#i wish i could explain why and how this affects me but i can't- it just makes me go brahssjsjjswkjsjjajanwjdsjjananansmxjsnajjssnnskanwnskb

[miabbh]

A bit long comment, Lisa, because I can't get enough of this whole situation.

scrolling savior cut

First thing first Baekhyun being a girl's dad just makes total sense to me. I mean, look at him during all Lonsdaleite tour— it shouts girl's father 😭

Starting here ↓

watching baekhyun cradle your baby, his soft voice murmuring sweet things as he gently rocked her to sleep, oh!—it melted your heart. he was so tender, so attentive. each time you saw him interact with your little one, it made you fall in love with him all over again. falling deeper and more intensely than you thought was possible. his fatherly side brought out something new in him, something that made your chest tighten with comfort. every smile, every quiet “i love you” he whispered to your baby girl made you feel incredibly blessed to say the least.

Lisa stoppppp how can I remain sane if you start just like that??? Baekhyun, father of a girl, has a very warm and special place in my heart.

But the whole point of this piece is amazing. And important. My mind can't fully conceive of changes on that level, but I understand her so much anyway.

“i think you’re being too hard on yourself, 'ma,” he whispers softly. you can’t bear to meet his gaze; the moment you do, you know you’ll break. “it’s only been two months since you gave birth—just two months. it took you over nine to create her. even if it takes longer than that for you to feel like yourself again, i wouldn’t care. honestly, even if you never return to who you were, it wouldn’t matter to me. as long as you, my love, are happy and healthy, nothing else matters.”

May I cry already or is it too soon yet? He's so loving and his words are 😭 Omg I love him!! Lisa you can't do this to meeeeee (pls do)

ANDDD the good smut as always. As an asexual & 😣 type of it, you're a safe writer and I just love everything you write. He's so nhamnham loving and caring and devoted as I lack of better word! He's so ↓

I love him dealy 😭😭

“it is so.” he presses his forehead against yours, breathing you in like he’s trying to ground himself, but the tension in his body is evident. “you have no idea how badly i need this,” he groans, his lips brushing against yours. “how bad i need you.”

Byun Baekhyun you stop! Lisa I love your Baeks I can't-

AND MY TOTAL WEAKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“awww, come on, wouldn’t it be great?” he continues, eyes sparkling with mischief. “there’d never be a dull moment! and i want them all close in age," he adds, his excitement bubbling over without pause—like he’s the one who’s going to be pushing out watermelon-sized humans. "they’ll be running around, constantly yelling, ‘mommy, mommy, mommy!’ nonstop. 24/7, 365 days a year. sounds fun, right?"

I can picture him with that smirk of his so well that I needed a moment to come back to this world.

Oh Lisa how beautiful 😭 Had me smiling like crazy, throwing the blankets everywhere, biting my pillow, ....

You write beautifully well, and the connections between characters + the way you draw and drive the scenes are just magnificent. Dad!Baekhyun in your words It touched me more than I thought and, at the same time, I already knew it was going to be good. Just not- I wasn't ready for this good!!

The amount of sexiness and muah muah, balanced with the deconstruction of her insecurities with his sweet way for being and all his devotion and her feeling loved and- 😩

If husband!Baekhyun is good, girl's dad!Baekhyun has me weak. I can't help it. It has a very special place in my heart, truly. For many reasons.

I can't wait to read more of it. I know you're cooking something great and I'm trying not to bite my nails!!!!! Lisa you're amazing and I love you lots

Also,

congratulations on the octuplets!! Do you already have a list of names?

──★ god is a woman ˙🧸ྀི ̟ !!

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 sum: you and your husband are completely smitten with your newborn baby, soaking in every moment of this new chapter in your life. but underneath it all, you can’t help but feel a lil insecure about your postpartum body. baekhyun, however, won’t hear any of it. what you don’t realize is that after watching what you went through bringing his beautiful, healthy daughter into the world, he sees you in an entirely new light. you created life—endured so much for him, for her, for your family. in his eyes, you’re a goddess, and he’s utterly devoted to you. and he's more than ready to show you just how much power you have over him.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 content: SMUT. 18+/MDNI. 5.6k+ words. baekhyun x f!reader. you're a milf, baekhyun's a dilf, and he calls you "ma" + "mama" :'), married!au, new parents, slice of life, angst + fluff, pet names, body worship, breastfeeding kink, fingering + oral + overstim (f! receiving), unprotected sex, p in v, breeding kink, and a whole lot of baekhyun talking you through it 😮‍💨 phhheeeeewwwww

it’s a quiet evening at home. the low hum of the baby monitor fills the air as your newborn sleeps soundly in the next room. life had changed so much in such a short time, and yet, you couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful than this—being a mom, seeing baekhyun as a father, holding the tiny miracle the two of you had created together.

watching baekhyun cradle your baby, his soft voice murmuring sweet things as he gently rocked her to sleep, oh!—it melted your heart. he was so tender, so attentive. each time you saw him interact with your little one, it made you fall in love with him all over again. falling deeper and more intensely than you thought was possible. his fatherly side brought out something new in him, something that made your chest tighten with comfort. every smile, every quiet “i love you” he whispered to your baby girl made you feel incredibly blessed to say the least.

but there was something else—a heaviness you couldn’t shake, a shadow that loomed just behind the love and joy you felt.

the changes in your body had been gradual, but now, two months after giving birth, you couldn’t ignore them anymore. your body wasn’t the same. your belly hadn’t returned to its pre-pregnancy shape, your breasts were constantly swollen and sore, and your hips felt wider. you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror without that persistent sense of imperfection creeping in. you were supposed to feel proud of what your body had accomplished—bringing life into the world—but instead, a growing discomfort and insecurity washed over you every time you caught a glimpse of your reflection. it got to the point where you avoided mirrors altogether. while brushing your teeth, you’d stare down into the sink, and the same went for washing your face. on the rare occasions you did glance at your reflection, it was only for a fleeting moment before the negative thoughts made you turn away.

you loved your baby more than anything, and the life you had with her and baekhyun felt like a dream come true. but the nagging thoughts kept creeping in—what if he doesn’t find me attractive anymore? what if he notices how much i’ve changed and doesn’t want me the way he used to? fifty percent of marriages end in divorce... what if he ends up finding me so undesirable that we become part of that statistic?

it was a silent war within you, a conflict between the pure joy of motherhood and the insecurities that threatened to swallow you whole.

baekhyun had always been loving, supportive—everything you could ever ask for. but lately, you found yourself pulling away. since the baby was born, the intimacy between you had dwindled, and even after your doctor cleared you for sex a few weeks ago, you couldn’t bring yourself to let him in. every time his hands grazed your skin, every time he tried to initiate something, you instinctively recoiled, overwhelmed by the insecurity tormenting you. it wasn’t him—it was you. you couldn’t stop feeling embarrassed, ashamed of the way your body had changed, of the woman you saw in the mirror.

tonight was just like any other. lately, you’d developed a bad habit of comparing yourself to others on social media. as you mindlessly scrolled through instagram, your feed was filled with photos of celebrity and influencer moms. your curiosity got the better of you, and you started looking through their pages, feeling a wave of jealousy with each post. 

they seemed to bounce back to their pre-baby bodies so quickly, showing off toned figures as if nothing had changed. each post served as a painful reminder of how far you felt from that ideal, feeding the insecurities already eating away at you. the more you scrolled, the heavier the feeling became, your own reflection feeling like a striking difference to the perfect images on your screen. you couldn’t help but question your body even more.

with a heavy sigh, you flung your phone across the room, no longer able to bear the relentless comparisons gnawing at you. it landed with a dull thud, but the weight in your chest remained, harsh like a gray storm cloud hovering just above you. you sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over with your elbows pressed into your knees, as if the weight of the world was pulling you down. your head rested in your hands, fingers curling through your hair like you were trying to hold yourself together, piece by piece, before you fell apart.

a whirlwind of love for your baby and frustration with yourself raged in your mind, drowning out everything else. you were so lost in the chaos of your thoughts that you didn’t even notice baekhyun’s return from the nursery until his gentle touch on your shoulder pulled you back to the present. startled, you glanced up, praying he wouldn’t see the sadness lodged in your eyes like shards of glass. but the worry etched into his features sent a sharp ache through your chest, and you could see the panic begin to flicker in his wide eyes.

“hey, what’s wrong, mama? you feelin’ alright?” he asked softly, kneeling in front of you, his hand brushing against your thigh.

you forced a smile, nodding, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “yeah, just tired,” you murmured.

baekhyun frowned slightly, his hand moving up to gently cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your soft skin. “you’ve seemed distant lately,” he said, his voice low but filled with concern. “is everything okay? i mean… besides the baby and the lack of sleep?”

your throat tightened, the familiar lump of emotion rising as you struggled to find the words. you didn’t want to burden him with your insecurities, not when he was being such an amazing father and partner. but the weight of it all was too much to carry on your own.

“i just…” you began, your voice shaky as you looked away, unable to meet his eyes. “i don’t feel like myself anymore.”

baekhyun’s hand stilled, his eyes softening as he waited for you to continue. you took a deep breath, the words spilling out in a rush before you could stop them.

“i love her so much, baek. our baby… she’s everything to me. and every time i see you with her, it makes me fall for you all over again. you’re such an incredible dad, and i couldn’t have asked for a better partner to build a family with.” your voice trembled as you twisted the sheets between your fingers, the pressure behind your eyes building with unshed tears. “but... but i just can’t shake this feeling that i’m not enough anymore. i look at myself, and my body isn’t the same. i’m not the same. and i don’t know how to feel okay with that when i don’t recognize who i am in the mirror.”

baekhyun’s expression changed as he listened to you pour out everything you had been holding in, his heart breaking with each word. he had sensed the distance between you, the way you had pulled back, but he hadn’t fully understood the reasons behind it. he thought you just needed time to adjust to this new chapter in your lives. it was a significant change, and he knew how much you valued space when processing things, but he hadn’t realized it was tearing you apart like this. now, as he heard the depth of your pain and insecurities, guilt tightened in his chest for not recognizing it sooner.

the silence that lingers between you, coupled with your downcast gaze, speaks volumes. how could you possibly believe you weren’t beautiful anymore? he struggles to comprehend it, taken back by the thought. in truth, he has never found you more attractive than he does now. to him, you are a goddess, a magical being who has created and nurtured life. he holds you in the highest regard, without question.

“hey,” he whispered, his voice steady yet filled with emotion. “you’re more than enough, and you always have been. you’re still the same woman i fell in love with. and when i look at you... all i see is someone who’s perfect. you’re the most beautiful thing in my life.”

you shook your head, the tears finally spilling over as you buried your face in his shoulder. “you don’t understand, baekhyun. i don’t feel beautiful. i look at myself, and all i see is someone who’s… different. i don’t know if you can love me like this.”

“do you really think that?” he asks softly, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from your face. “that i don’t think you’re beautiful? that i can’t love you the way you are?” his arms tightened around you, his breath warm against your hair as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “baby, i love you more now than i ever have,” he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity. he pulls away enough to look you in the eyes, “you gave me the most beautiful gift—the life we made together. how could i not love you more?”

you sniffled, your heart aching with a mix of love and insecurity. “but i’m not the same. my body… it’s changed so much.”

“i think you’re being too hard on yourself, 'ma,” he whispers softly. you can’t bear to meet his gaze; the moment you do, you know you’ll break. “it’s only been two months since you gave birth—just two months. it took you over nine to create her. even if it takes longer than that for you to feel like yourself again, i wouldn’t care. honestly, even if you never return to who you were, it wouldn’t matter to me. as long as you, my love, are happy and healthy, nothing else matters.”

his hands, warm and gentle, glide down your arms and rest on your waist, anchoring you in his affection. he leans down and presses a tender kiss to your stomach, his lips lingering as if savoring the bond between you.

baekhyun pulled back slightly, his fingers tilting your chin towards him so you were forced to meet his gaze. his eyes were filled with so much love, so much respect, that it nearly took your breath away.

“you are everything to me,” he says firmly, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears that finally escaped. “and this—” he gestures to your body, his eyes never leaving yours “—this body gave us our child. you carried our baby, you’ve sacrificed your sleep, your comfort, everything—and you’re still the most devastatingly beautiful person i’ve ever seen.”

he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against yours, his touch so tender it made your heart swell. “why don’t you let me show you?” he murmured against your lips, his hand slipping down to cup your waist. “let me show you how much i love every inch of you.”

you hesitated for a moment, the familiar insecurity rising in your chest, but when you looked into his eyes, all you saw was honest love and pure devotion. there wasn’t a trace of doubt, not an ounce of anything but pure adoration for you—for all of you.

with a soft nod, you gave in, letting baekhyun lead you further onto the bed, his hands moving slowly, reverently, as if worshipping every part of you. a rush of vulnerability washed over you as he slipped off your oversized shirt, revealing your post-pregnancy body in all its glory, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. despite the insecurity that bubbled within, his lips found your skin, kissing you as if he were rediscovering every curve. each kiss, each gentle touch, was infused with such deep care that it made your heart ache in the best way

when his lips found your breasts, swollen and sore from breastfeeding, you tensed for a moment, the self-consciousness flaring up again. but baekhyun paused, his lips pressing soft kisses to your skin as he whispered, “these are so beautiful.”

he gently kissed your sensitive nipples, his tongue flicking out to taste the sweetness there. you gasped at the sensation, your body responding in ways you hadn’t expected, the embarrassment fading under the warmth of his touch. 

baekhyun's eyes darkened, a heated gaze sweeping over you. his breath caught as he took in the softness of your skin and the gentle curves of your body drawing him closer. in a husky whisper, he breathed, “god… you’re incredible. this body—how could you ever think i wouldn’t find it breathtaking?” 

you try to cover yourself, but he gently pulls your hands away, pressing a soft kiss to your wrist.

“don’t hide from me,” he whispers, his voice loving as he presses his lips to the curve of your stomach, right where the stretch marks are the deepest. “these marks… they’re so pretty. they’re proof of everything you’ve done.”

his words make your heart clench, and when he places another kiss along the line of your abdomen, your breath hitches.

he looks up at you, his hands running gently over the soft skin of your hips before dipping lower to caress your thighs. his touch is slow, intentional, as if he’s taking his time to worship every part of you.

“you don’t know how much i love this body,” he murmurs, his hands sliding upward to cup your breasts. his thumbs graze over your sensitive nipples, making you gasp as a rush of pleasure shoots through you. “the way it’s changed… the way you’ve changed. you’re more than i could have ever asked for.”

you bite your lip as you watch his soft, slender hands continue their agonizingly slow exploration, your body responding despite the insecurity still clinging to your thoughts. he leans forward, brushing his lips against one of your breasts, his tongue flicking out to taste the milk that’s already beginning to leak from your nipple.

“baek—hah” you gasp, but the sound turns into a moan as his mouth closes around you, gently suckling.

the sensation sends a jolt of warmth through your core, your hands finding their way into his hair as he continues to worship you. his tongue is slow, deliberate, drawing out each drop of milk as if savoring the taste.

when he pulls back, his lips are slick, his eyes dark with a mix of love and desire.

“i could do this all night,” he murmurs, his breath hot against your skin. “you don’t know how much i want you. how much i crave every part of you.”

is words wrap around your heart like a cozy embrace, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you begin to believe him. baekhyun shifts closer, bringing you face to face, his hands cradling your cheeks. the tip of his nose brushes against yours as he continues, “you’re perfect, and ’m gonna keep reminding you until you believe it.”

before you can respond, his lips crash into yours, a slow, consuming kiss that melts away every insecurity, every doubt. he kisses you like he’s trying to prove something—like he’s trying to show you just how much he means every word.

“relax f’me,” he whispers against your lips, his voice thick with need. you obey, sinking into the soft sheets as baekhyun hovers over you, eyes dark and focused entirely on you.

