#i was gonna include lark in this but. i think he's gonna be on his own canvas

[thegreatyin]

don't you just love it when couples match

[methcheese]

scheming abt the oaks again,,, not coherently though. something something parallels between norm & hero and lark & sparrow??

whatever norm did seems like some big potentially world changing event not dissimilar to lark releasing the doodler and i can only imagine the lark-esque guilt if (when?) he finds that out

and the relationships w the parents all the around the resentment that comes from both sets of kids

and to a probably lesser extent hero & sparrow being the seeemingly more responsible ones?? idk idk this is only half a thought im still reeling

[kaseyskat]

okay since they said that the san diego show is gonna be the only one Not recorded, i'll do my best to summarize the show for y'all!!!

-glenn's dad fact: the glenn close trio instagram (? i think?) is full of pictures of glenn standing next to a picture of the real glenn close

-darryl's dad fact: he and carol go to san diego very frequently because darryl likes the breweries and carol likes surfing! they have not "had sex" there once, but they HAVE made love (statements that made me cringe out loud)

-henry's dad fact: he and mercedes make a fake san diego burrito for themselves and the twins. it sounds awful.

-ron's dad fact: he thinks san diego is a type of eggo waffle

-the prompt that we rolled was called DADDY BABIES. the plotline? the dads (and paeden) went to the dimensional witch tilt toblerona to ask her to give them the strength of their youth back so they could find their kids. instead, tilt turned them into babies.

-the dads still have all of their memories of who they are as people and they can talk to themselves and to paeden (tilt does not understand them though, tilt only hears baby noises) but physically Being a baby affects their mental state just a bit

-ron wanted to stay a baby forever. henry tried to explain the concept of ageplay to him, darryl got confused thinking that ron just wanted to HAVE a baby like with samantha, henry had to explain fetishes

-during the baby section, henry is the most "adult" and ends up having to corral the others. darryl is a close second, but glenn and ron both Suffer Immensely

-while tilt is making. applesauce? the babies scheme on how to escape, involving an elaborate scheme in which henry uses mold earth on playdoh to make fake versions of themselves blue in the face and choking in a plastic bag and ron throwing his voice to sound like a baby crying. beth made the worst fake crying noise ever but then also gave us an INSANE dolphin noise when anthony called her out on it

-(also the dads had to roll object permanence to see if they thought tilt was gone forever when she was out of their line of sight. glenn failed this check very badly. darryl even played peekaboo with him to demonstrate object permanence and it failed. anthony made a horrible horrible joke that glenn's not a bad parent he just has bad object permanence even when it comes to nick)

-somehow this works? they trap tilt toblerona (glenn using illusory mind prison to make tilt think SHES the one choking on a plastic bag, henry casting stone wall on her to build a lego wall around her and effectively cask of amontillado-ing her) and then wander around the house looking for a way out.

-they realize they need tilt's key to escape, but first they watch an episode of bluey! henry is the only one who saved on a roll to Not be sucked into watching bluey and ends up unplugging the TV and going on a tangent about how screentime is bad

-(which is really fucking funny because he very explicitly says "lark and sparrow are well behaved because we set boundaries and have them play outside instead of using screens" and we all know how lark and sparrow are like. not???? not well behaved. henry im so sorry to break this to you but they are not well behaved-)

-anyways they get back to tilt, find and steal her key, and then open the door, promptly getting sucked through dimensions

-(darryl thinks for a second that he's in the rapture and tries to baptize himself in case his baby form isn't baptized. henry tries to help but goes on another tangent and they miss the opportunity)

-when they awaken, they find themselves now as teenagers in a classroom! and they see a GOTH PUNK SEEKER OF DARKNESS (phrases that made the entire crowd erupt in screaming, myself included)

-this time, darryl is the most stable of the dads! glenn coming in second, and then ron and henry were both. very teenager.

-darryl immediately offers to play ball with link. link is interested but ultimately gets shot down by tilt, who explains that they are in interdimensional detention forever

-glenn and taylor immediately bond over how cool they are

-scary asks ron if she can copy his math homework because he seems smart with a tie. ron agrees to let her but is very nervous about it (we later find out this is because he is not very good at math)

-teenage henry is a fucking delight yall. he sits there staring out the window at the trees and writing poetry (with long hair! long hair teenage hen is real!!!) about the trees and enjoying nature

-scary has to roll not to fall in love with him the second she finds out that he writes poetry (she fails)

-normal tries to bond with his grandfather. henry brushes him off entirely. its heartbreaking and also hilariously funny

-normal goes fucking apeshit yall. he gets so fed up of henry ignoring him and the others not talking to him and being trapped in this small room that he takes a crossbow and threatens tilt with it. she calls his bluff and he SHOOTS HER?

-at least, he tries. she catches the bolt and then tells him that if he's serious he needs to actually stab the bolt into her heart himself. he does. he's unhinged.

-tilt tries to explain her entire sob story backstory. darryl interrupts to boo her and call her a loser.

-glenn and taylor throw a desk out of the window to break it open. going out the window Will Kill You.

-ron paints the window like a slip and slide to try and trick tilt into going into it. it doesn't work. however two guards come in and it DOES work on one of the guards

-the other guard eventually gets physically thrown out of the window by taylor, who proudly declares that this will not affect him at all

-henry goes to talk to scary. scary gets excited, but then henry just asks if she thinks that teen darryl would go out with henry because even though he's "not henry's type", something about him is captivating. scary is heartbroken.

-darryl overhears this and rejects henry on the basis of him still dating carol! but offers to set henry up with carol's friends.

-glenn and taylor use awful fireworks to blind tilt, the other guard (that taylor kills), and normal since he was in range.

-scary tries to be bitter and calls henry out for being blind, but henry wasn't hit with the spell and immediately says some fakedeep shit about seeing more than most people do. it is insanely funny i cannot stress how funny teenage henry is

-link is now convinced that public schools were a mistake and he needs to leave Right Now. he rolls a nat 20 on taking the key, but uses it for himself to fucking dip. he just ditches them. he bolts for it. normal even tries to give him a high five and link completely goes NOPE.

-when nobody else has another form of escape, henry takes out his sketchbook? that apparently he always has as a teen? and uses summon creature to draw a boar and bring it to life. the boar smashes through the door and now they are saved!

-it is here that it is revealed this was all a dream but specifically a dream set pre-canon. darryl makes a comment about link being a narc. glenn tells taylor to never change because he's perfect exactly the way he is. scary tells ron that he sucks at math (and ron is very confused about scary's existence he doesn't know who she is).

