#i was talking abt this w a friend and like shit would be sm easier if i was cis like i dont care if the whole world hates me

[loverangel]

who wants to come with me during orientation week and hold my hand the whole time

[gh0stface-k1sser]

MWAHAHA 4, 6, 13 AND 15!!!!! for riley, mia, and kai :3

GRAHH!! Ed, violence (duh..), sa, sh, cannibalism, and implied suicide tw.

4.How do they feel about sparing women and children if given the choice? Do they value certain lives over others?

Mia: ermm. Women she doesn't give a shit, unless it's like. She sees that the woman HAS a child/going to have one, then she'll spare them, unless it's like. A personal thing lmao. But otherwise❌❌❌❌ with kids, she usually leaves em 💀

Kai: he does not. Care. Either way. Pregnant?? 2 in 1. Child?? Easier target. He does not care. If he's hungry he's hungry. He's a boyliker, hes more likely to spare a guy than woman.

Riley: same as Mia tbh. If it's a pregnant woman or she sees that she has a child, unless shes a piece of shit, she'll leave em. She spares kids 99.99999% of the time, they remind her of her brother so.

6. How far would they go to save someone they love? Would they sacrifice themselves? Others?

Mia: herself if she had to, but def others without question. She doesn't really have friends so..that's not a problem. She's a bit hesitant when it comes to people like Cathy, but if necessary, she would.

Kai: himself and others <3 LMFAO NO ONE IS SAFE!! He killed and ate his own father, killed and ate random people because he wasn't being fed. You think you're safe?? LMFAO..

Riley: ...we both know the answer to this. Herself and others. Without hesitation either way. We're talking Abt Riley. The bitch that killed a girl, chopped her up while she was alive, out her body in a box, and put her on her boyfriend's doorstep. Because he was cheating on her w that girl. And then eventually killed him too. You think she won't slaughter one of her friends?? (She doesn't have many. So not really a problem.)

13. What's their relationship to their body? Self esteem? Self image?

Mia: She acts all confident and cocky but she hates it. She hates being tall and curvy. It attracts so much unwanted attention and attempts to touch her n shit. She also hates her vitiligo, she thinks it looks weird on her.

Kai: other than being feminine (mainly hips and chest. He doesn't really mind the smaller waist) he actually likes it. He's not like, confident and cocky Abt it, but he's also not super self conscious about his body or anything.

Riley: the worst out of the three. She hates it sm, sges short, flat, and covered in scars (self inflicted and otherwise though she's more bothered by ones that aren't sh.) She has shit self esteem, but won't say it out loud. She thinks her heterochromia is weird, and she doesn't like her freckles.

15. How do they kill? Do they try to minimize suffering?

Mia: honestly depends on the person, she doesn't give a shit about how much it hurts them, to her it's what's more efficient. If it's random, blunt force trauma (wether it's from a bat or something else.) If it's someone she has something against, your ass ain't dying fast!! She's sadistic, so she'll keep you alive as long as she feels like/she's able to.

Riley: also depends on the person. And her mood. Also doesn't really care Abt suffering, unless its someone she can somewhat sympathize with, it's just whatever she's in the mood for. She chopped a bitch up while she was still alive, if that tells you anything. Like. Cut off her limbs n shit. Shoved it in a box too. But like. She's not AS sadistic, she'll just stab the fuck out of you.

Kai: HE DOES NOT CARE!!! He WILL bite someone. While they're alive. N eat their flesh. In front of them. He's arguably as bad as Mia, sadistic little fucker. If he's in the mood he'll torture (aka if it's not bc he's hungry.) N I mean like. Ripping off nails, stabbing in non vital spots, hell start cutting off limbs n shit too (start gnawinf on them in front of the person 💀) so. Yeah. No. He doesn't give a shit Abt suffering

[sorikkung]

a week late but thanks for the tag!

felix (skz)

chan (skz)

wooyoung (atz)

mingi (atz)

yeonjun (txt)

beomgyu (txt)

taehyun (txt)

sunwoo (tbz)

eric (tbz)

kevin (tbz)

1. between 1 and 4 who would you rather kiss?

LOOK. LOOK. chanlix are my ults of ults like theyre gonna be the answers for most of these kinda questions but man it sure aint easy when mingi got them THICCC plushy lips of his like man i clearly have a type w that one but felix's lips are just so pretty and. im in love with him your honour.

