#i was so emo ytd

[httpghostface]

you had an emo phase and a 2020 alt tiktok phase

YTD^TYUG(UH STOP EM I ALMOST SCREAMED but I did have a 2020 alt tiktok phase 😔🖐 still lowkey in my emo phase but idk I never really had a specific "style" so I don't think it counts

[shijiujun]

history3 ep 17 summary - we’ve been kind of robbed, but this was a good ep

okay first things first, this episode was fucking INTENSE like usually i’m laughing out loud and everything but today i was more or less silent even during the romantic scenes between jack and zhao zi - those were cute don’t get me wrong but there’s the underlying shady thing that jack is doing - in any case, you guys will both love and hate today’s episode, and if you wanna turn back now and wait for subs etc. to come out, this is the point to do it, otherwise: SUMMARY TIME BELOW!!

CWH + TY/SF confrontation aftermath

we start off first with the scene in the preview, where TY is facing SF while SF explains that LZ is his mother, and CWH, who’s standing a little bit further away with his back faced to them 

also: thank you line tv, for making hong ye totally disappear without you know, letting us know what happened to TY’S PRECIOUS SISTER WHO GOT KIDNAPPED YOU KNOW?! she literally just disappeared - what happened? where’s dao yi? did CWH get his lackeys to send her home by curfew? you know?!!!!

back to the scene - TY is catatonic and just staring angrily into the distance, and CWH is all: “you must be wrong, you must be lying to me, LZ wouldn’t have lied to me”

flashback to the prison visit by LZ and TGD - TGD turns up to visit CWH and CWH looks to be badly beaten up, and TGD obviously looks very guilty but trying to be smiley, he tells CWH that he cooked some of CWH’s fave dishes and brought it for him today and CWH is obviously pretty mad as he accuses TGD of getting the other prisoners inside the prison to beat him up - TGD tells him to calm down but doesn’t have a chance to explain himself, and one can probably understand CWH because i think he wasn’t expecting to be in prison for so long, and he asks TGD when he’s going to get him out, but TGD says that the other gang, Si He Hui, has a hit on him and it’s safer for him to be in prison, and CWH gets mad and yells: “you’re the damn boss of xing tian meng, don’t fucking tell me you have no way to get me out!” basically

that’s when TGD reveals that he brought LZ with him, and rmb that CWH when he decided to take the rap for TGD and go to jail in his stead, he told TGD to take care of LZ and not let him know where he is? WELL THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY - CWH begs for forgiveness from LZ, saying that he didn’t mean to lie to her etc.... and LZ asks: “how could you lie to me?”

and then she says: “i’m pregnant”, and CWH is so happy, and then he looks to TGD who looks back at him with a smile and approving nod - and like 10 seconds later, LZ says: “i went for an abortion, you and i are from different worlds we can’t be together, it’s over”

then CWH goes ballistic and even TGD looks a bit confused and stunned, and LZ walks off and outside the prison she sobs and cries, while TGD is looking at CWH yelling and being dragged off

comment - srsly?!!! so many loopholes that are with this scene srsly

back to the present: TY thinks that SF is lying to him and that even if it was true this changes nothing - he still killed TGD, and he knows this because CWH was actually the one to shoot TY and he remembers it

TY back on that day, he heard two gunshots while he was waiting for TGD, and when he ran up the stairs, he saw TGD and LZ dead already on the ground and TGD holding a gun, and when he yelled for TGD, CWH shot him

CWH says he really wanted to kill them, but before he could do anything, he heard the gunshot, and the first thing he did was call out for LZ and run over to them both and they were alr dead

TY doesn’t believe him and now pulls a gun on CWH, and SF is so desperately holding onto him and trying to stop him - he reasons that if CWH really was the killer, then why would he be standing here like this? SF: “finding the real killer is more important than you venting your anger like this, right?”

so TY runs off, and SF calls TY a gazillion times but TY doesn’t stop and heads straight for the car - SF catches up to him outside of the car but TY pushes him back and shouts: “why are you doing this to me?!”

heart. break.

he gets into the car and drives off, locking SF out of the car (and this is really inappropriate but i wondered - this remote abandoned place does grab or uber or lyft even reach this area for SF to go home you know)

SF+TY - In the house scene where we hoped we’d get bed scene but...

