#i was confused why sam even asked dean about WHY he's been drinking heavier

[maybeimissu]

i was watching 07.05. and the show sort of implied that dean's drinking is because he feels guilty about Amy? only... it took me so long to get the implication bc that's such a non-issue for me

[babygirlwolverine]

The 5 Senses of Longing

This fic is a gift for @stanforderadean as part of my gift exchange celebration!

Also posted on ao3.

Word Count: 7,463 (Continued under the Read More)

Dean rapped his knuckles on the wood door, pausing for a second before nudging it open with his shoulder. Cas was lying on the bed in his room, propped up against the headboard with a book in his lap, and Dean was once again hit with the startling recollection that Cas actually needed to sleep now that he didn’t have his Grace. Somehow it was endearing to see Cas this way; curled up under the covers and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

But wasn't that the point of this? The whole reason Dean had come knocking on Cas' door in the first place. Because Cas had been without his powers for months now, and also because they were in a lull with finding Metatron and killing Abbadon. What they needed was a little break. And even though they were dealing with more shit than ever before, Dean yearned to slow things down around them for just a couple of days to show Cas some of the good things about being human.

Dean had been the one to suggest the idea casually to Sam, and with Ezekiel healing him slowly, it was best for Sam to stay at the Bunker and rest. Which gave Dean the perfect opportunity. Now the only thing to do was to bring the idea to Cas.

“Hey, buddy,” Dean said, hovering in the doorway. “Mind if I come in?”

Cas smiled, lowering his book and closing it with a quiet thump. “Not at all,” he said, gesturing for Dean to enter the room. “Did something happen?” he asked, smile shifting into something more alert as he pushed himself further up in the bed.

“No, no, nothing happened,” Dean quickly reassured, taking a couple steps closer before hesitating at the foot of the bed. Should he sit on the bed? Should he pull up a chair? Should he just stand there? Why was he overthinking this? God, he really needed to get these bubbling feelings under control before he opened his mouth and said something he shouldn’t. “I was uh. Actually wondering if you were busy?”

Cas blinked a couple times, tilting his head and squinting up at Dean in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I thought we could go on a little road trip. Just you and me for a couple of days. Wanted to show you a few things now that you’re sorta human,” Dean said.

“A road trip? Don’t we do that all the time?” Cas asked.

Dean grinned, nudging Cas’ leg with his knee as he plopped himself down on the edge of the bed. “Well, yeah. But this isn’t gonna be a road trip for a case. There’s a couple of spots around here that you’ve got to experience. Sights and smells you haven’t seen yet. Oh, and the best stack of pancakes you’ll ever eat. You’ve just gotta trust me.”

Something soft and affectionate sparked through Cas’ eyes before he nodded. “Best pancakes I’ll ever eat? Is that so?” he teased.

All the nerves that had been lurching in Dean’s stomach settled all at once, and he shoved at Cas’ leg again. Yeah. This he could do. Their usual playful antics that he enjoyed so much. He didn’t need to think about that little spark that was twining around his heart at the way Cas had just smiled at him.

“Just you wait. Now that you’ve got taste buds, I’m gonna make you try every single food I can get my hands on. I will find every single thing you enjoy eating, mark my words,” Dean said lightly, hauling himself up from the bed. “Twenty minutes. Get your ass moving and meet me at the car.”

Cas laughed, free and happy, and Dean’s heart lurched in his chest. Oh, he was going to do everything he could over the next two days just to hear that sound again.

Dean had just reached the door when Cas called out to him.

“Hey, Dean?”

Dean turned, hand on the doorknob as he looked back at Cas. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Cas said, smiling so warmly that it made Dean feel momentarily weak in the knees. Oh God. If Cas kept smiling at him like that, Dean was going to do something he regretted, like kiss Cas stupid until he could feel that smile against his own lips.

“Yeah, of course. Twenty minutes. Don’t be late,” Dean said, flashing Cas a quick smile before bolting from the room; the door snapping shut behind him as he escaped to the safety of his own room.

Pressing his back into his bedroom door, Dean heaved in a deep breath; closing his eyes and scrubbing his hands over his face. This idea was either the best thing he’d ever come up with... or it was going to be the death of him. Maybe he’d be able to get over this stupid fluttering feeling in his chest. Or maybe, just maybe, that feeling was going to explode until it consumed him whole.

~

"Where are we going first?" Cas asked, sliding into the passenger seat exactly nineteen minutes later.

A minute early, Dean noted. Was that deliberate? Was it accidental? Dean couldn't possibly be overthinking one teeny tiny little minute, could he?

"Pancakes, obviously. Unless you're suddenly going to turn your nose up at chocolate," Dean said, darting his eyes over to Cas as they pulled out of the Bunker onto the main dirt road winding through the woods.

"Chocolate?" Cas repeated, turning in his seat until he'd angled his body towards Dean. The smile that crept across his lips was so dazzling that Dean had to suck in a sharp breath and force his eyes on the road. "I love chocolate."

Huffing out a laugh, Dean clicked on the music and Zeppelin softly filled the air. "Oh really? I never would've known." Shifting onto the main road, Dean grinned at Cas. "I definitely didn't see you eat 3 chocolate bars yesterday."

Cas pretended to be shocked, gasping at Dean even though his eyes were sparkling with laughter. "That certainly wasn't me. Sam framed me."

The laughter bubbled up from Dean’s chest, and he couldn't stop himself from knocking his hand against Cas' knee. "You're a menace. You and your sudden sweet tooth."

"I don't see you complaining that hard. Considering now you have someone to eat chocolate pancakes with."

The breath caught in Dean's throat; such simple words hitting like a wave against his chest. Keeping his focus on the road, he quickly darted his gaze over at Cas from the corner of his eye. Cas had tucked himself against the door, with his body still tilted towards Dean. There was a soft expression on his face; a smile that lit up his eyes with his nose crinkled adorably.

Oh God, this feeling really was going to consume Dean.

Shifting the conversation towards topics that wouldn’t make Dean’s heart ache in his chest, the hour-long drive slipped by in a blur. The diner soon loomed on the horizon, and it was so easy to keep talking about blueberries vs bananas as Dean guided the Impala into a parking spot.

“Doesn’t it depend on what you’re putting the fruit with?” Dean asked, holding the diner door open for Cas to walk through. “Besides, bananas can be baked into far more things than blueberries.”

Cas scrunched up his face, giving Dean a look that bordered on a pout. “You’re just saying that because you prefer bananas over blueberries.”

"I would never," Dean teased, before stepping up to the counter. "Table for two, please."

"Right this way," the hostess said, guiding them to a booth in the back of the diner.

As soon as they sat down, Cas moved to pick up a menu from the table, but Dean reached out from the other side of the booth and plucked it from Cas' hands. "Nope. No looking. You just gotta trust me on this one, yeah?"

"What if I don't like it?" Cas asked, raising an eyebrow even though he leaned back in his seat, conceding to Dean's statement of trust.

Tapping his fingers against the table, Dean tried not to linger on the way their fingertips had just barely brushed when he'd pulled the menu from Cas' grasp. "You will. Don't overthink it and have a little faith in me."

"I do. Trust you," Cas said, something in his tone slipping from playful to serious.

Dean shook his head, dispelling the heavier tone. He didn't want to think about Cas' unwavering trust and how most days he felt like he didn't deserve it. Right now, this moment was about showing Cas something more.

"Good. Because if you don't like it, I'm never speaking to you again," Dean joked, lightening the mood again.

"Never again? That's a long time to not talk to me because of some pancakes, Dean,” Cas laughed.

Just as Dean was about to throw another tease at Cas, a waiter appeared at their table with a smile and a notepad in his hand.

“Hi there, welcome to Mel’s. My name’s Hunter. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Actually, Hunter, we’re ready to order. Two coffees, one with cream and sugar and one with cream. And two short stacks of the rocky road pancakes, please.”

Hunter smiled, jotting down the order. “Well that was easy. I’ll get those coffees out to you both in just a few moments.”

“Thank you,” Cas said, as Hunter collected their menus and disappeared towards the kitchen. “You know how I like my coffee?”

Dean ducked his head, a sudden tinge burning his cheeks as he cleared his throat. “Cream and two sugars. Like I said, you like things on the sweeter side,” Dean said, avoiding Cas’ gaze from the other side of the table.

“You’re very observant,” Cas pointed out.

Dean bit down on his tongue, forcing himself to swallow the words ‘I’m only observant when it comes to you.’ Instead, he threw on a cocky smirk and said, “That’s because I’m an excellent hunter.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas kicked Dean lightly under the table. “You’re not that good.”

Dean pretended to be offended, scrunching up one of the spare napkins and throwing it at Cas’ face. Cas laughed, bright and giddy, and Dean felt a weightless feeling in his chest. He spent the next 15 minutes doing anything and everything he could just to hear Cas laugh again and again.

By the time their pancakes and coffee arrived at the table, Cas’ cheeks were pink from laughter and Dean had never been more smitten. Cas made a little sound of shock as the pancakes were put in front of him; his eyes widening as he looked up at Dean in surprise.

Three massive chocolate pancakes covered the entire size of the plate. Topped with handfuls of marshmallows and almonds, along with a drizzle of chocolate syrup and cocoa powder, it was a chocolate overload.

“What do you think? Does it look sweet enough for you, angel?” Dean said, with a grin.

“Looks like Heaven,” Cas muttered, picking up his fork and taking a bite. Cas instantly groaned in pleasure, eyes fluttering shut as he hummed happily. “Tastes like it, too.”

Dean wasn’t sure whether to laugh at Cas’ words or to dwell on the sound Cas had made when he tasted the pancakes, and it was all too much and not enough.

“You like it?” Dean asked, swallowing a mouthful of his own pancake and washing it down with a sip of coffee just so he could distract himself from the look of sheer bliss that was on Cas’ face.

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” Cas said, dipping one of the mini marshmallows into the chocolate syrup with a grin.

This time Dean did laugh, nudging Cas’ leg under the table with his foot. “Don’t eat it too fast or you’ll give yourself hiccups.”

“That’s not a thing,” Cas said, chewing on another mouthful of pancake.

“Yeah, Cas, it is,” Dean said, huffing out a breath and rolling his eyes fondly.

As if to prove his point, Cas started hiccuping a minute later. Dean raised an eyebrow, as if to say, ‘see, I told you,’ and Cas pouted.

“But it’s so-” he broke off to hiccup, “Good.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Dean said warmly. “Hold your breath for twenty seconds, and then eat a little slower. The pancake isn’t going anywhere.”

Cas gave Dean a sharp look. “Unless you-” he hiccuped again, “steal it from my plate before I can eat it.”

Okay, that was a fair point. Dean definitely had eaten from Cas’ plate before. But this time, he placed his hand on his heart as he said, “I won’t touch your pancakes, you have my word.”

Shoulders bouncing as Cas hiccuped again, Dean watched as Cas took in a deep breath and then held it. He internally counted as well, watching as Cas let the breath out twenty seconds later.

They both waited a beat, then two, and when no more hiccups came, Cas beamed at Dean. “It worked,” he said before moving to take another bite of chocolatey goodness.

They lapsed into comfortable silence as they ate, both of them enjoying their breakfast. Cas broke the moment a few minutes later to say, "I want to eat these pancakes every day for the rest of my life."

Taking a sip of his coffee, Dean grinned across the table at Cas. "I'm not sure if we can get out here every day. But we can make it a thing, if you want? Every Sunday that we're at home, you and I can drive down here for breakfast," Dean offered.

Cas nodded eagerly, a genuine smile lighting up his face. "I'd love that."

Something warm settled in Dean's veins; seeing Cas so happy and content over something as simple as a stack of pancakes. It was all Dean had wanted. To see Cas smile and to see him enjoy something Dean also liked.

Nodding firmly, decision made, Dean nudged Cas with his foot again. “Finish your pancakes. We’ve got more things to explore today.”

“Like what?” Cas asked, freezing with his fork inches from his lips. Dean had to force himself to look away before he stared at the way Cas’ lips wrapped around the fork.

“You’ll see. I’ll give you a couple options in the car and you can pick whichever one you want,” Dean said, biting down on his own fork just a little too roughly; the tang of metal vibrating along his tooth.

Cas pouted, pointing at Dean with the handle of his fork. “What if I want to know the options now?”

Miming zipping his lips closed, Dean smiled at the fond exasperation that Cas shot his way. The expression instantly melted into a smile again as Cas scooped more marshmallows onto his chocolate pancake.

“A new tradition,” Cas murmured, more to himself than Dean, but Dean heard the fondness in the words and his heart kicked up again in his chest.

God, Dean was happy. Happier than he’d been in a long time. He genuinely cared about Cas enjoying things, and knowing he’d been able to make Cas smile was a damn good feeling.

By the time they made their way back to the Impala twenty minutes later, both full of chocolatey sweetness, Cas immediately tapped his fingers on Dean’s knee. “What are the options?”

Rolling his eyes, Dean nudged Baby into gear and pulled back out onto the road. “So impatient.”

“Shut up,” Cas huffed, his tone sharply contrasting the happy look on his face.

“Alright. Simple question. Don’t think too hard about it. Ready?”

Cas nodded.

“Aquarium or the zoo?”

Cas’ eyes sparkled bright blue in the late morning sunlight as he made his choice. “Aquarium.”

~

The afternoon sun crept through the Impala windows as they arrived at the aquarium in Kansas City a couple of hours later. Cas had spent the entire drive talking about the evolution of fish and their importance to the earth from creation until now.

It was entirely endearing, hearing Cas talk so animatedly. It made Dean want to pull over; to watch Cas talk as he hung on every word that slipped past Cas’ lips. Instead, he darted his eyes over to the passenger seat as often as he could, watching as Cas occasionally emphasized his point by gesturing with his hands.

Too cute.

Dean turned his eyes back to the road again.

As soon as they’d parked, Cas was out of the car and gravitating towards the entrance before Dean could even open his door. There was an excited gleam in Cas’ eyes, and Dean felt the electric pull as he allowed Cas to lead the way to the ticket booth.

“I wonder if they’ll have any seahorses. Did you know they’re the only animals where the male carries the eggs and undergoes the birthing process?” Cas asked as Dean purchased the tickets.

Dean hummed vaguely in answer, not wanting to take away from Cas’ enthusiasm by admitting he already knew that. “I’m sure they’ll have plenty of seahorses,” he said instead, watching Cas from the corner of his eye as the former angel beamed.

Stepping into the cool air conditioned building, Dean’s eyes caught the entrance sign that indicated which direction each exhibit was located and he nudged Cas towards it. “What do you want to see first?”

Cas’ gaze caught the very first line on the sign and he grinned. “There are sea turtles, Dean. A whole rescue center for them.” Something in Cas’ expression shifted from excited to fond in the blink of an eye; leaving Dean reeling at how expressive Cas was. “It’s nice. That there are people who try to conserve endangered species.”

Dean bumped his shoulder into Cas’, gently directing him towards the sea turtle exhibit. “See? Not all humans are terrible,” he joked.

“No. They’re not,” Cas said, the fondness morphing into something tender as his gaze locked with Dean’s. The moment felt blinding, and Dean had to tear his eyes away before he did something stupid like lean in and kiss Cas right in front of the exhibit.

Instead, Dean shifted the conversation into something lighter. Putting his hand out, he caught Cas’ shoulder and held him back mere feet from the turtles. When Cas gave him a questioning look, Dean moved to tap his nose with his finger. “Take a second. What do you smell?”

Cas tilted his head, sucking in a deep breath before raising an eyebrow at Dean. “Salt water.”

Dean nodded. “Part of the experience is the smell; the salt lingering in the air from the exhibits. Almost makes you feel like you’re right there by the ocean.”

Dean watched as Cas’ eyes fluttered shut as he took another long, slow breath. A little smile graced his lips, and the sight was so simplistic and yet so beautiful Dean momentarily lost his breath. Quickly sneaking out his phone, Dean took a picture; with the turtles in the background and Cas with his eyes closed in a peaceful bliss.

“I like it,” Cas said a moment later, eyes fluttering open as he looked over at Dean. “The atmosphere is peaceful.”

Nodding, Dean nudged Cas to start moving again. “I’m glad. Now let’s go see the turtles.”

Entering into the turtles rescue center, they walked up to one of the large tanks where several turtles gracefully swam by. Cas moved forward, gently pressing his palm to the glass. “They’re beautiful,” he murmured.

“Do you want to sit and watch them? It looks like there might be someone coming to feed them if you want to stay for that?” Dean asked.

“I’d love to,” Cas said, letting Dean lead him to a bench just a couple of feet away.

They sat down together, watching as the turtles elegantly moved through the water. It was captivating and mesmerizing; both watching the turtles glide through the water, but also watching Cas watching the turtles.

“Tell me something. About turtles, I mean,” Dean said, bumping Cas’ knee with his own.

“Their species is 110 million years old,” Cas said wistfully, as if he were picturing the moment when sea turtles first came into existence. “They don’t have any teeth,” he said, nodding his head to the tank where several jellyfish and crabs were being fed to the turtles. “Their mouth is made of keratin, like your fingernails, which helps to break down the plants and small animals that they eat.”

“They really are elegant,” Dean said, pressing his shoe up against Cas’ and offering him a smile.

Cas nodded, his eyes darting back and forth between the turtles and Dean. “They were some of my favorite creatures made for the ocean.” Cas lapsed into silence for a few moments, his gaze caught on a cluster of turtles that swam up to the surface to take a breath.

Dean let the pause linger, but instead of watching the turtles, he spent his time watching Cas. He cataloged the serene expression on Cas’ face and committed it to memory. It was a pleased contentment that Dean wanted to see Cas experience over and over again.

After several minutes of watching the turtles swim around and waddle their way up onto a sandy ledge, Cas bumped their knees together. “What’s next?”

“You tell me,” Dean said. “What do you want to see?”

“Fish. Any fish,” he paused, “The fish from that movie you’ve talked about before.”

Dean laughed, tipping his head back and letting a bubbling feeling of happiness wrap around his heart. “You mean Finding Nemo?”

“That’s it. Show me fish from Finding Nemo,” Cas said, getting up from the bench and offering his hand to Dean.

Dean let his fingers wrap around Cas’ wrist as Cas pulled him to his feet, and a spark of longing cascaded down his spine. Before he could linger on the feeling for too long, Cas had let go and was moving towards the nearest sign with arrows to the major exhibits.

“It says fish exhibits are this way,” Cas said, already moving towards the tunnel he’d indicated. Except it wasn’t just a tunnel. A large tank wrapped around the walkway, giving a massive overhead view of several sharks and fishes as they stepped into the passage.

“Wow,” Cas breathed out, tilting his head back so he could watch as a blacktip shark swam over their heads. They paused in the corridor, watching as a school of fish darted overhead just seconds after the shark had passed. “I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Cas whispered.

There was something about Cas’ earnest awe that made Dean want to surprise him over and over again. “Do you like it?” Dean asked, stepping to the side as a family moved past them.

“I do,” Cas replied, happy and carefree.

And then they were moving again; past the sharks and into several rooms filled with tanks of colorful fish. From sea bass to minnows, and rockfish to flounders; they spent a vast amount of time looking at each exhibit of fish. Dean specifically found tanks filled with clownfish and blue tangs, explaining the plot of Finding Nemo even though he knew Cas already knew the movie.

The exhibits transitioned from fish into invertebrates and other sea creatures; crabs and lobsters, jellyfish and urchins, eels to octopi. Cas was fascinated by every animal they saw.

But Dean’s favorite part was the knowledge Cas shared. At every single exhibit, Dean pointed at a fish and asked, “Tell me something about this one.” And, without fail, Cas instantly told Dean a unique fact or detail about whichever animal Dean had pointed at. Dean stopped looking at the signs next to each tank, instead turning and asking Cas what each species was. No matter how many times Dean asked, Cas gave him the same beautifully fond smile as he detailed every fish they saw.

By the time they’d made their way through all of the tanks, Dean swore he could write and direct his own nature series on sea creatures with all the information Cas had shared.

“Alright, now we’ve seen the fish, are you ready for the best part of any aquarium trip?” Dean asked as they stepped back out into the main entryway of the building.

“There’s something better than seeing the fish?” Cas asked, tilting his head questioningly.

Dean chuckled, nudging Cas towards another corridor while deliberately blocking the signpost from view so that he could surprise Cas. “Oh, trust me, you’re gonna enjoy this.”

Guiding Cas past tanks of coral and kelp, they walked out into a large enclosure. People lingered around a massive pool in the center of the room; children screaming and giggling and the sounds of splashing water echoing around the walls.

“Welcome,” Dean said, gesturing widely with his arms, “To the interactive touchpool.”

“The what?” Cas asked, squinting at Dean in shock.

“Touchpool, Cas. It’s where you can actually put your hand in the water and touch the creatures. I thought you’d like to physically interact with some of the animals. If you want?”

Cas pulled in a sharp breath, his eyes flitting to the large pool before darting back to Dean in awe. “What animals are there?”

“Why don’t we go find out?” Dean said, guiding Cas to the sink area so they could both wash their hands before directing them to an open spot along the wall of the exhibit. Rolling his sleeve up, Dean motioned for Cas to do the same. Then he dipped his fingertips into the water, and watched as Cas copied his motions.

Reaching out, Dean’s fingers brushed over a sea star and he chuckled quietly. “C’mere,” he said, moving his hand through the water until he bumped against Cas. Linking their fingers together, Dean guided their joined hands down until Cas’ palm was pressed against the sea star.

“Oh.” Cas’ surprise hung in the air between them as he leaned his weight into Dean’s side. Pressed together against the rocky edge of the exhibit, Dean swore he never wanted to let go. But Cas deserved to experience what it felt like to touch these creatures. Loosening his hold on Cas’ wrist until he was just barely brushing their hands together, Dean felt Cas’ hand move slowly over the top of the sea star, as if he were memorizing every hard bump of the spines along its body. “It’s not what I expected, even though I know every molecule they’re made of. It feels… leathery,” Cas said, tilting his head carefully as he gently traced his fingers over the starfish for a second time.

