#i will say im very proud of myself for not getting TRASHED and having the willpower to only have one drink

[mercuryislove]

for real I'm quitting alcohol. shower beer on occasion is okay but I truly don't want to touch hard liquor anymore. this is just stupid

[genderqueerdykes]

it's still equinox, we changed our URL

i've had a lot of time to think about it and after my experience with and very deep exposure to my local punk community, i no longer feel safe or accurate calling myself a punk. it's not a community or ideology for me- at its core, what it's supposed to be, sure, but there are dangers that come with this community and label and i'm not interested in participating in them.

i don't really like the idea of associating with people who are focused on building a community centered around violence. i don't want to associate with a community that ignores its sick, injured, disabled, addicted, mentally ill and queer because people are too focused on ignoring reality for the sake of complaining about how bad things are instead of doing something to change them. i'm not comfortable in a community that would rather just hand the active addict another beer or line of coke because they'd rather just momentarily placate the person than get them help.

i'm not interested in being a part of community that values music being played way too loudly, at volumes that damage people's hearing, and fucking around with flashing lights for hours over people's safety and well being. i'm not here for people who are literally screaming things like "Let's play loud noise and piss people off!", proudly stating that they enjoy pissing off people's neighbors. i'm not here for music that i can't even fucking hear.

i'm not here for a community of people who get too drunk and wasted to appreciate the music that's being played for them, and i really don't appreciate a community full of drunk and wasted musicians who go to house venues and trash the place and scream and disrespect the venue owners and literally admit they played the entire set wrong because they were too fucking drunk. i'm sick of perpetually dealing with dirtbag musicians who take advantage of the vulnerable people who join the punk community and see intoxicated minors and shy people and instantly assault them.

i'm not here for people who are intentionally offensive. i'm not here for people who go out of their way to be aggressive and to anger people for no reason whatsoever. i'm not here for unnecessary hatred and violence. i'm not here for performative activism. i'm not here for all the lies and emotional manipulation that goes on. im not here for people who are proud to be assholes. i'm not here for an attempt to re-phrase bullying, exclusion and hatred as counter-culture revolutionary behavior.

i'm not here for talking about changing the world, talking about being better to other people, talking about dismantling oppressive power structures and doing nothing to actually put that into action, and in fact, contributing to those structures. i'm not here for people who say they help their community when in reality all they do is sit around on each others' couches wasting away drinking beer and watching TV for 14 hours a day. i'm not here for listening to people talk about how evil the rich are and then watching them refuse to help a homeless person who needs money or a meal.

i'm not punk. i don't wanna be considered one anymore. i'm just me. i have my own thoughts and feelings about humanity- like how we should prioritize inclusion and safety, but i don't need a label that might misinform people to convey that. i'm just me, a bunch of genderqueer dykes in a trench coat, and i'm fine with that. i'm happy to just be myselves

[galaxywarp]

Tonight’s low energy dinner is a childhood favorite: Mac and cheese with hot dogs

I really wanna stop for a second and appreciate this. It’s so simple, but it represents so much progress for me.

My kitchen, over the years, in several different apartments, has pretty much NEVER been usable. My depression manifests in a very big way in being unable to clean, and for years I was just….so used to how I had to live, working around the fact that I never had clean dishes and I never had access to my oven or stove

It meant largely that any hot food I wanted to have needed to be from the microwave. And there’s pretty good microwave Mac and cheese. But over the years, I would crave just the simple stove top kind from when I was growing up.

But think about how many steps making Mac and cheese involves if your kitchen is a disaster zone. The stove and everything covering it that could be a fire hazard would need to be dealt with. My pots and pans were still dirty from spaghetti I had made six months ago and buried until a pile somewhere. The sink was full of trash so even if I found the pans, I couldn’t easily wash them. I had nothing to stir the boiling water with or to strain the noodles. It’s actually very hard to strain boiling noodle water with only the single fork that you’ve washed in the bathtub just for this occasion. I speak from experience.

And adding the luxury of some cut up hot dogs to the mix??? Don’t get me started.

You know how awesome it is how easy I can cook a little pan of cut up hot dogs right now?

And I just. I really wanna take a moment to say, to myself, and for myself, thank you. Thank you for how hard you’ve worked to clean this place up and keep it clean so that tonight I could make Mac and cheese and hot dogs without any suffering. I know past me suffered a lot for this. And im thankful. And im proud.

[yc3iko]

Snowy Fonts Ranpo Edogawa x writer fem! reader

(BTW you still work in the ADA, it's just you decide to write stories based off the real crime, depending on what's going through a detectives head during a crime investigation)

As the winter fall was just beginning, many people were rushing to get the latest candies or books. One was getting lost and the other lost in words on a page.

-(Y/N)'s POV-

I decided to grab the latest book of mine to add to the collection of my very own books. I enjoyed writing the murder books of detectives thought process but reading my own work when published is very different than working on the story itself. I found my works unreadable once I had them in my hands, flipping through the pages finding every error of less detail. I got wonderful comments on my books but the very few hate comments made me shatter. I never had really good self-esteem and my writing was my escape. When someone comments hateful words to me or behind my back, I remember the nights I cried trying to figure out why my writing was not the best. My ability didn't make it any better. I may have a strong ability that lets me write about the future for only five weeks but the mental side effect wasn't the best. 'That's not going to help anyone!' 'Write a better future.' Even with the smallest mistake my brain will pinpoint it. Being in the agency helped me realise why I thought this way. My parents were the key factor. 'You're not doing your best!' 'Your gift is trash just like yourself!' The words they used are the words I use on myself.

"(Y/N) Are you lost in thought again?"

"Oh sorry Ranpo, I guess I was," I said. "Well you choose to come help me find the new winter candies but here we are having somebody's book" Ranpo said. "Oh, well I guess we can go get those candies!" I said, putting on a front to hide my hateful thoughts getting to me. "Yay! To the candy store!" Ranpo said, skipping along.