“you have no idea how much i’ve wanted this,” he murmurs, his hand sliding down your side, sending shivers across your skin. he presses a kiss to the swell of your breast, his tongue flicking out to circle your nipple, the sensitivity from breastfeeding making you gasp.

the sensation is unlike anything you’ve ever felt—raw, intimate, and so deeply connected that it makes your head spin. he groans softly against your skin, his hand kneading your other breast, coaxing out the milk that begins to flow. “ya taste s’good,” he murmurs between kisses, his tongue lapping at the milk that escapes. “so sweet.”

your cheeks burn at his words, but the way he worships you makes the embarrassment melt away, replaced by a deep, aching need. his lips continue their slow assault, drinking from you like he’s savoring every drop, and you’re helpless beneath him, your body responding to his every touch.

the pleasure is almost overwhelming, a slow, simmering heat that builds in your core. baekhyun’s free hand drifts lower, slipping beneath your underwear, his fingers sliding through your slick folds. you gasp at the contact, your hips bucking into his hand, desperate for more.

“you’re so wet f’me,” he whispers, his voice thick with desire as he pulls back just enough to meet your gaze. his fingers tease your entrance, his touch gentle but firm. “you like it when i drink from you, don’t you?”

you can only nod, too lost in the sensations to form a coherent response. baekhyun smirks, his thumb circling your clit as he presses a soft kiss to your chest, milk still glistening on his lips.

“i wanna hear ya say it,” he murmurs, his fingers sliding inside you slowly, stretching you in a way that makes your breath catch. “tell me how much you love this.”

you moan softly, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. “i love it hah—i love it when you nngghhh—when y’drink from me.”

baekhyun groans in response, his fingers curling inside you, hitting that spot that makes your vision blur. “that’s right, mama,” he whispers, his voice low and rough. “i’m gonna make ya feel so good. you deserve it.”

his fingers pump into you steadily, his thumb never leaving your clit, and you feel yourself spiraling, the pleasure building higher and higher with each stroke. his mouth, his hands, the way he’s so focused on you—it’s all too much.

“b-baekhyun, i—” you can’t even finish the sentence, the words caught in your throat as the tension in your core tightens, pulling you closer and closer to the edge.

he looks up at you, his eyes dark with lust, and the sight of him—his lips wet from your milk, his fingers buried deep inside you—is enough to send you tumbling over the edge.

your orgasm crashes into you, your body trembling as you cry out his name. baekhyun’s mouth never leaves your breast, drinking from you as you fall apart beneath him, his fingers continuing their steady rhythm, drawing out every wave of pleasure until you’re completely spent.

he finally pulls back, his lips releasing you with a soft, wet POP! making you shudder at the loss of contact. 

but baekhyun isn’t done yet. 

in fact, he’s just getting started.

he glides down your body, his hands leaving a trail of warmth across your skin before settling between your legs. and with a swift motion, he’s ripping your underwear off, leaving you utterly breathless and completely vulnerable. you barely have a moment to catch up, still trembling from the orgasm he just gave you. before you can process what's happening, his mouth is on you, his tongue teasing your overly sensitive clit. a gasp escapes your lips as your hips instinctively buck up into his mouth, but he holds you steady, his grip firm on your thighs as he devours you.

“holyyyy fuck—baekhyun, p-please!” you whimper, but you’re not sure what you’re begging for anymore. his mouth is persistent, his tongue swirling and flicking in all the right places, sending shockwaves of pleasure all throughout your already overstimulated body.

he pulls back just enough to speak, his voice low and rough, “mm mm,” he shakes his head, moaning into you, “not stoppin’ ‘til ya understand how much i love this body.”

his words send a fresh wave of heat through you, and before you can respond, his mouth is on you again, sucking your clit into his mouth as his fingers return, thrusting deep inside you.

you’re spiraling again, the pleasure building impossibly higher, your mind, body, and soul completely at his mercy. it wasn’t long before he had you cumming again with his name on your lips, your body trembling as he pushes you over the edge once again.

when he finally pulls back, you’re left breathless, your body spent and trembling from the intensity of it all. “i love you,” he whispers, planting soft kisses up and down your thighs, “every part of you. don’t you ever doubt that.”

you nod, still breathless. “i love you. i believe you.”

but the tenderness of the moment vanishes as quick as it came. once you lock eyes, you notice that his are dark and filled with something raw, primal. his lips are wet from your orgasm, and the sight alone sends another surge of heat through your body. he presses one last kiss to your trembling thigh, his hands gripping you possessively as he pulls back slightly, his gaze never leaving yours.

"i've missed having ya like this," he rasps, his voice thick with desire. his fingers continue to ghost over your sensitive skin, sending shivers through you. you can feel him, hot and hard against your inner thigh, the fabric of his gray sweats doing little to hide his need. the dark spot of precum soaking through makes it all the more obvious. "i’ve been waiting to be inside you, ‘ma. been drivin’ me crazy thinkin’ about it."

your breath catches at his words. you’ve been so wrapped up in your insecurities and exhaustion that you hadn’t realized just how much he’d been holding back. the yearning in his voice is unmistakable, and it sends a thrill down your spine.

“oh? is that so?” you tease, your voice barely above a whisper, still coming down from the back to back orgasms he’s given you. you feel overwhelmed by how much he wants you, how much he’s been waiting for this moment, for you. 

“it is so.” he presses his forehead against yours, breathing you in like he’s trying to ground himself, but the tension in his body is evident. “you have no idea how badly i need this,” he groans, his lips brushing against yours. “how bad i need you.”

his words give you goosebumps, the weight of his need making your body ache with anticipation. you can feel how hard he is, his dick pressing against you as he rolls his hips, the friction making you moan softly into his mouth.

“well, hurry up then,” you whimper, your impatient hands slipping down his toned chest, tugging at his waistband. he lets out a low chuckle, but there’s nothing playful in the way his eyes darken with pure, unfiltered hunger.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, i swear,” he says, pulling back just enough to slide out of his sweats, his cock springing free and brushing against your thigh. you gasp at the heat of him, the anticipation building with every second that passes.

his hand slips between your legs again, his fingers sliding through your wetness as he positions the pink tip of his aching dick at your entrance. he’s teasing you, slow and with purpose, as if savoring every second. he nudges his tip against you, and you gasp, already so sensitive from everything he’s done to you.

“i’ve thought about this every night,” baekhyun continues, his voice husky as his fingers dig into your hips. “about feeling you wrapped around me again. how perfect your pussy feels around me.” he slowly inches inside you, his length stretching you in a way that feels both familiar and completely new after so long.

you let out a shaky breath as he pushes in deeper, filling you completely. the sensation is overwhelming, his body pressed against yours, hot and solid, and for a moment, all the doubts and insecurities vanish under the sheer weight of his desire.

“oh—fffuuuck,” baekhyun groans, his voice low and strained as he stills inside you. his hands grip your hips tightly, as if he’s struggling to keep himself in check. he thinks if he starts moving he just might cum. and he can’t have that. not when tonight is all about you. “missed this so much. god, you’re so f-fuckin’ tight,” he groans, voice strained. “i’ve been hah—dying to be inside ya again, ‘ma.”

your hands slide up his arms, holding onto him as he slowly begins to move, each thrust deep and calculated, as if he’s savoring the feeling of being inside you again. his pace is unhurried, but there’s an intensity in the way he moves, a desperation that has been building for months.

“you’ve been drivin’ me crazy,” he murmurs against your neck, his breath hot against your taut skin. “every time i look at you, i just wanna nnghh—make you mine all over again.”

your nails dig into his back as he thrusts deeper, his hips pressing flush against yours. he’s slow, almost torturously so, drawing out every sensation until your entire body is trembling beneath him.

“hah—and ya wanna know what else i’ve been th-thinkin’ about?” he whispers, his lips brushing your ear. “i wanna put another baby inside you.”

the words send a shockwave through your body, your breath hitching at the intensity in his voice. his hips snap forward a little harder now, his movements more purposeful, more driven by the raw need to claim you in every way possible.

you gasp, heart pounding at his confession. you feel dizzy with desire, his words igniting something deep within you.

“i’ve thought about it s-so many times,” he whimpers, his voice rough with need. “about filling ya up, nngghh—watchin’ ya grow round with our baby again. hah—y’looked so fuckin’ beautiful carryin’ our child. goddamn.”

each thrust punctuates his words, and the idea of him wanting to put another baby inside you only fuels the fire burning between you. you can feel his need, his desperation, and it pushes you closer to the edge with every movement.

baekhyun leans down, pressing a kiss to your parted lips, his hand slipping between your bodies to rub gentle circles over your swollen clit. “i’m gonna make ya mine again,” he groans. “mmnnghh—’m gonna fill ya up, ‘ma. you’re mine—all mine. and every time you f-feel my cum dripping down your leg tomorrow hah—you’ll remember. just. how. much.”

the pressure builds rapidly, the combination of his praise and the way he’s holding you tightly as he’s rearranging your insides sends you spiraling. his thrusts quicken, and you can feel him losing control, the weight of his desire crashing down on both of you.

“oh, yes! f-fuck nnngghhh—baek!” you can’t even form the words, your body tightening around him as the pleasure builds higher and higher. his name falls from your lips again and again and again, your voice breathless as you grip his shoulders, your nails digging marks into his soft skin.

“’m so close,” baekhyun groans, his voice thick and rough as he pounds into you harder, his hips slamming into yours with a desperation that mirrors your own. “cum f’me, baby. i wanna hah—feel you.”

his words push you over the edge, your orgasm crashing over you with an intensity that leaves you breathless. your vision turns white, body clenching all around him, hips bucking up into his as he continues to relentlessly thrust into you, chasing his own release.

baekhyun’s movements grow erratic, his hips snapping into yours with increasing urgency until he finally stills, his body shuddering as he spills inside you, coating your walls in a pretty white shade. the heat of him filling you makes you shiver, as he groans your name, his grip on your hips tightening as he rides out his release.

baekhyun collapses against you, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath, his forehead pressed lovingly against yours. he’s still inside you, both of you completely wrapped up in each other, the weight of his body grounding you, making you feel safe, loved. for a moment, the only sound in the room is the ragged breathing of both of you, tangled together in the aftermath of your shared release.

“i love you,” he whispers breathlessly against your lips, his voice raw with emotion. “i love everything about you, mama. you’re everything i need.”

after the intensity of the moment eases, baekhyun lifts his head, planting a tender kiss on your forehead. you both wince as he pulls out, the overwhelming sensitivity leaving you breathless. he settles close beside you, propping himself up, his hands gently gliding over your sides. his fingers trace the delicate curve of your waist, drawing you closer to him. his gaze softens, filled with affection as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face. his fingers linger on your cheek, and you can feel the weight of his thoughts, the unspoken emotions swirling in his eyes.

“y’know,” he begins, his voice low, still catching his breath. but there’s a depth to it that makes your heart skip a beat. “i didn’t think it was possible to love you more than i already did.” his thumb gently strokes your cheek, and he gazes at you with a mix of awe and appreciation. “but seeing you pregnant with our baby, watching you go through everything you did—physically and mentally—it just... changed everything for me.”

you feel a lump form in your throat as his words sink in, the sincerity and raw emotion in his voice making your chest tighten with warmth.

“i don’t think you truly understand how incredible you are,” baekhyun says, his brown eyes locked onto yours with unwavering intensity. “you endured so much to bring our baby into the world. i saw every moment—the pain, the struggle—but you were so strong. you did it all so well, and i’ll forever be indebted to you for that.

he leans in, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, but it’s more than just a kiss—it’s full of gratitude, admiration, and love.

“and now… seeing you like this,” he murmurs, his hand sliding down to rest on your waist, tracing the beautiful curves of your post-pregnancy body, “you’re even more beautiful to me. so much more. every part of you.” his eyes roam your figure, and there’s nothing but love and desire in his gaze.

baekhyun’s acknowledgment of your strength, of everything you endured, fills you with a deep sense of gratitude and relief. his touch, gentle and meek, tracing the parts of you that you’ve been insecure about, feels like a silent reassurance that you are enough—more than enough. his love feels like a weight lifting off your shoulders, and you couldn’t be more at ease

your heart swells with emotion, and his kiss, filled with gratitude and love. his confession was the tipping point, breaking down the walls you had built around your insecurities.

“thank you for loving me the way you do, baek,” you whisper, cupping his face as your noses brush together, savoring the warmth of each other’s presence and inhaling the scent that feels like home. “how did i get so lucky?”

“i could say the same about you, my love,” he murmurs between gentle kisses that he scatters across your cheeks and forehead, each one a soft reminder of his unwavering devotion.

he holds you gently yet firmly against his chest, your heart racing with excitement, filled with butterflies. each flutter reminds you of the deep love that grows stronger between you both.

“oh, and i meant every word i said earlier, by the way,” baekhyun’s voice breaks the comfortable silence, soft yet serious. “every word. i want more of this with you—more of us. i can picture it: a whole litter of mini versions of us running around.”

a smile tugs at your lips, your heart swelling at the thought of a future filled with love and chaos. “yeah, yeah. we’ll see,” you tease, fingers threading through his soft, dark hair, enjoying the way it curls around your hand.

“awww, come on, wouldn’t it be great?” he continues, eyes sparkling with mischief. “there’d never be a dull moment! and i want them all close in age," he adds, his excitement bubbling over without pause—like he’s the one who’s going to be pushing out watermelon-sized humans. "they’ll be running around, constantly yelling, ‘mommy, mommy, mommy!’ nonstop. 24/7, 365 days a year. sounds fun, right?"

you snort, rolling your eyes. “the only thing that makes me want to do is call up my obgyn and schedule a total hysterectomy, baekhyun.” his laughter is contagious, and you can’t help but grin. “i can already feel my hair graying just thinking about it.”

“fine,” he sighs dramatically, feigning defeat. “just four more, then.”

“FOUR?!” you exclaim, eyes wide, utterly incredulous.

he looks at you like a child trying to convince his parents to buy him a toy, except instead of a video game, it’s a whole team of children. “well, with the one we already have, we’d just need four more to form our very own basketball team.”

“byun baekhyun, do you even hear yourself right now?”

he presses his lips together, mock seriousness creasing his brow as if in deep contemplation. “...three?”

“what the hell? no, baekhyun,” you deadpan.

he chuckles, his toned arms wrapping around you, feeling like home as he leans in to press a gentle kiss against your lips. "oh, you won’t be able to resist me," he murmurs against your mouth, playful yet intense. the twinkle in his eyes makes it clear that he’s already decided, and deep down, you know he’s not letting go of this dream anytime soon—if ever.

and as he holds you close, still connected, you know that no matter what the future holds, he’ll always love you exactly as you are—beautiful, strong, and undeniably his.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 a/n: as a leading member of the milfy trophy wife™ committee, i felt this request in my soul. this one really hit home for me, nonnie!!!!! :') i hope i did it justice for you <3 also, i think i’ll turn this into a series—little drabbles and such with dilf!baekhyun/husband!baekhyun hehe 🙂‍↕️ oh, and p.s., i’ll be updating the layout for all my fics to match this one! :") i just think it’ll be so pretty to have everything match hehe. anyway, i hope you enjoyed this one! <3

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* masterlist ° ᡣ𐭩 . 

[writersmess]

DEATH WISH LOVE | EVAN BUCKLEY

gif credit

Pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader

Summary: Buck never thought he could love someone like that. Especially not someone with the same death wish love as him.

Warning: Anxiety crisis, near-death experience, hospital, crying, ansgt.

Word count: 2.5K

a/n: My God, I can't believe it's taken me over a year to get back. I missed this place so much. It's been an intense, crazy year. I finally got my dream job at the best hospital in Latin America. I'm so happy, but at the same time it's demanded everything of me, working long shifts almost every day, but its the price I have to pay. I hope you like this one, it was based on the song Death Wish Love by Benson Boone, which as soon as I heard it I immediately imagined something with our dear Buck. I confess I thought I'd do something angsty, but I don't think I have that capacity, he already suffers so much that I just wanted him to have a happy ending this time.

Masterlist

................................

You were the new firefighter in 118, and also new to the city. In order to follow your dreams, you left your hometown with everyone and everything you knew. You craved for bigger things, you wanted the big city, you wanted Los Angeles.

