#i was looking through my baby emo pictures and talking to my gf about this and it made me feel happy and good

[swarmfly]

The fact that I got to see MCR live is just so fucking mind blowing to me. Like I remember being 12-13 years old having sleepovers with my friends and watching old concert videos so we could pretend we were really there in the crowd. I remember my 13th birthday party being revenge themed and how every event my friends and I went to we'd make some mcr themed costumes or find a way to slip a reference into our outfits. I remember making a party poison cosplay out of a cheap blue leather jacket and some coloured electrical tape and I remember wearing that thing until it smelled like garbage and fell apart at the seams. I remember crying on the phone with my best friend at the time when the breakup was announced and making my entire group of friends "black parade jackets" (again, more old jackets with white electrical tape for the stripes bc I was literally like 13) and we all wore them to school on the last day of 8th grade and it was so much fucking fun. I remember trick or treating dressed as Mother War, gas mask and all, with my group of friends dressed as other BP characters and then coming home to watch shitty horror movies and jam out to their music. Every time a new Killjoys comic came out I'd beg my mom to take me to the comic shop to get it and when I'd find the new issue I'd get all giddy and excited, and then I'd go home and read it and scream to my friends about it. And through the darkest, most terrifying and traumatic years of my life those songs and comics we're the first thing I would reach for to find comfort. I have always said that they are a massive part of the reason I'm still here today and I'm so fucking greatful for that, because I love who I've become and I love being alive.

Now here I am like a decade later, still processing the fact that I was in that crowd on oct. 3rd. I might have had to cross a fuckin border and drop more money than I ever have on anything in my life, but the experience was so fucking worth it. MCR is at the root of most of my favorite memories and is just such a huge part of how I became who I am today. They are the reason I picked up a guitar and learned how to play, they are the reason I started writing my own music and what got me so excited to make art. Fuck, the first experiences I had really questioning my gender and coming to realize I am trans were all because of how good I felt dressed up like them. Thanks to them, I've made so many beautiful connections and memories and I've discovered so much about myself and just fallen in love with life. I really don't want to die anymore, I'm so greatful to be here and to be alive, I'm excited and hopeful for the future and to make more memories like this.

Basically what I'm trying to say here is that this band and their art is so deeply important to me and it's something that makes me think that being alive is a good thing and something I wanna keep doing for a very long time.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

[too-weird-for-main]

Humanized Symbabies comic stuff:

-WEAPONS:

Carnage has a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire with nails poking out of it

Riot has a big fucking hammer that just so happens to have “BIG FUCKING HAMMER”written on the handle

Phage has brass knuckles except they’re like... incredibly big spikes

Scream has a dagger strapped to her thigh and throwing knives

Lasher has a cool cyber goth themed whip I’m really proud of it actually

Agony... I really don’t know. A handgun, probably. Mostly she’s the snark of the family. She takes after her dad, kills people with words.

And Sleeper is LITERALLY A BABBY HE HAS NO WEAPON

DESIGNS/VIBES:

Cause I’m really indecisive and I tried WAY TOO HARD on Carnage and Riot and the rest look bad in comparison so I’m not putting the pictures up yet

Carnage is a sexy goth gf. She wears a crop top and high waisted pants cause that’s my favorite thing ever. And a cropped biker jacket. And REALLY BIG STOMPY BOOTS and she has a big ponytail and it’s dark brown with bright red highlights. They all have highlights of their theme colors.

Riot is SO GAY AND SO PUNK. I literally drew them wearing a sew-through plunging v neck top under a denim vest covered in pins and patches and those fuckin hot topic pants with all the random like hang-y straps and shit all over them. And big stompy boots. And the pants have more patches on them. And some fishnet is thrown in there too.and like five necklaces. And their hair is like black at the roots and it fades to silver and it’s wavy and shoulder length.

Phage is So scene emo. Blue hair with orange stripes. Emo bangs. Darkest skintone of the kiddos(with Vampire Bitch Carnage being lightest) cause I have a Big Thing for characters with brown skin and blue hair and PHAGE’S THEME COLOR SHPULD HAVE BEEN BLUE THE MAC N CHEESE BULLSHIT NEEDS TO G O. But anyway they wear an oversized hoodie and stupid too long flared jeans and converse and they look like they just rolled out of a dumpster.

Scream is... yellow. Looooong blonde hair and she wears stuff that’s like, pretty but comfortable and I drew her wearing like... a mustard yellow tank top dress with some leggings and riding boots. She’s the only prep in this family of goths.

Agony is the Goth Chick with the Bobbed Hair with Purple Highlights and Glasses. Does she needs glasses? Is it just for the drama???? Who knows.

Lasher is this horrific mix of a Gym Dude and cyber goth???? Like he wears a muscle tank...... but it has like green glitchy stuff on it, and he has on goth boots and those headphones with the ears??? And he has stupid hair. Like an ultra mullet. His ponytail goes to his thighs but you wouldn’t even notice he has it cause so much of his hair is just cut in random lengths. And there’s neon green stripes in it.

Sleeper is literally a baby astronaut. His hair is brown and curly with like 2 colors of green striped in it. I don’t know his eye color cause I haven’t drawn him with his eyes open. It’s probably gonna be green.

HOBBIES/JOBS/ENRICHMENT ACTIVITIES OTHER THAN MURDER:

Scream is a singer! She can’t perform live at large venues cause some of the Symbiote stuff still applies so big ol speakers are a no-no but with the use of holograms one day she might. But for now she just vents via music about how she keeps dating shitty women

Carnage mostly just follows Cletus around... her life is focused around being the actual problem child of the Brock family so it’s either being with her boyfriend or talking about him.

