#i wasnt gonna post this bc i dont feel well and drew it just to paint but it turned out nice so here we are

[prick-love-for-arting]

Sometimes I draw my ocs, just sometimes

So, here's one of the bird kids, based off a northern cardinal!! (specifically the female coloring)

[awigglycultist]

Alright like last time I hit post limit and couldn't live blog I started writing my thoughts down on docs in real time whilst watching so I could post later, so here:

HES NEARLY 41!?

Cereal!

Hes such a brat

BECKY BARNES

Shelia is a Karen

“Dont you dare gaslight me” his teeth are FINE stop overreacting

Frank the moneys not worth it divorce that jerk

Peter Pan!?!?

I wanna say “yes frank! Stand up! Good for you!” but this isnt gonna end well is it?

Oh yup there he goes. A trap door in the ground.

“Goodbye daaddyy”

Ofc theres others, I wonder how many men exactly has she married and done this to?

Oh no oh no oh no

MIAH????????????

BERRY SWIFT?

Im just omg. BERRY. AHH.

Honey festival mention!

Looking for a new daddy already…

"onliNE?"

Wait is the feast or famine playing in the background?

Frank giving the food to Barry :)

DONT SAY YOURE GONNA DIE I DONT NEED ANGST FOR YOU PLEASE

HELEN?

“No matter what Im always gonna be youre……..daddy”

Wait so if he’s been down there for 2 weeks with toyzone closed whats Lex doing

Sherman dont go to your mom about it just let him out!

BARRY BARRY NO BARRY NO NO NO BARRY

TED

WAIT NO TED OH NO NO LEAVE TED ALONE

“You are a married women” “Hey works for me”

“Dont sass your mother or ill kick your ass old man!”

NO NOO WHY DOES TED ALWAYS HAVE TO GET SHOT WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DIE

OH GOD THAT MEANS PETER COMES BACK FROM CAMP AND TEDS DEAD STOPPPPP

Including homeless man Ted has died 7 times i think jeez

The gift?!?

Barry :(

Rip Marco

I hate her but she does look hot with a gun gotta say

BLACK BOOK

STARRY CHILDREN

Okay so Hatchetmen hate the witches and the starry children hate the hatchetmen right?

Yup stealing their lives

1920….. 1920

LIB!

Goat! Tentacles!

And I truly feel all lords in black in the chile's tonight

Omg sherman drew ontop of the black book

Omg he memorised the words and drew over it on purpose-

Bye bye milf

Ope hes 7

Poor frank that'd be toutre

Its not really forever tho technically bc frank will die eventually it'll just be for the rest of frank's life...

-killer track-

LOOK AT THEM

HELLO

Dangit Thrash is a jerk

Oh hes threatening to kill now

“YOU THINK I'M AFRAID TO DIE?” Clearly a gen z

“Lets go to Dennys >:(“

Thats Rose!?!?!!!!!

Yes it is Kale!

Oh god hes gonna show her the killer track isnt- yup

I don’t like you so much Kale

STATION WAGON? THAT MEANS DUKE

THERE HE IS MY BOY

“Well i dont know ive never done drugs duke!” “...I know.."

Just missed a little chunk bc of my dad but Duke my beloved and poor Rose

“Is it unbelievable? Yes. but this Hatchetfield”

Specialist… Holloway here we come

Miss Retros!

“Hiya Duke!” “Heya Darlin!” hngg

“Great. My life is in the hands of Barbie”

“Make me.” “...alright.”

A glass with a spiderweb inside

Thrash said he sold his soul to satan to get famous hfjhdkfj

Omg the black book! its so cool!

TINKY TINKY TINKY TIME TRAVEL HNG AHHHHHH EVERYONE SHUT UP also “The Tinker” ooh

Also so are there a few verison of the black book?

Ooh holloway is in Rose’s body

Oh theres taco bell

Holy crap. This song. Wtf.

Okay great rose never heard it now….but holloway did right?...

Oh god yeah she took the curse

Dukes face :( hes so sad and concerned

“Your phone” yeah her very super recent new phone…

“If its a ghost. I'll trap it in this jar.”

“If something happens to me i want you to read this” i really wanna know what it says but i DO NOT want ANYTHING to happen to her

Duke has watch right that down RIGHT THAT DOWN

Hey wait a second how come Kale has heard it hasn't died I mean at least i assume they've heard it before, did they make it?

HOLLOWAY :((

OH GOD NO ITS COMING FROM DUKE AND ROSE OH NOO NO

“dont worry im not going anywhere :)” oh god

“Holloway? What are ya doing darlin?” :((

“I understand” …..ominous

Dead. shes dead great. Ofc.

Duke :’(((

HNGGG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH STOPP DUKE ROSE WHY THIS IS MAKING CRY STOP BEING SO SWEET

‘You were in love with her werent you” “who wasnt?”

DUKE HAS A CAT

The envelope oh boy

“Welp. guess im dead!”

Wait about 2 hrs??

DON'T CALL AN AMBULANCE OR SEND ME TO THE MORGUE OH GODDD

“I was in love with her” “ya you and everybody” they really get the fans huh

Shes alive!

“Duke. what did my note say!?”

Ooohh the whole town knows about her dying that why she couldn't do to the morgue

Rip duke hes so confused

“It just HAD to be the jukebox”

Yes yes lore dump here we go! Learning more about Holloway!

Wait what.

HEY HEY WAIT KNOW GOOD JOB OF PROVING YOUR MAGIC IG BUT I WANNA KNOW THIS STUFF

This isnt first time shes told him?

Oh shes not making him forgot?

Oh god poor holloway

Omg the honey festival-

Oh are we actually seeing them going to honey festival

The mayor!!

Omg i cant wait to see how the stop the song. Like i KNOW itll be stopped we already saw the festival but like i CAANT WAIT

Oh trust me mayor… this will be a night to remeber for everyone…

HAHA HIS MIC WASN'T OFF

HAILEY

HAILEY MADE ZOEYS VOICE WORSE ON PURPOSE?

TED!!!

“At the point ill never get married. Be daddy.”

DEB AND ALICE AHH AND ALICE WAS IN NEW YORK OOH

Jkdfnjdfnj rip duke

God i love seeing everything connected and all these people together

Needy Beasts!

Oh no Kale

And Kale killed the audio guy

Oh poor Kale

OH NO ITS PLAYING

Ooh Holloways playing over it

Oh i love this

DUKE AND HOLLOWAY TOGETHER :))))

OH THEY FORGOT IT OOHHHHH AND THATS WHY THERE WAS ABSOTULEY NOTHING WITH KILLER TRACK IN HONEY QUEEN

DUKE

“The lanky goon”

Oh wow i understand why duke punched kale but im still surprised he’d every punch anyone

Oh oh no Kale oh no

OH GOD KALE

Aww Duke going on about him being the hero so proud of himself not knowing hehe

Oh a new persona? I wanna know all about her personas

Nooo dont say everyones gonna forgot about miss holloway noo dont :((

Shes gone :(

AND HES FORGOTTEN :(

HOLLOWAY or whatevr her new persona is

I literally missed the entrie convo between them bc of my dad

This songs a bop tho

THE BECKY BARNES BIT WITH THE IRISH ACCENT TOO AHAHFEFNSKLDJF

Paul is dead records?? Director Barry Swift??

Okay go the replay: I love Duke and… Holiday so much.

Alright so we're assuming that the girl that got hurt in shop class is Lex right? There's been the theory that Yellow Jacket is about Lex and I sure hope so so we can see what happened to her after Frank just disappeared for two weeks and what may have happened in shop class

She's a counsellor! The only school counsellor I'd trust!

Hey. Hey. Wait. Ofc this isn't Holloways first time changing persona. I wonder if Duke has met personas of her before, he probably has, I wonder how many times? Oh God this episode made be so emotional

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

[derekmorganscrocs]

Nancy Drew 2x9

Thoughts While Watching

Spoiler Alert!!

Aw no poor bess. AW PLATANCHOR ACE! Oh besties so cute. Poor bess oh no

Odette coming through with the pessimistic vibes about the day. Me. Always. “Nickolas” HAHAH Odette please. She’s so sassy. “No I’m not au-revoiring, you are.” Nick pls. GEORGES TATTOOS- George is gonna die omfg. Pls Nick is the only logical one here. OF COURSE IT WAS GONNA GET STOLEN YOU PUT IT IN YOUR DAMN LOCKER.

oh it’s probably Gil, not Grant. Sorry I thought you were a murderer grant. NOT THE PIE. why’d ace sound so sad about the pie. TELL ME STONER BOY DIDNT SNITCH.

AW ACE THE LIL FLOWER. “Aw Ace I’m so happy for you :) now I’m gonna die :)”. I think that Grant is an informant or something.

Sassy thief bad boy, I like. But I also don’t bc he’s tryna kill george. PROTECTIVE NICK! Detective Nick 😏. OH ACEMANDA, okay. Ohh

Okay wait I kinda feel bad for Gil. But mans is still going to end george. Oh Nick is v hot okay. Protective Nick. I love him. And Gil is kinda noble despite the whole killing george and theft thing ngl.

Carson coming thru. Of course, king Carson thanks babe. “Ok can GEORGE weigh in?” Pls george you’re funny.

BESS OMG WHAT R THOSE? TONGS? Carson and Bess moment funny. “Are you alright?” He sounds so fine with it but also so concerned. AW CARSON FATHERING BESS TOO PLS I LOVE HIM. The Drew Crew is now Carson’s Crew Of Baby Ducks.

Okay I mean at least Amanda didn’t spill. She’s so pretty too!!! Okay but I kinda like the bobseys ngl. Sorry guys. Gil is also very hot. I bet their mom either isn’t dead or is gonna show up as a ghost?? Okay but I feel bad for them no. Oh do I smell an Acemanda scavenger hunt?

NO NO NO NOT THE FANSON FIGHT. AW NO PLS I LOVE THEM. HES PROPOSING?! Oh no nvm. DO NOT BREAK UP. DO NOT. Fanson scavenger hunt?

Oh is that b dead? No nvm they’re still breathing. OH GIL JUST DIPPED. Patience impaired- MOOD. OH THAT WAS HOT “wasn’t this more fun than picking a lock” WOAH THERE BUCKO. YEAH BUT WOAH.

“Am I crying too loud” BESS IS A MOOD. Aww Carson is trying to distract her, please omg. Dad Carson is so cute. LAWYER BESS, LAWYER BESS.

