#i wish i could get everything into the moodboard but these are the Vibes i took away <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[navybrat817]

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, The Winter Soldier x Female Reader Summary: A night of passion awakens something beneath the surface of the man you love. Word Count: Over 2k Warnings: E/xplicit s/exual content, d/ubcon, c/hoking, p/ossessive behavior, possible soft!dark vibes if you squint, pet name, Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier (they're warnings, okay?). Graphic talent and thanks: Banner - @sgt-seabass, Divider - @firefly-graphics, Moodboard - yours truly A/N: This wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it down. We'll call this AU Torn in Two.❤️ Thanks to @rookthorne and @sgt-seabass for spitballing. Beta read by the wonderful @whisperlullaby ​, but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You had dated Bucky Barnes for over a year before he asked you to move in with him. It was a big step for him as he valued his privacy and security. He also wanted to make sure you were safe in case he had any nightmares. That was a couple of months ago and you couldn't remember the last time you were this happy. Falling asleep and waking up beside him was a dream come true. And since you moved in, he hadn't slept on the floor to your knowledge.

Not once.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“So are you, Bucky,” you whispered.

You traced a bit of scar tissue by his left shoulder as you gazed up at him before you brushed the hair from his eyes. He wasn't afraid for you to see his scars. At least, not anymore. In your eyes, as much as they were painful reminders of what happened to him, they were beautiful because they were his. You loved the parts of him he dared not love himself.

There’s beauty in the bleeding and you’d happily cleanse his wounds.

“Please,” you whined as his hands grazed along your bare chest. The contrast of the flesh and metal had you shivering as they moved lower and you lifted your hips, as if that would get him inside you faster. Glancing at his thick and heavy cock, you knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the need for you much longer either.

“Please, what?” he asked as he shifted forward, guiding himself to your wet entrance.

You whimpered when he pushed the tip in and froze. He undressed and teased you hours ago and you were more than pent up. In the beginning, he was almost afraid to touch you, let alone have sex with you. He told you he didn’t want to lose control. Some days, you almost wished he did. Not to hurt you, but to show that he had nothing to worry about. That you could take all of him. Every single part.

“Please, make love to me. Fuck me. Choke me. Whatever you need,” you answered unashamedly before he captured your lips in a heated kiss.

You let him explore your mouth as he buried himself to the hilt, whining when he froze again. You clutched his hair with one hand as you kissed him back in earnest, determined to let him know that he could move. Whether he was savoring the feeling of being inside you or attempting to make you go pliant under his lips and touch, you were eager for him to thrust deep and take.

You weren’t going to break.

“Please,” you whispered again as he pulled away, your gaze as steady as his.

“You really want me to fuck you?” he asked as he began to move, making you gasp at the slow pace he set. “Choke you?”

You bit your lip when he pulled out and slid back in. The uncertainty in his eyes rendered you speechless because you didn’t want to push him to do anything he was uncomfortable with. Choking wasn’t on his firm “no” list, but you still hadn’t tried it. Boundaries, safe words, communication, those things were important.

“You don’t have to,” you assured him as he rested his left hand on your neck. Just the weight of the metal against your skin had you clenching around him, your cunt telling him everything he needed to know. “But I can take it if you want to.”

“You can take it?” he asked, pleasure swirling in your stomach as he drove into you faster. He didn’t squeeze yet, but your heart pounded in anticipation. “You trust me?”

You trusted him with your life. You had since the moment you met, even when he said you had no reason to. The man wasn’t a villain in your eyes and never would be. Your unwavering faith in him brought the two of you closer together. And his care helped keep you by his side.

“I can take you,” you smiled when your hand went over his, hoping to give him the encouragement to try when you gave it two taps. “I trust you.”

"Trust that I won't hurt you?" he pressed, like he needed the extra assurance.

"You would never hurt me."

You writhed underneath him the second his fingers tightened around your throat. A ghost of a smile touched his handsome face before his hand squeezed a little bit more. You raised your hips with a wicked grin when you raked your nails down his right arm. The guttural moan he let out almost made you do it again before he took your hand and slammed it above your head.

He was no longer smiling.

“I’m sorry,” you said immediately, thinking you hurt or upset him. Because there was no playful smirk on his face like he had the few times he pinned you down. The last thing you wanted to do was inflict more pain. After everything he had been through, he didn't deserve more.

Especially not from you.

But he didn’t slow his hips, the drag of his cock along your walls making you moan despite your worry. His thrusts became almost mechanical, the harsh sound of slapping skin filling the room as he gripped your neck a bit more. It was different from the way he normally took you, like his mission was to ruin you.

It felt good.

“A little tight,” you tried to tease, but he didn’t speak.

It was then that you noticed a shift in his blue eyes. It was almost as if they had gone blank. Was something wrong? Was he even seeing you?

“Bucky?” you gasped, your heart pounding at his cold expression when he practically snarled. Why would the sound of his own name upset him? You could’ve tapped his hand three times to give him the signal to stop, but your finger refused to move as a thought entered your mind. No. It couldn’t be. “…Soldat?”

He answered with a punctuating thrust. Your mouth fell open and tried to process what exactly was happening. No way would Bucky joke about that, but it wasn’t possible. "B-But. You're gone,” you said. The programming and conditioning were eliminated in Wakanda.

He brought his face an inch from yours, close enough to feel his hot breath at his words. “I never left.”

You couldn’t speak because of how brutal the next thrust was, punching the little air you had left out of your lungs. Your toes curled as the mattress rocked underneath you, one hand still pinned above your head. The Winter Soldier had his cock in you. It was him.

How was that even possible?

Maybe this was the reason Bucky tried to be so careful, but was he even aware? Where did he go? You lifted your finger to tap his hand, but your pussy clamped harder around him and spurred him on.

“Been waiting for this,” he grunted, bringing his mouth to your ear. "He can’t fuck you the way you need, but I can."

You should’ve been terrified, but this was still the man you loved, right? Bucky had to be in there somewhere. You swore you’d trust and accept every part of him. But you couldn’t even think straight at the moment.

Because it felt so fucking good.

“Can feel how desperate you are for me,” he said as tears sprang to your eyes. “Keep sucking my cock back in. Knew I’d fuck you better.”

You wanted to yell that he was wrong, but all you did was moan. After all, weren’t you the one who asked him to lose control? Promised that you could take everything he could give you?

God, was this your fault?

”He’s scared. Scared of me,” he told you, nipping your earlobe before he snapped his hips. You couldn’t even feel the sting. “But he can’t stop me from taking what’s ours, angelochek."

He pulled back to stare at you with those cold eyes and you were helpless to do anything but lay there beneath him. How many people saw that look before they died? Would he kill you?

Bucky loves you, but what about the Soldat?

You trembled, barely registering the squelching sound of your cunt as he drove faster into your willing body. You didn’t stop him, unsure if you even wanted to. Desire, apparently, didn’t need oxygen.

Air.

You couldn’t breathe.

"I-I can't," you gasped as colors swirled in front of your eyes.

He growled, burying himself to the hilt again and again. "You breathe when you come."

If you closed your eyes, you could imagine it was your Bucky fucking you within an inch of your life. But you didn’t allow them to slip shut. You did, however, allow yourself to slip away. You were close.

To your last breath or a powerful orgasm.

”You have to earn it. It’s all about reward. Pain brings life,” he said, his voice gravel when the knot tightened in your core. “I can give you that."

I love you, Bucky.

Just before you thought you’d pass out, the deep voice of the Winter Soldier said a word in Russian. The coil within you snapped and your body shuddered from your release. Your wetness seeped around his cock as his metal hand fell away, allowing you to greedily inhale as the blood rushed back to your head. Your lungs burned and you almost couldn’t feel the rest of your body from how lightheaded you were.

But you felt everything when he came inside you with a groan.

You nearly sobbed with relief when he collapsed on top of you and let go of your wrist, your body spent as you finally let your eyes close. The kaleidoscope of colors were still there as you panted and tried to block out the roaring sound in your ears. It stopped when you felt the familiar scruff softly nuzzle your neck to soothe your shaking body.

The way Bucky always did when you came back to yourself.

"Shh."

The metal hand along your side brought warmth back to you when you thought you went cold. Touch was important to you after sex to both of you, but you didn't know who he was right now. You craved the comfort nonetheless because it was him at his core.

The man you swore you'd stand by no matter what.

“Told you you’d breathe when you come and you did for me," he said, a touch of triumph in his eyes when he lifted his head. "You think you’re his, but you belong to me, too."

Another tremor ripped through your body. The Winter Soldier was still there after all. And he was right. It wasn’t one of your regular orgasms either. It was like an out of body experience. How did he do that? Did Bucky feel it, too? Did he fight to get out of his own mind to get back to you?

You weren't sure how to even approach the inevitable conversation of what happened and where to go from here.

“Where?” you coughed a little as your eyes opened slightly. “Where is he?”

“You’re a very deep sleeper, angelochek. Makes it easy to visit you,” he said, ignoring your question as he peppered kisses along your throat. His words made your blood run cold. “Because he sees you in the light while I see you in the dark.”

Your eyes felt heavy again before he reached for the water on the nightstand and made you drink. "W-What?" you asked.

What the hell did that mean?

Did the Soldat take over Bucky’s body around you before? No, surely you would’ve remembered. But he said you were a deep sleeper, which is true. How many times has he visited you and you not know about it?

Better yet, what exactly did he do while you were sleeping?

"You told him you'd love every part of him. That means you love me, too,” he reminded you, his lips brushing against yours as you allowed exhaustion to take over. “So rest while you can because we're just getting started."

How is Bucky going to react? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[sweetmariihs2]

You know, when I started rewatching sofia the first (i watched the first season in my childhood and that was all), i felt a rush of nostalgia that I can't put into words. You know, people in the 2020's don't make cartoons like people from the 2010's, the same way that people from the 2010's don't make cartoons like people from the 2000's and etc, so watching something "new" (that I never watched before) that came from my childhood time and literally was part of my childhood made me heal a part of me in a way. It was a way to reconnect with my disney princess fan childhood self. When I experience hyperfocus, my mind travels to that place I'm hyperfocused on, I can feel the vibes, the feelings, I listen to songs that remind me of it, I make moodboards trying to convey the feeling and image of that world I have in my head, and I had this magical, nostalgic feeling coming from STF in the beggining. Like I did in this post. And well... now I don't feel it anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still love STF, but it's hard to feel that feeling again. Maybe it's influenced by that theory that says that the more you visit a place of nostalgia to you, the less nostalgia you will feel. But I still remember it very vividly, and I wish I could rewatch STF again so that I could feel everything like I did at the start of the year.

[sunshinesteviee]

tis the damn season — sneak peek

just posting a lil sneak peek (the first few paragraphs) of the fic i’m working on based off the song by taylor swift!! including a lil collage i made with the vibes of the fic hehe enjoy!!!!

Snow crunched underneath the tires of your mom’s car as she drove down main street, past the library, past the drug store, past the police station. Past all of the places you knew so well, but reminded you of a different lifetime. It hadn’t really been that long since you’d left for college, but everything felt so much different.

You’d left Hawkins pretty quickly, not long after defeating Vecna. Much to your surprise, you’d actually been accepted into a few of the colleges you’d applied to, and so when the time came, you were more than ready to pack up and leave Hawkins behind you. Unfortunately, that meant leaving behind everyone you knew and loved. It wasn’t the people that made you want to leave, it was the town itself, and all of the horrors it hid. It hadn’t been an easy decision — you’d agonized over it for months — but eventually, you decided it would be good to get a fresh start. And besides, you’d only be two hours away.

That fact didn’t make leaving any easier, though. Especially when one of the people you were leaving behind was your childhood best friend. The same best friend you’d been in love with for years. The same best friend who you’d gone to literal hell and back with. The same best friend who had confessed his feelings for you shortly before you were set to leave for school. In typical Steve fashion, he’d chosen the worst possible moment to lay everything out on the table.

There had always been something there. Lingering touches on your waist, stolen glances when the other wasn’t looking. Hand holding, cuddles during movie nights, chaste kisses on the cheek. It was obvious to everyone except the two of you. But of course, Steve confessed only as you were leaving.

It had broken your heart to break his, especially when you’d been waiting years for that exact moment. You’d spent hours thinking about and wishing for the moment when your best friend professed his love for you, only to have to turn him down when it finally happened.

The decision, though earth-shattering, had seemed like the right one at the time. It made sense in your head. What brand new relationship would work from two hours apart?

And despite the hurt, Steve had dropped you off at your dorm just like you’d planned. He’d helped you move in, given you the longest hug known to man, and promised to call as soon as he could. For the first week, Steve called every night to ask about your day and to make sure that you were okay.

But it had been weeks since you’d last properly talked to Steve, and it was killing you. Part of you was dreading seeing him, knowing the conversation that had to be had, but a bigger part of you felt like it was dying without him. You’d never been apart for this long, especially without talking regularly, and you missed him more than words could explain.

Your breath fogged up the glass as you stared out your frosted window and then doodled in the condensation. You weren’t sure how you were going to approach Steve, how to try to fix things. If things even could be fixed. There was a high likelihood that everything had been ruined, and if that was the case, you weren’t sure how you’d survive. How you’d live without him, especially after everything you’d been through together. You needed your best friend.

—

The fic isn’t done yet, but I can’t resist posting this & the moodboard collage I made hehe. Happy holidays!! Hoping to post this before the new year. If you want to be tagged when I post this, please let me know! 🫶🏼

[inklore]

i know i say this every time i reach a milestone, hell anytime i get a new follower that isn't a blank blog or bot, but i can't believe you guys are still here! still supporting me! still putting up with my chaos! i mean it each time i get all sappy about how grateful i am for each and every one of you and how i lucked out with you beautiful souls occupying this space with me. if i could send you all a little cupcake and a forehead kiss i would <3.

but since i can't do that let's have a little celebration instead!

like the flyer above states this celebration will focus solely on graphics and ya girl putting that photoshop to work and brushing off some of my old graphic and creative skills.

★ THE RULES.

you do not have to be following me to send something in unless something is specifically labeled 'mutuals only' then, unless we are mutuals, you cannot send anything from that section.

you can send in as many requests from whatever section as you want, there is no limit. but please refrain from sending requests for animated projects.

this celebration does not have an end date so unless the above image says 'closed' then send things in whenever you wish!

blank blogs and ageless blogs as well as minors please refrain from sending things in, respectfully.

do not steal or claim any of the graphics i make as your own.

♡ MUTUALS ONLY.

moodboards...i'll make you a personalized moodboard / aesthetic. ➥ a 'your vibe' moodboard aka i'll go off of the vibes and aesthetics you give off to me or a character + trope + scenario moodboard

gif requests...i'll make a gifset of whatever character you ask for. ➥ can be a certain scene, from a certain movie, what have you. but please note the list of characters + movies from the actors down below are more likely to give me the most inspo to make something from. but please feel free to ask me for someone not on the list because chances are i'll do it unless i truly dislike the actor or character.

ship edit...i'll make a little edit of a character i ship you with. ➥ i may include some extra things in the graphic because i can't just be simple with things, so you can give me a small list of your favs, your vibes, your likes, and dislikes, if you so wish.

✩ FREE FOR ALL.

movie recovers...i'll make you a movie poster. ➥ this goes for tv shows + some artists + character posters as well.

book + movie recs...ask me to rec some things. ➥ 'your favorite movies' + 'movies you suggest people who like [insert something here] watch' + 'underrated shows' + 'books with this vibe' + 'songs that remind you of this character' are all requests that are applicable plus so so much more, please be as creative and detailed as you wish.

banners...request a banner for whatever you wish to use it for. ➥ these are not personal which means anyone can use them not just you. can be for navigations, masterlists, etc. gifs are not applicable.

headers...just like the above but for mobile headers. ➥ same rules apply as the above section. shows, movies + characters, vibes + aesthetics all applicable.

dividers...i'll make you a set of fancy dividers. ➥ again these are not personal and for everyone to use and enjoy.

magazine designs...i'll make a little magazine-esk outtake for a movie, show, or character.

personal favorites...ask me my favorite anything and i'll make a cute little something to showcase it.

♥︎ CHARACTERS, SHOWS, MOVIES, ACTORS APPLICABLE. ➥ actors + their characters: adam driver, pedro pascal, oscar isaac, jodie comer, will poulter, aaron taylor johnson, thomas doherty, tgm cast but no tc. ➥ movies: scream franchise, any spooky movie, john wick, twilight. ➥ shows: killing eve, hemlock grove. ➥ etc characters: finnick odair, bruce wayne (except affleck and bale).

this list is only for the gif requests so disregard it for everything else or use it as inspo for your requests if you want. also please note that the gifs will be posted on either three of my gif accounts.

here you can find my graphics board on pinterest of past graphics i have made over the years + some inspo if you need it for requesting.

[alhad-letterbox]

Entry #9: Om's birthday.

[LLTM: JOS]

[Mondayday || May 6/2024 || nighttime.]

About Sunday/5 May/2024: after morning routine I started writing tumblr post after 10am. I collected lyrics and wrote meaning + started searching for pictures after scrolling on pinterest for hours, created moodboards out of those pictures (because there's limit of 10 pictures and 1 video) wrote everything I could think of despite having terrible headache because of sleep deprivation. Till lunch I couldn't think of how I should I portray this wish then I thought of last year's birthday wish and thought of chennai express and that's how I came up with "gujarat express" idea and started writing important parts. After that I collected pictures and videos according to his vibes from pinterest after scrolling so much once again. At the end I decided to add a video, I searched for it but I didn't like the song so I changed it. After that Created 3 edits as always, even though it was hard for me to decide bg music for those edits. After that I wrote paragraph for his dm, wrote few lines for his each birthday, from 1 to 20. And it was already 12:00am.

He came to my dm before 12am but I was still editing tumblr post and at 12:00am I wished him happy birthday first and posted that tumblr post as always and told him to see tumblr post. He came here to read it and I went to mention him my instagram stories. I came back and he was still reading that post because it was lengthier than I thought. He came to my dm, was so overwhelmed with emotions and was lose for words. So I sent him that mini letter I wrote for his each birthday, he loved it and laughed because I made it kinda casual and wholesome, no big lines or words but just my thoughts. I let him process though he kept saying how happy he was and how lucky he was to have me and writer's love is one of a kind and by then it was already 01:30, I kept him in my dm for that long before he went to see my instagram stories. He liked those edits as well, he came back to me and kept talking and complimenting me for whatever I did for him till 02:44am and we fell asleep. He talked about each and every line I wrote for him like he couldn't decide which part was his favorite, all these because I can't call him or face time with him or send him vns(my family is strict). So I try to make up with my writing.

In the morning I sent him gujarati playlist I created for him specially with good morning text and afternoon came he went to shopping with his cousins and family. He texted me and asked me to select an outfit for him because he couldn't decide which one he should buy and so I chose for him. At evening he went out with his relative's family to celebrate his birthday and I'm happy that he's enjoying his birthday like this.

Why do I can't stop myself from writing about him? I ended up writing about him once again. See...

They said "Go where you feel the most alive."

And I hid into his embrace.

...And when he speaks, I can feel hope crawling out of my lifeless chest.

They say you can't reach to the stars but that's wrong. I see stars in his eyes whenever he talks about his dreams.

He is what a lost poet wants to write about but can't, happiness.

If he'd tell me to kneel I wouldn't dare to look up.

He has taken over my mind, my heart and my soul like devil takes over sinner's prayers.

If I were to get locked up in one room without a way out, I would create stories for him in my mind to keep me alive till the end. –Simran.

To my past self: I found something better than your books, inspiration for writing. And that's because of him, Om.

To my future self: I know that you won't stop writing about him because now he has blended our souls and only death can stop my pen.

[redwinewhiteroses]

hi i wanna join the game i want to do the moadboard game my name is shenaz my sign in western astrology is pisces in vedic aquarius my venus in western aries in vedic pisces i admire a fairy yet fiery open minded want to go beyond limits and not give up or don't want to be stuck don't like to be arrogant is kind don't wanna hurt people nurturing soft but also hard beautiful i love pretty boys and men🫦💋👄 your moadboard your are a a Gemini rising and taurus venus so idk i get pure passionate beautiful vibe vision feel

Please tell me what do you think about the moadboard ?🫦💋👄🤍💕🥺

I love the fantasy vibes of the moodboard 🥹🩵Beautiful and ethereal🤩✨️ My 12h stellium and pisces placements absolutely love it. However my taurus venus will appreciate a more grounded, earthy and stable love. But ain't nobody saying no to *fantasy* 😌💗

And girl, you expect a lot from your future spouse. High standards🥹💯 and I love that for you😭✨️

Your fs is a bit of a hasty person it seems. He is a bit impatient and not super emotional. I think he struggles with expressing the more feminine qualities like being intuitive, nurturing others and being emotional. He is extremely intelligent and masculine and maybe he believes in rationalizing everything to the point he misses the softer, more delicate aspects of things. He is confident and his words hold a lot of power, maybe he will want to have the last say in conversations or arguments. They are a well educated person likely working in an authoritative role. He reminds me of a slightly underdeveloped aries person. Also reminds me of those podcast guys and alpha males😅nothing wrong with that. Can come off too strong with his ideas. He will always have a plan and a clear mind.

So your relationship dynamic is very joyous. All your wishes are fulfilled in this marriage. A lot of focus on celebration. You both could be like best friends having a really good time with each other. Physical pleasure is also there. A lot of fulfilling emotions are present even if your spouse is a bit logical and cerebral. You basically have all you desire and contentment is also there.

So how you feel is really nice as well. You have sensual pleasures and feel fulfilled in all aspects. You have everything you'd want and need. You feel your fs values your independence and has brought you a lot of abundance and happiness. Maybe he will buy you a big comfortable house with gardens and all✨️They could also give you a lot of kids🥰 Or you'll feel well cared for during pregnancy.

Your fs feels very impatient again. I think he has a bit of anger issues if not control issues. He can get impatient with you if things are not moving too fast, or if you are not as efficient as they want you to be. He can feel you are a bit unstable or as if you hold him back at times. He feels a bit restricted due to not having emotional clarity. I think he struggles with emotions and you make him feel a bit anxious or something. It is just who he is, his inner self but I think he'll be supportive as a marriage partner regardless of his inner turmoil.

[imaginidol]

Do u have any tips/advice on starting a fanfic blog ??

Hi!! I appreciate you asking me first of all, it makes me feel like I'm getting better to the point where I can give my own tips <3

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE THIS IS SO LONG :(

I've given you here my 4 best tips that have helped me :) I hope they are of some use to you as well!!

I'll tell you what--the one thing that really helped me grow personally was consistency with writing. I did have a point where I went MIA for a while because of school, but I took advantage over this whole summer to write, write, write! Sure, if you read some of my old stuff it's actually pretty bad and poorly written lol, but I just kept going until eventually I found a decent-ish writing style that works for me. Sometimes I'd have a REALLY nice fic written, and other times it feels like my writing just wasn't it/downgrading. It's a lot of yo-yo'ing, but keep going at it and soon enough the ideas and words will come to you smoothly.

What I also started with was moodboards!! Like this Mingi moodboard, for example, which eventually became an inspiration for a short fanfic story that I went along with based off the pictures. You know what else is cute sometimes, too? Posting song links if a certain song is an inspiration for a fic. I'm gonna start diong it, and most definitely will be linking from anything like orchestra to noise music if it fits a vibe lol. I'll admit, I haven't gotten to give a really detailed moodboard + fic like that Mingi one in a while and I'd like to go back to it. And, it's currently my post with the most notes ever, so I really would advise you to try a fun mood board with pictures and feel your way around the vibes and write!

As for HOW to write -- I'm currently working on "show, don't tell." I like reading a few of my absolute favorite fics from other people and I study how they use methods of showing emotions, gestures, events, etc. in discriptive manners--it makes me feel as though the fic comes to life and I'm really there, feeling and experiencing everything my y/n does!! Also this is a short fun challenge that I give myself -- I don't ever use "Y/N" in any of my fics because i feel like it disrupts the flow of the reading lol (this is just my own preference though, you don't have to do this!) instead, I refer to anyone directing their attention to you as "You," or if your partner is speaking to you, something like "thank you, my love/how have you been, love?" :P ALSO!! I alwaayyysss have a second tab open on google where I look up synonyms/antonyms of words so that I don't repeat them so much. Like, angry synonym, and I'll choose the word vexed instead. Works wonders and actually enhances your vocab!!

Requests will come in soon, and they will definitely challenge you to think outside the box and get creative!! Who says all stories have to be happy endings? What if they're about self-reflection? Love? Friendship? Or just silly buffonery 😆 I could ask you a few requests as well if you'd like as a way to get started :') Also, interact with followers as inbox msgs come in! I wasn't too good at this at the start and it is one thing I wish I could go back and work on.

Thank you if you actually even made it all the way down here! My hope with this blog is that my fanfics will help me become a decent enough writer to a point where one day I'll have enough creative experience to draft a full YA novel, which has been a dream of mine since elementary school! I hope these tips help you in anyway, and I can't help but thank you and anyone else who even gives a second thought to this blog for all the ways you guys help me fix and enhance my writing.

-ii

[lunarbuck]

Hey Jane! I hope everything is going well for you. I was wondering if you froze access to your masterlist? I’m trying to re-read your fic “I carry your heart” (btw my all time favorite fanfic of Bucky) but can’t seem to access any of the chapters and their links. I even tried to access your whole masterlist but doesn’t seem to be working. It could be on my end. Let me know when you get a chance!

Oh no! I didn’t do anything to my links but I’ll check it out. I’ve put the links to things below, please message me or send another ask if they don’t work and I’ll try to see what’s going on 🤔

But wow I’m so honored that I carry your heart is your all time favorite Bucky fic 🫶😭 that means so much to me!!

