#i wasnt catholic i was like baptist or something though

[arrowheadedbitch]

Perhaps the worst thing about growing up christian is the way the issues convert. What the fuck do you mean I have pagan guilt now.

[automatismoateo]

Christianity has fucked me to hell and back (no pun intended) via /r/atheism

Submitted April 05, 2019 at 02:52PM by Aspenisbi (Via reddit http://bit.ly/2Z0AH4K) Christianity has fucked me to hell and back (no pun intended)

I'm not actually an atheist if I'm being honest, I fall more towards a spiritual/pagan agnostic. But anyways.

I live in Tennessee, right in the middle of the bible belt. There is, I shit you not, a church on every corner of every street. About 2/3 of these are southern Baptist and the rest are either Protestant, Lutheran, or Catholic. My parents aren't very religious, mostly because my mom was forced into Catholicism as a kid and my dad just fucking hates church.

My mom told me that when we first moved down here (I was 3 months old lolol) she met the neighbors who seemed nice, but when she said something like "Oh my God" she would get lectured that she "shouldnt be saying that at all, let alone around kids!" And how she took the lord's name in vain. My mom was also on a walk one day when a (fucking prick, absolute asshole) man shouted at her and said "Hey, come help me do this!" I think it was some sort of lawn work. When my mom pretty much said "I dont know who you are, fuck off" the guy came back with "Women are supposed to help do chores around the house, so come over here" to which my mom hastily left.

Now fast forward to when I'm in elementary/primary school. I know how to talk at this point, obviously, and I repeat the phrase "Oh my God" and the amount of kids who got on my ass for that is insane. I got yelled at by kids who were 6. What the fuck?? I was asked if I went to church in which I replied no, and was lectured by 6 year old on how I was going to hell if I didnt go to church and how I'd suffer if I didnt go to church. I was 6 fucking years old and not only did these kids tell me constantly I was gonna die, but that I'd eternally suffer in hell if I didnt repent? What's wrong with their parents? It got so bad I was scared to go to school and say the wrong things and I would end up getting badly bullied from what I remember. I even had parents suggest in both elementary school and middle school that I was going to hell if I didn't go to church.

Time skip to 3rd grade. I start hanging out with these girls who are HEAVILY Christian. There were about 5 girls I'm talking about here with 2 of those being in my immediate friend group at the time. We all went over to sleep at my friend's, we'll call her K, house. K and her parents are also very religious, prayer before each meal, church every Sunday no matter what kinda people. After dinner and shit we go down to the basement where we are all sleeping for the night. My two best friends at the time, A and S, were making fun of me for God knows what and K and her best friend were talking about something else. We ended up talking about Harry Potter, and K said "My mom doesn't let me read those, she says they're against Christianity." I was so confused?? I said "From what I've seen they're fine. Theres nothing remotely against God in the books" she shrugs it off and we end up talking about Christianity, and the question of "do you go to church" is brought up again. I say no again, although I did consider my self catholic at the time because my mom technically was. They end up crowding around me and telling me how terrible I am for bot going to church, how I'm going to die a horrible death and suffer for all eternity. It got to the point where they, and I'm seriously not kidding, they put a good 6 feet between me and them. I started crying obviously. It was so terrible. My friend S finally came over and gave me the whole, "I'm sorry OP, but you're our friend and we dont want you to go to hell. We cant hang out with someone who's going to hell." And this is when I made a decision to start going to church occasionally with A and S. I really tried. They even talked about baptizing me at one point, but in the end something didnt sit right.

In 6th grade I finally started to try one more time. I was 11 now and I was started to feel attraction to both girls and boys. I also didn't feel like a girl anymore, in fact I hated my feminine features and name and body. I started self harming and I was just so scared because I had researched what the LGBT community was. I saw what church goers did to these people. After maybe about 6 Wednesday sessions I stopped coming to church with them and flat out told them everything. I'm bisexual, I'm transgender, im an atheist, the whole shebang. They freaked out on me, calling me a sinner, a fake, an asshole for coming to church with them when I never meant it (which I really did, I really did try). I was heartbroken to lose my closest friends, but this was just the beginning. Word quickly spread in 7th grade, and even though I was planning on coming out in 7th grade with help of teachers, I wasnt the only person telling everyone. My old friends spread it like wildfire. Before I knew it I was sectioned off from everyone else. I recieved death threats through Instagram. These 2 kids made a Christian Instagram and tried to preach to me, and harrassed me more when I politely told them to leave me alone. I was called queer, tranny, faggot, every name in the book.

But I was free.

I was no longer held at the strings by people who couldnt think for themselves. I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend towards the end of 7th grade, which was good for both of us seeing as I was so unstable that I think I might have went too far in certain scenarios, which I profusely apologized for later on and we're now on decent regards. I dropped out of public school for online school for my 8th grade year (present) and I recently started Testosterone, which I'm almost 6 months on.

I'm finally free. And although I do get seriously triggered to the point of tears and panic attacks when I see things about the Pope, the church, etc, I can finally recover. Hearing stories in this subreddit is very important to me. I know that I'm not alone. I'm learning independence now and it's great. I'm trying to look for a job (although I must say not many places hire at 14) and I'm an A and B student again! It was scary, I did things I probably shouldnt have, but in the end I got out of it, I survived the bullying and death threats. I finally feel truly alive.