Oh that’s creepy. NOT A BASEMENT- NANCY UR DUMB. OH THAT WAS SO FUCKING SCARY WHYD THIS PRINCE PHILLIP LOOKING MF JUMP LIKE THAT- NOT THE BASEMENT. fake wall? Yeah Gil break down that wall. OH GOD IS THAT HIS MOM?

HE STASHES THINGS BESIDE THE POLICE STATION- WHAT?! I love that. Acemanda could be cute though? Maybe? Idk I need to decide if I can share.

ODETTE IS BACK. Nick is so over it. WHY IS SHE SO SALTY ABT BEING STUCK IN GEORGE LMFAO. PLS “granite, limestone. Be done with it” ODETTE I CANT. She’s outta pocket. “Oh, well. Odette called me an idiot.” PLS NICK AND ODETTE ARE SO FUNNY.

Oh it’s just drawings, I thought it was a body. Poor Gil :( wait I actually feel bad. Ok I’m here for Gil but he’s pissing me off with this whole shroud thing. DONT KILL GEORGE, U HOE. Mommy’s ghost is boutta show up. NO WAIT WHAT IF SHE WAS KILLED BY A GHOST. she totally was. HAHA nancy got caught. I laugh but that was awkward.

KILLED BY GHOST, OBVIOUSLY. “We’ve heard great things about your restrooms.” PLS. Ace knowing nothing about art. NANCY ITS UNKOWN THEYRE OBVS NOT GONNA HAVE THE NAME.

Dad Carson aw. Pls besties Bess and Carson. AWWW THERE WASNT EVEN A HEARING. Carson should just adopt the entire Drew Crew. LAWYER BESS! LAWYER BESS! I WANT LAWYER BESS! Dad Carson please adopt me too. REASSURANCE. I LOVE.

“Technically they sold it to nick” “What?” PLS NICK/ACE IS SO FUNNY TO ME. besties are so funny. SHES NOT DEAD I TOLD YALL SHES NOT DEAD. IF GEORGE DIES I WILL RIOT.

GIL YOU NEED TO CHILL. SIR. PLEASE DO NOT DO IT. DONT DO IT. Oop Nancy is already there. SHES STILL ALIVE I TOLD YOU GUYS. please poor Gil. Aw, I feel so bad. She was definitely actually being haunted, but I digress. No please poor Amanda. “Why would she tell you but not me?” HIS VOICE GOT SO SMALL. TWIN MOMENT. okay but Amanda coming thru for the Drew Crew. WOOHOO GIL REDEMPTION!

“Cheer up Boss.” IF BESS DOESNT KEEP CALLING NICK BOSS ILL BE UPSET. “There’s still an old timey French lady living in my girlfriend.” AW OMG. ODETTE NO-

GEORGE NO. NONONO. oh thank god nick and Bess got there. Bess coming through with the lawyering. Nice. Bess crashing and burning here. “If you do this to george I wont have to imagine it. George deserves to live.” NICK- FANSON- CRYING. CRYING. OMFG HE LOVES HER. NICK I LOVE YOU. FANSON. HUG HUG HUG SWEET CUTE WOW. tag yourself, I’m bess crying in the background.

Nancy and Ace- “says the guy dating his twin sister” HE GAVE HER HIS HOODIE. I AM JEALOUS NGL. I’m very immersed in this, don’t Judge me. NOT THE BANANA CREAM PIE, NANCY PLS. oh they’re holding hands???

Acemanda on the boardwalk, the writers are stealing my ideas, smh. See: The Dumpster Fire I Call Life (linked below) OMG “I only need one” THAT WAS VERY CUTE AND I HATE IT. PLS STOP. JEALOUSY. CUE MR. BRIGHTSIDE- TPAIN SANS LE T- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. ITS HIS BROTHER?! DO I SMELL FRANK HARDY?

Sister’s Thoughts:

“Why is Ace dressed like a fifth grader?” (It was the blue jacket with the green zipper that made her think that lmao)

“I’m just me, without any secrets,” Carson said.

“Except for your secret boyfriend.” My sister is the number one Caryan shipper.

“Aw Nick is the ghost possessing your girlfriend bullying you? Poor muffin.”

DUMPSTER FIRE FIC LINK:

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[outragedslime]

I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

[unclejuho]

sf9 in london event + concert experience ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

this is my 5k essay on what happened 190512 // enjoy reading!!!

so i got to the venue at 11pm the night before bc i was so stressed by the other concerts (ppl at la started lining up at 6pm??) i really wanted to be near the front since im coming all way from the netherlands anyways i better go big or go home!!!! so like i waited there for an hour amongst other fans who were still waiting from a diff concert and when they left other fantasy arrived so we started queueing up. i rlly have to thank sf9 uk casue they were so nice to me and they kept letting me use their hotel next door to let me go to the bathroom and change ♥️

i ended up getting nr1 (or nr21 ig isbdhs) so!!!! we did it LMAO succesfully got a good spot even though my feet and butt were dead by the time anything even happened,, its so hard to wait for 16+ hours to go to a concert but its sf9 so who cares about health 🤡 we didnt get knifed and a lot of ppl came up to ask who the fuck we were waiting for hdbshsh it was so funny

so i started handing out my juho stuff ofc and ppl seemed to like it!!! so im glad haha eventually even i didnt have any anymore so i was happy ppl liked it!

skip to like 1pm which is when the members arrived at the venue, i was a lil late noticing cus i was waiting for those signed narcissus albums but i ran to the front anyways n saw youngbin chani tae leave the van (like what they posted in the travel preview) so that was!!!!! jdbdbsb they were so unbothered it was so cute so i went to get my albums and came back to line (i got all hwiyoung pcs oshshah) 

also there were so many other fans handing out fanmades it was so sweet the entire atmosphere was fantastic bc everyone was nice to eachother, rlly everyone i talked to was super sweet!!! also so many fansites with slogans or fans so i went broke once more but it was all worth it theyre so pretty...

at like 4.30 was the special event which lmao i rlly was so tired and i got sooo nervous i had my already signed fanfare from mwave bc if ure gonna sign any album it should be fanfare (looking at ALL the ppl that gave them narcissus) sooo us 20 were led upstairs to some sort of bar area and they had a long table w water bottles so we had to wait a lil while the staff checked our signed items if they were ok and then we had to form a line to wait (they were late) i met another dutchie so that was nice hdhshsh

finally the members walk out and im shaking bc baek ju is the first to enter the room!!! he was wearing that leopard sweater and i didnt even hate his mullet seeing it upclose...

jae was wearing that stupid unbottoned shirt skbssbsb and he came in giving ALL the fanservice like him and inseong were here for the entire thing osbdbsb the other members just sat down and sociaized with eachother like yb kept being adorable and pulling faces at the table it was everything and i couldnt see rowoon bc ppl were standing in front of him but i was!!!! shaking already bc whos idea was it to start off this event with fucking rowoon lmao is like immediate heart attack! ju was last which was oof...

so i had like ideas of what i wanted to talk abt w each members but lmao??? i didnt talk abt any of it to any member my mind was so shook...

first up was rowoon and he just hdhshsh???? the eye contact of this man and just seeing him upclose was so intense tf he rlly was.. so gorgeous n bc of his hair up his eyes looked even bigger n shimmered and the pics rlly dont do him justice... so the first thing i said was wow so handsome bc why not.. i was gagged indeed hdbdbsb he said like woooow our debut album and you already have it signed oabdbs i didnt explain the entire mwave thing bc wud he understand haha but he opened n he saw the pic of himself hes like what do u like better me now or me here??? me being myself im like fanfare bc ur hair down is so cute oahdhshs i rlly not a narcissus hag anyways but fanfare was best rowoon as always... so rowoon did his sign and i asked him to do sky castle impersonation he didnt understand so i just repeated sky castle he was like ah the voice thing im like yes cha minhyuk isbdbsh so he did the fucking thing and i was dying lmao great to have seen it in the flesh ofc...

after rowoon was taeyang and taeyang!!!! was so hyper and attentive like hdnsb whenever u see him in vids hes usually very casual but he was soooo sweet and he too was like ahhh fanfare he took a while to say but he said his heart was still in there hdhdhsh so i was 🤧🤧 i just asked tae if he was doing okay or if he wasnt feeling tired and he said he was doing great bc i was there im like dying hdhshsh so i said yah me too!!!! 

jae was after taeyang n jae was jdhshshs soooo into it i know korean fans say ppl change biases to jae after meeting him and i have to say i can see why!!! i didnt rlly know what to say to jae beforehand but he said oooo i really love london and im like haha i dont like it here im like im from the netherlands so he was shocked he said thank you for coming to travel here and he held my hand isbdbsbsb

next was inseong and... the eye contact level was sooo severe he rlly threw all into it hes like hi thank you for coming so much so i was wearing this shirt w a 🥩 on it and im like inseong do u like my shirt bc i know u love meat iahdhahsh so he was laughing n said yea wow this is my favorite shirt oshdhshs rlly had me going LOL he asked if it was my first time seeing them im like yea but im going to korea in the summer tho oshdhshs he said that was great n asked how long i was staying for,,, so im like im going a month so he asked why i was going so long im like im going for u!!! hdbshsb he gave me some hearts and i moved on ndhsbsab

so chani was next up and he looked so shy,,,, im sad bc i forgot to say everything i wanted to say to him at the beginning and i was just like chaniiiiiii and he laughed and signed my album before i went i quickly pushed in a URE MY FAVE DANCER n he highfived me hdhsbs

so youngbin was next and i... lmao... i was weak haha he just read my name hes like hiiiii gia im here being depressed saying HI YOUNGBIN I LOVE U SM thank u sm for everything u do for us and i shit u not my eyes like tearing up oshdbsbs yb asking me how im feeling im like YEA GREAT tears in my eyes oabdbs i rly couldnt speak otherwise id actually have them roll down my face so i just nodded and moved on iabsbs

hwiyoung im so sorry... i was still emo from yb and i even forgot to say happy birthday like pls hit me... hwi cheered for the fanfare album and im like yess hwi i love ur hair here i love the blonde;; hwi thanked me for coming 

next up was dawon and jdbsbs i came in saying hi fantasy president so he said yeeee fantasyyyyy and hes an unbothered legend oabbdhssbn he signed quickly and within a minute i was away again jdhdhs

so juho.. my god oshdhshwh hes so:((( pretty let me breathe liek... i came there im like juho i love u oahdhshsh hes just nodding his way going to sign my album and he drawing that heart stickman so im like i have a question can u draw— hes like this is my signature drawing LUCKILY i drew the jucasso next to my name so im like pointing at it being like lmao boy we dont want this heart flop bdhdhsh so he quickly drew it and i said i hope u feel better soon and i was off again,,, rlly dawon and juhos signing went so quick...

