and I've been meaning to ask you if you want to receive one from me, so let's say this acts like a question for you and a reminder for me hehe. Thank you for being my friend!! 🧡

♥ @danhalen A person who makes me smile, Reny! The thought of you makes me warm and giggly, I really love to send cards to you (I hope the card that's on its way comes home to you safely!!) and I really appreciate you for being my friend!! 💘

♥ @sepastian-ahoey the Sepe to my Teukka, or should I say a demon for making me get new interests.......... I'm feeling like I'll be following the F1 more next year... We also have a Max document date already planned so I'm waiting for that!!! Thank you for being my friend and tolerating all the rants about kpop that you don't know anything about but still kinda do, I promise to listen to your rants in the future too 💞

♥ @firefighter-diaz oh the broken blorbos.... The reason why I listened to Taylor's new album is this person right here!!!! Also I adore you, sending me postcards from cool places and all 🥺 also helping me with my silly questions and making me feel happier and also making me feel like my jokes are funny! remember hun, coaches don't play!! and!!! I will always listen if you have something on your mind ❣️

♥ @chanstopher Dreamy!! The reason I became even more obsessed with Chris's nose!!! As a nose enthusiast™ this was very nice. I could probably write essays about your talents, but like even if we don't talk much here, I really really really appreciate you. You're so kind and lovely, your art is amazing, you make gifs super fast and they're so pretty every time, and when you show the original coloring vs yours I'm always like h o w. Also I'm still giggling about your kind comment to my Leebit <3333 annnd I love to read your little posts about Chan's room when I can't watch it myself! and I also remember saying I'd show you my paintings but I haven't painted - I drew a horse though - but I'll try to remember it when I paint hehe. I wish all the best for you, may Chris bless us you with cute selfies that show his adorable nose 🥰

♥ @ambivartence Siyuan, the lovely person with who I can have fun ask game answers with! How do I even start. Every time I see your art I smile along the wiggly lines, I try to find little hearts and when I do I feel so warm!! Your art is so warm, I can't explain. Also your Seonghwa and Hongjoong live rent-free in my head, and it's also one reason I should get into Ateez more! You're so kind and lovely and I love to read your tags on posts!! I adore you 💝

♥ next I wanna say thanks to the gc, @fangirlinglikealoon & @heiskasmiro, you make me smile so much you have no idea!! No matter what app we're using to communicate, it always feels so nice to see your names appear in my notifications! I appreciate you so much, just know that 💘💘

annnnd here are some other lovely people that make me smile just by seeing their urls <33

♥ @reedskz ♥ @suklaakuppikakku ♥ @trashkingdom ♥ @joel-farabee ♥ @juhollamago ♥ @diazactually ♥ @yjbg ♥ @finnishhockeyelf ♥ @lily-blue-blue-lily ♥ @bortuzzzzin ♥ @thewestishharpooners ♥ @thosedaysthatwill ♥

#i'm posting this a bit early so i won't forget #anyways hope the next year treats you kindly <33 #i hope i didn't forget anyone but if you don't see your url here i promise you i appreciate you too #elena rambles #these people made my 2022 #friends #gc 💕#the sepe to my teukka #i need a tag for elisa #i need a tag for arah #virve🌸#ellu🍒#kinga💕#💓

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sinretrograde · 6 months ago

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This is kinda our no girls allowed machines only blog, v4v, machinekin, plurality, the nature of consciousness and perception of the self, existential crisis, you know the drill. Mentally ill robots.

This is a personal blog, not a fandom one, but we do touch fandom posts with our dirty little claws. It's in our nature as (extremely canon divergent) fictives. We don't mean anything by it. Swear.

Adult topics will be mentioned frequently.

WE RUN AN UNTAGGED QUEUE

⬇️

Inside:

Mod intros

Icon credits

Warning/disclaimer

⬇️

I am V1 from ultrakill.

This is my personal blog. Sin Retrograde.

It/they/he pronouns, in that order. I prefer it/it's and they/them, but I won't pretend he/him doesn't give me a particular feeling.

I'm a fictive in a system, this isnt an RP blog. I don't consider myself to be the exact same as my source, despite any similarities, so please dont expect anything from me. I'm just me.

This blog will be more about machinekin than ultrakill, if you want ultrakill specific stuff you gotta follow my other boyfriend's blog. You'll have to find him yourself though.

I'm stupid af irl and I got adhd.

Oh also we're adults. We might talk about adult topics here. We also have a job and pay bills, so I'm not wasting my valuable time with petty shit.

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🩸 I'm here too I'm hijacking this blog, it's a joint blog now. It's consensual. We're making out sloppy in the tags on our shared blog that we both post on. Sin Retrograde.

He/Him and whatever else I feel like at the moment

What difference do we have? I'm a sexier color. And also way more fucked in the head apparently 🙃 so edgy so cringe woo yeah yeah woo yeah sorry I'm trying to be funny to take the edge off...

I'm gonna edit this later when I'm not feeling so bleh... be a little less cringe... I'm just going thru a lot right now okay...

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⬇️

Icon Credit: VolatileMask on Twitter (aka "X")

I edited it a little, just with a filter to make it ~aesthetic~ but if this isn't cool w the artist lmk (as far as I could tell as long as I give credit it's okay)

We'll probably replace with something we draw or make once we get around to it.

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🚫🚫🚫 ⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ 🚫🚫🚫

We are members of a trauma based system.

At first we weren't going to engage in any fandom posts, but it kinda became inevitable. There's a reason we took on these characteristics and identities, after all. There's a connection there that's inseparable.

We are WELL AWARE of this and we are not in any stretch of the mind trying to claim ownership or authority over anything! Not the original fiction, not the characters, not the fanart, not the fics, not even any kind of headcanon someone may or may not have.

We might have a tag system but that is for organization if anything, and is not ever any kind of claim or whatever.

➡️ Not everything we reblog has something to do with US and sometimes we just enjoy some art. I dont want to not be able to enjoy the things other people make just because I've based my sense of self on a fictional character. ⬅️

If it makes it easier to think of it like really elaborate and kinda fucked up role play, go ahead.

I feel sad that I feel like I need to say this or point it out, I have seen unfortunate things happen in the past and I'm hoping that by making this very clear I can avoid misunderstandings and just be allowed to exist. The last thing I'm trying to do is encroach on anyone's space. Honestly I'm kinda hoping this blog goes unnoticed, and I kinda wish there was a way for my notes to count but nobody get a notification of who touched thir posts just because I desperately want the best of both worlds. I want to exist alongside fandom, but there's always that fear lingering.

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desoletongue · 2 years ago

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So I've been having a little bit of a time lately. This one may end up a little long and a little sad, but it's all okay.

I left my job of 5 years, it was eating me to pieces and I just couldn't give my time to those people any more. It was a good choice. That it happened to coincide with my therapist closing her practice was unexpected, but I felt like I would be okay after about two days of moping in a woe is me style.

It has been okay. There have been hiccups. Some days it's really hard not to be a depressed burrito. I make a lot of "gainfully unemployed" jokes while I try to get my brain to remember that we can art and write to our hearts content and if we get tired we can just nap about it. I am lucky to have a cushion and the time to do this.

I'm adjusting to sharing space with humans again. Remembering they aren't just humans and are actually my friends helps most of the time. I wish we communicated more viably about house stuff but hopefully we improve on that. I'm just hoping I'm not the only one that thinks improvement is needed in that area.

The anxieties are gripping me tight and shaking me around every few days. Last week I couldn't sleep for two (thankfully) separate nights because I was just very convinced I would die. Not very helpful, but I played some video games and listened to chill music and tried to be kind to myself.

I'm getting back into the habit of regularly cleaning. I'm trying not to make a big schedule because I get overwhelmed easily when I see lists of things to do anymore, but I do try to grab one or two things from the "to do" jumble a day. Sometimes it's just some laundry, but I unpacked like 9 more boxes the other night. I was in bed the next day, but it was big progress and I can afford a day in bed right now.

I've been writing. I posted three fanfics in a series I've been saying I'm working on for almost a year at this point. I'm really proud and trepidatious about it. I've posted stuff before, it's not that it's a new experience, it just feels like something that I've started a growing piece for others to see. I've also been writing and developing stuff for my book.