-HENRY. tells normal to be the best version of himself. AND TO HELP HIM WITH THAT. he draws. TEENY. TO GIVE TO NORMAL AND INSPIRE HIM TO BE HIS BEST SELF. and that is how normal came up with teeny the teen as the mascot of teen high

-it was such a fun show, i'm so glad i got to attend! shame that it isn't being recorded

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

okay so i keep thinking about this post that i made about a polywagon soulmates au where they have eachother's birthdays on their arms (including hermie's like... three years ago and 1912) and im not gonna write it but i AM gonna think about how differently the teens would handle it

Taylor:

taylor would be SO thrilled, he thinks it makes him extra like an anime protaganist to have not only four soulmates, but also one long dead soul mate (perhaps the SAME soulmate, thats been reincarnated to the youngest soulmate, god thats such an ANIME PLOTLINE--)

he shows them off, and knows at the very least about normal from when they hung out as little kids, but anytime someone asks if he knows who they are he just mysteriously goes 'heh'

hangs out with normal a lot more pre-canon, considers him his main "sidekick"

when he was little his mom tried to explain that the two weird dates were sort of common, and that sometimes soulmates can be platonic, sometimes they don't cross paths time-wise, etc, but he literally could not give less of a shit he thinks it's COOL

Normal:

normal is so excited!! he has FOUR soulmates!! four!! so many people are destined to love him as foretold by the UNIVERSE!!

lark 100% has tried to disillusion him on the whole thing (the other kiddads know about link, especially after their kids were born with a soulmark dating back to the TITANIC and grant had to come clean) but it didn't really work

he knows about taylor from when they were little kids, and he ABSOLUTLEY hunted down a school directory with everyone's birthdays to try and find everyone else, so he knows about scary, he's just waiting for her to bring it up first

very clingy to taylor pre-canon and definitly annoys scary trying to get her to hang out with them

he's a firm believer in being able to have More Soulmates than just your soulmark, so from pretty early on he's really trying to manifest hermie and link into also being his soulmates (and is SO EXCITED to find out he's right)

Link:

sad boy :( he thinks that taylor and normal are HIS soul mates but he isn't either of theirs :(

his dads definitely just chose the day they found him to be his birthday since they don't know exactly when he was born, so not only does the year of the 1912 soulmark not match, but his birthday doesn't even either

grant is REALLY worried about link getting found out as a Titantic Baby/trying to keep him safe that he actually actively decides to go the most upsetting approach by telling link basically that sometimes it happens where soulmates don't match up perfectly

marco isn't really for THAT, and tries to push nontraditional soul-matches and platonic soulmate things but it's not really effective

it's part of why link is So clingy to his dads and doesn't like the idea of siblings/pets, he already is predisposed to the idea of there not being enough love to go around

he's really happy but also SO MAD after the titanic discovery

i'm trying to decide if it's funnier if hermie is his soulmate or if link is the only person who ISN'T soulmates with hermie

hermie's soul-date is replaced by fuckinnnn chris from the simulation's birthday for link hfjdkl

Scary:

when she was little she was so so so so so so so excited about soulmates, especially having FOUR

she was super sad about her presumably dead 1912 soulmate, and really hopes that they had other soulmates too that matched up with them better

kind of hopes the much younger soulmate IS a platonic soulmate so she doesn't have to wait longer to meet them

she 100% threw secret birthday parties for her soulmates when she was little

her parents weren't soulmates, but her mom and terry jr are, which just adds to her hurt and confusion when they get together

once she becomes emo TM she starts one wearing long sleeves to hide her soulmarks and claims that she doesn't HAVE any to sound edgy (even though a lot of people know that she does because like,,, a year ago she wouldn't shut up about them)

tries to deny for a really long time that her and the other teens are soulmates but when she gets doodlerized doodle-scary exposes her and shes UPSET about it

hermie:

kind of refused to acknowlege the teens are his soulmates, no matter how obvious it is

baffled when it becomes clear HIS birthday is the one on everyone elses arms but just from like,,, three years ago becuase that's not??? when he was born???

he's half convinced his soulmarks are part of some scam instead of being real and... honestly so am i

build-a-bear hermie either has no soulmarks or they're in a different place from regular hermie's, like they're not exactly... real?? and it makes it even sadder/more confusing from everyone emotionally after everything (except taylor, whose like 'idk still hermie')

bonus d00d:

idk i just want them to be included :) maybe everyone has like a random string of numbers somewhere exceedingly non traditional like their ankle that mean nothing to them until woah eldritch monstronisty yeah that would do it

they dont have soulmarks but they make themselves look like they do becuase really what is a soulmate if not the friends we made along the way

[th3-ann0unc3r]

Marauders x taylor swift this time it’s evermore because evermore is her best album and i wont take any criticism IM SORRY THE GIRLS ARNT INCLUDED INJUSY DONT THINK THEY FIT INTO TJIS PLEASE GIVE ME IDEAS FOR THEM TOO IF YOU THINK OF MORE!!!!

1. willow: Sirius about remus <3 (Wait for the signal, and I'll meet you after dark Show me the places where the others gave you scars is so wolfstar)

2. champagne problems: jegulus (You told your family for a reason you couldn’t keep it in) (i love jegulus when it’s self destructive regulus and just wants to help james)

3. gold rush: also jegulus (Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you) (regulus seeing how in love everyone (including me) is with james)

4. tis the damn season: IM SAYING REMUS TO GRANT (YOU CAN CALL ME BABE FOR THE WEEKEND?!?!) (THATS LITERALLY REMUS BEING LIKE LETS FUCK WHILE IM ON HOLIDAY BREAK)

5. tolerate it: Peter to the other marauders (If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it) (it’s him begging to be included again like he was when james and him were growing up) (this one hurts!)

6. no body, no crime ft. Haim: it’s rosekiller if james ever cheated on regulus

7. happiness: (prank wolfstar) (Past the blood and bruise Past the curses and cries Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind And there is happiness) (UGH PRANK WOLFSTAR BREAKS MY HEART IN 2) (

8. dorothea: regulus about sirius (that hurts too!) (Hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me? When we were younger, down in the park Honey, makin' a lark of the misery You got shiny friends since you left town)

9. coney island ft. The National (first off this is one of the best songs on the album) (remus after sirius goes to askaban)

10. ivy (i quite literally cannot think of one…. im close to saying jegulus if regulus was with barty but was actually in love with james)

11. cowboy like me: rosekiller (i struggled with this one too but this line genuinely is so them) (Tellin' all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward Only if they pay for it You're a bandit like me)

12. long story short: sirius about leaving the house of black

13. marjorie: young sirius reminding regulus how to live even if he’s gone

14. closure: regulus when sirius reached out to try to get him to go with him (Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better I know that it's over, I don't need your Closure, your closure)

15. evermore ft. Bon Iver: not a specific character more of just remus dying and be able to be with all of his friends

bonus tracks

16. right where you left me: my perfect amazing grant to mr.remus john lupin

17. it's time to go: all the girls siruis dated about him and remus LOL (no but actually im gonna say prank wolfstar)

[delinquentbookworm]

Theory about Sparrow! Episode 48 spoilers

The Willy-Sparrow switcheroo could have only taken place after the jar filled up with the magic from the memory of code purple, because if Sparrow hadn't been there, it wouldn't have worked.