Dean gave Cas another minute to interact with the sea star before he slipped his fingers across the back of Cas’ hand and carefully guided him again. “How does this feel?” he asked as he lowered Cas’ hand down gently towards an anemone.

Cas let out another little gasp, hand jerking back slightly at the texture before he touched it again. “Gelatinous. Like jello,” Cas said with a laugh, fingers tracing over the flower-like structure.

Shifting away slightly to put some space between them, Dean moved to pull his hand away, but Cas instantly followed him until he pressed their hands together again. Their fingers interlocked under the rippling water, and Dean felt his breath stutter out of his lungs.

“Show me something else,” Cas said, voice almost drowned out by the loud sounds all around them.

Pulling in a sharp breath, Dean kept their hands linked together as he took a step to the side; waiting for Cas to follow him. He watched carefully as the stingray moved along the floor of the exhibit, and as it approached them, he directed Cas’ hand down until his palm slid down the stingray's back.

“What does the stingray feel like?” Dean asked, words sticking in his throat as the overwhelming sensations sparked between them.

“Smooth. Almost sleek and silky,” Cas said, voice dropping into something breathy in awe. Cas’ hand lingered against the stingray, fingertips stroking over it’s skin before Dean shifted their joined hands down onto the bottom of the tank.

“Let it move over your hand,” Dean said, shifting his hold on Cas until he was gripping around Cas’ wrist.

The stingray rippled over Cas’ hand as it swam along the floor, and Cas let out a startled laugh. “It tickles,” he said, leaning his weight back into Dean again until his hip bumped against Dean’s. They remained that way for several long seconds as the stingray moved over Cas’ hand and continued on its way down the length of the pool.

Dean cast his eyes from the water up to Cas, and their gazes locked for a heart-pounding moment. An unspoken thing passed between them, and Cas momentarily flipped his hand until his palm brushed against Dean’s palm. There was a rush of water that moved around their hands at the motion, but Dean swore he could feel the heat from Cas’ hand radiating up into his.

Movement from a large gray fish broke Dean from the trace and he tipped Cas’ hand palm down again as the fish swam past.

“Fish,” Dean said.

“Sturgeon,” Cas clarified as his fingers grazed along the bony spines of its back until it’s whiskers tickled over the pads of his fingers. “It’s smooth because it doesn't have any scales, but also bony where the cartilage creates these projections.”

Nodding, Dean glided their hands through the water again until they brushed against the sharp roughness of coral.

“It’s different, right? Focusing all your senses on the way something feels,” Dean said quietly.

Cas nodded, letting Deans’ fingers slide into the gaps between his own again. “I’ve never experienced anything quite like it,” Cas said, words whispered reverently between them. And then, said even more quietly, “I remember watching the evolution of these creatures; watching one of the fish climb onto the shore and another angel telling me not to step on that fish because there were big plans for it. I wish I’d known then.”

“Known what?” Dean asked, a sudden lump forming in his throat.

“How beautiful fish could be, and what it was truly like to see them and touch them,” Cas responded, letting Dean maneuver them as another stingray floated through the water right underneath their hands.

Dean tilted his head, watching the way Cas’ expressions shifted from amazement to surprise and delight.

“Do you want to stay here for a little while? We can see if there’s any other creatures on the other side of the pool that you can interact with?”

The smile that Cas gave him was so bright Dean swore it rivaled the sun. “I’d like that very much.”

Letting go of Cas’ hand and stepping away from the water felt like Dean had left a part of himself behind on the edge of the pool. But when they’d found a new spot on the opposite end of the exhibit, Cas’ hand instantly found Dean’s underwater.

They spent an hour at the touchpool interacting with the creatures, but Dean wasn’t paying attention to the animals anymore. All he could focus on was the way Cas’ hand fit perfectly with his own, and how Cas kept their fingers intertwined the entire time. Dean never wanted the moment to end; Cas pressed against him, babbling excitedly about how everything felt, as if they had all the time in the world to linger right there at the edge of the glistening water.

~

Dusk had fallen by the time they left the aquarium. Walking back to the car, Dean felt drunk on happiness with the tingling sensation of Cas’ fingers still lingering against his hand. Part of him wanted to reach out and grasp Cas’ hand again, but without the pretense of the water, Dean hesitated and the moment slipped by.

But the day had been good; better than anything Dean could’ve hoped for. In all the time he’d known Cas, Dean swore he’d never seen Cas laugh and smile so much.

By the time they climbed back into the Impala, Cas was hiding a yawn behind his hand, automatically dropping his head to rest against the door.

“I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Ready to find a motel and get some sleep?” Dean asked.

Cas’ tired eyes found Dean’s in the muted light from the streetlight above them, and he gave Dean a soft nod. Despite the exhaustion, Dean could still see the etches of happiness lingering in Cas’ expression. Something churned in Dean’s stomach at the sight and he reached out, resting his hand briefly on Cas’ knee with a gentle squeeze.

“Dean,” Cas said, voice infused with affection.

The tenderness was almost too much to bear, and Dean cast his eyes out to the road as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Sap,” he muttered back to Cas, catching the little fond smile on Cas’ face at the light teasing.

Once they were back on the road, Cas closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the door again. Dean noticed, and quickly he fumbled one handed to grab one of his spare jackets from the backseat. He nudged it into Cas’ lap, nodding his head towards the door. “Better to use a jacket as a pillow.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas murmured thickly, scrunching the jacket up and nestling it between his head and the door. Another surge of fondness surged up to wrap around Dean’s lungs, and he forced himself to focus on driving instead of watching Cas drift off to sleep with his head pillowed on his jacket.

It took almost half an hour of driving to find a motel that had any vacancy- why the last 3 were all full was a surprising feat that Dean had rarely encountered- and Dean was tempted to let Cas sleep the rest of the night tucked up in the passenger seat, but he knew from experience that it was more comfortable to drag his exhausted ass into a motel room than to get neck ache from sleeping against the car door. As softly as he could, Dean nudged Cas’ shoulder.

Cas’ eyes immediately fluttered open, Dean’s name on his lips as he catalogued their surroundings with sleepy blinks.

“Hey buddy. Are you ready to get out of the car and get some sleep in a bed?” Dean prompted, keeping his tone gentle in the peaceful darkness of the car.

“Yeah, okay,” Cas said, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

God. The sight was ridiculously cute. Dean’s heart kicked up against his chest, and he forced himself to open the door and step out into the cool night air before he reached out and brushed his hand through Cas’ messy hair. “I’ll go get us checked in.”

He waited until he saw Cas nod before he made his way to the front desk.

A young man looked up as the bell above the door dinged, and the smell of musty haze hit Dean as he stepped into the building.

“Single room with two queens, please,” Dean said, stepping up to the counter.

The man made a face, shaking his head as he dropped a key in front of Dean. “Sorry, dude. I’ve got one room left with one bed. There’s a convention in town and everywhere is booked for miles.”

Well shit. Dean cast his eyes outside to Cas, who was leaning against the hood of the Impala with his shoulders hunched as if he were barely keeping himself standing upright. They were both tired, and searching for another motel when there was a room here felt unnecessarily complicated. They could share a bed, right? It was just for one night. Cas wouldn’t mind, would he?

“Yeah, alright, we’ll take it,” Dean said, lungs suddenly constricting in his chest at the thought of lying inches away from Cas. “Thanks.” Picking up the key, Dean made his way back out to the Impala where Cas had stacked their bags on the curb by his feet.

“Hope you don’t mind sharing,” he said, bending down to grab his overnight bag. “They only had one room left with just one bed.”

“Okay,” Cas said, simple and easy. But was that… was that a smile? Why was Cas smiling about sharing a bed? Surely he wouldn’t want to be crammed up next to Dean after they’d spent all day in each other’s pockets. “I’m following you.”

Shaking his head, Dean hummed vaguely and followed the signs down to their room. Nudging open the door, Dean dumped his bag on the little table by the window. “You can go ahead and take a shower first if you want?”

Cas smiled, tired yet genuine. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, Dean gestured towards the bathroom. “Go for it. I’m just gonna check in on Sam and see how he’s doing.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean watched Cas disappear into the bathroom, and his chest ached as the yearning wrapped thickly around his lungs. God. Any hopes Dean had of this trip dampening his feelings had quickly flown out the window. The ache was even deeper now, and the thought of sharing a bed with Cas all night was more than Dean could handle.

Stepping back outside, Dean sucked in a sharp lungful of air. He really was in trouble now. Calling Sam didn’t seem to distract Dean at all; especially because Sam had nothing exciting to report other than the fact he’d been doing some inventory work around the bunker.

A cold shower would help to tamper down the yearning… well, it would’ve if Dean hadn’t seen Cas emerge from the bathroom in a soft pair of pajama pants and one of Dean’s old tshirts that he’d given to Cas a couple months ago.

Shit. Dean was well and truly smitten.

Cas tugged the blankets around himself as he curled up on the left side of the bed, and Dean felt his heart lurch in his chest. Soft. That was the best word he could find to describe how Cas looked. Hair still damp and flopped across his forehead with a faded maroon shirt highlighting Cas’ tan. The sleepy look in Cas’ eyes was enough to have Dean melting into the floor.

“I’ll be- uh, be right back,” Dean said, locking himself into the bathroom as his heart thundered against his ribs.

There was no escaping the feeling.

By the time Dean made his way back into the room, he expected Cas to be asleep. But instead he was propped up against the headboard and he smiled at Dean the second he saw him. Dean hesitated for a moment at the edge of the bed, before pulling back the covers and climbing in on the other side.

Cas instantly shifted so he was facing Dean, offering him another tired smile. “Today was good. Really good,” he murmured quietly.

Dean felt himself relax into the mattress; tilting until he was lying face to face with Cas. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Cas replied. They lapsed into silence for a few moments before Cas admitted, “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

Dean raised an eyebrow in the faint light coming from the single lamp on Cas’ side of the bed, waiting for Cas to clarify what he meant.

“That the simple things in life could be so beautiful,” Cas said after a moment, as if he’d been looking for the right words to describe what he was feeling. “I don’t know what…” Cas paused, tilting his head until his cheek was pressed into the pillow. “I’ve never really known what happiness is. But I think this is what it looks like; what it feels like.”

The words hovered between them, heavy in their confession and yet light in their tone.

“You’re happy?” Dean whispered, barely able to get his voice to escape past his lips.

Cas smiled, gummy and soft, and it was the most beautiful smile Dean had ever seen. “Really, really happy,” Cas said, fingers tugging lightly at the blanket he’d wrapped himself in.

The words settled like honey in Dean’s veins, and he felt himself smile right back at Cas. God, why was he feeling so sappy and why did he want to do anything to keep that smile on Cas’ face?

“Wanna talk about plans for tomorrow? I’ve got another idea you might enjoy that’s on the way back home,” Dean said. The idea had wiggled its way into his head while he’d been brushing his teeth, and he had a feeling it would make Cas smile even more when he suggested it.

“Yeah?” Cas asked, echoing the same tone Dean had used just a couple minutes ago.

“Botanical garden. There’s one on the other side of Kansas City that’s famous for blooming flowers this time of year. I thought you might like to see some of the beauty of nature,” Dean said.

A smitten look crossed Cas’ face; his eyes softening into something extremely tender and affectionate. And then he was leaning across the pillow into Dean’s space. When their lips met, it was the softest brush Dean had ever felt in his life.

Cas pulled back with a little sigh of an exhale, and then dove back in to press their mouths together again. This kiss was even warmer and slower; Cas pressing his body against Dean and Dean wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist to coax him closer.

They broke the kiss with little gasps before closing the gap to kiss again. Cas’ nose brushed against Dean’s, nuzzling delicately, before his fingertips grazed along Dean’s jaw.

Dean’s heart ached in his chest as Cas peppered several quick butterfly pecks against his lips before lingering on the next kiss. Everything seemed to slow down around them, until all of Dean’s senses were overwhelmed with the touch and taste of Cas.

Somehow, Dean had always pictured that kissing Cas would be like an electrical storm; crackling and fizzling and bursting with desperation to make things deeper. But this… this was the most delicate and romantic kiss Dean had ever experienced in his life. Soft and simple; just gentle caresses of their lips melding together with little happy hums.

Cas tilted his head and Dean followed the movement, sliding his hand under the hem of Cas’ tshirt until he was tracing little patterns along Cas’ hip. Each kiss felt like Dean was going to melt into the mattress as Cas huffed a tiny breath against his cheek before kissing him again.

God.

It was so good Dean just couldn’t get enough.

When Cas pulled back with a stuttering breath, Dean chased him, free hand coming up to cup Cas’ cheek as he brushed their noses together again before seeking out Cas’ lips in another kiss.

Quiet little pleased sounds filled the air with the tickle of lips teasing against each other. Cas’ hands had found their way into Dean’s hair, and Dean had all but tugged Cas forwards until he was lying across Dean’s chest. Fast kisses morphed into slow tangible dances as their mouths learned what it felt like to be slotted together.

By the time Dean finally pulled back, resting his forehead against Cas’, he was absolutely breathless and his heart was milliseconds from catapulting out of his chest with how fast it was beating.

“What was that for?” Dean whispered, tracing his fingertips from Cas’ hip to the small of his back.

“Because you’re absolutely… Dean, you’re just… indescribable,” Cas murmured, lips ghosting over Dean’s cheek. “I’ve wanted to kiss you all day. You make me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire existence.”

Something in Dean’s chest burned warm and pleasant through his veins, lighting his heart on fire. This whole time, Cas had felt the same way he did. God. He’d have kissed Cas breathless over those chocolate pancakes had he known that Cas wanted it, too.

Cas tucked himself more comfortably against his side, and Dean looped his arms loosely around Cas’ back.

“Dean,” Cas whispered, breath tickling along Dean’s neck.

“Hm?” Dean hummed quietly.

“Kiss me again.”

This time it was just sleepy little brushes; lips ever-so-softly coming together in chaste touches as they kissed. When Cas pulled back, he muttered something about the botanical gardens and how happy he was. The words were muffled into the collar of Dean’s shirt, and Dean felt the shift as Cas drifted off to sleep in his arms.

When sleep finally caught up to Dean after he spent several long minutes committing this perfect day to his memory, it was with the taste of Cas still lingering against his lips and the feel of Cas’ body pressed against his own.

[hen-of-letters]

@spnprideweek day one: flags

This little ficlet for #spnprideweek is brought to you by my big, non-binary bisexual love for this beautiful fandom, and my desire to fix that moment in 'Baby' when Cas indulges Dean by saying "werepire", but Dean doesn't hear him and Cas doesn't know. It ended up getting a bit long, so there's more under the cut or over on AO3. Thanks!

Dean's at Pride, and feeling a rising level of discomfort.

It's not the fact that he's wearing eyeliner in public for the first time in his forty-two years. Hell, he'd been wanting to do that ever since he was a kid, dreaming of being a rock star. The covers of music magazines in gas station racks had been windows on a world free from the brutally narrow definition of what his Dad meant when he told him to "be a man". Gradually, though, he'd learned what is gloriously apparent today under the hot June sun: that there are as many ways of being a man as there are men.

It's not because the sleeveless white t-shirt he's wearing is somewhat snug. (The heat had made him shed his pink, purple and blue plaid shirt - the one he'd worn today because Claire always called it his 'bi flannel' - and tie it around his waist.) He and Cas are both wearing a little of their contentment on their waistlines these days, and he believes Cas when he says that he adores his body because he means it when he says the same to Cas.

It's not the big, heart-shaped sticker slapped on his chest, which is striped in the colours of the bisexual pride flag in a way that's much less subtle than the flannel. Dean's always known that he wasn't only into chicks, but putting a name to it is new. Dean's had jobs and Dean's had roles, but having an identity had always seemed like a luxury well beyond Dean's means. Now he's not constantly running for his life, though, he has the breathing room to figure himself out. And he's good with this part of himself. More than good.

It's not the two flags that are padding the pockets of his jeans. One, he'd bought for Cas: it's striped in pale pink, pale blue and white. Earlier, he'd gone with Cas when he'd met up with some friends he'd met online (having managed to get past all the cats this time). The ex-angel had found that discussing their experiences of being trans had helped him feel happy in the body that had become his own. Dean could only feel immense gratitude for the way Cas' face had lit up afterwards when he'd talked about how he was creating himself, becoming himself, and embracing the human condition of change.

Dean hopes that the gift of the trans pride flag will show Cas that Dean understands and loves him, and the same is true for the other flag, which he'd picked up for Jack. It's yellow, white, purple and black. Dean had had to do a little research when Jack had used the term non-binary - it's amazing how the world can move on while you're living in an underground bunker. He'd kept on researching, too, after he'd learned the basics. Maybe he was still figuring himself out. Maybe there was more to discover about himself, and wasn't that fantastic?

Jack is wandering around somewhere with Claire and Kaia. Jody and Donna are here, too, with Alex and Patience. Adam and Michael have probably partied their way through fifty international pride parades by now, but they should be meeting up with everyone else later. Sam and Eileen are not far away. Eileen was the one who's slapped the bi pride sticker on Dean's chest - with unnecessary force, if you asked Dean. She'd grinned at him, showed off the identical sticker on her own chest, and said, with a suitably cheesy wink, "we need to stick together". He remembered the moment he'd nervously asked her the sign for 'bisexual', and when she'd shown him - the letter signs for 'b' and 'i' - she'd added, "me too," and Dean had scooped her up into a crushing hug.His love for his family is endless, and them all being here is definitely not why he's uncomfortable.

And it's not the body glitter freckling his cheeks and his shoulders with gold, although his feelings might change by the time he tries to remove it tonight. He'd been gilded with it when he'd been dancing up a storm with a group of drag queens. They'd admired his eyeliner - a deep brown shot through with gold along his upper lashes - but winked and said it was "a little subtle for Pride". As soon as Dean had seen the tube of glitter, he'd yelled "hell yes!" and even managed to hold still long enough to be coated in the stuff before moving his body to the beat again. Although he's sure his feet will be aching later, so far his favourite cowboy boots are not the source of his discomfort.

It's not the bright pink feather boa, either, which he'd acquired from the same source as the glitter, when he'd been sent off with a kiss to the cheek and the words "be bold, honey!" He'd expected the boa to tickle or irritate, but for some bizarre reason the sensation of feathers around his shoulders and the back of his neck feels incredibly comforting and reassuring. He feels warm and safe and oh. Oh.

As that particular realisation sweeps over him, Dean tightens his hold on Cas. He's standing behind him with his right hand on Cas' hip, and his left arm is up over his shoulder and wrapped around his chest. His hand is splayed out, at once putting his silver wedding band on display and somehow attempting to conceal Cas from the eyes of his many admirers (and, well, good luck with that. Cas is incredibly beefy these days).

Which brings us to the source of Dean's discomfort; to the thing that's deepening the furrow in his brow and the dimples beside his pursed lips: namely, the sheer number of guys hitting on Cas.

It's not like Dean can blame them. Cas' muscular frame is wrapped in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt bearing the Led Zeppelin 1975 tour logo. The short sleeves show off the floral tattoos trailing down his left arm. Cas is wearing a rainbow-coloured enamel belt buckle and, because he's determined to be the death of Dean, black cowboy boots. Before they'd left, Dean hadn't been able to resist grabbing a black kohl pencil and smudging a little along Cas' upper and lower lashes. And, okay, maybe Cas' wide-eyed bewilderment every time he's flirted with is vaguely amusing. But when Dean is right here? Not cool.

Right on cue, here's another one. From over his husband's shoulder, Dean levels his very best glare at the guy. It's a look that can stop a demon dead in its tracks. A vampire would tremble. A werewolf would wet itself. But one young gay guy with a few drinks in him? Totally unaffected. Like the others, he's all smiles and understanding when Cas politely, if awkwardly, waves him away. (Literally. With a final dorky little wave goodbye.)

Dean realises that he's moved his right arm around Cas' waist, so now Dean is wrapped around Cas like some kind of koala/octopus hybrid. An octoala? A koctopus? Definitely koctopus. Heh.

Dean snorts at the thought, which is somewhat unfortunate, given that his face is right next to Cas' ear. Cas flinches and turns his head around to fix him in a squinty glare.

"Koctopus?" Dean says, apologetically.

Cas narrows his eyes further and tilts his head to the side.

"Um, the way I was wrapped around you. I was like a cross between a koala and an octopus."

Dean nudges Cas. "So what does that make me? C'mon, you know you wanna say it."

Cas just tilts his head a bit further to the side, either in confusion or outright despair. Dean has untangled himself from Cas and stepped back, and looks down at the ground, suddenly self-conscious.

Dean feels Cas' hand on his shoulder, and then it smooths over his back, finding the back of his neck underneath the boa. Whatever his shape, Cas' touch has the exact same effect on Dean. He looks up into the impossibly blue eyes of his husband.

"You're a very glittery," Cas begins, softly, "and very beautiful," one corner of his mouth lifts, and then he purses his lips together, trying to hold back the smile, "koctopus."

The corners of his eyes are crinkled. He's not amused by the joke, Dean knows, just absurdly pleased to be saying something he knows will make Dean happy. Of course Dean knows that Cas loves him, knows the whole cosmic-realm-crossing magnitude of it, but in little moments like this, he's floored by it. Dean can't help his sudden exhale or the massive grin that breaks across his face. He wraps his husband up in hug that they hold for a good long moment, before Dean leans back to kiss Cas.

No one had ever explained to Dean how difficult it is to kiss someone when you can't stop smiling. He'd never had that problem before Cas, but now it's practically a daily occurrence. It's a menace because kissing Cas is one of Dean's favourite pastimes. Now, they trade little pecks between wide, toothy grins, until passion takes over and the kisses become heavier.

It takes someone wolf-whistling for them to part, and then they're back to grinning and staring into each others' eyes, until Dean spots something on Cas' face. And something else. And something else. In fact, there's something all over Cas, and that something is gold glitter. It's on his face, his hands, his Zeppelin shirt, and even in his hair. Dean runs his fingers through the unruly curls - Cas has been wearing his hair longer lately - in an attempt to shake it out, but only deposits more glitter into Cas' locks.

"Oops," Dean says, "I kinda glitter bombed you there. It's all over your shirt, too. Sorry, Sunshine."