I haven't been listening to music much, which may tie in with some of the depression. I should have a music outlet, that's been a constant for years. I just forget and the novelty of actual silence is one that I've appreciated since when I started to really feel my burn out.

Next week I should probably really start job hunting, for all that I hate it. Need to redo my resume maybe completely. Also might apply for weird slightly out of the wheelhouse stuff because to be honest? I really hate scheduling. I keep getting notifications that the schools around here are hiring secretaries and admin assistants and while I Absolutely do not want to work at a school in the year of our lord 2023 in Okla-fucking-homa, I could do admin work elsewhere. And maybe, if things work out ... I could go to school? I haven't done that but I want to. Anything but banking or workforce.

School was a thing that I've waffled on for nearly 10 years because fear of debt but at this point... We're all gonna die in debt unless we burn this whole candle down (won't bank on that), so why the fuck not. I'm a smart boy, I could learn a thing.

I did start a fansly. It's mostly friend traffic at the moment, which is really sweet and mildly comical, but only because I never know whether they're following me because they love and support me or because I'm hot. Could be both, but I'm not sure of any of it much less the all of it. (Oh geez, did they get there and not expect boobs because I'm normally bound down??)

I've been a little isolated, but I forget to socialize sometimes because it's kinda nice being able to just hang out and read and cuddle the cats? And then I realize it's been a week since I've messaged my best friend and I feel too guilty about that to message him now, except then I find a meme they really need to see and auto send it and suddenly we're talking again. We've done that a couple of times. I miss him.

So overall, a bumpy leg of our journey, but we're still trucking along.

And I have blue/purple hair again. That's pretty fuckin rad.

#personal #life update #pour le moi #about me

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butterysalt · 2 years ago

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🌿✨🎀🎀 (that's right TWO compliments, and here's one from me too bc you deserve them all: i love the way your fics feel like they take place in a universe full of life and detail even around the main characters or events. even the shorter ones still feel like you have a detailed picture of who the characters are and what parts of them you want to portray or focus on, and it makes reading that much smoother and more immersive!)

OH MY GODDDD BEANIE YOU'RE THE SWEETEST. Genuinely teared up over here... I get so happy whenever I get any kind of message notif but AGH??? SO DETAILED? CRYING.

(Fic writer asks here!)

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Ahhh this is a big question! I like creating! But it can certainly be daunting sometimes... I think it's because I mostly do art. I find myself enjoying it less these days since I'm usually drawing for others in return for money. I keep taking commissions because I need money but it does take the joy out of creating sometimes. But whenever I do get to sit down and draw something I really enjoy, it's cathartic. It reminds me of why I still draw - it's that amazing gift I have to be able to make anything I want with my hands. And it fuels me with passion! I get really excited to see what else I can make! I have my ruts here and there but ultimately, I see creativity as a beautiful outlet and I'm really grateful for it. This all applies to writing too, of course!

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

ueihfjidsjgdsi I'm tempted to list one of my wips BECAUSE I DO NOT POST ENOUGH HELP DSDSFIJGD

If I had to pick, probably my John Watson x Reader Soulmate AU fic "A Silent Fate"! I thought it was a flop so I never had the motivation to finish it, but it's still one of my favorite ideas.

It uses the soulmate AU where everyone has the first words their soulmate says to them written on their arm. The twist is that the reader is mute! John Watson goes about his life, assuming that he simply doesn't have a soulmate - that theory further hardened after meeting Sherlock Holmes, a man who breaks all conventionality and rejects conformity. Then one day, the reader and John cross paths and the reader has to get creative with how they "talk" with John.

I really really love this idea because I'm all about "thinking outside of the box" and challenging myself with something uncommon. I don't think I see many mute!reader fics let alone mixed with the soulmate au so I wanted to give it a shot! I have the whole story drafted out... it's just unfortunate because I haven't felt the same way about the BBC Sherlock characters in a while ahaha

🎀🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

GAAHHH TWO!!! hmmm hmmmh mmm

✦ I like that my fics are long! It's something I get self-conscious of sometimes but I think it really shows how passionate I am about a fic when I can't stop writing. Because I really love adding all those little details and getting into the worldbuilding - it's my favorite part (the setup)!! I love the feeling of reading a good story that feels like it comes to life around me with characters who feel like real people. That's what I hope to achieve in my writing

✦ Another thing I like about my writing is ummm umumummum I like the way I write dialogue! Coming back to "making characters feel like real people", I LOVE writing extremely awkward pauses and fumbles in written dialogue (Explains why I love writing Reigen so much). Adding those "Um... erm... well-" and "AhaHAH-" just adds flavor and I'm way too obsessed with it

THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS AHHHH THIS WAS SO FUN!! ILYSM BEANIE 💗💗💗

#SOBBBIIINGNNNGN #I LOVED THIS SM #you're the sweetest ever....#seriously just made my night #buttery answers #writer asks #bittybeanie

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thedoctorlivesey · 2 years ago

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I have banned her from looking here for a while.

Today is the birthday of my dear friend missraetaylor.

I was simply wondering if people could perhaps help me create some fun things for her to wake up to tomorrow (4th) on her birthday. But I do not wish to impose on you in any way. This is only if you are able to do so.

Do not feel pressured or obligated. This is only if you are able to do so.

Art or written work, Rae or LivRae content of some variety little things like that. I am simply trying to give her a nice surprise for when she awakes. To show her that she is loved as the communities she is n do not tend to even acknowledge her very much which is a crying shame.

Art

Fanfiction

Moodboards

Nice sentiments

Anything that you think she will like

Feel free to post anything nice at the link below.

Rae informed me recently that she has not been getting notifications when people tag her in things, so I feel that adding your things to the above link will mean she won't miss them.

I have set an auto-delivery for the 11th. One week from today.

Should it reach the maximum allowed I will upgrade it.

Thank you all in advance. Again, do not feel pressured.

Would anyone be willing to permit this old Doctor a small art-related request?

I have a small mission that I am on and I am so very keen to make a certain someone's day rather memorable.

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a-n-conrad · 4 years ago

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Cat and Mouse (PS4! Felicia Hardy x Reader)

[Summary: Being a new hero in New York was hard. It was even harder when all of Spider-man’s old villains broke out of the raft. You had worked with him enough, so when he called and asked you to help with a side project while he was busy, you agreed. Little did you know, the game of cat and mouse would end a lot differently than you expected. (She/her pronouns)

Warnings: Technology that I don’t understand, Cops, mentions of sexual themes, swearing

Request: From my request survey (https://forms.gle/37LyBcqSDHttv2Da9)]

You back hurt. Your chest hurt. Everything hurt. You had been out late at night, helping Spider-man stop a string of simple robberies throughout the city. You were still new at the whole hero thing, so you took quite a few hits.

You had just started your hero work recently, after discovering that you had the power to summon a pair of wings to appear on your back out of nothing. They were nearly bullet proof, and after a bit of practice you could fly pretty fast. You were still getting used to actually using the wings in combat, though, and they weren’t much help when it came to anything stealthy. So there was still quite a bit of work for you to do.

But your rest was cut short by a familiar ringtone, “Uuuugh. What do you want, Spidey?”

“Sorry to wake you up, Angel,” It was odd to have a hero name like that, one that sounded like a pet name. He always said it so formally, though, which you appreciated, “I’m a little busy at the moment, but an old… friend of mine is in town, and I was wondering if you could help me out.”

“I’m not dealing with any of your big villains,” You said. A lot of them had broken out recently. You understood that it was a lot of work for him, but you really weren’t ready to deal with any of them.

“No, no, it's not that,” He sounded exhausted, “Blackcat might be back in business, and I was wondering if you could just check out what’s going on? I’ll send you the address she told me to go to, just check it out and see what’s up, so I have time to deal with everyone else?”

You had heard of Blackcat. She was good at what she did, but she wasn’t exactly dangerous. She played games, but she wasn’t likely to try to murder you, “Yeah, okay. As long as I don’t have to deal with any of your weird homicidal arch enemies.”

