#i was discussing all the concerts i had been to and i mentioned off hand that i was way more hyped for maisie than taylor

[vogelmeister]

this is gonna sound so trivial so hear me out but i do not like it when somebody knows im a taylor swift fan and then they boil me down to the point where thats my only personality trait and i can’t like anything else more than i like taylor swift.

[burnthatbridge]

if you love him let him go (if you love him let him know) 

pre-buddie, bucktommy | T | 3k | angst, pining tommy needs to tell eddie something not on ao3 atm because i can't figure out if this is done or if i'm continuing it - please let me know your thoughts! now on ao3 because i hate not having all my fic in one place

“Can I get you another beer, man?”

Eddie checks his watch. It’s only a little after nine thirty. He’s kind of hoping to get home before Chris goes to sleep, but he’ll not be heading to bed any time soon, will likely stay up later than Eddie. Friday night means he disregards his supposed bedtime — not that he sticks to it that well on school nights, now he’s sixteen. “Sure, thanks.”

Tommy nods, disappears into the kitchen, returns a moment later with a can of IPA in one hand, a bottle of lager in the other. They’ve already finished the six-pack Eddie brought over, but trust Buck — well, Buck and Tommy — to have Eddie’s favorite beer in their fridge. Tommy hands over the can, already cracked open, and Eddie takes a sip as Tommy settles down at the opposite end of the couch. He doesn’t turn to face the TV, sits twisted towards Eddie instead, but he does pick up the remote and turn down the volume, the post-fight commentary rendered nearly unintelligible. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Eddie twists towards Tommy himself, something not-quite-anxious-but-almost flaring in his chest. Over the years they have been friends, he and Tommy have spoken about lots of things, including those not so easy to discuss: their respective experiences in the army, Tommy’s tough childhood, Eddie’s difficult parents, the hard aspects of the job. But they’ve all been topics that have come up naturally, raised organically. Tommy has never led into anything with such a pointed opener before.

Eddie studies him. He has one knee pulled up on the couch cushion, foot poking out off the end, the other foot planted on the floor, nearly parallel to the base of the couch. One arm is up on the backrest, the other relaxed, beer bottle in that hand, resting on his thigh, dripping condensation painting a charcoal ring on his — probably Buck’s, in fact, given how tight the fabric is stretched over the muscle of his leg — grey sweats. He’s not tense, but he’s not smiling, and there’s something about his expression that Eddie can’t place. It’s not that he hasn’t seen this look before, because he’s pretty sure he has, witnessed it in flickers across numerous occasions over the years, there and then gone, present for but a heartbeat. But he’d never known what it meant any of those times and he certainly doesn’t now.

“'Course,” Eddie says, when Tommy doesn’t go on, seems to be waiting for some kind of sign. Then adds, feeling like it’s necessary given the gravity he can feel pulling this lightsome evening down to something more serious.  “Anything.”

Tommy sighs, bites his lip like he doesn’t want to speak, even though he’s the one who said he wanted to talk, then shakes his head and takes a pull of his beer.

“Is everything okay?” Eddie’s starting to feel worried now. He mentally scans back over the past few weeks, trying to remember if Tommy has mentioned anything about work that could be a problem. He saw him at basketball last week, and nothing had seemed off. Plus, Buck hasn’t said anything. Not that he’d necessarily tell Eddie about an issue Tommy was having, not if Tommy wanted it kept private, but Eddie can usually tell when Buck’s concerned about someone, and he hasn’t picked up on anything, not at all. 

But maybe this isn’t about a problem Tommy is having. Maybe this is a Buck problem, something Buck has kept from Eddie. It would make sense why Tommy would bring it up with him; sometimes a concerted, multi-person effort is the only way to get through to Buck. And Tommy’s more likely to bring in Eddie first, and then expand the team to include Maddie, Chim, more, as needed. 

“Is Buck okay?” Eddie asks, something like panic constricting his throat, making the words come out a little strangled. 

Tommy actually laughs at that, a small, choked thing, an exhale of sound and air. He shakes his head again, but not a no. More like an extension of the laugh, a motion to accompany it, to better convey the disbelief — not humor — contained in it. “He’s fine.”

It’s a relief to hear. Buck had seemed physically okay, when Eddie had seen him briefly before he left the house, since he’d maybe purposefully waited to order his Uber until Buck pulled up in his jeep outside, despite Christopher’s insistence he didn’t need to wait for Buck to arrive, despite the fact that his kid is more than old enough to be left in the house alone for the twenty minutes it would have taken Buck to drive over, while Eddie was ferried the opposite way. But there could still have been something, Buck could have been fighting through pain, much better at hiding any hurt of his body than he is at masking his emotional distress. 

“But,” Tommy says, and that one word is enough to have Eddie’s muscles tightening once more, “It is Evan I wanted to talk about.”

Again, Tommy doesn’t follow it up with anything. Eddie has found, in their time as friends, that Tommy is not often a man lost for words. Quite the opposite, in fact. He usually says what he means, means what he says, and is an expert at listening and delivering sage advice. This reticence– it doesn’t feel like it bodes well, has the hair on the back of Eddie’s neck prickling.

“Alright,” Eddie says, a feeble prompt. “So, Buck?”

Tommy nods, like he’s gearing himself up for something, to face a challenge, to take a punch. Eddie is expecting something bad, so the words he says catch him even more off guard than they would have. “I want to ask Evan to marry me.”

Maybe if Tommy had seemed eager, excited, when he turned to him, Eddie could have anticipated the blow, could have felt a creeping suspicion this is where Tommy was headed, could have been provided with enough of a heads-up to brace himself. As it is, he doesn’t see the hit coming, takes it full force to the chest, so hard it steals his breath, knocks the wind from him. His mouth goes slack, and he feels his fingers slide against the slippery sides of his beer can, almost spills it over Tommy and Buck’s lounge carpet before he gets a hold on it, on himself. He forces himself to smile. “That’s– that’s great,” he makes himself say, only faintly aware that Tommy isn’t smiling back, like this moment should call for. “Did you–” he swallows around the bile climbing his esophagus, “Do you want help planning the proposal?” He wishes he could take the words back the second they’re out. Because this — just hearing that Tommy wants to ask Buck — is torture enough. To be involved with it, to help enable it, Eddie will be lucky if it doesn’t kill him. Maybe not his body, but certainly his soul. 

“No.” Tommy shakes his head. “No, I want to ask him to marry me. But I’m not going to. At least, not now.”

Eddie squints at him. The news that Tommy wants to marry Buck might hurt Eddie, but it’s not exactly surprising. Eddie’s seen how much Tommy cares for him in the years they’ve been together, has seen the way he looks at him, the way they look at each other. Has felt the way it burns him, the scorching heat of flame, the searing cold of ice. He doesn’t understand what Tommy is saying, doesn’t understand why this proclamation seems not to be a happy one. “Why not?” Eddie asks, almost grateful for the opportunity to present confusion, curiosity, rather than forced pleasure at the thought of one of his closest friends and his– best friend marrying each other. “You guys are serious. I mean, you live together.”

Tommy huffs another laugh, still more disbelief than humor, really the opposite of humor. “His lease was up.”

“Right. But he chose not to renew it. He chose to move in with you,” Eddie says, slow, struggling to understand, the pounding of his pulse not helping him think clearly, see through the puzzle that is everything Tommy has said so far and the way he has said it. 

“He was never going to renew it,” Tommy tells him.

And that’s– that’s something Eddie didn’t know. He hates it when he learns information about Buck from Tommy, always has, even though he fights with everything in him not to feel like that. Tommy is Buck’s boyfriend, of course he’s going to know things about him that Eddie doesn’t, know him in a way that Eddie doesn’t. 

“We hadn’t spoken about living together,” Tommy says, eyes on Eddie. “But he’d said he thought the loft was too expensive and he was spending nearly every night at mine by that point. When he wasn’t on shift. Or at yours.” Eddie pulls his eyes away, takes a sip from his beer for something to do, even though the bitter taste is turning his stomach. “He said he wasn’t going to renew it, that he’d look for somewhere new, cheaper. But this was too close to the end of his lease to find a place before he had to move out. I asked where he was going to stay in the meantime.”

“And he said with you,” Eddie guesses, more a statement than a question.

But Tommy shakes his head. A smile curls his lips but his eyes– his eyes don’t match. “He said he’d crash on your couch, actually.”

Eddie takes another mouthful of beer, holds it there, on the back of his tongue. He didn’t know any of this. Buck would, of course, have been more than welcome. Likely why he hadn’t asked in advance, why he planned for it without seeking permission. 

“I said he could stay with me, instead. That he’d be able to sleep in a bed here.” Eddie swallows, the beer somehow thick and cloying in a way that it shouldn’t be. “And then when he started making noises about looking for a new place, I told him he should stay.”

While it’s not how Eddie had, unwillingly, pictured it in his head — Tommy and Buck mutually agreeing that Buck shouldn’t renew his lease, deciding they wanted to live together — it still doesn’t explain what Tommy has said. “And he did stay,” Eddie says. “So, why aren’t– Does Buck not want to get married?” But that can’t be it, that can’t be right. Eddie is certain Buck does want to be married, only he’d tried hard not to think of Buck wanting that with Tommy, with anyone. Anyone else. 

“No, he does,” Tommy confirms it. He leans over and deposits his beer on the coffee table. Then sits back, still turned to Eddie, but arms crossed over his chest, like a protection of himself. “We’ve spoken about it, discussed it. And he’s told me he’s always wanted that, to get married, to be part of a family.” Tommy pops one hand out of the fold of his arms to hold it up, out, quelling, like Eddie has protested. He hasn’t, but his heart is doing something approximating a riot at the idea of Tommy being Buck’s family. “And I know he has a family. He knows he does. In you and Chris, in Maddie and Jee, in the 118. But–” Tommy breaks off, tips his head to the side, gaze boring into Eddie’s face so strong that Eddie wishes he could turn away, duck and run. “You know how much he’s always wanted to belong somewhere.”

He does, Eddie thinks, the thought almost violent in its intensity. He belongs with me. Except, he doesn’t. Not really, not how Eddie wants, not the way he does with Tommy.

“And I want that for him,” Tommy goes on, tucking his hand back in, squeezing his arms tighter about himself. Eddie’s never seen him like this, hunched in on himself, curled small. Tommy is usually so open, larger than life. “I want to be the one to give that to him.”

Eddie wants to be the one to give that to him. Desires it desperately, a secret need he’s tucked as far inside himself as he can. He can feel it now, raging to be let out, to be set free. But he can’t, he won’t. Buck is with Tommy, he’s happy with Tommy. Tommy who is so warm and kind and good, Tommy who is better than Eddie in every conceivable way, who brings so much to Buck’s life, who gives all of himself to Buck. Who wants to give him even more. Wants to, but apparently won’t.

Eddie doesn’t understand. “Then, if you want to, why won’t you ask him?” he questions, trying to. 

“If I ask him now, he’ll say no.” Tommy states it like indisputable fact, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world that Buck would refuse him. 

Eddie shakes his head, understanding even less. “But he loves you.”

Tommy smiles again, then, larger than he had before, but as devoid of happiness, as empty of cheer. This smile hurts to see, reflects the way Eddie felt inside when Tommy had said I want to ask Evan to marry me. “I know he does.” Tommy’s tone is sure, but wistful. “But he loves you more.”

It’s like– It’s like nothing Eddie has ever felt. Or maybe it’s like everything he’s ever felt. The shock of a residual lightning bolt, the joy of being a part of the 118, the pain of a bullet ripping through his shoulder, the awe of holding his son for the first time. Eddie wants Tommy’s words to be true maybe more than he’s ever wanted anything. But he also cannot believe them, has no trust that they are true. Because they can’t be. Buck loves Tommy. Not Eddie. 

“We’re friends. Best friends,” Eddie points out. “Of course, he– he loves me. But not more. Not like he loves you. He’s in love with you.”

Tommy sighs, arms uncrossing, palms coming to rest on his thighs, body taking on a posture Eddie is familiar with, the one he falls into when he’s talking someone through something, the one he adopted when Eddie came out to him some six months ago. “Eddie, he’s in love with you.”

Eddie shakes his head. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear, but coming from the wrong lips. Spoken by not by Buck himself but by Buck’s boyfriend, oh god. “He isn’t. Tommy, he can’t be.” 

But Tommy is nodding, nodding like what he’s said is true, like he wants Eddie to believe it. 

“He’s not,” Eddie says, hears the denial, the disbelief spill from him. Buck doesn’t love him. He doesn’t. But Eddie– Eddie loves– “I’m sorry,” Eddie says, almost a gasp. “Tommy, I’m sorry, I–”

“It’s not your fault,” Tommy cuts him off. “I knew what I was getting into. When I started seeing Evan, I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. I just–” Tommy sighs again, scrubs his palms along his thighs. “I didn’t expect it to get this far. I thought we’d just be a fun, easy thing. Something to ease Evan into his sexuality, that new part of himself. I didn’t expect it to go like this. I didn’t expect to feel like this.” Tommy closes his eyes, lashes falling to his cheeks. He breaths in and out, while Eddie’s own breath is caught in his chest. When Tommy opens his eyes, he says, “But I don’t have to tell you how easy it is to love him.”

Fuck. Tommy knows. Because Eddie does. He loves Buck, loves him so endlessly he doesn’t know where the feeling starts and where it ends. Doesn’t know when it started; doesn’t think it will ever end. “I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers, needing to say the words again, needing Tommy — his friend — to hear them. 

Tommy lifts one palm from his thigh, his wrist pressing into the muscle as he cuts his fingers to the side in a dismissal. “Don’t apologize for it. I’m certainly not going to. I’m never going to be sorry for loving him.” He drops his hand back down, pats his leg, emphasis of the point. “But it is a problem.” He smiles, rueful. “I thought I’d be able to break up with him, if he didn’t break up with me. I should have, ages ago. I certainly should have when you came out.” 

Eddie, selfishly, had hoped Buck would break up with Tommy then. But it had seemed like a farfetched fantasy. He had told Buck he was queer after Buck had already moved in with Tommy. He’d admitted it to himself, to Frank, before that, but hadn’t told anyone else for weeks. In hindsight, sometimes he figures he’d left it too late, but most of the time he didn’t think it would have made a difference at all. But now, with what Tommy has told him, maybe it would have. It’s a knife sliding between Eddie’s ribs to think maybe. Maybe.

“But I didn’t.” Tommy looks resigned, shoulders drooping. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Eddie needs to know. It seems like Tommy has known for years that Eddie has loved Buck. Loves Buck. I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. So why is he only bringing it up now?

“Because I didn’t. Because I can’t. I can’t break up with him. But I want to move forward. And I want to do so with him, for us to further our life together. But if I ask him to marry me when he doesn’t know for sure that you’re not an option, he’ll say no.”

Fear freezes Eddie’s insides. “So, what– what are you asking me to do?” Because Tommy is asking something of Eddie, wants something. Something Eddie fears he will have to make himself give.

Tommy straightens up, shoulders rolling back. He’s serious, solemn but not demanding or pleading when he says it. A devastating request. “I’m asking you, as my friend, to let him go.”

Eddie could be sick, he thinks, could vomit up the three and a quarter beers and the half a dozen chicken wings he’s consumed since he got to Tommy and Buck’s place. Could spill the mess of his insides up all over himself, all over Tommy, all over their lives. Tommy is his friend, was his friend before he was ever Buck’s boyfriend. Eddie should do this thing for him. Should give Buck his blessing to marry Tommy, give Buck up, give him over, completely, to this man who has loved him so well for the past three years. Eddie should; in his gut he knows it would be the right thing to do. But his heart– his heart is in revolt. It’s Buck. He loves him. How can he ever let him go?

Tommy leans forward, places a hand on Eddie’s leg, squeezes his fingers around the ball of his kneecap, until Eddie lifts his gaze and meets his eyes. “Or,” he says, somehow even more serious, “I am telling you, as your friend, to go and get him.”

[deanssluvr]

thought you were made for me

part 2 | part 3

pairing: brother’s bsf!Joost Klein x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol

word count: 2.4k

a/n: this is my first fic so please be nice. I didn’t really expect to write more than 500 words lmao. Also, this isn’t proofread sorry. I plan on writing a part 2 for this.

It had already been a long and tough week. With just finishing the last of your final exams the week prior. Each exam felt like it took years off of your life. And the week itself felt as though it would never end. Not even mentioning the multiple all-nighters you pulled to study before. But when it was finally over you were beyond ecstatic. And now you got to finally be at home and relax.