and SF obviously managed to get a ride somehow because he turns up at TY’s house, yelling for him from downstairs and he finds him curled up in the bathtub

they struggle because TY is obviously mad at SF for doing this and he wants to be alone and the truth is hard to bear and he’s trying to get out of SF’s grasp but SF is holding really damn tight and refuses to let him go, he back hugs him and tells him: “shhh... it’s okay, i know how you feel, i really do” and he tries to calm him down, which TY does for a moment, but he struggles again, and SF kisses him to calm him down, and then TY gets on with the program and starts kissing back desperately, and SF is telling him not to do this to himself as TY kisses his way down SF’s body - and then he kisses SF on the lips again, and then he just... stops

and TY goes back to crying on the floor, falling to his knees against the bed as SF holds him

HEART. BREAK. FUCKING HEART BREAK.

Jack + Interpol Chief

jack passes interpol chief a thumb drive containing xing tian meng’s information and details and says that since this mission is done, they should move on to the next one, i.e. dismantling CWH’s drug network

interpol chief says that CWH’s network in cambodia is difficult to dismantle and at this point i think interpol chief is shady as hell and jack seems to be talking in rounds to him, i really don’t believe jack betrayed XTM and TY

and then jack says that now they can, because CWH just invited him into his group and he’ll take the job, and interpol chief and jack shake hands on it

so we get confirmation: jack is NOT a police officer, he’s a mercenary for hire and interpol paid him handsomely for this ‘job’ with XTM and TY in a sense

Zhao Zi + Jack

zhao zi goes home and sees jack’s motorcycle at his door but no jack in sign, and he looks so confused, and then jack was actually crouching behind the gate and pops up and says hi

ZHAO ZI’S face LIGHTS THE FUCK UP and he goes up to jack with his umbrella and im gonna gif this in detail don’t worry, so i won’t say too much here, but anyway he lets jack into the house and jack cooks for zhao zi

and yes, that preview scene happens here, and zhao zi doesn’t really give him an answer until when they’re inside

REMEMBER THE PHOTOS U GUYS WERE GOING CRAY CRAY OVER? we WILL GET THIS SCENE TMR I THINK!!!!

anw zhao zi more or less tells jack that ever since his grandma died, no one is waiting for him at home and when jack turned up earlier, he felt so touched that someone was waiting for him to come home

ALL YOU FIC WRITERS - YOU GUYS CALLED IT!!!!

so anyway tmr it’s likely zz will accept jack’s confession and then hopefully jack won’t just disappear you know!!!

TY+SF in bed, half naked or totally naked I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW

yeah, so they’re in bed naked and okay i’m gonna do a separate post on this about what i think - in any case, yes, no bed scene, and SF and TY are awake, and SF leans over to hug TY

TY: “I’m sorry”

FUCKING BREAK MY HEART YEAH WHY NOT U DO THAT SCRIPT WRITERS

CHIEF+DAUGHTER+TURNING HIMSELF IN

so yes, this happens - i have to say i totally called this, because it really does fit his character, that he would be overridden with guilt and that’ll make him turn himself in 

the scene with his daughter and the daughter’s fiance was really sweet i think, and it really reflected the dilemma and conflict captain shi has with this entire thing, and @ctl-yuejie mentions this to me as well and i agree, and that is that i wish he would’ve thought about SF as well? because SF... i feel like he treats chief as his dad almost and chief dotes on him a lot

so yes, he also emo walks to the police station and oh god okay i really gotta say, i almost cried - chief you’re damn good

and the next day, jun wei runs into the office calling for zhao zi, and says: “shit’s happened, chief turned himself in!!!”

everyone: “WTF?!” except ah zhi, who literally packs up and leaves

Domestic TY and SF

SF comes downstairs in the morning and handsome TY has cooked breakfast for him, and SF looks cautious and apprehensive, but TY has obviously decided not to think about ytd’s whatever, and just insists on SF eating breakfast with him

totally NOT a healthy coping mechanism but what can they do? anw SF sits down to eat, and then he’s trying to convince TY to not go for revenge on his own and to pass the person to the police, and TY, cryptic, says: “you investigate on your side. i’ll investigate on my side”

and then jack comes in and says they’ve caught He Hang, the asshole dude from the episode before, and SF is all: “tang yi, no, you can’t-”

and tang yi compromises more or less on this at least: “once i’m done with him, i’ll pass him to you, promise.”