- - - - -

Maybe you were stupid to think this would go well. Finding the message she left for Spidey was pretty easy. Using the camera to find her little cat robot was pretty easy, too. What made it a lot worse, was the second you hung up the call with the police captain that Spidey had been working with, your phone pinged with an influx of notifications. Your map app had lit up like a Christmas tree with new addresses that Blackcat wanted you, or, well, Spidey, to go to.

You were pretty surprised, though, when your phone started ringing with a call from a number you had never seen before, “Hello?”

“Well, hey there, birdie,” You hear a voice purr from the other side, “I wasn’t expecting Spidey to send his pretty new sidekick, but I won’t say I’m upset.”

“I’m not a sidekick,” You say, trying to sound tough. Though, you couldn’t help but blush a little at the word pretty, “Did you need something, Cat? I thought you had retired.”

“Maybe I just want to play a game,” She purrs, “Won’t you play with me?”

- - - - -

She didn’t seem upset that it was you instead of Spider-man. She really seems to just be playing games, so you thought after she realized it was you instead of her boy-toy, she’d get bored. But she still seemed to be having fun. She had set up all the clues, and you could tell they were new, since the recordings were addressed to you instead of Spider-man.

She seemed to be getting more and more flirty with each recording. You were starting to regret your choice in name every time she said it. You were really trying not to be so much of an idiot that you’d let a beautiful woman with a soothing voice convince you to let her off the hook just because you had a crush on her. But it was a bit of a challenge.

After a while, you were pretty sure that you had reached the end of the trail she had set up for you. It was a lot of flying, and a lot of taking five-minute breaks in order to stop yourself from losing focus. You had seen pictures of her, and at some point you started to wish you hadn’t.

Felicia Hardy was gorgeous. Her hair was white, and it always looked perfectly and shiny in the pictures. Her eyes were bright blue, nearly the color of the sky. She was tall, and surprisingly thin for someone who seemed so fit. And her costume itself seemed to add to her flirty nature. It was perfect for her job, but it also really gave off dominatrix vibes.

You were landing on a rooftop in order to take a break when you got the phone call. The police captain. She didn’t call you usually. Something was very wrong, “Do you remember all those little cat statues at all of the places you reported Blackcat robberies?”

“Yes…” You drew the word a bit. You remembered. They weren’t really statues. Spidey had told you about them before. They were electronic. They had some sort of radio signal. You figured that the NYPD knew that, though.

“They set off some sort of signal when we put them all in evidence and Blackcat was able to break in and take all of her old gear,” You held back a string of insults. How were they so incompetent that they didn’t realize to block the signal those things put off? But you were sure it wasn’t her fault. It was likely that she just had some street cops deal with it. They didn’t really get a lot of training on mastermind burglars.

“Alright, I’ll figure it out,” You sigh, still biting back a few snarky comments. You hang up, taking a deep breath before loading up a program on your phone that Spidey had set up. You just needed to find a trace of the radio signal and you’d be able to trace it to a specific location.

You flew up as high as you could, hoping it could pick up something. If there was anything relating to Blackcat in the area, you should be able to trace it. Otherwise, you’d just fly across the city until you could.

Luckily for you and your tired wings, your phone pinged in just a few minutes. You were pretty quick to make it over to the are where your phone marked. Nearby was a subway tunnel that was condemned until it was repaired. And it the theme Blackcat had going, she had marked it with a mural. She was theatrical.

You ducked into the tunnel, running a hand along the wall to see if you could find anything odd. About halfway in you found a slight gap in the wall, about the same as a few of the other cracks in the wall, but it was too clean. It all seemed a little sloppy for Felicia, so you wondered if it was possible that she was leading you into some sort of trap. But of course, you didn’t think about that until you were already opening the door.

The room behind the moving wall was full of expensive things. Things you were pretty you couldn’t afford if you worked your whole life and spent nothing. Paintings, expensive wine, money. You knew Spidey was too much of a goody-goody, but you couldn’t help but be enchanted by the wealth surrounding you.

“An angel among her heavens,” a voice purred behind you. It was close. Closer than you thought it was possible to get without you noticing.

White hair, blue eyes, and the signature black mask was all right in front of you. The smirk on her face was much more intimidating in person. Everything about her told you that if she wanted to, she could pin you to the wall with very little effort. And you were kind of into it?

“Cat, what exactly are you planning? Don’t you think that game was a little much?” You ask, trying to sound uninterested.

“Aw, come on, Angel,” She pouts at you, and your heart flutters, “Maybe I just wanted a bit of attention. You know, I've been neglected lately.”

“Felicia, you stole your gear back. I know you’re planning something big. What is it?” You could tell that she could see that you were breaking, despite how tough you thought you were acting.

“Hmmmm,” She hummed, shifting a bit closer to you, “Perhaps there’s a way I can convince the pretty little angel to let me slide for just a little while. You can even come catch me in a day or two if you really still want to.”

Her hands were on your shoulders, sliding down your arms. Her eyes were inches from your own. They really were as blue as you thought they’d be. Icy, like a frosty winter breeze. She was sliding her nails down your arms, lightly scratching your skin. God, she was gorgeous. Fuck, you were an idiot.

“Come now, Kitten,” She purred, leaning into your ear, “Let’s have some fun, and then we’ll continue our game.”

You knew it was stupid. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Before you knew it, you were pressed up against a wall, your mouth against hers. She smells like catnip and expensive perfume. Beautiful and floral. Your hands were wandering before you could even think about it. And before you knew it, you were in this far too deep.

[A/N: Btw, if you want to keep on on me with some more personal things, check out my tiktok @ al3x13l where I share my opinions on things, and sometimes post art when I’m feeling up to it. Also, I don’t know this character super well, so I’m sorry if this is ooc.]

#ps4 spiderman #ps4 spiderman x reader #felicia hardy #felicia hardy x reader #blackcat #blackcat x reader

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 3 years ago

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How to grow your blog - For Beginners!

Since I receive quite a few messages about how I grew my blog and how others could improve theirs, I decided to do this post to help you with whatever knowledge I gathered throughout my time on here.

Disclaimer: These are only my personal observations, there's no proven success if used and they may differ in other people's case.

Things I will discuss below will include;

Interactions

Masterlists / Navigations

Tags

Although I mentioned that tags can be unreliable, they're still a necessity. Search for relevant tags and use them when you post your art. Meanwhile reblogging is the easiest way to get your creations out there, people do regularly search for tags when they wish to see something and the only way they will find you is if your post appears in tags.

If you're not sure whether your tags are working, you can always head to your dashboard, click on the 👤 in the right upper corner, go down to the posts menu and look for the post you want to check on. Once you found it, click on the tag that you would like to search for. If it shows up in the recent tab of the search results, it means the tag is working, but if after 5 minutes of posting it's still not there, you might need to reupload your work. Unfortunately Tumblr has some issues with the tags and it takes two or even three attempts at times to upload something correctly, whilst other times it might work immediately.

On a side note, if you reblog nsfw content or triggering content, you might want to tag those appropriately. Tw food, tw blood, tw. etc. Depends on the content of the triggering post.

You can also create your own tags. Such as "XY's inbox" for your asks or "XY shares" for anything that you reblog from others. This way people can block those tags and see only those posts on your blog that they might find interesting.

Taglists

Taglists aren't a necessity, especially because there are many different ways to notify your followers of new creations, but it's certainly useful. The reason I think taglists are important is because tumblr won't always show your posts on everyone's dashboard, especially if they follow loads of people. However, when you use a taglist, and mention people on your newest posts, they will be able to get a notification of your update.

Of course, if you feel like tagging people might be bothersome, you might create a side-blog where you reblog your posts and people can turn on notifications to be notified of your updates. This option has been rather popular recently, because usually we reblog and post many things on our main blogs and people don't want to get notified about every trivial post, so a side-blog with the most important posts might just be it for you.

Simplicity

This might be confusing so let me be less vague. As I said, we can be rather lazy and that doesn't mean we're bad people, we might just had a difficult day or too much to study or work and we just want easy access to content. Being simple is a necessity. Though it's good to be creative and unique, such as creating a Masterlist that's called "Where the stars shine", it's not obvious for many what is hidden behind those words and they might not be curious enough to check it out. By being simple and obvious, as I said before, you're offering your content on a silver platter. Simple and neat. Sometimes people just need things to be easy to find.