It was relatively quiet morning. You had decided to stay in the comfort of your blanket for a while longer before deciding to head down to the kitchen. There you were greeted by your brother Ethan and his best friend Joost. They were making breakfast. Well, it was just your brother cooking and Joost waiting patiently. Ever since Joost finished touring, he’d been spending a lot of time at your house. Spending multiple nights in your guest room. Your parents never really minded because he was nice and respectful. Usually, they’re in your brother’s room playing video games or out doing something. You never really got the chance to see him a lot since you were off to college. But you were hoping that would change now that you were home.

“Good morning.” Joost smiled softly. Ethan turned away from the stove briefly to tell you good morning and offered you breakfast. You nodded and turned back Joost. He was sipping a cup coffee and the steam was slightly fogging up his glasses. He took them off and set them on the counter beside him.

“Good morning Joost.” You returned the smile. He moved next to you from where he was standing. 

“And how are you this morning?” he asked in a low tone. His voice was still laced with sleep.

“I’m good. Just glad to be back home. How are you this morning.” You looked up at him and through tired eyes.

“Better now,” he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. It caught you off guard. Was he flirting with you? Before you can finish that thought your brother hands you both a plate of food. You thanked him and they walk out of the kitchen to the dining room. Leaving you to your thoughts.

—

Later on that day, you called your best friends. They discussed with you their plans with their newfound freedom. You were shocked at their ideas. Party here and bar hop there. You thought they were just as exhausted as you. The idea of getting wasted as a celebration wasn’t your favorite idea. You just wanted to catch up on sleep.

“But we’ve been doing nothing but staying in our dorms for finals. We NEED to go out,” she stated.

“I know. I know. But maybe we could do something a bit more laid back. Like the movies or that festival that’s in town.” I practically pleaded with them. But it was no use. They weren’t changing their minds, and I was outvoted two to one. The conversation shifted back to their ideas for celebration for the next few days.

After agreeing to meet up this weekend, you said your goodbyes to your friends and hung up the phone. But quickly after your brother texts you.

hey Joost has a concert tonight. i have an extra ticket. wanna go with me?

You thought about it for a good moment. You just wanted to get some extra sleep tonight, but on the other hand, you haven’t spent much time with your brother since you left for college. And now is a better time than ever to make up for lost time. Also, you just wanted another excuse to see Joost.

ofc sounds like fun

it’s tonight at 8. i’ll pick you up at 7

You texted him “okay” before setting your phone back down, and finished making yourself lunch.

—

As leaned over the sink, you checked your makeup one last time in the mirror. You used your nail to fix your lipstick. You stepped back to look over your overall outfit and decided you were happy with the outcome. You sprayed a bit of your favorite perfume on yourself. Checking the time you realized you were ready a bit early, so you sat in your living room. You started scrolling through Instagram as you waited. Then a notification popped up in your phone.

hey i’m outside.

You quickly checked your appearance once last time in a nearby mirror and checked your purse to make sure you had everything. When you felt satisfied with everything you grabbed your keys and left the house.

The ride to the venue was relatively smooth. You talked about what you’d miss in each other’s lives. He explained to you how he just found a new job as a bartender at a new bar downtown. He also told you how he was saving up for a new place. You told him that you were really happy for him. When he asked about you, you told him about how you just finished up finals week and now you finally have time off. He gave you a small chuckle and congratulated you.

—

The outdoor venue was packed that night and people were trying to rush to the front. You’re glad your brother was there as he kept a secure grip on you and was able to push you both to the barricades near the stage. It was extremely humid that night with a faint smell of weed and cigarette smoke clogging the air.

The lights dimmed slightly and you heard a beat starting to play over the speakers. You could feel the anticipation from the crowd and it made you even more excited as you leaned forward on the barricade. Then Joost ran on stage. Blue flashing lights engulfed him as he started performing and the crowd, including yourself, began jumping to the beat.

Once the energy died down slightly, you were able to take him in. His outfit was really simple tonight. He was in a white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up giving us a glimpse at the tattoos that littered his arms, a pair of baggy jeans, and his black thick-rimmed glasses that were fogging up every so often. Something was enticing about him and you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

You had never heard his music before, but that didn’t stop you from letting loose. Everyone around you on the other hand, including your brother, is yelling the lyrics word for word. Joost takes notice of this and walks further downstage towards your brother, acknowledging him and smiling. Now you were able to get a good look at his face. He is even prettier up close you thought to yourself. Then he looks over to you, holding eye contact for just a split second before giving you a wink and continuing his performance. You were in utter disbelief at the encounter. You honestly thought you had imagined it. You were pulled back to reality when the loud beat of the next song started pouring into your ears.

—

“Did you enjoy the concert?” your brother asked as you both walked to his car. You were still feeling the buzz of the concert. It felt like the night shouldn’t end here. Maybe because you wanted to see Joost again.

“Yes, I did! His music is so good. I had an amazing time.” You left out the part about him winking at you, but you felt that you should keep that bit of information to yourself.

“Well, I’m glad that you had a good time.” His phone chimed with a notification. As he checked it you decided to check your phone. Your friends were blowing up your phone about the concert. They loved Joost so they wanted to know how it went. As you texted them back, your brother spoke.

“Hey, Joost is having a little after-party at a club nearby. He’s asking if the both of us wanted to go.“ You considered it for a moment. You did want to see him again. But when you did what would you say? Maybe he does this to all of his fans. Your brother senses your indecisiveness and tries to help.

“You don’t have to go. I would understand. I mean you’re not close to him. I just asked because he said he wanted to see you.” You were surprised at his request.

“No. I want to. I would love to go.” You stated as you gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded as he started the car towards the new destination.

— 

Your eyes scan over the scene. A DJ was blasting music over the speakers, but it was more near the dance floor. The place was dim with small, warm lights keeping tables and the lit. You follow your brother as he leads you to a table that seats a few guys. When you got close enough you realized it was Joost and who you assumed were a few of his friends. He loudly acknowledged your brother as they shared an embrace. They share a few words before he sees you.

“Hey. I’m glad you came.” he hugged you and you embraced him back. He smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, but it didn’t bother you. You liked it. You both lingered for what was probably a moment too long before he let go. You looked over to your brother and saw that he went to talk to the other guys at the table. Leaving you with Joost. 

His eyes slowly scanned over you as he took in your appearance. Once his eyes reached yours, you noticed a different look in his eyes. Almost like hunger. Being under his gaze almost made you feel nervous.

“Come sit with me and let me pour you a drink.” He didn’t give you much of a choice as he grabbed your wrist lightly, his fingers brushing against your palm. He guided you to sit with him in the booth. He pulled you close enough to the point that your thighs were touching. You liked around and realized it was just the two. You scan the place and see your brother and his other friends have run off to the bar. Probably to do shots you thought to yourself. 

You focused your attention back to Joost who was carefully pouring you both a drink. Though it was hard to see, a small dim light slightly lit up his face allowing you to still see his face. His hair was even messier than it was at the concert but he still looked amazing. You notice his strikingly delicate features and his captivating eyes that seem to sparkle under the light. Your eyes then trace down his arms and you take note of the tattoos that are there.

“Here.” He pulls you out of your trance by handing you a glass with brown liquor in it. You take the glass from him, your finger faintly brushing his. You didn’t drink much and when you did it was mainly vodka. Nonetheless, you drank it anyway. He watched as you took a sip and smiled when you seemed to enjoy it. He drank some of his own before turning to you.

“Did you enjoy tonight’s show?” He leaned in closer making sure you heard his question. 

“Yes, I did. Your music is really good. I wish I had discovered your music sooner.” Even with how dark it is you notice the smile he gave you.

“I'm happy you had a good time. You know I know we don’t know each other that well, but I would love for us to get closer.” Once again he leaned in, but this time it was in your ear. His warm breath against your ear sent goosebumps across your skin. As he leaned back to look at you, he stopped just inches away from your face. You can faintly feel his breath against your lips. You swear can see his eyes glance at your lips for a second before looking back into your eyes. His expression changed again into what you saw when he first greeted you. Hunger. His eyes were focused on yours and it made you nervous. The air suddenly changed. It felt more thicker and warmer.

“Let’s go dance.” He offered his hand as he slid out of the booth. You smiled and took his hand. He guided you to the crowd on the dance floor and pushed you both near the center. There was a dark blue light that engulfed everyone. The beat took over you as you started dancing. You let your hips away to the rhythm. You felt Joost’s hands find their way to your waist, and he pulled you closer to him. 

You continue to dance against him, grinding on him. His hands started to explore your body as they found themselves on your hips, and then slowly went down to the hem of your short skirt. His fingers found their way under and he started to rub the soft skin. His head found its way closer to the crook of your neck. You feel his warm breath on your collarbone as he speaks.

“Ik heb je nodig (I need you)” He breathes into your neck and it sends shivers down your spine. With the light grip he has on you, he turns around so now you’re facing him. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you. Your faces are inches away from each other. The air around you is hot and thick. You look into his eyes and see the same familiar look as before. Even under the lights, you can see his pupils blown with lust. 

You don’t know if it was the alcohol but you felt bold. So you pulled him into a kiss which he happily accepted. His hands moved from the hem of your skirt up to the curve of your ass where he squeezed lightly. The kiss became more intense as you both realized how hungry you were. Your hands found their way to his hair and you pulled gently at the white locks. He pulled away only to say something.

“We should take this somewhere else.” He suggested between pants. You nod quickly. He takes your hand and guides you off the dance floor. Your head was buzzing and you felt as though you were caught in a haze. He leads you back to the table and you see your brother and some of his friends there with a few girls. Joost let go of your hand only for a moment when telling your brother that you were both leaving early. He told him you weren’t feeling good. Surprisingly he wasn’t suspicious of anything and only told you both to drive safe. With that, you and Joost make your way to his car. You both get settled in before he looks over at you.

“My place or yours liefje (sweetheart)”

[icarus-n-flames]

I posted about this on twitter but I had another idea that came to me. I know we all do love ourselves a clueless Charles, but what about Edwin? Stick with me here, this is inspired by true events.

I want to see a version of Edwin that is so consumed by his love for Charles and the tiny ache of how it might never be, who completely misses the memo that he HAS what he wanted. He overhears Charles talking to a client or someone saying that he couldn’t make a concert or whatever because he had a date with his partner and Edwin is just distraught and distracted. It was fine when no labels were involved, he could pretend that it was fine and he wasn’t bothered but wasn’t a label more serious?

Tired of the mood swings, cagey behavior and solemn looks, Charles eventually confronts him. Immediately Edwin makes a snide remark about how Charles must be quite busy with Crystal and whatever Charles thinks is happening they can discuss it later.

Charles is proper confused at this point and is like “Did she need something? Why would I be busy with Crystal?”

And at this point Edwin is trying very hard to look unbothered while flipping through a tome on idk cryptid feeding habits and mating rituals. “Well, she is your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

Now Charles is even more confused. His boyfriend is sitting here saying he’s dating someone else. For a minute he’s fairly certain he’s being accused of cheating but he remains calm. “Mate, that’s been over for like a year. What are you on about?”

Edwin honestly feels like he wants the earth to swallow him whole because not only is Charles dating someone, it’s someone he doesn’t even know. Was Charles worried about him meeting them? Was he trying to spare his feelings? He sets the book down, adjusting his cuff that does not need it before saying as nonchalantly as he can. “I heard you mention a partner the other day is all.”

“I mean yeh, you. What about it?”

Edwin can’t help but sigh and stand from the desk at this point. “Not that kind of partner Charles, don’t be daft. You’re courting someone, dating…”

At this point Charles can’t be sure if he’s frustrated or amused. He places a hand to one of Edwin’s shoulders, keeping him from storming off somewhere. He says as slowly as he possibly can, making sure he looks Edwin right in the eyes. “I was talking about you.”

Edwin freezes because wait, had he really said that and then he just blurts the loudest, most confused “WHAT?!” He’s been tearing himself to shreds inside for MONTHS.

“We’ve been dating for like…6 months, Edwin, what do you mean “what?” and now they’re both confused because somewhere along the line Charles thought he was being very clear about his intentions but Edwin didn’t realize anything had changed. He’d thought everything was normal. As much as he was conscious about Charles’ touches he always told himself he was in denial and Charles thought Edwin was just a old fashioned sort and would need a lot of time if not an eternity of time to really progress their relationship beyond a the barest of kinship and occasional flirting and hand holding.

No idea exactly how the initial conversation went that made Charles like “Bet, we’re dating now” and Edwin just miss it entirely. If someone has any ideas feel free to share lmaooo.

[kiwisugarhighs]

Raid The Closet

Summary: Harry being away is hard on his kids, so until he comes home, they develop a tradition every night he plays.

Warnings: fluff, dadrry, brief mentions of underwear/nudity

Word Count: 882

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I've been down in the dumps lately so my motivation to post anything has been low :(

masterlist

"Alright, everyone. Sit up straight for Daddy! He's calling soon!"

Your kids were buzzing with excitement as they waited patiently for the phone to ring. They were in their pajamas, ready for their concert tradition with Harry. They huddled around your laptop, holding their tea or stuffed animals as they discussed what Harry might have in store for them tonight.

The time change was difficult when he was on the other side of the world, but Harry always made time for the kids. If he had to call early in the morning, he would. If he had to call in the middle of a workout, he would. Harry took the moments he could spend with his family seriously, even if he was on the other side of the world.

You stood in the kitchen making some tea for yourself when your oldest shrieked: "He's calling Mummy!"

"Do you remember how to answer the phone?" You asked from around the corner.

"Yes!" They all responded.

"Okay, go ahead and answer. I'll be right there!"

There was a brief moment of eager silence when the kids picked up. You smiled to yourself and finished making your drink when you heard Harry's voice through the phone.

"Hi Daddy!" The kids said. "We miss you!"

"I miss you too! How is school?" He asked.

The kids rambled excitedly about science projects and book reports and choir performances and Harry listened enthusiastically to every word. He nodded eagerly and demanded pictures for every new accomplishment. When he watched you walk into frame, his already joyful face lit up even more.

"Hello, love." He said to you.

"Hi, baby. Where are you right now?"

"I'm backstage actually. Do you want to see?" he asked.

"Yes!" The kids watched intently as they got the tour of the small green room.

Harry showed them their drawings pinned on the wall and the teddy bear the picked out before he left sitting on the couch. When he set his phone up again, he was sitting on that same couch, holding the bear from his children.

"Okay, now that Mummy's here, I need your help deciding what to wear."

Harry rifled through his tour closet through jumpsuits, leather pants, and t-shirts. He showed the kids every single one, listening closely to their approval or disapproval. He loved this tradition with his family. It made them feel closer to him than they really were. He could connect with his kids consistently through this practice.

After a few minutes of searching, Harry set out the top three choices.

"Okay, which one out of all these?" The kids turned to you and huddled close.

"I like the teddy bear t-shirt." Your youngest said.

"Me too!" Said the oldest.

"I like the pink pants." Offered the middle child.

"I think that's a perfect outfit! Are you ready to tell Daddy what you think?" The kids nodded to you and turned around again to face Harry.

"Okay, baby. The kids have made their choice!"

"Alrighty, lay it on me!" He shouted dramatically, making the kids giggle.

"We want the teddy bear t-shirt and the pink pants!" Said the youngest. The kids all had their hands folded in anticipation while Harry set out their choice.

"Hmm." He pretended to think. "Let me try it on for you."

Harry disappeared off camera for a minute before coming back to grab his clothes. He tossed his old shirt across the camera, putting on a show for the kids. His pants went flying off next, and your youngest couldn't contain the laughter falling from their lips.

"Daddy's naked Mummy!" They all shrieked, laughing harder than before.

"Just in my underwear! But not for long!" Harry shouted distantly off camera.

After a moment of silence, Harry poked his head back into the frame. He smiled brightly at you and the kids.

"Alright, are you ready to see it?" He asked.

"Yes!" You all responded.

Harry disappeared for a second and walked back into frame wearing the outfit his kids picked out for him.

"What do you think?" He asked you all, doing a spin and pose.

"You look very handsome." You smiled.

"Ew, they're in love." Your oldest cringed.

Harry was beaming at your praise. He watched as the kids smiled at him and finished their drinks. He did a small dance and showed them his shoes before checking the time.

"Alright, I've got to run. Are you being good for Mummy?" He asked.

"Yes." Your kids responded.

"Are you being good to each other?" He asked again.

