#i watched a similar one but there is none of his commentary??? how did i miss this jkshklsdhkshsh

[cressidagrey]

Stars all aligned - Chapter 1

Summary:

If there was one thing that both Azriel and Zahra Archeron had in common, it was that they were both very good at blending into the background.

They just never thought that their family were going to be the ones who never saw them at all.

Warning:

Bashing of like...every IC member? I think Rhys gets the worst though, definitely disordered eating, kinda depression?, isolation

(Lovely dividers thanks to @sweetmelodygraphics)

He found her deep inside the House of Wind. Far enough from the festivities of Starfall that it was startling to find her.

The second oldest Archeron Sister must have wandered off just like he had.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Azriel asked her as he spied her sitting in a puddle of her skirts on one of the couches, staring at the empty fireplace.

“Why aren’t you?” Zahra gave back drily, not even looking up at him.

What exactly was he supposed to answer to that? Oh, I can't stomach watching your sister dance with her mate? And even if I could stomach that, Rhys's mental commentary to him about it had turned his stomach. Even when Azriel had kept away from Elain just like Rhysand had ordered him to do, ever since last year. So really...what was he supposed to answer?

“Dancing isn’t exactly my favourite activity,” Azriel finally replied. It wasn’t a lie. 

"Yeah, well, mine neither," she answered with a shrug. "Not that I ever learned."

"You never learned?" he asked surprised. Nesta had learned. Elain had learned.

"Bastard, remember?" Zahra said drily. "I am lucky that I got to learn how to read and write and do basic math. I was not going to be molded into a perfect lady, because no self-respecting man would marry me anyway."

The blunt way Zahra was talking stunned Azriel momentarily. There was something harsh, something almost...bitter and resentful in her voice as she spoke.

It seemed like it didn't matter if one was born a bastard in Illyria or the Human lands. It was horrible either way.

"Your sisters will miss you," he said instead quietly. "And you'll miss the spectacle."

"I don't really care for the festivities," she said with another shrug. "I don’t like the holidays. Humans don’t have any. We… they are too busy trying to survive," Zahra corrected herself quietly. "And besides, I am only here anyway so I don't end up being an indentured servant until some of you decide that I am back in your good graces,” she gave back caustically.

He grimaced. That Zahra had vehemently disagreed about their treatment of Nesta was well known.

It had surprised him too because it was just as just as well known that Nesta seemed to not care for her half-sister on a good day. They weren't particularly close, in any way, shape or form.

Something in his chest clenched painfully. Not from the insult she threw in his direction, but from the defeated way she said it. That she thought that they would just…toss her aside like that.

She was one of them.

"We won't," he said firmly. Her eyes slowly turned toward him and there were dark shadows in those eyes. Out of all the Archeron Sisters, she was the only one with green eyes. Azriel wondered if she had inherited them from her late mother.

Zahra was only the half-sister after all. The result of her father’s dalliance with a maid. Her age put her somewhere between Nesta and Elain. 

It was easy enough to pick out the differences between Nesta, Elain and Feyre and Zahra. Dark hair similar to Elain’s, but green eyes. Skin a few shades darker than any of theirs. Lips that looked like Feyre’s but a nose that looked like none of her sisters. 

Zahra seemed to belong but didn’t. 

And right now, these green eyes…something was wrong. Something was off with these eyes. 

"You don’t know that," she said with a humourless laugh. "Do you want to lie to me too, and  tell me that Rhysand has nothing to do with whatever happened between Elain and you?"

Azriel stiffened, a low sound escaping his throat. She knew. She knew.

"How did you-" he croaked hoarsely and Zahra cocked an eyebrow at him.

 "Do you really think that I hadn't noticed the two of you dancing around each other for months? Or the fact that you two can barely manage to be in the same room together?" she asked dryly and Azriel averted his gaze.  "There is no one as beautiful and kind as my sister," Zahra said drily. "I don't fault you for falling for her."

Azriel said nothing, the pain in his chest growing at her words. The pain...and the bitter realization that his feelings were not as well-hidden as he had thought they were. 

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly. "She has a mate. She deserves better than me anyway."

"Did Rhysand tell you that too?" Zahra said drily. "You never tried to hide the fact that your mate was dying from the same, so you have that on him."

Azriel gritted his teeth, the pain in his chest becoming almost unbearable. "It doesn’t matter," he repeated firmly, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. "Elain is happy. I would do nothing to put that in danger." 

"Yes, she is," Zahra agreed. "For what it's worth, I am sorry," she apologised to him, her voice honest.

Azriel swallowed, the pain in his chest lessening only to be replaced by something else. Something...much more complicated. Something like…pity.

He pitied her. This young female was so full of bitterness. He couldn’t even fault her for it either. She had been just a bastard. Even when they had first met the Archeron Sisters…Zahra had been working in the household as a maid. Half employee, half part of the family. Like their father couldn’t make up his mind what he should do with his bastard daughter. 

"You don't have anything to apologise for," Azriel finally told her quietly. "Do you really not want to watch?" he asked her. "You are supposed to wish for something when you see the stars fall."

She snorted, the sound bitter. "What I want, I am never going to get," Zahra said, her voice brittle.

He took her in in more detail at that moment.

The simple green gown she wore, high necked and long sleeved...that long gown that did little to hide how thing she was. The dark brown hair, pulled into a braid, obviously trying to hide the pointed tips of her ears and failing...the way her skin, darker than all of her sisters, was nearly ashen.

They had all thought that she was doing well. That Zahra at least was adjusting well.

But she wasn't. She wasn’t doing better.  She hadn't adjusted. Azriel would bet anything that all she wanted in her life was to be human again.

She hadn't adjusted. She just acted in a way that didn't bother anybody, that didn’t spell trouble for anybody.  Zahra had gotten herself a job, managing the accounting at an apothecary in the city.  She had gotten herself a little cottage to rent. She didn’t go out and get drunk. She didn’t use any money from Rhys or Feyre. She showed up for family dinners, staying quiet and polite. 

And if she was miserable…well, then nobody cared, because she didn’t bother anybody. Azriel could understand that. The same was the case for him.

Azriel clenched his jaw, watching her quietly sitting here. The way she was trying to hide away. The dress that was more like a potato sack than anything else. The way her skin was almost...grey. That bitter voice. 

The shadows were stirring and he was unable to look away from her. She looks upset, Master, they told him helpfully. 

"Do you want to go home?" Azriel offered quietly. Home to her cottage? Maybe some peace and quiet would make her feel better. 

Zahra shrugged, not looking at him. Not giving him an inch. That wall of bitterness and sarcasm was so firmly in place, that it was practically a solid wall between them. 

“Don’t want to end like an indentured servant, remember?“ she quipped drily.

“You won’t,“ Azriel said evenly. “You had a headache. I brought you home.“

She still didn’t look at him, her hands tightly knotted into her skirts as she sat there. She was so thin, almost fragile-looking. Her skin was sickly grey. “Come on,” he said finally, walking towards her.

Zahra finally looked up at him. Those green eyes. A bitter and lonely light in them. “What are you doing?“ she muttered. 

“I’m bringing you home,” he said simply, holding out his hand. “Come on, get up.“

Zahra looked at his hand, her gaze wary. “Why?“ she asked quietly. 

“Because you look like you are about to keel over,” he said, more bluntly than intended. 

“Gee, thanks,” she said dryly, her voice sarcastic and bitter. But she placed her hand into his own and let him pull her to her feet, even though he could feel the tension in her entire body. 

Azriel wrapped his arm around her shoulders, steadying her. “Come on. Let’s get you home and into bed,” he said firmly. 

He led her towards the balcony, the last few streaks of light painting the sky, and he grasped her tightly as they shout these few feet into the air until he could winnow to the cottage she rented. 

It’s ugly, the shadows complained. 

He had to agree with them. The cottage was an ugly little thing. Plain. Small. The type of thing that was more of a hovel in the outskirts, rather than anything else. 

“Home sweet home,“ Zahra said dryly, pulling away from him and a key out of her purse. 

That cottage was in serious need of some renovations when the red paint that was flaking off the door was anything to go by. 

As she unlocked the door it became obvious that while she kept it clean and neat.. even that couldn’t help much. This is a hovel, the shadows hissed.

Azriel was inclined to agree. He looked around with a frown, as the shadows scuttered around the tiny cottage. “You live here?“ he couldn’t help but ask. It was a terrible hovel indeed. 

Zahra shrugged as if she didn’t notice the disgust in his voice. “I couldn’t exactly afford anything else at first,” she said drily. 

At least not without taking any money from Rhys and Feyre, and clearly that was nothing that Zahra wanted to do. 

He was struck by how empty it all looked. There was a small kitchen space, a table with a few chairs a fireplace… And the door that led to her bedroom, he assumed. 

“How long have you lived here?“ he asked carefully, taking in the bare emptiness. There were no pictures on the walls. No trinkets and little belongings anywhere. It was…lifeless. She shrugged again and kicked off her shoes, making her way towards the bedroom. “A year?“

The room was equally simple and bare. A bed, a few clothes. A little bathing chamber. That was it. 

“You’ve lived here for over a year?“ Azriel repeated, his voice turning sharp as he looked at everything. There wasn’t even a mirror on the wall. 

When she just shrugged again, he was done. He grabbed her arm and towed her back into the main room. “Stay,” he ordered, pointing at the table and one of the two rickety chairs. 

“What are you doing?“ Zahra asked, raising both eyebrows at him. Her irritation had started to rise considerably. At least that had done something to the sickly colour of her skin. 

“Making sure you eat something before you pass out on me,” Azriel muttered, turning back into the kitchen area, looking around with a frown.

There was…nothing. His shadows reported as much. She literally had a few pieces of bread and some cheese in the whole house. He was more than fuming. That was not enough that she was living in…this hovel, she was apparently also starving herself.

He pointed at the chair again. “Sit,” he ordered a little sharper than he had intended. 

The glare she gave him did not surprise him. Zahra hated being ordered around. “No,” she said firmly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I’m not hungry.“

Azriel clenched his jaw, the anger flaring. How stubborn could she be? 

“You clearly haven’t eaten in days,” he said, pointing out the obvious. “You have nothing in your house to eat.” 

“I have what I need,” she retorted, her own anger flaring. Azriel gritted his teeth, the urge to snap at her almost overwhelming.

“You are skin and bones,” he hissed. “There is barely enough fat on you to keep out the cold.“ 

“Why do you care?“ she snapped right back.

The question hit him squarely in the chest. Why did he care? Why, he asked himself for a moment. Why indeed.

He wasn’t going to lie to himself and say that it was just because she was Feyre’s sister. 

Thankfully, Azriel was saved from actually having to answer, when her stomach grumbled.

Loudly. Azriel almost chuckled at the sound of her own stomach betraying just how hungry she really was. “Clearly your body disagrees with you,” he said drily. 

“Shut up,” Zahra snapped, her skin flushing at the sound of her own stomach. 

“I will shut up after you’ve eaten something,” Azriel said firmly, folding his arms across his chest.

Zahra gave him a glare that could strip the paint from the walls, (but then, the paint was already flaking off anyway). Still, she grudgingly sank down on the chair, her eyes avoiding his. 

He turned back into the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers and found absolutely nothing. There was nothing. Not even some fruits or vegetables. 

He slammed the last cupboard closed, almost causing the hinges to break, the anger flaring hotly in his chest. That stupid, stubborn, stubborn woman.

“I will personally come here every day and stuff you full until you burst,” he snapped before he could stop himself.

“Why?” she asked and he could hear the challenge in her voice. Her own anger rose to meet his own. “Why would you even bother?“ 

“Because you are starving yourself,” he said, spinning around to face her. “Because you are so thin, I could snap you in half with one hand. Because I’m pretty damn sure you haven’t eaten a proper meal in at least a year. That’s why.“

“Maybe I don’t deserve a proper meal,” she shot back and something inside of him snapped at the tone in her voice. 

Because he knew that feeling. He knew. For just a moment he froze. They were far more similar than they should be. 

It was a terrible realization. He knew what the self-hatred and bitterness was like. He understood it far better than he wanted to.

“Nobody is going to suddenly show up and care,” he told her quietly. He saw her eyes flare at the words and he knew she got the meaning behind them instantly.

She sat there, her jaw tensed. “And what do you know about it?” she snapped, her voice bitter. 

“I know what it feels like to starve oneself,” he said calmly. “I know what it feels like to have not a single person notice or care.“

The words rang truer than they should. Her eyes widened for a moment, shock flashing through her. 

“I know what it feels like to be the one be always at the edge of the family. I know what it feels like for everybody around me to meet their mate but not me.“

The words slipped out before he could stop them. The pain he had buried so deep, deep down flaring up. The pain and loneliness and bitter realization that would never have what everyone else had.

He realized only then how much they really had in common. How similar they were. 

“I know what it feels like to be the afterthought,” he continued, unable to stop now. “I know how it feels to be shoved aside. I know how it feels to watch everyone around me find someone while I’m the one left behind.“ 

He took a step closer to where she was sitting, towering over her. “And I know how it feels to hate myself enough to deny myself the basic needs I actually have.“ 

The last words made her flinch. He was so close he could almost see the pain and guilt and bitter realization flit across her face. Her eyes were on her lap, her fingers wrapped around the edge of the table. 

“I know what it feels like to feel as if I don’t deserve to eat,” he said quietly. “Because I’m not good enough. Not worthy enough. Not deserving enough.“

He knelt down in front of her, forcing her to look at him. To meet his eyes. 

She tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted her to see. To understand that she wasn’t as alone as she thought. “I know what it feels like to punish myself by not giving myself what I actually need,” he said quietly. 

Her breath hitched at the last words, her eyes widening ever so slightly. She was listening. Really listening to what he said.

“You’re not the only one who hates yourself, you know,” he said quietly. The look in her eyes shattered him. The look of realisation. Of bitter understanding. The realization that they were so much more similar than either of them had thought before.

Zahra bit her lip, the guilt flashing across her face. Her hands started trembling, ever so slightly.

“You don’t deserve to go hungry,” he said quietly, his voice firm and quiet. “You don’t deserve to starve yourself. You don’t deserve to live in this… hovel.

“The cauldron should just have killed me,” Zara said her voice brittle. “I don’t like this life.”

And didn’t that break his fucking heart? 

She laughed bitterly, but there was no humour in it. “I’m not even surviving,” she said, a bitter smile on her thin lips. “I’m existing. There is a difference.“ 

The words hit him hard. She was right. She didn’t survive, she just existed. There was a difference and a huge one at that. “Then stop just existing,” he said quietly.

His hand was still cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking gently over her skin. 

“Says the guy that just keeps moping around,” she quipped.

It was a low blow but also true. Azriel’s jaw tensed at the comment. “I don’t mope,” he bit. “I just..“

He didn’t really have a good argument in his defence at the moment. 

He sighed. “We should both stop rotting away,” he said drily.

“Yeah, well, that’s easy to you to say,” Zahra said and he could hear the bitterness in her voice. 

“Eat your cheese,” he responded.

She rolled her eyes and snatched away the slice of cheese off the table. “Happy now?“ she muttered. 

“Delighted,” he gave back drily, as he moved towards her fireplace.

“You don’t need to do that,” Zahra said quietly. “I can do that.”

“Considering you’ve been too starved to think straight, you are going to let me do this,” Azriel cut across her calmly. “You are more than likely to burn yourself.” 

“Don’t the flames bother you?” She asked him quietly. He froze.

Nobody else had ever asked him. They had just expected him to be over it by now. He had 500 years to be over it. His hands clenched.

“Yes,” he answered quietly. “They still do.” It was the honest truth. A truth he never told anyone before, least of all someone like her. The shadows curled around his shoulders and arms as if to calm him down. The flames still bothered him. They always would. “But I learnt to deal with it a long time ago,” he continued.

“That’s not fair to you,” Zahra said, her voice quiet. “You are always the one in discomfort. And nobody cares.”

Her words hit him square in the gut. It was true. It was painfully true. He was always the one being uncomfortable. Always the one on edge. It had always been expected of him to be over it by now, the pain and the hurt. The fear and the bitterness. 

He finished building the fire. Using a match to light it carefully, then closing the door quickly.

“I can deal with it,” he answered quietly. “You should go to sleep,” he advised her.

“So should you,” Zahra told him just as quietly. “You look terrible.“ He knew he looked like crap. But that didn’t matter. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered, brushing off her comment. Even though he knew it was a lie. Even though he knew they were both terrible at taking care of themselves. 

“You are a terrible liar,” she quipped. He looked at her and was surprised to see a tiny smile on her face. 

“And you’re a very stubborn, very stupid, very annoying woman,” he quipped back just as quietly. 

The smile on her face broadened the tiniest bit at the comment. “I could say the same about you,” she shot back. 

“Sleep,” he told her again.

And then he left that little cottage to get back to the House of Wind. He didn’t bother winnowing, instead, he shot up into the sky with one flap of his mighty wings. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.

His mind was whirling as he flew back to the House of Wind. So much had happened in the last few hours and it was all still a lot to process.

He had always been good at keeping a rein on his thoughts and his emotions. But this time, he simply couldn’t. 

Zahra and him, always on the outskirts of their family. Ignored and expected to get on with it.

They were so similar in so many ways. It was shocking to realize just how much they actually had in common.

The loneliness and solitude he had come to live with, she had experienced herself. The pain and the bitterness, he could recognize it on her, for he had felt it himself. 

Where are you, Az? Rhys demanded at that moment mentally. Azriel would like to scratch out his eyes, but he didn’t.

I’m flying back to the House, he sent back curtly. Zahra had a headache, so I brought her home.

A headache, Rhys shot back incredulously. Azriel could almost see the look on his High Lord’s face. You really think I will buy that?

I don’t care if you believe me or not, Azriel responded icily, his temper rising already at the tone. It is the truth and I really don’t wish to have a discussion over it.

There was a pause in Rhys’ mind. Then a slight huff. You can be so unbelievably stubborn sometimes, you know that?

Azriel didn’t bother reacting to that.

Elain and Lucien are figuring things out. So keep away from her, Rhys told him sharply.

I am keeping away from her, Azriel shot back, irritation flaring. You really think I will go and ruin this for her?

I don’t know what you are up to, Rhys retorted, and Azriel knew the High Lord was irritated. But I really don’t have the time to deal with your crap right now. That’s an order.

Understood, High Lord, Azriel snarled back and he felt Rhys chuckle in his mind at the tone. I will keep away from your precious Elain, I promise. 

Damn right you will, he heard Rhys mutter in his mind and the mental connection between the two of them snapped close. 

Azriel snarled in irritation as he landed on his balcony and stalked into his room. It wasn’t enough that he was wrestling with his own emotions, No, he also had Rhys all up his ass about it. 

And he was infuriated about the whole thing.

Nobody will suddenly show up and care, he has told Zahra. It was the truth. Nobody would care.

They only cared as long as they got what they wanted from him.

Chip away the pieces they didn’t like. Mould him into a person they could stomach. 

Either it was Rhys ordering to keep away from Elain…or ordering him to behave around Mor and Emerie… and to be quite honest…Azriel was done.

It was always him that needed to bend to make everybody else comfortable. Nobody bends for him.

So many years of following orders, of keeping his mouth shut, of bottling up the anger.

Even when everyone around him was getting what they wanted. They got their happily ever after. And he was left behind.  Not once did someone ever realize that he was struggling. Not once did someone notice that he needed something…anything. That he was hurting and in pain. Nobody even bothered to check on him, to ask how he was doing. 

They all got what they wanted. Mor, Emerie, even Feyre. They all got the mate that they wanted. Rhys, Cassian and even Amren had Varian. 

He was the one always helping everyone else. Always the one having to endure everything. Never anything for himself. No love for himself.

Orders, commands, demands…that’s all it ever was. He didn’t get a say in anything. They just expected him to be fine. And if he wasn’t…he had to push through it. 

He was the tool that did whatever needed to be done. The spy that got the order to do the dirty work. The shadowsinger that just had to endure everything. 

All for scraps of attention.

Azriel was done.