- Timeskip -

"How was the trip to the candy store Ranpo?" Kenji asked. "I enjoyed it but (Y/N) stopped at some book sale to buy their newest book," Ranpo said. "Oh that's right her newest book came out," Yosano said. This conversation was going on right in front of me. My desk was right beside Kenji's. "Good work on your writing, it was better than last time," Kunikida stated. "It truly was," Atsushi said. Atsushi was my greatest stan here. We both enjoyed books and he ended up finding out first I was a book author. "I didn't know you wrote books," Dazai said, coming over to me. "Yeah I do, but its mostly about detectives' voices inside their head and how they solve the crime," I said. "So that's why most of the time you and Ranpo have cases together," Kenji stated. "Y-yeah I guess that's right," I said. "Ms. (L/N) come here," the president called. "Coming on over," I said. "I guess I gotta go." I waved them all goodbye.

"Yes Mr. President?" I questioned. "I just wanted to say I was proud of your writing skills and how far you have come," He said. "T-thank you," I stuttered. He always would say nice things about my work, but I still never get used to it. 'He's only trying to please you.' 'They only want your ability.' My face changed from a smile to a frown. The thoughts were starting again. I guess it was noticed because the president asked "Are you alright (L/N)?" "Oh I'm fine!" I said. "I really should get back to work, anything else you needed me for?" "Yes, can you make sure Ranpo writes his report? I noticed you have only been doing the reports since you and Ranpo started working together," Fukuzawa said. "Ok," I said and left. As I was on my way, I bumped into Kyoka. "Where are you off to Kyoka," I asked. "Im off the buy your books so I can talk more with you," She said. "Aw you don't have to," I said. "No it's fine," She retorted back. "Ok have fun!" I said. Fronts were so much easier. They never really break character. They were like criminals. Also lying when really you should be telling the truth. True characters hurt people, so my front will always be there.

Once I got back to the office, I noticed that Ranpo was reading and not eating. "What is he doing?" I whispered to Atsushi. "I lended him the first book of your series, him claiming he wanted to know more about your writing," Atsushi whispered back. "Hey (Y/N) come here," Ranpo yelled at me. "Ok," I said, as I walked over. "What would you like?" I asked. "I wanted to know why this book is written about me," He said. "Excuse me?" I questioned. He knew. He was never supposed to know. "Well this first book is about the first case I solved, and the date this was published was months after I told you," Ranpo said. His eyes were opened. The prettiest emerald eyes ever. "I'm sorry, I never got your permission to create a book off it," I said. My head looking down. 'Now he hates you, how do you feel?' 'Aw, are you going to cry, crybaby?' "it's fine, I never had a book based off me before, as the greatest detective of all times I feel honoured," He said, going back to eating his food. "R-really?" I questioned. "Yes but your next book needs to be about me and yours relationship after I ask you out," Ranpo said, bluntly. "What?" Me and everyone else questioned. "You heard me, check the letter on your desk," Ranpo said, pointing to the desk. I walked up to my desk and picked up the letter. It stated:

'I hope this goes right. Will you write me like you write your books after this date I take you on?' Yes no

-Ranpo Edogawa

I checked one off and handed it back to Ranpo. He opened it and said.

'I hope this goes right. Will you write me like you write your books after this date I take you on? Yes no

'P.S Never ask someone out over a letter'

"And that is how I met your greatest father of all times," I whispered to the kids in their beds. "They truly love the story about me being the greatest detective of all times!" Ranpo laughed. "They sure do," I said back.

[aroacesigma]

okay massive loredump incoming so im terribly sorry if none of this makes sense lol

to understand valkyrie's dynamic in the most basic way possible, shu is an incredibly talented artist who might seem extremely standoffish and cold while also being very short tempered (especially during the earlier stories) but he is very tender to those who cares about. throughout his entire arc though he learns how to express those feelings better so its really sweet to see ^-^ he really loves antique dolls and admires any type of art form really. and hes a very big croissant enjoyer. currently in the story hes studying in france. and i dont care if its only like a silly gag in the game but you have to take shu having DID out of my cold dead hands. he sometimes speaks through the doll his grandfather gave him, mademoiselle.

and mika is, for a lack of a better word his biggest fan(tm). type of guy that would defend anything shu does on twitter lmao. but before getting into their relationship!! i need to gush about my silly first. mika is an orphan who ends up at yumenosaki because he remembers meeting shu when they were both kids and seeing shu perform once. and was like. "hey. i want to be next to him" and somehow??? got in???? but anyway. hes a very sweet guy but might sometimes come off as a bit of an airhead. doesnt help w the fact that he keeps saying hes dumb while that not being the case at all. he really likes plushies :3 he frequently picks up abandoned plushies and clothes from the trash to fix them up and everything. he also has a bit of a sweet tooth lol. but he prefers cheaper candy or sweets that are a little flawed like a cake thats slightly burnt and whatnot because he says that the nice ones make him sick.

oh wow this is already so long im SORRY but getting into them together, their entire arc is them growing and learning and trying to become the best versions of themselves as partners.

during ! era, the earlier batch of stories, when mika first joins valkyrie his relationship with shu is really not healthy at all. people still call them a proship sometimes because they will just ignore any development they had 💀 this was the time that mika was incredibly devoted to shu and very dependent on him. that his only purpose was to be shu's doll for him to control and lead him because he couldnt be trusted with himself or whatever. this being paired with shu's perfectionism resulted in this dynamic of a puppeteer and his puppet, basically. i will probably get to the war in another ask if you want me to bc. i feel like im rambling on too much nfmfnf <.< but after the events of the war their dynamic starts changing with time, in the later ! stories a few of them shows this switch to emphasizing mika needing to become his own person, and to live as a human instead of mindlessly following what shu says him to do. when we get to the !! era how much they've both grown is way more visible, by now shu has moved to france but visits japan frequently for valkyrie's activities or other things. shu cannot shut up about being partners in art with mika and is really proud of how far he has come. mika on the other hand, he really starts pushing for his own artistic taste more and also!! he calls shu out on his bullshit sometimes its really fun to read.

and if you want more tragic yaoi, id recommend listening to acanthe first and the lyrics then going onto le temps des fleurs, both have insane stories in the game accompanying the songs but i will . stop myself for now. all i will say is that the outfits in le temps des fleurs, half of it is supposed to be the groom while the other is the bride, so yeah theyre married to me now.

ohhhh theyre so silly. honestly love that character development for them <3 so glad gay marriage is real in enstars

[depressedraisin]

ok brethren rant incoming

so ytd i was at this paper presentation competition with my very mediocre paper (the sole reason to that was bcs i am not a banking public finance girlie i never will be) but that's not the story. the story is that i met this dude from a year above me and he's from this very presitigious old traditionally left leaning and social sciences focusing college and i thought ha he might be interesting lemme chat him up. now usually i am decapacitated by social anxiety at events like these but i thought no girl you can't let your demons get the better of you and stare at him for the rest of the event, go talk to him maybe you could get a friendship out of this. i CANNOT tell you just HOW MUCH it took for me too even get up and go say hi. but i did, and i was so proud of myself. he was since enough and we started chatting.

and then.

then, Dude turned out to be a Finance Bro. not just any Finance Bro but an elon musk stanning borderline fascist bullshit spouting "there is nothing wrong with exploiting power if you have it" "why should the rich pay for the poor" Finance Bro.