"Yes." They replied.

"Good. Line up and give me kisses before I sing!"

One by one, you all lined up and blew Harry a good luck and good night kiss. He caught every single one and threw them back. When everyone was finished, he waved goodbye and sent one final kiss your way before ending the call.

"Okay, everyone, up to bed you go!"

The kids groaned and slowly dragged their feet up the stairs. You tucked each of them into bed and just as you were turning in for the night yourself, you noticed a message from Harry.

Thank you for doing this every night. I miss you all so so much! I'll be home before you know it! xx Dad

[whydoeseveryonewanttobangchan]

🌸 Hold me in your arms… 🌸

✎ Pairing: Chan x reader

✎ Genre: Fluff / Romance / Song-fic

✎ Summary: After years of stolen glances and undisclosed desires, something finally happens between you and Chan after a show.

✎ CW: Quick mention of being in a crowd of people, Ed Sheeran music 💀

✎ Word count: 977

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

With a tight grip on your wrist, your friend guides you through the crowd at the end of a Stray Kids concert. Hundreds of people push in different directions, headed for the exits, but you’re headed backstage.

Felix was one of your best friends growing up, and you haven't seen him or his new best friends in what seems like ages. You loved all of them, but you've had a huge crush on Bang Chan for the longest time.

You finally make it out of the sea of people and navigate to the hallway where Felix said a security guard would take you and your friends back. You find the man without much trouble, and you’re directed into a small-ish room filled with the sweaty post-show performers and some miscellaneous furniture. For some reason, an old Ed Sheeran album is playing from some speakers on the far side of the room.

Your friends head over toward Felix but you make your way to the small loveseat, where Chan seems to be headed, too.

He sits down first, placing his hands next to his legs. As you lower yourself onto the couch, Chan’s hand accidentally brushes against your thigh. Both of you blush almost immediately.

Your stare is just long enough for you to briefly examine his dark eyes before you turn your heads down to your respective laps. You try to hide your growing smile and refocus your attention on the rest of the room.

The group conversation carries on steadily. You discuss their tour, how everything's going with the new album, and reminisce on memories from your childhood and years before. Through all of this, you and Chan have small seconds of contact: his arm against yours, his hand against your arm, your hand on his knee, his hand on yours.

The conversation slowly dies and smaller groups branch off to discuss who knows what. You and Chan continue to sit in your original spots in comfortable silence, with his thumb lightly massaging the top of your right hand.

Then the next song comes on. It’s a romantic one you loved as a teen. You immediately feel a shift in the air around you, and it’s clear Chan does too. His thumb stops massaging the back of your hand, and he’s looking at you timidly.

Settle down with me. Cover me up, cuddle me in.

You look at each other more intently now. From a distance, the dark brown of his irises can almost appear completely black, blending in with his pupils. But this close to him, you can make out the different shades of deep brown.

Lie down with me.

Chan swallows deeply. You see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat, almost in slow motion. He sees your eyes move down for just a second. He blushes and a small smile forms on his lips. He's so beautiful.

And hold me in your arms.

Chan’s thumb restarts the circular motion on the top of your hand. You turn your upper body to face him and he does the same. This moment seems so intimate, so fantastic. How can no one else in the room feel this?

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck.

Chan runs his left hand up and back down your right arm; goosebumps rise there immediately. His right hand moves towards your face, but hovers just above your skin. You close the distance so his fingertips lightly brush your cheek. His touch is electrifying.

I’m falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.

You take a quick, deep breath to steady yourself. At that moment, Chan seems to realize that he hasn't been breathing at all and takes a deep, shuddering breath. You try and fail to hold back a smile.

Eyes intently watching your face, Chan moves his right thumb across your cheek and pushes some stray hair behind your ear. His left hand moves toward the middle of your back, pulling you closer. It feels like there's no one else in the room, the building, the Earth; just you two.

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Your arms quickly and smoothly slide to his chest, resting just under his collarbones. Chan runs his right hand back across your cheek, resting it right under your left ear. His thumb traces back and forth right above your jawline.

He tilts his head down so his forehead touches yours. His mouth is so close — you can feel his warm breath on your lips.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved.

Your lips barely touch, but Chan leans in to maintain contact. It's sweet and still for a few seconds until you lower your jaw, parting your lips to give him access to your mouth. He eagerly accepts.

This feels like falling in love, falling in love.

Your lips move together slowly, settling into a rhythm. Everything fades away. You can only hear the music and Chan’s heartbeat. Or is that yours? Probably both. You can't concentrate on anything other than his lips. They're so soft, so perfect. He's so perfect.

The kiss doesn't last long in reality, but it feels like a hundred years have passed since you sat down on that couch. With one last peck, you pull back, eyes still shut tight.

You take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes. They meet Chan’s instantly. He rubs your cheek once more, and the most beautiful, genuine, excited, loving smile you have ever seen crosses his lips — and you can’t help but beam right back at him.

The kiss was perfect. The moment was perfect.

He was perfect.

Falling in love.

[hotcat37]

JO boyfriend headcanons please?🙏🙏 Doesn't have to be x reader but just in general

I got you ♂️

Jan:

-I see him as the type to have not had many relationships (maybe 1 or 2 at most) but they have always been serious and he doesn't date people impulsively. There would definitely need to be at least 6 months worth of slow burn between him and his partner before he considers a relationship

-so the buildup to dating might be potentially frustrating but that's just because he really wants to be a good boyfriend and he needs time to sort out his feelings for a person. He'll definitely suggest taking things slow the first few weeks of dating

-doesn't have many absolute requirements for a partner but being kind towards animals is definitely a must. Igor is his baby and he'd need a partner who is also willing to take care of the cat if they start living together

-mornings with him are slow and lazy, he prefers to sleep in as much as possible. Coffee and breakfast in bed are not uncommon. If his partner has an earlier schedule than him he will try to help and get breakfast ready on time but most of the time he'll probably doze off out of fatigue

-is more of a stay in kinda person rather than going out. Loves to just play guitar while his partner is cuddled up to him with some takeout. Also enjoys going on walks in nature and making his way through fields hand in hand with his partner

Bojan:

-tends to fall hard and fast for people so is likely the one to confess and initiate things first. However he also understands when things are moving too fast and is totally respectful if his partner needs more time to get to know him before getting into anything romantic

-very sweet and romantic, will get his partner flowers randomly and do other small gestures as a show of appreciation like cleaning the house and cooking dinner

-unfortunately given that he's the frontman of the band, he wouldn't really want to be open about the relationship to the fans. There's a certain image he needs to uphold as to not break immersion so his partner would have to understand that he wouldn't post them on main or say anything that would imply he's not single. That being said he will tone down the flirting with fans significantly and make sure his partner knows they're loved and appreciated

-does get very anxious sometimes even outside of stressful settings like a concert or before an interview. Needs a partner that will reassure and comfort him when he feels too scared to do something, sometimes even things he's done 100 of times before will suddenly seem impossible and his partner would have to be very understanding of his mental illness

-likes going on dates where you do activities like bowling and karaoke. Is playful and competitive so he definitely wouldn't hold back while playing a game. He's also just trying to impress his partner lmao

Jure:

-is a bit unsure about relationships, has had a few in the past but the spark either fizzled out or it was too difficult to balance a relationship with band life. He is open to dating tho but he'd want to discuss beforehand the things that come with dating a rockstar who goes on tour every few months

-kind of a thrill seeker, likes going out to clubs and climbing trees and exploring abandoned places in the woods. Would want a partner that either enjoys the same lifestyle or is okay with indulging in it occasionally. However will of course tone things down and choose to stay home some days too if his partner prefers staying in

-most private one in the band but will probably casually mention being in a relationship during an interview. Otherwise doesn't reveal any other information about his partner

-very affectionate, likes sitting in his partner's lap or having them sit in his. Big on public display of affection and will feel a bit sad if his partner isn't into that at all. Will put a lot of effort into spending time with his lover

-if they've been dating long enough he'd suggest adopting a pet with his partner. Preferably a cat of course <3 Is open to dogs as well

Kris:

-not at all subtle when he likes someone, will be very obvious about being in love but you'll catch him dead before he makes the first move to actually confess. Needs to be put out of his misery and be blatantly asked out

-would try to keep the relationship private as to avoid strong reactions from fans but might accidentally mention his partner in an interview or unrelated video. Will apologize profusely to his lover afterwards even if they don't care

-enjoys showing off his partner while going out on dates. Likes to go clothes shopping and eating out at cozy cafe's. Greatly enjoys linking his arm with his partner's as they walk

-is much more soft and sweet towards his partner. Still accidentally says unhinged things sometimes but tries to be mindful not to blurt out anything potentially hurtful. The guys tease him about being much nicer to his lover and he'll become embarrassed but it won't deter him

-is tall and will obnoxiously bend down to kiss a shorter partner. Will be a little thrown off at first if his partner is the same height or taller but quickly enjoys not having to break his neck in order to kiss them

Nace:

-tries to be subtle about being in love with his future partner but promptly fails to do so. Will ask someone out after taking them on a proper date, probably after having been friends with them for a while

-taking care of someone is his main love language. Will cook with love for his partner, comfort them after a bad day and give them his jacket when they're cold. Make sure to return this same amount of affection to him!

-wants a partner that likes animals because he's got his turtles and Pino. Would need to be able to count on his lover to walk the dog and feed the turtles when he's unable to because of touring

-prefers going on more private dates like to the cinema or walking alongside a beach. Will splash out on special occasions and take his partner to a fancy restaurant if they want that or get them an expensive gift. That being said he ultimately prefers to just be at home and infodump about random topics while him and his partner enjoy the same or separate activities

-is still self-conscious about his body so his lover would need to be very respectful of his boundaries. Does appreciate them complimenting him and trying to get him to be more confident but some days he just wants to keep the shirt on and that's okay

[unactive-shroom]

hello! i hope you're doing well. for your Valentine's event, may I request nikolai lantsov with prompt #4? have a great day!

Prompt #4: Proposal ♡

“It seems like someone has a very important question to ask… and what better time to do it but on Valentine’s night?”

Character: Nikolai Lantsov. See Valentine's Event: HERE

You stood at the edge of the lake, watching the purple glow of dusk slowly swallowing the last of the early February sunshine. It had been thirteen months since Alina Starkov had left the Little Palace, and despite her offering for you to join her and Mal, you had remained by Nikolai’s side in Os Alta. Recently you’ve found yourself taking the long winding path through the trees to the Little Palace, reminiscing about the days you would spend together at the lake, chatting and feasting on blini or pelmeni stolen from the kitchen. A hand snuck around your waist. “I thought I’d find you here.” You smiled and sunk into Nikolai’s warm embrace, not realising the cold that had crept up on you. “I get that the Grand Palace is ugly on the outside and all that, but really, y/n, you’ll catch a chill if you keep coming down here without warm clothes” he said as he fussed over you, pulling a heavy velvet cloak around you. Once satisfied that you were warm, he turned his attention to the lake. The silence stretched between you two until Nikolai softly said ”You know we can visit them, right? Keramzin isn’t too far away. We could stay a few nights, bring some gifts, maybe. Or maybe they could come visit us, either.” You chuckled at that part. “I think Alina’s had enough of the palaces by now. Besides, isn’t it too risky for them to come here? They are supposedly dead, you know. And I think that people might start to get suspicious if the King of Ravka and his entourage start to regularly visit an orphange.” he hummed in agreement, tilting his head. “It’s okay, Nikolai. We did just see them, what, two months ago? I’m just being nostalgic, that’s all. Let’s head back to the Palace, It’s cold.” He took your arm in his, a look of feigned pain on his face. “Funny how you always seem to want to go back whenever I join you. Unrequited love is a terrible, terrible thing. Am’st I doomed to be alone forever-?” You let go of his arm and strode ahead of him, in no mood to put up with his antics. “Y/n, wait! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, let’s go warm up, please?”

A few hours later, whilst Nikolai was in some meeting, you found yourself in the concert hall. Empty, as always, but with a beautiful, sleek, black grand piano in the centre of the stage. Your footsteps echo, magnifying your pathway to the stage, announcing your presence as you pull out the piano stool, and as you played, you thought about how you had gotten here. Going from a high ranking army officer, experienced in intense and gruesome warfare, fighting alongside friends and seeing horrors unlike any other, to sitting here now, in a sleek and comfortable kefta, playing piano, and living in a palace. Of course, you were still a very active member of the army, and while politics held a greater position in your life than it had previously, you still had many army duties, one including tuition at the little palace. But recently, no doubt accredited to Nikolai, you had a lot of free time. “Mandatory resting periods for those involved in the war”, as he called it. And, not to mention, the whole country’s eye on you and Nikolai after a stablehand had leaked information about yours and Nikolai’s relationship. At this point, you were simply waiting for the day where acquiring a Ravkan Queen, a wife for Nikolai, was simply unavoidable, and the relationship was cut off. It made you sick to the depths of your very being, but you were determined to enjoy it while it lasted. It’s something that had always hung over the two of you, and at the beginning of your courtship you had discussed it in great detail, and you were adamant on the fact that when the time came for Nikolai to choose a wife, they would simply forget their relationship and move on with their lives. But it was getting increasingly difficult for both of you. You’d noticed that Nikolai had been closer to you recently, constantly there whenever you both had free time, or, pestering you at work, egging you on to leave work to go read with him in the library or take a walk around the palace grounds. And you had felt closer to him too, saving snippets of poetry for him in books you read, playing melodies for him on piano. These small, intimate moments meant everything to you, especially knowing that Nikolai had very little time left to spend with you before he was married off to some stranger.

Leaving the concert hall and heading back to your chambers, you heard voices in the hallway ahead of you - Nikolai and Zoya. “I just- I don’t know how to tell her, Zoya. How can I ask her-?” he sighed audibly, running a hand through his hair. He turned, and locked eyes on you. “Oh- Y/n!” The marble floor seemed to grow colder through your shoes as Zoya looked at him meaningfully. “I think you and Nikolai ought to take a quick walk around the Palace, Y/n. I’ll see you in the morning, your Majesty. Good night.”. As Zoya’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, you felt your heart fall to your stomach. This was it. Nikolai was going to tell you he had found a suitable bride and that it was no longer possible for this relationship to continue. You swallowed, and smiled at Nikolai, not wanting to draw this out any longer. “Shall we?”

You and Nikolai walked side by side through the moonlit gardens in utter silence, until finally, stopping at the glaringly white marble statue of some old king, you stopped. “Nikolai, I know what’s happening.” You whispered, turning your head away from him. “You do? Y/n, I-” You shook your head. “Don’t. I undertsand, Nikolai. You need to do what’s best for your country, I’ve always loved that about you. Just…before we part ways, I need to ask you for one last thing - and then I’ll be gone by morning, your majesty.” You turned to face him, a single tear betraying your determination to not cry, only to find Nikolai on one knee, a look of utter bewilderness on his face. You mirrored the look, not knowing what he was doing. “…why are you on the ground? Nikolai, you’ll ruin your clothes, and it’s far too cold to be-” You sniffled. “Y/n. Please let me talk. I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, but you can’t leave now - and what’s this about us parting ways? I think you really misunderstood what I’m asking you.” Nikolai cleared his throat, suddenly looking nervous. “I… I know that our relationship hasn’t been under the best circumstances - first as Sturmhond, when I quite litterally held you captive on a boat for the state enemy and yet you fell for me, Saints knows how, and then when I proposed marriage to Alina… and now, having to keep our relationship secret…” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s been impossibly unfair on you. But please, y/n. Allow me this selfish idea - at least consider it - because I mean it when I say that you are my everything. You thrive in politics, the people love you, you have given incredible service to Ravka, you’ve fought wars - been through hell and back for this country, your beauty is unmatched even by the primal, eldest saints of the land - the sun and moon themselves are outshone by your radiance. When I imagine the ideal Queen for this country, the only person I can see fitting the role is you. Y/n L/n, would you allow me the honour of being your husband? Will you marry me?” In a complete and utter state of shock, you took a step back, incrediously shaking your head. “Me? But- but Grisha can’t- I have no title, no links to nobility - I’m an orphan from Keramzin! What will you get from marrying me?” Nikolai remained on one knee, looking directly at you. “What would I get from marrying the love of my life? Saints, y/n, I would get happiness. I would be able to go to sleep in the arms of the person I love, be able to count on her unwavering support that she’s shown me since day one, be able to wake up every morning and know that whatever happens today, I have the most incredible person by my side. I would be able to feel safety in my role as King, with an incredibly capable Queen by my side, beloved of the people and the crown itself, and know that I will not have to spend my life yearning for the woman I sent away so that I could marry for political values, as she would be in her rightful place by my side. I would do anything for you, y/n. But I just can’t bear the thought of you leaving me.”

