#i will not elaborate and require no action from anyone else

[transmechanicus]

I should be allowed to kill, i can be trusted as judge, jury, and executioner, give me the axe.

[seeingivy]

ivy

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my satoru gojo as taylor swift songs series

--

“i’m not particularly fond of attending these meetings, kento.” you state. 

in the grand scheme of things, the deal that you make with nanami kento is the best case scenario. and if you were looking at this retroactively, with every option exhausted, you’d keep your complaints to yourself. that deep down, you’d know that you virtually have nothing to complain about. that things could be drastically more dangerous than they were. 

but you don’t look at everything in the grand scheme of things. or retroactively. especially when you’re trying to get nanami kento to be nice to you. you turn to your side to give him a particularly pained look, one that he sees through almost immediately, and stops in his tracks with an immediate flick to your forehead with his fingers. 

you rub the sore spot on your forehead while you shoot him a glare, one that makes him smile at you rather fondly. 

“such a shame. they’ve requested your presence, dearest.” he responds, tone dry. 

you lean your head against the back of the carriage, letting out your best attempts of a dramatic groan, which earns you a laugh from nanami. he mimics your motions, before very politely gesturing for you to take your hand in his. his hand is warm, as you feel along the jagged length of the scar on his palm. he flips your hand over in his, before mimicking the exact motion and pressing against your almost identical scar as well. 

if you looked at that one retrospectively, it was very foolish of you and nanami to slit slashes into your palms as a symbol of the promise to keep one another’s deepest secrets. granted, you attest most of the theatrics to the fact that you were twelve, that you were twelve and read far too many fantasy books, and that sometimes your head was stuck in wonderland. and while the premise of the action – of the two of you divulging each other's secrets to someone else was basically unthinkable now – the mark served as almost a soft spot. 

the promise of your friendship. that like the scar that was indented into your skin, it was always going to be there no matter what. 

“i really do apologize. i tried my best to get you out of it.” nanami adds. 

you nod, absentmindedly leaning across the length of the chair to rest your head on his shoulder. he welcomes the touch, his fingers rubbing soothing circles into the lacy fabric covering your arms, as you mentally prepare yourself for the encounters that’s about to occur at this dinner. at the fact that most of them were going to be unpleasant, that you’d have to swallow down fake niceties for an hour, just to keep up appearances. 

as the newly minted lord of his household, following the passing of his beloved father, nanami’s expectations and responsibilities went up tenfold. training new guards, making sure that all the soldiers are up to his standard, attending meetings with other prominent families in the area – the mix of all the events meant that you didn’t see him very often. definitely not as much as you did when you were growing up, significantly less than the first year that the two of you were married. 

and when you became the respective lady of the house, if you could really even call yourself that, some of his responsibilities seemed to bleed into yours. there were dinners that you had to attend in lieu, pleasantries that you had to exchange on his behalf, and staffing protocols that you had to run. 

the job was stressful. particularly stressful, because it required the two of you to keep up a very elaborate system of lies and ruses to keep people at bay. to make sure that you rehearsed your story over and over again, to make sure that you didn’t even give anyone a reason to question your relationship, to keep things as safe and secure as they were. 

the truth was that you weren’t really the lady of the house, at least not in the traditional way. there was nothing standard about your marriage to nanami kento, because calling it that would be a disservice to the relationship that the two of you actually had. 

you postulate that the more appropriate term would be partners. that in the twenty years that nanami kento lived across the courtyard, the two of you had forged your own version of what was important to a relationship. found your own way to protect your vested interests, which involved one another. 

nanami had a very simple vested interest, which was to keep you safe. the shouting that he heard across the street didn’t fall deaf on his ears, and unlike others, wasn’t something that he could stomach to ignore. he was perceptive, a part of you was almost inclined to call it cunning, his solemn offer to protect you. 

you had a very simple vested interest, which was to safeguard nanami’s happiness. and if that meant that you had to marry nanami kento for appearances, so that he could secretly convene with who he really loved behind closed doors, you’d do it over and over again. only because he’s deserving of love. and because his lover is awfully kind. 

“i’ve switched guards. haibara is going to accompany you for the night.” nanami states. 

“thank you. i appreciate that.” 

nanami squeezes your hand once, as the carriage comes to a rocking stop. 

“nonsense. there’s no one else i’d trust to keep you safe.

-

out of all the events that you were required to attend, you were least fond of the dinner parties. there was something suffocating about the ambiance – of the pink flush everyone had from the wine, the sweltering in the air from the high concentration of people, the food that made your stomach tense with pressure. 

it’s why you duck out of there when they switch the plates for dessert which you know from experience is one of the only chances that you get. people were too busy – fawning over the chefs, complimenting the hosts – to notice that you had momentarily made your escape, which at this point, you desperately needed. 

you make your way out of the main ballroom to the foyer, your quick feet leading you to the open balcony. there’s a quiet wind in the air tonight, sending a small coat of goosebumps across your arms, as you lean against the railing and eye the courtyard below. there’s old cobblestones, blanketed in the snow that fell two nights prior, and you wish you could run out there instead of having to retreat back in. 

“are you not going to eat dessert?” 

you basically flinch at the sound of the voice, deep and full at your side, as you put distance between yourself and the stranger who has materialized at your left. you take the quiet second to ogle him in full – snow white hair, bright blue eyes – before you clear your throat. he reminds you of the snow – the way his eyes glimmer in the crescent moon. 

“i apologize. i was looking for the bathroom.” 

he narrows his eyes at you. 

“on the balcony?” 

you swallow hard. 

“i took the second to admire at the view. that’s all.” 

he gives you a thoughtful nod, mimicking the position you were in earlier, by crossing his arms over the railing and looking down at the courtyard.

“clover blooms in the fields during spring.” he states. 

“sorry?” 

“you should return in the spring to see the clover blooms. do you like to look at views such as these?” he asks. 

you give him a polite nod, before making a quick show of the sparkling ring on your finger. you were far too accustomed to the conversation – to the setting and parties like these – to know that there was an ulterior motive. that there was no way that he could have been asking simply to know. you can tell that he gets the hint, that he knows you’re trying to make it obvious from the way his eye falls to your hand, before he offers you a nod in recognition. 

“i’m married.” you murmur. 

“is that right?” he asks. 

you take another step away, the backs of your knees hitting the railing, as you cross your hands over your chest and stick your freezing hands back into the warmth underneath your arms. there was something unsavory left in the air, mainly in the fact that you felt horrible when you had to reject people as such, as you attempt to terminate the conversation in any way that you can. 

“yes.” 

“does being married to nanami kento truly count?” he asks. 

you feel your throat dry. 

“sorry, what?” 

he gives you a smile. there’s something glimmering in his eyes, a sensation, a feeling that you’re not able to place. 

“does being married to nanami kento truly count when he’s very clearly got eyes for his beloved guard?” he asks. 

you can feel your heart drop to the bottom of your chest. and from the look on his face, from the fact that he notes the immediate frown that graces your face, tells you that any attempt you would make to cover up would fall on deaf ears. 

“that’s not true.” you whisper. 

he leans forward, inching a few feet away from your face, before whispering. there’s a musky smell to him, resembling fresh pine, as he whispers back in response. 

“how much do you want to bet, lady nanami?” 

--

“is something bothering you?” 

nanami kento is exceedingly polite. it’s very rare for him to push boundaries, for him to question or attempt to parse something out of you. it was one of the first things that you were able to appreciate about him – that he was curious, attentive enough to figure out things without you ever having to do the work of spilling it out. 

the look in his eyes so unassuming – so calm – that there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to divulge what occurred. only because you can imagine the expression that’s going to follow, that you might not ever see the calm look ever again, and the safe bubble that the two of you had made such hard attempts to protect was going to pop. 

“you were quiet the entire way over.” he adds. 

the guards leave the room, all except one, as the doors to the main dining room are pulled shut. you note that haibara relaxes at his post against the wall, walking up to join you at nanami’s side, offering you a reassuring smile. 

“someone knows.” you whisper. 

nanami tilts his head to the side in confusion. 

“what?” 

“someone knows. about haibara.” you whimper. 

the silence in the room is haunting. you look up to see that the two of them refuse to look at one another – that the gears in nanami’s head are turning, that the fear is settling in haibara’s chest – as you swallow hard. 

you can’t help but frown at them. the calm look is gone. and replaced with something that you fear you’ll never get used to. 

“who?” nanami asks. 

“what happened?” haibara adds. 

you shrug. 

“i went to get air when they switched for desserts. this guy, he came and talked to me on the balcony. he…he asked me if being married to you counts when you’ve very clearly got eyes for your guard?” 

you can tell that whatever flicker of hope that nanami was holding out for has diminished in quick seconds. that the hopes to make it out to be a misunderstanding, to ignore it all together were impossible, because someone had figured you all out. down to knowing that it was haibara that was behind the shut door at the end of the hall in nanami’s room. 

there’s a sharp knock on the door. 

“who’s that?” 

“i invited someone from the party over. he’s an old friend of mine, i’ll…i’ll go retrieve him. we’ll discuss this later.” 

you give him a nod, turning back to watch nanami swiftly march down the length of the hallway, before he disappears behind the corridor. you absentmindedly reach for haibara’s hand at your side, noting that he almost immediately interlocks his fingers with yours, as you feel the warmth burning in your eyes. 

there was a difference in the way that nanami and haibara loved one another. something that was almost institutional, something entirely unavoidable. 

it was the one thing that you and haibara had in common; that the two of you were willing to risk anything for kento. in the disastrous case that the two of them were found out, it was probable that haibara would be exiled. that he’d have to flee for having desecrated lady nanami in his illicit affair. 

if nanami’s…predilections…were discovered, you knew for a fact that you’d no longer be allowed to keep your residence here. that no matter what defense you made, you wouldn’t make a slim escape that you did the previous time, that your parents would drag you back to that forsaken house by your hair if they had to. 

and nanami kento would be alone. he’d be disgraced, surely people’s opinions of him would sway. but in the grand scheme of things, his solution was simple; to say that he was enticed, to move on as he was, to pretend like he had not forsaken the two people that he cared about the most.

on the heels of your worst nightmare coming true, nanami kento’s left in the dark, only because he can’t possibly understand what the two of you are going to be left to deal with in the aftermath. 

“what are you going to do?” you whisper. 

“run away.” 

“what?” 

haibara shakes his head. 

“you could come with me. i would protect you.” 

you shake your head. 

“nanami can protect you.” 

“but he shouldn’t.” he whispers. 

you nod. 

“he’d lose all credibility if…if he were to defend me.” 

“he can come with us.” 

you can hear nanami’s footsteps echoing down the hallway, animated chatter echoing against the walls as you let go of haibara’s hand, giving him one last look, before watching him retreat to his spot against the wall. you swear there’s a sheen glimmering in his eyes. 

you run your hair through the loose waves left by the braid, massaging the tense points where the pins were digging into your scalp before standing up and preparing yourself to exchange niceties with the man walking down the hall. 

only to find that nanami’s walking into the room with him. 

the exact stranger that had cornered you on the balcony. you can feel your throat dry again, that he’s going to corner haibara while he’s actually in the room, that he’s going to rub your wrongdoings in your face, and you can’t help but reach for the stray knife that’s strewn across the table. 

“we’re not exactly sure what we’re going to do.” nanami states, shooting you a halfhearted smile of acknowledgement as he walks into the room. 

the stranger gives you a smile. and it sends a course of anger running through you, enough for you to clench the knife in your fist. 

“this is your wife?” satoru asks. 

nanami nods. 

“she truly does care for you. evidently enough to get homicidal on your behalf.” he states. 

