#i was like 'how do I write a quarantine fic that isn't about illness and isn't just green light' lmao

[for-a-longlongtime]

On Dieter, Goya's Black Paintings, and Pedro on Talk Art 

Alright y'all, it's Saturday evening, I have nothing better to do (I actually do but I don't feel like it), so welcome to my mini TED Talk about 'how to pay too much fucking attention to the Pedro cinematic universe'. None of this is new, and maybe everybody already knew about this, but I didn't... so here's a nerdy tangent courtesy of googling/wikipedia-ing.

I was reading a Dieter!fic (this one right here by @chaoticgeminate - go read her writing!) earlier today, which refers to the 'Saturn Devouring His Son' painting - that giant mural Dieter is working on in The Bubble:

(his brush isn't even touching the wall tho, ha)

The original 'Saturn' by Goya

The fic mentioned its part of 'The Black Paintings', so I got curious and started googling. I'm no art major or expert, so please allow me to just paraphraze the Wikipedia page. 'Saturn' is part of a group of 14 Goya paintings that are called Pinturas Negras/The Black Paintings. They "portray intense, haunting themes, reflective of both his fear of insanity and his bleak outlook on humanity" --this was late in Goya's life, and was connected to several illnesses he had experienced (and the fear of relapsing) and political turmoil in Spain at the time (post-Napolean war, changing Spanish government, etc.

Trivia fact 1: Goya actually made these paintings right on the walls of the Quinta del Sordo (so-called Deaf Man's villa) where he was staying -- so I love that Apatow had Dieter also paint right on the walls.

Trivia fact 2: while Goya was living in this villa, he actually became gravely ill (again) - not by a pandemic obviously, but it's hard to not link that loosely to the COVID period. He had never intended for these 'Black Paintings' to become public; "these paintings are as close to being hermetically private as any that have ever been produced in the history of Western art" (the murals were eventually transfered to canvas by other folks once he had moved out of the villa). Switching back to The Bubble -- I love how the tragic influence of Goya's illness(es) and art/things 'made at home away from the world, not intended for an audience' (so obviously, in a bubble) has that connection to the COVID experience and how many folks were suddenly homebound, along with the burden of illness in many ways (lord knows this all did a serious number on our mental health). In the movie, Dieter and the others do not want to go into isolation again, but that solitude is what eventually led him to painting on the walls in his room. This is not a 'grand discovery' of any kind, but I got a kick out of the parellels once I read up on it - and honestly makes me appreciate the movie a bit more, haha.

Not happy about another quarantine period.

Alright, more hyperfocusing after the cut:

Some googling led me to a post from last year by @nicolethered (gifs in this post are hers), and she included screencaps of the walls of Dieter's room (during that drug scene), which I hadn't even noticed while watching the movie. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed they're outtakes from other pieces of Goya's Black Paintings! I thought that was really cool, they sure worked on the details with that set (there's one more that's shown in a different shot but I can't exactly figure out which outtake that is):

First one is a mirror image from Two Old Men Eating Soup and the second one is basically Satan aka 'The Great He-Goat' from the Witches' Sabbath painting. Which IMO makes for fucking hilarious perfection a.k.a. trivia fact 3 -- because we all know about Dieter and his little emotional support goat, LOL. Excellent connection.

*insert sound bit from Hot Ones interview* : "Just let me love you!"

Anywaaay there's more. The Bubble was shot during Feb 22, 2021 to April 16, 2021, right? Pedro has spoken about how his input in shaping Dieter was mostly regarding his outfits (the Crocs, the robe, etc). But then I suddenly remember the Talk Art interview he had done in 2018, and how he namechecks 'The Dog' by Goya - and lo, guess which painting is actually part of the 14 Black Paintings? Yeap - the dog! So I checked the podcast and he was asked, 'if you could be any painting, what painting would you be?' by Russell. Here is the painting, and below it is what he said on Talk Art:

'The Drowning Dog' by Goya

"I think… it's a Goya. Yeah, old school. I think it's called 'Dog Buried in Sand' or something like that. It's so… I remember feeling it was such a visual representation of helplessness, in such a… come on, let's all admit that helplessness is a very recurring feeling for many of us, you know what I mean? When it comes to so many things. I guess… I was in Spain, in Madrid, and I was 20. And I went to the Goya museum. What's interesting about it is that the head of the dog is really quite small and sort of adorable, it looks like a stray mutt, and the painting - if I can remember it correctly - is very rectangular. There's so much above him, like the world just seems so big. It's quite incredible, isn't it? I know it's really sad, and sort of dark, and maybe I really like enjoy perceiving myself like..." (He gets interrupted by Russell, and then continues;) "Yeah, he's certainly not dying, it's sort of - it's a moment", (then interrupts himself with;) "Maybe he's totally dying, there's no way that dog is getting out of that. That dog is SO fucked. Anyway, that's the painting that represents my life". (All three of them burst out into laughing.)