He doesn't sound terribly sorry.

"This is your shirt, Dean."

"Aw, man."

He does sound a little sorry now, but his future laundry woes are forgotten when Cas presses another kiss to his pouting lips. They're forgotten again when something across the crowd catches Dean's eye.

"Oooh," Dean exclaims as he drags Cas towards the stall he's spotted.

It's selling cowboy hats in every configuration of colour imaginable, and Dean is practically jumping on the spot excitement. Cas looks his husband up and down, slowly.

"You think your outfit's lacking accessories?" he deadpans.

"Yup," is Dean's gleeful reply, "and so's yours."

Cas' groan is lost to the noise of the crowd and the beat of the music, so no-one will ever know if it was one of protest or defeat. He does, in fact, end up wearing a black cowboy hat with a rainbow band, so if it was protest then it was highly ineffective. Dean's has a pink crown, purple band and blue brim, and he's carrying another black one with a band in the non-binary flag colours for Jack. Cas admits that Jack's going to love it.

"Damn, this is awesome," Dean says as they head back to meet up with the rest of their family.

Walking hand in hand with Cas, Dean's thoughts wander. Dean could kick his younger self for every time he'd called someone gay or a girl as a way of saying they were weak. Because all he can see in the people around him is strength. He grins again, giddy with the atmosphere of defiant joy. All around him is everything he'd spent his life fighting to protect: freedom, family, and love. Holding his husband's hand a little tighter, he's grateful that in the end he gets to have both: freedom and peace.

[winchester-fantasies]

An Inconvenient Flame (Part One)

Series Summary: You’ve known Sam and Dean Winchester all your life. You find you have developed an attraction for the eldest Winchester, but Dean has never indicated he felt anything more for you than a little sister. A late night encounter causes Dean to question his own feelings for you, but with your age gap, he’s hesitant to let anything grow beyond attraction. Things come to a head when a case forces you together. Will these embers of attraction lay buried or will this inconvenient flame of desire become an inferno?

Word Count: 2121

Warnings: voyeurism, fantasizing, some swearing, light angst, jealous Dean

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Winchester Fantasies’ Masterlist

Dean’s POV

     I sat at the kitchen table. It was 3:00 a.m. and dark. Not a sound filled the night. It had been a year since me and my ex-girlfriend, Amanda, had called it quits, and even though it had cut me to the core, I didn’t let Sammy or (Y/N), our hunter friend who was currently living with us, see my pain. I simply wore a brave face like always.

     Why it had hurt me so much was because we had found out Amanda had been working with demons against me and Sam behind our backs. And to make matters worse, Amanda had divulged she had a demon lover and had simply been using me as a way to gain more information against us. Even now, just remembering that moment caused my heart to seize up in pain. I clenched my jaw and tightened my fist. I had fallen so deeply in love with Amanda. That was the worse part. I had never felt I could let my guard down and just be loved. With Amanda, though, it felt different, and I had completely let myself go.

     (Y/N) had been there that day with me and Sam. After talking to Bobby about the whole thing, he thought it was a good idea if we all three went into hiding for a while. We could still hunt, just not as often or together as much. Bobby set us up in one of his old safe houses, and we had warded the shit out of it. That meant even Cas couldn’t find us. If we wanted to meet with him, we had to call him. Which wasn’t very often. Cas was in Indiana checking out a possible lead on the demons.

     Now it was just me and (Y/N) at the safe house for a few weeks. Sam was on a solo hunt in South Dakota. I didn’t like it, but at least Sam could contact Bobby if he needed help. It got lonely being almost entirely off the grid, and I was often left to sit alone with my own thoughts. (Y/N) had helped me a lot already with everything since that day. I still had a shit ton of pain I was certain would never really go away, but she had helped me to work through a lot of my anger.

     Suddenly, I heard soft footsteps coming from down the hall. (Y/N) rounded the corner and went straight to the fridge. She opened it and stood there for a moment, surveying the contents. I didn’t want to make my presence known. I didn’t feel like talking. And I knew if (Y/N) discovered I was up, she’d want to do just that.

     I was jerked from this thought when (Y/N) reached inside and brought out the milk. I was suddenly very aware of her and what she was wearing. She turned slightly to the side and lifted the carton of milk to her lips. The light from the fridge glowed on her skin and accentuated her toned stomach and thighs. My eyes traced her small but well-defined breasts that sat snuggly in her cropped sleep cami, and her ass.... It was well-rounded, and her cheeks were slightly visible from the bottom of her cheeky panties. As she turned back towards the fridge to put the carton back, I could see she was curvy in all the right places, and I found myself biting my lower lip.

     She closed the fridge door and walked back down the hall without even noticing me. I let out a deep sigh. I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath. I was suddenly very tired so I, too, made my way back to bed.

**********

I lay in bed later that morning, thinking about what I had seen earlier. I kept replaying it over and over in my head. I thought of her stomach again and imagined what it would be like to have her in my bed right now. I thought what it might be like to place kisses all over her stomach and just continue down. I found myself getting turned on by the thought of her moaning and calling my name.

     I threw off my blanket and sat up in bed. “What am I doing?” I asked myself as I ran my fingers through my hair and covered my eyes with my palms as I rested my head in my hands. We’d known (Y/N) since she was born. I was fourteen and Sam was ten when she was born, and we both had watched her grow up. We were practically family for fuck’s sake! I knew it was wrong for me to look at her with the kind of desire I had felt just hours before, not simply because she had grown up with us, but because she was only twenty-six, and I was forty. I was already an old man in my own eyes and for someone as young and beautiful as (Y/N), she deserved someone her own age.

     After getting up and throwing on some clothes, I made my way to the kitchen for some coffee. (Y/N) walked in moments after me and shot me a smile. “Hey,” she greeted me.

     “Hey,” I replied gruffly.

     “How’d you sleep?” (Y/N) questioned innocently.

     I could feel the heat rising up my neck and to my face. I hoped she wouldn’t notice. I cleared my throat before replying. “Yeah, I slept well,” I lied. “You?” I returned the question before taking a sip of coffee.

     “Yeah, I slept okay. I just can’t help but get antsy sometimes. I just want to be out of the house. Maybe go to a bar or something,” she said while pouring herself some coffee. I found myself checking her out from behind. Today she was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans that accentuated everything in just the right way. (Y/N) was a modest girl by heart and unlike some hunters I knew, she dressed relatively wholesome. But what I wouldn’t give to see some more skin right about now.

     (Y/N) turned back to face me, leaning against the counter. Her (Y/E/C) eyes stared at me over the top of her cup as she took a sip of coffee, and I watched her tongue slide over her lips, relishing the taste. I, too, found myself licking my bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to relish her taste.

     I was brought out of my reverie by (Y/N) snapping her fingers. “Earth to Dean!” she called. When I finally focused back on reality, she chuckled. “Did you hear anything I just said?” she questioned.

     “Yeah. Of course,” I scoffed.

     She tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. “Then what did I just say?”

     “Uhh...” I answered, drawing a complete blank. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and rubbed the back of my neck.

     “Thought so,” (Y/N) answered, an amused smile forming on her lips. “I was saying,” she continued, “I thought maybe we could go out tonight.”

     I shook my head. “You know what Bobby said. He doesn’t want....”

     (Y/N) rolled her eyes. “I know what Bobby said. But I can’t stand to be in the house anymore! What’s wrong with you anyway? You’re always the one trying to get me to go out,” she questioned with a hint of confusion and frustration lacing her words.

     “Nothing!” I snapped back. “I just don’t think it’s wise or safe to go out. Especially with Sam gone. What if he comes back and we’re not here or if he needs help on the case? Plus, Bobby would be furious if he found out we violated his rules.” I was running out of excuses fast, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d have to fess up to the real reason I didn’t want to go out. At least to myself.

     (Y/N) rolled her eyes again and huffed incredulously. “And since when have rules every stopped you?” I tilted my head slightly as my lips came down into a quick frown of agreement. She was right of course. Rules hadn’t ever stopped me from doing what I wanted. And what I wanted more than anything was to take (Y/N) into my arms and kiss her like she’d never been kissed before. And there it was. The reason I couldn’t go out with her. I didn’t trust myself not to drink too much and end up doing something with her I knew I would ultimately regret. But I was acting weird and it was obvious (Y/N) was aware of it.

     I finally sighed. “Okay. We’ll go out,” I said in defeat.

     (Y/N) jumped with excitement. “Yes!” she exclaimed triumphantly.

**********

     Later that night, I leaned back against the bar and sipped my beer. (Y/N) was on the floor dancing. I could tell she had had just enough alcohol to get her loose, inhibitions lowered. My lips formed into a slight smile as I watched her. She was twirling and moving her hips as her (Y/H/C) hair whipped around her face. A slight flush had come to her cheeks, and I thought she had never looked more beautiful. She was completely at ease just being herself, letting her young, vivacious personality come alive. My smile faded. Just another reason for me to add to the list of why I shouldn’t be with her.

     Suddenly, a man approached (Y/N) and started dancing with her. My face hardened. (Y/N) seemed to welcome the man, not at all bothered by the fact that he was a complete stranger. I didn’t like the fact this man was so close to her, but I didn’t feel right cutting in. (Y/N) was happy and that’s all I cared about.

     However, my jaw clenched just a few moments later. My breathing became heavier as my blood started to boil. The man now had his hands on (Y/N)’s hips. The music had slowed and they were too close for comfort. Or at least I felt that way. (Y/N) on the other hand had wrapped her arms around the man’s neck. Again, I let it go.

     I turned my back to the dance floor and held up my hand to the bartender for the check. As I turned back towards (Y/N), I was just in time to see the man’s hand slowly make its way down to her ass. I saw red and before I could check myself, I was at (Y/N)’s side. I grabbed her arm and yanked her back from the man’s grasp.

     “What the fuck, man?” the guy asked, throwing his hands in the air.

     I ignored him and instead looked down into (Y/N)’s shocked expression. “We’re leaving. Now,” I growled, dragging her to the door and out into the cold night air.

     We were almost to the Impala when (Y/N) stopped and yanked her arm free from my grasp. I turned back towards her. She stood rigid and even in the fading light, I could see fire spitting from her eyes.

     “What the hell is your problem, Dean?” (Y/N) questioned, anger lacing every word.

     “My problem is that that asshat had his hand on your ass!” I exclaimed, motioning towards the bar.

     “So?” (Y/N) questioned incredulously, shrugging. She crossed her arms, fire blazing in her eyes.

     “He was trying to get into your pants, (Y/N)!” I practically yelled, huffing.

     (Y/N) threw her hands into the air. “You’re impossible! You don’t think I know that, Dean? I’ve brought home plenty of guys before, and you’ve never once cared! What’s so different now?”

     I shook my head and looked to the ground to steady my nerves. I pinched the bridge of my nose before looking back to (Y/N). “I just want to make sure that some shithead doesn’t take advantage of you,” I replied, my anger now gone.

     (Y/N) huffed out an angry chuckle, shaking her head and looking off. When she turned back to face me, the anger had left her eyes, but I could tell there was still a hardness. “Well, maybe you should care less. You’re not my father, Dean!” she spat out, walking past me to the Impala.

     I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Her words only solidified my notion that I could never be someone she would want as a lover. I stood there a few more minutes, willing my emotions to subside before making my way to the car and climbing in. I glanced to (Y/N), but her head was turned away from me, staring out the window. I sighed and started the engine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

[spnjediavenger]

White Wolf Chapter 1: Sam and Dean Winchester

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural, any of its characters, or dogwood canyon; Creds to Wikipedia for 70% of the grootslang lore i include (yes, it’s a real legend!)

Time frame: set early S5

           A slight lurch awoke Elliana. She sat up in her seat, stretched her arms above her head, and looked out the bus window to see woods all around her. She let out a small smile at the sight, always feeling at home in nature.

           The passengers of the bus began standing to get off and Elliana did the same, grabbing ahold of the leash at her side. She stood, awaking the loyal dog at her feet and, once outside, she walked, with the aid of a map, until she came to a wooden arch held up by stone columns reading ‘Welcome to Paradise. DOGWOOD CANYON NATURE PARK’.

           For a while, she took her time wandering around, taking in the sights, giving her dog a chance to stretch; for the next day, her hunt would begin.

           Once Elliana had a room to stay in the park, she let her dog, Anaya loose in the room and pulled out her laptop and brought up the news stories she found associated to the park. There had been disappearances in the park for the past 2 weeks and there had seemed to be no connection to any of the victims.

           Since it was later, Elliana just went through some basics before going to bed; tomorrow would bring some heavier research.

           On her third day at Dogwood Canyon, Elliana woke up and headed to one of the restaurants located there.  She sat in a corner booth, eating and looking over her notes before she would go out and search the park and its caves for the creature she was hunting. What she didn’t know was that two hunters had arrived that morning and they were currently right across the room.

           Sam and Dean Winchester walked into the building and sat at the bar off to the side.

           “You two hunters?” the bartender asked quietly as he approached the boys.

           They shared a surprised look then nodded.

           “You may be here for nothin’,” he continued. “Word is another hunter is already here.”

           Dean looked at Sam, a skeptical look on his face, and then turned back to the bartender. “Yeah, well even if that’s true, we’re gonna check the place out anyway.” The bartender shrugged and took the guys’ orders, gave it to another worker, and returned to give them drinks.

           Sam and Dean had been looking around, their eyes stopping on Elliana.

           “What’s with the kid in the corner booth?” Dean asked, raising a brow at the bartender.

“Not sure. She’s been here a few days though. Kind of a shadow, that one. Always slippin’ in and out and always writing in that notebook of hers,” he said, cleaning a glass behind the counter.

“And you never talked to her? Asked her anything?” Sam spoke up.

“Tried to. First time, she said she was waiting for someone. Second time, she faked a call. Never got a third try. She started watchin’ me I suppose. ‘Cause any time I went to talk again, she’d disappeared before I could get to her.” Sam and Dean share a look.

“One of my boys got a glimpse of her book the other day though. Had a picture of a banshee on it.”

The guys snapped their heads over to her, eyes wide.

“A banshee?”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

Sam looked at Elliana again, squinting his eyes. “Hey dean – doesn’t that backpack look familiar to you?”

Dean looked closer and his jaw dropped. “Son of a bitch…”

On a previous hunt, Sam and Dean had caught a glimpse of a figure tailing them. They never spoke up; the boys didn’t even notice them until the end of the hunt and the person was a second too late at leaving, allowing the boys to see their backpack only. Their face was covered but they had lost their necklace in fleeing.

Sam pulled out said necklace; he and Dean looked at each other, then got up and walked over to Ellie.

“Go away,” Ellie said before the guys could get a word out.

“We jus-“

“I didn’t ask why you came over here – I told you to leave,” she said shortly.

Dean huffed and grabbed her necklace from Sam’s hand and held it out to her, already starting to get frustrated with her demeanor. “Alright, so I guess this isn’t yours then?”

Her eyes gave a quick, almost non-existent glance, and then she did a double take and shot out of her seat, going to grab it. “Where did you get that?!”

Dean held it up above her head. “Nope, you answer some questions, then you’ll get it back,” he said smugly.

“Give it back, you idiot!” she whisper-yelled, trying to pull his arm down.

Sam picked up on the urgency in her eyes and took the necklace back from Dean, putting it in his jacket pocket to try and prevent a scene from unfolding, then looked back to Elliana.

“Look, we just want to talk-“ Sam started, but was cut off by Elliana.

“Hey!” she yelled at Dean, who was moving to grab her journal. She snatched it out of his reach and punched his arm with more force than he’d expect from someone her age.

“What was that for?!” he yelled back, rubbing his arm.

She quirks a brow and looked over at Sam. “Is he always this stupid or is it just on Mondays?”

Dean gave her a bitch face and Sam couldn’t help but laugh.

Ellie found the tension inside her letting up the slightest bit at that. Something about Sam made her less on guard. More…comfortable. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Can we please talk? You won’t have to share anything you don’t want to. But I think we could help each other. We’re hunters,” Sam said hopefully, offering a small smile.

She glances between him and Dean, finally resting on Sam again.

“Ok,” she sighed. “But your nosy dog stays here,” she reasoned, grabbing her things and putting them in her bag, which she proceeded to sling over her shoulder.

“You little-“

“That’s fine,” Sam interrupted his brother. “He was going to look into some things anyway,” he continued, giving Dean a hard stare, signaling that this wasn’t up for negotiation.

“Unbelievable,” Dean muttered. As he’s about to walk away, a crash was heard from across the bar and Elliana jumped into Sam, grabbing ahold of his coat. He froze for a moment then put a careful hand on her shoulder.

“You ok?” he asked warily.

“Perfect actually,” she said, stepping away from him with a smirk on her face. The guys looked at her, confused. “And here I thought I might have to do something a lot more dramatic to get this back,” she continued proudly, brandishing her necklace. She walked away from the boys, who were frozen, dumbfounded. “And by the way, what I do is none of your business and what you do is none of mine. And I don’t care that you hunt; a lot of people want to hunt here but it’s protected. Now stay away from me.”

(The next morning.)

           Elliana stared down at her wrapped wrist and sighed, ignoring the sting of the gash on her face. How did this happen? she thought.

           Across the room, the Winchesters walked into the restaurant again. They looked around until their eyes locked on Elliana. They went to walk over when Sam grabed Dean’s shoulder.

           “Dude, look at her face,” he said, pointing her way.

           Dean’s face fell a bit and he muttered a ‘crap’ under his breath. Sam nodded his head her way and they approached her. This time, she didn’t reject them right away; she merely sat in silence, staring down at the table.

           “Hey,” Sam spoke gently.

           No response.

           Dean nudges Sam to speak again.

           “What uh…what happened? Are you alright?” he said carefully, worry lines creasing his forehead.

           “Go away,” she finally spoke, though only in a hushed tone.

           “Kid, we can see you’re hurt. Just tell us what happened,” Dean said.

           Nothing again.

           The guys sighed and begrudgingly walked off to the side, away from Elliana.  

           “Alright, she won’t talk. We’re on our own then. Wendigo?” Dean asked Sam.

           “Best guess as any. Let’s grab the torches from the car and start hiking.”

           Just as the guys started walking away, Elliana called out to them. “It’s not a wendigo, you know.”

           The guys turned to face her, surprised. They shared a look and Sam stepped forward.

           “What is it?”

           Elliana let out a light sigh, still not looking at them. “It’s a grootslang.”

           “A what?” Dean said right away, furrowing his brow.

           Elliana finally looked at Sam, who nodded encouragingly. She looked at Dean, then to Sam again and sighed once more. “Come with me,” she said, sliding out of the booth. The guys saw her arm and Dean went to grab her shoulder but she stepped away before he could. He put his hands up defensively.

           “I was just gonna say we should take care of your wounds first; we’re not gonna hurt you.”

           “I can take care of myself-“

           “The cut on your face looks infected; just let me help you clean it out and wrap your arm in something more stable,” Sam reasoned, a caring look on his face.

           “Just follow me,” Elliana said shortly, brushing past the boys. They shared another look then followed her out of the restaurant.

           Elliana led Sam and Dean up into a tree house in the middle of the woods surrounding Dogwood Canyon. The guys looked around as she rummaged through some things under the bed. Anaya came out from the side room, growling at the boys, making each take a step back.

           “Uh…kid? What’s up with the mutt?” Dean said.

           “First off, she’s not a mutt. She’s a Siberian husky. Second, her name is Anaya and she’s mine. Been my hunting partner practically since the beginning. She won’t hurt you unless I say so.”

           “Alright then…You payin’ for this place?” Dean asked.

           “No,” she responded, still on a short fuse. “No one’s going to let a 13 year old check into a place like this by herself. It’s an old tree house – and by the state of it and lack of paths around it, I suspect they haven’t used it for awhile. Found it when I got here a couple days ago.”

           She finally dug out a first aid kit and walked into the small bathroom, leaving the door open.

           “Are you sure you don’t want help?” Sam asked again.

           “Grootslang, or “Grote Slang” in Afrikaans, are cryptids,” Elliana began, ignoring Sam’s offer. Sam sighed but listened to her explanation, running his had through Anaya’s fur when she stepped up to him. “Legend comes out of South Africa. When the gods were still in the beginning stages of making things, they mistakenly gave it a crap load of strength, cunning, and intellect. So, the gods tore ‘em in half to make the first elephants and snakes.”

           Elliana walked out of the bathroom with her wrist properly wrapped and cut cleaned and continued to talk. “But, one of the original grootslang escaped and was rumored to live/hide in a cave and it would lure elephants and snakes into its cave.”

           “Hold on,” Dean interrupted. “You said South Africa. Kinda far don’t you think?”

           Elliana gave him a hard stare. “That original grootslang is said to have spawned all other grootslang to exist and its cave connects to the sea. Eventually, there wasn’t enough food for all of them so they spanned out through the tunnel.”

           “Well I hate to break it to you, kid, but there are no elephants around here. And it’s people dying – not snakes,” Dean said.

           “Look here, Dean – you wanted help, I’m giving it to you. I’m not just some useless kid. And if you would stop interrupting me, you would know that once the grootslang didn’t find enough elephants and snakes to prey upon, which is why they branched so far out – the original wanted to destroy everything its family was torn into – they took to preying on humans that resembled those animals. The victims that have gone missing here are all either heavy – representing elephants, or tall and skinny – representing snakes. Grootslang live in watery caves; the one here is inside the cave across from the restaurant I was in.” Elliana finished with her arms crossed over her chest.

           “So how do we kill it?” Sam spoke up.

           “Sam, do you really think this kid-“

           “Dean, we did ask for her help. And everything she’s said makes sense. She knows her stuff.”

           Elliana did her best to hide her surprise at Sam’s backup.

           “How’d you get hurt?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam.

           “Dude!”

           “You say she knows her stuff, fine. Then how does she get injured so easily?”

           Wham! Elliana’s fist flew across Dean’s face. It nowhere near knocked him out, but it still hurt enough for his own hand to fly up and grab the spot.

           “Son of a bitch!” he said, pulling his hand away to inspect it for blood, which he found a small amount of. “What the hell?!”

