#i wish i could gif this whole scene bc it's one of the most touching one i've ever seen in this show

[linusbenjamin]

But if you erase my memories, how will I learn from my mistakes? Person of Interest 5.01 — B.S.O.D.

[noa-ciharu]

Hokuto?

HER 💕

Sexuality headcanon:

I think it's canon she's bi? In TB she definitely mentioned going out on dates with girls. But I think she mentioned boys too at some point. So yep, bi. TB has 0 straight main characters 🌈 (tbf most clamp mangas have straight characters as minority)

Gender headcanon:

If it were any other author I would have headcanoned her as trans but clamp has very clear way of showing nb/agender/trans characters (like Ashura, Nataku, Hana, half of Wish cast etc.) and Hokuto doesn't fit in that criterium. So cis female

OTP:

I don't think I have any? 🤔 ofc she has a semi-canon 'love interest' but I'm not 100% certain she saw Kakyou in romantic manner. Or that if she did, he was her 'special person'. I think issue is that TB ended in 1993 while Kakyou showed up around vol 8 of X which was years later. If clamp found way to include Kakyou somehow in TB, even if just a cameo, I bet their relationship would have been much more effective. As far as fanon (fanarts, fics and headcanons) goes, I'm all for their ship.

There are probably crack ships like Hokuto/Tomoyo or Hokuto/Kotori etc. which I wouldn't mind reading. But i generally prefer canon-based stuff

BROTP:

TB trio my beloved ❤ honestly she maintained the balance between Seishirou and Subaru. She had just right amount of empathy to understand Subaru and offer him comfort in way he needed the most; but also just right amount of selfishness to pull through and try to make her own wishes reality (including her final wish 😭). I adore how physical touch was handled between twins, Subaru would be really touch starved without Hokuto. Also how she tried to bring his spirit up and make him stand out (hence fashionable clothes) and encouraged Subaru to want things for himself for once. Just unfortunately that one backfired spectacularly

And ofc Hokuto's bond with Seishirou. Tbf whole analysis could be written there bc she kept things light most of the time and Seishirou's pretense reached it's peak when interacting with her. However Hokuto is far from gullible (nor is she blinded by kindness and love like her brother), she intuitively knew something wasn't right about Seishirou. That one scene where she put knife under his neck and said she'd kill him if he ever made Subaru cry 🙏😭 queen kept her promise

Also I've just realized Hokuto was baby girling Sei-chan before fandom even got the chance

NOTP:

Who is she shipped with even beside Kakyou and random crack ships with teen girls forn other series? 🤔

Random headcanon:

Look. Wee need this. Hokuto dressing up as Subaru and making ruckus around town. Or twins switching clothing and playing game of who is who. I think it was mentioned they've done that as kids.

And now I've just realized she did dress up as Subaru one finally time... when she went to find Seishirou 😭

General opinion:

CLAMP WHY 😭😭😭

I'll never not want post TB AU where she's alive. Tbh, first time I read TB I thought her death was rushed and badly written. Mostly because it so easily could have been avoided. And then it hit me - that's exactly the core of tragedy; ending was actually amazingly written. That's probably part of why Subaru could never move on (beside his low self esteem and countless other reasons): he blames hinself because he believes she died for him and if he wasn't so weak her death could have been avoided easily

Still, despite the angst i wouldn't have changed a thing bc precisely her easily avoided death adds to the tragedy and makes manga hit so hard

[multifandomlover01]

Gentle Touch/Whisper

Ronald Speirs

Female reader (less implied than others)

Word Count: 1,061 bc of course

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own writing

Warning: death is mentioned

Tags: @emmythespacecowgirl @cody-helix02 @georgelust @latibvles @mash-the-buttons @immrsgeorge-luz

Bastogne was by far the hardest challenge you had faced with the 101st. It was literally Hell. In fact you were sure it was actually worse than Hell. Death surrounded you, as did the Germans. It seemed there was no escaping the slow, cold grasp of death as it squeezed you all ever so tightly. It threatened to overcome any one of you at any moment.

Any little comfort that could be found was an absolute luxury. The men huddled together in their foxholes for warmth. They tried to ignore their growling stomachs.

Being a medic made it worse. You were closer to death, it seemed. You were more acquainted with it than most. But you wished you weren’t. You wished you didn’t know what it felt like to see the light leave someone’s eyes. You wished you didn’t know what it felt like to have someone bleed out in your arms. Comfort seemed farther away for you.

That was until Ron Speirs happened upon you. You were off alone in a secluded spot to wallow in your feelings. You preferred to do so away from the prying eyes of your compatriots. You’d feared it would be your own CO, Lt. Dike, that would find you. Instead, the stoic Lieutenant from Dog Company happened upon you.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard your quiet sob. It sounded like a woman, so he was certain it was you. He hadn’t interacted with you since Carentan. And even that encounter was a brief one. You’d had some prior interactions at Toccoa.

Ron felt drawn to you. He didn’t know why. He only knew that he did. There was just something about you. Was it your nature? Did he find your mere presence soothing? Perhaps.

He walks slowly up behind you, trying not to startle you with his sudden presence as he had before to many others. He never wanted you to be scared of him. And he didn’t think you were. At least, you never seemed to show any indication that you were scared of him.

“Corporal.” He stated simply as he crouched down next to you.

“Lieutenant!” You hurriedly wiped the tears from your eyes.

Ron gently took your hands in his and lowered them from your face.

“Don’t. It’s alright.”

You looked at him cautiously.

“What are you doing out here, sir?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I…take walks…to get my mind off of things.”

Ron nodded sincerely.

“I heard about Hoobler. I’m sorry.”

You looked down at your hands, slightly surprised to find him still holding them.

“It’s actually why I was out here. I was looking for you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah.” It was now Ron’s turn to look down at his hands, which he was also surprised to find were still holding yours. He was also surprised that he’d apparently subconsciously been rubbing his thumb over your hand ever so gently. Had he been doing that this whole time? Had you noticed?

“If I may ask, sir, why?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t know. It was a horrible thing that happened. Some of my guys were talking about it and I went to find Sergeant Lipton to ask if you were alright. And he mentioned you’d fled the scene, quite distraught.”

“Lip said that?”

“Is that not what happened?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. Or happy that he told you.”

“There’s no need to be ashamed of it.”

“Why not? I’m a medic. I should be able to handle shit like this. It’s my job, after all! But…I’m so sick and tired of it all! I’m sick of all the blood! I’m sick of people dying while in my care! I don’t want their blood and their deaths on my hands! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!”

You had gotten all worked up again. You had started to sob again. To your surprise, Lieutenant Ronald Speirs enveloped you in a tight hug.

“Shh…shh…it’s ok. It’s ok. You’re alright.” He soothed as he caressed your hair gently.

You melted into him and his warmth as well as the restriction and his words calmed you down. Ron could physically feel you deflating and leaning into him. He still held you, rocking you back and forth. He didn’t want to let you go. But he finally loosened his grip on you and backed off slightly.

“Thank you,” you could barely manage anything above a whisper.

He instinctively put his hand on your cheek. He rubbed his thumb over your cheek just as he’d done with your hand.

“No problem. Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on, come find me. I don’t want you to suffer alone. You’re a good medic. We can’t have you cracking under pressure.”

His words and his actions didn’t quite line up.

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“Are you going to kiss me or just keep rubbing your thumb lovingly over my cheek?”

Ron was caught off guard by your very forward question.

“Well I suppose it’d be rude not to.”

“Very rude, sir.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be rude, now, would I? Certainly not to a lady such as yourself.”

“I should hope not.”

We both slowly leaned in.

“I love you.”

He had said that in such a soft whisper that you’d barely caught it. Not that you had any time at all to process it anyway, what with his lips now on yours.

You had expected it to be a nice, lovely, but quick-ish kiss. It was not. Ron made the kiss last as long as it could before you both needed air. You had to take a second to catch your breath after he pulled away.

“What did you say?” You wanted to hear him say it again. You didn’t want to call him out on it. What if he hadn’t said what you thought he did? How embarrassing would that be?

“Hmm?”

“Before you kissed me. You said something. What was it?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Before you could actually call him out on it because you were sure he had said something, gunfire erupted from the near distance. You and Ron scrambled up from the ground and off to your respective companies.

You didn’t know it yet, but Ronald Speirs would soon be your CO. And you’d get plenty more chances to hear him say he loves you. Not least of which was on your Honeymoon.

[namtanlovesfilm]

axelle judges bl shows > The Eclipse

/!\ SPOILERS AHEAD

summary: Ayan infiltrates the Suppalo school to try and figure out what happened to his uncle who commited suicide after working there. There he meets Akk, the head of the student prefects who has it in for him, while also hiding a secret of his own.

where to watch: youtube

grade: 8/10

pros:

- the acting was amazing from everyone involved. I’ve been a fan of first & khaotung since their first roles so I didn’t expect anything less from them but they were incredible, there was not one moment where their acting felt off, and it was especially great to see khaotung in such an unexpected role for him that’s actually great for once! another great surprise is also neo, who was finally allowed a more serious role & did great, and also louis whom I had only seen in one role before and had a very solid performance. aj, my underrated fave for years, was also great just like ploy. basically everyone did amazing & I loved this cast :)

- I loved that this show tackled the difficulties linked with figuring out your sexuality & coming out, especially in relation with being lower class, even though I wish it would’ve been made a bit more clear that the reason akk is super closeted & also follows suppalo rules so blindly is bc he’s the only one in his family with a hope of going to university & would get a scholarship from being the head prefect. but in general, it was nice to see a bl show acknowledge sexuality & homophobia. while I do like the escapism of bl shows that pretend like those topics don’t even exist, I also think there is something more touching & heartwrenching to having them get explored. it’s also more realistic while still having a happy, positive queer story in the end so imo there’s only good things to gain from it.