The team welcomed you with open arms, which was unusual to you. You weren’t used to this or neither known by your affectionate gestures, but apparently everything was an excuse for a hug at the station. It was a bit hard to get used to all this affection, especially when you came from a place where you were always by yourself.

That was one of the main reasons you became a firefighter, you have walked through fire every single day of your life, why not make it your profession?

You were a source of curiosity between the team, always so quiet and so resistant to everyone's affection. It was hard to win you over. Especially because you had a rather difficult personality, you were fearless at work, you weren't afraid to go into the fire to save lives, you did it without thinking twice.

To Bobby you were a cause of concern, and sometimes the reason why he was having trouble sleeping. He knew this personality very well. It was the same one he had struggled for years to learn to deal with, the one he had to fight with so many times, he was very familiar with this death wish love, it was the same as Buck’s.

The blue-eyed man on the other side, couldn't understand why he couldn't take his eyes off you. Ever since you arrived a few months ago, your image has been running through Buck’s mind. You've become a challenge for him. But not in a bad way, he wanted to get to know you, he wanted to understand you. But you didn't make things any easier for him, especially when today was the first time he'd seen you laugh.

"You're drooling" he snapped back to reality when he heard Eddie mocking next to him.

"Shut up" Buck said, turning his gaze back to you playing with his niece.

You had a beauty he couldn't explain, an angelic one. You had this steely gaze and looking at you felt like suicide. He would fall to his knees if you asked him to. How could someone so delicate also be so dangerous?

The way you were reluctant to follow Bobby's orders, you'd walk into the fire without a second thought. You would take risks without thinking about your own safety, just thinking about everyone else. He saw how hard you worked, he saw how mad Bobby got when he ordered the building to be evacuated and you were always the last one to leave. You were intriguing and he was fascinated.

It was so strange for you. Being in Maddie's living room, with everyone gathered together like a big family, laughing and telling funny stories. The team met once a week, with all the families together, the children running around the living room, the smell of food in the air, the voices, the laughter.

You accepted the invitation after a few months of refusing, and now you spent the week looking forward to the moment when you would be together again.

Sometimes when you got home from a meeting, you cried. You cried because you never had that, you never had anyone who cared about you. You were an unexpected pregnancy, your parents didn't planned you, they didn't want you and that was never a secret to anyone.

And that's why you were surprised when one day you arrived early at the station and Hen had a cake for you that you had once said reminded of what your grandmother used to bake.

Or when another one Eddie handed you a drawing that Chris made specifically for you. Of the two of you playing together.

Or when Maddie sent you, through Chim, the cookies you said you loved one day while you were having coffee together.

Or when Bobby invited you to have lunch with him and Athena on a Sunday ‘cause he knew you were going to do it alone.

Or when Buck gave you a book he'd heard you say was your favorite during a conversation.

*

It was mid-afternoon on a Sunday. Your hands were shaking, your heart pounding. The words your father had once spoken echoed in your mind. "You will never be loved". But you were at a table with 118's entire family, and you felt loved. Maddie told you about the gossip from her work. Karen hugged you from the side every time you passed by her. Hen included you in every conversation. Athena calmly answered all the questions you were curious about her work. So why did you feel like an imposter? Why was your father's voice echoing inside your head? Why were you on the verge of an anxiety attack?

"I'll be right back" you muttered to the girls, but you realized how shaky your voice sounded. You were pathetic.

You barely made it to the bathroom, your legs buckled and you sat down in the corner of the room. You could hardly breathe, it was hard to pull in the air. Tears streamed down your face. Your heart was racing. Your hands were shaking.

You heard your voice being called from outside. Damn. You couldn't calm down, your hand was on your chest as if it could make the pain go away.

"Hey, hey. I'm here. Calm down, I’ve got you" it was Buck.

His voice was just a whisper in your ear. You let a sob escape your lips. Pathetic. You felt his arms around you, until you were all wrapped up in his arms. Why was he doing that? Why did he care?

He stayed there until you stopped crying. You were still in his arms, and it was so warm, so safe. Sighs came from your lips, and you couldn't imagine what a mess Buck's head and heart were in. He wanted you in his arms, not just now.

"I'm sorry," you whispered and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let you, so you stayed.

"You don't have to talk about what's going on in there, but the day you feel like you need a hug to cry into, you've got mine" your eyes filled with tears again. "And don't ever apologize for it"

*

The smiles on your lips were becoming constant. And it was Buck's favorite image. You were letting people through your armor, you were letting your guard down, and it felt good. You now baked pies and cakes for the station on your days off, recipes learned from the girls after a few long afternoons of chatting and coffee.

Your laughter was contagious, and the boys would always crack little jokes to get them out of you.

Your eyes were now looking out for a pair of blue ones, all the time, everywhere. Eyes that were always looking back at you. Your hands were always looking for an excuse to bump into Buck's, just to feel that shiver run down your spine every time. And he would find any reason to text you, until the excuses became routine. You woke up every day with a good morning message and went to bed with a good night one. The little touches now became big gestures, Buck loved to brush your hair out of your face and tuck them behind your ear. And you loved to run your hand over the birthmark above his eye. You loved when his warm lips traveled up your neck to your lips. You loved when his hands ran over your body always so slowly and so gently, bringing goosebumps wherever they went. You loved making love with him. How he worshiped your body, how much he worshiped you. The way he made you feel loved.

You had a hold on Buck, and you didn't even know it. He had become attached to you, attached to the idea of having you by his side. The nights with you were the ones he could truly rest in, the mornings where he woke up to your soft kisses on his face, were the ones he would keep forever in his mind.

But he could feel that you were still resisting his feelings, and he was terrified of losing you. Buck was in love with you. It took months for him to realize that, but he did it. He loved you.

But one thing has never changed. And as Buck followed the loud murmurs coming from Bobby’s office, where he knew you were at, he kept in mind the danger you were in at every call. He couldn't lose you.

"Hey, what happe-" he couldn't finish the sentence when he saw you walking out the door, since you brushed past him, bumping into his shoulder, without even looking him in the face.

Buck made his way to the room, where he saw his captain wiping his hands across his face, letting out an exhausted sigh.

"She'll end up dead if she keep acting like this, Buck"

"I know"

"After the last call, if she doesn't change her behavior, I'll be forced to suspend her."

"I know."

Buck couldn't lose you.

You couldn't talk to Buck yet, you were so nervous after your conversation with Bobby. You were trying your best, how could he tell you that you had a death wish love? You were saving lives, and it didn't matter if it cost you your own. You didn't care.

A new call ecoed through the station. It was something big. A fire in a shed. People were working at the time, so there were many likely victims. You were anxious, just as you were before any call, but you were ready for it. You were born ready.

"Be careful," Buck told you before you got off the truck and you nodded. You were always careful "I love you"

You turned surprised to Buck, you'd never said that to each other before. It disconcerted you.

"Buck, I-"

Before you could say anything, you heard Bobby calling you to give instructions and you had to run.

I love you.

The words echoed in your head as you entered the burning building. No one had ever said that to you. You didn't even know the weight those words carried.

"Sir, follow this path and the fireman will take you to the exit."

It was so hot. You'd already lost count of how many people you'd pulled out of the line of fire. Your head was heavy. It was getting hard to breathe.

"Evacuate the building now," you could hear Cap saying over the radio. Everyone agreed and gave their location. You were about to respond when you heard something.

It was a call for help.

You could have sworn it was a call for help.

"Captain, I'm in the east side, I hear someone screaming for help. I'm close, I can get them out"

"Negative, the building will collapse at any moment. Get out immediately"

Your vision was blurred.

I love you.

You couldn't go out and leave those people to die, so you went ahead. The way to the door was difficult, there was a lot of rubble, and when you opened it, you froze in place.

It was empty. The fire danced in front of you, mocking you. But the cries for help... you've never been so wrong before.

I love you.

“It’s empty” you murmured at the radio.

Bobby was shouting your name from the other end of the radio. You turned around, but it was so hard to breathe. You tried to find your way back, but everything was spinning. Buck was now calling your name.

I love you.

His words were running through your head. Your steps were now slow. The way out, you couldn't find the way out. You could hear the fire laughing at you. Stupid. Pathetic. You heard an explosion behind you, and it threw you off balance, bringing you to the ground. You'd been walking through fire all your life, and now it would finally take its place back. Your siren buzzed in your ears. That would be the end of you.

I love you too, Buck.

The moment Buck came out of the building and didn't see you outside, he tried to go back. But hands held him in place.

This couldn't be happening. No, no.

Bobby called your name on the radio and you didn't answer. It's empty. That was the last answer they got. You weren't answering. An explosion. On the east side, where you were.

Buck's knees gave way, and he went down. All eyes were on the exit of the building waiting for you, waiting for a miracle. But it never came.

Buck screamed, and he would scream until his lungs gave up.

Time seemed to stop. Buck's screams were the only noise to be heard. And another explosion. Tears rolled down trough some faces. No one could believe it. This couldn't be happening.

Buck couldn't lose you like this.

"We found her" some voice echoed over the radio.

Buck's heart could stop any second now.

But the building was collapsing.

He broke free from his friends and ran into the building, dodging all the fallen and burnt obstacles, and he saw you. You were in the arms of a fireman. He ran up to you and carried you out of the building. As soon as you stepped onto the sidewalk, the building collapsed. Buck held you in his arms with all his strength and ran, feeling the debris fly past you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" was the first thing that came out of your lips when he put you on the stretcher and he shut you up, pressing his lips to yours.

Buck analyzed each of your wounds alongside Hen and Chim and you could see the tears streaming down Buck's face, the ones that were also streaming down your own.

You were still struggling to breathe, every inch of your body ached, and you felt on the verge of losing consciousness. Until you succumbed to the darkness that was calling your name.

*

You woke up a few hours later in hospital. Your hands were being squeezed and you could feel something wet running down over them. Tears.

Buck had his face in your hands, he had never felt so afraid before. And when he heard your voice calling him, it was as if he could finally breathe.

"I'm sorry, Buck, I-I don't know what happened-"

"I almost lost you today"

Your heart broke into a million pieces. You did this to him, your recklessness, your impulsive behavior. It was your fault.

"I'm sorry"

Tears were now streaming down your face and he moved closer, running his hands gently down your cheeks.

"I was terrified of losing you. I'd die if I do."

"I would never leave you"

"Promise?"

"I love you, Buck. And I'll love you to death"

"Please don't let it be soon"

You smiled. No one had ever loved you like that.

"It won't."

[theroundbartable]

After the magic reveal, Arthur is livid and confused. But it happened at a time where he was sure his father would listen to him. Where he was absolutely convinced that his father wouldn't kill Merlin for it... But change the law. Or at l least make an exception for the man who keeps saving Arthur's life. Like he made an exception for Gaius.

It doesn't quite go as planned.

Arthur: Father... Can we talk?

Uther: Can this wait, the King of Camberon is about to arrive

Arthur: it's... Kind of urgent

Uther: I see. What is this about, son?

Arthur: *fidgeting nervously* It's about my manservant... *Snaps* I know it's forbidden! I know you'd probably want to burn him... But if you do, you'd have to burn me as well!!! He saved my life multiple times and -

Uther: oh dear, I knew this day would come.

Arthur: you did?

Uther: Obviously I can't allow this. But I won't kill him for... His affections for you. Or yours for him for that matter.

Arthur: *sputtering* uh, what?-

Uther: I've been watching you grow up, Arthur. Of course I noticed your 'fascination' for the sterner sex. I cannot, however, let you live it. As much as I wish for your happiness, you will one day require an heir. And you can only have that with a wife.

Arthur: *flushed red* I wasn't -

Uther: I also noticed your interest in your manservant quite early, Arthur. He seems to me like a trustworthy young man. He's saved your life and has been keeping quiet about your affair. And he never asked for favors. I am actually glad that you have someone around who you care about and who cares so much about you. And since there is no chance of any illegitimete children, I can allow this for now. But! Arthur, once you marry, you will have to call it quits.

Arthur: *sputtering* but-

Uther: now, if you excuse me. *Looks back at Arthur once*. I wish I could give you a brighter future, son.

....................

Later

Merlin: you told UTHER I have magic? Are you NUTS? Do you want me dead?

Arthur: ...

Merlin: and now what? When will the pyre be built? Do I have enough time to say goodbye to my friends or when are the guards coming?!

Arthur: he didn't exactly let me explain, Merlin... He... *Beat red* thinks I'm sleeping with you.

Merlin: *opens mouth* HUH?!

Arthur: yeah

Merlin: how on EARTH did you manage that?

Arthur: can we maybe... Not talk about this?!

Merlin: considering you know put another crime on my list that will have me killed in several countries, yes, I WOULD like to talk about it!

Arthur: If it helps, my father approves. Of you, I mean.

Merlin: ...

Arthur: I'm as shocked as you are

Merlin: i mean... It's kind of a relief. In Cendred's kingdom I'd be squared.

Arthur: ... Do you always have to talk about such gruesome things?

Merlin: I don't know, Arthur. Have I ever been in a Situation where my death wasn't the most likely consequence for my existence?

Arthur: ... I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I... I understand now. Why it needs to be secret

Merlin: i'm so glad your father is a thick in the head as you are.

Arthur: HEY!!!

[notbadforafailedvessel]

Alcina x sick!Reader

Inspired by @willalove75's post ─ Reader is sick and seeks comfort in Alcina.

GIF Credit

Pathetic.

That's how you felt and surely how you looked. Walking through the halls of Castle Dimitrescu wearing your sleepwear and a blanket wrapped around you that only left your head exposed, surely didn't help your case.

You whined when your runny nose itched, your eyes watering, causing you to rub it in a failed attempt to comfort your nuisance.

You felt terrible, and you were sure you had a fever, since you were cold but sweating. Part of you blamed that as the reason why you were heading towards Alcina's office during her working hours, when you wouldn't have dared in other circumstances.

Of course you had been sick before since the Castle became your home and your Lady's bedroom yours too, but during those previous times, even when you wished to have Alcina next to you all day, you managed to deal with the fact it wasn't possible, reveling even more in the breaks she took during the day to check on you.

But this time, you were needy for her presence and attention, so desperate that your common sense was completely clouded. Nevertheless, you had the mind to knock on the door first, waiting for her permission to enter.

Alcina lifted her head when you closed the door behind you, amusement in her expression as her eyes moved over your peculiar outfit. But in the next second, when your eyes locked, she raised an eyebrow questioningly, pursing her lips at the interruption.

You opened your mouth to explain yourself, but a harsh sneeze stopped you from doing it, your eyes immediately tearing up due to the itching of your nose. You hugged yourself, wrapping the blanket tighter.

"Oh, draga..." She softened her expression in understanding.

In silence, you hurried to her, stretching your arms out once you reached her, pouting slightly to make yourself look pitiful, hoping that was enough to not being denied what you want.

Alcina narrowed her eyes at you without moving an inch, which caused to deepen your pout, furrowing your eyebrows sadly.

"Oh, for the love of-" Alcina huffed, rolling her eyes at the time she leaned forward to pick you up.

You smiled, tiredly but victorious, as you straddled her lap, sighing contently when you nuzzled into her neck, wrapping your arms around it.

Alcina chuckled softly, shaking her head and kissing you on your forehead, one of her hands stroking your back comfortingly, while with the other one she hugged you closer to her. "What on earth have you done to me, my little mortal?"

One of your hands slid down her neck to her jaw, which you traced lovingly. "I love you too," you said hoarsely. You cleared your throat, even though you knew it wouldn't change anything.

"You feel terribly bad, iubi?" she asked troubled, sighing deeply when you nodded. "I'm sure some of Donna's concoctions will help you feel better."

"Later," you muttered, shifting in her arms, attempting to get closer to her even when there wasn't any space between you two. "I want to be with you." Her cold skin felt heavenly against your warmth one.

"Draga mea... as much as I wish I could go with you, I have a heavy workload to do that sadly can't postpone."

You could've cried. Despite you could hear the regret in Alcina's voice, it was the determination in her decision what affected you the most. You loathed how vulnerable you became when you were sick.

It was tempting to beg her, and in your current state, you would have done it without contemplating the consequences, but Alcina spoke before you could do so.