1. My Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/lunarbuck/688072748291997696/masterlist

2. I carry your heart Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/lunarbuck/664704857065832448/as-you-wish

[theextendedzodiacas]

adding on to the collection of lime sign reqs ive seen lately: could i purrhaps get a moodboard for a cango with themes of nostalgia, old homestuck, and the whole kinda vibes from old-internet stuff? (and maybe some internet-type aesthetics [like weirdcore or glitchcore] if you can) thanksss :3

posted! did my best but in order to capture the vibe of "old homestuck" (i was there . . . ) i had to resort to memes that sorta captured the vibe of the whole moment.

recently went down a rabbit-hole and ended up rewatching some classic vids from 2011. my face hurt from smiling but i realized that fandom culture and Everything has changed to the point where i doubt anything will be that fun again. i know some ppl joke about "chasing the high of the upd8s" but like. yeah. it was such a lightning moment i doubt i'll be a part of something like that again, and that makes me sad. i don't even want a renaissance---at a bare minimum i just wish homestuck had had a proper ending that conclusively wrapped up all the loose threads and did everybody justice, instead of the amputation/cauterization/gangrenous growth we got.

anyway hope you like the moodboard!

-mod 8ean

[thespiritoflife]

Domii domii I'm here for you !!! And I pray that whatever you're going through rn to pass away . And once again you can see the light in your life . I know my Ask will not literally help you physically but I just hope it'll make you believe that you're not alone and I'm with you spiritually and will always be ✨️. Take as much time you need but pls don't ever shut yourself out . And as a survivor of panic attack the worst you can do is not letting your voice out . It Hurts so much I know... It'll feel like all of the doors are being closed and you're getting suffocated but you yourself have to be strong enough to overcome it . Believe me you yourself are your biggest helper. As long as you're not helping yourself no one will ... it's sad but true. And I got a message for you to talk with your friends let your heart out talk as much as you want . Visit someone with whom your soul feels comfortable at . Eat your fav food roam around the city let out yourself in the nature it'll heal you and eventually help you in your panic attack. I did love , and it helped me a bit . I can fairly say for the past 2 years I've not suffered any violent panic attack so far.... Also I mean it whenever I'm saying I'm here for you you're my friend and always my dm are open if you feel like talking ❤️

Some moodboards to help you out and put on a smile on your face 🫂🙈😘🌟

Lots of loveeee Huggies and kissesss with love Alaeza 🦋

Oh my lovely Alaeza, you're making me cry so much!!! You're too kind I swear!! 😭🤍 you're the best friend here, i swear, you're so caring! i wish i could hug you.. but i can't😖 so imagine it, please🥺🌸 i am happy you didn't have any violent panic attack in last 2 years!! That's amazing!! 🫶🤗

Thank you so much for these encouraging words, they helped me a LOT!! I am sorry you know what I am talking about☹️ but it feels nice to know that i am not the only one here.

Yes, I know that no one will help me, just me, myself, yes, it's sad but you're totally right. 😔❤️ these are really wise words, alaeza!

Thank you so much for these lovely messages, they are beautiful. I'll try to do as you said. Yeah, nature really helps and talking to people you love helps too🫶🤗

I am happy it helped you🫂🩵

Thank you once again, I will always look at this ask, you don't even know how much this means to me. You're awesome friend. I wish everyone had friend like you!! The world would be better place!

And these moodboards are G O R G E O U S. I love them very much. I love these green vibes. It gives me healing vibes, it's so aesthetic and just beautiful. And these quotes there!!! So pretty! Thank you so much!! I am gonna save them into my camera roll🤍🫶

I am also sending you many many love and healing vibes. I am also here for you if you needed me. ANYTIME. Thank you once again for everything!! 🤍🤍

[1tarot1with1k1o]

Hi, could I get some pictures for my future home?

For you, future daily environment:

I got an image of a fancy brown pen on an otherwise relatively simple desk, the desk itself is flat and there's natural lighting in the space, a green rug on the ground nearby. I feel like you live in some sort of city, although there's a park you'll like that you might live right across from, and driving a bit out there's also some nice scenery.

The kitchen is mostly white, with brown cabinets, and it will be stocked with fruit.

There's also some sort of black/white spiral rug somewhere near there.

Also, there will be plants, I'm getting more outside than inside, maybe you live somewhere with trees or see that park like I said, or maybe you see your neighbor's windowbox with plants.

Not exactly what I saw, but I tried to get something close:

And also, you might see this stuff which could mean you might have a friend that comes by often that dresses like this (if it isn't you that dresses like this:

Also, the weather is pretty fair, it isn't always hot but there's usually fairly clear blue skies, the whole place feels pretty fresh.

Maybe the space when you first get it:

Hii~

Your description of my living space sounds very cool! I love the vibe you described for the place I’ll live in. It would be perfect for me. Like you said, even if the pictures might not be super accurate, the vibe is definitely there, and it’s fitting! Plants and everything. The rug detail is amazing because I have saved some minimalist rugs that resemble your description, so it’s super cool for you to pick up on that!! (Like this one, which seems close to the one you described).

I appreciated you incorporating the message about my friend, a lot. I think it’s a very cute little detail that I’m very happy to know about!

I’m one of those people who is very passionate about taking pictures of the sky, so knowing that I’ll live someplace where it’s visible, is very nice hahah.

You did a really good job!! Thank you so much!

Your moodboard:

Do you like painting? Because the first thing I saw is a person painting in the living room/studio. Take it as it resonates of course. I actually had quite a hard time pinpointing a specific aesthetic for the apartment. At some point I even felt like I started picking up on different apartments you’ll live in, so it became kind of a jumbled mess in my mind haha. But overall, I’d say that if you grab different elements from the pictures and put them together, you’ll get very close to what I channeled for your future apartment. It was a bit like mixing French, German, and American apartments style. I feel so bad that you were super specific, and I’m like “yeah put everything together and it might make sense at some point”. But truthfully, I wouldn’t know how else to describe it. If you actually do like painting, then I feel like you will be more focused on the creative aspect of your lifestyle and not so much on what the environment you create in looks like. Not that you won’t care at all and just get whatever, but more like it won’t be the main focus of your life. You might find more inspiration by going outside in nature or by observing people, so maybe your home aesthetic will have less importance in the long run. I really hope it makes sense to you.

Anyways haha, I hope you like the reading, and I hope you managed to get some info from this mess. Maybe you have a fast running mind, like a thousand ideas at the same time. It’s like I wanna write everything and nothing at the same time. If it’s not you then it’s just my brain that took a vacation today.

In any case, thank you so much for participating. If you dislike the reading or if doesn’t resonate at all, feel totally free to request another reading.

Thank you again!! Best wishes <333

[stayxlix]

helloooooo!!!🩵🩵 moving was pretty difficult, but thankfully, some of my friends helped and etc and now I'm ready to start anew!!

AKWKEHEG i'm just so so so glad that you've actually decided to endulge me with this trope😭 😭 I can't even explain just how excited I am to THOROUGHLY read the next chapter (and ALLLLL the other ones to come) and haha yes I'm pretty much also living for any media that include romance, buuut like I said, angry love confessions and angry passion just really do it for me🤭 and you're so right! Having a happy ending really makes me feel like crying all those times and screaming into my pillow was really worth it😭

I'm really glad you're happy that I said otde is my fav way to get rid of excessive stress, bc it really is!! I honestly want to find every single thing that could make you happy and just give it to you bc you're just so nice and ahaiwiowowjw

AND DID YOU JUST YOU VALUE MY OPINION THAT MUCH?!?!??! I ACTUALLY CANT DI THIS WTF ALEX WJY ARE U SO NICE HELP ME I'm so unbelievably glad that I can talk to you like this and try to make you feel the love for you and your story and blog, even if it's just through asks (for now!! I'm trying to build up my courage to finally text you and not do it like this by being anonymous) and I honestly wish I could give you a real life hug, I just wanna squish you and qjqjwhegejqo1 😭😭💗

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE MOODBOARD!!!!!!*×*×[×[2[2> And YES I PUT A LOOOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT BUUUT I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED MAKING IT AND I'M JUST SO FREAKING GLAD YOU LIKE IT HELPBMEKAJQ i really tried to put in what i feel when i readd otde, so i'm just really glad that you can see what I meant and it makes me even happier taht you actually like it and even SAY THAT IT'S THE PERFECT VISUAL JOURNEY FOR OTDE AND THAT IT'S THE EXACT VIBE YOU ASSOCIATE WITH OTDE??? OMFG I CANT DO THIS I AM ABOUT CRY

and yes, I will gladly talk to you about every single pic that I've decided to add, and hopefully it'll be very VERYYY soon bc I am pretty close to dming you😭🩵 and I'm in the middle of the red version already, so I'm even MORE excited to share it with you soon!! (Possibly through normal dms🤭🤭) I AGREE!! i would like to announce, that now it is canon that mc wears red Vans bc it reminds of Felix (she probably wouldn't admit it at the beginning but we KNOW) (and, why do I feel like otde Felix is the type to get something related to mc tattooed?? Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him😭 or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what... and I feel like he'd also be the type that wears EVERYTHING related to her proudly [and probably gets a bit too turned on when he sees that she does the same] okay I may be ranting a bit too much now... i need to stop)

I'm extremely glad that the new chapter is coming along nicely!! I'm soooo anticipating it and I'll definitely have so much motivation to make something that I don't even know with what new creation of mine we'll end up with☠️😭 aaaand i'll so let you in on a little secret, I love LOVE LOVE LIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL LOOOONG STORIES like give me 35k words and I'm eating ALL OF IT UP. especially from you?!?!?!? But i wish you so so much good luck with the finishing up/ just writing in general!🩵🩵 don't feel any pressure to finishing it! I'll honestly wait however long is needed without any problems if it's otde🩵

And thank YOU for being so wonderful!🩵 I'm so happy to be writing another ask again💗 your answers also mean the world to me, and I love sharing the excitement and happiness I hold for not only otde, but also you🩵 Hearing that what I make for you/otde is a source of motivation truly makes me so happy that I can't even put it into words, thank you for existing, honestly!🩵

I now find myself thinking about you when I'm writing and wondering if you'll like where the story is going or certain parts etc. etc.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDUNG ME?!??!?!?! I LITERALLY XANT DO THIS IM SO CLOSW TO CFYING LIKE ARE U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME ITS ACTUALLY UNREAL PLEASE

Our interactions also mean so so much to me and YOU make all of the time spent reading, and creating thinks for you/the story so so worth it that I wouldn't even imagine it being unworthy, really, I know I've said this before but finding this story/ you and your blong has genuinely made my lately life better and happier💗🩵 I am also so thankful to have you as a friend and to see what you create with your beautiful writing🩵

And yes!! Honestly, though, who wouldn't have a crush on otde Felix?! I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real anywhere else than our minds and hearts😭 (ps. I am now extremely excited for next week and am omw to add some songs to the playlist, and work on the red version of the moodboard bc I'm so glad that you are excited to see it😭😭)

This was also VEEERY long so hopefully you've survived through this (and yet I still have so much more to say help me) i'm sending another hug right back to you! Stay safe and take care, have the best rest of your day and good luck with everything!!🩵🩵 i love you just as much!!

hi hi hiiiiiiii🩵🩵🩵 im so sorry i wasn’t able to respond until now, i had the most hectic weekend!! i went on a roller coaster for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever been so happy and terrified all at once before😂😂 (although i do love a good scary movie lol). but im so glad you had good friends to help you move, i know from experience that it makes all the difference :) starting anew is one of my favorite things about life!! even if it can be scary sometimes, it sounds like you’ve got a wonderful support system there with you<333

are you kidding me?!? i LOVE talking about tropes like the one you sent, it resonated so much with me (as does everything you say lol) angry love confessions? YES. angry passion? YES. and a happy ending to wrap it all up?? SIGN ME UP. (btw i like how you mentioned screaming into your pillow because this has also become a regular occurrence for me while writing this story😂) but the fact that you said you’re excited for the new chapter makes me that much more excited to share it (although i am a bit nervous, but what else is new lol) it also makes me want to take even more care with every single word that i include (much like answering your asks lol) im a bit particular about it and it makes me feel really good to know that you want to read it thoroughly because it makes the time spent writing all worth it🥹🥹 (even if it does end up being 35k words lmao) at least i know you’ll still be willing to read it all🥹because ill let you in on another secret, a little over halfway through i checked and it was at like 12k words????? help🙃 and the middle is still a bit of a mess but im really really stuck on my goal of putting it out some time this weekend, so we’ll see.🤭 ive considered splitting it up, and i honestly still might (but i don’t really like the idea of the first half being it’s own part so i even thought about doing like 5.1 and 5.2????? is that even a thing to split a chapter into two?????) lol idk all i know is im just hoping i have plenty of time this week to figure it out😂 thank you so so much for the good luck, kind words, and your amazing support🩵🩵 i need it more than you realize😂

you saying otde is your favorite way to relieve stress is like its own kind of stress relief for me🥹🥹 seriously!! and you are so unbelievably sweet to say that you want to give me every single thing that makes me happy😭 but 🩵, i promise you your asks already make me happier than you could ever imagine!! i only hope that my responses do the same for you because you are so incredible and important to me💕💕which means that OF COURSE I VALUE YOUR OPINION!! readers are the heart and soul of any story, and feedback like yours is the backbone that keeps me going. it keeps the story alive, you know???? and i would be a fool not to recognize that. you have done more than enough to make me feel the love for my little story and blog, even if it is through asks!! don’t ever discount that or feel pressured to do anything further. of course my dms are always open for you🩵 but take all the time you need love, no pressure :)

LIKE THE MOODBOARD???!?!?!? NO NO I L O V E  IT. I CAN TELL HOW MUCH THOUGHT YOU PUT INTO IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF IT THAT I WANT TO SHOW IT OFF TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE (and i totally would, if any of them knew that this blog existed lol) BUT THAT IS HOW MUCH IL OVE IT. I LVOE IT WITH MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL.😭 (and i think mc would too) because i could literally feel the emotions you portrayed, and i cannot even put into words how that makes me feel. your love for this story is something i will never ever forget. even years down the road. you are so special to me, and the offer to go through and discuss all of the pictures (and the songs on your playlist) stands forever. my door will always be open<3 you don’t even have to knock lol just come on in and we can pick right back up wherever we left off. AND WHEN I TELL YOU I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RED VERSION I MEAN LIKE SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT BITING MY NAILS ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE MOMENT IT DROPS🤭🤭(take your time though of course, because i know these things can’t be rushed🩵)

and if i’m being honest i have been thinking about this whole vans thing ever since you brought it up…like my mind has been spiraling with ideas about how our main couple would be in a world like ours, like if they were real college students or something idk. and we have definitely confirmed that its canon that mc would wear red vans because of felix and IT IS EVEN MOre CANON that felix would have something related to her tattooed?!?(I SQUEALED WHEN I READ THIS NO YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND) “Maybe just a small thing like her fav flower and on his wrist somewhere so that he knows she's always somehow with him” THIS.😭 but wait what if the flower was something SHE drew, like maybe just something small that she casually sketched while they were together and he kept it without her even knowing, or if she drew it on a little note to him?????? i am WEAK.😭😭😭😭

“or if she gave him a bracelet, he'd literally NEVER take it off like no matter what” no this is SO good too because even though he would rather die than admit it, he is so fucking obsessed with that little bracelet. because it was from her. OR MAYBE ITS JUST A LITTLE HAIR TIE THAT SHE TOOK OF AND WRAPPED AROUND HIS WRIST CASUALLY oNE daY AND HE HASNT TAKEN IT OFF SINCE BC IT REMINDS HIM OF HER AND - I CANT.😭 pls. we need to discuss this further. and don’t even get me started on how turned on he would be if he catches her wearing something of HIS. nah you’re insane for this and i’m cutting myself off before i get too invested and start making this into its own separate little fic. (mc and lix in a parallel universe or something lol, maybe a past life even??) idk send help😂

thank YOU for existing 🩵, my adoration for you grows even more every single time i see you pop up in my askbox, if that’s even possible :) i mean every word i put into in my responses and i cannot WAIT to see what new creations we’ll end up with from you💕 (starting with the red moodboard of course) you are wonderful, and you have no idea how much you have touched me with your words and interactions. for all we know, we might be halfway across the world from each other, but whenever i read your asks i always feel so close to you.🥹 they give me life, and its probably a good thing we don’t know each other in person, because I would be absolutely SHOWERING you with love 24/7, i would never leave you alone and you’d probably get sick of me lol.😂😂 you make my life better too🩵🩵thank you so much for saying that you think my writing is beautiful, how am i not supposed to think of you when i write when you say such kind things like this???🥹🥹🥹

“I also sometimes need to take a break and make myself that, unfortunately, otde Felix is not real” the struggle is REAL😭 and omg i saw that you added the eve by exo to the playlist and i HAVE to ask if it was because of the hyunlix dance cover from the fanmeet??? bc i also considered adding that song to mine after i saw their dance (don’t even get me started on that and how RUDE it was lmao)

okay okay, if you have made it to the end of this then i sincerely thank you for taking the time out of your day to read it, i could go on forever (you’d never believe how quiet i am in real life😂) but i just have SO much to say when it comes to you. so have an absolutely amazing start to your week 🩵🩵🩵 i hope its full of all of your favorite things and plenty of moments that make you smile<3333 sending SO much love and the biggest warmest hug back your way🤗 talk soon💕💕

[sorryimananti-romantic]

chron you've done it again you have me all 😭🩷 again you're literally so good at feedback and i had so much fun reading this 😭😭 im glad your yumi radar was on LOL and omgg lemme just shower you with hugs and kisses 😭🩷

HAHA NOT THE SEPARATE SECTION FOR MOODBOARD AND INTRO BULLETPOINTS when i say i struggled with this moodboard bc the colouring on those photos was too different from the vibe i wanted and then i couldn't find the vibe for the colouring 😀 we struggled but we did it 😀

yeah ngl this time i ditched morals altogether (debatable actually i can still do worse) but this time the constraints were different- they're both in a position of power (one is literally the crown prince and the other is the king's doctor so if they're both bloodthirsty... 😀 what better team right?)

ngl hongjoong took the 'use me as a tool' part too seriously KJFDHGKJDFHG he went ahead and betrayed the reader after everything they did together 😭 and that's where my warning came lmao 'if you go down he goes down with you :D)

*mingi cawcaws* i had no idea what i was doing with the bluebirds thing and i figured out how to use them and what their backstory would be when i wrote like 60 percent of the fic so i went back to make some edits but hehe the bluebirds are everywhere you can't escape them

omg yes lab scenes like those happened for sure! imagine hj just watching reader making some medicines and learning from her (in an alternate universe maybe they're 'normal' and this could be a fluffy cute moment LMAO)

THANK YOU FOR LIKING THAT QUOTE SO MUCH it came so naturally but when i looked back i was like hehe not behd kdjfghjkdhg

morally grey characters always have one weakness and it's ✨feelings✨ like you just pat their head with affection or really look them in the eyes and it's game over for them they're such losers KJDFGHDFKGH

RIGHT AHAHAHAH READER GETS ARRESTED AND SHE'S LIKE WHISPERING SHIT INTO HIS EARS THAT SENDS COLD SHIVERS DOWN HIS SPINE AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW boom they're getting executed. together. :D

omgg reader and the king's relationship was so lovely to write in this one like despite reader wanting to and ending up killing him, he's the one person who cared for her and genuinely wished her well all this time. the one person who made her feel human :') not even hj did that btw :') he only fueled the monster in her lmao

omgg thank you for your kind words and the little poetry ahhh 😭🩷 the past life bit and the 'death won't do us part' is prob some of my fav thing i've ever written too i'm glad you liked it so much 😭🩷

yes omg i understand where you're coming from! we really would have loved to see the monarchy crumble but like when you're at the square with the crown prince/king next to you getting ready for your executions, and the only royal standing is a bluebird whose goal was to end the monarchy... :') monarchy crumbled the day hj got crowned the king fr but yes doesn't the title of this fic suit it so well :')

thank you so much for this lovely feedback and for taking the time to annotate! your reblogs always make me incredibly happy and leave me feeling like i did a good job, and it's sth i'm always looking forward to! hope you have an amazing week month year life :')

New World

crownprince!hongjoong x royalphysician!reader

psychopath power hungry prince hj x psychopath delulu spy doctor reader who kill (literally) for each other

dni if you're not comfortable with this trope.

word count: 27k

genres and warnings: unhinged fluff only, angst, smut (mdni!) they're both pyschopaths, morally black atp, skewed thinking, violence and murder warnings, manipulation at its finest, reader is a bit delulu but so is joong, kinda tragic

synopsis: you've always known the crown prince was just a little power hungry, however, when you offer to kill the king for him as part of your big scheme to end the monarchy, you didn't realise he'd be ecstatic about it. while you etch out an elaborate plan to get more obstacles out of the way, you start enjoying his company just a little too much. it ultimately clouds your judgement and becomes the cause of your downfall, though... if you go down, he goes down with you :D

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (just two simps for dom hongjoong what's new)

Red might just be your favourite colour.

Red was the colour of blood. Red was the colour of anger, desire and power. Red was the colour of the loveliest roses that decorated this castle, and red was the colour of Wonderland’s flag. Red was the colour of the badge that the soldiers wore at all times, as well as the colour of rubies that were your favourite stone and a staple of royal jewellery.

Red was also the colour of royal regalia. And oh, Prince Hongjoong absolutely owned that colour. It looked like red was made for him. Everything he did was red. His actions, his aura, his charms, they exuded red. The way he walked, the way he laughed or smirked, the way his expressions would change in a matter of milliseconds… everything was red. He breathed in that colour and made it his own. 

Red just so happened to be the colour that clear drug now turned into when you added a few drops of the new opium compound you had gotten your hands on when you went shopping in the black market. As the royal physician, you had the privilege of accessing the black market without repercussions, so you got a little of everything that would be considered ‘dangerous’ or ‘illegal’. Your sole duty as the royal physician was to make advances in medicine and make sure the royalty remained healthy.

Though… there wasn’t much left to worry about. The Queen had passed away when you were still an assistant a few years ago. The King, well, he was unfortunate enough to be suffering from a heart condition. You did everything in your power (though that could be argued) to keep his pain and suffering at bay but with each passing day, his health deteriorated even more.

And that left Prince Hongjoong- the young crown prince, loved by some but feared by all. With his striking platinum hair and a permanent glare, he was as cold as he appeared to be. The man only cared about swiftness and rationality in each decision he made, disregarding the suffering of his people and their woes. He claimed that a ruler had to be strict and authoritative for his kingdom to prosper, and his ideology had always conflicted with his father's, which was why the people of Wonderland dreaded the day when the King would pass away and the Crown Prince would take over.

You smiled to yourself as the solution became red, confirming that it worked. You had just mixed a few ingredients to make a new pain reliever. You only needed to test it out now-

And who better to test it on than the dying King? Sure, maybe it was too strong, in which case he would probably succumb to numbness and his breathing might stop. He had one foot in the grave anyway. But if it worked, he would probably grace you with more privileges. It was a win-win situation. 

You didn’t hate the King, no. In fact, he trusted you a lot- maybe a bit more than he should. He had recognised how brilliant a physician and researcher you were early in your career and had appointed you as the royal physician himself. He depended on you a lot, as you did on him, and his fatherly affection sometimes almost made you crack and forget what you really wanted.

What you really wanted was to see the crown prince become the king, even if it was just for a day. You wanted to be the person to make it happen for him. You wanted to be trusted by him and you wanted him to depend on you. You wanted to be the person that would lead him to the crown that was rightfully his. You wanted to fulfil his deepest desire- you wanted him to rule, even if only for a day.

Because then, you would take the final step and free the Kingdom of Wonderland from its last-standing tyrannical ruler.

But the King- the old man. He just wouldn’t die. And that was making the both of you frustrated.

As you poured the new drug in a vial, signing the register to record today’s progress, you put the vial in the first-aid box and took off your apron, hanging it on the knob next to the shelves that lined the walls of your workshop. You straightened your deep green velvet gown and made sure the pearls adorning your neck looked perfect. Tucking some stray hair behind your ears and smirking at your reflection, pleased with the way you looked tonight, you picked up the box and left the medical chamber, walking towards the residential section of the castle where the royalty resided. 

The King hated staying in the infirmary so you had fulfilled his wishes and created a setup in his bedroom. Your assistants looked after him throughout the day and you would drop by multiple times to check on him, hoping to get a sight of the painfully handsome prince. 

Sometimes, you caught the Prince lounging with a book or a smoke, or swirling the wine in his glass. It sparked red in you- red for desire. You weren’t sure if that desire inside you was for him or his position or power- or the desire to simply end him as planned by the Master and move to the next phase of your life- but oh, how you wished he would look at you with something other than contempt in his eyes. You knew he disliked you because you were prolonging his father’s life and preventing him from taking the crown.

You were. You were doing exactly that. You wouldn’t kill the King until he would really look at you. You couldn’t simply tell him that, so you would have to take a risk that could end up with your head in the lunette, ready for execution.

You greeted the royal guards before you knocked on the door of the main chamber and the Prince’s aide, Mingi, opened the door and let you in.

“Good evening, Doctor,” the tall man let you in with a smile and you bowed in greeting before you entered, glancing around the living room for any signs of the prince but finding none. Mingi shut the door behind you and with a nod, you went towards the king’s bedroom, knocking before entering. 

The old man was reading some reports, round glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Even though he looked pale and his eyes looked lifeless, he looked as posh as ever with his greying hair neatly combed back and face freshly shaven. Upon noticing you, he set the reports aside and greeted you with a smile.