At this point, your vision was blurry with tears, but you felt Nikolai take your hand. “Well, my love? What do you say?” You felt the tension in his gentle hold of your hand. “If you’re sure about this… then yes. I do. I will gladly marry you, Nikolai.” He beamed at you, standing up and wrapping you in his familiar, warm embrace. As he wiped the tears from your eyes, you giggled. “So does this mean that I get to call you Nikolai even when referring to you?” “You could always do that, my love.” “Yeah, but, if I did, I’d get funny looks. Oooh, can I give you nicknames now, too? How about Niko? LaiLai? Kolai? E-Kolai?” You gasped suddenly, startling Nikolai. “Oh, I have to tell Alina and Mal!” He smiled, then hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, We’ll have to make a public address too. Then decide on the length of the engagement, do a tour, loads of boring court stuff - but it shouldn’t be too bad with you by my side. Now come along, it really is quite cold. How about we have a glass of brandy’s to celebrate? The one the Kerch ambassador sent awhile ago has been calling my name, but I simply hadn’t a good enough reason to break it out…”

A.n: Y’all the amount of Nikolai Requests I have in my inbox is INSANE. ALSO WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS I MIXED UP MAL AND MATHIAS?? so glad that I realised cause wtf. also I had to break up the last paragraph bc apparently tumblr has a limit of words u can have in one text block?? anyways. thanks for requesting, I hope you enjoyed &lt;3

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Faust from lords of chaos. During a black circle meeting reader and Faust go upstairs and do something’s (smut if you want or they could just be cuddling) in Euromymous bed. 🖤🖤

Hello my dear anon thank you fore this cute request (I'm sorry that it took longer but it's finally done). So I hope you like and everyone has fun reading :)

Cuddle Concert

warning : just big fluff and comfort, reader is female, cuddling

masterlist

Disclaimer : I don't want to glorify anything, it's about the actors who play a role, not the real events.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At night in Oslow, in the part of town that wasn't the best, the party was in full swing in the basement of Mayhem founder Euronymous's record shop. After a successful concert and finishing the new album, they had all come here to party and not too hard.

Loud, fast, hard and dark death metal music came from Mayhem who gave a small live performance for the black circle. Actually it was a simple meeting, a meeting to discuss new albums and just find new ideas with a small concert well almost. Which was only enhanced by the compressed space.

And when Death Metal fans meet, the meeting was forgotten faster than anything else. Besides, the third beer crate was already opened and one or the other had already fled to the sink to empty his stomach.

Pizza was lying everywhere on plates and tables and one or the other piece of clothing had already been torn off the body. Not to mention the cigarettes and joints that were lying and being squeezed out in the drinks and ashtrays.

In the chaos of the singing band, the drunken people dancing and shouting along. Faust and his girlfriend sat together on the old sofa which had seen better days. Both had a beer in their hands and were watching their mutual friends partying around them.

Whether it was the wild roar of Occultus' song or the dancing of Varg who had already blown away one or the other with his guitar. ,,The private concert is always the best," she heard Faust murmur as he put his beer on the already overcrowded table and put his arm around her again.

Nodding in agreement, she grinned at her friends and snuggled up to Faust as she slowly began to feel the effects of the many hours of partying.

Whether it was physical exhaustion, a slightly scratchy voice from the roaring, or just the slight headache that came over her. Putting down her own beer, she ran her hand over her sleep and sighed lightly. A little quieter roar would be nicer she thought, watching Euronymous as he seemed to push his guitar to the limit with his solo.

She felt Faust take his arm away from her and let his gaze wander over her. Before he rose and pulled her with him through the group towards the stairs. ,,What's wrong?" she asked, looking back and forth between Mayhem and him, slightly confused, as she slowly walked up with him.

Not only did she instantly feel air that hadn't been breathed ten times already enter her lungs, her headache lessened and she could finally breathe a sigh of relief. ,,Is it better?" he asked with a grin and climbed onto the bed, which was surprisingly soft. ,,Yep, actually," she replied and came to lie down next to him on the bed. Really soft she thought and adjusted her pillow and was about to lie down again when she felt Faust pull her towards him.

So that she was now lying on top of him and had a warmer, softer, more loving surface to lie on. ,,That's even better," he quipped and chuckled as she pretended to shake her new pillow before lying back down on him. His hands went to her hips, holding her on top of him and tracing small relaxing circles on her body.

Which were more pleasant than Mayhem screaming and singing for hours. ,,I know when you're feeling bad...let's just stay here," he decided and sighed with pleasure before hugging her like a pillow and closing his eyes to give his equally exhausted body a rest. ,,Let's do this until the morning, my heart," she repeated and did the same. She sighed too and made herself more comfortable on top of him before resting her head on his torso and closing her eyes.

The small circles he continued to draw were almost like hypnosis which was disturbed by the quiet heartbeat she heard. As if she were being lulled to sleep by the heartbeat that reflected nothing but peace and love. There was nothing more soothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@mayhem-things , @beldamama , @bvg-w1res

[rebelliousmuse]

Time Capsule - M.S.

Warning: mention of panic attacks.

---------------------------------------------------

Laughter echoed through the room, a mix of Nate's booming guffaws and Madi's high-pitched squeals as Chloe recounted a hilarious story. You were all sprawled on mismatched couches in your living room. As the four boys discussed their upcoming trip, a wave of pride washed over you. They meticulously planned the route and created a list of things they would need, while Chris peppered the conversation with outrageous (but secretly hilarious) ideas.

Nick slammed his hand on the table, interrupting Chris’ comments with a gasp so theatrical his eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Oh my God, guys, remember the time capsule we did as teens?" A wide grin split his face. "We buried that thing in the backyard years ago, practically ancient history!"

Of course, you remembered the dented metal box, decorated with peeling stickers and hopeful teenage scribbles, filled with dreams and silly trinkets. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot about that!" you exclaimed. "We should definitely open it now."

The time capsule had been a clandestine operation, buried under the cover of darkness on the night before your fifteenth birthday. A pact had been made to unearth it when one of you turned 21, and with the triplets’ birthday just a month away, the timing felt perfect.

Chris plunged the shovel into the packed earth until a metallic clang was heard. The shovel had found its target. Kneeling, you brushed away the dirt, revealing a dented metal box, its once vibrant stickers faded and peeling.

Inside, random things lay nestled together: faded concert tickets, plastic army men with chipped paint, a well-worn copy of your favourite childhood book, and more. Tentatively, you picked up a folded piece of paper, the familiar scrawl of Matt's handwriting on it. "y/n," it read.

--

Across the room, Matt's eyes darted around the room, unable to meet yours, as he fidgeted with his fingers, nervous as his mind flashed back.

You crammed into Matt's messy room. As Matt tucked the note into the box, your gaze fell upon your name scrawled across the fold. "What's that, Matt?" you'd asked curiously. "You'll have to wait a few years to find out, sorry," he'd mumbled, his cheeks flushing a rosy red.

Oh no.

He had totally forgotten about it and now it was too late to get your hands off the paper. Memories flooded his mind – stolen glances in the school hallway, shy smiles exchanged over shared jokes. He'd poured his heart onto that paper, naively believing the act of writing it down would somehow exorcise his feelings. Nick had convinced him to put it in the time capsule. "Just bury it deep," Nick had said. "Out of sight, out of mind, right?" Matt had clung to that hope, a wish that somehow, all these years later, the feelings would just... vanish.

But the past refused to stay buried. As you unfolded the note, Matt's heart going wild. The truth was about to come out, and he had no idea how you'd react.

Matt couldn't tear his gaze from the note. As your eyebrows shot up in surprise as you read, fear gripped him. His breath hitched in his throat, and his hands instinctively curled into fists. He needed to get out. Now.

He didn't think, he just reacted. With a surge of adrenaline, he lurched backward. The room seemed to shrink, the air thick and suffocating. He stumbled towards the door, his heart hammering against his ribs.

Reaching the bathroom door, his fingers, slick with sweat, fumbled with the lock. A choked gasp escaped his lips as he slammed the door shut. He leaned against the cool wood as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to control the tremors wracking his body. The taste of panic filled him. He had to get a grip. He had to figure out what to do next. But for now, the locked bathroom door was the only barrier between him and you.

--

The note fluttered in your hand, the words blurring as a wave of surprise washed over you. A mixture of emotions swirled in your chest – curiosity, amusement, nervousness. You glanced around the room, searching for Matt, but he was gone. "Matt?" you called out, looking around for him.

"Marylou?" you called, heading towards the kitchen. "Have you seen Matt?" Her answer, a shake of her head, did little to ease the knot forming in your stomach as you climbed the stairs. At the top you saw the bathroom door firmly shut. You heard muffled sounds, and ragged gasps for breath.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door. "Matt? Is that you?"

--

Matt's vision blurred at the edges. His breath came in ragged gasps, each inhale did nothing to ease the pressure building in his chest. The room seemed to tilt, the walls threatening to cave in on him. He sank to the floor, his arms wrapped around his torso in an attempt to hold himself together. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Then, a voice pierced the fog of his panic. Your voice. "Matt? Is that you?" It was laced with concern.

"Are you okay?" The question hung in the air. He was paralyzed 'What do I do now?' The question echoed in his mind. His breaths hitched and his body wracked with silent sobs.

--

"Matt!" you called alarmed. "Matt, please answer me!". Just as despair threatened to consume you, a rasping voice broke through the silence.

"I can't… breathe," he choked out barely audible words. Relief washed over you. "Matt, let me in!" you pleaded. From inside, you heard a shuffling sound, then a weak groan as he fumbled with the lock. The door creaked open a sliver, revealing Matt's pale face. His eyes were shut, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. His hands, trembling violently, tore at the collar of his shirt in a desperate attempt to get more air. Without hesitation, you pushed the door open and rushed to his side.

You sank down onto the cool tile floor beside him, pulling him into a hug. His trembling body pressed against yours, his ragged breaths hot against your neck. Taking a deep breath yourself, you focused on the grounding technique you'd seen online. "Okay, Matt," you said, your voice soft but firm. "Let's focus on your senses. Okay?".

Matt didn't respond at first, his grip on you tightening almost imperceptibly. The suggestion hung in the air for a moment. Matt squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay," he whispered, opening his eyes. You smiled encouragingly. "Alright, Matt. What five things can you see right now?" He scanned the small bathroom, still shaking, his gaze landing on the chipped porcelain sink. "Sink…” he said with a trembling voice, “Shower… mirror, floor”, he took a deep breath “Curtains”.

You continued, guiding him through the exercise. With each question, Matt seemed to anchor himself a little more firmly in the present. He described the cool tile beneath his fingertips, the sharp scent of disinfectant, the way the flickering light cast dancing shadows on the walls. His breaths came slower, deeper, the ragged gasps replaced by a steady rhythm.

“Very good, Matt. Last one, name one thing you can hear.” You said as you continued hugging him. "I hear… your heartbeat," he mumbled. You held him close, stroking his hair in a slow, calming rhythm. His grip on you loosened slightly, replaced by a tremor that gradually subsided.

You slowly pulled away, your gaze lingering on Matt's face. He avoided your eyes. "Better?" you asked softly.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Thanks." He shuffled his feet, his entire posture radiating a desperate need for escape. Taking a deep breath, Matt spoke. "I forgot about it... the letter, and I just..." His voice trailed off.

"Why did that make you panic?" you asked "You were just a kid, it's not like you still feel that way," you finished your sentence with a hint of disappointment colouring your tone.

Matt's head snapped up, his teary gaze meeting yours. "And what if I still feel those things?" he said in a whisper as his eyes wandered away from yours again.

Surprise flickered across your face. Reaching out, you cupped his face making him look at you once more. "Do you?" you asked. Matt nodded hesitantly.

Leaning in, you met his gaze. "Kiss me," you whispered. Matt opened his mouth “What-”, but the words died on his lips as you crushed your lips against his.

Matt, caught off guard by your boldness, froze for a moment. Then, he melted into the kiss. His hand, which had been hovering awkwardly at his side, crept up to rest on the back of your head, his fingers grabbing your hair slightly. Your hand moved to cradle his cheek. The kiss deepened, in a slow, sensual exploration of each other’s mouth. His lips moving in synchronicity with yours.

You pulled away, both of you gasping for air. Your foreheads rested against each other for a moment. Matt's eyes held yours. He seemed to be searching for answers.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he finally asked, his voice thick with a mix of frustration and a vulnerability you hadn't seen before.

"Why didn't you?" you countered. “Cause I’m a coward” he said with a joking tone. You mirrored it, "Hey, don't insult my man." A genuine smile lit up Matt's face. He bit his lower lip. "Your man?" he repeated, pulling you close by the waist “I like how that sounds”, he finished saying, leaning in, connecting your lips once more.

[eonars]

ive tried like 3 times now so i guess im gonna do this in parts

so last thursday i went out with a man id been talking to off An App since before i went on that work trip, the conversation over text wasnt necessarily flowing ever and there were some long pauses while i was away that had me convinced it was joever but he always popped back up and even asked me how things were going and what i was doing. so we meet up the day after i get back and across 3 different bars and 5 drinks we get on like a house on fire. both like the same music (we were both at the same music festival in early august, talked about that a ton obviously) both play the same games (both main death knight and do very high mythic plus keys in wow) and as we get more comfortable with each other we start holding hands and intertwining legs and stuff while sat down. we make all kinds of plans for future concerts to go to together ranging from aura noir in like 2 weeks to him saying he will let me know if he ends up with a spare ticket to sigur ros in november because if he does he'll definitely take me along. we talk about different horror movies to watch together and he lets me yap on nonstop about fish related stuff, which he's actually super knowledgeable about and tells me i sound so lovely when i talk about it and i explain things so well that anyone could understand them and that it's amazing to listen to. he says he's so proud to know someone so intelligent who might actually do something notable for science and put this country on the map for scientific discoveries. we talk about art and he asks me what my favorites are in the national gallery in town and why and we discuss them. i mention i do art and he asks to see and literally can't contain himself when i show him and says i'm amazingly talented. things are going so well and the conversation about music and games and concerts and art and science has not idled or stopped once that when he's like oh shit i have to run for the train i'm like well instead of running we can continue having drinks here and then wait for the trains to start again at mine? and he's super down so we head back to mine and crowd together on my tiny twin bed in my tiny bedroom sized flat and he lets me put on jewels of the rift, the crunchy jpg quality reuploaded ancient natgeo documentary about cichlids i watch on youtube every time im feeling down. i tell him wow i've never been able to convince anyone to watch jewels of the rift with me before and he's like ohh don't worry i'm here now and about 40 minutes into jewels of the rift things get a bit 😏 but i stop things from going tooooo too far and we both have the worst nights sleep ever on a 90cm wide bed as two 6ft+ people who have been drinking heavily. he leaves at 7:30am and hugs me and quietly says it was really nice to meet me and i tell him to text me when he gets in which he doesn't so i text a little bit later asking if he got in ok. he says he only just woke up then and because i know he has work that night i ask how it's going and he just says it's going ok. i reply with a half joking type thing about how i hopefully didn't give him the german engineering university plague and get left on read so on sunday i text asking if he'd be interested in hanging out again sometime and then put my notifications off and go into the woods. i don't realize he replies 5 min later with "I'm a bit busy these coming weeks. But we can probably go to a concert or something sometime if you want :)" which feels really. not good to read. and so i reply back saying i'm definitely going to the aura noir show we talked about in like 10 days so just let me know and get left on read. it's now thursday and i still haven't heard anything and like.