and then SF acquiesces for a moment, that is until his phone rings and he picks it up and goes: “what are you saying? chief has been arrested for dealing drugs?!”

tang yi looks up. THE END.

and you can feel the stress and tension and the foreboding sense from this interaction and i hope this does not mean anything bad for our beloved TY and SF!!!! in any case... we’ll probably get jack x zz tomorrow IF LINE TV DOESN’T CUT IT OUT YOU KNOW?!!!! and yeah SF gets shot tmr - we see shots of him in that baseball jacket in three scenes currently: a scene with zhao zi where he’s investigating something, another scene where SF’s in a restaurant/cafe and finally the shooting scene

very likely ah zhi is discovered as the culprit tomorrow - although my theory is that interpol chief is in on it as well!!! it’d make sense because now if u think about it, if CWH didn’t pay police chief off, then who did? it has to be someone higher than him in position and interpol chief has a standard bad guy vibe, and this would mean that jack is moving interpol chief into a trap as well!!!! LOVE IT

this was a frickin good episode i think. thank god it was 30 min. any shorter again i would have rioted. but all remains to be seen for tmr!!!!

[scrmngtts]

Hello hello im back here on my tumblr screaming acct haha were doing well msging eo everyday so i wasnt that emo the past few days also my school started so thats that.

Hoping ill be busy with school and not depend too much on him.. im always like this always depending on my happiness to other people the reason why i fall so hard when i fall for someone..

Anywaysss i just wanted to share a convo i had with ytd haha hes so funny he mistype smtg and he said hell teach me how to french.

And i was like.. 👀??? 👀???? French what?? Hahaha

And then he goes teach u to speak french hahahaha it was so funny awkward and funny haha i was laughing my ass off but up until now its so funny bc its so awkward? Hahahaha

Anyhow thats all.. he he he

[yourghastlycloseness]

feeling the energy through this interview even though it’s just text haha

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/wayv-profile-chinese-pop-group-fanboying-shrek-future-interview

i also want to brush up on my chinese a bit and translate this interview for myself (hmm will i get around to it, though)

https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=Mzg2MDE2MzY5Mw==&mid=2247524670&idx=1&sn=aa74c7a3d9def0239d4407bf8c9c1b26

ytd ended strangely, w C and i having dinner and discussing beauty and with me crying at something she said bcos it opened up old wounds. OK, so i wasn’t actually crying at first; it was just tears running down my face as i sat there, nodding quietly, still disagreeing with what C said, but unable to formulate a coherent response. and OK, i can’t call these wounds old if i am to be honest with myself; they’re more like things i’ve learnt to suppress and bury deep inside, but tug hard enough and it’ll all come to the surface. and so we sat for a while after dinner where she apologized for being confrontational and insensitive, and i said it was OK, wasn’t her fault; honestly i frustrated with our conversation, but i wasn’t angry with or at her. it’s the same way i’m never angry at my mom when we get into these heated conversations about how my warped ideas about beauty and my lack of it impedes my ability to achieve anything meaningful/live a good life.

call it an ideology, a dogma espoused by one woman, madness — whatever. i believe that the world becomes a more worthwhile place to spend time in when you are born beautiful/possess physical beauty through effort and/or cosmetic procedures.

anyway i said sorry to C too because i am usually more able to control my emotions. the night ended with C’s prayer for me, and some talk about spiritual pushback, which made me walk C home because i was suddenly afraid that something would happen to her. i do like C very much, but as with most people, i have to keep my distance because i carry too much melancholia in me — not in a special snowflake emo kid ‘i walk in the rain so no one can tell i’m crying’ starterpack way — and nobody should have to deal with that. even when they do try to deal with it or end up dealing with it because i lack the control to keep it under wraps, i get frustrated with them, even if they are people i love and like, because i don’t understand them and they don’t understand me and we continue tumbling down like that, always misunderstanding each other despite the desperation and persistence to be mutually understood.

it occurred to me that i suppress any spirituality in me because i am afraid of what i might open myself to. C and i once took a walk in this ‘park’ at night (i’m still not sure what to call this. it isn’t as accessible as a regular park, and the trees and pathways aren’t neatly maintained. it’s more like a path that winds through a mess of trees). it was very dark, and we both sensed a presence lurking around the corner that made us turn back.