If you're still reading this - I am impressed with your dedication to my silly little post, haha. Anyway, I just thought it was so striking that there basically is a straight line from the painting he mentioned in Talk Art to what Dieter is painting in the Bubble. Makes me wonder if perhaps he - or even Russell/Robert - had any input in that part of Dieter's backstory.

Thank you for attending my TED Talk on artistic analysis of Dieter Bravo during COVID, we now resume your regularly scheduled program for Saturday night. 🤪

(Have I been smoking because a local dispensary actually had 'Mando' bud? I sure as fuck have and I blame that for this post.)

[karalovesallthegirls]

Avoiding your dearest friend turned worst enemy is significantly more difficult when you’re under house arrest in her apartment. 

She’s fairly certain there are laws against cruel and unusual punishments and yet still they have decided that forcing Lena to spend two months locked in to Kara Danvers’ apartment with what is essentially a killer shock ankle monitor is somehow justified.

“You tried to mind control the world,” Kara supplies, unhelpful as always. “I tried to save the world from itself,” Lena corrects.

Kara just rolls her eyes and tells her to have a good day before leaving for work. Something she still gets to do every single day while Lena is stuck here, alone.

Apparently being an “evil Luthor” means you can’t be trusted around anything more advanced than a microwave. They even shut off Kara’s internet and cable just to be safe. (As if they could really stop Lena from accessing the internet if she wanted to. She just hasn’t wanted to yet.)

So Lena tried to brainwash the entire world, and? She wasn’t Lex, it’s not like she was seeking power or destruction. She wanted to help people – everything she has ever done in her life has been to help people. It’s just that sometimes helping can seem a little evil to people if they lack the right perspective.

Sadly, the DEO does not have the right perspective, and their first vote was to toss her into their highly illegal prison system and lose the key. The only thing that saved her was Kara Danvers, ever earnest in her façade, who argued that Lena could be redeemed. That Lena deserved a second chance. Somehow, that actually worked on the idiots in charge, and instead of vanishing into a system she’d never escape she found herself left alone indefinitely, living on her friend’s couch.

Her former friend’s couch.

Everyone keeps telling her how lucky she is to stay in a nice apartment with all the comforts of home, barring any communication with the outside world and an ankle monitor set to kill if she tries to leave. Better than a jail cell, right? Lena would disagree. She spends every day with the woman who betrayed her in every feasible way, and who is the sole decider of when (or if) she’s allowed to be free again. She’s in Hell.

--

Kara comes home late. It’s the fourth night in a row she’s shuffled into her own apartment well past nine, her head down and shoulders scrunched, acting like a teenager who is far past her curfew. Lena barely even looks up from her book. “Hey,” Kara says softly, and Lena merely hums in acknowledgement. From the corner of her eye Lena can tell Kara’s just lurking at the door, shuffling on her feet trying to decide what to do before finally just heading to the table to put her things down. Lena is hyperaware of her every movement as she stares blankly at the page before her. She tracks Kara as she takes off her coat, as she slips out of her shoes with a small sigh, as she falls into the chair beside the couch. She always sits there these days, close but not too close. She never sits on the couch by Lena, which she’s thankful for. Lena has no privacy, but at least the space she sleeps on every night is hers. As much as anything is hers anymore.

She was allowed a single suitcase of clothes that the DEO carefully scanned for devices, most of which were tossed. She’s a technological genius - of course her entire wardrobe is outfitted with devices. Her toiletries and personal items were purchased for her after they discovered her toothbrush from home could double as a laser knife (it always had that ability, in her defense. It wasn’t for an escape attempt). She has an old National City sweatshirt that is hers alone, a handful of her favorite books, and she has this couch that only she ever sits on. That is the entirety of her property now. She tries not to dwell.

“Did you have a good night?” Kara asks. She’s still trying, even after everything. “I finished my second reread,” she says, holding up her book. “Then spent most of my night reminiscing on all the stories I once had that were stolen from me.”

Kara sighs. “Like I said, if you write down some books, I can get-” “I’d like to go to bed now, I think,” Lena punctuates her words by slamming the book shut. Yet still, Kara just sits and stares at her in that thoughtful way she always does that drives her absolutely batty. It takes a throat clear and a careful eyebrow lift for Kara to get the message and jump up with a stuttered, “Oh! Right yeah, of course,” and shuffle to her side of the open-space loft. As if moving those ten feet make up for the lack of walls, lack of privacy, lack of freedom. Like she doesn’t sense every move Lena makes as she stretches off the couch to grab her blanket.