“How do you do, Doctor?” He asked and you pulled the stool near him, settling down.

“Just the usual, but I have some good news for you,” you said and when his face lit up, you shook your head. “You must tell me how you’ve been feeling first.”

“Well… I think the pain wasn’t as bad today, but I still can’t seem to walk around too much. I lose my breath too quickly.”

“I might have something for that,” you said. Routinely, he extended his wrist and you checked his pulse, listened to his heart with a stethoscope and checked his eyes. After making sure his vitals were normal, you told him about the new drug.

“It is an opium compound, so I’m not sure how different it will be, but I hope it will get better rather than worse.”

“Can’t get any worse than this,” the King sighed and you almost tsk-ed.

“It can get worse, but I’m here to prevent that,” you assured and the King nodded. “There is a risk factor, though.”

“And like always, I’ll take it,” he agreed, sitting straighter. After administering his routine medicines and skipping the ones that could hinder this new drug’s effect, you made him drink a spoonful of the red liquid. His mouth contorted as the bitterness of the drug spread across his tongue and then he took a deep breath.

“I’ll have the nurses monitoring the effects of this drug tonight, but if anything feels strange, you can have the guards send a message to me.”

“Thank you,” the King said and you bowed, exiting his room and making a turn-

And almost bumping into none other than the Crown Prince.

The Crown Prince Hongjoong, looking regal even in his plain black silk nightwear. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and you bowed in greeting, stepping aside and about to leave when he cleared his throat, making you stop.

“How is the King’s condition?”

You smirked internally before turning to face him. “Not better… not worse either.”

Prince Hongjoong narrowed his eyes and you sighed. “It’s because the drugs won’t work. I’ve administered a new one tonight, and I have hopes.”

What kind of hopes, he didn’t need to know.

“You always say that, yet my father is still bedridden.”

You noted his use of the term ‘father’. He always employed that term carefully, and you weren’t sure if anyone else had noticed that. 

“Well, it’s a bit… risky this time,” you began, testing the waters and when he raised his brow in curiosity, you knew you had him. “He might get worse before he gets better. Or… he may never recover if it doesn’t suit him.”

“Yet you still administered that drug to the King?”

There. He was now ‘the King’.

“The King,” you began, emphasising the word, “took a leap of faith in me and the drug if that means he could get better one day.”

The Prince nodded in understanding, about to go to his room.

“However,” you said in a low voice, looking around to make sure no one was in sight. Hongjoong turned to hear the rest of it, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of concealment. 

You took a few steps forward- tonight, the wheels of your big plan would start to turn. You purposely stepped a little closer than he would have liked and whispered, “I’ll tell you- the King shouldn’t be taking such risks at his age, and with his condition.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hongjoong asked in a whisper as if what you had shared was a secret.

You only shrugged, feigning innocence. “Who knows? If you really want answers though… maybe you could let me access the private library first.”

With that, you bowed and left, leaving the prince baffled. He opened the door of his father’s bedroom just a fraction and saw his brows furrowed in pain as he rested, the nurse paying no attention and instead more focused on knitting.

Hongjoong went to his room and found himself going over the conversation he had with you over and over again. He couldn’t help but recall previous instances of when you told him- and only him, he had noted- how his father could get worse or better depending on the situation.

Were you actually intending to tell him that you had his health, even his life, in your control? Had he been too oblivious of his royal physician’s actions and words? Had he underestimated you? He knew you were a good doctor- you were a renowned physician throughout the Capital. But were you offering him the controls?

The private library- he wondered what you intended to find there. Maybe he would give you a chance to prove yourself to him. Hongjoong smirked into the night sky, peering down at his kingdom from the height- perhaps, you were the weapon he needed to wield in order to get to the throne.

And if you were… 

Finally, the crown prince started to feel a new surge of hope and desire. Hope for the new world he wanted to create as soon as he could sit on the throne, and desire for that power.

Hongjoong saw red before his eyes as he shut them, letting the light breeze blow through his hair and caress his skin. He wasn’t sure if his grim laughter was echoing inside his head or being carried by the wind for the world to hear.

—------------------------------------

You were starting to wonder if your plan had not worked. 

The past week, you simply checked on the King and kept administering the same new drug that you now called ‘ruby’. It was a bit ironic to call it ruby, you thought. Ruby was Wonderland’s staple stone and what better name for a drug that would end the life of Wonderland's king? It was a shame no one could share the sentiment- when your assistants asked why you called the drug ruby, you simply answered that it was because of the colour.

Prince Hongjoong seemed like he was avoiding you on purpose. Maybe he was not interested in what you had to offer. You were pretty sure he got the message- the King was at your mercy and could be at the Crown Prince’s mercy if he wished so. However, he didn’t acknowledge your presence the few times you crossed paths with him within the week. A small part in your brain said that maybe you had made a mistake and he was being cautious. Maybe you should have never revealed all of that- maybe you had doomed yourself. If he suspected you of foul play, he could have you executed for treason. Maybe the Hongjoong did possess a functioning heart under all those layers of thorns. Yours had long been numb.

But maybe, just maybe, he was weighing his options. Could he trust you, the royal physician, a respectable doctor and medical researcher? Were you planning a trap for him- was it the King’s doing? Did the King suspect that his son really wanted him dead? Did one of his uncles, the Dukes, plant you here as a spy? They were interested in the throne- at least the older one of them, the Duke of Neverland Prince Woobin, was.

And why did you need to access the private library anyway? That was what kept nagging at Hongjoong’s mind. The private library was not attached to the main library but was located in the part of the castle that accommodated the royal residents. The only people allowed to access that library were those of royal blood. It mostly held archives related to court orders and the royal family history. Whatever could a doctor need in there?

With all these thoughts plaguing the prince’s mind, he found himself making way to the medical chamber after dinner accompanied by his aide, Mingi. Mingi asked if he was feeling alright but Hongjoong only said he wanted to ask you a few things regarding his father’s medication and that he was hoping to get something for his own insomnia. That relaxed his aide a bit- Mingi had been by Hongjoong’s side for a solid decade now and while they shared the same opinions on many things, Hongjoong still wasn’t sure if Mingi really agreed with his political views.

Hongjoong dreamt of big things. He was a dreamer and a doer, which he supposed was not an odd combination but a rare one- people usually had to give up one or the other. He, however, was not going to bow to this world- the world was going to bow to him. That was the world he aimed to create where he would be the ruler, where he would allow people to dream within his constraints. To him, there was no such thing as freedom. Freedom was simply a word to fool people into believing that they possessed the right and control over their life. Sure, Hongjoong was a slave to this word too. He dreamed to be free-

Free of the title of crown prince. Free of the title prince. He abhorred that word now- he wanted to be the king. He wanted the freedom to rule. And you- you had just offered him a shortcut, if he was right about this. 

Hongjoong was greeted by a few doctors at the workshop, the three of them moving around nervously and almost tripping on each other as they straightened and asked what brought the Prince all the way to the medical chambers- he could have sent a message. Hongjoong said he simply wanted to observe and check the progress of his doctors. One of them offered to take him to you, to his relief, and he followed the physician to the other end of the workshop which led to the room right next to the storage.

“That’s where the Head Physician usually works- she prefers a corner so she can experiment in peace- and it’s also to avoid involving others in any possible accidents,” the physician said, fiddling with his fingers as Hongjoong nodded. “I- I’ll alert her.”

Hongjoong watched with intrigue as the young physician carefully turned the knob so as to not make a single sound and slipped inside with light footsteps. Hongjoong peeked through the gap and realised you had your back against them. The physician waited for you to set all the equipment in your hands on the table before he cleared his throat and you turned to him.

“The Prince is here to uh, see you- your progress.”

“The Prince,” you breathed, your gaze going towards the door and you thought you spotted the familiar blonde hair. “Where is he?”

“Right outside.”

“Goodness, Jeongin, let him in then, don’t keep him waiting!” your eyes widened as you shooed the physician away and with the few seconds you had, you rubbed the stains on your hands and cleared the table in front of you. 

“Doctor,” his voice sounded, the door clicking behind him as Jeongin gave you both some space. 

“Your Highness,” you curtsied, your heart beating erratically and a bit too loudly- this was the first time you were in private with the Prince, after all. “What brings you here?”

“Just thought I’d check up on you,” the Prince narrowed his eyes as he walked past the counter with various vials of drugs and medicine arranged on them. He stopped near the ruby red liquid that he now recognised as his father’s recent prescription. “Any progress regarding the King’s health?”

“Surprisingly, he’s getting adjusted to the low doses quite well,” you said, noting the tiniest twitch of his facial muscles. “I will start increasing the dose in two days and see how he responds.”

“You mentioned a risk last time,” he raised his brow slightly as he locked eyes with you, seating himself on the very stool you had been sitting on just earlier. The proximity made you restrain a shiver, the cold countertop digging at your back providing a sense of relief in the form of familiarity. “I’d like you to elaborate.”

Got him.

Suppressing a smile, you obeyed. “Usually, I gradually increase the dosage and see how the King’s body reacts. The heart… it is a complicated organ and there are a lot of factors that can influence the working of the drug. Sometimes, the body ‘rejects’ a medicine which means we can’t have the patient take that anymore. The rejection can be due to age or some other factors.”

“And this new drug- ruby, you’re calling it?” Hongjoong asked, gaze darting over where the red vial was. “What’s so special about this?”

“Well,” you took a moment to find the right words to answer. “It’s more of a drug than a medicine, for starters. Addiction might be a side-effect but before that, there’s more to worry about. His body may look like it’s adapting and then all of a sudden, it could reject the drug and his condition could get worse.”

“Will there be any signs to indicate such a thing?” 

“I will answer that…” you leaned forward. “But first, I would like to access the private library.”

“And whatever would a royal physician find useful in the library?” The Prince asked, fiddling with the gold button on his black jacket. “It’s full of cobwebs and dust.”

“And a treasure of useful information,” you quipped.

The Prince gave you a threatening look and you sighed. “Alright, there are two reasons I want to access the library. I can only tell you one- that I want to check the family registers and private journals for any signs that this may be hereditary disease. That information is going to benefit you, and that’s my only purpose.”

“And the other reason?” He frowned, not really caring that you wanted to check for his sake. You supposed as a royal physician, it was your duty and he had nothing to be grateful for.

But your reason was still the same.

“I can’t tell you the other reason, because I’m not sure I’ll find anything about it and I don’t want to give you false hope,” you said and that got his attention. “But… if I do find something… you’re going to have to speed up the preparations for your coronation.”

Realisation dawned on Hongjoong’s face and he instinctively looked around before he stepped off the stool and walked towards you with heavy steps. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

“Loud and clear,” you smirked, taking off the mask because there was no need to show him anything but the truth now. “You want this. You want the throne, and I am your loyal subject. My only reason is to have you sit on the throne instead of one of the King’s brothers.”

Confidential information. How did the royal physician know that the King wanted to delay his son’s coronation and instead pass the hierarchy to one of his two brothers? The conflict between the King and Hongjoong was not news- they didn’t see eye to eye on many things and that was public knowledge. But how did you know all of that? 

Or was it so obvious, Hongjoong wondered, that the King did not want his son to take over the throne so soon? If the whole world was against his coronation, why were you presenting yourself as a loyal subject?

“We’ll talk about this later,” the Prince said in a low voice, pointing his finger at you. It unsettled him to see you stand so sure before him. He opened his mouth to say more but couldn’t find the words.

“I’m just a tool for you to use as you please,” you gently lowered his finger, watching his eyes flicker with surprise. “And I’m only doing this for you. Keep that in mind. Have a good night, Your Highness.”

—-----------------------------------

A tool for him to use as he pleased.

And if you wanted to prove your loyalty so bad, he would use you. He would exhaust your services until you had nothing more to offer. But first, Hongjoong needed to find out just what was so interesting about the family tree that you were tracing your finger along the lines that marked his ancestry. 

While you said nothing about him watching you from a distance like a hawk, when you opened one of the registers and your features twisted from concentration to satisfaction, he craned his neck to read the title. 

“Why are you looking at the death registers?”

“So I can learn how the King can die,” you said, watching the confusion on his face change to intrigue. “And how to avoid it.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game here, sweetheart,” the Prince said. “Are you really doing all of this to save the King?”

“I told you, but since we’re in private, we can talk more freely here,” you set the register on your lap, taking a deep breath. “So ask me whatever you want.”

“How did you know about the King considering one of my uncles to take over?”

“I have a few drugs that I sometimes slip in to make him talk,” you folded your arms. “And he’s quite a talker, your father.”

“How can you, a royal physician,” Hongjoong began, almost fuming at the thought, “abuse your power to make the King talk?”

“And why are you, the Crown Prince, not doing anything despite the knowledge of my medical malpractice? Clearly, you’re interested in what I have to offer.”

“I don’t need your loyalty,” Hongjoong shook his head, his platinum hair catching the moonlight through the patterned window behind him when he moved. “The throne belongs to me. Sooner or later, I will take over.”

“Unless your father announces that he likes the Duke of Neverland too much,” you countered. “Or the Duke of Mist Island. He may be a bit slow but he’s got better manners than you. Clearly you’re the least favourite.”

That was what made the Prince laugh mockingly. Though it was just him recovering from the blow that you delivered, you finally made him laugh and that was enough. 

“So, Miss Doctor,” the Prince said almost tauntingly. “What are your recent findings?”

“You won’t be sending me for execution after, will you?” You asked jokingly, though a small part in your heart was scared that you were absolutely wrong about the Prince. 

“That depends on the information I learn tonight,” he made himself clear. “I cannot have the royal physician murdering the King claiming that it was for the Crown Prince. Not a good look for me.”

You agreed, passing him the family tree and pointing at the death register. “These are the official medical records which are in the main library as well. But these parts-” you pointed at the red ink. “That’s information that was never made public. Abnormalities noticed during the treatment of your grandfather who suffered from the same disease as your father. Notice how opium was used for treatment for a few weeks?”

Hongjoong skimmed through the notes, finding an unnamed opium compound mentioned in the treatment section. “And what’s odd about opium being used as a medicine?”

“That they stopped within a few weeks but administered it again- look at how it’s scratched, but the symptoms I’m observing in your father now are similar to your grandfather’s even after they apparently stopped using this opium compound. I asked around and found out which ingredients were used and attempted to replicate this drug for your father. Ruby.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong nodded in realisation. “But why would they stop mentioning the drug- oh, they wouldn’t.”

The air suddenly felt grim as Hongjoong realised that there was a chance that medical malpractice or perhaps, bad intentions were what took his grandfather’s life. “Who was the royal physician at that time?”

“No longer alive,” you told him. “Otherwise I would have confronted him. I do suspect that he never recorded this because he was afraid he would be blamed for His Majesty’s death. There’s also the possibility that one of his sons had a hand in this, though your father was unfazed when I told him that I was treating him with opium.”

Hongjoong cracked his neck, an amused look on his face. “One of my uncles then, huh?”

“Just pure speculation, but my bet is on the doctor making a mistake and realising too late,” you told him.

“So, Doctor,” Hongjoong got up and walked ever so slowly around the table, coming to stand right in front of you. “What do you intend to do about this?”

“Well, now I know that the symptoms of this drug wreaking havoc on the body mimic natural symptoms of the disease, so even if the King keeps using this and, well, dies… I can blame it on his poor health.”

“What do you get out of crowning me?” The Prince whispered, bringing his hand up to hold you by the jaw and even though his grip was gentle as he tilted your face up, you could feel the power exuding from him anyway. It didn’t help that he looked absolutely ravishing like this and you could feel the flimsy shreds of self control falling apart by each second-

You needed to remember that you were here, that you were the Master’s spy, that you were doing this for the ultimate goal. To save Wonderland. You could not be distracted by something as mere as feelings.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I only want you to be the King?” You asked. “Is it so hard to believe that someone actually wants you to rule Wonderland with all their heart?”

“That makes no sense-”

“I want you,” you tested, a shiver running down your spine when his gaze darkened. “I want you to let me keep my post and let me make advances in medicine. I want you to fund my research and allow me to expand my network- even in the black market. I want you to cover me if I make a mistake and in return… I’ll be at your service, however you want. I will get rid of anyone you want.”

He could hear the sound of his heart thumping wildly between his ears. He could hear your breath and feel a whisper of it on his wrist. He could see the dangerous gleam in your eyes and he knew that you were a force to be reckoned with. How had he missed it? How did you appear so normal throughout all those years? He only ever suspected you of maybe fancying him because quite a few times, he had caught you watching him with something that resembled fascination, but now he was finding that it might be obsession. 

A tool for him to use as he pleased. Someone who would do whatever he wants.

Though you weren’t sure if what you said was just a lie or you actually meant some part of it, it clearly had an effect on the Prince. 

Hongjoong brought his thumb to caress the skin near your lips, watching you react under his touch. It was clear as day to him that you wanted him in more ways than you were letting on, perhaps more than even you yourself were aware of. He swiped his thumb across your lower lip, watching your mouth part and your gaze expectant.

Hongjoong kept his thumb pressed on your lip as he bent down to meet your eyes, his face inches away from yours. You held your breath, your heart doing little flips that made you want to crawl away from him. He stared at you for a few moments.

“You will do as I say, whenever I say, whatever I want. Is that clear?” He ordered and you nodded. “For now, you will keep administering ruby to keep the King alive. We don’t want his health to deteriorate all of a sudden. I want you to learn the King’s intentions- who he really wants to crown and for what reasons. I’ll only hear what comes out of his mouth, not your silly little speculations. Make him talk.”

“Understood… Your Highness.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly, trailing his finger down your chin and tracing the outline of your jaw, trailing it down the angle of your neck and leaving goosebumps along your skin. He locked eyes with you as if to dare you to stop him but you only sat still, though he could swear you bent back just a fraction to allow him better access. He played with the pearls on your neck for a moment, trailing his finger down the middle of your chest until they met your collar, dangerously close to the hollow between your breasts.

With a teasing look and a smirk on his lips, he pressed at that spot before backing away. You took a moment to calm down before you shut the registers and put them back on the shelves, agreeing to meet here the night after tomorrow again. As soon as you were in the darkness and comfort of your room, you slumped down on the bed, exhaling.

You could still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin. You could still feel his eyes boring into you. You could still feel the warmth of his breath caress your face.

And while you were overwhelmed with desire, there were more important matters at hand-

Finding out what the King wanted. You would make him talk and deliver the information to the Prince to prove your loyalty and service to him.

You could only hope he would really look at you and believe what you told him. That was necessary for your plan to actually work. You hoped he would think that all you wanted was to excel as a royal physician and medical researcher. You hoped he would understand that only he possessed the power to make that happen. And when he would let his guard down, that would be when you would strike. 

You picked the mattress to move one of the bed planks, revealing a box that contained paper and ink. Using the clear ink on the sandy paper with a bluebird on the corner, you began to write the first message after months of silence.

“The arrow has escaped the bow and is flying towards the target, slowly but surely. The wielder should start preparing for the aftermath.”

—------------------------------------

“How are you feeling, Your Majesty?” You asked, hand around his wrist to check his pulse, noting down the readings as he shuffled.

“Fine for the most part, but I feel lightheaded at times.”

“No changes in his diet?” You asked the nurse assigned to the King and she shook her head no. “Must be the drug then. Is it bearable?”

“For now,” the King confirmed, his eyes darting towards where his son stood at the corner of the room with his arms folded and a deadpan stare. The King shifted uncomfortably yet again and you shot a glare at the Prince which he caught, huffing and looking elsewhere. “Does he have to be present here?”

“Does he make you uncomfortable?” You asked nonchalantly, comparing your readings with the last few days and noticing a pattern. “He’s worried about your health.”

The King grunted. “As if.”

“More worried than your brothers you adore so much,” the Prince mocked. “I don’t see them inquiring about your health. At all.”

“Aren’t you just waiting to hear bad news?” The King asked and when Hongjoong was about to retort, you raised your hand in the air.

“I would appreciate it if you don’t rile him up, Prince Hongjoong,” you said politely. “Your Majesty, you should avoid stressing about your health so much. Have you been taking your morning walks?”

The nurse cleared her throat and you looked at her. “He’s missed two days in a row.”

You turned to look at the King who appeared guilty. “I’m feeling sluggish lately. It’s harder to get up in the morning.”

You noted that- could this be ruby’s doing? Shutting your register, you got up and talked to the nurse while the father and son argued a bit more about the Prince’s unusual presence and the King’s unusual love for his brothers. When you took your leave, the Prince accompanied you all the way to the main door and just when you were about to leave, he looked around to make sure no one was within earshot.

“I thought I asked you to keep the King healthy-”

You clicked your tongue and grabbed his wrist to pull him to your right so the nurse who just exited the King’s room wouldn’t notice the look on the Prince’s face. “Can you be more obvious? We shouldn’t be talking about this here- and it’s not my doing, by the way.”

The Prince looked at you with scepticism and before he could snatch his wrist from your grip, you let go of it yourself. You could see the muscles in his jaw clenching as he formed a response. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” the Prince promised almost threateningly and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. “Tonight. Library. Mingi will accompany you.”

You huffed in response, glancing at his aide who came to inspect what the noise was about. Bowing mockingly, you exited the chamber and made way towards your room near the medical chamber. 

You were about to make a turn to the left when you bumped into a guard who was carrying some documents and you apologised, squatting down to pick up the pages that he dropped. While collecting them and exchanging more apologies, you thought you spotted a familiar stamp but the guard was immediately on his way after thanking you. You took only two steps before you realised-

It was the bluebird stamp.

You kept walking, the Master’s bitter tone ringing in your ears reminding you to keep moving forwards and remain unfazed. It took a lot of effort to keep a straight face because after months of radio silence, you finally saw a sign that the bluebirds were here. They were in the castle and they had not abandoned you.

However, when you picked your mattress to take out the box and saw a letter inside, the contents of the letter made sweat ooze out of your pores even when you felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you. You were once again reminded that the bluebirds were a very extensive network with eyes and ears everywhere.

But how did they know what happened inside the private library? You and Hongjoong were the only ones present. The short message in the letter seemed to suggest as if they had taken a peek inside your heart at your most vulnerable moment.

“Do not lose sight of the real target. Do not get distracted. Pleasure is temporary. Freedom can be eternal.”

The two hours that you waited for the Prince’s aide to knock on the door had to be the longest of your life. You simply sat on the chair biting your nails unceremoniously as you tried to figure out just who in the castle or the Prince’s closest companions could be the part of the rebel group that was the core of your identity.

The bluebirds, trained by one Master whose face had always been hidden behind a mask, whose voice was a command itself. Your parents were a part of that group, but you could hardly call them parents because as soon as you were able to walk on your own and think without guidance, your training started. You learned the art of disguise, trickery and manipulation. You learned science and medicine until you started achieving things on your own. You were no one special, though. You were just another spy who was in the castle, disguised as someone of importance. Any doubts about you being alone in the castle were gone now. 

You were wondering if the Prince was aware of the existence of your group- it was a secret underground rebel group but it had been active for decades now. The bluebirds were slowly but surely infiltrating the government bodies and were directly or indirectly responsible for some of the major policies that influenced the kingdom. 

When the knock sounded on the door, you sighed in relief and got up to open the door to Mingi and you greeted him with a nod, grabbing your keys and locking the room behind you. He accompanied you to the royal chamber in silence until you were almost there and he cleared his throat. 

“Is there a reason you have to access the private library so often?”

You narrowed your eyes purposely as he glanced at you. “Ask your prince? He doesn’t have to be present- I’m just looking for something that can help me with the King’s treatment.”

“Are you sure you’ll find that there?” He asked, taking a turn towards the corridor that led to the library. “I mean… have you looked in the main library?”

“Yes, and yes,” you said. “I’ve gone through everything before asking the Prince for permission to access the private library.”

“If you’re looking for medical related stuff, you should look for the archives in the public library here in the Capital too,” Mingi suggested and you perked up at that. “Anything of importance that is no longer in the castle can be found there.”

“If it is of importance, why would it be no longer in the castle?” You wondered.

“Rebels used to raid libraries about twenty years ago, if you remember your history,” Mingi answered. “Whatever was recovered went to the public library instead of back here.”

Now that was something you had not been aware of. If important archives and documents had been stolen, why were they at the public library instead of at the castle? And more importantly, was it the bluebirds that carried out these attacks? If it was the bluebirds, why had no one told you? You could have visited the public library with ease any time.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll make sure to visit the public library the next time I step out of the castle.”

Mingi smiled in response and extracted a key out of his pocket, unlocking the wooden carved door that opened to the library. “The Prince is inside. I’ll be on my way then.”

You nodded and stepped inside the dark room, letting the aide shut the door behind him as he left. You walked towards the window which was the only source of light- did the Prince not bother lighting any candles while he was inside-

There was a sole candle on the table where you had sat a few nights ago with Hongjoong when you checked the family tree. Hongjoong was nowhere to be found though, so you started walking past the shelves, looking to spot the man-

And trying your hardest to swallow a scream when he appeared out of nowhere, though he was quick to grab your arms to avoid a collision.

“Easy there,” he said, sounding amused. Probably because you were positive all the colour left your face. 

Well, if it had, it sure returned with a flush when you noticed how close you were to the Prince and how human he looked in the moonlight now that he wasn’t wearing his permanent scowl and his hair wasn’t styled to perfection. The tendrils falling on his forehead over his eyes created a soft look. It wasn’t always that the Prince looked anything less than menacing so you got a good look at him before wriggling away.

“Sorry, but you could have lit a few more candles. It’s pretty dark here.”

“We avoid candles. Don’t want to risk a fire, which is why it’s usually optimal to access this room when the sun is out.”