He was so done. With everything. With everyone. With the one-sided affection that he had given in a desperate attempt to feel…something, anything…. 

He needed to stop expecting to get anything from them.

Zahra did not. She seemed to have given that up a very long time ago

The cold realization that they had been doing the same to her hit him. She was also the tool they used when they needed it. She may not be a spy, but they used her just the same. Expected her to be fine. 

She was alone just as much as he was. 

Alone and isolated, an afterthought to their family just as much as he was. 

***

It was quiet in the little cottage. 

Peaceful. 

Comfortable.

Sie should be happy. Or at the very least…she should be content, should she not?.

Zahra had a roof over her head. And if she wanted to…she could afford food.

Her job didn’t pay that well, but it wouldn’t leave her starving. She just wasn’t hungry. She seemingly never was.

That was a lie and she knew it. Deep down she was hungry all the time. She just refused to give in to eating. She refused to listen to her body screaming for sustenance. It didn’t matter, anyway. Nobody cared.

She didn’t care.

Something inside her had broken during her bath in that cauldron. Her humanity had burned away and with that…with that everything Zahra had ever wanted.

She didn’t crave anything anymore. Not love. Not affection. Not attention. Not food. It was all gone. All she felt was numb. 

Cold, empty and numb. Like her shell had hardened and frozen over.

She had never thought it was possible to feel so damn tired without having done anything. 

Zahra forced herself to get up. Forced herself to heat some water on the stove… to make tea. The cheapest tea she had been able to find at the market.

It wasn’t the best. The taste was bitter and the color was more brown than black. But it was tea and she was thirsty enough to drink it.

It wasn’t very warm and left a bitter aftertaste on the tongue. Like her life itself. 

Maybe just dying would have been easier, she reflected bitterly. Was this how eternity would feel? Alone? Tucked away in this cottage? 

All her sisters had been given a mating bond. They had been given another person who loved them unconditionally…that was at their side. That wanted them around. That wanted to spent time with them. 

And then there was her. 

She had been closest to Feyre during the years in that cottage. Nesta gave her the fault for seemingly everything htat had ever gone wrong in her life, though Zahra privately thought that for Nesta, Zahra was just the evidence of another of her father’s failings…Elain…well, Elain was more embarrassed than anything about Zahra’s very existence. But Feyre…well, Feyre hadn’t cared. And so Zahra had tried to dote on her as much as she could. 

And then clearly she had been replaced in Feyre’s affections. 

She didn’t fault her for that. 

Feyre had made her own life. And she had every right to do that. She was busy with her mate and her son and Mor was her best friend and…there was seemingly no place for Zahra there. 

Which was fine. 

It was. 

But if Zahra was completely honest with herself…she was unspeakably jealous of the mating bond of every single one of her sisters. 

Of that promise of at least one person that would be on her side, come Hel or High Water. 

Clearly, something was wrong with her that she hadn’t been given a Mating Bond.

She wasn’t worth a mate. Clearly, something was broken inside her. Otherwise, the cauldron would have given her a mate, right? 

Maybe she was broken so thoroughly that nobody even wanted her. 

Why would they? She was a shell of a person, a ghost of the woman she was supposed to be.

She was cold, empty and numb. Everything that nobody could possibly want. 

Everyone else got a mate, love and happiness. Not her.

She had nothing.

Her hands clenched around her lukewarm cup of tea. 

Some random sparks of light sparked against the mug. A gift from the cauldron. They didn’t seem to do anything but warm whatever they touched. Maybe that was that random power the cauldron had given her. Neither future or death…but…warmth. She supposed it was something.

She wasn’t quite sure what to do with it, and she had never bothered telling anybody about it. 

Sometimes she allowed herself to play with them when she couldn’t sleep. They were strange and utterly useless. 

It wasn’t the power of foresight or the power of a death god…no. She had the stupid power to create sparks. Useless sparks of light. 

Oh well. 

Complaining about her sparks wasn’t going to help her either. 

So she pulled out her work and sat down to do her work as the sun came up and the day went on. 

Zahra balanced the account ledgers for one of the apothecaries in Velaris. Which meant she had a whole box of receipts to sort through and put into said ledger.

One receipt at a time, one name after the other. 

It kept her busy. It paid well enough. She seemed to have some kind of aptitude for it…maybe the fact that her father was a merchant had come through for once. 

She worked until the late evening. Until her eyes couldn’t concentrate on the numbers anymore.Until her back and shoulders ached with pain. She stretched her shoulders back. 

She wondered if she should eat something. Her cheese was gone, thanks to Azriel standing over her until she ate it…but she still had one or two slices of bread, didn’t she? 

She could go food shopping…buy another bread, another chunk of cheese tomorrow. 

Then Zahra heard a knock on the door. 

Confusion spread through her. Who would knock on her door at that very late hour? It was after 9 pm already. 

She got up, walked towards the door and opened it carefully.

It was the last person she would expected to be standing on the front porch. Azriel. 

“I am making you dinner.“

Her eyes widened at that announcement. “You are what?” she asked him dumbly. 

He just gave her a deadpan look and pushed past her. “I am cooking dinner because I am assuming that you haven’t eaten yet,” he told her plainly. 

It was true. Zahra hadn’t eaten a proper meal in god knows how long. But why did he care?? “Why?” she blurted out. “Why do you care if I’ve eaten?” 

He gave her a sharp look and pushed her towards the kitchen chair. “Sit down,” he simply ordered and she was too taken aback to protest against it. 

He had brought his own ingredients. His own knives, all tucked away in a little basket that he put on her countertop. “Can you peel potatoes?” He asked her as he rummaged through it. 

She could just stare at him. 

“Who do you think cooked the meat Feyre hunted?” Zahra replied drily.

Azriel froze in the process of digging something out of the basket on the counter. “You can cook?” he asked her and she heard the surprise in his voice. 

Zahra let out a snort. “Yes, I can cook,” she retorted. “What did you think I was doing this whole time in the cottage? Twiddling my thumbs?” 

He shrugged. “Honestly, I had no idea what you were up to,” he told her truthfully.  “I thought you were as useless as Elain and Nesta were at that point,” he admitted.

“Nesta did all the cleaning and hacked the wook,” Zara corrected him quietly. “Elain mended. I cooked. Feyre was the only one who hunted. And yes, we should have done more, but I did help run the household. The only one who never helped was our father.” The bitterness bled into her voice at that. 

There was a long pause after her admission. Then Azriel exhaled. “I guess I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am,” he muttered. “You don’t strike me as a pampered useless damsel.” 

“Thank you for that assessment, Shadowsinger,” she quipped back. “I will make sure to remember it when I need a pick-me-up.” 

He put a sack of potatoes in front of her. “I take it I’m peeling potatoes,” Zahra murmured, staring at the sack that was in front of her.

“Yes,” Azriel confirmed in that no-nonsense voice of his. “While I prep the meat. I do hope you like rabbit,” he added drily.

“Oh good,” she muttered, grabbing a knife and started to peel away at the potatoes. “Did you hunt it?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his voice neutral. Zahra bit back a snarky remark and focused on the potatoes. 

They worked like that in silence. Him preparing the meat, her peeling the potatoes and the carrots.

It was odd. This whole thing was odd. Sitting and cooking with Azriel. She hadn’t even known he could cook. 

And yet…it was comfortable. Like the silence wasn’t awkward and neither of them felt the need to break it. It was a comfortable domestic kind of silence. Like they had done this a thousand times before. 

“How are you with spicy food?” Azriel asked her after he had taken the potatoes from her. 

Zahra blinked in surprise. “I have a pretty good tolerance, why?” she asked, curious. 

“All the food I can cook is Illyrian,” Azriel answered drily. “I learned from Rhys’ mother and later from my own. It’s spicy.”

“I can handle a bit of spice,” she assured him. “It should be fine.” He nodded in response. 

The sound of the fire crackling in the stove and him stirring up the meat were the only sounds filling the kitchen as they continued their work. 

Zahra honestly had no idea Azriel could cook. He didn’t seem like the type of male who spent time cooped up in the kitchen, making meals. It was a little surprising. 

And yet, the scents of spices and rabbit were filling her kitchen right now... It smelled almost heavenly. 

She hadn’t smelled something as heavenly in a long time. And her stomach growled in response to the delicious scents of food. Zahra tried to remember when she’d last eaten something actually decent, but she couldn’t think straight. The food was distracting her.

“You look half starved,” Azriel observed in a deadpanned tone and she snapped her head up only to find him looking at her. 

His eyes were focused on her, a frown playing on his forehead. “When was the last time you actually ate something properly?” he asked her, his voice firm. 

She averted her gaze. “I don’t know,” she muttered, looking away from him and to the pot bubbling on the stove. “Maybe a week ago?” 

He was silent for a moment. “That long?” he asked her, his voice carefully neutral. She just shrugged in response to keep herself from admitting that she actually couldn’t remember exactly. 

He poured hot, thick stew into a bowl for her and then put it in front of her, holding out cutlery for her to take. “Why are you doing this?” Zahra asked him weakly.

“Because I wish somehow had done it for me,” Azriel responded

That simple statement made her blink in surprise. It was not an answer she had been expecting. She bit her lip, not really sure what to say. 

And then he simply said. “Eat. You look like you’d blow away at the slightest breeze.”

She should have been angered by that blunt statement, but somehow she wasn’t. 

So Zahra ate.

The food tasted incredibly good. She had to admit that the Shadowsinger was talented with cooking. The food was spiced just perfectly, hot and filled with flavour. 

Every bite made her realize just how incredibly hungry she was. Her stomach filled slowly and the hunger abated with every spoonful. It was like her insides started to come back to life. The numbness was slowly disappearing, replaced by an odd sort of warmth flowing through her limbs. 

"Thank you," she finally said weakly.

Azriel just nodded at her, watching her eat. “Of course,” he murmured and continued with his own food. 

[imabillyami]

Oh man, look at Jeys' body language with Roman in the ring. There is so much healing that needs to be done

Most definitely. Buckle up, this is about to be a long one about all the nonverbal stuff that’s going on 😂

What I find extremely interesting/ have found extremely interesting in recent episodes is the blocking of the Bloodline scenes, especially the positioning of all the characters which I’ll get to in a minute.

Let’s focus on last night and start off with the entrances.

First of all Jey’s and also Sami’s entrances are a lot more demure and toned down as of right now. Barely any interaction with the crowd, no posturing, nothing.

But even Roman’s entrance is a lot more toned down from what it used to be. Plus he’s getting his own mic these days. That’s not something that’s done by accident. Of course Paul isn’t there, but even then he could make Jimmy do it. He doesn’t though.

Next: The timing of Jey’s entrance right as Roman was about to do the whole “acknowledge me” spiel. That speaks for itself too.

Sami’s entrance before Roman gets a chance to get a word in.

Then the fact that all their entrances except Jimmy’s and Roman’s are still separate from each other. It worked for this first segment on Smackdown perfectly obviously. And it worked on Monday for Sami, Jey & Jimmy too as a way to structure these segments. But I firmly believe it’s more than that. It’s very telling in terms of the lines that are still drawn and the separation that exists between all of them still, especially Jey and Roman, but also the twins.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that changed now that they’re all reunited (or if it changed progressively over the next few weeks as trust is regained between them and they become an actual team again. By the time WarGames rolls around I feel like they should make their entrance as a united front, just like Solo’s Bloodline does, even if it’s just for one night and they go back to their singles entrances after that.)

As for the blocking/ character positioning in the first segment:

Jimmy is always at Roman’s *left* flank, just like old times, positioned behind Roman at all times, with Roman comfortably having his back to him. There’s deep trust and a bond there and he knows Jimmy will have his back now that he’s proven his loyalty all over again and stuck with Roman through the worst. Jimmy has no problem acknowledging Roman as the leader still and following his command, hence why he’s always at his hip, but still always a step behind him.

He’s also the one who’s trying to make peace between Jey and Roman (though he’s still extremely protective of Roman when it comes to Sami. Sami might’ve proven his boundless loyalty in regard to Jey, but not in regard to Jimmy and Roman and that’s not lost on him), but he’s aware that it’s all very fragile hence why he’s staying at Roman’s flank to have his back if things go awry.

Roman doesn’t see him as Right Hand Man as he did with Jey though, cause again, Jimmy’s position is always still the left flank (except for when they’re watching Jacob’s promo, but by the end of the segment they are back to normal). This could have meaning in terms of how this time around he’s more willing to treat Jimmy (and ultimately Jey and Sami) as actual *family* and not as his lackeys or it could be cause they know they need Jey in that spot to be complete again and intentionally keep it open. Who knows.

Now. Roman and Jimmy are in the ring, Jimmy a step behind Roman at his left flank. Cue Jey’s entrance music and them looking into the audience. But no. Jey comes down the entrance ramp, tense shoulders and body language, none of his usual crowd interaction, laser focused on the task at hand. This is serious business.

Meanwhile Roman and Jimmy now stand with their backs turned to the commentary desk, arms in a similar position to each other in front of their bodies, still somewhat blocking Jey out.

Jey barely turns his back to them, only long enough to get a mic. When he does, Roman stays in position, but Jimmy turns around with Jey, providing both Roman and Jey with a sense of security that they don’t feel with each other yet.

Jey stands sideways, turned half to them, half to the entrance ramp, until he addresses Roman, but his body still doesn’t fully turn towards Roman and there’s still a good bit of distance between them in that ring. When Sami’s music hits he positions himself right back into that half/half position, arm outstretched towards Sami in invitation and encouragement.

Sami, tense and extremely reluctant of course, doesn’t step into the ring until Jey stands fully “by his side” and opposite Roman, blocking him off - physical reassurance that he has his back. And once Sami’s safely in the ring and Roman (or Jimmy) hasn’t done anything stupid he goes in for the hand clap - tummy pat - mic handover combo, before standing sideways between both parties, rubbing his hands, clearly extremely nervous and aware of how much this can blow up any second.

Meanwhile Jimmy has crossed his arms, making clear that he’s still not a big fan of this, but that he’ll let it play out for now.

Roman is just his usual picture of WHAT THE FUCK lol. That man’s facial expressions are everything 😭😭 He also hasn’t taken his eyes off of Sami once.

When Sami starts speaking, he’s hunched over and tense, but he’s looking straight into Roman’s eyes to tell him that he didn’t kick him on purpose. (Flashback to WarGames two years ago when Roman looked into Sami’s eyes for the truth. Roman is big on eye contact and Sami knows it.)

Roman’s barely noticeable nod. Jey’s very obvious shuffling around as Sami continues on. (Meanwhile Jimmy has given up the crossed arms - an off-camera reaction to Sami’s words?)

Sami grows taller, giving up his hunched over position the more he talks about the four of them together, meanwhile Jey is looking back and forth between them, unable to stay still.

Roman’s face is unreadable. Until Sami uses the word “FAMILY”. Then that little snarl is right back on his face. Funnily enough that’s when Jey crosses his arms (god they are so good at this game of nonverbal communication 😭 CINEMA!)

I can’t get over Jey’s little nodding along to “Jey felt it” 😭 (Like… “yup yup the hubby is telling no lies”). Also, notice how Sami’s slowly inching away from the ropes, closer to Jey and therefore closer to the others?

Another facial reaction from Roman at the “I think you love me.” - Blink, blink, look away, look anywhere but not at Sami - Jey saying something off-mic (thanks Carla!!) and looking amused, Jimmy trying not to smile.

“Jey in the backseat hater of the year” - now it’s just a contest of who’s gonna crack first 😭 Jimmy and Jey are smiling already, Roman is desperately trying to keep his composure lol. There’s that old magic again.

“I’m gonna put the ball in your court.” Aaaaand we’re back to serious. Jey’s crossing his arms again, closer to Sami than ever, almost ready to hold him back if he does - in fact - leave.

The crowd says “noooo” and Roman is confused by their reaction. ‘They want this fool with us?’ - But then the little knowing smirk again as the crowd pops. Flashbacks to the Honorary Uce. - The mistrusting eye-crunch as Sami says “I’ll do it.” By now Jey is basically standing by Sami’s side completely as Sami makes his one demand. He’s got Sami’s back on this, no matter what.

“Apologize.” And again, Roman’s face tells you everything you need to know. You see the exact moment where he goes from ‘that’s fucking ridiculous’ and ‘really, Jey? This is what you bring me?’ and ‘he can’t be serious, Jimmy’ to ‘NEVER GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN’

Sami’s surprise at Roman thinking that the apology is for *him* speaks volumes. So do Jey’s eyes and facial expression when Sami makes it clear the apology is for him. That man is SHOOK. He also knows it’s going downhill from here. And so does Jimmy in the background. Just look at their faces. They know their cousin.

You can see it right on Jey’s face that he doesn’t believe for a single second that he’s gonna get that apology from Roman. He knows it even as Roman utters the words “I’m sorry” and Sami smiles. Cause Jey knows Roman best.

“I’m sorry that I ever let you waste my time with this.” That’s not even disappointment on Jey’s face. That’s just plain resignation. He can deal with that. That’s Roman being Roman. He can also deal with rubbing his temples from stress until he reaches brain matter.

What he can’t deal with is Roman insulting Sami like that, turning his back and treating Sami like a waste of time now that Roman doesn’t perceive him as a threat anymore.

What he can deal with even less is Sami walking out on him. He understands and he supports his walking out after what just went down, their connection remains as strong as ever, but he’s not happy with Roman’s blatant dismissal of Sami.

Roman calls out Solo, but Jey doesn’t care. His first priority is making sure Sami is okay. Husbands indeed.

And then Jacob interrupts. At the right time honestly. Telling Roman that he’s no longer “that bitch”. And I do feel like Jey would’ve confronted Roman right there and then and walked out right after Sami if Jacob hadn’t interrupted (if the way he gripping the rope, looking wistfully at Sami who’s looking back, and the way he glowers at Roman in that final shot is any indication).

He’s very clearly not standing with them after this. And he’s royally pissed off.

And then that backstage segment. Roman clearly walked out on them first with Jimmy running after him, but Roman is too irritated to let him catch up. And then Jey steps up to him. And he’s still not willing to talk. His body language is so damn dismissive, he’s had enough.

But like hell if Jey’s giving him a choice on the matter. He’s no longer afraid to put hands on Roman and demand respect and attention, to Jimmy’s and Roman’s surprise. (Thinking back to another ask I answered a while ago about Jey not being the same person he was before he left and Roman & Jimmy needing to accept and acknowledge that or it’ll cause even more tension.)

Roman’s intimidation and entitlement don’t work on a pissed off Jey Uso anymore and the sooner he learns it, the better. Roman is in a position where he needs Jey more than Jey needs him and I think deep down he’s aware of that, even if his own trauma and his ego don’t allow him to accept it yet.

Jey calling Roman out like that was everything to me. I love how protective of Sami he gets, just like Sami gets protective of him. You hurt one, you hurt both. Sami is his ride or die now. (And I know the segment was mainly Jey and Roman, but we shouldn’t ignore Jimmy’s facial expressions either.)

But what I loved about this even more than Jey standing up for Sami? Jey standing up for himself and meaning it! “That’s your one pass, uce!” And then walks off to go find Sami. Not because Roman told him to, but because he *wants* to.

And then Jimmy, oh precious Jimmy tries to reason with him and fix things like he always does and Roman, stumped, irritated, overwhelmed, lashes out at him too, and Jimmy walks (but not in the same direction as his brother).

And Roman is all alone again with his ego.

So he ends up facing Solo alone once again.

Until that last beautiful segment. This is so long already, so I’m not gonna go line-by-line & frame-by-frame on that one, but even with that last shot, there’s still so much that’s unresolved and that needs fixing. These four need to TALK and really TALK.

And Jey needs to get that apology.

Anyways.

I feel like, pretty much as always, the stuff that isn’t said speaks so much louder than the actual words.

I know this wasn’t exactly the point of this ask, but you caught me in a rambling mood and I was just rewatching the show and so here we are 😂

The point: I completely agree. These four are not a unit yet and there’s a lot of healing left that needs to happen before they can truly be that unit again.