It’s been days now of this terrible shuffling and still Lena doesn’t understand. Why does Kara even want her here? Kara, who hated her so much she faked a years long friendship just to stay close and watch her. Who asked her boyfriend to spy on her, who lied and manipulated her to the point that she murdered her own brother to keep her safe. Why keep a liability like Lena around?

Why did she fight for Lena to stay under her watch, to have yet another chance after everything she’s done? Nothing about this made sense, and that alone was enough to rattle Lena’s nerves. There had to be a reason. “I put out fresh towels, if you need one,” Kara offers weakly from where she sat on her bed. She looks small and subdued, hands in her lap and shoulders hunched, and worst of all she’s wearing the glasses. Pretending, even here.  It doesn’t make sense.

She can feel Kara watching her from her bed as she goes to wash her face but she doesn’t bother to shut the door. Why bother? She’s Supergirl. She can see through walls if she wants. The thought is a strange one to have while standing in a bathroom, but the moment it hits it begins to spread like a paint drop in a puddle of water. 

A slow expansion of chaotic thoughts, scattered and overtaking until it’s all she can see. Why does Kara want her here? She thinks about their every interaction, about the ways Kara’s eyes linger on her lips, her chest. The way jealousy radiated off her when she met Jack Spheer. The ways Kara would grip her arms, hold her close against her.  And suddenly, like a switch shifting in her brain, it makes sense. Her breathing is coming fast now as memories cascade through her mental vision of every moment they ever spent together. Of a woman who never trusted her enough to tell her the truth, but lusted enough to keep her close. 

“You okay in there?” Kara asks, and Lena can see her reflection in the mirror, watching her from where she sat on the bed. She can see the concern in Kara’s face, the way her eyes drift down briefly to Lena’s heaving chest before jerking back up to her eyes. Slowly with great focus, Lena calms herself. Careful breathing to bring her back to this moment of her, here, trapped with Supergirl’s eyes on her. She stands up a little straighter, puffs her chest up just a bit, acutely aware of her choice of undershirt without a bra. Acutely aware of how Kara’s eyes drift yet again only to look away.  For the first time since this hellish chapter of her life began, some semblance of control shifts back into place within her. “Oh, yes,” she says, voice low and sultry in that way that always causes a reaction -and based on the red in Kara’s face, it’s effective - 

“I’ve never been better.”

[purpleyin]

27, 31, 35

27. Do you agree that one shouldn’t start a story with a piece of dialogue?

I'd never heard of that writing rule before and I don't agree with it. I think starting with dialogue could be confusing when you don't yet know the characters for original fic, or just if it's not immediately clear who is talking in fanfic, but there are ways to make it work. I've definitely done it more recently. Seems there's so many things people get told to never do in writing and I think really the advice there is not that you can't do X, just that you should know why you want to and make sure it does work in that instance.

31. What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)?

In the last few years, I'd say my Snowest fic "Love isn't a science". It was my first time doing anything more than a snippet for the pairing, which intimidated me to start with, and it also was time limited writing it for an exchange with a lockdown theme in May 2020. Figuring how to incorporate the quarantine to that scenario and also to balance those with more lighthearted elements was tricky. And I ended up working in Caitlin's mom in which possibly made it harder than it could be. But I thought added some interest since it was meant to be 'quarantined with family' and I didn't just want to do the team as family, or simply Iris with her family as part of that, but also Caitlin with some of hers too and there's limited choices there, thanks canon. I think that fic also ran long initially and I struggled with how to finish it in the timeframe but did eventually round it off in time with the help of a couple of betas giving me their notes on it.

35. Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.

I love writing challenges and events with prompts, I often find them good inspiration although I don't ever really lack inspiration. However, I'm bad at finishing things off for them, which is why I tend to prefer open ended ones, though making things for a set week/month is still quite fun when I can. I just always have more I want to do and only ever manage to create a small percentage of my intended stuff. I want to give nanowrimo a go at some point but anytime I resolved to try that life or ill health got in the way so it maybe is better if I don't push myself that hard.

I tend to see contests as being a bit different, like they are more about competition with other people versus challenging oneself. I'm not sure I'd be keen on that, I think I would feel more pressure than I'd generally be comfortable with. I've never really done stuff like that for fic, more for graphics with icontests back in the LJ days. I miss those a little but then I don't think I'd feel so fussed about whether my icons would win or not, I'd still consider the process fun whereas for fic I think I'd feel differently for reasons unknown to me.

From Writing Asks