“what?” nanami asks. 

you watch as the stranger sticks his arm around nanami – that he’s so friendly with him that nanami allows it, that nanami’s must have made a grave mistake and that’s how you were found out – as he points towards your hand. 

“she’s got a butter knife in her hand. and the look on her face isn’t exactly savory.” 

“y/n. put the knife down.” nanami murmurs. 

you widen your eyes at him. 

“kento. that’s the guy.” you whisper. 

nanami pauses. 

“what guy?” 

“the guy who asked me the question. the one that knows about…you know.” 

nanami’s eyes widen – and you swear that you hear haibara release a breath of relief behind you – before turning back to the guy. this time you’re unable to place the look that’s simmering in nanami’s eyes, something that you’re assuming is a mix between searing anger and painstaking relief. 

“did i do something?” he asks. 

nanami gives him a peachy smile, before reaching forward and punching the stranger straight across the nose. there’s a bright crimson color that leaks out almost immediately, coupled with an obscene whining nose that comes out of his mouth. 

you note that nanami takes the second to exchange a look with haibara, that you were right – that there was sense of unrelenting relief that they share, before you turn back to the two of them. 

“what the hell was that for?” the stranger whines. 

nanami wipes the red blood on his knuckles away with a napkin, before reaching forward and squeezing your shoulder once. in reassurance. that everything was going to be fine. 

“you unnecessarily stressed my wife out. i’m almost inclined to let her stab you as she was intending.” he states. 

“she was going to stab me?” he asks. 

“you walked up to her and divulged our greatest secret. and left out that the reason that you knew was because i told you.” 

“i figured that she knew. surely, she knows who i am.” he defends. 

“as always, you give yourself too much importance, satoru. and knowing you, the fact that you purposely chose not to introduce yourself had to have been deliberate.” 

you watch as haibara offers satoru a hand, extending him a napkin for the blood that’s dribbling out of his nose. satoru welcomes it, not without giving haibara an embrace on his own, before turning to give nanami a guilty smile. he only rolls eyes 

“i’m satoru gojo. it’s a pleasure to meet you, lady nanami.” 

you sigh. 

“right. you’re his friend from…” 

“vienna. correct.” he finishes. 

you wipe your sweaty palms against the pleats of your dress before sticking your hand out and shaking his, the searing cold in his touch taking you off guard. he shoots you an apologetic smile, before placing one of his hands over his chest. 

“my apologies for causing you distress, my lady. that was never my intention.” 

you smile. 

“from what i’ve heard about you, i’m inclined to believe that’s a blatant lie.” you states. 

satoru smiles – at what you assume is mainly the fact that he was important enough to have been mentioned to you by nanami – before giving you a mock bow. 

“guilty as charged.” 

“i’d keep your jokes to a minimum while you’re here.” nanami states. 

satoru ignores his comment all together. 

“i didn’t get your name.” 

“y/n.” 

“he’s going to be staying in the room across from yours.” nanami adds. 

you turn towards him. 

“he’s going to live here?” you ask. 

nanami gives you a sly grin. 

“i’m sure he won’t be offended by your late night singing. god knows that he’ll join in if you start belting again.” 

you can feel your cheeks burn. only at the fact that nanami’s divulging your late night habits to this stranger, this stranger who seems intrigued by what he’s just mentioned, and you shake your head dismissively. 

“it’s not that. he’s more than welcome to stay, obviously, i would just…like a warning next time.” 

--

“you know. you never did answer my question.” 

you nearly flinch at the sound of satoru gojo’s voice, as you turn to find him seated on the bench in the middle of the garden. he’s less…less formal than the last time you saw him – his hair unstyled, his shirt plain – and with his legs crossed. 

you divert your gaze back to the ivy that’s growing against the length of the pathway, make a mental note that you should probably trim it tomorrow, before eyeing the flower bed to your left. 

“sorry. what was that?” you ask. 

satoru pats the seat on the bench next to him, patiently waiting for you to join him at his side, before he even makes any attempt to divulge. you can tell that he’s not going to take no for an answer, that he’s very keen on interrupting whatever it is you’re doing here, and that he enjoys pestering you – for whatever reason. 

 you’re careful to keep a sizable distance between the two of you, as you take your place next to him. 

“you never answered my question. do you enjoy looking at views like this one?” he asks. 

“oh. right, from the other day. yes, i do.” 

satoru nods. 

“did you know that my room gives me a perfect view of this very garden?” he asks. 

“i wasn’t aware, no. i’ve never been inside your room.” 

satoru grins. 

“do you need a formal invite?” 

“what?” 

satoru scoots closer to you on the bench, giving you an almost devious smile, before leaning closer and whispering. 

“you have to know that you’re always welcome where i am.” 

you roll your eyes, scooting to the edge of the bench, in attempts to put a distance between the two of you again. he takes the hint, learning back towards his side, before twisting the flower he’s very clearly plucked from the nearby tree in his fingers. 

“i’ve seen you come down here every single day. once in the morning, once in the evening. you tend to the flowers on the left, sometimes you sit near the pond on the right. sometimes you trim the ivy.” 

you make your best attempts not to make a face. 

“are you cataloging every movement i make?” 

“i make my best efforts not to. i can’t help that i’m so intrigued by you.” 

“what’s so intriguing about me?” you ask. 

satoru leans his head against the back of the bench, shiftling slightly closer to you, in order to bask in the slightest streams of light that were peering in between the leaves. 

“wouldn’t it be easier for you to just trim the ivy from the garden for good?” he asks. 

you shake your head.

“i love the ivy. and yes, sometimes it takes up space where it shouldn’t, but that’s just how ivy is. it grows wherever there’s room for it.” 

satoru pauses, almost like he’s mulling the thought over, before he reaches for your wrist. his fingers are ice cold as he wraps them around your skin and maneuvers your hand so it’s facing palm up. you note that his eyes slightly waver at the jagged skin, before he places the flower in his fingers in your palm. 

“kento has a very similar scar.” he notes. 

you nod. 

“my fault. i told him a secret. he told me one too. and we decided that a bloody shake on it was what he had to do to solidify the fact that we would keep one another’s secrets.” 

satoru gives you a look. almost like he’s impressed. 

“that’s some dedication.” 

“kento is very special to me. in ways that i understand might be difficult to comprehend.” 

satoru shrugs, as he wraps his fingers around yours, closing the flower he gifted you into your hold. 

“nanami kento, who albeit i will admit is very attractive, made his very first moves on me when i came to vienna. and while i could empathize with his affection for me, hell i was even flattered, it was something that i couldn’t reciprocate. and by proxy, i tried to find solutions for him. like setting him up with friends of mine, guards that i had met on my travels.” 

like haibara. 

“granted, it seems that he didn’t even need my help. he’s found an almost perfect solution on his own. even your chefs and lady’s maids are sworn to your deep promises of loyalty. i will admit that i tried the same ruse that i played on you with them and not one of them gave in.” 

you smile. 

“i hand pick our staff myself.” you respond. 

you pause. 

“and our ruse is perfect.” 

satoru shakes his head. 

“while i’m inclined to believe that, coupled with the determination in your voice, my gut tells me that it’s not exactly true. it’s what peaks my curiosity the most, the fact that you so willingly participate, when you’re the one receiving the short end of the stick” he states. 

you can’t help but be defensive. 

“i get to live here. tend to the garden. my lady’s maids are very kind to me. nanami and haibara treat me with the respect, which is the bare minimum, but they’re also my closest confidantes. i’d even wager to say that…that in some strange way they’re my closest friends. that and the fact that i’m the one holding our sweet favor together means that things usually go my way, which definitely helps.” 

satoru scoots even closer. 

“that can’t be enough.” he whispers. 

“enough for what?” 

“you. their friendship, this garden – that can’t be enough for you to forsake the idea of love. of having your own partnership.” 

there’s a sharp prickling in your chest, as you shake your head. 

“i’m more than grateful for what i have. kento is kind, very kind, and he always has been. while he may not be my husband in the traditional sense, i…i do view him as my partner. he takes care of me. i try my best to do the same. most people would kill to be so lucky.” 

satoru smiles. 

“that’s not what i said.” 

“what?’ 

“i didn’t ask you what you were grateful for. i suggested that there was no way that you could watch the two of them without yearning for what they have. that there wasn’t a part of you that craved for…to be that intimate too.” 

“i am not fond of kento in that way.” 

“not with kento. it’s evident that it’s strictly platonic; that and his predilections don’t necessarily work well in your favor to begin with. but someone. anyone. even just the idea of it, being someone’s closest confidante, in every respect.” 

you slightly slump down in the chair. 

“it’s a magnificent curse that you’ve given yourself. the exact thing that you long for is the one thing that you’ve set yourself up to not have. surely, nanami kento was not worth all of that?” 

you shake your head. and he gets the message – that for you, it is. 

“a fatal flaw.” satoru murmurs. 

“what do you mean?” 

satoru reaches forward, for the stray strands of the braid that fall loosely around your face, and tucks them behind your hear. 

“exceedingly kind. with everyone but yourself it seems. so agreeable, it seems that you forget you’re part of the equation too.” 

you pinch your lips in a line. 

“i’m a phenomenal friend.” you joke. 

“never been that good at the whole friendship thing.” 

you scoff. 

“i wonder why.” 

he rolls his eyes in response, before extending his hand out to you. it makes you nervous, sliding your hand into his hold – accompanied by the course of energy that runs down your spine when you do – as he runs his thumb over the jagged scar on your palm. 

“could i be so lucky as to be your friend?” he asks. 

you feel your throat dry. 

“what?” 

he smiles again. 

“are all friendships this demanding? surely, you won’t make me humble myself to make me ask again.” 

you laugh. 

“i can’t help but fear that you have an ulterior motive.” you murmur. 

“well, that’s natural of course. but i can’t be so blatantly forward. i know i’m teetering in dangerous waters by flirting with a married woman. trying to romance her by drinking her husband’s wine.” 

his blatant admission makes your cheeks burn, even in the dead of the night, when you rethink the conversation before going to bed. and in retrospect, that’s when you pinpoint it to. 

the exact moment where satoru gojo plants his roots in your dreamland. 

--

in the dead of night, you knock on nanami’s door. if you had your wits about you – which you almost never did – you would have avoided this all together. thinking through your decisions would have prevented you from interrupting what you did and the smallest part of you feels guilty. 

“did you want something, y/n?” 

nanami looks flushed. bright pink cheeks, the faintest beads of sweat on his forehead, and panting. 

“why are you out of breath?” you ask. 

nanami narrows his eyes at you. and it takes you three seconds to realize that you’ve interrupted him after the sun dipped past the horizon, the exact time that he’s asked you to give him his privacy, as you widen your eyes. 

“oh god. kento, i’m…” 

“no, no. it’s alright. i know you wouldn’t bother if it wasn’t something important. I’ll ask haibara to leave.” 

you reach forward, grabbing onto the door, as you give nanami a pleading look. 

“can he stay actually? maybe both of your input will be helpful?” you murmur. 

nanami gives you a confused look, before giving you a kurt nod. he shuts the door – the quiet sound of muffled voices and scattering behind the door – before he returns, fully dressed this time with haibara at his side. the latter gives you a smile, gesturing for you to enter, as you take a seat at the vanity. 

you would be offended on satoru gojo’s stance – that you were the one left with the worst cut of your deal – if it wasn’t something that haibara had said to you first. it was an impassioned defense that you heard from him moments before you married kento – that you were deserving of love, that he couldn’t let you sign your life away from him – and you can tell it weighs on him often. 

you figure it’s why he’s so kind. why he’s so sweet. because he feels guilty for the potential he’s taken away. 

“sorry. i didn’t mean to interrupt, i just…wanted some advice.” you mumble. 