[happylandfill23]

ember gimme 15 fun facts abt ur ocs (request for rant)

YIPPEE ok......making a list cuz i like making lists (and it's easier to keep track of my number of facts)

under the cut because dear god there's so many words

ace has this odd habit where whenever they're leaving people they dislike they. chop off her hair in the bathroom and leave the hair and never come back. ok so for context ace is a big fan of the "if it sucks hit the bricks" mentality BUT they tend to have a huge breakdown before hitting Said Bricks. in the process of the huge breakdown, she usually finds her way to the bathroom with a pair of craft scissors or a hair trimmer and just. goes at it. and leaves all the little hairs all over and disappears forever. some examples are leaving home after graduation or the infamous last bluff concert

pixie and ace met in high school! ace had some other friends then (like matt, ex-drummer of bluff, who now fronts a band called plastic woman!!), but pixie had a bit of a hard time adjusting. they met because they were both involved in theater at the time and they became SUPER close. pixie was a grade level below ace, so they lost touch when ace graduated, but they met again when pixie found herself at a giveafux gig (ace's other band before cyberdevils - shags was there too!) after breaking up with her shitty boyfriend (the guy who was mentioned in that one really sad comic i made a while ago with pixie on the phone with her mom)

pixie's middle name is martina, which is also the name of her grandmother on her mom's side! and her dad was named after his father (julian pereira. that makes pixie's dad a junior)

shags' real name is sophie triggs. shags was a nickname given to her by an old friend (more on said friend later)

ace cuts pixie's hair :)

ace and shags met at a club. i think about this a lot and i am going to expand on it one day but let me tell you i think about it a lot. before they met shags had moved to america to go to hollywood and try to become a movie star. she failed and started spending a LOT of time at bars and clubs and in other people's rooms. it made her feel like shit but she convinced herself she'd never be anything. and ace on the other hand had only just moved out of her aunts' house after staying there for a few months following the big public breakdown/bluff breakup. they hadn't really been out much and were trying to start a new chapter and all that. then the two met

all three of the band members are very much queer hehe

shags had a classic case of adolescent codependent homoerotic situationship. it was with a girl named cassie and the two were inseparable. they both had shitty parents, so they relied on each other a lot and spent a lot of time sneaking out late at night to go smoke in the park on rooftops. cassie died when she and shags were both fourteen and shags wasn't and never will be more devastated by probably anything else. on a lighter note cassie gave shags her nickname when they were looking through a book about birds and couldn't stop laughing at the shag. the nickname stuck among everyone as shags started sleeping around with people a lot once cassie died

since we're discussing names a whole lot - pixie's younger brother cosmo chose his name because he's always been super obsessed with space :)

ace will occasionally refer to shags as shagatha

pixie loves getting acrylic nails and shags does it fairly often too. however they both always seem to have two missing. hmmmm. (for different reasons)

ace taught pixie to play guitar!! :)

shags canonically sounds like murdoc niccals. and pixie sounds a bit like poppy and i have no idea whose voice ace's is similar to

when i first drew them pixie and shags were girlfriends. but i hadn't given them any background or anything yet and when i decided to add ace into the mix (since they were a slightly older character who looked like she could be friends with pixie + shags) and i decided on the three being a band and fleshing them out more i decided no. however ace and shags did date and idk about you but i think ace n pixie might have a lil something going on hmmm (i say this like they aren't MY ocs. shush)

last fact! uhh the band's living situation is very complicated. do they live together in a big house? do two share an apartment while the other lives separately? do they all have their own apartments? who's to say. certainly not me i didn't make these guys up i don't know what you're talking about

[slayonehundredninetytwo]

Unfair

TW:emeto, death threats, telling ppl to kill themselves, hate generally

Sickie: Jeongin

this one is like crazy long, enjoy!

From the moment Jeongin woke up in the morning, his throat hurt every so slightly. But surely he just needed to drink some water. His throat always was a little scratchy with sleep until he really woke up. It’s just like normal right? He’s fine.

Now he’s sitting through a solo vocal practice really regretting not listening to his body. The scratching never went away. He was singing along with his coach, just pushing on through the pain in his throat and the ache through his body. 

“Jeongin, What’s up with you today? Your voice is all rough and you look pale. Are you sick?”

“God I hope not.” Jeongin said. There was nothing to be done if he was. He had already missed a concert this comeback and he couldn’t miss yet again. Especially not this one. The 2023 MAMA awards. This is a huge event, a seriously big deal. He has to go on tonight sick or not.

“I’m fine. Just a little cold.”

“Okay. Well, let’s save your voice for the concert and cut this short alright? Go home and rest a bit so that cold  of yours will get better.”

Jeongin could not have been more grateful to be leaving practice. 

When he got home, it was around 5pm. He threw on some comfy clothes and passed out in bed for a little nap.

-

The next time he woke up was 7 the next morning when his alarm went off. He wanted to go back to sleep so bad. But his alarm shrieked in his ears keeping him awake. He dragged himself out of bed and turned off the clock’s beeping. It’s going to be a long day.

He walked out to the kitchen to find most of the group already eating breakfast.

“Good morning Innie, nice of you to finally join us.” The leader remarked. Jeongin groaned in response, his throat too sore to respond.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?”

What did it matter? He was performing indefinitely tonight regardless.

“Throat hurts. Don’t feel good.” He mumbled.

Everyone in the room exchanged sympathetic looks, knowing there was nothing they could do. 

Seungmin, who was standing right by I.N., placed his hand on the sick boys forehead, confirming their suspicions.

“That’s definitely a fever.”

“Okay Innie, why don’t you go back to your room and lay back down, I’ll bring you some medicine and some water.”

Once he was gone the rest of the group discussed what they would do.

“Do we think he’s gonna be able to perform tonight?” Lee Know asked.

“We’ll see how he’s feeling. He’d have to be practically on his death bed to get out of this concert.” Chan said.

Their conversation was interrupted by what they thought was IN coughing, but soon sounded more like retching and gagging.

Chan went to go check on him, not suprised when he found a Pale I.N. sat up it his bed leaning over the side. He quickly grabbed the bin from under the maknaes little desk and placed it under the boys mouth. But it was too late and there was already a small puddle on the floor. When he finished puking, he sat up. Chan could see tears forming in his eyes. His throat felt like fire, the acidic vomit not helping, not to mention the action tearing up his throat. Chan handed him the glass of water from the bedside table instructing him to drink. 

“H-hurts to swallow..”

“Okay Innie, I hate to do this, but I need you to get dressed, I’m taking you to the doctor.”

The look of fear in Jeongin’s eyes said it all. 

“Don’t worry, we’re just going to go to one of those 24 hour clinics.”

The boy just groaned, more tears slipping down his face. Chan sat down on the bed next to him. 

“We’ll be in and out. The sooner  we can get you some meds, the sooner you can feel better okay?”

“okay” he mumbled in response.

So he pulled himself out of bed to throw on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Chan lead him  out to the car, pausing to tell the rest of the  group where they were going. After receiving some sympathetic faces from the boys, they set off to the local CareNow.

Upon arrival, he slumped into a chair while Chan got him all checked in and yadayada doctor stuff, made I.N. sign some papers. He waited until he heard the nurse call

“Yang Jeongin?”

He stood up and followed the lady back to a little room, Chan trailing behind, and sat down on the examination table lined with that weird paper. She asked him some questions, like when did this all start, to describe his symptoms, etc. Then the nurse did simple things took his temperature, confirming his fever, then she got out her stethoscope and looked into his nose,ears, and throat.

“Your throat looks red and irritated, and I’m seeing some little bumps in there as well. Looks to me like strep throat. I’m going to run a test just to be sure and then we can get you some antibiotics.”

“Okay.”

She pulled out that dreadful popsicle stick.

“Open wide for me please.”

He did as he was told, as she placed the popsicle stick into his mouth towards the back of his mouth making him gag. Luckily it was quick.

“Alrighty. I’ll be back in about 10-15 minutes with your results.”, she said,before leaving the room.

He hadn’t felt nauseous since he threw up before, but the gagging brought it all back. He pressed the back of his fist against his mouth.

“Are you gonna throw up?”

Jeongin urgently nodded his head yes and Chan scurried to find a trash bin in the little room before holding it under Innie’s mouth.

Just in time, as Jeongin immediately retched, sending up a fountain of some vomit but mostly bile. Chan winced, trying to hide his disgust. After sometime of I.N. dry heaving over the bin, Chan said, “Innie, I don’t think you’ve got anything left to bring up.”

He got no response from Jeongin but a pained whimper.

Chan felt awful for the sick boy, especially since he would probably still have to perform tonight.

The nurse came back in, confirming that yes, he did in fact have strep throat. She prescribed some antibiotics and sent them on their way. They picked them up from the pharmacy on the way home and Jeongin immediately took his first dose. 

Once they got home, they explained the diagnosis to the boys who had all nervously waited by the couch for their baby bread to get home. It appeared they had set up the couch for I.N. to stay there. there were pillows and blankets, a warm mug of tea, and his favorite snacks.

Once he was asleep on the coach the boys all looked to Chan for the plan.

“Okay.” He whispered. “Innie has strep throat. But since he’s already taken a sick day, and tonight’s performance is very important, I doubt he’ll be able to miss.”

“So what do we do?” Hyunjin said, matching Chan’s whispering.

“I’ll call our manager and we can get this figured out. Only thing we can do is make sure he’s resting well while he can.”

With that, Chan split off to his room to phone their manager. They agreed that Jeongin would still have to perform as Chan had predicted, especially since he already is taking antibiotics. However, he would be allowed to lip sync, and would not sit in the audience to watch the other performers, instead being driven back home. Chan wished there was a better option, but unfortunately, there was no other choice. When he broke the news to Jeongin he would still be performing, his heart shattered as he watched slow tears roll down his dongsaengs cheeks. 

-

As the dreadful performance approached, they started heading to the venue and getting their hair and makeup done.  Even their stylists could tell I.N. was sick. The antibiotics had been working well, but not that as well as they had hoped. His skin remained pale and clammy, and his fever was still moderate. He regained some strength however, and seemed fit enough to merely dance and lip sync along. With the help of some very good quality makeup and skilled styling, they managed to masked the sickly appearance of the maknae, he looked almost completely healthy. 

He was really nervous before they went onstage. He worried he would mess up the whole stage in front of pretty much the whole kpop industry. After a quick pep talk from Chan, he calmed down just enough and they went out on stage to get in position. Once the music started, his muscle memory and adrenaline kicked in and the performance went off without a hitch. Well.. Almost without a hitch. There was few instances where Jeongin forgot to lip sync along to the track. But surely no one noticed. Right?

He exited stage, so ready to go home. The rest of the group scurried off to get to their seats to watch the next performance. I.N. however, got his stuff together and headed out to the car after saying a quick goodbye to his group mates. He got into the car, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He took it out and checked what all the fuss was about. 

It was coming from a post about their MAMA performance. 

Seungminsbuttcheek69

Jeongin forgot to lipsync at 2:57. How lazy. The choreo wasn’t even hard at that part.

btsandskzstan420

He’s so untalented 

kpopstansforeva7

Everyone else is obviously actually singing and he’s literally got the easiest part.

stayforchristmas00

He should kill himself

^

weinertimedistrictnine9

I’ll do the killing for him. Won’t miss him anyway. 

Comment after comment sending him as much hate as possible. He checked every app, even bubble. There was no app where he was safe from the hate. Comments on his latest instagram post. Comments on Fan Cams from past comebacks. Comments on posts from other members. Everywhere.

He went inside, unsure what to do with himself. He got in the shower, letting the sticky sweat wash off. He washed his hair and body, and when he was finished, he didn’t want to leave the warm water. He sunk down to the shower floor. Tears flowed down his cheeks, mixing with the water running off his head. He felt the water rushing over his body as he sat there.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been till he heard a knock at the door.

“Innie, you almost done in there? We just got back and we all need to shower.” the deep voice said on the other side of the door. There was no response in return.

“Innie?”

…

“Innie? Are you there? I’m coming in.” 

Felix unlocked the door with a coin, a trick he learned from his sister.

The bathroom was full of steam from how hot the shower was. He pulled the shower curtain back, revealing a very sad Jeongin crouched on the ground as the water poured down on his head.

“What’s the matter? Still not feeling well?” He said sitting on the closed toilet seat.

“No. Well.. yeah.. but that’s not it.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just… Look at your phone. The comments and stuff.” IN tried to explain, getting choked up again. 

When Felix saw the comments, his heart sank. 

“Oh my gosh Innie. These are awful. I’m so sorry. We’re going to get this sorted out right away.”

Jeongin simply nodded in response.

“Now, time for you to get out of this hot shower. This can’t be good for you when you’re sick. And you’ve clearly been in there for a while, your hands are pruney. Come out to the living room once you’re dressed so we can talk to Minho okay?”

Felix whinced when he heard a painful sounding cough behind him as he left the bathroom.

-

In the living room, the half of the group sat on the couch, Minho in the armchair.

“It’s not fair! You’re sick! You don’t usually lip sync, at least you performed at all! These people are awful.” Minho said, clearly very frustrated, especially seeing Jeongin pale sad face as it rested on Seungmin’s lap.

“Those people are not stays. No one gets to talk to anyone like that, even behind a screen.” Seungmin said.

“Okay okay. Let’s not flip our lids here.” Felix said. He hoped that Lee Know would’ve been the sensible one here, but he was seemingly too pissed for that. 

“I’m gonna phone our manager. See if we can have an announcement about your health with an explanation of the lip syncing. Okay Jeongin?” He gave a small nod, eyes falling closed as he fell asleep, still listening in on the conversation.

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s Felix. I just wanted to see if we could put something out about I.N.? About his health and all. Not to mention the lip syncing thing.”

“You can’t just put something out about it? To clear things up?”

“But he’s really upset about it and-“

beeeeep

Their manager had hung up.

“What the fuck was that” Minho said.

“They won’t do anything.” 

“Are you kidding me? Why not??”, Seungmin said quietly, trying not to wake the sleeping I.N. on his lap.

“Something about making the company look bad. Not taking care of their idols and making him perform today regardless of his condition.”

“That’s not Jeongin’s fault, and they WERE being neglectful making him go on. If they get bad press they deserve it!”, Minho whisper yelled, standing up from his chair.

“Fuck this. If the company won’t do anything, I will.”

He walked to his room and closed the door. 

A couple minutes later they got a notification about Lee Know being live. They were surprised at how calm he looked now.

“Hi guys!” There was a few greetings before the first comment about I.N. popped up.

“Innie has been sick the past day or two. He’s getting better now that he has antibiotics. His throat hurts like crazy, ESPECIALLY TO TALK OR SING, which is the main issue…”

And then he continued the live like any other. He did it. The company was sure to be mad, but at least the fans could understand and stop sending I.N. hate.

“Don’t listen to comments like that though, okay Innie? They don’t mean it. They don’t even know you.” Felix said, to the half awake maknae.

— was it worth the wait guys? I tried some angst with this one, idk how i feel about it. hope you guys like it though.

🫶

[hippeasantwitch]

So, I started this podcast where I discuss the weird, cringey stories, that kids who grew up in evangelical (especially fundamentalist leaning independent evangelical churches) want to share to laugh about the absolutely ridiculous nature of the activities and ideas we were force fed as minor children/into adulthood. The idea was for folks who have been out of the nonsense for a few years to process and laugh about this niche, strange world we all found ourselves in. It’s one that is difficult to describe and is often emotionally exhausting because you have to explain so many levels of evangelical lore and ideology to make one silly story make sense.

I have many friends married to folks who did not grow up this way, or, the more difficult path (imo) married someone who grew up in church (generally mainline Protestant) who brings their church assumptions to the table or has enough of an idea of church in general to sometimes struggle to grasp church in the evangelical context. Kids who grew up evangelical were taught to believe other Christian groups were heretics to save. My former church had ministries to convert Catholics to evangelicalism. With this context, it can be difficult to explain church and why “other” Christians weren’t seen as the same team as the chosen Evangelical few.

With that being said, it genuinely horrifies me every day what people send me, what they are remembering and have kept hidden. I’ve had husbands, wives, and partners text me saying they always knew it was bad but they never quite understood. I’ve had episodes mention something off hand that snaps a horrifying memory back for me, friends, listeners, it’s……a lot.

What started as a “let’s joke about the guy at Christian camp who said God told me we should date” to a genuinely sickening spiral into an ideology so corrupt at its roots it has shaped and traumatized generations. It’s exposed to me how much the most insidiously oppressive parts of western culture are idolized and enforced by pastors every day.

My biggest takeaway from all of this: the exceptional role of capitalism in pushing evangelicalism. Each and every time I’ve researched a subject or dove in a little deeper on a story that is sent to me, I’m blindsided by how much capitalism enables evangelicalism as it is. Let me explain.