*loooooooooooong sigh*

spent like 3 hours econ-mansplaining how capitalism is a meritrocracy to me. which was yeah okay im used to hearing bullshit like that i just silently rolled my eyes but then. BUT THEN. man said TO MY FACE "what's there to research in economic history 🥴" when i told him abt my future plans. FUCK HIM. HOW DARE YOU.

yk mama raised a polite girl who is slightly terrified of confrontation or else Dude would've been shredded to pieces.

like fucking nincompoop do you think you dropped on earth outta nowhere do you think scholars who spend years and years studying and trying to understand how our current economic situations have evolved from those in the past are idiots.

im so amused by Finance Bros' complete and absolute inability to wrap their teeny lil heads around the fact that you can study for personal satisfaction. yeah my good sir it is, in fact, possible that someone dedicates their life to the study of something just because they like it and they think it's interesting. only things that bring you lotsa cash aren't the only ones that hold value in life- wow surprise.

like yeah i had the grades to go for stem i still have the grades to go for a cushy corporate job and just count banknotes for the rest of my life but NO im not gonna do that bcs i have this one life and thank god i have the priviledge to dedicate it to pursuing academics long term in a field that interests me so im gonna do that. he was like "if you were confident enough in taking maths and economics then might as well have gone for STEM" NO DUMBWIT. i DID NOT have the interest. it's really just that simple. and yes i can love maths and be interested in history its not that hard. economics is not an isolated science it is literally ABOUT SOCIETY its a social sciene you cannot cut it off from politics or history or sociology. fucking idiot

so yeah. im so annoyed. day ruined totally.

im going back to chatting up only women. cishet men are trash

[wintersoldierbmb]

thursday june 6 i feel like a useless person.

im not depressed and haven’t been for like a year now but i can feel it creeping back in. family drama somehow found a way to me and without saying too much i don’t know who to trust anymore. people really don’t care about me as much as they lie and say they do.

on another note I’m just not motivated to do anything anymore. i wish i could just die. i don’t want to be useless. even though i am in college and stuff i still feel like my life is going to go nowhere and i’ll just be another person existing, taking up everyone else’s oxygen for no reason. i don’t deserve to live if i can’t be useful. i feel like i am incapable of doing the simplest of tasks and that makes me feel like i have no future. i wish someone would get rid of me so i don’t have to kill myself. i wish i didn’t have ADHD. i wish my mind wasn’t on a trillion things at once all the time. i wish i was easy for people to understand. i wish the smallest ripples in how i feel in a moment didn’t have the potential to make my whole day crash and burn. i really wish i was rich, and if not rich then at least normal so that i could be a functioning member of society and be able to get a job or something. i wish i had my own house but i will probably never get one because i can’t save money for the life of me. music isn’t working even though I’ve been consistently doing that since i was born (literally) so there’s another goal in the trash. i have been wasting my time with everything i try to pursue. i should just die.

i’m 19 years old and the only asset i have is the fact that i’m in college. i passed my summer one classes (i think) and i can’t even celebrate it. i can’t bring myself to be happy about that achievement. all i can do is thank God and move on. internally i’m not happy or proud of myself. even now i want to drop out. i am my biggest enemy. i’m not capable of doing things everyone else has learned to do when they were 15, 16, 17 in high school. i don’t think i have an interesting future or even a good one at all. i will die with regrets on how i lived my life. if i grow old, it will be into a life of regret of how lame i was as a youth, and how i didn’t choose to do what everyone else did. my perception on life is very skewed, but i don’t even know how to look at life anymore. i spent so much time being high and under the influence in the past few years that it was the only reality i could function in. now i’m trying to be sober again and not depend on weed to make me a normal person and the only thing it is doing is making me feel like shit inside. my self worth is only high on one day out of the week (probably because i was high that day) and for the rest of the week i feel worthless. if i killed myself i wouldn’t hurt a lot of people except for MAYBE my mom and i don’t want to do that to her.

i feel like something is wrong with me or that i am mentally retarded. everyone else seems to have the necessary brainpower to do everything they need to in life, but here i am being slow in mine. i try every day to improve my work ethic and attitude about living, but my insecurities overwhelm me. all i can think about is how dumb i feel. i feel like a stupid person. i am not intelligent or as intelligent as people make me out to be. if i was in any situation worse than i have been in in my life i probably wouldn’t make it. i thank God every day for always giving me another chance, but i feel sad because i feel like i’m wasting it. He is too merciful to someone who cannot make anything for himself. music is all i have to offer anymore. nothing about me is special or different enough for me to get recognized for. i don’t even feel like a real person anymore. i feel like i’m nobody. i should die soon and quit wasting everyone’s time, but i’m too scared to do it to myself. drugs are the only thing that “restore” me, but thats how you end up being a fucking junkie. i will never be a junkie. i’m hoping one of these days i overdose or get a bad batch of some weed or tale a strange pill or get spiked and die from it. i don’t want torture or deserve a long painful death as i haven’t done anything to earn that. the only thing that i need to do is die. quickly

[dafidiary]

Today my father called me a burden.

Hi.

Im about to go to college pretty soon..and I'm jobless at home at the moment. Look my friends and acquaintances have called me out for being someone with soo much attitude and I often just felt insulted and sad when they'd think of me like that when in reality I just have a hard time talking to people and even befriending anyone.

I don't blame then anymore cause when my own parents can't understand me, i don't blame anyone anymore.

They assume everything I do is deliberately done and that I have zero respect for them or anything I engage in. How do I tell them that? How do I tell them that anything they say is very untrue?