so we moved on to the pictures and they were grabbing the chairs and ju was standing all way back at first but then no members went to sit on the chairs oahdhs so JUHO THE MAN WENT FOR THE SEAT NEXT TO THE MIDDLE HDHSHSH and hwi on the other side and jae behind so im blessed like juho... he rlly did it... hdhshsh i quickly go to grab one of my banners bc im like bitch i gotta fucking rep for it now otherwise i wudnt know a pose anyways oahdhshs so i quickly took off my glasses as well

so its my turn im going up and sitting down and like handing this banner to ju and hes like ???? oh???? he quickly reads it n was impressed hdbsb so there was one pic and tae was sitting next to ju and wanted to read what was on the banner so he turned to us but then we had to take another pic so he had to turn back quickly again oahdhshsh and then i had to go again but as i walked away ju was explaining to the members what was on my banner so i :(((( 

after everyones picture was taken they said goodbye and waved and inseong stayed behind a lil to joke abt drinking beer (i rlly hate him but also me?) and then they left and we got our merch bags n went back downstairs

so i quickly ran over to my bestie to tell her abt it before realizing we had to line up to go inside for the concert so i was like stressed running away i rlly almost lost my first spot LOL but we were let inside the venue i had like 50 bags but i ran to the front and BLESS IT there was like tiny space left at the left side which is were i wanted to be bc juwoon!!!!!! so i rly did get barrier thank god i could put down all my bags as well and the fantasy next to me were great as well!!!!

// i’ll add the concert later as im tired rn and this is already 5k osjbhdbhjas

[moved-to-antonyator]

forgot to post this lol... read more for a little message

other years

well! real life is always better than this shit! 2018 sure sucked! actually getting so sick all the time thanks to my weak colon because of stress wasnt fun, either my hashtag scoliosis which is my fault bc of not loving myself that much kek.

Including people who stressed me over and over didnt really help my mental health related to this LOL. this might include ppl who hate me for just drawing 2 dumbass characters haha. it still hurts. if you wanna tell me to die go for it off anon because i can know who you are and block you so you forget about me and visceversa, or just block me, who cares. problem solved. go get a hobby, most of you are too young to be mad at “fandom drama”, trust me. dont make the same mistakes i did.

I did pretty well in my second semester, however, i have several problems related to my self steem since i dont like myself pretty much and think isolating is my only solution when the only thing it does is hurt me. I cant help it though, thats the way i feel. Thankfully, December last week was a bit better even if i had a real big breakdown for the reasons above. Hanging out with friends and watching streamers or people talking overal really helps me distracting over shit.

i hope this year is the one where i stop being a pussy for once when talking but i dont even think thats gonna happen soon. hopefully i just go mute someday in social media.

one of my resolutions is to love myself a lil bit more and learn color theory + improve my art, im noticing i did improve way too much by just trying out new stuff and art programs even if i drew the same characters over and over and gotten way less recognition than before since i have and share opinions a lot KEK.

something positive about this year is that i can see whos being a fake ass bitch with their words while guilttriping trying to get something from me, but sorry, i just have seen so much i dont fall for any weak trap like that KEKKKKKK. This also includes being able to stop being so anxious when really specific ppl where around. im glad it stopped because damn it felt relaxing after.

im happy about being able to help that much at precisemuseum. it was really happy and felt better about myself when patching and such. i made liek +10 scripts and couting! 

IM ALSO GLAD I JOINED TOUHOU AGAIN! i keep taking the game, then abandon it. this time i know with who to hang out, and i wanna keep real chill with drawing and talkin to people who seem cool. 

thatseit, thats what i can say of 2018.

happy new year

[survivornavarino]

Episode #1: I Tried Giving My Heart To Him Once, And He Ate It -Drew

*Extreme keyboard smashing* I love this cast so very muchhhhh

https://i.gyazo.com/9496850dcc77a64b212b20a2651ef2c3.jpg Is this where we post or selfie? Also So pumped to get this party started!

I'm having fun, it feels like everyone knows each other so that's- yknow that's like... it's fun... like 2 people know me

I’m actually really glad with who is in my tribe so far. Like tim and heather. Hopefully this doesn’t screw over my plan since they all ready know how I play. Isbdownriwkd maybe I shouldn’t have revealed everything to them. Maybe loyalty will perserve and they won’t fear back stab me ;-; This will throw a kink into things. I’ll see how much I can get the loyalty of the others to have a buffer against this chance

I just got situated on my new tribe and I was absolutely delighted to meet everyone. Everybody seems super friendly and excited to play. Right off the bat I recognized 3 other people from Zwooper, where I usually play Survivor games. Two of them I know vaguely, and another I am actually pretty close with. I know he’s a brilliant player and I have every intention of working extremely closely with him but I also know he is a huge threat, makes great speeches, and wins a ton of games. So I am just checking every avenue at this point. I am making sure not to get too comfortable in my little zwooper alliance. I have been talking to all the other new players - particularly Tim who seems really cool. It will naturally be in our best interests to keep our Zwooper background under wraps else we could easily be targeted for knowing each other. 

So I'm going to summarize my night one experience!!! The cast seems very very promising ! I love my tribe although I haven't spoken to everyone privately just yet. So inside the rules were an extra search up the mountain and I took it! I'm positive that I'm not the only one who found it though but it did in fact come in handy. The first task was to photoshop a picture of Zach riding a rhino during some historic event and that was hilarious lol. Its not the best quality since I made it for speed. On the second trip, I had to do a puzzle and omg do I hate puzzles why must yall make me suffer. I spent like 20 mins trying to do that puzzle lmao!!! This definetly puts everyone who took the advantage ahead by atleast one step. So the challenge!! Its a scavenger hunt and im happy that we get to do that! I really am stoked about the shakespearean stuff but Tim isnt a fool. This is fans vs faves after all and its important to be aware of the game collectively. Your boy  (partially) studied the cast as of last night more specifically the favorites and I am aware that Rebecka is extremely fond of scavenger hunts so Im going to make sure I put some extra effort into the challenge. I'm super excited for the game to pick up and really start rolling. Hopefully I can be able to make it pretty far and at least past first merge boot. Let the battle begin I guess!

Me and my PC are gonna have a freaking fight because it wont upload my Youtube Video!!!!! Fotr the hunt!!!! But anyways everyone seems to be contributing a bunch and being active in the chat maybe except for Kaugh? If that is their name? I haven't spoken to them yet but Pocket is also afk but I've spoken to him. 

I finally got to writing a confessional. YAY. I'M IN ATHENA WAITING TO BE FIRST BOOT. FUN FUN FUN. I am super excited that the first thing is a scavenger hunt. I am going to do an impressions thing when I get a better feel from everyone, and when the challenge is not taking up my time.

omg this game is fun it is a tad much to take in all at once but i am slowly getting comfortable with people and how to maneuver the tasks i think Tyler and Tim are my closest so far even though it is early but we are having fun with the challenge i think it helps us talk some since we just met. 

I am just beginning my takeover of this game, I am close with Pocket and Trixie and they will be my royal advisers. I will dispatch them to gain info for me tonight.

Im literally having so much fun filming all of these videos but my data is sufferingggg. Its worth it though because im having fun! Also one of our tribe mates is dead so thats an easy vote in the event that we lose which I see might be likely (Faves are strong man)

Live footage of me after picking path 3 on level 3 and falling, notifying the tribe of my searches:

I love dodging possible situations that could blow up my game with memes 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Heather just asked me what level I was on and I wasnt gonna actually tell her I was on level 3? So I told her I was on level 2 and picked path 2? Hopefully the trend of rocks falling on the number that is its path and level is a thing. Or she picked path 2 and saw rocks fall and now she thinks it was her fault. Either way I hope this zooms by everyones head. :/

So Shoib came to me and told me about the extra search which I already knew about but I plaued it dumb and was like "omg thank". This atleast means he is looking out for me or trying to befriend me in some way. Browny points for him but he's a clever one. Also Pocket was like .. did you get anything... NO  lmao! I wish! I hope he doesn't think I have some advantage somewhere.

Ok and another thing! Heather is on level 3 im sure of it and she picked path one know that. She used the same excuse as me after I said i didnt search on day one but she she claimed to be on level 2 and picked path one. Sure Jan. Also I don't think she saved her extra search just yet.

Im going to slow down the rate at which I search the Dientes de Navarino. Im speculating that once you use all 5 paths on level one up you're searching potential is over. Its smarter if I wait foran alliance so we can collaborate on which paths to use, ensuring that we dont run out of searches. I can also use that knowledge to sabotage them mwahahaha.

Shoib told me not to take path 4 on level 2... you know what im gonna do? Take path 4 on level 2 so that I can get back to level 3. Thanks pal you just helped me more than you could've ever known.

https://youtu.be/UgiNE3GvbNs

So, first challenge, I haven't done anything to help at all and that worries me. While I'm writing this there is a spider like a couple feet away from me and it's moving.

Im really enjoying this tribe and the tribe call! Alliance question mark? (Me, Heather, Jake, Tyler????

Can Vi and pocket leave the call so I can form an alliance fksgfhvhb.!

Can Vi leave the group call so I can make an alliance already!! Like sis has said she was leaving like 80 times already but shes still here! LET ME LIVE LOL

Well well well

I'm back at it again I LOVE this new pink room with pretty smiling faces at the top. The other confessional rooms could never. Ok so it's the first full day of the game, which feels a lot like the first day of school. You find your friends, see who's in your classes, and come up with a game plan. Obviously I don't know everyone, but I know enough. Mitch, Julia, Rebecka, Benjamin, Jake, Tim, AND Shoib?? Oh it's lit. So far I love my tribe and that will probably bode well for the season but you never know. I know there's beef between Eddie and Benjamin which is PERFECT for down the road, but for now I'm pretty happy and don't plan on turning up anytime soon

Now we know Mitch, Jacob, and Rebecka are my Himalayas family and I want to work with Benjamin too BUT I definitely have a Day 1 that I can count on and that's Julia. The tea is Julia and I joked about getting cast together and being allies and then it happened haha so we love a premade Final 2. At first I was nervous but Julia is great when she's not pissed and that reminds me a lot of myself lmao. She's literally Cher from Clueless- very high energy, sociable, and smart; which makes me Dionne- very chill, supportive, and strategic. Jules and I are redeeming ourselves after All Stars y'all heard it here first- the cracked queens are sticking together

Me thinking about the things I said about working with Vi.