- the overall story’s message was great, and fits well with other high school thai dramas that tackle corruption (which I’ve made video for here.) I also ESPECIALLY liked that the bringers of change are effeminate gay men, bc those kinds of characters have been mocked & ridiculed for far too long in thai dramas. but here they’re brave, iconic, and have otherwise fulfilling lives with a great friend group & also boyfriends. honestly I would have loved to see even more of them but this positive portrayal of effeminate gay men was really important imo, and one of the great aspects of this series which tackled more queer topics in general. but apart from that, I just really liked the message of this series for almost every character, and it worked really well for me.

- the chemistry was really great, which is not surprising since I’ve never seen first & khaotung have bad chemistry with literally ANYONE. as for neo & louis, you can tell they’ve matured as a ship & they feel more grounded and better overall than in futs. the ships were really compelling, especially akkayan who worked fantastic in my opinion!

- this is kinda small & random, but I REALLY appreciated akkayan not breaking up once they got together. literally EVERY OTHER bls (even ones I adore) love breaking up the ship before the final climax of the show to add drama, but here I really loved that even when akk wanted to pull away, ayan never let him. they also took a bit longer than other ships to get together & felt very sturdy thanks to it, which made this high school ship feel more mature & beautiful imo.

cons:

- from the beginning of the show, I’ve felt like the pace was a bit weird & the ending was gonna be unsatisfying, for a good reason: the whole investigation plot & all the drama surrounding suppalo felt very much like it was thrown in there so akkayan could meet (because it WAS!) throughout the show, while the romantic relationship had a good pace imo, the suppalo storyline was barely acknowledged at all & most of it is spent on protest scenes that end up all feeling & looking the same in the end. bc of that, not only are the suppalo-focused moments kinda boring, but it also meant that the show had to settle everything in the two last eps, which is why ep 11 was just plot twist after plot twist & led to plot holes and overall insatisfaction from the viewers. all of that to say that the writing is in big part to blame for that, and I wish it would’ve gone differently bc the show could’ve been even better if it had.

- thua as a character, man. he was one of my favorites & was ruined in ep 11. having a queer character who’s been bullied his whole life for being gay outing others for literally no reason felt worse than other outing scenes in shows by straight characters bc DAMN, how are you gonna betray your own like that ;_; and then having him never apologize but everything goes back to normal the next day?? HELL NO. he should’ve been called out by akk & apologized to him, and akk should’ve had an explanation scene with kan & wat as well. this whole part of the episode just... sucked, and ruined kanthua for me.

- that bl short film concept was wacky af I’m sorry... I already didn’t love certain fanservice scenes towards the beginning of the show but THAT??? didn’t fit in tonally with the show at all & added absolutely nothing to it.

- for a show called the eclipse, there wasn’t a lot of eclipsing. it might sound like I’m nitpicking but???? the eclipse was literally one second long????? and it had no fucking purpose at all????? like how random for being the fucking title of the show though :’) I just wish the eclipse would’ve been incorporated into the show more, for example from the first mock trailer I thought the eclipse was tied to the suppalo curse, so I think they could’ve played into that more.

would I rewatch it: sure :)

This was in the top 5 of the shows I was most excited for this year, and while it wasn’t perfect I really enjoyed it & what it stood for. I still recommend as it’s a nice little show :)

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[kyber-crystal]

An Accidental Confession

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~3.1k

Summary: In which you decided to a record a message explaining your feelings for Steve in case you didn't make it out of your mission alive. You don’t have any intention of it actually being heard by him, but you have no other choice to face your fear when it’s accidentally broadcasted across the entire compound.

Warnings: none, this is pure fluff haha with hints of a cocky steve hehe.

A/N: Some dialogue credits go to Descendants of the Sun! (yes, this is a oneshot of a scene from it, bc I love that drama with my whole heart) 

Tags: Dedicating this to @sylvie-writes​ because she’s an absolute SWEETHEART. I LOVE YOU BB. go follow her!

"Hey, Y/N, check this out!"

You glanced up from where you were furiously typing away at the computer to see Peter with a wide grin on his face. "Hm?"

"Look what I found! Mr. Stark's old speaker set!" The teenager went around to behind the table and rolled out the speaker in front of you. "It was a bit souped up, but all it really needed was some TLC and here it is, good as new!"

"Found this old thing while he was cleaning up," Tony explained, "you wanna hook your phone up and give it a go?"

"Uh...sure, why not," you shrugged, standing up and pushing your seat in, making your way over to the two of them. You took your phone out of your pocket and plugged it in.

"Check, one, two," Peter spoke into the small microphone. "Check one, two, three. Hey! It's working!"

You couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm. "How old is this thing, anyway?"

"Older than me, that's for sure. Now play something!"

"Alright, alright. Let's see..." you scrolled through your playlists until you found the one you wanted, pressing 'play' and putting it on shuffle. "There."

"Fly Me To The Moon! May played it for me all the time when I was little," Peter exclaimed. "She always insisted I educate myself on older music. Now I'm glad she did."

Bucky and Sam stopped screaming at each other as they battled it out in Mario Kart, quieting down and humming to the beat as they held their controllers tightly. Wanda smiled to herself as she stirred the pot of soup on the stove, Bruce on the verge of falling asleep as he sipped his coffee at the kitchen island and read a news article on his phone. The energy within the compound seemed to lighten significantly as Frank Sinatra's soothing voice echoed off the walls.

You went out to the patio to relax, crossing your arms and closing your eyes as the sounds of chirping crickets and music mixed together in one soothing melody, the moonlight reflecting over the water. For a brief moment in time, you were at peace - and you relished in the temporary feeling of serenity. The 'city that never slept' was sleepy, for once. It wasn't all that late, but you were already beginning to succumb to fatigue's temptations.

But then, the song came to an end and switched off to something else.

"Hey, Steve. I hope this message never finds you because if it does...it means I'm most likely dead-" your all-too familiar voice came over the phone, thick with tears as you struggled to contain your sobs. "God, what am I even doing here? I have a gunshot wound that most likely pierced a vital organ so I'm just gonna bleed out here alone- why am I even doing this? I don't even know how much longer it'll be before you arrive with the evac team...so I just want to apologize in advance for not coming back to you like I promised. If I'd known I'd die in a foreign country, I would've lived a more carefree life instead of constantly worrying, like you always told me to just relax sometimes, I'm so, so sorry-"

Your eyes widened in realization and you rushed across the facility as fast as you could possibly go to the labs.

"Leaving words like this before dying is so uncultured- please, Steve...are you on your way? Please tell me you're on your way. If I'm really dying here I don't wanna die alone. Please hurry...I don't think I can last until you get here. Even so, you'll be the first to find me if I die, that is, if my corpse isn't dragged away or some shit like that - God, this hurts- I almost forgot how much it hurt to get shot...damn...I really underestimated the power of a bullet, huh?

Steve's bandaged fists fell to his sides, the punching bag swinging back and forth so wildly that it would've knocked him over if it weren't for his muscular figure. His brow furrowed in concern and he felt a small ache his chest upon hearing your voice crack - you never cried, and even if you did, which was extremely rare, you were good at hiding it from others.

But then a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips - you did ramble sometimes, and he found it rather adorable. It was, in fact, one of the main reasons why he admired you so much.

"FRIDAY? Where's the source of this audio?"

"It's playing from Mr. Stark's speaker in the lab, Captain," the AI responded.

"Thank you."

He unwrapped the tape from around his hands and exited the training facility, going into a light jog as he headed up to the lounge.

"If I knew that I'd die like this, then I would've told you my true feelings. That I'm in love with you and I really wished you'd kissed me when we were watching that movie together- it was Die Hard, wasn't it? I really wished you'd done something. We were sitting so close, and...I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was tempted to just run my hands through your hair and kiss you. And I almost did. I'm so in love with you, hopelessly in love with you...and if there's anything that scares me more than dying alone, it's probably thinking of a way to tell you, and the fear of being rejected by my best friend, my partner in crime-"

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. You were in love with him? He felt his heartbeat pick up speed at the thought. He always held that small bit of hope in his heart that you'd feel the same way.

Just as Steve arrived at the labs, you came bursting through the doors with a look of sheer panic in your eyes, your face drained of all color. You quickly unplugged your phone from the speaker as he watched on in amusement.

"Want some, Mr. Stark?" Peter offered through a mouthful of popcorn, holding the bag out to his mentor. "Seems like we're in for a treat here."

"Where'd you get these, kid?" Tony questioned as he reached over and popped several kernels into his mouth. "Mm. Caramel, a classic."

"I always keep some with me. Never know when drama will break out."

Steve laughed and shook his head as you quickly turned around on your heel and sprinted out of the room. It was so unlike you to act like this - normally you were rather guarded and stoic. To see you as anything but was not only amusing, but adorable in his eyes - it was one of the many things he loved about you, in fact.

"Music...really changes a lot of things," Peter cleared his throat awkwardly.