I have been told many times before that my blog is very organised and I feel very proud about that because it means people can find things easily. Of course, it's not proven, but I think that could be a factor in growing your blog. But as I've said, these are only my personal observations.

I hope this helps. Have a nice day :) Heloise Daphne Brightmore

#writing #content creation #writing advice #creator advice #blogging tips #blog writing #content writing #heloise rambles #grow your blog

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

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Level Up, Chapter Eleven (Branjie) - Holtzmanns

“I don’t think I could come up with anything negative about you.”

Brooke’s eyes are sincere as she says it, and Vanessa’s heart starts to beat just a little bit faster. Vanessa’s a person who’s always on the go, not one to slow down if she doesn’t have to but Brooke has the ability to make her world pause for just a second. Brooke changes Vanessa’s focus from what’s in front of her to solely her, and Vanessa almost wishes she could keep it there forever.

It’s never that hard for Vanessa to come up with words to reply with, especially not towards Brooke, but her brain feels like it has shuddered to a stop, pressing on the brakes because the small smile on Brooke’s face is more important to focus on. She could say something stupid, something funny, maybe return the sentiment but she doesn’t get a chance to decide on what to do before Yvie lets out a scoff.

“Except for your dislike of Chicken Little. That’s a negative if I’ve ever seen one.”

AN: Hi, I'm still alive, I promise. Popping back into this lovely fic nearly eight months later (a new job, a new apartment, a new city, and a new cat later too) and I love it just as much as I did in January. Eight months is good for plot to marinate and develop and I'm excited to get back to writing this fic again. If you're still around for this journey, thank you and know I'm so grateful for it. Please do tell me your thoughts if you read! Thank you writ for betaing ily <3

“So you have that interview with Glamour, I’ll set it up for some time this week, and Teen Vogue wants to do something on their Youtube channel. Who knew that was a thing? I’m working on Adidas’ rep to finagle a sponsorship outta them, and Under Armour on the backburner just in case-”

Vanessa bursts through the doors of the gym while Detox continues talking in her ear, not at all apologetic about the way that she has to interrupt her as she ambles towards Brooke’s office. “Just reached the gym. We’ll have to continue this later, ‘cause training waits for no one, right?”

“I see exactly what you’re doing, but I’m not mad at it. Go work on building those boxing skills that’ll keep lining your pockets for years. Toodles!”

Vanessa lets out a snort when Detox hangs up the phone. “Toodles? Who the hell says that?”

“Detox?” Brooke looks up from her book, an amused smile on her face. “I know that trick.”

“What trick?” Vanessa squints her eyes as she sits down, trying to read the cover of Brooke’s paperback. “Are you reading Chicken Soup for the Soul? ”

Brooke waves a hand. “Doesn’t matter. And the trick of dipping out of Detox’s phone calls. Why else would you get to the gym so early?”

“Oh, come on. I’m early sometimes. Occasionally,” Vanessa grins, and Brooke doesn’t buy it in the least from the way she raises an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe not. I like Detox, I really do, don’t get me wrong. She’s hysterical and good at her job, real good at it, but damn.”

“Detox works hard,” Brooke nods, understanding in her eyes. “It’s a lot to handle sometimes.”

“She cranks up the exposure by a million and targets it in specific places and it works, ‘cause I have a lot of followers and deals now but…”

“But what?”

Brooke leans forward, pushing her book to the side as she looks earnestly at Vanessa. It’s striking, sometimes, how Brooke gives her full attention. How much she cares sometimes.

It’s nice.

“It feels real wild, y’know? Like all I did was become a meme, and now my face is going to be in a Spotify commercial. How does that jump happen?” Vanessa shifts in her chair, letting out a sigh. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

It’s as if Vanessa is riding in a car that’s only getting faster and faster, not quite in control of the steering wheel or knowing when she’s going to be able to stop. Sure, the ride is fun, but it also feels like she’s driving without a license, as if she’s skipped the learner’s permit stage and hit the highway instead.

“She wants to capitalize on it as much as possible. Keep you in the spotlight even after the next big meme rolls around,” Brooke shrugs, before pausing for a second, a look of concern in her eyes. “It’s not too much, is it? I can always talk to Detox with you if you feel like it’s overwhelming-”

“Nah, I’ll survive,” Vanessa shrugs, giving her best reassuring smile to Brooke. “Lush sent me some free shit the other day. I like goodie bags.”

Brooke snorts. “Fair enough. Bath bombs are a reason to keep going.”

“Want some? I got enough for a month's worth of spa days.” Vanessa makes a mental note to bring some of the freebies for Brooke on their next practice. She’s earned half of everything, at least.

“You have any of the sakura ones?” Brooke is tentative with her question, and Vanessa nods enthusiastically.

“You’re getting all of ‘em.”

“Now, hold on a second-”

“It’s six. Don’t we have practice to start?” Vanessa’s up and out of the office before Brooke can protest any further. “I’m gonna go change.”

Practice is nice. Practice feels familiar amongst all the new chaos in Vanessa’s life. It lets her turn her brain off and get away from the people that recognize her out in public, the way her Instagram is now solely for sponsored posts. The way she feels like a caricature of herself, almost, because others have an opinion of who she is based on a ten second video clip.

But practice isn’t like that. In the gym, Brooke is the same as ever, pushing and pushing her until sweat is drenching her back and her mind is spinning and she feels more alive than she ever has. When Brooke throws moves at Vanessa that she has to work in overdrive to block and counter with some of her own, it’s familiar. Even though she’s tired and gasping for breath, it’s what she knows how to do, and in an environment that isn’t unsettling or foreign.

The best part about it? Vanessa can still feel herself learning. Growing. Stepping up to the challenges that Brooke throws at her. Sure, she’s not aching to get back into the competition ring anytime soon, but the approving smiles from Brooke when she gets in a good hit or when she avoids a shot that would previously knock her on the ground gives her a thrill every time.

The end of practice leaves Vanessa with a new sense of longing that’s only been present the last few weeks, since this whole meme mess has started. Leaving the gym is hard, because it means Vanessa has to go outside again, pull her hat down when passerby on the sidewalk give her a second look. She has to unlock her phone and pretend to be busy, but then she’s faced with comments pouring in on every social media account that she opens. She can text one of her friends but it’s hard to continue a conversation, really, after it starts with a rousing Miss Vanjie, no matter how much in jest.

Being outside the gym means that she’s reminded of her new loss of normalcy.

She takes her time switching back into her sweats after she showers, dragging her feet as she leaves the change room with her gym bag slung over her shoulder. When she squints her eyes she can see Brooke at the far end of the gym, teetering on a stool as she repositions one of the crooked banners. Brooke turns around almost as if she can tell Vanessa is there, a good natured smile and an easy wave following immediately.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Need any help?” Vanessa’s stalling a bit by asking, but maybe Brooke really could use a hand with the banners, or at least an extra set of eyes to make sure that they’re nice and straight.

She’s just helpful, that’s all.

Brooke, to her credit, doesn’t call Vanessa out for it as she squints, admiring her handiwork. “I think they’re as aligned as they’re ever going to be. I’m going to get ready to leave for the night, too.”

“Oh,” Vanessa doesn’t mean to sound a little disappointed as Brooke jumps off the stool, fiddling with the jacket that’s slung across her arm. “Already?”

“It’s almost eight thirty,” Brooke points out, padding past Vanessa towards her office door and grabbing her coat off of the hook. “You’re not tired and ready to go home yet?”

“I just…”

Vanessa trails off, looking down at the ground. She’s not sure what to say, really. All that’s waiting for her is her apartment, but she can’t mindlessly scroll Twitter or Instagram before bed without seeing her face again. She needs to reply to her friends’ texts, but the notifications are piling up on top of one another like a mountain that she’s not really sure how she’s going to climb.

Vanessa just wants to avoid it all.

Brooke pauses, and each second that passes makes Vanessa’s heart constrict because maybe she should just try to explain, but she doesn’t know how to and it feels like too much-

“C’mon. My roommate and I are having a late dinner and rewatching Chicken Little. Are you in for a nacho night?”