2. between 2 and 7 who would be your best friend?

chan no question . and not just cause he's my ult but like as a person, i feel like i would just click w chan a lot easier than taehyun. he's a bit of a cringe loser while taehyun is too cool for me and in a best friend i need a fellow cringe loser. we're also both aussies who only wear black and like video games n anime and noise music and late night jam sessions to good ass songs like theres just so much more room there for overlap and bestieism. that being said i Will fall in love with him and it Will eat me alive from the inside

3. between 5 and 10 who has the better voice?

OOOOF NOW THIS IS ROUGH bc originally i did not actually like yeonjuns voice much so the easy answer would be kevin bc i am OBSESSED w that mans voice, but yeonjuns voice really did do a full 180 on me and now i adore it. imma still say kevin tho bc as unique and gorgeous and colourful as yeonjuns voice is, kevin is a seriously criminally underrated vocal powerhouse in the industry, the control and clarity and skill his voice has is just so. mind bogglingly good and something abt his vocal colour is just so stimmy to my autistic little brain i cannot get enough of it.

4. between 1 and 8 who’s the funniest?

MY SUNSHINE BOYS OOOF this is hard bc i feel like theyre funny for completely different reasons, both of which are not intentional??? SKDFSKHF like felix is funny bc he just says shit. but he says them 100% seriously like when he texts you telling you he wants to be a cat and have you nap on his fur or something he seriously is thinking about it like he is cringe w his Whole Chest and its one of my favourite things about him. meanwhile sunwoo is funny cause he's a fucking aries like once you get him talking Especially if you get him heated he's gonna say whatever the fuck he needs to say to fight your ass even if its questionable as hell like. hes loud and hes aggro and hes also a tease hes just a fucking aries man. usually my type of humour lines up with sunwoos a lot more but i still think imma say felix is funnier cause i think i laugh at his outlandish bullshit more purely bc of how left field and unexpected it is all the time shdfksdfkj

5. between 6 and 9 who would you date?

heh 69.... anyway SKHSKFDHKsd ok but both of them wouldve laughed at that joke so this is very hard. hm. i mean i joke that beomgyu and i are like the same person so im more inclined toward him, though i am very similar with eric as well... is it bad i just gave him a point for being tall. sorry eric but when i love yous both sm Something has to be the tiebreaker. DHSJKHSDFG ok but like actually i think id pick beomgyu bc of how sweetly he takes care of the people he loves like i need that in a relationship. not saying eric Wouldnt but we just havent seen the super attentive side of him that beomgyu has shown like the time he wordlessly went out and bought ointment for soobin late at night and left it on his bed when he saw his knees were scraped 🥺 eric is also a capricorn while beomgyu is a pisces with a scorpio moon like im sorry eric but his chart just wiped the floor with you

6. between 9 and 10 who would you do a collaboration with?

kevin easily SKDFJHSJKFHJSDFGJSFKHSJDFHKF IM SO SORRY ERIC I LOVE YOU I SWEAR. but kevin is rly one of the best vocalists i know and eric's rap isn't bad but it hasn't really like impressed me much as a fellow rapper which to be fair is probably bc he gets like no lines anyway but even the music he makes on his own is very mellow and i just think its his style, not everyone goes for really flashy or difficult songs and thats fine! but next to one of the best vocalists in the industry there is no competition who i'd rather work w as a musician DFKHSDFK especially given how kevin is just SO creative i am always wanting to peer into his mind he has such a strong artistic vision that i would kill to work with that

7. between 4 and 8 who is the better dancer?

they're both great but mingi's a main dancer for a reason fellas, that man does not come to PLAYYYY... that one clip of him hitting every damn beat in the pirate king break... just, the way he moves, mans does not fuck around, aotm when. people forget hes a main dancer and not just a rapper like come on.

8. between 3 and 5 who would you most likely marry?

OOOOHHH THIS IS SO FUCKEN HARD BC THEY ARE LITERALLY BOTH MY IDEAL TYPE. BOTH? PLEASE BOTH? i was literally talking abt this just today actually on how wooyoung and yeonjun are both men id describe as the cookie cutter personification of the ideal type ive had for years before i even knew of them, but in two different flavours - the brat vs brat tamer, respectively SKJDJKHSDKF i mean i live in a fantasy where both can do both but they have a very Clear inclination in their personalities w wooyoung being the brattiest little shit i have ever seen and yeonjun just loving to put beomgyu's bratty ass in check. i do love both but i do tend to prefer a more dominant leaning guy like yeonjun - he just has that Air to him and all his actions, he commands a room in a very powerful way, wooyoung controls a room but he doesnt always Command it, yk? these are all just vibes but i hope it makes sense LMFAO its still very hard to pick bc wooyoung does have more Audacity than yeonjun does (wooyo is UNPARALLELED on the goddamn audacity) and i like that in a man but. add in the fact that yeonjun is very visually my type too and also tall. and well. and well. .....its fine they're a package deal anyway theyre literally already married i'll get to wooyoung after <3