           “Yeah, I was following you guys on your last hunt – it was so I could learn more about the supernatural on a case I knew would have been too much for me on my own. I had intel that the surviving grootslang are much smaller than the original since the original had to spawn without a mate. I thought I could handle it but there ended up being two. And I’m sure that that’s happened to even you before.  The only reason I didn’t let you two walk off thinking this was a wendigo was because I knew you would’ve been killed going under the wrong assumption. So I don’t need you in here questioning me because I’m young and telling the great Dean that he was wrong. So if you want to kill this thing, get off your high horse and follow me to the cave.”

           With that, Elliana stormed into the side room to gather her hunting bag, leaving a surprised Dean and Sam, who was going back and forth from curiosity – of what the girl must have been through to make her so rough and defensive, to humor – as he tried to hide his smirk at the fact Dean just got hit by a teenage girl.

             Elliana and the guys stood outside the cave, preparing to go in. After collecting her things, Elliana led the way in quite an uncomfortable silence, still fuming from the way Dean had talked down to her.

           “Ok, so how do we gank these things?” Sam asked her.

           “Gank?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow. Sam simply shrugged so she continued. “Since I don’t know of any hunters encountering these before, I had to try and go off my own judgment. Venom is something that snakes evolved with over time as a defense mechanism, meaning these grootslang would be just as susceptible to its effects as any other animal, supposedly. So,” she reached back into her bag to pull out a jar and a dartgun, “I collected a bunch of snake venom and filled darts with them.”

           “That’s pretty brilliant,” Sam said with a small smile, inspecting the gun.

           “But, that’s the other reason I ended up getting hurt. The venom either isn’t strong enough, or I don’t have enough of it to be affective on a creature this big. It only slows them down for a little while. Knocked one out, the next came at me, and as I was trying to get to a vantage point to shoot it, the first came to. Crushed my arm against the wall with its tusk, the other went to bite me but I was able to pull away in time to get away with just this,” she finished, pointing at the gash on her face.

           “So, the venom only stuns them?”

           “Yes. As far as I know anyway. So, I got some more intel, and from legend, these things coveted gems. Some of their victims could even get away if they paid the grootslang with precious jewels – diamonds being the most sought after. And while my contact has never come across one, he was able to tell me that once the deities found the creatures coveting jewels and not them and that was the final straw. So they cut them up with the jewels they so coveted to make elephants and snakes. So a weapon of diamond,” Elliana pulls a dagger from her bag; “can kill them.”

           “Where the hell’d you get ahold of something like that?” Dean spoke up. Elliana gave him a cold look but answered him.

           “Contact. You have your people, I have mine,” she said simply, thinking back to her exchange with her guardian the night before.

           “Let me heal you,” he said, sad to see his ‘ladybird’ hurt.

           She pushed away his hand and rolled over on the bed. Even Anaya lay somberly next to Ellie, the dog’s head resting on her legs.

           “Look, kid, I know you’re bummed but you didn’t know what would happen. But I know you can do it,” the angel said, giving her a comforting smile.

           Elliana just lay still, making him sigh.

           “I talked to a friend the other day; told me how to kill these guys. Here’s some lore you didn’t find yet,” he said, laying a paper next to her. “The deities carved them into elephants and snakes with diamond daggers. My friend was a bit reluctant to give me one but let’s just say I was convincing,” he finished with a smirk, pulling out a diamond dagger.

He still got no response.

He sighed. “I’ll leave this here for you. Incase you change your mind. Take care, sweet cheeks. Remember Gabe’s always here for you,” he finished, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder before vanishing.

Elliana broke out of her momentary trance and got back to business.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do – I take the blade-“

           “No,” Dean’s gruff voice said.

           “What?” Elliana responded, a challenging look on her face.

           “Maybe it would just be a good idea if you let one of us take it,” Sam interjected, not ready for another match between she and Dean. “You’re already injured; we don’t want it to happen again.”

           Elliana turned to face Sam. “These things hurt me once – they’re not getting the chance again. And I’ve been hunting by myself for over a year now and I’m not gonna let you baby me just because you’re older,” she said, her voice dominant. “You take the dart gun,” she hands the item back to Sam; “And you can take the rest of the venom in this jar and coat one of your weapons in it,” Elliana finishes, tossing the jar to Dean. “You guys can go in first, if you want, and stun them with the venom. But I finish them off.”

           Elliana walks away to let the guys prepare their things and Dean looks at Sam.

           “Great. Now we have to babysit. Freaking 10 year old telling us how to do our job.”

           He didn’t give Sam time to respond before he walked towards the cave entrance with his venom-coated knife.

              The boys entered the cave, Dean groaning about having to go through the water.

           Elliana led them around a few areas until the finally got to the grootslang’s nest near the back. Everyone stilled as splashes were heard. Elliana motioned for the guys to move the opposite direction as she began climbing the rocks along the cave walls.

           Dean rolled his eyes once more and shook his head, still hating this plan, when a large figure came out of hiding. They guys froze at the beast before them; a long, darkly scaled body slid through the shallow water, and by a crack in the ceiling, the light shone on an elephant-like head, trunk running from underneath its chin and razor-sharp teeth filling its mouth. A snake-like tongue shot out as the creature looked around the cave.

           The guys went after the first creature, which towered a few feet taller than them, as Elliana approached the second grootslang, curled up in the back of the cave on the bank of the water. She slunk carefully above it on the rocks, looked over to the guys to make sure they were holding their own, and swiftly jumped down, plunging her diamond blade into the grootslang’s body, just behind the head.

           The guys and even the other grootslang paused at the shriek emitted from the grootslang Elliana stabbed.

           The first, bleeding slightly from Dean slicing it with his knife, slithered as quickly as it could towards Elliana but stopped cold when her blade was thrown strategically into its throat. It, too, let out a cry as it fell to the ground.

           The guys looked from the two dead grootslang to Elliana, unable to hide the shock from their faces.

           Elliana gave Sam a small smile, which turned into a smug one as she looked at Dean.

           “Don’t underestimate me,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked forward the grab her blade from the grootslang’s chest.

           “And I’m 13, by the way. Not 10,” she called back as she walked out of the cave.

The following morning, Elliana stopped into the restaurant one more time to get something to eat before hopping on a bus to move again.

To her slight dismay, two figures slid themselves into the seats across from her, eliciting a deep sigh and bowed head from her.

“Look,” Sam chuckled. “I know you’re not our biggest fan but we just wanted to say you did a great job last night,” he smiled at her.

“You really did,” Dean added, making Ellie go wide-eyed as she snapped her head towards him. “Look, I’m sorry I talked down to you, kid. You can probably guess we don’t come across many hunters as young as you. Maybe a part of me was hoping I could get you to quit,” he continued, giving a sad smile.

Elliana did her best to not to give him much of a smile. What he said was nice, but it would take a lot more to get her to be able to trust either brother.

“Thanks. But I don’t think that’s ever gonna happen,” she said, keeping any emotion from her face. “I know enough about hunting to know there is no quitting.”

Dean slightly shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“So, you’re gonna keep moving then?” Sam said.

Ellie nodded, finishing up her food.

“I know you’re going to want to shoot me down right away but hear me out first-“

“’Cause that just makes me eager to listen,” Ellie said sarcastically, adding an eye roll for extra effect.

“I know you won’t quit hunting, and that you’ve been doing it for awhile now, and you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself – but why don’t you come with us for just a few hunts? At least let us see you in action a little more and feel better about leaving you. But it would also give you the chance to get to know us and maybe come with us from now on.”

Sam finishes and Ellie looks between him and Dean, partly wondering if she heard right, and partly wanting to do as Sam had said earlier – shoot him down right away. But something in Ellie couldn’t help trust them a little. Well – Sam anyway.

Ellie sighed and looked over at Dean. “You know Anaya comes too, right? Aren’t you afraid of messing up your precious car?” she smirked. It came out as a joke but she secretly hoped it would make Dean reconsider their offer. Though he only rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, ha ha. I know the dog comes. But if it poops or pees in my baby one time, I’m throwing both of you out on the side of the road,” he points at Ellie accusingly.

Dang it, she thought. Ellie gave a long sigh and looked over to Sam, defeated. “All right. I’ll come with you. But,” she said, catching the victorious smile on his face. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” he said, still smiling.

Elliana rolled her eyes. “Let’s hit it, then. I have to grab Anaya.”

“Hold up a sec, kid,” Dean said. “Can you give us your name first? Hell, we haven’t even thought to ask you yet.”

“Elliana. Or Ellie.”

“Ellie…why does your name sound familiar?” Dean said, furrowing a brow.

Elliana furrowed her own brow as she thought about the same thing – and how she couldn’t shake the same feeling when the boys introduced themselves the other night. “I…kind of feel the same way…what’s your last name?!” Ellie’s head shoots up, feeling she had it.

“Winchester,” Sam said, more confused than she or Dean.

Then it clicked.

“Sam and Dean Winchester? Huh, I can’t believe it,” Ellie let out an airy laugh.

The guys share a questioning look.

“How do you know us? Have we met before?” Dean asked.

“Well, I know you, Dean. And we didn’t exactly meet. I called you for help. Elliana Moore.”

“Elliana Moore…Ellie Moore. I do remember now,” Dean points his finger, trying to dig through his memory banks. “Yeah, you called about vamps, right? How’d that go?”

Elliana was flashed to a hazy image of fangs out, the mouth they belong to pointing up to a smirk, hovering close above her face. The vague feeling of fear running though her veins.

“Ellie?” Sam questioned, worry lines crossing his forehead at her dazed look.

“Kid, you alright?”

Elliana snapped out of her daze to meet the boys’ concerned and confused expressions. “What? Yeah…yeah. I’m good. It was good. Let’s go,” she said quickly, confusion filling her mind as well.

She got up and led the way out of the restaurant with Sam and Dean following her, unsure of what happened but not ready to push anything yet. They were at least glad she agreed to go with them; and that was a start.

Chapter 2 ->

[writingfromkitchenator]

Chuck ~ Cold As It Gets

Cold as it Gets by Patty Griffin

600 Followers Challenge!

Bonus Fic!

Words: 1934

Warnings: Depression.  Talk of death.

Chuck had always thought that everything had to have a balance, that the world worked in a 50/50 split, as soon as one thing would happen it would correct itself in another way.

It was part of his reasoning behind what happened to Lucifer.

However, even after all that, he began to watch the human race more, and through sheer stubbornness alone, they seemed to just destroy the illusion of that balance.

It frustrated him really, that they didn't seem to be bound by the same laws he was, even though he technically wrote those laws in the first place.

He eventually guessed that's what led him down the path of writing, wanting to interact with his creation on a level that he could start to try and understand what it all meant and why it seemed so different.

For a long time, he thought it was working, that he was starting to understand things more and more, even with small spanners in the works that kept creeping up on him, like the Winchester’s.  He still wasn’t sure what made him start writing their adventures, but he found it somewhat therapeutic to do.

Then you came along.

Out of all his creations, you suddenly stood out to him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.  He watched as you became good friends with Sam and Dean, moving with ease in and out of their lives as you made your own path in the word.  He was actually late on a couple of book deadlines due to him following you and not the brothers, which led him to question what he was doing.

You were human, at least, that’s what you seemed to be?

He tried to shake off those doubts and for some time, he managed to force himself to ignore you.

Then, you rocked up on his doorstep with Sam and Dean, and it took all of his effort not to stare at you.

Chuck didn’t want to admit that he was smitten, but he was.

He was God, he wasn’t mean to feel like this, not towards a human.  Yes, he’d been in a few relationships over his time on earth, but never had he felt something quite like this.

Only, something was wrong, your soul was pure, but there was an air of sadness about you, one that he couldn’t pin point, and in the short time that he got to know you, he tried everything he could to get you to smile and laugh.

It made his heart soar when you did.

He hated that he felt he had to leave so quickly, that he couldn’t tell you who he was just because of what it would mean for the world.  He swore though, that he would keep an eye on you from you afar, where it was safer.

At least that was what he told himself.  That was what he told himself until you died.

Selfishness made him put you back, much to your confusion and the confusion of Sam, Dean and Castiel, who had tried to save you even though it was too late.  No of them understood what had happened and Chuck planned on leaving it that way.

Until you burst into tears.

It shocked him, he could feel the pain radiating through you, even from where he was, and it was in that moment that he realised what he was feeling within you.

He forced himself to wait, to watch as the boys got you away from the scene, thinking that you were just in shocked relief, Castiel the only one having some idea of what was happening. They left you alone in your motel room, to your insistence, promising to come back and check on you later.

It was there, that Chuck knew that he had to do something.

Once they had disappeared to the bar, well away from you, Chuck made his decision.

Cautiously, he approached your door and knocked gently.

Your voice called out him, broken and alone, and while you were no longer crying, everything was still very close to the surface.

Chuck opened the door slowly.  “It’s not who you think it is.”

You squealed and run to him, a million questions following, your heart racing as fast as his own as you practically dragged him in and forced him to sit.

Eventually, he got you to calm down and so you just stared at him with wide eyes.

“First things first Y/N,” He said calmly.  “You can’t tell Sam or Dean or Castiel about me.”

He knew that you instantly wanted to ask why, but you refrained and nodded.

“It’s…complicated.” He said slowly and he realised in that moment that he would have to tell you everything and that, for once, he didn’t actually mind.  “About as complicated as you coming back to life today.”

Your face fell and a wave of emotions went through you, breaking away from his gaze for a moment before returning to him with a frown.  “How did you know?”

Chuck gives a small smile. “Because I’m the one that brought you back.”

“You…what?”

“I brought you back. I…found myself suddenly unable to not have you there, I’d gotten so used to you, probably a little too attached to you…” He trailed off rubbing his neck.

But you were suddenly looking terrified.  “Chuck, you didn’t make a deal for me, did you?”

He shakes his head. “No, no, nothing like that. It’s…well, it’s a lot easier to explain than that, but you’re reaction may make it more complicated.”

You stared at him, waiting for an answer.

Finally, he sighs. “I’m God, Y/N.”

After a moments silent, this started a whole new rant and set of questions which eventually ended when you told him to prove it.

With a snap of his fingers, the two of you were now in a quiet bar and he was behind the counter, pouring you your favourite drink.

“Proof enough?”  He asked as you stared wide eyed around.  “I’m sure you can understand the complexity of why I had to leave when I did.”

You sat at one of the bar stools as emotions fought themselves within you, making Chuck frown as he pushed a drink towards you.  “Are you alright Y/N?”

Your glance is quick, but it was enough to see that you didn’t like that question.  “Well, it’s a lot to take in.”

He moves around the bar and sits next to you.  “That’s not what I meant.”

You refused to meet his gaze.  “I just…I’m fine, just let me deal with it.”

Chuck moved slowly, not wanting to scare you, gently bringing your chin up so you would meet his gaze.  “Most people would be happy if they were brought back to life, but I felt you Y/N, I felt the devastation at coming back.  Surely you aren’t eager to die?”

He watched as you blinked tears furiously away, moving your head again so your grab your drink and take a sip, turning away from him.  “I…don’t, not on my own terms.  In that moment I’d made peace that I wasn’t coming back, that it was finally over. To find it wasn’t, was a hell of a shock.”

“Talk to me.”

You chuckled weakly. “You realise how strange this is, don’t you?”

“I’m your friend, what’s strange about that?”

You shook your head though, fingers running over the moisture on the glass.  “When I turned 18, my friends booked me in for a psychic session as a joke, they knew that I didn’t believe in that type of thing, especially when those type of places always dress it up so much and-” You shook your head.  “Anyway, I went along with it and sat down with this psychic, laughing away the false readings she was giving me and already planning a move back on my friends for their own 18th’s.  It was as I was thanking her and getting ready to leave that it happened, the whole air in the room changed and just like that, I knew the world was a lot stranger than what I knew.”

A shudder left you. “She told me that great tragedy was about to befall me, that I was about to lose everything and enter a world that I never knew, and, in doing so, I would meet the one being that could ever complete me.  It was going to be a long road though, and that, even then, if I didn’t meet the right people, it would never happen, if I died early, it would never happened, and with that I would never get what I really sought in life.”

Chuck watched you, watched as you fought to find the next words.

“I know a cold, as cold as it gets.”  Your voice broke so you cleared your throat.  “I fled from that place quicker than what my feet could carry me, her words sitting heavily with me and knowing that there was no one I could tell.  By the time I reached home, it was already too late.  They were planning on throwing me a surprise party, everyone was there, including a few uninvited guests that had somehow snuck in and decided to kill everyone.”  You swallowed.  “Two hunters came along, Bobby and Rufus, and once they sorted it out, I forced them to take me with them.  I had nothing left after all.”

“In those years, my heart grew heavier and heavier, never knowing whether I was in the right place, talking to the right people, and while I became a damned good hunter, there was always that key element missing.”  You sighed and rubbed the tears away from your eyes.  “That was until I met you.”

He was confused, but remained silent.

“I knew as soon as I saw you that it you who I’d been missing, you made the loneliness and drowning I’d been feeling for years, ease away.”  You finally looked at him.  “But I knew that, even though you were clearly trying to make me feel better, there was still something holding you back.  Now that I know what it was, the psychics last words finally make sense.”

Chuck didn’t want to ask, but he knew that he had to.  “What were the last words?”

“That even when I find you, it won’t be what I expect, that, depending on what choice you made, I could still be lonely forever.”  Your voice was no more than a whisper, your eyes asking the question that you didn’t dare voice.

Chuck found himself smiling and taking your hands in his.  “Y/N…if I had known how much you were going through…of what you’d been through, then I would have never have allowed this to go on for so long, I would have told you from the start and never let you go.”

You returned his smile and Chuck felt the sadness that was once engulfing you starting to slip away. “I thought you were meant to know everything?”

He chuckles and shakes his head.  “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”

You closed the distance between the two of you, pressing your lips to his and in that moment, Chuck knew that he had still been right about balance.  Both of you had spent so many years alone, him not really knowing what he was searching for and you fearful that you would never find it, and now, as he deepened the kiss, he knew he was going to do everything within his power to ensure that this lasted for eternity.

[team-free-winchester]

Insecurities~ Dean Winchester

Summary: Y/n doesn’t know Charlie, but she does know that she is spending an awful lot of time with her best friend and she can’t help how insecure it makes her.

Pairing:Dean x reader

Warnings: Angst..maybe, self degradation

Walking into the library I see Sam sitting at the table reading something per usual though I couldn’t spot  the other Winchester anywhere. Looking around the library my eyes land back on Sam as I ask, “Hey Sam, have you seen Dean?”

“Uh, yeah actually him and Charlie went to hang out for a little while I research a new case,” he explains glancing up at me before adding, “They’re close and plus she’s a lesbian so don’t worry.”

I know he was saying that because he knew I liked his brother and he seen the look in my eyes, but this was for different reasons. Both of them always talked good about Charlie though I have never met her myself. But that was because I never seemed to be around when she was. I was always helping someone on a case in some city or helping Bobby at his house, but it never seemed to bother me not meeting someone so close in the boys life. Deep down I was okay with it because I knew both of us would be pining to hang with the boys especially if it wasn’t for a case. I also didn’t know how it would feel if it came down to picking between the two and they didn’t pick me. It was my fault all the case’s came up or Bobby would need my help, normally I would have a warning, a chance to leave, “Why did no one tell me she was coming?” I asked eventually kind of confused about the guest.

“We weren’t expecting it,” Sam says with a shrug going back to the book. I nod even though he wasn’t looking at me and walk off towards my room hoping that whatever the two were out doing didn’t take very long. Me and Dean had plans today since Sammy was researching a hunt, we always hang out as much as we can before a hunt and we leave tomorrow for one.

//

By the time dinner rolled around neither of them were heard from at all, I for one was annoyed and hungry though I know I was the only one. I walked into the kitchen deciding on making something they could easily heat up whenever they decided to grace us with their presence before taking mine and Sam's plates to the table he was still sitting in from earlier. When I handed him his plate he shot me a thank you going right back to work on the case digging into his plate without another word.

“So find anything new about the case?” I ask trying to make conversation with him.

“Uh, yeah actually it’s a simpler case than we thought it would be.”

“That’s great, Dean will be happy to hear we won’t be gone too long for this one.”

“Yeah he is, I kind of told him earlier when he called me to say he was taking Charlie to eat so we didn’t have to make extra,” Sam explained causing me to become confused and hurt though I pushed it to the side and nodded.

“So when are we leaving tomorrow, did he say?” “We um we are taking Charlie actually,” Sam begins to say

“Okay so when are we leaving?” I ask still not catching on to what he is implying.

“We are leaving in the morning, first thing. But Y/n we are taking Charlie and this hunt doesn’t need four people, you understand what i’m trying to say right?” Sam says finally, looking at me with an apologetic look.

I didn’t say anything else, I just nodded in response and finished my dinner not saying another thing as I headed back to the kitchen washing my dish before going back to my room. My thoughts were running a mile a minute in every direction though the only thoughts I could seem to focus on were the negative, ‘They don’t need you know more they have her, at least they won’t have to worry about her falling for one of them.’

‘You mess up all the time it’s for the better anyways.’

‘They’re not even going to notice you’re not there.’

‘They are probably just thrilled to be away from you’

//

I never heard Dean and Charlie come back to the bunker, I never even heard them leave, but when I woke up this morning when I woke up the bunker was completely empty. I walked to the kitchen to make some coffee and I found a note left on the counter,

We’re headed out, well will call to check in or if we need information. Sam.

Reading the note I went back to the real reason I entered the kitchen, the coffee. Once I had my coffee and some breakfast I walked towards the library to read up on what the boys were facing that way I could get some information built up for when they called. I ended up cleaning the whole bunker including doing both the guys baskets of dirty laundry and my own, but I was still yet to get a call from the boys which was worrisome since they normally called the moment they got there.

Just as I was about to call they boys a text came through my phone from Dean,

Just checking in, been here for an hour.

Everything’s great.

Not even a phone call from the boys, just two short messages to ease my worry. I felt a pang in my heart and went into my room to relax, bringing the books I’d need if they called with me.

//

They never called, I received two more text from them but that was all, one telling me they were leaving to take care of the witch and one telling me they finished and all was good.