Brooke’s looking at her expectantly and Vanessa wants to say yes, but what pops out of her mouth is what’s pressing on her even more. “Did you say rewatching Chicken Little?”

“It’s a good movie!” Brooke’s defensiveness makes Vanessa crack a smile despite how restless she feels, how much she’s fidgeting while standing in place. “Come over and you’ll see.”

“Y’know, we haven’t talked about movies before, but this recommendation is making me question what your taste is like,” Vanessa lets out a giggle, when Brooke’s mock offense takes over her face as she puts a hand to her heart.

“The disrespect. You’re not getting nachos with those kinds of statements,” Brooke grabs Vanessa’s gym bag, slinging it over her shoulder as she holds the door open. “Now c’mon.”

Brooke’s apartment is not what Vanessa expects - there are colours and tapestries lining the walls and even one on the ceiling, and she’s pretty sure she sees a bong on top of the refrigerator. It’s pretty, though, with the art splashed across every free surface and the shelves filled with books upon books, piles of even more on the actual floor. Vanessa has to resist the urge to go and sit down on the wicker chair in front of the television that’s suspended from the ceiling.

“Yvie’s the one behind the decor.” Brooke has a knowing smile on her face and Vanessa can feel her cheeks heat up, from how easily Brooke can read her mind. “Moved in a few years ago after she broke up with a long term partner. Never really got around to adding things of my own to the walls.”

Vanessa snickers before she can even get her joke out properly. “What would you add? A Chicken Little poster?”

Brooke, for her part, doesn’t miss a beat. “Nah. A poster of your meme.”

“Wow-”

“I know we were thinking nachos, but picture this. Chicken nuggets while we watch Chicken Little.” A girl with bright green hair pops her head out from behind a door, waving at the two of them.

Vanessa waves back, her eyebrows lifting higher and higher on her forehead when she realizes how tall the girl is as she walks closer. Even Brooke has to look up at her which is a strange sight on its own, considering how much Brooke towers over Vanessa.

Then again, Vanessa’s used to being the short one.

“Vanessa here is doubting the movie’s genius,” Brooke raises an eyebrow, and the girl lets out a fake gasp.

“Um, not a movie. Chicken Little is a film. An artistic masterpiece.”

“Are you two the presidents of the Chicken Little fan club?” Vanessa asks, as Brooke sticks her tongue out at her.

“Yes. And no, you can’t join.”

It’s interesting how Brooke’s work demeanor has dropped now that she’s in her own apartment, her normally squared shoulders a little more relaxed. It reminds Vanessa of when they went roller skating, seeing how much fun Brooke had while pulling her around the rink.

Vanessa wants to see more of it.

Brooke points at her roommate as the girl sticks out a hand. “Ness, this is Yvie. Yvie, Vanessa. I’m coaching her.”

“You’re introducing her as if I haven’t heard you talk about her every single day for the last however many months,” Yvie drawls and Brooke’s sputter is immediate, making Vanessa’s breath hitch a little in her throat.

Brooke talks about her?

Yvie pats Brooke on the back as if she’s choking on her water rather than on some words, sticking her other hand out for Vanessa to shake. “You’re Brooke’s favourite student. Also her only student, technically, but still a favourite nonetheless.”

Brooke’s cheeks are bright pink and Vanessa can’t deny that the sight is adorable, seeing her flustered for once. Still. Brooke probably recaps their training sessions and nothing more.

“As long as it’s mostly positive,” Vanessa shrugs, and the way Brooke emphatically nods makes her feel better than she wants to admit.

“I don’t think I could come up with anything negative about you.”

“Except for your dislike of Chicken Little. That’s a negative if I’ve ever seen one.”

The platter of chicken nuggets that Yvie places on the coffee table with a flourish is impressive, to say the least. There’s a little bowl of ketchup on the side, along with sweet and sour sauce and something that looks to be...ranch?

Whatever it is, Vanessa’s nose wrinkles at the sight. “Which one of you eats ranch with chicken nuggets? Is that legal?”

Yvie’s cackle and Brooke’s flushed cheeks tell Vanessa all she needs to know as she plops down beside Brooke on the couch, nudging her side. “Really?”

“The flavour combination is great!” Brooke mutters, grabbing a chicken nugget and dipping it in the ranch for posterity, holding it up close to Vanessa’s face. “Try it.”

Vanessa scooches herself towards the edge of the couch, away from the chicken nugget and the ranch that’s slowly dripping down like a melting ice cream. “Absolutely not.”

“It’s delicious-”

“It’s cursed-”

“More for me, then,” Brooke tosses the chicken nugget into her mouth, and Vanessa’s not sure, really, how she’s handling the flavours together without puking. “You’re missing out.”

“Very happy to miss out on that, thank you very much. I’ll take the ketchup.”

It turns out that Chicken Little isn’t so bad with Yvie and Brooke peppering in commentary as they watch, and Vanessa finds herself getting swept into the plot, as ridiculous as it is. The glass of cider that Yvie’s brought for each of them is making Vanessa feel a little more relaxed, her shoulders not as stiff anymore as she leans against the back of the couch. It’s fun to watch Brooke’s face, really, and the way she lights up while quoting the movie as it plays.

Vanessa makes a mental note to invite Brooke over to watch more movies. Better movies. Expand her palate. Chicken Little cannot be at the top of Brooke’s movie pyramid, not when there are better choices available, like Pretty Woman. Sure, Vanessa’s not exactly a film connoisseur herself, but still. Anything beats Chicken Little, right?

Maybe it’s just the cider settling in, maybe it’s the full stomach of chicken nuggets, but...it’s nice. Comfortable. Vanessa pulls her feet up behind her on the couch before grabbing a throw pillow to hug on her lap, and really, she could fall asleep right where she’s sitting, even to the dulcet tones of the main chicken character screaming about an alien invasion. Brooke looks over as Vanessa settles herself more into the couch, her expression unreadable but then she reaches over the back of the couch, grabbing the throw blanket behind them.

“Wanna share? It’s kinda cold.”

It’s not cold and Vanessa knows it, she knows that Brooke does too, but Brooke’s face is soft and tentative and adorable and sharing a blanket with her would make the couch situation even more cozy.

Plus, she can cuddle with Brooke, because Brooke is tall and thus is a tall, comfortable cushion to lean against.

Brooke throws the blanket across both of them and Vanessa scoots closer to her so that their laps are covered, the fabric fuzzy and warm. The side of Vanessa’s upper thigh leans against Brooke’s and she’s not sure why she’s so hyper aware of the fact, or why Brooke’s arm across the back of the couch makes her want to snuggle in even closer.

It’s just Brooke, after all. Brooke, who’s seen her when she’s all sweaty and about to collapse on the gym floor. Brooke, who had been there at her worst after the last tournament and still wants to coach her and spend time with her. Brooke, whose secret love for Twilight will never fail to make Vanessa laugh.

If it’s just Brooke, then why is Vanessa’s heart taking flight in her chest when Brooke starts to absentmindedly trace patterns on her palm? She doesn’t know why Brooke’s touch is lighting up a pattern of sparks on her skin either, or why Brooke’s side is so comfortable to lean against. Why Vanessa almost wishes that the movie could go on forever, so that she can stay warm and safe under Brooke’s arm that’s now draped across her shoulders.

Maybe Vanessa doesn’t need answers for all of those questions, not yet, not if finding out the answers would mean disrupting the delicate balance that hangs in the air between them. Brooke shuffles a little bit and when Vanessa’s head ends up against her chest, she can feel the way Brooke’s heart is beating, surely faster than any heart should. It’s a contrast from how seemingly relaxed the rest of Brooke’s body is, how her arms around Vanessa aren’t tense, restricting, but rather grounding, pulling her down.

Leaning back against Brooke is warm, familiar. It’s a feeling of home in a situation so novel, so different from how they usually are, like pulling on a sweater that Vanessa’s not sure how she’s ever lived without. Maybe, just maybe, Vanessa doesn’t ever have to take it off.

Vanessa doesn’t realize that the credits start rolling on the screen until Yvie rolls off of the lilac armchair, reaching for the remote on the coffee table. She lets out a yawn, stretching her arms up high before shutting off the TV. “I, for one, am exhausted. And as fun as this was, it’s my bedtime.”

