#i wish all terfs and radfems a very change or die

[carcrashcockrash]

accidentally somehow hit follow instead of block on a radfem blog and didn't realise until this morning and now tumblr is trying to recommend me braindead terf posts get me OUT OF HERE!!

[annerbhp]

hi! i'm bringing this query to you because i find your answers very measured and sensible and i see you as someone who doesn't get too swept up in tumblr malaise. i noticed you reblogged a post, the one with the will mcphail cartoons, that i reblogged a couple weeks ago. shortly thereafter, i received a couple of anons about how a lot of terfs has contributed to the post and how i needed to delete it from my blog. i ended up just deleting it, because it wasn't a hill i wanted to die on and i didn't have the energy to respond to the anons. but i'm feeling a bit mixed about it now - like, the post is not radfem-y or terfy and doesn't say anything i disagree with. am i responsible for vetting every contributor to a post before reblogging it? does keeping a post that a radfem has contributed to on my blog mean i am platforming that person and their beliefs? i feel pretty torn about what my own responsibilities as a blogger are here. i'm wondering if, now that i have brought this question to you, it changes your feelings about the post, as well? i like mcphails cartoons a lot and i agree with the replies on the post. i saw it on your blog and missed having it on my own. does that make me a bad person?

I think there’s a couple places to land with this, and it’s really a matter of finding what works for you and what feels right to you.

It’s unreasonable to expect anyone to vet every username of every reblog/like on every post. And if the questionable thing is that someone who has done or said hateful things has interacted with a post on some level…well, that seems a bit much to demand of anyone. But if you find out and that’s enough to make you wish you hadn’t reblogged it, then go with your instinct and delete it.

It is not unreasonable to vet the people you choose to follow and interact with. If someone I follow starts posting stuff that is bigoted or hateful, I will unfollow them. I mean, this is tumblr. Me unfollowing isn’t going to hurt them or teach them a lesson. But I curate my experience here and I don’t want to see that crap, and I have no interest in excusing that behavior.

Vague anons saying “how dare you repost that post, you are a horrible person” is very different from someone sending a message saying, “When you posted this post, it said this, which hurts me in this way because of this history/meaning. Consider educating yourself.” Which, obviously the second requires a lot of labor on the part of the person who has been harmed, which we should never require, especially of marginalized people. But the difference here is “you suck” versus “this is a thing that happened that I thought you might want to know about”. One is an attack, the other is about seeing each other as humans, a focus on learning and being better. And I always remember that if I do post something that is hurtful, which we will all do at some point, impossible to avoid, people can choose to unfollow me as well if they don’t want to invest labor in me. I get that, and I am glad they have that power.

There are people who throw rocks just to see what ripples they can cause. (Which may or may not be the source here at all.) And I think, personally, the best thing to do is to avoid that as much as possible. A lot of fandom sanity has to do with not letting yourself get swept into stuff like that.

So, like, I don’t personally have plans to delete that post. If it comes out that Mcphail himself is anti-trans, then heck yes I would delete it, not wanting to promote the art of a person who holds such harmful, violent beliefs, and I certainly would not want to contribute to him making money or getting a bigger platform. I think that’s where the line would be for me. But I could change my mind. Or someone might send me an ask that makes me think differently about it. All we can do is be wiling to engage with the conversation and continue to grow.

But even if you just deleted it because you were too tired to deal with it? I think that’s completely fine. The school of ‘least said soonest mended’ can firmly apply here. If you don’t want any of that drama, no one blames you. But since you are still reflecting on it, I think something about it does bother you are bit. So maybe just think about what that is. But most of all, just remember why you are in this space, and keep your eye on your own humanity and being the kind of person you believe in being.

None of this makes you a bad person. You’re asking questions and reflecting and being thoughtful and trying to live your values. That’s all any of us can do.

[radfem-aesthetic]

So like I'm in this weird middle ground grey zone where I'm not sure how I feel about terfs. On one hand I have trans friends whomst I adore and would die for, and I don't see why a woman would be excluded from feminism because she's not the right kind of woman. On the other hand you're a person with your own goals and experiences and aspirations. You have reasons for being a terf and you aren't evil. I'm not sure. How to feel. And it's difficult to express.

I don't post now, just don't want to - and just posting an answer to a question would be kinda off. but i really wanted to answer you.basically no, we're not evil. also no, we don't wish death upon people - usually it's us who get attacked. like, for real. and for what? - for "violent misgendering", which is apparently the same thing as LITERALLY MURDERING TRANS FOLKS TERFS ARE KILLING MY FRIENDS - we don't. even redkatherinee doesn't. that was satire and people didn't get it. and to be exact - she herself never threatened anyone or wished someone death, those are things that are told TO HER. won't go in details, though, but if you'd want them - just ask. we get compared to nazis - which is in its core incorrect. we don't hate people for what they don't choose - we don't hate them for dysphoria, a lot of radfems suffer from it - but we believe transitioning just isn't the way to fix it, moreover, it's harmful to health, especially of children. what we say is - if you like like girls, if you like cars instead of dolls and pants instead of skirts - that doesn't make you a boy. it literally means nothing at all, because gender roles are forced upon us like it is something necessary. the same goes for boys, who like dresses and dolls - they are not less of boys for that. we believe that the only difference is basically sex. nothing more. you can behave however you want - that doesn't change your identity. this means that transitioning is, in fact, a choice. quite harmful one (if you want facts, search for blogs of detransitioned people).then again - if you don't agree with that, we won't go punch you or wish you to die. because this is violence and violence is not okay. but apparently it's okay for trans people to go hunt us down. without any research on what we're actually saying. and hey, this pattern is male. because we don't see a lot of trans-men going full-on creepy and threatening on us. so yeah, this is kinda why we don't like interacting with them on practice. the analogy i can give you is furries andtherkins. i don't deny the feelings those people have, but they come to the wrong conclusions. being brave and liking doesn't mean you're a lion. being big, hairy and strong doesn't make you a bear. the same with transgenderism - being "feminine" doesn't make you a woman, if you're a man. the reason why we talk about it a lot nowadays is that apparently now you can't reject someone post-op just because they're trans and you're not attracted to them sexually. which is homophobic. (this is just a quick review of the points, not to take a lot of time)but they just go full insane with that whole "go choke on my girl dick" and "i'd rape a terf and murder her" (and this is LEGIT, just look it up). still, we're the threatening ones for some reason. the reason is, i believe - they just want women to shut the fuck up with their protests and opinion. nothing new, though.also censoring female anatomy is a thing again - last time i checked it was considered misogynistic. but somehow it's okay if you're a man who just wants to be oppressed real bad.kinda like that. already forgetting where i was going with this whole thing. so yeah, not evil, a human being, just like everyone else. we see trans people as equal, especially in the field of human rights and all that. but the whole gender thing is oppressive. you can read more on that yourself, if you want to, sure. i'm really happy if this clears things up a bit for you. feel free to ask anything, i'm pretty sure my explanations may be very messy. PS. I won't start a conversation with anyone but the author of the question. PPS. English isn't my first language, so forgive me if there are any mistakes.