Normally dean drove home the same day the hunt ended so I walked towards the kitchen to make them dinner for them to have when they got back. At around seven thirty I ended  up eating without them so my food wouldn’t get cold, as I was eating my dinner my phone went off notifying that I had a message,

Took Charlie out, won’t be home until tomorrow.

This time it was Sam, and I had to fight the bite of my dinner I had just taken to stay down as the thoughts came back, ‘They never took you out’

‘You and Dean don’t even leave the bunker when you hang out’

‘Sam barely even hangs out, even when we are in the car he has a book’

My stomach does another flip as I push my plate away from where I was seated at the table. I understand that they missed her but it almost seems like they’re happier with her here rather than me. I had no urge to eat anymore after the message or even respond to the message for that matter, so instead I empty my plate into the trash and put the leftovers in the fridge. I walked to my room right after changing and going right to bed, knowing they weren’t going to call again so there was no need to wait up. Sleep didn’t come for a while though, my thoughts decided they wanted to light up like neons signs until almost midnight. Slowly the thoughts stopped and my eyelids got heavier though pulling me into a deep sleep.

//

When I woke up the next morning I knew I didn’t want to see the boys, or Charlie for that matter because she was the root of all this. Instead I head straight for the shower before getting dressed. Once I was ready I walked towards the kitchen seeing there was still no one here but you. I grabbed the same notepad Sam had left the note for me on a few days before ripping out a sheet to make a supply run list knowing that we needed to make a run soon. Once I wrote everything we needed I wrote a second note for the boys since I didn’t plan on coming right home.

Going out, will get supplies on the way back. If i'm not home for dinner there are warm ups in the fridge.

I didn’t bother with my usual signature instead I grabbed my keys and my wallet leaving towards town. I decided to go to a movie and lunch to treat myself, normally I wouldn’t because I would try to save my money instead of doing things like this. But if Dean can take a friend out twice without a care than I can treat myself for once. By the time the movie was over it was four o’clock so I decided to head to the supermarket and then back to the bunker.

//

Walking into the bunker I had both arms loaded with bags to prevent a second trip as I headed towards the kitchen with all the bags. The boys were finally home, I could tell because baby was in it’s normal spot. When I walked into the kitchen I began taking the things out of the bag to put away, I ended up putting everything away by myself which was weird since the boys normally helped when they’d hear me come in. Walking out of the kitchen I was met with the sound of laughter coming from the war room so I headed towards the room stopping in the doorway. I was met by the side of Dean, Sam, and a redhead sitting at the table with some form of take out in front of them. Sam was the only one who seen me at first though soon both Dean and who I assumed was Charlie turned following his gaze.

“Hey y/n/n, wasn’t expecting you home so soon by the sound of your note,” Sam said speaking first.

“Yeah if we did we would have picked you up something too,” Dean throws in speaking to me for the first time in almost four days.

“No, it’s completely fine. I'm just going to head to bed anyways putting everything away alone can be tiresome,” I say walking off towards my room not waiting for anyone to respond. By the time I was in my room the thoughts were taking over again, my cooking was no longer good enough or so it seemed. Dean went out the first night she was here and they ordered takeout this time when there was cooked food that all they had to do was heat up. Trying to shake off my thoughts I changed into my pajamas and grabbed my laptop slipping into my bed and picking a movie.

By the time my second movie ended I couldn’t ignore the rumble in my stomach for food any longer. So i rose out of bed for the first time in hours walking towards the kitchen to settle my stomach’s rumble. Walking into the kitchen I was met with the smell of the cherry pie I grabbed Dean earlier today and the sight of Dean himself sitting against the counter with the whole pie and a fork beside him. This was something he only did when he had a lot on his mind, and my first instinct was to comfort him and help him figure it out like I normally would. Instead I walked towards the cabinet pulling  out a cup and heading towards the fridge to get a drink, grabbing a bag of chips in the process. The whole time neither of us said a word to the other. I was convinced I was going to be able to leave without a single word spoken until I heard, “What’s up with you, is this about dinner?” causing me to stop in my track.

Without turning around I replied, “There is nothing wrong and I don’t give a shit about dinner.”

“Then why are you acting like we don’t exist?” Dean asked almost angry causing me to whip around and look at him.

“I’m acting like you guys don’t exist? Im sorry Dean but I’m the one who was excluded from a hunt I helped find. I’m the one who got ditch when we were supposed to hang out before the hunt like we normally do. I didn’t even hear you guys leave for the hunt. You guys never called just quick text that I didn’t respond to, not that you cared. Hell I made your favorite for when you guys were meant to be back but you were taking Charlie out instead. I saved it so you guys could have a home cooked meal today if I wasn’t here to cook and you guys didn’t care and you didn’t even think to pick something up for me, anything, just in case I ended up coming home. Hell Dean I’m going to be honest with you we had been friends for a while now and we never leave the bunker to do anything non hunt related so it kind of hurt to hear you guys can take the time to do it for her. Especially since Sam doesn’t ever want to leave his books even in the car, but he will for her,” by the time I was done talking I was out of breath and fighting tear because I wasn’t going to let him see this effect me anymore.

I turned around after a minute of him not saying anything and walking back to my room my appetite gone now. I put my chips and my drink on the nightstand and crawled under my covers to curl into a ball. Dean didn’t even try to talk about it, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised after the past four days. I laid in my bed tears quietly falling for what felt like hours though it probably was only minutes when a knock made me stop my arms stilling near my face where they had just been wiping my tears away. I was hoping if I didn’t move whoever it was would leave, but the knocks came again this time followed by a voice, “Dammit y/n I know you’re up open your door,”

Dean was jiggling the nob trying to open the locked door as I sucked in a breath and stood from my bed walking towards the door, toward him. When I unlocked the door I had to jump back, an angry Dean barging through the moment the knob fully turned. I was shocked, I didn’t expect to see him this mad so when his voice boomed through my room my body jumped. “Are you seriously mad because we don’t take you out to hang out with you?”

“No Dean, I’m not even mad. Im hurt because you guys seem to care about her so much more. I mean I thought we were best friends but honestly I don’t know. Charlie came here and it’s like I don’t exist, I get it you guys are happy that she is here and that you guys don’t see her a lot but it would have been nice to be included. I have been fighting with the shit in my head since she showed up and you both left without a word, but you know what at this point I'm believing every thought I have. Yes it would be nice to go out, it would nice for you guys to want to do something with me outside the bunker but  that doesn’t mean it has to involve money, it’s just the point,” I exclaim letting out a shaky breath no longer being able to hold back the tears.

Dean stood there again not saying anything just like he had in the kitchen earlier, but this time I wasn't leaving. He started it he can end it at this point because I was beyond fuming. After what felt like forever he took a deep breath and began to speak,

“I didn't know it mattered to you. We always just assumed you were happy with how it was, you never said anything to us.”

“I was happy, but that was because I thought you guys weren't into going out. Now that I see I was wrong all I can do is feel like it was me,” I explain my voice breaking at the end causing me to turn away from him to go back to my bed.

“It’s actually the complete opposite sweetheart, Sammy finds things for us to do out of the buker and I tell him no. I don't want anything to happen to you, it's bad enough that I have no choice but let you go on hunts. I-”

“I'm not a child Dean I can go out and be able to make sure I'm safe at the same time and as for hunts I was doing it long before I met both of you so I don't understand the issue.”

Dean let out an annoyed grunt exclaiming, “Because I fucking love you and I can't stand watching you put yourself in that type of danger.”

“I love you too but you don't see me cooping you up in the house like a child who needs twenty-four seven watch,” I exclaim back, the exchange of I love yous not registering in my mind until a minute after I said it. My cheeks heated up the moment I realized it though thankfully he couldn't see my face.

But then his hand was on my arm spinning me to look at him, “what did you just say?” He asked I knew what part he was referring to so I repeated myself,

“I. Love. You”

“You-”

“I don't want to hear that I shouldn't. I heard you say it first,so we are not doing this right now. I can't do this right now,” I explain cutting him off, tears still streaming.

He doesn't say anything when he reaches up wiping the new tears away before pulling me into his chest, he doesn't have to say it again though because I know he loves me.

[struggling-adultfangirl]

The Weight Is Gone Ch. 3

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary:  Dean and Y/N are friends with benefits, but no one ever said that didn’t come without its complications.

Warnings: This started out as something small then ANGST happened. Also the italics are song lyrics!

Word Count: 1,567

Every time you tell me that you need a change

But you could never stay away

You know you break my heart

Every time you leave

“It’s not cheating. It wasn’t cheating. I’m not helping him cheat.” You repeated over and over again as you stripped the sheets off the bed. Dean had gone into your room again last night and once again he was gone before you woke up. Over the past few weeks the weight that had appeared over your chest seemed to get heavier. It was only when he was gone that you felt like you could truly breathe. When he was out with Vanessa and would show up the next morning you slept soundly.

“Hey Y/N, Dean is out tonight I was wondering if you wanted to go out and eat for a change.” Sam asked from the entrance of the laundry room.

“Yeah sounds like a plan.

Everyone knows the things you do

All of the grief you put me through

You and Sam had ended up at a bar. You figured that a diner would open you up to too much conversation with Sam and nothing beats greasy bar food when you’re battling inner demons. “This is the best time I’v had out in a while! Sammy please remind me why we haven’t done this sooner and more often.”

“I dunno Y/N, You just seemed really busy dealing with Dean.”

“Oh my god! I am way too sober for this! Please tell me you have not heard anything and don’t know anything.

“You know your room isn’t that far from mine and Dean isn’t really quiet when he leaves in the morning either. You’re just a heavy sleeper I guess.” He said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sam, listen, I know that what we’re doing is wrong. I know that I shouldn’t be okay with being his other woman. I shouldn’t be doing this to Vanessa because I’m sure she’s a great person,’ you stopped to roll your eyes, ‘or else Dean wouldn’t be with her. So please don’t bring any of that up.”

“I’m not defending my brother because what he is doing is so wrong, but Y/N are you sure this isn’t going to come back and bite you in the ass. I know how you feel about Dean and I know that you’ve felt this way for a while.”

“It really can’t get worse than it currently is.” You take a big drink from your beer, “It’s not like Dean to be hung up on a girl like this and I really don’t want him to be unhappy. He deserves it, even if it’s not with me.”

“You really think he’s happy with her?”

“Yeah Sam, why else would he still be bringing her around? Don’t you hear them when they’re over. It doesn’t matter where you are in the bunker you can hear him talking and her laugh everywhere. It echos off of all the walls!”

“Your words say that you’re okay with it but your tine says you’re jealous.” Sam said through a series of laughs. “Y/N just think about it, if he was happy, truly happy with her would he still be coming around to your room at night?”

You didn’t have an answer for that so you brushed it off. “Whatever Sam. Wanna see me kick your ass on darts?” He nodded taking the distraction and standing up to play.

—

“Sammy! Y/N’ Dean yelled as he entered the bunker.

“We’re both here! Where is the fire?” You asked coming out of your room, seeing Sam coming out of the library.

“I caught wind of a case and was wondering if you wanted to come with me?” He asks looking directly at you.

“Yeah, Sam and I could go, why not?”

“No I thought it could be just us? It looks like a simple salt and burn.”

“Are you asking for permission to take Y/N and leave me here?”

“What do you say sweetheart?” Dean asks looking at you again.

“Uh, sure? Why not?”

“Fine by me.” Sam stated before walking away.

“I’ll pack a bag and we can leave in 10?” You walked back into your room and started packing, purposely avoiding what Dean asking you on a hunt alone meant. A simple hunt, you’ve done it before and you could totally do it. When you walked into the garage, the car was already on and you hopped in and he drove off. After a couple of hours on the road you decided to break the silence, “What did you tell your lady love to explain your absence?” You didn’t mean for it to come out so sarcastic, but it was too late to take it back.

Dean laughed before he responded, “Told her I’d be gone for a couple days. She didn’t ask any questions.”

You nodded before you changed the subject, “Who tipped you onto this case?”

“I saw it on the news and thought it was worth checking out.”

That was strange, first of all Dean didn’t really watch the news and he usually offered a lot more information than that. “Okay? How many people has the ghost attacked? Do we even know where the body is? Do you have a name so I can start looking into where the body is buried?”

“God Y/N you really aren’t going to make this easy are you!” Dean yelled suddenly.

“I’m sorry? I’m just trying to know how much work we have cut out for us.” His grip was almost white on the steering wheel, but the car was slowing down and moving to the side of the road, “Dean what are you do-“

“There’s no case!’ He interrupts you, ‘I wanted an excuse to take you out and I knew that if I brought up a case you would come and Sam would be okay staying home.”

“Dean I don’t think this is such a good idea… you have Vanessa and she’s waiting for you. What’s been happening between us has never been okay, but this is a new level.”

The car was completely stopped now and Dean was sitting a lot closer than before. The steering wheel abandoned. “Y/N, look at me.” You turned to look at him and he took your face into his hands, “I just want another few days with you, like last time. Sweetheart I have missed you so much these past few days, I just want to hear your laugh again.”

“Dean-“ you started to object and his face fell. You couldn’t finish your sentence. You sighed and nodded yes. There was no way that you would deny Dean anything that would make him happy and that is why loving him is tearing you apart.

The “hunt” was great. The whole week you and Dean hung out like old times and even had sex a couple of times. This time, however, you got to wake up to him every morning. Everyone he met he introduced you as his girl and that made your heart flutter, it was really easy to pretend that this was the norm, until the end of the week. Vanessa called and the perfect picture you had built for yourself shattered. You weren’t with Dean and he was sticking around for whatever reason. When you heard him answer the phone you stood up from the motel bed and started to pack knowing that when he came back he would ask to head back to the bunker, real life was calling. “You’re okay, you’re okay. Don’t cry, don’t cry.” You whispered as you felt the tears spill over, zipping your duffle shut you ran into the bathroom and tried to get your emotions under control.

“Y/N? Are you ready to head back?”

You wiped at your eyes one more time and hoped that they weren’t too red. “Yeah just give me a minute to finish up in here.” You called back.

—

You gave Sam one nod before rushing past him when you arrived at the bunker. He turned to look at Dean confused and Dean just shrugged in response. “I’m heading out Sammy. I should be back tomorrow morning though.” Sam looked down in disappointment and nodded.

“You know you deserve better and he isn’t going to stop.” Sam said leaning on the wall next to your door.

You put the shirt you were holding down, “I know Sam, but even the small moments I have with him make it worth it. I love him.” You turned to look at him with tears making your eyes shine.

Sam pushed himself off of the wall and walked across the room to give you a hug. “I know Y/N and I am so sorry that he is doing this to you.”

“Every time I’m with him the weight in my chest gets heavier. Every time I think about how I am helping him fuck over Vanessa. She doesn’t deserve it Sam. I’m a monster, but can I tell you something?”

“Sure.” He said squeezing you tighter.

“Every time he’s gone and I look back at the time we spent together… it feels like I can finally breathe.”

—

Everyone knows that we're a lie

You're just afraid to say goodbye

Every time you leave

Feels like the weight is gone

Feels like the weight is gone

Fic Tags: @1967-chevy-impala-called-roscoe

Earlier this week I told myself this was going to be a short update and then this happened and for that I apologize. I think the next chapter may be the last one... However, let me know what you think! As always feedback makes the world go round!

[dang-misha]

Imagine – Sam getting jealous when he sees you close with one of your old hunting buddies.

Word Count – 3,633

Warnings – Angst, a lot of description of blood and pain.

A/N – I did a version of this but with Dean and I really enjoyed writing it. Should I make one with Cas? Please let me know 😊 (Also can we talk about how hot San looks in this gif im actually crying lol)

-

Life has been hard until you found the Winchesters, but someone who’s always made it at least a little better was your old best friend Derek. You and Derek met when you guys were kids and lost contact a few years after you started hunting more. Luckily he hunts too so he understood and didn’t think you were a psycho but he only hunts vampires while you hunt really anything that comes in your way.

You met Sam and Dean after a hunt went wrong and killed one of your friends. You were at the bar, drinking your pain away when someone came up and checked on you.

~ “Hey are you alright?” The tall man asked. He was gorgeous, he had beautiful brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. His cologne smelled amazing and his voice sent shivers down your spine.

“Oh, um yeah. Thanks.”

“You don’t seem ok. Do you mind if I sit with you?” You shook your head so he took a seat and asked the bartender for a beer.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you… You’ll think I’m actually insane.”

“Trust me, I won’t think you’re insane.” You looked over and you could tell he was actually concerned and not just trying to get in your pants like almost every guy in this shitty, smelly place.

“I hunt monsters for a living. I know, you probably want to run away and throw me in an asylum because

I’m crazy but I swear –“

“I do too.” You looked at him with shock.

“You – You do?”

“Sadly. I went to college for a little bit then had to stop just to get into this messed up life. I really miss it sometimes. Trust me, I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“My friend died today. A werewolf… I was right there and I just…” He noticed your eyes start to water.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said softly, giving you a hug. You never felt so safe In your entire life. His arms were big and strong, they felt like home.

“I don’t have anyone… Not anymore…” You cried

“Why don’t you stick around with my brother and I? I know you don’t really know us but I promise we’re not freaks –“

“Yes. I mean if it’s alright with your brother of course yes. I would really like that …”

“Sam. My name’s Sam.” He smiled, leaning his hand out for you to shake it

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He winked, making you blush. ~

“So guys I have a friend coming over!” You said with excitement while the guys sat at the table and looked confused

“A friend that isn’t me, Sammy or Cas? Whaa?” You punched Dean on the arm playful, making him grab it and rub it

“His name is Derek, we met when we were little and been on a few hunts together. He’s pretty cool, I think you’ll like him.”

“Um, alright great. When is he coming?” Sam asked, not looking up from his book

“Tonight. I have to go get ready!” You ran excitedly out of the room and went to go take a shower leaving Sam and Dean to themselves.

“Oh boy” Dean chuckled, noticing his little brother starting to turn red from embarrassment.

“What are you going on about?”

“Easy tiger, I think it’s just cute how you’re getting jealous over a dude you don’t even know.”

“I’m not jealous Dean, now will you get off my back?” Sam growled

“Okie dokie” He held his hands up in defense, trying to hold back his laughter.

-

You put on your favorite flannel that Dean bought you for your birthday along with skinny jeans and converse. You made sure to do your makeup perfectly and pulled your hair up in a pretty pony tail. You didn’t have a crush on Derek, you just wanted to look decent for an old friend and maybe look cute for Sammy.

Ever since that day in the bar you always had some kind of feelings for Sam. At first you thought it was just because you were lonely and he was the most handsome guy in that bar but as time went on you realized it was more than a crush, you were in love.

“Y/N, your friends here!” Dean yelled from downstairs, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Coming!” You yelled back, running down the stairs as fast as you could. You ran into the living room and saw Dean sitting with him on the couch, talking about something until Derek noticed you. He ran up to you, gave you a huge hug and spin you around. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“I’m so happy you’re here! I missed you!” You said, hugging him again

“I missed you too, it’s been way to long!”

Dean chuckled again as he noticed Sam sitting on the other side of the room, glaring at the man with his arms around you as if he was a threat. He sat in the chair with his arms crossed like a child but you were to excited to notice anything other than Derek.

“I was just getting to know your friend Dean, we were talking about cars.”

“Oh yeah, that doesn’t surprise me with either of you.” You all laughed other than Sam.

“Did you meet Sammy?”

“No actually I haven’t.”

You walked over to Sam, grabbed his arm and dragged him over to Derek and Dean.

“Nice to meet you” He smiled, reaching his hand out for Sam to shake but he declined and just gave him a quiet hey.

“Sorry, It’s been a rough few days we don’t really get much sleep.” You laughed nervously, trying to give an excuse for Sam’s shitty behavior. “He’s never like this, what’s going on?” You thought to yourself but just brushed it off.

“Yeah, I think I’m going to go to bed.” Sam grumbled, making you frown

“But it’s only 8 and we had a movie night planned.”

“I’m tired.” You gave him a dirty look as he gave you a sad one, leaving you so confused. Was he jealous? There’s no way.

“Alright well it was nice to meet you” Derek said to him, trying to shake his hand again but once again Sam declined

“Yeah. Night.”

You spent the rest of the night catching up with Derek as Dean got to know him. It was all going really well, you were really happy other than you wished Sam was down here too.

“What’s wrong with Sam?” You asked Dean in the kitchen. He went to get a beer so you decided this was your time to ask without Derek around to make it awkward.

“I’m not sure, maybe just moody from lack of sleep.”

“Sam’s never moody Dean, you know that. We’re the moody ones! Once in a while Cas will be a little moody but not a lot.”

“I know, I think sometimes It just takes a toll on him. He’ll be okay I think he just needs some rest.” He hated lying to you like this. All he wanted to do was tell you how Sam loves you and wants to be with you but he knew if he did Sam would absolutely kill him.

Derek slept on the couch for the night while you decided to sleep in your room. You were going to sleep in the living room with him but was worried that it’d be weird or uncomfortable.

You woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and bacon, your favorite. You walked downstairs expecting to see Dean or Sam making them but was took to surprise when you saw Derek in front of the stove instead.

“Derek, you didn’t have to do this” You looked at all the amazing food

“Um… I’m not complaining.” Dean said with a mouthful of pancakes, making you and Derek laugh while Sam sat there and picked at his bacon.

“Do you like It Sammy?”

“Yeah.”

“If he doesn’t I’m taking the rest”

Sam shook his head and pushed his plate over to Dean, making his eyes light up like a Christmas tree. Sam got up and put his favorite brown jacket on and grabbed his phone.

“Where are you going? It’s like 7 in the morning”

“I’m going for a walk.” Before you could ask why he was out and slammed the door on his way, making you jump.

“Not warm to welcomes huh?” Derek asked you while making your plate.

“I think he’s just stressed. You get it, right?” Derek nodded and left the conversation alone.

It was around 4 PM now and you all left to go on a hunt. Derek was used to vampires so he didn’t really know what to do on a demon hunt but you decided he should go anyways and learn. You sat in the back with him while Sam sat in the passenger seat as Dean drove of course. Every time you’d look up you’d notice Dean looking at Sam with guilt as Sam just shook his head. You were so confused.

