#i was really close with my grandad im having a bit of a hard time

[angronsjewelbeetle]

Sorry I've been so quiet guys, had a passing in the family recently and I'm a little screwed up mentally right now, but I'm working on writing a little something something for the Ferrus lovers out there to lift the spirits 💛

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time ���🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[imperialsea-a]

Enemies to friends or family feud for my OC Ethan? 👀

@vonlived ✧ ;   𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩   𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭   𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞   ! ;; always accepting.

   ♕   HI YES, THROW ME UR HUNTER OC I LOVE HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!! first im gonna ramble, then i’ll try to get to the point-!

I think Ethan and Elizabeth could get along splendidly eventually; their personalities have the potential to mesh really well (not without a few bumps though since their pride might get in the way dfjkdfdf play nice kiddos)! She’s a person who is a little difficult to get close to (i say that as u just gotta be nice to her like. three times max), but she’s a good and fiercely loyal friend once you’ve got her. She’s also a– errr, ‘bit’ resentful toward a relative for abandoning their hunting duties– I think she’d respect Ethan for his resolve to continue where his family left off? She’s duty bound as it gets and firmly believes hunting is what her family SHOULD do until they’re all killed or until the thing that causes them to hunt is destroyed; there aren’t many people left who can do it otherwise. If they don’t hunt, more innocent people will die– and an extra hunter in the fight is perfectly welcome in her eyes so long as they mean to do their part with honor and can pull their weight. She might be a hardass at times but she can recognize a person’s positive qualities; I think she’d feel Ethan’s got the wits and general potential to do the work if he’s serious! Since he hasn’t killed anything yet she can’t be totally certain though, but she doesn’t seem to want to write him off for that–  OF COURSE, that’s just her impression of Ethan from me reading over his sheet! I wouldn’t have her know all this stuff on default without some mild plotting >o> ;; !!

OKAY HERE’S ME ACTUALLY ANSWERING THE ASK PROPERLY KINDA! I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT A WHILE but enemies(ish) to friends / family feud could both work? Her great grandfather Ves, the patriarch of her family, isn’t exactly the gentlest person and I always joke he actually spawned out of Hell itself because he’s a huge beefcake of a dude at 6′6″ and is WAY too into fire (he’s far from perfect and makes Bethy’s wrath look mild if that’s an indication of what he’s like!) He could be salty at the Quentin family for retiring after the burning tragedy and doesn’t want Elizabeth associating with Ethan because of his parents? It’s close to why he worked so hard to bar her father from her upbringing– ‘oh u want to quit? k, here’s what u pay for turning ur back on ur bloodline’s obligation. jerk. say goodbye to exodia ur kid, i dont want u influencing her.’ He’s not above using his influence to give that same treatment to other families and the Quentins fit the bill of ‘things ves doesnt like’ bc he’s kind of… not nice all the time. ‘ur lot wanna betray the hunt? then dont talk to my family bc i know better than u do & ur weak’. That… uh. Might not leave the nicest impression of Elizabeth either since while she’s nice enough to not discriminate against Ethan for his family, she’d definitely be a little standoffish in her approach since it would be so heavily criticized by her grandfather. Ethan might ??? feel like she personally dislikes him, even though that’s not the case; she just doesn’t wanna upset the Big Bad Grandad (+ her personality can seem cold when she’s so formal most of the time).

On another note, while VK doesn’t deal with werewolves, I highkey lowkey headcanon hunters in days past used to battle with bigger, more beastly enemies over your standard humanoid vampires (c o ughs, like the bloodborne beasts, c o u g h s); could be werewolves were among them? or something close to it.

SORRY FOR THE WORD WALL OWQ;; After mulling it over a while, I wanted to try and come up with something coherent but uhhh,,,,, this is what i got. Thanks for sending the ask in though, I’m really eager to hear your thoughts and it was fun to think over!  …and thank you again for telling me my askbox was off because I sure as hell didn’t even notice because tumblr mobile is like playing minesweeper with real life consequences :’D;;;

[estuarries]

baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste​ inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil. 

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked. 

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised  

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz 

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

[marianomoreno]

1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12, 24, 27, 29, and 30

this is a lot omg.....

1. your favourite playlist (made by yourself or someone else)

im gonna preface by saying i dont listen to a lot of playlists and ive never really made one. i dont know if i have a favourite playlist. if i do, embarrassingly, it'd have to be this old ass doctor who fanmix that ive listened to like a thousand times. whoops.