C later said it was a male presence. i thought so too, but also rationalized it as possibly being an animal presence and our bodies sensing danger/threat and alerting us to it. hence the similar response to take flight in this situation. why am i resistant to spiritual things? it’s likely from some chinese superstition that being low in your mood makes you more vulnerable to evil spirits that could take over your body, because your soul is so weak. so i have this impression that if i were to acknowledge the spiritual and dive into it, i would be throwing myself to the wolves.

i’m forgetting how to speak and write. my mind is very muddled these days. i no longer care to express myself through words when once upon a time it mattered to me to find the right sentences for what i was feeling.

today is an off day for me. tomorrow as well. maybe it’s because i’ve been working for the past 10 days straight with just 1 off day in between and inadvertently becoming the go-to person for this project that’s a pain in the ass -- honestly, it’s no surprise that my mood has been pure shit. been crying a lot. also catch myself staring through things and people, stuck in a dreamlike state.

in these states, i am always tempted to throw a pack of fried rice in a stranger’s face or push one human being into another when they’re all lined up neatly on the left side of the escalator, just to see if i am real and still here.

took a 3 hour nap after lunch and felt better. feel kind of shit about the day going to waste just like that. i hate sleep (and all other basic human functions, by extension) because i can’t do things, but this nap was important and good for my body.

[promisemebullshxt]

JB

Headed down to jb w xiong, zhu, sharon, hubert ytd even tho i had quite a sore throat. On the way in they were joking abt my bruises, saying that i look like abuse victim:

"If police asks who abused u, u say i bring u to my family. The maf family." Hahaha, yep, my brothers abused me.

Treated them crabs with some of the money i got back. The chicken wings were so good 😭and even tho someone always say im fat, he told me to "eat eat eat" with angry face when he thought idw eat cos cutting weight(???) Somebody also knows i emo agn but he said sth rly funny: "i will hoot until he go back become an embryo" while imitating the fetus position. HAHAHA EMBRYO FK. Only he can come up with this kind of bullshxt.

Since i was kinda moody and angst-y, we went to some chinese dessert cafe near ksl & i had 2 bowls+toppings+1 egg tart. All the desserts were quite good! Ok so i thought i shldnt b angry anymore cos karma might hit me so ok imma chill while i do massage.

Siambu: *tap tap my bruises* "no pain na?"

Me: no haha. (Honestly it felt better when she massaged the shins)

Went to eat loklok and wanton mee after massage. They started joking abt me going blind again. Hubert says he can open a franchise for the dessert shop we went to & hire disabled workers. Xiong says can help me find a good spot to sing and theyll stand there b my bodyguards. THEN HE EVEN FLIPPED / ROLLED HIS EYES UP omfg this evil boy i told him to stop cos ugly..... FKING IDIOTS but it rly made me laugh omg.... & then the embryo thing.... oh god karma pls dont get me. But his 1 sentence made me happy a lil: "nvm korkor will take care of u". ☺

Finally made our way back to sg and they were joking agn in the car. Zhu said im a damaged lil bird. Of course i am. But im not alone now! reached home at abt 5plus in the morning. Part 2 tonight: USS HHN8 w a fuller squad!

[dimplesarecharming]

The halal bridal shower cum birthday surprise for mah babygirl, @fndeanna, was a huge success! ✨ But I swear she almost spoiled it cause she decided to cancel my movie date with her at the last minute. It was difficult to find the right time cause she has only one free weekend and we had to accommodate to her roster as we are all working adults already yah. Initially asked her to dress up caused wanna look nice all la then when i meet her, i was dressed up and had a huge backpack with me. So, i told her that I’m heading to chalet afterwards. Got emo-chanel all about her mum being at home alone. Omg this girl. Made me feel bad 🤦🏻‍♀️ But thank God I’ve already asked her mother and fiancé permission before having planning all it out. Her fiancé even asked if there’s gonna be male strippers but i told him it’s gonna be a halal one. So no strippers ok? Just us with the clothes on 😂 I had truckloads of fun and it wouldn’t have happened without the rest of them. Thank you so much guys! Can’t wait for @fndeanna’s big day and if ytd was crazy, I can’t imagine how it’s gonna be like on the day itself 👰🏻 #fredacarichance