"However, if you promise to behave, rest and sleep, you can stay with me."

You pulled back slightly to look at her, finding a solemn expression in those features that mesmerize you every time you looked at her.

You were unsure to what exactly she meant, resting on the office couch while she kept working? Nevertheless, you nodded eagerly, cursing yourself as you were reminded of your headache. In the end it didn't matter, you would be close to her and be able to see her, somewhat satisfying your need for her.

Alcina smiled pleased once you agreed to her conditions, and to your surprise, instead of encourage you to stand up to move to the couch, she helped you to sit sideways on her lap, wrapping her left arm around you as support and adjusting the blanket over you with the other hand.

"Comfortable, iubi?" she wondered, reaching to take the discarded pen on the desk once she was done with the task, her gaze returning to the waiting papers.

Slowly resting your head on her breast, you looked up at her with adoration. It didn't matter how many times you have experienced her thoughtfulness, it would never fail to make your heart skip a beat with happiness, knowing you were the only lucky mortal who knew this side of her. The only mortal she loved.

She looked down at you when you didn't answer, her concern quickly vanishing as she narrowed her eyes when you made eye contact, disgruntled by the pointless interruption.

"Impossible to feel better," you hurried to answer sincerely, making her chuckle.

"Rest now then. I refuse to be delayed even more this day," she warned you, but there was a trace of tenderness in her tone.

You nodded, softly this time, closing your eyes with the intention to fall asleep and not risk losing what had been offered to you.

Her cold skin helping to soothe any physical discomfort made you sigh gratefully; her presence making easier to feel in better spirits and not completely dramatic, making you wonder when Death would come for you.

Yawning, you wrapped an arm around her, clenching her dress with your hand. You didn't believe she would get rid of you the moment you were asleep, but you still wanted to have a way to avoid the disappointment of waking up without her at your side.

During the last moment of consciousness, you smiled when she nuzzled your hair to then press a few kisses on your head, taking her time before going back to her work. And you wondered if you would dare to ask her if her purring was another reassuring gesture on your behalf, or if she just enjoyed this as much as you did.

[adickaboutspoons]

Mostly I was responding to the points raised in @scarrletmoon's response, but you raise some excellent points to which I'd like to respond. Feel free to ignore if you're tired of my bullshit. I completely understand the impulse. 1st, you're absolutely right; I was coming across as gate-keepery by saying that I find Stede's eccentricities charming as though that ought be the default experience. For that I apologize. I ought to have taken more care. When I said "And that's valid, but I would say that those are the parts that the crew and Ed grow to love once they embrace those parts of him instead of cringing at them" what I meant to convey is that the experience of 2nd-hand embarrassment when Stede does something that recalls to the viewer times when they have felt ashamed/were made to feel shame because of something they did is absolutely understandable, but we can take heart in Stede being accepted & loved for those parts of him, & find hope that so too may we be embraced for our own quirks & foibles. My intention was to encourage others to be more gentle with & accepting of their own perceived failings, but I can see now that I failed to adequately express that, & for that I am sorry. I do take issue with the suggestion that I am strawmanning, though; I would argue that how one views Stede's motivation & framing absolutely informs the extent to which/moments in which one finds his behavior cringe-worthy. In your original post, you contend Stede is "pretending to be this macho pirate captain who totally knows what he's doing" & your response above adds he's a bad manager & a jerk because he's praising himself & chiding his employees, whom you interpret as him treating as stand-ins for his own children. If that's how you're framing the scenario, then, sure - I can see how his behavior comes across as cringe to you. But that's not at all how I perceived it. I will grant he is pretending more expertise than he actually possesses, but he IS a pirate captain, & as to the attribution of "macho" I absolutely disagree, specifically because he is textually interested in a form of piracy that is not that. Because that is my understanding of the scene, in the debrief scene I see a person excited at the success of what, if Black Pete is to be believed, is their very 1st raid, & doesn't understand why everyone else wasn't also chuffed. He then listens to Wee John' criticism & encourages him to clarify WHY he feels the way he does. When Wee John identifies the lack of a flag as a contributing factor to his disgruntlement, Stede provides materials so they can rectify the deficit. This isn't Stede forcing arts & crafts on these grown-ass men (& Jim) - it's Stede hearing a problem & supplying the means to a solution. Similarly, he hears out Buttons about the crew's dissatisfaction, & tries to rectify it by finding a more appealing target for a raid, even though he obviously feels unequal to the task himself. To me, that's the complete opposite of a bad manager (to me he's a bad manager when he's being dismissive of the crew's input, like the fuckery brainstorming, & even then he climbs down from his high horse & apologizes. Which? GREAT manager!). Where you see Stede infantilizing his crew, I see them taking part in activities that, while generally relegated to childhood, aren't implicitly childish, & of their own volition, & Stede sowing the seeds that will eventually blossom into a found family (not imposing an established family structure). For clarity, I'm not saying my interpretation is objectively right, nor that yours is wrong. I'm just saying framing is going to influence perception of whether Stede's behavior is Cringe, & that's kind of what I was getting at with my myriad examples of Stede behaving "authentically" or "inauthentically" & when that is a viable predictor of a general fandom perception of when Stede is being Cringe. Because I really don't think it is. This is going to continue in the notes because tumlr thinks they can cut my mic.

listen I love stede a lot - I think he's the bravest character in the show. he changes everyone he meets for the better. he embodies what I think of as the thesis of the show. if he wasn't the way that he is, the show would not be very good, imo.

but in ep one he gives his pirate crew notes on the raid they just did as though they were a community theater troupe and his notes were 1) complimenting his own opening speech as "very inspiring" and 2) complaining that that the crew wasn't sufficiently enthusiastic about robbing two poor fisherman of a single plant.

during the raid his narration went "some men are born to be pirate captains, others learn on the job. me? well I'm a pretty solid mix of both" as though he has any idea what he's doing.

and AFTER the raid Olu has to gently point out to him that piracy isn't a game to the rest of the crew.

There's a reason that Rhys Darby was the only person capable of playing Stede without making him seem like a total dick. And I think that's bc Rhys was able to convey the idea that Stede's behavior in the first few eps is coming out of this deep sense of insecurity - he's doing some Stede-y things (flag making! paying the crew! bedtime stories!) that are great but he's also pretending to be this macho pirate captain who totally knows what he's doing. And it's the pretending that makes people cringe with second hand embarrassment. While also, often, seeing themselves in it and feeling a great deal of sympathy for Stede about it.

The reason Stede is like this is because HE thinks there's something deeply wrong with him, a belief that has been solidified by everyone around him his entire life, and therefore he needs to do everything he can to hide that deeply wrong thing about him. When he unpacks that and embraces the things about himself he originally thought were embarrassing (being weak, pathetic, soft, etc), he can stop pretending. And that's when other characters grow to love him! And so people will sometimes call him cringe because they aspire to be cringe like him, to embrace the parts of themselves that they were punished for and live more authentically.

because he changes! that's the point! he moves from cringe (pretending to be someone he's not) to cringe (being true to himself, always a deeply vulnerable thing to be) and it takes a lot of hard work. that's what makes me LIKE him as a character. that's what I think makes him the bravest character on the show. because he doesn't start out perfect. he's a puppet who grows into a real boy and that means that for a period of time he was a puppet, and that's okay.

[no-144444]

smile, even though it's breaking- d.riccardo

Day 15 of fic-tober! fic-tober masterlist

summary: daniel is your older brother's best friend who you can't stand. it's his last race, and your last chance to speak your mind.

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You walked into the paddock with a sigh, knowing what was awaiting you. 

Daniel. 

Daniel had been in your life since before you could talk. He was your oldest brother’s friend, and he was going to be a racecar driver. You’d been in love with him since before you knew what that meant, of course, you’d never admit that. You hated him. You had to hate him. He’d never choose you. He’d always just be family, whatever that meant. 

“Morning,” he smiled. That stupid goofy smile. You wished you could punch him square in his bright white teeth and perfect smile. 

“Morning,” you grunted, moving past him to speak to Yuki. “Good luck today.”

Singapore. You felt guilty about all the speculation, especially when you knew that Liam would be in his seat in Austin. Austin was one of his favourite races. Daniel deserved to race it all one last time. He deserved Las Vegas, he deserved Brazil, he deserved Abu Dhabi. He deserved just one more chance. Maybe that was your heart speaking. You weren’t sure anymore. 

He followed behind you, talking your ear off about something or other. You just tried to ignore it, continue on with your duties, try to stop the way your brain questioned why Heidi wasn’t here. She hadn’t been to a race since Miami at the start of the season.

“Do you ever stop smiling?” you sighed. 

“Only when you’re not around,” he winked at you. “Miss you too much.” 

You rolled your eyes and tried to ignore the way your heart strings pulled at his sentence. “Where’s Heidi?”

His smile dampened. “She and I… broke up. You didn’t know that?”

You abandoned your regular, nonchalant exterior and frowned. “I’m sorry Dan, I didn’t know-”

“Dan?” he grinned. “You haven’t called me that since you were a kid.”

You rolled your eyes, your defences straight back up. “Whatever you say Daniel.”

You continued on after that, somehow losing him in the motorhome. 

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He got the fastest lap. You cried as he crossed the finish line. This was it. It was over. Daniel had raced his last race, finishing with a fastest lap and a testament of his commitment to RedBull. RedBull didn’t deserve him. They never did. If they’d just kept Max in Toro Rosso for one more year, Daniel would probably be a World Champion, and not still chasing a pipe dream from years before. 

You ran to the parc fermé, ready to meet him with open arms. He didn’t get out of the car for a few minutes longer than everyone else, and every driver spent their time giving him a lengthy goodbye. When he climbed out, you ran straight to him, wrapping him up in a tight hug. You didn’t care that he was sweaty, that he would tease you, that there were 30 cameras on you, if not more. 

You cared about him. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered, tears falling yet again. “I’m so fucking sorry Daniel. I love you.” 

And fuck, you’d told him. For the first time in years you’d said it, and he knew what it meant. That’s why you didn’t say it to him. You said it with so much emotion, so much love, so much affection. It couldn’t be seen as friendly, or familial. You loved him. You loved the way he laughed, how he smiled, how he treated others, how much he cared. 

You loved him. 

He pulled back, eyes wide. “You mean that?”

You smiled, nodding. 

“Thank fuck,” he smiled, pressing his lips to yours. 

Neither of you were thinking about the way you’d explain this to your brother, neither of you were thinking about how the media would respond, neither of you were thinking about how this was Daniel’s last race. You two were finally together. How it should be.

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

fic-tober masterlist

taglist: @anotherapollokid @theseerbetweenus @simbaaas-stuff @5sospenguinqueen @yootvi

[goldenwilliamson]

strangers | leah williamson

pairing: leah williamson x reader

a/n: longest fic yet. enjoy pls, i kind of love this. slight warning it does touch on the grief that one feels after a big breakup including (briefly) the awful physical symptoms of breakups. if that's sensitive for you i wish the best and advise that this might not be the fic for you x

summary: reader and leah are together for years before breaking up due to long distance. after a couple of years reader moves back to england and sees leah, and all the love comes flooding back. angsty, but fluffy.

word count: 3.3k

Your life changed when you were eighteen, not only because you signed for Arsenal, but you were in love for the first time in your life. From your early encounters with Leah, you could already feel yourself falling for her. You found her endlessly endearing, drawn in by her quiet confidence and warmth off the pitch, and her fiery commitment to every game she played.

Even though you were too scared to confess your feelings to anyone, you somehow found yourself one evening telling Leah how much you adored her. You told her about how you had felt a connection with her since the first time you met, and how it had only proved itself since then. And she reciprocated every single word of your rambling romantic confession.

From that night, you two were together for almost six years. For the most part, it was the best time of your life. You were playing at your dream club, with the perfect girlfriend, and you were happier than ever. Things always ran smoothly for you and Leah, it was just the way your personalities complimented each other. Conflict resolution came easy to you both, and you were able to talk to each other through anything that was troubling you.

For years it felt like you two were growing at the same pace, and that was why you were able to be together for so long. You both had the same visions for your future, and you had really planned on staying in London with Leah by your side for the rest of your life.

But that was all before you got the offer from Bayern Munich. You never imagined being away from Leah, and maybe you were naive in thinking long-distance would be easy for you guys. So you made the difficult decision to leave Arsenal, to leave London and Leah, and move to Germany.

After your move it became clear very quickly that proximity was important for you both. When your were living several countries away from each other, your connection which you thought was strong enough to withstand the world ending had started to be put to the test. You were talking and understanding each other less, and fighting more about stupid, trivial things. You saw a new, jealous side of Leah who would accuse you of spending too much time with new teammates, and not making time for her anymore. And you yourself were questioning Leah's attraction for you, as you couldn't feel that daily love and affection you'd been so accustomed to through the phone.

It all got to the point where you were struggling to even get yourself to training because you felt so drained by your inability to make things work with Leah. Your teammates at Bayern had noticed and had created a space where you felt safe enough to confide in them. After talking it through with some of your teammates who provided you with their objective opinions on the situation, you made the hardest choice of your life.

Leah's voiced was raised to the point where her it was almost breaking, "Six years Y/N, does all that mean nothing to you?"

"Leah, I will always love you. I just don't think as long as I'm in Germany we can be together. It's not good for us darling, we've been fighting more than ever, and I don't want to feel this resentment towards you... I don't want you to feel badly about me either," you had tried to explain, but it had come out much less clearly through your own tearful voice, punctuated with short breaths as you gasped for air.

"You can't do this Y/N. You can't give up on us," Leah had begged you, but you had remained firm in your decision and it was the last proper conversation the two of you had. Other than a couple of Champions League games where you avoided each other, and one brief trip back to London where you collected all your things from the apartment you shared, you hadn't seen Leah since.

The breakup was something you'd tried to forget, and even though it's been two years since then, you still often question whether or not you made the right decision that day. What stuck with you was the empty aching you felt every time a thought of her passed through your head. In spite of your best attempts to put it behind you and to move on, you will never forget how much love you felt for Leah, and how much grief and sadness you felt the instant you ended things.

Every week that has passed since then you have wondered what your life would be like if you and Leah had made the long-distance thing work. But now you were thinking about it even more because after a few seasons at Bayern, you were going back to play in the WSL.

When Man City approached you, your first instinct was that you absolutely could not go back to England. Because to you, England was Leah. Every memory of your time in England from when you moved at 18, to when you left at 23, is connected to Leah. As much as you loved your time in the country, you never thought you could go and live there again without her by your side. It just wouldn't feel right. However, after several meetings with your manager and calls with City, it became an offer you couldn't turn down.

At least you weren't going back to London, you thought. The distance between the capital and Manchester was just enough to feel like Leah wasn't completely within reach. Of course, it had been different once you were actually living back in England, playing with City, and having to face the reality that you and Leah would be on the same pitch again, but this time as virtual strangers.

You'd heard through the grapevine that over the last couple of years Leah had done her fair share of dating around, but you also were aware that she hadn't been in any serious relationship since you two broke up, and it was the same on your end. How were you supposed to move on when you still thought about your ex every day?

One night you were cooking dinner at your flat for yourself and Georgia Stanway, who had become a close friend of yours since her arrival at Bayern. You two had hung out a bit when you and Leah were still together, but even though Leah was one of Georgia's closest friends, she had never uttered her name around you or asked you anything about your relationship since she transfered to the German club. Not until you two were talking about how you felt about moving back to England and what it would be like playing for City, and you mentioned it first.

"It feels kind of wrong," you said honestly, "I still can't imagine not being an Arsenal player. And you know, being there without Leah."

Georgia looked at you sympathetically, "Do you miss her? I can't imagine how hard all that was for you both."

"I miss her every day, Georgia," you sighed, smiling just to ease the pain, "But I just have to keep telling myself it was the right decision, otherwise I think I'd just live in misery."

She gave you a hopeful smile, "I hope you two can work it out one day, even just as friends. I've never seen two people make each other so happy."

"Yeah I hope so too," you agreed, though the voice in your head told you that you could never make up with Leah after the way you ended things.