“Can’t go around scheming during the day though, can we?” You said casually though the comment made the Prince chuckle darkly. It looked like he was finally coming to terms with you- and himself. 

“Doesn’t seem like the daytime would be a hindrance for you,” the Prince put his hands in the pockets of the black slacks he was wearing. “Did you switch the drug? Why is the King feeling off?”

“I need to research a bit more to answer that,” you folded your arms. “I don’t control the way his body reacts to the drug. If it seems like ruby will deteriorate his health at a rapid pace, I might have to stop administering that drug to him.”

“Lower the dose then,” he ordered. “Or do you have a better alternative?”

“A better alternative to what?” You dared to ask, earning an annoyed look. “Do you want the King alive and healthy for as long as possible?”

Hongjoong cocked his head- did you really want to hear it from his mouth?

“Or… do you want his health to decline such that it would seem natural?” You scoffed at the way he glared at you. “Surely, you must have made up your mind by now.”

“I asked you to keep the King healthy,” he practically spat. “And I asked you to make him talk.”

“I think he dislikes your presence a little too much, Prince,” you snickered. “I actually slipped a few drops of verita tonight. A harmless little thing, only makes you a bit hazy so that you start saying things you wouldn’t otherwise. And oh, the only thing he had to say was that you’re just waiting for him to die.”

“Yeah, well, that is the sad truth,” he said mockingly, glancing towards the window. “He won’t talk in front of me. I suspected that.”

“Looks like you’re stuck with me then,” you said, moving past him to go to the last shelf which contained the rest of the medical records of the royal family that you hadn’t had the chance to access yet. “I do think he’s aware that he doesn’t have much time. Isn’t the Duke of Neverland visiting soon?”

“Next week, yes. Bet he’ll be over the clouds to see my father dying especially when he learns that he’s in his good graces.”

“Well… that’s how I’m here to help,” you glanced at him. “I was thinking… your father was the crown prince, which means he probably didn’t visit your grandfather much when he was ill. He must have been too busy trying to keep the kingdom stable and running.”

“That’s right,” Hongjoong agreed. “I recall my grandfather complaining how he never made time for him.”

“And it’s a known fact that the Duke of Neverland tried to snatch the title of crown prince. Tried to coerce his father. Didn’t work, did it?”

“He was let off with a warning, and now he’s after me.”

“He must have visited your grandfather a lot then,” you brought the medical register that you had checked a few nights ago back to the table. “The royal physician who treated your grandfather is no longer alive, but the Duke of Neverland must know something about the treatment. You have to keep an eye on him and watch his reaction carefully when it is revealed that ruby is being used to treat the King.”

Hongjoong frowned. “Do you suspect that he had something to do with it?”

“I do,” you admitted. “Especially because he’s been coveting your title. He might have meddled with the late King’s treatment- it’s just an assumption for now, but it is strange how the late King suddenly passed away.”

The Prince nodded slowly and you could see that he was trying to connect the dots. You cleared your throat, catching his attention.

“I also plan to visit the public library in the city soon. Your aide Mingi told me that I may find something of importance there.”

Hongjoong wasn’t surprised to hear that so you figured they must have discussed something. “He’ll accompany you on that visit.”

“Alright,” you said, getting up to find more books and records on the royal bloodline’s medical history. 

Time passed by quickly even though you found little to nothing of interest, but it looked like the seed of doubt had been planted because the Prince seemed to be deep in thought as he kept glancing at the page you had pointed to- the word ‘opium’ scratched over and over as if someone had tried to erase the evidence of it. You smiled to yourself- the plan seemed to be working.

Though you kept one eye on the Prince, you became distracted by a book on alchemy that seemed to be annotated by the royal physician during the time of the King’s grandfather. You flipped through the pages, mouth parted in surprise and awe at the dedication and effort of the royal physician- he seemed to have created the blueprint for most of the drugs that were now commonly supplied throughout Wonderland, and that was a remarkable feat.

You almost didn’t hear the Prince until he was right behind you and you jumped a little when he rested a hand on your shoulder to let him take a peek at what you were reading. When he noticed the surprise on your face, he smirked.

“What’s got you so busy and immersed that you didn’t notice my presence?”

“Sorry, uh,” you collected yourself, sliding away just a fraction but he seemed to have caught that- he caught everything. “Notes from the royal physician during your great grandfather’s time. He’s a figure we doctors look up to a lot.”

Hongjoong flipped through the pages, book still in your hand. “Have you always wanted to become a doctor?”

A question so simple yet you had never been asked before. Your brows rose momentarily as you processed the question, trying not to lose yourself in the spiral of what the real answer was- that no. You never wanted to become a doctor. It was just something you taught yourself to love- or something you pretend to love so you don’t forget why you’re here-

“Is it such a difficult question to answer?” He shrugged, taking the book from you so you would have no choice but to focus on him.

“I guess I just learned to love it when I found myself in this field,” you said. Probably the first honest thing you had shared with the Prince. “Have you always wanted to be the crown prince?”

Hongjoong laughed at that, caught by surprise at your sudden question and you found yourself joining- you had never heard the Crown Prince laugh like that- like a kid, unguarded. The Prince seemed to realise that too, though that didn’t stop him. You supposed that since it was only the two of you within the privacy of these four walls, he felt more at ease. And though the rational part in you told you that it was good that he was letting his guard down, your heart ached for some reason.

“I guess I learned to love it too?” He shrugged. “At some point, it becomes something you have to do rather than something you want to do.”

You nodded- you knew that all too well. “You’re doing this for the kingdom.”

“For the people,” he said. “The King hasn’t been making the best decisions regarding the kingdom ever since he got sick. The people- I know they aren’t fond of me, but they do not know how to run this kingdom. They think resuming trade with the bordering nations like the King plans to will help stabilise our economy.”

“I mean… a common man would think that you would save a lot from land routes instead of the sea routes.”

“But the common man is not aware that the King plans to impose more taxes and tariffs on his people,” Hongjoong told you as if letting you in on a secret- it was, except you were already aware. “And I think even if they find out, they will overlook that. In the long run, it will only create more problems and smuggling will become rampant. We barely managed to control that when we were recovering from the late King’s death.”

“But do you really care about the people?” You dared to question, relaxing when Hongjoong only passed you an amused look. “Or is it just because you want to prove something to your father and uncles?”

“Can’t it be a little bit of both?” He leaned against the shelf. “The people…” Hongjoong shook his head. “They say it’s only the people who suffer from the decisions we make. Is that really true though? Because I think they’re living a pretty pleasant life without worrying about making decisions of such magnitudes.”

“I guess the royal class suffers in their own way,” you scoffed. “Insomnia.”

“Insomnia can’t be classified as suffering anymore. It’s more of a bonus.”

You smiled at that- that was true. There wasn’t a royal who didn’t suffer from lack of sleep- or lack of good sleep. “Is there something that helps you sleep better at night? Apart from the prescriptions?”

“Overworking,” Hongjoong spread his arms to prove what he was doing right now instead of resting. “And… well. Other activities.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you love to hear about that,” Hongjoong smiled suggestively and you were lost for a second before you almost choked, looking away to keep the flush creeping on your cheeks at bay. “Want to help me with that? Be my personal nurse?”

“Shut up,” you muttered, snatching the book from him and putting it back on the shelf, his dark chuckle echoing inside you. He leaned forward right at the moment that you were turning in his direction, the both of you surprised when you found your faces inches away from each other- you could almost see the flecks of brown in his dark orbs even in the faint moonlight.

Almost hastily, you took one step back at the same moment that he leaned forward, his eyes locked with yours. You raised a brow, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words. The air was thick with tension, taking the form of something almost electric and tangible- you were sure if you mimicked his movements and leaned forward, you would combust.

The Prince slipped his tongue between his teeth in contemplation and your gaze fell there- a mistake, because you were so, so tempted to get a taste of those plush lips. If it wasn’t obvious to Hongjoong, you were curling in on yourself with each passing second as your heart and mind clashed with one another violently inside of you-

“Didn’t peg you as the shy type,” the Prince commented, barely a whisper.

“I’m not shy,” you retorted. “I’m just trying to find an answer as to why you keep crowding my personal space.”

“Ah, is that how it is now?” Hongjoong tsk-ed in disappointment, standing straight now. “Thought you liked it when I did that.”

You did. You couldn’t tell him that not because he couldn’t know, but because you were sure he would do something about it and that couldn’t end well for you.

“Looks like you’ll be up all night tonight then,” you scoffed, making the Prince laugh again. “I’ll be taking my leave now. Unlike you, I’m not a royal so I cannot sleep in or ditch my duties. Goodnight, Prince.”

Hongjoong only shook his head in amusement as he watched your figure disappear. The smile fell when you left and he went back to sit on the sofa, watching the moon from the window.

He was pretty sure you had an ulterior motive under the pretence that you were unquestionably loyal to him. There was no such thing as loyalty- a person was faithful as long as they were satisfied. Hongjoong knew that very well, so he wondered just what you were going to get out of killing the King and crowning him. It didn’t look like you wanted to sit on the throne with him, but he didn’t dismiss the possibility- you could simply just be very good at hiding your feelings.

But then… a smirk started creeping on Hongjoong’s lips as he recalled the way he got you flustered. It wasn’t his presence that got you all tense- it was when he flirted, that was clear to him now. However, you were putting up quite a fight-

And Hongjoong wasn’t one to back away from a fight. Plus… he really wanted to shut you up once. 

And if getting in your good graces- if it could be called that- would get him some answers then he was going to make this enjoyable. 

He just had to keep his guard up. And that wasn’t so hard, was it?

—--------------------------

It was becoming harder with each passing day to keep your guard up when you were with the Prince.

He was just as stubborn and hot-headed as ever, which was already something you had to deal with. He was especially jumpy since the Duke of Neverland seemed to have been attacked by a ‘rebel group’ on his way to the castle and had delayed his trip by a few days. The King was worrying too much about his brother and that annoyed the Crown Prince to bits. His frustration was obvious and everyone around him was having to deal with the aftermath. 

And because he was so frustrated, he couldn’t sleep which meant that whenever you met up in the private library- not to read anymore but to talk and plan- he acted… different. You wondered if it was the lack of sleep that was making him lightheaded and outright flirtatious but it seemed to be just… Hongjoong being Hongjoong. And you weren’t sure how long you could keep joking around like this- turning him down by joking was what you had been doing actually.

It was the little things- he would sit in front of you only to overwhelm you with his stare, his eyes scanning you in a different manner than usual. He would purposely play with the edge of your skirt or if he was feeling a little daring, with your fingers while you chatted about medical history or politics. You tried your best to ignore it, especially since there was an obvious reason that you could not involve yourself with the Prince. 

But with each passing day and each passing moment spent by the Prince’s side, you were wondering if it would be too bad to have just a little fun while you carried out your plan. And if you looked at the bigger picture, it could help you carry out your plan and perhaps benefit you in ways you hadn’t ever considered before.

It would also be a slap on the Master’s face. The Master who had overseen your training and told you that all you were was just a piece in the puzzle he was playing. In your whole life, even at the castle, whenever you were about to make a decision of your own, he would send a sign and hold your invisible reins back- just like when you saw one of the guards with the bluebird stamp. It was always a warning that came out of the Master’s mouth and never a word of encouragement or affirmation that you were on the right path and that your efforts were commendable.

You had dedicated your whole life to the cause of the bluebirds- to end the monarchy, once and for all. It had been attempted in the past but never successfully, and you supposed it was because the previous rulers had been wise enough to dismiss internal conflict so they could focus on the external threats from the bluebirds. However, after decades, there was finally enough internal conflict to narrow the royals’ visions. They would not see it coming. There were many key players in this plan, in the light and in the shadows- but you were aware that you were the wild card of this game.

And if you succeeded, which you were bound to from the looks of it so far, the monarchy would end- there would be no one of royal blood left to rule, and before someone else could take over, the other players would make sure that the system of monarchy would collapse and democracy would be established. Once that was done, the people would finally have a taste of true freedom. It was going to be a very tragic end for the royal bloodline, and if you were going to play a part in it…

Would it be too wrong to have some fun and have him think that you actually liked him? Though if you started pondering on the matter, you didn’t have an answer- you were confused. But it was becoming harder to reject his subtle advances and you weren’t sure how long you could hold your fort, so why not let him think he had the upper hand?

“You’re staring, sweetheart.”

It didn’t help when he called you sweetheart or kitten or something equally stupid (and something that strangely tugged at your heartstrings). You quite liked hearing such terms from his mouth and you wanted to hear him say a lot more-

“Drooling, now.”

“There’s just a strange insect near your ear-”

The terrified face the Prince made as he swatted wildly near both his ears made you choke down your laugh but when he finally realised you were joking, you laughed wholeheartedly, clapping your hands in disbelief while Hongjoong recovered from the surprise and embarrassment.

“Do you have a death wish?” He growled, shaking his head and you wiped the tears in your eyes, noticing that he was almost smiling now.

“Do you have a death wish?” You countered. “I wasn’t staring, neither was I drooling. I just… zoned out.”

“You were staring,” he insisted. “But I don’t blame you. I’m quite a sight for sore eyes, am I not?”

“Totally,” you muttered, not daring to fuel him further lest he figure you out. You set the vials in your hands aside, getting up to grab the washcloth and clean the counter. “If you’re going to make my lab your lounge, I must let you know that I’m not responsible if I ‘accidentally’ spill a chemical on you.”

“Yeah, this might not be the best place to get comfortable,” he sent you a suggestive look. “There are tons of abandoned rooms in the castle.”

“And you want me to give you company?” you wiped at a stubborn blue mark on the counter near the Prince’s hand. “Because we haven’t been doing anything, just coexisting in the same space. Sounds like someone has been lonely.”

When he didn’t respond, you glanced at him to find his expressions guarded. It strangely reminded you of yourself and you continued. “It’s alright. I’m not one to say, though I must admit I thought you had more people who you met eye to eye with.”

“Well, you’re the only one who knows my wicked intentions,” he scoffed. “I might have to get rid of you for that.”

“No wonder you have no friends,” you made a face, taking off your apron and going to wash your hands in the sink. “I thought you appreciated that I was willing to kill for you.”

“You know, I really don’t get it,” Hongjoong got up, walking towards the other counter where you were drying your hands. “You sound like you’ve killed people. Or you think too highly of yourself.”

“Well… we both have blood on our hands, whether we’ve killed or not,” you said and he realised that was true. “A lot of people have died by my hands, just like they have by yours.”

Hongjoong didn’t need to know that you had actually poisoned and killed whoever came close to discovering the identity of the bluebirds. He would only assume you meant that about your sick patients, and that was fine.

“Does it keep you up at night?” He asked teasingly.

“Not really,” you grinned. “It’s not what keeps you up either.”

Hongjoong shook his head in disbelief and wonder, his hand going to your face almost naturally to tuck the stray hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to sound so happy about it, princess, just because you don’t have to pretend to be sad about it in front of me.”

Princess. 

How could he so casually call you princess and invoke such a powerful desire in you to be the owner of that title? To have the Prince repeatedly call you that? 

“Do you go around calling anyone princess?” You asked, sounding out of breath and Hongjoong raised his brow- he didn’t realise that it would have such an effect on you, but then again-

He had never called anyone princess, not even jokingly.

“Do you like that?” He asked, his thumb caressing your cheek as his hand cupped your face. “Do you like being called princess?”

“It’s you who said it, Prince.” you answered.

Hongjoong cocked his head in thought- were you after the title then, or had you simply never been called something affectionate? Because he did notice how you reacted every time he called you something as simple as sweetheart, or love- even when it was derogatory. He wished he could peek inside your mind and see what you were thinking-

He saw how your gaze darkened when you gently grabbed his wrist to draw his hand away from his face just a fraction, only to peck his palm- your lips felt like the brush of a feather against his skin but that only fueled his selfish desire to get a taste of them for himself.

“Do not ever call me a princess again,” you warned in a low voice, surprising him. “Do not call me anything that you don’t mean. I’ll take my leave first. Goodnight, Your Highness.”

Before you could fully turn away from him, he caught your wrist and tugged you towards him, making your body collide with his lightly. The two of you were now flush against each other, your joined hands in the air as he scanned your face, the desire in your eyes so obvious that it was palpable. 

And he was pretty sure he was very obvious too- he just couldn’t help it. He was beyond confused and it irked him to no end and he needed to find the answer. He was sure you were his answer-

You shook your head as if that could help your situation but you gave up and rested your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his body stiffen for just a second before he relaxed. He let go of your wrist only to place his hands on the curve of your hips while you fisted the material of his shirt in your hands-

Oh, you wanted to have a little fun? This was it, and it scared you to no end. You only took a few moments to inhale and memorise the musky notes of his scent before you drew back and made way to the exit without meeting eyes with him.

You couldn’t face him when you weren’t sure if you just wanted to play with him, use him or be with him.

—----------------------------

“If that black fake dye wasn’t obvious, your jumpiness is giving you away,” you commented when you spotted Hongjoong casting a wary glance at the poor teen who happened to cross your path. “You can take off the cloak. It’s just a library.”

“If anyone recognises me here, it could get dangerous,” he muttered.

“It’s literally the library, relax,” you said, looking at Mingi for help but he seemed to be enjoying your bickering and raised his hands in surrender. “You’re making it harder for me to concentrate. Mingi, can you accompany the Prince to the kids’ section please?”

“Don’t call me the Prince here- hey!” Hongjoong scowled, making Mingi stifle another snicker. “I’m not bothering you, okay? Read what you have to, I’m just standing here.”

“I mean… you are making it a bit obvious,” Mingi started but shut up when the Prince shot him a dirty look. “Alright, let’s give the doctor some space so we can save some time. We don’t have to go to the kids’ section.”

You groaned in relief, silently thanking Mingi who was originally going to be your only companion on this trip to the library. It looked like the Prince’s aide had gotten used to whatever was going on with you two, or simply didn’t care enough to question it. Perhaps he didn’t dare to, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. But you still had no idea why the Prince was here- did he have so much free time or was he shirking his duties? Why did the Prince’s aide not tell him this was a bad idea?

Whatever it was, you took your sweet time exploring everything on the royals- not just the medical related knowledge you were here for, but political history and uprisings, specifically. You were aware that things could take a very wrong turn and you wanted to be prepared for everything. You didn’t want to be limited only by the knowledge the Master had allowed you to gain. 

So when about two hours later you went to find Hongjoong and Mingi, you almost panicked when you couldn’t spot them anywhere- but while frantically searching for them you heard low, oddly familiar giggles. You narrowed your eyes as you took two turns to find the Prince and his aide sitting on the floor side by side, pointing at crude images in the comic books-

In the kids’ section.

You cleared your throat, but they only spared you a glance, snickering at something funny they read but remaining unmoving. 

“Your Royal Highness,” you sighed. “It’s getting dark. We should go back to the castle.”

“Let me just finish this chapter,” Hongjoong wiped a fake tear from his eye while Mingi doubled over with laughter over something he read. You folded your arms, looking at them in utter disbelief.

This was the Prince you were supposed to put on the throne? This was the man the Master wanted you to kill?

You smiled to yourself at the sight of the two- you weren’t sure the Prince would get to have such carefree moments in the future, so you let them take their time, making a mental note of whatever they were reading. When they finished the chapter, they got up and got back to being the stuck-up Prince and guarded aide duo, steering you towards the exit and into the carriage to go back to the castle.

The ride was mostly silent, all of you sorting your thoughts out. You agreed to meet up later tonight at one of the abandoned rooms that had become your rendezvous point now. For now, the Prince sneaked back to his room through one of the secret routes so no one would question why he was out looking like that with the royal physician, of all the people.

You were glad that you were busy for the rest of the evening with lab work and assisting the other doctors in the infirmary. You went to the royal chamber later at night for the routine checkup on the King, administering the lower ruby dose mixed with a little verita this time. There were some answers you needed, so you dismissed the nurse, saying she could take a breather while you talked to the King.

“Hongjoong has been diligent lately. It’s strange,” the King found himself pondering out loud.

“Has he not always been diligent?” You asked- the Prince was known to be too hardworking.

“It’s like he almost means it now,” the King admitted. “It makes me rethink if I’ve been too harsh on him.”

“Or maybe he’s just preparing to take over more of your duties,” you carefully threw in the suggestion. “You haven’t been attending some of the meetings.”

“Could be,” he laughed, though it didn’t sound happy. “Woobin is arriving next week- he could be preparing himself. They’re always clashing with each other whenever they’re in the same room.”

“Hmm… about that,” you began, knowing that the verita was working now. “What do you think about the attack on His Highness Woobin?”

“What is there to think?” The old man frowned. “The Duke of Neverland has enemies just like all of us.”

“I was just wondering if you should look into which rebel group specifically planned the attack. It could be that insiders shared information and his travel route.”

The King thought for a moment, scratching the grey stubble on his face in thought. “You’re right. It’s either his men or one of ours.”

“You know, I went to the city today,” you told him while rubbing the pressure points on his hand. “And I heard rumours- people are speculating the Prince might have had a hand in the Duke’s attack. It’s not a secret that you favour the Duke and might pass the hierarchy to him- the public does prefer your brother over your son.”

“Ah…” the old man frowned in thought. “Could this be the case?”

“They’re only rumours,” you shrugged. “Nothing to worry about, really.”

But you had planted the seeds of worry and doubt in the King, strengthening his likening for the Duke. Once he would confront Hongjoong and demand answers or a confession to something he didn’t do, the Prince’s hatred for his father and uncles would amplify.

And when that would happen, you would be there for the Prince. You would act as his sword when he would demand it, and shield him when he would need it. You would do all of that before turning at him.

But for now… 

“He really thinks I’m not performing my duties properly?”

“You don’t have to sound so hurt- it’s not like he knows how hard you work,” you consoled the Prince. “He would think you’re neglecting your duties but he’s coped up in his room all day. He’s just being bitter.”

Hongjoong folded his arms and you shook your head at the way he was sulking, his frown deepening with each passing second. “He’s never going to acknowledge me.”

“You don’t have to get acknowledged by him. You’re the rightful owner of the crown. Neither the King nor his brothers should try to take that away from you.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes I’m tempted to give up too,” he confessed and your eyes widened in surprise. He looked away from you, the faint hues of the candlelight casting shadows at the cuts and creases of his face. “I’m driving myself to do something for this kingdom only to be remembered as a tyrant in the history books you love reading so much.”

Even though he had pretended not to care about having such a reputation for the rest of his life, you were a bit thrown off to learn that it was a genuine concern he harboured in his heart. Once again, you found yourself blurring the lines of what was supposed to be the boundary between your facade and the feelings in the deepest recesses of your heart. 

“You don’t have to look at me like that,” he chuckled darkly. “I don’t know why I’m even saying this in the first place.”

“It’s okay to share,” you urged. “No judgement here.”

“Yeah, I might be a bit too honest in your presence,” he laughed, shaking his head. “You know, while we were at the library and Mingi and I were reading those stupid books-”

“You loved those stupid books-”

“Not the point, but I realised something,” Hongjoong sent you a warning glare to not interrupt him again and you sat straighter, crossing your legs that were dangling from the edge of the bed. “I realised that I rarely ever had moments where I was just… Hongjoong. Not the prince, not the crown prince.”

“Just Hongjoong looked a bit silly, I’ll admit.”

Hongjoong only smiled at that. You decided to do something about this- you did not like him seeing so quiet and sentimental. 

“Even the greatest of warriors are called privileged by people who will never know what sacrifices they made so their kids live a better life than they did,” you said. “You may think that you’re alone, but you’re not. You’ve got one loyal supporter right here,” you raised your hand and he let out a short laugh. “You don’t need to convince the world- or even your father- to see your true intentions. Not that they would appreciate it, now that I think about it…”

Hongjoong laughed at that, resting his hand on his chest. “That was a jab.”

“Yeah, well, the world doesn’t need to know you plan to get rid of the King so they can live a better life in the future,” you teased. “They would be appalled to learn that.”

“You should shut your mouth sometimes, darling. You’re too loud,” he warned though he couldn’t keep himself from smiling shamelessly. 

Your eyes twinkled with curiosity and wonder- he really was just like you. You weren’t the most moral person, you knew all too well- the Master had drained the morality out of you, but he- 

He was here, in all his royal glory yet still just as ugly as you inside. He didn’t attempt to hide it, rather wore it like a badge, though only those who really looked at him found who he truly was.

And that was what was so beautiful about him.

“Aren’t you glad to have me?” You teased. “I bet you can’t talk to Mingi about this stuff. Does he know that you’re hiding something monstrous behind that pretty face?”

“His only job is to help me with the royal duties,” he said. “He doesn’t need to know, but… I’m sure he’s caught on. He doesn’t seem to care, though.”

“You should still be cautious.”

“Yeah, I should be, shouldn’t I?” The Prince leaned back on the chair he was sitting on, folding his arms as he cast a suspicious glance at you. “Maybe I should ask Mingi to get rid of you. You know too much.”

“Oh, you want to shut me up so bad,” you rolled your eyes. “But I’m the only one who’ll dirty my hands for you.”

“Why-”

“Talking about dirtying my hands,” you got up and bent down a bit to reach his height, running your fingers through the hair next to his temple and catching the remnants of the black dye on your palm. You showed him. “It’s so noticeable- you should have washed it out properly.”

The Prince didn’t answer, his eyes guarded as he looked up at you though his mouth was parted almost expectantly. You frowned for a moment at the lack of his reaction before you realised-

He liked it. 

You hesitated before curling your hand in his soft platinum hair again, caressing his scalp and then stifling a smirk when you tugged at his hair a bit harshly, making him crane his neck up to look at you, a soft chuckle escaping his mouth as he shut his eyes.