After that moment, the window was so narrow and Sparrow was surrounded by so many people (including Lark, who is gonna be laser focused on his brother after that fuckin shit show, and Henry Oak, who has a passive perception of something stupid like 25), I don't think it's feasible that Willy could have killed or incapacitated Sparrow without anyone noticing, assuming Sparrow is putting up a fight.

However, if I recall correctly, Sparrow was still wearing one of those imperator bracelets saying he had to obey Willy's orders. I'm pretty sure none of the kiddads have been able to take them off (except Terry who presumably doesn't have one anymore since he died).

Personally, I think the smoothest way for the switch to happen would be for Willy to Message Sparrow, ordering him to quietly step away from the group, allowing Willy to step in and take his place. I think on a logical level there's no reason for Willy to kill Sparrow at this point - Sparrow hasn't done anything to offend Willy personally, and Sparrow is still useful to Willy as either a pawn or a hostage.

Also I don't think it makes narrative sense for him to die off-screen before getting a chance to fix shit with Normal.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Normal, Sparrow, and something about heroes

EDIT: Raised the "read more" cause tumblr wants to make self-rbs a nightmare smh smh

Y'all it's so difficult to write ANYTHING lol fuck... But yeah yeah definitely got some post ep. 30 thoughts. Do need to start with some explanations/clarifications on my general stance regarding Normal which is mostly for the mutuals LOL and they know that so if things appear to lack a bit of context on that front well that's why.

There are some things regarding Norm where I lowkey almost don't want to say anything because I'm sooooo wishy washy myself ahahaha and I feel like I'm definitely gonna end up writing some stuff here and be like "ehhhhhh" later on but what can you do what can you do.

I guess I can at least start by saying that when I say that like, Norm can be self-centered, or prideful, or something to that effect, I am *definitely* not trying to say like "this negates Norm's compassion" or that like, Norm needs to be made to feel bad about that? I hope I'll be able to explain what I mean properly here but, a lot of my feelings regarding Norm's more negative traits do genuinely come from a place of concern for him??

Yes I think Norm can be self-centered, yes I think it comes from a place of loneliness and insecurity, yes I think it bleeds into his actions in a way that can negatively impact both himself and those around him, and yes I think that all of these things make him very very VERY similar to Scary... Is my general stance atm but let me, let me *try* to explain what all that means for me LOL.

I think Norm is a good person. I don't think he's *the most* empathetic or selfless or kind character we've seen in the show, but I also don't think he needs to be, or ever will need to be. He has a good heart (all the teens do, yes that includes Scary, fight me), he *does* care about other people very much, and like the other teens his frustrations are valid and generally pretty justified!

But I think Norm is someone who, perhaps pretty fundamentally, requires a pretty high level of external validation and social acceptance to feel loved, has generally gone most of his life not having that need met outside of his immediate family, and is pretty all-or-nothing and rejection-sensitive when it comes to this validation. I don't think Norm is a bad person for any of these traits (at all), even if it can impact his interactions with others negatively at times. No, above all else, these traits lead me to feel quite concerned and altogether just kinda sad for Norm.

And that's where things get a bit messy. On the one hand, Norm *is* a kind person, with good intentions, and even when I feel most frustrated with his actions, I don't take them as coming from a place of malice or ill-intent. But Norm wants to feel loved so bad, and his conditions for feeling loved (as aforementioned) are very difficult to meet, so, yes, (I do personally feel that) Norm often does, largely without knowing, prioritize this endless search for validation over other things, and having this at the forefront of his mind so frequently does inhibit his ability to truly connect with the people around him and (in many cases) actually *empathize* with them.

The difference- the difference for me between Normal and Linc with regards to Scary isn't whether or not they *care* about Scary. Even if it's a bit old now, I didn't write a whole thing on Normal/Scary and Sparrow/Lark parallels because I don't think Norm cares about Scary. Normal has *absolutely* put a tremendous amount of effort into trying to keep Scary around, to disappointing results that are justifiably frustrating for him. Normal and Linc both care about Scary, the difference for me, and what I just find so spectacular about Linc compared to all the other teens here, is that Linc goes *beyond* himself when he breaks the pic. He's not the first person to care about or try to help Scary, he's just the first person to do so in the way that she actually needs- because his general selflessness allows him to be the first person to actually *understand* Scary. He's not the first person to feel *for* her, he's the first person to feel *with* her. That is... Well I guess that is also to say that when I use the word "empathy" I mean it fairly precisely.

Which also isn't... I'm not trying to knock Normal (or Taylor) in saying this btw. The teens ALL have their strengths and weaknesses, and this was simply a moment that brought out one for Linc and another for Norm (vice versa can has and will be true at other points in time). Normal not being able to do what Linc did here is not something I'm trying to hold against him. With regards to their argument, I genuinely think that they both have plenty of reason to be upset, and ultimately it's all just one big misunderstanding. Still, I do personally think that much of why Norm is so upset with Linc in this scene has not so much to do with Scary nor with the Doodler- but is in fact at least in part Norm feeling rejected by Linc (invalidated, unloved, etc.), and acting out accordingly. Additionally, I think these feelings get in the way of Norm actually being able to understand and appreciate why Linc did what he did. They were both hurt, they both lashed out. I'm not trying to gloss over Linc's part in this either, I'm not saying one of them was right and the other was wrong or that one was mean and the other wasn't, but from what I've seen at least it seems people are almost unanimously siding with Norm on this one without much consideration for the points Linc actually makes here, choosing instead to focus solely on what *Linc's* hurt caused him to say (without acknowledging of course that in Linc's case too it comes from a place of hurt), and that much is a bit frustrating for me admittedly.

I wouldn't have expected or wanted Norm to behave any differently in this scene than he did. I think everything about Norm's behavior makes perfect sense for where he's at, and "where he's at", for me, isn't "selfish kid who doesn't care about other people" it's "scared kid who feels rejected and alone". That said, I think if Norm wants to get any better he, like all the teens, needs to start introspecting a bit more and work on himself.

And when I say that, I'm not saying "Norm is prideful and needs to be more humble" I'm saying, Norm needs to get to a place where he can feel loved, and allow himself to be loved, without it being so all or nothing.

Enter Hero!!! The chosen one! I kinda don't get why some people are just seeing this as Anthony trying to bully Norm rather than a very important opportunity for growth!!!