“So Sam, what did you do before this?” Derek asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

“I went to college.”

“That’s awesome! When did you graduate?”

“I didn’t. Dean came, pulled me out to be stuck in this stupid life. My girlfriend died and I never looked back.”

“Oh…”

The car was silent again but this time for the rest of the ride.

You arrived to some abandoned house where there was rumors of a ton of demons being here. Sadly the rumors were true, thankfully you were already prepared for anything.  Derek started to get your gun you let him borrow out until one of the demons slapped it out of his hands, pointing the gun at him after.

“Derek, no!” You yelled, running over to him and pushing him out of the way. You felt something sharp go through your side, noticing the demon shot right when you pushed Derek out of the way. You looked down in shock as you felt the blood gush out.

“Y/N!” Sam yelled with fear, dropping everything he had and running over to you.

“Y/N! No! No why did you do that?!” Derek yelled, tears forming in his eyes.

“Back off, I think you’ve done enough.” Sam growled, breaking Derek’s heart along with yours.

Derek ran off and helped Dean take care of the three other demons while Sam ripped off his jacket and placed it over your wound, hopping and praying to anyone who was listening that you’d be ok.

“Sam, Sammy go… Go help Dean and Derek..” You said weakly, dozing off.

“Uh uh, no way!” Sam yelled, pressing harder

“Sammy, we both know I’m not going to make it. Stop wasting your time…”

“Stop! Stop talking like that, you’ll be fine!” Sam noticed your eyes getting heavier and harder to keep open.

“No, please stay with me… Please! I- I need you! I love you, y/n! There I said it ok? I love you which Is why you gotta stay awake and stay live, alright?” He cried, holding your face in his hands.

“I… I… love..” You couldn’t finish your sentence. You passed out in his arms.

Sam picked you up and carried you to the impala. He sat in the back and laid your head in his lap as he brushed your hair out of your face and prayed for what seemed like forever. Dean drove to the bunker as fast as he could as Derek just sat there and cried.

Sam thought about every memory he had with you. He thought about when he first met you, every time you guys would have a great day for once so you’d stay up and dance to your favorite songs. Sometimes Dean would even join even though he made you both swear to never tell anyone. He thought about every argument, every time you cried together, and especially every time he should’ve told you he loved you but he didn’t. He regretted it so much.

“Y/N, I swear to god if you stay with us I will tell you I love you every second of every day. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I was just scared. And now I realize that was stupid of me, you should tell anyone you love that you love them when you have the chance before it’s to late. Before… Before you don’t get the chance to… Please Y/N, please stay with me…” He leaned his head down on your chest as he let the tears flow. He held your hand and gasped when he felt you squeeze it. It was so lightly he barley noticed, but it was definitely something.

“She – She squeezed my hand! She’s alive!” He said with happiness, kissing your forehead afterwards.

Everyone finally arrived to the bunker. Sam carried you in while Dean helped open the door and told Derek where to get the first aid kit. Sam laid you down on the couch and held your hand while Dean got ready to clean you up and give you some stitches.

“Demon got her good, but she should be alright.” Dean said nervously, looking at the wound for a few minutes before getting what he needed. Derek stood back with his hand over his mouth in shock.

“You good with blood?” Dean asked him. He shook his head no.

“You should probably leave then, it’s going to get messy. Go get some air I’ll get ya when we’re done.” He gave him a soft smile while Derek nodded and left.

“Sammy, I didn’t want to say this in front of Derek but the bullet’s still in there and it’s in there pretty deep.”

“Will she live?”

“She’ll live, but she’s gonna be wishing she didn’t. It’s gonna hurt like no tomorrow and I need you to stay calm and most of all try to keep her calm, okay?” Sam looked terrified. The thought of you being in pain made him want to throw up.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Dean said, putting his hand on his little brothers shoulder and squeezing it.

He got the tweezers and dig in your wound, making you scream on top of your lungs and move around making it harder for Dean to get the bullet out.

“Sammy!” He yelled with fear and force in his voice

“Hey, y/n sweetheart it’s me, okay? You’re okay! I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you’re going to be okay but you have to stay still.” You were still screaming and crying. Sam reached over and kissed you as hard as he could.

“I got you, okay? I’m right here. Just squeeze my hand.”

You continued to scream and cry until Dean finally got the bullet out.

“Got it! I got it” He said with relief, putting it on the nightstand next to the couch and pouring some alcohol into some tissue and patting it on your wound and patching you up after.

“That was one of the worst things I ever had to witness.” Sam sighed, wiping your tears away along with his. It hurt him so bad to see you in that much pain.

“I know, me too. I’m sorry Sammy.”

“Don’t be sorry, you saved her life.”

After Dean finished patching you up he gave you some medicine to help with the pain then invited Derek back in after he knew you were okay.

“I heard a shit ton of screaming, is she okay?”

“Yes, she had a bullet in her side that got stuck and didn’t want to come out but I got it. She’s okay now she just needs to rest.”

“I feel so, so bad… It’s my fault. I should’ve never came along I just wanted to see what she did for a living and I thought it’d be cool but…”

“It’s not your fault.” Sam jumped in.

“It’s not your fault, things like that happen all the time in our lives. She cares about you enough that she was willing to die for you. You must be a pretty awesome guy.” He continued, making Derek feel a little better.

“Thank you.” Sam nodded, walking off to go be by your side. Derek followed as Dean went to go put the first aid kit away.

“Hey” Derek said softly, running his hand down your cheek.

“I have to go, but I want you to know I appreciate you so much. I’ll give you a call sometime soon.” He kissed your forehead and left to go get his bags. He told Dean goodbye and walked out the door down the driveway until Sam stopped him.

“Hey! Derek!” He turned around and saw Sam running.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being an asshole this weekend. It’s just, I love y/n so much and I was kind of… jealous and was worried you were here to take her away from us.”

“I’d never do that to her or you guys. I’m not like that.”

“I know, I know that now. So yeah, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Derek smiled and leaned his hand out, winking at Sam as Sam chuckled and shook his hand.

“Take care of yourself, Winchester. And please call me whenever y/n is ready to talk.”

“You got it.”

Sam walked back in and noticed Dean sitting on the floor by your head. He was watching tv but wanted to make sure you weren’t scared when you woke up so he stayed right by you.

“How’s she doing?”

“Still resting, which is good. Lord knows needs it.”

“I apologized to Derek for treating him the way I did this weekend. I feel so bad.”

“Nah, you were just jealous. We all get that way sometimes, it was actually kind of cute.” He picked on him, making him blush in embarrassment.

“Shut up” Sam laughed, making Dean smile to see him back to normal again.

It was around 1 AM. Sam was still up watching whatever was on tv at the time while Dean decided to go get some sleep after a rough day. As Sam was starting to doze off he noticed you moving around and grunting in pain.

“Hey fighter” He smiled, seeing your eyes flutter open.

“I feel like I got hit by a truck…and then a bus right after.” You groaned. Sam reached over and gave you his glass of water. He helped you take a sip and put it back down after you were done.

“What happened?”

“A demon tried to shoot Derek, but you took the shot and got hit instead. The bullet was stuck in your side so Dean had to literally dig in and –“

“Oh no, I remember that part don’t worry.” You sighed, remembering how bad it hurt.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? It was my decision.”

“It hurt me so bad seeing you in that much pain. I wanted to puke and bawl but I had to stay strong…. For you and Dean.”

“What else is new? You’re always the strong one. You always keep us together.” You smile, placing your hand on his cheek as he leaned in against it, sighing to your touch.

“I heard you say something before I passed out, and I didn’t get a chance to reply.” You felt Sam stiffen up

“Oh… Um… I…”

“I love you too, Sammy.” You smiled weakly, feeling your heart go crazy from nerves and excitement.

“You.. You do?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve loved you for a while. You were just to blind to see it I guess with all that hair covering your face and all.” You brushed his hair out of his face.

“You know you love it”

“I do, I do.”

You both fell asleep on the couch and slept for the rest of the night. Sam was in such a good mood the morning after that he decided to make some pancakes and bacon.

“I miss Derek’s pancakes and bacon… I never tasted anything so close to heaven in my life. I mean, other than pie of course but still.”

“Oh bite me” Sam smiled, cracking you and Dean up.

“So I guess I’m a warrior now huh? I mean this is going to leave a badass scar so…” You smirked, pulling up your shirt showing your patch from the night before.

“Oh yeah, a total badass. Hey I got something to show ya!” Dean yelled, running out of his seat and grabbing what he wanted to show you as quick as he could. He came back with a jar full of water along with a bullet inside.

“Is that… Is that what I think it is?” Sam asked as you sat there with your jaw dropped and Dean with a quirky smirk.

“Oh yeah, it is.”

“Um.. I don’t know if y/n would want to see –“ You cut him off

“Um, y/n would love to see this bad boy! How freaking awesome”

“I know right! I think we need to put this baby on a shelf”

“God, you guys are way to much alike.” Sam gagged, making you and Dean crack up.

Later that week Dean put the jar on a shelf above the tv just for you. Sam hated it and called it disgusting while you and Dean admired it and even gave it a name.

[fandomoniumflurry]

My Heart Will Go On

Dean Winchester x Jo Harvelle

@ambermei Hey! I just thought of a one shot idea for Chestervelle! Remember the "My Heart Will Go On" episode in season six when Balthazar unsinked the Titanic and Ellen and Jo were alive? What if in that universe, Dean and Jo were dating during that time and Dean finds out the Harvelles were supposed to die in an explosion. It doesn't seem like anyone has written it yet, and I can just picture Jo sitting in that motel room asking Dean what's wrong not knowing she's suppose to be dead. Dean would be doing what he normally does when he's hiding something, pretending nothing's change.

Flangst. Ok mainly angst with some fluff. ok, lots of Angst. It hurt my Dean heart ;^;

1k+ words

The moment she stepped into the room, Dean’s heart broke. Seeing the twinkle in her chocolate orbs and the dazzling smile that brightened her face made the pressure in his chest that much worse. Being told of how things were supposed to be made him wish that this was the way it could always be. If it wasn’t the right thing to do, he would tell Balthazar to just leave the Titanic the way it was. His life was hard and tragic but in Jo, he had found the light, his reason for living and for fighting. Without her, he didn’t know how he had survived in that other reality. The thought of getting her killed was enough to nearly cripple him when he was told.

Thousands of lives were saved on the Titanic, how could it be so wrong? So the butterfly effect caused an entirely different reality. Why couldn’t the Fates just leave it alone, just let them all be? But no, instead they came to take the lives of all those that survived, setting the world back into balance. Which meant that Jo and Ellen would be taken away from them sooner rather than later. He would give his life to keep the Harvelles from meeting any harm and he even contemplated taking on the Fates to do such. He would let thousands of people meet their destiny if it meant that he could still have her. If it weren’t for Sam, his moral compass, he wouldn’t change a thing.

He could remember their life together so clearly. It had taken a couple years of flirtation and casual visits before Jo finally asked him out since he didn’t seem to have the balls to do it himself. Being hunters, both with their own cases and responsibilities, they carried on a relationship, seeing each other and talking when they could. Life always managed to keep them apart as much as it could but they still fought it until Dean had had enough.

A long weekend vacation was needed and leaving Sam with Ellen and Bobby, he had whisked Jo away to Bobby’s old secluded cabin. Four days of just the two of them, talking, drinking, goofing off and it was there that she gave away her virginity. And it was then that he knew he could never let her go. It was also there that he had asked her to hunt with him and his brother. Those few days had brought them closer and bonded them to the point that he wouldn’t be able to go weeks or months at a time without her. He needed her by his side at all times. She agreed with the condition that he would let her go on her own hunts from time to time. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop her either way, he agreed and became the happiest he had ever been in his life.

And now that she was just getting back from one of those hunts, he could never be more relieved to have her back. The moment their eyes met, her smiled dulled a bit. The look on Dean’s face made her worry and her legs led her to him as quick as they could. His eyes followed her, afraid that if he lost sight of her she would just disappear. The weight on his heart was only growing heavier as the truth fell harder the longer he looked at her. Her hands cupped his face before she said a word and her soft eyes searched his emerald orbs intently.

He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her as close as possible, resting his forehead against hers. His eyes closed as he took in a trembling breath. Her lip trembled as fear and worry began to wrack her. She slid her arms around his shoulders, a hand raking through his hair as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. His own arms squeezed around her middle and he made it a point to memorize the way she felt in his arms, memorize her scent. His lips pressed warm kisses against her skin, logging the feel and taste of her warm flesh. Tears began to form in Jo’s eyes as her worry grew the longer she held him.

His mind was racing, intoxicated by her presence, his reasoning for sinking the ship becoming fuzzy. To him, Jo was all there was and without her, there was no him. He didn’t realize he had started to quiver within her grasp until he heard her soft cries. She clung to him even tighter, not knowing what her tears were even for yet. She didn’t know what troubled her strong hunter but his demeanor was enough for her to be the most afraid she had ever been.

His lips were muffled against her skin as he whispered and her brows wrinkled when she couldn’t understand. Her arms remained around him as she pulled back enough to look him in the face. “What’s going on, Dean?”

“I love you, ya know?” He didn't break eye contact as he said those words. This was the first time she had ever heard him say them. To anyone. Especially to her.

Her eyes widened in shock and she was pretty sure her heart stopped beating. The pain in his eyes and the sound of his voice kept her from rejoicing at the words like she wished to. With them came a foreboding uneasiness. Though he was sincere and she could see the adoration in his eyes, she couldn't help but cry. A hand slid gently over his cheek as she tried to manage a smile. “I love you too, babe.” She placed a soft kiss to his lips. “Tell me what's wrong, please? You're scaring me.”

He sucked in as deep of a breath as he could, trying to muster up his courage and strength. She could tell when the smile came to his face that it wasn't genuine but knowing him, he wasn't about to let the facade break. “Just glad to see you, sweetheart.” His hands lifted to comb through her hair before coming to cup her face. “This hunt we’ve been on just made me miss you is all” His smile warmed this time before he brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

Her fingers clenched the lapel of his jacket, pulling him into her as she deepened the kiss. When she pulled away, she glowered at him which only made him stifle a grin. “I missed you too. But don’t scare me like that again!” Her features softened into that adorable smile he loved so much. She settled herself against his chest, resting her hands against his black tshirt that rested under flannel. Her fingers drew invisible designs against the fabric as she nibbled on her bottom lip, watching her digits as they moved. “So…”

His brow raised as he looked down at her, his hands splaying against her back to hold her close. A grin pulled at the corner of his lips. “So?”

She looked up at him then, a twinkle in her eye and a warm smirk on her lips. “You love me, huh?”

He nodded his head and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he responded. “I do.” His eyes closed as his cheek lingered against her forehead, letting out a sigh that could have been confused with contentment. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to hold back the surge of emotion that threatened to take over. “Very much.” Before he pulled back to look at her, he slapped on the smile again. “You want me to show you just how much?” His brows wiggled causing her to laugh softly.

She pushed herself onto her tiptoes and brought her lips to his again. “I’m free tonight.” With a wink, she leapt into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist as her arms gripped around his neck.

He caught her easily with a chuckle, his hands holding her up by her ass, giving the cheeks a firm squeeze. There was a lot he wished to say, so many things he wanted to tell her. He knew his time with her was limited and he wasn't even sure when he woke up in the morning that he would remember his time with her like this. So deciding that words were not enough, he made the choice to spend his last night showing her what she meant to him.

Even when tears came later that night, he still wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, just simply asked her to hold him. She wept along with him, her heart aching as she whispered I loves you’s and ran her fingers through his hair. She had no idea what caused her lover’s pain but soon it wouldn’t matter because she wouldn’t remember. Soon, this reality would no longer exist. Soon, she would be dead. And Dean hoped more than anything that he wouldn’t remember.

[carryonmywaywardcaptain]

A New Life: Part Four

Series Masterlist

Part One  Part Two  Part Three

Summary: Your family is killed while you are out celebrating Fall Break with some friends from college. You’re about to take your own life when the Winchester boys come rolling in. They turn your world completely inside out, but along the way you discover a new purpose in hunting and a love you never even dreamed could exist.

WC: 2,710

Warnings: angst, blood, self-harm, language, teenie tiny fluff if you look close

A/N: This one was harder for me to write, but I felt like it was important for the story. Obviously she’s having a rough time with everything she has gone through, and she needs to face it. Slightly off topic, but as I was writing this I came up with an idea for a future chapter and I’m pumped for the suspense when it gets there. Stay tuned ;)

P.S. If you’re struggling, please know that you’re not alone. Reach out to someone and seek help. Good people are usually generous and willing to listen when you need them <3 

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Staring up at the ceiling, you let out a frustrated sigh. You glance at the clock and roll your eyes. It had been ages since you’d been able to have a good night’s sleep. You give up and make your way to the kitchen, thinking maybe a drink or a snack might help.

From down the hall, you hear something rattling and clinking. It sounded like someone had beat you to the fridge, and you chuckled to yourself thinking it was probably Dean. You turn the corner and walk into the kitchen, seeing his silhouette in the light radiating from the fridge.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” You ask as you make your way toward him. He doesn’t answer, but keeps digging in the fridge.

“Dean?”

He keeps searching through the fridge without acknowledging you. Something must be wrong, you think with a sinking feeling.

Slowly, you reach out to touch his shoulder. As you take another cautious step forward, you step in a puddle. You look down to see what he must have spilled, and shriek as you jump backward. You stare wide-eyed at the crimson puddle as your heart drums in your chest and you gasp for air.

Your eyes snap back to Dean, realizing he must have hurt himself. He still had his back to you, but he stopped rummaging in the fridge.

“Dean, are you okay? What happened?” You ask breathless.

Dean rotates his body around to face you, and your breath catches in your throat. His mouth is hanging open, and his eyes are cloudy and gray against his ghost white face. All you can do is stare, frozen in horror at the dead eyes staring back at you. You tear your own eyes away from his long enough to see that his throat is ripped apart; blood streaming down from his wound, pooling on the floor.

Something moves out of the corner of your eye. Trembling, you glance away from Dean to see Gideon hovering behind the door of the fridge.

“Well hello there, beautiful. It’s good to see you again.”

His words echo and hang heavy in the air. The dim light reflects off his sharp teeth as he smirks at you with a wide and menacing grin. Deans knees buckle, and he finally collapses onto the floor, sinking into the pool of his own blood. As Gideon lunges at you, you scream Dean’s name.

 You sit up in a rush and the blood curdling scream from your dream continues. Your face is already wet, and you realize you must have been crying in your sleep. As you lay back down and curl up into a ball sobbing, the boys come crashing through your bedroom door with their guns drawn.

After scanning the room and finding no threat, their focus is drawn back to your hysteric sobs. Sam slowly lowered his gun and took a few cautious steps toward you. You barely noticed.

“Y/N..?”

Dean still had his gun raised, but as his adrenaline melted away, his arms dropped to his sides. He tucked his gun in the waistband behind his back, crawled up the bed next to you, and pulled you into his arms. He didn’t know what was wrong, what you needed, but it broke him to see you like this. You felt his jaw clench against your temple as he held you close.

“Y/N, is everything okay?” Sam asked, easing himself down on the bed by your feet.

You worked to calm yourself down. It was just a dream.

You knew you needed to reassure them that you weren’t in any danger. That it was just a bad dream. You clenched on to fistfuls of Dean’s shirt as you focused on slowing your breathing. You drew back to look at him, lingering on his face. The concern in his green eyes made your heart ache even more.

It was just a dream.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered. “I had a...It was just a bad dream. I’m okay.”

You reluctantly twist out of Dean’s arms and scoot back to lean against the headboard. “I’ll be fine.” You give them a small smile. “I’ll be fine.” Neither of them looked convinced.

As days turned into weeks, you continued to have nightmares almost every night. Sometimes one of the boys would come in to check on you, but most of the time they let you be. You were embarrassed by the involuntary screams and tears, and the boys quickly caught onto that.

You rarely slept anymore, and the nightmares were starting to take a toll on you. You were jumpy and on edge during the day, and each night you dreaded closing your eyes for fear of revisiting the images etched in your brain. Images of Dean, and the old woman, and your family-- all ending up with the same fate.

One night, you awoke from yet another vivid nightmare. You got up and padded down the hallway, aimlessly wandering around the bunker trying to diffuse your fear and anxiety. You avoided the kitchen and ended up in the library, having noticed one of the desk lights on the table had been left on.

You were tired. You were emotionally and mentally drained, and physically you ached from the tension your dreams had been causing you. You wanted to feel numb and to never have to sleep again.

When you focused enough to look around the room, you noticed the boys had weapons strewn about on the table and duffel bags in the chairs. You weren’t sure what day it was, and the boys were rarely able to engage you in conversation anymore, but you vaguely remembered them saying something about a case. They must have decided to head out in the morning. You felt a twinge of guilt, and wondered if they had stuck around because they knew how difficult nights were for you.

Your eyes settled on a knife just in front of you on the table.  You hesitated for a moment, then reached out to grab it. You turned it this way and that between your fingers, watching the lamplight glint off it every now and then.

You stood up and decided you needed to try to sleep off this dangerous mood you were sinking into. Reaching to put the knife back down, you paused and bit your lip in thought. You sighed, tucking the knife into the pocket of your robe as you made your way back to bed.

You heard a knock on your door, and it made you jump. You hadn’t heard the boys get back. It seemed they had arrived from their hunting trip earlier than planned. Maybe if you didn’t answer, they’d think you were asleep.

“Y/N?” Sam called. You closed your eyes, and waited for him to go away. He twisted the knob, and you knew he had figured out that you’d locked it.

He beat on the door harder, calling your name more firmly this time.

You took a deep breath. You’d been getting good at shoving aside your emotions. You tuned him out, and allowed yourself to sink into the familiar emptiness.

“Y/N!” He was pounding on the door now. You stared at the wall, and slid the knife into your back pocket. You wound the towel in your lap around your arm and hunched yourself over to cover it.

Just then, Sam kicked in the door. You kept your eyes fixed on a spot on the wall across your room.

