#i wasnt really afraid of the dark as a child generally but i am now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

antihero-writings · 6 years ago

Text

The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

12 notes · View notes

chaoticghost21 · 7 years ago

Note

1-100

Oh shit, that's all of them. Ya know what, its midnight and I'm really fuckin stoned let's do this motherfuckers1. What is you middle name?Cheyann2. How old are you?18 (19 in less than a month)3. When is your birthday?April 22 4. What is your zodiac sign?Taurus but on the cusp of aries and Taurus 5. What is your favorite color?Probably blue or purple 6. What’s your lucky number?217. Do you have any pets?5 dogs8. Where are you from?Oregon in the us9. How tall are you?5'510. What shoe size are you?10 in women's11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?9 i think but they all have holes in then and are ratty (other than my vans and my brown boots that are technically my mom's but they're mine now) so i really only wear one pair of converse12. What was your last dream about?All Time Low broke up and I had a meltdown public. like in this dream i fell to the ground screaming no and i was in public then yelled that this day was worse than March 2213. What talents do you have?I can draw, paint, bake, craft, play flute, sing, write, and compose music14. Are you psychic in any way?Possibly, I've definitely had some moments but idk15. Favorite song?THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER. FAVORITE SONG IN GENERAL? RIGHT NOW? WHAT? HOW DO I ANSWER??? UMMMM SUMMER STAINED BY BROADSIDE BECAUSE ITS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE IT16. Favorite movie?Either The Lovely Bones or The Perks of Being a Wallflower17. Who would be your ideal partner?I have no idea but can they be respectful, nice, have musical ability, and a good sense of humor please?18. Do you want children?Yes but I want to adopt19. Do you want a church wedding?No20. Are you religious?Nope21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Yes, many times, sadly22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Yes, when I was little me, my older cousins, and their friends got yelled at by cops for not having bike helmets but me being me I said I didn't actually live anywhere around there and my helmet was at home and this wasnt my bike (all true) so the cops let me go back to my aunts house while they continued to yell at the other kids23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Yeah, I met Tim, the bass from Home Free24. Baths or showers?Showers 25. What color socks are you wearing?They are Gryffindor colors26. Have you ever been famous?No but I've been on the news many times (i wanna be famous though)27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?Yes, i would love to be because i wanna hello people with my music the way music helped me 28. What type of music do you like?Like rock and any subgenre of rock (pop punk, punk, alternative, metal, post hardcore, etc)29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?Nope30. How many pillows do you sleep with?4 because that's all i have, sadly 31. What position do you usually sleep in?On my right side32. How big is your house?Small. We have 3 rooms but they're all small with tiny bathrooms, tiny kitchen, and tiny living room. I hate that all i have in my room is a queen size mattress and I barely have room for anything else33. What do you typically have for breakfast?Nothing34. Have you ever fired a gun?Yes, a few times35. Have you ever tried archery?No, i was offered the chance but i was too pissed off at the person to take them up on their offer36. Favorite clean word?POMEGRANATE37. Favorite swear word?Either motherfucker, asshat, or shitass38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?Over a week39. Do you have any scars?Yeah, on my hand, legs, and belly button (hand: idk, i accidentally stabbed a pair of scissors into my hand while craftingLegs: I'm really jumpy and someone threw a remote past me to someome else and i was sitting on the arm of the couch and fell off when i flinched and landed into 2 plastic storage boxes 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?No, people don't like me that much41. Are you a good liar?Yep, I've lied a lot in my life and no one knows 42. Are you a good judge of character?Sometimes43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?When I talk a lot I accidentally go into an Australian accent and I don't know why or how. I can also do a southern and British 44. Do you have a strong accent?Nah dude, pacific west coast, we don't got that much of one45. What is your favorite accent?AUSTRALIAN OR IRISH46. What is your personality type?idk my dude 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?My prom dress from 3 years ago 48. Can you curl your tongue?Nope49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie50. Left or right handed?Right51. Are you scared of spiders?Terrified52. Favorite food?Pizza or teriyaki chicken53. Favorite foreign