“You’re playing a very dangerous game here, love.”

“Stop me, then,” you challenged, not caring that you were going to risk everything. You positioned one leg on his thigh to lean your weight on him, your other hand going to grip the back of his neck. “I don’t see you complaining, Prince.”

Hongjoong hooked one finger in the pearl necklace that you were always wearing, bringing you closer and you almost lost your balance, a little gasp leaving your mouth when you pressed against his chest for support. Hands still on his neck and in his hair, you tried leaning away but this time, he stilled you with his hands on your waist. He buried his nose in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply.

“You smell like chemicals, darling,” he breathed, pecking the skin where his lips met your neck. “And roses.”

“You smell like cheap hair dye,” you said, resting your cheek against his head, his body shaking under you as he chuckled. “Don’t ever wear that again.”

“Your wish is my command, princess,” he said and you froze again. He leaned back to scan your face. “Why? You told me to not call you what I didn’t mean.”

“You don’t mean that, though,” you told him, something incredibly sad starting to brew inside you.

“But I’m only ever honest with you,” he pleaded. “Don’t you know that? If I wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

You sighed at that, wishing you were anywhere else other than his fucking lap so your brain wouldn’t have so much problem functioning, but it looked like for now, you were a lost cause. You caught the wetness from the outer corner of his left eye, wiping it down and smearing the black dye on his face in the process. He let you mark him and, mimicking what you had done the night you had warned him not to call him ‘princess’, he grabbed your palm and kissed it.

That was your last straw. You told yourself that you didn’t care if the Prince was honest or deceiving you- you only cared about one thing- you needed him. You rested your cheek against his, trailing kisses down his temple to his jaw and rubbing the tip of your nose there, making him groan. He squeezed your hips encouragingly and that only prompted you to trail more kisses down his neck. You found one spot and alternated between kissing and sucking, drawing away after a few moments when he shifted under you, grinning at the forming bruise.

You marked the Prince like you owned him. And the thought of that alone was making you lightheaded.

You locked eyes with Hongjoong, seeing red- red for lust. Before you knew it, you both were leaning in, your lips meeting in a flurry as you snaked your hands back in his hair, gripping his head to keep him close as you kissed. He brought your body closer while he kissed you, switching from pecks to open-mouthed kisses when you fully rested on his lap, desire coursing through every cell in your body.

This was it. This was the man the Master had warned you to be wary of- the man who held you possessively yet carefully. The man who tugged at your bottom lip, prompting you to open your mouth so he could explore it with his tongue. The man who kissed you as if he had been starving for it- you didn’t know about him but you sure had. 

You couldn’t bring yourself closer, bodies flush against each other as you made out for what seemed like an eternity before he got up, making you wrap your legs around his waist and then he dumped you on the old, somewhat dusty bed. You didn’t care though. You brought him in too, keeping his core locked to yours with your legs, his hands fumbling to open the buttons of your gown- he might as well have torn them. He ripped the bodice of your gown apart, trailing his lips down your neck to your chest and resting his lips on the skin between your breasts.

“Tired already?” You teased, making him chuckle against your chest. He ran his hands up your waist, tracing the curves of your chest before his palms met the bare skin on your shoulders and then he ran his hands down your arms almost lovingly, your smile changing to a gasp when he gripped your wrists tightly and pinned your arms above your head, almost glaring at you.

“You talk too much, sweetheart.”

“Do I now?” you scoffed, letting him pin your wrists with one hand while the other drew your dress away from your chest to reveal your perked up nipples, the cold making you shiver a bit. He cupped one of your breasts in one hand while kissing and sucking around the other, making your back arch against his body. The way he kissed you was too much- it looked like he intended to devour you. You could feel how turned on he was when he started rocking his body against yours, his hard bulge pressing against your core and making you stifle moans until he purposely pressed harder, finally earning a loud one from you.

“That’s what you’ve been wanting all this time, haven’t you?” Hongjoong whispered in your ear, nibbling at your earlobe and making you squirm. “Only wanting to get in my good graces to get fucked by me.”

“Yeah, well, if I had known this was going to happen,” you said, out of breath. “I would have done something sooner.”

He chuckled at that, pressing a sweet kiss to your mouth and drawing back, looking you in the eyes before kissing you deeper. He let you take off his shirt, discarding it on the floor. He let you run your hands on his bare upper body repeatedly, let you help him take off your dress and his pants until you were both left in just your undergarments. He let you take control for just a while when you got on top of him, settling on his lap and admiring his physique. 

His hands rested on your hips, playing with the waistband of your panties, tempted to do something about that too, but for now, he watched you watch him with desire in your eyes. He was surprised to find you so needy yet each touch felt controlled, almost calculated. He didn’t care though- it was already pleasurable enough to drive him insane. He had never let anyone take control of the pace like you did, so he was looking forward to what you were going to do with him.

And he was glad that he let you- you wrapped your hand around his neck experimentally before you bent down to kiss him, loving the way his kisses now became restrained as you controlled his air intake. You swallowed his moans in your kisses, not noticing how tightly he was squeezing your hips until he spanked you once, making you laugh as you drew back.

“Do you have a death wish?” He asked, voice raspy.

“Maybe?” You pecked his cheek.

That was enough- he flipped your bodies to get on top of you, shaking his head before trailing kisses down your chest and then looking at you, watching your expressions when he brought his hand between your legs and brushed one finger against the wet patch on your panties.

“Soaked already, and we’ve just begun.”

“Just begun?” You asked, mouth suddenly dry though the thought of what was next sent a new wave of arousal through your body. Hongjoong snickered at your reaction, wasting no time to pull your panties down, licking his lips at the sight of your drenched core. You kicked him away lightly before taking off your panties and he ran his hands up your thighs-

Pausing when he felt marred skin on his palm and cold washed over you when you realised that he hadn’t noticed the small marks and scars that littered through your body earlier in the faint light- but now, his eyes stopped at each one that he detected.

“Are you going to explain this?”

“Rough childhood,” you muttered- not the entire truth, but close. “Most of these are from how reckless I was, though. Nothing to worry about.”

Hongjoong passed you a look that said that he didn’t buy it, but he didn’t probe. Instead, he kissed every mark and every scar that he found on your thighs before spreading your legs and circling your clit with his thumb, now sporting a devilish smile. You bit your lips- if the emotions from him treating you so tenderly were too much just now, this was a lot. It felt more intimate and personal than anything you had ever experienced. 

“Look at you, y/n,” he called your name- a rare occurrence. “Look at you.”

Before you could respond, he sank one finger inside you quite easily, groaning at how tightly your walls hugged him. You shut your eyes, back arching in pleasure when he curled it inside and slipped another finger- he really did intend to fuck you, and you were going to take it.

“Good girl,” he muttered, meeting your mouth in a wet kiss. You tried to clench your thighs, overwhelmed by the pleasure you got from his fingers curling and opening inside you but he locked your thighs to the bed with his knees, making out with you while his fingers fucked you. Your breathing got unsteady and he knew you were approaching your orgasm which was when he let your legs free, your hips moving of their own accord, rocking against his palm.

“God, you’re insane,” he growled in your ear, slipping his fingers out of you and you almost sobbed at the lack of them inside you, though when he watched his soaked fingers in amusement and licked them to get a taste, you felt shivers in your entire body. He hummed in approval.

“Do something,” you begged but he laughed mockingly. When you shot him a glare, he nodded slowly.

“Whatever you say…” he brought his mouth so close to your core that his lips brushed your aching clit. “Princess.”

Before you could react, he grabbed your thighs to keep them apart, licking a stripe up your wet folds and circling his tongue around your clit. You saw stars, your orgasm fastly approaching once again and all he had to do was dive his tongue inside you and press his thumb on your clit before your orgasm came like a crash, making you want to curl in on yourself but you couldn’t even do that because he restrained you, so you only writhed in his hold in pleasure while he made out with your sopping wet cunt.

“Too much,” you tried to stop him. “Let me breathe, Prince.”

“Oh, I’m not done with you,” he told you almost casually. “You have yet to have me inside you.”

“Oh, god,” you breathed. “Please.”

He snickered at that. “Such a slut for me, aren’t you?”

“Only for you,” you looked at him. “Only for you… my King.”

“Oh, no, no,” he shook his head repeatedly. “You did not just say that.”

“King,” you got up to snake your arms around his neck. “My King. You like being called that?”

He did- it was obvious because he crashed his lips against yours, passionately kissing you and drawing back only to take off his undergarment, not even giving you a moment to appreciate the sight before pushing you down and sinking his throbbing cock inside you, though he was gracious enough to be slow with it so you could adjust. Once he was fully inside you, he remained there unmoving, pulling you up by your shoulders to resume your original position when you kissed him. 

You sat on top of him, whispering the title he craved so badly again and again as you exchanged deep, passionate kisses. He called you princess, called you his queen and you returned the favour. His cock twitched inside you and when he couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed you back on the bed and started thrusting into you, your breaths mingling as your bodies rocked against each other. You told him that you were on contraceptives and he was free to mark your walls if he wanted to, and he bit your shoulder in answer, squeezing your nipples as his motions became unsteady and he jerked wildly against you, his warm cum spreading inside you. 

You kept him close, keeping him going and he thrust through his orgasm until you came as well, burying your face in his chest as both your moans mingled and filled the air in the room. When he finally stilled, he collapsed next to you.

“You plan to kill me, don’t you?” 

For a moment, your heart sank and you wondered if a confession had slipped through your mouth in the heat of the moment, or if he had really managed to peek inside your mind. But when he chuckled, you realised he meant it differently.

“Says you,” you smacked his arm and he brought you closer, kissing your forehead, the both of you unable to meet eyes for a moment as you attempted to conceal the truth and the guilt that accompanied it.

—--------------------------------

The Duke of Neverland- Prince Woobin- arrived two days earlier than schedule, setting off a mild frenzy in the castle as preparations to welcome him fell short, guards’ and soldiers’ rotations shifted, more medical staff got stationed in the infirmary and the kitchen-

Well, the kitchen probably got the worst of it. Though dinner went by smoothly, the staff was overworked and while you were passing by, you overheard a funny conversation about how Prince Woobin’s handsomeness and gentle nature made their efforts worth it.

You supposed you could relate to the sentiment- the Prince wasn’t very old but sure was ageing like fine wine. He was the tallest of them and had strong features just like Hongjoong, though Hongjoong was on the prettier side. The Duke was just as clever as he could be, and he was clearly ambitious especially when it came to the throne and its duties.

And… he intended to let the King know.

“Wonderland is unstable right now, brother,” Prince Woobin insisted. “What the other kingdoms need to see is that our royalty won’t collapse and we’ll stay united and put a strong front.”

There. He was definitely on to something.

“You’re right,” the King nodded, sighing deeply. “I will hold the coronation soon- I’d like it if I can see it happen while I’m alive. I know I’m no longer fit to run this kingdom.” 

He wasn’t, and you had made sure of that. You were just waiting for the right timing. You felt sorry that the King wouldn’t see his last wish come true but you were sure he would watch from above. That was something you were going to believe for his sake.

“I don’t mean that you’re not fit,” Prince Woobin squeezed the King’s arm gently. “But your health is not the best, and it’s better to announce the next in line in your life. I know Hongjoong is your son and very capable of running the kingdom, but I still stand by the fact that he’s…”

The King sent his brother an amused look. “You thought the same about me when I was about to ascend the throne. I didn’t do a bad job, and I’m sure Hongjoong won’t either. He will feel very wronged if I pass the throne to you, and you know that. The crown is rightfully his.”

“Think about the people,” the Prince whispered and then cast a wary glance at you but you pretended you really could hear nothing except the scratching of the pen as you noted tonight’s readings. It was too bad that you were done and couldn’t continue to listen to their conversation anymore. With a bow to the two and a reminder to the King to take his morning walk, you left the room. You didn’t notice the Crown Prince around though you shared a wave with his aide. 

To your surprise- or you supposed you should have gotten used to the sight now- the Prince was lying on his stomach on your bed, reading the same comic book that he had been reading in the public library that day with Mingi. You, for some reason you were still wondering about, had one of your acquaintances in the castle purchase those books and anything related to it when they went to town. You kept these books in your room- it wouldn’t be appropriate if the Crown Prince was caught slacking because he stayed up all night laughing over some silly dialogue in those books.

“While you’re here reading about some fourteen year olds fighting over a girl, your uncle is trying to coax the King into passing the throne to him.”

“Nothing new,” Hongjoong muttered, not looking away from the book. “I’ll be having a meeting with him before the ball. What we’ll do next depends on his answer.”

You settled your bag on the chair and went to the vanity to take off your necklace and rings. “Are you going to ask him?”

“No point beating around the bush, but it will be in the presence of my father and others,” Hongjoong looked up momentarily, meeting your eyes through the reflection in the mirror. “If he admits he wants to get crowned, I’ll have to prove that he’s not fit for it.”

“How?” You turned to look at him.

“How do you think?” He asked, “I’m curious to learn how you would handle this.”

“You’re thinking of bringing up the Neverland Accords, aren’t you?” You asked and he nodded, not surprised that you figured it out. “That’s the one thing the Duke regrets doing. The one blemish on his career.”

“It destabilised the western region. By giving in to the demands of the refugees, he gave birth to a group of people with such hatred towards the monarchy that they became rebels. They left their families for the cause. I believe notorious rebel groups like the black pirates or bluebirds who were cooperating with my ancestors became restless because of this agreement.”

So he knew about the bluebirds- everyone who worked in the castle knew for security reasons, but he knew the history and the reasons. A few of them. And he believed that the Neverland Accords, which were about fifteen years old, might be why your rebel group was restless now. You wished you could tell him that it was much older and sinister than that. You wished you could tell him that the Master wasn’t just one person but a network of leaders over time.

And when you caught yourself thinking about this, you almost dropped the comb in your hand. Thankfully, the Prince was too busy reading his book while you tried to form an answer.

“Well… I suppose that might be true,” you managed to say. “I have something we can add to that.”

“And what might that be?”

You let your hair flow freely now, ruffling it a little before you walked towards the bed, the Prince’s hand inviting and prompting you to sit near him. You leaned in and told him your part of the plan in hushed whispers and he looked at you a few times to make sure this wasn’t a joke.

“I told you,” you held his chin in your hand, gaze stuck on his parted lips. “I told you I would kill for you. I came up with something even better instead. No one will suspect the royal physician, Prince.”

“Because you serve the King?”

“Because I serve humanity,” you said, the chuckle that suddenly left your mouth turning into a low laugh and Hongjoong frowned at that- while your plan was nothing short of a genius plan, a quiet voice in his head beckoned him to question how a royal physician- a doctor- was able to scheme like this. 

But for now, your hand casually resting against his thigh as you laughed was distracting. Your red, plump lips were distracting. The books you got him and the key to your room that you gave him were distracting him. The way you accepted who he was- the dark parts and even the sillier ones- that was distracting. 

Hongjoong started sharing that laugh, shaking his head at you. “Now I’m really hoping the Prince begs for the throne.”

“I won’t let anyone look at what’s yours,” you promised him, gladly letting him sit you on his lap, his book long forgotten by his side. “You can count on me.”

“Why are you doing this, y/n?” He wondered, his hands going under your dress to rest on your bare thighs. “What do you get out of this?”

“I told you-”

“Why are you really doing this?” He asked, an almost dangerous glint in his eyes. “Do you want me to crown you too?”

“No,” you sighed. “I couldn’t be less interested in the crown. I’m interested in what you’ll do for my career,” you lied, deciding to add a sprinkle of something honest in there when you said, “And if I can be with you like this without the crown or the heavy title, I’m content. But you must know that I’ve only had this change of heart recently.” 

“You could ask me to crown you and I might do just that,” Hongjoong offered, looking up at you with adoration but you could see that he was calculating behind that facade. 

“Ah, now you’re tempting me,” you smiled slyly. “Does the crown guarantee that you’ll look at me like this every night? That you’ll always fuck me like you actually mean it?”

“I do, though,” he admitted and your smile fell. 

You were aware that Hongjoong only cooperated with you because he obeyed what you told him- to use you as a tool. However… had he caught feelings along the way? Or was this just another of his grand schemes- to have you lower your guard? You were still half sure that he was going to get rid of you once he was crowned, but now he was offering you something that you thought about only in your wildest dreams.

If you grabbed on to this opportunity… if you could be the queen of Wonderland, you would have more power than the Master. You could make better decisions for the bluebirds. You wouldn’t even have to end the monarchy- you could have the Prince agree to your terms. You knew that the Prince wasn’t an unreasonable man and he would understand if you participated in politics actively if you became the queen and he, the king. He would listen to you and probably even give you better advice- he cared for the kingdom to prosper, as did the bluebirds, so…

Did you really have to kill him? You could just rule with him and use him to achieve the bluebirds’ agendas. You could accomplish so, so much-

“Cat got your tongue?” He teased and you shook your head, pushing down the train of thought for now.

“You’re offering a royal physician the burden of the crown. Of course I’m speechless,” you said. “But… heavy is the head that wears the crown.”

“The rubies would suit you, though,” he grinned and you laughed at that. 

“We’ll talk about this when you’re actually the King,” you told him. “For now, I’m content being where I am. I desire power, not the crown. The crown doesn’t necessarily guarantee power.”

“I think you’d make a nice queen, though,” Hongjoong rested his back against the bedpost, getting your hair away from your shoulders to plant sweet kisses along your collarbone. “Though I’d always be worried if you would poison me or use some drug to make me bend to your will.”

“You’re venomous enough as you are,” you scoffed. “All that bitterness inside you will kill you one day. Besides, I don’t need to use a drug to make you get on your knees. You’ve been doing that pretty often anyway.”

Hongjoong gave you a challenging look and you knew what was going to come next. Especially when his hand came to rest around your throat and he used that to get you off his lap and on the floor.

On your knees.

“Let’s change that now, shall we?”

You only smirked in answer, obeying, and while it was pleasurable enough to be on your knees for the future king, the thing he offered you only heightened your drive and made you sure-

That now, even if it was for one day, you wanted the Prince to rule.

And you wanted to be by his side this time.

—-----------------------------

There sure was something in the air tonight. 

Tonight, the Royal Ball took place in the honour of the Duke’s arrival to the castle in the form of a masquerade party. There were many honourable guests from Wonderland and a few from the neighbouring nations as well. The theme was ruby, which you thought was very ironic. You could see red everywhere- in the costumes, in the flowers that decorated the Hall, and in the wine that filled everyone’s glasses. 

The sound of violins and pianos was adorning the air with notes of excitement and vibrancy. The beat of the footsteps of the dancers in the middle of the hall melded along with the music, prompting the audience to synchronise with their claps or their heartbeats. Laughter and chatter flowed freely in the air along with the bubbles from the drinks the waiters and waitresses poured endlessly. The smell of something floral and musky overwhelmed your senses. It was a clash of perfumes, but if you stationed yourself near one of the windows or the tables with refreshment, the earthy smell of the air and the ever-familiar smell of food would wash over a wave of calm over you.

And you kind of needed that right now, because there sure was all of that in the air tonight, but there was also a wave of palpable calculation. Every look and every touch meant something tonight. Every word was said with caution. Every step someone took towards someone else meant something. And sure, this was just how royal events were, but tonight was special.

Tonight, there was an invisible web of deception and lies hovering above the Hall, waiting to trap its prey at the right moment. Though your prey was one- or two, if you were lucky- there could be more who would get caught by the spider. All you had to do was wait.

You watched the spider- the Crown Prince- looking absolutely ravishing in a deep red embellished coat over a black shirt and pants that matched the embroidery on the jacket. Most of his face was concealed by the extravagant black mask that he wore, the red feathers of it creating quite a contrast with his platinum hair that was styled away from his face. He might be unrecognisable at first glance but you could spot him anywhere. He always stood out to you.

Your eyes scanned the crowd again to find the tall Duke who had been attempting to mingle with anyone of importance throughout the whole night. That man was full of energy and the dark part in your heart wished to bathe him in eternal darkness as soon as possible. However, patience was the key. 

You had to keep reminding yourself that- that you had to be patient and that you couldn’t stray from your path no matter how tempting the road might seem. But you couldn’t deny the fact that being physical with Hongjoong and all his offers were making you incredibly selfish and greedy and clouding your judgement. You were confused, and you wished you could meet the Master or even one of the bluebirds to have yourself reminded of why you were doing this, but with each passing day, the final destination started appearing murkier.

For now, though, you just wanted this night to go smoothly. You got busy when some of the royal physicians from the Duke’s court found you, and your chat with them was quite interesting. However, you kept stealing glances at the Prince. He was now on the floor dancing with someone in an overly fluffy bright red dress and it left the sour taste of jealousy in your mouth. You decided to take a chance and joined hands with the first available partner on the dance floor who introduced himself as one of the Duke’s men. 

You rotated around the dance floor and switched partners twice before you found yourself in Hongjoong’s arms. The smirk he had on his lips made your knees feel weak.

“Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?” He asked, twirling you around once. “I could feel your eyes on me all night long, darling.”

“Can’t resist you,” you teased, bringing your hand closer to his neck than was necessary considering you were dancing. “You’ve been enjoying mingling too much without me.”

“Well, it’s a risky move but since everyone’s so busy dancing, you can get away with it,” Hongjoong told you, glancing at the upper section of the Hall where the King sat with a few of his friends. “However… I can’t wait to take this pretty dress off. You have no idea how irresistible you look tonight, love.”

You smiled at that- you had made a little more effort dressing up tonight than usual. The black silk dress might be plain but it hugged your curves in just the right way. There was a slit in the leg and you were wearing maroon heels, one of them with a matching ribbon that was tied up and around your leg in an intricate pattern, the bow situated right below the slit of the dress. You wore a red mask that covered half your face and extended towards your other eye as well. 

“You look quite charming too,” you said. “Red really is your colour.”

“Red looks like your colour,” the Prince said, pointing his eyes in the direction of the red ruby earrings you were wearing- a gift from the Prince himself for tonight. “I told you- the rubies suit you.”

Before you could respond to that, he squeezed your waist before rotating to switch partners once again, and you were left with those words playing in your head for the rest of the night- but you didn’t have to wait long. As soon as the dances ended and everyone started drinking or leaving for the night, you caught the Prince nodding at you before exiting the Hall and you started following him through the very empty corridors, making sure no one would catch you together.

You saw him go inside one of the abandoned rooms you had used in your early days to meet up and when you went inside and shut the door, Hongjoong was on you in a moment, cupping your masked face and kissing the exposed part of your lips which had to be a struggle because when he drew back, he had your red lipstick smeared across his own lips.

And the sight of that made you physically weak but Hongjoong was quick to hold you with a laugh.

“Already on your knees for me?” He commented and you smacked his chest, taking off your mask and his so you could finally kiss him properly. You broke apart for air and rested your head on his shoulder.

“It’s been a while.”

It had been about five days. The first three days got you anxious enough to want to contact his aide to see if the Prince really was busy or just avoiding you, but then he had the rubies delivered to your room. You wore them that night and looked at your reflection for the longest time, wondering how you would look in a matching crown.

“Yeah, it has been,” Hongjoong said, sweetly kissing your temple and then lifting your face by your chin to kiss you again, his tongue sliding in at the first opportunity. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pushed you against the door, his hand going to grab your thigh and bringing it up so he could press himself to you, lazily playing with the ribbon wound around it.

You broke apart for air, brushing your noses teasingly. “Missed me?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, “I have quite a few updates.”

“And so have I,” you grinned. “You first?”

“Well,” Hongjoong began, his hand on your thigh travelling to the inner side, drawing your panties away to slide his fingers along your wet folds. “The meeting was a success for me. Prince Woobin admitted he would like my crown, and my court was not happy with it. I brought up the Neverland Accords and that made him lose his temper. Good thing the King witnessed that.”

“Ah, that’s good,” you said, which came out more as a moan when he slipped a digit inside you, rubbing your clit in slow strokes with his thumb. “Is that why he’s been trying so hard to get in everyone’s good graces tonight?”

Hongjoong took a moment to respond, too busy trailing kisses down your neck and along your shoulders, drawing the straps of the half-sleeve dress away. “Surely. He has no idea what’s coming for him.”

“About that,” you rocked your hips against his hand when he inserted another finger inside, resting your head back against the door. “The King mentioned something about his father’s illness being similar to his own. I took the opportunity to tell him about ruby.”

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong paused and you gave him a warning look, prompting him to continue thrusting his fingers inside you.

“I mean,” you breathed, curling into his body when you could feel the familiar buildup of an orgasm. “I tricked him. I told him that I was instructed to use an opium compound by the Duke’s royal physicians- which is true, by the way, I discussed the medical side of it with him in the earlier days- ah.”

Hongjoong smirked when you squeezed your eyes shut as he slowed his pace. He was playing with you and it always drove you mad and he loved seeing you in that state.

“So I told him that I was suspicious about ruby and requested the Prince- you- to let me access the private library so I could check if this was the right drug to use. And then I- Hongjoong!”

You moaned loudly when he pressed your clit, the orgasm crashing over you suddenly and with a force that had you gripping at him for dear life. Hongjoong helped you recover from it, rubbing your clit in slow circles and caressing your cheek as you shuddered before he picked you up in his arms and brought you to the couch, looking up at you.

“Say that again.”

“What?”

“Say my name,” he commanded and you brought your face next to his to whisper his name in his ear. He groaned at that, making quick work of unfastening his belt and you barely had time- and the strength- to take off your panties before he had you sit on his hard cock, easily sliding in.

“Now talk.”

You gave him a look, your walls clenching around him at the way he ordered you and he scoffed. “Uh… where was I?”

“Library.”