The super-soldier cracked a smile. "I seem to be in the center of that change."

He said a few quick goodbyes went to find you, as Peter and Tony continued enjoying their popcorn together.

"Oh my god, I'm so stupid, oh my god, why did I even record that damn message," you muttered, finding yourself going back outside again. You needed to clear your head and get away from Steve. The secondhand embarrassment you just knew was waiting for you was almost too much to even think about - what would he think of you now? What would everyone else think of you?

Steve had beaten you to it and was already out there, leaning against the glass railing  with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing an amused expression on his face.

"Oh my god! You scared me!" your voice heightened to a shriek. "What the hell, Rogers? How are you here? Why are you here?"

"I know you like the back of my hand, sweetheart," he chuckled lightly. "You always come out here whenever you're restless or stressed out. Figured you'd try to flee as soon as you heard," he gestured back inside, "all that."

"That was none of your business!" you squeaked. "It was a private message, not meant for you to actually hear! It wasn't for you!"

"Well, you did announce it, publicly," he defended himself, pushing himself away from the railing and raising his hands in surrender. "And it sounded like it was for me. You said my name."

"It wasn't for you!"

"Then why'd you say Steve?"

"It's a different Steve?"

"A different Steve with a stealth suit, Quinjet, and evac team?"

"Y-yeah! B-but it's really funny. Why are you listening to other people's recordings?'

"Like I said, doll," your face flushed at the nickname, "it was broadcasted publicly. I didn't listen, I heard."

"Because you heard it, you carelessly hear it all the way through?"

He smirked. "You know, you're really cute when you're upset." He smirked, taking several steps towards you. You instinctively stepped back. "But why are you running away? When you were about to die you wanted to confess." With each step he took, you took another backwards. "But since you lived, you changed your mind?"

"Confess? That wasn't a confession. That wasn't me."

"This cell phone is yours," he held up your hand that tightly gripped your phone.

"This isn't a phone- Y/N, what the hell are you saying? Stop talking," you cursed yourself under your breath.

"It's an honor knowing I'm in your will," he said kindly.

"If you know then that's enough," you exhaled, stepping around him to leave. Steve stopped you by placing a hand out in front, before moving it to grip your wrist. You felt your skin heat up rapidly under his touch.

You gasped. "Look! Thor set the toaster on fire!"

"I'm not fooled, sweetheart."

You moved to try and leave again, but he only tightened his grip. "Whether or not it was a confession, I'm going to listen to it, so let's not run away, shall we?"

You were silent for several moments before responding, swallowing hard. "Okay. I got it. I'll answer you so let go of me and let's talk. Really."

"Really, right?"

He obeyed, releasing his hand from your wrist. You quickly moved around him and ran back inside. Steve just laughed to himself, shaking his head in disbelief.

"She finally did it," Sam nodded in approval as he and Bucky finished their Rainbow Road deathmatch. "Good game, man."

"Yeah, good game," they shook hands, "but if I'm being honest...I didn't expect things to go down like that. If anything, Steve seems like he'd be the first to confess. The way they're dancing around each other like oblivious monkeys...damn."

"Couldn't have described it better."

...

You flopped onto your bed, panting heavily as you stared up at the ceiling. Your heart was beating so fast that you felt like passing out. Maybe I'll just die like this and I won't ever have to confess for real, you thought. That sounds much better than death by blood loss from a gunshot wound.

"Hey, darling."

You sat up and let out a short scream as you saw Steve leaning against your doorframe, that damn smirk still on his face. "What the hell? You can't just ambush me like that! How long have you been standing there for?"

"Long enough," he chuckled, sliding his hands in his pockets and stepping inside. This time, you were too lazy to push him away, and just allowed him to sit down next to you at the edge of your bed. Steve propped his hand on his chin as he gazed at you, smiling.

You sighed and let your head fall into your hands. "This is all your fault."

"My fault?" Steve tilted his head in confusion. "How is this my fault?"

"Becau- never mind. I'm busy. I gotta go check up on the new lab I'm working on with Bruce."

You stood up abruptly, but he reached out and grabbed your wrist again. "I'm going to go to the labs, too. He asked me to help with a few things. I think you just found yourself an escort."

"I can go by myself, Rogers. I'm an adult," you gave him a pointed look.

"Ouch. That stung," he pretended to look hurt. "Last name calling? I thought we agreed on sappy pet names. And besides, you know what happened last time you went somewhere alone. You got shot."

"Whatever."

"Hold on," he tugged you back so that you had to sit down again. "Why do you keep running away from me? You confess your feelings in your will and then you run."

"It wasn't my will."

"You said you were scared to die alone."

"It wasn't me. Where is your bout of confidence even coming from?"

"I'm not asking how you feel about me at the moment. Don't feel bad that I found out how you feel about me. Because I'm in love with you too, and nothing can change the fact that I like you even more now."

You swallowed hard.

He smiled again. "And you look beautiful today, doll."

"Stop with the pet names," you mumbled. You couldn't stop the tremor in your tone as you spoke

"Hey hey hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Steve brought a hand up to your face, lightly skimming the tip of his thumb across your cheekbone to wipe away the tears that had fallen. "Hey. Tell me what's wrong, darling."

As soon as that last word left his lips, you lost it. A broken sob escaped from your mouth before you broke down, and he felt guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. Sure, he was lightly teasing you - but he didn't intend for his jabs to hurt you in any way. That was the last thing he wanted to do - to see you cry. He hated seeing you cry.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," he whispered, carefully wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, rubbing circles onto your back. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken the teasing so far. I'm so sorry, Y/N-"

It took nearly twenty minutes for your sniffles to die down and another ten for your crying to stop completely, but he patiently held you until you did. And when it finally stopped, it still took you several moments before you could bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"I look like a mess," you muttered, quickly ducking your head down to wipe at your nose. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this-"

"You look lovely, regardless," Steve murmured, kissing your forehead. "You'll always look beautiful in my eyes."

"You're such a sap," you mumbled, closing your eyes. "I hate you."

"You know you love me, Y/N."

"No I don't."

"That message told me otherwise. You sounded like you were pretty in love, judging by the desperate tone in your voice-"

"Shut up!"

"Make me," he challenged, a smirk appearing on his face.

You huffed and stood up, crossing your arms. "You're a pain in the ass, you know that, Rogers?"

"Watch your language-"

"Make me."

"Using my own words against me, are you?" Steve raised a brow as he stood up as well, walking towards you. You kept walking backwards until you felt your back hit the wall and internally panicked when you realized there was nowhere else to go.

"Shit," you whispered. "I'm not escaping this one, am I?"

"Not a chance," he chuckled wistfully. You felt your heart do somersaults and your stomach twist itself into knots as he met your eyes, a softened look to them that you'd never seen before - what was it? Just a few minutes earlier you'd find yourself squirming beneath his intense gaze but for some reason, you stayed put.

When his lips pressed against yours, you felt a crackle of electricity across your skin and the world fell away. It seemed as if time stopped and held its breath as it watched the two of you, his arm curving around your waist as his free hand rested at the back of your neck, pulling you flush against him. Though you were taken aback by the sudden gesture and terrified you wasted no time in reacting, sinking deeper into the kiss. You could feel him smile against your lips and fireworks exploded inside your chest - if there was a way to describe pure magic, this would definitely be it. And he felt it too - and he swore to himself that he'd never felt a bigger rush of adrenaline before until now.

You looked absolutely stunning to him in that moment as you pulled apart - with your half-closed eyes, reddened cheeks, and swollen lips - his doing, no doubt. Your gaze slipped down to his equally swollen lips and you felt your face flush at the sight. Steve was quick to catch what you were doing and pulled you back in for more.

This time, it wasn't as innocent and quick. It was more needy, passionate - months, no, years of pent-up frustration he didn't even know he had seeping into it. Years of not being able to tell you finally being poured out into one grand gesture - years of finally getting closure because he now knew the girl he'd loved for as long as he could remember felt the same way.

"Oh my fucking shit."

The two of you were practically gasping for air as you broke apart a second time to see a smug-looking Sam.

"You just- I didn't interrupted something between y'all, did I?" Sam cocked a brow. "Looked like you were this close to-"

"No," you exhaled, "we weren't."

"I'm a GENIUS for fixing that speaker! If I hadn't done so you guys never would've gotten together!" Peter squealed as he appeared by the Falcon's side. "I believe a thank you is in order!"

"I hope my timing isn't bad, but I have to ask," Steve cleared his throat and looked you straight in the eye. "that was a confession, right? And you didn't do it just because you felt compelled to. Be honest with me."

You let out a sigh of defeat. "Yeah...it was."

He broke into a gorgeous, million-dollar grin that made you weak at the knees. He leaned down, lips ghosting over yours as if he was going to kiss you again - but pulled back, much to your disappointment.

"I guess I'm the victor of this battle, huh," he whispered before releasing his hold on you and walking out, leaving you to stand there utterly shell-shocked and speechless as Peter and Sam began teasing you.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

I Want You Here

(9x02/9x03 2nd part/9x04/9x05)

Hello my friends! This is the second Destiel meta from season 9.

We are gonna talk about how Dean was worried about Castiel and he wanted him in the bunker ... Obviously we will talk about how their reunion was cocklblocked by Zeke (Gadreel).

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta! Love ya girl!

Let's start...