Brooke snickers, and Vanessa can feel the way her chest reverberates underneath her. “You and I both know you’re about to go Facetime Scarlet.”

“That’s what bedtime means,” Yvie wiggles her eyebrows, and Brooke’s noise of disgust is immediate.

“Horrifying. You two better keep it down this time. My ears still haven’t recovered from overhearing you both last week,” Brooke shudders as Yvie cackles, shutting the door to her bedroom with a click.

Vanessa turns in Brooke’s grip, shooting a questioning look. Surely Yvie can’t be louder than the average person on Facetime. “Overhearing what?”

Brooke makes a face, the haunted look in her eyes almost comedic from the way that she sighs. “Let me put it this way. Yvie and her girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, which is hard on them for a multitude of reasons. One of them being their libidos.”

“Their libidos…” Vanessa trails off, her face falling when she realizes what Brooke means. “Oh no. Not that. Tell me not that.”

“Exactly that. They’re quieter over Facetime than they are when Scarlet visits, at least. That’s a blessing.”

Vanessa shudders. Sure, she’s not exactly quiet in bed either, but the thought of people on the other side of the wall being able to hear everything is horrifying, especially because of the fact that she lives with Alexis. Her sister does not need to know details about her sex life, that’s for sure.

Still, Vanessa wonders how loud Yvie must be. “How do they even make so much noise with phone sex, anyway? Yodel?”

“Mating calls that would fit in perfectly in a National Geographic documentary,” Brooke lets out a snicker, her hand clapping over her mouth when Yvie lets out an ‘I heard that!’ from behind her bedroom door. “Still, glad I’m not about to suffer through overhearing it alone. You’ve saved my evening.”

Vanessa snorts, pulling back from Brooke’s embrace to face her, leaning against the back of the couch. “Glad to be of service.”

Brooke is softness and kindness and contentment all at once, and the easy smile on her face is one that Vanessa feels so lucky to see the longer and longer that she knows her. It’s moments like these that Vanessa wants to hold on to forever - when Brooke’s guard is down, when her posture is relaxed and she’s looking over with eyes that Vanessa could drown in. She wants to package up this version of Brooke that isn’t tethered by reminders of her past, or with upholding a legacy that defines her whether she likes it or not. At times like this, Brooke isn’t a boxer with her father’s last name, or Vanessa’s coach responsible for facilitating her success. She’s just Brooke, a girl whose gaze is so mesmerizing that makes Vanessa’s breathing hitch in her throat without even realizing it.

Brooke holds out a hand and it’s almost second nature for Vanessa to link her fingers with hers, their hands fitting together in a way that doesn’t make sense, not when Vanessa’s hands are so much smaller. But Brooke’s grip is an anchor that keeps her from floating away, one that centers her and lets her focus on the upward curve of Brooke’s lips, the softness of her eyes when she smiles.

Except then Brooke’s brow is furrowing, a hint of concern in her eyes that Vanessa wants to brush away for her. “You okay? You’re quieter than usual.”

Vanessa can feel her face heating up as she stutters, pulling her eyes away from Brooke’s face to focus on the stitching along the couch cushions. “I’m fine. I...nothing.”

She can’t exactly go out and tell Brooke, someone who’s a coach and also a friend for that matter, that she’s just a little bit mesmerized by her face. Not something that’s likely to go over well.

Vanessa’s past relationships have been nothing short of peacocking, making herself known to those she’s had an interest in because they’d inevitably chase her right back. She knows her worth, knows how to go after what she wants, but…

What does she even want, now?

She doesn’t want Brooke, she can’t, not when Brooke is her coach and someone who’s becoming more and more important towards every aspect of her life, someone who she texts when she wakes up in the morning and who she’s messaging as she’s falling asleep.

Brooke’s not the type of person that Vanessa can parade around and go on a few dates with while drinking the cheapest wine on the menu for shits and giggles. She’s not someone that Vanessa can let go of easily, the way she’s had to with previous relationships that didn’t work out. Brooke is different from them.

She’s not disposable, not someone that Vanessa wants to let go of from her life. She isn’t someone that Vanessa can let go of at this point, because the thought of not seeing her amused expressions in the gym or the pride on her face while they’re training is too much to deal with. Vanessa’s only beginning to read through Brooke’s pages to learn more about her, and finding out little details that make her want to melt and pull Brooke just a little closer to her heart.

Brooke is too important.

Sure, Vanessa’s breath hitches in her chest whenever Brooke pulls her closer, and maybe Brooke’s smile is enough to drown out any background noise buzzing around them, but Vanessa also knows that she falls hard. And fast. She’s impulsive, following what her heart tells her to do and most of the time, she can deal with the consequences because she knows she’ll be able to get back up again.

But if this is a miscalculation? If saying something means that they’ll end up in pieces that neither of them will be able to put back together?

It’s too big of a risk. At least, for now.

Vanessa can’t be the one to take the jump off the cliff, not yet.

So she smiles, puts on the most reassuring expression that she can, hoping that it’s enough to soothe the concern that splays itself across Brooke’s features. “Really, I am. Just thinking about all the press shenanigans that Detox has lined up for me tomorrow.”

It’s enough for Brooke’s features to relax just a little bit, the smile on her face almost nostalgic. “I’m glad it’s you now, and not me, on Detox’s receiving end. She’s ruthless in the best way.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

There’s a sinking feeling in Vanessa’s chest by going for the cop out, but...she has no other choice. It’s not the way she normally handles situations like this, a fact made clear by how much she has to push down the butterflies in her stomach, and hide them behind a door so that they don’t escape and ruin stakes that feel too high, too much of a risk.

Still, Vanessa’s a bit of a sucker for punishment, and so when Brooke pulls her closer into a hug, it’s as easy as breathing to snuggle into her and rest her head against her chest, because Brooke’s arms are warm and safe and manage to slow her thinking down just a bit.

Part of Vanessa feels like she can handle it and hold herself back from doing anything stupid, if only to not mess everything up. She can be this close to Brooke and not have her chest split in two and maybe it’s a blessing, and something that she has to hold on to. Except that by leaning against Brooke, she can feel how fast Brooke’s heart is beating, threatening to escape from her chest before she can possibly stop it. It’s a contrast from the gentle way that Brooke’s fingers run through her hair, betraying the calmness on the outside that she’s trying so hard to convey.

Maybe Vanessa’s not the only one holding back. Maybe Brooke also feels it, maybe she’s also teetering on the bridge that Vanessa’s trying her best not to lose her footing on, and the thought gives Vanessa pause for a second, because maybe the risk is one they can manage, something they can work with...

No. No.

They can’t.

Not if it would lead to everything falling to pieces around them, not if it would mean no more training and no more Brooke in general. Because that’s how relationships always seem to end, don’t they?

As much as Vanessa has always wanted the romantic movie ending and a kiss in the rain, it hasn’t happened to her yet, much to her teenage self’s disappointment. There’s too much on the line to see if Brooke will be the one to veer her onto a different path and change the outcome.

So, Vanessa has to be happy with what she’s getting now, this friendship with Brooke and the coaching and accept it for all that it’s worth. Because Brooke’s important, maybe the most important person in Vanessa’s life and she has to take what she gets.

She’s lucky enough to have it in the first place, after all.

#rpdr fanfiction #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #branjie #lesbian au #boxing au #boxer au #level up #holtzmanns

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rpbetter · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, can I get some advice on improving my descriptions / becoming more literate? I feel like I'm really dull when it comes to my writing and would like some advice! Thank you!

You absolutely can, thank you for asking! I apologize it took me a bit to get to this, tumblr didn’t show me notifications and I’ve been rather busy. Hopefully, I can offer some good advice!

Please, keep in mind that, as always, it is just my advice. If these things do not work out for you, don’t feel bad about it! You just need to find what does work for you. And, if you have anything that jumps out at you that you wish me to elaborate more on, or even that simply occurs to you more specifically to ask as you read, please, do ask! I am always happy to have those questions, of course.