3. your favourite “grounding” activity (anything that involves using the hands/doesn’t involve “spacing out” or escapism - something like gardening, knitting, dancing, cooking)

this is a hard question, i don't know! i don't think i like feeling "grounded" at all so it's not something i usually seek? i space out a lot when i'm cooking (that's maybe not great lol). I like crafts, maybe that counts. Little things, ugly porcelain sculptures, origami... small things that i gift to friends.

6. how you get relaxed when you’re struggling to sleep

ok i pretty much never struggle to sleep lmao i just think "all right enough sleep now" and Deactivate. If I ever do have some trouble quieting my mind to force myself to sleep I distract myself by reading or googling stuff and then think about that for a while while I start falling asleep.

8. if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be?

i feel personally attacked by this question. Obv history, like, i wanna use my degree for sth. But i'll Have to eventually choose a topic and i have no idea what it'll be lmaooo i'm so close to having to do my thesis. ANYWAYS in an ideal world sth like Babylonian society, or Mesopotamian religions.

10. something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc)

i wrote a lot last year actually!!! i'm really proud of a couple of micro stories I've done. theyre all in spanish though. anyways i particularly like this one i think it came out pretty great. also the gift i gave my bf! I wrote a whole epistolary novella with us as the protagonists set in 1935 buenos aires and then made everything look like actual letters, aged the paper, made little postage stamps, some extra stuff so it was a bit interactive (i hid some stuff at his apartment, made some watercolor flowers). it was fun!

12. if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick?

what my grandad's car smelled like when it was almost christmas and it was really really sunny and hot, and he had bought estrellitas (small? flares?) for me to play with. some mix of plastic, leather, cologne, clean clothes, summer and gunpowder.

24. describe the most wacky, weird and wonderful at-home outfit you’ve put together

animal slippers (tigers), neon pink and green striped socks, fuzzy red and black legwarmers, long sleeved mustard yellow cotton nightdress with a green-turquoise owl in the middle, grey cardigan and black beanie with bunny ears. warm.

27. your favourite flavour and brand of tea

im not a big fan of tea honestly but if i gotta drink it then twinnings' earl grey.

29. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make

minced garlic, dried mint leaves, plain yogurt, salt. fusilli pasta cooked and then ran through cold water so it's not that hot. that's it. fideos con yogurt la cosa más deliciosa de la tierra.

30. a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom

https://open.spotify.com/track/5zWZ9iNevP0397xB3jWV2z?si=egp8V9CjTwamcvmDzTS0bw 😳😳

[thatjwguy]

Mental Illness Talk (Personal Experiences) 

So, this will be my first blog in quite some time. Feels good to be back, Just feel like i need to discuss some issues. Things haven’t been so peachy in my world. Many thoughts and things swirling around in my head. Lot of them not my own, what i mean is they don't represent my true self, they feel detached from me. I often have anxiety about the thoughts thinking they are mine, but I know its not. You give them power when you analyze them or try to correct them as I often find myself doing. Which never helps cause you just think about the thought even more. Very vicious cycle to find yourself in, just going around in circles in your mind trying to make sense of it all and trying to make it all better. 

Im sure many people do this very same thing, i know im not alone. I just hope people are getting the proper help for things like this because it can get pretty out of control at times. I literally feel like a vice is squeezing my head at times.    Like my brain is pushing up against my skull, very discomforting feeling. The counselor i was going to 6 or 7 months ago said i could have schizoaffective disorder or something of that nature. No official diagnosis of this but i think its also a spiritual matter as well. Spiritual in the sense that it could possibly be a negative entity or multiple attached to me. Biblical accounts do reinforce this thought. The bible clearly states that many people became ill or hade been possessed by spirits. Not that im freaked out, just concerned about how to deal with the issue. 

2 Corinthians 11:13-15

13

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.

14

And no wonder, for Satan himself keeps disguising himself as an angel of light.

15

It is therefore nothing extraordinary if his ministers also keep disguising themselves as ministers of righteousness. But their end will be according to their works.

Since trying to walk the Godly path, iv experienced many things that are strange. Such as Visions, Lucid Dreams, Voices, Feeling Detached, Cloudy Mind, Paranoid, And Speaking in tongues. Just to name off a few things, not im not saying its all spiritual, i think its a bit of both. Originally started hearing voices around 2015ish. Started to work outside with my grandad, side note i also made video dedicated to him which i will put up here at some point. Just really odd things that i could not explain, i knew it had to be spiritual to some degree. Other things to note, that others out there in the world have also had a lot of these same things happen to them, often they think its purely psychological or all spiritual. New Age, Buddism, Hinduism, Wicca and Some Christian faiths believe things like this, that they may be contacting outer worldy forces. Angels, spirit guides, dead loved ones and all sorts of stuff. 