Human!Cas and sex

In episode 9x03, Castiel ended at the street, frozen, under the rain and hungry.

That's when April appears, showing him kindness, she offered him a jelly and peanut butter sandwich. I know it has to be the most delicious food in the world for this hungry poor ex angel, and also the representation of human's kindness.

But Castiel was deceived by this woman/reaper.

She showed him good actions, she took are of his wounds... She even listened him...

He felt comfortable with her, because she made him believe in her. Castiel opened his heart and confessed why he had ended like this... He talked about vanity, now, after his fall, he understood a lot of things...

Sorry... I just... Was drooling a little over Misha's perfection....

I'm back now.

APRIL: Well, all patched up, but, God, your delts are in knots. You got to relax.

Yeah, bitch, any excuse is a good excuse to touch our beautiful angel, right? 😒

CASTIEL: Ah, it's all new to me. Hunger. Cold. This feeling, being all alone.

APRIL: You're not alone tonight.

Aaaand you know what happens next.

But let's just stop in Castiel's words... He was feeling alone, a very cold sensation he wasn't use to. He was always that self secure angel, not needing anyone to do anything. And now, feeling the most sad side of humanity, our miseries, he feels a lot of things... But one of them was LONELINESS. (I just can't forget season 14 when he recalls this and said to Jack HE WASN'T ALONE, HE HAD SAM, DEAN AND HIMSELF, I just love his improvement.)

He had sex with April, when she lied to him. And not just that, but she began to torture him and she even killed him. It was a horrendous violent act and Castiel was exposed to that.

Next scene was Dean and Sam arriving... But it was too late...

The despair in Dean's face is eloquent. He is desperate, his voice cracked, and he's touching Castiel's shoulder and face. His Express changes when he realizes Cas is dead.

But we know what happened next, Zeke/Gadreel saves Cas to win more confidence from Dean.

Now... Let's continue with the sex over here...

The burritos scene is a classic between Destiel shippers because it's sexual innuendo and Dean's blatant facial expressions. And we had jealous!Dean too.

This had been analyzed by a lot of meta writers, so I won't add any new, because it was obvious that when Castiel came out from the shower ...

A very horny Dean imagining his hot "buddy" enjoying the water falling over his well formed naked body, and there you have that face there. Just for our inquisitive and attentive eyes... Why the camera would focus Dean and not Sam after the shower line? Because Dean is affected by that... And that's why we got that quote from the hunter, suggestively bitting the burrito (may a say a dick mirror? 🤣🤣) "It ain't all just burritos and burritos, my friend," like... There's dicks too, may I show you?

Dean feels more free to make this kind of approaches to Castiel, because he knows the boundary that was there separating them for being more, is gone now. Cas wasn't an angel anymore. And maybe Dean could teach him some about sex life.

Then, the scene switched to jealous!Dean when Castiel mentioned April.

Look at this, a very classic, we love this, that's why I will talk about it, even if you readed a lot of references... We are Destiel trash and we love it...

Watch... Cas says he had sex, Sam and Dean are surprised, but both of them reacts differently. Sam grimaced an UH! And immediately drifts his eyes to his brother, why? Because he wants to caught his brother's reaction, why?, Because he suspects his brother feels something more than just friendship for Castiel.

And Dean chocking with that burrito, hilarious, his serious and jealous face is fantastic, like if he was scolding Castiel for that, he even points at him "You had sex with April?" Is like YOU CHEATED ON ME?

Just for a few seconds, because, is good, is good for Castiel. He isn't a Virgen anymore... So he had tasted having sex like any human? That's a good thing!

Dean is proud and happy to have Cas there. Happy because maybe he will have an opportunity with Human!Cas who already had had sex with another human. Like... Possibilities are huge!

Obviously we had Zeke/Gadreel cockblocking the possibilities.

Not comfortable with the L word and ...

Let's jump a little to episode 9x02, at the beginning, Dean and Sam were talking about Cas, they were waiting still for him to arrive, Dean tried to show himself cool, saying Cas was a big guy.

But when the episode keeps going, we ha d a very important encounter between Dean and Abaddon. The dialogue was a foreshadow of Demon!Dean plot.

Abaddon wanted Dean's body to use it like meat suit.

She even asked...

ABADDON: It can get worse. Trust me. 'Cause once I'm on top, I'll make you watch. And I'll use your body. Have you ever felt an infant's blood drip down your chin? Or listened to a girl scream as you rip her guts out? Because you will. It's you and me, lover. We'll have a grand old time.

The infant blood just recalled to when Dean, with Cain's mark, killed the boy from the Steins family in the bunker.

But after this, we had Zeke/Gadreel saving the day, and this dialogue between them...

Dean is uncomfortable with the use of LOVE word. Maybe bc he isn't used to talk about it, or feel it. Or because his toxic masculinity, doesn't leave him to talk about it. So is a uncomfortable word, and it shows in his face.

In 9x04, after Dean kicked out Cas from the bunker, I will talk about this later (no, I didn't forget 🤣), Sam was confused about that fact, and the brother had a tiny conversation over it... And Dean said this important lines...

HE WANTS CASTIEL IN THE BUNKER WITH HIM, MORE THAN ANYONE, MORE THAN SAM OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE SAM AND CAS ARE JUST FRIENDS, BUT FOR DEAN, CASTIEL IS MORE THAN FAMILY, HE IS IN LOVE WITH CAS AND HE IS DISAPPOINTED AND SAS BECAUSE HE CAN'T HAVE HIM THERE, WITH HIM. And because he had wished to be more than friends, maybe physically, now than they didn't have any attachments or restrictions to do that.

Later, on the same episode, we will see Charlie and Dean in his room, and Charlie noticing this...

Okay, this is very exppsitional for Bi!Dean over here... Because Charlie (as always) is pointing that he has that collection of boobs but... He... Like... This isn't the real you.

And Dean says... Don't judge me.

Perfect my friends... I loved it.

And because Dean is still in the closet, as we saw with Charlie and the whole toxic masculinity, in 9x05 Dog Dean Afternoon, we had this piece of dialogue from the one talking dog, the Yorkie.

YORKIE: Ohh, a – a cowboy hat, leather pants. The dude's a total closet case.

Okay this reference is applicable to Dean too! Even in that freaking episode... We had a couple of things...

The Sad Destiel Scene

Okay, before ending this meta, I want to talk briefly about Dean kicking out Castiel from the bunker, because to me, it was a manipulation from Zeke, but it was a tool to keep Cas and Dean separated and create a little fight an resentment between them... Because the drama and everything... 😒

But we'll the scene is very sad, because CAS even made it word saying this...

My sweet little ex-angel there... He even pull back a chair for Dean... He likes to talk with Dean... He's such a cute and sweet and educated little ... Awwwww but he didn't know his heart was about to be ripped apart.

Look at his face!!!!!!!!!! Was Dean breaking his heart or what? Damn...

Okay... Circular narrative in which in season 8 Dean was in one sided love and Cas broke his heart, now in season 9 is in reverse. Castiel aknowledged by now his feelings, so I suspect he recognized his attraction to Dean was love. But... Now... Dean is kicking him off from the bunker... Without a good reason... Lying to him.

Can I die here... I won't bother you...

More Demon!Dean foreshadow (Miscellaneous)

I just wanted to out here two things I noticed...

In episode 9x04 we had a two man of letters from the past. They were partners and they were Sam and Dean mirror. One of them under the witch's powerful spell, tried to kill to Sam's mirror, and this was a foreshadow for Demon!Dean plot again, that time when he was trying to kill Sam in the bunker too.

Another little detail was what the monster said in episode 9x05 when he was fighting with Dean.

CHEF LEO: Well, I didn't mean to kill anyone – at first. But if people got in my way, they became collateral damage. Guess you eat enough predators, you start to become one. You are what you eat, right? [laughs]

This is a reference to Dean future transformation into a monster (with Cain's mark on him) and later into a Demon. The hunter that becomes what he hunts.

To Conclude:

Castiel's innocence and despair leads him to April, the reaper that deceives him by taking advantage of his human situation.

Dean wanted Cas to be with him in the bunker because he knew Human Cas and him could have maybe an opportunity to develop something more than just friendship.

Toxic Masculinity in Dean is manifested through a lot of piece of dialogues, showing us how hard will be for him to defeat that... Persisting till now... I hope not for too long. I guess episode 15x07 was very important to show us that toxicity is ending, and the whole Healing!Dean plot in season 14.

There were too some foreshadows for Demon!Dean and Cain's mark.

I hope you enjoy this one, see you in the next Chronicles!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica

If you want to be tagged, just let me know

If you want to read the previous volume from season 9, here is the link.

Buenos Aires December 11st 2019 4:59 PM

[lexivass]

There's so much to unpack here!

