#i will sob ab it i hate all these official in person things

[kurthorton-moving]

🧍‍♂️

[lily-drake]

Death

Death was nothing new in Marinette’s life.  In fact it played a large role.  Her friends and city had died a hundred times over.  Her brother.  Her funny, smart, loving, dramatic brother had died at the hands of a mad man.  She didn’t think it was wrong for her to use the horse miraculous to visit her brother's grave.  It was officially five years after all.  He would be 20, he would have loved to plan out her 16th birthday this year.  She sat down and read Pride and Prejudice out loud, only a few tears falling as she glanced at the grave every so often.  She had also brought a bouquet of white lilies, statices, red carnations, and white daisies.  Soft grass laid over the dirt, the sun gleamed above, and sometimes when she would lean against the grave it was almost like she could feel him.

Dark storm clouds began to cloud the sky, and she knew she would have to leave soon, though she didn’t want to.  Dad would be upset if he caught her, though considering how many weeds she had to remove from the grave and how abandoned it looked, she doubted anyone had visited any time soon.  Suddenly the rain began to pour down and it felt like the earth shook.  She felt a great imbalance, but where, and how?  She touched both of her ears and she could feel her miraculous still there, Tikki even poked her head out from her bag with a look of fear.  A shiver ran down Marinette’s spine as rain came pouring down soaking everything in sight.  She looked around, and she kept spinning searching for something, anything that could have caused or been affected by the imbalance.  She waited there for many minutes just waiting, when she felt the dirt beneath her feet begin to shift a little.  She quickly moved away and watched as the dirt slowly moved and shifted.  She felt sick, because the dirt moving was directly where Jason was lying in eternal rest.  This couldn’t be right, this must be some mistake!  Her brother had died, she had seen the body, it haunted her nightmares for so many nights.  He’s been gone for five years!  This can’t be possible without some type of wish.

The grass began to move and shift away, and a fleshy mud covered hand raised from the ground causing a scream to rip from her lungs.  Her body sprung into action before her mind caught up to her beginning to help dig up her brother's grave, and when she saw the jet black hair covered in dirt and mud she knew that it was him.  She heaved him out from the hole and stared in shocked horror as he just sat there staring at her.  His eyes were the same blue she remembered, but they were so clouded.  Fear, confusion, and nothing shown in his eyes, like he wasn’t even truly there.  This must be a dream, it has to be, no, a nightmare.  Her brother shouldn’t be back, he died, she saw his limp body in dad’s hands, even if Alfred and bluebird tried to stop her.  But the imbalance was real, she could tell, and he was affected by it.

Slowly she raised her hand and hesitantly placed a hand on his cheek.  He leaned into her hand, though his eyes were still clouded and void.  He may be alive, but he wasn’t fully…alive.  She tackled her older brother into a hug and began sobbing onto him, but just sat there, head leaning against hers.  Pressing her ear against his chest she could hear his gentle heartbeat, and just for a moment everything seemed like it would be ok.  Then she felt a sharp prick in her neck and the world faded to black.

________

Marinette awoke to darkness.  She tried to sit up and felt her hands held behind her back being held together by something cold and thick.  Memories flooded back into her mind and she snapped into awareness and looked around.  It was dark, though there was a small light coming from a window far above where she could not ever reach.  The walls seemed to be made of thick stones and there was a heavy iron door a few feet in front of her.  Jason wasn’t there though, he wasn’t in the room, she didn’t understand.  Suddenly the door opened and she looked up and saw her mother’s green eyes.  Her panic grew again, how did she get here, was she captured too?  She had visited her often in Paris.  She was very vague about her job, and she knew it was probably sketchy, but could it be bad enough to be captured?

“Marinette, My Darling.  I apologize for your treatment, I did not realize that you were part of this.”

Talia rushed towards her daughter and unlocked the chains.  She was pulled into a tight hug that Marinette quickly returned.  After a few moments she pulled away but held her shoulders gently.

“I must show you something, come.”

Talia quickly stood and helped her daughter to her feet and walked swiftly through the calls of Nanda Parabat.

“What is mom?”

Talia smiled at that, she had always loved when her daughter called her that.

“It’s a surprise, My Flower.”

A few more twists though hallways and they stopped in front of a thick wooden door.

“I want you to meet someone.”

The door was pushed open and there sat a small baby in a crip with dark black hair, tanned skin, and dark green eyes.  Marinette gasped and covered her mouth,

“Meet your brother, Damian.”

Marinette slowly walked over and stared at Damian through the top of the crib.  He silently watched and studied her without making a sound.

“He’s about 3 months old.”

Talia said, smiling happily as she watched her daughter run her fingers through Damian’s small tresses of hair.  With a snap of her finger one of her shadows stepped next to her.

“Bring Jason.”

And with that order they were gone returning a few minutes later with a boy who was alive physically, but was mentally gone.  She could fix that though, it would be the last resort if all else failed, but she could fix it.  Marinette looked up when she heard Jason’s footsteps and her bright smile fell slightly into a small sad one.

“Jay-Jay.”

She whispered softly as she took slow steps towards the boy.  She quickly ran and hugged him again.  He no longer smelled like mud and he wasn’t wearing his suit, and he was….he was alive again!  Tears fell down her cheeks, because she missed him so much.

________

Marinette stayed with her mom in what she learned was Nanda Parabat.  She trained with Jason, but he was catatonic, just going through the motions blankly.  It worried her, especially as she watched her mother grow more anxious.  She cared for her little brother, and wondered if her dad knew, or if he would even care.  She often looked at Paris news for when she needed to go for Akuma attacks, but if her host parents even realized she was gone.  They hadn’t, nor had any of her “friends” apparently as they hadn’t sent her a single thing from the weeks she’s been gone.