Lasher is a Gamer Bro. Probably does YouTube or something. Blood is 40% Mountain Dew at this point.

Phage is an emo artist, does some 3D modeling and stuff, is trying to help Scream set up hologram concerts

Agony is a writer and is trying to follow Eddie’s legacy but really her talents lie in poetry. Wait fuck. I made her that one Pokémon character. Fuck. She’s just Shauntal! Fuck! Oh well.

Riot... their daily activities include 1. Making a scene at breakfast. 2. Trying to start a fight 3. Running off to go tell their shitty boyfriend about how much they hate their family for not letting them goad them into fights. 4. Actually get into a fight with Eddie cause NO DATING RICH BOYS IN THIS HOUSE! YOU CANT BE PUNK AND DATE A RICH BOY THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS RIOT”but dad I love him!” FO YOU LOVE HIM OR DO YOU LOVE HOW HE’LL BRING YOU HOMELESS PEOPLE TO EAT???????

Sleeper is currently learning to count to ten and say his colors! His favorite words are “no” “food”, butchered versions of his siblings names: “Cah-age!” “Asha!” “Tage!” “Aggy!” “Sceem!” “I-iot!” (Is he saying Riot? Or Idiot? The world may never know) and of course... Mama (Eddie is Mama, unfortunately the others have picked up on it and have started calling him mom just to annoy him)

[hotdadlicense]

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey

[golddplatedd]

50 Questions

tagged by @tonyrights

1. What takes up too much of your time? watching movies and scrolling through tumblr lmao

2. What makes your day better? talking to my gf! talking to my sister! thinking about oswald! lots of things!

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? its 12:29 am so im gonna say the best part of yesterday was getting to see so much of my family and giving my mom some pretty silver hoops that i bought for her at disneyland i love my mom

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hhhh asgard maybe? i wanna meet heimdall

5. Are you good at giving advice? generally no but i am a god listener!!

6. Do you have any mental illness? yeah i have certified™ major depressive disorder and anxiety! probably some other stuff too but i prefer not to think about it ;V

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? nah but i kinda want to

8. What musician inspired you the most? .......fall out boy.........they have gotten me through so much its astounding

9. Have you ever fallen in love? literally every time i see a cat on the street. oh you mean with a person? maybe but id prefer not to talk about it 

10. What’s your dream date? uhhh going somewhere cute like an aquarium or a museum and then going for a walk and getting ice cream! im a simple girl.

11. What do others notice about you?

usually how short i am which is rude tbh im 5′1″ thats NOT that short

12. What is an annoying habit you have? almost everything i do is annoying!!  kidding (sorta) but i think the most . annoying thing i do is like everything obsessively and then talk about it nonstop. like i cant just. mildly enjoy something. its all or nothing babey

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no not really! that train has sailed . or however the saying goes. we are like on good ish terms though i suppose

14. How many exes do you have? 2. and a half

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i . have like 50 spottify playlists but my main one (jams from my Barbie™ Jeep™) currently has 1140 songs

16. What instruments can you play? i played flute but i dont anymore, i currently play oboe and saxophone and im trying to teach myself ukelele and thinking about trying english horn but its so expensive!!!

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have a lot of memes, pictures of loki and oswald, and pictures of new york lmao

18. Where would you like to go before you die? the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán!!!

19. What is your zodiac? leo sun, gemini moon, aquarius rising

20. Do you relate to it? not the leo sun so much but the rest of it, yeah!!

21. What is happiness to you? coffee.

22. Are you going through anything right now? im goin thru IT man im just trying to survive till june but life is testing me

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? everything i did in high school!

24. What’s your favorite store? goodwill or rhino records!!

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? i am pro-choice wtf kinda question is this

26. Do you keep a bucket list? yes, here is a list of my favorite buckets:

im joking i dont have one lmao

27. Do you have a favorite album? I HAVE TOO MANY here are a few:

infinity on high -  fall out boy // disintegration - the cure // three cheers for sweet revenge - mcr // saturation trilogy -  brockhampton // unknown pleasures - joy division

28. What do you want for your birthday? i like books and money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? i have literally no idea i think people usually think im weird. im a weirdo. i dont fit in

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

like 16 people still think im in high school ;(

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? charging next to my bed

32. What word do you say the most? worm or yeehaw (its awful)

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? like 25 tbh

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 19 (i am 19)

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? surprisingly, psychiatry (which im interested in)

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it varies from moment to moment (generally indie or emo or new wave lmao)

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? maybe canada or france

38. What is your current favorite song? baby boy - kevin abstract

39. How long have you had this blog for? like 5 years lmao  yikes

40. What are you excited for? GOING TO PARIS AND THEN SCOTLAND TO STUDY ABROAD THIS SUMMER!!!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? definitely listener.im . an emotional bottom

42. What is the last productive thing you did? hhhh i looked over lecture slides for tomorrow

43. What do you want for christmas? world peace. halloween 2. a sense of purpose. a new brockhampton album.  simple things really

44. What class do you get the best grades in? oof . generally my cognitive science classes or like writing classes surprisingly.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? like 7  im tired

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

living in new york city baby!!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? sophomore year of hs babey!!

48. What age do you want to get married? like 27-30 ish? idc

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a teacher and now i cant stand the thought jskjs

50. What do you crave right now? woter

i tag: @gebbylee @moonnddust @panoscosmatoes @jobaisnotreal @lokisfatpussy @vamploki  @pixelpastry @twentycuntpilots @ink-like-starlight and whoever else wants to do it lmao

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?