food?If what I get at my local sushi place is considered foreign then that54. Are you a clean or messy person?Messy. I'm so cluttered and scattered its not even funny55. Most used phrased?I'm gonna play this song 56. Most used word?Fuck57. How long does it take for you to get ready?15 minutes without makeup or making my hair look nice anywhere from an hour to 2 of I wear makeup and make my hair look nice58. Do you have much of an ego?No, I pretend to though. Fake confidence helps me59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Suck but sometimes I get bored and decide to cronch60. Do you talk to yourself?Yes, I sometimes need expert advice and no one else I know is smart enough to give it to me (aka what I say to assholes who mock me for talking to myself lol)61. Do you sing to yourself?ALWAYS. I sing without knowing62. Are you a good singer?I think so, I meann that's what I wanna nake a career out of so I hope I am63. Biggest Fear?Dying without making an impact or difference in the world or not accomplishing my dreams64. Are you a gossip?No, unless you screw me over65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?Idk whats considered drama, other than Disney movies, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Lovely Bones, and Tolkien movie, and a few others I really only watch horror movies66. Do you like long or short hair?Looonnggg (I cut my hair short when I was little and it never grew back the same and I hate it)67. Can you name all 50 states of America?I think so but don't ask me ANYTHING about capitals 68. Favorite school subject?Music69. Extrovert or Introvert?An extroverted introvert ( I'm pretty introverted but it really depends on my mood)70. Have you ever been scuba diving?Nope71. What makes you nervous?Everything72. Are you scared of the dark?Yes73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?Sometimes74. Are you ticklish?VERY75. Have you ever started a rumor?No76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?No unless you count me being the leader of my choir, the flute section, and my old friend grouo77. Have you ever drank underage?Yeah which is how we found out I'm allergic to alcohol78. Have you ever done drugs?If marijuana counts then yes (I'm under the influence right now)79. Who was your first real crush?No one, I've never actually has one80. How many piercings do you have?None81. Can you roll your Rs?“No82. How fast can you type?Idk, pretty fast though (taking typing classes all elementary school helped that. They got tired of us so they made us do Mavis Beacon so they could get away from us and not have to teach us)83. How fast can you run?Not very, I have shitty knees and can barely walk (not a joke)84. What color is your hair?Really faded red but will be bright blue soon85. What color is your eyes?Green86. What are you allergic to?A LOT. Cats, alcohol, dairy products (lactose intolerant), pollen, like 5 different kinds of weeds, grass, a little bit to dogs, i think I'm a little bit to weed, bed bugs, dust, mold, flea shampoo, and I think that's it87. Do you keep a journal?No88. What do your parents do?Watch TV and smoke weed89. Do you like your age?Eh not really I'm almost 19 and haven't accomplished anything, no job, can't drive, still in high school90. What makes you angry?Many many things. Disrespect of any form is the biggest one though91. Do you like your own name?Eh, its okay. My mom told me the other name she had picked out for me and I wish she would've gone with that one (Kassadee Cheyann or Devyn Taylor... I'm emo as hell and seem slowly becoming more punk. Devyn would've fit me wayyy better)92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I've thought of a few. I've always had either Ansley, Quinn, Spencer, or Talia for a girl and Jayden or Jace for a boy or Ash for any because I've always liked that name (fun fact I used to go by Ash or Ashton when I was questioning gender in high school [gender fluid] so my friends called me that)93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?Any, I don't really care. Gender doesn't matter to me at all94. What are you strengths?Imma copy and paste from my resume lol...Back from my resume and this is what it said: Dexterity, public performance, customer service, directing, leading, persistence, competitiveness, creativity, sound discrimination, listening, and writing95. What are your weaknesses?I'm afraid of everything, I'm very paranoid, and I have anxiety and depression96. How did you get your name?There was some character on a TV show my mom saw while pregnant whos name was Cassidy but my mom wanted a better spelling 97. Were your ancestors royalty?Doubt it98. Do you have any scars?Yes... This was also #3999. Color of your bedspread?BLACK100. Color of your room?White. My room is boring and I've never done any decoration in it.DONE. I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS TOOK ALMOAT AN HOUR HOLY SHIT

3 notes · View notes

love-god-forever · 6 years ago

Text

After My Son’s Sudden Heart Attack, Who Can Keep Him Alive?