Marinette knew that Nada Parabat wasn’t a good place, knew that the people were bad, knew that her grandfather was the head of it.  He didn’t seem to care who she was, he just thought she was some nurse for Damian, and she was thankful for that.  She knew that the Lazarus Pits were here, what they did, how they were made, how her grandfather used them for selfish purposes.  She didn’t do anything though, she was mad at her father for sending her away, mad that he adopted a bee kid only a year after he sent her away, mad that he never talked to her, mad that Dick never fought for her or looked for her, mad that Jason was forced to wake up and climb his way out of his grave only to be practically brain dead, mad that her classmates believed lies over her, mad that her host parents believed them and treated her like dirt or an invisible object meant to seen and not heard, mad that Chat Noir would leave her during battles because she didn’t return his affections, and mad that no one cared that she was gone!  So she trained as hard as she could, made sure that she perfected everything her mother threw at her.  Took care of her family and made sure they knew how thankful she was for them and loved them.  Then when she finally got a text from someone it was insults for being a horrible person and hurting Lila when she hadn’t been there for weeks!

She threw her phone at the wall and the crack echoed around the room.  Her breathing was harsh and ragged and then the tears she had been holding back finally fell.  Sobs wracked her body as she bit her lip to keep silent.  She tried to take in deep shuddering breaths, but it was no use and the sobs came out.  Her knees felt weak and she crumpled to the ground.  The door burst open and she saw her mom there knife in hand looking around the room with swift deadly eyes.  When she didn’t see any visible threats she kneeled in front of her daughter and looked directly into her eyes.  Eyes a storming blue that flooded with tears and made her heart ache and her want to murder whoever made her precious daughter look so broken.

“My Flower, what’s wrong?”

“N-nobody cares ab-about me!  No one cares that I’m g-gone.  Everyb-body hates me, and I’m so tired of it!  I’ll n-never be enough for an-anybody and I’m t-trying so h-hard to do wh-what everyone needs or exp-ects me to be!”

Marinette stuttered out between sobs.  Talia glared at that and felt anger at Bruce.  She thought that he at least checked in with her every once in a while.  She had guessed wrong then.  She pulled her daughter into a hug and let her cry against her shoulder.

“Shh, shh.  It’s okay.  You are perfect the way you are Marinette.  You don’t have to prove anything to me.  You’re such a good sister, you train so hard, and you have so many amazing skills and talents.  You are enough, don’t let anyone say anything different.”

Marinette gripped onto her mom and they both just sat there in silence as Marinette finally just cried.  After who knows how long Marinette gently pushed away and looked her mom directly in the eyes with complete seriousness said,

“I want you to help me fake my death.  If everyone wants to pretend I’m gone or wants me to disappear, then fine.  I will.  I don’t want to be seen anymore.”

Talia stared at her daughter in shock for a moment then gave her a small smile.

“It will be done my dear, you will be free.”

“Thank you mom.”

Taglist:

@queenz-z @aespades @fandomsaremylifeline @stainedglassm @toodaloo-kangaroo @prettylittlebutterflie @trippingovermyfeet @liquid-luck-00 @unoriginalmess @buginetye @miraculouslydumb @laurcad123

[sydxo]

my latest obsession: chrollo lucilfer

listen so,,,, im not really crazy about loving characters and i dont really jump around with my faves, they're pretty consistent for the most part but lately i've been overly fond of a man named chrollo.

If you know me you would know of my love for hunter x hunter

so when i really got back into the series i began looking at chrollo a lot more. when i watched it during the summer of 2017 i loved chrollo but he was never someone i obsessed over. yea he was a hot, strong villain so of course i would like him. but rewatching it recently i started looking at him much more.

to begin with, from the surface you would look at chrollo as a cold psychopath (thats extremely good-looking) but theres not much to go off of. he doesnt really have much of a personality. hes not kind, nor is he mean.. hes kind of emotionless. he doesnt not harbor anger or resentment shown in the manga and anime.

only when ~~uvo dies~~ does he really begin to show us his vulnerabilities. many can argue that him showing sadness is a mask only to show the troupe members that he cares. but the thing is,,, he doesnt cry infront of any of them? so what would be the point?

he truly cares for the troupe with his heart. each one of the members he holds close to him although it may not seem like it, he really does mourn for the loss of his loved ones (a.k.a. the troupe members).

he was brought up in meteor city, meaning his past most likely is not a very pretty one. my theory being that he was probably abused as a child. he mostly likely ran away and lead a life of having to steal and kill to survive at a young age. the abuse affected him to where he was so traumatized that he completely left his past identity behind and became **CHROLLO LUCILFER**, most likely he created that name for himself.

he lost his identity so he searches for validity of himself within the troupe, using each member as a defining part of himself.

loosing a troupe member is like loosing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

losing a troupe member is like losing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~.

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

—————

ok so there’s are so many reasons why i really really love chrollos character and just admire him honestly. so i’ll space them out:

1) his character design!!!

-kuroro obviously is... a very attractive looking character!! and usually i’m not ?? idk i don’t really like characters /like/ him with the slicked back hair and crazy ass abs and weird fur coats but it honestly just started growing on me??

-HES SO CLEAN CUT!!! this man owns suits, fur coats and versace sweaters. ... he constantly gets HATED ON and made fun of ppl bc think his hair is fuckin greasy?? GREASY?? AREYOU KIDDING ME?? ur gonna tell me a man who wears belts and fur coats doesn’t shower?? bjtch his hair is gelled and he is KILLING IT!!!!

-throughout the series his style changes a lot!! he looks so good?? mans is so very fashionable (i’ll send examples)

-his mobage cards!!! BITCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN HIS MOBAGE CARDS!!

(mobage cards are from a hxh game that you can collect, they come out with official art of the characters in different situations and daily life, so just like characters dressed normally i guess)

he has this one mobage card of him in a casual outfit and OH MY GOD BITCH HE LOOKS SOOO GOOD!!! he’s wearing a white tank top and has this blue button down over it that’s not buttoned up with these jeans and his hair looks so good!!!!! also can’t forget his cross necklace.. we love a religious faithful man!