I've been hating food and eating and basically I just never have a appetite really. Guess who got blamed for that? Guess who's apparently "deliberately" not having an appetite? Guess who's throwing an "attitude"?

Let's say you love sushi. Would you like it if I gave you a million sushis at a time just cause you like that? Would you rather get sick of it or would you eat them all? Wouldn't you grow sick of that food cause of what I did to you the last time you ate it? Am I wrong??

Would you like it if I forced you to eat a food the way I like it? Would you not like it eat it your way? Would you like to be forced to be eaten food when you really aren't hungry or you just aren't interested in eating that rn?

Guess I'm wrong cause I asked for a little bit of food even after I've denied eating and also didn't want to eat it the way they want...

Guess who got asked to get out of the house for doing so? ....

My dad got pissed and asked me to never eat the food if I had so much attitude. Having opinions and intrests is attitude in my household. I eventually just left the food but my mom handed it over for me to eat again after she had started the entire tea and had snitched on me. I just ate the food and left. Later for dinner I was told how I am a burden of a child and that a child with so much attitude must not be at home at all. And that I have never accomplished anything in life and I've never been a source of peace. And that I'm a brat and assume of so much sophistication in the house. My father said he hates me and doesn't really wanna talk to me. My mom just counter agreed to all his statements.

It hurt that my father said those words cause he was the man that I really thought was kinda there for me to understand me and to be proud of me. The man's words that was once like the flames that motivated me just pierces me.

What do you want me to do? I just sat there.. crying and sobbing silently pretending to watch what was on the TV. Unfortunately it was a bit too loud. He had also said that these actions of mine just show hints of why he must never approach me in his old age and that he would never come up to me in the future. And ofcourse my mom agreed to his statements. Honestly I don't know what I did for him to say such things. I'm really trying not to cry too much. Thanks to some eye irritation I have, it makes my eye look swollen already so they'd not get mad at me for crying and having swollen eyes in the morning. Yeah. They make fun of me and humiliate me when I cry and ofc get mad it and blame me and my attitude that I don't think I have a problem with.

For them I am not the kid I was once to my family but they're to me still the family I love. Thanks to that i couldn't swallow anything from the plate and I felt like puking so I just sneaked the solid food into my pockets and dumped them in the trash and collected myself for a moment and prayed to God that id leave this home soon and left to bed.

Usually I'd just text my sister about my worries but i didn't seem to really receive anything from her end since she just continued to blame me until one day I asked her not to. Thanks to her.

They're not wrong. I've always wondered how I was not their burden really..guess I know now. And yes..my father was drunk too so I just know for fact that nothing he said there was a lie.

[journalist-pauline]

January 13

Feeling like Lilo

Hi, just turned 27.

I'll be posting day-to-day about my life, I hope no one reads this

I feel very stupid, and shitty today

I tried making nacho cheese, it turned to big chunk of hard sauce. It tasted like cheese whiz. I almost cried of disappointment

I hid the cheese in my cabinet till no one is at the kitchen so I can toss it

Weird, I wanted to be skinny and sexy but I eat nachos specifically Doritos and pizza.

The curse of having your birthday just 2 weeks after new year. LMAO

You feel like your an exemption to eat reckless since its your birthday on the 2nd week of January. Isn't the food from Christmas and new year enough? LMAO

I want to go to the gym with Gray. I can't. She lives in Davao

I guess I'll have to revert my room to a gym again.

I was hoping to try my luck as HVA but at this amount of noise in my place, I think I can't.

Well at least I search on things before I really do it. It means I have this will. And I was able to buy food I want for my birthday unlike before, I can't. And I was able to go on vacation in an early notice unlike before.

Kinda proud that I was able to travel also without losing something important too lol.

I was reading some things on reddit, and I found this community where they are finding partners and they labeled that they like someone who's "easy on the eyes"

As a Filipino person who doesn't talk conyo very often, I searched "easy on the eyes" on Google and it showed "Physically attractive"

Wow

These people actually think they'll find someone "attractive" on reddit where there are random usernames and no idea on their pictures, careers, educational and family background

Despite that, I started thinking. Did somebody thought I'm "easy on the eyes"? I think I'm hard on the eyes. LOLOLOLOL

Im hard as hollowblocks on the eyes HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Above all that, I started thinking maybe I'm not dating seriously enough to be called "easy on the eyes"

Reading everything on reddit on what they like on a girl, I started having thoughts that the typical male wanted a petite one. And I'm not one of them. My level of self-love is that high that I dont care about others opinions. But to think of it, Im really choosy of the people I pick. Maybe its also time, I became the person I want.

It is to stop my double standards also.

I started thinking I wanted to make my skin lighter, my hair straighter, my eyes more chinita, my waist thinner, my arms smaller.

I love everything about myself but there comes a time I think people treat me trash because I'm not their type of "pretty" or I'm not "easy on the eyes"

I want to have the encouragement one day to say atleast,

"You're easy on the eyes, Pauline"

.

.

some journalizing things

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/confidence-questions

1 I help with my family

2 i do well on my work, i do well making friends, well some, i do well helping

3 self-assured meaning you are aware of your strengths

4 i can lift and encourage them to open up and feel more accepting of feeling insecure but open to improving it

What is one thing you can do to make yourself proud today?

getting a rebond, staying awake

Head held high.

Ingatss.

[blissfullybloomed]

Solitude

Solitude is Simple.

Solitude is Sanity.

Solitude is Self Awareness.

Solitude is Solvable.

Solitude is Sanctuary.

Solitude is Sexy.

Solitude is Sassy.

Solitude is Satisfying.

Solitude is Simple.

I guess you figured out today’s subject. 

When you are walking down the street, or see someone in the grocery store who is alone, what goes through your mind? Anything? 

Society and your economic environment probably have brainwashed you to think that being alone is bad. Call the counselors…Call the squad….and so on. 