“Y/N, what the hell?” He blurted out in exasperation as he noticed you weren’t sleeping after all. “Why did you lock your door?”

Noticing your demeanor, he realized something was wrong. He rushed over and knelt down beside you. He looked you over and froze when he observed the towel you were shielding.

“Y/N…” His voice was almost inaudible. “What did you do.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of disbelief.

You refused to look at him. Hanging on to the bit of relief you’d felt only moments ago, you focused on keeping your breathing even as you continued to fix your gaze on the wall. You knew that if you looked at him you wouldn’t be able to keep your composure.

“What the hell is going on down here?” Dean called as he made his way into your room.

You tensed a little at his voice, but continued to stare blankly at the wall in front of you. You closed your eyes and tuned out the frantic and angry conversation that ensued between Sam and Dean. You were brought back to reality when Dean’s rough hand grabbed your upper arm and yanked you off the floor.

He dragged you down the hall, through the bunker, and out the steel door. He shoved you forward, and you furrowed your brow in dazed confusion. You turned around and were taken aback by the fuming expression on his face.

“Dean, stop. You need to calm down.” Sam was pleading, but his tone was serious.

He spat back, “Oh shut up, Sam. This has gone on long enough.” He stormed up to you and shoved his gun into your hands. You’d been cradling the towel around your arm, but it fell into a bloody heap on the dirt as you fumbled to hold the pistol Dean was shoving at you.

“You want it all to end so bad? Then here. Go ahead.” He was glaring at you. You looked down at the gun, confused. Looking back up at him, you saw his eyes lingering on your forearm. When his eyes flashed back to yours, your heart began racing as the numbness you were clinging to started to crumble away.

“…what?” You whispered.

“Dean! What the hell?” Sam screamed at his brother.

“C’mon, Y/N. If you’re so miserable and you hate your life so damn much, go right ahead. What’re you waiting for?” You glanced away from his blazing eyes.

“I…” Tears were welling up in your eyes, and the gun in your hand began feeling heavier the longer you stared at it.

“Dean, this isn’t a freaking joke, stop it!” Sam screamed as he shoved Dean.

“You’re damn right it’s not. If she wants to die so bad, at least she can have the means to do it.” He gestured an angry hand toward you. “Seriously, I mean it makes total sense. Why the hell would we try to save her when she’s perfectly happy coasting along like a freaking zombie? We swoop in to save the day, and then she turns around, throwing it all away to cut herself!”

“God, Dean! You are such an asshole sometimes. What the h—“

Your ears started ringing and, just like the first time the boys saved you, your knees gave out as everything you’d been pushing away came crashing back into you. You let the gun clatter into the dirt as you sank to the ground. You doubled over with your hands on your knees, as sobs violently shuttered through you. The numbness you’d held in place to mask all the pain evaporated.

Sam came over to crouch beside you again. He gently rubbed his hand up and down your back as you heard Dean walk off toward the tree line beside the drive. You bawled for several more minutes, before you heard Dean making his way back over to you and Sam. Sam gently grabbed the tops of your arms, and guided you back so that you were sitting on the ground instead of on your feet.

With teary eyes, you peeked back up at the boys, who were now kneeling in front of you. Dean’s mouth was pressed in a hard line, but his face had softened. Sam was watching you carefully, unsure of what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” you said in a low voice, turning your head away again. The three of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.

Dean finally spoke. “Y/N. Look at me.” You did, reluctantly. “I know you been going through a hell of a lot lately. Life…well it ain’t fair, kid. Life’s a bitch. And some of us really get our asses handed to us. But you don’t just roll over and give up.”

You mulled that over for a moment before responding. “I never meant to hurt either of you. I just…I needed to feel something besides all of the pain inside. And then I needed to feel nothing and I’ve been caught in this…I never wanted to hurt you.”

“We know, Y/N.” Sam flashed a soft, understanding smile, but it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared.

Tears threatened to escape you again. “It just hurts so damn much. I don’t know what to do. I’m not strong like you guys.”

After a long moment, Dean reached out to grab your left arm. His calloused hands were much more gentle than earlier, and he slowly traced his thumb along the edge of your injuries. You chose to fix your eyes on his thumb to avoid the disappointment you could feel on his face. He sighed, and cupped his other hand under your chin to make you meet his gaze.

You shared a long look. Your heart swelled inside of your chest, but you weren’t sure why.

“Dean, I didn’t…I don’t want to die. But I’m just not strong enough to fight.”

“I know you don’t want to die. I probably should have handled that different, but I just wanted you to snap out of this haze you’ve been in. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

He looked at you for another long moment, as his soft green eyes searched your face. “C’mon.” He pulled you up, handed you the gun again, and dragged you by the arm toward the tree line.

“Dean, I—“ He held up a hand, halting your words. After a few more steps he stopped, turning back to look at you.

“You’re a fighter, Y/N. It’s gonna be hard, and you’re gonna have to fight like hell, but me and Sammy will help. We’ll find a way. Together. Because that’s what families do.”

He moved the gun to your right hand, then helped you correctly place your index finger on the trigger and curl the rest of your fingers around the grip. He moved behind you, squaring your hips and reaching his arms around so they circled around yours.

His voice dropped to a whisper as he continued; his gravelly voice pleading in your ear. “Don’t ever hurt yourself again, do you hear me? You don’t understand how much you mean to Sammy and me… Promise me.”

His warm breath on your neck sent chills down your spine. Your mouth was dry and your heart was racing from his touch. All you could muster was a nod in agreement.

“Good,” he spoke in a normal voice again. “Let’s get this show on the road. You’ve got a lot to learn if you’re going to become a hunter.”

You shifted your focus away from the effect Dean was having on you, and fixed your eyes on where he was pointing and holding your arms. You see that he had left to set up the mangled remains of some beer cans on a fallen log. He stepped away from his position behind you and came to your side to begin instructing you on how to aim and properly use the pistol. You look away from the targets and steal a glance back at Dean.

It feels like your head is coming back to the surface after being held under water. The haze you’d been swimming in for who knows how long melted away as you really take a hard look at Dean. You watch as he talks and gestures toward the cans, demonstrating the proper stance to take a shot.

You shake your head and focus on what he’s saying, ignoring the unfamiliar feeling creeping up inside of you. He asks if you’re ready to give it a shot, and flashes your favorite crooked smile when you nod in response. Right then and there you resolved that you would do everything in your power to make sure you never hurt this man again.

Part Five

Tags: @maddieburcham1 @jamrsgang @oswlin29 @amanda-teaches @anotherwaywardsister @growningupgeek @because-imma-lady-assface @obsessivecompulsivespn @imascreamerbabymakemeamute @impala-dreamer @riversong-sam @ericaprice2008 @olkathefoxi @the--real-wombat

[huntertales]

Part Four: Team Free Will. (The Song Remains the Same S05E13)

Episode Summary: Anna, the renegade angel, travels back in time to kill John and Mary so Sam is never born, and he cannot be the vessel to Lucifer. Castiel sends the reader and the Winchesters boys back in time to stop Anna. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 2,968.

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How the hell did your life get to this point? A little over five years ago you were just some person in their twenties, passing the time of your loneliness by throwing yourself into the endless amount of research for the Winchesters when they were still a family all about hunting. While they had the endless road at their fingertips, you had a two-story house to call your own. It was filled with a set of problems that you tried to get over, but you ended up ditching it when John went missing and Dean wanted to try and contact his little brother. When the youngest Winchester called off hunting for a chance at a normal life after seeing enough hunting to make him see what it was all about. You had done the opposite. You decided a normal life wasn’t worth it. You wanted to do more than just sit at home and learn about the monsters of the night, you wanted to hunt them. Looking up from the little mundane task you were doing, you glanced up to the mirror that you were standing in front of to stare at yourself for a moment.

You could play the game of "What If" until your thoughts collapsed of all the mistakes that lead you to the apocalypse. You could blame yourself for doing what you thought was right at the time. But you had a feeling, no matter what you did, somehow you would find yourself in this position sooner or later. Letting out a quiet sigh, you glanced back down at the glass cups you were about to grab, but the sound of ruffling wings made you glance up from your task just one more time, curious to see if your mind was playing tricks on you. Cas had been missing for the past few days since you came back to the present. You tried calling, texting, and even tracking his phone to see if he just landed himself somewhere else in the world. But your eyes suddenly grew wide as you dropped the cups to the dresser, seeing his reflection once more in the mirror.

“Cas!” You called out his name in a panic as you quickly turned around in your spot to face him. It only took a quick look over to see the angel wasn’t feeling his best. He appeared to be dizzy and out of his own psyche, but he managed to stand on his own two feet for a little while longer until the boys realized your friend was back. You let out a sigh of relief when the brothers grabbed Cas by his arms and helped him stay balanced for a little while longer. A smile spread across your lips at seeing him once more. “You son of a bitch. You made it.”

“I...I did?” Cas seemed surprised himself at what he was capable of doing after being so weak after bringing the four of you to the past. It nearly killed him. But it seemed spending four days in the motel had been enough to gather enough strength to send him back. He lifted up his hands to see that he was in one piece, and with an inspection that everything seemed to have been working just fine, Cas looked up to stare at you. You gave him a concerned look when you noticed he was worn down with a layer of sweat covering his face, not to mention the blood that was starting to trickle down his nose. “I’m very surprised.”

Cas remained conscious only a few moments after speaking before he passed right out once more. The boys worked together in getting the angel to the bed so he could continue on resting. You followed over when Cas was dropped to the bed and left there on his back. Out of caution, you placed your hand in front of his nostrils to check to see if he was still breathing, you could feel small breaths of hot air tickle your skin. You nodded your head and looked at the boys, confirming your little angel was still alive.

"I don't know about you guys, but I could use that drink now." Dean suggested an idea that you wouldn’t deny having after the events that you had been through over the past few days. You got the drinks and handed one to each of the boys as Dean grabbed the bottle of whiskey he bought this morning for all of you to enjoy. He twisted off the top and poured each of you a drink, deciding to make a little toast for the hell of it. “This is it.”

You furrowed your brow in slight confusion, “This is what?”

“Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie,” Dean nodded his head to his little brother before he slipped his empty hand into the pocket of his jeans. He decided to give the four people of whom were going to try and stop the apocalypse from happening a catching name. “One dropout with six bucks to his name, Mr. Comatose over there and Rosemary’s baby all grown up. It’s awesome.”

“It’s not funny.” You said with a frown stretching across your lips at the name he’d given you. He looked at you from the corner of his eye as he took a sip of his drunk.

“I’m not laughing, Y/N.” Dean told you. “Trust me.”

You tightened your grip around the drink you hadn't touched yet as the brothers took a second sink of the whiskey, wanting something to help keep the silence going for a few seconds longer. Nobody knew what the future was going to hold for the three of you, or if there was a chance you could even win this fight without destroying yourselves in the process. You looked straight ahead at Cas, who was still lying on the bed, almost appearing as if he were dead. Sam let out a deep breath and decided to address the elephant in the room.

“They all say we’ll say yes.” Sam said, repeating the same line you’ve been hearing from angels and demons. If they had one thing in common, it was they wanted to see the end of the world crumble. A battle that's been brewing since the beginning of humanity, and you three little humans were trying to stop it with an angel that didn’t have wings with a paraplegic back in South Dakota.

“I know.” Dean said, acknowledging the fact. “It’s getting annoying.”

"What if they're right?" Sam asked. You scoffed as his question and told him you wouldn't let that happen as you brought the cup to your lips to take a drink. "I mean, w-why would we, either of us? But...I've been weak before. Michael got Dad to say yes."

"That was different." You said. "Anna was about to kill Mary."

"And if you could save your parents, what would you say, Y/N?" Sam asked you.

"Both of you are not going to say yes. I'll make sure of that. There's no demon chirping in your ear to tell you what to do, Sammy." You said, with a matter-of-fact tone as you changed the subject. You looked away from the boys as you stared at spot on the carpet. It suddenly felt like a heavy boulder was on your shoulders when you started to think about what you were dealing with. You brought the cup to your lips to take another sip, all before mumbling, "I would tell my own mother to go screw herself."

 It was true that Ruby wasn't here anymore to help push Sam along the path to self destruction, but you weren't any better. You could feel your breathing becoming a bit heavier as you thought about the realization that you might become just like her. While the boys had to worry about not letting a simple word slip off the tongue, granting access to two archangels who wanted to see one another dead, you were fighting an internal battle brought on by a woman who just wanted to have a child. Who just wanted a normal life. She had a moment of weakness, just like Mary, after suffering a loss, and sold someone very dear to her to Azazel. Neither of them realized it would bring all of you one step closer to the end of the world. If they knew, would they change?

+ + +

January, 1979:

“Where’d you even get it?”

Mary Winchester stood in the almost completed nursery with her husband, John, and stood next to the completed crip that would soon be the home of a healthy baby boy in just the matter of a few weeks. She stared at the ceramic figurine that her husband had pointed out after she arrived back this afternoon after spending the day out doing some last minute shopping for the baby

"Garage sale. Twenty-five cents. Ella pointed it out to me." Mary said. She rubbed her stomach and looked at the angelic face with a bit of a smile, her husband, however was thankful she didn’t spend too much money on it. She let out a chuckle and gave the man a playful look. “Hey.”

“I mean,” John tilted his head to the side and tried to squeeze his honest opinion about what he thought about the angel figure that would be over his child’s crib. He wasn’t a true man of faith, but he thought it might have been a bit overboard. “You really don’t think it’s just a little cheesy?”

"Mnh-mnh. I think it's sweet." Mary said. She took a step closer to the crib as she continued on staring at the figure. John reached up and rested his arm around his wife's shoulder, his fingers dangling close to his unborn child. He embraced her closer and gave a soft kiss to her shoulder as she rested her head against his. "Can't even put my finger on why I like it. I just...like it."

“Well, then, I love it.” John agreed, only wanting to see his wife happy.

Mary turned her head to her husband when he leaned over to give her a kiss on the lips, both of them sharing a sweet moment together, knowing it wasn't going to be just the two of them for much longer. With the new baby arriving soon. She gave him a smile before watching him walk away, knowing there was still the both of them needed to do before their child, Dean, would be brought into this world. Mary wanted her first born to be named after someone that was special to her, and that was her mother, Deanna. She was occupied by her own thoughts, but her child was quick to demand her attention when he kicked her stomach, causing Mary to let out a breath from the unexpected pressure she wasn’t expecting just yet this morning.

“Quite a kick there. Troublemaker already.” She cooed as she rubbed her stomach and walked around the room to the window that overlooked the front yard. It’d been a few months since her and John had bought another house in Lawrence, a much bigger house that was in a quiet and safe neighborhood which seemed perfect for the growing family. A smile stretched across her lips when she spotted the moving truck in the driveway of the house directly across the street. Ella and Andrew had been following in their friends’ footsteps. Not only was Mary pregnant, but it seemed that Ella was stricken with a bit of good luck, she found out she was carrying a healthy baby girl just a few days ago. The idea of her child and Ella’s growing up together made a smile spread across her lips in joy. For some reason, she had a feeling they were going to be close. Dean kicked her stomach once more when she turned away from the window. She rubbed her bump and looked over at the small angelic figurine once more. “It’s okay, baby. It’s all okay. Angels are watching over you.”

+ + +

1981:

The clock across the nightstand had turned to two in the morning, and Ella couldn’t get herself to fall asleep. She slipped out of the creaky motel bed, her heart growing heavy with nervousness as she dropped to her knees. Her husband, who was drunk off the cheap beer that he had been drinking just a few hours ago, remained undisturbed. Ella had felt sober since she had retired to bed just a few hours ago. Her thoughts wouldn't go away, no how much she drank, the persistent motivation kept her nerves restless. She was a little bit excited. But, God, was she scared. She placed her elbows on the mattress and intertwined her fingers before resting her head on her knuckles and closed her eyes, making her vision go black for a moment. This was her last chance. She pressed her eyelids tighter and tried to get anyone to listen. After eight years and six funerals, she needed a miracle. Exhaling a quiet breath, she got herself to focus as she started a prayer.

"Dear Lord, thank you for blessing me with everything that you've given me and the people around me happiness. Thank you for my wonderful husband and the friends that you have given me. My life has been so peaceful since I've moved to Kansas. It's perfect. But...all I ask is for something small, that's all." Ella whispered to herself, but in her head, she was speaking to the Heavens, hoping He was listening to her finally. She inhaled a deep breath before continuing her prayer, deciding to start off to appear just as a humble woman. "My best friend, Mary Winchester, she has a little boy name Dean. I talked about him before. He's turning two next week. He's a cute little thing...I might have spoiled him a bit too much with the presents that I got him. And I know Mary is going to kill me after she sees what I got him."

Ella felt a smile spread across her lips at the thought of little Dean, with his bright green eyes, and how much he looked like his mother. She felt herself straying from her prayer, so she quietly cleared her throat, getting herself to focus again. "Please send someone to look over him and his parents. Mary and John are the only family we have. Please keep the Winchesters safe. And my husband, too."

She lifted her head up slightly and cracked open an eye to stare at Andrew. He was still passed out, quietly snoring, having no clue of what her past time had become as she returned back to her position.  "Lord, I pray for your help to deliver me from infertility. Andrew and I have been trying for almost seven years now. The doctors say that I can’t carry a baby full term. But sometimes I read about how women like me that have healthy babies. And I was wondering if you might grant me a child of my own. Please, Father.” Ella whispered as she clutched her fingers tighter. She’d been in this position before, down on her knees, asking for a miracle from anyone that would listen. “I know Andrew doesn’t care that I can’t have children. He’s been talking about adopting. Perhaps I could take care of another woman’s child when she couldn’t...but, forgive me Father for what I am about to say. But it’s not the same. I want a baby. I one. I’ve lost six babies. Isn’t that enough to show You how much I want to be a mother? Perhaps, this is what You wanted for me.”  

Ella could feel hot tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks, rolling down her skin, but hitting the crumpled bedspread. She inhaled a deep breath, knowing her mindset was drifting to envy for the things she didn't have. And that was a sin. "My mother used to say everything happens for a reason. She told me that perhaps I that, because I couldn't have kids, hunting was meant for me. And I did love it. But that's not for me anymore. I know that. You sent me Andrew, and if I was meant to have a family, then You would have given me a child by now. But, forgive me God, I can't do anymore. I need a family. And my method of going about it is very...unorthodox. I'm scared I might be tempted into doing it. Please stop me. Send me a sign that you’re listening to me. Give me a sign that you will give me a child. Give me a sign that you will stop me from doing this."

She didn't know what she was expecting. A burst of light? An angelic voice to tell her that her prayers have been answered? Ella peered her up and opened her eyes to the dark motel room. It was dead silent, nothing but the sound of hear breathing and Andrew's snores. She dropped her hands to the bed and let out a quiet sigh. Ella had spent seven years on her knees praying to God. If he wouldn't grant her what she wanted, then someone else would. Perhaps the alcohol was affecting her head that night when she grabbed that tin canister filled with graveyard dirt, a black cat bone, her old permit she found while cleaning out the house and a yarrow flower. Clutching it tightly, she left her sleeping husband alone, and off to the crossroads she spotted just a few miles back.

If God wouldn't give her the miracle she'd been so patient for, then she was done with Him. She decided to look for a friend in His son, the Devil himself. 