9. between 1 and 7 who would you nurse when they get sick?

ooooh this is hard bc felix the kinda guy you just Wanna dote on, while taehyun is the kinda guy who usually does the doting, but thats kinda precisely why id love to dote on taehyun for a change instead? like, felix got everyone and their mama wanting to take care of him, i gotta wait in line, yk SDHKHKSDFKH ultimately though when i think of anything bad happening to felix all else is irrelevant i Would punch an active volcano for him and i would also suck the covid out of him through his-

10. between 2 and 3 who has the better smile?

THIS IS AN EVIL QUESTION AND I HATE IT. BOTH OF THEIR SMILES ARE THE PRETTIEST EVER. BUT ALSO I AM VERY MUCH IN TOO DEEP W CHAN HIS SMILE HAS BEEN MY HAPPY PLACE FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS AND IT LIGHTS UP MY WHOLE WORLD I AM INCREDIBLY BIASED. wooyo might've won if the question was better laugh bc as much as i love chan's laugh to death wooyo's laugh is iconic and different and i love it abt him so much. god YALL CANT KEEP ASKING MY POLYAMOROUS ASS THESE QUESTIONS HFAGJKHGJKSFJKHSFH

11. between 6 and 8 who would you vacation with?

oh lawd thats gonna be one chaotic ass vacation regardless LMAOOOO hmmm it'll be so fun with either of them but i think beomgyu might actually prefer travelling alone??? he seems the type. like he'd enjoy a vacay with others but i think he'd also like to travel by himself, so i'll pick sunwoo bc i think he would get very lonely and very lost without a vacation partner SHDKFKDH

im not gonna tag anyone as per usual but you're free to add to the chain if you wanna join in anyway!

rules: write down your top 10 biases and answer the following questions.

tagged by: @defwoodz ily <3

jaebeom

changkyun

young k

kihyun

baekhyun

chungha

seulgi

yugyeom

woozi

dokyeom

Keep reading

[softhwaa]

𝖊𝖑’𝖘 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘

masterlist 🌱☁️

nct 00 line

- met jeno, donghyuck, and jaemin cus they played overwatch together in 2016 dkdnhsjska

- met renjun during a dance comp in 2014

- met yangyang when she visited sm’s hq in china with kun in 2017

- tbh they’re normally split into [yangyang] and [renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin - let’s just call them dream 00 line to make things easier]

- but they’ve all hung out together once or twice

- el was actually in the 00 vlog

- andddd the 00 live (but only thru a call 😭 00 line enthusiasts i feel you 😔)

- dream 00 line and el normally go do some random shit around seoul (as shown in the 00 vlog) like karaoke or han river

- sometimes they just spend the whole day playing video games together

- el and renjun are probably the closest cus they’ve known each other for longer 🤷‍♂️

- yangyang and el normally sneak out at 2 am and play truth or dare at convenience stores skdnhshs and go back to the wayv dorms at like 5 am

- sometimes bring lucas along cus he wakes up at midnight in search for food

- yknow that rainbow v ep where hendery and yangyang are just randomly dancing like the icons they are in the practice room?

- yeah that’s yangyang and el on a daily basis lol

- german buddies awwww

- yang and el talk in german when they conspire against the members haha

- they wanna go to germany together sometime but they’re both so busy 🥺😔

joshua:

- actually met el a looooong time ago

- so basically vernon brought el to the dorms once cus she kept on insisting to spend a night with his friends n stuff (keep in mind this was like 2013 or so)

- so 13 year old el was studying abroad (in germany) came to korea for break and brO y’all should have seen predebut el— at that time, she didn’t think she’d be a kpop idol but she was a gREAT dancer

- so when seventeen were training, she was like ahaha y’all suck at dancing

- jk but everyone was super shook when they saw her dance cus she could’ve debuted right then and there and it would’ve seemed like she had trained for a long time

- k so basically el was always so adventurous

- so she decided to go to the forest at 4 am cus she’s low key crazy

- and joshua was getting water and saw her rIGHT when she was boutta leave the house

- brO el pANicKEd nsnshshsjana

- but she brushed it off and was like “h-hey josh u wanna like come w me to this super sketchy forest at 4am and idk maybe make friends with those big birds... in the... forest...?”