Being alone and living in solitude is an art form in itself. There are some people out there that think because we are humans…that we are social creatures and NEED to be around others or we will slip into some sort of manifested depression. I agree with that generic concept…but, being alone is needed as well. Keep in mind, I am only speaking for myself, and my experiences….there is probably some scientific research out there to say otherwise…, not in this blog right now though. As I was saying, yes…humans are social creatures, but we are also a single unit as well. We are allowed to feel safe after an overstimulating event, either at home or work. We are allowed to feel safe after an argument with a spouse or loved one. We are allowed to put our needs first in this instance. It's ok. Be easy on yourself. Enjoy the solitude while you have it- learn about yourself. Who are you really? What do you stand for? 

Both those questions are only involving YOU, no one else to answer them. 

Be proud of your solitude.

Now, here's another query. 

Who celebrates single people? There are engagement parties, baby showers, family reunions…but who celebrates the fact that this person has chosen to be single in some fashion and chosen a solitude lifestyle, for a while, or even permanently? Consider how or why they chose that life. Then maybe celebrate that with them. 

Unions are celebrated. 

Let's celebrate solitude for once. 

We should celebrate solitude,  the same way we would celebrate a union ….I just want the cake actually…HAHA! What I'm saying is, take notice of it, understand it…appreciate it, don't shame the person for being single and choosing themselves. It's not cool anymore…it never has been. Quit it. 

If that person chooses to come out of solitude…get ready! You're not ready…for how they evolved…or my favorite word…bloomed, how they bloomed out of solitude. They rose like a damn phoenix , from absolutely nothing. They chose themselves, and fell in love with who they were again. Yeah, I see you people out there….I see you. We are unstoppable. 

Oh, you will fall in love with this person too. You will notice, accept, take in, and finally understand ….because you won't have any other choice. You will get to see their authentic self. They will also get to see yours. You will learn from one another again. You'll grow. All because you both chose solitude, and did the work. 

Get ready, you're about to find the love of your life…You! 

You never know who might come along and fall in love with you too. 

Oh man, dating when you know who you are is a whole other level. 

You have to make it through the trash first…but that comes with knowing your boundaries and sticking to them. Stick to your solitude lessons you learned. Keep repeating doing that, and it will become a habit. Don't settle! You've worked way too hard and came way too far. 

It's simple, easy, natural, honest, communicative, normal, not rushed, safe, and controlled people that will embrace your solitude with you. 

You sir, yeah you…, Im very happy. Like, lost in the clouds, happy. Thank you. 

He did the work too. He lived in solitude for a long time. He is still doing the work, as am I, daily. 

Proud of you baby, keep it moving. 

Celebrate Solitude, because you never know when it will become a union. 

Peace pimps!

[zak-shit]

sweet life

today is still messy. but better than the last few....? i haven't truly been great with eating again. kinda not having regular meals unless I'm with lo.. even then i kind of have to force myself. which isn't good i know.

last night she came up with a new rule to only have hook ups if she's able to make content out of it, and also be into it. doesn't want to just get people off. which makes me feel much better. I'm glad she doesn't just want to get other off. and i defiantly want her to be into it. it being done for content as a priority, makes me feel much less disregarded, and comfortable with the situation.

she did kind of ask if she could top if it was for content, to which i most defiantly did not like and shut down. 100% not ready for that. and the fact that it was asked/ wanted from her kind of hurt. and overshadowed the development above. she did say she hasn't came across anyone else she wants to top. very glad to hear that, and i would hope not. i guess it just also threw me off, because I was having this feeling apart of her no longer wanted to be a top. which could still have truth in there in some ways. I feel like im being generous allowing her to get head from others if she wanted. bc of course I want to be the only one, but i still want her to defiantly get pleasure as well.

all this waiting for more just gets me sometimes, sometimes im great and am able to accept, be satisfied with what we have. she's just not super affectionate, still loves me very much. i just get in my head, and wonder if i was someone else, if they would get more affection... sometimes I think its really just me. i can also admit, that I too am awkward and could probably make some more moves, i just don't get a read that she wants it.. and i feel like trash if i do something and then i'm shut down... but I cant wait for something that i'm not sure will happen, and i also need to live more in the moment.

i know theres a-lot of ranting and layers there, but id like to what im grateful for as well. I thought I would never have someone love me as a partner, I know I'm good enough, but I didnt think I could meet someone I wanted to be with in that way either. And I want to be with Lo with my whole heart. She has the best music taste. A dark humor I need someone to have. A sweetheart really. ( mixed with a bit brattiness, shhh she knows that too) but also that can be in a good way too, she knows what she wants, and will make sure she gets that. she knows the importance of prioritizing oneself, and also loves to make others happy. she can be outspoken in a great way too, she doesnt really sugar coat things. god i am absolutely smitten for her. I want with my everything to blossom through life together, be beside her to transition and always feel beautiful. I love our life with the kittys, and out kitty family to grow one day. I cant wait to live in our own place together and wake up and go to sleep together every night and every day. We'll have the cutest maximalist place, with lots of plants and the best lighting. Always smelling good, from our candles and clean linen, to the delicious meals cooked with love.

work is going okay, after 5 full years, and a battle with myself. i'm finally going to go into management. just finished my back of house modules, have a few more areas to train on back there. then i'll get into being able to open the store by myself, and have some key shifts. i need to find out when I'll actually be able to have key shifts, bc i do feel ready for them. plus months of those are required to go into the interview process of management.

I'm also on day 3 without any social media on my phone, which hasn't been as hard tbh. I've also been occupied. There were a few times when sitting around watching drag race last night, that I wanted to scroll a little bit. but that has passed quickly, and i've been glad/ proud to not have the useless info entering my brain. I defiantly will be keeping it up for a long time, if not forever.

[dragonfruitsoup]

im sorry you're struggling. these are redundant, things you might already know or have been said already, but man! they have got me through some rough times and sometimes you just need someone to repeat what you already know just to drive it home.

1) shower. or if showering is Too Much that day, wash your face/hair/feet. pick something easy and just scrub down with a washcloth or something. it is ridiculously life changing the difference just feeling clean can make, even if it feels really stupid to say that. shower and change clothes. do not spend more than 24 hours in the same clothes. sitting in your own sweat and sadness can feel like a physical anchor. 11/10 do not recommend.