-SPEAKING of hair chrollos hair is constantly changing?? just like killua with the outfits, chrollo is the only other character that normal changes his clothes while the rest of them stay the same?? he’s so clean and gorgeous it makes me cry!!! from when he’s first introduced his hair is gelled back, to when he meets neon his hair is down nd .. bitch oh my god chrollo has semi long hair and it makes me deadass sob it looks SO GOOD. and right now in the recent manga chapters he has this messy down bedhead style it’s so sexy!!!

ok that was just part 1 about his character design let me start with part 2/3 what attracts me

2)HIS MYSTERY!!

-so chrollo is kinda i guess from the surface he’s a boring dude. there’s nothing noteworthy about his character. he isn’t funny nor is he kind. he’s kinda like... an empty shell of where /something/ should be. and it seriously ..... just adds to his character. his personality might not “shine” and he’s only really popular because he’s a hot antagonist but there’s SO MUCH MORE!! that people don’t look into revolving him.

-he gives off sooo many hints and foreshadows his identity loss so many times while he’s given screentjme and its sad??

sad that this amazing man that has worked so hard and become so very strong still cannot i guess identify himself within a crowd. he’s just ~there~ giving orders for the troupe.

-he truly believes that no one cares for him or relies on him. that everyone would be absolutely 100% unaffected should he die. and that?? i literally wanna smack him.-

(continuing i wanted to give a little background on the phantom troupe given chrollo is the leader)

-PHANTOM TROUPE-

so the phantom troupe is a group of 12 people all given numbers

ok so head = chrollo and legs = the rest of the members because the phantom troupe are also known as the spiders.

they’re thieves with chrollo as the leader and they come from meteor city which is basically a dump where nobodies live a.k.a. they lived a harsh life growing up.

-

ok so continuing with chrollo thinks he’s replaceable to the troupe. couldn’t be more false and it makes me upset that he thanks that? the troupe really really cares about him a whole lot given he’s literally the leader and he created the phantom troupe!! basically the only place these “thieves” feel like they belong. they’re all family. they fight like brothers and sisters and care so much for one another.

ok that brings this section to a close. this is getting extremely long so let me write my very last part. jeez i could go on for ages.

3.HIS STRENGTH.

-chrollo fights very uniquely and i know it’s kind of a weird thing i guess to bring up his fighting style and powers when discussing why i like him as a character but i really cannot help it.

-out of all the characters in hunter x hunter, chrollos powers have to be my favorite coming from an unbiased standpoint. it’s not even because he’s my favorite character, do i love his power, it’s just so fucking unique and interesting.

-

•when you watch hxh you’ll learn about powers and such (they call them nen) and the different types you can have, manipulator, conjuror, transmuter, etc.

there’s one power class that stands out from all the rest. while the normal powerclasses have built in powers you know things that are already predetermined, there’s one class called “specialist” and this is the rarest class.

-you guessed it, chrollo is a specialist. being a specialist gives you crazy overpowered abilities for short amounts of time like super regeneration, speed, etc. things like that. chrollos power is called “Bandits Secret” him being a thief and all its so fkn badass. he can literally steal other people’s power from them and use it for himself!! his power is lowkey complicated and has a lot of conditions that need to be met before he can use it but let me just say, the fact that chrollo can steal powers that aren’t even his and use them even better than the original user is so amazing. he’s BEYOND talented when it comes to combat skills hence why hisoka got obliterated in there fight. not only that but he’s an extremely graceful and careful fighter. he’s crazy good at planning strategies against his opponent and extremely smart.

——

ok so that’s all for my chrollo rant... uhh this was longer than intended i’m so sorry but yes i love chrollo with my entire heart he truly is my favorite character of all time and nothing will change that. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[inkykeiji]

ME TOO CLARI ME TOO my fav thing to do is making someone watch a film that i’ve enjoyed nd observe their reaction all the time hehehe i watch their reactions more than the actual movie pffft

moving onto ur fav film list, your fav film list made me SO happy!! i was so excited to see that most of them were films i’ve watched&wholeheartedly enjoyed ( ^ω^ ) FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATING THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS YES!! whenever i mention anderson everyone talks ab the grand budapest hotel so im so happy to see u enjoyed the royal tenenbaums 🥺 also omg u watched burning?!? isn’t it such an amazing film <3 also reservoir dogs and little women and spirited away and ahh i could go on and on forever ab ur list but this ask would be a whole essay so i’ll force myself to hold in cri cri

horror movies are so fascinating aren’t they!!! i love em sm too <3 ari aster n jordan peele r my fav favs when it comes to horror. +the shining and scream! i enjoyed the conjuring series as well :) wait can i drop u a rec, since u love horror i totally recommend a tale of two sisters by kim. one of my all time favs&i have a strong feeling u would love it too! that film has such beautiful cinematography as well (✿╹◡╹)

ahhh my fav films r like, all over the place cuz i don’t have a strong preference/taste, but some of my fav films (that aren’t mentioned above/in ur list) include jojo rabbit-waititi, the florida project-baker, dazed and confused-linklater, moonlight-jenkins, girl interrupted-mangold, your name-makoto, mid90s-hill, lady bird-gerwig, uncut gems-safdie and etc etc so many more but i feel like im oversharing hehehe i also love action movies too but that’s a whole different discussion ;)

honestly u can recommend me anything u want cuz my taste is all over the place like i said, but to narrow it down, hmmm 🤔 is there a movie that u think is a must-watch? or genre-wise, maybe horror/action/drama/coming of age!! love u so so much clari<33 how is tumblr allowing me to write this much huh -🐰

ehehehe okay i’m gonna answer under the cut because i knoooow i’m gonna ramble

RIGHT and like idek why i guess i just love sharing the things i love with the people i care about and observing how they feel about it???

AHAHAHA YESSSSS oh my gosh i love the royal tenenbaums so much!! like my favourite wes film is either fantastic mr fox or rushmore, but yes!! grand budapest is rly pretty tho and i think that’s why so many people gravitate towards it yk? I DID WATCH BURNING actually i was super lucky and got to watch it at TIFF before it ‘officially’ premiered + there was a lil q&a with the cast and director (w a translator ehehe) but it absolutely blew me away. i’m just in love with korean cinema as a whole. i have yet to watch a korean film that i don’t like!!

little women is just !!!!!!! i love greta so much and i can’t wait to see what else she creates; i just feel like greta is a woman director creating films FOR WOMEN. does that make sense??? well-known women directors are already so sparse, but there are some (ie bigelow) who create uhhhhhh films that cater more towards men and the masses??? and that’s not to say that bigelow isn’t a fantastic director, because she IS, but i really like sofia coppola and greta gerwig because their films are so feminine and focused on feminine issues and relationships that we really don’t see on widespread/popular screens (like at first run theatres ie multiplexes).

RESERVOIR DOGS AAAAAAAH listen listen i have A Thing for mr. blonde ehehehe yeah i really love quentin, as i mentioned. whenever someone says pulp fiction is his best film i really have to refrain from rolling my eyes, and i know that makes me sound like suuuuch a snob but like,,,,,,,,,, pulp fiction is his most popular film, not his best (in MY opinion!! since art is all personal opinion yk etc etc). and like i could go on forever about him, i love every single one of his films, i think he’s such a fantastic writer and just aaaaah <333333 love quentin’s work so so so much.

ARI ASTER AND JORDAN PEELE ARE FANTASTIC. i wrote an essay on get out and it was literally one of my favourite essays to write!! i’m really really really excited to see what both of them continue to create!! OOOOH I LOOKED IT UP AND YEAH IT LOOKS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY i will add it to the list n get back to you!!!

aaaaah ur taste!!! dw clearly my taste is all over the place too ahahaha i just love cinema so much, i’m always eager to watch new films and literally always feel overwhelmed with just how many i want to watch ehehehe. OH MY GOD YOUR NAME MADE ME SOB LIKE A BABY such a beautiful film!!!!!! loved it so so so much. eeeee i actually hate action movies ahahahaha 🙈🙈🙈

hmmm i’m gonna try n go with ‘must watch’ films just because i feel like i’ve already mentioned so many in most of those genres n you’ve already seen most of them, so!!

ladri di biciclette by de sica

masculin, feminin and pierrot le fou by godard

news from home by akerman (if you can find it, it can be a lil difficult to track down but if ur school has a decent film library/collection they should have it!!)

rome, open city by rossellini

in the mood for love by wong kar-wai

the 400 blows by truffaut

hotel by the river by hong sangsoo (i literally love this film so fucking much my gosh like another one we saw at TIFF one year and just !!!!!!!)

full metal jacket by kubrick

apocalypse now by coppola

bride of frankenstein by whale

nosferatu by murnau (honestly anything german expressionism is worth watching esp the cabinet of dr caligari and metropolis, too,, i just really love german expressionism lmaoooo)

peeping tom by powell

king kong (1933) by cooper + schoedsack

aaaah like tbh i’d be surprised if you didn’t know/watch these, too!! like, i feel like they’re fairly common in film programs but!!! recommending films to another film student is hard cause i’m sitting here like ‘well, they most likely know all of the american/hollywood ‘must watch’ films’, but then i’m all ‘but if they’re a film student, there’s a good chance they’ve watched these, too’ so aaaah idk i hope some of these are new to you, at least!!! i kinda just thought about my favourite cinema movements and picked a film or two from each ahahahaha

SORRY I WROTE U A MINI ESSAY LMAO JUST RAAAAMBLING but !!! i can’t wait to hear more about ur cinema adventures!!! lmk if you’ve seen any on the rec list omg omg and once again sorry it took me so long to finish answering this :((

[blow-up-reactions]

How Would EXO React To Their S/O Comforting Them When They’re Insecure/Crying

Anon said:  Hello! I was wondering if you could do an EXO reaction to the reader comforting them when they are insecure/crying. Thank you!~

Xiumin/Minseok:

Minseok looked at the numbers again. The numbers had dropped, and a couple of years ago that would have been a good thing. But as he looked in the mirror he saw the abs he had worked so hard for, just being a weak outline in his stomach. The same abs that made the fans scream, a new world tour was coming up and he had to hurry if he wanted them back before the tour. The fans would be disappointed in him if he didn’t show his abs. He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair just as you came into the bathroom and leaned against the door frame. “What’s wrong?” you said while slowly walking in. “It’s nothing,” he tried as he put on a clean shirt, “it doesn’t seem like nothing, you look worried,” you said gently. “It’s just... Will the fans be disappointed if I show up on tour and doesn’t show well-defined abs?” he said, you felt your heart drop as you had noticed the fading of his abs, you didn’t really mind but you knew that sooner or later it was going to bother him. “Babe, don’t think like that. The fans loved your abs, but not as much as the love your singing, or your dancing. They don’t come to the concert just to see you lift your shirt for a few seconds. They love you with or without abs,” you kissed him, “and so do I,”

“You always know what to say to make me feel better”

Suho/Junmyeon:

Junmyeon always puts up a front, and he hated to put it down. He put on a front when he was having a hard time. Not only when he was being interviewed or when he was performing. He also did it in front of the other members, and his family. He even put on a front when he was with you. Junmyeon was way too used to be worried about the other members, and he hated when other people were worried about him. He was chosen as the leader and he felt he couldn’t be weak. You, on the other hand, was the only one who could see past his front. See how stressed he was, when everything became too much for him, and when he was putting everyone else before himself. Like he was right now. He had been down with the flu but he refused to stay at home, there was too much going on at work and he couldn’t just take a break, he said. He had then given Baekhyun and Kyungsoo the flu as well, so while they were at home, he worked even harder. When you asked him, he always said he was fine, but the dark circles under his eyes told a different story. It came to a point, where you had called his manager at night after he went to sleep, and said he was taking a couple of days off due to the flu. When his alarm woke him up the next morning and he thought you were asleep, he sobbed quietly. Feeling the stress becoming too much. You slowly sat up on the bed and quietly hugged him, while telling him that you had called his manager. He simply nodded and kept crying. You didn’t say much, it wasn’t the first time and you knew he just needed to let it all out. You had also taken a day off from work so you could spend the day pampering your sick boyfriend.