“we’re always here to help you. whatever you need.” haibara responds. 

“what’s going on?” kento asks. 

once you start talking, you can’t help but stop. you can’t help but go on and on – about satoru gojo, about how his piercing blue eyes send a shiver down your spine, that his earnest curiosity about you is something that you find endearing, a feeling you’ve you’ve never been privy to – to be the object of someone’s affections and it’s driving you insane. 

“it’s ridiculous, kento. he…he asks me questions. all the time. about what i hated about grade school, why i dislike my mother, why i would suggest that you and i slit our palms to seal our promise. and the crazy part is that he seems intrigued by it – he actually wants to know about me.” 

kento offers you a kind smile. 

“is it so shocking to believe that someone would be interested in you? surely you don’t think so little of yourself.” 

“it’s getting hopeless. every morning i go down to the garden early, i’m…i’m fidgeting with my hair for these moments that we steal in his free time. and it’s ridiculous…it’s ridiculous because i know it’s just begged and borrowed time, but god. god is this how the two of you feel when you spend time together? i’m…i’m itching for more and i’m insatiable.” 

“well, i think that-” haibara starts. 

“it’s like a goddamn fire. he makes these ridiculous jokes, he makes me laugh, and now i can feel him there in the pit of my stomach, and…and i can’t get rid of him. i’m scared that it’s never going to go away, that he’s just always going to have these roots in me because i’m so desperately fond of him, i love being around him so much, and it just…just makes me despair that he’s going to leave soon.” 

you’re panting at the end of the rant, two wide eyed stares being offered to you, before they exchange a look. 

“sorry, y/n. what was the question?” haibara asks. 

you give him a breathy laugh before sinking back down to your chair and placing your head in your hands. 

“this is…this is how the two of you feel, correct? I…i’ve never felt this way for someone before, i’d half convinced myself that i’d never know what it feels like to have someone care for me this way or want that for myself, but i just…that’s what it is right?” 

kento gives you a smile. 

“yes.” 

you groan. 

“you know, i’m starting to understand why you almost ran away, kento. not being able to exact these feelings is excruciating.” you murmur. 

haibara gives you a confused look. 

“why can’t you see it through?” 

you look up at him. 

“surely, i can’t.” 

kento smiles at you again. 

“why not? we’re certainly not morally opposed to it.” he states. 

you feel your throat dry. 

“you’re not?” you whisper. 

kento closes the distance between the two of you. he holds his hand out to you, jagged scar facing up, as you place your hand in his. 

“i mean. i find myself dreading every interaction that i have with him and unable to understand what you’re seeing. but surely you must know that i would have no problem with you pursuing…whatever it is.” 

you sigh. 

“really?” you whisper. 

“of course.” 

“well, i figured that you would. but…do you think that he likes me?” 

haibara places a hand on your shoulder and squeezes. 

“what’s not to like?” 

you give the two of them a grin. 

“the fact that i’m already married.” 

the two of them laugh, enough for it to ease the anxiety that’s wavering in your stomach, as you sigh. 

“i’m sure he can get over it.” 

there’s a rapid knock at the door, the three of you sitting up as one of your lady’s maid shoots you a meek smile from the doorway, her quiet voice breaking the silence. 

“lord nanami.” 

“yes, what is it?” he asks. 

“the nurses in the east wing told me to alert you that your guest has returned. he appears to be severely injured.” 

--

nanami gets there first. haibara half drags you there. only because it makes your stomach wrench – knowing that satoru’s hurt, that he’s down the hallway writhing in pain, that he left on a dangerous mission without divulging where he was going. 

“what was he there to do?” you whisper. 

haibara frowns. 

“he’s been negotiating to find a place in the area. and granted, his family’s powerful, and…and sometimes people make power plays with heirs and such and it’s…it’s really just semantics, i wouldn’t worry.” he murmurs. 

you give haibara a nod, letting him push open the door to the dimly lit room in the wing, where one of nanami’s nurses is very carefully attending to a gash on satoru’s forehead. you can tell that most of the damage has been cleaned up – evidence by the loads of bloodied washcloths in the bin closest to you – as well as the acidic smell of the antiseptic lingering in the air. 

satoru cranes his head to the door, earning him a scold from the nurse working on his forehead, as he splits a smile. you can’t help but feel the tears bubble up in your eyes as you close the distance, reaching forward to cup the side of his face and watching the dried red come back on your hand. 

“why are you making that face?” you whisper. 

he can’t help but smile – that the line he’s repeated to you multiple times is one that you’re parroting now.

“just thinking.” he whispers back. 

“penny for your thoughts?” you ask. 

you can feel the dryness in your throat as you dip your hand to where his is, the ice cold feeling sending a shiver up your spine. he mimics your motions, his hand finding its way to yours, as you look down at the intertwined fingers. 

“nanami kento has just told me that you’re very fond of me. enough to be so worked up over it that you interrupted his…evening plans.” 

you shoot nanami a glare over your shoulder, one that he merely shakes his head to dismiss, before you turn back and run your hand through the messy tresses of satoru’s hair. 

“i’m not fond of you.” you murmur. 

“don’t break my heart now. i’m already injured.” he complains. 

you smile, at the attitude, before reaching for his hand that’s firm on your cheek and pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand. 

“well, don't act so daft and i won't say things like that.” 

satoru scoffs. 

“i did this for you. i can’t exactly live close by if i don’t make deals with people around here. and how was i supposed to know that they were out to get me?” 

you laugh. 

“just be careful. all of my pain fits in the palm of your hand.” you whisper. 

satoru furrows his eyebrows at you. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?” 

you swallow hard. 

“my heart’s yours. you can break it, especially if you’re being careless like this, so just….tread lightly, please.” 

satoru looks over at you, eyebrows raised to mark his intrigue, as he reaches for the scar on your hand. it’s something that he touches often – soft fingers running down the length, his curious voice asking you to repeat the story over and over again. 

“in the palm of my hand?” he asks. 

you shakily nod. 

“do i really hold so much power?” he repeats.

“well. you’re relentless. you’ve always been relentless and i just couldn't help it. it's all your fault" you groan.

satoru gives you an ear splitting smile, before shaking head.

"i disagree. ivy grows where there's room for it."

you reach forward and run your thumb over his lips. and he welcomes the touch, pressing a kiss to the scar on your palm, marking a new promise - one that he's privy to this time.

"you let it happen. just as hard as i was trying to pursue it."

--

an: what tf is going awn. also no way this is the first evermore song. AND I JUST REALIZED I'VE NEVER DONE A FOLKLORE SONG?

taglist: @invisible-mori @porridgesblog @k0z3me @sugu-love @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @luna0713hunter @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @torureadz @dreamxiing @mamamamamarga

[from-thedeskof]

It’s 12:13 PM on a Monday afternoon in the beginning of July. I am sitting on the 19th floor of a high rise in the most luxurious neighborhood in Chicago, waiting for my phone to buzz, and trying to understand how I became the sort of woman who measures her worth by his interest.

The facts are these: he can catalog every freckle on my chest with the precision of an art appraiser, can describe the exact shade of the pink underneath my clothes in language so clinical it could be medical documentation, can command my vulnerability with the confidence of a man who has orchestrated these types of scenes dozens of times before.

This is what I know about his Dominance. It comes with protocols and boundaries and carefully managed expectations. It arrives with the polish of someone who can reference Pauline Réage and discuss the psychology of power exchange with the fluency of an academic. It is Dominance as lifestyle choice, as aesthetic preference, as the sort of thing one might pursue between business trips and art museums.

What it is not, apparently, is hunger.

It’s an option.

I am an option.

I sit here and I try to reconcile the sophisticated man who writes to me about elaborate fantasies and the man who says things like, “No, not today. Thank you.” when offered any exhibition of his choosing. Or the arms-distance appraisal of the others he receives like a collector cataloging acquisitions.

I sent him a video. (Yes, that kind of video.) His response arrived while I was in a client meeting about next quarter’s strategy: "I loved seeing it." Past tense. Completed action. Filed away. Not “You drive me wild” or “I can’t stop watching this” or even “You’re incredible.” Just polite appreciation, as if I’d sent him a nice photograph of a sunset.

But did seeing me undone make him hungry? Did it stir something ravenous and possessive and specific to me? Or was it simply another data point in his ongoing research into what makes me an effective submissive? Another example of my responsiveness that he can reference when explaining to future women how this all works?

He tells me I'm "more sexually aroused than anyone he knows," that my availability "pleases him," that I set "a new standard that is difficult for anyone to match." These feel like performance reviews from a satisfied customer, not confessions from a man who craves to own my soul the way he knows I want to be owned. He enjoys me when I please him correctly, appreciates me when I'm available, values me when I don't require too much emotional energy.

I keep waiting for the moment when his restraint cracks. When the veneer slips and I see the man underneath who wants me specifically, desperately, in ways that have nothing to do with my availability or my responsiveness or my willingness to be exhibited for his pleasure. But maybe his restraint isn't a mask. Maybe it's honesty about what this actually is to him. Maybe it is a sophisticated arrangement between two intelligent people who understand the mechanics of dominance and submission but have somehow missed its essential emotional core.

The thought arrives with the particular clarity that comes from recognizing an uncomfortable truth: I am convenient. I am available when his others are not. I am responsive when he needs release. I am intellectually engaging when he is bored. I am, in short, an excellent submissive who happens to fit neatly into the spaces left empty by more important relationships. But do I matter to him in any fundamental way? Would my absence create a void, or would it simply open a space to be filled by someone else equally competent and willing to please?

Perhaps that's what I'm really grappling with: the recognition that I am offering irreplaceable devotion to someone for whom I am fundamentally replaceable.

It is now 12:38 PM, and here I sit, realizing this is what it looks like to lose yourself in someone who never wanted to find you in the first place.

[lagomorphique]

Mouthwashing and Capitalism - Analysis

this did unexpectedly well on twt so I'm gonna force people on tumblr to endure my takes as well for posterity (plus i can speculate and elaborate a bit more on here without the character limit). disclaimer that this includes untagged spoilers for both the game itself + the how fish is made dlc. I also refer to some of the meta facts from the dev qnas and to the demo version of curly's psych evaluation. Most of this is gonna be under a readmore and I'll elaborate a bit more on each character in reblogs

firstly, let's state the obvious - the working conditions enforced by pony express are atrocious. "do not indulge in over 5 hours of rest, including leisure time. sleeping over the allowed budget will result in disciplinary action."

Compare this to irl guidelines for pilots. Neither Curly or Jimmy are getting anything close to the required amount of rest for such a demanding job. This edges more into headcanon/speculation territory, but I've been trying to figure out how their shift patterns are supposed to work. I'd imagine that both of them don't always need to be on duty at the same time, so their shift patterns are probably more variable than everybody's else's. At the same time, we see them both on shift at the same time multiple times during the game and Curly is the only one with clearance to make certain extremely important navigation decisions (like turning off the autopilot). The tldr is that the crew is extremely overworked and running on dangerously little sleep for extended periods of time. It's enough to make anyone go crazy.

Next, the company routinely engages in collective punishment, as seen in the below screenshots. This is particularly important because I think it directly informs a lot of Curly's decisions in particular, especially with how he reassures Anya that her stealing the gun case will not go on the performance log. Given her precarious financial situation, she literally cannot afford to have her pay docked. I don't think he has any nefarious intentions here about covering up what's happened.

I think it's really interesting that each of the employee ID cards have an EMV chip. This would imply that they also function as payment cards. Perhaps they also have to pay for the food on board. It is possible that the 'credits' they are paid in are not even money per se, but rather a sort of company currency. Company currencies, or 'scrips,' have historically been used to exploit workers by making them solely dependent on company stores and products, enforcing loyalty.