First of all: thank you so much for writing this! It was such a joy to accompany their journey, all the banters, the chemistry, the mistakes (I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again: Ari's complexity left me on the edge of my seat through the whole fic, so well written!), the hurting and the healing. Every obstacle in their way (especially in this chapter bc silly me dared to think, after the last chapter, that "Daniella is not going to make us suffer any longer. It's all fluff and healing from now on 🤓". I was so naive ksksksks) made me an anxious, sad mess, but thank God everything worked out at the end. 🙏 I loved how she made him work for it (REALLY work for it. You're hot but not even your hotness can win this game so easily, Ari. We. Want. Honesty!) to the point where he finally realized he had to fix his flaws to earn her affection (bc he always had her love). It would've been easy to keep Ari the same way forever, but fact that you turned a toxic and conditional love to something unconditional and pure after so much trouble is impressive (thank God you did bc I would not survive a sad ending for these two 🤧)! The months away, how they reconnected over the rain (I'm so damn proud of my baby Ari, ok? And I'm sure reader was about to hop on a car and search for him if he didn't come back. I actually teared up during the final scene 🤏🤧), and how they healed themselves to make peace with each other AND THEMSELVES (which is the most important 🙏). Gah, I don't think you understand how much I loved, adored this fic! I just want to mark it into my soul, it's all so amazing! It definitely became one of my favorites! 💖💖🥺🥺

"There was someone who was smiling at you, looking at you as if you were the anchor the kept him from going on the deep ends, as if you were love itself. And then all at once, nothing mattered. Not the hypercritical society, not the choices you made, not the fancy place- all that mattered now was the way he looked at you."

* sigh dreamily * 😍😍💖💖

“Does what I have to say mean so little to you? Do I mean nothing to you that you can just leave me?” and that's where I stared crying 🥲

"Ari lifted his chin even more, uncaring that his life was being threatened. What for when he was living like a deadman when he let you walked away? (...) You should have known better than to feed a starving wolf and expect it to not to come back again and again and again. (...) His kisses were gentle, as if he was asking for forgiveness when you had none to give. Finally, his lips parted from you yet he stayed near you. His forehead touched yours, “Finally, you’re mine Mrs. Levinson.”

Beautiful lines! 👏👏

“How many people need to suffer before you come back to him?” Hey, Molly? Fuck you! 😃🖕(Idc, I don't like her anymore.)

"You knew she had some valid points, but this whole fiasco was Ari’s idea. She could not and should not separate the fact that Ari was also the villain, that he too was capable of being manipulative." Truer words were never spoken!

"You opened the door so hard you wished it slammed in his pretty face, but alas it didn’t. And so you resorted to slamming the door so hard on his expensive car, praying that you at least damaged something in there." Ksksksks

"But what was puzzling was the fact that never once did you try to leave." What better revenge than to make you suffer without having to lift a finger?

“After all, we were happy here…before you started listening to other people,” not to side with him, but he was not wrong on this point. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. 🤷‍♀️

"And this time, his and your love was strengthened by all the things you had been through. This time, this love was good." 💗🤏

"You looked at him with a sadness in your eyes that it broke whatever was left of his heart. “I love you so much,” you confessed slowly. You blinked and a tear fell from your eye, dampening the wood. “I love you so much that it hurts.” For fuck’s sake...

And I love you, darling

Pairing: Soft!dark Ari Levinson x Reader

Summary: You were just trying to escape your past, and Ari was trying to chase his future.

Warnings: Soft!Dark Ari, Swearing, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Sexual themes, Breeding kink, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: We reached the end. Official word count for this series: 57kish. Thank you so much for joining me in this crazy ride <33 until next time, my loves..

Masterlist

This love is bad: End

You looked at yourself at the mirror. Your curls artfully falling on one side of your shoulder, your neck adorned with beautiful diamonds your grandmother passed down to you. You had just finished putting on your makeup. You ran your hand on the expanse of your gown. Your waist was highlighted on this dress, the skirt flowing freely. And the color…by heavens did you love the color. The blue hues were something you had never seen. When Ari invited you to a charity event for your third date, he claimed he was going to take care of your dress. And now looking at yourself in the mirror, you knew you weren’t wrong to trust him.

You must admit that you felt like a princess with this breathtaking dress. And with a smile, you twirled in front of the mirror. You thought you were alone, you really did. But when you opened your eyes, your soul nearly left your body when you found Bucky leaning against the wall, his muscular arms crossed in front of his strong chest. He wasn’t wearing his usual smirk- instead, he was genuinely smiling at you. You squinted your eyes playfully at him before offering him your own smile.

“A gentleman would compliment a lady, Bucky,” you informed him dryly.

You saw Bucky’s lips tipped up, shaking his head once before closing the distance between the two of you. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, princess.”

You chuckled as he bowed a little, offering you his manly hand as if asking you for a dance. He angled his head to the side when you comically took your time, before glaring at you. Finally, you put your dainty hand safely on his. You felt his strong hand wrapped around your waist as he led you to a slow dance. And when you complained that there was no music, he started humming Bad Romance of all the songs he could have chosen. You laughed heartily as he twirled your around dramatically. You turned to look at your handsome friend, someone you considered your own brother. From his dark hair, to his blue eyes, to the strong hands that could hurt anyone but chose to protect those he loved instead. You were so lucky to find someone like him in this life, to live in the same time as him, to grow up alongside him. You were feeling immense gratitude to the man who never not took your side since you were young, who courageously informed you when you were in the wrong, who took offense first when someone hurt you before you could even process the hurt, who supported and protected you when you decided to finally live for you.

And you knew, a friend such as him- nay, a brother like him was hard to find.

You looked up at his blue eyes, your hand in his, the other safely resting on his broad back. You offered him your sincerest smile, your emotions bleeding in your eyes.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you murmured, the words weighing all the things he did for you whether you asked for them or not. “I am so grateful that you exist.”

He was silent for a moment, before he nodded his head in acknowledgement. “You know I’d do anything for you, princess.”

“I know,” you started, smiling cheekily at him, “You’re the person I trust most in this world.”

You took a deep breath before you took a step inside the vast and elegant mansion of the billionaire hosting the event. It had been too long since you left this life, and yet, here you were. Funnily though, you didn’t feel like you no longer belonged. It was like yesterday when you last mingled with these people, last wore fancy clothes, and last put on too much makeup that you no longer recognized the person in the mirror. You wondered why you no longer felt like that despite wearing this expensive dress that you were sure cost more than what you earned in the bakery.

You had only taken two steps when you started feeling eyes on you. You should have expected this. After all, you were missing from the scene for years. Being one of the heiresses of a multimillion-dollar business, fiancé to the business mogul, Ari Levinson, and an altruistic person, and all of a sudden, you were back. But the eyes of the people, the stopping of their talks, their full attention on you suddenly started weighing more than you could handled that you started stepping back when you felt a strong hand on your exposed back. You glanced back, and there he was.

There was your Ari.

There was someone who was smiling at you, looking at you as if you were the anchor the kept him from going on the deep ends, as if you were love itself. And then all at once, nothing mattered. Not the hypercritical society, not the choices you made, not the fancy place- all that mattered now was the way he looked at you.

“Hi,” he breathed as he looked intently in your eyes. You looked up at him, truly looked at him. His black tuxedo fitted him well, his hair neatly combed back, his beard trimmed expertly. He looked so handsome, he looked so tall. But above all, he looked like yours.

“Hi,” you murmured, unconsciously leaning closer to him for strength. Ari lifted his hand to you, and with bated breath, he waited for you to hold his hand. And you did, this time without thinking of any reasons as to why you shouldn’t. His lips tilted up ever so slightly, his eyes shone when you reached his hand.

“Are you ready to face the music, darling?”

With him, you found that you were more than ready.

And like a cliché fairytale, he led you in the middle of the room. You and Ari danced to the slow music of the live band. You were never far from him because he always made sure that he was touching a part of you. Maybe this was what people were describing in the novels and in songs, in movies and in series, maybe this was what they were trying so hard to depict in the paintings- the moment when others faded to the background because here was the person that only mattered. You felt the warmth as he twirled you, as he rested his large hand on the small of your back, as he kissed your palm. You felt this unrestrained unhappiness as he took you in his muscular arms, as he rested his cheek on the side of your head, as he swayed you to the music.

You felt the love you were trying so hard to not feel.

You remembered the time you realized you had already fell so hard, so fast, that you only had limited time to brace for the impact as you fell. It was a combination of all the little things that made you fell. Years later, you realized true love did not happen in a blink of an eye. It wasn’t an instant kind of love. Well, at least for you it wasn’t. Your version of love happened because it wasn’t supposed to happen. And you were just too helpless to stop it from happening. Your love happened because of effort, of his kindness, of destiny.

But still, you couldn’t shake off the weight of their eyes on you. Ari looked over your head for a while, noting that indeed people were looking. “Don’t mind them, darling. You’re the only one that matter here to me.”

It did not take long for people to start wanting Ari’s attention. After the dance, businessmen started approaching him. He was only all too happy to introduce you as his woman, and you were only too elated to pinch him in his hard stomach to which he just pulled you to him closer. And finally, someone he introduced to you as his good friend, an elder gentleman, smiled fondly at you before asking Ari to speak in private.

“It’ll just be a moment, sweetheart,” he assured you as he planted a soft kiss on the back of your hand, smiling gently at you before turning his back on you. You watched his broad back as he walked with his friend, genuinely laughing at whatever the man said. His demeanor was so unlike from those other interactions he had with the other businessmen. It somehow amazed you how he could changed the way he interacted with others, and now more than ever that he wasn’t hiding who he was in front of you. Perhaps, what you found to be a horrifying yet a significant thought was that you could now read Ari.

He looked behind to see where you were, and he thought he now accepted that he would always have it in him to check where you were, to make sure you didn’t leave him.

You waved at him a little before deciding on freshening up.