[novelmonger]

I'm continuing on to the next LotR audio commentary. This one is with the design team, and there's a lot more people talking in this one! Including:

Grant Major (production designer), Ngila Dickson (costume designer), Richard Taylor (Weta Workshop creative supervisor), Alan Lee (conceptual designer), John Howe (conceptual designer), Dan Hennah (supervising art director/set decorator), Chris Hennah (art department manager), and Tania Rodger (Weta Workshop manager)

So here are some highlights of things that are new to me (after avidly watching all the BTS documentaries multiple times over the years) from FotR:

The guy who made the One Ring originally didn't want to do it because he didn't like fantasy, but then his sons badgered him until he agreed to do it - kind of a similar story to Viggo Mortensen, I think. He ended up contracting cancer and dying during the production of the first movie.

Alan Lee storyboarded a potential sequence for showing how Bilbo got the Ring. They would show Gollum grabbing a fish, taking off the Ring while he ate, and then it would roll away until Bilbo found it.

Some of Ngila Dickson's phrases and diction are pinging really loudly in my sense of deja vu - like, I remember hearing those exact phrases before. But I even went and watched the costume design portion of the Appendices, and none of it was a repeat. Have I actually heard this commentary before and then forgot all about it? @_@

The guy (the primary guy? I can't imagine it was only one person) they put writing on all the scrolls and things worked in a bank and had a hobby doing calligraphy. They hired him to do just a few things at first, putting writing on some props, but then it got to the point where he actually had to quit his job at the bank and start working full-time for LotR, and then continued to do stuff for merchandise for New Line. I do wonder what he did once the movies were all made and over with....

I always forget how they had to have two scales of everything. Not just stuff like Gandalf's staff or the sets, but they had to have two scales of all the props like cups and books and things. They even had to have two different sizes of horses, depending on the scene!

Lawrence Makoare, who played Lurtz, would have to start getting into makeup at 10 p.m. the night before he had a scene, so that he would be ready at 8 a.m. the next day @_@

Most of the horses used in the movies were Andalusian horses imported from Australia.

When they would film outside in nature, like in the forest where they shot on-location scenes for Rivendell, they would have to remove the native plants that were there, keep them in a greenhouse, plant whatever plants and other things they needed for the movie, then take them out again and put the original plants back. This would actually leave the area better than the way they found it, because they would remove weeds and things like that.

John Howe commented on how difficult it is to do hair in something like this that's meant to be kind of "historical," even though it's fantasy. Hairstyle is one of the things that is quickly outdated, so if you do it wrong, it can be jarring to watch the movie in later decades. He said, "I wonder how it will look 20 years from now." It's twenty years later, John. It looks every bit as good as it did in 2001 :')

Okay, I feel like this had to have been in the BTS documentary, but I don't remember it. For the moment where Bilbo goes Gollum-esque for a second when Frodo puts the Ring away, they morphed between his face and a puppet they made of Ian Holm looking deranged. Ian Holm was thrilled with the puppet and had several photos taken of himself with it, and then when it was time for him to leave New Zealand, they made a bronze version of the puppet and gave it to him as a memento! XD

For the shots of the Fellowship bursting out of the snow after the avalanche, they went to the Mt. Hart ski field, which was closed because of a blizzard. They were allowed to go out on the ski field, make snow caves, and film the actors bursting out into the open. The Hobbits wore Ugg boots over their hobbit feet in the snow when their feet wouldn't be in the shot XD Apparently, Richard Taylor actually asked Peter Jackson if there could be a scene of the Hobbits wrapping their feet in bandages or something, just so the actors could protect their feet a bit more in harsh terrain like that, but PJ said no, because the Hobbits' feet would be tough enough to be able to withstand all of that. Poor guys! x.x

Huh. I always assumed that they made the effect of ithildin by putting little glowing lights on the doors of Moria, or else maybe added it in post. But actually, they put some kind of reflective material on the design, and then shone a light from behind the camera, so it would reflect on the design and make it look like it was glowing! I feel like, if this movie were made today, they would totally have just done it with CG, but this makes it so much more realistic. Also, they had to paint the doors, but obviously couldn't paint over the reflective material, so they put plasticine over the design, then painted it, then took the doors to the site. They were still taking the plasticine off the doors when the whole crew and the actors turned up and started rehearsing the scene! So apparently, if you look hard enough, you can actually see a few small parts of the design on the door that are missing, because they accidentally left some of the plasticine on!

Okay, we all know about the crazy amount of attention to detail in these movies, but this story just takes the cake. In the room with Balin's tomb, there's all this Khuzdul writing on the walls. Someone wrote out all the text and had their in-house translator translate it into Dwarvish runes that they then carved into the walls. During one of the days they were shooting the cave troll battle, they had invited a Tolkien language scholar to visit the set, and he stormed out in an outrage, saying that someone had written something like "Joe was here" on the walls, which was disrespectful to Tolkien's legacy, etc. etc. Horrified to hear this, the art department got their translator to go over the set with a fine-tooth comb, trying to find the "graffiti" this guy had seen, because they'd already filmed a lot of shots of this scene, and they knew that there would be fans who would freeze-frame the scene and translate what's written on the walls. But they couldn't find it anywhere! So eventually they cornered the Tolkien scholar and asked him where he'd seen it, and it turned out that it was just some guy on the crew who'd told him that. Apparently, the Tolkien scholar was so uptight and serious about everything, this guy was just poking fun at him, and it snowballed from there. So they ended up wasting a lot of time looking for a mistake that wasn't even there, because that's how dedicated everyone was to getting every detail of this movie right.

The Moria orcs were originally designed to have pale, almost translucent skin (inspired by an axolotl! O.O), but when they saw footage of it on the first day, they realized the contrast with all the darkness in Moria was too much, and it made the orcs look like they were glowing, so they had to make them darker.

The eyes of the Moria orcs were enlarged after the fact, so when they made the prosthetics, they had to make the eyeholes extra big so the eyes would look like they fit after they were enlarged.

Originally, there was an idea that the Balrog would burst out from a wall somewhere while they're trying to jump across the gap in the stairs, and just generally make that scene even more tense and exciting, but then they realized that to do so would basically eat up half their budget, so they decided to do it the way it is in the final version XD

The boats' design was based on a leaf of a lemon tree. If you drop a lemon leaf in the water, it will look like a tiny version of the Elven boats! 8D

Ohhhh, so the scene where the Fellowship gets attacked by Orcs along the way down the Anduin was going to be a sequence at Sarn Gebir, where there are dangerous rapids, so the Fellowship has to land on the shore and carry their boats past. But then Orcs attack, there's a whole action scene, and they have to hurry back onto the water and navigate the rapids. But they never shot it, because right after they'd built the set and got all ready, they were hit with a lot of rain and flooding, and the water level in the lake where they were filming rose five meters and completely washed away the set. So that whole sequence got permanently canceled.

While working on Amon Hen, Alan Lee fell off the stone seat (kind of like Frodo!) and broke his wrist. Thankfully, it was his left wrist, so he could keep drawing.

The Uruk-Hai's hair was horsehair that they had to import because they needed it in such large quantities. In the location where they shot the battle at Amon Hen, the ground was covered with prickly bracken of some kind, so every time an Uruk fell on the ground and then got up for the next take, they would have to carefully pluck all the bits of bracken out of their hair @_@

The fletching on the Uruk arrows is supposed to be, not feathers, but Warg hair O.O

Okay, I knew they made a silicone dummy of Boromir for when his body goes over the falls, but they only had four days to make it?! :O

In the final scene, where Frodo and Sam are looking out over Mordor, what Sean and Elijah were actually looking at was a ski resort with cabins and a ski lift. "The one place in all Middle-Earth we don't want to see," indeed! XD

[primalsouls]

i lost my heart

break & make up series

reki kyan x gn! reader

theme: angst

warning: none, probably too much dialog?

summary: (name) have always been supportive toward Reki, their boyfriend. but there were limits to what they could endure for so long.

notes: working on an old ask that i found last night! decided to make it into a short series starting off with reki first lol. been listening to sad songs lately, so here's what i came up with for him. hope you enjoy! comments, reblogs, tags, & other feedback are appreciated!

laughter could be heard from one of the classrooms in the hall of the school. (color) eyes blinked as they tried to figure out which room inhabited the owners of the laughs. their feet began to move down the hall toward a familiar classroom, one they visited often to pick up a certain redhead for lunch or to go home together. The voices grew louder as the student reached the room, finding the door opened the slightest for them to peek in. There they were. Their boyfriend and his best friend. Reki and Langa. Both seated next to one another, slumped down on the surface of their desks, shoulder to shoulder, focused on watching a video of what they assumed was another skater doing some tricks.

It shouldn't bother them. They were simply just friends. Nothing more, nothing else.

Yet their heart ached when Reki turned to the bluehead with that cheeky grin of his as he made a comment about the skater in the video. It was usually (name) he made commentary about those videos, even if they didn't understand skateboarding or found it interesting to get into it. They loved their boyfriend, though. So, they were willing to support any hobby or interest Reki had. But now he has Langa. Someone who shared the same interests as Reki, even if it was from another yet similar perspective.

(name) watched silently, his eyes staring at the two buddies as they enjoyed their presences with each other.

It had been months since Langa’s transfer to their school. And it was on the second week that (name) was bailed on a hangout with his boyfriend, Reki using the excuse of “training” Langa how to skateboard. It didn't bother them back then. They found it as a pleasing relief that Reki befriended someone to share his hobby with. Reki tried to get (name) into skateboarding but they never really were fond of rolling down some hill or jumping off stairway for some trick that could risk them a few minor injuries. And they believed Reki was fine with that fact, seeing that his partner was at least interested in watching the videos with him and was supportive during the “beefs” he had with other skaters.

But now they were no longer needed for that. Reki had more friends now.

They should be happy for him. They were happy… So why does their heart still hurt whenever they see Reki and Langa together?

“Hahah! See the way he did that ollie off the rails! So awesome!” Their boyfriend's exciting words plagued their mind, bringing them back to reality. Langa nodded along, pointing out with comments of his own about the skater's skills.

(name) looked down at the ground as they backed away from the sliding doors. There was nothing to be jealous of. They were simply good friends. That was all.

The two boys’ heads turned to the doors as they opened, revealing (name) with a brief smile on their face.

“Ah, (name)! what's up, babe?” Reki greeted his partner as they walked over to the duo, their smile growing a bit. Langa greeted them as well with a small smile of his own and a short wave, putting the phone down after pausing the video.

“Reki, Langa, hi… I was searching for you down by the shoe lockers but didn't see you there. A classmate of yours told me you were here.” They said, their hands settled by their side and curled up into a weak fist. Reki blinked a few times before his expression switched to a surprise look before falling into an apologetic one. “We were going on a date, remember?” they added with a tilt of their head, their chest feeling heavy once more.

Reki glanced at Langa as he bit his lower lip, his face morphed into a guilty expression. Langa wore a similar look but kept it lowkey as he pressed his lips into a thin line, giving Reki a small shrug. “Sorry, (name)... I kinda forgot about that… Made plans for, you know, the—”

“S?” They finished for him. Reki grew more horrible as he nodded. Of course. they thought. Skateboarding this, skateboarding that.

“But it's because Langa got beef with this one guy! You know, that rabbit kid with the wire-like vines!” Reki began, his eyes shining like the setting sun. Of course. Langa this. Langa that.

Always about skateboarding. Always about Langa.

When would it be about us? they thought, giving Reki a fruitless smile, one not reaching their eyes like they used to whenever they were around Reki. “That's fine. We can just reschedule.” (name) said, turning away from the boys to make their leave.

“Why don't you come watch with us, (name)?” Reki asked, feeling bad for messing up the date plans. His partner shook their head, giving them a wave as their back was turned on the duo.

“No, it's fine. I can't be out that late, anyway. Enjoy your time and be careful.” They said, giving them a quick glance and smile before leaving the classroom. Their heart beat rapidly against their chest but not in a good way like it had done around Reki. Their vision was becoming blurry. Their breathing became sharp as they tried to control themselves. They shouldn't be bothered… yet they were. It hurt. It hurts how much Reki forgot their dates. This wasn't the first time. Was Langa and skateboarding that important to him? What about them? Were they boring? Uncool? Uptight?

Was the spark dying?

A sob suttered out of their mouth quietly, held back with so much force to avoid getting attention.

Had the spark died long ago and they were just clinging to a thread no longer tied to the other side?

(name) went home that night. tired and upset. crying their eyes out on their pillow. their phone vibrated with texts from Reki, but of course, only about praising Langa's win against the skater they talked about earlier. It truly hurts them. But just how long did they plan to keep up with the aching? How long could they make themselves stay in a relationship where they were no longer the center of attention in their boyfriend's eyes? Were they even in his mind at all? Did he still love them?

Staring at the ceiling after a small breakdown, (name) made up their mind.

“Ah, (name), what's up? what did you want to talk about?” Reki asked as he met up with his partner beneath the stairs in one the the school halls. It was the end of the school days. Students heading home. But (name) had other plans, ones they forced themself to take. Reki noticed his partner avoided eye contact and the air around them felt heavy. There was an uneasy feeling in his guts making itself known more ever since he read the text to meet up there. The (color) haired student wore a serious expression, one Reki didn't like to see often.

“we… we need to talk, Reki.” (name) started, finally making themself look into the redhead's frowning eyes. Reki gave a nod, his gut feeling growing heavier. “I've been thinking about this decision for awhile and…i-it wasn't an easy one. I tried to ignore this horrible feeling but in the end it won.” the student said, their voice low and soft. “I wanted to keep trying, give you more chances, but there's a limit to that.”

“(name)—”

“Please let me finish.”

Reki’s own words paused in the back of his throat. He gave a hesitant nod and let (name) continue, even if he didn't want to as he knew where the conversation was heading.

(name) took a deep, shaky breath, feeling their eyes glossed with tears. “I loved you. And I still do… but I don't think that spark is here anymore. Ever since Langa came, all you focused on was skateboarding and him, never making time for our dates or ditching me to hangout with him instead.”

“what? (name)—” Reki was taken back by (name)’s words.

“I know I don't find skateboarding as cool and interesting as you guys do, and I hate getting on one. I was happy you found a friend you could relate to but I-I…” Their heart ached heavily against their chest, wiping away the tears threatening to spill. “I hate feeling like this. like, like… I'm just a b-background character to you. li-like I don't matter an-anymore. I hate feeling horrible a-about disliking Langa and skateboarding for ta-taking you away from me.” (name) looked down at the ground, their brows furrowed down, their lower lip quivering to let out a sob. “Yesterday was our first year anniversary…”

Reki's eyes widened toward the information, his own chest ridden with guilt.

“It was our anniversary of being together… a-and you decided to spend it with him and that stupid S park…” (name) closed their eyes as they took another shaky breath to calm themself down. “It hurts. being left out and forgotten. I want to keep supporting you. keep loving you… but I can't. I can't keep doing this.” letting out a soft whimper, the student turned their back on Reki. “It's over, Kyan. I'm. sorry.” with those words finally out, (name) walked away as quickly as they could.

His last name was used. what a horrible feeling to have in his chest. He never liked when (name) called him by his last name, told them it felt like they were breaking up.

and they were.

Reki stood under the stairs with a shocked look on his face. his gaze heavily stared down on the spot his… ex-partner was in.

“no way…” Reki muttered under his breath, slowly yet forcibly made himself walk away from the stairs. He knew he shouldn't be mad at (name) for coming to a decision to end their relationship, but he figured he would have enough time to make up for it. seemed he was wrong. Reki should have known (name) was bothered with the way their relationship was heading. He didn't mean it. the skater didn't mean to forget their dates. especially one as important as their anniversary. wow… he was a horrible boyfriend. What kind of boyfriend doesn't pick up the way his partner acted? Reki clicked his tongue as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He should have known (name) wouldn't let it go this time. He hoped the other would understand… but he knew it wasn't their fault. He had been ignoring his ex-partner for a while, but Reki thought they would be okay with it.

A sigh left his lips. Man, he was a terrible boyfriend. He made (name) felt unimportant to him. Reki bit his lower lip back. There was no way (name) would want to get back together, even if he tried to win them back and prove he did love them more than skateboarding. They made up their mind. And Reki should support that, at the very least.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals - Thriller (part 1 of 2)

(The video isn't a two-parter, but this analysis is! You can find part two HERE, but there'll also be a link at the bottom of this post!) VoicePlay's cover of Michael Jackson's Thriller was released to YouTube on the 12th of October, 2024 (and/or on the 11th - you know how it works), and features the one and only J None, back again with the group! Actually, in case you haven't fully realised it yet, of the 4 Halloween videos that VP has done since he stopped being a permanent member, J has returned for 3 out of 4 of them! (The exception being 2022's Hide And Seek/Ding Dong, ft. Lauren Paley). Also, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but this might be the first time Voiceplay has covered two songs by the same artist in the same year? The first obviously being The Way You Make Me Feel (which has been submitted for consideration to be maybe nominated for a Grammy in two categories!?!) But anyway, I don't wanna get off-topic, and of course I'm not actually here to talk about the music/vocals/arrangement (I did that in a separate post which you can find HERE); I'm here to talk about everything happening on screen! And boy is there a lot to talk about, such that I very quickly realised I would absolutely have to make two posts in order to mention everything (like what I did for Classical Chaos). So enough of my introductory yapping, Let's Get Into This!

Introductory shot! Actually this was the video thumbnail that Patrons got for early access (though I hit play without even looking at it anyway), so we went in way more blind than the rest of y'all did!

The moon lamp once again making an appearance in the background! Geoff first got it for his Jack's Lament video, and then VoicePlay used it for Classical Chaos earlier this year. Also I wouldn't be surprised if some of those gravestones were reused from Jack's Lament as well tbh. (And trees possibly from Be Prepared and/or Classical Chaos?)

Oh yeah and maybe you might see something on the floor behind Cesar's legs? Don't worry about it, it's probably nothing! 😉 😝

(More below the cut!)

J sings "under the moonlight...", and Cesar turns to look back at the moon! (And Layne turns his head as well)

Also the beam of light coming from the top left area shining down to the centre of the floor reminds me of the similar lighting effect from Song Of Durin ngl (as always, Eli was credited with lighting for this one - shocker to no one, and he always kills it every time!)

Also quick comment on the clothing, I like how they're all wearing black and red, but with each with their own take on it. Layne has red shoes (so does J), Cesar has red plaid pants, and J, Eli, and Geoff all have red shirts (and J has red and black trousers (or whatever they are), and Geoff has ripped jeans with red showing through underneath). And of course it's always nice when Geoff is wearing an actual proper colour other than blue! 😁😝

Not fully a visuals thing but I forgot to put it in my musical thoughts/commentary post - I like how Eli sings "you're paralysed!" and then the background vocals sing "you're para-!" but they din't finish the word, as if they've been stopped, or rather paralysed midway through singing! And this is highlighted in the video by Cesar here, so it is still kinda a visual thing as well!

Hey I think that person figure thing on the ground behind Cesar and Layne has gotten closer! It's still probably nothing though, it's fine /j

Actually nevermind, it's not fine - watch out Layne!!!

On my first watch-through of this video on Patreon, I mostly just watched it start to finish without stopping. The only two times I paused were right at the start to take in the starting shot and kind of "psych myself up" to get through the rest of it (again, not knowing anything about the video), and then I rewound a few seconds and paused to try and get a better look at who this zombie person was. And then I stayed paused for like a hot minute while I absolutely died laughing because omg KATHY!!!!! 😂🤣🤣

*YEET*

(Oh the genuine delights of frame-by-frame scrubbing 😂)

So here's some BTS info for you: Geoff was in charge of the production and direction of this video (and song arrangement) (though Tony also helped out with direction too), and apparently his initial idea was for Zombie!Kathy to "bite" Layne's leg, and then just make a face or something as if he tasted bad, and then crawl away or whatever. It was Kathy who had the idea of what actually happens in the video! Geoff wasn't sure at first, but she told Layne the idea and he loved it, and yeah it was absolutely hilarious - definitely VoicePlay Brand Of Dumb (affectionate).

