#i will not apologize for the person i become when saltburn is out in hd.

[sharpvst]

always an angel ,

never a 𝖌𝖔𝖉.

felix river catton.

𝔱𝖍𝔢 𝖌𝔬𝖉.

I.

" he was right. river is quite silly. but i suppose you don't pick your child's name imagining one day you'll think about what it will look like carved on a headstone. choose a font . . "

life after the death of a god.

saltburn spoilers. 🍷

trigger warnings ; mentions of death , slight sexual themes.

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oh felix . . beautiful , beautiful felix. not a day goes by that oilver doesn't think about him. his one true love — his one true lust. he misses him , somewhat. life after felix catton hasn't been the same. it seems like farleigh was right. he's clinging onto that one summer , jacking off to the former feeling.

he just can't help himself.

it's been years since saltburn , and oliver cannot get it out of his mind. that time — that place. the people. felix. oh . . oh felix.

he loved him , hated him , despised him , lusted for him , loved him , loved him , hated him. killed him.

what is he to do now ? sit and rot for years to come? that's what he's been doing. after saltburn everything changed — he thought it would be for the better but it's just for the worst. now he knows how poor dear pamela felt.

he clings onto the final moments with felix , the silence , the sound of felix's breath on his skin. i don't know what you are , but i do know that you make my fucking blood run cold.

farleigh was right. oliver may have just been one of felix's pets but felix was more than that to oliver. oliver was a bashful stray dog that felix adopted , fed , and shaped into the dog he is today. he's rabid , almost as if he's infested with rabies.

he goes feral for the past , always rutting onto his bed sheets like a dog in heat. oh how he wishes thing's could've ended better. in truth , felix didn't have to die. but at that point and time oliver thought it would be for the best. but something within him . . regrets it.

everyone moved on — but he stayed there.

farleigh moved on , back to america he trotted to collect his bearings and move on. he's relatively the same . . just alone. after saltburn he has become unable to get close to anyone. unable to make friends - make love , anything. he's a hallow shell of a man now. farleigh still visits the family grave every year.

meanwhile , oliver does not. oliver sulks alone in his bed most days. sobbing like a rotten child into his bedsheet pretending that felix is there coddling him. oliver cannot move on from that time and place. he thinks about it too much. he thinks about the beautiful venetia , and how it was such a shame how it ended with her. but those words , what she called him - everything. he remembers them all.

oliver has to remind himself most days to do everyday normal human things — he has to remind himself that he's still living in breathing while felix's corpse is well past decomposition. felix is a pile of bones whilst oliver is still breathing. it feels wrong.

oliver wasn't meant for this world , oliver wasn't really meant for anything. he should've just went back to the factory where they made olivers. maybe one day he'll come to terms with what happened that summer.

but as the summers pass on and on , he grows older and older . . things don't change. he's feelings don't change. he truly never grew up after saltburn. deep down he's still that nineteen year old oxford boy.

what is he to do now other than rot alongside his long lost love. he deserves it after all. oliver fucking quick isn't meant for anything but death.

[aspecialcase]

I apologize for the person I will become when Saltburn comes out in HD