Deuteronomy 18:10-12

10

There should not be found in you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire,

anyone who employs divination,

anyone practicing magic,

anyone who looks for omens,

a sorcerer,

11

anyone binding others with a spell, anyone who consults a spirit medium

or a fortune-teller,

or anyone who inquires of the dead.

12

For whoever does these things is detestable to Jehovah, and on account of these detestable practices Jehovah your God is driving them away from before you.

With the new age teachings, i had thought at one point, that you could connect with others on a spiritual level. Perhaps to some degree that may be true, like talking on a telephone without having a telephone, as far as i know, Angeles use telepathy to communicate with one another. No official word in the bible speaks about this though, only accounts of them appearing in spirit or flesh to communicate Gods will for the earth, also the accounts in Noah's day when Satan and his demons came down to become man, then proceeded to bed the women which created the Nephelum. Guess its open for speculation, just don't like to do that too often when it concerns the bible. Should have the cold hard fact with scriptures to back it up. 

Other than that, nothing more could really be said about this matter. My mental problems seem to be staying about the same, even affecting my work life now. Recently lost my job at a tree service because i missed some days and they had noticed i was absent-minded while working, making stupid mistakes and such. When you have multiple voices and disorganized thoughts like this, it really can be a challenge to make it through the day. Keeping yourself together long enough to get by and then the next day repeating the process. Now im on the long path to recovery, trying to seek out help, change meds to see what happens in the long term. Also making more time for my creator Jehovah God, since in the bible it also mentions he is the God of all comfort, throw all your anxieties on him and he will sustain you.

Psalm 34:18

18

Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted;

He saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Suppose many tend to put their faith in ideas like New Age and other things for the comfort. Might seem interesting or enticing to some, worshiping creation, other gods and such thinking if they perform these rituals that they will gain more. Not that its all for selfish reasons, just the allure of it all might take hold in the imaginations of people, thinking they can become something more. Evolving into ascended masters, possibly bring more positive change in the world. Most individuals are well-meaning but i think they fail to understand just how cunning the devil really is.  If he could trick a perfect woman like Eve into believing she could become like a god, knowing good and evil. What makes them think they can't fall into the same trap, sure it might be packaged a little differently but its essentially the same concept. 

Ephesians 6:11, 12

11

Put on the complete suit of armor

from God so that you may be able to stand firm against the crafty acts

of the Devil;

12

because we have a struggle

not against blood and flesh, but against the governments, against the authorities, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the wicked spirit forces

in the heavenly places.

Before i go off on a tangent, which i believe i already have at this point, ill just make this my last thought. We are very loving and caring creatures, wanting whats best for the world, trying to make sense of ourselves and desperately clinging to the idea we can change the world simply by loving one another despite our differences of believe. That all paths might lead to the same creator so that we can sleep with the peace of mind that most will make it to the promise land someday. Wishful thinking can only get you so far though, at some point you have to bite the bullet and realize something is faulty with that line of thinking. No matter how much you want to believe it. It make take some time to come to grips with the idea, like myself. I want everyone to see Jehovah’s promised paradise, it just won't happen that way though. Reality will break your heart sometimes, thats how it is, we cant change that. 

Matthew 7:13, 14

13

“Go in through the narrow gate,

because broad is the gate and spacious is the road leading off into destruction, and many are going in through it;

14

whereas narrow is the gate and cramped the road leading off into life, and few are finding it.

So in closing, i want to try to help you understand that i don't look down on anyone who holds these beliefs, in fact, i respect the fact that they have put so much work and time into trying to find the truth, just the dedication/passion that is behind it all. People genuinely want the world to be a better place, just as Jehovah does. Perhaps misguided sure, at least they believe in something though, something more than themselves. That's one step closer to finding out the truth. Keep seeking and it will be revealed to you. Many paths that lead to destruction with many finding it, only one road to life, few finding it. So don't feel bad for these things, feel good that you are trying to make a difference, you want things to change, thats a lovely thing to think about. Never give up searching for whats real, if you want the truth, he will find you one way or another. Its up to you to follow that path. 

Thanks for sticking around till the end, much love as always. Stick around for more fun-filled adventures. :) PS. Song choice is because i feel it accurately represents us a people, not wanting to live in this world anymore, for all the horrific things that happen. Yes, many beautiful things are still here. The song itself reflects how many of us just want to go elsewhere, leave these problems behind. Restart new, hit the reset button so to speak. The darker side of this song might be putting an end to ones life to escape it all. For the most part though, i think its just about not wanting to go through all the pain in this world.