Also you don't really see anything of the ""body double"" that Layne kicks away, but VoicePlay (Geoff specifically I'm presuming) decided to credit 'her' in the description: "Flying Stunt Zombie - Greta The Gruesome" 😂 (Kathy meanwhile is credited as "Production Manager and Floor Zombie")

And also despite being hardly seen, VoicePlay and crew put effort into making Kathy and the doll "Greta" (bought from a Spirit Halloween store inside the same mall as Pattycake Studios) look like each other! Kathy has since posted a couple pics from the videoshoot with her and "Greta" in full makeup and costuming on her Instagram - Here's a link!

Cesar is Concerned (and/or confused, lol)

And so yeah, Kathy was on the floor at the back right from the start! (Though I didn't notice her there at first till the second time around.) Kinda like Geoff's Monster Mash video in that regard! (someone on the Discord server (I believe it was Huldra?) made a joke about this being the result of Narrator/Scientist!Geoff's creation going horribly wrong, lol)

You doing alright there Layne?

*AAAAAAHHHH...*

*...CHOOOO!*

(Oof, rip Cesar!)

Also kinda neat how the lights change back to red right on Layne's sneeze (momentarily going purple in between as well!)

So not only did Eli maybe get some in his eye, or at least almost do so, but Cesar's wiping his sneezed-on hands on him!

Eli: Cesar dude what the heck? Cesar: Hey don't blame me! Layne was the one that sneezed in the first place!

Not exactly an air guitar, but Geoff does kinda look like he's playing some sort of invisible instrument here and it's low-key intriguing to me

A very quick sideways head/neck jerk from Cesar - the first warning sign that the zombie-ness has spread to him as well!

Yep, now it's Cesar's turn!

Shoutout to Cesar's gold painted nails! Very pretty!

And also shoutout to Layne's acting/movements in this video! In most VoicePlay videos you'll likely notice that he has "self-conducting" movements in a similar way to what Geoff does, and you might even notice similar hand movements across multiple videos. But in this video, from the moment he starts looking a bit more sickly/"zombie-like", his movements change a little as well - looking a bit more jerky and stuff, and he seems to mostly be keeping his hands open and flat like in this picture here - less bending of fingers or any sort of fluid "drumming" motions (maybe meant to represent a bit of growing rigor mortis?)

I only just thought of the rigor mortius idea/"theory" just before, and then we get this ~2 second group shot at the start of the bridge section, and Layne barely moves, despite there still being audible percussion - it definitely seems like a deliberate choice! (He's still beatboxing, or at least lip-syncing to it, but it's rare that he keeps his body so still in a video while he's still doing percussion)

Watch out Eli - I think you're next!

*Pfft* rip he's gone

(Cesar in the BTS video: "Can I go for his head?" Geoff: "If he consents to it")

"Well that's not good"

"They're out to get you..."

Geoff isn't the only person to look directly at the camera/viewer in the video, but the verse he does here definitely feels the most like an actual warning, especially with the way he conveys it on screen here, and I guess it lines up nicely with him doing the monologue later. (Also low-key "close all the windows, lock the doors, unless you're careful he'll get yours" vibes ngl)

(Oh and necklace spotted!)

Also this bit low-key reminds me of the end of VoicePlay's Running Up That Hill video, after Ashley levitates and everyone else is just practically frozen, moving only their eyes (and mouths)

Oh no Geoff watch out!!!

(But also goddamn why does he look so good here? Like even with the hands and everything, almost looks like a freaking painting!)

Honestly I find Geoff's bit here really interesting - he's concerned/worried, but he doesn't actually look massively terrified, and he doesn't look like he's ready to run or fight. Like maybe he's almost already accepted the fact that he's next, and it's just a matter of how and when?

(That'd kinda sorta line up with the This Is Halloween video actually, in that everyone is slowly turning into creepy monsters, and Geoff appears to be the one least resistant to it (yes this video can be connected to a lot of other VoicePlay/Geoff videos, and I love it))

(Oh and I gotta give my love to his grey-white parts of Geoff's hair - truly this man ages like fine wine <3)

Not the hair!!!

And down he goes!

(And literally, he was in fact pulled straight downwards! Bent the legs, and Cesar and Layne helped support his weight so he didn't topple straight down - it was kinda amusing to see it happen in the BTS video ngl)

One last thing I will point out is that the jump across to J following this bit is actually not a cut or some fancy transition edit - Geoff's section to J's section is one continuous shot. But with that being said, this is still where I'm cutting this post off, because it's the halfway point (not counting the credits), and I've hit image limit! (I had to remove two images here to make it work but otherwise I managed!) Go find part 2 HERE!

[suckishima]

haikyuu rewatch s01e01

i've been itching to rewatch the series lately and a few years ago i did something similar for miraculous ladybug where i wrote up like a stream of consciousness/commentary post and made a gifset for each episode and i wanna try to do it again for haikyuu?? we'll see if i stay committed or not lol—gifsets per ep probably a lot more likely to continue than commentaries tbh, these things are long and not thought out so,

anyway let's start with episode 1, who wants to take bets on how many times i get teary-eyed?

ughhhhh how did i not know IMMEDIATELY my first time watching what a fucking banger of a show this would be. this opening scene is sooo aah. the voice over with the sounds of the balls and shoes, the actual content of the 'a tall tall wall' monologue, and then the visuals of just hinatas shoes stepping up to the line and then 'it was a view i could never see on my own' and the rest of the teams shoes step in??? FUCK

holyyyyy and bc im obsessed i know who is who based on their shoes in that lineup and after thir 'onigaishimasu' and they run onto the court they all run in at different speeds?? and like tanaka goes quick and kageyama bounces on his toes and tsukki is all like unenthusiastic?? what the fuCK bro

its been literally 40 seconds and im in awe aaah

oh.. oh no it's the intro. i was joking before about getting teary-eyed but uhhh

how long has it been since i watched season 1 omgg 😭😭😭

gOD the opening is so good, not just imagination but the visuals rrr the practicing shots and the animation on all the volleyball looks so great wowow

one of the less talked about of the many crimes of getting movies instead of a 5th season is definitely the loss of another amazing opening and ending

damn did i really never realize that karasuno of the little giant's time didnt JUST go to nationals but theyre playing on center court when hinata catches them on tv? meaning its either the semi finals or finals, damn lol

hmmmm i am already conflicted about whether or not i wanna talk about manga spoilers in these writeups lmao. tumblr blockout spoiler text WHEN

anywayyyy manga readers hinata on his bike watching little giant on tv iykyk (and if you know me lol) right

rrrr the imagery of the crow flying into hinata from the screen with still the sounds of the balls and whistles aaah what a cool way to show inspiriation

huh, the libero is no.2 not no.4 is that manga accurate from just before furudate decided that it was a Thing for karasuno or did the animation not check?

okay i checked and you literally can only see the little giant in the manga and none of the rest of the team so im calling it an oversight on the animation side lol (understandable, tbh when youre just making people up to fill in the shot, you arent thinking about jersey lore)

no one cares but my japanese is surprisingly better than when i first watched (at which time i knew nothing) and i can actually understand a few bits here and there without the subs

reading the occasional katakana in the background is fun too. mmmm i should try looking at og scans of the manga to see how the sound effects are intended to be read, ive heard the way furudate incorporates the characters into the action as the sound itself is really well done

air salonpas!

oooo one of the teams practicing spikes had one guy hit left handed, thats a fun detail!

dude hinatas friends are such homies i swearrrr

'whats our opponent kitagawa daiichi even like' 'idk! but we're gonna win!' lmaooo hinata you coulda done SOME research

ooo the shot of kitagawa walking in and looming above hinata is so well done, they look huuuge. i know factually that kindaichi and kunimi are tall but i tend to forget, kunimi especially, hes got short energy to me 😅

yessss and the shot of kagyama walking by and just like his Aura is enough for hinata to pick up on the king vibes yooo its so goood

kitagawa daiichi banner is just 'victory' lol okay

i could use some of hinatas blind confidence in my life lmao

oh jk its bathroom tummy ache time

man the set up for kageyama as like powerful early on is SO good, weve only seen him twice so far and both times it all above the king cape, which im pretty sure is also supposed to represent how hinata sees him which rrrr what a great way to set up their dynamic knowing everything that's to come. greatest opponent to greatest ally etc etc

also thinking about how this IS basically all hinatas POV (including the quote i just referenced) and what kageyamas POV of hinata is when he looks back on it all 👀

kageyama telling hinata he shouldnt talk big bc he isnt even physically ready (referencing tummy ache), and hinata right off the bat telling kageyama 'the six of us go all the way' and kageyama responds 'i will win every game' oooo yep they both got some things to learn from each otherr

seriously how is hinata like the friendliest person on the planet. his team is SO bad and all he cares about is that he's finally on the court, he's so positive and determined even when they're doing terribly and his friends dont know wtf is going on

🥺🥺🥺 he's so happy seeing his palm all red after spiking the ball successfully the first time waaah

sjkhdk i always laugh at 'well there IS a foxy senpai on the girls team' lmaoo like he could have just ignored that part of the question, and who translated it to 'foxy' anyway lmaoo

koji, soccer friend, coming in for a foot receive! he missed lol but for real hinatas friends are so cool showing up for him like this

i mean, they are also avoiding him when he tries to practice throughout middle school, but they showed up here when it counts

love that you can see the 'mild internal bleeding,' as kuroo would call it, on izumi's arms when he tells hinata that his arms hurt lol

akjhsakjsasj they hype hinatas jumping skills, the music swells, you think hes got it, aaaand then immediately triple blocked and the music cuts back out lmaoo. honestly, love how haikyu always plays with expectations like that

half time serve routines my beloved.... i miss you..

'we keep trying.. because we havent lost yet' <333

but also kunimi, what a mood lmao

the animation on hinatas slide hit after the toss missss aaaah, and kageyamas bangs like whipping in the wind before he reaches as far as he can aah god this whole sequence is so beautiful

kageyama after knowing hinata for roughly 30 minutes: "this guy overwhelms me" skagsajsa

he has every quality to be someone even better but—WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THESE PAST 3 YEARS?? 😭😭😭😭

karasuno senpai in the crowd!! related dumb question time, why isnt tanakas hair blond here? he should be a first year atm, and the beginning of the ep said this match is about 3 years and 3 months after little giants nationals (which is in january, although iirc the month changed sometime around those years so possibly it was in march during his time—hence why call 'spring tournament') but either way if hinata and kageyama are still middle school third years then tanaka should be a first year and thats when his hair was blonde. likely in universe answer i guess is just that this tournament is after the practice match where karasuno loses badly and gets made fun of which makes tanaka respect his senpai more and shave his head lol. which also, if hes here with them at this middle school tournament also makes sense with that so. question answered i guess

'if you want to be the last one standing then become strong' waaah

awwww the first years that he recruited to fill out his team stayed with him to practice with the middle school girls team!! they caught the volleyball bug <3

not me pausing to try and see which one of them is the foxy senpai..

lmaoooo the "old ladies team" that hinata practices with are called the yukigoaka beauties lol nice

yoooo hinatas running toward the gym for the first time and a crow flys away and a feather crossed in front of hinata niiiiice

let me tell you i had relatively low expectations for haikyu my very first time. i just wanted something easy to watch while i ate my lunch during the day, and i thought it would just be a predictable underdog story where hinata gets revenge for middle school. and i wasnt against that, i was relatively entertained this whole episode, then it gets to the end and reveals that kageyama has to be his teammate and i was like OH this is gonna be GOOD good. immediately have me hope and reassurance that the show knew what it was doing and wasnt gonna just be typical cliches etc

fuck i wish i could watch again for the first time

i warned you this would be long lol, honestly these writeups are more for me in the future to like remember my thoughts etc and like i said we'll see if i keep it up lol

[certified-bi]

So I was on the plane back and I took a chance on Late Night With The Devil. Now I watched it blind so I didn't know about the controversy and I'll have thoughts about that at the end. But the movie left me with some thoughts.

One the intro sets up the fact that this is clearly a retrospective and we as the audience are expected to know what happened after. Think the OJ trial level of sensationalism, which makes me believe the theory that Jack probably had trial live on the air. In the universe this is a well known case. The Gus scene with the worms raises some interesting questions about what the in universe live TV audience saw. Like the movie starts with a documentary feel and ends with what's clearly Wriggles/Abracadabra messing with Jack. Like did the documentary have a second half with like the aftermath and commentary? I would imagine so given the intro, so did the demon hijack what we saw? Was it just poor writing? I would love a follow up series of in-universe videos in different styles. Like maybe some YouTube coverage, what news casters were saying, etc. I do think that the ending should have called back to the documentary set up because I don't hate the intro as world building, but it would have worked better for me if they had a "come back for part two," "Stay tuned for our experts" or smth. As it stands it's easy to call lazy exposition.

The movie is clearly tackling a lot of the insidious nature of the show biz world both the TV/Movie side and the more respected but ultimately similar book world. Everyone in the movie is being exploited, and aside from Lilly, they willingly exploit others. They're all cogs in a machine they have no control over, but clearly have no desire to stop the machine, or are easy to push back into place. I think there's a reason we don't meet any of the characters that quit and it's because they're not the point. It's way more compelling to get Phil who clearly is just doing his job, but is also unwilling to stop and consider if maybe he should be doing it at all. The makeup lady(Sammy maybe?) who sees how fucked everything is and just jokes about it. All of the characters know on some level it's wrong to allow what's happening but none are willing to stand up alone or even with their peers.

It doesn't matter how much of a fraud Christou is either. Was he a medium with actual skills who compromised on his morals to get ahead? Was he a fraud from the start who was used as a toy to get attention by Wriggles? Does it matter where on the scale he falls? It all comes to the same place. And that's the tragedy of it. The adults all made the choice to sell themselves, but Lilly was groomed for the cult and then for June's ambitions. I won't pretend to know exactly what would have been best for her given demons are real in that universe and so regular therapy could have been more disastrous, but like... June being her doctor, weird demon wrangler, and guardian was fucked up.

I don't think Jack knew what his deal was, at least not fully, and he's definitely being yanked around. The only Maddie who is for sure not a demon is the clips from before her death. After I'm not willing to say it's her. It's either Wriggles pushing her spirit around or straight up impersonating her. While the ending death montage felt rushed I don't think that's necessary a con. We feel unbalanced just like Jack does. The whole sequence of him going through his past moments was good.

Also the Grove and satanic panic were well incorporated. Like as someone with passing awareness of the references, it still all read really easily, and I'm sure for those more familiar with what was being referenced there's a lot there.

Overall I think it needed a bit more.. finishing if that makes sense? Like it feels like one or two steps away from complete. And now I'm going to get into the AI(which I hate calling it so I'm going to call it what it is which is image generation nothing intelligent about the digital equivalent of tracing and copying) images and my thoughts. I didn't notice but that doesn't really say much given the guy in front of me on the plane kept shoving his seat into my knee and the lady on my right kept bitching at the poor attendant. I don't think they have any excuse for the images being in the final cut for a few reasons, 1) image generation programs had been called out for being trained on stolen art before it released fully and they could have gotten it replaced, and they chose not to and 2) they didn't even have the excuse of not knowing better because while the images could have been pre debates they weren't locked into a contract.

To the point of "Well don't disrespect all the work put in by the actual artist they're only there for like a combined 30 seconds" 1) I don't fucking care, 2) the disrespect to the actors and other real artists is the decision makers on the film not pulling the images. They are the ones saying the work is comparable and belongs in the same film, and 3) I don't fucking care how indie they are, either pay for the work or don't use it. If you can't afford to pay an artist to draw for you, then you don't get the art. Using a cheap program(that's cheap because it steals) to replace real workers(some of whom are the same artist being stolen from) is scummy. If you can't afford to pay for labor then you can't afford to be in business.

[bedlamsbard]

Star emoji! I love director’s commentary

Oooh, let's talk about Howard's conversation with Natasha at the beginning of Of Home Near 7.

This is set at Beaulieu Abbey, which is a real place and was used for SOE (Special Operations Executive) training in WWII, as Special Training Schools 31-36, which I've just conflated into one for the purposes of this fic. Today it's the home of the Secret Army Exhibition, about SOE. None of the description of the house is accurate, since I couldn't find floorplans and have never been.

“Lift your left arm?”

Natasha did so, allowing Howard Stark to make a minor adjustment to the cuff of the tunic-style jacket he was fitting on her. His expression was intent with concentration, two dress pins sticking out of the corner of his mouth, and his hands were unerring as he made the modification with quick, neat stitches. For some reason it was the least like Tony Natasha had ever seen him look, even though she had seen Tony make similar quick alterations to the Iron Man suits a hundred times before.

I like the idea of Howard being really hands-on with his work, which is borne out by CATFA and AC.

Sunlight spilled in through the room’s bow windows, which looked out over the lawn where Howard had landed his plane a few hours earlier. Going by the room’s big desk – now heavily battered from use – and empty bookshelves – mostly covered up by maps and charts – Natasha suspected it had been a study in the building’s previous life as a manor house. Howard Stark had commandeered it upon arrival to do uniform fittings in, since along with the new shield he had brought uniforms for both of them.

He drew back when he was finished and took the pins out of his mouth to ask, “How’s that feel?”

Natasha worked her arm experimentally, then warned Howard to step back and went through one of her shorter kata. He watched without any of the half-expected erotic interest, his attention totally focused on the motions and her new tactical gear.

“Good,” she told him when she had finished, a little to her own surprise, but she supposed that if he regularly made Captain America’s uniforms he had to know the importance of flexibility.

The corner of his mouth curled up a little, as if he had guessed the direction of her thoughts, but all he said was, “Try it with the gear belt,” and handed it to her.

Natasha inspected it as she took it from him Howard had clearly been paying attention to the gear that she had arrived with; he had consulted with her on the design for the new uniform, with Steve doing the initial sketches. The tunic came down past her hips to mid-thigh, with the front fastening at her left shoulder like a motorcycle jacket. The gear belt was made of black leather and was actually two belts crossed over each other, joined by a rivet that let them flex; the holsters were empty at the moment, as were the utility pouches.

This is Natasha's "Liberty Belle" outfit, though it's not named as such here. It's not based specifically on anything and I don't have a very clear mental image of it.

She buckled the belt on and shifted around a little, testing the placement, then went into a brief tumbling routine. Howard watched with that same clinical, calculating interest, his gaze sharp; he made a couple of notes in his sketchbook as she came upright. “How’s that feel?”

“Straps here and here on the holsters, or they’ll flap around.” Natasha pointed them out. “Like Steve’s got,” she clarified when he frowned.

“No, I know what you mean. For a lady – a married lady –”

“God forbid that anyone in the United States Army or the Wehrmacht learns that a woman has legs,” Natasha said dryly, rolling her eyes. “If anyone is looking at my legs, that’s their problem. Especially in the middle of a fight.”

Natasha's usual catsuit would NOT fly in 1945, especially for PR reasons. They're not only designing for practical use, but with the full knowledge that as soon as the fact that Captain America's married is made public Natasha's going to be on magazine covers and newspapers, and she has to not only match Captain America and the other Howling Commandos, she has to be acceptably feminine (by WWII standards, which are...interesting).

“Point taken.” Howard nodded absently and jotted it down in his sketchbook – actually Steve’s sketchbook, she was amused to note; apparently Steve hadn’t succeeded in getting it back from him yet.

I love the detail of it being Steve's sketchbook.

“Am I going to get any of my own gear back?” she asked, rubbing a thumb over her bare wrist. She was expecting the answer to be no and wasn’t surprised when Howard shook his head.

Later Howard gives her her bites back! But not yet.

“But I brought some stuff for you to look at,” he offered encouragingly. “You can give it a try and keep whatever you like. And Dugan said you’d be taking over as sniper, so I brought some rifles for you to try out too.”

Howard chewed on the end of his pencil for a moment before he finally said, “You know about the Commandos’ last sniper –”

“Yes,” Natasha said. “I know about Bucky Barnes.”