Corporate communicates with Curly using something that looks no more sophisticated than a fax machine. It it also not clear whether this communication channel even goes both ways, which calls into question whether it would have even been possible to send out a distress signal in the event of an emergency (or, for example, a HR report needing to be filed).

The ship is not equipped for 5 people. It's notable here that Curly says "bigger" here, implying he /did/ raise this as a safety issue with corporate, but was shot down.

It's a plot point that there were only 4 cryopods, which meant that one person would always have been left out in the event of an emergency, even if they were all functioning.

I also wonder if this affects the rations available to the crew during the trip. I highly doubt that Pony Express bothered to provide extra food and other essentials to provide for an extra person, which means that the crew are probably dividing rations meant for four people amongst five.

[morkhan]

hi beloved who i have found out has also enjoyed the live action one piece series; do you have (perhaps) any headcanons for luffy and zoro? do you think sanji will at some point try to set up an elaborate series of events just to figure out wtf zoro eats? and do you think nami should get a pet/familiar/animal companion (and why?) :)

There are quite a few moments when they were first getting used to each other where Luffy accidentally gave Zoro a near heart attack by just casually doing something that would be immediately lethal to anyone not made of rubber. Throwing himself off of high places, twisting his body in ways that would require bones snapping in a normal human, etc. At first it's unnerving, but eventually Zoro gets used to it, and starts enabling it. He will bounce Luffy off of things, he will bounce things off Luffy, and Luffy will laugh all the while. The rest of the crew try not to leave them alone for long periods of time because of this. Something always winds up getting broken (though fortunately never Luffy).

I have a headcanon that Sanji sometimes comes to Zoro in secret to ask his honest opinion on his dishes, because Luffy loves everything and will eat anything, Usopp lies like he breathes, and Sanji can't concentrate when Nami is around. Zoro is a harsh critic, and the best Sanji can ever hope to get from him is "it's okay," but Sanji is just happy to have someone to help keep his cooking knives sharp, and Zoro enjoys the feeling of having his opinions matter. Neither of them will ever acknowledge this arrangement to anyone else, and if they were to learn someone witnessed one of these exchanges, you would never find the body.

And I'm pretty sure Chopper is gonna be in the show so... 😜

[another-dr-another]

also, there's kobashikawa's reaction to maeda starting to suspect otori ! when they were in tsus dorm, and kobashikawa got shoved into a new, further circle, of the torture dimension he's found himself in. if i did the yaoi/yuri/regular couple meme otohiko would be the regular couple because they hate each other and should be divorced. part of the 50%(?) of marriages that end in divorce. mastermind pls give koba his phone so he can call a lawyer. he's taking the mugs.

Maeda, narrating - Exactly!

Maeda - All of Kobashikawa’s actions show there’s something he’s not telling us!

~*~

Ōtori - Kobashikawa, tell him!

Kobashikawa - …

//Kobashikawa’s hands twitch- whether he was going to sign, or reach for his whiteboard, it’s unclear, as he doesn’t do either. Instead, he just pulls his hands towards himself, uncertain.

Maeda - There’s more!

Maeda - When I was talking with Kobashikawa in Tsurugi’s dorm- 

Maeda - I asked if he’d seen Ōtori by the coffee machine, he said he had, and I realized what’d happened!

Maeda - When I started to tell him about my theory, he…

Maeda - …I’ll admit it. I misspoke, and pointed out that everyone’s life was on the line- but that doesn’t change what happened.

Maeda - Kobashikawa left when I pointed out that there was something he was keeping from us.

Maeda - There’s obviously something important that he’s not sharing! And when he’s showing that he’s distressed over it, it doesn’t make me think that he’s keeping a secret for his own sake.

Maeda - It tells me that there’s something you asked him to keep quiet on. Something that he wants to share, but you’re keeping him from telling anyone.

Maeda - …And I get it. I do. It can’t be easy to say something you know will get someone killed… especially when you’ve been close to them.

Maeda - But, we’re all close to Kobashikawa! A friend isn’t someone who hurts you- Kobashikawa needs to tell us what Ōtori did!

Ōtori - …

Ōtori - …It’s none of your business.

Ōtori - None of what happened has any bearing on the case. You should stay out of it.

Ōtori - Okay?

Kobashikawa - …

Ōtori - !?

//Kobashikawa signs something at Ōtori.

Ōtori - …

Ōtori - No.

Kobashikawa - …

//Kobashikawa looks at Ōtori. Ōtori looks back. Maeda looks at them both.

Ōtori - …You can do what you want. I won’t stop you.

Kobashikawa - …

Maeda - …

//Kobashikawa grabs his whiteboard.

Maeda - Yes! Go Kobashikawa!

//The room is silent, everyone waiting, watching, as Kobashikawa’s marker moves.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - …I’m sorry. I can’t tell you what happened.

Maeda - …Huh?

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - But, you’re correct for suspecting Ōtori.

Kobashikawa - I don’t know if he killed Iranami… I won’t try to use my feelings to confirm/deny that.

Kobashikawa - But, I can tell you that Ōtori has the knowledge required to poison someone. It isn’t unreasonable to suspect him.

Maeda - …!!!

Kobashikawa - Again- I can’t elaborate further… but he’s certainly capable of poisoning the coffee. He has the knowledge, and the materials.

Kobashikawa - …I can’t say anything else. I’m sorry. I hope this is helpful.

Maeda - …

Ōtori - …

Maeda - WE’LL TAKE IT!

Ōtori - …Well. 

Maki - …Okay. Holy shit.

Taira - …

Uehara - …Wait… what happened between Kobashikawa and Ōtori?...

Maki - …He just said he’s not saying.

Uehara - Oh…

Tomori - …

Tomori - …Means, opportunity…

Maki - Yeah. All we’re waiting for is Ōtori to explain his motive.

Hatano - Who gives a shit!

Hatano - …It doesn’t matter.

Hatano - It doesn’t matter why he did it. 

Hatano - This is definitive, right?

Ōtori - …It isn’t.

Maki - Seriously? Still sticking with this?

Ōtori - …Mhm

Ōtori - I know how pointless it seems- but…

Ōtori - …

//He looks ill.

Ōtori - …I-I’m confident it wasn’t me. 

Maeda - …

Maeda - Give us another murder weapon, then- a different cause of death.

Ōtori - …

Ōtori - ……

//He closes his eyes- then puts his head in his hands.

Hatano - …You can’t.

Hatano - It really WAS you.

Hatano - Look at me- LOOK AT ME.

//Ōtori audibly inhales- his breath is shaky, catching in his lungs. He doesn’t look at Hatano.

Maki - …

Maki - You don’t have any argument- all you can claim is that we don’t have decisive evidence.

Maki - And now, Kobashikawa’s confirmed that you’d be able to pull off the murder.

Maki - …

Maki - Do you want to tell us what your motive was?

Taira - …

Taira - We can save that for later- I don’t think pushing Ōtori anymore will lead us anywhere.

Taira - Should we move on to discussing Higa’s murder?

Tomori - …Should we?

Taira - …Do you have an objection you’d like to raise?

Tomori - For Ōtori? No, uh-

Tomori - It’s more… I’m starting to question if we should discuss Higa’s murder… or if we should go ahead and vote now.

Maki - …Huh?

Tomori - Well-

Tomori - Look what’s happened here!

Tomori - We had to push Kobashikawa, and Ōtori’s closed off, and everyone’s been arguing for awhile over all of this…

Tomori - …And we’re just going to do everything again for Higa’s case?

Tomori - If we’re so certain it’s Ōtori…

Tomori - Should we really go and cause more discord? It’s sort of what we talked about earlier-

Tomori - We’ll just have to walk around with someone who we’re upset and bitter with because they killed someone, and tried to trade everyone else’s life for their own…

Tomori - If I could chose, I’d pick to have Kurokawa or Mekaru’s murders be unsolved, and keep living with Inori and Yamaguchi.

Tomori - I don’t mean to dismiss or ignore what anyone’s done…

Tomori - But either way, we have to keep living with a blackened- unless Ōtori killed Higa too.

Maeda - …He could have- odds aren’t in our favor, but it is an option-

Maeda - Well- what are the odds there is two people who decided to break the peace?

Uehara - …Decided to break the peace?

Uehara - You can say murder, Maeda…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Anyways- Ōtori’s been acting strange for a while, but… is there anyone else we really suspect?

Maeda - …Wrong question. Bad question.

Tomori - …I guess that’s sort of my point.

Tomori - We’ll just have to fight and debate, so we can have another option for execution? Then, what-

Tomori - We debate on who gets to live?

Hatano - …

Hatano - I mean…

Hatano - Has to be a huge target on your back, right?

Hatano - Be surprised if whoever it is lasts much longer…

Tomori - That’s what I mean!

Tomori - We’re just inviting more problems…

Hatano - …

Hatano - I mean, I’m not opposed to it. Not like I have reason to care.

Maki - …

Maki - I thought we agreed that if we weren’t pressed for time, we would debate more…

Tomori - But, if we’re confident it’s Ōtori… then what’s the reason?

Maki - …

Nonstop Debate: START!

Truth Bullets Monofile #3-01 Maeda’s Burns Maeda’s Testimony

Kobashikawa - …Is there something we could be missing?

Hatano - Well, we’d probably have an easier time if you’d explain his motive- but he’s all but admitted it!

Taira - It’s true.. if we say it was Ōtori, everything makes sense.

Taira - {We understand when Iranami died}- that it wasn’t early this morning, when someone woke up early, but last night, before everyone was asleep.

Taira - {We know what her cause of death was,} and we know Ōtori was capable of the murder.

Taira - No other weapons, {no one else that ran away upon being questioned…}

Maki - But we also have the ability to explain away everything that happened!

Kobashikawa - …

Tomori - It feels like we’re arguing on the strength of the case…

Tomori - When the point that’s consistently been made is that {we don’t have any suspects other than Ōtori,} or any argument for his innocence.

Maki - And that’s true- but it doesn’t mean we should vote right now!

Tomori - …I’d take a 99% chance of surviving over a 100% chance if it means we won’t be fighting when we head up.

Kobashikawa - …Won’t it be difficult to execute someone either way?

Hatano - No.

Tomori - …

Maki - …If we can still call anything into question, we should hold off on voting, in case there’s the chance we won’t question a thing with Higa’s death.

Tomori - But, there’s nothing we don’t have an answer for.

Kobashikawa - …{Maybe we need to consider a different angle…}

~*~

Maeda, narrating - …God…

Maeda - I think… I need to poke a hole in my own case.

Maeda - Yeah. If I can come up with something we may be… choosing the easy option on- maybe that’ll help?

Maeda - I hate to imagine that I could give Ōtori a way to throw us off- but I need to, if we want to discuss Higa’s case.

Maeda - Maybe if I look at the case, assuming Ōtori did it, exactly the way we said he did; is there anything that starts to look weird?

[thenotebookwizard]

The One True System - a musing on the ADHD life

Did you know that Antarctica has a gravity anomaly? I now know this, because I have ADHD and fell into a hyperfocus about Antarctica for about a week. Whoops? (I got there from looking at lake, river, and sea monsters. For fanfic reasons™)

ADHD is known for a lot of things, not the least of which is (politely) disorganization and/or (accurately, but not politely) - chaos.

This reputation might be somewhat deserved, for a lot of really good and easily explainable reasons. However, there is one particular phenomenon people blame on ADHD. And yes, it is a common behavior of people with ADHD. Also, common to people with other forms of neurodivergence, mental illness, physical illness, or other things that just get in the way of staying organized and tracking tasks well.