You had finally moved back to England after a tearful goodbye to your teammates at Bayern, but you knew it was for the best. Your first week in Manchester you were reminded of how much you loved living in England, mostly because of how different it was from where you grew up. Stepping outside always felt like stepping onto a film set. It was nice too, to catch up with old friends. It was already so much easier to organise trips into London to visit old teammates.

It was on a weekend that you were down in London, when you saw Leah for the first time. You should have known better, walking around St Albans, expecting that you wouldn't see anyone you knew. It wasn't a big enough city to get away with that.

It was still August and the League hadn't started yet, so you were free to make a trip down to London for the weekend to visit Caitlin and Katie, friends you had missed so much while you were living in Germany. You missed everything about Arsenal, but you knew there was no way you could go back there after the way things ended with Leah. It would be much too painful to even try to be friends after everything. There was too much history there that would have been impossible to set aside.

In the morning you had told Katie and Caitlin you would walk into town and buy some bread since they were out, and it was on your way home that you found yourself looking into the face of the person who you once loved more than anyone. It took a moment to register that she was actually there, getting closer as you kept walking.

"Oh my god," you said out loud, finding it extremely jarring to see her after all this time.

You both slowed to a stop in front of each other and Leah, who had always been the more talkative one, was left speechless. Looking at you her heart was both beating for you and breaking all over again.

After a few beats of silence you shook yourself out of your state of shock, "Hi, how are you?", you said.

"I feel like I'm dreaming," Leah said, finally smiling a little as she also moved away from the initial shock of seeing you again. The sound of her voice and the smile on her face brought you instant comfort. She looked different, in the best way. She looked older, which surprised you since she always had such a baby face. But now she looked mature, she looked her age, somehow so different from the 24 year old version of her you last knew.

"Me too," you agreed, laughing slightly at how awkward you were finding this to be. You'd imagined this moment endlessly over the last couple of years, but now that it was really happening you were at a loss.

"What are you doing here?" Leah shook her head, trying to make sense of seeing you.

"I'm staying with Katie and Caitlin for a couple of days," you explained.

"Oh, they didn't mention anything," Leah said, though she knows that people avoid talking about you around her. They know it's still painful for her to hear your name. Just like how Georgia never mentioned her around you.

You realised then that your transfer hadn't been announced yet by the City, and that Leah must know nothing of the news.

"You probably haven't heard, but I've actually moved back here," you say tentatively, knowing that the only reason you two weren't together was because you were living apart. But now you were closer than you had been in two years, and you had no clue what that meant, or if it had the power to change anything.

"What, to London?" Leah said quickly, her voice raising an octave in shock.

"No, I'm up North now. I've actually signed for City," you explain.

"Wow," she says, nodding her head and processing the news. The way she is looking at you doesn't give much away. Her face actually looks quite blank, as if she doesn't know at all how to feel about this.

"Yeah," you say quietly.

"Sky blue will suit you," she says simply and you smile, grateful for the playful comment.

"I don't know, I'm still struggling with the fact I'm not going to be back in red," you say, more meaning held in those words than you intended. Because not being back in red also for you meant not being back with Leah.

"I expected you to stay in Germany for a lot longer," Leah says and the feelings of guilt rush in. You'd thought about this a lot when you decided to come back to England.

The main reason you had called it quits with Leah was because you thought Germany was going to be your home for at least another five years. You couldn't do that many more years of distance, of short phone calls, of fighting and miscommunication. But of course you never thought after just a couple of years you would be coming back to England. And if you had, you might have been able to stick things out with Leah.

"I really did too," you say sincerely, hoping that she knows you wouldn't have done what you did if you knew you'd be back so soon.

Leah runs her hand roughly through her hair, and you can almost see the cogs turning in her head through the look in her eyes.

"This changes things then, doesn't it?" She asks, voicing the thoughts floating around both your minds.

"I suppose it does," you nod imperceptibly, afraid to admit it.

You stand in silence now, looking at each other trying to work out exactly what this changes.

"I miss you so much," Leah says, her voice thin and wavering.

"I know. I've felt sick without you," you say, voicing things you'd never voiced to anyone. You have genuinely experienced the most physical forms of grief for Leah. The first few months after the breakup you were nauseous everyday, throwing up even when your stomach was completely empty. It just felt impossible to go on without her.

Leah just nods, having been through the exact same things.

"I'm so sorry," you say finally taking the opportunity to apologise for the thing that you've felt so much guilt and remorse about.

"It's okay," Leah assures you, but you shake your head instantly.

"It's not, I don't know what I was thinking Leah," you say honestly, feeling the emotions all over again. Your eyes well up and Leah is quick to embrace you, allowing you to let it out in her arms.

"You were right about everything but," she says, "Things weren't working."

"Yeah, but I should've tried to work through it," you voice the things you'd been thinking over for the last two years, trying to compose yourself with deep breaths.

"I wasn't making it easy for you, I was so hard on you. I feel really bad about the way I treated you when you left," Leah reflects on her own behaviour.

"It's okay," you tell her now.

You stand in the middle of the footpath in St Albans, holding each other, both unable to believe that this was real.

"You don't absolutely hate me do you? Because I'd understand if you did," you say, stepping back to look at Leah, trying to ease some of the tension.

She laughs, "I tried hating you," she says, "But that lasted about a minute and then I just went on trying to love you less."

"And how did that go?" You ask hopefully.

"Yeah not very good," she says.

"I couldn't really get the hang of not loving you either," you say.

Leah is smiling, but you can see the reservation in her eyes. She knows that everything has suddenly changed, but still, nothing is the same as it once was. You feel it too.

"What do we do now?" She asks.

You shrug your shoulders, "I've got to deliver this bread back to Katie and Caitlin, do you want to come?"

"I'll come," she nods, "But what happens after that?" Leah says.

"After that," you sigh, "We are about two years overdue in catching up on each others lives, so I'd say we'll have a nice long chat."

You are stepping forward now, beginning the journey back to Katie and Caitlin's, and Leah is by your side.

"Best start now then," Leah says, and the two of you fall deep into conversation immediately. It warms you heart how at home you feel, even after all this time.

When you knock on the door back at the girls flat, Katie answers with a look of absolute shock on her face.

"What are you doin here!?" She looks right at Leah, as if she was an intruder.

"Well I bumped into this one in town and she invited me over, is that alright?" Leah explains.

Katie takes a moment to process the words before nodding and stepping back to let you both inside.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" Caitlin echoes when you all walk into the living room together.

"We've just bumped into each other," you say, "I thought I'd drop off the bread before Leah and I go and catch up."

"Cool, cool," Caitlin says, trying to mask her shock while Katie looks on, stunned into a very uncharacteristic silence.

"God, you two look like you've seen a ghost," Leah says.

"I feel like I have!" Katie stresses, and you feel the exact same way.

"Alright, let's go down the park," you suggest to Leah, a place where you two used to walk around in circles, chatting for hours. It seems like the perfect place to go.

"Perfect," she nods, "Bye you two," she looks between her teammates.

"See ya, have fun," Caitlin says.

"Don't kill each other," Katie says and you scoff.

"We won't," you roll your eyes.

You and Leah step out the front door you share a moment of laughter about the interaction.

"Did I hide my shock better than those two when I saw you?" You ask.

"Absolutely not, I believe your words were oh my god," Leah laughs.

You two end up at the park, walking around at first, talking about how you are going to be playing for City now and your time at Bayern. Leah gives you the big run down on what's been happening at Arsenal since you've left, telling you about all the new players. It's like seeing an old friend, and you're just so glad that she hasn't spent two years hating you.

After what must be over an hour, you two sit at a bench. Same one you would always find together on your morning walks.

It's weird being so physically close to her again. You want to reach out and hold her forever, but you think it might be too soon. Leah feels the same though and she shows it in the way her hand reaches out to find yours.

"Can I be honest with you?" She asks.

"Of course you can," you say with a squeeze of her hand.

"I haven't felt this..." she pauses trying to find the word, "Happy? Peaceful? I don't think there is a right word to tell you how right this feels to be with you again," she says, healing all the cracks in your broken heart.

"It feels the same as I remember it feeling," you say in agreement, "Like this is just how it's supposed to be."

"Would it be absolutely crazy of us to try to pick up where we left off?" Leah suggests.

"People will definitely think we're crazy, but I don't have a problem with that," you say.

"Is this really what you want?" Leah asks, using her free hand to gesture between you both.

"Yes," you say without missing a single beat, "I don't want to ever go without this again."

"Good. We're on the same page then," she nods finally.

Not wanting to wait any longer you ask her a question you've been dying to ask, "Can I kiss you, please?"

Without even a word Leah just smiles, leaning in to kiss you. Somehow it's a goodbye kiss, and a hello kiss, an I missed you kiss, and an I'm sorry kiss. It's everything you wish you could've said to each other in once simple gesture.

"I haven't stopped loving you for a minute, I hope you know that," you say quietly, as you pull apart.

Leah smiles, looking at you with all the love in the world, "I've spent years dreaming that one day we'd see each other again and you'd say that."

"In my dreams, you say it back," you joke.

"Sorry," Leah shakes her head, "I love you."

[zhivaoverdrive]

Saline Thief, 3

At this moment, all Amy wished was that the nurse would speak quietly. But alas.

"Now, I know it says scheduled fill here, but it's been a while since we've seen you!" chirped the nurse Laura, as the two women walked from the waiting room.

"I've just been b-" Amy began.

"XL expander implants, 8000cc capacity! Wow" said Laura, her tone hovering between playful and concerning.

"So much room to grow, but maybe we can max you out today!" she continued.

"This is absurd" thought Amy to herself.

"Here I am, struggling to keep walking pace, my tits pumped so huge they're pulling me off balance with every step.

I don't own any bras, I can't even find a place to custom make me one.

This nurse KNOWS what I've done, why is she teasing me this way? Should I just admit it-"

Entering the room, Laura motioned for her to sit.

"Okie dokie! shirt off. Let's see what we can do today huh!" said the nurse gleefully.

Moment of truth, perhaps time to rip the bandaid off?

Surely the charade would end once her monstrously expanded breasts were exposed.

Noone can look at what I've done to myself... and let me go further. 

These spheres I'm attached to, their tortured vein covered skin, areolas stretched as wide as a palm.

Amy had been trying to adjust as quickly as she could, but the damage from her night missions was... incalculably.  Unmanageable.

She still didn't have an accurate count, but her '8k expanders' must have been closer to 30,000cc than they were 8. "Sweetie, if you don't mind me saying..." began Laura

Here it comes. I've been such an idiot. Why did I get so ahead of myself...

I should have stayed home, ghosted this place. What did I expect to happen

"You're looking GREAT for only 4500cc! 

I know you've got your heart set on hitting your implant capacity today, but..."

UGH. I don't remember saying that. This is all her idea, she's baiting me.

Wants me to admit what I've done. To save myself.

I can't take any more filling! She knows it!

"Well. Let's not get ahead of ourselves... I can't recommend overfilling you too much, the weight could start to really affect your life you know!" said Laura, as she gently caressed Amy's orbs, either testing their elasticity or appreciating her grossly stretched skin, riddled with veins and stretch marks.

"Doubling your size today with a teeny overfill would really be pushing the limit... you're such a slight girl after all!"

The nurse causally connected the filling apparatus as she spoke, consulting the small electronic control unit in her hand every now and then, when she wasn't touching Amy's hopelessly inflated breasts, that is.

“Try to hold still Amy! You’re wiggling all over the place. Can’t you stand up still for just a moment?” chastised Laura, as her patient struggled to manage the immense burdens in her chest.

Even seated, Amy struggled to stay upright without moving, she was already exhausted…

“I’ve hurt my back-” Amy tried to explain, to no avail.

Nurse Laura grinned. It wasn’t malicious, but it wasn’t friendly.

“You’ll have to look after your back sweetie, they’re not going to get any lighter!

"Rest on the desk, let's get lefty up to capacity, then see how we're looking, shall we? I'll be back to check on you soon!"

[a-simple-imagine]

Pass Me By

Synopsis: Jordan doesn't wanna date you but no-one else can either.... based on this prompt by @poppy-metal

pairing: jordan li x fem!reader

words: 2.9k+

WARNINGS - swearing, suggestive themes, alcohol, insecurities about gender and just a hint of a toxic situationship

It's a tranquil, cosy night under the relaxing sound of rainfall rattling against the glass windows that do not open. faint moonlight bathes the room in a divine glow. this wasn't your dorm room but a place you knew all too well. from the collection of beer bottles starting to form across their desk to the joint buds in the ashtray. a guitar sits collecting dust in the corner. you've never seen them play it or so much as acknowledge it. a skateboard balanced on the shelf for decoration more than anything. The room always has this pleasant smokey cologne lingering in the air. it was a messy room. a sort of organised chaos that was so incredibly Jordan li. but you loved it. you'd drown in the ashy mix of cologne and joint smoke if you could because it meant spending time with them. it meant they wanted you here. it meant something. you liked Jordan and they liked you. although they had trouble showing it. you have had that very awkward conversation before but now you avoid any mention of it. they explained they didn't really know what they wanted and at the time, you were fine with that but now you're not too sure. now you kind of wish you could bring it up again and have a grown-up conversation but you're much too scared to face reality. because an ounce of their affection would always be better than none of it. you would rather live in the mystery than feel completely alone.

your head relaxes against their toned, slightly sweaty, chest. fingertips gliding up and down your stomach in a slow steady rhythm. it's delicate. soothing. tickles just a little bit. you could honestly stay like this forever, relishing in their affection. they feel so warm against you. it fills you with such a content, comfortable, feeling. you have been together like this for a while now, listening to them spill secrets in your ear like you're an angsty teenager's new journal. they scribble down all their hopes and dreams; their greatest fears. garnishing the page with pretty stickers and pictures so when they look back, they can't help but smile. it's silly but it makes you feel good. it was such a uniquely intimate moment. nobody knew Jordan the way you did. they didn't allow themselves to be vulnerable too often. perhaps some misguided attempt to seem cool and mysterious. but with you they did and that must mean something, right?

"I don't know," their soft voice fills the otherwise quiet room. "it's really kinda stupid."

"you don't have to tell me," you explain, moving your head to briefly look up at them. "but I'm here if you want."

a warm silence settles over the two of you. you take it as a sign that they don't want to talk about it which is fine. you would never pressure them into talking about anything they're not comfortable with. After a moment, they speak up again. "my powers are such a big part of who I am," their voice is very quiet almost like they're scared to say it. "would I still be this way without them?"

rolling onto your stomach, you finally look up at them properly. his hair is tousled and just a little messy but pretty. no matter what, it always looked pretty. even in the dim light, you can notice the dusting of pink across their cheeks. they seemed content; relaxed. "be what way?" you wonder. jordan's hand that once danced across your skin now rests against the small of your back.

"bigender, obviously."

"I don't know," they wanted an answer you couldn't give to them. identity was such a personal thing." how did you feel when you were younger?"

"I guess it's always been a little confusing,"

"Why are you suddenly questioning it?" you wonder with a slight chuckle. imitating their action from earlier by running your fingers up and down their chest.

"dunno," they shrug. "it's just a little fucked that my powers are just one more thing for people to hate me for."

without powers, Jordan never would have gotten into Godu. and if they hadn't gotten into godu, you'd probably never have met. the world can be a cruel place full of distaste and anger but as selfish as it was, you're grateful for the opportunity to know them. "you're always gonna get people who hate supes."

"yeah, but I mean like people hate that I shift. the whole bigender thing doesn't sell- it's fucking shit." his voice is louder now; firm. "add that to the whole Asian thing and I'm screwed. everything is against me."

"Jordan," you hum softly, stopping your motion. they've always been so confident in their identity. never cared what anyone else wanted from them. it was something you admired about them, so it was almost weird watching them discuss it with such uncertainty. to question something so fundamental to them. you hardly knew anything about yourself. "do you want to know what i think?"

"i guess," he huffs out. a grumpy little guy.