I'm always reminded of the ravages of time while playing these games, i know it doesn't seem like a huge age difference but it def feels like decades between us, though everyone seems nice enough I feel like the camp councilor trying to stay relevant 

Me af rn

https://youtu.be/uEQYZMaNN94

This scavenger hunt is great. So far is seems really fair and equal. I don't get how the 100 likes is possible ;-; but lipsyncing was fun. I had to practice bc I dunno English *shrugs. Also I feel like there are a lot of inactive members but it usually takes me all the way until merge to learn people's names so... uh hopefully Heather and Tim will lead me. The tribe is so great, the discussion on games and musicals was fun. It really was a destresser. Hopefully we do it again soon!

Its the final day of the scavenger hunt and its going very well! Except for the fact that some people aren't lipsyncing or making cards! The lip sync is worth 10 points so like YALL GOTTA DO IT OR ELSE WE LOSE. We're gonna lose tho because peeps arent lip syncing but Katherine should be the easy vote. *Squints aggressively at tribe*

so far shoib and jake and Tyler have been talkative and definitely seem like they are possibly allies as we move forward im not impressed with any of the girls it is really hard to keep meaningful conversation going with them so we will see

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXFWMjhrAIk

So im pretty sure Rebecka actually went to the zoo to see a real rhino cuz she's a queen lol and I saw on my youtube that Ben made a paparrazi lipsync because he made it public and not unlisted fksksks i love knowledge its power

ahhhh i have so much to do today

I need to have a good conversation with autumn today and speak to her before immunity results come out an basically hey girly!!! I got your back ;)... but i need to talk to her like a lot this afternoon before i bring that up!'

I need to talk to Rebecca more too and have another conversation with her too and I really need to knock it out of the ball park in terms of making her feel like I’m somebody who she could work with going forward and like who cares if I don't like your best friend!!!

I also need to talk to Julia a lot today too but I’m like trying to wait for a time to message her that’s not like immediately in the morning aka like right now so it doesn’t feel like i rushed to say hi to her just to make my rounds, but do it at a more later part in the day to make it seem a little more relaxed and less like it was a plan to message people first thing in the morning.

Mitch and I had a really good convo last night I think. I mean we talked about candles and his love for them and the normal stuff that I couldn’t be less interested in but a binch needs numbers so you gotta do what you gotta do.

Matt Summers posed on for a quick second and replied to my hello from 10 in the AM. He replied and said hey what’s up and then never answered the message I sent to him immediately after which like ok,,,,, i just hope this is how he’s being with everyone else because if so we sure do love an easy first boot!!!! It also gives me time to really since my fangs into these people and find me some numbers!! (lady vamp)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfnPSVP08-w

I just wanted to say that the GAME SO FAR IS LIT!!!! I LOVE ALL THE NEW FRIENDS I'M MAKING!!!

Y'all........

Listen I am just here to live a good life as a strong Christian woman, I don't need any attention, and what kind of hell has come down for me...

Like was casting me and Eddie in the same season payback for casting Amanda, Emily, and Francie together?????? WE BOTH HAVE GOTDAMN MONGOLIA HOST IN OUR NAME???? And you bring in Ben, who Eddie JUST fought with in the Mongo VL, Autumn who is basically his bestie these days...Like if you wanted a bitch to get 20th, you could've at least reached out for All Stars so I could have spared Karen!!!

Like okay listen, I love Eddie like a brother I sometimes flirt with too much and then have to hide from for a month. If we can get past day 6, we could do some great things in this game. I think we're finally ready for that experience. But jesus fuck if those 6 days aren't gonna be tough as fuck...

Highkey do you know what my ass needs??? A SWAP! GET ME WITH THE MENINIST ZWOOPER BOYS. GET ME TO MY JAKE P AND EVERYTHING WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD, LITTLE BOSTONIAN MUFFIN OF LOVE. TAKE ME AWAY TO SHOIB, WHOSE NAME IS ACTUALLY SPELLED LIKE THAT. AND DEAR SWEET POCKET ROCKET, WHOSE NAME IS AS RHYTHMIC AS IT IS RAUNCHY, IDK YOU BOO BUT WE CAN STILL SQUAD UP. Like I need access to allies people aren't going to know I have. Eddie? Too obvious. Mitchy? Too obvious. Jacob? Slightly less obvious but the boy won't keep it a secret. Rebecka? It's an option??? But she shady as fuck. Matt Summers? I already tried giving my heart to him once, and he ate it. Julia? Lowest of keys one of the better options I have, I'll take the witch, I'm down to clown, but also gotta watch out for that Crossroads connection to Autumn, which is also a through-connection to Ben, so we're in for a clusterfuck of love. (that's all I can think of right now, and if I haven't named you yet, you're probably too irrelevant to consider) (I just checked and the only person I didn't name is Mo, so I stand by the irrelevancy statement)

So if we can't trust in allies, we have to trust in that patented Drewcifer challenge strength! Just get me to a damn swap, I will do all of these ridiculous tasks, and lip sync to Paparazzi of all fucking things, and dress like Jeff Probst (which was actually just my normal workwear with an ugly baseball cap so now I feel gross), just get me to the next round and we can build from there.

I feel guilty because this is how I act in like a group project at school like pretending I'm helping by little comments but in reality I'm just sitting there because I don't know what I'm doing nor do I have access to stuff that can help. Nobody has messaged me about an alliance yet, so that's fun, I still think I'm getting first boot if we lose this challenge which is why I'm grasping at straws to try to help. I counted how many points we had and told everyone the total like "look I'm being helpful" so people will think "oh he's in it to win it guys" 

First of all this is adorable http://prntscr.com/idx4yh Second of all HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO VOTE ANYONE OUT??? ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING????

https://youtu.be/tD1HjZTlqE0

Me looking for results like:

it isn’t fair we lost after all the work we put into the challenge but that’s the game i guess now we just have to survive a tribal and first vote is the worst 

Respect to the other team for coming so close, their efforts were admiradorable.

Pretends to be shocked that we lost. If only everyone did a lipsync. Smh but you cant force people do to things they dont want to I giess but special accomidations were even made to where they had privacy. Anyways Im bonding more I hope aleast with people but this should be an easy vote.

What an emotional rollarcoaster. Where is my tea? Slightly pissed at the people who didn’t do the lipsync. We could have won. Oh well this means rebecka is safe so maybe it’s worth it. Who knows what could have happened. We shall see who gets voted out but I’m thinking it’s someone who didn’t do anything TimIm feeling extremely sick about the loss in hindsight. All that effort just thrown down the drain? It feels extremely terrible and is definitely a shot to the heart. 

Sorry im confessing again fjsksks but this is the mood after the first results: the third one is me being upset at [redacted] https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818412711/moodboard-after-the-loss

I forgot to confess this but like... im convinced my tribe mate is a model. https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818459861 BLEASE

I'm feeling... ANNOYED. I know I participated a lot to that challenge and I had fun doing it! So even though it didn't result in a win I do NOT regret taking flour to the face or shanking three balloons or any of the other crazy stuff I did. With that being said we COULD have won this challenge if everyone pulled their weight. Four people didn't lip sync. If those four people had taken the five minutes required to make a half-decent lip sync video we would have beaten the fans by ONE point. The four flops are Shoib, Tee, Trixie, Katherine. Tee and Trixie did a lot of photos and seem pretty cool, so they are off the table. That leaves Shoib and Katherine. Shoib is in my Zwooper alliance of four so I have to cover for him... which is really unfair. If he wasn't a number for me I would not at all be opposed to voting him off for this. He really let the tribe down and contributed a whopping TWO things to the entire list. I used his rule-reading video as leverage while trying to point out who contributed more between Katherine and him. Most people seem to kind of agree that Katherine didn't do much, doesn't talk much, and isn't an asset to the team. Hopefully, we can just trim the fat and send her packing. 

I plan on getting the vote on Kathy because I feel like she contributed the least amount to the comp and I haven't talked to her much.

Whelp, Guess who lost the challenge. HEHEHE I wanna cry. I put so much into scavenger hunts, but the faves got the immunity. However there were definitely some people who didn't contribute so I feel they should def go first. but here are some impressions

Tim: I love him with all my heart and might actually be able to work with him, which is litty. Vi: She tried in the challenge and I really like that. I get good vibes from her, so hopefully I can get to working with her Tee: Her picture is gorgeous and she seems very sweet. I get REALLY good vibes from her and really want to Tyler: He is very cool and said he admires my contributions to the challenge and would like to work with me going further into the game Pocket: He looks like my cousin and Jesus. He seems chill. Not too active but not too inactive. And he sings and acts so I love Trixie: Haven't exactly talked to her much yet, hopefully chill. Kathy: The 2 games I'm in with her shes inactive. Ill try talking to her again Jake: I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I LOVE JAKE. That is all Shoib: He came off too strong for me, but he genuinely seems nice. Someone make me stop liking people. Its bad for my game and I will prob cry if someone backstabs me

I'm disappointed in my boy Shoib's contribution this challenge but Katherine is the ghost around camp and my theory is she is jealous of my body hair and for this reason shes too overwhelmed to compete. C'est La Vie.