If you have ADHD

If you work in corporate productivity

If you are any kind of freelancer

If you are in the planner, notebooking, & Bullet Journal communities

If you are friends with anyone in any of the above communities

Then you too have heard the Great Modern Myth® of The One True System, from which will keep you/your team/your project organized, on track, and productive forevermore.  Now, I can't speak for any of the corporate and/or project management situations, because I'm allergic to any kind of corporate work.

(Seriously, y'all. I would be fired so fast. Like, breaking the record for dooming a potential career in the world of corporate labor.)

But as usual, I'm hitting it from the neurodivergence angle. Given my day job is to teach life skills to folks with neurodivergence, physical disability, and mental illness (and having all three of the former myself) I'm fairly well suited to comment here. (I'm a teacher, a life coach, a Professional Adult™, and a drill sergeant who gives hugs.)

The One True System is usually a brilliant idea that is supposed to be a system that will inspire, motivate, and facilitate you getting things done, getting your shit together, your life on track, and not falling behind ever again.

The One True System myth lives in (most) ADHDers lives. Whether it's someone else promoting a system to us that will Solve All Our Problems if we Just Apply Ourselves or it's ourselves spending an exhausting and exhilarating hyperfocused weekend binge-cleaning, frenetically organizing, and prophetically planning our brand-new miracle system - the One True System is a running gag wherein everyone - even ourselves - knows the inevitable truth: the One True System will fail.

And the action of creating the new system is treated as a self-defeating act. Why would we even bother? It's not going to work! And even if it works, it won't work for long!

I have a lot of counter-arguments to this, and most don't really require much elaboration and explanation. (Or. If they do, then I have no idea why you're reading my tumblr. Sorry not sorry.)

The very act of building out the new system is often a great, brain-clearing reset that lets you take stock of your life, universe, and everything.

There is (usually) a period of excitement (dopamine) from the new system that  will carry you through for a while, and will (probably) let you at least knock off a few high priority or annoying items.

The productivity will teach you what works and what doesn't from the new One True System, and will help you refine your day to day.

Starting a new system coming out of a low point can be a great boost to get you restarted and moving again

None of these things are bad and all are arguably positive impacts of starting a new system, even if it doesn't stick for as long as you might want. No matter the end result of the new system, these things cannot and should not be underestimated, dismissed, or seen as secondary benefits. These are, in fact, part of the reason so many of us build or try out new systems when we get overwhelmed and realize we need to change something about how we function.

And yeah. Most of the time, new One True Systems often fail. They often fall apart, stop being used, or don't work the way we imagine they will. This does not negate the effort put in or the good that comes from trying - as mentioned above.

Most of the time I have seen new systems being built and used, you might feel like they are an act of desperation. Sometimes, they are. This does not make it bad. Or a bad decision. This just means you are realizing you have a need, and you are willing to take action to deal with the problems you're facing.

Some of the common mistakes when applying the new One True System is to super-hyper-focus on it and make it the entire world for a time and burn out on it really fast. Alas! However, it's much easier if you apply it to specific areas first and then expand the system as you learn it. It's also good if you take stock every week and make sure the system is working and modifying things you need.

A lot of the issues that come in with the One True System mentality all stem from burnout and fatigue that comes from making the system your whole focus - and getting things done. The larger the backlog of work needed and the more tasks you become aware of, the more the stress will build and the more the fatigue will mount as you spend time blitzing your task list. Pacing yourself is important, but hard. Once you get momentum, you don't want to lose it.

In truth, the best systems are ones that are versatile, universally applicable, easy to track and follow a few simple rules:

Portable - you can use it wherever you are

Tells you what to do, when to do it, where to do it and notes about how to do it

Not inconvenient or time consuming to use

And the rules you should follow while using a system are:

write it down

check your lists

take time to review and check in with yourself

All advice aside, my frustration is the attitude towards people who start using new systems.

Failure is not a guarantee, for one. But also, trying again and again shows you are not giving up. You're not giving in and just dealing with the chaos. And no matter who you are, sometimes, you need a reset or to pause to take stock of where you are. Maybe catch up a bit.

It also shows hope; you are hoping to conquer the problems, hoping to get better. Fail or not, you are getting better, learning more, and mastering skills as you build out and use new systems.

And the truth is, we never do know if the new system is or isn't going to be the one that works - the one you can succeed with. The only way you can find out is to try it.

[2am-poetry]

“Hot damn I love you guys” - elon musk, recall shit damn fuck idea natural reflex reaction which is SDF which makes me think of a counselor guarding failing students of any association or group, which makes me think of SD which includes S= the “HIT/BOX” of surrounding “D” which would be the “metafont” of the gravity of an idea or creation, referring to it's

“metagravity.” Also the SD sideways reminds me of the flame of Olympus or flame in a bowl, which I can now finish redesigning the virtual reality olympus video game architecture narrative to include. DF means Don't Flinch within punching distance of a person and telling them a lie with direct eye contact BECAUSE I LEARNED HUMANITY actually has an AUTO-FIRE response to direct lies which is UNCONTROLLABLE literally at an action potential neuron firing level of observation, SO IT'S HEALTHY TO LET EVERYONE STUDY & KNOW without avoiding learning about it or anyone else that has learned about it AND SHOULD ELIMINATE CRIME ONLY WITH AN AGREEMENT ON POLITENESS & POLITE PACE BECAUSE PEOPLE COERCE NEGATIVE-ACTION-PACE FROM OTHERS YET IMMATURE OTHERS DO NOT PROPERLY KNOW HOW TO PATIENTLY RESPOND, typically needing more growth as their own counselor personality archetype. The people following my mind-reading implant do not understand my Teacher talk and try to interject when it simply distracts me from thinking and continuing to disseminate public help & prescription-level poetry or writing, but many have multiple motives in mind rather than one itself which is likely why they are frequently being stopped by the Ai-teacher’s definition of “annoying actions” which upsets them but I’ve SPECIFICALLY told them to READ & WRITE, yet many are trying to strategically avoid doing both at all costs, which LITERALLY stops them from MORE TIME TO THINK SMARTER THOUGHTS, so i invented levels of solutions from ThinkU that also include iThoughtUThoughtWeThoughtUThink too as an enacted live example to prove this medicine formula theory to multiple necessary people at once, amassing & creating the BEST senses of collective accountability and progressive solutions with resolve and resolutionary energy.

* being able to flood a neural path with LOWERCASE E-shapes that literally can prohibit memory recall down to a syllable in a word, which is why solving suffiencient food cravings themselves literally help people create new ideas, become better people and synthesize solutionary QUOTABLE ACTS for others, timelessly.

(note: if you are reading my mind and perceive me thinking, then it is necessary to inform you that I reread my writing even as I am typing REPEATEDLY MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE IT'S LIKE CHISELING A BRAIN TRAIL so PLEASE stop interrupting me along what I termed The Lightning Steps for reading & writing poetry EFFECTIVELY from the top again and again to guide a specific thread of moods, including the initial flow of thoughts and the reflective structure of the memory encoding over time, even after initially finishing the original poem) (other Quantum Neuroscience Architecture terms to elaborate upon in the future include “echoes” which are “metareverberations of RECURSIVE ENERGY” (metareverbs) when a damaging situation requires a negative response dialogue reductive flow to bounce back up positively as a reflective positive emotion attached to a rationalized-solution yet creates reverberative reflections as it arises back up towards a person’s general observable personality plane traits, therefore full context of internal digestion of life events can not be properly assessed from outside observance only and must be directly adjusted via personal reflective thoughts that evolve into best practices of action including quotes themselves, which stay in physical form in the sense of writing and therefore are the best long-term solutions considering usefulness of existing separately and multipliably from the author, therefore even cursing itself is necessary to QUASI-STOICALLY MEMORABLY EMBLAZEN/engrain solutions into scenarios with minimal time to encode a fully pre-prepared concocted solution to resolve another’s ailment, external or internally transcendant.)

Note: That I excluded explaining The WELL/DAMN filter as a trap for individuals who were too impatient to be model citizens and thus likely rushed to me past their kindest advisor, though the well damn filter has a specific necessary use-case for POSITIVE recursive energy.

[adheidth]

Matthias is far from the first person Alice seeks out, but he is still within the path of her storm.

It takes her longer than she would like to gather her wits about her - longer still to act upon them. This uncertain teetering upon action is an unfamiliar feeling, a gnawing weight in her chest that leaves her feeling like someone else. Emptied-out. Raw.

..and then, like a bolt from the blue, a fortuitous venture gives her exactly the motivation she needs!

All proceeds going to those in need? Perfect for a lady like her! And if she gets a small, huggable companion from it, well, that's just a bonus! This time, unfortunately, it's quite a bit harder for her to simply invite herself into Matthias' office, as she had once done to demand his assistance in acting.

Considering it has been reduced to rubble, of course.

Still, she's able to ask around, and with her confidence renewed and bright blue inquisitive eyes, she's able to get the answers she needs. With an almost-like-new bounce in her step, she skips over rubble, picking her way through trees.

(A leaf catches in her hair. She does not notice it, too focused on her mission.)

"Mister Matthias!" she speaks his name as a command. "I once more require your aid! I wish to go to Forge-a-Bear, and as a noble, it is my duty to lend my funds to this cause!"

She doesn't elaborate as to why she needs anyone with her, or why it must be specifically Matthias, but there's a slight quiver to her voice. A worry there, an odd thing, writ upon her slightly-furrowed brows.

She had worried for his safety.

that's my emotional support milk forge-a-bear

mission board: restoration.

[zvezdacito]

// TWST Book 7 spoilers, thoughts of Malleus's writing as a character

So I was reading some other people's opinions on why some people consider Malleus overrated/annoying, and tbh this makes me really sad. The general consensus is that a lot of people fixate on certain sides and can only see him as one extreme or the other and it results in many ppl thinking a watered down version of his character is how he is in canon.

I feel that its such a shame because he's the most interesting, compelling and well-rounded take on his character archetype I've seen.

From my observation, usually they kinda make this archetype (the broody misunderstood 'everyone fears him like a monster except for one special person') someone you can't take that seriously, because of how his struggle usually kind of written in a way where everyone involved feel less like actual fully fledged original characters and really just one note tropes interacting with other one note tropes.

To elaborate: What i mean when i say this is usually ppl who hate him kind of just do because of plot requires them to and to show how all their haters are "normies" who can't get him because 'he's not like everyone else'. The misunderstood guy still usually has toxic personality issues but the story really tends to make it feel like they don't fear him for that but because they're shallow and have prejudice to ppl like him, so his personality issues are not framed as wrong or character flaws.

I don't think there's anything inherenrly wrong or mediocre with the "one special person who gives him a chance before anyone else" trope like I'm literally a Malleyuu enjoyer lol but like i said its all in the execution cause otherwise it fails to be compelling and believable. Usually in the poorly written version of this trope the guy doesn't undergo any character development other than showing more emotion and kindess to his partner because they melted his ice I guess so it really makes his whole character feel like its revolves around the sake of romance and fanservice.

Malleus doesn't fall into this trap in my opinion because his situation despite how fantastical it is, the way he was written makes it believable as to why everything is the way it is with him, and it also challenges the viewer if they would be able to say they wouldn't fear him too in that situation.

"We're gonna give you this character who everyone sees as a monster and show you deep down he just wants the same love as everyone else, making you contemplate changing judgement on him. He wants to prove this, but his way of going about it always inadvertently harms others."

"You know where hes coming from and if he had that social connection to give him a better understanding of others this wouldn't be happening, but its also equally understandable that the people hes trying to connect with don't deserve this and fear him even more after this, trapping him in a cycle of isolation."

"Given his track record, do you go about giving him a chance or just considering the repeatedly proven danger he brings. With the valid reasons of both parties, can you really say he isn't a monster and demand that 'if only people be near him'?"