This feels like a point that could be easily misconstrued, so I'll try to be careful? When I say that Hero being the chosen one is an opportunity for Norm to grow as a person, I am NOT saying in becoming more humble or something like that?? Normal's pride isn't his fatal flaw, it's an afterthought of it, a manifestation of it, a defense mechanism vis a vis his fundamental insecurities, if you will.

Normal, as I see him, is convinced that he will only ever be loved, that he will only ever have "solved" love, when he is validated in absolutes. When he is the most popular boy in school who is friends with everybody. When he's the hero of the story. When he's the chosen one. If part of him sees himself as being without flaw (or the best part of teen high or whatever), it's not because he's some arrogant little brat, it's because he can't imagine himself as being lovable unless he is perfect. He isn't selfish for feeling this way, but from an outside view I think it's fairly easy to say that if Normal continues down that path, he's never going to get where he needs to go.

Hero being the chosen one, not Normal, gives Normal an opportunity to learn (or at least start to learn) that his perceived prerequisites for love (of himself) are false. Normal doesn't have to be the hero of the story. He doesn't have to be a hero. He doesn't have to be Hero, it's enough to just be Normal.

Sooooo... I think it's pretty ironic that... Upon learning that Hero is the chosen one.... So many people have jumped the gun and assumed that this means... Sparrow doesn't love Normal.

HAHA THAT'S RIGHT THIS WAS ABOUT SPARROW ALL ALONG YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER

But seriously, wow, it pains me sometimes how little faith people have in Sparrow. Hero is "the chosen one"... So every single time Sparrow has relayed how much he loves Norm goes down the drain?? At a most basic level folks, your child can be unplanned and still be loved, actually. Some might even say that that's... normal.

But do you get what I'm trying to say here? The assumptions much of the fandom has made about Sparrow and his love exactly reflect the toxic trains of thought that will probably be plaguing Normal's mind and feeding into his insecurities as the whole Hero thing develops?? And these insecurities (and again false prerequisites for love) are exactly what Normal needs help working through???

But let's move away from the Norm side of things a little bit, cause the assumptions being made about Sparrow currently are much more vast than this.

Let's make something clear. We don't know Sparrow's side of the story. We don't know Lark's side of the story. And of course, we don't know Rebecca's side either. We don't know if Rebecca did or didn't know about the prophecy. It seems that at this point in time, the spouses have had their memories erased. *Not necessarily* the case, but I genuinely can't fathom a scenario in which Cassandra somehow doesn't notice that the father of her child is always kind of a little bit on fire- and conspiracy theorist Rebecca to me also might hint at the fact that at some earlier point in time she would have known more about what's going on? But that's purely speculation, obviously.

So why are we suddenly so sure of Sparrow's intentions, feelings, and *role* in bringing Hero into the world?

I... Well I've been reluctant to bring this up even though the notion has been an itch in my mind since yesterday, but eventually you see enough upsetting Sparrow posts that someone needs to step up and offer something new I guess.

So... Allow me to suggest that, Sparrow being against the idea of having a child purely to fulfill a prophecy, and refusing to partake, actually makes *more* sense.

Most especially, if Sparrow was adamantly against going through with such a plan, we now have the most sound and in-character reason so far to explain... Why Lark slept with Rebecca.

(*gasp*)

As I see it anyways! Because, yeah, it's always felt like a weird elephant in the room, and I don't really feel satisfied with the existing theories at all! Someone with as strong as a resolve as Lark sleeps with the wife of the person who means more to him than anyone cause... He was horny? Or maybe as part of some strange convoluted ploy to push Sparrow away? I'm not saying these aren't still valid possibilities, and I'm not saying that this theory I'm proposing is what happened, really it's an assumption based on an assumption, but nevertheless I think it would make a lot of sense honestly.

(More specifically, what I'm suggesting is Sparrow not wanting to go through with the plan, Lark seeing it as a necessary evil to deal with the Doodler- and we know how hellbent Lark is on dealing with the Doodler, and accordingly "doing what needed to be done", as he is one to do, of course at Sparrow and at least in theory Hero's expense.)

This would also make sense of a lot of Sparrow's more extreme behaviors towards Normal, particularly the question of his name. Through this lens, it was perhaps an affront towards Lark (and possibly Rebecca??), an assertion to the effect of "no, you will not do this again, this child will not be doomed to be a hero". This, or something less aggressive but in a similar vein.

Of course this puts Normal and Sparrow at fundamental odds with one another! Er, despite being so very very similar which isn't what this post is about but still... Anyhoo, yes, there is an important conflict at play here, wherein Normal, as we discussed earlier, sees being the hero (the chosen one, what have you) as the only way to solve love, to be loved- and Sparrow who, more than anything else, doesn't want anymore heroes in the family, because he loves his family, and what happened with Henry... Can't happen again.

[asongoficeandthrones]

A Clash of Kings First Read - Chapter 23

(POV: Jon III.)

Setting: The haunted forest; Craster's Keep.

Favorite character: Jon. Because he seems somewhat... happier in this chapter (at the beginning, at least), and he shows how honorable he is by wanting to help Gilly (that's how I interprete the fact that he talked to Mormont about her) even if he can't. And Mormont says it himself: "Your heart is noble, Jon."

MVP: Um... Mance Rayder? If he's gathering an army, the Night's Watch is kinda (read: completely) screwed, I think. They have the Others/the wights to fight, and the wildlings? A large army of wildlings? Robb better come back north soon!

Things I loved/liked:

Jon checking in with Sam at the beginning of the chapter, when they're riding under the rain. And worrying about him before that. Jon's a good friend to have. And also, in that same scene, how Jon takes the word "bastard" with a laugh. It's not necessarily... good, but at least he's not sullen about it (in this scene anyway).

Jon acting kindly to Craster's wife (the one scared by Ghost). And then him defending her from his brothers. And then his second conversation with her, where she begs him to take her with him. It doesn't turn out well for her, but Jon still acted kindly to her (Jon caught her before she could fall, and helped her safely down, and:

"I don't even know your name." "Gilly, he called me. For the gillyflower." "That's pretty." He remembered Sansa telling him once that he should say that whenever a lady told him her name. He could not help the girl, but perhaps the courtesy would please her).

The talk between Jon and Mormont. Because it gives a lot of information on the wildlings and their history, and also insight that was needed on the relationship between the Night's Watch and Craster (so every ranger, including Benjen, knew that Craster was giving his sons to the Others/the wights, and no one stopped him? I understand Mormont's point of view, but still...).

Dolorous Edd and Jon (because I need a good laugh sometimes, and Edd is funny, even if it's in a very morose way):

"Does this mud look like shit to you? Could it be that this whole hill is made of Craster's shit?" Jon smiled. "Well, I hear he's been here a long time." "You cheer me not."