When I saw that we lost I was Wouldiwas Shookspeared that we could've one is everyone lip synced 

Hi all!! Rebecka here!! Running 20 mins late to my psychiatrist appointment so what better a time than to confess about this game??? Ok so first off this cast WHEW!!! I love autumn and would love to work with her but every time we try to work together in a game it's like cursed so here's hoping third times the charm??? Julia the witch is cool af I hope we can work well together after I voted her out in crossroads!! Lol!!!!!! I hosted circle with drew this past season and he hasn't said much to me/I'm pretty sure he's hated me since day 1 which idk why Bc he's never said anything about it but I just have social anxiety and I feel like he doesn't like me!! Idk here's hoping. He approached me asking if I'd wanna secretly work with him which I'd be incredibly down for because I'd love to work with drew but I just hope he's not fucking with me!! I'm unsure how I feel about Jacob Albright Bc we've met before but I feel strange vibes from him too. MITCH IS MY ONE TRUE LOV AND I BETTER BE ABLE TO WORK WITH HIM IN THIS GAME BECAUSE I LOV HIM???????????? That's how I feel about that. Love him. He slay my life. Idk the other ppl in the game but Eddie seems nice and has been messaging me.   I AM glad we won the scavenger hunt Bc I honestly don't know how a tribal week 1 would've gone down. Lastly I'm just still confused as to how I got picked as a fav but I'll roll with it!!! Ok ya!! Xoxo gossip Beckka 

https://youtu.be/MaPWQeclcOM

[This confessional is for before the immunity results, basically the first two days of the game)

Ahhh yes, time for my 2nd org. Last time I placed 2nd and this time I'm coming for the crown. 

Being on a fan's tribe is kind of intimidating, just because I think that all the players on the favorite's tribe are more experienced than us which could be an advantage. 

So let me just give a quick rundown of the cast. 

I actually know Tyler, Pocket, and Shoib from Zwooper. When we got added to tribes, Pocket & Shoib added me to a chat with them and were like "Zwooper Alliance!" And I was like umm, Tyler is from Zwooper too? Lol. They wanted to create a separate chat with him, so I don't think they trust him. I definitely trust Tyler the most though, we've been friends for a while.

As for everyone else on our tribe, I've talked to Tim and Trixie a bit, and they both like Nintendo so I like them! Heather seems cool too. I talked to Tee for a while as well, but the conversation doesn't feel that exciting. I haven't talked to Katherine or Vi much.

I am worried about the Faves tribe because Autumn, Julia, and Rebecka are there from crossroads. I backstabbed Julia and Rebecka in that game, oops. And I feel like they might form a tight alliance because Autumn told me that her and Rebecka wanted to be secret allies in crossroads, and I know that Julia and Rebecka got stoned every night in Ponderosa so they're def close. 

However, Drew is on the Faves tribe and he is a good friend of mind. He wanted me to play this game with him before we got cast so I think he would be loyal to me if we ended up on a tribe later on. 

Sooo we just lost the challenge, great. And we would've won if these people just did a FUCKING LIP SYNC! How hard is it to fake sing for 3 minutes?? Gtfo. Tyler is GUNG HO on getting someone who didn't lip sync out, and he brought up Katherine's name. And I'm fine with that. We barely talked Day 1 and she hasn't said a word to me in two days. Her name is going around because others are bringing her up to me. I feel like this vote should be more intense since the first vote for crossroads was, but then again that was a starting tribe of 6 and this is a starting tribe of 10, so maybe people are just focusing on challenge threats rn. Either way, I just hope my name isn't going around. That's all I care about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6mVJIKDIBQ

sooooo im gonna let yall know whats good with the admirador tribe. so first of all i think i only know three of them BUT i like them. so first they have jake. i love jake price!!!! but like we kinda went against each other in crossroads but we became really good friends after and we got a streak! but honestly if i swap, i want jake on a tribe. i would DEF love to work with him. next they have trixie who i LOVE. she is a feminist and we have worked together and i see it happening here. im just afraid of her and jake being a mess tbh. and than there is shoib. i love shoib but the child has a MOUTH on him. so he is also pretty freaking messy like omfg. its exhausting girllllll! but if i swapped it would be ideal to have them all on a tribe of mine because we could all kick it together. the rest of them I honestly have no clue about like y'all really scouted for them. but hopefully shoib jake and trixie live after this tribal bc i really wanna work with them. but lowkey wouldnt care if admirador kept flopping lol! 

http://youtu.be/xiJFcgShj1A Woo?

So far everyone has been telling me Kathy, which I am fine with. Just means an easy round for me and gives me time to take a well needed nap :)

So miss katherine decides to show up and talk after we lost.LMAO. Sorry but you're a couple days late. Also Pocket joined the club pf falling from the mountain and i love it. I just wonder how far he got up it... Time to vote katherine out.

OMG Heather fell too. PS: Im a smart cookie. I discovered that  if you fall you only fall by two levels therefore all the paths on level 1 and two are safe wig. I also know to avoid number 3 on levels 3 and 4 but im gonna pick it once I get to level 5! Also thanks Heather and Pocket for confirming this.

D*UCK Heather found out you only fall by 2 levels just as i confessed. Well I guess that info was inevitable to discover.

After tonight we will have 9 tribe members in the chat,which will feel different because, i guess it won't because Katherine doesn't say anything :S oh wait she complimented my beard.

im going to be second boot

Im getting weird vibes about this tribal.

Pre-season cast assessment! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWtdLG4Hquo&feature=youtu.be

[leonbastralle]

Malmine’s Day Out In Berry World (And More) - Replies

i could absolutely get used to this, also sorry for the wall of text but i think read more works on mobile now?

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I HAVE THE BEST WIFE HA HA HA!!!!! ALSO FOOD!”

mAAAAAAARR STOP BEING SUCH A HUGE NERD

HE CANT THIS IS WHO HE IS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM GOING TO HIRE U UR BETTER AT CAPPING THEM THAN I AM ❤️ 😭👌🏼

wtf nOOO your shots are so aesthetic i just take a billion pics and post them all but also pls hire me for anything thanks

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

YESSSS

WOOOOOOOOOO

pixeldemographics replied to your post “I heard you wanted to see a weirdo (not)”

Wow a cutie patootie with an extremely Adequate Shirt!! ❤️

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Hell. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

THEIR FIRST DIP KISS I CANT BELIEVE IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mar stop manhandling ur wife also they cant escape their origin story lmao

its gr8 man i wish i could do smth cool with art and shadows now

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM Dying AND LIVING SO MUCH RN THANK U THANK U THIS IS A BALM AFTER U KNOW WHAT

tHATS GOOD THATS GR8 IM FEELING V ACCOMPLISHED

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

@1st pic mar wheres that hand going mar what are u doing

pl A C E S u kno thats just how he is

man i sure lov those presidents and their impure thoughts in public places

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: Jessamine! You did great. J: Why thank you! You weren’t too bad...”

Yes YESSSSS APPRECIATE EACH OTHER JESS RUN UR HANDS ALL OVER THAT BACK

now thats a comment i could have written

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I want death.”

MY DUDE ITS PART OF BEING A POLITICIAN

i KNOW I JUST HAD TO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

theres my perfect daughter in law

:o she is man

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “after today I’ll actually gonna stop spamming sims I can’t take credit...”

who the fuck is this tho idk her lmao

your goddess thats who

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “local alien cinnamon roll still a cinnamon roll”

can i adopt her please (i dont remember if i did already or not)

u can totally adopt and/or marry her tho tbh adopting WOULD probably be better since glow would get v sad and pathi v mad if u married her...well find someone else for u to marry if youd like and its not creepy

pixeldemographics replied to your post “wcifthe eyes of blue guy that trellis talked to?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iM LOVING THE TAGS EYE EMOJI

tHANK YOU I WASNT SURE IF THEY WERE TOO MUCH BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME TO DO IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: Good game, Trellis! T: Man…it seems talent just can’t beat youth....”

im crying so much jess is back at it with the selfies and trellis im so proud of trellis she is so GOOD

sAME I HAV A LOT OF FEELINGS FOR BOTH OF THEM ALSO LIL JESS OUTING HERSELF ABT HER FLAME OBSESSION ONCE MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Okay, remind me again why we HAVE to have a hot president?”

Ok trellis but......... a concept......... its gr8 he beat his meat to get here

i mean since im a troll and like to put impossible knowledge in my sims trellis has a clue or two but if it was confirmed to her i assure you she would appreciate the work that went into those biceps

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ASSSSSS

aLSO A COOL SHOT SMH

pixeldemographics replied to your post “9, 10”

;) ;) ;) im living for this potential murdering for the challenge

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) dude i might have to tell you because i wanna tell someone and you inspired this so...and for all we know i might never get to gen 8 which would mean id never finish the rainbowcy and start smth new so

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dUNKED

fun fact abt this shot: i drew half of the fuccin net because the bball always clips through it during this and i hated it so much because i loved the shot a lot

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mAKE MOMMA PROUD

ALWAYS SHE WAS SO DAMN GOOD

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dan trellis has some nice legs :o GO GIRL

well she got a lot of exercise but i too would lov naturally hairless legs

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

smh opal arent u supposed to support ur partner in balls

opal dont support anyone that aint sprout tbh

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “O: Woooooooooo!! Not bad, Mr President. M: Please never call me that...”

i MEAN trellis did u check those ABS and GUNS and bAD SHOULDERS OUT???

shE DID TRUST ME SHE TOOK A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE ABS AND GUNS AND BAD SHOULDERS AND MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

idk what happened with that comment im dead

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

cOME ON AND SMAAAAASH AND WELCOME TO THE JAM  👀  👀  👀  👀  👀

i dont know man but its beautiful

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

jfsdsfjdsfsd im crying so much im dead and im so glad mar is like..... giving nip town some much needed rep

he is man he is i need more of it but i also dont wanna b too obnoxious abt it...and also im realising the only other nip town rep on this blog will probably b snowdrifticus...

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ill b very honest and admit that in light of recent conversations this image can have some...... er ot i c....... connotations...... which is to say...... i lov it

cATII PLS I TOOK THIS AS AN AESTHETIC INNOCENT SHOT

(but also yes. yes y e ss YE S)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

PROTECC THESE KIDS FROM THIS DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

ILL TRY MAN i dont think the fam is gonna b the biggest danger to them tho

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

ALSO I LOV THEIR PROFILES I LOV THEM I LOVE PULSES SASS AND U KNO HOW I FEEL ABT HER IN GENERAL (WINK WINK)

i kNO HOW U FEEL ABT HER YES I KNO JUST WELL I KNO U WANT THAT MIDDLE FINGER (im sorry the friend u ordered is broken ill get u a refund)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

OK FIRST OFF THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING AESTHETIC IM CRYING SO HARD RN

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????????? CAN U NOT YOURE AESTHETIC GOALS AND YOU CALL THIS AESTHETIC I CRY IVE BEEN APPROVED BY THE AESTHETIC QUEEN??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

Also i cry bc if she shortens her name as usual its mar which is sea in portuguese and just adds to the whole aesthetic :’)

;____________; yE S

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

It seems like mar is not the only one who handles balls well  👀  👀  👀

i mean...there is a possibility that she does too i wouldnt know.......theres actually a possibility that they r all pretty skilled i wonder why

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Is that a face of....... r e g r e t

probably, trellis is competitive af and v easily gets insecure when shes not the best (aka me???)