“Right,” you tried moving but he gripped your hips, making you sit still and you gave up. “So I told him that I found something suspicious in the library which is making me suspect that Prince Woobin had a hand in the late King’s death. Because it was Prince Woobin’s royal physician who was aware of this opium compound, who also happens to be the mentee of the Late King’s dead doctor.”

“Ah…” Hongjoong nodded. “So my father knows that I’m aware of this?”

“I told him that I’ve addressed my suspicions to you and you’re investigating the matter.”

“So when I finally tell him that I’m suspecting the Duke-”

“He will believe you because he’s already heard from me, and I’m his doctor,” you grinned. “I can’t be lying to him about this- and I’ve been lowering his dose slowly anyway so he thinks that I’m trying to get him off this medication without adverse effects.”

“And why are you lowering it? I thought you were going to kill him with ruby?”

“I found a better alternative,” you smirked. “One that would make it look more natural than ruby. And do you know what I call it?”

“What?”

“Silver Light,” you kissed the top of his head. “Like the colour of your hair.”

Hongjoong laughed at that, shaking his head and gladly meeting your lips in a kiss that quickly got heated and prompted him to thrust his cock inside you deeply and you quickly returned the sentiment, bouncing on top of him and matching his energy.

“You’re insane,” he told you, sucking at your bottom lip. “With this, the Duke will finally be out of my way.”

“What about the Duke of Mist- Prince Woojin?” You asked, tugging at his hair which always turned him on.

“An accomplice, maybe,” Hongjoong breathed and you knew he was close. “He’ll be exiled but only after he watches his brother get executed.”

“How fun,” you licked a spot on his neck before kissing there. “Calls for a feast.”

“Oh, I’ll have one right here,” Hongjoong looked down at your joined cores, rolling his hips along yours. “Say my name, princess.”

You were so close. You joined your foreheads as he took control of the pace and you called his name in soft whispers again and again until he was spilling inside you, until his warmth covered you and made you become undone in his arms once again.

And when the two of you laughed maniacally, you decided it.

You were not going to give him up. Not like this- not like the Master wanted you to.

You would take your sweet time. You would have him satisfy your desire like this for as long as he was under your control. You would have him fill you up, have him mark your skin just like he was doing now, have him call you princess, or queen, or whatever the fuck he wanted to. You would wear the ruby crown he loved so much. You would sit on his lap while he sat on the throne.

You only hoped the tugging at your heart was for the desire for all of that instead of the desire to be looked at with love.

—--------------------------------

The past week had been nothing short of eventful and chaotic, to put it simply.

With the King suspecting his brother which bled in his interactions, making the Duke wonder if the King had made up his mind to crown his son, he started trying to reason with the King. His method was the same as Hongjoong’s- to dig up dirt on the Prince and tell the King of his shortcomings. However, the Duke was not aware that he was being suspected of treason, and there was no bigger sin than treason for the King. How could a son kill his own father? 

The King found himself thinking about the reason a lot. He mentioned it when you slipped verita into his drug. He asked you if it was common for a child to kill his parents.

“Unheard of,” you told him. “Depends on the circumstances, I guess. When you have power, you’ll be targeted by anyone and everyone- it wouldn’t matter if they’re blood relations.”

“Sometimes I wish I was a farmer,” the King laughed in disappointment. “I could have lived a good life.”

“They have their own set of troubles,” you told him. “They worry about how to feed their wife and kids. They worry about having too many mouths to feed but then find themselves with even more. And then they do worse things than kill their children and live with the guilt.”

“What’s worse than death?”

“I guess you’ll know soon,” you shrugged and he passed you a side-eye. “If your brother really had a hand in your father’s death… whatever you do next would make you think back to this moment.”

The grief the King felt was clear, and it became even worse when Hongjoong, as per his father’s request, finally concluded the investigation and found the Duke of Neverland, Prince Woobin, guilty of the late King’s murder with the Duke of Mist, Prince Woojin, a suspected accomplice. 

Tonight, Prince Woobin was going to get hanged in the square within the castle walls. The kingdom was in an uproar with his supporters crowding the streets and making home outside the castle walls. Many believed he was being wronged because apart from the Neverland Accords, his career had been pretty remarkable. If you were objective, he was probably fit to run this kingdom too. Prince Hongjoong might be a skilled leader but he still lacked a few important qualities that the people wanted in their future king, such as empathy. You weren’t one to say though, when you had orchestrated this whole plan.

The Duke of Mist Island, Prince Woojin, was choosing to remain silent. It was probably because if he spoke in the favour of Prince Woobin, the suspicions of him being an accomplice would sound true. While the kingdom was outraged, the current king and prince weren’t void of supporters. By choosing to remain silent, he would only get exiled until proven guilty or innocent. He had to think of himself.

One thing was clear to everyone, though. The monarchy was falling apart and it was causing a palpable sense of restlessness. The King’s health was declining at a rapid rate now and his heart was weaker- it was grief that was doing your job for you. Prince Hongjoong was trying his best to keep things calm and so far, he had it under control. It looked like he would soon earn the favour of the majority with his uncles out of the picture. The people had no other choice.

You were stationed at the King’s side, next to his retired aide- an old man who came to be with the King at this difficult moment. You needed to be here in case the King suddenly felt unwell- after all, he was going to witness his little brother get executed.

Hongjoong was seated on the other side and every time that he glanced at the King to make sure if he was alright, he would meet your eyes. You exchanged no signals, though. Tonight, you had hundreds of eyes trained on you. If anyone caught you sharing eye contact, they would simply think the Prince was worried about his father and was making sure that the doctor was alert. If he was doing this consciously, you had to commend his acting.

Prince Woobin’s face was covered with a black cloth as he entered the square, being walked by the guards who held his chained arms. You looked across the square to find his royal physician whose licence was revoked for medical negligence on the basis that he was aware of ruby’s effects- and possibly, how it was used for the murder of the late King. The fact that he had done nothing about it and encouraged you to use it instead made his position worse. You talked to the King and told him that revoking his licence was enough since nobody could have guessed that ruby was dangerous without referring to the royal archives in the private library. 

The guards made Prince Woobin kneel in front of the King, though a level and quite a distance separated the brothers. His mask was taken off, revealing the Duke in a ghastly state. His eyes were sunken though they harboured pure hatred for the people who were wrongly blaming him. The fire burning from the torch illuminated one side of his face, casting deep shadows on the other.

“Your Majesty!” Prince Woobin’s voice boomed through the area, earning startled gasps from the crowd. “Brother dear! I urge you to reconsider and reinvestigate.”

The King sighed deeply. “All the evidence points to you. You plotted to kill me the same way you killed my father.”

“He was my father too, and I would never do that. I may have been after the crown since long ago, but it was never my intention to get my hands bloody along the way. I’m not like this, and you know that.”

“Do I?” The King asked himself, ignoring his brother’s plea of innocence. 

Hongjoong got up this time and his uncle looked at him with such distaste in his eyes that you almost got worried. “Your services to the Kingdom of Wonderland are appreciated. However, you are guilty of treason and murder of the late King, an unforgivable act. We must set an example, however much it pains us.”

Prince Woobin only scoffed in response and spat on the ground, causing the crowd to shift uncomfortably. Prince Hongjoong, however, remained unfazed. 

“Any last words?”

“Yes,” the Duke stood up, standing tall in front of everyone. “You will regret this. Tonight marks the beginning of the end.”

The King rested his head in his hands, overcome with emotions and you asked him if he was feeling alright, even though it was obvious that he was not. You looked at Hongjoong and he stood in front of his father, blocking his view.

“I- I can’t watch this,” the King wiped his eyes.

“It has to happen in your presence- you know the rules,” Prince Hongjoong rubbed his father’s back. “I’ll cover you.”

Prince Hongjoong signalled the executioners to begin and the crowd fell eerily silent as the Duke was led to the gallows. The air felt grim and the Duke’s footsteps were heavy. Though he looked pale when his gaze settled on the blade that was to decapitate his head, he settled on the lunette with a sense of resignation and finality. 

The executioner’s words went over your head. All you could see and hear was red. Red for lies, red for deception and red for death. The blade’s drop was swift and silent but whatever sound it made was masked by the fear and warning delivered as a message through this execution.

The King left immediately after and you followed after him, sharing one last look with Hongjoong whose head was held higher than ever. Perhaps, the burden of the crown was starting to feel lighter on his head. You wished you could kiss his head at that moment and tell him that it was going to get easier from here.

However, it looked like you did not need to. That night, when you went to find the Prince in one of the abandoned rooms, you found them empty. Wondering if he was in your room- or his own room- you started going back towards the residential area but the faint sound of music caught your attention. If it had been any other day, you would have ignored it but something prompted you to investigate.

In one of the storage rooms that held old musical instruments, the room that was once an active class, was the Crown Prince shaking his arms in the air like a maestro, playing an invisible instrument to the music blasting off the gramophone. You remained frozen in the doorway, watching him dance like a maniac to whatever was going on in his head. His movements quickened as the music reached the crescendo and they both crashed down in harmony with the Prince twirling and laughing loudly to himself.

Was he that happy? Was he this pleased now that he was sure that he would be ascending the throne? Strangely enough, the words of your Master started feeling substantial. He wasn’t wrong when he told you why the Crown Prince wasn’t fit for the crown, and you were only realising it now in its full weightage.

The Crown Prince was a madman, blinded by the desire for power and nothing else. He would do anything to have his way. He was celebrating being one step closer to the throne even though the path was marred by blood now. Did he really think you were his equal? Of course not, he was a royal. But did he think you were someone significant in his life now that things were shifting between you two, or had he taken your words too seriously? Were you still just a tool to him? And would he use you even if it meant he had to crown you?

You decided to leave him be for the night, going back to your room to send a message to the Master and make preparations for the final hurdle-

The King.

—--------------------------

If you were honest, you had imagined the Prince choking you far too many times. 

You imagined it would be a result of a spontaneous sequence of events- perhaps, while he kissed you and his hand went around your neck instead of cupping the side like he usually did, he would realise you might have a thing for getting choked. Maybe he would even hear you moan in response and look in your eyes to confirm if you liked it.

Or perhaps, it could be a consequence of a heated moment, such as him on top of you and thrusting relentlessly into you, recognising that you were inches away from an orgasm, and right when your body would arch and jerk as it crashed over you, he would squeeze the sides of your neck to heighten it further. You thought he would make you see stars or something even better.

However, being pinned to the wall by both his hands around your neck, his thumbs pressing your larynx threateningly and making you physically choke in pain was not it. His eyes bore into yours, dripping with venom and you tried smacking his hands away but it didn’t work.

“Did you do it?”

You stopped struggling for a moment, confused, before your features softened. Hongjoong watched with a frown but when he heard your raspy chuckle, he gave you a warning look but your laugh only got louder, making you cough because of his hold on your neck.

“You’re welcome… Your Majesty.”

It had been only a few days since the Duke’s execution. The King was having a hard time coming to terms with his brother’s blood on his hands. He may have bought your lies when you insisted that the Duke had a hand in the late King’s death, but he must have been suspecting tampering of evidence or something worse since he actually got out of his room and went to the private library to conduct his own investigation.

You had luckily lowered the ruby dosage to the minimum and the King was aware that you couldn’t have replaced it with something right away- it might have caused some side-effects. While the King did not suspect you, only commending you for caring about his health, his son received the scepticism in your stead. The King was beginning to feel more wary of Hongjoong and it was becoming obvious to everyone around them. It didn’t help that Hongjoong was doing absolutely nothing to help his case. 

You had successfully completed the first part of your mission, but there was no word from the Master. Had bluebirds abandoned you? All you needed was a signal to proceed with the rest of the plan. Could it be that they somehow peeked inside your heart and discovered the true motives behind why you were cooperating with them? 

You were anxious, and that was not good. It didn’t help that the Prince was incredibly busy now that Prince Woobin’s post as the Duke of Neverland was empty. The Duke of Mist had just negotiated for his life and the King had stopped Hongjoong from taking any further steps related to that matter for the time being. It was getting messier and you were realising that the Prince’s besetting sin might be his emotions and unquenchable thirst for more. While he was fully capable of making rational decisions and was doing his best to appear innocent, he could not hide how much fun he was having handling the matters that were once handled by the late Duke.

And the King may be old and ill, but he was not blind. He suspected Hongjoong, and while he was not stupid, he was too trusting of those around him and that led him to ask you what you thought about the situation. You were thrown off by the question.

“I feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s weighing on my heart and it will take my life sooner than expected.”

“But why do you feel so?” You asked. “I know that the registers were not substantial evidence but the circumstances…”

“I know,” he nodded. “It seems odd that the royal physician was aware of ruby’s role in my father’s death yet remained shut. I wonder why. Could he have a hand in wrongly accusing Woobin?”

It was then that you realised- Prince Woobin’s physician might have been a member of the bluebirds too. That made more sense than the doctor knowing ruby’s effects and letting them slide when you consulted him for the King- no doctor’s moral code would allow that. 

“But if you think Prince Woobin was innocent and the doctor acted on his own, that would mean he’s serving someone else.”

“Yeah, well,” the King shrugged. “Wouldn’t put past my son to have a hand in it. He’s been far too giddy ever since he got that thorn out of his side.”

You stifled a smile at that. “Isn’t he simply carrying out his duties?”

“Yes, that’s true. But he doesn’t have to look happy about it, does he? Even if I’m wrong and he’s simply doing his job…” the King faltered, coughing violently and you passed him a handkerchief. He wiped his mouth, smearing the piece of cloth with blood. “I can only imagine how happy he will be when I finally die.”

“He’s still your son,” you chided gently. “You’re his father. You can confront him about this if it’s bothering you so much, Your Majesty. This is clearly taking a toll on your health- I should look for other drugs-”

“No,” the King shook his head. “No more drugs. That’s enough. My time is near and I should not run away.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” you pleaded. “But you don’t have to be in pain as you walk towards your inevitable death. Painkillers?”

The King chuckled at that. “You’re a brilliant doctor, y/n. I hope Hongjoong takes good care of you after I’m gone.”

Somehow, that sentence stuck with you for all the reasons and more. The King was the one person who had treated you like an actual human despite his position of power and authority. You had always found yourself comparing him to the Master- another person with power and authority yet no regard for his subjects. While the King had always patted your shoulder with affection, the Master had only ever touched you with a stick- the marks of which you still bore on your skin. While the King always encouraged you to make leaps in the medicinal field and use him as your ‘test subject’ which was an inside joke amongst all the doctors in the castle now, the Master had only ever criticised you.

Would it be so bad if you let the King live? Or were you doing him a favour by killing him? He would die a painless death and wouldn’t witness the doom of his empire. One death had already cost him a great deal- he surely couldn’t take more. Hongjoong wanted him to live a little longer and hand him the crown with his own hands before he passed on, but no matter how much you tried to convince Hongjoong that the King couldn’t live long, his pride wouldn’t let him admit that the King would never willingly crown him. It was why he urged you to look after him as best as you could and why he was so enthusiastic with his work lately. He had something to prove now.

And it was why, ultimately, you decided to let the King rest. He did not need to dig any deeper and find out that his own son and his royal physician had orchestrated this plan. He did not need to be in agony anymore. You slipped the silver light in his medicine and he took it unsuspectingly. You squeezed his wrist in silent gratitude for all he had done for you- from his heart. And then you went to your room and waited to hear the news.

It was too bad that the Prince himself had to be the one who delivered the news to you- 

“Did you do it?”

“You’re welcome… Your Majesty,” you said, finally getting him to let go of your neck. You glared at him as you rubbed your neck in an attempt to soothe the burning sensation. “Didn’t think you’d be so ecstatic to hear that.”

Hongjoong stared at you, for the first time feeling something resembling fear in his heart- the future looked uncertain and for once, the look in your eyes made him shiver. Hongjoong was realising how perhaps he, too, was at your mercy. You wanted him to take over the throne so you sped up the process for him, getting rid of his uncles and now his father. All for what? For the throne that was his anyway? And you didn’t even want to be queen until he suggested it- just why-

“The King died of ‘grief’, but really, it’s the silver light’s doing,” you told him, taking a few steps to close the distance between you two, placing a hand on his shoulder, your eyes scanning his face. “It’s too bad he couldn’t crown you with his own hands, but that’s okay. All that matters is that he’s gone and he didn’t discover the truth about your role in Prince Woobin’s death. We did it, Hongjoong. You did it.”

He did it. He trusted the wrong person and messed everything up. Sure, the fact that he was now the King made him ecstatic, but there was still something that bothered him-

And that was you.

You were unpredictable and dangerous. And he couldn’t have someone like that by his side in the long run. He could not continue dallying with you anymore.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” you urged him, planting soft kisses around his mouth and on the tip of his nose. “You don’t think I did something wrong, do you?”

“Of course not,” Hongjoong kissed your lips. “I just wanted to make sure if it really was you. Did I scare you?”

You shook your head despite the air being heavy with lies. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Hongjoong scoffed at that, looking down as he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief and pretending that your words did not feel like a stab in his back. “I’m just a little bummed that you didn’t tell me.”

“It was a… spur-of-the-moment decision,” you ran your hands across the silky material of his cream shirt. “But all’s well that ends well, isn’t that so?”

Hongjoong nodded. “They’ve taken him away- the funeral will be the day after tomorrow so Prince Woojin can attend.”

“Ah, he’s still here, huh?” You clicked your tongue. “Anything I can help with?”

“Oh, I’ve got that handled,” he assured you, caressing your cheek. “Now… can we stop talking and stop acting? Didn’t you say something about how you couldn’t wait until I got the title so you could say you fucked the King?”

You laughed at that, the two of you leaning in for a kiss that soon turned heated, resulting in discarded clothes on the floor. Hongjoong was rough with you tonight, feeling lightheaded with the weight of the new title on his head. It didn’t help that you kept teasing him, calling him the King or Your Majesty Hongjoong. Despite the gravity of the situation, it turned him on so damn much and he realised that he really was mad. But he couldn’t stop. 

He couldn’t stop until he fucked you hard, taking you from behind and making you become undone on his cock over and over again. He snaked his hand back on your neck as you reached your high, this time to crane your face towards him so he could see you. You locked eyes with him, his silver hair matted on his forehead and a sheen of sweat making his skin glisten. This time, he choked you the proper way right when you came.

You actually saw stars this time. You didn’t mind that he treated you like a ragdoll tonight, probably pouring all his frustrations, grief and anxiety into you. You didn’t mind that he used you like a tool, spanking you whenever you so much as looked at him the wrong way and making you rock on his hips or fingers even though you were an oversensitive bundle of nerves. 

For tonight, you were his and he was yours. You had him wrapped around your fingers and even though he was the one who wielded power and dominance over you, it was ultimately you who moved his strings and controlled his actions. You could only wish that he would remain ignorant for as long as possible. After all, it would be too much of a shame if you couldn’t be like this for just a while.

Hongjoong stopped thrusting his cum inside you, resting his forehead against your bare shoulder and catching his breath, sliding out moments later and watching the leaking cum out of you with an amused look. You smacked his arm and he scooted away so you could bundle the sheets around yourself as you lay next to him, tangling your limbs.

“This is it,” you whispered, kissing his chest. “This is where you’re meant to be.”

Hongjoong kissed the top of your head in answer and you thought his touch felt distant and cold but your mind was too hazy to make sense of it.

For now, you were in the King’s arms. And you were already planning how to make it an everyday ritual.

—------------------------------

Today, the Master’s big plan for the Kingdom of Wonderland was finally going to come to an epic conclusion- Prince Hongjoong was going to get crowned king and he was finally going to ascend the throne. Granted, the path had been rocky and bloody but he finally made it. 

You would be his royal physician now, and no one else’s. And oh, the sight of the empty seat next to his that was once the queen’s was bubbling desire in you for something that was not- or should not be- yours. You were just a piece in the Master’s plan and you becoming the queen was not a part of his scheme.

But you were tired of obeying the faceless Master when there was no guarantee that you would live to see the next day- or even the next moment. The bluebirds were everywhere. They could end you just as easily as you had ended the King. They were cooks, soldiers, doctors, guards and assassins. They sat at every post in the castle and you wouldn’t be surprised if the Master was prowling somewhere around here- especially today. He had to be present to see the scheme of his forefathers about to conclude. 

And you were wondering if it would be too bad if you made some alterations to the Master’s plan. If he had one of the bluebirds sit on the throne, he wouldn’t need to end the monarchy to have the kingdom flourish, would he? He could just have them manipulate the royals and make a puppet out of Hongjoong. And it wouldn’t be too bad if you were the one who sat on the throne, right?

“We should do something about the queen’s empty throne, huh?” 

You almost jumped at the sudden intrusion, looking behind to see Hongjoong’s aide, Mingi, walking towards you to stand beside you. The Hall wasn’t empty but the workers had been silently making arrangements and you had just stopped on your way to your room to get a look at how the preparations were going. 

Mingi was dressed in his official uniform, a number of badges and emblems on the ruby red coat. He smiled at you, continuing. “You’re thinking the King would need someone by his side, aren’t you?”

“I was just reminiscing,” you lied smoothly. “It seems like just yesterday that the late King and Queen sat here proudly and the Hall was full of life.”

“Ah,” Mingi nodded in understanding. “It’s been… a bit sad afterwards, hasn’t it? The King… the grief really clung to him.”

“I sometimes wonder if there’s no cure for grief,” you sighed. “If the loss of his wife wasn’t enough-”

“His brothers,” Mingi nodded. “It’s truly a shame. Prince Woojin has arrived for the coronation but he isn’t too pleased to be here.”

“He’s going to get exiled from his homeland, so I can understand why,” you said and he agreed. The two of you looked at the empty seats for a while before you said you had to get ready for the event and you parted ways. You went to your room to change into a ruby red gown, wearing the earrings Hongjoong had gifted you and tying your hair back. And right after, you went to sit by the window to take a breather.

The sky was clear today, and you wished Hongjoong’s intentions would be too. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was amiss from the night that he pounced on you, suspecting that you killed the King. Yes, you had without letting him know beforehand, but he knew this was inevitable. And you had done him a favour because the King was almost on to him, but Hongjoong just had to be an ungrateful fool. It truly was a shame.

A knock sounded on the door and you opened it to reveal one of Hongjoong’s guards, asking you to accompany him to the royal chambers. You got worried for a moment, wondering if there was a medical emergency but the guard assured you that the Crown Prince just needed to talk to you about something so you followed without the medical kit. Mingi let you in and left, saying he had some matters to attend to. You looked around, finding the chambers awfully empty now that the King was gone and none of his staff was present. You knocked on Hongjoong’s room and he hummed in answer so you let yourself in.

“I see you’re already struggling with the burden of being the King,” you commented, watching him struggle with the robe unceremoniously. “Where’re your maids?”

“I don’t like being dressed by them,” he muttered. “Help me?”

You softly chuckled, standing in front of him between the mirror to fasten the clips to his jacket and then you straightened his clothes. “You only like my hands on you, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Hongjoong smirked, watching you with a fondness that made you question if you had been wrong to suspect him. “I just wanted to see you before the coronation.”

“Someone’s finally feeling emotional, huh?” You teased and he laughed at that, resting his hands on your hips. “How does it feel to finally be the King of Wonderland, Your Majesty?”

“It hasn’t happened yet,” he raised a brow but you tsk-ed.

“That’s just formality, the event. You are the King. And I’m glad to be here with you right now,” you told him- you really were happy for him, from the bottom of your heart. “All those library sessions finally earned us the crown.”

Hongjoong nodded, not commenting on how you used the term ‘us’. As if the crown belonged to you too. He supposed you had the right to feel like that after being his sword and his shield. 

“Can you come see me after the coronation, in the music room?” Hongjoong asked, gently cupping your face with one hand. “I’d like to give you something.”

“Really?” You asked, searching his eyes for an answer but finding nothing. You felt your heart thump with excitement at the prospect of what this could entail. The silly voice in your head told you that maybe he really was going to crown you or at least make a promise.

“Okay,” you nodded, kissing his palm. “I’ll be there.”

Hongjoong smiled at that and leaned in to kiss you, deep and passionate like none of the kisses you had ever received from him before. Your back arched as you wrapped your arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, his arm around your back bringing you closer. You kissed for a long time before he broke apart and you laughed a little, telling him that you should be going to mark your attendance at the Hall. Hongjoong let you go with a final kiss to the top of your head, promising to see you later.

You had to admit that you were confused by the sudden change in his behaviour, but maybe he had been a bit cold towards you for the past couple of days because of the stress. The Prince had always been a moody man but that didn’t mean that you weren’t hyper-aware of everything he said to you or the way he acted towards you ever since you got rid of the King. If there was one thing you had realised the past few months, it was that you were on your own. The Master wasn’t going to take care of you or protect you if you messed up. The Prince would always protect his crown first before and he would gladly frame you if he ever felt threatened. You were aware of that, and as much as you desired the Crown Prince, his power, and perhaps, the seat next to his, you weren’t going to be unprepared.

When you went to the Hall, you were greeted by many. You had been the King’s royal physician and his confidante of sorts, especially after his aide retired. Tonight, you were going to honour him by lighting the torch that marked the King’s absence before the coronation would begin. The late Queen’s torch would be lit by Prince Woojin, the Duke of Mist Island.

There was a murmur spreading throughout the Hall as Prince Woojin entered, clad not in the official red but black- for mourning. He hadn’t been staying at the castle ever since he arrived for the Duke’s execution and just when he was about to leave the Capital, he heard the news of the King and came to attend the funeral, extending his stay a few more days as per Hongjoong’s request. He joined you at the front row, a few empty seats away from you but you got up and greeted him, just like you would have greeted the late King.

“Have you been well?” Prince Woojin asked. “I heard that you were quite close to my brother.”