2) hydrate. doesn't have to be water. plain water sucks, everyone knows that. as long as it's not alcohol or sea water, you're good. dont let anyone harp on you about how 'only plain water hydrates you'. nah. ignore them. you know what you'll drink. worry about making sure its in reach instead. become a beverage goblin and have six drinks on your desk at a time. set a little reminder on your phone or download one of those little tracker apps. there's one that has you water a plant for each glass you drink. some days that is the only reason i remember to consistently consume a liquid. you are the plant. dont forget to water it. doesn't have to be 64 oz total, doesn't have to be every hour on the hour. just a simple 'oh shoot, i've been awake three hours and i still havent drank anything, lemme get on that'. drink the cocoa, drink the soda, drink the overly sweet coffee milkshake thing. whatever puts fluid in your body.

3) related, but eat something. don't have the energy to make food? cool. neither do i most days. buying prepared food is okay. there's no shame in buying frozen dinners or premade meals at the store if it's actually helping you eat. wont have the energy to do things if you physically dont have the means of making energy. a car cannot run if it has no gas, remember that. have all the fixings & stuff to make a sandwich, but don't feel like ACTUALLY making the sandwich itself? cool. life hack : you can just eat the sandwich in pieces. take bite of cheese, take bite of bread. bam. you fed yourself. i'm proud of you. wanna make soup because you can eat it over several days and you've got the Energy right now to do it, but looking at all those veggies and knowing you have to cut them seems daunting? a lot of stores sell precut veggies. usually in packs specifically for soups. 300% no shame in buying precut things. i dont usually have the mental energy to cook a chicken breast and cut up all the things for a salad. but i can pop some frozen chicken tenders in the oven and open a bag of salad mix and call it a day. these things are there to help you. take advantage of them.

4) slow and steady wins the race. sometimes i get frustrated because it feels very patronizing to tell myself to work smaller, when i feel like i should be able to just Do the Thing. but! sometimes that's what you gotta do and there is NO shame in that. need to clean the bathroom but that feels too big? start easy. wipe down the counter. take out the trash. or just put the trash by the door. clear up just one space. even if it's just piling all the clothes from the floor into a basket. physically seeing a clean space can help, even if it feels like tricking your brain. sometimes its just easier to feel productive if something already feels done. even if it's something really really small. clothes picked up? nice. put away socks. just socks. that's it. good job! go take a drink break, eat a chewy bar, and then come back in an hour or whatever and put away tank tops, just tank tops. keep that momentum if you can and if you cant, that's okay.

5) get some sunlight. oh my gooooooood, it feels so goofy to say that but legit, you are the plant. five minutes of fresh air and sun DO, in fact, make a difference. absurd, but true. take some vitamins, get a sun lamp if you're not in a space where you can get consistent sun. but our bodies are a hodgepodge of chemicals and never seem to work right and so sometimes you just gotta help it out.

6) forgive yourself. easily the hardest one, but damn, definitely the most important. sometimes you just Can't. you gotta roll with that. you're not a bad person because you can't get your brain and body on the same page. there are so many people out there that feel the same as you. that struggle with doing a load of laundry or buying new sheets. i spent 4 months without sheets on my bed because i had washed them but didnt have it in me to put them back on the bed. i get it. so does my roommate. so do a dozen other people in just my life alone. they're here on the internet and they're there in your town and they are everywhere, like dandelions. i promise you. it's been said before but seriously, treat yourself like a separate person. a person, a child, a pet. whatever helps you. think of how you speak to yourself when you're struggling. are you gonna talk like that to another person? no? then why would you say it to yourself? would you look at someone struggling and tell them to get their shit together and then just walk away? no? then dont do it to yourself. be patient. be forgiving. be kind.

7) ask for help. yeah, ask for help physically with things. have a loved one come over and help you meal prep for the week so you dont have to try and do mental gymnastics just to feed yourself every day. have someone on the phone with you while you fold clothes or go with you to the store so it's not as lonely picking out body wash and you can maybe grab a fancy coffee/snack since you're already out. but also? just coming online like this and asking for advice because you want to take care of yourself? reaffirming that no, you're not alone in this? genius. look at you. taking care of yourself already. proud of you.

the fact that you want to take care of yourself means the world. don't forget that. it's easy to lose that in the weight of it all. but wanting to take care of yourself is going to make it easier to actually take care of yourself. even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Do you guys have any tips on how to take care of yourself and your environment when you’re kind of at a low point where you have no energy to do anything...pls help

[mccn-bcys]

FINAL ARCADE TOKEN

pairing: marc spector x reader

summary: a date at the arcade is going well...until you get to the last token of the night.

warnings: fluff, I decided marc deserves a night of happiness, brief mentions of established relationships with steven and jake.

authors note: this is a little short but I thought this was cute! Im actually proud of myself for starting and finishing this in one day! for reference this was the challenge post I saw that I'm trying to do every day this month. anyways i hope you guys like this! lemme know what you think!

word count: 1,361

marc could honestly say he was having the time of his life. he hadn't been to an arcade in years. he had almost forgotten what it was like to just relax and not worry about a certain moon god and any missions he might be sent out on.

and his favorite part was that he got to do it with you.

he loved watching you play the arcade games. you would get so competitive, sometimes even throwing out some trash talk. he knew you didn't mean anything by it, you just liked to win. your nose would scrunch up in concentration. there was a spark in your eye, and he loved to watch it. as did steven and jake.

'I'm surprised theyve got it in them to even make those threats.'

'yea it is pretty cute when they threaten to rip our arms off,' jake thought, the adoration dripping in his voice.

marc just ignored them and kept watching you. he'd never tell you that a few games he let you beat him just to see you jump with joy.

you were also having the time of your life. you hadn't done anything like this in years and your inner child was overjoyed. you also loved that marc was able to relax and have fun. it wasn't very often that he allowed himself to and you were happy that he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down around you, even if for a moment.

whenever he wasn't looking at you, you were stealing glances at him. your favorite face of his was when he was concentrating. he's furrow his eyebrows ever so slightly, and his tongue would stick out just a little. and if he won? the giant smile on his face? and the laugh of victory? oh it was like heaven on earth.

you had both chipped in for a bunch of tokens, enough to last a couple hours. and you agreed that you'd put together the tickets at the end of the night and buy something from the counter, something you would both want. you had your eye on the giant stuffed animal hanging up there.

and before you both knew it, a few hours had passed. the token pile was diminishing and your ticket pile was steadily growing in size. you both were quite proud of yourselves, besting each other in different games. you learned that he was incredibly good at skiball and air hockey. he was not that great at whack-a-mole, however. he would miss it, and he would start getting frustrated which only made it worse. you, however, found it funny whenever he would get frustrated about hitting the plastic moles. and then you'd play it and be great. he'd stare at you with admiration, jealousy, and disbelief and that look would also get a laugh out of you.

he was pulling you into the direction of another game, you reached into your pocket to grab a token, and that's when you stopped, which caused him to jerk to a stop. he turned around to look at you, wondering silently why you had stopped.