The description of the camp in the morning, and how it makes Jon think of his sisters. Even Sansa, and if I remember correctly, Jon doesn't think about her often.

(Sorry about the weird formatting for this part...)

Things I disliked/hated:

Chett and Lark the Sisterman's attitude towards Jon.

Okay so after meeting Craster, I still didn't like him. The way he treated his wives... Ugh. And the way he acted as though he was better than Mormont and the Night's Watch ("You'll be wanting to sleep beneath my roof, belike, and eat me out of pigs."). Well, at least he did give some of them shelter and food.

Um... It's linked to the previous point, but before even meeting him, I was pretty sure I was not gonna like Craster. Seriously, marrying his daughters??! Plural??! Just when I thought I had heard it all...

Wow. So Craster (and his wives) knows about the Others (or the wights, but that's equally terrible), and he's sacrificing his boys to them?! God, that's terrible. Even for him. And I feel a lot for Gilly, and I really hope somehow she won't lose her baby.

Quotes: "We cannot set the world to rights. That is not our purpose" (by Jeor Mormont), because I think it gives insight into Mormont's character. I read it as him wanting to help but knowing he couldn't because of his vows, which makes Mormont an honorable character, if nothing else. Also, it's a little insight into the role of the Night's Watch, so.

Thoughts overall: Interesting, with a dash of horror sprinkled upon it.

[officialgleamstar]

:3 Any class (and subclass) headcanons/ideas/theories for Lark? Vaguely related, I can't stop thinking about the fact the he just whistled up a fucking portal last episode?????

i have always assumed lark was a ranger, which is one reason why i was so flabbergasted by grant being the kiddads' ranger. i still think he should be a ranger, a horizon walker ranger specifically, even if it would be dumb and unbalanced for them to have two rangers. literally it makes the most sense. lark is the most ranger guy ever. however, i already made a full post about ranger subclasses for grant, including the reasoning for horizon walker that also applies to lark (namely what you said - WHISTLING TO SUMMON A PORTAL? HORIZON WALKER TYPE SHIT.) SO i will delve into some different ideas instead

if he's not a ranger, then i would guess that he is a fighter, battle master subclass, or a rogue, assassin subclass, with likelihood (in my opinion!) being in that order. thats the tldr. heres the long version LOL:

fighter - fighters are known for being able to wield a wide array of weapons, which makes sense for lark, since he is such a doomsday prepper. he would want to be able to use any weapon he got his hands on. also, indomitable fits lark really well in my opinion. if we wanna talk gear, i'd probably give him chainmail (flavored as bullet-proof vest), two martial weapons (two daggers), a light crossbow and 20 bolts (flavored as a pistol and ammo), and the pack i'm not sure on. i dont think im gonna do gear on every single class but its just part of being a fighter to me to consider that-- subclass wise, we have a few options, listed in order of most to least likely (subjective.)

battle master - the most likely one to me, though now that sparrow seems to be set up as more of the leader than lark, that might change (though i do think that maybe sparrow just takes the head in talking since he's more. uh. sociable than everyone else rn LOL). given how much enemies monologue in dndads, 'know your enemy' would be a super useful skill, and i think if he was spec'd out similar to gerard from neverafter (mostly in the ability to grant other players extra attacks), this would make a lot of sense for him.

champion - listing this because on a meta-level, its extremely easy to play, which makes it an easy pick for anthony. however, i dont think it fits him character-wise because lark would never heal himself LMAO though, to be fair, i dont think the kiddads will ever level up that high

arcane archer - not the best subclass, but very cool to me, and fitting for how all of the kiddads are gun-heavy. banishing arrow would be super useful and fit the general theme of planes and dimensions.

eldritch knight - not as likely, but i think it would be sooo so cool for lark, especially if the eldritch part came from his connection to the doodler. ohhh the drama of gaining power from the eldritch being you swore to eradicate… plus, we get LARK CASTING MAGIC, even if its not as powerful as anything his family can do! so cool!!! this subclass isnt as good for range, but i could see anthony allowing war magic to apply to ranged weapons rather than just blades for the cool factor.

samurai - in general, this subclass is not lark. however, i wanted to mention it because i think their 18th level ability 'strength before death' specifically is very lark. basically, if you get knocked down to zero HP, you can use a reaction to get an entire turn and then you go into death saves. theoretically, you could use this to heal, but its lark - he absolutely would use it to go down swinging.

rogue - other people have made this point for me, but rogues are good for guns if you flavor hand crossbows as such. i actually dont really like rogue for lark, but i dont have a reason why LOL it just doesnt really? do it for me. however, i agree that its likely to fit due to what we know about lark, so i will play my own personal devil's advocate here. i think it makes sense for lark to be the sneaky attacker while the others draw most of the attention, especially since it seems like there would be three magic users (terry jr, nicky, and sparrow) in the group. magic can be used sneakily, but im sure nicky and sparrow at least would lean towards showiness, lol. plus, i think it would be really interesting to flavor 'slippery mind' as like, lark growing a resistance to the doodler after so many years under its influence! once again, subclasses are listed most likely to least likely.

assassin - this works from both an in-character and a meta standpoint, and from what i've seen, this is what people mean when they say lark should be a rogue. its an easy subclass to play, so its good for an NPC. character-wise, with lark's extreme paranoia, it makes sense that lark would spend time studying how to most efficiently kill people. he doesn't want to risk anyone in a drawn-out fight, he's not grant. he just wants things dead as fast as possible.

scout - am i just saying this one is likely being its the ranger-flavored rogue subclass? maybe. but like liSTEN LARK SHOULD BE A RANGER HE IS LITERALLY A RANGER HE IS-

phantom - not very likely, but SEVERELY COOL from a character standpoint. walk with me here. phantom is a rogue subclass where you talk to the dead, but imagine that reflavored as lark being able to talk to like, eldritch beings, even beyond the doodler? or like, maybe the spirits of those killed and used by the doodler? holy SHIT!! it would be COOL.

unfortunately none of this has an explanation on lark whistling a portal Which Is Why He Is A Horiz- [shot] im guessing he has a magical item tho!!!

[amplifyme]

17, 21, 25 for X-Files or BATB, or both or alternate-- you choose~.

I pick both! Thanks for the asks!

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

For TXF: I can't really ask for more when it comes to art; there are so many wonderful artists regularly gracing us with their talents. I do miss having more and newer Mulder as tortured profiling wonder-boy fics, though. There were scads of them back in the day, but now they're harder to come by.

BATB: this is an easy one. More Vincent and Diana fics and art. There's so little of it. 🥺

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

TXF: Don't hate me for this, but generally anything that happened after Je Souhaite, and particularly anything having to do with William. Sorry, not sorry. Not a fan of the Scully-Mulder love child. Neither the concept or the execution. We ain't even gonna talk about the revelation at the end of My Struggle IV. Nope.