By Zhongshi

Hovering Between Life and Death After a Medical Emergency

The evening of October 5, 2017, my youngest son Xunxun and his family came to my place for dinner, just like always, and afterward Xunxun went to the school to teach a class. A little after 8:00 p.m.

my daughter-in-law called and said hastily, “Mom, Xunxun’s been taken to the hospital!” I was shocked, and rushed to ask: “He was totally fine when we had dinner just now. How could he suddenly be in the hospital?” Before I could finish she hurriedly hung up the phone.

I couldn’t help but feel panic rising in my heart. My son had just eaten more than a bowl of food and hadn’t mentioned feeling unwell—how could he suddenly be hospitalized? It occurred to me that he had had heart surgery before—could there be something wrong with his heart again? If it was a recurrence of his heart condition, that would really not be a good thing. I was burning with anxiety and wanted to go to the hospital to see him, but I didn’t even know which hospital he was in. What could I do? I thought and I thought, and then called my oldest son, plus my daughter and her husband—only then did I learn that they had already been to the hospital, but no one wanted to tell me about my son’s condition. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. Standing or sitting, I couldn’t get comfortable—I was at a loss. In my desperation, I thought of God and rushed to kneel down and pray: “Oh God! My son has been suddenly hospitalized and I’m so worried for his safety. I don’t know what Your will is, but I believe that You have allowed this to happen. I don’t know what I should do now. Please protect me and allow me to quiet my heart!” After praying, I thought of God’s words, “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?” That’s it! God is the Lord of creation and every single person’s fate is within His grasp. We are created beings; not only can we not control our own fates, but we particularly cannot control others’ fates. Since my worry and anxiety was useless and my son’s life or death was in God’s hands, all I could do was put him in God’s hands. When I thought of that my heart settled considerably.

Two hours later when my youngest son’s wife came back home with my daughter’s son to get some things, I asked them about my son’s condition. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said to me comfortingly: “It’s nothing. You stay here at home; we’re there for him in the hospital!” She then hurriedly grabbed some of my son’s clothing and personal items, getting ready to drive back. I thought to myself: What really is wrong with my son that they are keeping me in the dark? I insisted that they take me with them. On the way, my daughter-in-law received a call from my oldest son, who was at the hospital. All I could hear was her saying anxiously: “Hm? Why is his heart beating that fast?” A bit later she said with a worried look on her face: “What? There’s no heartbeat now?” From her words I could tell that my son’s condition was probably very serious. If his heart wasn’t beating, at any time couldn’t he…. I didn’t dare think any further, nor did I dare ask my daughter-in-law any more questions. My heart was tied in knots and I was thinking: “My son is still so young, and his son is just five years old. If something were to happen to him, how would we get by? Considering all of this was deeply upsetting. I fought to hold back my tears and prayed to God in my heart nonstop, asking Him to watch over me so I could stand firm in such a situation and not sin with my words. We arrived at the hospital soon after.