You sighed deeply. “I’m alright, thank you for asking. I hope you’ve been well too.”

Prince Woojin shrugged in answer. As the youngest of the three, he was quite the oddball of the family, lacking any desire for the throne since the beginning and keeping to governing the northern region of Wonderland where the islands were located, collectively referred to as the Mist Islands. Unlike the other Duke, he never argued about the policies either, only following the late King’s orders. You supposed there were people in this world who weren’t born with the innate desire for power after all. Prince Woojin was a living example of that.

“Do you think I should start packing up after the coronation?” Prince Woojin asked, surprising you. “I’ve heard rumours that I’m going to be exiled. As if living on Mist Islands isn’t an exile itself.” 

You frowned- you weren’t surprised that he had heard that, but why did he ask you? Was this just small talk or was he on to something? “Did you never want to rule the islands, Your Highness?”

“It’s not that,” he chuckled. “But it’s quite a trip from here, isn’t it? I just wish I had seen my brother more often when he was alive.”

“Well… Prince Woobin did,” you shrugged, and Prince Woojin heard the rest of the sentence even though you didn’t say it out loud. Look where that got him.

“For a long time, I’ve thought that whoever sets their eyes on the throne is doomed,” Prince Woojin said and you listened to his words carefully. “For a while now, the position has birthed tragic endings. Woobin’s death has only strengthened my belief. Even if I was offered the position, I wouldn’t take it.”

You made an impressed face, nodding at the man who looked older than his brothers despite being in his late forties. “You’re very wise, Prince Woojin-”

“Do you covet the throne, my dear?” Prince Woojin looked at you and your mouth parted in surprise at his observation- or guess. Whatever it was. 

“I… don’t, really,” you admitted, looking towards the empty seats. “I guess I covet power and control. For at least once in my life, I would like to be free to make my own decisions and have no one influence my path.”

“Let me tell you something,” he leaned towards you, just as the doors opened revealing the Crown Prince. “You don’t need to sit there to have power or control over your life. That is a cage that looks like salvation, and once you take the crown, there’s no going back. You’re trapped until death. You’ll be controlled by forces you can’t even see. At least right now, you’ll have what? One? Two people influencing your life?”

You glanced at Hongjoong who narrowed his eyes when he saw the two of you conversing. Turning your attention to the Duke, you nodded. “You’re right. It really is a cage, isn’t it?”

Prince Woojin smiled, slumping back and nodding. He looked at where his nephew was, who was being marched towards the throne with Mingi by his side. You and Prince Woojin stood up and the rest followed. You went towards the torches in the middle of the room, standing in front of each other. One of the servants brought a candle to you and you lit the King’s torch first, locking eyes with Prince Woojin. He smiled at you, taking the candle from your hand before lighting the Queen’s torch. After the fire from them rose to a certain height, you both turned towards Hongjoong who was waiting for the signal at the end of the room. He bowed back and turned to receive the crown.

“The lone survivor,” Prince Woojin commented. “For how long, I wonder.”

Your heart sank at his words and you slowly turned to face him. It couldn’t be, could it? Prince Woojin only smiled knowingly at you and then applause sounded across the room, with a chorus of ‘Long Live His Majesty King Hongjoong!’ sounding across the room. While he looked magnificent in the crown, you were left pondering over the Duke’s question.

For how long?

When things got a bit busy, you made one last attempt to tie your fate to Hongjoong’s. You went to your room and wrote a letter, tucking it under the bed like you always did. And then you went to the music room to wait for the new king. You were starting to feel a sense of finality washing over you and to cope with what was surely coming, you started to press your fingers to the piano, the movements feeling foreign but strangely intimate- as if the notes meant to comfort you and pass you silent assurances.

You supposed that was the reason why, when the King finally entered the room with a guarded look on his face and two soldiers by his side, you weren’t surprised. You only scoffed in mock amusement, shaking your head.

“Doctor y/n, royal physician to the late King,” King Hongjoong announced. “You are under arrest for the murder of the late King.”

You let out a short laugh which soon turned maniacal and Hongjoong signalled the guards to give you both some privacy. They went to stand outside the room though the door was kept open.

“You’ll regret this, oh, you will,” you said when you finally got up, taking off the ruby earrings. “This will be the moment you will look back to soon.”

Hongjoong only smiled in answer. “You’re a threat to me as you were to the King. I can’t have you prowling around, you must understand.”

“Of course,” you walked to him and took his hand, slamming the earrings on his palm and curling his fingers over it. “The crown suits you, Hongjoong. Make the most of it while you can.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” He raised a brow. 

You smiled, leaning in to whisper something in his ear, making him freeze. You kissed his cheek before drawing away, getting one good look at all that glory, memorising the face of the person you had crowned, the eyes that had betrayed you long ago, the lips that had always served as a distraction to make you blind to what had been brewing in his mind all along, and then at his hands that had led you to your doom. Before he could stop you, you walked past him and surrendered yourselves to the soldier, mockingly bowing at him.

Even though you could taste your tears, your lips were curved in a smile. You may have doomed yourself but-

You would not be alone. 

You had tied your fate to Hongjoong’s long ago. Your paths had been intertwined since the beginning and would remain so.

You had heard from the Master once- that it takes a monster to destroy another monster. Perhaps, you took his words literally- you became a monster just so you could take another down. You did not regret one bit of it.

—--------------------------

You had watched many executions take place in the square. You had watched the recent execution of the Duke beside Hongjoong.

However, you did not imagine you would be watching the very empty throne from the square, on your knees with your hands tied in front of you- still with Hongjoong beside you, in a similar state.

“Quite a view from up here, isn’t it?” You commented. “Bet the Duke was too infuriated to admire it when it was his time.”

Hongjoong didn’t reply, looking at the rope that was wound around his hands and then back at the throne that he had sat on for barely a day. He clicked his tongue in anger when he spotted Prince Woojin. He didn’t sit on the throne but went to stand at the edge to watch.

This time, the square was empty save for the two of you. No one needed to witness this ugly conclusion, you supposed. It was just a few officials from the castle and-

Mingi. Watching you from the shadows and motioning with his finger towards the opposite direction-

At Prince Woojin. You frowned in confusion but then he crossed his heart and then his wrist, and understanding washed over you. 

Mingi was a bluebird, and so was Prince Woojin. You realised then that your doom had been inevitable. You were meant to die with Hongjoong from the very beginning. Mingi had made sure that happened, and Prince Woojin, who had to be one of the masterminds, had tricked you into planting the letter under your bed. The letter confirmed that Hongjoong had ordered you to kill the King and had fabricated the evidence to get the Duke executed for a crime he did not commit. That way, they had an official confession to get you both arrested and ready for trial. 

But… Prince Woojin had to be someone who worked closely with the Master who had trained you. The Master had to be present today- you looked around, finding some familiar faces but failing to recognise him.

“No one’s coming to save you, Princess,” Hongjoong scoffed and you raised a brow as you looked at him.

“Fuck you too, Hongjoong.” 

Hongjoong shook his head in amusement, looking at you with a strange expression- was that affection in his eyes? You frowned. “You don’t have to fake your feelings anymore. At least be true to me- to yourself- in your last moments.”

“No point wishing I could kill you with my own hands anymore when we’re both going to the same place,” Hongjoong said, his body shaking as he stifled a fit of laughter. You shook your head at that.

“Isn’t it funny?” You attempted to change the subject, wanting a distraction from the way your knees felt numb from kneeling for so long now. “We were doomed from the beginning, you and I. We were both pieces in a game that was being played by these people- the masterminds, from so long ago. Did they ever foresee this moment?”

“Pieces, you say?” Hongjoong asked, wondering who these masterminds were- had he lost the real game while he got high on what looked like a victory to him? “Were you a spy?”

“A bluebird,” you confessed with a short laugh as tears pricked the corner of your eyes. “They’re everywhere, Hongjoong. They’re watching us right now.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened as he took a look around, finding all the eyes present trained on him. All his life, he had felt like he did not truly belong in the castle but never once had he felt it with this magnitude. He felt like an imposter in his own home.

“So this was all a part of your plan?” Hongjoong asked. His words carried no bitterness or disdain. He simply wanted answers.

“It wasn’t,” you shook your head. “At least, not this,” you raised your tied hands in the air and looked at him. “I really wanted you to rule, Hongjoong. Even if it was just for a day.”

“Well, you got what you wanted-”

“That was what they wanted,” you continued. “I tried to find a way out of this, but you have to understand that I was trapped. By them. By you. I told you that I would make sure to undo everything and sit next to you when you got me arrested, but… the bluebirds got us. I didn’t think I’d sit next to you in the square.”

The rays of the sun were starting to peek from behind the arched roof of the elevation where Prince Woojin stood watching you both. You shut your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun seep into your skin. You were going to be cold for an eternity now.

“Feel that, Hongjoong?” You asked, unmoving. “Another thing we took for granted.”

“The sun?” 

“This warmth,” you looked at him, spotting the grim face of the executioners making their way from the other end of the square, the soldiers and court members taking their respective positions. “Did you ever take your time to feel it? Did you ever feel something similar?”

“I wasn’t always a cold, calculating bastard,” Hongjoong chuckled, glad you were talking to him right now. He somehow felt lighter. “I felt warmth in my mother’s arms.”

“I didn’t,” you told him and he looked at you but there was no pity in his eyes, only understanding. “I felt warmth when the King talked to me like I was his daughter.”

Hongjoong smiled at that, looking at his tied hands. The executioners paused when they saw that emotion on his King’s face, allowing just another moment. You looked back at Hongjoong, strands of silver hair covering his glazed eyes.

“Did you ever love me?” 

Hongjoong’s smile only deepened at that. “Did you?”

“Maybe I did,” you cocked your head, waiting for an answer.

“Maybe I did too,” he raised a brow. “We must have been lovers in our past life.”

“Or maybe we were enemies, and this was my twisted attempt at redemption,” you said and he chuckled. “Maybe we’ll actually do ourselves justice in the next life. If there is one.”

“Death won’t do us part,” he said and you finally let the tears fall even though your heart warmed at his words.

The executioners appeared in front of you, their swords gleaming and ready by their side. Hongjoong had personally requested execution by the sword instead of the guillotine though he never mentioned his reasons for this choice. He raised his tied hands in the air and the executioner looked towards Prince Woojin for confirmation. You narrowed your eyes at the Prince, wondering if he would take the throne or demolish the monarchical system but your thoughts got interrupted when you found your executioner untying the ropes around your hands as well. 

Confused, you looked at Hongjoong who extended his hand, prompting you to take it. You intertwined your fingers with his, squeezing them. He held your hand with considerable strength as if he meant to convey his fear for what was ahead but assure you that he was here, with you. 

“Death won’t do us part,” he promised and shut his eyes. 

You shut your eyes with a smile, thankful for his promise. Maybe in the next life, you would meet again under better circumstances, unburdened by lies and guilt, greed and lust. For the first time, you saw something other than red.

You saw silver- muted but warm, like Hongjoong’s hair. Bright and glaring like the colour of the drug, silver light, that doomed you. Distant and beautiful like the stars you saw at night while you rested in Hongjoong’s arms. Twinkling and intoxicating like the stars Hongjoong made you see when he made love to you.

You saw silver- glorious and absolute like the sword that painted you both red.

[echoes-lighthouse]

🤔🤔 was gonna make a mood board some other day butsaye your 200 follower celebration post so 👉👈 ill request if you like to,,,

-f/o’s name and source: Gilbert Bielschmidt (prussia) hetalia

-basic details of your s/i: my s/i is from a different universe, but she doesnt remember her past at the time, but yea its a lot to explain abt that. (if you want to know abt it you can ask me omh) her interests include astronomy, astrology, drawing, sunsets, landscapes of the world, cooking/baking, (phase 2 cos LOVES neon/or anything with lights so…)

-how did they meet? cosvin admired germany's house then saw drunk gilbert wh o drank beer- she was confused af yknow but yea, the other day gilbert was looking for gilbird and saw his bird was eating food from the birdfeeder in the nordics house (that house is where cos lives- ) so gil decided to kinda jokingly give a thank you letter and cosvin actually responded to it- and gilbird sent it to gil- and they were talking back and forth- later they decided to meet each other irl in a national cookie party; cosvin went 'oh shit he's handsome 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳' and thats when they star t their super huge slow burn romance haha

-what kind of hobbies/activities/interests do they share?: after cosvin;s interest of space; gil started to get more into it- same for stargazing? after gil, cosvin got into vintage, history, medival : D also they both visit a lot of different places together…. and gilbert's place where he relaxes over when hes writing (a huge grassfield- at night theres fireflies : ) they both go there often

-what is their dynamic like? well… i hc Gilbert as ENTP and im infj,,, i like to think he's the huge chaotic while im sort of trying not to make him chaotic but ends up failing and somehow starts helping doing the chaos? if that helps what it means? oh yea gil sure does invade a lot of space for cos, but she actually doesnt mind it? sort of embraces it sinc e she was also sorta touch starved haha she at first would feel herself very flustered about it though like 'dude did he just touched my shoulder??? 😳😳😳' 'oh my god he just petted me ☺☺☺☺😳😳😳😳' when they're a thing- they are extremely doing lots of PDA when no one was around (bc they kept their ship a secret at first) but soon they get found out tho they still kinda do it at some moments in public-

extras;

cosvin gets a lot of deja vu after meeting gilbert- (which this can be a soulmate thing 🥺🥺🥺🥺)

gilbert actually protects cos a lot, hes worried that she'll get to danger again thats before they became a thing

they go to medival festivals sometimes, maybe cos is a princess hiding in a robe while gil is a knight? : ) iDK FVGDHFKHDSBG

omh its a lot but yea lmk if you have questions im willing to help answer @v@

Oh wow I love this!!! Thank you for all the details! I love the memory/flashback elements, that's so cool, and the medieval festival idea!!!!

Here's your moodboard, I'm so into this ship.

Moodboard, Matchup, and Blog Rate Requests Are Open!

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

Okay yes

You know what sure let’s do this on a Friday night (going from least to most)

One of Those Nights - somehow I can’t bring myself to make jokey jokes about the Sewol ferry song

Wild side - I don’t know her. Literally this Japanese release somehow passed me by? And I haven’t absorbed it into my personal lore

Queendom - this isn’t even a good red velvet song. Like in general.

Umpah Umpah - absolutely no one in canon is having this type of fun

Peek-a-Boo - oh this comeback ruled but frankly the song and especially music video have way more to do with Claudeline

Happiness - way more appropriate as a komm süsser tod end of the world song than anything else

Bad Boy - I think Loumand WANT to project this kind of languidly sexy toxic relationship vibe but uh.

Be Natural - The soft beige pillow of their releases (probably because it was rushed to cover various scandals lol)

#CookieJar - I guess repeatedly saying “hash tag cookie jar :)” gives “electronic mailbox” a bit

Birthday - other songs on this list sample classical music in a more compelling way

Russian Roulette - Putting this one right in the middle because it feels like it COULD fit whatever he had going with Lestat or Daniel but will see (also if you’re new to kpop or this group I’d genuinely recommend being the song you check out because it’s lethally catchy)

Dumb Dumb - Cringefail Loumand initial flirting hours!

Sappy - has that horn part that makes no goddamn sense and is probably even more jarring than fake memories

Power Up - this video kinda implies cannibalism. Can’t really put it lower than this

Ice Cream Cake - the song and video are sooo subtly menacing. I don’t know how to explain it but it feels like you’re about to turn a corner and encounter a movie monster

Chill Kill - samples movie soundtrack sounding string instruments but more importantly it’s literally about a person who kills good vibes while somehow being sexy about it

Really Bad Boy - oh my god he’s a really bad boy he’s a really really really really bad boy!!!! You’re a bad boy and you’re bad for me you’re a bad boy and you’re bad for me you’re a-

Rookie - and we’re live! Produced by the theatre des vampire! Take one! [the most grating shit you’ve heard in your and somehow you go back for more]

Zimzalabim - literally about hypnotism. And throwing yourself over the flat earth for some reason?

Automaric - the vid is so vampire coded I wouldn’t be surprised if the OG iwtv movie was on the moodboard. Everything is so moody and shadowy and yeah they’re pretty but made to look as unsettling as possible. Also the scene with them sitting in front of tons of untouched food is very “how many courses are there going to be????”

Psycho - probably would have been on the playlist if the Spotify version wasn’t missing the SYNTHS THAT BRING THE SONG TOGETHER??? Anyway- no one asks- why did you say Bad Boy didn’t fit the vibe even though Psycho is in a very similar vein? Is it because the Favourite (2018) was definitely on the MV mood board? Is it because it also draws on classical music sounds? Is it because Armand is the original visual? Well yes but also the lyrics are about how toxic and beautiful the narrator’s relationship and how people just don’t GET IT and how the two of them WILL BE OKAY all somehow delivered like a mantra someone makes through gritted teeth. I love this song so much maybe I’m just lying to myself and it’s only ranking so high because I listened to it all the time while wandering graveyards during the pandemic um

Feel My Rhythm - has a video centered around paintings and a sound built around a Bach sample. In my playlist I mentioned that the hihats sound like they want you dead and I was right. But also the whole song kind of has the desperate energy of Psycho dialed up to eleven. It clings to that Bach sample with all its worth and it always sounds like it’s going to descend into chaos but even at it’s weirdest it still holds on the beat. Just barely. Makes you kind of wish it would while you admire that it doesn’t. Or something.

Red Flavor - is blood, duh. But also wow does this song feel sad while sounding so upbeat. The lyrics go back and forth between metaphors about forbidden fruit and openly pleading for reciprocity in a relationship. There’s also a [over used internet word alert] liminality to the video where the characters seem to have one foot in the past and one in the future. But it also has the lyrics’ fear of being totally vulnerable all the time so it throws absurdities at you like a watermelon having a conversation with a watermelon. The song is bursting with emotion, but also holding itself back too. You can surrender to the way this song is trying to invoke the nostalgic hope you might have felt when you were young and optimistic (and that might include mourning the person you used to be). Or you can just see it as a fun song to sing along to on the radio (do people even listen to the radio anymore.) it’s fine! It’s all FINE.

Lying by the pool like “what if I ranked every red velvet track by how Armandcore it is”

[astoryisaloveaffair]

Fix You - Chapter 9: Pour Some Sugar on Me

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Fem!Reader (Physical Description neutral. The moodboard is just a moodbaord)

Fic Masterlist

Read on A03

Spotify Playlist

»»———————►

Chapter Summary: Frankie and you spend a lazy day at together 

Word Count: 7200

Rating: E, 18+

Chapter Warnings: Legal age gap (10+ years), cussing, smut, fingering, oral (f rec), P in V, sex with food, cumplay, SLIGHT innocence kink if you don’t blink, TOOTHrotting fluff.

A/N: Hiiiiii! Thank you guys for being so patient! You know that post that’s like “Fic writers be out here having XYZ traumatic things happen to them  then be like ‘anyways here’s the new chapter’?” That’s literally me. It took some time for me to get back in the groove, and I was going to head right into another heavy chapter but I couldn’t get into the vibe. I shifted instead into just doing some light fluff, and I think it actually works better this way. I want to reassure you that this fic will remain a reader insert and vague in Flower’s physical description. Any pics I use in a moodboard is just a pic. Wildflower is YOU. I hope you enjoy!

Suggested Songs: "Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard, “This Year’s Love” by David Grey, “Heavenly” by Cigarettes After Sex, “You Got It” by Roy Orbison, “Lucky Man” by The Verve, “Go to Town” by Doja Cat

»»———————►

Waking up in his arms was your new favorite thing. 

You crack your eyes open slowly, relieved it’s still dark out, the room barely lit so only the shadows and silhouettes of his sparse bedroom furniture are visible. Good. You’re still tired, you never were a successful early riser. You close your eyes again and inhale deeply, the scent of him surrounding you like a weighted blanket or the heavy arm slung loosely about your waist. His scent is always soothing, filling you with an instant wave of serotonin, of safety and comfort, but there’s just something else about his sleeping smell. Muskier but more mellow, a warm envelope of pheromones your body gravitates to. 

Your nose is smooshed against his chest slightly, your face resting on his other flung out forearm. Trailing your fingers slightly across his little love handle, you lightly nuzzle your face into the soft sparse chest hair between his pecs, making sure not to move too much and wake him. It’s rare he isn’t the one to wake first, even if he goes right back to sleep after. 

Your thoughts drift to how easy this is, how effortless being with him is. How quickly his embrace has become your favorite source of stability and reassurance, and you try to think if anyone else had made you feel like this. It’s like every person before him was a paltry mockery of what cuddling felt like. What love felt like. Because that’s what it feels like, he pours his love into his embrace and you desperately want to absorb as much of it as you can.

You wish you could say it. You want to say it. But as safe as you feel in his arms, as much as you think you can feel his care, or love, or whatever in his body, past experience is a hard trigger response to get over. If he doesn’t feel the same, or not yet, or if he does and everything falls apart, you know now you’re in too deep that it would absolutely break you. And that is terrifying. You’d tried so hard to not fall, tried so hard to keep some of those walls you built up around the deepest parts of your heart. You chide yourself for your ridiculous hopeless romanticism, how quickly you allowed him to burrow into your heart and break those walls down. 

His arms suddenly enclose more around you, pulling you tighter into the warmth of his body as a deep rumbling hum vibrates through his chest against your cheek. You allow him to carry you away from the negative thoughts threatening to ruin this moment. He shifts slightly, adjusting his head on the pillow with a deep inhale. 

He hums again louder as he begins to rouse, bending his neck to bury his face in your hair, taking in your “coconut hair smell” he told you he is obsessed with.

“Baby.” He whispers. “You awake?”

You don’t know why but you don’t respond, keeping your breath even to try to keep him from knowing you’re awake. Why? It’s not like it’s a secret you woke first, a rule broken. Maybe you want to just allow him the ability to go right back to sleep if he wants. Maybe you want to see what he does when he thinks you’re asleep. You try to keep yourself from smiling excitedly as you remember how he really enjoys waking you up.

But it takes a turn you don’t expect at all.

His arm slowly moves to the back of your head, hand gently gathering your mess of hair and smoothing it oh so lightly up and over you the crown of your head to the base of your neck, pressing soft kisses to your head as he cups your neck to him.

“Honey.” He turns his cheek to rest it atop your head when you remain silent. It’s quiet for so long you think he must have fallen back asleep until he speaks again, his voice so wispy and low you can barely hear him.

“I…” He trails off, lifting his hand to once again run it over the crown of your head and down one more time, thumb barely moving back and forth in the whisper of a caress against the side of it.

 “You’re everything to me.” He sighs. It’s so hard to hear you question whether you’re hearing him correctly, but it feels like your insides get in a car accident, your heart slamming to a halt in a sudden jolt of adrenaline, and you struggle not to breathe harder, or move, or swallow, or show any sign that his words are making your heart bounce around in your chest like a ping pong ball.

“Do you know?” He whispers again. And again, you keep silent, internally begging him to continue. “I wish I could tell you.” 

Silence again. Then- “Stay. Don’t ever leave. Even if I fuck up.”

Your heart quivers at his words, and it takes everything in you not to fling your arms around his neck and kiss him, reassure him, tell him you’ll never leave, that you are so incredibly and undeniably in love with him. But you don’t. You don’t, because he doesn’t think you hear him. He confided something into the silence and trust of the darkness and you don’t want to violate that, don’t want to steamroll over him with interpretations of what you think he must mean of what you think you heard.

He exhales softly and squeezes you into him, nuzzling into your scalp as he fades back into sleep, and eventually your heart stops pounding and you do too.

When Frankie stirs again, the warm late June sun is streaming in ribbons through his shades. He yawns and moves to stretch, realizing immediately that stretching is impossible because the two of you are completely wrapped around each other. He smiles sleepily and strokes your back through one of his ratty tees trying to figure out the best way to extricate himself from your spider monkey grip. One of your legs is thrust in between his as you lie facing each other, your head tucked in against his sternum and one of your arms flung and dangling over his shoulder. 

Okay, maybe he didn’t want to get up. He huffs out a light chuckle as he takes in as much of your adorable little sleeping face as he can. He can feel your mouth is slightly open today, a tiny little wet patch marking the skin of his chest like you’d drooled a little bit. It surprisingly isn’t gross in the slightest to him and he revels in the fact that you feel so comfortable with him that you sleep that deeply in his arms. 

He can’t help but think about the complete difference between you and Lex. He would never admit it to anyone, but he was a cuddler to the point of being touch-starved, always wanting to touch and be touched, wrapped around his partner, clinging to them all through the night. It had always bothered Lex. She needed her space to sleep and would complain about being too hot, being uncomfortable, his breath on her back annoying her, or feeling too cramped. He got used to it, like he was back in the military and sleeping alone in a tiny cot bed. But now, he basks in the pleasure of just being able to hold. To entangle himself in another person. To give everything he wants to give and have it accepted in full. 

He rubs your back a little harder, feeling you stir against his chest, and he pulls you in closer, savoring just experiencing waking up with you. He remembers the words he confessed last night as you slept, wishing he could ask you to stay every night or just fucking move in already, but the two of you hadn’t even told Gabriela you were dating yet. It’s too soon. 

“Morning.” You croak out. He smiles at the sound of your raspy morning “dragon voice” and pulls back to gaze adoringly at your face.

“Morning. Sleep ok?”

“Mmmmmmm always sleep good with you, Cat. So comfy.” You slide your hand down to his bare waist and squeeze his side gently, nudging him back closer to you.

“Being chubby comes in handy sometimes.” He sniggers, and you abruptly pull out of his arms and sit up and push his back flat to the mattress, glaring with a furrowed brow.