BATB: Saint Catherine. Yes I loved her and appreciated the way she opened up a world of possibilities for Vincent, but man did she do a number on his psyche. She was not perfect. She was reckless and careless and often selfish. I loved her because Vincent did. But I will always love Diana more. She was exactly the kind of woman he needed, and at exactly the right time.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

TXF: Probably piss off some folks with this but... It's been 30 years. David and Gillian have moved on and are living lives that no longer include the other one - except on rare occasions. Let them be. Accept that the days of hearing news about them or seeing new pictures of the two of them together are pretty much done and gone.

BATB: That Vincent was just a normal guy who happened to have fur and fangs and claws. No, he wasn't. He was a Beast. Ron Koslow (the creator) said so. Ron Perlman (the actor who played him) said so. The writers on the show said so. The directors of the episodes said so. It wasn't called Beauty and the Beast on a lark.

Also, and repeating myself: Catherine was not perfect.

Also, no the show did not get more violent in the 3rd season. Vincent has been ripping bad guys to pieces from the very first episode. Deal with it. Or go watch the Disney versions instead.

Whew, got a little intense there. But I guess that was the point, huh? 🤣

[weird-unlimited-ramblings]

I’m gonna make a theory or headcanon about every Oak-Garcia . (Not counting Hilda, Barry, Birdy, or Autumn) this is the first post that I have made something darker, I added warning tags ,but this is also my first time using them. If I did something wrong feel free to correct me so I can edit the post.

Due to Henry and Mercedes living in Ecuador (with Birdie), neither of them know a lot about what happened to Hero. However, both of them know about how strained Normal and Hero’s relationship is and call frequently to give advice. They also talk with Hero a lot, who only really talks about her jobs. Both probably know it’s related to the doodler and something they are unaware of happening, but they tried pushing before and it didn’t work out well. They both just remind Hero and Normal that if they ever run into some trouble to call them.

Lark had always gotten obsessive about killing the doodler, but prior to “killing” Nick he was a lot better. After that night park finally crossed a line. Every negative trait in him got worse, and the good things began to fall away. Lark removed the safety from guns, he and sparrow harshened Hero’s training, his patience kept getting thinner.

Sparrow has always struggled with an alcohol addiction. The time normal remembers (mentioned in dance dance revelations (part 2 I think) is probably related to Hero’s mental breakdown at seeing the doodler. Or the thing I will be referencing in my section about Rebecca

Rebecca had known about the doodler, and didn’t know how hard Hero was being pushed (I need my kids to have one slightly redeemable parent). She was mostly at work or at home with Normal. When Hero came home after one of the trips and started crying for every night. Sparrow refused to talk about it. After things escalate Rebecca has a mental breakdown. Lark and Sparrow choose to stop Hero’ training and to also remove the memories of the doodler from Rebecca.

Hero has more jobs than just the internship and pizza delivery. She tries to keep herself busy so she never has to think about her own childhood, or her parents. She also likes that she’s making so much money. One she makes enough money to survive without her parents assistance she’s cutting contact fully with her family (including normal cause he’s a momma’s boy). She plans to get back in contact with him when he turns eighteen

Normal has connected sparrows’s pride and love together. He knows that even if his mom isn’t proud of him (she is) that she loves him whole heartedly. But he remembers being little and his dad looking at him weird, and always hanging out with Hero taking her out for ice cream (he wasn’t allowed to go.) When he finally got a properly relationship with Sparrow he connected it with something that had happened. He assumed that his dad was now proud of him.

The doodler definitely is gonna be defeated by Hero, if Normal goes full doodler. Cause the doodler above all wants to be loved, and it knows how much Hero feared it, knows how long she cried. Normal is her brother though, and in many ways her only family. The doodler is scary, but normal is a funny little freak. She’s gonna be terrified, but it’s her brother. The doodler wants to be loved, and Hero wants her brother back… any ways normal is gonna be the big sister of the doodler and they are gonna kick the oak twins in the crotch and then be siblings together. Happy happy happy

[sweetandsoursaws]

“Devang has killed most of her friends at least once. Charlie included.” Why is he saying this? Stop talking. Stop it. Lark against his better judgement grabbed another brownie to start eating very slowly, nibbles at a time. As if that’d FIX him being a dirty gossiper.

“Charlie don’ fuck around I don’ think. He’s gotta trust you.” That was at least not a demeaning or overly sensitive bit of info, probably.

Envy didn’t go ONLY for non-human types, that was just one of a list of things they tended to go for. Lark didn’t feel the need to elaborate on that bit, though. “See, Envy ain’t really sure, tha’s part of why it pisses them off so much. Cuz like, they were playin’ with Devang first. Then Stan comes aroun’ and makes Devang HIS favorite, and what makes her so special?”

Lark snorted and waved his hands. “But y’know, tha’ all’s gonna go to shit! Second Stan starts payin’ attention he’ll prolly flay Envy’s ass, cuz they already made a-“

what part. Of SHUT UP, LARK. Does he not uNDERSTAND. He clamped his mouth shut. Also about now he heard himself when he said “playing with Devang” and then LAUGHED? Like that was fucking chill????

Oh, we’re going to bottle the HELL out of that associated shame. No fucking thank you! Pretend everything you just said was tooootally normal.

But also.

“…don’ tell anyone I told yah any of this.”

"Nicer than most." Face scrunched up at the mention of Devang's name. "She's a bit of a cunt, but not a massive cunt." She had bought him a handful of drinks before, but, he still couldn't quite get a read on her.

Tutted, and mumbled to himself, "I was nice to him.."

Miles would end up propping his chin up in the palm of his hand, knee resting on his knee as he listened. Good intel and good gossip! Though, disappointing that Envy went for not-just-humans. "Forbidden fruit, I get it. Why the hell did Stan deem her off limits, though??"