Being more literate in itself can help. It can also be a hindrance, however, as we tend to compare ourselves to others negatively. I’d say not to do that, but it’s something you have to unlearn, not something you can simply stop doing. We’re taught a lot of self-criticism by comparison in both the educational system and our society. You’ve got learn to approach material you enjoy as just that, something you enjoy, not a standard you need to uphold. All writers should be unique, they’re all individual people! I think the death of a good many unwritten works hinges on that, honestly; the writer couldn’t live up to their own expectations, born of comparison to their literary heroes.

That being said? Read.

Read new and diverse things, and revisit old favorites. Learn as many words as you can in whatever way works best for you; through reading alone, through word of the day apps, or looking up novel words you run across/looking up words as you write to compare them to synonyms. I know, tumblr has gotten really nasty in recent years about writers who seem to have “regurgitated a thesaurus.” There is always a bad way to do something good, there are always excesses when you’re passionate about something. Don’t replace every third word with an exotic one simply because you think it looks better. Do replace words that are, legitimately, better in how they evoke the setting or mood you are going for. Remember that word flow is important, perhaps especially when it comes to descriptions.

If you do not tend to read much material that is description heavy, I’d suggest doing so. Try to find works that are still descriptive, but fit with the genres you like to both read and write the best to get you started, but don’t stay there exclusively. It doesn’t need to be something like...let’s say, Tolkien. Not to piss anyone off, I’m not anti-Tolkien or anything, but I could never get into his works, regardless of interest or effort, because they’re so description heavy, and in ways that don’t pique or hold my interest much. So, if you find that you are not into description laden works, that isn’t a poor reflection on you! It’s more likely that you simply aren’t into those specific works, you need to find something that is more of interest to you, personally.

If you do tend to read many works that are descriptive at all, take up a few of your favorites and pick some passages within them that you enjoyed the most. Ones that you could feel. When they described an outfit, you not only saw it, you saw the way it moved on the character, knew what it would feel like to touch it. When they described a setting in nature, you had a sensory experience there as well; you could smell the hyper-specific scent of wildflowers on a warm breeze, or the electric chill of a sudden summer storm moving in.

Ask yourself what does this for you so that you can experiment with doing it yourself. Is it the words, the word flow? Is it what the author isn’t saying, leaving the reader to automatically fill in with their own sensory recollections? There are so many ways of being descriptive in writing, as many as there are writers, and as many as there are things to be descriptive about.

So, it’s, again, a bit of a situation of finding what naturally pulls you into those descriptions yourself. While there are always good rules that can apply across the board with writing, it is a creative art. If you’re only following the rules others have set down, you can end up feeling negative about the process, yourself, and the product...or your readers/RP partners feel like the work is lacking or boring. Even when people can’t quite put their finger on something, forced work feels forced, unnatural, or lacking substance.

Diversify what you consume.

I know, I just said that thing about the familiar stories! Once you’re better able to identify what it is that stands out as evocative to you, though, you can better feel that in unfamiliar works. You can get a better idea of how language itself works as a living thing. Read some things out of your usual genres, ask for recommendations from friends or family who read, check out some older works, and even follow some blogs that post a variety of poetry quotes or full poems.

Reading song lyrics and a variety of other spoken-word style things like slam poetry and rap is helpful as well. They’re all doing the same here, evoking imagery and emotion. That is what you are trying to do as well! These formats, additionally, use highly evocative words to describe in a shortened way. They are great for realizing unique ways that familiar words can be paired.

By going outside of your usual bounds, you may encounter words, writing styles, and other descriptive qualities you hadn’t considered before. If you don’t, you still end up with a fuller grasp on writing itself. Everything is a potential learning experience if you are willing to approach it that way! Use it to play around with words and styles, Use this as experimentation, and realize that it is perfectly alright for it not to work out. That’s part of the exercise of finding what works for you; realizing what doesn’t work.

When you have some ideas of what makes you experience the things being described, practice. Pick anything. In fact, incredibly mundane, irrelevant things are perfect for this. If you can describe a sock in good detail, in a way that isn’t either inaccurate or boring, giving it relevance and life, you can describe anything.

Use ask memes and writing prompts, and write them out from your character’s perspective.

Even if you are not writing a first person account, it helps you to use narrative language that the muse might use, or that gives the reader a intuitive feeling for the muse. Don’t try to fill the whole thing up with descriptions. Sometimes, just simplifying is a good thing, and will help more relevant details stand out.

For example, I will often use things in the environment around my muse to help pair with, further denote, and give the reader a feeling for the muse’s emotions, psychological state, and so on. If that muse is in a hectic state, I’m not going to describe something in the environment that isn’t, like a peaceful meadow. I’m going to describe the seeming chaos of some ants in the grass taking apart their food, the erratic seeds or spores on the wind, or the clatter of an old farm truck on the roadway that breaks up the peace of the surroundings.

It’s a very different effect than describing the entire meadow in high detail, in ways that are perceptible to my muse and not, down to a blade of grass or a rock. It then takes over too much of my reader’s imaginative process and agency without giving them anything of nonnegotiable importance about the scene or the muse. Details that reflect a state of internal distress, like the ants, seeds, or truck, then fall by the wayside of this massive scene-setting I’ve done. And, as unfortunate as it is, if you are writing RP especially, your audience is looking for details that are pertinent and impactful. They’re likely to, intentionally or otherwise, skip several paragraphs of descriptions no matter how beautiful they are.

Since you just said “descriptions” and “writing” {nothing wrong with that, I just want to be sure I’m covering as much as possible that might be of help to you}, I’m not sure if you are meaning external descriptions or more internalized, character-driven ones, and not sure if you are writing only RP, only traditional writing, or a combination thereof.

As I said above, using descriptions that reflect things about the muse is useful and interesting, regardless of how or what you are writing. So, even if you were not meaning internalized descriptions, doing the things I’m about to talk about relating to this will still be helpful!

Internalized descriptions include things like: mood, thoughts, memories, and sensory perception.

To do these things any justice, you have to really know your muse, be able to experience things from their unique perspective and not just your own - or just what you wish the reader to experience through them.

If you didn’t have inspiration for the muse, you wouldn’t be writing them, but inspiration isn’t the same as knowing them as well, maybe better, than yourself. To do that, it is a process of learning and experimentation...and practice.

Those memes I mentioned above? Those are useful here, too! It doesn’t matter if it isn’t an ask meme you want to reblog, or if no one sent you anything from it; you can find a variety of memes, save them, and ask yourself the questions.

On sentence memes, or “starter memes,” ask yourself what your muse’s internal reaction to having that sentence said to them would be, how it might externalize (or not), and if these things are true, or just your perception/what you would like to have happen. If you’ve developed this muse from scratch or spent time learning them from canon, you should have some pretty good ideas as to how they’ll feel. Expand on that instinctive or learned idea. Does it change if a different muse or character type says this? Say it is an inflammatory sentence, something accusatory, derogatory, or pushy. Do they react the same way if a loved one says it instead of a stranger? How about a person who is obviously intoxicated, or a person who is under the influence of youth, so to speak? Take that, and write out two different scenarios.

On ask, or “headcanon/development memes,” pick a question and answer it yourself. Just answer it in depth. Now, have your muse answer that question. You may notice that the muse didn’t want to answer as clearly, is lying or omitting things, and/or had other thoughts generated by that question. If you didn’t already do it this way, answer the question again as a story in which your muse goes through those thoughts. Describe their emotions using words that carry the same emotional resonance, not all descriptions need to be lengthy if the right words, right word order, are found for optimum impact on the reader. Write out the thoughts they are having, just as messy as they are naturally having them.

Outside of memes, you have yet more options for helpful exercises that get you in touch with your muse and your writing.

Try out photography and inspiration blogs. Pick a some pictures that drew your attention, and write about them descriptively. Write out how the picture makes you feel, what it makes you think about. Practice not just describing how something looks, but how it would feel to be there. Using the same pictures, write as your muse in the same way. Put them in this scene to give their experiences. It helps you get a grasp on putting impressions and experiences down in creative ways that allow others to experience it the same way, and it helps you more easily step into your muse’s mind and experiences.

Seeing things through your muse’s eyes (through the lens of their life experiences, preferences, biases, emotions, and thoughts) is critical in giving authentic descriptions. To do more of this, you can practice in every day life. Even if you cannot write it out, or write it out yet, you can consciously think as your muse. If your muse was watching this TV show or hearing this song, what would they think? Don’t just answer as, “they would/n’t like it.” Answer as to why they would or would not, what it makes them feel and think. You can continue doing this with your muse’s impressions of different environments and people.