”How come you know me better than I do?”

Lay/Yixing:

Yixing quietly entered your apartment. He had been dancing and the time just went by too quickly. He didn’t want to wake you. He carefully took off his shoes and put down his dance bag. He slowly made his way to your bedroom. He noticed the lights were on, and he was surprised for a moment. You were the type to go to sleep early and wake up early. He looked at the time, it was 2 am, you shouldn’t be awake now. He slowly opened the door, expecting you to be passed out on the bed but found you sitting on the floor in front of your computer, bawling your eyes out. His heart broke, and he instantly felt guilty. He just knew that you were sad because he didn’t spend enough time with you. You were upset because he had gotten home so late. Before Yixing could stop it, he could feel himself tearing up, “what’s wrong, babe?” He said as he hurried to sit down beside you, He hugged you quietly, but in his mind, you were already breaking up with him. He felt the tears silently falling down his cheek. “Yixing,” you said and chuckled lightly, while gently pushing him away. “Look what I’m watching, Yixing,” you said gently and looked towards the computer. Yixing recognized the movie as the one movie that could make you cry. Yixing felt like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulder, and the tears renewed. “Why are you crying?” you asked worried, “I thought I made you cry,” he said as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, “awww babe, you’d only make me cry happy tears,” you said and stroked his hair to make him calm down.

”I thought you were sad because I came home late...”

Baekhyun:

Baekhyun sat in the living room with his headphones in, a concentrated look was plastered on his face and he didn’t hear you enter the apartment. “Hi,” you said and touched his shoulder, his eyes shot up to meet yours, a quick smile forming on his lips “hi,” he said and returned his attention back to his phone. You sat down beside him on the couch and rested your head on his shoulder, “what are you doing?” you asked. He took one of the earbuds out, “just listening to some samples from a new song we’re recording.” He answered still with his eyes plastered on the screen, “can I hear it?” you asked. “Unfortunately not, you know how SM is with this stuff,” he quickly looked at you before looking away again. You could feel something was wrong. It was true that SM was very strict with others who don’t work with the songs hearing them before the official release. But Baekhyun had always asked about your opinions on songs, and let you listen to songs or showed you dances before release. You gently took the phone from him and put it on the table in front of you, “what’s wrong Baek?” you asked worried, “it’s just... I can’t get any songs right. Our manager rejects every song I make by myself... Only if I make one with Jongdae, or Chanyeol they accept it. Which is fine, but I want something that I can tell the fans I made myself...” You were surprised hearing him this insecure. “You’re an amazing songwriter Baekhyun, you’re still new and just the fact that your managers let songs your songs get on the album is amazing. They work for SM! They’re so strict about stuff like that, you should be proud of yourself because I’m so proud of you!”

”You’re right... I am an amazing songwriter!”

Chen/Jongdae:

Jongdae’s hands felt sweaty, and he was fidgeting. His heart was racing and his eyes were fixed on the door to the church. He jumped slightly as he felt Minseok’s hand on his shoulder, “just relax, there’s really no way for you to mess this up,” he joked lightly, making Jongdae flash him a quick worried smile, thinking of a million ways he could mess it up. Suddenly the well known Wedding March started playing in the small church, and the guests small talk came to a halt as they shot up from their seat to see the much-anticipated bride. The door to the church opened, and Jongdae could already see your mom silently wiping her eyes with a napkin. Some of the guests started gasping slightly, as the could see you. Then you turned the corner and all the guests including Jongdae had a perfect view of your amazing dress. Jongdae locked his eyes with yours and to everyone’s surprise, even Jongdae’s, he started crying. His heart swelled with love, and he was so overwhelmed as all just came together perfectly. You reached the altar and your dad who was struggling with the tears himself, handed your over to Jongdae. You looked into each other’s eyes and you said your vows, and surprisingly neither of you messed them up. “You may kiss the bride,” the priest announced, and a new wave of tears surprised Jongdae as he kissed you for the first time as your husband. You hugged him as your friends and family started clapping and you started laughing, “awww babe, are you crying? I didn’t expect that!” You laughed as he wiped his tears and started laughing as well. You kissed him again, and took his hand and started rubbing soothing circles on his skin, in an effort to calm him down for the wedding photos.

“I’m not crying!"

Chanyeol:

Chanyeol woke up with the sun shining right on his face, he blinked a few times and turned around on the bed facing your sleeping form. You were sleeping peacefully with your hair in a messy bun and you were wearing one of his shirts that could pass as a dress on you. It was your first year anniversary, and Chanyeol had an amazing day planned for the two of you. He smiled gently as he thought about all the memories the two of you had made together in the just one year you had been together. How he never thought he could find someone who fitted his personality as much as you did. You even had a job that made it possible to travel with him on tour and still work. Chanyeol felt his heart fill with love. It felt like it couldn’t fit in his chest, and before he knew it he started crying softly. He felt completely overwhelmed with love, he never thought he could experience from just one human being. He looked at the time, and he knew that the flowers he ordered would soon be here, so he should probably wake you. He softly stroked your hair, “babe?” he said, with a raspy morning voice as he dried his tears. You slowly opened your eyes and saw he was crying. You sat up, and wiped his tears, as he smiled through his tears, “what’s wrong?” you asked worriedly. A new wave of tears washed over him as he pulled you into a hug. “I just love you so much, I don’t know what to do,” Chanyeol said, as he started sobbing slightly, “I love you too, so much,” you said calmly. Knowing that Chanyeol was a sensitive soul, and his emotions often overwhelming him. You rocked back and forth slowly until he calmed down.