Evangelicals use “the others” as a scapegoat for Capitalist based problems. I read a mommy blog about how fortune cookies are bringing the occult to your restaurants. Except fortune cookies are a symptom of capitalism, an American invention to sell something to Asian restaurants. I had a friend discuss her chronic illness in regards to a music festival where evangelizing the attendees was a focus. They chastised her for having a flare up and prayed for her to get better for God. The “problem” was the sinful illness. BUT, without an obsessive growth mindset, a salesman technique to force tired and vulnerable free labor to manipulate tired and vulnerable concert goers is the most capitalism pilled thing I can think of. Dozens of horrifying coverups, and for what? To save the church’s finances. A friend who found a literal crime scene with video evidence, forced to throw that evidence away as a child. For what? To save the finances of the missionary program. To protect a couple in power. The optics only mattered, not safety, Justice, or love. The masses give millions to evangelical churches to get essentially no give back while the CEO style pastor sits pretty. Evangelicalism is about numbers, profit, and keeping your worker bees in line. You’ll never be enough for evangelicalism (and they tell you that outright at late night youth events and over the top sermons) and so you HAVE to keep working (for free!) for a church that works on extreme loyalty. You’re entire life and afterlife depend on doing more than is necessary and to ask for compensation is sinful. You work your entire life around this one thing and that thing comes with a weekly monetary cost. You can never work your way up, you’re either a chosen one or not. There’s little creativity or diversity, folks are isolated, and no one can make true friendships because they’re secretly afraid that the other members will tell the pastor how they’ve messed up and be punished. I’ve never been more alone in a group than when I was at an evangelical church.

This is a long post, but yeah, it’s been….a ride.

[wanderingmind867]

I started writing a sequel to my SCTV mockumentary idea earlier. It's not yet finished, but here's what I've got (Warning: I wrote a lot):

An idea I have had. If SCTV ever gets a reunion special, I'd pull a Christopher Guest and do a mockumentary. Especially since I think it just makes sense as the natural continuation of the SCTV story.

SCTV got cancelled and the station went broke in 1984, but we never actually saw what happened to SCTV's many personalities after sctv went belly-up. We can use this mockumentary to explore that. It's at least 20+ years later, and some dedicated fan has set out to make a mockumentary. That could be the running premise of the movie/special. And you could still throw in references to characters done by John Candy, Harold Ramis and Tony Rosato. They can't be seen on screen, but we can still reference them. For example:

• The organiser of the Documentary tried to find Johnny LaRue to interview him, but he's dead. He died in a way truly befitting the lavish, egotistical yet pitiful man he was. He probably died like David Carradine. He went out doing what he loved (engaging in hedonistic acts). I feel like this is a pretty realistic end for Johnny, but I could be wrong.

• They also try to find Moe Green, but he's just missing. They go to Leutonia to find him, and it turns out he's now some sort of folk hero in Leutonia. The American who fought for Leutonian Liberation. Although we make it pretty clear Moe Green is the folk hero mentioned in Leutonia (there's descriptions and statues of him), our film crew can remain hopelessly oblivious for comedic effect. It's even funnier because Moe was usually seen as being cowardly, so it can work on two levels.

• The Shmenge Brothers went into retirement in 1984. In 2009 or so, Yosh died. A few years later (say, 2017) Stan comes out of retirement and begins touring again. He's now performing with Yosh's Daughter. They're planning a grand comeback soon. They hope to hit the Leutonian embassy with a grand concert. Look out for their second album as a new duo. It's Coming soon!

Now, let's discuss the members of SCTV who aren't dead. Here's some of my ideas on what could have happened to them after SCTV went broke:

Guy Caballero: Once SCTV went broke, Guy Caballero was at a loss. His darling station was now gone. Trying to persevere anyway, Guy decided to try every different buisness enterprise he could get his hands on. From Book Publishing to Product Design, Mr. Caballero tried everything. But nothing worked as well as SCTV. In 2013-2014, he tried to make his own rip-off of Amazon. That's been his most successful venture since SCTV, although he still longs for a chance to get back on the airwaves. Now, this film crew has presented him with his chance, and he's jumping at the bit to make use of it! With all luck, he can make the Caballero name famous again!

[angstyandromanticwriting]

‘Louisiana Rose’ (An OC) X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Prompt

• Rose’s face claim is Margot Robbie as Nellie LaRoy

• Connected somewhat to previous parts/earlier parts I have written + there will be more

• Inspired by Daisy Jones & the Six

!TW: Jealousy, implied suffering from depression + anxiety + separation anxiety, implied/mention of being addicted/struggling with control over drinking + taking drugs, mention of abusing alcoholic substances + drugs, drugs (Ecstasy pills), smoking, insult(s) + swearing, elements of homophobia + suffering under homophobic views, mention of a previous experience of violence (previously being shot), elements of self-doubt, mention of previously overdosing + previously as well as present time trying to commit suicide, elements of wanting to die, implied previously being homeless, blood, self put-down(s), elements of self-harm, injury detail (cuts), having a nightmare/nightmare(s), mention of being a victim of an attempted murder, implied previously sacrificing one’s own life for another, having to have stitches - if I have missed any, let me know ❤️!

As soon as the band, including you and Rose, had arrived in your and her home town - Louisiana - things seemed to instantly kick off, and not in the way either of you would have wanted it to. For starters, Rose obviously had to continue her pretend relationship with Joel in front of those who had heard about the arrival, and Joel was evidently still salty about it; that he had to pretend, and that she was acting the way she was with him though she felt nothing for him, and he also was salty about her having feelings for you, instead of him, so he would continue trying to spite you in any way he possibly could.

An example of this was whilst the band were being bombarded by questions upon stepping out into the platform, and you would make sure to try and hang back with Eddie, not wanting to get involved too much, especially when you knew how your appearance of being often drunk or high was being criticised in the local newspaper recently.

“Louisiana!” One of the people called - a man similar to the two that had previously been on the train with you, wearing dark-lensed glasses. Rose would tense up, before forcing a smile in the man’s direction, whilst avoiding eye contact with Joel as much as she possibly could. “I know you and Joel have been together for just a little while now, but - will we be expecting any wedding bells soon? Or an engagement announcement?” He questioned, and though Rose’s smile wanted nothing, but to drop, Joel would smirk, and look over at her, before he looked back at them after sneaking a glare over at you, prompting your heart to sink even further, whilst you bowed your head, and bit down a little on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling; you and Rose had known, and been together for so much longer - it should be you and her getting married, like you’d always dreamt that you would.

“Of course you can’t expect us to tell, but - all I can say at the moment is that: there might be something on the horizon,” he answered, and you would falter, glancing up at Rose, and she would appear dejected for a moment, whilst she was hiding her face a little, and acting as if she were fixing her hair, “something me and Rose have been recently discussing.”

“Sounds promising,” the man replied, but you found that every sound around you was now fuzzy, and unclear; it felt as if everything was collapsing within you, and it was painful.

“That’s because it is, especially for us,” Joel remarked, and Rod would notice Rose looking back at you with a crestfallen and apologetic expression on her face; she’d not told you about Joel’s plan - that he would end up proposing to her after the first concert, but when she found she couldn’t meet your gaze, she would begrudgingly look back at the man once she felt able to force another smile, and hesitantly hold Joel’s hand, though it felt wrong to her to be doing so.

“What are you hiding from me-?” Rose inquired playfully, though she already knew, and you would find yourself glancing up at her again as soon as you heard her voice - your hearing had even seemed to return to normal upon hearing it again.

“A gentleman never tells,” he answered, and Rose would pout, before gently slapping his left shoulder, prompting those watching to laugh, and talk excitedly about what might happen, “don’t worry - you’ll find out soon.”

You couldn’t take it anymore, whilst tears began to cloud your vision, and you found yourself inching closer to Rose; you were desperate to meet her gaze, but Eddie would try and hold you back in a not-so-obvious way. “Rose,” you mustered feebly, your voice shaky and close to a whisper, and as soon as she heard it, she found herself looking back at you, whilst her heart began to ache excruciatingly, especially when she could see that you were trying not to cry, “why-”

“I’m sorry,” she mouthed silently, though it was paining her even to be standing, and you would shake your head subconsciously, desperate for her to change her mind; to not let whatever you knew would happen occur.

Because he could see the questions were only making the situation worse that it already was, Rod would step in. “We’ll have just one more question, preferably for me,” he suggested, but this suggestion would be ignored.

“Y/n!” Another person called, and you would sudden appear as if you were full of dread, looking in the direction of the voice calling for your attention.

“Or not,” Rod would mutter under his breath, whilst the man eagerly prepped his notepad and pen.

“Is it true you’ve given up on being a recovering drug and alcohol addict, and if so - why?” He pried, and you would grimace, before looking over at Rose, again, who would be trying for keep her gaze fixed upon the ground.

“There’s no point in trying anymore,” you expressed, your voice barely audible, and Rose would feel worse, wishing she could do more to turn things around, and to improve the situation for both you and her, and people like you and her, “e-especially.. especially not now.”

“Then why haven’t you quit the band yet? There must be a reason why you’re still with them,” he continued, and you would bow your head a little, whilst Rose found herself glancing over at you; she evidently knew why you were still there, and it pained her to think that you were forcing yourself to continue because of her, and your hope that things would change for you both, when it was only hurting you more to stay, and making you drink, as well as consume more crushed up ecstasy pills than you usually did those times you both were seeing one another behind the backs of the band.

“Because it’s always been a dream of mine to be in a band,” you claimed, not sure of what else to say; you knew it would only make things worse if you answered truthfully, though you wanted to, more than anything.

“You don’t have to lie,” the man replied, whilst Rod appeared to be frustrated, and impatient to get to the next hotel he’d booked, lighting another of his cigarettes whilst you stammered a little, and kept your head low whilst tears began to stream down your cheeks, “it’s because of Louisiana, isn’t it? You love her, don’t you?”

“Y/n,” Rose cooed gently, and you would hesitantly look over at her, though it pained you to do so, now that you knew you could end up losing her again, “you don’t have to answer-”

“I do,” you answered truthfully, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and your gaze would never leave her’s whilst you did, and she found she couldn’t look away, all of a sudden, lost in your eyes blissfully, whilst you were gradually beginning to find yourself lost in her’s, stammering a little more whilst you did, “I’ve-.. I’ve loved her ever since I first met her; she.. she’s everything to me.. but because of.. of you assholes-”

“Y/n,” Rod warned, but you wouldn’t acknowledge him; you didn’t care what they might end up doing to you.

“It’s because of you that we can’t be together,” you spat, and everyone would fall quiet, until you pushed past Rod, and stormed away from the scene, the group, Rose ahead of them, soon following after you, with Rose following immediately after you’d made to get away from them.

“Y/n-!” Rose called, but you wouldn’t stop walking, no matter how much you wanted to, and got the urge to just turn and around and throw your arms around her whilst you cried into her right shoulder, and she held you close to her. “Y/n, wait! Please,” she begged, and then managed to catch your right arm in her right hand, prompting you to falter, and to forget how to breathe for a moment whilst she carefully turned you around, and eased you into a hug, prompting you to instantly melt into her embrace whilst you buried your face into the crook of her neck, silently crying into it, whilst Rod and the others would try and subtly cover you both, “I love you - you know that, right?”

You would falter, a pained expression on your face whilst you glanced up at her. “You love me?” You uttered, and she would nod hastily, whilst tears threatened to spill from her eyes, alongside your’s; she couldn’t bear to see you like this, and wondered if her heart was actually in the process of breaking; it felt like it was, and it was more painful than any pain she’d ever felt and experienced before. “Then marry me, instead,” you pleaded shakily, evidently desperate, and she would frown, wishing she could; she wanted nothing more, than to be your wife, instead of Joel’s, but she knew that you both probably wouldn’t be able to, and knew that the press would be talking again, if she tried, and she was terrified of you getting hurt again like you had been, before; shot during the last concert, before you’d both decided to travel back here with the others.

“You know we can’t,” she reminded you, “it would never be allowed-”

“Fine,” you whined, “just-.. don’t marry him, please.. o-or just.. just kiss me, and I’ll - I’ll know that nothing will ever change between us; that we’ll always be together, n-no matter - no matter what.”

She would hesitate, though she was longing to feel your lips against her’s again; it had been a couple or so hours since you’d both last kissed, and she was missing the feeling already, like you evidently were, too, but she couldn’t shake the bad feeling from her stomach; there were many people watching, and if you ended up being shot again like you had been not too long ago, now, she knew she’d never forgive herself for letting it happen. A strained sob would beg to escape your lips in response to her hesitation, whilst you began to feel numb, and as if you were losing everything again. “We can’t, not here-”

You would scoff, whilst a pained expression crossed her face; she didn’t know what to do, and was beginning to fear that the ‘fight’ would lead to you leaving, and she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it; she could only picture her future being with you. “You mean.. You mean you can’t, right?” You murmured, and she would falter, a hurt look on her face; she couldn’t believe you’d suggest something like that; that she simply just didn’t want to kiss you, or was ashamed of herself for being in love with you. “D-Don’t worry about it, then,” you mustered, your voice cracking almost as consistently as your heart felt like it was, “I-.. I can see now that you were just lying to me back on the train-”

“I wasn’t,” she contradicted, “I love you, Y/n, and I always have; it’s you who I want to spend the rest of my life with, not Joel, or anyone else-”

You couldn’t help, but snort, before shaking your head, and pulling out of her embrace. “You don’t have to lie,” you mused, mimicking - or attempting to badly - the man who’d questioned you’s voice, and Rose would grunt, guessing you were still a little high, after you’d taken a few of the crushed up ecstasy pills before getting on the train with her and the others.

“I’m not lying,” she retorted, “when have I ever lied to you?”

You would grimace, before bowing your head again, and stuffing your hands deep into your pockets whilst even more tears began to threaten to escape your eyes, though you’d already had a bunch escape earlier. “You didn’t tell me about your and Joel’s agreement,” you reminded her dejectedly, and she would frown when she remembered, before nodding gravely, and looking away from you; she’d been cursing herself for deciding not to tell you ever since Joel had suggested he and her get engaged after the next show to try and make the pretend relationship more convincing than it was, but it was only because she’d been afraid of how you might react; what the news might do to you, and she couldn’t let herself hurt you again like that, to the point you ended up often overdosing, and trying, even, to take your own life by yourself, without the help of alcohol, or drugs.

“I - I mean-.. about my feelings for you,” she clarified hastily, “I’ve never lied to you about how I feel about you; about us - I could never do that to you-”

“Sure,” you interjected, though you evidently still didn’t believe her, frustrating, as well as beginning to panic her a little, “maybe you should try all these lies on Joel again, j-just - just to - y’know-.. make the engagement even sweeter-”

“Maybe I will,” she snapped, prompting you to fall quiet, but she would try not to feel guilty, though the crestfallen expression on your face was hurting her more than she thought it ever could, “l-look-.. I can’t talk to you whilst you’re like this - you’ve gotta sober up, first, and we’ll discuss it after-”

“I am sober!” You cried, before cursing softly, and lifting your hands up to your face; you were sick of being in pain, and crying all the time like you found yourself doing more often, recently, and wished you could just collapse and let all the drugs and alcohol you’d recently consumed take you away, though you knew nothing would ever be the same, if you ever found yourself without Rose by your side. “Too sober,” you added feebly, after letting your hands drop again, and she could now see that you’d begun to cry again, prompting her heart to somehow sink further than it already had whilst her expression began to soften again, “I know where the damn hotel is, so-.. I’m gonna go and have a drink - I’ll-.. I’ll catch you guys there later-”

“No,” Rose interrupted, before catching your right arm again; she couldn’t let you go to the bar, for fear of you drinking too much, and her possibly losing you if you did, “you - you can’t-”

“Don’t worry,” you managed, before glancing back at her, and forcing a smile, though all you could do was muster a faint one; you felt too numb, and hollow, to do any better than that, “I’ll.. I’ll keep to one, or two, n-nothing more than that, not that.. not that you’d care, anyway, if I went over two, right? You’ve got other things to focus on, now, l-like - like your upcoming engagement, remember?”

You would then drag yourself away from her, and Rod would catch her left arm before she could rush after you again; she was desperate to fix things between you and her, as she hated seeing them break down like that whenever you both fought due to the press’ dislike of you both being two women in love with one another. “Probably best to give her some time,” he stated, and Rose would reluctantly nod gravely, though she was evidently worried that something might happen to you, if she didn’t go with you, but Rod wouldn’t release her, until she had appeared to have begrudgingly accepted that you probably needed some time alone to process what had just happened. She would soon regret it, though - not going after you, when she found herself growing increasingly anxious, and feeling as if something was wrong, especially when she and the others had found themselves still waiting for you to arrive after the sun had begun to go down, and it was fast growing darker and darker outside, as well as beginning to rain quite heavily, prompting Rose to drag them out to search for you; she couldn’t lose you, not again.