You entered the elegant comfort room, only to find your old, socialite friends chatting among themselves. They were pleasant, really and you enjoyed hanging out with them before. But after being away from this life for years, you felt like you could no longer relate to them anymore. Finally, they turned to look at you with welcoming smile on their faces, their chatters ceased before approaching you.

“Y/N! Oh my god, sweetie! It has been so long!” One of your friends offered her cheek to you, and then the other. You chuckled as the girls surrounded you, asking you where you had been, what were you up to, how was your businesses, and ultimately who was Ari to you. It amused you that it took them that long to get around asking what they had been really itching to ask since the moment you entered the room.

Who was he to you?

“He’s my…” you trailed off, thinking of a way to describe the hurricane that he was. Ultimately, you decided to answer truthfully. “He’s my person.”

The girls shared a confused look before turning to you.

“Oh, i-it’s just we’ve been hearing chatters that you’re to be engaged to a French tycoon,” your other friend quipped up, confusion apparent in her face.

“I heard that too from my mother.”

“I think this was only very recent.”

You tilted your head as you listened to your friends. You mind running a mile a minute from the information they were divulging you.

“That’s only gossip,” you chuckled to ease the tension you were feeling. You weren’t naive to know that when there was smoke, there was fire somewhere. And you had a suspicion who lit the fire.

After assuring them that that was merely hearsay, and after promising them that you would see them soon, your friends left the room. Once they left, you took care of your business. You were washing your hands when you heard the door opening. Nothing could have prepared you for what you saw when you looked up in the mirror. You were flabbergasted to see an older version of you.

Your mother reapplied her expensive lipstick on her lips. The shape of her lips were eerily similar to you. From head to toe, no one could deny that you were your mother’s daughter. How could they deny when after all, she taught you how to be her. After what felt like forever, she finally shifted her elegant eyes from the reflection of herself to you.

“Don’t you feel the guilt, my dear?” She pronounced the words with class, her voice even as if she wasn’t talking to her only daughter that she hadn’t seen in years. “Or at the very least, feel the shame?”

“Mother-“

She tilted her head, a nefarious smile painted in her face. “After running from this for years, look where it got you,” she whispered, now turning to fully face you. “Back where you were in the first place.”

You licked your lip, a habit your mother hated. Your lips quivered as you faced her, as you faced the one that should have loved you the most in this life. “I ran because I don’t want to live a life that’s not mine.”

She nodded understandingly, “I know, dear. But you should have also considered your place and responsibility in this family.”

“What family?” You asked with perplexity. “You’re only married to dad in paper. He has another family of his own, my half-sister whose mother in paper is you! I had to raise her because you neglected her and me. I had to raise myself, learn to love myself, because you only looked at me as if I’m a pawn to your game. And my father who only loves my sister isn’t any better! As if it was my mistake that he married for business and not for love. Now tell me, what family? What responsibility when I did everything for this family?” You seethed with tears in your eyes. Finally, you had unloaded the burden you had been feeling since you were born. Finally, you said your piece.

Your mother looked at you in disbelief, “Are you done with the word vomit, my dear?”

With tears falling from your eyes, you watched as she walked near you. Your mother, with emotionless face, wiped the tears from your eyes softly. “Don’t you think I too wanted to be loved?” She murmured, her eyes focused on her task. “Didn’t you think that I too tried to escape this fate?” Your mother smiled as if she was reminiscing her past. “Love is a fleeting feeling, my dear. At the end of the day, what matters most is stability. Wealth. Respect from the society.” She smiled at you before fixing your hair.

“No matter how much you try to resist, you’ll end up like me. With a man like him, you’re going to end up being the most powerful woman in this society. You have to choose where you derive your happiness… after all, a man like him doesn’t know how to love only one woman. Look at where you are now, back where you started. You’re never going to escape this fate.”

And it hit you right where it hurt the most. You were trying too hard not to think of how all your hard work, your perseverance, your effort were eventually all for naught. She was right. At the end of the day, you couldn’t escape this fate because you chose not to. At the end of the day, you were merely their puppet.

Perhaps, it pained you because it was true. And you wanted it not to be. You could feel the walls closing in on you, could feel the heavy beating of your chest. You couldn’t breathe.

You felt stupid. You felt foolish.

What must other people thought of you? That you couldn’t handle the real world that was why you came back? That you were too sheltered, too weak to live on your own? That life was too difficult that you ran back to your rich parents?

You needed to leave.

With a hurried steps, you opened the door with trepidation, only to find him standing on the other side of the door.

“Sweetheart, there you are. I worried you-“ Ari trailed off once he got a good look at your melancholic face, your eyes brimming with unrestrained tears. “What happened?” He asked in a hard voice.

You shook your head before attempting to walk past him when he took hold of your wrist, preventing you from leaving him. “Darling, what happened? Where are you going?”

You didn’t think. You just wanted to leave. And perhaps, you should have thought of what you said numerous times before you said it to him. “This is over. Our three dates are up.”

Ari looked astonished, yet his hold on you didn’t loosen. Instead, he pulled you closer and looked down on you with confusion and hurt in his eyes. “I don’t understand. I thought we were making progress…I-I thought you love me-“

Your mother decided it was the right time to reveal herself. Ari looked up, recognition in his eyes before slowly turning to you. “What did she say?”

“The truth. I’m sorry. I can’t do this-“

“So that’s it,” he whispered to himself, before nodding. He laughed humorlessly, “One word from someone else and you go running away from me.”

“Ari-“

“Does what I have to say mean so little to you? Do I mean nothing to you that you can just leave me?”

You gulped as you looked at him. He squeezed his eyes shut. Looking back, what perhaps surprised you the most was that he let go of your hand.

“Y/n…I’m only human. I get tired, too,” he uttered, his eyes staring intently at you. And when you said nothing, because really, there was nothing more to say. Finally, when all he heard from you was nothing, he walked away.

It was a month later when your mother gave you a call, ordering you to show up or else it was going to be your little sister who would marry the French tycoon she wanted you to marry. You almost laughed from her predictability. You knew it was her who started the fire. You had tried hard to get your sister out of her grasps, but she refused.

Even though you shared a childhood with her, you two were raised by different yet same parents. Her father loved her, he cherished her. Your father tolerated you.

To your sister, your parents, especially your father were just doing what they thought was best for you.

But you knew they only used you to strengthen their place in the society…regardless if you were happy or not.

Despite the fact that your heart broke and was still breaking to million pieces, you were left with no choice. You met the handsome gentleman one day. His name was Timothy. You found him to be kind, humorous even. He made you laughed. At the back of your mind, you remembered how much Ari made you laughed as well… how much he made you happy. Then you met Timothy again for a much less formal setting. He was charming, and he wasn’t out of touched from reality of the world. He was a family man, telling you tales of his childhood with his loving parents. When you asked him why he was in this arranged marriage, he explained that he believed love could be learned because that was what happened in his parents.

You didn’t say anything after that because you were certain there was no love after Ari.

It shouldn’t surprised you to find several photos of you and Timothy on the news after meeting him. In all the photographs, you were laughing and he looked at you with warmth in his face.

You were back in your own penthouse, no longer living with Bucky. But as a condition to the arrange marriage, you demanded that Bucky be back in your service. You noticed Bucky was becoming more and more withdrawn from you these past days. When you asked him if he was having any difficulty, he assured you that he was okay.

Yet, you noticed he was acting strange.

On the day you were set to meet Timothy’s parents, Bucky smiled at you faintly. Always on the dot, your trusty bodyguard led you downstairs to the waiting car. You looked at him as he closed the door of the car before starting to merge to the traffic.

“Bucky?”

“Yes, princess?” He asked in his monotonous voice. You met his eyes over the rearview mirror.

“You’ll tell me if something’s wrong, right?” You asked him once again, showing concern over the fact that you felt like he wasn’t himself for days.

It took him a moment to answer you that you thought he would ignore you. Eventually, he flashed you his reassuring smile over the mirror, “Don’t worry, princess. Everything will be okay.”

You only nodded, yet somehow unconvinced before focusing on your phone. You were back to your rightful place, arranging charities and running some of the businesses your father entrusted you to. It was awhile before you looked up, only to be confused when you saw that you were no longer in the city…. No. This was a familiar place. This was the way to that town.

“Bucky?” You called him, your head turning to the other side to make sure that you were going to the direction you never thought you’d return to. Trees were blurring as the car sped up, the absence of the buildings and the vast empty farm land were making you tense. “Bucky, are we lost?”

His jaw clenched, his grip on the steering wheel tightened as he listened to your voice that was turning from confusion to agitation. He hated breaking your trust. But he couldn’t lose her.

“Bucky, please,” you tried again when he made a turn to the town’s church. “What are you doing, Bucky?!”

“I’m sorry, princess,” he atoned. This wasn’t easy for him. But Ari left him with nothing to do but to betray you. “Ari said if he didn’t have you, he’d marry your sister.”

“What?! Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“He said your family owed him a bride, that he’d do everything to destroy your family’s legacy and marry your sister if you married someone else. I’m sorry,” he confessed as he stopped in front of the small church. Your eyes quivered when you looked at the church. It was decorated with your favorite flowers, with your preferred colors. This was like a dream…and your personal nightmare. Bucky opened your door, regret and certainty battling in his eyes. You knew that even if you begged, even if you cried, Bucky wouldn’t take you back.

He loved your sister.

And you knew, when it came to the person who had his heart, Bucky would betray anyone…including you.