- and he straight up was like sure wHy nOT

- yeah that’s how they became friends isndhshajabd (also w the big birds in the forest lmao)

- even tho shua is 5 years older than el, they get along great

- they normally play wii and stuff at el’s place

- they fight over what game to play all. the. time.

- wii sports resort is obviously the best but for some reason joshua always insists on playing mario kart

- in fact, josh and el fight a LOT but never over anything super serious (mostly it’s abt food haha)

- like who gets the last oreo, or who called shotgun first

- all in all, josh + el = bffs (pERioDt.)

chaeyoung:

- ngl el was a super famous trainee

- cus like 1) woAH a foreign trainee ! 2) crazy talented 3) hella down to earth and funny 4) tbh everyone had a crush on her 🤭

- so el was kinda like a “legend”

- and she thought she had to live up to the expectations of the “perfect, beautiful, amazing” girl that everyone loved

- but that rly took a toll on her mental state... (oh nooo ! ! )she just got rly self conscious abt everything...

- there was this one jyp trainee that she had heard abt...

- chaeyoung ! !

- they managed to get in touch and it was like that thing in “instant family”

- a 𝒄𝒐𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒄 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

- one look and “bro she’s my bestie for life”

- they would train together like every single day even tho they were from diff companies, their bosses didn’t rly care cus aww they’re such good friends, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 you’d feel if you’d separated them 🥺🤧

- chaeyoung really really really helped el with her mental health

- trainees would be talking to chae being like “omg ur friends w el?!?” and she’d be like “ikr my bestie’s so amazing 😉”

- after chae debuted, el was “nEOmU loNeLY” (hehe) but issok her bestie was fAMOUS 🤩

- when chae and el hang out, there’s always food involved kenxhsjsbsba

- cooking, baking, going to a restaurant

- el and chae are the purest best friends 🥺 (i’m gonna use that emoji a lot for their friendship cus it’s the only one that can depict it well)

- they even did a photoshoot together once and it was LEGENDARY

- there have even been articles saying that they might be dating... 👀 but sadly, no :(

- they help each other when they’re sad

- literally know eXActLy how to cheer each other up 🥺😩 (i’m dEVASTATED THEYRE SO CUTE EVEN THO ITS NOT TRUE )

- *sigh* chae-el forever ✊😔💞

[j4nn4s]

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons 

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season 

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok 

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

[imaginarylifeform]

damm wait i should be working on assignments but that last post got me thinking. ahb wait i lost the thought nevermind its fine now false alarm . oh wait no i got it back

i dont think im afraid of being known like im hesitant abt sharing how i feel abt things i guess i think its just it feels a bit.. idk.. well.. i dont know i dont want to be misinterpreted tbh thats the worst. i dont know what my thoughts on this are so idk why im bothering but like its so much easier to share thoughts on thigns unrelated to you i dont know liek that last post said the things we find disgusting about ourselves are just mind numbingly banal everyone feels this way

i think everyones like that i dont know im afraid of people thinking im weak and stupid by sharing things that bother me or looking upset in front of them.. like i know thats dumb but the amount of times ive had to deal w immediate consequences after giving a shit. idk wards u off and i dont want that bc when ppl think ur weak and dumb they disrespect you or try to use you [key word try. im past the point of letting anyone do that] and thats the one feeling i never want to feel ive had enough of it.

well at the end of the day does wondering about this even matter though.. ill share with whom i feel like sharing and wont with those i dont and itll only be the opinion of the former ill be most concerned with. also this kind of related but not really i just oh i dont like words that much.....well... i guess it depends who its coming from but ive spent so long with a manipulative family that loves playing mindgames for so long that i find it hard to trust what people tell me especially if its something nice but i guess w others u can tell they speak from the heart i dont know how i come across i think im bad at disguising my feelings for as much as i speak abt hating sharing shit i still bite my tounge on a regular basis and i TRY to be deliberate but .. well i dont know lol i cant judge whether im bad or good at anything like that itd have to be from other people.

theres a difference bw self awareness and having a self image btw its not like im somehow not conscious of my actions.

i did say though my new years resolution was to be more open and im working on it. trying to accept me feelings on things, especially negative ones, and to let myself talk with friends without being worried how itll effect how they see me and u knwo what helps is just trying to imagine ur positions reversed and its like. well  if they said this to me id just be happy they trusted me and thats tryue., id k yesterday i talked sm to my friends abt smthn not that serious but still very personal [to me i guess others wouldnt find it so] and iwas surprised how much of a relief it is to .. share things.. w good friends.. reminded that people care abt me and would help me if i asked <3..........

[get-the-treasure]

school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a  w  f  u  l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left??? 

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol