#i will continue to talk about him here tho bc again. need an outlet somewhere.

[callixton]

much to say abt that boy today but mostly i think watching him play orin is going to take me the FUCK out

[cuntfined]

Ugh I let so many ppl get a glimpse into my life and head I lose all outlets of openly venting lol. Can’t post it on my finsta so here we go tumblr. This ones a long one and I’ve lost track of who knows what about the situation at this point so we gon type this whole shit show out.

So back when I first started working I met this guy. Very much my type appearance wise and our personalities clicked instantly. Immediate attraction. Then I found out he had a girlfriend so obviously I knew there was a line I couldn’t cross and I never did because I’m no home wrecker. Fast forward a few months I guess (idk the timeline) she breaks up with him bc he cheated. He never did anything physical but he was still talking to other girls which is still super shitty and a HUGE break in trust. Emotional cheating to some people (including me) is worse than physical. He had been dating this girl for 3 years too. And bc my life is weird I knew his first love/high school gf too through a friend and apparently that 3 or 4yr relationship also ended bc he started flirting with other girls. Which honestly was kind of funny to me bc he was always saying how he’s such a relationship guy and it always committed blah blah. So obviously I knew he had some issues.

Dumb little me though has some issues of my own though and was very excited about him being single bc that meant I had a shot. Not for anything long term (which is SUCH a horny boy move of me I know) but just to see what it’d be like for us. So October maybe (this whole timeline may be skewed) he finally came to my party after we had been flirting for sometime god knows how long. He popped in, helped me have a better playlist than my shit show, then dipped for another party which was fine. We took a few pics and my stupid obsessive ass cherished that shit thinkin damn we look good together. We met up again dt and he was very intoxicated but still cute tho so when he put his hand on my lower back when I leaned in to talk in his ear over the loud music you bet your ass I got excited. We even held hands to not lose each other in the crowd when we left wow dumb Hannah so freaking magical. Anyways, somehow convinced him to come over and we finally got to kiss. I still remember that and honestly it will probably be one of my top kisses for a damn good while. Very rough, very passionate. I scratched the shit out of his back but we never did anything but kiss.

I’m not 100% sure if we had a sleepover after this but I know at some point I pretended to be drunk and walked over to his place to crash one night bc I wanted attention (specifically his) but we just cuddled, don’t think we even kissed. And then I think there was only ever one other time where he slept at my place after he had punched his wall (pretty sure) bc he was angry about his ex. We just cuddled and then he kissed me but it was just a peck and I stopped him from doing it again bc I said that wasn’t the purpose of him sleeping over which it wasn’t I was just trying to calm him down through cuddles not anything else.

But somewhere in that timeline I found out how much of a fuckboy he could be bc he’d be talking to multiple people at once and tell me he wasn’t all that interested but then continue to see that person. Or tell me the girls wanted relationships and he didn’t but he also didn’t want to tell them that and hurt their feelings, whatever. The thing that got me off my obsession with him tho was how fucking SHITTY it felt to have sent him a bunch of horny drunk snaps the night before to only have him openly talk about how he misses his ex to me and show me conversations they were having about how they miss each other and how her new bf wasn’t the same as him right after acknowledging I sent him shit that was funny. So it sucked but at least I had the realization I needed to get in a better headspace. And then I quit my job.

So it’s been 5 months since I’ve seen him/talked to him for an extended period of time right. I haven’t kept up bc I’ve been busy af and honestly the friendship feels quite one sided. Just like a handful of my friendships but whatever lol. Anyways I had let him borrow some markers from back in October and they’re from a 50 pack so I wanted those suckers back.