"I don't think it actually matters," you urge, planting a gentle kiss against their sweaty stomach. "maybe you wouldn't have been bigender. maybe you would have. maybe your powers are just a manifestation of who you were always meant to be. at the end of the day, all that matters is who you are now." you lay your head back down against their chest. "and i think they're pretty awesome." with a gentle hum, his arms slide over to hug you against them. guess they were satisfied with that answer.

"Well thanks," he says after a moment. "now if you could just convince the rest of the world to be less transphobic or xenophobic too, that'd be more useful."

"I'll get right on that,"

"parents would be happier. the powers they wanted but none of the gender shit. just their perfect superhero son."

"you are their perfect superhero son." you grin. "you're just also their perfect superhero daughter too. their perfect superhero person."

"you think I'm perfect," he teases.

"I think you're… something."

"hot? sexy? the coolest? what?"

you chuckle. leaning down to kiss their stomach but this time you gently nip the skin. "I'm not gonna feed that massive ego of yours."

"I already know you're obsessed with me," his grasp around you tightens ever so slightly. "can hardly blame you." you smile against them. they were probably right. you wouldn't admit it. "I wish they looked at me the same way."

"fuck them."

"don't talk about my parents like that." Jordan insists. "only I can say stuff like that."

"Sorry," you respond. you can hear their heart beating in their chest. one heart. one beautiful, fucked up person. you let your eyes flutter closed, enjoying the sound of Jordan li. "people put expectations on us and that's fucked. just be whoever you want."

"suppose." he mumbles softly. "sorry for being pathetic- no more talking about stupid ass feelings."

"I don't mind." you really didn't. you would listen to them talk about anything. "really."

the thing about being with Jordan is that you're never really with Jordan. it is always very hot and cold. you may find yourself in their bed naked, listening to their confessions but the very next day, they would probably ignore you. you rationalise their reaction by considering it embarrassment. they get self-conscious when it comes to being vulnerable. that doesn't make you feel better in the immediate sense but does allow you to remain hopeful for the future. you often see them around campus but you don't really talk. even if you did, they prefer to act like you hardly know each other. even just a smile is too much for Jordan Li; they prefer a dirty look. occasionally they found the time to text you back but that's hardly anything to write home about. plus you're always the one to initiate the conversation unless they're after something. your friends think they're an asshole. every time you find yourself left on read or longingly stalking their social media, they'd tell you to move on. and that's how you ended up here. at some random dorm party. apparently, the best way to get over them is to find someone new. you didn't want someone new but apparently, that's not a good enough reason to stay home. it's not a bad party. it's actually pretty fun once you relax and stop checking your phone every few minutes. but you should have known that if there was a party, Jordan Li would probably be there looking as radiant and mysterious as ever. a ghost haunting you in a crowd of drunk students. they also seemed to have a way of always knowing exactly where you are. you'd keep catching sight of them when you're getting a drink or talking to someone new. you're supposed to be ignoring them but they're making it very hard.

with a red cup full of the most disgusting beer in one hand, you're sitting on a couch listening to some random guy tell you all about himself. his name was Mike. Matthew? Matthew seemed correct. you don't remember exactly. it is so loud in here. the music wasn't even good. he was handsome though.

"so that's why I decided psychology would be better." he continues to explain his shift in major which had to do with his family. it's a sweet story. he seemed like such a genuine person. "I wanna help people but not through crime-fighting plus that'll give me a chance to work with supes and regular people."

"that's cool," you nod. it came out a little sarcastic but you never meant it that way. you had such admiration for people who wanna use their powers for good. it's not like you wanted to take over the world or anything but rather you had no clue what you wanted. it reminded you of your conversation with Jordan. you have no clue who you are or what you want. "I wish I was smart enough for that. kinda feel like I'm just here at the moment."

"that's fine too like you've got loads of time," he assures you, shuffling a little closer. a hand coming to rest on your arm along the back of the couch.

"that's true," you agree. "I don't know. we'll see, I'm not too worried like it's-"

"hey," you both look up to spy a masculine Jordan Li staring back with their arms crossed over their chest. his expression was indecipherable but fuck, did he look so good. "you gonna introduce us?" why would you introduce them? jordan wasn't part of this interaction and you hardly knew the other guy. Why was Jordan even here? they haven't spoken to you in days. when you don't respond, Matthew takes the liberty of introducing himself. you did remember his name correctly. "I'm Jordan."

"I know- everyone knows. you're in the top ten dude." Matthew is a little too eager. you would think he was the one sleeping with them.

"I am, yeah. can I just borrow," they point at you. "for a sec."

"uh…"

"I'm sorry. I'll be back." as you stand, Jordan clasps your wrist and basically hauls you up and off towards the hallway. you don't bother protesting. they were stronger than you anyway. "what do you want?"

"what are you doing?" voice firm. jordan shifts to his femme form. fluffy short hair becomes an adorable bob. a much smaller frame but arguably more intimidating.

"excuse me?" your brow furrows.

"Are you stupid ?" Jordan asks, in a slightly more aggressive tone. "what are you doing?"

"what do you mean?" you had no clue what was going on right now. "I'm not doing anything."

"that dude is like all over you."

"no, he isn't. We're just talking," you argue.

a humourless laugh. "I know you're not that fucking naive,"

"Why do you even care?" you shoot back. you would hardly consider the conversation you were having the epitome of flirting. sure, there were a few lingering glances and some touching but there wasn't anything wrong with that. at least they were actually interested, unlike Jordan. "you've been ignoring me all week." a flash of surprise across their face that quickly disappears as they turn away from you.

"I've been busy."

"That's what you always say-"

"excuse me for having a life that doesn't revolve around you," Jordan fires back snappily, scowling back at you.

"why are you mad at me?"

"oh, I don't know. blatantly flirting with guys when you know I'm right there is a pretty shitty thing to do."

"I'm not flirting with anyone, we're just talking about our majors," you clarify. "and it's none of your business anyway, it's not like we're together. I can flirt with whoever I want."

"so you admit it." a scoff leaves your mouth. wait. was Jordan Li jealous right now? the same Jordan li who couldn't be bothered to so much as smile at you in the hallway was now mad that you're talking to someone else at a party? you can't help but laugh a little and when they frown in confusion, you laugh a little more.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" you ask, a playful quirk of your brow. "is the infamous Jordan Li jealous?"

"don't be an idiot," they defend, taking a step away and leaning back against the wall. you watch them carefully before following their gaze out into the sea of other people. "why would I be jealous?"

you close the distance once more; leaning in close. you hold their gaze. such soft pretty eyes hold so many secrets. "because you like me,"

"fuck off," Jordan huffs, flinching away from you. "I don't care what you do."

this whole conversation proved otherwise but okay. either way, you were done arguing over it. you were supposed to be focusing on other people not getting wrapped up in Jordan li again. "sure," you comment sarcastically. "I'm gonna get a drink and you're gonna leave me alone." you don't give them a chance to respond; simply walking away in search of a new drink. you half expect them to follow but they don't. with a fresh red cup, you decide to return to Matthew. he seems to have found somebody new to talk to. a tall guy with very distinctive feline eyes. "sorry about that." the boy looks at you, with a confused frown and then back to his friend. That was weird. "are you okay?"

"yeah," a smirk. "I just don't fuck with other people's girls. too messy." with that said, they both walk away. other people's girls? you weren't dating anyone. falling down against the couch, you search the crowd and spot a certain guy sporting a mischievous smirk. surely not. surely Jordan wasn't that much of a dick. when they catch your eye, they start walking towards you

"you look a little lonely over here."

"fuck you." you spit sharply.

"touchy." they hold their hands up in the air to feign innocence.

"you're such a fucking asshole," you grumble. sinking further down into the plush fabric of the couch. you were pissed. not over Matthew specifically. after all, you hardly knew him. but over the fact, that Jordan was so petty. you never expected them to do something as stupid as this.

"I didn't do anything " Jordan claims, a quick shrug of their shoulders. "he was just a dick."

"you told him I was your girlfriend."

"I didn't do shit," Jordan responds casually, shifting into their femme form as they fall down on the couch beside you. you sit forward ready to leave but not quite doing so. "I just decided to come talk to you since you seemed all lonely- sorry for trying to be nice."

"you don't know how to be nice."

"ouch," a playful hand slaps over the heart. "however will I go on" they chuckle, leaning back in their seat.

"fuck you."

"Will you chill out," their hands slide over your shoulders; gently pulling you back and into their awaiting embrace. "that guy was fucking dull as shit,"

"you don't even know him," you huff. no attempt to move out of their embrace; breathing in their perfume. it was surprisingly fruity. not their normal go-to.

"maybe not." Jordan answers. "but I know you." she hugs you against her chest. warm and tight. "I know your body." their hand slips down across your waist to rest upon your upper thigh. leaning in close, her breath is hot against your neck. "that dude could never fuck you as well as I do." whispered in your ear. A tingle spills down your spine. you shift against them, feeling very hot all of a sudden. "we both know it." you swallow hard. You don't know what to say. and frankly, you're worried that if you do they'll hear the tremble in your voice. you definitely don't want them to know the effect they had on you. not right now. not when you're supposed to be ignoring them. a feather-like kiss against your neck before it presses deeper. jordan sinks her teeth into your skin and your mouth falls open. a soft sigh slipping into the air.

"fuck…"

"That's what I thought," hummed against your skin before they pulled away. "so how about we stop playing games and go find somewhere quiet," they gently squeezed your thigh. "yeah?"

Jordan fucking li. they really were a piece of work. and your friends were gonna be oh so disappointed in you.

[star-girl-05]

Mama I'm In Love With A Criminal

Kol Mikaelson x Reader

~★~❤︎~✦~

Inspo~ Mama I'm in love with a criminal And this type of love isn't rational, it's physical Mama please don't cry, I will be alright All reason aside I just can't deny, I love the guy ~Britney Spears

You should have known he was too good to be true. He was the perfect boyfriend, handsome, funny, caring, and he had an accent -A BRITISH ACCENT. He was just too perfect, he had to have a flaw though it didn’t have to be such a big one. I mean you could get over the vampire thing if anything it was kinda a plus I mean everyone goes through a vampire phase. Even the fact he’s related to Klaus, wasn’t a complete deal breaker. No, what you couldn't get over is the fact he beat Jeremy up with a bat and nearly pummeled the boy to death. You can still remember the call you got from elena she was in tears begging you to come back to mystic falls. 

You had decided to go along with Jeremy when Elena sent him away just wanting to have a normal life with no drama. Though you unknowingly had fallen smack dab in the middle. 

You were packing up your room, desperate to get back home and comfort your friend. A knock on your door has you freezing. You were hoping it was anyone but Kol, you had no desire to see him. After that call with Elena you never even wanted to hear his name again. You felt like such a fool, you were just a pawn, a means to mess with Elena. 

“Darling would you open the door?”, you don’t move hoping that your silence will make him leave. “I suppose you heard about the Jeremy thing but it was nothing personal. Now open the door before I kick it in” you thought the threat over, eventually deciding to stand you don’t know how you would explain a kicked in door. 

You kept your face neutral as you opened the door, Kol on the other hand wore a smirk. “I do hope your not here to beat me with a bat”, in truth you should be scared but you just couldn’t bring yourself to be. No, you're already feeling too much to be scared of him. 

“Darling,” he reached out, going to stroke your cheek, you quickly dodge. It didn’t seem to upset him though. “Even when you're mad I find you completely irresistible.” You tried your best not to be affected by his words. Yet you still found your heart quickening, in your defense it was only a short while ago that this man was your boyfriend. It was only fitting that there was residual feelings even if you wished there weren't. “Let me make it up to you” he’s reaching for you once more, this time however he moves too fast for you to react. His lips smashing against yours in a heart aching kiss. 

“Kol” you mumble against his lips. Your arms rest on his chest your not sure if you wish to push him away or pull him closer. 

“I love it when you say my name” he groans as he moves his lips against your neck. You shouldn’t let this continue.

“Kol we shouldn’t-I shouldn’t” you finally managed to push him away. Or at least get him to stop kissing you. He still had you held close against her. 

“I don’t want this to get between us, I care for you shouldn’t that be all that matters?” His words gave you pause. You wish it was that easy but the ‘this’ he’s talking about is him beating up your friend's brother. You couldn’t just look past that. “If you can overlook your friends' actions towards my family, then why can’t you look over mine towards theirs?”. His question had you pausing. When he said it like that you realized just how hypocritical you had been. 

When it came to your friends you always excused their actions, even the most questionable ones, because they only did what they had to. So if you can excuse their actions maybe you could forgive Kols. “I’m not saying I condone your actions because I don’t but-” you're not even able to finish your sentence before Kol is kissing you. This time you don’t push him away. 

For now you just want to focus on the warm feeling he makes erupt in your chest. Not on how your friends are bound to react to your choice in men, but what can you do your in love. Even if he may be a criminal in their minds to you he’s just your Love.

[runa-falls]

the love bite - steven

pairing: steven grant x reader (what's new)

warnings: biting (lol), physical hurt/comfort, FLUFF, unhinged!reader, sub-ish!steven [I CAN'T HELP IT OK], small reference to the boys' past/their job, a bit suggestive but not explicit!

a/n: blaming @whatthefishh for this thot after the comment on the flowers fic about wanting to bite him i had to write. and @leoluved for encouraging me to write this instead of my wips -- hehe :3

prompt (by me): i wonder how steven would react to the reader just biting him out of love...

w/c: ~800

masterlist

---

With Steven, the initial chomp would happen during a normal hangout with each other. 

Like you'd both just be chilling, sprawled out on the couch, with the tv droning in the background:

You love these moments with Steven. The unspoken acknowledgment that you are both pretending to watch what's on when really you're just sinking into each other's touch, enjoying each other's company.

Soft, lazy days like this have become increasingly rare as Konshu has Marc sent out on missions in the States every few weeks. You don't blame them. You could never blame them. You just miss them.

Steven is snuggled right behind you, a sweater-clad arm securely wrapped over your shoulder to keep you close to his body. He sighs softly into your hair, wishing to just lay here, legs tangled with yours forever.

He doesn't notice or care that his oversized sleeve bunches at his elbow as he repositions himself behind you, but your eyes instantly catch onto his revealed forearm, tan and strong, but relaxed, resting right above your chest.

Sometimes you forget how strong your boyfriends are, how they can handle you with such care, touches as light as a feather when all they've known in their life is pain.

Steven settles closer to you, face nuzzled against your shoulder, subtly breathing you in with a soft sigh. His warmth soaks into your back, surrounding you with undeniable comfort. You look down at his arm with interest in your eyes, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip.

Suddenly you have this urge, this impulsive thought to just --

Steven chokes out a high-pitched yelp.

"HEY!" He’s barely able to process what happened as he swipes his arm away from your mouth. "W-what was that for?" He stares at you with furrowed brows while his other arm slips out from under you to rub at the fresh bite mark on his arm.

You sit up a little, eyes trained on the indents as his fingers gently swipe over them. Pretty. You didn't bite hard so they're quite faint, but you can still make out your bite pattern. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, "I dunno." 

It sounded dumb coming out of your mouth, but you really can't explain why you did it. You just needed to. Something about his softness and the pure affection you hold for him compelled you to bite him…and you kind of want to do it again.

Your hand darts out and you try to tug his arm closer, but he struggles against you, no longer trusting his limbs anywhere close to your mouth. He whimpers softly when you tug harder, trying to resist your eager grip.

“What d’you mean ‘I don’t know’?!” His arm is immovable, but you keep pulling at him. “You bit me!” 

When he pulls away from your body, attempting to push himself up to a seated position, you huff in frustration and yank him back. He falls back with a squeak and you hold him close, leaning in instead of pulling him in this time.

You brush your lips against his warm skin, hovering right over the last bite and he relaxes a bit, believing you’d soothe the bite with a kiss as an apology. But you don’t. 

It’s less aggressive this time around. Less of a bite and more of a nibble. 

He tenses at first, instinctively wanting to draw away from you, but as you gently suckle and lick at him, he starts to settle against you, seeing as you mean him no harm. 

“I-I still don’t get it.” He peers down at you as you leave soft marks along his arm, “What – Why are you doing this?” 

You sigh, “Steven…just let it happen.” 