[dykeyote]

what’s dndads about? i see a lot of posts about it and i’ve been wondering

EHEHEHE I LOVE DNDADS SO MUCH happy yo explain .... so its a dungeons and dragons actual play podcast, very comedic most of the times but DEFINITELY w its emotional moments just so u get a vibe . more silly than your average dnd podcast, but when it wants to devastate you it DEVASTATES YOU . the THEMES .... insane . gonna keep this fairly spoiler free in case u want to listen to it bc i do recommend it but if ur interested in my more spoilery thoughts ask away

theres two seasons and they both have pretty diff plots so ill describe them separately . season one is about four dads from our world who get transported into the forgotten realms on their way to a kids soccer game, and have to rescue their children who have been taken away by strange figures. the dads include henry oak (crunchy nature dad, very well intended but a huge pushover with his rowdy twin boys lark and sparrow), darryl wilson (VERY archetypal football lover type dad, his lack of emotional vulnerability with his son grant causes issues at times), glenn close (rock and roller dad, more of a friend to his son nick than a dad to the degree of being actively neglectful), and ron stampler (new stepdad to terry jr and Incredibly emotionally distant, hes like a sad little wet cat). through trying to get their kids back, their kids are fundamentally changed and traumatized throughout, and the themes of generational trauma are carried over into ......

season two!!!! which is currently running right now (: this features the grandkids of the original dads who are fighting to fix the post apocalyptic world that was caused at the end of season one, wont say how, and either help or destroy the eldritch monster looming over the world. the teens in this season include normal oak-swallows-garcia (a peppy school mascot teen who is obsessed w school spirit and is broadly disliked at his school. he's the son of sparrow oak-garcia (or possibly lark, its complicated) and strives for sparrow to be proud of him), lincoln li-wilson (a very stressed teen who ADORES soccer, almost as much as he loves his somewhat overprotective dads, one of which is grant), taylor swift (an anime-loving survivalist teen who is THE coolest kid in school . he doesnt know where his dad, nick close, is), and scary marlowe (a goth-punk girl whose entire life is about being the most sad and edgy and dreary girl alive . she used to be a pretty peppy soccer kid, until her stepdad (who she thinks is The Worst) terry jr entered the picture).

its a really fun podcast!!!! imo both seasons are Very good - some people strongly prefer one over the other, but i think theyre both really enjoyable (: but basically for the gist of it . first season is a quest to find these lost kids in a fantasyw orld, season two is more of a monster of the week type deal where the teens go to combat different monsters, though both scenes include having to find these things called "anchors" which are basically embodiments of certain emotions or relationships . however its not really ..... ABOUT that when you get into the themes - its more about family, and how generational trauma keeps moving forwards, and the ways parent-child relationships can strain and break and rebuild and Not rebuild.

[swordbreakerz]

for the headcanon game: dealers choice on whichever ff14 character u want, but if u can’t choose i giv u mr g’raha or miss alisaie or both who give a shit

I am kissing u on the forehead I love u I'm gonna do the twins and g'raha bc I do not know moderation

Alphinaud:

-realistic: trans. I am correct

-funny: absolute baby about strong flavors. mild seasoning king, his palate is so boring and lark teases the shit out of him for it

-heartwrenching: on the first, since it was just his soul made manifest and not his physical body, he had a flat chest and didn't have to bind. yes I made myself sad thinking about him getting used to it and then having to bind again when he gets back to his body on the source

-my city now: apprentices as a tattoo artist in his spare time! It's canon he's a great artist, and I've decided jessie (cids vice pres) has a fantasy tattoo gun and after lark asks her to tattoo him alphinaud starts learning how, and after he gains some skill and confidence he becomes larks exclusive tattoo artist he refuses to let anyone else do it

Alisaie:

-realistic: ripped. absolutely shredded. strongest teenager you've ever met. could bench press a kobold, also she's a lesbian

-funny: meticulous about keeping her hair nice, I don't think she gives a shit about being 'pretty' or 'ladylike' but keeping her hair healthy is a point of pride and she likes it when it looks nice even if the rest of her is scruffy

-heartwrenching: has chronic nightmares. I won't lie this piggybacks off a fic I once read, but I think after her grandfather leaves (who she was rly close to) she starts getting bad nightmares every now and then. at first they were about him getting hurt or dying, and then they were about alphinaud leaving her for awhile. They mellowed out for a bit but then returned tenfold after the calamity when her grandfather sacrificed himself to save eorzea. over the course of her adventures when she strikes out on her adventures they come and go, and they get better again when she reunites with alphinaud and joins the scions. they never really go away and some nights are worse than others, even driving her to force herself not to sleep, but her friends and family help best they can

-my city now: mildly dyslexic. she can normally read stuff like signs and menus if the text is big and clear, but struggles with small text and complicated/academic language and she prefers to be read to. a lot of how she survived school was alphinaud reading to her and helping her with notes and written assignments

G'raha:

-realistic: adhd/autistic king. this bitch has the biggest allagan/history special interest I've ever seen and he nervous stims by rubbing his arm

-funny: during his time as the crystal exarch he expanded his skillset to include magic and he's a pretty good black mage, but his application is SO clinical and academic it's almost funny. a lot of how he learned was from books and didn't get to practice irl much, or if he did he made sure to do it Just Right, this means he's rly well versed in theory but that lark could spellcast circles around him bc he's much more practical in how he uses magic and works in any and all street tricks he picks up from people he meets. lark teases him about this but can't actually offer much advice bc he primarily uses arcanima and elemental magic confuses the shit out of him

-heartwrenching: didn't have a lot of real friends before meeting the gang. he was the Weird Kid back home and was bullied or ignored a lot, and he had colleagues and stuff when he became a scholar and a historian but wasn't rly Friends with any of them, and once he met lark murleth and grestle during the crystal tower arc he's all 'oh huh, this is what friendship feels like' and has to lie down about it for awhile

-my city now: biggest case of city kid syndrome you've ever seen. couldn't set up a tent or make a fire if his life literally depended on it, lark takes him camping once and forces him to sit there and look pretty bc his wilderness survival skills don't span beyond telling the time by the sun, lark does manage to teach him some about edible flora tho and considers it a success

[abnormallyo-a-k]

guys guys please vote terrick I'm absolutely begging you

I'll do whatever you want, I can write fics I can draw (I'm working on requests as we speak) ILL DO ANYTHING PELASE VOTE TERRICK

my reasons?

they were best friends. they were absolutely best friends, Terry called Nicky his best friend. they were BEST friends and Terry IMMEDIATELY regretted what he did in the betrayal. it so clearly haunted him for years, considering the moment he died he hunted down Glenn to give himself the comeuppance he felt he deserved. He was ready, willing, and WANTED to pay for what he did. They so clearly have so much potential, a friends to enemies to lovers? mutual pining? betrayal turned love? GUYS THINK IT THROUGH

the potential, the angst, the working through things and the soft shit that could follow