"is something wrong, babe?" he asked you, worried that he mightve said or done something wrong.

"marc, we only have one token left," you said softly, showing his your hand that held the last token.

his hands immediately felt for his pockets, looking for maybe any that he might have. alas, he had none. the game he had wanted to play needed at least two tokens.

"whatre we gonna do?" you asked, looking around at the other games around you, trying to find one that you both could play for one token.

"we're gonna make it count," he said definitively, grabbing your hand, eyes targeted on a game, as he pulled you towards it.

when you stopped in front of it, you looked at him questioningly. "marc?"

"yeah?"

"this is Pac-Man," you pointed out.

"yes is it," he answered, a proud smile on his face.

"how're we both gonna play this?" you questioned, wondering why he chose this one.

"together. we both hold the stick. we both get to decide where he goes. we win together or we lose together."

and as sweet as that was, especially since you both liked to win, you still were uncertain.

"oh come on! this game is a classic, baby! even steven knows that this game is essential to any arcade experience," he looked to his reflection in the game's glass, and getting a nod from his alter, then looking back to you like you as if to say 'see!' as if you had seen stevens nod. "plus, i haven't played this game on so long! i used to play it all the time with ran—when I was younger!"

you had caught his correction. and of course you knew why and what he was going to say. he had told you about his childhood and all that stuff. you obviously knew steven and jake, considering that you were also seeing steven, and you and jake were just talking and flirting at the moment. but you heard his slip in his excitement.

you could clearly see how much this meant to him, how much he wanted to play it, and how much he wanted to play it with you.

"okay, let's do this," you said, cracking your knuckles, as if to show you mean business. he laughed and cheered as you agreed.

so you let him call the shots. you put the token in and you both grabbed the joy stick, his hand on top of yours as you both directed the yellow ball across the screen. you both probably seemed like mad people, laughing when you tried to go in different directions, yelling in worry when you almost got caught by the ghosts, or yelling in joy when you'd get the fruit or one of the big blue dots that let you eat the ghosts. but you both were enjoying the game, enjoying being so close to each other.

"YES!" both of you yelled as you won the game, fists raised in the air in victory. you turned to each other, hugging each other, before he leaned down to kiss you real quick before grabbing all the tickets you had won.

"now let's get these bad boys to the prize counter," you said, making him laugh as you both had handfuls of tickets.

and when you got to the counter, you had to bury your face in marc's shoulder to keep from laughing at the look of terror on the face of the poor kid working the counter. he laughed quietly to himself as he wrapped his arm around you to keep you close.

"you guys happen to know what you want?" the kid asked. you think was worried you were gonna take a long time, getting a bunch of small stuff.

"yea, can you get us the giant duck up there?" marc answered, causing you to look at him.

"i thought we were gonna get something we both wanted?" you said, wondering why he was getting the duck. you didn't think he would've wanted it.

"well i know you've been eyeballing it, and if it's what you want then it's what i want," he smiled at you, causing you to smile hugely.

"you still have enough tickets for another prize," the kid at the counter said, handing over the giant stuffed animal.

"let's get the blow up hammer," you said, looking at him. upon seeing his confusion you explained: "that way jake can get his anger out without bruising your knuckles or putting holes in the walls." you said making him laugh out loud as marc heard jake scoff and steven laugh as well.

"and now I can play whack-a-you," he said laughing along with you, as he lightly tapped your head with the inflatable hammer as you guys walked out of the arcade to head home for the night.

you were very happy with this date. you both spent time together, laughed together, yelled together, lost together, won together. you were just...together.

especially after when it came to one final arcade token.

[navigatorwrongway]

Ahaha so remember like a month and a half ago when i promised yall ( @milozephir @some-random-trash ) a rec list? Yeah, I made like 80% of a list and forgot it in my drafts rip

BUT i found it again AND updated word counts and stuff so like?? Points for effort pls ty

In no particular order, im pleased to present

Mari’s Non-comprehensive Dinluke Fic Recs

ni kar'taylir gar darasuum sosol by @coffeecatsme

T, 8.7k, complete

A really really sweet 5+1 about Luke making sense of the Mando’a Din uses.

say it as you will by HiddenEye

T, 3.8k, complete

Ahsoka and Rex teasing the living daylights out of everyone. Because they deserve it.

Willfully Oblivious by @needlefrost

T, 6k, complete

Force-sensitive Din my BELOVED, with bonus Ahsoka-training-Din!!

To Each According To His Need by MadameReveuse ( @weepylucifer im 90% sure that’s u but correct me if im wrong ^.^’)

G, 4.7k, complete

Definitely one of the best fics in the ship, this is one part sickfic, one part thoughtful exploration of the effects of background and expanding horizons, and one part *excellent* dialogue.

he feels like home by coffeecatsme (again!)

T, 6 chapters, 13.7k, complete

Wherein everyone but Luke can tell that the pining is mutual.

Star Light, Star Bright series by snapdragonpop007

T, 7 works, 19k, WIP

Din gets Luke off of Tatooine a little earlier, and this changes things.

Kir’manir by plantyourtreeswithme

T, 3 chapters, 23.7k, WIP

Bo-Katan shoots Luke as he leaves, and we go from there. Top notch.

parry, parry, strike by AlchemyAlice

T, 18.9k, complete

Excellent dinluke, excellent din & leia, excellent all around.

Thaw by @andthepeople spqr

T, 6.3k, complete

Vader gets Luke on Bespin, and Luke later gets Grogu back to his buir. Very very very very good.

Christ in Repose by spqr again!

T, 7.7k, complete

I limited myself to two recs from this author!! Arent you proud!!! Honestly I recommend all of this author’s work, but that would make this list even longer. OP Luke (affectionate) and some in-universe new/media funsies.