God’s Words Display His Mightiness, My Son Is Revived

When I got to my son’s bedside, I saw that he was unconscious, his face was pale, he had an oxygen tube in his nose, and ECG electrode clips on his hands and feet. There were several doctors and professors surrounding the ECG machine tensely watching its display. They would occasionally shake their heads and show a look of consternation. Two of the leaders from his school were also off to one side having a discussion in low tones, and I vaguely heard them say: “It was so scary when he collapsed, it looked like he wasn’t even breathing….” Seeing the look of helplessness on the doctors’ face was very disconcerting for me, and then when I looked at my son in the hospital bed, utterly unaware of anything, an indescribable wave of panic welled up in my heart. I was afraid that my son might be gone in the blink of an eye—wouldn’t I be a parent burying her child? The more I thought about it the more pain I felt, so I rushed to make a silent prayer to God: “Oh God! I don’t know whether my son is going to live or die—I’m really struggling. God! May You safeguard my heart, and no matter what happens, may You give me faith so that I can stand witness and not complain. I only wish for my son to be in Your hands, and to submit to Your arrangements.” During the prayer, I suddenly remembered that God said: “Of everything that occurs in the universe, there is nothing that I do not have the final say in. What exists that is not in My hands?” God’s words bolstered my faith. It’s true! God does have the final say over life and death, and my son was also in His hands. All of my worries stemmed from not believing in God’s rule. I generally talk about how I’m okay with whatever situation God may set up and that it’s all His benevolent will, but when I saw my son so ill, all I could think of was fretting over his condition. I hadn’t quieted myself before God to seek His will. When I realized this, I called out to God continually within my heart.

I thought of a hymn of God’s words, “While undergoing trials, it’s normal for people to be weak, or have negativity within them, or to lack clarity on God’s will or their path for practice. But in any case, you must have faith in God’s work, and not deny God, like Job. Although Job was weak and cursed the day of his own birth, he did not deny that all things in human life were bestowed by Jehovah, and that Jehovah is also the One to take it all away.”

Pondering God’s words, I thought of the great trials that Job went through in which his wealth and his children were all taken from him, but he never lost faith in God. He said, “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). This was his testimony. But there I was afraid of losing my son and incredibly hurt when the doctors still hadn’t come to a conclusion—I just saw that their expressions seemed off. How could that be faith in God? I realized I had to follow the example of Job and be able to have genuine faith in God. No matter what the outcome of my son’s condition, I could not grumble about it. Encouraged by God’s words, I felt that I had gained strength and faith. I called out to God, and then carefully sat down by my son’s side and gently called his name a few times. Seeing him finally have some response, very slowly opening his eyes and looking at me, my heart rejoiced and rushed to ask him, deeply concerned, “Are you feeling a bit better?” He nodded, sighed, and then weakly pointed at his chest and said: “It hurts … in my chest.” He then lost consciousness again.

A little while later I heard a doctor say with surprise: “Come look at this! His heart rate and blood pressure have normalized! Everything is normal!” The whole family crowded around—everyone was very happy. Seeing His mercy and protection, I gave thanks to God over and over again in my heart. It was God’s words that gave me true faith, allowing me to understand God’s mightiness and authority in ruling over everything. I said excitedly: “Man’s fate is determined by the heavens. This is truly thanks to God!” The doctor in charge added to that: “That’s right. God really is the One to thank. It’s fortunate that the patient got here in time after his myocardial infarction. If it had been half an hour later, the outcome would have been terrible. A little bit ago his heart completely stopped—I never imagined that he would miraculously come back to life. However, his condition is not stable. He has to stay in the hospital for monitoring.” My son was then transferred to the Intensive Care Unit; only his wife stayed behind to take care of him, while the rest of us went home.

The moment I walked in the door I rushed to kneel down and offer up a prayer of thanks to God. I was full of gratitude. At my most helpless time God was always by my side leading me and spurring me on with His words, giving me faith and something to lean on. I felt that God’s love really is so great.

His Condition Fluctuates and God Once Again Shows His Wondrous Deeds

A week later, the doctor in charge told us: “Testing has revealed a sarcoma on the patient’s heart that will require two surgeries. The first is to excise the sarcoma, and then we need to implant a pacemaker. You need to get 200,000 yuan together right away—if this is delayed, his life could be in danger.” I felt very tense hearing that my son was still in mortal danger. In my anxiety, I once again prayed to God: “Oh God! I believe that You rule over everything. At this moment there’s nothing I can do—I can only rely on You. I put my son entirely into Your hands, and I am willing to rely on my faith and experience Your work.” My oldest son and my younger son’s wife went all over the place raising money and before long, they had come up with the required amount. When my son was examined again in preparation for surgery, the doctor said that his condition was complex plus he was very weak; he would need to be very carefully nursed back to health and then transferred to a large specialist hospital for surgery. He wrote some prescriptions and then had my son discharged to recuperate at home.