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

But im crying and dying and thriving so hard rn u said this was the fave IT IS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

;______________________________________________; i too am crying in retrospect and was crying

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

Jess would probably love to b slam dunked tbh i cant believe her

👀  👀  *halamshiral eavesdrop voice* inTERESTINGGGG pls tell me mor

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: I assume that’s a rhetorical question. I’ll browse the shops for...”

jess: wow love!!!

her face looking at shine and trellis gave me life she was probably like...mar too likes to do this...and that...i wonder if he too will still do that when were older...will he stay with me...i sure hope so

and trellis was like well if he dont u kno shine will freeze him and then ill literally kill him so i bet he dont want to risk that

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

i approve of trellis conscientious citizenship i LOV HER

sAME IM SO GLAD I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP THIS PART OF HER

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

lmao i bet shine is picturing this in one of those top 10 anime betrayals meme

yes absolutely can u pls make a meme out of this and also everything

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: I’m here, darling…oh, Jess! Hi! You made it! J: Trellis! Ready for...”

cOME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

YOU GOT IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Mrs Lilywhite! Is that you? What a coincidence! It’s good to see...”

dsjasdsasdajdsajsadjsad im living and dying and crying so much ANNIEEEEEEEE

aksjfbakjsbfkajbsfknajsbfaksjf already ;_;

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Wait, isn’t that…”

yES YES IT IS SJSDJDJSDFFSDDSF

me watching you commenting:

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s time for a group outing on Trellis’ day off!”

i lov the sound of that warning i know ill die

same always

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

follow up question whats flames fave type of meme

flame is flame he loves every meme he IS every meme but a few selected faves would be alien guy, doge, breadsticks, ermergerd, history of...um...whatever the berry name of japan is my color page isnt working xD and dark kermit i think those are some of his faves yes

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe aur went to the gym and play with his b balls ;)

but can u rly not because i can, i too would if u hav such mighty balls u gotta give them some appreciation

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe ficus is surrounded by ppl who give middle fingers and trELLIS TOTALLY HAS THE FACE OF A MURDERER YES

hES SO SAFE (ALSO NOT RLY) and thank you because she absolutely considered to get in on som fango plots

pixeldemographics replied to your post “special noses (u rly vary ur shape) and fluffy lips, they always look...”

the lips mostly!! but theyre always in combo with the nose i cant describe it but yes these soft kids

;________________; i mean...i guess they are their mothers children...

[prettyhoons]

ok ok my anger has subsided so i think i should like… not ignore today even though it was saddening but maybe focus on the nice things that happened at rift rivals because i did meet a lot of cool people and had a lot of fun!!

i went with nat aka the c9 xayah quickshot kept talking about on stream lmao. she looked absolutely stunning (she always does tbh) but beauty has its price and we paid by being half an hour late lmao

but in we went and i ended up on camera bc i was sitting next to nat and i wanted it to end but oh well at least now we have proof that i was there!! i was super excited and constantly clinging to nat which eventually turned into petting nat bc her hood was just so soft and fluffy aaaaaaa

then the fanmeets rolled around and i was????? so nervous???????? because even though ive met some eu players before it wasnt all of them and the na players where a whole nother animal

but yeah we met jesiz, caps and broxah (soaz and rekkles didnt come out sadly) and they were so sweet! im probably gonna say that about every team lmao but they honestly were all so nice. anyway i didnt dare ask them for hugs yet which i would later end up regretting lmao

then g2 vs c9 happened and i was so?????? conflicted????????? but yeah i ended up meeting g2 again which honestly never gets old and i hugged them again which also never gets old!!!

then we met p1 and i asked them to sign @nekomieze ‘s sketchbook bc she couldnt be there sadly :( but they were so kind and honestly arrow’s signature is the tightest shit!! but yeah neko really put a lot of effort into it bc she drew cute lil pictures of p1 and c9 and i hope that when i send the sketchbook back to her she will post them either here or on twitter because theyre just so adorable!!!!!!!

and then!!!!!!! then we met c9!!!!!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!

i was so shook when they came onto the stage because i was used to players looking their height on camera from eu teams right???? well!! c9 are so

tiny

smoothie and ray are roughly my height but the rest of them are much shorter i shed a few tears

and god they are!!!!! such sweethearts!!!!!!! all of them!! smoothie started asking me questions like “how are you” and got me all flustered tho… :( initially riot staff said that c9 wouldnt sign anything bc contractz was sick and should go to bed already (and he really looked like he was gonna pass out any minute) but they ended up staying. jensen and sneaky stayed behind the longest which was kind of surprising in jensens case bc i heard from na fans that hes usually not v comfortable with fan stuff but i was happy that he stayed so long!! and sneaky stayed until there was only nat and my other friends and me left and chatted with us. i’m still not over that tbh

and then we met tsm!! sadly they didnt sign anything that was kind of disappointing. normally i dont have any strong feelings about them but my brother likes bjergsen so i was hoping to get some signatures for him. same thing on the second day idk if they signed anything tonight :(( i did hug bjergsen though it was really nice!! the tsm players in general seem v nice!!

also i got a photo with kobe!!!! hes literally so adorable hes like a giant puppy

then the next day we didnt meet g2 at all which is kind of a bummer bc i only realized the morning of day 2 that i did actually have something to get signed for myself lmao im… smart

i did meet uol once again and hylissangs handwriting is so nice!! and sheepys and romains signatures are so cute aaaaaa

we took more photos with p1 and they handed out wristbands and fidget spinners for free!! eventually i annoyed nat so much with my hood petting that she handed me her fidget spinner so i would stop. i ended up petting her with the fidget spinner

then c9 once more!!! and more hugs!!! it was so nice! i tried to take revenge and started asking smoothie questions but he returned the questioning and got me flustered again aaa!! juan was luckily looking wayyy better on day 2. also sneaky and jensen stayed with us super long again!! nat actually had a Normal Conversation ™ with sneaky. like they literally talked for ten minutes about the troubles of being left handed lmao

aaand more fnc!! as in initially it was jesiz, caps and broxah again and this time i summoned the courage to ask for hugs!! and lemme tell ya hugging broxah temporarily cured my anxiety

then eventually soaz joined too (still no rekkles…. hope hes ok) so yay!! and nat was talking to finlay about her other cosplays while i was standing by awkwardly lmao

and then after the games quickshot was out there in the entry hall taking selfies with fans and when he saw nat he actually asked her for a selfie and a hug lmao it was so adorable!! quickshot is so adorable!!! i love him!!

but like the real kicker came after the games. like yall probably saw the tweets from xpecial about how much money p1 spent at mcdonalds right?? well we didnt!! and we were hungry so we went to the mcdonalds around the corner and guess who was there

but yeah that was it for me!! i went home this afternoon and while all my friends somehow managed to sneak into the studio one way or another im kind of glad i didnt pay money for that tragedy. except i wasted like most of my mobile data on trying to get the stream running while i was on the train haha and also juan apparently was buying beer in the entry hall after the games and according to nat it was adorable as all heck and i would have loved to see it but oh well!! cant have it all!!

all in all im more than happy i was there and im happy i met so many cool ppl, players and (new) friends alike!!

[aki-psyche]

📖🌚🎉

📖 = tell a story

HOO BOY lemme tell u abt the hell that was TRB in LA lmao i feel like i tell this a lot lately so im gonna talk abt this one BUT me & my friend had VIP pit tickets buT god im NEVER getting pit again it was HOT and we had to get in line early and wait all day to make sure we got good spots which was fine + kinda fun (with all the ARMYs) but i get stressed really easy so i was like AUGH. buT WHEN WE FINALLY GOT IN i wanted to die bc it was rlly hard to find a good spot which just stressed me out even MORE bc i was worried we werent going to be able to see bc THERE WERE THESE 6′0″ PEOPLE IN FRONT OF US AND ME AND MY FRIEND R LITERALLY 5′0″ MIDGETS which was funny bc we found another 5′0″ midget AND WE WERE ALL JIMIN STANS being rlly salty bc these big ass people wouldnt let us go in front of them (I MEAN TBH I CAN KINDA SEE WHERE THEYRE COMING FROM but legit if you saw the height difference it was crazy i could NOT see past them) THINGS TURNED OUT ALRIGHT IN THE END but im definitely traumatized from being in the pit + i think ive developed some minor claustrophobia bc buying tickets + trying to get a good spot + that whole height thing = A LOT OF STRESS and it was hot and really loud with everyone shoving and screaming and im like 80% sure i wouldve passed out if i wasnt wearing earplugs but BTS was still hella :’)

tldr: dont get pit if ur smol and not ready to fuckin TRAMPLE EVERYONE FOR UR OWN BENEFIT

🌚 = talk about my crush

BINCH!!!! I love ronnie so much holy shit he makes me so much happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life I feel like I could trust him with anything tbh. He’s so caring and he makes me laugh a lot even when im having a really bad day and I feel like we just fit really well together???? UGH he’s visiting in June/July and im so excited to see him and give him lots of kissessssss WE MADE A LOVECHILD OC HIS NAME IS GABE (SHORT FOR GAY BOY 420) I JUST DREW HIM A MOMENT AGO IM DYIN

🎉 = post a selfie

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

[survivorcostarica]

Ep. 1 - “Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on...” - Randy

i cant see pls send imitrex

i have a crush on cole, i'm in this game and virgin islands with him and i really like talking to him.  he is really genuine and easy to talk to, i feel ridiculous for admitting this but this was the first thing i thought to confess about lol

I want to shoot myself in the fucking face what is my tribe?! 

Cole is such a messy thot, Kevin is that but without being remotely good at the game, Arika and Julia are best friends IRL and 1000% will be working together. Louise is a fucking saint but that also terrifies me because I can't do shit against her without being a terrible person. At least Madison is really down to earth and chill even thought I've known her for two days and met her on Club Penguin. I don't know Bryce, Noah or the other one so they're 1000% my go to people right now.