“Um, ok.” 

—

Since that initial bite, your lips have made their way around his body, taking time to show every inch of him some love and affection. He’s littered with love bites and phantom kisses, but he still yearns for more. 

He shudders as you drag the edge of your teeth against the crook of his neck and eagerly leans into your touch, hungry for physical contact.

No matter how much he mewls and begs for you, you’ve taken it slow, drinking in each bated breath and soft cry. 

You breathe a whisper against his skin, “You like this, Steven?”

He doesn’t answer your question.

You place a gentle kiss on his sweet spot, but pull away when he starts to whine for more. 

“Please, darling.” 

He wants you to bite, but you stay put and watch him writhe for your touch. 

Your thumb swipes over a blotch of purple on his shoulder and he shivers at the sensation of pleasurable pain, “Why do you like it so much, sweetheart, hm?”

“I dunno,” He’s delirious, only able to think about you and your touch, “I just – please.”

“Ok, baby…”

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: Hesitant physical intimacy with Yuuta.

CHARACTER: Mito Yuuta

WARNINGS: Mentions of fatphobia.

COMMENTS: im so sorry this was supposed to be fluffy i PROMISE. um i was thinking about the possible parallels of him and azul's childhood and even NOW since fatphobia is still a problem today i have no doubt some students at nrc would be so NASTY about it. (especially since the mob students are total dicks NORMALLY) so yk. im so sorry i promise the next thing i write will be fluff PROMISE.

His hands are shaking.

You reach out and brush his dark hair away from his eyes, and in them you find your reflection. They sparkle when you tuck his hands into yours and lead them to your hips, where you press his palms into the skin. He sucks in a breath and flushes pink, trembling as his hands hold you like you’re going to shatter at any moment. Your heart aches with the need to make him comfortable, the new intimacy so tender and sweet. He leans into you, and even though he asked for physical affection, there’s a worried look on his face.

“I’m sorry.” he murmurs, soft and tender and kind, “I’ve never...I don’t know how to do this right.”

“There’s no right way to do it, Yuuta.” you say, hoping your voice is half as kind as his always is, “I trust you. You can touch me, it’s okay.”

“I...I want to. I just don’t want to do anything you don’t like.” he swallows thickly, blinking back tears, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying—”

You pull him against you, wrapping your arms around him and holding him close. Your lips twist in sorrow when he sniffles into your shoulder, arms wrapping around you in return. You know you couldn’t possibly find the words to explain how attractive he is to you, how badly you want to do this, how much affection you want to show him, but you wish you could find them.

You know what's causing his hesitance. You’ve seen it in some of the students here, how their eyes follow him with disdain. You’ve heard the comments about his weight, how people don’t think he’s worth anything simply because he’s fat. You've heard the snarky remarks about the new student and how, no matter what he does, you know he'll never fully be valued at Night Raven College because this world is built on magic and nobody bothers to even entertain the idea that Yuuta is a person in his own right.

You can't fix that.

But you can help him through it.

And so you press your lips to his forehead, running your hand through his hair. Your free hand trails over his back, up and down and up and down and up and down until his sobs slowly fade. You pull away and press another kiss right above his eyebrow, squeezing him in your arms.

“Thank you.” he laughs, pulling away from you to wipe at his eyes, “I...I’m—”

“Don’t apologize.” you cut him off, holding out your hands, “You never have to apologize for showing me how you feel. Thank you for trusting me so much, Yuuta.”

You wish you could say more.

He shakes his head, bloodshot eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiles.

“No, thank you. You’re too kind to me, really!” he pulls you into him, without hesitation, and you’re enveloped in everything that is him as he hugs you.

You grasp at the back of his shirt and hold him as close as you can, close enough that you can feel the beat of his heart through his soft chest. He holds you reverently, he holds you like you’re worth so much to him, he holds you like you’re a person and you’re imperfect and yet that will always, always be enough for him.

It makes you want to cry.

Instead of crying, you simply hold him tighter. Yuuta laughs into your shirt and finds your hand, intertwining your fingers.

And your heart almost stops when his lips press a single kiss, right above your eyebrow.

[quickstappen]

track 003: twisting stories, all because you're jealous

A/N: i am back at it guys, sorry for the angst? i hate the written section of this with burning fashion, i think i rewrote it like 20 times (that's why it took so long to post) but i can't get it to be where i want it to be so fuck it we ball.

also, some additional warnings here: nothing specific but mostly crude language, swearing and touching a bit on sexual harassment (not exactly, just don't know how to explain the rumors spread about paola in warnings, english is not my first language)

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liked by jensonbutton, oscarpiastri and others

paola_sainz road crimes were definitely committed, but at least we got the band back together ;) featuring Jenson the taxi driver

tagged: oscarpiastri, logansargeant, arthur_leclerc, frederikvestiofficial, paularon_, liamlawson30, jensonbutton

see all comments...

jensonbutton I knew that's all I was to you, a glorified taxi driver

↳ paola_sainz don't take it personally ❤️

shithappens the prema (+liam) band is back!!! the world is healing

elmatadorf1 get away from them! leave the drivers alone, i can't believe she's still trying to leech off of them 🐍💀

F4ST_C4R did you race? if so who won???

logansargeant hate to break it to you, but you were the main instigator of those crimes Lola 🙄

↳ paola_sainz so not true! oscarpiastri tell him!

↳ oscarpiastri it's all Arthur's fault

↳ mcwilliams not Arthur catching strays 👀

cuddlyxricc will you comment on the paddock ban or ignore it like everything else?? 😒

redleclerc we need to know who won!! 👀

4ND1 what i would give to go karting with all of them 😭

↳ lightning_enjyr right?? it looks like so much fun

lewibear did you win?

hammertime_1 i bet she destroyed them

charles_leclerc I think my invitation got lost somewhere?

↳ arthur_leclerc Find your own friends Charles 🙄

frederikvestiofficial We need to do this more often!

hamilteaa how is it that she posted this man so many times and we still don't have any characteristic feature?? it could literally be any brunette 😭

arthur_leclerc For everyone asking, I won 😎

↳ oscarpiastri That's not true

↳ paularon_ No you didn't Arthur

↳ logansargeant mate, you came last

oscarpiastri Always a pleasure to race alongside you 😉

↳ paola_sainz even when I get super competitive?

↳ oscarpiastri Especially then

↳ paola_sainz 🧡😉

catstri mister piastri, she is taken 😳

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oscarpiastri posted new instagram stories!

caption: even when arthur_leclerc attempted 'the ichident' reprise on the main straight, paola_sainz still won

⟶ paola_sainz replied to your story!

paola_sainz aw osc, you're making me blush ☺️

⟶ arthur_leclerc replied to your story!

arthur_leclerc Only because she cheated!

oscarpiastri Excuse you, my girlfriend does not cheat

AUSTRIA 2024

paola_sainz posted new instagram stories!

caption 1: bit of a chill evening today, can't say I'm used to this during race weekends lol

⟶ oscarpiastri replied to your story!

oscarpiastri I really wish you were here baby, you have no idea 🧡

paola_sainz me too Osc, but dw you'll do great

caption 2: keeping up with Redbull Ring from my bed, let's go boys!

caption 3: we all knew max was gonna win (congrats by the way maxverstappen1) but HELL YEAHHH OSC! THAT'S P2 MATEEE 🧡

⟶ maxverstappen1 replied to your story!

maxverstappen1 Thanks Paola 🎉

⟶ oscarpiastri replied to your story!

oscarpiastri mate?

paola_sainz isn't that how you aussies relay affection?

oscarpiastri 🖕

paola_sainz 🧡

GREAT BRITAIN 2024

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and others

paola_sainz british grand prix? don't know her. this week is for miss America and miss America only. welcome to the 4th of July bash at Jenson's house ;)

tagged: logansargeant, jensonbutton, oscarpiastri, alex_albon, arthur_leclerc, danielricciardo

see all comments...

hamilteaa they celebrated 4th of July with Logan 😭😭 no one speak to me

danielricciardo As a honorary American I approve, the free alcohol was a big plus👌🤠 Jenson should invite us over more often

↳ jensonbutton I was not aware of this happening until it was too late

↳ paola_sainz you love us ;)

↳ jensonbutton Unfortunately 🙄

srgashley logan with the flag 😂 he's so american i can't

XGEORG1NA man, I'd kill for some ribs with mac'&cheese rn 😩

oscarpiastri Is this what it feels like to attend a frat party?

↳ logansargeant this was definitely better

↳ paola_sainz how can you know, you've never actually been to a frat party Logan

↳ oscarpiastri Don't expose him for being fake American

↳ logansargeant Jeez, ganging up on me on July 4th, so not cool 😔

elmatadorf1 god, this is just so cringe 💀

shithappens oh my god those cowboy hats are so cute!

predestined55 why do they even hang out with her? she's acting like she's clinically insane 🙄

charles_leclerc Again, where was the invitation?

↳ paola_sainz Charles, you're not even American? You're Monegasque

↳ charles_leclerc That's clearly doesn't matter?? Only one of you is American!

↳ arthur_leclerc I could be American

↳ paola_sainz Arthur, you can't claim to be French AND American 🙄

↳ charles_leclerc Arthur, we are NOT FRENCH

isawthesainz we will never forget what you did to Carlos! 🐍

↳ prplsector she literally didn't do anything to him???

redleclerc charles loosing his mind in the comments is sending me 💀

↳ 4ND1 poor him, he will never understand Paola's and Arthur's banter lol

logansargeant Again, thank you guys for this. Bringing home a little closer to me for a while ❤️🇺🇲 Happy 4th of July everyone

↳ paola_sainz we're all American for 4th of July

↳ oscarpiastri It's mostly all about the food

sheilaxtay is she even American?

↳ lightning_enjyr she's Spanish

↳ sheilaxtay ??? what the hell

↳ lightning_enjyr Logan is the only American on the grid, she's always celebrated with him so he's not alone

↳ STARG3N i don't understand how can people not like her, she's so sweet 😭

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⟶ POST RACE INTERVIEW WITH OSCAR PIASTRI AND CARLOS SAINZ! PLAY | IGNORE

paola's messages:

HUNGARY 2024

paola's messages:

screamingmeals posted new instagram stories!

caption: Let's go Hungary! Join us on twitch to watch the race with us and our special guest paola_sainz!

paola_sainz posted new instagram stories!

caption 1: come listen to our nonsense commentary of the Hungarian gp on the screamingmeals twitch chanel ;)

caption 2: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD???! WHAT THE FUCKKKK

caption 3: ¡Vamos Ozzie! you deserve this so much oh my god this is absolutely glorious! I am so proud oscarpiastri

⟶ charles_leclerc replied to your story!

charles_leclerc Oh my god you are SO whipped

paola_sainz I am so telling Alex you said that 🙄

charles_leclerc No please

❝¡Vamos, vamos! Oscar, come on! Oh my God! I think I'm gonna faint," she hid her face in her shaking hands, "tell me when it's over. God I haven't been this stressed since it was me in the car I think."

Next to her James and Clement exchanged looks laughing quietly.

"Don't worry," the Formula 2 driver ruffled her hair, "we'll let you know when he rounds the last corner so you don't miss it."

"Gracias," Paola rolled her eyes and pushed his hands away. "Mate stop, you're messing it up."

"Aw, don't be like that," Clement reached his hands out again, trying to mess with her hair more, but Paola dodged his attempts. The two started pushing each other off the couch until James stepped in and sat inbetween them.

"Also, for everyone watching us here on twitch, she's a dirty liar," Clem said, peaking out from where he sat behind James, after they both calmed down a little.

"I am not mate, what the hell?" Paola exclaimed, obviously appalled. "When have I lied?"

"Just now actually," the driver smirked.

"I might have to agree with Clem here," James looked between the two with amusement. "You? Stressed in a car? Never."

"Yeah, so don't go saying that this is almost as stressful now," Clem showed her from behind James, causing the man in the middle to look into the camera with a pained expression. All while mouthing 'just like children' to the great amusement of the fans watching the interaction. "Actually, I don't think I've ever seen you this stressed before."

"Maybe," Paola's cheeks quickly started resembling the famous Rosso Corsa. "But it's Oscar," she said after few seconds.

"Yeah, it's Oscar," James smiled softly at her, some of the amusement still twinkling in his eyes.

"And he's taking that Mclaren to the top step of the podium! The Australian driver advances all the way to that checkqyerd flag, Oscar Piastri wins for the first time in Formula One! It's a Mclaren 1-2-"

Paola couldn't hear anything thing else, the commentator's voice slowly fading into blissful silence while she watched Oscar cross the finish line in firs place. Right next to her Clement and James were cheering and jumping around but she paid them no mind for the time being. She could've been crying for all she knew, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered. Oscar was a Formula 1 race winner.

"Dios mío," she said quietly into her hands, eyes locked in on the car number 81, she couldn't miss even a second of this.

Paola always knew Oscar would win. He was born a winner, it was only a matter of time before he took the Formula 1 world by storm. She had no doubts that he'd stand among the World Champions one day, right there in the spotlight where he belongs. She just... Well, at a time she was also convinced she'd be standing right there with him. Over the years the vision changed. Oscar was always meant for greatness, but her? She was forced to step into the shadows, take the reality head on and manage her expectations accordingly. So that's exactly what she did. In her mind, it was no longer her and Oscar standing on the top steps together, but she was always there. Looking up at him with tears of joy in her eyes. And that's how it was supposed to be.

She was supposed to be there.

But now she wasn't.

It was Oscar's, Oscar's, first win and she... She wasn't there. Instead she was in the UK, with Clement and James livestreaming from her living room. It's not that she didn't like the guys, they were amazing and watching the race with them was actually fun, but-

She was supposed to be with Oscar.

"Excuse me for a minute guys," she laughed weakly, despair flowing through her like a raging river, leaking out of her along with the tears falling steadily from her eyes. "I'll be right back, just need to catch my breath and make a quick phone call."

As she left the room the cheers form the dingy laptop speakers only seemed to grow louder.

It must've been time for the podium celebrations. ❞

liked by oscarpiastri, jensonbutton and others

paola_sainz oh my god??? someone better tell this guy that I used to drive circles around on track that he's a damn formula 1 race winner now what the hell??

no, in all seriousness now, Oscar, I am so proud of you! From the moment I saw you on that track at 11 years old, I knew you were destined for greatness. It was like there was a sign hanging over your head - "watch out for me, I am the future" - and since that day, you prove that I was right every single day. Everyone knows now that someday you WILL stand among the greatest. I just hope that when you do, I'll be there to cheer you on and ugly cry with your mom. Enjoy this one Osc, you 100% deserved it!

see all comments...

charles_leclerc I did not get a post like that for my first Ferrari win, favouritism at it's best

↳ paola_sainz yeah well, I was also there when you got your first win in rosso corsa, you got the live version 🙄

shithappens i am sobbing on my bedroom floor what the fuck

prema_team Our Oscar is a Formula 1 race winner!