You didn’t take his hand, and instead, stepped out of the car with dignity. He looked at you with apologies in his eyes, and you looked at him with dagger in yours. He couldn’t hide the way he winced even if he tried. Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think that Bucky would be the one to double-cross you, yet here you were. You started walking to the church with Bucky trailing behind you.

And there was your sister, the only person who loved you in your family. There she was, with tears streaming down her face, and beside her was the devious man who loved you just a tad bit too much.

Your sister ran to you, and you hugged her with all your might. Combing her hair as she sobbed on your shoulder, apologizing to you over and over again.

But didn’t she know?

It was okay.

You’d do anything for her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-“

“You have nothing to apologize for, silly!” You admonished her with a smile on your face. You cupped both her cheeks to get her to listen to you. “Nothing is your fault, okay? It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“But if it wasn’t for me, you won’t have to do this.”

You looked up over her head to see Ari staring intensely at you, his face void of any emotion. But his eyes held unrestrained heat and something akin to a promise. And looking at him, you knew this would happen eventually. There was no getting out of this, no escaping a man such as him. If he was ruthless in his business, he was even more brutal in love. Your eye contact was hindered by Bucky’s marching form.

Bucky went toe to toe with Ari, his eyes murderous as he looked at Ari’s unemotional one. And without any preamble, he lifted his gun to Ari, the cold barrel of the gun touching Ari’s forehead.

Yet, never once did he flinch.

“Hurt her and the next time you look at the end of the barrel will be your last sight of this world,” Bucky threatened coldly, his voice steady and his eyes cold.

Ari lifted his chin even more, uncaring that his life was being threatened. What for when he was living like a deadman when he let you walked away? He thought he could let you live your life away from him. He thought he could let you marry someone else. He thought he could survive without you. Alas, he was wrong.

You should have known better than to feed a starving wolf and expect it to not to come back again and again and again.

“If I hurt her, you have my permission to end my miserable life.”

And Bucky knew Ari wasn’t bluffing. If he had any ounce of uncertainty in Ari’s love for you, he would never have done this. But his instinct never strayed him in the wrong direction. He was more than sure that this man, this obsessive man, loved you more than anything and anyone in this world.

But who was he to talk when he was planning the same thing with your sister?

Who was he to talk when the mere thought of losing your sister sent him to the very edge of his sanity?

Who was he to talk when he betrayed you just so he wouldn’t lose her?

Bucky certainly did not have the high ground at the moment.

With one last dark look, he marched back to where you and his love was standing. You looked at him with coldness in your eyes, and your sister looked at him with betrayal in hers.

“Take her away from here,” you whispered, not wanting your sister to be present and blame herself for whatever was to happen.

Your sister blinked at you owlishly, her eyes wide as what you said dawned on her. She gripped your forearms, willing you to look at her. “W-what? No! I’m staying with you! I’m not going to leave you with him-“

You looked at Bucky and gestured for him to take your sister away. And he did. With gentle strength, he wrapped his arms around your sister who fought with all her might, calmly taking your distressed sister away from you.

“It’s okay,” you assured her again, squeezing her hand once before letting it go completely. “I’ll see you soon, okay? I promise. It’s going to be okay.”

You noted, minutes later as you looked at the readied white dress in the room of the church, that this was not a spur of a moment. No, this was planned by Ari. The dress was exactly your size. This was a magnificent dress, you thought, too bad you were being forced to it.

The door opened and when you looked behind you, there was Molly.

You rushed to her, holding her dainty hands in yours, “Molly, you have to help me,” you implored her as she looked at you somberly.

She tapped your hand twice before leading you back inside. She proceeded on fixing your veil, smoothing her hands over the crease on your dress. “Molly, Ari is unhinged. He’s insane-“

“How many people need to suffer before you come back to him?” She asked quietly, handing you the bouquet of flowers you failed to notice in her hand. With great reluctance and confusion, you took hold of the flowers. They were beautiful, yet this situation made you unable to appreciate any of the beauty around you.

“Molly-“

“You’re suffering, too. Stop punishing Ari for something he had no control of. Stop punishing yourself for loving the man. Life is too short, dear. This love is something people look for. You have it. Now, is your pain and what other people have to say greater than your love?”

You paused, you could see now more than ever that she wouldn’t understand. To her, Ari was the hero. You knew she had some valid points, but this whole fiasco was Ari’s idea. She could not and should not separate the fact that Ari was also the villain, that he too was capable of being manipulative.

Molly smiled sadly at you as she covered your despondent face with the veil. “You are the only one that can humanize him, dear. I’m sorry.”

You were too.

Ari was waiting for you at the end of the aisle, beside him was the town’s priest. The church was almost empty, saved for Molly and Pablo, and the little band. The decorations were grand, evident by the fact that Ari spared no expense.

You took one step and the band started playing a harmonious song, the violin and the piano blending well together as they played. You held your head high as you marched slowly, the bouquet of flowers you were holding helped you to hide the fact that you didn’t feel as brave as you were pretending to be. All the while you were walking, Ari never once took his eyes off of you.

And you didn’t, too.

It was bittersweet how you dreamed of marrying him once upon a time. And now it was happening when it shouldn’t happen. The moment you were within reach, Ari offered you his muscular arm. You took it without looking at him.

The whole ceremony was blurred to you. You were only snapped out of it when you heard the priest asked you if you agreed to be Ari’s wife. You heard yourself say ‘I do’ with no emotions at all. Ari held your hand and placed two rings on you, the first one was what was supposed to be an engagement ring. The diamond looked elegant, something that was not too loud. It was beautiful. The second one was a simple white gold band that symbolized your agreement that from now on, you were his wife.

You felt your heart break. This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You were marrying the man you loved. But it shouldn’t be like this. None of it should be like this.

Ari’s voice was strong as he recited his very own vow, your hand in his as he looked at you. “From now on, everything that I do is solely to make you happy. I promise to be better each day as long as you’re beside me. I promise that you’ll forever have my heart. I promise to love you for who you are, and for who you are yet to become. I promise to be patient and to remember that all things between us are rooted in love. I promise to always give you a part of my food. I promise to share my whole heart with you and to remember to show you how deeply I care for you, no matter the challenges that may come our way. I promise to love you loyally and fiercely—as long as I shall live.”

Your tears finally fell. You could no longer stopped them as he handed you a simple band, and offered you his ring finger.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the priest announced. Ari’s tensed shoulder visibly relaxed, his hold on you softened a little. “You may now kiss the bride.”

With tears in your eyes, Ari lifted you veil. His hand gently cradled your cheek as his lips slowly descended on yours. His kisses were gentle, as if he was asking for forgiveness when you had none to give. Finally, his lips parted from you yet he stayed near you. His forehead touched yours, “Finally, you’re mine Mrs. Levinson.”

Ari was silent as he watched you stew. He knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it in. But still, he found no remorse in what he did. He knew in his very being that you should be with him. Behind all the complications, he knew you and him were meant to be together in this life. Finally, he took a turn to his house in the town. He supposed it was now his and yours. He did like that thought, something that was owned by you and him. You hadn’t looked at him since he tied you to him, never once did you speak to him despite him asking you questions, despite Molly and Pablo congratulating you. You were keeping yourself from him, and he would have none of that.

You watched as he turned to a familiar road. It was where you were the happiest, back when Ari wasn’t like this. You finally turned to look at the man beside you, his strong hands steady on the steering wheel. The band on his ring finger gleaming from the sunlight, something that symbolized the union between the two of you. He turned to look at you, his eyes intense and unapologetic. Ari stopped the car and rounded to open your door, but you beat him to it. You opened the door so hard you wished it slammed in his pretty face, but alas it didn’t. And so you resorted to slamming the door so hard on his expensive car, praying that you at least damaged something in there.

You were huffing as you marched to the front door, whilst Ari took his time on unlocking the door. And once the two of you were inside, it was like your carefully kept facade of calmness shattered.

“Are you hungr-“

“How could you do this?!” You belted, whirling around to face your husband.

“Do you not want to stay here? I figured we’d be happy here. After all, we were happy here…before you started listening to other people,” Ari drawled, his eyes wondering around the house before finally resting on yours. His hand was in his pocket, his stance calm so opposite to what you were feeling.

“You know that’s not what I meant Ari,” you exclaimed, trying to wretch the veil away from you. The only thing it accomplished was to tug on your hair that it hurt. “How could you manipulate the people I love!” You shouted at him, sadness clouding your face. You willed him to understand how fucked-up this all was, how you thought he was beyond redemption. How it saddened you to see him became someone you no longer knew. “How could you do that to Bucky? How could you do that to me?” You whispered the last part, your voice breaking. You could no longer pretend that you had the strength for this. You were drained. You were empty.

Ari sighed before walking closer to you. He calmly and carefully removed the pins securing your veil, taking great caution and patience to avoid hurting you. You looked up to him as he did his task.

“See, everyone else would choose someone else over you. But not me. I’ll always choose you,” Ari stated, his voice calm as if he was discussing the weather and not the devious crime he committed to you.

“This is not how it should be,” you whispered sadly. Today had been too much for you. Nothing could have prepared you to what this day had revealed to you. “And the worst part is that you aren’t even sorry for what you put other people through, for what you put me through.”

Ari walked closer to you. He would admit it if you asked, and it was the truth that he couldn’t stand being apart from you. He wasn’t alive when he left you. He craved you.