Ohkay hi hi. My name is Bryan and I’m here to try and NOT flop at this game. Ok sooo. I’m looking at my tribe and i notice. My best friend Madison is here. Just kidding i HATE her. Or at least that’s what i will want people to think so we aren’t targeted for our friendship or whatever cuz we had BEEF in our last game. Um. Josh is also here. I was in another game with him but i didn’t really get to talk to him that much. Other than that cole and Kevin seem nice enough and are talkative so that’s good. I guess I’ll just be able to talk more with other people later.

Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on in an ORG you were last minute filled into. I literally hate this whole tribe so much, and I'm going into this game with the mindset that we are losing every single immunity and reward. When I saw the first three cast reveal posts i prayed i wasnt on the orange tribe. i actually believed and god, and asked him for forgiveness for all the sins ive committed and pleaded my case to on why i shouldnt be on this tribe. but, alas here i am. so its time to play i guess I'm not good with social game, and thats why i usually fail at survivor. I always have a good first few days, but then its just me being inactive and skirmming my way until my inevitable premerge eviction. But in this game im literally going to pull all the stops i can. I will start to set up my reputation as a good survivor player. And it starts here. Even if nobody pms me I will take this game by storm. Meaning right now its getting good with the influential such as Jay and Drew. They have a few buds on the other tribe, and working with them can only help me when we hit merge. i'm also going to keep Chrissa tight because she is just such a good ally, but its also going to be hard to protect her as she is such a shit competitor. But thats all plans let me talk about to cast Cameron: Love cameron our last org played together we made final 3, and he asked me to cut him. I will keep him under my sphere of influence especially since he said he isnt familiar with this group of players Chrissa: I also love chrissa. She can be a little annoying sometimes, but she always has good intentions. She is fiercely loyal, and thats something great to have in an ally because numbers are more important in survivor than big brother Constance: I don't like him. I want nothing to do with him. The closest association I ever had with constance was us two being on the same cast reveal post. And I'm far more than content with that interaction. He's from facebook, and that means he is going to stir the pot when there isn't any stirring necessary. He is going to make a move just to make a move, and if I cut him earlier the better. But if I can work with him, and test and experience how he plays this game. I do think it would be more entertaining Drew: I have good relations with him but really havent played an org with him. I have no intentions on backstabbing him especially in this cast. I do think he will either slide into the shadows, or emerge as the person calling the shots for this tribe. Jay: Same as Drew tbh. They're together as a duo, so anything one does the other will follow. I'm not going to beef with him Jill: I haven't met Jill before this. but she is the driest person i have pm'd in a while. Me and her are having forced small talk, but i dont want to lose connections with her yet. I'm hoping she isnt well liked or well received so she can leave. Reagan: Me and her have butted heads so many times in vls. If you wanted a fight. Its going to be between me and her i bet your hat. Sam: I dont know if he's a newbie or from a community. But me and him kicked things off really well, and I'm feeling natural chemistry with him. I'll keep him near my sphere of influence for sure. Roxy: Going against Roxy is such a stupid move. Because she's just going to waste her whole entire game trying to vote you off. She gets really bitter easily, and i dont know what the hell she's saying half of the time. I dont understand her game or her mouth so im just gonna let her be...

[12:25:40 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: dam stop tryna out do my intro  do I have to add my likes too?  tch [12:25:48 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie [12:25:53 PM] Chrissa Bullard: lol [12:26:54 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: okay Ill admit idc about the size of your butt [12:27:01 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: even if you have a small butt id still potentially like u [12:27:12 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: but yall are gay so like  what can a straight gal like me do [12:27:29 PM] Chrissa Bullard: hello sam and roxy with her butt equality [12:29:22 PM] Jill: if u wanna be my friend add me and SAY hey bc i forget to add people [12:29:53 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and I say HEY what a wonderful kinda day [12:29:54 PM] Jill: also msg me ur pronouns thanks [12:29:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: you can learn and work and play [12:30:26 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: my pronouns are "my lord" and "your highness" [12:30:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I said I was a she cause dan didn't take me seriously even tho imma hella serious [12:30:52 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): my pronouns are he/they and they are actually serious :) [12:31:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: oi how dare you say I aint serious [12:31:36 PM] Chrissa Bullard: your highness is serious do not get my lords pronouns wrong :P [12:31:41 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: :/ I'm the lord and the queen roxy herself [12:31:42 PM] Chrissa Bullard: seriously though [12:31:47 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: of course my pronoun is your highness [12:31:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: thank you ! see? chrissa gets it! [12:32:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: look I even have a crown as proof [12:32:07 PM] Chrissa Bullard: true [12:32:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i trans-itioned from being a commoner to being a queen [12:32:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: also if i don't pm you its cause i avoid social interactions at all times [12:33:00 PM] Chrissa Bullard: a mood [12:33:05 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and i haven't left  my house in 9 days [12:33:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: apart from an hour once to go to the gym [12:33:17 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i haven't recovered since i take medicine. its called coffee. it helps releave the symptoms of being dead inside

My tribe is probably going to be useless. Which means that we have to turn it OUT for immunity. Randy, Roxy and I are all attempting to make flags. I have faith in Randy's abilities... roxy, not so much. But she does have a good artistic ability, so I hope she turns it out for this. We can hope. We can hope.

Blah blah blah. Confessional confessional. The immunity comp is a flag making competition. Which means i can’t really participate. The one we have so far tho is super cute!! There’s a Julia on our tribe. I have to start learning people’s names. Ugh. Too much work. 

I think like our tribe will win immunity, looking at cadejo’s scores, they seem like flops I mean that tribe is super ugly so ya know… cute is gonna devour gorgeous. Anyways Anthony is doing great at the flag I gave him the ideas, he executed them for me so everyone is great. Also i got this red KEY

I really don't like my tribe but I think I like the other tribe even less just from the few people I've encountered before or at the very least heard about. If anything though that's great for me because I have all of two or three people I remotely care about so I have no issues with taking people out.

RANDY'S FLAG LOOKS TERRIBLE! but we're going with that one anyway!!! even though its literally furry meme nonsense!!! so i hope to god i dont get targetted when we lose bc i made an effort not to be a grumpy ass beyotch!

ummm roxy said she and sam wanna align with me!! it's so early!!! I may work with Reagan bc we worked together previously I think!! Everyone else seems fine. I'm gunna msg drew and everyone else tomorrow or later and say hey I've been napping!!! Go team

I honestly think im going because peop le don't tell me anything I'm scared 

[3/28/18, 1:55:57 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): "I love y-...ughch..." [3/28/18, 1:56:05 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): Cameron 2k18 im just gonna put this here ;)

Anyway. Here's some tea. Roxy thinks I talk too much about being in the hospital. Sorry sweaty, I'm disabled, I'm gonna be in the hospital. And I have the right to talk about whatever I want. ANYWAY, Constance, the literal loml, gave me this tea so that's great. I LOVE HIM. So we made an alliance of me and drew, because drew has a "bad reputation" (sweetie, you were the one making tasteless comments night one, let's not get it twisted here!!) We talk a bunch, we have good laughs, and we head to bed. I went into this round wanting to target Roxy anyway, but she just went painted a bullseye on her back for me!

This first round felt so nostalgic to me, in the sense that being gone from these games for a while allowed me to step back and revitalize the way that I play games. In the beginning of the game, I felt an immediate connection with Cameron. He is someone who has a really nice, personable outlook as a person and I could see myself becoming really good allies and friends outside of this game. I also really enjoy Drew, Sam and Jill. Drew: I was excited to see him in this game because we just met a few days before the game started because he flirted with me a little and I thought he was a nice guy in general. I haven't had the chance of getting to know him all that well yet, though he stated to me that he will not write my name down throughout the game when we were first added to the tribe, so I hope that stays as promised. Sam: We both come from the same community but we both individually transferred to Tumblr at different points in time. I don't know him well enough to say he could be someone I stay with for the long run, but I have had a few calls with him and he seems pretty straightforward about what he wants in this game and where he wants to go. I'll leave it at that for now. Jill: She is literally everything that is me. "I'm going to see my sugar daddy," "I am eating a whole barbecque chicken pizza to myself," "I need money" I LOVE THIS CHICK! We need to align and become friends for sure because I can't see myself without her! One smaller relationship I have is with Chrissa and that will require some work on my part, both game wise and friend wise included. We had a rough past on a personal note but we are working our ways around it to become friends again on a personal level, not even on a game level. I feel like if Chrissa is able to handle herself in this game with me the way she did in Arrakis ages ago, she should be good to go with me! The people I really don't talk with or connect with right now are Jay, Roxy, Randy and Regan. - Jay just hasn't spoken a lot, but that may be subject to change? - Regan has this huge negative perception that everyone has given about her and I'm honestly not about holding past games or whatnot against anyone. If she is as crazy or as ballistic as people say she is then that will happen on it's own accord. - Randy is..Randy. I'm not really putting a whole lot here. He comes off extremely weird to me and I'm not feeling it. - Roxy and Randy both share the same trait they don't mind expressing: their messy players. I'm not one to want to play with people who are going to knowingly make things difficult for me in this game moving forward. I feel like getting out people who tend to be wildcards for my individual game will boost my ability to better know the personalities I surround myself with. Intended Target: Roxy Reason: I had a call with Sam and discussed some feelings about the challenge for the flag that had taken place. In my individual opinion, expressing the idea of putting in effort for a challenge and then doing the opposite of what you said you would do, shows a false sense of sportsmanship and that bothers me. Roxy said she would make a temporary flag as a concept, but never did and constantly said "I'm lazy, so I don't want to do it." Adding on to the reason above, I was asked if I wanted to be added to a call with Sam by Roxy as they were both speaking with each other and I said I wouldn't mind joining. We both tried asking Roxy about potential ideas for the vote off and Roxy made it clear that Regan would be too easy to get rid of. Then came the critical point of the conversation where Roxy would bring up Cameron and Drew's names, stating that Drew apparently has a bad or weird reputation in the Tumblr community of games, but this is COSTA RICA not any other game. She also stated in regards to Cameron word for word that, "I just think Cameron talks about themselves too much in the main chat, and that brings people to feel for them more, and that makes them look bad" and this was in relation to when Cameron stated he was in the hospital. I found that to be extremely bothersome because otherwise, Cameron has never talked about himself constantly or anything like that. My intentions are to pull myself, Drew, Cameron, Jill, Sam and Jay to vote out Roxy. I started the idea when I asked Sam on call blatantly and he agreed and I calmly took it by step. That's all I have folks! I hope this works out and if for some odd reason I go home first, well then it was fun while it lasted! 