“What?!” 

“I...just said my fat came in handy-”

“Excuse me, you are NOT chubby. What are you talking about?”

He stares at you incredulously for a beat before reaching down to his tummy and squeezing the roll there.

“Are you kidding? Look at all this.”

You huff and slap his hands away and he laughs as he pretends you wounded him.

“I will have you know that this teeny little tummy is one of my most favorite things about your body, and I would appreciate you not being so mean to it.” You snip before promptly dropping your head to his belly with a soft plop.

He’s quiet for a few moments. “Really?”

You turn your head towards him, your body following as you roll to your side to look up at him, your eyebrows arching towards your hairline. “Yea. I’m sure I’ve told you this before.”

“Guess I’m not used to it.” He smiles sheepishly and cups your cheek in his palm. “Thanks baby. Sometimes it’s hard not to compare when I’m standing next to Will or Benny.”

You snort. “Cuddling with Will must feel like cuddling a plank of driftwood. Hard as a rock. Good thing he’s so cute.”

“Oh, he’s cute is he? Okay.” Frankie teases, sitting up halfway and diving towards you to tickle to your waist. You shriek in glee and take advantage of his exposed weak spot, pressing your face to his tummy to lathe your tongue across the sensitive skin under his belly button. He jerks, switching to try and pull you off him but your arm is wrapped around his thighs and your grip is locked in so you continue to lathe and lick all over the expanse of his stomach, relishing in the high pitched gasps and giggles he lets out from the assault.

Eventually you slow, relaxing your arms around his thigh as he settles until you’re just kissing him. Little pecks and kisses from his belly button down his little happy trail and across the seam of his boxer briefs as he rumbles in content.

“Alright..” He mumbles in time, shifting upwards again. “Lemme up.”

“Noooooo!” You whine, wrapping your arms and legs back around him to keep him from getting up. 

“Was gonna make coffee.” He whines back. “Maybe some waffles. Hungry?”

You release him immediately. “Ooooooo yes please!”

He laughs and gets up, pulling on those damn grey sweatpants again before turning to kiss you on the forehead. You smack his butt lightly as he walks away. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

After he leaves the room, you stretch your limbs out across his bed, turning to bury your face in his pillow to smell him some more before you get up.

Eventually you do get up, wash your face, brush your teeth, and head down the hall to the kitchen. Frankie’s playing music from the speakers you helped him set up and you can hear him singing offkey along with it. You grin broadly when you recognize the tune, “You Got It” by Roy Orbison.

Not wanting to disturb him, you quietly tiptoe towards the kitchen and poke your head around the wall to see him shuffling around the kitchen while setting up the espresso maker for your coffees. You can’t help but giggle softly and melt just a little more at how happy he seems moving to the beat of the song.

“One look from you I drift away, 

I pray that you are here to stay.

Anything you want, you got it,

Anything you need, you got it,

Anything at all, you got it, BABYYYYYY!”

He’s not even preparing anything at this point as he sings, his husky voice is in no way comparable to how beautiful Roy Orbison’s was, but you find that you love it just as much. It’s so him. Soft. Rough. Slightly unsure, but not one lyrical mistake. Perfect in his own way.

He turns suddenly, catching you watching him and he falters a little, pink tinging his cheeks and the tips of his ears sticking out from his curls. You hate seeing the energy fall, so you continue it and sing the next verse to him, sidling up to him and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Every time I hold you I begin to understand,

Everything about you tells me I'm your man,

I live my life,

To be with you,

No one can do, 

The things you dooooooo!”

He laughs as you sing “I’m your man,” eyes crinkling the way you love and shrinking into those fox-like little half moons as he takes your hand and swings you around him in the kitchen, starting an impromptu concert singing the song with each other. His eyebrows raise as you sing the high notes in the bridge with ease, the two of you eventually breaking apart as the song continues while you goofily dance around his kitchen together, not paying any attention to where you were landing in relation to each other. One extra boisterous step to the side and you knock right into him, but he doesn’t mind and pulls you back in his arms, his arm about your waist as the momentum keeps you circling each other for a second. 

I'm glad to give my love to you,

I know you feel the way I do,

When you think back on this morning later you know something changed then. The way he looked at you as the moment faded, as you slowed to a halt and the song ended and swelled to a new one with a higher tempo. 

His other hand lands on the other side of your waist and he aligns you with his own, looking at you with a expression you haven’t seen from him before, and it feels like his eyes alone, those gentle warm brown eyes, bore into you and kick down whatever other walls and reservations you have protecting your damaged heart. You love him. You love him, more than anything, more than you’ve ever loved anyone, and you never want your life to change from this. 

One of your hands moves from his waist to his sternum, threading your fingertips lightly through his chest hair. “I thought you said you were a bad dancer.” 

He licks his lips and smirks. “Maybe it’s just you.”

You giggle, standing on your tiptoes to anoint the three little kisses to the moles on his neck before he moves away, patting your butt on his way back to the espresso machine. As it brews, he pulls some waffle ingredients out of the pantry and fridge, dumping them into two bowls before combining them, pouring some maple syrup into a small creamer pitcher and putting that in the microwave to heat. You hop up on the island counter and observe, the peaceful confidence that comes over him in the kitchen is something you’ll never get tired of watching.

He should have told you then, and he chides himself for letting the moment pass when he freezes up again. It would have been perfect. I love you. I love you so much. I thought I’d never have this again and it’s so much better than before. I want you to stay. Stay with me. 

Fuck. He busies himself preparing the waffle mix and turns to the island to pull the waffle maker out of the cabinet but he screeches to a halt when he sees you. 

You’d taken to wearing some of his more worn out tee shirts he never gets rid of when you sleep over. Band tees, all stretched out and faded, some with some small holes in them and perfectly softened and oversized to drape over your body and flounce out right underneath your butt. It’s a sight he never gets tired of seeing, but today you have chosen not to pull on bottoms due to the extreme heat, and your underwear is on full display as you sit on the counter scrolling through your phone. Your legs are spread slightly, swinging back and forth, your breasts perky and tantalizing under his old ratty Prince tee as you casually dip your finger into the maple syrup he placed there after removing it from the microwave and sucking it off your finger.

And fuck, but today your panties are baby fucking pink, with a white lacy trim and a white fucking bow at the top like it’s a present, wrapped up perfectly just for him. And before he can turn away and focus, you swipe your finger in the syrup again, meeting his gaze innocently as you bring it to your lips and suck it clean.

“What are you doing?” He says, softly but sternly.

You furrow your brow. “I’m having some maple syrup while we wait?”

“You’re just...going to stick your finger in the entire cup?”

You tilt your head and squint at him, a teasing smirk on your lips as you slowly push two of your fingers back into the pitcher, pull up a huge glob of syrup and push it towards your mouth. The syrup is warm and oozes farther out than the surface of your fingers can hold and it drips as it  dots across your thighs, but you don’t break eye contact once.

“Yes. You want some?”

His eyes darken as he stalks the few steps towards you, commanding his speakers to be silent, his eyes dropping to your adorable, girly, sexy pink fucking panties. The commanding tone of his voice makes you shiver.

“Yea.”

You move to swipe your finger through the pitcher once more, but he grabs your wrist and shakes his head slowly. “No. I don’t want that syrup.”

“What-”

He drops your wrist, encircling both your swinging ankles in his grip and gently jerks you forward so your ass is almost hanging off the edge of the counter, quickly moving to slot himself between your thighs before you can close them.

“Oh.”

It’s all you can say before he pulls a stool over to sit on and pushes you to lay back on your forearms, your legs splaying out more as you fall back with a gasp. 

He groans as you open for him, the present he can finally unwrap. He trails his hands up your calves to the sides of your thighs, leaning down to lick and suck up the droplets of syrup that dripped there. He’s making as much noise doing it as possible, the sound echoing around the silent kitchen and you can’t help but whimper at how blatantly obscene it sounds.

When your thighs are sufficiently clean, he scoots closer and pushes them apart further, leaning down to drag his hooked nose the entire length of your panty covered pussy. He pulls away but returns immediately, nuzzling into the fabric and placing sloppy, wet, open mouthed kisses until the cloth is damp with both his saliva and your arousal and you’re whining under him. Enough pressure to tease but not enough to provide relief.

“Frankie -”

He lifts his head and meets your gaze. “What.” 

“Please.”

“Please what.” He replies, leaning back on the stool and crossing his arms. “You need to tell me what you need. I want to hear it.”

Your cheeks burn but you’re too far gone to care about begging. “Eat me out...please?”

“I love hearing you beg…” He says, yanking the side of your panties aside and plunges his face right into your folds. You gasp sharply as he meets you and he pulls harder, accidentally tearing the fabric halfway across the front, and he laps up your juices like the maple syrup you’d been eating earlier. 

Swirling his tongue at your entrance, he moans, the vibration rocking through you and heightening the sensation drastically and you fall back on one forearm, cupping the back of his head with your other hand. 

“Shit...Frankie…” 

His pouty lips are swollen from friction and they kiss and suck at you languidly, taking his time to build pressure and work you up without even needing to enter you at all. He moves up and suckles your clit into his mouth, twirling his tongue around the bud and the jolt of pleasure is so strong you lose your balance on your forearm and smack back onto the countertop, slightly banging your head. 

“Ow.”

“Oh shit! You okay?” He pops up from beneath you, demeanor completely shifted in his concern.

You laugh. “Yea, I’m good. You can carry on.”

He chuckles back, leaning up and over you to plant a quick kiss to your lips, coating your lips with your own arousal before resuming his original position on the stool. But he doesn’t dive right back in, he hovers for a moment in contemplation until you whine and buck your hips in impatience. 

“Baby, please!”

“I’ve changed my mind.” He declares, and you panic immediately at the thought that he is going to abandon you, but instead he grips each end of the torn fabric of your panties and tears them the rest of the way until they fall clean off you. He hums, bringing his hand to his jaw and tracing his jawline.

“I think I do want some maple syrup.”

And then, you’re mind goes fucking blank because he’s pouring the warm syrup from the pitcher directly onto your pussy, the weight, warmth, and drag of it as it runs down you pulling a broken moan from you lips as you collapse back down again. And just before the droplets can reach your other hole, he’s there, lapping with the entire flat of his tongue up your cunt and scooping the syrup now mingled with your juices into his mouth to enjoy.

“Mmmmm. Delicious.” He growls, and goes back for more, licking and sucking the syrup off every inch of you. When he slips a finger into you and returns his mouth to your clit, you feel so completely cracked out from the burning pleasure you think you could cry, but he keeps going slow and steady, keeping you from the pressure you need to cum.

“Cat…” You sob out, tears of pleasure pricking your eyes. “Baby, I need to cum!”

“Tell me what you need to cum.” His finger is still pushing in and out of you slowly. 

“I - mmmmm - I need more, I need you to - oh - fuck me, please, fuck me with your fingers.”

“Yea?” He’s panting himself, the sight of you completely fucking wrecked out on his countertop pumping adrenaline through his veins, and he slides a second finger into you, increasing the speed of his thrusts until his knuckles are all but slapping against your pussy with each thrust. He leans down and sucks your clit back into his mouth and then forces a third finger in, grinding his lips against your clit and curling his fingers in and against your walls until you break, curling over him with a shriek and a sob as you cum in his mouth. You can feel him moaning into you as you gush into his mouth before all thought evaporates in a buzzy haze of euphoria.

You can’t move. Your upper body has all but collapsed onto his head and you can barely feel him still kissing you. You moan feebly as he extricates himself, pulling you up and crushing you to his chest. 

Your breath is heaving in pants against his chest and he just stands and holds you as you catch your breath and recover, as your mind unfogs and the buzzing of your body rescinds, your release dripping onto the counter. 

“Jesus fucking christ Frankie.”

He chucks you under your chin to look up at him. “Too much?”

You shake your head. “No. Never. That was - wow. You’re like the king of eating pussy.”

His sudden burst of laughter surprises you and you jerk up, dissolving into giggles yourself at the sight of him. 

“What?! You are!”

“Believe it or not, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”

“Really?” You raise your eyebrows, the hands around his waist moving to his front to cup the large bulge. “I’m a lucky girl then.”

You barely have time to prepare for him as he crashes his lips to yours, tilting his head and licking into your mouth, his hands sliding to your ass and heaving you up into his arms without breaking contact with you. You sigh into his mouth, wrapping your legs around him and he carries you to the couch, ripping his tee off you and plopping you down with little ceremony, shucking off his sweatpants and boxer briefs to climb over you. 

“Then I’m an even luckier guy.” He says as he lifts your hips, then grabs himself and pumps up and down a few times before sliding into you completely in one thrust. “So - fuck -  so fucking lucky.”

He lifts one of your legs and sets it atop the couch, pushing the other to the side and down to the floor as he sets a slow but deep pace. You’re so boneless all you can do is enjoy the ride, whimpering and moaning sporadically as he finds his own pleasure, his eyes raking up and down your body from your bouncing tits to where he’s entering you, his pupils black and blown out. He moves a hand to cup around one of them, tweaking the nipple as it jiggles in his palm.

“Comin’ out here, sitting on my fucking counter with your little fucking pink bow panties, looking all sweet and innocent and...FUCK. Is this what you wanted baby?” You can only cry out in reply as he continues to fuck into you slow and deep. “My. Naughty. Girl.” He grunts, punctuating each word with a particularly deep thrust. He’s noisy today, and you whimper and clench around him, reveling in the absolute filth, the beautiful gasps and moans and heaving pants that escape his gaping mouth.

“Baby.” He whines, and the sound is so fucking sexy you clench again, his eyes rolling back in his head at the sensation as his thrusts begin to move faster. His grip on your waist will surely leave marks, but the thought of that only makes your body burn more.

He shifts and adjusts his angle, grinding his pubic mound against yours just enough to cage your right on the precipice of cumming, but every time you’re almost there he stops, returning to his original pace. He does this three more times as you wriggle against him, searching desperately for the friction you need to cum, but it’s like he knows your body so well he is still able to edge you, backing off at the right time.

“Cat god dammit!” You complain, tears watering up at the corner of your eyes from the pleasure whiplash.

“You - unghh - you know what I need. Words.” 

You already knew that’s what he needed, he always wanted you to beg and talk to him, coaxing the dirty words out of you in the throes of your pleasure because he knew it wasn’t something you’d done a lot before, and the thought of that drove him crazy. Only he could get you talking like this. Only he could make you feel like this while he’s inside you.

“Fr- Francisco...please let me cum…”

“Fuck, yes.” He growls at you using his full name, winding his hand off your breast to press against your clit, increasing speed and pressure while he grinds into you again. But what really does it is the way he looks. His eyes squeezed shut in concentration so he doesn’t cum before you can, that beautiful chin tilted upwards, the tendons and chords of his neck muscles on display. The sweat gathering in the hair on his chest. His other hand holding you open, pressing your calf down into the top cushions of the couch, forearms flexing and straining with effort. That perfect abdomen and belly puffing and receding as he panted through his pouty gaping lips. And out of those lips he releases a guttural groan, the sound so deep and feral you shatter, all the tingling in your body focusing in at one point and rushing out all at once.

The sight of you cumming on his cock, your back arching off the couch and your leg trembling under his grasp is breathtaking, one of the most beautiful things Frankie thinks he’s ever seen, and he slows down as you tighten around him to ward off his own orgasm.

As you settle he pulls himself almost completely out of you, staring at your juices covering him liberally. “Jesus, fuck baby, fucking soaked my cock.” He growls before pushing back in, transfixed at the way you open and spread for him, repeating the motion over and over.

You hum, still reveling in the post bliss wave of your climax. You reach out to him, placing a hand on each of his hips and trailing them upwards and settling them on his pecs, pinching his nipples lightly. He gasps sharply in response and pulls your hips closer into him, leaning down over you with his arms framing your head, his pace speeding up as he chases his orgasm. The room fills with the sound of sweaty skin slapping on sweaty skin, your whimpers, his pants and grunts as he gets closer and closer. 

You can feel him tensing, you know he’s close so you wrap your arms around his back, pressing the crescents of your nails into his back and dragging them down. He hisses and stutters, pulling back abruptly.

 “Baby. Can I - can I cum on your - your tits? So fucking perfect…”

“Yes.” You gasp. “I want you to. Cum on me baby.”

“Push ‘em, push em’ together.” You do as he asks and he groans one last time before he pulls out, shuffles up your torso, strokes himself three times and cums, spurting warm droplets all over your breasts, his head flung back and covered in sweat. His chest is heaving, tummy flexing and he wilts over you, almost sitting on your stomach but unloading most of the burden on the couch cushions he leans against. His cock is still somewhat hard, and he focuses his gaze on his work, pushing his hips minutely forward and back through the valley between your tits, rubbing you with his softening length and smearing his juices around.

Your cheeks burn under his eye contact but you don’t look away. You pull your arms free and swipe your finger in the puddle of his cum and bring it to your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip and sucking it into your mouth.

“Fuck me, I am a lucky man.” He finally flops backwards onto the unoccupied side of the couch, your limbs in between each other as you regain your composure. 

“Well now I’m definitely hungry.” 

Frankie bursts into laughter, even more as he tries to drunkenly pull himself back to a seated position. When he finally makes it he places a kiss on your knee and stands, heading naked and glorious to the kitchen to grab a towel to clean you up.

“Frankie. Did we close the curtains?”

“Nope!” He replies as he moves back to you and takes a seat on the edge of the couch next to you, gently wiping you clean. “If anyone’s looking they got the whole view.”

You laugh together as you get re-dressed, finally making it back to the kitchen to enjoy that breakfast of espresso and handmade waffles. 

The day ends up being beautiful, and you and Frankie decide to take the opportunity to take a walk and enjoy the sunshine. He finally takes you down to the lake at the back of the house, and you spend some time walking up and down the trail admiring the view before returning to the dock near his house and sitting down together. 

Frankie sits cross-legged and you’re leaning back into his arms, his fingers stroking and playing with pieces of your hair as you bask in the vitamin D and the beautiful view.

“It’s so pretty here. Does anyone ever swim in here?”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t. There’s gators in there.”

“What? No there isn’t, this far North?”

“Yep. It’s why I installed such a high fence around the backyard.”

“Shit. Are we safe here?” You’ve never seen an alligator except in the zoo, and you sit up and look around the lake shore in concern. 

“Yea you’re fine. I just wouldn’t get in the water. That’s their home. It’s different in there.” He pulls you back against him, and you quiet for a time enjoying the sounds of the water birds and swamp trees rustling in the breeze. 

“They’re cool though.” He says. “Like dinosaurs. I kind of like them. They’ve been on this Earth forever and have barely changed at all. The perfect predator.”

“Hmmmm so you were a dinosaur kid then?”

He smiles down at you, squinting in the sunlight. You’d forgotten your sunglasses for your walk and he’d given you his aviators. The frames were too big for you, and it made you look absolutely adorable to him. “I was an ‘everything’ kid. Anything we could afford. You?”

“I was definitely a dinosaur kid. Much to the chagrin of my mother. Another grievance to add to the gigantic list she has against me.”

“What about your dad?”

“He’s great. I love him, best guy I know, other than you I mean.”

“Awwww thanks babe.” He leans over you and plops a messy upside down kiss to your lips. “They must miss you with you down here.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t know?”

“I’m sure they do, but we never really talk about it. We just don’t talk to each other much. It’s nothing dramatic. We’ve just never been a family to call each other a lot. Sometimes I go a month without talking to them.”

Frankie whistles. “My mama would kill me if I went that long without calling her.”

“Must have been tough for her when you were in the military.”

He nods, the conversation dying down as it usually does when his deployments were brought up, but you never mind, and he resumes playing with your hair. 

He tries to distract himself in each strand, the way all the colors come together and glint in the sunlight so he doesn’t have to think about your parents, how they must miss you, how they must want you to come home, what happens when you’re done with school. Would you go home? You parents, your friends, they’re all there, and it seems completely out of reason that you would choose to stay here. His heart clenches in his chest at the thought of you leaving, but he pushes those thoughts aside. You don’t graduate for a year and a half, and the time to worry about this is not right now. He re-focuses his attention back on the water, the sun, you, and the life that you have in this moment. 

The rest of the day is spent doing nothing at all, but it always holds true that these are often the kinds of days you remember the most, and Frankie had a way of making anything enjoyable, even just by existing on the couch next to you.

After walking back up to the house the two of you lounged in the hammock together watching Tiktok videos, you had recently introduced Frankie to the app and he enjoyed watching the funny ones together with you and would often request it. Eventually you moved back inside,  getting cozy together on the couch and binge-watching the back end of season four of Game of Thrones, pausing only to order some takeout.

But now you were in the bedroom, sequestering yourself after telling Frankie you could not watch the penultimate episode with him. He was confused, but left you alone about it and you took the time to run through your Duolingo lesson for the day.

You had decided to start learning Spanish, thinking it would be helpful to be able to talk to Gabriela and Frankie that way. It wasn’t a secret, but you hadn't told Frankie yet so it could possibly be a little surprise. But you didn’t have a lot of money. Frankie paid you well, but it was still a part-time job that didn’t justify buying a two hundred dollar Rosetta Stone program. You’d settled on the free Duolingo, but you were finding that it wasn’t really good for much beyond random conversational phrases. 

You heave a sigh as you finish your lesson, tossing your phone on the comforter in frustration. Maybe I should get a workbook, you think. Your mind shifts, focusing on the din of the tv coming from the other room. Muffled yelling. Muffled crowd sounds. Almost time then.

Your heart rate is speeding up as if you were actually watching it and you can’t wait to see what he thinks once he’s done. You try to distract yourself by thinking about the upcoming holiday, what fun things you could do to spend July Fourth. You wonder if the guys have any traditions or things they like to do. Maybe you would try to set something up.

You’re so lost in your thoughts you don’t even realize he has finished the episode, and you startle when he bangs open the door in an absolute rage. 

“What. The. Fuck.”

You raise your eyebrows. “All done then?”

He’s pacing back and forth in front of the bed almost frothing at the mouth, and it takes everything in you to not laugh at his passionate reaction. “Yes I’m fucking done, and WHAT THE FUCK!”

“Uh oh. Didn’t like it?”

He pauses, turning towards where you’re perched on the bed, his brow relaxing slightly into an expression of angry pensiveness rather than outright rage. “I liked it but that was not how I expected it to go and now I’m angry because it’s just so fucking basic! He had him! He had him right there! And then he has to go off on his fucking monologue and dies?! What the FUCK! I’m so fucking mad at him!”

“They really make you think for a moment it’ll work out, huh?”

He begins pacing again. “It’s probably the most basic thing any soldier is taught, keep your emotions out of it! Stay focused! You can’t - you can’t think about your revenge, or your reasons, or people you care about, or who you’re shooting, you just gotta turn that shit off and fucking EXECUTE. KILL THEM! Get the job done! You need to focus on the mission and your surroundings and getting rid of anything in your way in the most expedient way possible with the least amount of damage to your own. I want to punch him in the face! Idiot!”

He’s clearly worked himself up into a ramble at this point, he has never gotten so close to talking about what exactly he had to do in Special Forces to you before, always dancing around the topic whenever he discusses his deployments and you don’t want to upset him or cut him off, so you wait patiently and quietly.

He heaves a large sigh and stops again in front of you, biting his lip as he realizes he may have said too much, been too callous. 

“See, this is why I can’t watch it. First of all, it's disgusting. Second of all, I love him, so it’s hard to watch him lose and die. Third of all, exactly like you said. This is not the time to monologue! You have him on his back! Finish the job!

His tension relaxes slightly as he sees he didn’t make you uncomfortable. “Exactly. Now what’s going to happen to Tyrion?”

You hum and shrug nonchalantly, shuffling forward to the foot of the bed and swinging your legs on either side of his legs, framing his body within your thighs. “Who knows…” You tease as you wrap your arms around his low waist, nosing up his tee shirt enough to press little kisses to his stomach.

“You do.” He chuckles.

“No spoilers.” You chide before nuzzling into the soft puff of his tummy, the thin hairs of his happy trail tickling the tip of your nose, your lips. You kiss him open-mouthed over that little path, leaving a light trail of saliva to coat the hairs flat before giving him soft pecks again. Next to his belly button, above it, to the other side and back down, before finally resting the side of your face against him.

He softens under you, and when you look up at him he bends down to kiss you on the lips, suckling your bottom lip lightly before tilting his head and deepening the kiss. But before you can pull him in closer, he pulls away, moving to change into his pajamas, and you do the same. 

Once you're nestled in his strong arms, he turns out the light and you ask, “Do you have any plans for July Fourth?”

He strokes the skin of your shoulder. “Gabriela’s spending July Fourth with Lex. The guys and I usually get together and have some beers and a barbecue a few days before, but we don’t do anything on the actual day.”

“Oh.”

“But...you should come hang with us when we do, and if you want to come over here on the Fourth I'm happy to have you.” 

You’re glad Frankie has already turned the lights off so he can’t see your face twist in confusion. Why wouldn’t they celebrate on the actual day? After several minutes trying to figure it out, you chalk it up to the fact that the Fourth is on a Sunday this year and they probably don’t want to party the day before a work day. But it’s no big loss to you, the Fourth was a holiday you didn’t have much of an opinion on, and you were excited to see everyone no matter the day.

“I can hear your mind spinning around.” Frankie mumbles.

“Sorry.” You laugh. “You know how my head gets around bedtime sometimes. Can’t turn it off.”

“Anything in particular?”

“No, just bullshit.” 

You are suddenly rolled onto your back, Frankie’s face barely visible hovering over you, but you can feel his hips slotted against yours. 

“Why don’t we try and clear that mind, hmmm?” He husks, as he melts into your body with a kiss.

Chapter 10