He wiped your tears from your eyes lovingly, gently, so gently that it was as though he wasn’t capable of hurting anyone. His voice was low as he confessed, “It was inevitable. We are inevitable. And categorically, I cannot find it in me to regret it.”

You nodded once, before looking up at his soulful eyes. “You will,” you began, tears shimmered your eyes. “You will, one day, when you wake up and realize that I may be here, but you lost me already.”

Ari thought firmly that you would forgive him. He rationalized that you just needed time, that you’d be happy with him again. He excused your despondent actions as something that would fleet one of these days.

But they didn’t.

You were not kidding when you told him honestly that day that he lost you.

Ari tried to do everything. Now that you were beside him, now that he finally tied you to him, he should feel an ounce of peace, right? Except that he didn’t because he knew you were pulling away from him. Or rather, you had already pulled away from him.

He felt like he was living with a ghost of you.

Every night he watched you fall asleep. Every night he traced the frown on your brows, smoothing them as if it could erase your troubles. And only when you were deep in your sleep was he able to gather you in his arms, holding you so tight as if he was terrified he’d wake up one day and see that you were gone.

And come the morning, he’d whispered to you how much he loved you…how much he needed you.

He reckoned that he had to court you again, show you the better parts of him. Because he had finer traits..right? He was more than just the despicable man he was before. So he cooked for you without fail every single day. He found that taking care of you was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. And everyday, the two of you sat down and ate, with him making small talks, and you disregarding him.

And the childish side of him thought that walking around the house half-naked would elicit an emotion in you- any emotion at all because he was losing his mind. He would even take your anger, just not this facade you were presenting. One morning, he returned from his run. He entered the house with sweat dripping from him, sans the shirt and he caught your eyes roaming his body slowly.

Suddenly, Ari felt hopeful. Until you reached his eyes, squinted, rolled your eyes at him, and turned your back on him. That was the most reaction he got from you in weeks. He did that almost everyday that he was sure he caught bronchitis from walking around shirtless even when it was cold. So he stopped.

Ari thought what you would loved coming with him to the charities, after all you had a philanthropic heart. And you did enjoy. All while talking and playing to the children, you were all smiles. He heard you laughed for the first time in a month, and somehow it both softened and broke his heart.

Were you that unhappy with him?

On some days the two of you went to the market. You and him did all domestic things together, yet somehow there was an immeasurable distance between you and him. Jess came in the house to invite you out when news finally reached her that you were back. Yet what she didn’t know was that it was against your will. He watched as you smiled at Jess, as you fondly hugged her. He wished that you would touched him again.

What he did was to nod dotingly when Jess informed you that she would be taking you for a girl time.

You hardly even looked at Ari as you went away.

It was almost midnight. Ari kept looking at the door, then to his laptop, then to the clock hanging on the wall, then to the door again. He was agitated on the surface, but beneath it all was much worse. If it wasn’t for the text that Isaac sent him that the girls were having fun in Jess and Isaac’s house, then he would be frenzied thinking that you left.

But what was puzzling was the fact that never once did you try to leave.

When the clock hit one in the morning, Ari made up his mind. He would go to you. With a renewed strength, he grabbed his keys and drove to where you were. When Isaac opened the door, he sheepishly scratch the back of his neck. He guided Ari to their backyard facing the ocean where the women were, and only one of them were clearly inebriated. Jess only had a couple of glasses, but she enjoyed talking to her best friend.

Ari sighed before walking to where you were sitting, with your head resting on the wooden table. Your eyes were closed when he neared you. He kneeled down and softly touched your arm, letting you know of his presence.

“Darling?” He called for you softly, always so softly. Something he was learned he was capable of when he started loving you. “Let’s go home.”

It only took a couple of seconds before you opened your eyes. He smiled at you tenderly as he brushed your hair away from your face. “There she is,” he whispered.

Yet, you continued staring at him.

“Ari,” you called for him for the first time in a month that it made his heart beat louder. If you knew how much you affected him, would you still hate him?

“Yes, my wife?”

You looked at him with a sadness in your eyes that it broke whatever was left of his heart. “I love you so much,” you confessed slowly. You blinked and a tear fell from your eye, dampening the wood. “I love you so much that it hurts.”

And at that time he thought, ‘how do you grieve something that is still alive? Why does it hurt being loved by you?’

The drive home was quiet. Between the drive and your arrival to home, you had it in you to sober up. You walked without needing his help, you walked with your head held high. You opened the door of the dark house, quietly waiting for Ari to enter and secure the doors. And once he did, you grabbed his neck and kissed him. You kissed him for all the times you couldn’t. You kissed him for all the love you had the had nowhere else to go. You kissed him for all the pain this love had brought you.

And then he kissed you back.

Ari’s hand encircled your waist, his other hand guiding your jaw closer to him. He kissed you so slow, savoring your touch, your warmth… you. And then kisses turned fervently. His hands roamed your back, your hips, your face as if making up for the lost time. Your wandering hands weren’t any better.

Before you knew it, Ari had led you to the bedroom, gently pushing you on the bed with him following closely, never allowing any space between the two of you. Ari hurriedly took off his shirt before taking off yours. He worshipped you that night like a devotee worshipped his god. He kissed all of you in apologies, in love, in pain. And when you finally whispered that you needed him, he drove straight into you.

“I love you too much,” he confessed as he looked into your eyes.

You paused from brushing his hair tenderly, noting that he knew his love was excessive. “I love you too, Ari. But right now, it kills me to look at you.” Because you couldn’t accept the fact that he had it in him to threaten the ones you loved. Because you couldn’t believe that the gentle person you loved could turn out to be so devious. So manipulative. So unapologetic.

And that night as he watched you sleep, as the sun was starting to rise, he knew what he needed to do. He knew he had to acknowledge the glaring truth in front of him.

Love shouldn’t turn someone into this.

Love should be good.

Hours later, you woke up and you knew Ari had gone. You found a letter on the table.

I saw how unhappy I made you. I tried to fool myself and thought that I could turn this around. But perhaps, what you really needed was time and space. A love that is good. Until I can love you the way you deserved to be love, I will give you space. It’s killing me to see what I turned you into. It kills me to know that I extinguished your fire. But darling, please know that all I did was because I am hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you. You came crashing to my life, literally. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope one day you can forgive me. I love you. Always.

You found out through your lawyer that Ari Levinson gave you 99.99% control of his shares. You found out that he bestowed to you the numerous charities he was helping. His message was clear, marrying you wasn’t because of business. No.

You looked for him everywhere at first, but you found that for the first time, you could breathe. He was right. You and him needed space. And time. And understanding. You needed to know that you too made mistakes that hurt him. You didn’t know why you stayed in his house when he literally let you go. But a part of you was waiting for him.

And you waited.

You waited until you no longer feel the burning anger.

You waited until you no longer feel the crushing sadness.

You waited until you no longer feel the painstaking betrayal.

And then you waited some more because almost a year had passed and still, Ari was not back.

One day, the news warned you of the strong thunderstorm that would passed by your town this afternoon. The people came by to warn you and to make sure you had everything you needed, from Isaac coming by to tie down anything that could potentially fly during the thunderstorm, to Molly whom you had forgiven, coming by to bring you food to survive the night. You remembered why you had fallen for this town- it was the people.

Evening was nearing and thankfully, the storm wasn’t as powerful as reported to be but still, the thunderstorm terrified you. You were in the living room watching as the rain fell down angrily, the wind making the trees danced. The power had gone out more than an hour ago. You were staring outside when suddenly, you noticed a car driving near the house.

And then without thinking, you ran outside.

The wind was steadily blowing your hair, the storm still at large. The thunder could be the loudest in the world right now, but you heard nothing but the deafening beat of your heart as you looked at him.

As you looked at the love of your life.

Ari was drenched, and it felt like time hadn’t passed. He still looked the same, but you could see the demons in his eyes were now gone. He looked like he was now at peace. But his face was filled with worry as he looked at you.

Your tears blended with the ceaseless drops of rain on your face. You didn’t know why you stepped closer to him, you didn’t know why you ran to him. For the first time since you discovered who he was, you came to him.

And this time, Ari waited for you to come to him.

Your arms surrounded his thick neck, your face buried on his chest as you cried.

“Why did you drive? It’s dangerous and-and. Oh my God, Ari you drove!” You blabbered as you looked up at him. He hugged you tighter, his face on your neck.

“I did, sweetheart,” he answered warmly.

“But you’re terrified of the rain!”

He smiled as he took you in, as he cherished the feeling of holding you unperturbedly. “My fear changed when I started loving you,” he confessed slowly. When he heard the news, it was already late and the storm was already passing by the town. He was panicked when he couldn’t reach you, when the phone just rang and rang. The thought of you being alone, and terrified, made him brave. It made him grabbed his keys and drove.

He found out that nothing was more terrifying than losing you.

You looked up at him only to find him smiling at you, his hand caressing your cheek.

“Ari, I’m sorry-“

He shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, darling. It was my fault. I see it now,” he lowered his forehead on yours. “I miss you. I’m sorry. I love you.”

You sobbed as you listened to him. “I miss you too so much. I love you too so much.”

“Then will you marry me again? This time with our families and friends as witnesses?”

You tipped your toes, grabbed his face and kissed him. “Of course, I will.”

And this time, his and your love was strengthened by all the things you had been through. This time, this love was good.

|End