After a period of care my son’s health had improved somewhat. The day he went to the specialist hospital, his wife came back and told me that they had scheduled surgery for the next day at 11:00 a.m. That evening, I offered up another prayer to God: “Oh God! My son is undergoing surgery tomorrow. It’s a very risky procedure, but please give me faith and courage. I believe that whether it’s a success or a failure, my son’s surgery is in Your hands. I believe that everything You do is good. Whatever the outcome tomorrow is, I am willing to submit and I will not complain. I am willing to stand witness and satisfy You” After praying I no longer felt worried or afraid; I had faith and strength to face my son’s surgery the following day.

The next day, my son was wheeled into the operating room right on time while we, his family, were all outside anxiously waiting. While waiting, I turned God’s words over and over in my mind, thinking of God’s love, and before I knew it two hours had gone by. A doctor suddenly said my son’s name, calling for us. Flustered, we all rushed over to him, and he said with emotion: “We’ve never seen anything like this. Today this really has been a wonder! In our pre-surgical examination we found that there was nothing at all wrong with the patient. We couldn’t believe it so we did another careful examination, and that also showed that everything is normal. After discussing it, we decided that there’s no need for surgery. He’ll be fine if he just goes back home and gets lots of rest.” Hearing this, we were all stunned for a moment—it took us ages to come to our senses. I just saw my daughter-in-law happily clapping her hands and saying: “That’s wonderful! From now on, not only will Xunxun not have to suffer, but it will save us 200,000 yuan!” At that moment I was the only one who clearly realized that this was God’s mightiness, this was God’s love. In my excitement, the words “Thanks be to God!” came out of my mouth. I didn’t know how to express what I felt—all I could do was thank God over and over in my heart: “Oh God! You have given me faith and strength time after time through Your words, giving me the ability to stand firm through this situation. Now my son’s condition has miraculously disappeared. Your love for us is so great!”

After going back home, I kneeled down before God to offer up a prayer of gratitude. Afterward, I saw this passage of God’s word, “Life can only come from God, which is to say, only God Himself possesses the substance of life, there is no way of life without God Himself, and so only God is the source of life, and the ever-flowing wellspring of living water of life. … Man’s life originates from God, the existence of the heaven is because of God, and the existence of the earth stems from the power of God’s life. No object possessed of vitality can transcend the sovereignty of God, and no thing with vigor can break away from the ambit of God’s authority. In this way, regardless of who they are, everyone must submit under the dominion of God, everyone must live under God’s command, and no one can escape from His control.” God’s words tell us with absolute clarity that He is the source of all life, that all things on heaven and earth—both animate and inanimate—are not exempt from His rule. Only God is the foundation of our lives as humans, and all things are changed and renewed under His control and His rule. This is a manifestation of God’s authority. I thought of how my son had pulled through crisis after crisis since falling ill, and how time after time the doctors’ conclusions had not panned out. Through adversity it was God’s words that had given me faith time after time giving me something to lean on, allowing me to overcome weakness again and again. When I had faith in God I saw His wondrous deeds—my bedridden son, at his last gasp, miraculously regained his health.

I truly experienced that God rules over and controls everything through this experience. If it hadn’t been for the guidance of His words as well as His grace and protection, no matter how much money we had or how skilled the doctors were, that could not have saved my son. I give thanks to God that, through my son’s illness, I gained understanding of God’s rule and understood that our future and fate are entirely within His hands. From now on I wish to put everything into cooperating with God and fulfilling the duty that a created being ought to in order to repay God’s love!

#faith in God #God’s word #God's will

0 notes