Where There’s a Will There’s a Way by xiaq

M, 8.8k, WIP

Best banter on the list imo. Seriously the dialogue is *chef’s kiss* and the rest is very very good as well.

listen, there's a hell of a universe next door by storm_petrel

M, 12.9k, complete

BAMF luke, BAMF din, one of the best written action sequences I’ve ever read, and a look at Luke’s role as a Rebel pilot. Read it.

through the deep dark valley by @ace-din-djarin

T, 3 works, 21.9k, WIP

Soulmate AUs aren’t everybody’s cup of tea but if you have even a passing interest this is SO GOOD. Not even speaking from bias as a beta, this is objectively a joy to read.

staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave

G, 25.7k, complete

If you read one fic on this list, make it this one. AU where the Jedi are still around, Din has just become Mand’alor, and Knight Luke Skywalker is sent to help mediate. Once you’ve read this, read all the author’s other work too. Mari’s orders.

I have many many many more recs but these are some of my faves! Sorry again about taking so long 😭😭

I’m also morally and legally obligated to shill the dinluke discord server, where cool cats like the intended audience of this post (all of you) can hang out and talk various star wars and dinluke-related shiznaz

[angelwiththeblue-box]

ooo tysm for the tag!! <3

no pressure tags @blueskiesandstarrynights @lab-trash @depressedtransguy @thedragonemperess and anyone else !! <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

119 because im insane <3

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

193, 157

3. what fandoms do you write for?

at this point dimension 20 (and other dropout related stuff cough pibe cough cough) and the librarians,

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

i love the things you hate about yourself - ana being abelist + buddie fic (i am still very proud of this one)

i belong with you (you belong with me) - buddie soulmate au, which ill be honest i dont really remember but the people liked it

i like shiny things but ill marry you with paper rings - ronance and steddie double date

this'll be the day that i die - black widow post credit scene fic, one that i kinda rushed to finished, but again glad the people enjoyed it

sink or swim - 911 tsunami arc if buck and eddie were together, brilliant idea if i do say so myself

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!! i love getting comments!! i respond to most of them, and if i dont respond its because i forgot-

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ah fuck, truly no clue, i did whumptober a while ago, so probably those, but most of my fics are hurt/comfort

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally 95 percent of them, but one of the fluff filled fics i wrote was who will pray for me (when im gone) or will you have me will you love me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not in public nope

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

nope

10. do you write crossovers?

no, ive had some ideas, but im not really a crossover person

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that im aware of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

same answer as reese, i dont think its that much in demand

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

SAME ANSWER AS REESE IF U WANT I WILL

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

oh fuck i dont know. atm polypalooza, fucking sucker for them. in general. no clue.

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have like five google doc tabs open that are just fics to finish that havent been

16. what are your writing strengths?

according to a professor, dialogue. according to me? dialogue?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

kissing scenes

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

shoutout google translate if needed

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wings of fire, though warrior cats was around the same time

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

my librarians episode rewrites or my lucy frostblade fic

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[hella1975]

hella!! important (not really) question: what's your favourite scene that you've written for taob so far? like,, of the published ones

(capt-snoozles)

ohhhhhhh this is actually such a cool question do u mind if i give you like a top 5? this isn't me going 'well they're all just so good how could i possibly choose' it's just bc i'm taking this as what my favourite scene is GENERALLY and not in regards to the writing, and as it is bc taob is such a personal story for me a lot of the scenes have been really impactful and cathartic to write, and also i have scenes that mean a lot to me bc of what they meant to OTHER PEOPLE and just bc of the general reaction they got, so this is just all of that lol (i feel like none of that made sense. im half-awake rn allow it)

okay in no particular order we have;

the aurora scene in ch8 (b1). this scene is the first proper time i let my own personal writing style go a bit feral in taob. up until that point, i'd been too nervous and had actually been trying to mimic the way muffinlance wrote, bc i thought that was what people would want. but i knew this scene was incredibly emotional and my writing style works better with stuff like that, so i let myself write it how i wanted to write it, and the response that scene got and still gets to this day is insane

sokka seeing zuko's scars in ch26 (b2). this is quite simply an occasion where i was really proud of my own writing, which is actually really rare for me bc im so so fucking critical of myself (but im trying to get better at Not Doing That so who knows). i'd been planning the metaphors and fleshing out this scene for weeks beforehand and it was just one of those writing moments where you're like 'omg! here it is! that scene i've been excited for!'

zuko naming his feelings as rage in ch28 (b2). this was so so so important for me personally. zuko had all these feelings and there was that recurring metaphor of the eagle-hawk and it had gone on for 18 chapters by that point, and we finally got to see him accept that it was anger that he was feeling. it was very much a 'name the monster' moment and it probably shouldn't have been as cathartic for me as it was, but i just think there's something so important in finally accepting that, regardless of how ugly it is, regardless of how much you don't want to be, you are angry

the zuko alone chapters 29/30 (b2). OKAY I KNOW THESE AREN'T SCENES AND ARE IN FACT ENTIRE CHAPTERS BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THESE THAT I KEEP COMING BACK TO AND I DONT KNOW WHY. there are a lot of moments in these chapters that stick out to me. my favourite bit of imagery in the entirety of taob (and one that was very much on purpose and is very much going to be mentioned again) is the scene in ch29 where zuko is staring up at sozin's portrait. And then there's also all the conversations had between zuko and azula in these chapters, and them holding blue fire on the beach, and zuko trashing his room etc. i literally couldn't tell you why these all hit me so hard but chapters 29 and 30 are probably the chapters i've reread the most out of the entirety of taob

the fever dream sequences in ch33 (b2), particularly the stage one. i'd known ever since the beginning of taob that i wanted to go ham with the writing here, but it also happened that ch33 fell over a time where i was really self-conscious about my writing. i thought taob had become really average lately and that i was losing the spark that attracted so many people to my work in the first place, and i was actually in quite a bitter mindset, to the point that reading other people's fics filled me with this really ugly jealousy. i'd like to say that ch33 was me healing from that, proving to myself that i could still write good things, but it was actually quite a petty 'fuck you look what i can do' that i wrote almost in a fit of anger. but the end result was the same, and every time i feel self-conscious, i remember that ch33 was not that long ago and i managed to churn out that shit while doing my economics exams, so i can't be that awful