“Happy anniversary!”

D.O/Kyungsoo:

You had taken a day off from work to surprise Kyungsoo at the filming scene of a new drama he was going to play in. He had been very excited for the role, as it was an action drama and he was going to play the protagonists best friend, and the brain behind his missions. Basically a dream role for Kyungsoo. It was the fourth day of shooting and you haven't really been able to talk about it as you had been very busy with your own work. You got into the studio and saw that they were in the process of shooting a scene with Kyungsoo, so you patiently waited. The scene wasn’t going as the director hoped, and he kept being unhappy with Kyungsoo’s lines. They kept trying to retake the scene but even though the scene looked fine in your eyes the director kept wanting to retake it. After what must’ve been 20 takes of the same scene, the director yelled to the room to take a 5-minute break. The director looked frustrated with Kyungsoo, and he called him over. The director and Kyungsoo talked for a while before Kyungsoo walked towards his dressing room, and you realized he probably didn’t see you. You hurried after him, and as soon as you stepped into his dressing room Kyungsoo looked mad. “Hi,” you said carefully. He was quiet for a bit, “did you see that?” he asked, and you nodded quietly and went to sit beside him. “I’m really not fit for this role,” Kyungsoo admitted as he sighed heavily, “what did the director say?” you asked, “he said I didn’t understand the character enough, to play him,” he said “Then ask him for his help? When you played in It’s Okay That’s Love, you had a hard time understanding your character as well but the director helped you to understand him. I don’t think it’s your acting, but your communication? Just try and ask him, I’m sure it’ll be easier”

“You’re right, I’ll go talk to him right now. Thank you for coming it was nice to talk to someone who knows my acting”

Kai/Jongin:

Jongin ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face. He felt powerless, he felt like he had let down his fans, and he felt like he let down the company. In front of him sat his choreographer and his manager. They had just talked about his foot injury and agreed that Jongin probably shouldn’t be a part of the upcoming comeback. His doctor had recommended some time off from dancing, but not even being able to be on stage as he had done previously broke his heart. He wanted to be a part of it, and he could already feel the disappointment of the fans. After they decided on that, the meeting finished. Jongin knew he wanted to spend the time off to maybe help on producing some songs, but he really wasn’t in the mood right now. He also knew that he should write in the fan cafe, but that could wait until the company releases an official statement about it. He slowly made his way from the company to your apartment. He knew you’d be home, and you were just what he needed right now. Jongin wasn’t afraid to cry in front of the fans. He felt comfortable enough, but when he really needed personal support and/or comforting, it was always you that he talked to. As soon as he stepped inside the door to your apartment, he could already feel the tears. You knew what the meeting was about so you knew why he was sad, you knew he couldn’t participate in the upcoming comeback. You hugged him while reminding him that the fans would support him and that he’ll be back on stage before soon. That the fans would understand, and that his injury would heal a lot quicker. He didn’t respond, but you knew that it was those things he needed to be reminded of.

“Thank you, Y/N. You always know just what to say.”

Sehun:

Sehun’s world has stopped as he got the news. He was at dance practice when the hospital had called him. He had run straight out the door as soon as the nurse had explained that it was about you. The other members were left worried and confused. Sehun could feel the emptiness spread throughout his body as he got into his car as the nurse explained that you had been in a car accident and that you were in serious condition. Sehun’s heart raced as the nurse told him to come to the hospital as Sehun was your emergency contact person. As soon as the nurse told him that, he started his car and rushed to the hospital. His phone constantly beeping with messages from the members, asking why he left so suddenly and if everything was okay. He ignored them, his head filled with you and only you. When he finally reached the hospital a nurse was by your side, changing the IV bag. The nurse got the doctor who explained your injuries to him. You had a lot of internal injuries and a broken leg, but your face looked peaceful as if you were just sleeping. The doctor explained that the longer you were asleep the smaller the chance of you actually waking up. Sehun nodded and sat down beside you and took your hand as the doctors left. Sehun texted the situation briefly in the group chat but also said that he’d appreciate privacy. For 2 weeks Sehun spends every day at the hospital. As soon as visiting hours were over he went straight back to your apartment. He couldn’t deal with the members and just needed to be alone. You got three heart attacks during those two weeks, the last one was while he was there, and he felt absolutely horrible as the nurses rushed him out of the room. He felt horrible because he felt nothing. He felt a need to be alone, or be with you all the time. He felt worried and scared but he wasn’t sad. He didn’t know why but he wasn’t sad. Your 17th day in the hospital, Sehun sat beside you as you opened your eyes, you saw a figure beside you staring at his hands that was slowly drawing circles on your skin. “Sehun?” you said in an unrecognizable and raspy voice. His head shot up in surprise, and before he could process it he started crying. It didn’t even start as sobbing, he just bawled his eyes out as he saw a weak smile form on your lips. You slowly reached out your arms inviting him into them. He carefully moved your body and laid down beside you, Hugging you gently being careful of your injuries, but also holding on to you so tight, because he was afraid that it was all a dream. “It’s okay,” you whispered to his shaking figure, “I’m awake now, it’s all gonna be better.”

“I’ve never been this scared my whole life”

Okay, so I know the last one was really long, but I had kinda no more imagination left for insecurities so it ended up being a pretty long reaction... Sorry! Hope you enjoy though~~

-Admin Satansoo

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine one-shot - “1 Corinthians 13:7″ (Rated NC17)

Did you miss me, Mr. Anderson-Hummel? (2361 words)

Vague summary is vague. I can’t really write a summary for this one. When you read it, you’ll see why. This is a re-write. Also, despite the title, this isn't about religion. But you should look it up to see what it says. Did you need to cry today? Read this ;( Warning for heavy angst, past character death, allusion to suicide, prescription drug use, drinking, depression, sexual content, and a bittersweet-ish happy ending depending upon your interpretation.  

Read on AO3.