🜚

The first place Rose would decide to go to was the alleyway you’d used to live in, but it was as quiet as it used to be after she’d found you, and invited you to live with her, and - now panicked even more - she would hastily begin to walk in the direction of the bar you’d both used to go to together, and had even confessed that you both had feelings for one another in. Though she’d rather be running, terrified that she was wasting too much time walking, she knew that the others might complain - especially Rod with his one false leg, so she would force herself to try and maintain composure, whilst silently begging for you to be okay when the group finally found you, which they did shortly after, slumped down outside of the bar, your hair damp, like your clothes currently were, and Rose would falter, a pained expression on her face; you seemed quite limp, and pale - paler than you usually were, and this observation made her blood begin to run cold.

“Y/n-!” Rose called, before she rushed up to you, and crouched down beside you, but you wouldn’t lift your head, and she would then notice that you were trembling quite violently, prompting her heart to sink, and her to curse herself for not ignoring Rod, and running after you like she had been planning on doing. She would then carefully hook her left arm around your waist, prompting you to wince, and groan a little, as if you were in pain, and she would hesitantly lower you back down. “What’s wrong-? S-Say something,” she pleaded feebly, whilst beginning to feel numb; she didn’t know what to do, and would then notice that your sleeves, and trouser legs had a much too familiar red substance on them, prompting her to falter again, and find she couldn’t speak, or even think for a moment, shocked.

“Rose,” you mustered barely audibly, and she would recover instantly upon hearing your voice, glancing back up at you, “you - you shouldn’t be here-..”

She would frown, shaking her head, before she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek delicately, and you would instantly find yourself melting into her touch subconsciously, whilst tears began to stream down your cheeks again - though it was raining, she could tell that you had been crying for a while, and it was excruciating to see; your eyes were so sore, and darker than they usually were, whilst further tears glistened within them. “Why-? Did someone do this to you?” She questioned, but you wouldn’t answer, instead prying your gaze from her’s though you’d rather remain lost in her stunning icy blue eyes; you felt as if you’d betrayed her, in a way, for doing this to yourself, and you couldn’t stand it; it was painful, and you’d begun to even wish that she’d drop you, because you were certain that she’d be happier with Joel; she deserved someone better than you.

She would then try and lift your right sleeve, but you wouldn’t let her, wincing whilst you tried to stop her by holding her left hand in your right one, though it was excruciating for you to make the smallest of movements, right now, after you’d ended up leaving many uneven cuts wherever you could on your body; you didn’t want to have to live with the pain anymore, and were hoping that they would finally put you out of your misery. “Don’t-”

“Please, Y/n,” she begged, “let me look; I need to help you-”

“You don’t need to,” you contradicted, prompting her to scoff, whilst a hurt look crossed her face.

“I do,” she persisted, “I love you, Y/n; I can’t live without you, so - so please don’t make me try, because you dying would kill me, too. Just-.. please - let me help you, and I swear I’ll try and change things for us; I’ll try and fix everything, b-because I don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” You would hesitantly let go of her hand, after bowing your head further; you still doubted that things would get any better for you both, but didn’t want to upset her any further than you already had, though all you wanted to do was disappear for her, and for her to forget about you, no matter how painful it would be for you if she did. She would then timidly lift your right sleeve, and her heart would sink - there were cuts left along the whole of your right arm, even up to your shoulder, and her tears would soon manage to escape whilst she lifted your left sleeve to find that there were more cuts like the one on your right arm, prompting her to guess that the blood stains on your trousers were all coming from cuts similar to these ones. She would then nod gravely, a hurt look on her face again, but she didn’t blame you, though you felt as if she should be blaming you for everything that had happened recently - she blamed herself for not warning you about the upcoming engagement, and not kissing you like she had been longing to a few hours earlier at the train station; things might have been different if she did, she believed, and now you could possibly die on her with any passing moment, beginning to panic her again.

“Here, I’ll help you carry her, Louisiana,” Eddie offered, and Rose would smile her thanks over at him whilst she and him carefully lifted you off of the damp ground, “and I can treat and stitch up her cuts once we get back to the hotel.”

“Just let me bandage them up - I’m an expert, I swear,” Suki requested, and Eddie would nod his permission, whilst the group moved as fast as they could, desperate to get you back to the hotel before you could fall unconscious on them.

🜚

Whilst Rod and the others were anxiously discussing the fate of the next show within the special room the hotel had set up for them, you and Rose were in the bathroom within her room; she had been trying to provide comfort to you after you’d been sick less than a few minutes ago, most likely due to the high amount of alcohol you had consumed not too long ago. “Do you want me to get you anything-?” She inquired, whilst carefully cradling you close to her whilst you trembled a little within her embrace, and were trying not to cry again; you felt as if you were being a burden on her, again, and you hated it; you hated getting in her way, like you believed yourself currently to be doing. “Water, maybe?” She suggested, and you would shake your head, not wanting her to bother with you anymore, and she would lift her right hand a little to stroke your hair, knowing you liked it whenever she did, and you couldn’t help, but feebly smile up at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat, or two, and her to subconsciously smile lovingly back down at you. “Are you sure?” She pried, and you would nod.

“I’m just-.. happy, being here with you,” you answered, “I don’t need anything else.”

She would be surprised, but relieved; she thought maybe you’d still be upset with her, and - in some ways - wished you were; she wanted you to shout at her for hurting you the way she evidently had, feeling as if she deserved it, but you could never do that to her; could never blame her - you loved her too much, to. “I love you so much,” she expressed, and you would begin to feel warm and fuzzy again, your eyes even glinting a little in response, whilst your heart began to race blissfully alongside her’s, “you - you know that, right-? And I’m so sorry, I really am-”

“Don’t apologise,” you interrupted gently, “none of this is your fault, Rose, it’s mine, and the Press’-”

“No,” she contradicted, not wanting you to feel as if you were to blame for the situation, “it isn’t your’s - the Press’, definitely, but not your’s; you did nothing wrong, I should have told you about what Joel said-”

You would falter - remembering again - the ‘plan’. “Are.. Are you marrying him?” You inquired, appearing disheartened again, and Rose would frown, a pained expression on her face; she hated seeing you like this - like you had been before she’d found you; appearing as if you were about to lose everything. “It’s okay if you are, I just.. I..”

You would then fall quiet, finding it had even grown to be too painful to speak, and she would shake her head faintly, relocating - now - her right hand to your right cheek, and you would instantly melt into her touch again subconsciously, whilst staring ahead of you with a thoughtful, numb, and empty look on your face. “I’m gonna get out of it, I swear-”

“No,” you murmured, not wanting her to feel as if she had to try and do that for you, “you don’t have to; I don’t want you to get into trouble-”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” she tried to reassure you, “I can’t marry him - not when I’d rather marry someone else.”

You would be surprised, doubtfully wondering who, for a moment, though you weren’t sure why. “Someone else?” You mused, and she would nod, whilst beaming down at you. “Who?” You pried, and she would lift an eyebrow.

“You, silly,” she answered, “I love you; I always have, and always will, no matter what - and I promise I’ll stop at nothing to get those assholes to let us get married, instead.”

“I love you so much,” you returned, before slowly turning around though it was paining you to do so, and delicately connecting your lips to her’s, before she could protest to you moving too much, after you had recently been treated, but the kiss soon left her in a dazed state, to the point she found she had forgotten about how she’d been meaning to protest, before you had initiated it. “A-And no matter what happens - we can always - maybe.. elope? It’s not like we need their consent, if they disagree with us being in love with one another,” you suggested, and Rose would think about it for a moment, before nodding, “or we could-.. run away? Try and find somewhere that might accept us?”

“I suppose we could,” she mused, “it’s just if.. if the.. band would come with us? If they’d let us continue as we are? Rod’s the one who organises everything, we’ll have to ask him if he knows someplace we’d be free to be together in.”

“You’re right,” you agreed, “should - should we ask him, later?”

“I could go and ask him, now, he’s just downstairs,” she answered, and you would hesitate, evidently nervous about being alone, but you didn’t want to hold her back, so you would reluctantly nod, before delicately connecting your lips to her’s again.

“Only if you want to,” you replied, and she would nod, whilst blood rushed to both your and her cheeks, prompting you to beam over at her as soon as you noticed that she was blushing, and she would smirk over at you, too, amused by your reaction.

“Do you want me to?” She inquired, and you would nod hastily, trying to hide that you were worried about what might happen, if she left you alone within the room.

“Just promise me you’ll be back, soon,” you requested, and she would smirk, before nodding.

“I’ll be back before you know it, I promise,” she cooed, before kissing you again delicately, and begrudgingly dragging herself up, and helping you up alongside her, before she slowly led you out of the room, and helped you lay down upon her bed, “just call me, if - if you change your mind, okay? Or get scared.”

“I - I will,” you replied, and she would smile softly, before nodding, and dragging herself out of the room, though she’d rather stay with you, and remain snuggled up with you, like she had been a little while ago, now, before you’d begun to feel nauseous.

🜚

It had felt as if it had been longer than it actually had been - the time you’d found yourself alone for, and though all the lights were on, you found yourself trembling, and hugging the covers tightly, whilst wishing Rose would return to you with every passing minute; you were terrified, and would constantly tense up whenever you heard the smallest of natural sounds.

Once you could hear that there were footsteps approaching outside, you would whimper quietly, and bury your face into the duvet, and even jump a little when you could hear that the door was being unlocked, and then opened slowly. “I’m back-!” A familiar voice chimed, and you would instantly relax upon hearing Rose’s voice, turning painfully and awkwardly to face her whilst wincing, and whining a little whenever the healing cuts were beginning to pain you and sting again. “I got you something to eat,” she stated, whilst using her back to close the door since she had no hands currently free, “that’s why I was longer than I thought I’d be - I just thought-..” She would be surprised to find you looking as if you’d seen a ghost; your eyes were currently quite wide, and you appeared to be almost breathless. “Hey,” she cooed, before setting the bowl of soup, and glass of water down on the bedside table to your left, so she could sit on the edge of the bed beside you, and carefully cradle you close to her, soothing you even more than you thought possible whilst you buried your face blissfully into the crook of her neck, and would take in her sweet perfume, feeling safer than you ever had before, “what’s wrong-? You should have called me-”

“I just missed you, t-that’s all,” you claimed, not wanting to worry her, and she would be surprised, as well as flattered, smiling lovingly down at you, “d-don’t worry.”

“Good,” she replied, “because I missed you, too; I was worried it was just me, for a moment.”

“Seriously? Of course I missed you,” you whined, and she would grin, evidently amused by your reaction, “I always feel-.. so - lost.. when you’re not with me.. that’s why it hurts so much whenever I see you with Joel, I guess.. ‘cause it’s like I’m not there anymore.. a-and - and like I don’t matter anymore to you, or anyone.”

Rose would be surprised, not expecting you to feel that way, whilst she also felt guilty, and wished she could do more to try and make things better for you both; to rid herself of the fear she often held, that you might get hurt again if she were open with you in public like she wished she could be, instead of acting as if you meant nothing to her. She would then delicately connect her lips to your’s whilst small tears began to run down both your and her cheeks, and they would blissfully mix together. Once the kiss had sadly ended, she would connect her forehead to your’s affectionately, allowing you to easily find yourself getting lost within her stunning icy blue eyes again. “You’re never gonna have to feel that way again, I promise,” she whispered, and you would manage a weak smile back at her, before you lovingly and delicately booped the tip of her nose with your’s, “next time I have to speak to Rod, or whoever, and you feel like you can’t move, o-or just want me to - I’ll carry you downstairs, or call them up here; I’m never gonna leave your side again, Y/n, not unless you want me to.”

“I - I’ll never leave your’s, either, u-until you want me to, too,” you returned, “what-.. what did Rod say, anyway? Does he know anywhere we could go?”

“Not yet,” she answered dejectedly, and you would frown, a pained expression on your face; you were evidently desperate to get away from here, “but he said he’d look into it.”

“Did he seem.. mad, about it? O-Or-..?” You mustered, and she would hesitate, suggesting he hadn’t exactly presented himself to be pleased about the idea of moving again so soon.

“Not - exactly,” she claimed, “he just didn’t seem.. happy - that’s all, b-but I think he’s up for it - he wants us to be happy, too.”

“And we will be,” you responded gently, “well - happier than we are, now, alone together, here.” She would nod, beaming over at you, before she delicately connected her lips to your’s again, and would lift her right hand up to stroke your hair like she normally did whenever she wanted to try and provide comfort and reassurance to you, as well as herself; she was still on edge, waiting for Rod’s decision, as were you - all you wanted was to be free with her. “Want me to feed you-?” She inquired playfully, and you would smirk, before nodding, and she would then take up the bowl, and spoon-feed the soup to you, until you felt as if you couldn’t have anymore, and she would cuddle up with you again until you both gradually began to fall asleep within one another’s arms.

🜚

You would soon wake up crying quietly beside Rose, after you’d had a nightmare in which you’d found her and Joel kissing passionately, and though you thought things couldn’t get any worse than they had, she would tell you that she didn’t want to see you anymore after she’d spotted you at her bedroom door, before slamming it, and that was the moment that you’d woken up, and begun to cry whilst you trembled a little, feeling empty, numb, and as if you were in excruciating pain not manifested by the many cuts almost all over your body. You would then glance over at Rose, still peacefully and blissfully sleeping, before you timidly shuffled closer to her, and would carefully wrap your arms around her without trying to wake her; you were terrified that she’d disappear if you let go, and would bury your face into her right shoulder whilst you sniffled a little, and would try and calm yourself down, her presence beside you, and warmth helping more than you ever could. “Please don’t leave me,” you whispered shakily, “I - I’ll try harder, I swear; I love you so much.. more than anything, a-and I can’t do this without you..”

“Y/n-?” Rose would coo sleepily, upon hearing your voice, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face. “You okay?” She inquired, before turning to face you, and cradling your trembling body close to her’s, and you would try and hide your face from her whilst you tried not to break down again, but would soon begin to struggle. “Did you have a nightmare?” She pried, and would then notice that your glass of water was still full, and had evidently remained untouched since she’d brought it up for you alongside the soup she’d made for you earlier. “Please drink more water,” she whined, and you would wince, before hesitantly reaching for the water, and taking small sips from the glass; you didn’t want to upset, or worry her anymore than you evidently already had, “good - now.. do you wanna talk about it, or-?”

You would hesitate, before hastily shaking your head, and feebly smiling up at her. “Can-.. Can I kiss you-?” You requested, and she would nod, smiling lovingly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and yourself to forget how to breathe, for a moment.

“Of course you can,” she answered, “you don’t have to ask me, silly.” You would wince, appearing embarrassed for a moment whilst blood began to rush to your cheeks, prompting her to giggle, evidently amused by your reaction to her remark. “C’mere,” she cooed, before easing you closer to her, and delicately connecting her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, soon forgetting about the nightmare, “I love you so much, and I promise I’ll never let your nightmares hurt you; I won’t ever let anyone hurt you ever again, no matter what.”

“I - I love you, too,” you returned shakily, before burying your face into the crook of her neck, “but-.. please don’t ever let yourself get hurt for me; I’m the one who deserves to suffer, not you-”

“Hey,” she interjected, a hurt look on her face, and you would fall quiet whilst you began to get lost in her stunning icy blue eyes again, “you don’t deserve to suffer, don’t - don’t say that - promise me you’ll never say anything like that, or think anything like that ever again.”

“O-Okay,” you replied, “I won’t, I promise.”

“We’ve got another show tomorrow,” she mused, and you would nod gravely, “but if you don’t feel up for it-”

“I’ll be fine,” you tried to reassure her, forcing a confident tone, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling over at you, before she delicately kissed you again whilst you played with her hair with your right hand.

“As long as you’re sure,” she returned, and you would nod again, “but if you feel bad tomorrow, let me know, and I’ll tell Rod to cancel it - promise me you will, even.”

“I promise I’ll tell you,” you responded, and she would express relief, whilst you would appear flattered, as well as flustered; you’d never been cared about, or loved as much as she cared about, and loved you.

“Good,” she replied, “we better try and get some more sleep, I guess, but we’ll be able to stay up tomorrow for longer if you feel up for it.”

“I’d love that,” you expressed, before affectionately connecting your forehead to her’s, “g-goodnight, my beloved Louisiana Rose.”