1945 Bucky is the ghost in this story, but there was never any intention for him to appear (in 1945). Howard, of course, thinks she knows about Bucky either from the newspapers (he's only been "dead" for two months at this point) or from Steve telling her; Natasha knows him personally.

Howard nodded grimly and looked away, then sat down heavily on the chair he had dragged over from behind the desk, bracing his sketchbook on his knees as his pencil moved over the page.

“Did you design the Howling Commandos’ uniforms too?” Natasha asked eventually, unbuckling the gear belt and weighing it thoughtfully in one hand. “I know you did Steve’s, and I know you supply the Commandos with weapons and tech –”

Howard nodded. “Steve did most of his himself, but I made it,” he said. “I helped with the Commandos, yeah. Steve did some of it, they did some of it, I did some. What do you think?” He held the sketchbook up and turned it around so that she could see.

He had a fine draftsman’s hand, without the sense of suspended life that Steve’s sketches had. Natasha wondered briefly what he would have made of the CAD programs Tony used or if given the option, he would still draft his designs by hand the way Rhodey did when he was working on the War Machine suit.

“I like this rig,” she told him, and Howard nodded, making a few more notes to himself.

“I can have that done today, it’s a minor fix,” he said. He took the gear belt from Natasha and set them both down, then looked at her for a long moment before saying, “I’m glad Steve got married. Or whatever,” he added with a solemn wink. “It’s good for him.”

Howard figured out pretty much immediately that Steve and Natasha weren't really married, but never brought it up; he figured that if Steve was going to the trouble, then he had a good reason.

For a moment his expression was wistful, then his gaze flickered sideways, as if he was embarrassed that he had let the emotion show.

“Did you and Steve ever –” she began, and then stopped, uncertain how to end the question. Or if she should be asking it at all; this wasn’t the twenty-first century, and even there it wasn’t a harmless inquiry.

Meeting Howard Stark explained a LOT of things about Tony, Tony's relationship with Steve, and Steve's relationship with Tony. Note that Natasha is also aware that Steve sleeps with men (Peggy isn't, as she remarks in an earlier chapter), but isn't sure about Howard, which is why she stops.

Howard looked back at her, wary now and frowning a little, but whatever he saw on her face seemed to reassure him. “What, and get both of us shot by Peggy? That wouldn’t do the war effort any good. She’d do it, too. Anyway, Steve’s been a little busy fighting a war.”

Peggy would have killed Howard if she thought he was serious about it or if they'd actually done anything. She knows that Howard wants to sleep with Steve, but has mentally categorized it as "a little silly" and is unaware that Steve's bi.

“Do you know who the woman was that Agent Carter caught him with in 1943?” Natasha asked, with a mental tick of observation that he hadn’t bothered to deny that Steve liked men as well as women. Not that either one of them was saying anything outright, just half-spoken asides. “I’ve heard the story, but no one will say who –”

“Sure,” Howard said. “But I don’t think you have anything to worry about; Steve’s crazy about you.”

“I’m not worried, I’m curious,” Natasha said. “Or did Agent Carter push her out of the SSR?” She didn’t think Peggy Carter was that petty, but if she was, Natasha wanted to know about it.

Natasha's experience with Peggy isn't anywhere close to the 21st century image of Peggy Carter or with Steve's memories of her.

“She’s still here,” Howard said. “It was Irene Lorraine, Colonel Phillips’ secretary. Steve came in looking for me and she cornered him.” He grinned, amused at the memory, and explained, “It was right after we got back to London from Italy and Phillips got Steve transferred from the USO to the SSR, so the big rescue was all over the papers. Apparently she was thanking him on behalf of the women of America, only Peggy caught them. Scared the hell out of both of them.”

The shooting the shield scene is fucked up from a 2023 perspective, and I really think it's been grandfathered in as ~sexy and absolutely would not fly today.

In the previous chapter's scene with Lorraine Steve remarks on the fact that Peggy's reaction completely screwed up the social dynamics of the women of the SSR.

He chewed absently on the end of his pencil, then shot a look at the closed door and went on slowly, “I don’t know how much Steve’s told you – I guess it wouldn’t really matter up then in 2018 – but he and Peggy…they were and they weren’t, you know? They didn’t go out to dinner, they didn’t go dancing; I don’t know if they ever even kissed. But he had her picture in his compass and if he hadn’t gone down with the Valkyrie, then –” Howard shrugged. “They might have gotten married later, yeah, but they never actually talked about it. Stupid thing to do in a war,” he added, then thought about it and grimaced, making a vague gesture with the pencil towards himself as if to say, but I did the same thing.

Howard has a lot of regrets, and I don't think he knows what he would have done if he had known that Steve might not really come back.

He flicked another glance at the door again while Natasha was chewing over what to say in response to that. “Don’t repeat this to Steve or Peg,” he warned, and waited for her to nod before he went on. “It’s not that Peg didn’t like Steve back then, because she did, and it’s different now, obviously, but she set her cap for him as soon as he came back from Austria and not a minute earlier, no matter what anyone else here says about it, including Steve. And that was it as far as she was concerned. There were girls like that in my old neighborhood,” he added knowledgeably, “not that any of them ever had anything to do with me back then.”

I have some very clear and possibly controversial thoughts about Steve and Peggy's relationship, and how both Steve and Peggy perceived their relationship, throughout CATFA. If you look at the pub and SSR scenes, they're having two COMPLETELY different conversations, and Steve's constantly playing catch-up to the conversation that Peggy's having even though she never says anything explicitly and just expects him to get it. I also DON'T think that Peggy was even remotely romantically interested in pre-serum Steve, though later on she convinced herself that she was, and she wasn't all that interested in "Captain America" Steve, either.

“There are women like that everywhere,” Natasha said dryly. It wasn’t a personality type that usually survived the rigors of the Red Room, but she had known one or two Widows who had managed it.

She considered Howard with a little more interest. The Stark family’s origins were a farrago of obfuscation, fairy tales, and what Natasha was fairly certain were a few outright lies, though she wasn’t certain how aware of that Tony was. Howard Stark had told the newspapers several contradictory stories over the years, one variation of which was on the Stark Industries website, and the only consistent point seemed to be that he had been born in Manhattan in 1917, though which part of Manhattan was up for debate. Natasha also strongly suspected that the family name had started out as something a lot less Anglophone than Stark, though she wasn’t sure if that was Howard’s doing or if it had happened at Ellis Island; both seemed equally likely. She wondered if Howard would tell her if she asked.

Off Howard's statement in Agent Carter that he was born in the Lower East Side, which in the early 20th century was an immigrant neighborhood with a heavy Jewish population around the time Howard was born and growing up. Pretty much this theory about Howard's background. Steve mentions in a later chapter that Howard speaks Yiddish and is Jewish, but Natasha doesn't know those details at this point, and it's deliberately vague. Tony knows NONE of this because Howard buried it back in the 1920s or 1930s.

Howard slid a third look at the door and started to say, “Steve –” and then stopped, chewing on the end of the pencil again. Finally, he said, “I think if either he or Peg had pushed harder, it would have gone further between the two of them, but neither one of them ever did. In a way it is – it was – probably easier that way. I mean – it is when people make assumptions. Easier, I mean. Leave enough gaps in any story and people will fill them in for you – hell, you’ll start filling them in yourself.”

He sat in silence for a few moments, his expression abstracted; Natasha thought about his playboy reputation, that he hadn’t married until 1965, the few things Tony had said about his father and his parents’ marriage – the way Howard looked at Steve when he thought Steve didn’t know. For that matter, the fact that he hadn’t looked at her with anything more than aesthetic appreciation over the course of the past two weeks and change.

My version of Howard is that he's bi, but while he prefers men he sleeps with more women as part of his Be Totally Normal campaign. (Peggy also mentions this in an earlier chapter.)

Eventually Howard shook his head and said, “I’m surprised Steve had the guts to ask you out.”

“There were extenuating circumstances,” Natasha allowed, accepting the change in subject. When Howard’s eyebrows went up, she explained, “We were on the run from the government, so I don’t think he thought he had all that much to lose.”

Well, it was technically true; Interpol still had red notices out on them back up in 2018, and Thaddeus Ross would be happy to have both of them drawn and quartered.

“Sounds like quite the story.”

“You have no idea,” Natasha said.

Howard took her unwillingness to expand on that in stride; for all Natasha knew, he assumed that instead of dinner and a movie, she and Steve had consummated their mutual interest in the back of a truck while on the run, which wasn’t even that far from the truth, minus the truck. He looked back down at the sketchbook in his lap as if he had forgotten it was there, then at the chewed end of his pencil in equal surprise. He glanced up at Natasha, down at the sketchbook, and up at her again; she raised her eyebrows in response.

“You okay with the color?” he asked. “I thought we’d match you and Steve, give the photographers something to coo about.”

Natasha blinked at him, though by now she was used to Howard Stark’s rapid changes in subject, then realized that he meant her new uniform, which was dark blue with a little red detailing down the sides and sleeves, with the Howling Commandos’ winged insignia on the left shoulder. Both the red and the blue were a little lighter in color than any of Steve’s recent uniforms, either because of changing aesthetics between 1945 and 2016 or because they would show up better in the black and white photographs the newspapers used. She hadn’t had a chance to see Steve’s new uniform yet, though she doubted it could be all that different from his last WWII uniform.

Steve's new uniform is never described in detail, but it's a mix between his CATFA, CATWS, and CACW uniforms. Captain America and Liberty Belle DO have to match.

“It’s fine,” she said, then cocked an eyebrow at him and said, “Do I really have to worry about photographers? Isn’t that mostly Steve’s problem?”

The Howling Commandos had featured a little in some of the old newspaper articles and newsreels she had seen, but most of the attention had been on Captain America until the 1960s, when there had been a resurgence in Howling Commando stories for a few years on both sides of the civil rights movement, not helped by Gabe Jones’ death in 1965. It had been on the job for SHIELD, but SHIELD’s existence hadn’t been publicly known until 1975, when along with the NSA it had been revealed as part of the Church Committee hearings that had followed the Watergate scandal. Even in 2018 there was a persistent rumor that Jones had been assassinated; knowing about Hydra’s interference in SHIELD, Natasha wasn’t sure that he hadn’t been, but there had been never been any proof.

SHIELD and Howling Commandos history based on some real world history. The SSR was made public knowledge post-war, but SHIELD followed the NSA's path and was secret until the post-Watergate Church Committee congressional hearings about American intelligence abuse in 1975. The NSA came out of the Signals Intelligence Service in WWII, which post-war was reorganized into the Army Security Agency, and the NSA itself was formed in 1952. SHIELD likewise probably had one or two names between the SSR and SHIELD.

Steve says in an earlier chapter that Gabe Jones worked for SHIELD and was killed on the job in 1965; no one knows if it was normal line-of-duty death or if he was assassinated, either by Hydra (after 2014) or as part of something like COINTELPRO due to being a prominent Civil Rights figure.

“Nope,” Howard said. “Come on, Captain and Mrs. America? The papers and the newsreels will eat that up. If Ike and Monty weren’t running roughshod over the Germans right now Senator Brandt would probably have the two of you doing photoshoots for a week. Instead Sherman – you met him the other day when he was taking pictures of Brandt and Steve – will have to squeeze them all in tomorrow, and a couple more at the front after you arrive.”

Brandt's assistant Michael Sherman -- name from me, credited only as Brandt's assistant in CATFA -- is the one who gives Natasha the Liberty Belle name, which shows up in this bit of faux-historical writing (which is going to be part of a post-Home historical errata story). I checked as carefully as I could that there wasn't a preexisting Marvel character with the Liberty Belle name; there's a DC character (who, yes, debuted during WWII) and Amalgam Comics (Marvel and DC publishing together) had an American Belle that was a mashup of DC's Liberty Belle and Marvel's Miss America (who hasn't made it to the MCU). I hesitated a bit over the name, but the DC character isn't well-known so I decided it was probably fine. Also it doesn't show up THAT often in this story.

Every historical event mentioned in this story is based on the real events that took place on those dates -- this is March 31, 1945, a little over a week after the crossing of the Rhine as part of Operation Plunder and the invasion of Germany, just prior the Race to Berlin.

Natasha grimaced. She had done the publicity circuit up in the twenty-first century, but hadn’t enjoyed it anymore than Steve had; unlike Steve, she also wasn’t used to it. At least then that had been as another Avenger, rather than as Captain America’s wife. She didn’t enjoy being defined in relation to Steve – to Captain America, really – but it kept anyone from looking too closely at her own entirely fictional background and with any luck it wouldn’t have to last.

The Captain America propaganda machine in 1945 is nothing like the Avengers PR circuit 2012-2016, especially with the glamor of "CAPTAIN AMERICA RETURNED FROM THE DEAD!" and "REDHEADED BOMBSHELL KNOCKS CAP OFF THE MARKET, LADIES!" Brandt's already got the fictionalized versions of the Cap propaganda machine -- Timely Comics, the Captain America Adventure Program, and various Hollywood films -- working on both resurrecting Cap (they were all trying to figure out how to handle his disappearance/death) and introducing Liberty Belle. Natasha doesn't have any context for how aggressive the Captain America propaganda machine is, since a lot of it didn't survive to the present day, and she's thinking about it in terms of the PR circuits the Avengers have done. It would not have been like that. (This is also one reason that Peggy wasn't willing to go anywhere with Steve during the war -- Peggy absolutely was not willing to be part of the Captain America propaganda machine.)

“They’re not expecting – I don’t know, a demure secretary, are they?” Natasha asked warily. “Or a nurse, or –” She knew women had done just about every job but combat in the Second World War, but she was also aware that not all of those jobs had equivalents in the twenty-first century.

This is basically the only point in American history until quite recently when it would be publicly acceptable for Captain America's wife to be as much of an ass-kicker as he is, but Natasha doesn't know enough about WWII to be sure about that.

Howard snorted. “What, for Captain America? Only if you listen to Roxxon’s faradiddle – they sponsor the Captain America Adventure Program.” When Natasha’s eyebrows shot upwards, he explained, “It’s a radio show. Roxxon is –”

From Agent Carter. Interestingly, Timely Comics' Golden Age WWII-era love interest for Cap (Betsy Ross, a.k.a. Golden Girl) was not a demure nurse like AC's Betty Carver. (Comics Peggy Carter was not introduced until the 1960s.)

“I know what Roxxon Energy is,” Natasha said.

This time it was Howard’s eyebrows that went up. “Roxxon Oil Corporation now,” he said. “I’ve been trying to buy them out for years, but Hugh Jones – that’s the CEO – hasn’t been having it. Cap’s sweetheart in the show is some nurse who’s always getting herself kidnapped by Nazis, when she’s not mending split trousers or making dinner for five hundred. I keep telling Peggy she should sue for defamation.”

“Not Steve?”

Howard’s mouth twisted. “Steve doesn’t have any legal right to his name or image. Well, the Captain America name, anyway, not the Steve Rogers part. The United States government can license the rest of it to anyone they want.” A muscle in his jaw twitched and he looked away. After a moment, he added, “I’ll get my lawyers on it after the war, though Brandt’s people are pretty good.”

“I know,” Natasha admitted. “Steve’s still having that fight up in the twenty-first, mostly unsuccessfully.”

Based on the U.S. government establishing John Walker as Captain America in FATWS, and to some extent on She-Hulk having knock-off Avengers ("Avongers") merchandise. If it's a knock-off, then there has to be a reason it's not official. An earlier chapter mentions that the U.S. government has occasionally tried to revive the Captain America role since 1945, and Howard Stark shut it down every time. Steve's not been successful in getting the rights to the Captain America name or even his own image back, it's too entrenched in American culture and history. On the bright side, post-Sokovia, the government's way less eager to use either.

[radio-free-beth-sarim]

My Predictions for Caleb and Sophia

For the uninitiated: Caleb and Sophia are two characters that feature in short videos produced by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society intended to indoctrinate Jehovah's Witness children. They're two young children, siblings, raised as Jehovah's Witnesses and dealing with many of the problems growing up as one brings. For people raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, it brings back a flood of insane memories. I kind of can't help but like them. The kids go through things I went through myself, and as I watch I imagine what they're feeling in that moment. The things I would have felt. The thoughts and emotions I would have suppressed. If you're curious I recommend looking them up on youtube. Owen Morgan aka Telltale has a bunch of videos where he reacts to them and provides commentary. He's just one of many that cover the videos.

Whenever I watch a Caleb and Sophia video I always speculate how they end up. So here's my predictions.

We'll start with Caleb, since his story is one that easily could have been mine. Caleb is the Bart Simpson. He's a kind of rambunctious kid. He would like sports and video games if he was allowed, but he doesn't have those outlets available to him so it all becomes bible study and chores. He's given busy work at meetings and field service, and eventually he gets given "privileges" like working the soundboard and passing the microphones around at the Watchtower Magazine study or organizing and manning the literature counter. Eventually he'll make Ministerial Servant, which is the rank below Elder in the congregation and basically means he's being groomed for command. But thankfully he's never going to be an Elder. He's eventually going to be put in charge of the congregation's other rambunctious young boys, and will be responsible for studying with them and indoctrinating them into the Watchtower Society's beliefs. He's going to be seen as a role model and success story. His post high-school years will see him juggling his responsibilities with the congregation and working in a trade. Statistically window washing, but any given trade is likely. He'll apprentice under another Jehovah's Witness, possibly a relative, who is also likely an Elder who now holds his economic and social future in his hands. Now you'd think with all this going on, is Caleb happy? Well, that depends. He might genuinely be if he's kept too busy to really think about his life or what he wants from it and is too sheltered to experience anything more. But that's really difficult to do. Most JW young men get to experience just enough of the world to give them a taste, and everyone has a vice. Statistically it's porn and smoking. Chances are he'll get caught once, repent, lose his privileges, and then eventually make a slow return shortly after getting married. Caleb is getting married by 19 at the latest. He's full of so many hormones and urges if there's no release he's going to pop. So he'll marry literally the nearest non-related Jehovah's Witness girl roughly his age. If there are none nearby, he'll meet one at a convention or (scandalously) JWdate. Yes, that's real, and it's kind of an open secret because dating websites are not really what a JW should be about. Somewhere in the following years he's going to be working hard at his trade, trying to regain his status as a Ministerial Servant, and figuring out how to live with this stranger he rushed into marrying. Maybe they can make it work. Maybe they can't. I can't say. But kids will be happening soon. Eventually Caleb is going to hit a crisis moment where he needs to decide whether or not this is the life he wants. There's a roughly 66% chance he doesn't. He's got to make a choice. Does he stay in the life he has? Can he leave the Watchtower Society behind and still keep his family? That I can't say. I like to think his wife also has similar doubts, and through this their bond strengthens, they come to truly love each other deeper than they did when they first married, and leave together, sparing their children from the same life they were forced into. But doing that means they'll only ever have each other. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it isn't. His wife could divorce him, taking the kids and leaving him alone. He'll eventually find apostate material online and become fervently anti-JW, with only bitter memories among the ashes of a life that never had a chance to be anything but this.

Next we'll turn to Sophia. Some of my story for her is pure conjecture based on what I've seen from friends I grew up with. When I see Sophia, I see specific girls I knew growing up and I think of things they've told me about their lives. I don't have any experience being a girl in the Jehovah's Witnesses, but her story is one that I feel is honestly similar to mine just with her dealing with all of the added pressure of being a woman in a fucked up patriarchal clusterfuck like that. I'll have to make a part 2 for her, as Tumblr has a character count. I will reblog this post with that when I am done with it. Thank you for reading this far. I hope this provides some insight.

[theoneandonlytruejack]



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Doctor Who: 60th Anniversary Specials |OT| Across the Whoniverse

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 Start dateNov 17, 2023

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Wrexis

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Today at 9:52 PM

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#1,501

None of 13's companions were mentioned in that puppet scene. She made it without killing any of them then? :D

Regeneration scene is up.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2MFwLn-SmA

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Dary

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Today at 9:54 PM

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#1,502

OneTrueJack said:

View: https://twitter.com/WilliamWhoDW/status/1733592582909726773?t=FJYoTo_uw68tMfZ1rGLbPA&s=19

"So the whole timeline regenerated then".