A bottle of champagne. The sound of the ocean. Blaine running kisses down the column of Kurt’s neck while they watch the sun set from the balcony of their hotel room, his fingers working through the buttons of Kurt’s shirt beneath the jacket of his tuxedo.

“Blaine,” Kurt whines, tipsy and warm and so incredibly happy he could melt into the floor. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get you undressed, love,” Blaine grunts, pinning Kurt to the scrolled iron bannister with his hips to keep his woozy husband (of five hours so far) upright, “but you’re not helping. Please put the camera down.”

“No.” Kurt butts Blaine back and turns clumsily around. “I wan’ to catch every second of this wonderful day.” He throws his arms wide and leans back over the railing, nearly teetering over in the process, but Blaine catches him just in time and holds him steady. “I’ve never been to Italy. I’ve never drunk $1,000 a bottle champagne.” Kurt lowers the swaying camera and gazes into his husband’s eyes. “And I don’t think I’ve ever been this much in love.”

“Me neither.” Blaine ducks his eyes and blushes furiously, one-handedly fumbling with Kurt’s belt. “But if you don’t put the camera away, the video diary of our honeymoon that you wanted to make for our parents is going to turn into a sex tape.” Blaine snaps his head up and Kurt giggles, both men getting the same idea at the same time. Blaine’s grin grows from ear to ear. “On second thought …”

Blaine takes the camera out of Kurt’s hand, ignoring his husband’s disgruntled, “Hey!” and his feeble attempts to grab it back. He puts an arm beneath Kurt’s ass and hoists him up, keeping the camera pointed at them while they waddle awkwardly to the bedroom. Kurt snickers into every kiss. Blaine loses his footing once or twice, the two inches or so of height that Kurt has on him knocking him a bit off kilter, but he still manages to keep them vertical.

“Are we … going to do … what I think … we’re going to do?” Kurt mumbles, talking in to Blaine’s mouth since he refuses to let Kurt break away for something as unimportant as conversation.

“Oh yeah,” Blaine answers, dropping Kurt to the bed and setting the camera on their bedside table. The table is petite and square, but overflowing with more bottles of champagne, an open box of truffles, a gold-rimmed plate with various finger foods arranged – strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, squares of cheesecake - and a small bowl of chocolate ganache for dipping. Blaine has plans of eating dessert off of his husband tonight, but that might have to wait, at least until after round two or three. He has to have Kurt. He has to make love to him, plain and simple, and it has to be now, before the alcohol makes Kurt too giddy, and the adrenaline of the day wears thin and they crash. “Start getting undressed, baby, while I line up this shot.”

“Ooo.” Kurt slips his unbuckled belt out of its loops and tosses it off the end of the bed to the floor. “You sound so official. So … director-y.” Overwhelmed with giggles, he slumps face down onto the mattress, laughing uncontrollably, snorting when he runs short of breath.

“Okay,” Blaine says with a fond chuckle at his goofy husband. “Get a hold of yourself. And here I thought I was the one who couldn’t hold my liquor, remember?”

But Blaine doesn’t blame Kurt for having one too many. He had been an overwound bundle of knots and nerves, paler than a sheet when this whole thing started. Not because he had any doubts that he wanted to go through with the wedding. Blaine couldn’t remember seeing Kurt as excited to do anything as he was about marrying him – not graduating from NYADA, not performing in his first Broadway show (chorus, yes, but it was still an achievement), not becoming a contributing editor at Vogue – and it gave Blaine a huge ego.

All of those enviable accomplishments and Kurt Hummel was about to lose it entirely over marrying Blaine.

He’d even suggested they get married in the airport on the way over; that’s how badly he couldn’t wait. But now that that wedding anxiety is over, it’s kind of nice to see Kurt, who’s always been the designated driver in any situation involving alcohol, cut loose this way. “Don’t go loopy on me now. I’m not sure I can bring myself to have sex with you like this.”

“No, no, no, I’m good,” Kurt says, biting his tongue and quelling his laughter. “See? No more giggling.” He crawls up the bed as seductively as he can with the world around him rocking, preparing to sprawl out on his stomach, but Blaine grabs him by the hip, intent on turning him over.

“Come on, Kurt,” Blaine whispers. “Lie on your back. I want to look into your eyes.”

Kurt hums, the image of his husband on top of him, watching him cum, way more intoxicating than the expensive champagne coursing through him. “I can’t remember the last time you said that.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever needed it as much as I do right now,” Blaine confesses, reaching around his husband’s body to continue ridding him of his clothes. He slides his jacket off his shoulders, followed by his shirt. “Can you handle that, Mr. Hummel?” Blaine asks, stroking down Kurt’s cheek with the backs of his fingers.

Kurt peeks coyly over his shoulder and pouts. “No.”

Blaine stops smiling.

“No?” He kneels up, sobering, though he had nowhere near as much to drink as Kurt. “What do you mean no?”

“I mean no” – Kurt flips over quickly, looping his arms around the back of Blaine’s neck and bringing him down to the bed – “as in, I’m not Hummel. Not anymore.”

“That’s right,” Blaine says, relaxing into his husband’s drunken humor. “You’re an Anderson-Hummel. But that’s a bit of a mouthful, don’t you think?”

“I don’t care,” Kurt says, pecking kisses around Blaine’s mouth, tempting him with licks to kiss him deeper. “I like hearing it.”

“Okay” – Blaine kisses Kurt shallowly so he can talk in between. “Kurt … Anderson … Hummel.”

“Mmm” – Kurt turns his head to the side, giving Blaine a hint on where next he wants to be kissed – “say it again.”

“Anderson-Hummel,” Blaine whispers, lapping at Kurt’s collarbone. “Anderson-Hummel.” He nibbles it into the skin of Kurt’s flank as he slips off his pants and his boxer briefs. “Anderson-Hummel,” he murmurs before he takes his husband into his mouth, sinking slowly and burying his nose into the curls there, stopping and waiting until he has every last one of Kurt’s moans ringing in his ears.