“Goodnight, my beloved Y/n L/n,” she returned gently, before letting her eyelids flutter shut, and you would hesitantly let your eyes close alongside her’s, though you’d rather stay awake beside her, especially when you knew that - whenever you both were out in public tomorrow, you’d have to act as if you weren’t helplessly smitten with one another again, something you hated doing, and found painful at the same time, like she did, too, unbeknownst to you, but you knew there was no way to avoid it - not with the press watching you both, and the attempted murder you’d both found yourselves almost victims of not too long ago, now, just because you were two women in love with one another.

🜸🜚🜸

Whilst the band were getting ready for the day’s concert, Rose would be shocked to find you taking more of the crushed up Ecstasy pills you usually did, and she would rush up to you, and wrap her arms around your waist to ease you away from them, but not before you’d consumed a few lines of the powder. You would groan, wondering why she was bothering, as she hadn’t really ever had a problem with you doing it before, but that was before you’d had a few close-call overdoses all quite recently. “You can’t keep doing that-”

“Why not-? You know it helps me,” you reminded her, “especially when I have to see you and that asshole together-”

Rose would wince, beginning to feel bad again. “I’m gonna try and keep a low profile with him,” she tried to reassure you, and you would scoff, before shaking your head gravely, and leaning heavily against her, “I am-”

“He’d never let you,” you contradicted, “he’s obsessed with you.”

“Well I’m not obsessed with him, so thank god for that,” she replied, and you couldn’t help, but remind yourself of the nightmare you’d had, a pained expression crossing your face whilst you did, “now c’mon, we better get back to the others before they start wondering where we are-”

“If - If you’re not obsessed with him, who are you obsessed with?” You inquired, a hurt look on your face, and she would be surprised by the question, as well as a little flustered whilst she turned you to face her, and would smirk over at you whilst she wrapped her arms around your waist, careful not to apply too much pressure over the bandages Suki had arranged over the cuts you’d left.

“You,” she answered simply, before leaning forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss. Once the kiss had sadly ended, she would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s. “I could only ever be obsessed with you,” she cooed, and you would manage a warm smile back at her whilst you grew to easily be lost in her eyes again.

“I - I could only ever be obsessed with - with you, too,” you returned, and she would smirk, finding your stammering to be adorable, “I love you, Rose.”

“I love you, too, Bassy,” she expressed, and you would grin upon hearing the nickname she’d given you - ‘Bassy’ - no doubt because of you being a bassist, “and I always will, no matter what.” She would then briefly connect her lips to your’s once more; neither of you could get enough of how it felt to kiss one another, and always hated how it felt to stop; made you both feel empty inside, and you would wince, knowing the feeling would probably be worse, in the matter of an hour - when the concert was scheduled to begin. “C’mon,” she cooed, “we’ve gotta avoid getting on Rod’s bad side, if we want some more alone time later.” You would appear flustered again, prompting her to wink over at you, and blood would instantly begin to rush to your cheeks whilst she giggled, and slowly led you out of the room, and into the practice room where the others currently were together, preparing whatever technological advancements were needed, as well as tuning their instruments to make sure that they were ready, whilst you slowly began to feel and experience the effects of the drugs more and more whilst these preparations were going on around you.

🜚

Whilst the band were waiting to be announced, you found yourself beginning to feel nauseous, and quite heavy - Rose and Joel were already bickering quietly, and paying you no notice, relieving you; you were terrified of worrying Rose again, or putting her in danger of being threatened, or hurt again, like she almost had been, if you’d not jumped in front of her and absorbed the bullet, instead. As soon as the concert had begun, you were trying to play along with the others as best you could to one of the band’s most popular numbers - A Crimson Ball, but would occasionally find your fingers slipping over to the wrong frets, and notes, and Rose would occasionally sneak a few glances over at you to make sure that you were okay, whilst some members of the audience would either appear puzzled, frustrated, or amused.

As soon as you’d made it to the fourth song, and Rose had announced it to be - a surprise for Rod - one of the band’s more controversial numbers at the time - We Can Rise (a quite rebellious song you, Rose and Eddie had come up with together suggesting that there can be a rebellion, or that there should be a rebellion against the Press and authorities for repressing and punishing those who desired to, or were engaging in a same-sex relationship), prompting Rod to curse somewhat audibly to your left side, obviously out of the audience’s eye line, whilst there were mixed reactions from the audience, and you would appear to tense up a little, evidently worried about what might happen to Rose; if someone would end up trying to kill her again like they had, that concert not too long ago, now. “Rose,” you mustered, your voice barely audible, and she would surprisingly decide to walk over to you, and wrap her arms around you, and you couldn’t help, but melt into her embrace, even when some members of the audience had begun to shout their displeasure and disgust, “what - what are you doing-? They could hurt you-”

“I don’t care what they do anymore-”

“But-”

“I thought you’d be happy,” she interjected, a pained expression on her face, before she held you at arm’s length, and you would nod hastily; you were happy.

“Of course I am,” you expressed, “but - listen to them.. if anything happens to you, I - I don’t even know what.. what I’d do, I..”

You would then wince, as if you were in pain, and Rose would appear worried about you whilst you leaned heavily against her, doubled over a little. “What’s wrong? Y/n,” she cooed, and you would groan, beginning to feel nauseous and dizzy again, “say something!”

“I - I feel-..” You would falter, your voice barely audible, and shaky, prompting Rose to cradle you even closer whilst you trembled violently within her embrace, and both Suki and Eddie would rush up to you both, whilst Joel awkwardly watched, and Rod would shuffle a little awkwardly and anxiously on his feet, still out of the audience’s sight; he was evidently itching to join the small swarm around you, and to see what it was that was plaguing you.

“You’re burning up, Y/n,” Rose mused, a pained expression on her face, and you would frown, before glancing up at her, your eyes beginning to glisten, “go lay down-”

“But - t-the concert,” you murmured, and she would shake her head, before looking over at Rod, and then Eddie.

“Tell Rod the concert’s cancelled,” Rose instructed, and Eddie would nod, before rushing off to his brother, whilst Rose was allowing Suki to examine you.

“You can’t cancel it now,” you mustered timidly, but Rose wouldn’t contradict you; she didn’t want to upset you.

“Hey,” Suki began, and you would hesitantly look over at her though you were desperate to get lost in Rose’s stunning icy blue eyes again; they always made you feel safe, and as if you weren’t in pain anymore, “when was the last time you slept? Your eyes are so red, and quite dark.”

“Yesterday,” you answered, “I slept yesterday; I always sleep whenever I’m with Rose.”

Joel would subconsciously grimace, upon hearing your remark, evidently jealous that Rose had been allowing you to stay in her room with her, and never him, even when he had believed that their relationship, before, hadn’t been fake. “She was.. taking again.. earlier,” Rose informed Suki, who would wince, realising, “the - the Ecstasy pills again.. will she be okay?”

“We should call someone, just in case, b-but only if she - if she looks like she’s overdosing-” Rose would nod hastily, desperate to help you, before she picked you up, quite easily; you were somewhat shorter than her, and would rush you off of the stage, back to her room where she would be able to call an ambulance, if you did end up beginning to overdose. Suki would then notice that Joel looked disgruntled, and would follow him off of the stage so Rod could inform the audience of the cancellation; she was worried about him, and had always secretly had feelings for him, but she wasn’t sure if she should tell him about them, with the whole situation of him currently being in a fake relationship with Rose. “Hey-”

“Not now, Suki,” Joel uttered, but she wouldn’t stop, catching his right arm, and he would grunt, before begrudgingly turning to face her, “what?”

“Louisiana and Y/n,” she answered, “do - do you wanna talk about it?”

Joel would hesitate, before looking away from her, and nodding gravely. “I guess,” he uttered, before leading her up to his room so the two could talk privately about the situation, and how it was disgruntling him and paining him; he was sick of seeing you and Rose together, and being reminded that Rose could never feel the same way for him, until Suki ended up kissing him, somehow prompting him to forget about the situation, and making him feel better.

🜚

“It’s alright,” Rose cooed whilst you cried, shook, and whimpered within her arms, “I’m here, a-and - and I’m never gonna leave your side, ever. I love you so much, Y/n, and I always will, no matter what.” You would express relief, feeling a little better whilst you buried your face into the crook of her neck. “H-Hey, are you hungry? I could call Rod, and see if he could bring up some more soup for you? Or - Or something else? That soup yesterday - were you able to keep that down, in the end?” She inquired, and you would nod timidly, though even the slightest of movements were paining you, and prompting you to tense up and whine again whilst your heart raced unevenly and overwhelmingly as if it could stop any second, now. “I’ll call him-”

“No,” you whispered shakily, and she would falter, glancing back down at you, “d-don’t - don’t go, please.”

“I’m just getting the phone,” she tried to reassure you, “nowhere else, I’m not leaving; I could never leave you like this - just-.. stay in bed, please; I don’t want you to get hurt trying to get up and follow me.”

“Rose-”

“Watch me, Y/n, I’m not leaving the room,” she instructed gently, and you would reluctantly give in, watching whilst she hastily walked over to the phone, took it up, and called Rod, and she would smile warmly over at you whilst she waited for him to pick up, prompting you to feel warm and fuzzy whilst you managed a weak smile back at her, your heart skipping a few beats like it usually did whenever she smiled over at you like she was, now. “Hey, Rod, it’s me,” she began, once she could hear that he’d picked up, “I was just wondering if you could maybe go downstairs and order some of that - er.. shit, I can’t remember what it was called-.. you know that soup I ordered yesterday?” You would smirk, evidently amused, and wondered how you were able to smile like you currently were, in your current poor state. “Yeah, that one - could you?” She inquired, hopeful, whilst even nervously messing about with the cord whilst she awaited his answer; he was evidently complaining. “Thank you, so much,” she expressed, “you’re a life saver - see you in a bit!”

She would then down the phone, and hastily return to the bed so she could cuddle up with you again. “Can’t wait to have some of that shit soup,” you remarked, and she would giggle, prompting you to laugh alongside her, though it was currently painful to do so; you couldn’t help it - her laugh was, and had always been, blissfully infectious.

“I bet,” she replied playfully, “you’re adorable, you - you know that, right?”

You would be surprised, before shaking your head, and timidly shuffling closer to her so you could connect your forehead to her’s lovingly. “I didn’t, actually,” you claimed, and she would frown, “but - one thing that I do know is that - you’re a heck of a lot more adorable than I am.”

“That’s not-” You would delicately connect your lips to her’s to stop her from protesting, and she would then melt into the kiss, before gradually beginning to deepen it, and clumsily straddle you below her. “Does - Does this hurt-?” She inquired, worried, after you’d both sadly had to pull out of the kiss for breath.

“Not at all,” you claimed, though you could feel that the cuts on your stomach and chest were beginning to sting a little below the bandages, but you wouldn’t question the pain, especially when Rose began to passionately kiss you again when you both felt able, and would proceed to ignore it until Rod arrived with the requested soup - your favourite.

🜚

It wasn’t until later that night, whilst you were both snuggled up together that you realised blood was beginning to seep through your bandages, and pyjama top that Rose had helped you change into, but you would try not to panic, worried about what Rose would think if she noticed it, which she eventually had, as soon as she’d woken up upon hearing you whimpering quietly, thinking that you were having a nightmare. It was because of this that she propped herself up a little on her left elbow, noticing that you were now laying on your back; you’d been trying to avoid getting blood on the bed, and her, and your current position allowed her to notice, almost immediately, the dark blood stains, and she would falter, whilst her eyes widened a little, and heart began to race. “Shit!” She whisper-shouted, guessing that your stitches had broken earlier, and you would wince, a pained expression on your face; you didn’t want her to worry about you again.

“It - It’s nothing,” you claimed feebly, and certainly unconvincingly, prompting her to shake her head gravely, whilst she lifted your top a little to reveal the mostly blood-stained bandages beneath it.

“It’s not nothing,” she contradicted sharply, as well as a little shakily; she couldn’t believe this was happening, and was terrified that she might end up losing you, if anymore time was wasted, “you’ve lost a lot of blood, Y/n.”

Rose would then curse again, before she made to get up off of the bed, knowing she’d have to try and get help for you - luckily the others were all on the same floor as her. “No,” you whined, “don’t go, p-please, I’ll try harder for you, I promise-”

Rose would falter, glancing back at you whilst her eyes began to fill with tears; she couldn’t believe you thought that she would leave you like this, and the thought would prompt her heart to somehow sink down even further. “I’m not leaving,” she cooed, and you would express relief, “and you don’t need to try any harder to be better for me, I promise, just - just relax, okay? Try and stay calm, that’s all you can do for me right now.”

“But-”

Rose would appear to panic a little when you made to move, groaning whilst you did; it was painful. “Don’t!” She cried, and you would do as she said, though you’d rather follow her, and stick to her side. “You need to stay still,” she informed, and you would nod gravely, “you’ve already lost too much blood, a-and can’t afford to lose any more.” Rose would then rush out of the room, and hastily knock on the doors of the others room’s, desperate to wake them up, and get Suki and Eddie to treat you again; she wasn’t sure how, herself, and couldn’t let you die, believing she’d lose everything, if she lost you.

🜚

“You’re shivering,” Rose mused, whilst she laid beside you, after you’d been somehow successfully treated just in time, before you could fall unconscious on them, and never wake up again.

“It’s - It’s so cold,” you murmured, a pained expression on your face, and Rose would nod gravely, before looking around to see if she could spot any spare blankets, and there were a few stacked up on the chair in the corner of the room, provided by Rod before he’d returned to his room, evidently groggy, exhausted, and frustrated after he’d had to cancel the concert, earlier.

“Want more blankets?” She offered, and you would frown, before shaking your head gravely, surprising her.

“I.. I wanna cuddle up with you,” you admitted, and would smile sadly over at you; she wanted to cuddle with you, too, but was worried about your stitches tearing again, “can we, please?”

“Your stitches-”

“They’ll be fine, d-don’t worry,” you tried to reassure her, and she would feel worse; she could see that you were desperate, “I just - r-really need your arms around me right now.”

“Later, I promise,” she cooed, “once your stitches have settled again, which I’m sure they will, soon.”

You would begrudgingly give in, though you evidently didn’t like the idea of having to wait any longer, and Rose would hesitantly get up to get the spare blankets for you; she didn’t want you to freeze to death, though you’d refused them, a brief moment ago. “Why is it so hard to breathe?” You inquired, whilst Rose was carefully draping the extra blankets over your currently still trembling body.

“Eddie said it would get easier soon,” she answered gently, and you would express relief, glad, as well as hopeful that it would, “but - for now.” She would lay back down beside you, and you would smile lovingly over at her. “Just try to breathe slowly,” she advised, and you would nod, whilst staring longingly into her stunning icy blue eyes; you hate being outside of her embrace, and not being able to move much, to the point you couldn’t even inch closer to her, like you were longing to do in this moment. “Here,” she would offer you her right hand, and you would be surprised, your eyes instantly beginning to glint, and another smile would begin to tug at the corners of your lips, “hold my hand.”

“You - You won’t leave, will you?” You inquired after intertwining the fingers of your left hand with the fingers of her right one, a pained expression on your face, and she would appear surprised, not expecting you to worry that she would. “I just.. look at me - this is all my fault, a-and-.. and I’m so sorry, I really am-”

“No,” Rose interjected gently, “don’t apologise - none of this is your fault, and - and don’t ever worry about me leaving, because I could never do that to you; I love you, Y/n, and I swear - I’m not going anywhere; not without you.”

She would then lean forward a little to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, whilst you began to feel warm and fuzzy inside, as if the stitches were no longer paining you like they had been, before. “I love you so much,” you managed in a barely audible whisper whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s, “and I’m gonna do better and try harder for you, I swear-”

“You’re already perfect,” she cooed, “you don’t have to push yourself anymore; you need to rest, now, that’s all I want you to do - rest, and get yourself better for me so we can wreak havoc together again.” You would nod, before smiling lovingly up at her again, and closing your eyes. Rose would then lay herself back down beside you, before inching closer to you as best she could, but she would deny herself sleep, just in case you ended up having a nightmare, or found yourself struggling to sleep; she wanted to try and provide you with as much comfort as she possibly could, and though you did eventually seem to get somewhat better, things wouldn’t stay that way - at least, not for long, not with the issue of Joel’s proposal fast approaching; he felt he should still go through with it for you both to cover your secret relationship up, though he had now found out that he had been harbouring feelings for Suki for quite some time now, unbeknownst to the rest of the band, until the day before the proposal had grimly arrived, and things had ended up kicking off again in a way that nobody wanted, or needed them to.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️