There's just such a tragic and thought-provoking dilemma to his character that adds so many layers that makes him so good.

As omniscient viewers we have the benefit of seeing what he's going through form his POV so we can sympathize with him and understand that he thinks what he's doing is the best course of action and he's just trying to create a "win for everyone" situation.

But also everything he does ironically reaffirms everyone's fear and distrust of someone like him. No one can deny he has a tendency to cause further destruction when he tries to do something "good", examples including: past Briar Valley lantern lighting fire, the Halloween 2 ghost world party, and now his Sleeping Curse stunt in Book 7 Part 2 (they really emphasize this by making the spoken name of his UM basically mean "Malicious Fairy" but have its written name used to convey what its meant to mean be "Blessing").

↑ Given this, it honestly makes sense others, especially those who don't know him all that well, would just expect the worst when he's around already, and you wouldn't be able to blame them for that given the track record. It doesn't help that this impression is worsened since he tends to cause misunderstandings due to his lack of familiarity with human social cues.

Alongside the bias and preconceived notions from his status and reputation, they also make a point on how his personality flaws are still also a huge factor in pushing people away, such as not being able to see things through the perspective of others.

He also holds a subconcious belief due to what has been ingrained in him since childhood as a Draconia and the next in line that because he's superior to others at certain things, he has the right and responsibility to decide on what will protect and help them, disregarding the individual values/priorities of human beings and leading him to take reckless and destructive action with good intentions.

His upbringing, character strengths and character flaws are all realistically connected to each other and the way they are subtly shown to be ever-present in defining his decisions, goals and thoughts throughout the whole story. So we don't really need to have a character go out of their way to exposition this to us this word for word just so we can understand and believe it.

Moving onto something slightly more lighthearted, I really also like how dorky Malleus surprisingly was. Other similar characters in the archetype I usually see don't really have any hobbies, interests, or quirks outside of being a broody authority figure, which might've been appealing to some at first but it really just gets stale and boring after a while.

This should be the bare minimum in making a fleshed out and interesting character so maybe i sound like im giving them too much credit for pointing it out😭 But yeah compared to the other examples it's good that Malleus has his Tamagotchi and Gargoyle interests it makes him feel like a believable person who has his own life going on too (with the bonus that these interests are also metaphors for aspects of his character). The gap moe adds an endearing side to him, and makes the gap between his intent and impact of his actions even more tragic. It wouldn't hit the same without this side.

(^ Forgot how the exact quote goes, but it basically said dark stories are more effective when there are moments of genuine happiness and good in them, compared to if it was always just grim and edgy. The former increases the stakes and tragedy because you have something you to care about losing, while for the latter there is nothing for you to care about so nothing the story does really matters. Same logic applies to Malleus)

Overall, it's just like an unfortunate incompatibility of goals and circumstances, which is what TWST is all about. Another thing I want to say is out of all the characters, I feel like Malleus is the one who is the ultimate embodiment of TWST's main themes:

-> How it's not about "hero" vs "villain" just differing circumstances crossing paths and clashing because of how people on either side have their own complex perspective and dreams they want to realize

-> And how connection and finding community is important to find people who will help you make up for what you lack in reaching your goals and to better understand all the factors that caused the situation in the first place.

As if seeing yourself reflected in a mirror, the more you get to know the people around you, you realize in many ways you are actually quite alike, and through understanding others you could also possibly better understand certain aspects of yourself. It's sort of encouraging you to do the opposite of dehumanizing others and yourself, which is something Malleus has most evidently internalized.

So yeah this was so long😭 I had a lot I wanted to say since Malleus is my favorite TWST character. Idk if I missed anything or if i managed to express my thoughts in a cohesive way but yeah. I kinda go into a rage whenever I see the worst takes ever be put out about his character but tbh sometimes I can't completely blame others since fandom trends and the convenience of simplifying things into tropes can warp your perception of a character and what you associate with them.

Also sometimes twst doesn't do a good job with utilizing his character like Book 5 where he got turned into a deus ex machina and Halloween 2 where they killed any hype and intrigue for the plot we had at the beginning through the ending reveal and gave the worst justification ever for Malleus and Lilia's actions ever.

Regardless, I hope more people manage to move past this and appreciate his character for what it really is soon though. He's an amazingly tragic character; a lot of thought was put into how his experiences, strengths and weaknesses would convincingly connect, and he represents something relevant in the story's plot and themes.

The fact that I've seen some people unironically believe that Malleus may just be faking his cluelessness of social cues to hide his "true evil" is evidence to how convincing his character's situation is, that even some in the audience who know more about him than the characters would still end up in the same place of doubt and distrust of Malleus because of what he's capable of.

Aight thank you for reading👍

[doctor-ciel]

Man though, because L's whole arc regarding shinigami is so fascinating but I've never seen anyone talk about it, although I'm sure people do.

Because like, what did he think was going on? When he first started the case, what did he think was going on? Probably something similar to what the people at the ICPO meeting were talking about, that someone had elaborately put things together so that they could remotely give their victims heart attacks. Crazy and elaborate, but possible.

But then they're able to kill Lind L. Taylor, so however they do it doesn't require any sort of physical tampering on Kira's part. They can just do it on command with anyone, anywhere.

We the audience know that it's something supernatural, but how soon does L accept that? I don't imagine very quickly. I'm not even sure how soon he'd even entertain the idea. Compare how he talks about finding out how they kill during the broadcast (playful) versus how he talks about shinigami once he knows he's dealing with them (afraid). I think at that point he still thinks that it's some sort of advanced technology.

Light's experiments make it undeniable, though, by controlling his victims' actions before they die. Plus the message he leaves for him, "L, do you know?", would have definitely caught his attention because at that point the thing L would've wanted to know the most is how Kira kills. Then the next message is "gods of death," his only hint at what the answer to the question is. The nonsense last message trolls him for ever having taken the messages seriously, but this still means that even if he has to second-guess himself, he now has shinigami on his mind.

This itself causes a huge change in L as a character. He has to change how he thinks about the world, his line of work, everything really in order to solve the case. This also means humbling himself to the fact that he was wrong about something, and is now in unfamiliar territory. Or, alternatively, that if it turns out this isn't something supernatural, that he was crazy enough to think that it was. Either way, he can't come out of this with the same view of himself he had before of being someone who was always right.

This is why he reacted the way he did when Misa's broadcast mentioned shinigami, even though I do think his reaction was overblown for drama (and this is coming from someone who is actually willing to suspend my disbelief for most of death note's dramatic moments, yes even the potato chip scene). But it makes sense for him to be scared, because it is now the second time shinigami have shown up in relation to Kira's power, and it's from a second unrelated person.

And I love the look he gives Light when he says that "shinigami" is probably a code word. Because on the one hand, L was probably thinking the same thing, that "shinigami" could have been a reference to the supernatural nature of Kira's powers rather than the actual explanation for them. But on the other hand, at this point he strongly suspects Light, so to me the look he gives him means something along the lines of "of course you would say that." His prime suspect trying to divert attention away from a shocking part of the second Kira's broadcast is going to be a little suspicious.

This is also the first time he's shared his shinigami idea, and he got pushback against it from the rest of the task force. That's going to add to the self-doubt. And yes, he says he agrees with them that they're not real, but this wouldn't be the first time that he's said something to go along with everyone else while silently still holding his own conclusions.

This is also part of why he fell into a slump after Light and Misa lost their memories. It wasn't just that he had turned out to be wrong (as I've pointed out here he's long since been doubting himself and grappling with the new revelation that he can be wrong about things), although having been wrong about Light and Misa as well as everything else does contribute to the loss of motivation. To me, though, it mostly has to do with the fact that it has just become clear to him that no matter what he does, there is only so much he can do to try and work against forces that are beyond his comprehension, let alone control. He doesn't know where to begin in salvaging the investigation because he doesn't even know what is happening. He says he's depressed because he was wrong, but he also says that he knows for certain that, even if they aren't right now, Light and Misa were Kira. This means his slump comes from not being able to prove it, and from being wrong about Kira's power.

At this point his theory is that the power transferred away from them and to someone else, and that they possibly lost their memory too (or else they are acting). Because you know, why not? Can you imagine L making a theory like this at the start of the show? The fact that he is making a theory like this in seriousness shows how much he's changed, what he's willing to believe, and also how willing he is to be wrong (because you can't tell me that he thinks the theory has any concrete supporting evidence besides "fuck it, anything goes at this point"). He has now fully thrown himself into the school of thought that everything that is happening is supernatural and beyond his control.

So now that they're in murky waters of what is possible... what about that shinigami theory? He feels it's safe enough again to bring it up around the others while they watch Higuchi in the car. This time, it makes even more sense than during Misa's broadcast. Higuchi's clearly talking to somebody that they can't see. And now L is on the path again to being right about something for once.

Then he holds the Death Note in his hands and is totally, absolutely vindicated. And he is not scared to look at the shinigami. Everyone else screams when they see Rem, but L has been thinking about shinigami for a long time. Whether or not they exist has come to represent to him if his ideas can be trusted or not, so to see one now he's actually happy.

And then there are the rules in the notebook. The thing about the rules is that they give clear-cut, hard rules about what can and can't be done with it, which is exactly the kind of stability that L has been missing for a long time in the investigation, the kind of thing that could determine once and for all, with hard evidence, whether or not Light and Misa were ever Kira. Light was banking on that, knowing how L works and that not only would he not question rules like that, he would want them to be true in order to have that stability.

But L has changed a lot. He only had his whole theory about shinigami in the first place because he was willing to consider impossible things. This whole time he'd been struggling to believe in a theory that no one else wanted to entertain. While the others are discussing the 13 day rule, L is stacking a tower of containers, coming closer and closer to putting the pieces together and saying what he's thinking. What if...

If they're dealing with supernatural forces, they can't know anything for certain about it. He knows that better than anyone, he's spent his whole arc coming to terms with the fact that he does not and probably never will fully understand what he's dealing with. Therefore, they have no way to know for sure that those rules are real. If he could believe shinigami exist, he can entertain the possibility that the rules are fake. And if it is a possibility, then Light and Misa aren't cleared, at least not to him, and they could still be investigated.

But he stops right before finishing the tower - before finishing his thought. He lets them go. I think this was done partly because he gave in to the stability the rules gave him, but also partly because of pressure from the rest of the task force. I could write a meta about how they actually peer pressure him into doing things a number of times, but that's for another day.

He's back to doubting himself again, which becomes especially clear in the scene on the roof. "I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it." (In the sub he says "please don't believe any of it," which is even more interesting. Like he's asking Light not to go mad like he has)

He's proven right in the end though, right as he dies. It's a very satisfying end to his story. He changes from someone who always knew he was right, to being afraid of the things he didn't know, to adapting and allowing himself to work with the unknown, and being rewarded with validation that he was right all along, despite everything.

I also think it's fitting that his last words are "the shiniga-". "Shinigami" was the last word he ever said, showing how he was trying to understand them up until his death; but he gets cut short, showing how he never had the chance to learn everything about them, or even to test the 13 day rule. If you really want to stretch you could say that trying to learn about and understand shinigami and the death note is what got him killed. On the other hand, though, the fact that he was in a situation where he was able to understand what was happening, and say the words "the shinigami" and know what and who he's talking about, is a testament to how much progress he made in the investigation while he was alive.

All of this is to say that Death Note is actually a cosmic horror story from L's point of view.