give them a chance oh how I beg let me add to the propaganda, take my favourite headcanons : - When Terry had his goth phase in highschool, he taught himself to do makeup and dye hair. Whenever Nicky wasn't doing well or having difficulty dealing with the whole fucky timeline stuff, Terry would invite him over and basically do that hair therapy thing where he'd end up dying it to match whatever his own hair colour was at the time - and do some punkish makeup on him. - Terry held onto Nicky's inhalers for as long as he could until they expired after the betrayal, hoping that he could have them on hand if Nicky ever came back. Goes hand in hand with my other of he keeps the nameplate that was on his office door at DADDIES in a filing cabinet in his own office so it didn't get thrown away. - During highschool on, Nicky was one of the main people (aside from Terry's parents) who drove Terry around. Poor guy never got over that nat one. Nicky would tease the hell out of him and bitch and moan about it each time but he'd always be outside the stampler household waiting to pick him up. - Because of the fact Lark and Sparrow did NOT like "Nicholas" and his narc ways and because Grant was uh... not exactly all there after the chimera incident- I imagine that Terry and Nicholas spent a good bit of time together in Ravenloft. Part of it was to keep the twins away from Nicky because Terry was like a 13 year group mom but also because I think they had been like at least somewhat friends in the Jodie timeline before the soccer game. - And I mentioned this one in one of my posts but I stand by the idea that Terry was Nicky's best man at his wedding, and that he still has the photos of that day in his home office. He wanted Nicky to be his own, but then the betrayal happened and everyone split apart, and I don't think Terry had a best man when he married Veronica. - Nicky (As both Nick and Nicholas) had been Terry's unoffical "Second in Command" in Ravenloft. It was entirely different for both timelines as well. For Narcolas it was more of a "I'm gonna be bitchy to everyone, including you but it's different. Don't ask why. I'm your right hand man shut up- no this is happening because I'm so clearly fit to be in charge and not at all because I want to be around you more." and for Nicky it was just exactly what you'd picture it. Trying to do the same shit he did for Glenn in a different flavour and trying to find a way to impress Terry or get his attention. Trying to seem all cool and shit. Definitely more of a "Yeah I'm gonna bug the shit out of you so I can stay near you. You can not get rid of me because I will pester you nonstop, and because I just don't want to leave your side. Fuck you but hey stop walking away wait-" - Bonus: Nicky, post season 1 and when topside, would randomly show up to the stampler household unannounced and because Samantha is so good she just never questioned. Half the time Terry wouldn't be aware until he'd get up from his desk and turn around and scream at the sight of Nicky just lounging on his bed painting his nails. Nicky would then scold Terry for startling him and making him mess up his nails, as if he wasn't the one to scare the hell out of Terry.

[hope-to-hell]

This is absolutely, totally self-indulgent, a meditation on End of the World-verse August. He’s not a happy man, but he is a stubborn one. Songs in the Round. August Walker. Angst, mention of injury (including eye trauma), allusions to death and torture. August stands by the sea.

This is salt spray crusted thickly on your lashes, dear; you can pretend it isn’t mixed with tears, with the long-dark void behind your right eye dripping stars down your cheek. Love, you lost your binocular vision to infection, to cruelty, to torture or the vicious gift of a lover; the true cause doesn’t matter most of the time because what matters is the throbbing fevered ache that lasted days and days, the skull-splitting headaches, the visions thst you’d swear were real if only they made any sense.

Who do you see in the shadows at the edge of sight? Do you see

(Shh. Be good for me. It’s almost over.

Are you gonna look at me or do I need to cut your eyelids off?

Fear. A long fall. Pain, pain, pain— no longer registering as anything but a single white-hot spear.

Who are you?

John? No. Not now. Not now. Please.

August. Let it go.)

All this loss and for what? Oh sweet, you left so many dead in your wake and yet you cannot join them. Your work isn’t finished. If you are worn to stubs and trailing blood as you crawl across the floor, you will finish. your. work. There is no rest for you. Not now, not after what you’ve done, not with what you still have left to do.

What’s in your bag? Poison, paralytics, draughts to fire the nerves and bring terrible pulsing visions.

Nothing. Tools.

Asshole. Yeah, and what about it? Nobody ever got anything done by being kind. August, sweetheart, is that what you tell yourself at night? That everything you’ve done is for the job? You can’t be serious. You liked it, making your targets (victims. prey) squirm and writhe, making confessions fall from their lips, leaving their blood spattered on the ceiling. August, love. You’re not a good man. You’re hardly anything. You’re a ghost.

Here on the breakwater you can think and walk and think some more; you can listen to the crying gulls and the roar of waves and think about everything that’s happened. Even your bones are scarred and knotted; the cold bites deep and aching and you cannot ever get warm. Oh, you try— even with your scars there’s still so much of you that’s dangerous and virile, that still calls out to those who like to flirt with danger. Even now you can tilt your head and have a body in your bed just like that. But they never stay, do they? What’s alluring under neon lights is ghastly in the morning and it isn’t the scars. You could look any kind of way and it would be the same; your anger clings to you like tar and it makes you awful.

Weak.

Hey John. Hey Mr. Lark. You thought it wouldn’t be easy— not exactly— but you thought the pieces all were lining up. You thought you could burn the world, not in a blaze but in a slow smoulder. Poisoning the wellspring seemed like such a good idea until you failed.

Listen. No. It wasn’t about that. Kashmir was supposed to be a stepping stone. Great suffering for great peace? It’s all bullshit. The plan was—

What? You had a plan? August, love, what else could possibly have come from that?

I wasn’t even supposed to be there. But Lane and his fucking vendetta— Oh, sweetheart. You really thought you could do it. Throw your benefactor to the wolves, let him be taken away in irons or better yet a body bag, and then what? Other schemes, other plans, other deaths; you were never one to spare the innocent if they were in your path. But what was the goal?

I don’t—

You do. And it’s so fucking cliche it hurts. You had a lover, a voice in your ear, a warm body in your bed. You had a lover, and then you didn’t. You had a little smear of blood and a torn shirt and a so it goes from all your higher-ups. And you were what, twenty-four? Twenty-five? Still wet behind the ears, still almost kind, still whoever you were before August settled on your shoulders like a mantle. And you know what? August had the skills, the drive, the viciousness to go where you could not. August, John, Stephen, Walt— each of them gets you a little closer to what you want and a little further from what you need. But listen. You can never shed your skin again. You’re August til the end, until the worms come for you. You’re stuck, love, all alone and aching.

This is

(you in Corolla with the wind in your hair; your eye is gone

No it isn’t

Your scars creep like vines up your arms

Getting closer

Your hands and feet are pricked with holes and if you can’t hear the gulls anymore it’s because of the roar of blood in your ears)

you in Corolla and if you thought about walking into the ocean til it closed over your head, you couldn’t. Because you are a fighter, dear, whoever you are and whoever you have yet to become. Every bit of you is aching and spiderwebbed with cracks, but you will carry on because it’s what you do. You bear eternity in the persistence of your ragged breaths. Oh, love, you are a mess. You’re a song in the round, looping and repeating but every iteration changes by degrees and someday you will no longer be recognizable as August. Someday you will be—

An angel? A demon? An epitaph? Perhaps. But maybe— maybe— love, if you look out toward the sea the sun is rising. Light glitters on the waves and all your broken shards; it flows like liquid gold and if you are strong enough, brave enough, determined enough— maybe— maybe— you can put yourself together again. There’s so little of you left, but love, you are a fighter.