I'm gonna go ahead and ignore this since it was in a commentary and not the episode, but Davies seems to think that the bi-generation travelled backwards along the timeline. So every Doctor just lives on instead of changing, I guess in branching timelines.

Which does explain Tales from the Tardis where all the old Doctors are still travelling. Davies said that would make more sense after the 60th, so I guess that's the explanation.

Click to expand...

It's Schrodinger's Doctor?!

Quantum suicide and immortality - Wikipedia

 en.wikipedia.org

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GrimGrinningGuy

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Today at 9:55 PM

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#1,503

Ashes of Dreams said:

Think they are setting up that Toymaker actively messed with history as some kind of retcon?

It's some kind of set up for sure

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TheGamingNewsGuy

One Winged Slayer

 

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Today at 9:58 PM

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#1,504

Wrexis said:

None of 13's companions were mentioned in that puppet scene. She made it without killing any of them then? :D

Regeneration scene is up.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2MFwLn-SmA

Click to expand...

Yeppp,Companion Exits were less dramatic during 13s run

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Grue

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Today at 10:03 PM

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#1,505

Exclusive footage of 15 calling a returning character:

SPOILER

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Joqu

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Today at 10:04 PM

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#1,506

Edit: Hmmm. So I went back to rewatch that scene after posting this and you know... right after when the Toymaker is talking about all he did when he came to this reality, he says "I made a jigsaw out of your history, did you like it?" and the Doctor furrows his brows to indicate he doesn't know what he means but then we move on to the Master bit. Do you think that's referring to the Timeless Child and Fugitive Doctor stuff? Think they are setting up that Toymaker actively messed with history as some kind of retcon? Or am I reading too much into this line? lol

Click to expand...

I don''t think it's so much setup as much as it's a nod to how the doctor has had multiple histories and origins at this point, but I guess we'll see if it comes up again.

There's Big Finish stuff out there that gets into how the time war has had similar effects too, I just see it as more of this whole "Everything can be canon in doctor who" thing. Which I think is fun, lol

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pikachief

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Today at 10:09 PM

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#1,507

I wasn't a fan of most of the episode (aside from the part with licensed music, that was great) as I felt like it had zero time to breath. The whole thing felt like a fever dream, which I usually like, but there was no time for any of the emotional moments to really set in and there was zero build up to anything that happened.

I was a HUGE fan of how it ended though. After the first special I turned to my wife and said how I wish David Tennant's run would end and his last scene was almost *exactly* how I described it to her. Down to him being an uncle to the family. But I figured there would be no way to get that ending because of who the doctor is. I cried and was very happy 😊

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batti

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Today at 10:11 PM

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#1,508

RepairmanJack said:

Thet ball scene felt so goofy.

It kinda lacked another contestant that could play off them both. Maybe the Toymaker could've roped in some ringer to make the game 2v2, along with a change of scenery.

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MrKlaw

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Today at 10:12 PM

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#1,509

Someone tell me I'm not crazy for thinking when the toy maker is sitting on the genesis cannon or whatever and he's doing his fake German accent going 'ze laser cannon viz de bang und ze boom' he was channeling Danny kaye

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Grue

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Today at 10:17 PM

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#1,510

MrKlaw said:

Someone tell me I'm not crazy for thinking when the toy maker is sitting on the genesis cannon or whatever and he's doing his fake German accent going 'ze laser cannon viz de bang und ze boom' he was channeling Danny kaye

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13lVvAANQss

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VorpalNonsense

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Today at 10:19 PM

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#1,511

Just finished the episode. Unfortunately some jackass on twitter last night was publicly posting leaks disguised as "speculation" so I wasnt as surprised by the regeneration as I would have liked to be, but this was a rockin episode and I loved it.

The Toymaker was great, NPH hit a home run. Really fun performance, and I loved how creepy they got with it. The conclusion with him was underwhelming, but the journey there was great. The Toymaker gloated about making a jigsaw of the Doctor's past. Is he... taking credit for the timeless child? Is that implying that he warped reality to fuck with the Doctor? Or am I reading too much into things...

What did the Doctor say about his bigeneration, that it was therapy out of order, or something like that? It seems like the 15th Doctor has complete memories but does not carry with him the trauma anymore, while the 14th Doctor has kept the trauma in order to go on holiday and work through it. The Doctor became so internally conflicted that it affected his regeneration. I wonder if after he's healed up sometime in the future, there might be a sort of reunification between the two, convergent regeneration. Anything could happen after what we saw today.

I wonder what the endgame for the 14th doctor is though. For now they can coast, let him recover, bring him in for the cameo assist every now and then, but like...then what? Feels like something that needs to be addressed, not now, maybe not even soon, but eventually. Today the doctor bigenerated. But after the 14th doctor recovers, will there be a convergent regeneration? Or is there just...two doctors forever now? seems like that would be a problem long term because you basically cant tell stories in modern london for as long as he's still around, unless david tennant is available for a cameo, because like...he may not be traveling around looking for trouble anymore, but if it came to his doorstep, he wouldnt sit it out, right? So this arrangement probably won't be permanent. Unless...he retires and becomes the Curator. But I'd rather leave the Curator forever as the far far unknown future as was intended.

I felt like I could see a hint of the 12th doctor in the 14th doctor today. At one point he was really slamming the human race as a bunch of violent apes in a way that felt like a 12th doctor takedown (or the 9th). I think the 10th doctor tended to be a little more positive than that. I enjoy the distinction.

I was surprised that the master got a mention at all, i figured they'd leave him on the toybox for a while. That's fun.

My lady and I are instantly in love with the 15th doctor. He's so good, so instantly. I am so excited for his era. Love his sassy attitude, and that his first order of business was a jukebox and mood lighting. This is gonna be a lot of fun. I'm already eager for Christmas. Lol@ him starting off his tenure in his underwear.

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MrKlaw

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Today at 10:23 PM

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#1,512

Grue said:

I dunno.

Needs a re-watch and I don't want to be the debbie downer in the thread

But the hairs on the back on my neck aren't up to be honest.

- I think I'm going to have to learn to accept Davies ex-machina endings again. Playing super-catch was definitely a bit anticlimactic as a conclusion to all the villain build-up. And smacking a whole new TARDIS out with a big mallet was, forgive me, just a bit Looney Tunes - and not in a good way.

- I wish there was a more conclusive wrap-up to Fourteen's arc. The reason for the face coming back was to 'come home'? To live with Donna? This makes zero sense to me; and I say that as someone who has greatly enjoyed Tennant's vulnerable portrayal this time around.

- Yes, in the meta-narrative I hate the fact there are two Doctors rocking around now. I know it happened before, I didn't like it then much either; but mostly I worry it's going to leave everyone thinking 'bring Tennant back!' whenever the show is perceived to have a dip in quality.

​

NPH was great though, I've enjoyed Tennant this time around far more than the last time, and I remain excited for Gatwa. Onwards!

Click to expand...

I read it not just coming back to Donna but to heal, to recover etc. slow down and take some time - which he can do knowing he's also still out there I guess

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Magister Xehanort

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Today at 10:23 PM

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APOEERA said:

The former Lord President of Gallifrey could work as the big bad the Toymaker doesn't want to face since we haven't heard from him after Capaldi Doctor sent him away on a shuttle.

He would be pissed that he got sent away, Gallifrey got destroyed again and the Doctor is the Timeless Child which wasn't to have gotten leaked out.

Click to expand...

TheGamingNewsGuy said:

Or it could be Omega

Or maybe it could be The Great Vampires.

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apocat

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Today at 10:26 PM

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#1,514

So I wonder if the one who waits is actually a later regeneration of the Tennant Doctor. Having lost his human family, and having confronted the loss of a linear life as an immortal being, thus driven to a far darker place. That would make Mels inclusion make a lot of sense, since I believe she faced the Valeyard (I've never watched Trials myself) in her run?

That would certainly make the ending less of a happy one, mind, but would also make the Valeyard actually make more sense in the canon.

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MrKlaw

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Today at 10:27 PM

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WhySoDevious said:

I was tearing up watching him start regenerating... but also excited that we were gonna end with a nice chunk of the episode with Gatwa.

I got the best of both worlds.

But NPH stole the show here. Absolutely brilliant.

Can't wait for the Christmas Special!

Click to expand...

When he started I was saying out loud 'wait but he hasn't done whatever he came back for so how can he just regenerate now?'

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YorkshireDaveUK

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Today at 10:29 PM

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#1,516

My head canon until I am told otherwise is that Ncuti is the doctors future generation pulled back to this point in time. it allows David's doctor to rest and heal, and for Nucti to start his run with a fresh perspective.

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TheGamingNewsGuy

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Today at 10:32 PM

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apocat said:

So I wonder if the one who waits is actually a later regeneration of the Tennant Doctor. Having lost his human family, and having confronted the loss of a linear life as an immortal being, thus driven to a far darker place. That would make Mels inclusion make a lot of sense, since I believe she faced the Valeyard (I've never watched Trials myself) in her run?

That would certainly make the ending less of a happy one, mind, but would also make the Valeyard actually make more sense in the canon.

Click to expand...

What's also possible is that an outside force (like a cosmic entity) corrupts the 14th Doctor and becomes the Valeyard who later interacts with the Doctor's timeline in various forms hence him being in the 6th. The "Valeyard" Persona goes out of the 14th and he gets to live back with Donna, would still introduce the Valeyard as an element without ruining the 14th Doctor ending.

Not sure how i would feel about any of the Doctors becoming the Valeyard without outside inteference

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liquidtmd

Avenger

Today at 10:33 PM

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YorkshireDaveUK said:

My head canon until I am told otherwise is that Ncuti is the doctors future generation pulled back to this point in time. it allows David's doctor to rest and heal, and for Nucti to start his run with a fresh perspective.

I thought that entirely was the implication of what they went with?

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YorkshireDaveUK

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liquidtmd said:

I thought that entirely was the implication of what they went with?

It you watch it again it isn't explained terribly well, hence the rampant speculation here and online. I also took it as what I posted at first, then questioned myself.

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NewtonNextDoor

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Today at 10:40 PM

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OneTrueJack said:

View: https://twitter.com/WilliamWhoDW/status/1733592582909726773?t=FJYoTo_uw68tMfZ1rGLbPA&s=19

"So the whole timeline regenerated then".

I'm gonna go ahead and ignore this since it was in a commentary and not the episode, but Davies seems to think that the bi-generation travelled backwards along the timeline. So every Doctor just lives on instead of changing, I guess in branching timelines.

Which does explain Tales from the Tardis where all the old Doctors are still travelling. Davies said that would make more sense after the 60th, so I guess that's the explanation.

Click to expand...

Does that mean all generations of doctor instead of dying, survived the regeneration and get to do something else? They rested and healed themselves. Some became a curator. Some might go into a different type of adventure. Some could become evil (Valeyard) This would explain why new doctor usually feels like a reset.

I dont think that David Tennant is coming back anytime soon. However this leaves the door open for other doctors (older ones) to come back. I believe that multiple doctor meetings are special and should be very rare (Even Capaldi said that). I imagine Davies understands that.

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SixtyTwoMike

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RepairmanJack said:

It felt more like he came off as a very confident and sure of himself Doctor, not necessarily just nice. He literally comes off as someone who's been through therapy like the line says of doing therapy in reverse.

Some quoting weirdness going on here - I never posted that!

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shan780

The Fallen

Today at 10:47 PM

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I enjoyed the episode a lot.

I do think it was a bit too fast-paced, and probably could've done with a longer episode or something like that. The Toymaker's demise fumbling a ball was a bit lame - I imagined the Doctor(s) would outwit him (like Geralt vs Gaunter O' Dimm, who's very similar to the Toymaker conceptually, in The Witcher 3).

The symbolism of Gatwa leaving his trauma behind was nice, and I'm excited for his series given the energy and charisma he showed in his short time this episode.

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RepairmanJack

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SixtyTwoMike said:

Some quoting weirdness going on here - I never posted that!

Oh wow, so weird, going back to try to correct lol

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Parthenios

The Fallen

Today at 10:50 PM

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If you're universe has time travel, it can't have a multiverse, and if it has a multiverse it can't have time travel. Doctor Who wisely avoids a multiverse, and Rick and Morty knows to stay away from time travel (with rare exceptions for each).

Not super thrilled with the idea of a Doctor Who multiverse (when the Doctor can simply simultaneously exist in different places and time without it). Weird time to jump into the multiverse fad, when it's been worn out for a bit too. Hopefully that's just banter for the commentary.

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OneTrueJack

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The more I think about it, the more my biggest problem with the bi-generation is just how poorly explained the whole thing is. The dialogue just seems so...confused?

The Doctor says it's a myth...except they also may have just made the name up in the moment...except the Toymakes also seems to say it was his fault?? Fourteen and Fifteen split apart, except Fifteen still says that Fourteen still has to become him? The recent leaks said that Fifteen gets pulled from the future and the whole thing is a closed time loop, which seems to be an understanding taken from their dialogue in the Tardis (that Fourteen has to mentally heal so Fifteen can be at peace) but again that doesn't line up with the visuals or the actual events. Fifteen doesn't mention being from the future? Or does Fouteen's future experiences feed back into Fifteen...somehow?

And then we have Davies bts comments saying that this is supposed to be a complete shakeup that affects every previous Doctor despite nothing indicating that on screen...but it does line up with Tales from the Tardis so it's clearly something he had been thinking about...what?

It feels like a half-formed idea. Like something major got lost in rewrites.

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MrKlaw

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Today at 10:51 PM

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Parthenios said:

If you're universe has time travel, it can't have a multiverse, and if it has a multiverse it can't have time travel. Doctor Who wisely avoids a multiverse, and Rick and Morty knows to stay away from time travel (with rare exceptions for each).

Not super thrilled with the idea of a Doctor Who multiverse (when the Doctor can simply simultaneously exist in different places and time without it). Weird time to jump into the multiverse fad, when it's been worn out for a bit too. Hopefully that's just banter for the commentary.

Click to expand...

But the timeless child explicitly calls out multiple universes

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TheGamingNewsGuy

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Today at 10:53 PM

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Parthenios said:

If you're universe has time travel, it can't have a multiverse, and if it has a multiverse it can't have time travel. Doctor Who wisely avoids a multiverse, and Rick and Morty knows to stay away from time travel (with rare exceptions for each).

Not super thrilled with the idea of a Doctor Who multiverse (when the Doctor can simply simultaneously exist in different places and time without it). Weird time to jump into the multiverse fad, when it's been worn out for a bit too. Hopefully that's just banter for the commentary.

Click to expand...

I mean you can have both, we canonically know there is a MV hence Pete's world also the Toymaker lives in another universe

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Lexad

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OneTrueJack said:

The more I think about it, the more my biggest problem with the bi-generation is just how poorly explained the whole thing is. The dialogue just seems so...confused?

The Doctor says it's a myth...except they also may have just made the name up in the moment...except the Toymakes also seems to say it was his fault?? Fourteen and Fifteen split apart, except Fifteen still says that Fourteen still has to become him? The recent leaks said that Fifteen gets pulled from the future and the whole thing is a closed time loop, which seems to be an understanding taken from their dialogue in the Tardis (that Fourteen has to mentally heal so Fifteen can be at peace) but again that doesn't line up with the visuals or the actual events. Fifteen doesn't mention being from the future? Or does Fouteen's future experiences feed back into Fifteen...somehow?

And then we have Davies bts comments saying that this is supposed to be a complete shakeup that affects every previous Doctor despite nothing indicating that on screen...but it does line up with Tales from the Tardis so it's clearly something he had been thinking about...what?

It feels like a half-formed idea. Like something major got lost in rewrites.

Click to expand...

It is kind of awful all things considered

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The_Iceman2288

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59 minutes ago

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Is The Curator the Fourth Doctor's bigeneration?

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Guppeth

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58 minutes ago

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MrKlaw said:

But the timeless child explicitly calls out multiple universes

Yeah but I don't think it was in a "many variations of this universe" kinda way. More a "this universe isn't the whole of reality" way.

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Serif

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I don't see why we need retroactive bigeneration as a way to bring back old Doctors. They've been doing that for years already...

liquidtmd said:

I thought that entirely was the implication of what they went with?

YorkshireDaveUK said:

It you watch it again it isn't explained terribly well, hence the rampant speculation here and online. I also took it as what I posted at first, then questioned myself.

They call the 15th Doctor the 'older' one, which imo only makes sense if he literally has more years lived, since if it was just the Doctor 'cloning' himself they'd both be the same age. He also says they're doing rehab 'out of order' - i.e. 15 encourages 14 to get the necessary rest to eventually 'become' him.

But I agree - it's not super clear that it's timey wimey. They could just say 'bigeneration happens when a future regeneration is forcefully brought back' or something something. An unnatural regeneration, where 14 was always going to regenerate to 15, but the Toymaker's meddling meant he showed up much earlier. I find this more preferable to the idea that the Doctor split himself like a starfish and there's a duplicate of him, down to there being duplicate TARDISes.

The_Iceman2288 said:

Is The Curator the Fourth Doctor's bigeneration?

The Curator specifically talks about revisiting faces to the 11th Doctor and has an awareness about the events of DotD based on his remarks about Gallifrey. As far as I know only later Doctors retain the memory when meeting their other selves, so if it were the 4th Doctor he wouldn't remember anything or make a reference to revisiting the old favorites.

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Kinsei

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56 minutes ago

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Guppeth said:

Yeah but I don't think it was in a "many variations of this universe" kinda way. More a "this universe isn't the whole of reality" way.

Forgetting the alternate universe from series 2? The one The Doctor, Rose, and Mickey fell into and encountered the new Cybermen?

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Guppeth

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Kinsei said:

Forgetting the alternate universe from series 2? The one The Doctor, Rose, and Mickey fell into and encountered the new Cybermen?

Aye that was a parallel universe. And we've seen that kind of thing before, way back in the Pertwee era when everyone in the other universe was a nazi with an evil moustache. But with the Timeless Child, the implication was they came from somewhere outside the known universe.

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liquidtmd

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54 minutes ago

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The more I think about it, the more my biggest problem with the bi-generation is just how poorly explained the whole thing is. The dialogue just seems so...confused?

The Doctor says it's a myth...except they also may have just made the name up in the moment...except the Toymakes also seems to say it was his fault?? Fourteen and Fifteen split apart, except Fifteen still says that Fourteen still has to become him? The recent leaks said that Fifteen gets pulled from the future and the whole thing is a closed time loop, which seems to be an understanding taken from their dialogue in the Tardis (that Fourteen has to mentally heal so Fifteen can be at peace) but again that doesn't line up with the visuals or the actual events. Fifteen doesn't mention being from the future? Or does Fouteen's future experiences feed back into Fifteen...somehow?

And then we have Davies bts comments saying that this is supposed to be a complete shakeup that affects every previous Doctor despite nothing indicating that on screen...but it does line up with Tales from the Tardis so it's clearly something he had been thinking about...what?

It feels like a half-formed idea. Like something major got lost in rewrites.

[apalestar]

A slip back into the dead of night away from the smell of corpse and entrails. Astarion sparred nary a thought to staying once released. More than a lifetime’s share of viscera witnessed. The only thing missing was the ambiance of chittering bats and growling wolves. He left the sanctuary proper.

The Grove surprisingly active given the time of night. Several of the residents whispered amongst one another. Rumor and gossip spread quickly among this insular community. How their guest killed Drow on their doorstep. Kagha’s march to demand retribution. From them the news circulated and spread. The assassination attempt of their most beloved Archdruid. Someone among her retinue opened their mouth. Let Halsin’s secret be known.

‘Our Archdruid? Our Halsin? Nooo. That can’t be.’

‘To the Drow? Will more of them come? Do we need to fear Drow raiding parties now?’

‘How could someone so large like Halsin be taken as a slave? Couldn’t he have overpowered them?’