[chibivesicle]

I must say I enjoy your long trigun critiques and episode breakdowns, but I gotta interject that the statement about Stampede "-since we really don’t get that feeling that Vash sees all life as sacred." is objectively wrong. I watch frequent reaction videos from a variety of anime fans who've never seen the OG show. They immediately pick up on the abnormal amount of mercy Vash displays towards literally EVERYONE, no matter what they do. Saving Jeneora Rock despite their betrayal, immediately trying to save the nebraska's the second their life is in danger, then physically getting in between father nebraska trying to kill E.G. the Mine. How he says to Meryl's face that being known as a coward and his own personal pride aren't worth anyone dying. First time trigun fans are picking up on these facts, and already starting to theorize why he acts this way, how does it tie in to the small slice of his backstory we've been shown so far, which I'm sure will get elaborated eventually. You can like the campy 90's hero staring at the camera proclaiming "LOVE & PEACE!" because I do too! But it's also abundently clear he doesn't have to do that in Stampede, that aspect of his timeless persona is still making itself known even to people who are totally unfamiliar with Vash the Stampede as a character.

Hello there,

Sorry for the slow reply, I had hoped to get to it during the week but work was very busy and I had to kick this to the weekend. Having time to mull over your comments, I agree that the very over the top Vash in the '98 anime and early on in the manga really set the tone for how he behaves. And with that being our only version of Vash until Stampede - it does take a lot of effort to go past a reactive point that Vash seems overly passive. I see this version of Vash and immediately react that he's too passive b/c he isn't being very forward. Previous Vash, well he in part made it a big deal in part by being distracting to de-escalate situations. I feel there was real logic to that approach, but it required him to be incredibly assertive.

It may not be the reply that you are looking for, but I think I would have a better feel for Stampede Vash if the story had more time to breathe and more time for character development. Honestly, my biggest sticking point with this series is the pacing and the rapid storyline. We don't need filler but this does not allow for the characters to have any room to breathe nor is it set up for a character arc or growth.

You are correct that Stampede Vash does demonstrate his philosophy through his actions and that he does not want to cause harm, but compared to many other elements of the storytelling - and this is where I'm going to highlight this is how I feel about it, just me - I think they are being too subtle with Vash. That's totally my own opinion, but since I'm seeing him as too subtle in his actions it makes it harder for him to stand out above the chaos. Knives was brutal in episode three and the contrast with everyone else being quite brutal makes it hard to be subtle. It also does dive into the epic levels of Vash guilt from the get go, but I feel something is missing. I think it in part, it goes back to the lack of character internal thoughts/dialogue in this show. If Vash had a thought of "Okay, this man is dangerous, I need to move to x location." Or even if we got other characters thoughts about his behaviors. It really wouldn't hurt the overall story. I don't want 100% epic internal dialogue, but sometimes, good internal thoughts go a long way for the viewers. Especially, if the character is trying to play it cool or keep it professional. We only saw chatty diversion Vash in episode one and that was it.

I think the other aspect is the choice for Vash to be set up as a more subtle character for his actions, while most other characters are what I'd call overly aggressive or assertive. And that does create a contrast of Vash being different from them it, again, to me feels out of sync with the rest of the storytelling. Perhaps, my critiques will change if I give the series more time to slosh around in my brain. I've known the original Trigun for over twenty years and I've watched it at different points in my life so I can say I see it in very different lights. The most recent watch had me liking Meryl even more as an older professional and understanding why her character was pretty darn awesome in the original anime. In a way it is unfair to compare a form of media that I've know for over two decades with something new . . . but it is also the nature of the beast.

My biggest fear with this version and the brutally fast pace is when we finally get the flashback to Vash and Rem and whatever equivalent to her, "My ticket had a blank/empty/unknown destination." speech, it won't give us enough information for us to understand where Vash is coming from. Hopefully, they don't do that, but I'm not holding my breath here.

I think one of the other things is that even when a form of media gets really dark, humor injected into it helps step things back. I've briefly referred back to the live action series Black Sails, mainly as I used it to compare with the meh ending of the manga Golden Kamuy. But it in a way has a dark undertone throughout all four seasons and lots of things are very bad, but it still has small amounts of humor which are timed just right that you never feel like it has pulled you into the abyss or also how the characters know they are likely fucked, but a self-aware snarky remark goes to show that yeah, they know their situation is ironic or will invite trouble. This is something that I wish Stampede would do - I get the vibe that Studio Orange wants it to be 'serious' but even in real world serious situations, someone is gonna crack a dumb joke and people are gonna laugh - 'cause what else are you gonna do? Even the Trigun Maximum manga had hella dark and depressing scenes but Wolfwood is there being a ham - 'cause what else are you gonna do when you got shit options?

This sort of veered off course, but yeah. The struggle to see Trigun Stampede without a lot of baggage is difficult.

[therogue704]

The Great Escape

Chapter 2

Te Ke’gyce be Buir- Father’s order

Jango felt his heart quicken, “Boba, gebbar te Kurshok. Rejorhaa'ir kote bic's ca'nara at slanar*,” he kept his face carefully, expressionless, as his son left the room.

“Master who?”

“Sifo Dyas?” The Jetii probed, “was he not the Jedi who hired you for this job?”

“Never heard of him,” he continued. As he turned to the Jetii, he knew how transparently he was lying. He could see the Skepticism in his eyes. However, Jango's powers of persuasion were inconsequential, as what he required above all else, was time.

“Really?” Be’jetii** voice dripped with skepticism.

“I was recruited by a man named Tyrannus, on one of the moons of Bogden,” He answered truthfully, all the while, thinking that Boba must be down the hall by now.

“Curious," the Jetii said with hostility that made Jango’s stomach churn. The two locked eyes in a cold gaze.

It was evident that this inquiry had more to do with his trip to Coruscant, which he had begun to regret more every second, than procuring a clone army for the Republic.

“Do you like your army?” Jango asked and did his best to ignore his heart pounding in his throat. Hopefully Boba would be some distance away by now.

“I look forward to seeing them in action,” The Jetii returned, provoking a ghost of a smirk from the bounty hunter.

You won't, he thought, not you or anyone else.

“They'll do their job well,” He said instead, “I'll guarantee that.”

The Jetii studied his face, and with an abrupt, “Thank you for your time, Jango,” The time for stalling was over. And though Jango had given him little information, he knew that the Jetii had already confirmed his suspicions in his own mind, which meant that they were running on time they didn't have.

“Strange pairing for an army,” He remarked slyly, noting the sharp glanced Taun We shot him, “Mandalorians and Jedi.”

The Jetii, who had turned to make his exit, stopped predictably, and turned around evidently intrigued. Jango elaborated in a cool, dispassionate tone, “Surely a Jedi would know About the... tentative relationship between my people and your order.”

“Indeed,” The Jetii returned, stroking his well-groomed beard thoughtfully, “However, if I recall correctly, Mandalorian Heritage is a tricky thing.”

Jango could not tell if this was a slight against himself, or if the Jetii was really ignorant as to his heritage. It didn't matter now because he would never be enough. What mattered was that Boba was probably in the barracks by now, and it was high time he made an exit.

“I am a true Mando'a, and so is every one of those troops,” He glanced back at Taun We, who was looking concerned and rather awkward amidst the conversation, “It's in their spirit, as it is in mine. And I take great pride in it.”

 He fixed his eyes unyielding eye on the Jetii, as ever, expressionless, “If you'll excuse me,” he nodded toward the door, “Always a pleasure to meet a Jedi,” he added, an audible taunt in his voice.

The Jetii nodded as he was escorted into the hall by a flustered, ever graceful, Taun We, “Thank you again, for your cooperation,” she said, and for the first time in their conversation, a flash of anger broke the cold façade and manifested in a scrutinizing glare.

Jango shut the door in his face and breathed a sigh of relief. With shaking hands, he pressed the control panel to his quarters, where his armor had been set aside just moments ago. He surveyed it carefully and began to suit up.

Translations

*Boba, gebbar te Kurshok. Rejorhaa'ir kote bic's ca'nara at slanar- Boba, close the door. Tell Kote it's time to go

**be'jetii- The Jedi's (be' prefix indicates possesion)

[gamer2002]

Troll like Jesus

After my last essay, in which I explained the basics of the Bible, in a probably better way than anyone had for two thousand years, I was wondering which more advanced religious topic I should tackle next. I was torn between the reliability of the Scripture, the nature and purpose of the Holy Trinity, or scientifically proven Christian psychology. Being the type of a person who, when everyone goes left, goes upside-down, I’ve decided to take the course of action I myself wouldn’t take, by elaborating on our Lord and Savior’s trolling game.

To quote Oxford’s dictionary, trolling is to write false or offensive messages on the internet in order to make other people angry. This is not a perfect definition, as Jesus Christ did not live in times with internet access, nor he did write much, and none of that is actually required for trolling. So, let’s modify that definition to spreading false or offensive messages in order to make other people angry.

Now, it goes without saying that the Perfect Lamp did not spread any falsehood, so we are left with the Prince of Peace being offensive in order to make other people angry. There is no doubt that the things that Jesus was saying were offensive to many of His listeners, due to the numerous attempts to take his life, culminating in an angry mob demanding His crucifixion. Moreover, this outcome was intentional on Jesus’ part, as not only Him being numbered with criminals was prophesied (Isaiah 53:12), but also Jesus Himself constantly was telling the Apostles that this was going to happen. Jesus gave His life for our sins, and He did that by trolling people into killing Him, by being offensive.

Now that we have established what Jesus did (troll), let’s focus on whom, how, and why, in this exact order.

The wicked people

Jesus’ main opponents were the Pharisees, who have studied the Law but were hypocrites. The best example of how maliciously twisted they were is in John 8 1-11, where they bring an adulteress in front of Jesus, to ask Him what they should do with her, given that Moses’ Law orders to stone her. The idea here wasn’t just to trick a pacifist Jesus to go against Moses, though that was half of the plan. The other half is more apparent from the historical context of Judea being a Roman province, and that under Roman law it was illegal for non-Romans to decide about the death of anybody. Therefore, has Jesus followed the Moses law and decided for the adulteress to be stoned, the Pharisees would be able to accuse him in front of the Romans. Either break Moses’ law or break the Roman law, that was the choice they have maliciously given to Him. So, Jesus, being a master troll, tells them that the one among them that was without sin should throw the first stone.

That was a passive-aggressive way of communicating to the mob that they were a) a bunch of sinners, and b) also bloodthirsty hypocrites, which was absolutely offensive. Jesus, being God, naturally knew that none of them was without sin. Thought that was rather obvious anyway. He also knew what their reaction was going to be. The Bible divides the mob into two groups – the old ones and the young ones.

The old ones were first to leave because they quickly started to see where this was going. Each one of them knew that they weren’t without sins, and they were also aware that nobody was going to turn out to be any different. They were fully aware enforcers of a bullshit morality system, where some sinners got publicly stoned, for the sake of everybody else pretending to be sinless. The appearance of having values mattered more than having values, and all the blood they spilled was on the altar of their society’s made-up reputation of the pure Chosen People (while Chosen, they were far from pure). They knew it, always knew it, they just didn’t want to be the ones whose blood was going to be spilled. They were, after all, the full-grown and disillusioned version of the young ones.  

As for the young ones, each of them also was aware of not being without sin. But they stayed longer because they hoped that somebody among the mob was different. They could be hypocritical bloodthirsty sinners themselves, but they actually believed that some holy figure was going to enable them. They believed in the reputation of their society, which did not prompt them to live up to it, but was a source of excuses for pursuing their worst impulses. I may not be better than the woman I want to be stoned, I don’t even care about that enough to change myself, but I am of use for my betters. Not that I’m telling them about my sins either, as I prefer to be on the better side of a thrown stone. But fuck that woman.

No thief, murderer, adulterer, or any other outlaw, has ever attempted or plotted to kill Jesus. It was always those wicked people, proudly proclaiming themselves to be the proper and righteous ones, with a right to judge and kill others, while being just a bunch of self-serving and cruel cowards wanting only to keep their positions. They wanted to protect themselves from what they were imposing upon others. And to enjoy any gain that was coming from it.