“Oh, yes,” Kurt murmurs, bucking his hips gently to join with the heat constricting around him, following it when it pulls away, riding after it, chasing it like a wave. Kurt weaves his fingers into his husband’s hair, grabbing on tight when Blaine sucks a bit faster, legs spread wide to accommodate the man in the tuxedo kneeling between them. “Yes, Blaine,” Kurt mutters, unable to keep quiet. “Yes, Blaine, yes, yes, yes …”

“Do you like that, Mr. Anderson-Hummel?” Blaine chuckles, pulling off a moment to suck a mark into Kurt’s hip.

“Yes,” Kurt says, head rolling back and forth on the bed as his husband’s lips and tongue travel from one hip to the other.

“Do you love me?” Blaine whispers, standing halfway so he can see his husband’s face when he answers.

“God, yes,” Kurt moans, reaching a hand out to the image on the screen, hoping, praying that this time it will be real, that it will come back, that he will wake up from this life that has felt like a dream – a horrible, terrifying dream for too long. Kurt bucks up into his own fist, but it’s not the same. He runs his hand through the strands of his hair, trying to regain that feeling of his husband’s hair against his skin, but it’s gone. Completely gone. Kurt cums over his abs, soiling his hand, accompanied by a bitter, teeth-clenched groan and a well of tears pouring down his cheeks. There’s no pleasure in cumming this way. It’s a reaction to stimuli at this point.

He grew numb to it a long time ago.

“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt whimpers, sobbing as he watches his husband rise up to kiss him, his smile glorious, so proud to be there with him, to finally be married after the years they spent as friends, then as lovers, broken up, and then back together again. When, even when he hated Blaine, he missed him so much he couldn’t breathe, Kurt knew that it was all over. He’d never love another man the way he had loved Blaine Anderson.

God, Kurt misses him so fucking much.

A bottle of champagne. The sound of the ocean. Making love to his husband in the honeymoon suite of the Positano Art on the Amalfi Coast, and not a single care in the world. Blaine was Kurt’s everything, and life was beautiful as long as they were together. It’s been nine years since that trip. It was perfect, a fairy tale. It was everything Kurt had ever wanted and more. But really, he didn’t need all of that. They could have pitched a two-person tent in Central Park, eaten McDonald’s out of the bag, and shared a milkshake for all he cared. All he needed was Blaine.

He still does.

It’s been nine years since that amazing trip, but only three since the car accident that took Kurt’s husband away. Kurt turns to his bedside table and looks at the collection of items he has accumulated in that time, his constant companions – Blaine’s high school photograph, the one that Kurt kept up in his locker; the bowtie ring made of gum wrappers that Blaine gave Kurt in high school – what he considers his true engagement ring; the camera he took with them on their honeymoon, the SD card filled with pictures of the two of them being in love, being happy; a bottle of Evian; a bottle of Valium, Lorazepam, Xanax, Oxycodone to numb the pain in his shoulder that never healed when his seatbelt nearly cut through it; and a single bottle of that $1,000 champagne, the last of the ones they brought back from Italy. Kurt’s had it open for days, sipping it, trying to keep a shadow of that memory in his mind. The alcohol is warm, flat, and acidic, but the fruity notes still pop. When they hit his tongue, he can almost remember how it tasted in Blaine’s mouth.

Kurt cleans up the mess on his hand and his stomach while he and his husband laugh and kiss in the video that did indeed turn into a sex tape during their wedding night. But Kurt can’t watch it past this point. He can’t sit there alone in his bed and watch them make love. Not this time. He picks up the remote and points it at the TV, waiting a second until Blaine reaches over to readjust the angle of the video camera.

“Happy honeymoon, Kurt Anderson-Hummel,” Blaine growls into the lens.

“Happy anniversary, Blaine Anderson-Hummel,” Kurt answers, holding his breath for the next part. Blaine blows a kiss, and Kurt blows one back. He switches off the video, locking the ghosts away, keeping them safe for another year, when he’ll pull out the video and watch it again.

Kurt sobs in the silence. His chest shudders and it hurts – dull and heavy, like a punch. His eyes squeeze shut, the tears leaking down his cheeks burning as they go. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t want to hurt anymore. Every day, he’s not living. He’s awake, and food and water in between keep him going, but he doesn’t move forward. He doesn’t work anymore. He doesn’t talk to anyone. He doesn’t travel. He’s just passing time. He doesn’t feel anything until the day is done, and then all he feels is pain.

Every night he closes his eyes and hopes he disappears.

He opens one of the amber pill bottles – he doesn’t know which one. They all have the same effect on him now. They wipe his memory for about eight hours, knocking him unconscious like a brick to the back of the head, except lately, they don’t work as well as they used to. So on nights like tonight, when Kurt knows that the only thing waiting behind his eyelids are nightmares and what ifs – what if Kurt had driven instead of Blaine, what if they had just stayed home instead of going to another stupid gala, what if they’d left an hour earlier and missed the tractor-trailer jackknifing across the highway, what if they had stopped for coffee when Blaine said he felt like he was falling asleep - he takes a pill or two more than the prescription written on the label. He takes one last sip – one last gulp really – of that champagne that reminds him of his husband’s mouth, and tucks himself into his cold, lonely bed, allowing himself a second to imagine Blaine’s lips pressed against his temple. The more pills he takes, the sharper that feeling becomes, so he finds himself reaching for another.

Then another.

Then another.

It hits him quick, his lids becoming so heavy there’s nothing he can do but shut his eyes, even as he starts to feel nauseous, like he should crawl to the bathroom and be sick in the toilet so he doesn’t mess the bed.

This time, before the world goes black, he can almost hear his husband’s voice whispering in his ear, almost feel breath tickling his hairline, almost feel a hand cupping beneath his chin.

The breath and the hand are warm against Kurt’s skin that’s gone cold, as are the lips pressing against Kurt’s own.

And the taste of champagne on his tongue bursts to life again.

Did you miss me, Mr. Anderson-Hummel?