Slavery was a norm in some areas of the Sword Coast. A backdrop of life Astarion had grown callous to. He couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy in himself for others that shared a similar circumstance to his own. Yet something rankled in him hearing in the judgement cast towards Halsin. The hair on his neck standing on end. The minute twitch of his lips in the instinctual urge to bear his fangs to a threat. The crimson gleam of his eyes in the moonlight.

Their glances made their way towards him for none of the right reasons. An angered vampire still coated in a mixture of his own blood and the Drow’s. A hushed silence fell over the small group of them. “Oh please don’t stop spilling out your drivel on my account. Do go on.” He resisted the urge to reach for the dagger on his belt. “Your ignorance is rather entertaining. Easy to judge a situation when you’re not in it, isn’t it?”

“Hm. I do wonder would you repeat yourselves were Halsin here. I’m sure he’d love your pedestrian commentary.” Perhaps next time he’d lead the Drow to their doorsteps instead of killing them. Let these coddled druids be hunted for a change.

“We meant no disrespect to the Archdruid.”

“Of course not!” A tone reflected he didn’t believe a word of it. “Whatever you want to tell yourself so you can sleep at night.” He watched them cower at being called out. How disturbed they were to be in the presence of a vampire working in his favor. Eventually, Astarion grew tired of the stand-off leaving them to their gossip.

He departed beyond the walls and into the forest. Too high-strung and furious to do much else. Astarion remained away until the pull of exhaustion informed him of the coming dawn. He returned to the safety and darkness of the inner sanctum where he found Halsin still awake.

“The sun is rising, darling. I was bound to return at this hour.” If Halsin was still awake and the body just now being stitched back together. “Did you really stay up through the whole night working on—“ He motioned over to the dead Drow. “—that? You did remember only one of us is nocturnal?”

"That I do," he agrees to the fact of dissecting the corpse, though he wonders if he should keep the body intact for Nettie to join him later... though time was of the essence. She'd understand why he didn't wait for her when the time came to tell her what had happened. Surely she had already heard, part of Halsin wondered when she'd approach him and speak on the matter amongst themselves.

Regardless, Astarion's reaction had Halsin smiling, a chuckle rumbling in his chest as he nods, letting his hands drop from Astarion's shoulders and taking a step back to allow the vampire space to leave as he wished. "As you wish, my friend. I will see you .... when I see you," his hesitation was clear, waiting for Astarion to leave before he made his move

His work was important to him, there was no doubt about it. Losing himself to his actions and his studies of the body as he cut and observed, he could almost forget about what had happened, what he had been forced to reveal to the grove as a result of Kagha's actions...

Almost.

Lost to his studies, he doesn't realize how much time has passed before Nettie is suddenly there, handing him tools, helping him with his observations while making her own. They worked together quite well, and by the time Astarion makes his way back to the study, the dissection was nearly complete.

"Ah, you return," Halsin speaks, stepping back from the body as he gestures for Nettie to finish sewing the poor drow back together. Going to the water pot, he washes his hands free of the gore on his hands.

[storm-and-starlight]

So I finally sat down and listened to Viva Las Vengeance (the new Panic! at the Disco) album, and these are my thoughts (under a cut because surprise I did not like it):

It's bad

Like... Pray for the Wicked at least had some interesting musical stuff going on, and some genuinely very fun songs, and was doing some really cool stuff with its commentary on Hollywood both lyrically and musically (a lot of the songs were themed around an Era of Hollywood, like Roaring 20's has a lot of elements of 20's big band swing)

Viva Las Vengeance has none of that

Brendon keeps shoving his voice further and further back in his throat? and it doesn't sound good. Like it doesn't sound like he's ruining his voice, like I heard some people say, but it's not really aesthetically pleasing

The lyrics are just as bad as everyone keeps saying, like I saw a lot of mentions of the line "t-rex sex in the middle of a breakup" but like. that is comprehensible. I can figure out what "t-rex sex" is like, more or less (it's like a t-rex), and why someone would be having that in the middle of a breakup.

I would instead like to draw attention to the song "don't let the light go out" which is SUPPOSED to be a melancholy song about watching a loved one die (I think)

which contains the line (sung multiple times as the ending to the chorus, no less!) "You're the only one who knows how to operate my heavy machinery."

whatthefuckbrendon

I know he can write lovely, melancholy sad songs! Panic! has lots of them! The Calendar and Far Too Young To Die and Collar Full are all similar vibes to the premise of Don't Let the Light Go Out, and are also WAY FUCKING BETTER

They also do not contain the line "you're the only one who knows how to operate my heavy machinery"

In the middle of a melancholy sad song about watching a loved one die

whatthefuckbrendon

Anyways the rest of the album is a blur of vaguely remembered bad lyrics and boring melodies

literally the only two songs that stood out were the opener (bc it was the first), Don't Let the Light Go Out (bc whatthefuckbrendon) and Local God

speaking of Local God

from a purely technical standpoint

it's the only good song on the album

it has an interesting, catchy melody that actually sounds like Panic! at the Disco

It has engaging, interesting, coherent lyrics

it has kind of a cool premise

it is also just a DICK FUCKING MOVE on his part to have even written it at all

I hate it even more because not only is it incredibly rude to the rest of the band that he kind of screwed over, it's the only actually well-written song on the entire goddamn album

so in summary: it's bad

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Oh no. I’m back. And I didn’t shut up for 9 pages. I’m sorry. 

Moon Knight. A commentary on mental illness and able-ism? 

I’m not going to dive into the comics because we have…..YEARS of content to unpack there with every single writer. But I am going to brush on it just a little. This is going to be mostly about the show. 

I’m going to preface this by saying that everyone’s experience in anything is going to be different. We are, after all, individuals. You can give the same diagnosis to five different people, and while they will have some overlapping similarities, they will all experience it differently. Honestly, the same goes for any type of handicap, mental illness, religion, autism, or any sort of neurodivergent person. Which is both wonderful and oftentimes frustrating. One person can point at something and scream how wrong it is and toxic, while another will point and say “I feel seen! At last!” We just have to keep in mind that maybe both perspectives are right. Which is hard to do, but all we can do is try. 

Let’s start with the abuse. Wait, let’s go further back. Let’s start with the absolute neglect that was given to Wendy. 

I am not here to apologize for her. She was monstrous and cruel and 100% a destructive force… But what was done to help her in the start? What was done to stop her from taking it out on Marc? 

A mother that just lost her child is in pain and mourning. We see a glimpse of people sitting around, but no one is actually talking to her. Where is her support network? Where are the family and friends? Where is the culture? Where is the Rabbi? If she was not Jewish, or considered a convert, let’s assume the father has his own cultural support. So where is his support? Why is he not grieving with his wife? 

She starts to scream and blame Marc for the loss of her son and the smallest effort is made to stop her. More so, no one follows Marc up the stairs to comfort him. A child that just lost his baby brother. A child that was there and witnessed the drowning of his baby brother. A child that probably just barely escaped death himself. 

There is a lack of a support system. A lack of grief counseling. A lack of spousal support. A lack of spiritual help. A lack of community. 

She sank into alcohol and while we see the father trying to give Marc a normal life of birthday parties and so on, it all feels forced. Nothing is wrong here. Why can’t you just be normal and happy? There is nothing wrong with the family. Your mother doesn’t mean those things she says. She’s just sad sometimes. 

Wendy is spiraling down and at most the husband is a small voice in the background asking her to please get over it. Please don’t do this. Don’t make a scene. 

As a child watching this, you don’t understand why it is happening. This isn’t supposed to happen. Adults are invulnerable. They have all the answers. They are supposed to make things better. The only logical conclusion that can be made is that it is your fault. If you didn’t exist they could be happier. They wouldn’t be so sad. None of this would have happened. 

Next we see a very good example of looking the other way. She starts to beat him. She would have left marks. Using a belt with that much pent up rage, she would not have been careful to only hit so it won’t show. Unless he was dissociating so hard that completely tuned it out, he would have had defensive marks that first time. Hands up, curling up in a little ball to protect himself if she had let him. She might have grabbed his wrists to prevent him from curling up. She would have left bruises there. 

Did the father not notice? Marc would have been too scared to have told him. It was ingrained too much in him that it was his fault and that he deserved this. He wouldn’t have told anyone. But someone would have seen the marks. Over and over again. 

Now we have the failure of a society to talk about or question what was happening at home. A thing that still very very much happens. Why is the kid acting out? Why are they suddenly quiet and submissive? Why are they getting into fights? Clearly they are just a bad child and nothing is going on at home except for a lack of discipline. The school calls up “Hey Marc got into another fight. He’s failing math. He needs more structure at home.” 

This leads to more beatings. 

I wish we had seen more of his interactions with his father. The one scene we got was “Why haven’t you?” as his father begs him not to leave. The one time Marc questions why his father hasn’t done anything to help him or help his mother. 

My personal head canon is that Marc has very little memories from around this time. Especially around his father. Giving his time to Steven, dissociating, and possibly the emergence of Jake all scrambled his memories. I believe that Marc reached a point where he took too much from his mother and that Jake came during a very dark time for the system. Possibly in a psychiatric ward. Possibly during a break down. Possibly in dealing with his father’s failure to properly identify the problem and further putting it on Marc instead of Wendy. I think Jake’s demons lay in facing his father and the lack of proper help and protection Marc was offered. But none of that is solid or supported by the show. Just my own two cents. 

Next we go into the military. Cause they’ve never failed to identify mental illness and give support, right? HA. 

Marc is good at hiding his problems. Scarily good. Going with the show, he’s very very good at masking his autism. Honestly, he takes things at face value, likes structure, and doesn’t understand exaggerations. Of course he thrives in the military. He’s good at it and picks it up. He makes it his drive to understand weapons and fighting. He mostly has Steven figured out at this point. Steven is a switch he can turn on when he feels overwhelmed emotionally. He isn’t going to have that in the military. He has control. He is a picture of perfect cool. 

Except when he isn’t. Marc has anger problems. He is still overwhelmed by other emotions. He has self worth problems. He probably wakes up at night cringing and defending himself from his mother. 

I’m going to go off on a small tangent for a moment, but please hang in there. I met a guy in college who wanted to be a nurse. He was so happy and bouncy and bubbly. A huge buff man that worked out with muscles for days. He was ex army and covered in tattoos. 

He had to give a presentation on something personal and he gave one on PTSD. Now, we all knew he was a former army and had seen action. We all figured “Ah, PTSD from the army guy. He must have seen some fights!” 

His presentation started with how one quiet night he was on guard duty. He got up to check on a weapons shed. He reached up to turn on the light and he was suddenly a small boy again seeing his mother’s hand come flying towards his face. He started having panic attacks, night terrors, and would freeze up in routine situations. He had blocked out the years of abuse his mother had done to him. It all came flying back to him because he got up one night and turned on a light. 

How often do you think Marc would hear someone bang on a door and kick start his fight or flight response? How many times do you think he would start to dissociate because he could hear running water?  

I believe that the only time Marc had full control of himself was in the heat of battle. He could focus on the battle. On getting through. He could feel alive and ignore anything else. He could focus his unchecked rage. He could ignore any pain in the heat of the moment. I think it was when things calmed down and were quiet and he was left to his own thoughts that things got bad for him. 

I think Marc’s own problems started to get in the way. Dissociating, losing time, wandering off because he can’t handle the clam and quiet. Moments where perhaps Steven would come to the surface for just a bit. Moments where Jake might have had to take over because Marc was too lost in his own head. Jake would have had to learn to fight just to get them through. I can imagine the first time Jake was dropped into the middle of some fire fight. The absolute sheer terror and determination to get them out of there. 

So of course Marc gets kicked out. A fugue state. They don’t want to deal with that. Forget sending him to counseling. He came in already broken. It isn’t their fault he can’t handle it like everyone else.  Marc wouldn’t talk to a counselor anyway. He’s been trained not to talk. To put on the mask and make it all fine. 

There is no fall back as a mercenary. No therapy or ‘hey you okay?’. You fight and hope you don’t fall behind and that you get paid. 

I’m not going to get into Khonshu. We all know what he did. His manipulation and using Marc’s problems against him. 

Let’s jump into Steven. Sweet Steven. Here is a man that doesn’t know the definition of Masking. Why would he? He’s never had to. He sees the museum is hiring and they have a special exhibit on his favorite thing ever! 

So he wanders in and applies. This part is actually upsetting. He has the knowledge. He wants to be a tour guide. He wants to smile and tell people everything he knows about Egypt. He knows so much that he can’t help but correct any mistakes he sees. Correct anything someone mispronounces. He’s awkward, he doesn’t have social cues. He’s a grown man with the energy of a child. 

He knows more about Egypt than any of the tour guides that sat through a five minute video course and was forced to memorize a script. THE MAN CAN READ HIEROGLYPHS. So why is he a gift shoppist? 

Is it because he talks too much and too fast when excited? Is it because he can’t stay on script because he has so much more to tell you than what was written out by some tired man that read a book once? Is it because he awkwardly sat in the interview, waved, and said “Hi! I’m Steven with a V. I saw you had a sign up about Egypt and I love Egypt I’ve been reading about it for years and I’ve been through your exhibit about ten times in the past week and let me tell you that the sign on the statue of Horus is absolutely wrong because while they are both birds it is actually Thoth, who is vastly different. I bet whoever made that mistake is going to be so red in the face, am I right?” 

And they keep him there in the gift shop. Any time they see him talking to the patrons they put him back behind the counter. They punish him for being over exuberant and being late with inventory duty late into the night. They can’t be asked to learn his name or listen to him when he tells them he doesn’t like nicknames. He isn’t normal and honestly they treat him like a child. 

When Steven starts to show signs of stress and causing problems, they punish him more. We all know at this point that Donna is a representation of continued abuse from his mother and Ammit and so on… But we all know a boss like her. A bully. One that has decided that you are an idiot and not worth their time. She doesn’t care about his dreams or desire for a better job position. She would put him in the broom closet if she could. To her, he is disgusting and wrong. He doesn’t act like everyone else. She just wants him to shut up and sell whatever crap they have to sell that day. 

So when the bathroom is trashed and they have the video of a man clearly in distress, they don’t know what to do with him. He’s called out as being mentally ill, which to them is a liability. What if he freaks out in front of guests? What if he breaks something important? He’s fired and given a pamphlet. “We aren’t going to help you get help, but read this and go find help.” 

Is this the place he needs to go? Do they know what kind of help he needs? Is he in crisis? If he were a man in crisis, handing him a pamphlet is not a great move. They don’t know what kind of help he needs! Does he need a very specific type of trauma therapist? Does he already have his own therapist or doctor? Who cares, give him a pamphlet to a place they heard about. At least they can be seen as compassionate and offering help, even if he doesn’t take it. 

At this point, the only person who Steven is comfortable talking to is a man that is akin to a mime. He can’t talk back and is a living statue. I think this says a lot about the state of how alone Steven is. So when Harrow calls him Broken, Steven knows he isn’t broken. His life is falling apart and he doesn’t understand why, but admits that maybe he needs a little help. Of course Harrow isn’t there to help him. Harrow is there to make him feel broken. To feel powerless. 

The way Harrow asks Steven if he can talk to Marc is like when a teacher talks down to you and asks what you did wrong, knowing you did wrong. Steven puts his foot down. Steven is not having it. There is nothing wrong with him and this is not the help he needs. Steven can see past it and has had enough being belittled and overlooked. 

It affects Marc, though. Marc hasn’t learned how to handle this sort of thing. Harrow is chipping away at him. For the first time ever, someone is acknowledging that there is something wrong with him, but instead of helping him, they are throwing it back in his face. Of course he’s broken. Of course he is mentally ill. He’s so broken and ill that no one can help him. He is just more of a disgrace. 

Harrow further chips away at Marc in the great pyramid. Calling out all of Marc’s insecurities that he witnessed when he looked at his scales. Of course Marc knows his own name. Marc knows about Steven. He probably helped set up Steven’s work history. But Harrow is taking Marc’s fear of being seen as broken, wrong, and mentally ill and throwing it back in his face. He’s using it against him. He’s telling these other powerful people that hold a place of power not to listen to Marc because he is sick. 

These are things Marc fears. Things that have probably happened to Marc at some point in his life. Perhaps things his own family threw at him. “Don’t talk like that, what will the neighbors think?” “Put on a long sleeve shirt to hide your scars.” “Smile for the picture. You don’t want people to think you aren’t friendly.” 

And we do see how it hurts him. Khonshu has used his body without permission. You can see how it hurts him after each scream. How draining it is. Not to mention this is a sensation Marc knows. To not have control of your body. To not feel yourself. To have to watch and listen as someone else uses you and you can do nothing. 

You can see the point where Marc is broken down after Khonshu is forced to release his hold on Marc. On his knees before people that now only see him as ‘unwell’. Before a man that knows his secrets and just how sick he views himself as. 

He once more asks for help and he is not only denied help, but he is dismissed. They don’t listen to him. If they had a pamphlet for ‘Sick Avatars’ they probably would have given it to him. It’s exactly what Steven went through in the Museum and while it made Steven angry and seek answers, this is where Marc has been before and he is too broken down and tired to fight it anymore. He knows where it has landed him before. 

If it weren’t for Steven, Harrow would have won right there. Marc was done fighting. 

So where does the story change? 

In the comics it still hasn’t changed. For so long Moon Knight was seen as the crazy hero. The one playing hero that no one took seriously. The Avengers called him a mad dog. They don’t trust him to carry out serious missions because he’s crazy and could go off at any moment. 

He’s been called schizophrenic, been tossed older terminology of Multiple Personality (even after the newer terminology was recognized and accepted in more common use), been shown as having made it all up in his head, of erasing his traumatic past and blaming it on being touched by a god and frying his brain, of saying his problems are an outside force that damaged him somehow. 

The hard part is that when we do get a good writer that puts Marc through his struggles and brings him the peace and understanding he has always been looking for, the next writer could undo it all so easily. 

Moon Knight has come to be defined by his mental illness. I think they are afraid that if they make him more at home with himself then they will lose the edge and he won’t be fascinating to read or write. That is why they keep redoing him. They didn’t know what to do with him and now all they do with him is try to define his illness. 

In Marc alone, we have depression, trauma, DID (heavy on the D), guilt, self spite, symptoms of having been gaslighted, PTSD, suicidal tendancies, and a man that is always on the edge of being in crisis. The beautiful part? So many of his readers can relate to some part of this. 

I’ve seen so many people be asked, “Hey, you have DID, what do you think of Moon Knight?” And they just start gushing. While it hasn’t always been a realistic representation, and not always a favorable one, this is a man that chooses to be a hero in all aspects and somehow figures out how to function. A man people love not despite his illnesses, but because of. 

There are some readers out there that go to him because he’s wild and ‘unhinged’ and has violent fights and kicks ass. There will always be that group. Yet there are so many that want to see how he handles being in real therapy. To see how he manages to still be a figure of importance in his neighborhood. To see him make friends and fight his inner demons as much as his enemy of the week. People that see his struggle as their own and want to see him crawl out of the sewer and be surrounded by his friends. 

We want to see him acknowledge that he is who he is. That he isn’t broken. That maybe he’s a little different but that he can still be who and what he chooses to be, and that is a hero. 

So back to the show. Where does that leave us? He isn’t asking for help anymore. No one listens. No one understands and while everyone is telling him how broken he is, no one is willing to help him get himself back together. 

I think this is where a lot of people see themselves. Rock bottom, desperate, giving up, broken, tired of asking before no one is listening or seeing them. So how does Marc get lifted up? 

In this case, Marc has built his own support system. Jake is there to force him to stop hurting himself and Steven is there to lift him back up. Even Layla who eventually realizes that despite Marc pushing her away, he really just needs her there. She literally flies in and saves him, then helps him back up. 

It doesn’t matter where your support system comes from, it’s something we all need. Outside forces or inside. 

I wish I wish I wish we had the Diab cut. We got to see him stand up to Khonshu, Ammit and Harrow… But to see him confront his mother… Something we all wish we could have. To find the person that has abused and tormented them and stand up and say “You were wrong. I am not broken. I am surviving and I am still here.” 