In short, the most common kind of people that are among all the outspoken ideologists. All those that use ideology for personal gain, even if that gain is nothing more than feeling accepted by the group. Or dopamine hits. Rules for Radicals were written to get the kick out of utilizing shame with shameless hypocrisy, which is older than the Pharisees, who were radicals themselves.

There is a saying “If you aren’t a left-winger at youth, you lack a heart. If you aren’t a right-winger at old, you lack a brain.” The truth is that you can remain old as a left winger and still have a brain. You only never had a heart in the first place, you always were cynical and abusing others’ naivety. But I digress.

It’s not hard to recognize such people. When they accuse you of wrongdoing, they are guilty of it themselves, because they are hypocrites. When they can’t accuse you of any wrongdoing, they will try to shame you for associating with wrong people, or whatever else allows them to claim your impurity.

But how He did it? How did Jesus troll those people?

Our Lord, Savior, and Master Troll

It goes without saying that Jesus, being the Son of God, knew people better than they knew themselves. This advantage allowed Him to handle any social situation, and this is something we cannot actually reproduce. Still, Christ, in His unmistakable divine knowledge, has utilized master troll techniques we can learn ourselves.

The first one is taking them further than they are willing to go. Radicals never do anything without a prepared excuse of serving the Greater Good™. They will often shout it because emotions make it harder for people to notice how full of crap they are anyway. But they also have a strong foundation in a grand and vague idea you don’t want to argue against. Pharisees had the Will of God, Hitler had good of the “wronged” Germany, commies have equity (not even equality anymore), etc. The Greater Good™ isn’t a thing that you are recommended to even downplay, because it has been cynically picked up to justify any amount of theft and murder. This is why Jesus counters it by telling people that they aren’t that great at following the Greater Good™ themselves.

As everyone there knew, the stated in the Scripture purpose of stoning adulterers was to remove the evil that was among the true believers. Purity, not just from sin, but also in the sense of general hygiene, was a big thing in the Old Law, which was all about self-preservation of the nation of Israel. So, Jesus has agreed with the Law being the Greater Good™, and that it does require an actual true and pure believer to be in charge of realizing It. And that, rather an obvious and simple observation, has caused everybody present to feel consternation.  

Of course, this approach is just a single technique for dealing with evil people. You do undermine the fundamental lie they hide behind, by exposing them to not exactly adhering to their own flimsy justifications. However, this does not guarantee they won’t simply say “Fuck it”, drop all pretense, and get rid of you. This is what they have done to Jesus, eventually. But Jesus was smart, and He knew they needed the Romans’ permission to kill Him. And trolling is done in order to make other people angry. And Jesus made Pharisees so angry that Christianity has spread all over the world. Trolling mixed with martyrdom is incredibly powerful.

But if you don’t like the martyrdom part, don’t feel discouraged. As Jesus has dispensed some other techniques.

Turn the other cheek to troll

When Jesus talked about turning the other cheek when getting slapped in the face, He was saying what to do during attempts to insult or humiliate you. It was a demonstration of being above such trivialities, as you are with God. And, as every good troll knows, losing control over your emotions is losing the entire troll game. Jesus instructed us to be in control of ourselves and demonstrate, with defiance, that we aren’t bothered by petty insults.

When Jesus talked about walking two miles when somebody wants to force you to walk two, he was talking about trolling oppressors into breaking their own laws. Back then, a Roman soldier could conscript a non-Roman citizen to carry his stuff, but only for a single mile. This is why being eager to carry things for two miles could cause problems for the soldier, as he was not legally allowed to make you do it.

Do you think nobody would give a damn about the additional mile? It only takes for the soldier to have one comrade who hates his guts. Such a guy would not miss his occasion to report the incident to the soldier’s superior. And the superior would have to act on it, because it only takes one of his peers to hate him, for him to have a good reason to fulfill his duties. And it isn’t even about the hatred among members of an oppressive organization, the entire promotion system is a rat race where you rat out others to make them undeserving of the promotion you aim for yourself. Jesus knew how such groups work, and instructed us how to take advantage of it.  

And what was Jesus’ advice to tax collectors, who were working for the hated Roman regime? Do what you are ordered, nothing more. The only reason why I won’t say it was a devilishly clever subtle troll is that it was holy and divine. Think about it. Let’s assume you are a moral person stuck in an immoral organization. If you leave an oppressive organization, somebody else will take your place anyway. Assuming they are less moral, they will be ambitious and proactive, not to mention also corrupted in their own right. And this will result in them doing far more evil things than you would have done in their place.

But what if you only do what you are being told? Well, your superior now needs to micromanage you. So, not only you are preventing your position from being taken by somebody who would abuse their power, but you are also taking time and energy from somebody above.

Successful organizations aren’t successful because everyone micromanaging everyone. They are successful because of proactive individuals. You don’t believe me and Jesus? The CIA’s manual for sabotaging organizations also advises to be against short-cuts, proactivity, and to force everything to be discussed and decided by the people above. Jesus was two thousand years ahead of the CIA.

Jesus’ teaching was to be harmless like a dove and clever like a serpent. Understand how evil people and their organizations work. Deconstruct their excuses and rules, undermine their self-proclaimed mandate to do heinous things. Demonstrate their petty insults do not bother you. Turn their rules against them, force them to break them, to give an opportunity for in-fighting in their groups. And if you are within their ranks, be a weight that takes a spot of a potentially ambitious individual. Troll the hell out of them.

This is God’s way of doing things.

[blightbear]

Hello! ✨

Random headcanon meme, here we go. For all your babies..

✍ : What is your muse’s handwriting like? Is it neat? Sloppy? Fancy?

⚠ : How does your muse react to possibly dangerous situations? Do they face them head-on, or do they plan out their actions first?

❀ : What is your muse’s opinion about flower crowns?

📐 : Is your muse good at math? Do they like it, or do they hate it?

Of course, feel free to skip those questions you may not wish to answer to, or just assign characters to each one! :3

Ok, this is rather long (of course I’m not going to skip any) so I’m going to put the first question up top and the rest under a read more so I don’t clog everyone’s dash :3

✍ : What is your muse’s handwriting like? Is it neat? Sloppy? Fancy?

Ashari: Very simple print, nothing too fancy but definitely not illegible

Faye: Cursive that flows beautifully like water yet simple script that still looks more elegant than it is. Leandra taught all her children proper penmanship, but Faye’s was always the one to go up on the fridge

Mori’na: Doctor’s handwriting aka chicken scratch. Often illegible to the untrained eye, it’s a miracle they allow her to write some of the reports. Usually Josie has to take over from one too many complaints from the advisors. She’s not illiterate, just terrible handwriting

Cyra: Most elaborate, elegant cursive you can imagine. She turns handwriting into an art form, a lot of it looking like the The from Spongebob

⚠ : How does your muse react to possibly dangerous situations? Do they face them head-on, or do they plan out their actions first?

Ashari: In the early days, head on; things will rarely got her to back down. It’s almost like she was on a suicide mission half the time. These days she thinks things out a tiny bit more, but there’s still that fire within her.

Faye: Faye is often calculating in the back, constantly thinking magic reserves and where their companions are. Some things require head on, but if Faye has the time to think they’ll take it.

Mori’na: A bit of a mix, it really depends on the situation. There is a bit of a calculation, examining the danger instead of running in guns blazing. Sometimes she’ll determine a situation does require someone to take the first move so she’ll rush in. However sometimes danger does make Mo freeze like being stuck in the fade with a bunch of ravenous fear demons

Cyra: Head on with the calculation of a warrior. She may be a mage but that never stopped her from thinking like a seasoned warrior (hence the knight enchanter class haha)

❀ : What is your muse’s opinion about flower crowns?

Ashari: Neutral, was fine with one for her wedding day because tradition (in my mind anyway haha) but most of the time finds the falling petals to get in the way. If someone gives her one she won’t say no to it but she’ll usually just regift it to someone who would appreciate it more

Faye: Bethany would bring them flower crowns when they were younger so it holds a bit of a sentimental value, but they don’t seek out making them or wearing them.

Mori’na: Constantly making them, has loved making them ever since she was little. Their mamae and papae ( from one of the very few memories she has of him ) taught Mo and Bo how to make them. Bo lost interest after awhile but she’s never stopped making them. If there’s a field with flowers you can usually find Mo plopped down there humming an old lullaby as the flowers stems are being weaved in and out. She’s probably given Solas like 10, although they aren’t always crowns. Sometimes they’re bracelets or woven around the string of his claw necklace.

Cyra: Wears them for her daughter and if anyone laughs about it during a meeting there is a possibility of murder (they can only be made by her daughter though, anyone else and she doesn’t care)

📐 : Is your muse good at math? Do they like it, or do they hate it?

Ashari: Doesn’t like math, but is fine with most base level and some algebra. She’d rather just use a calculator

Faye: Very good at math, able to calculate a lot of complex equations in their head or very easily with a whiteboard in front of them. Likes math

Mori’na: Like Faye, extremely good at math. Complex equations and theories, she’s got it. Able to calculate the trajectory of an arrow very easily in her head. Has a neutral/hate relationship with it. Understands it, doesn’t understand why it’s relevant to the field ( it’s a science degree Mo, just because it’s about plants doesn’t mean you don’t need math )

Cyra: Despises it, never wants to be anywhere near the subject. It gives her too much of a migraine and she’s perfectly content with just knowing 1+1=2

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Idea 1: Vanessa quits her job

This idea is based on my interpretation that the Vanessa we see in Security Breach isn't really her; it's Vanny controlling her. Vanessa's consciousness is there, but all that she can do is just watch, like viewing your own life through an old television.

So after the 3-star ending, Vanessa would be left with a job that requires skills that "she" technically never had. She can't just pull up Vannys memories (which i have her being able to do because extra pain :D) because there are no memories of how to do that job, a final "f*ck you :D" to Vanessa from Vanny before she left.

(I feel this needs a bit more of an explanation. Vanny had an instinctive knowledge of how to use any electronic device, courtesy of Glitchtrap/Afton. This meant that she never had to read any instructions for any of the surveilance equipment that she used on the job. She also never looked down at keyboards when she typed the passwords needed to access the security computers sinceVanny had all the passwords to herself. All this means is that when Vanessa looks back at these memories, they are effectively useless.)

So now all Vanessa has left are her own memories of watching herself push random buttons that do random things. It would be like trying to learn how to fly a plane solely by watching someone else do it.

Vanessa also realizes that she'd have to still assist lost children after hours, a thought that truly scares her. It's not because she doesn't like children, no. In fact, I believe Vanessa used to work really well with children due to her former position as a video game tester/coder. This might not make much sense, but is elaborated upon in idea 2.

It is also stated in the game in one of the logs that you can find that she was not recommended for a position as a security guard, so it just makes sense for her to leave afer being freed.

So she would put in her 2 weeks notice, but not before working out some special deal with the plex that allows her and Greg the gremlin of chaos to visit the pizzaplex whenever they want and for any length of time.

As for what job she would try to go back to? It would be her old job of beta testing and coding. She was evidently very good at it based on those cut AR emails. It might sound like tempting fate, but I think that Vanessa would be a heck of a lot more careful this time if she was put back on the VR project. That assumes that the project is still even active.

That way she can make sure that what happened to her, never happens to anyone again.

OH I 100% agree with the theory that Vanny's actions weren't necessarily Vanessa's. It would explain why Ness wanted to keep Gregory safe in lost and found, but then Vanny immediately shows up and he will die if he doesn't get out. The timing of that is too impeccable to be a coincidence.