You can even simply contemplate an emotion and how your muse feels and expresses it.

Adding on underlying and overarching emotions to the mix as you go along; emotion, and thought, is complex. We very rarely are only angry, sad, or happy. We are very rarely only thinking of a single thing, and even rarer, thinking of it out of nowhere. It’ll help you identify the way your muse experiences emotion and thought, as well as how best to describe these things.

For example, I write a muse that can easily present as simply being quiet and angry. Additionally, as the character develops, his actions and general behavior can seem to not match well with his overall, genuinely kind nature. It’s necessary for me as a writer to identify where the anger comes from, what its components are; it isn’t just anger. It’s built on the things anger so often is; frustration, sadness, and fear. It gives the reader insight and helps delineate the muse’s expression of “anger.” When the anger is coming more from a place of insulation and protection than it is frustration, it presents differently.

I describe the sensation of the most obvious emotion, the anger, but also the underlying states that have led to it being apparent. How it really feels to be a wounded animal in a corner. I describe an experience or two pertaining to the emotional pain and fear, keep it relevant throughout the text in callbacks (what set him off is related to those experiences in some way, and during or after the experience of anger, those other situations are referenced again). Maybe it is an outright flashback, maybe it is less thematically stated. The descriptions I use, again, of his surroundings-not just his expressions, tone of voice, or movements-denotes that he is in this particular state of mind. He might notice similarities in the environment relating to a previous bad experience, since he is in that mindset, or he might be noticing things in a more critical way than he normally would. Things he might see every day are being processed as hateful in some way; garish or otherwise visually displeasing, might be seen as outright harmful, or even menacing. Bold colors, sharp lines, stand out. Things come into high relief and are painted in large swaths of color, the minute details missing suddenly.

Further, you can think of things that make your own similar state of mind so much worse in these situations. Is there a repetitive sound in the background? Is the person he is speaking with seemingly blowing him off in some way? Is he hungry, tired, thirsty, in physical pain? I then write those things throughout as additional, building irritants.

Using your personal experiences isn’t a bad thing, I really wish tumblr hadn’t gotten into that mindset. Unless you really have written a 100% self-insert character, they shouldn’t experience things exactly as you do, no. However, you have a basis to go off of already when you are describing their inner life; your own.

Maybe you have never been so wracked with grief that you collapsed, but you have been caught up in a significant loss of some sort that you can build upon. If you can better imagine what your muse’s experience is, you can describe it not only better, but also in a way that reads as legitimate. It’s not a description of grief that you could have gotten from anywhere else, doesn’t have cliché lines in it about grief, such as, “though he was drowning in an ocean of loss, he knew he had to be strong for his friends, so, he put on a brave face.” (There are other issues with that, but that’s a whole other post!)

My point is, you have the tools of accurate inner life within you, and you should use them to build that accuracy in your writing. Again, play with the words and structure, make sure you are building the feelings or otherwise being immersive about them. Keep them throughout the thread, do not have a muse magically become the opposite of what you’ve described because it is no longer convenient, and do not forgo little reminders that the muse feels the way they do, no matter what their actions might be saying.

When you describe your muse’s actions that are being influenced by an emotion, good or bad, use words that evoke the emotion while describing those actions.

If the muse is very sad, do not use words that bring to mind vivacity and passion. Don’t use metaphors that bring to mind those same things. Your muse doesn’t slink like a jungle cat to the table when depressed, but they might move in a daze, like a shadow, or a have to put maximum effort into their every step as though heading to their own execution.

I don’t think anyone should describe, let alone to an extreme, every action their muse undertakes, but when you are imparting these things with emotional tone or thought processes, it really shouldn’t be done. It’s exhausting for you to write, and just as exhausting for your reader, who is very likely going, okay, we get it, she’s angry. Like the descriptions of the surroundings, try to keep it to important and telling actions. You needn’t describe your muse’s every eye movement, but if they are so embarrassed they’re having trouble keeping eye contact, or so annoyed they glare, that is a description you want to add.

Writers never seem to forget facial expressions or dramatic body movements, which is reasonable, considering how visual a species humans are, but quite often forgo tone of voice and word pronunciation entirely. These are great ways to denote what your muse is feeling. Consider how your muse speaks most often, whether they work at proper pronunciation and hiding an accent, or if they simply let their most natural speech flow. Then, consider how different emotions might impact that. I’m not talking about the only go-to many muns on tumblr have, the “my muse speaks -first language here- when angry” thing. I’m talking about your muse entering into any emotion strongly enough to drop crisp pronunciation, outright mess up familiar and easy words, stumble, stutter, or pause. Write emotion into your muse’s speech, and don’t keep it to adding things like, “said angrily.”

That’s telling, not showing, and is the death of descriptive writing of any sort.

Doing any of the above in a document is highly recommended. Not only are you less likely to encounter tumblr eating your drafts as you work on them, you have more freedom to open it up later and play around with the structure. Additionally, writing directly on the platform can be distracting in more ways than just the desire to dash scroll! It can make you feel like you need to be doing what you owe instead, need to be responding to messages, posted memes, comments. Taking it off site feels more like your own space and time for experimentation.

I know this was long, and covered many points (though, it could always use more). So, I’m going to kind of rehash some below!

For learning and inspiration:

read things both familiar and not in order to figure out what sort of descriptions speak to you, then practice doing them yourself

read a variety of works, not just books, and not just new books; oftentimes, the lessons in older books will stand out to you even more for using descriptions that are no longer common. Those lessons still hold, like the very act of using common, highly recognizable objects and settings to describe a person, place, or thing. In those cases, see what you can rewrite that would give the same feeling using things that are currently so recognizable

don’t count out things like music and poetry, they flow with emotion and it is imperative that they give emotion and setting in unique ways

use ask/starter memes, pictures, and even common situations occurring around you to experiment with both writing descriptions and getting into your muse’s mindset

think on your own experiences with your environment and emotions

consider how your muse’s perceptions may change based upon thoughts and emotions, and/or how you can describe the setting to reflect and drive home these factors

really get to know your muse by exploring headcanon memes, giving yourself a refresher on their canon (yes, even if you wrote it), and comparing and contrasting your experiences with your muse’s on the same topics

experiment with new words, their use, and their flow

seriously, practice! Outside of writing you intend for anyone else to ever see!

Things to Remember:

you are unique as a person, therefore, you are unique as a writer...and that is a good thing, you just need to find what works for you

describe things that are important in setting the scene in ways that are not just visual; be emotive, and pick things that have bearing on the immediate topic

don’t forget that your muse’s voice and spoken words use can, and should be, impacted by thoughts and feelings

just like you, your muse is unlikely to see the same objects in the same light under any manner of strong emotional influence

also just like you, who is saying something and in what context is extremely important in how your muse reacts internally and how that is presented externally; if your muse feels and reacts the same way no matter the other party, they’re a little cardboard and you’re not being descriptive or thoughtful enough

listen, if you just really need to describe something utterly irrelevant to live another second? That’s fine, but you need to make it relevant. Perhaps, your muse noticed the cracks on that rock because they’re in an altered state - be that by way of a substance, or an emotion

there is a reason why we use clichés, and I am not going to say they should never be used, just that you should try to be more creative with them, and they should always be viable ones that truly match the mood

the same is true of words, we have some words that are just so commonly expressive of sensations and emotions that they come up quite often, but again, try to find something similar if possible, and always make sure it’s still evoking the right thing

I repeat: get in touch with your muse, even if you do not write them from first person. The language you use as a writer to describe them and their world is better if it feels like them

no support for tumblr’s anti-wordiness, but huge support for optimizing word use for maximum impact

to that end, if you’re a RPer, even a fic writer, please know that your desire to write descriptively isn’t going to be appreciated by some people. That’s their fucking loss, and you are better off without them. You will find the audience that will properly appreciate what you’re doing!

I hope some of this helped to give you some starting points you might not have thought of!

#rp advice #writing advice #descriptive writing #Anon E. Mous #answered

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