So again, where does that leave everything? We don’t know. These are problems that don’t go away overnight. The show ends on a note. Not an up note or a down note. Just a note. They are still back right where the show started. Tethered to a bed and unsure about the future. 

But on waking, the first thing Marc does is call out for reassurance. “Steven, are you there?” A man always on edge of crisis. This time he is asking for his life line, and his life line, while sleepy and unsure about his own future, will always be there to help him. 

They will still face rejection, people trying to tell them that they are wrong or not normal or broken. People that feel the need to bully them because they are different. They will still face prejudice and people not willing to understand. People who will think that they need help and proceed to offer the worst help one can find. 

Is any of that okay? No. Unfortunately it is realistic. But I think they are going to be more confident in themselves now. When one feels insecure or like maybe they are wrong, the other can help them push through. 

Society is not the best at offering help. Sometimes it’s going to miss big things and then pat itself on the back when it hands you a fucking pamphlet. The important thing is that we are our own heroes. Maybe we can be someone else’s hero. 

We’d rather save the world.

[magicaloctopus333]

Unrequested commentary? Yessiree!

So, with the Robin and Kermit sketch, I was planning on redoing the scene where Kermit is walking home with [tiny tim] Robin on his shoulder in MCC. Fully painted, a proper recreation... however, I have lost my set of paintbrushes suited for acrylics. I have one small one that is only for watercolor works... the joys of moving houses :(

Robin and Sweetums piece is similar, but I didn't know what would be best to top the tree with, qnd how Robin would best do balancing on Sweetum's head. I forgot about the christmas sweater.

I just like that sketch of Constantine.

Originally, for the Swedish Chef, I was stuck between 2 options. Him fighting a ginger bread house come to life, or the battle of building the holiday feast. In the end, I did something fun with him atop the food pile.

The first characters i thought of and their cute lil sketches- one of which looks quite similar to the finished product. With a chicken addition, of course.

Scooter and Walter... they really knocked me off course. I had to rearrange so many days for those two because I couldn't keep to one plan! Initially, it was just them. Then they were reacting to parts of the movie in comic form. Then other muppets were joining making it an 18 Part Comic... then a 2 part comic of starting the movie to all the muppets appearing in the latter piece... to one simplified piece of just the two Planning to watch it. I may very likely return to the 18 part comic another time...

Piggy and Deadly. I didn't know what expression to give Piggy. From childish innocence, bratty behavior, to finally a sassy attitude... it took me a few sketches to get it.

Kermit and Piggy with mistletoe toe! The final piece is 4 versions because none of them felt like 'the one'. The sketch was nice, but felt a little OoC for Kermit. With multiple expression changes for him. I like it better now and might fix it up for next year doing it Right.

The final image was the planning for the end of the Scooter and Walter comic. Planning who'd be where, when in the movie certain characters would join in the watching. Not all sketches are equal, as you can see.

If you made it here, thank you for reading. I hope you liked the pieces and I wish you happy holidays! I still intend to post some winter time fun for the muppets before the year is up, so stay tuned!

Day 26 of Muppet Advent- Bonus!

Some sketches and alternate ideas I didn't use. I always love seeing concept art and deleted scenes tucked into the bonus features. Here's to others who do as well!

[voiceless-terror]

In which Martin and Gerry help Jon acquire a cat, among other things. 

“Martin, look!”

A phone is shoved in his face; on the screen is a tiny black kitten sprawled on a carpet with the headline “Free to a Good Home!!” Martin knows where this is going.

“Finally time to bite the bullet, eh?”

“We could surprise him!” Gerry’s voice is animated as he waves his phone in the air. Martin loves when he gets like this, unguarded and sweet. “You know how stressed he’s been. Honestly, I’m shocked we haven’t gotten one already.”

“Well, he’s certainly been hinting at it.” Martin gestures broadly at the walls of the bookstore, decorated with various cozy knick knacks and art they’ve picked up at charity shops. There’s no less than three oddly majestic cat paintings along with a shelf of tiny porcelain felines, not to mention the gaudy clock that has cat breeds instead of numbers. Jon has...particular taste. “Not very subtle, is he?”

“Should I message them, then?” Gerry squints at the screen. “We met them at trivia a few months ago - Mara, the one with the-”

“Green hair, yeah.” Martin remembers the night rather fondly. Gerry usually spent most trivia nights scowling in the corner and making snarky commentary with Jon, but on that particular occasion he had a few drinks and was considerably more relaxed. He managed to charm half of the bar with his stories and wit while Jon stared on, adoration clear on his face.  “But you know Jon would kill us if we didn’t let him have a say. You know how he gets, he needs to prepare-”

“-buy ninety toys-”

“-think up a ridiculous name.” They both laugh at that- Jon’s got a penchant for renaming their friend’s pets when he doesn’t think their moniker “suits them.” He’s gotten into more than one fight about it. “Text him so he doesn’t stay late, though. I’m not staying up until midnight again.”

“On it.”

_______

They hear Jon before they see him. 

The door creaks open, alerting them to his presence as Jon lets out his usual long-suffering sigh (Gerry fondly calls this mood ‘The Bouchard Blues.’) His clothes are wrinkled and his eyes are barely open; from the slight indent on his face, Martin reckons he fell asleep at his desk again. Gerry meets him at the door, grabbing his bag and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Rough day, love?”

Another sigh, this one a bit more huffy. “Elias came in at half past four with a box of ninety random documents and wanted them all organized by tomorrow. Impossible, of course, unless I stay the night-”

“But you came home!” Gerry says it with a sort of wonder in his voice; Jon very rarely stands up to his boss, no matter how ridiculous the ask. 

“W-Well, you said it was important,” Jon looks between them with large, worried eyes. Always assuming the worst. “It’s nothing bad, is it?”

“Jon, I thought the twelve reassuring texts and afternoon phone call put that to rest,” Gerry replies as he steers them towards the couch. “Suppose I should’ve just told you. I wanted it to be a surprise.” He unlocks his phone and scrolls until he finds the ad, handing it over to Jon.

His eyes immediately light up, alert and awake. “Cat!”

“Cat,” Martin agrees, settling down beside them. “We were thinking of getting one for the bookstore-”

“Of course,” Jon’s smiling that rare, bright grin and Martin melts just a little. “It’s only logical. And I do like black cats-”

“Damn it!” Gerry groans, startling them both. He throws his phone down on the couch, crossing his arms in a sulk. “Someone just claimed her. I knew I should’ve said something-”

But Jon’s already fishing his phone out, his smile not dimming in the slightest. “There’s a shelter not too far from here- I’ll see if we have to make an appointment. Martin, can you call Georgie? She’s got an excellent carrier for the Admiral, and she can probably recommend other necessities-”

They end up going to bed at midnight anyway.

________

“I still don’t see why we had to order so much,” Martin complains after another confirmation email lights up his phone. The credit card bill’s going to be astronomical this month. “Surely we’re overpreparing. We don’t have room for the deluxe cat tower in the shop, and we certainly don’t need one for the flat as well.”

“I assure you these are all necessities, Martin.” Gerry and Martin are both fairly tall, but even they have trouble keeping up with Jon’s brisk pace, sharing a fond look over his head. Jon managed to find them a Saturday appointment with a rather impressive combination of wheedling and charm. When it came to cats, Jon didn’t pull his punches. They made it to the shelter in record time and Jon burst through the doors, his next words full of self-importance. “We’re expected. Jonathan Sims.”

They’re led back to a large room by an amused assistant, Jon at the front of their little line. Martin watches as his eyes light up upon seeing the many cages that lined the wall; even Gerry seems a bit excited, though he tries to hide it by hanging back. Gerry’s never been much of an animal person; he shares Jon’s distaste of loud and jumpy dogs too unpredictable in their behavior. He only just started getting used to the Admiral, and that was through much prodding on Jon’s part. Jon’s love is surprisingly infectious. 

Jon peers into each cage intently, answering every inquisitive noise with a prim “Pleased to meet you.” One of the first cages contains a fluffy brown cat with curious eyes and Martin stops to poke a finger through the door. “Walnut” (as provided by a helpful nameplate) does not respond, though she seems interested. 

Jon’s already halfway down the row before he stops in his tracks, eyes trained on a large, grumpy ball of gray fur sitting right at the bars of the cage. He’s missing an eye, and he begins to growl as soon as Jon nears him.

“This one.” He declares, staring as if entranced. He hasn’t even touched it or attempted to pet it- they’re locked in some sort of silent standoff. Martin’s reminded of those romantic comedies Jon and Gerry hate, where couples lock eyes across the room and it's love at first sight. He surreptitiously takes a picture. Adorable. 

“Jimmy?” The assistant inquires. Jon scoffs at the plainness of the name. “He’s been here awhile. Not very friendly, I’m afraid.”

“No, not Jimmy.” Jon offers up a hand, and the cat comes closer, sniffing at it with suspicion. After a few moments, he butts his head against Jon’s hand, earning a smile. “Lance Corporal.”

“No.”

Jon swivels around, eyes narrowing at Gerry’s words. It’s the first time he’s spoken and he’s got one eyebrow quirked up in amusement. It’s a good look on him. Jon, however, is having none of it and he puts a hand to his hip. “And why not?”

“It’s such a mouthful.” Martin has to agree; it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. “I’m not going to call him that. What about Lance?”

Jon wrinkles his nose. “Ew.”

Martin sighs; Gerry and Jon get along like a house on fire but when they bicker, they bicker. He eyes the cat that’s now rubbing against Jon’s hand and purring; he hopes the its sudden geniality will extend to Martin and Gerry. Jon would pick a cat that’s just as prickly as he can be.

Martin gives it a good look, coming up beside Jon at ‘Jimmy’s’ cage. The cat immediately stops its gravely purr, it’s eye now trained on Martin. It’s unnerving, Martin never thought a cat could radiate authority but this one surely managed to. If any animal deserves a title, it’s this one.  “What about the Captain?” he asks in a fit of inspiration.

They both turn to look at him; Gerry amused, Jon thoughtful. “Go on.”

“It’s a title, you always liked the naval ones.” Jon nods in agreement, the beginnings of a smile on his face. “He looks like an old sailor, very distinguished. I dunno, I think it’s cute.”

“The Captain,” Jon whispers in awe as the cat resumes rubbing against his hand. “Martin, that’s perfect. Inspired, even.”

He can’t help preening a bit. “Thank you.” Gerry rolls his eyes.

And then there’s the moment of truth- the assistant opens the cage door and Jon steps forward with all the solemnity of a man about to be knighted. He reaches out his arms and the cat lets itself be picked up, going limp as Jon brings it to his chest. He sighs in contentment, giving himself one more moment of bliss before he perks up and opens his eyes.

“Now pick yours.”

_________

Three. They’ve got three fucking cats.

Martin and Gerry immediately began to refuse, but Jon was insistent. “The Captain is obviously very partial to me, and I think you should have some say in who we adopt. If we each get one it eliminates any favoritism. It’s only logical.”

There was nothing logical about it. Three cats and three people in their tiny flat, or worse, destroying their bookstore. They didn’t have the space, the cats might not get along, it would be too expensive. But Jon wouldn’t hear of it, countering every point in a calmness that was borderline unnerving. Martin shot Gerry a pleading look; he’d gone silent after the initial refusal, content to let Martin do most of the arguing, but he just shook his head in amusement- he knew how this would end, and Martin did too. As the final nail in the coffin, Jon deployed the eyes and that’s how he found himself in the front of a taxi with a lapful of Walnut. She’s a friendly thing, instantly purring on contact and meowing whenever he turned away. Martin hadn’t the heart to turn it away.

Gerry took more time. He slunk around the cages and the cats seemed to sense his reluctance. But soon he came upon a small, sleek black cat, not unlike the one from the Facebook post. It was a tentative thing, barely coming to the edge of its cage to sniff at his fingers, but Gerry was determined, patiently waiting the fifteen minutes it took to get him to warm up. Martin didn’t point out the similarities between it and a certain goth, though he shared a knowing look with Jon.

“I’ve got it - the Unfathomable Void.”

“Dear God,” Martin muttered, rolling his eyes. So dramatic, the both of them.

Jon snorted. “That’s a bit much.”

“Okay, Lance Corporal.”

“Excuse me-!”

“Settle down, boys,” Martin put a hand on Jon’s shoulder, he looked liable to pounce. “If that’s what you want, go for it. But we’ll call him Void for short.” Gerry nodded, seemingly satisfied. Jon continued to scowl, though without any heat.

The cabbie was definitely not pleased at having to cart around three men and three cats. He muttered the entire drive while Jon bounced in the backseat, cooing at his companion. Gerry sat much more stoically, though Martin didn’t miss the tiny smile as the cat nipped at his fingers. Jon’s insistence on multiple supplies was starting to make sense now. He definitely planned this from the beginning, sneaky thing.

“Oh no,” Jon suddenly said upon entering their flat, struggling with the carrier in his hand.  Martin’s starting to think he shouldn’t have picked such a massive cat. “I forgot this was for the bookstore!” 

“Well, yeah.” Gerry sat his cage on the ground, kneeling down beside it. “I figured mine or Martin’s would do. The Captain’s not very friendly, Jon.”

“But what if they get lonely? We can’t split them up.” Jon’s eyes dart around the room, growing more conflicted by the second. “Perhaps we should keep them all at home.”

“There’s no room, Jon! And no one’s here during the day.” Martin surveys the room- the three carriers already seem to take up an enormous amount of space, not to mention the living creatures inside of them.  And all of those packages, that damn tower…

“You can take them back and forth. Commute.”

“Christ, we did not think this through.” Gerry’s smiling even as he says it, watching as the Unfathomable Void slowly makes his way out, sniffing tentatively at the air. Walnut’s content to stay in her cage, and Martin tucks her in a corner away from the other two. Jon’s already got the Captain out, holding him in his arms and refusing to let him go.

“You’re right, we didn’t.” Jon agrees, tucking his face in the Captain’s fur. “We should’ve gotten four-”

“Fuck’s sake, Jon!”

“Let’s talk about this later, alright?” Gerry takes Martin’s place as the voice of reason, a rare occurrence. “We’ll keep them at home, let them get used to us, and then we’ll figure out the bookstore situation. No sense getting worked up about it now.” Jon sighs, cradling the mass of fur to his chest and plopping down on the couch. Martin’s sure they’ll be at it again tomorrow; Jon sniping as Martin tries and fails to put together a massive cat tower, Gerry groaning about whatever surprises the cats left for them in the morning. The next few weeks were going to be stressful, to say the least.

For now, though, he sits with his partners once again until midnight, watching their new additions roam about the flat and ignore each other. Jon frets, Gerry sighs, and Martin unsuccessfully attempts to steer the conversation towards anything but cats. By the end of the night, only Void manages to feel at home, curling up in Martin’s favorite armchair (much to his chagrin). Could’ve gone worse, Martin cheers himself with. They’ll get used to the flat. And the bookstore. Probably.

Later that night, once their partner’s asleep and snoring softly between the two of them, Martin turns to Gerry, borrowing Jon’s patented sigh. 

“We’re gonna get a fourth cat, aren’t we?���

Gerry’s voice is just as resigned. “Yeah, reckon so.”

“Christ.”

-------

Others in the JGM series:

What We’re Given and What We Make

At the End of the Day

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945809

[simonfarnabyslegs]

What would the ghosts’ reaction if their was a history fair at button house and there are so many people in period costumes from their time period?

robin

- fucking with whatever technology people have set up (lamps, fans, food truck heating mechanisms, etc.)

- ends up hanging out around some wwi and wwii reenactors outside until the cap finds his way to that group and makes it about war instead of just bros being dudes

- if anyone's brought any dogs he's probably gonna go hang out with a dog or two outside as well (there's always at least one dog at any kind of historical event, i've found. i don't know why. but every time i go to a living history museum or a festival, there are dogs. which i love.)

humphrey

- someone put this man's head on his body because he deserves to witness more than just the shoes!!!

- he really seems to me like someone who appreciates fashion (probably because of his spiel about shoes, and the fact that he's a very well dressed tudor gentleman), so he'd enjoy seeing all the different clothes and hairstyles from all the different periods.

- watches people doing a wine tasting under a big tent. sniffs all the glasses offered by the attendants for attendees to drink, just to see what they smell like or if he can even smell them. makes a lot of comments about the wines like some kind of connoisseur before admitting at some point before leaving the tent that he knows nothing about wine whatsoever.

- walks past the tudor booths and wonders why nobody's eating the peacock (some wealthy people in the tudor era ate whole peacocks and had them sitting on the table looking very much like they did when they were alive), until someone knocks it over and he learns it's just a decoration and it's made of styrofoam. then his reaction's probably just a, "oh! huh. weird."

mary

- sees someone outside dressed in a brightly coloured jester's outfit breathing fire or juggling or doing some kind of contortionist act and deems it witchcraft

- checks out what's going on in the kitchen or in the food trucks and is impressed but confused by the technology and increased speed and efficiency of food preparation, as well as by all the dishes she isn't familiar with.

- watches a group of school children in costumes or festival t-shirts learn how to weave baskets, then excitedly follows their class to a tapestry making demonstration on a reconstructed loom.

kitty

- hangs out with humphrey in the wine tasting area and listens to his commentary, smiling and nodding. he finally admits he doesn't know anything about wine and she just goes, "oh."

- picks one handsome man to fixate on and talk about how handsome he is the whole time, but then spends most of her time complimenting alison on the dress she wore for the event or oohing and ahing at a bunch of other ladies' dresses.

- spends some time making up her own little songs set to the music played by the chamber orchestra.

thomas

- sees a woman he says looks like isabelle (she in fact looks nothing like isabelle, but she is pretty) in a regency lady's dress and follows her acting all dramatically depressed the whole time because she can neither see nor hear him. yet another beautiful woman who cannot return his affection. *siiiiiiigh*

- spots two people in star trek costumes and is Very Confused. alison explains to him that it's a thing. at every historical festival or ren faire there's always at least one small group of star trek cosplayers. they think it's funny. it kind of is. he's not amused.

- listens to the chamber orchestra inside playing a soft, sad song and tries to make it into some dramatic, poetic, brooding moment, but is thwarted by the ghigeon (ghost pigeon) flying past him too quickly, which makes him scream.

fanny

- sees a woman wearing a regency dandy's outfit, or a woman in medieval armour and is quite offended, but manages to keep it down to a disgusted look and an "i never!" whilst the captain or humphrey or pat or somebody walk past like, "oh i thought she looked nice. and she looks like she's having a great time :)"

- sees some victorian and edwardian ladies having lunch and LOSES IT at their posture/the way they're eating.

- develops an intense and hella awkward crush on some random visitor dude in a victorian suit

the captain

- spends approximately five minutes with the soldiers before determining they're NOTHING like soldiers. gets quite offended, and leaves.

- ogles some strong looking men down by the lake who are offering leisurely afternoon boat rides.

- develops a crush on the same random victorian fair attendee as fanny

pat

- stares longingly at all the food, knowing he'll never get to try it. then sees something that grosses him out (probably from one of the tudor booths) and decides maybe it's not so depressing after all that he can't try the food.

- watches the group of school children learning to weave baskets with mary, and offers some tips even though he knows they can't hear him.

- finds his way over to where the cap is watching the men rowing their boats on the lake (cue the captain acting very suspicious at having been caught staring at these strong handsome men on their boats) and reminisces about how he used to teach the scouts how to paddle canoes and one year held a race to see which team could row across the lake the fastest. the captain tells him that on their days off his troops used to do something similar.

julian

- ogling ladies, obviously. trying to guess who's wearing bum rolls or bustles and who isn't (jokes on him, most of them are wearing some form of backside padding).

- peeks into what he assumes to be dressing rooms for the booths selling historical clothing; it's actually the toilets. he still hasn't learned his lesson.

- sees people placing bets on some form of scaled down race or games of strength and gets wrapped up in that for the rest of the day.

the plague ghosts

- blissfully unaware of what's going on upstairs and outside.

- bonus points if they see alison walk downstairs to get something dressed in some kind of fancy dress and none of them even think twice.

- (crowd noise upstairs) "did you hear something?" "no." "okay. probably nothing then."