Okay so I need to catch yall up on how shit can turn into bliss SO reward I literally ate shit in. i scored to lowest out of everybody in the whole cast. Making myself inferior to competition flops like Chrissa. So that wasnt really well. However my soccial game has been stepping up. Even though im lacking a little bit in the pm part of my game. I have been having good chemistry with literally everybody in the tribe chat. I have also led us in the flag immunity. So me and Cameron made a flag. And the tribe had to pick which one, and it was pretty set even. I do think the end result wouldve been the same but it was nice to see people on my side and supporting me. So then we lose the tribal flag, and im literally yeeted away from the tribe. Which is really good since with this tribal vote i wouldve been thrown under the bus. allegedely roxy has been throwing names around, and had i stayed in the tribe it might of been my name that was thrown around since it was my flag that lost. so im happy to avoid the drama of the first vote. but now that people have bonded since roxy's polarization im starting to become more outcasted. I just need go stronger for immunities and amp up my social game even more. Since ive been to the other tribe I have a feeling on whats happening. Cole is aligned with all them bitches. Literally Madison Louise are people he's played with before, and when we talked in pms he said this tribe is full of his friends. He is very safe in his tribe which is really nice. Since the League of Gays need to work together at the merge : ~)

[yumenosakiacademy]

Me.trocon 2017 Saturday

diary for future me, read if you want but it’s rly only 4 myself tbh. Cosplayed: mik.an Tsumiki

OKAY so the morning was rly bad and hectic and i dont like remembering it but i woke up and got ready bc the lol.ita fashion show was at 10 am and dad n i left and dad stopped by burger king to get himself some food but my cramps flared up BADLY and i had a midol in my bag so i took it out but im afraid of pills and cant swallow them so i was shaking and then i started crying and the drive-thru girl was like “oh gosh are you okay?” and i explained what was going on but rushed and sloppily and she was like “oh this happens to my lil sis too.. it’s okay sweetie just relax” or soething and i had dad park the car in the parking lot of burger king and for me to put my midol in a BK crospy crown and take a huge bite and swallow but that backfred and i chewed some of the pill and it was Blegh but the midol didnt kick in right away and the cramps were still v bad so i had dad rive me home so i could lie down for a while and i asked mom to use the heater bc she accidentally woke up so i asked her while she was awake and she kept saying no bc she liked it but when i begged she let me use her bed and used mine and it barely helped but overtime i gradually geew okay and hadd to calm myself so the stress wouldnt make my cramps return and i left at like 11 am and i missed the BB panel too but it’s Okay and i walked in and met up w haji near the ticket place and thankfully her mom let us wander around the con

so we went to the GF panel but i was mainly distracted by a small octopus plushie on some guy’s head and haji n i kept joking abt us knocking it off his head and abt the guy playing space jam and bassboosted music outside the panel room and it being audible whenever someone opened the door to leave or come in pff... but the dipper did the lamby dance and it was cute aa and the dipper offered ppl in the audience scooby snacks to any of the audience so haji n i had one n it was rly good aa i hadnt had one of those in years theyre Yummy...

Anyway, after that, i tried to go to the DR meetup, but it was rly rly tiny?? like we held it inside w like 2 handfuls of ppl and we tried to get the junkos to step on the tsumikis (there were 3 of us, including me) w 2 junkos bc i requested it but the junkos didnt wanna accidentally pantyshot the camera so we got up from our kneeling positions haha and haji went to the dealers room for a while while this was going on and i tried to help the mikan when she said she got a cut on her face but she said it was alright and eventualy haji came back and i left w her and we decided not to go to the m.lp panel that i kind of wanted to go to and instead went to the dealers room and looked around and i showed her the idol merch table and haji said she’d buy me anything bc she didnt get to give me a birthday present earlier on in the year so i looked around for a Big hamster plushie or something but those seemed expensive so we came back to the idol table and got me the tori keychain i’d been wanting since yesterday or thirsday and haji got a tsukasa and then we ran into the ppl running the fine panel and we all joked abt “ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS, EICHI!!” 

and we walked around for a bit more before going to the rw.by panel but we could barely hear and we had to sit at the back of the room due to lack of seats so haji and i just whispered to eachother the whole time and i had haji read part of an en.stars smut fic w impregnation kink (just kink not actual mpreg) and a lil stupid thing i wrote abt rei and koga and then we watched the service dog near us near the other corner and watched it lick the carpet and Rest and enjoyed watchin it then we tried to walk around and someone asked for a pic of me but i was like “UHH WHERES MY SYRINGE PROP” so haji thought i elft it on the floor of the other panel and she left to go find it while i waited near these ppl bc they were just hanging out anyway and i kept worrying like “shes been gone for a while.. is she okay this shouldve been quick oh god” and my cramps started returning a lil but i tried to keep myself calm and the uraraka was like “are you okay i can go try n retkrkieve her if she got lost” and i was like “it’s okay” and eventually i checked deep in my bag and found it and i tried to call haji but she arrived just as i called her and i was like “i found it im sorry aa” and then we Ran to the en.stars panel

AND THE EN.STARS PANEL WAS SO SO MUCH FUN!! I have the first half recorded on video and since it’s rly late rn, i wont type too much abt that, but i asked eichi if he was anyone’s sugar daddy and, if not, would he be mine and he said he was kind of one to hajime and bought him lots of things and haji asked who was the most into minions and it was apparently Tori and i showed them the scooby doo au i made w some of haji’s assistance and showed wtaru (and the others) the Scoobkai Doonata that i drew and they all were laughing and i wa glad aa and the topic of vore came up again and i showed them shino’s ku.rochia vore post and the kiryu was like “OH MY GOD CAN I GIV U MY TWITTER SO I CAN BE SENT THAT” and the panelists were laughing and tori read the tweet aloud while laughing and i told them the ensemble vore account and eichi was like “well, theyve prob gained more followers today” and i asked if anyone in the audience wanted to see it and omeone rasied their hand so i showed them and they were laughing too and it was Wild.wataru apparently named his doves after fine members and tomoya, and i asked kiryu if he could lift rabits + fine and they nodded and i later asked if he knew that he’s a thicc bara and the fandom thirsts for him and he laughed and nodded. Haji asked them if they’d heard rainbow circus nightcore bassboosted and the eichi said they played it at practice ssometimes (i thick this was ooc not in-character answer) and someone in the audience actually KNEW the person who made that and messaged them and they messaged them that tori said they liked them and the rainbow cisurcus stuff and the person replied w “ Why” and honestly this whole panel was FUN but so someone told us where the en.stars buttons were so the fine group, their friend the kiryu, haji, and i all went to the booth and got buttons and i said goodbye to eeryone and walked around for a minute then haji n i went into the vol.tron talk panel and haji had to leave aww and after that the vol.tron panel was mostly shitty fanfic reading, swearing, and roasts and i wanted to go to vol.tronival but for reason i thought thatd be rude bc the panelists were like “we have to compete w... THAT” and so i stayed and went on my ipad most of the time.

I went to the per.sona 5 q and a and it was so full that i had to stand in the back but they sometimes kept bringing up per.sona 4 and perso.na 3 so i was confused and they said they were abt to start trivia and it might have spoilers so i took that opportunity to leave bc i dont want spoilers and it was kind of boring so i walked around the dealers room and i found a Rock and Uno and i talked to them and turns out the Rock was actually the mondo from the day before bc they said “hey, sweetie!” in a nice tone and i was confused and they were like “ah im the mondo btw!” so we talked and i talked abt how i watched both seasons of nan.baka in like.. 2 days and i was like “uno’s best boy-” and rock (as a joke) went deadpan and walked away and i was like “ROCK IS ALSO A GOOD BOY JUST.. UNO...” and rock came back and i said that uno and nico stole my heart and uno fistbumped me and rock was like “you should cosplay w us sometime~!” and i said i was considering doing uno but couldnt and i cant do most of the characters bc long sleeves and rock said i’d be cute as the chinese qi kid and i was like “i cant paint myself either but thank you!” and they had to leave but i got rock’s tumblr and they called me cute or sweet and i looked around the dealers room for a second more before scurrying to the LL panel and apparently the thing was 2 hours??

but anyway it was p funny and we all just messed around and did q and a and games like handshake  killer and karaoke! i sang half of Sentimental Liars but my voice wasnt as loud as i wouldve liked it and kind of shaky bc i was cold and Nervous and the nico from the panel and another random guy clapped for me and the 2 en.stars fans in front of me said my voice sounded nice and at some point i overheard those 2 talking abt making a screamo cover of melody in the dark and i was like “omfg are yall gonna actually make a cover. go fully hardcore” and Dead girl walking and candy store got sung and it was a Fun panel. the kiryu from earlierwalked in too so when everyone was talkign to eachother near the end of the panel, i asked shino if they wanted to say anything to the kuro and shino asked them how ranking went and the kiryu said they couldnt rank and shino was just so happy and keysmashing and asked f i could say “pls lift me mr.bara” and the kiryu chuckled and the kiryu was like “do they want me to like.. do anyfin?” so i asked shino and all he said was “DAB” so i took a pic of the kiryu dabbing and shino said they hadnt been feeling well so it cheered them up so i told the kiryu that and they said to tell shino that that made them happy and when the kiryu and i swapped tumblr apparently they already follow me and im like “FGNEGN DUDE.. I KNO U IVE SEEN U IN MY FOLLOWERS LIST IM YUMENOSAKIACADEMY ROX...” n they were like “oH” and they showed me a funny post abt shu and i proposed a tri.ch shu hc and then they ahd to leave but i stayed for the vol.tron panel but i was messaging shino thru most of it but i saw lynds (as lance) get hugged by the panel’s lance and i read some en.stars doujins and messaged another friend too so i wasnt paying much attention, then istill stayed in the room for the rw.by panel, but same i was just on my ipad but i saw some of the dares and the jaune sang and stuff and evemtually it was over and i walked around taking pics before going outside to wait for dad to pick me up 

and i took a pic of a pidge, lance, and keith and gav em lollipops and the pidge was like “omg ur nails.. wait, did u go to a hai.kyuu panel last year?” and i was like “ah, no i was casu.al d v a” and they were like “yea, but u went TO  a hai.kyuu panel, yea?” and i said yea and they were like “aa i was the hinata u talked to. i recognized u bc the nails” and i laughed bc thats my only noticable feature, huh. pff