↳ paola_sainz hell yeah he is admin

prplsector this is too much i can't- 😭

cuddlyxricc this just feels condescending?? wym "the guy i used to drive circles around on track", it's just mean?

barbiegirl mate, it's clearly a joke?? did you not see the whole fucking paragraph underneath?

oui_lyanne i am starting to see your point jordie lightning_enjyr

↳ lightning_enjyr i TOLD you, this is like way above friendship level

fastkiwi oh my god i am so mad that she couldn't attend the race 😭 fia when i catch you

lightning_enjyr it's just so devastating that she missed his first win because of some petty drama her own brother is trying to cause

catstri oh my god those pictures 💀

oscarpiastri I am not going anywhere without you, the top step doesn't feel as high when I look down and you're not there

↳ L3CH41R oh that is bold statement my man

↳ 4ND1 this on main? damn

↳ papayamonique didn't he just confirm that he has a girlfriend? this seems not cool, I'd definitely be jealous if I was her

↳ L3CH41R mate c'mon 😶

jensonbutton Celebratory dinner at our place when you get back oscarpiastri you deserve it man, congratulations

↳ oscarpiastri Thank you Jenson, it means a lot

↳ paola_sainz 🧡

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paola's messages:

madi's radio: if the end feels rushed, it's because me and the 30 photo limit do not like each other and i greatly underestimated how long this part was gonna be (and i already had to cut it into two)

click here to be added to the hiding in the seams taglist!

taglist: @blushmimi @Ale-522 @joalslibrary @jaydaaasworld @vroomvroommuppett @sugarhoneylemons @formulaonebuff @clove0 @rockyhayzkid @glitzyditzy @coriyaps @irishmanwhore @gr3yhues @kikiki04 @fall-bambi @nichmeddar @sunfairyy @formulaal @marauders-wife @theseus-jpg @heavy-vettel @anxxiousaries @linaversion @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit @d3kstar @camelliaflow3r @delululeclerc @lesliiieeeee @gaviymarcsbride @solidalibi @fernandoswarcrimes @asteriajaye @spilled-coffee-cup @ouiouibaguettei @Scott-McCall-could-lift-mjolnir @lady-bennet @kittylolly4 @ST4RSHINE @warrensluvr @asparklysoul @sharllleclerc @charllleclerc @sheridamn @thewannabewriter @justjessieslife @back-on-my-bullsh @Scarlettwidow3000 @Idkiwantchocolatee @olivyamarvelgirl @antrenix

xxx - couldn't tag you 

DISCLAIMER: i do not know anything about this people, this is not real life, this is just something for fun, i do not know anythings about their life or personalities!

[uber-dawn]

chat i'm having random thoughts about eos post-game and eevee protagonist. it's no secret that eevee is a popular pick for this game and imo no matter what you choose to evolve them into there's a very poetic explanation for each (though i'm not sure how well i can articulate my thoughts lol). like,

- Flareon: coming from a world of darkness and sharp hostility, the hero chooses to become a soft and fluffy fire type. the hero is so smitten by the sun in the past (and so horrified by the lack of it in the future) that they become a fire type to bring that warmth and light wherever they go! (plus flareon's my favorite :])

- Jolteon: similar to flareon, wanting to bring light to the people of the past. there's also something to be said about the fact electric type are immune to paralysis, as well as the idea that hero was gone for months after defeating dialga, then once they come back they're alive! they want to run, and jump, and celebrate that they're here!

- Vaporeon: the fact that Grovyle and hero were seperated in a storm, that they met partner for the first time on a beach, that the hidden land is across the ocean, (smth smth manaphy, ive never played that far), that water doesnt flow in the future, eeeeverything about chapter 5, and that the partner found comfort in the krabby's bubbles. water in eos is important when it comes to partings and reunions.

- Umbreon: they're a dark type. do i need to explain.

okayifyouinsist, hero comes from a world of darkness!! even if they don't remember it, that darkness affected them on such a deep level that their body never forgot! as well, umbreons and dusknoirs have lots of golden rings on their bodies, and umbreons have a type advantage against dusknoirs your partner still loves you in your new form, but everytime they look at you they can't help but remember Him, and shudder. it's about being forced to reckon with the fact you placed your trust in Dusknoir, and he took advantage of it and betrayed you.

- Espeon: right this wasnt just about umbreon. espeon and umbreon were made to be parallels; where umbreon has high defenses, espeon has a high special attack (+ dark type is immune to psychic). where umbreon has a type advantage on Dusknoir, espeon has a weakness. an umbreon hero will never trust Him again; and espeon hero chooses to believe in second chances.

- Leafeon: GROVYLEEE, it's about choosing to change your very dna so that you never forget your friend! in the short time you know him, you fully understand why your past self stood by his side! there's sorrow in that without your memories you'll never fully understand your relationship with him, but your soul remembers, and you still love your friend. deep down, a leafeon hero is ashamed they ever considered Grovyle a criminal, and wishes they could have had more time with him, in less dire circumstances. last note, the fact that the world of the future was so barren and lifeless without the sun, and the fact you become a leafeon to reflect how the future is alive. :)

- Glaceon: the fact that the hero comes from a world that was frozen, and still becomes an ice type, the future was cold, but a hero glaceon still found beauty in it. it's about remaining hopeful and that with or without fixing the future, you still need to survive in this world. it's about understanding your situation and making peace with it, while still striving to make it better.

- Sylveon: i remember that when fairy type came out, people were trying to justify why it was strong against dragon, and my favorite explanation for it was that in "fairy" tales, the hero slays the dragon. the sylveon hero did it! they slew the dragon, and their story has finally come to an end! as well, it's about wanting to give off a cheery look. it's about saying "don't look at the violence and darkness, look at me, smile! i'm here to help you!" (we'll have Explorers DX someday, trust 🙏. )

[vvickydisc]

I would love to hear about your three AUs! (Entangled, Springlock and Ribbons Attached)

All of them have gorgeous designs!!!

tysm!!! honestly i wish i did a little more with the springlock designs but didnt know what more i could do xd let me try my best explaining these aus haha, feel free to ask for elaboration!

Entangled AU

Is about Jax being stuck in a dating simulator with the hostess being, Ringleader Gangle!

cos it rhymes with gangle :)

In this AU, Gangle is a AI whos aware shes not real. So she tries to not be too attached to whoever plays, its hard since shes programmed to love em' throughout them playing the game correctly, because if they win they wont play again

She used to miss/yearn for the player(s) return but fucked around with coding to get rid of this feeling by deleting some saved data, ensuring Gangle won't even remember them if they 'won' and left the game

How to win is basically romancing Gangle and confessing your love to her, allowing you to leave the game. Which is why Jax is stuck here because he can't/won't "win the game" (Theres no reason for this, hes just being a stubborn asshole)

Despite Jax not playing the 'dating' part of the simulator or earning her affection in the correct way, Gangle falls in love with Jax oddly enough. The reasons as to why will be explored in the future!

couple of notes!

* Within this AU it's just them! The others won't be in this AU xd but im willing to explore some designs of how they mightve looked like

* Shoutout to the person who thought this was a Balan Wonderworld AU because Gangle was totally based off Balan with Jax being based off NiGHTS

Ribbons Attached AU

Springlock AU

like 'strings attached' and jax being the puppeter of gangle *wave off hand* you get it

If you like the asshole aspect of Jax and want him to be worse while liking Ribbun this may be the AU for you!

In this AU! Jax is actually a dead person stuck haunting this game as the Ringleader, no i won't explained how he died and how hes in the game just listen to cabinet man by lemon demon

It's quite a simple AU though, Jax makes torturous adventures based off the others fear. Gangle's prevalent fear in this AU is claustrophobia.

His main goal is to make the cast abstract for a laugh and possibly to not feel lonely? Since if they did abstract, its not like they can leave.

It's why his favorite is Gangle! He'd hate for her to leave somehow.

couple of notes!

* All the cast has some sort of clown names, Gangle being Jingle because of her bells.

* I like to think each "Ringleader!Character" has their gimmick. With Caine having "all seeing eyes" I like to imagine Jax has many expendable and extendable hands/arms? not like a spider!! think of floating gloves/hands

cos... gangle has springs and.. jax is a dead guy whos trapped as a rabbit.... you can only understand if you know about fnaf

In this AU, it's also kinda simple. I've been bouncing between the idea if I should keep Gangle as a AI and Jax as a human or just make them both human or both AI but its basically: Jax is Caine and Gangle is Bubble

Its a bit blaaand at the moment but hopefully I can come up with some ideas for this one..

The cast includes: Pomni, Kafumo, Queenie, Ragatha, Zooble and Kinger :) thanks for reading!! and sorry for answering this late :c

[dyns33]

Communication issues

A little Shane x female reader, without any zombies

Y/N quickly told Lori about it, because she didn't know how to talk to Shane about it without him taking it the wrong way.

Shane often took things the wrong way. Oh, he wasn't yelling at her, he wasn't hitting her, but he was reacting like a stupid child, not listening, not trying to understand, just feeling criticized and attacked, and preferring to run away to the bar for hours, before coming back to finally hear what she wanted to say to him.

It would have been the same for this subject, if not worse. Because sex was obviously a very important subject to Shane.

So important that they had been fucking at least three times a day since they met, which was almost a year ago.

Y/N wasn’t complaining. Not complaining at all. Shane was a very gifted, very considerate lover. But this limitless libido was starting to tire her a little, and above all to intrigue her.

Completely honest, he had told her about all his previous relationships, even the one that had only lasted one night. There had been many. He started very young.

It might have seemed stupid, but Y/N wondered if it meant something, if Shane didn't have a problem. Maybe he was repressing things, maybe he was looking for some form of affection, maybe there was a hormonal problem.

It wasn't mean, she was just worried about him. And as she knew he wouldn't understand, she spoke about it to Lori, who looked at her with wide eyes.

"… Three times per day ?"

“Is that the only thing you remember from what I just said? ”

"Three times per day."

"Yes. And I'm not complaining ! If I tell him no, Shane doesn't force me either, but he goes into the bathroom and stays there for a very long time, if you know what I mean. You think that he has a problem ? Maybe he should see a doctor ? To talk, or get some medicine."

“You want him to stop ?”

"No ! I just want to understand why he behaves like a rabbit in heat absolutely all the time, if it's normal or if it's something else. It's for his own good, you can't hear his heart beat super fast when he falls asleep."

Lori found her fears a little absurd, but adorable. She couldn't really help her, though, because her husband wasn't as productive, so she had no other point of comparison.

Her advice was to talk to Shane about it, or watch if he seemed to be having a heart attack mid-coitus.

Not finding the words to explain her apparently imaginary fears, Y/N opted for the second option and everything went well.

Until one evening when Shane returned from patrol, tired, visibly disturbed, and remaining in the hall while she was cooking.

"Shane ? Are you okay ?"

"… Yes."

"I'm doing some chili. I hope you're hungry. How was your day ? Did you catch any bad guys ?"

"No, calm day. I'm going to take a shower, baby."

This was normal. Shane always took a long shower after his work. This time it was a little long, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that he hadn't kissed her when he arrived, he hadn't asked her to come with him, and he hadn't kissed her before leaving the room.

But Y/N didn’t say anything. He must have been tired.

They chatted for the rest of the evening, watched a movie together, and then it was time for bed, and normalcy was completely shattered, when Shane quickly kissed her on the forehead and wished her good night, before to lie down with your back to her.

He kissed her on the forehead, before turning his back ?

There were some nights where he didn't even wait for them to arrive in the room before throwing himself on her, his hands roaming her body, his lips never leaving her mouth. It could last for hours, and when they fell asleep, it was always in each other's arms.

Shane must have been really tired.

However, the night passed, and things did not return to complete normal. He still kissed her on the forehead the next day, wishing her a good day. He didn't hesitate when she told him he loved her, responding that he loved her too with a strange little smile.

He responded to her messages. He called her during his lunch break. In fact, he was doing absolutely everything as usual, except touching her.

Y/N decided that maybe he was sick. He had a fever, he was afraid of infecting her, and instead of talking to her, he kept his distance.

On the third day, she woke up alone in bed and found him asleep on the couch. Gently, she touched his forehead, perfectly normal, and she had to accept the truth.

Physically, Shane was fine. There was another problem.

They could have talked about it. At least try. But he was rarely there because of his work, and he hated communicating. Y/N had figured that out a long time ago. His actions always had to be deciphered, and his actions were clear.

He didn't love her anymore. He didn't know how to tell her, so he gradually moved away, until he wouldn't come home at all.

Like with a bandage, she could have forced him to tell her, so that he would end her suffering, but Y/N wanted him to stay as long as possible, so she said nothing, staying alone in their big cold bed, and accepting his quick kisses on her head.

The tears flowed on Sunday, during girls' night at Michonne. Her friends asked her if everything was okay, and she broke down.

"He's going to leave me…"

"What ?! No ! Shane adores you, I've never seen him so happy with anyone !"

"He doesn't touch me anymore. He sleeps in the living room."

"What a bastard ! Do you think he's cheating on you ?"

“Andrea, you’re not helping.” Carol sighed, stroking Y/N’s back. "He may have personal issues. Lori, does Rick know something about it ?"

"He didn't tell me anything. You know how men are, they don't talk or they talk too much. My husband is the first type of jerk."

Y/N continued to cry, leaving the others to debate about the men and the reasons that could push Shane to act like this.

Then she felt very tired, apologizing and saying she wanted to be alone. Leaving the girls in the kitchen, she went into the living room, sitting down in an armchair to think about all this.

Bangs against glass startled her. Looking up, she found Shane pressed against the window, staring at her with panicked eyes.

“Shane ?” she whispered, getting up to open it for him. "What are you doing here ?"

"Lori called Rick to tell him I'm a huge asshole."

"What ?"

He didn't give her time to continue, pressing himself against her as before, taking her to the bathroom without stopping kissing her. He looked like a hungry, desperate animal, unable to stop himself from touching her.

"Baby. My love… Do you know that I love you like crazy ?"

“It’s been pretty confusing for a week.”

"I know. Rick told me on Monday that I was stupid. I wanted to stop on Tuesday, but it started to feel like a gamble, so I continued."

"… What are you talking about ?"

So Shane explained to her. He explained to her that Lori had told her husband about her fears, and his best friend had told him about it.

Of course, as Y/N predicted, Shane took it a little badly. He didn't understand what she criticized about their pace of copulation, while he made a lot of effort not to stay in bed all day with her.

So he had an idea, a stupid idea. It couldn't have lasted more than a day, but he was going to go home and he wasn't going to do anything. He wasn’t going to touch her, and if Y/N wasn’t happy, then she would have to do the work.

But Y/N hadn’t done anything, because she had thought he was tired, and because she didn’t need sex all the time. This had frustrated him greatly. Disappointed. He had spent a lot of time alone with himself, even in the bathroom, in other rooms of the house, at work, in the street, wandering like a lost dog without his owner.

"Rick made fun of me, saying that I looked like a zombie the next day. That it was proof that you were right, that I was like an addict in withdrawal. So I kept going, to prove it wasn't true… Except it was kind of true. I couldn't stay in bed with you right next to me anymore. It was too hard."

“Because you love sex.”

"No. Because I love you. It's you, darling. As soon as I see you, as soon as I hear your laugh, when you say my name, when you touch me… I'm addicted to you. Before, I would find a girl every now and then, I liked to fuck, but it wasn't the same. With you… It's like breathing, you know ? Rick also made fun of me when I tried to explain it to him, saying that I was a romantic fool. I love it when we become one, and when I know I'm making you feel good. That's my way to.. You know."

“Oh, Shane.”

Since he wasn't good with words, Shane continued his grand declaration of love using his tongue differently, his hands sliding over her body like a poet writing verses, and he chanted her name over and over until what saw stars.

Andrea entered the bathroom after they had just finished. She looked at them before quickly closing the door.

"… Oops." Shane chuckled nervously as he put his pants back on.

"You're kidding me…"

"Maybe she didn't see us well. I can try to jump out the window and you return to the living room with your dignity."

“Andrea clearly saw us, and she probably already told the others everything.”

"Sorry baby, I was so focused on you, I didn't think to lock the door. I know you're modest."

He held her hand for her walk of shame into the hall. The girls were waiting for them there with slightly embarrassed smiles.

"Hey everyone. Michonne, nice bathroom." said Shane as if everything was normal.

“I’ll clean it up after the party.”

“You better, yes.”

“Shane…” Y/N muttered as she closed her eyes, her cheeks almost as warm as when they were in the bathroom.

"Okay, it's late. I'm working early tomorrow, so I'll leave you. Y/N, see you at home ? Have a nice evening."

He kissed her before leaving, as he always kissed her before leaving a room, without caring about their audience.

Y/N stayed in the middle of the room, biting her lips while stroking her hickey-covered neck, and avoiding the mischievous looks of her friends.

"It seems… It seems he doesn't want to break up with me."

"I knew it. He's just an idiot."

"A very gifted idiot, from what I've seen and heard."

"Andrea. Try to think before you speak."

She wasn't wrong, he was very talented, and he used his talents to communicate all his love with everything other than words, which wasn't always a good thing, but Y/N wasn't complaining.

Next time she would speak to him directly, even if he might sulk a little, because he would always come back to listen at the end.