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[superunnatural6667]

The Apple Pie Life (pt.7)

(Dean, Reader, Sam) WARNING: language, implied smut … "Are you crazy!" Dean yelled across the room. "It's the best plan we got Dean." Sam said moving across the room. "So your telling me, that saying yes to Lucifer is the best plan we have?" "I do..." "I can believe I'm hearing this. Y/N tell him he's crazy." Dean growled. You looked at Sam then back at Dean. "It's not the smartest plan..." "Ha!" Dean interrupted. "...But it's the only plan we have Dean..." "Told you." Sam added. "You herd what Gabriel said Dean, the Four Horsemen rings and send Lucifer right back down." "This is unbelievable." Dean threw his hands in the air and went towards the garage. "He'll come around Sam." You sighed. "Yeah but what he doesn't know..." Sam stopped reaching into his pocket, pulling out two rings. "Is that I have these." "Oh Sam..." you mumbled. "Deans gonna be pissed. How's you even get them?" You asked. "It doesn't matter." He said putting them in his pocket. "We just have to get Pestilence, and Death." "Please, please, please tell me you didn't do anything stupid to get these." You begged. Sam huffed and rolled his eyes. "Gabriel got them." "So you made no deals?" Sam looked down, not saying a word. "Sam what did you do?" "I just have to say yes." He answered. You got up and walked to the door, stopping in your tracks. "I'll talk to Dean about the Lucifer situation... but your gonna have to tell him what you did." "Thank you Y/N." ____ You walked into the garage and saw Dean with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Of course he turned towards drinking right now. "You know hiding in the garage and drinking isn't gonna always solve your problems." You smiled. "It worked for a long time sweetheart." He commented raising the bottle. You walked over and sat on his lap. Taking the bottle out of his hand you took a swig, letting the liquid burn your throat. Then laying your head on his shoulder and your hand on his chest. "You didn't just come in here to snuggle." He said placing the bottle on the stool next to him. "And what if I did." You laughed. "Then why don't we take it to our room." He smirked. You sat up and smiled at him, placing a kiss on his cheek. As tempting as it is, you told Sam you'd talk to him. "We should just let Sam do this Dean." "Y/N we'll find another way. I'm not putting Sam in danger away." He huffed, standing up. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Holding on tight so you wouldn't fall "Y/N what are you doing?" He asked. "I'm not letting go until you agree to let Sam do this." You bellowed. "As much of a turn on this is sweetheart, but I'm not gonna agree. And you probably won't be able to hold on forever." He shrugged. "Dean Winchester is that a challenge." You furrowed your brows. "I'm just saying sweetheart." ____ Dean wobbled towards the house, you still hanging onto him. "No offense sweetheart but your heavier then I thought." "I'll get you back later for that, but it's just because usually we're in bed when I hold you like this." You whispered in his ear. Dean stopped instantly, pushing his head back a little to look at you. "You can't do this to me. Not like this." He complained. "Not until you say you agree." You smiled. Dean rolled his eyes and walked up towards the house. "Hey Dean can we-" Sam stopped. "Uh Y/N?" "Yeah Sam?" "Why?" He asked. "I'm not leaving until he agrees. So if you wanna tell him what you did, maybe me being here will make it easier." Dean looked at Sam, then tried to look at you. "What is she talking about Sam." Dean barked. Sam motioned his head towards the living room, you and Dean following. Sam sat down on the stool, you and Dean on the couch. Dean was trying to move his head around you to see Sam but he couldn't. "Y/N baby, please get off of me. Gosh I've never thought I'd have to say that before." You laughed and slid closer so him. "Do you agree to let Sam say yes?" Dean took a deep breath and put his hand behinds your head. You thought he was gonna kiss you, but he just put your head on his shoulder. "Shoot." Dean nodded at Sam. "You know that Gabriel said we needed the Horsemen's rings to open Lucifer a cage again." "Yeah, and?" Sam reached into his pocket and pulled the rings out. "We only need two more Dean..." Sam continued. You lifted your head to see fire in Deans eyes. You knew he was pissed. Sam went behind Deans back and did this without his knowledge of it. Dean wrapped his arm around you and shot up, then he boosted you back up. "You've gotta be kidding me Sam!" Dean yelled. You put your head back on Deans shoulder, trying to block out the yelling. "What was I suppose to Dean! You wouldn't be let me if I told you!" "Damn right I would've! When you manage to get them,huh! Cause we've been together sense we lost Jo and Ellen!" You felt Dean tense up underneath you. No one tried to bring them up cause it was a sensitive topic to everyone. "I...I made a deal with Gabriel.." Sam clenched his jaw. "Sense when are Angels working at crossroads?!" Dean snapped back. "It was more like an agreement.." Sam added. Dean took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. "I can't even look at you right now." Dean turned around and walked towards the door. You lifted you head and mouthed 'I'm sorry' to Sam. 'It's ok' He shrugged. ____ "Dean what have I said about the garage." "Really not in the mood Y/N." He shot. "Talk to me Dean." You said holding him tighter as he sat down. "There's noting to say! I I seem to be the only one to care if Sammy dies!" "And you don't think I care Dean!? He's my bed friend! And this is the only plan we have. And we will end up bringing him back! So don't you yell at me 'cause your pissed!" Your eyes began to water. Second time your crying today. You hated having Dean see you so weak but you never wanted to argue with him. "Please don't cry." Dean comforted, pulling you even closer then you already were. "I didn't mean to make you cry sweetheart." "It's fine Dean... there's a lot of things I can handle but yelling isn't one of them." I tear rolled down your cheek, you wiped it hoping Dean wounds notice it. "Ryan use to yell at me a lot... when he wasn't hitting me." Dean wrapped his arms tighter around you, your head resting in the crook of his neck. "Sweetheart is never hurt you." Dean sniffled. "I know you would never do it. But sometimes shit like that just scares me..." "Your a badass hunter, and I love you. But we're all scared is something..." "Your scared of Sam leaving." Dean sighed. "Yeah...yeah I am." There was a long silence of just you and Dean holding each other. Him holding onto you while the other hand stroked your hair. You rubbing the back of his neck with your thumb. Finally Dean moved forward. He took his gun from out of the back of his waistband. You sat up and looked at him in confusion. "Cover your ears sweetheart." As you did so Dean pointed his gun out of the garage door and shot it. "Dean! Are you crazy?" You said punching him in the chest. He let out a little 'ompf' as you did so. "Just give it a second." He said raising an eyebrow. Sam came running in, gun raised. "What happened?" Sam asked. "We need to talk Sammy." Dean said standing up. Sam rolled his eyes and put his gun in the waistband of his pants, Dean did the same. "You couldn't have just came inside?" "That would've been boring." Dean smiled. "What do we have to talk about?" "Listen Sam. I know that your not little anymore, but I've always been there for you, to protect you. It's hard for me to let you take control by yourself." Dean clenched his jaw. "Dean I get it. But I can manage on my own. I don't need you to fight my battles for me." "I know. Which is why... I'm gonna let you do this. You can say yes to Lucifer..." "Thank you Dean." "It's about damn time!" You jumped off of Dean. "My legs were starting to cramp." "Oh were not done sweetheart." Dean smirked and picked you up again. "You said if I agreed I'd get somethin out of it." "Come on Dean I have to pee!" Dean just laughed and ran into the house with you on him again. "You know I would've had no problem taking you to that bathroom sweetheart." Dean smirked. "Shut up." You laughed as he threw you on the bed. "But seriously I have to pee." … A/N: I usually wanna post on Wed. But sometimes I get an idea, then I just wanna write about it right away. Also I am VERY aware that I'm doing some things out of order, but I'm just doing it the way that it all fell into place for my story. @moose-and-sqruille-lover

[winchester-fantasies]

Lean On

Summary: Sam finds you years later after leaving you for Ruby. Set early in season 5. Inspired by the song “Lean On” by Major Lazer & DJ Snake.

Word Count: 2405

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Winchester Fantasies’ Masterlist

     You sat on the side of your bed. Your shoulders slumped as you held the picture frame in your hands. A tear slipped down your cheek onto the glass. You wiped it away with your finger, a smear appearing across it, warping your face...and Sam’s. It was a picture from a long time ago. Before Dean came looking for his brother, before Jess died, before Sam’s powers, before Azazel, before the Devil’s Gate, before Dean’s deal.

     You had known Sam since Stanford. In fact, Jess had been your best friend when she had first met him. You and Sam got along famously, and you three soon became inseparable. Some people would say you had been the third wheel. But you didn’t mind. You loved them both.

     When Dean had shown up at Stanford, you had begged to tag along to help them find their dad. Sam had refused, saying you should stay with Jess, but you had been hardheaded and stupid. You had snuck into the Impala when they weren’t looking and only made your presence known when you were well away from Stanford. Sam had been livid for you directly going against his wishes.

     It wasn’t until after Jess died that you understood why Sam had asked you to stay behind. Maybe if you had listened to him, you could have saved her. If you had stayed, maybe Jess wouldn’t have died. You had blamed yourself for years after that. You still did sometimes.

     Although Sam was angry and distant for a long time after Jess’ death, you started to see him soften towards you. Especially after he heard you begging God for forgiveness and saw your continual nightmares. It hadn’t just been Sam who had seen Jess go up in flames that night. You had been right there when Dean had pulled Sam out, kicking and screaming as your best friend and his lover slowly perished. It wasn’t something that you had gotten over easily, and Sam had begun to realize that.

     Instead of continuing to hold you at arm’s length, he finally started opening up to you. Your mutual grief and heartache drew you even closer. Things began to change. Feelings you hadn’t realized either of you had began to blossom. And everything simply evolved from there.

     You realized just how hard the hunter life could be, and it caused you to have even more respect for the man you now called your own. But you were happy. Despite everything the Winchesters went through and the constant fear and stress of hunting, you and Sam were content. Living in your own little blissful bubble, just you two against the world. Nothing seemed impossible.

     But that was before Dean had been dragged to Hell. That was before Ruby. You gritted your teeth as you thought of the demon. The bitch who took Sam away from you and left you with nothing but distant memories.

     At first it was Sam coming home late at night. You figured it was his grief, driving him to drink and waste himself away. He never really let you help him. God knows you’d tried. But every time you’d attempt to get him to talk, his temper would flare, and he’d tell you to just shut up. You’d finally stopped trying.

     Then it was Sam not coming home until the next morning. Your heart had seized up when you smelled another woman on his flannel. But you had ignored it, trying to convince yourself that it was just a phase. He was hurting, uncertain of what to do or how to process his brother’s death. He’d come back around, you’d told yourself.

     One day Sam just didn’t come home. You had called his phone, frantically trying to get ahold of him, worried that something horrific had happened to him. On your sixth try, he finally answered. He’d told you to stop trying to reach him. He didn’t need you anymore. He was better and stronger with her. You were just holding him back. Your heart had ripped in two.

     It’d been years since you’d spoken to him. You had packed up and left, never once looking back. You told yourself Sam was a dick. He hadn’t really loved Jess, and he sure as hell hadn’t loved you. You never wanted to see him again. Deep down you knew that was a lie. Every time your phone rang, your heart would skip a beat, hoping against hope it would be him. It never was. You’d see a tall man in the crowd, shaggy hair falling below his ears, and your breath would catch in your throat. But it wasn’t Sam.

     You had finally given up ever seeing him again. You found yourself a job at the local grocery store. You had tried to stop hunting. But hunting was addictive, like a scratch you couldn’t quite reach. You began to understand why they had said hunting wasn’t something you retire from. In a weird and messed up way, it was your release. You could forget about Sam and your broken heart for a few days, even if it was while killing.

     At last you could breathe again. You were finally starting to feel your heart heal. You were finally able to look at pictures of Sam without crying. “At least most of the time,” you thought, as you swiped at another tear. You had come to the conclusion that maybe it had been for the best anyway. Love and relationships didn’t mix well with hunting. It never lasted.

     But fuck. Sometimes you just needed someone. Someone to come home to after a rough hunt. Someone to tell you you’d done good. Someone to promise it’d be all right. Someone besides the bar flies and one-night stands that always seemed to go hand in hand with hunting.

     You were brought out of your reverie by a knock at your door. You wiped the rest of your tears away and grabbed your pistol from the bedside table. You weren’t working a case, and you didn’t have very many friends. There was no reason for someone to be there. You made your way quietly to the door and moved the curtains before you looked out the sidelite. You silently swore when you couldn’t make out the figure well enough. You huffed in irritation as you realized you’d have to swing the door open and hope to god it wasn’t someone or something out to get you.

     Another knock sounded at the door, heavier this time. You gingerly unlocked the door and stared at it for a moment, willing your heartbeat to slow. You swung the door wide, your pistol at the ready.

     There was shuffling feet and everything was happening so fast. Before you could register what was going on, you felt strong arms around you, your face plastered to a firm chest. You stiffened as you breathed in his scent. The scent you had so desperately tried to rid yourself of but one you still dreamed about at night.

     “(Y/N),” he whispered in your ear, his warm breath ruffling the hair at your temple.

     You finally felt your shock fade away, and you pulled away from him, your hands pushing against his chest so hard he was forced to take a few steps back.

     “Get away from me,” you growled.

     He looked the same, but in some ways he was different. Maybe it was because his hair was slightly longer or maybe because his eyes were tired, and his face was worn like he had been through hell. You hadn’t seen him in so long, and you questioned if it was even him.

     “(Y/N),” he said again, taking a small step towards you. You backed away this time, your pistol once more raised.

     “I said, get away from me!” you shouted.

     “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you heard a familiar voice say. You faltered as Dean walked through your door. You hadn’t seen him in almost two years, and your knees buckled. Sam caught you right before you hit the floor, but you didn’t have enough strength to fight him off.

     “I’ve been known to make girls weak in the knees, but I have to say, this is a first,” Dean said with a playful smirk.

     “H...how?” you whispered as Sam helped you to your kitchen table.

     “Long story, sweetheart,” Dean said, sitting across from you while Sam took the seat next to yours. “Short version is Sammy’s no longer Ruby’s little bitch, and Lucifer’s out of his cage.”

     You gaped, your shock only intensified. Sam glared at Dean. “You thought now would be the perfect time to tell her? She didn’t even know you got out of Hell, Dean! And she and I didn’t exactly part ways on the best of terms.”

     It was your turn to scowl, your gaze spitting fire at Sam. “That’s all you have to say about how you treated me?” you spat.

     Dean’s eyes widened at your venom-laced words. Sam paled, and he looked to the ground, words escaping him.

     Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I, uh, I think I’ll just go check on....” He left the sentence unfinished as he hurried out your door, slamming it behind him.

     You sat staring at Sam, your ears ringing from the anger raging in your chest. He finally looked up at you, and you were surprised to see remorse and even a few tears threatening to spill over. “(Y/N),” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

     “Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover what you did and how you made me feel, Sam,” you said, you voice icy, words more vehement than you had intended. He flinched at your words but didn’t break his eye contact.

     “I know it doesn’t. God, if I could take it all back...” he said quietly, running his fingers through his hair roughly. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand. And I’m not using this as an excuse to justify how I treated you. You sure as hell didn’t deserve that. But...it wasn’t just Ruby using me and getting inside my head. I.... Fuck, why is this so hard to get out? I...I was drinking demon blood.”

     He looked at you, his eyes filled with trepidation. Your eyes widened at his confession, and you sat in silence for a moment, trying to process what he’d just told you. “You...you what?” you finally snapped incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

     Sam’s eyes fell in shame. “Ruby said it was making me stronger. So I could go up against Lilith - the first demon Lucifer ever created,” he explained when you frowned in confusion at the name you’d never heard before. “But Ruby was only using me to help Lilith free Lucifer.”

     “So basically...you started the apocalypse,” you stated.

     “Yeah, basically,” Sam said sheepishly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

     You were both startled when a laugh resonated from your throat. Sam stared at you, flabbergasted at your reaction. You couldn’t stop, though. Even with you being a hunter, his story sounded absolutely batshit crazy.

     Your laughter abruptly turned to sobs. Sobs that wracked your body as tears streaked down your face and drenched the top of your t-shirt. Sam looked even more shocked, but he suddenly pulled you into his arms. You curled into his body, feeling for all the world like a child again who wanted to feel safe. He held you tightly, his chin resting on your head, his large hands rubbing circles on your back.

     Your tears finally stopped, but Sam didn’t let go. You didn’t want him to either.

     “(Y/N), I’m so sorry. I know I’ve already said it, and I’ll continue to say it for the rest of my life,” he said, his voice sounding as if he was now the one on the verge of tears.

     “I know,” you whispered back, you voice raspy.

     “Ruby had my mind so twisted. She told me you were holding me back. That you would only distract me. Stifle my potential.... I stupidly believed it.”

     You were silent. You weren’t sure what to say. You knew Sam was trying to be sincere. You could tell he was just as fucked up from all this as you were. But your heart was still smarting. And you couldn’t quite find it in yourself to forgive him.

     “You don’t have to answer me now,” he whispered. “But I’d like to be yours again.... If you’ll have me.”

     You felt butterflies in your stomach despite the bitterness in your heart. You smiled slightly, but you didn’t want Sam to see. Not yet.

     “How do I know you won’t run off and do something like this again?”

     “I’ll have you to keep me in line,” he said matter-of-factly.

     You sighed heavily. “Sam, I tried that when you were with Ruby. You didn’t listen,” you said. You paused for a moment, contemplating your next words carefully. “I need someone I can count on, Sam. I need someone that even when they’re gone on hunts, I know they’re going to come home. I need to know they’re not going to abandon me again.”

     Sam’s hold on you tightened, and he sucked in a deep breath. “I can’t promise I’ll be perfect. I can’t promise that I’ll never cause you to worry again. But I can promise that I’ll never let go. I’ll never leave you again. And I’ll always, always love you.”

     You were silent as you weighed his words. “(Y/N),” he said. “You’ve never deserted me. You’ve always been there. Through everything with Jess, up until now. You’ve been my sanity, my rock, my everything.” He paused for a moment, and you thought he was done, but then he spoke again. “Please don’t leave me now,” he plead, a kind of desperation you’d never heard come from him before.

     You leaned back and looked up into his hazel eyes. They were misty, and a single tear escaped, sliding down his cheek before you caught it with your finger. You smiled gently before you leaned forward and placed your lips softly against his. It was a cautious kiss, but you knew Sam understood as his arms held you impossibly tighter. You were still hurt. You both knew that wouldn’t be easily fixed, but this was a start. And right now you were in his arms. And this had always been your favorite place to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

[impala-dreamer]

Busted

SPN FanFic

~ You stumble home drunk one night with plans for the younger Winchester, but your stomach, and his feelings, have other ideas...~

Reader x Sam (ish), Dean

2,581 Words

Warnings: Excessive drinking, Cussing, A Wee Bit O'Angst, Vomit, Fluffy Finish.

A/N: This is my entry for Ang's 1K Celebration! @atc74​ Congrats Ang! My prompt was a line from one of my fave songs, "We've Got Tonight" by Bob Seger. It's in bold.

 It was late. Or possibly it was early. It really depended on how you looked at it and on which side of sleep you found yourself. All you knew as you walked up the hill towards the Bunker entrance was, the sun hadn't come up yet so there was a good chance you would find your friend tucked into a big, dusty book in the library.

The bar had been a bust. You’d gone out in search of a few drinks and a strapping lad to spend the night with. The drinks you had definitely found, in large quantity, but the choices on the male front had been less that appealing. After the fourth not so nice guy had grabbed your ass on the dance floor, you’d given up and set off back home. For some reason you couldn’t get your key to fit into the lock on your car, so you decided that walking was a better idea. It was a long walk back and most of it uphill, but the air was fresh and warm and you were drifting in a cloud of drunken happiness, swinging your arms and dancing most of the way home in the dark.

You were still feeling a little frisky though, and thoughts of the younger Winchester blossomed in your tequila soaked mind about all the ways you could release some tension with him. OK, so you’d never done more than flirt with Sam, but he was hot, and you were hot, maybe tonight you could be hot together. Hell, it was worth a shot.

You tried to be quiet, but the big metal door seemed a thousand pounds heavier tonight and it slammed shut behind you, knocking into your butt and pushing you forward.

“Y/N?”

Busted. But maybe not… Sam’s voice echoed up to you as he appeared in the archway separating the Library from the War Room. Damn he looks good. Classic plaid shirt that you couldn’t tell at the moment if it was gray or blue, and slightly baggy faded blue jeans that hung low on his hips… Perfect.  

“Sam!” You greeted him and leaned over the balcony railing, giving him a nice peek at your cleavage. Totally wore the right bra for this. Score.

“You OK?” He asked, smiling up at you, his eyes obviously lost in the valley of your breasts.

You winked, “I’m fantastical.” Sam laughed and shook his head as you turned with a twirl and made your way clumsily down the curved metal stairs. Midway down you missed a step, but caught yourself before your arrival was a total disaster. A princess gliding gracefully into the ball, you were not.

Sam met you at the landing, holding his hand out to help you. “Fun night, huh?”

“Nah, it was a bust.” You hopped down the last two steps and lost your balance yet again, tumbling into his arms. Blue shirt, my fave. He looked down at you and smiled shyly; your bodies were pressed together perfectly and his warmth radiated into you. For too long you stayed there, just looking up into his handsome face. “You’re pretty, you know that?”

His hands gripped your shoulders, making sure you were steady before he backed up slightly. Damn it.

“You are. You’re like a sunflower.” A what? Sam gave a tiny laugh and backed up some more. Don’t blow this Y/N! “I mean, not a sunflower, a lion. Yeah.” Stop talking. Now.

“You’re wasted,” he said as he released you and turned away. Fuck.

“I’m not that wasted Sam.” All or nothing, right? You reached for his arm, running your hand up over his big muscles and across his shoulder to rest against his neck. You moved to stand in front of him, not letting him turn away again. He looked back, his eyes filled with sadness suddenly. Say something good Y/N or he’s gone. Anything. Just say something!

“Sam, I know it’s late. I know you’re weary, I know your plans don’t include me…” Really? This is what you came up with? “Still, here we are!” You smiled, pumping as much emotion into your words as you could muster. “Both of us lonely. We’ve got tonight, dude… why don’t you… stay?” Classy Y/N, classy.

The look that appeared on Sam’s face was one that you had never seen before, nor would you be likely able to describe. His lips twitched. They seemed to be unsure whether to smile or not, so they bounced at the corners awkwardly; his jaw doing that tight clenching thing that made your knees weak. His eyebrows rose and fell rapidly, confused and amused and hurt all at once.

“Y/N,” he said softly, taking your hand and pulling it away from his neck, “I think you should get a glass of water and head to bed.”

You shook your head, “I’ll go to bed Sam,” you cooed, batting your lashes at him, “If you come with me.” Nice one. You placed your hand on his chest and leaned up, reaching for his lips with yours. He hesitated, bending his neck down towards you for a second before stumbling backwards and turning away again. Oh, shit! “Sam!” You reached for his hand but he waved you away and stalked out of the room without a word. You spun around, watching him leave, a band of hurt wrapping around your heart.

“God fucking damn it!” You barked, tossing your head back to yell at the ceiling. The lights flickered down at you as if to laugh at your mistake. You growled back at them, your wordless cry echoing into the emptiness.

“You alright Y/N/N?” Dean was just passing through, making his way back to bed with a midnight snack clutched in his hand. He stopped not far from you and looked you up and down.

“No. I’m an idiot,” you confessed and threw yourself down into a chair. Your shoulders slumped and you caved in on yourself, trying to hide like a scolded child.

Dean sighed and set his sandwich down on the table, taking the seat across from you. “What happened?”

You looked over at him, eyes narrowed, trying to decide whether or not to divulge your failed attempt at hitting on his brother. Why not? “I kinda… made a pass at Sam and he ran away.”

Dean pursed his lips and nodded, “I see.”

“Yeah, so there’s that. Fuck, I shoulda just stayed at the bar. Now shit’s gonna be awkward.”

“I don’t think so,” Dean laughed, sitting back in his seat. He crossed his arms and smiled at you, filled with some secret information you couldn’t guess at.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” You picked at your a fingernail, peeling away a bit of chipped polish. Why do I even bother getting fancied up? Makes no difference.

Dean shrugged, “He’s in love with you.”

I even put on mascara. I never do that. Maybe it’s smudged - Wait, what? Your ears and brain finally reconnected, and you looked up at Dean in shock. “Sam likes me?”

“Yeah, that’s included in the being in love with you part Y/N/N.” Dean smiled and picked up his sandwich, taking a bite while your brain turned over the new information.

“Sam likes me.” Whaaa? “Like, he likes me likes me likes me?”

Dean laughed, “What’s the third ‘likes me’ for? Yeah, he likes you, likes you. Has for a while. You didn’t notice?”

“Uh, no!” You tilted your head and looked around, your eyes darting into the void, trying to remember anything that would make you believe Dean was telling the truth. Sure, Sam was flirty with you, but that’s just how he was, wasn’t he? Kind and sympathetic, a good listener, helpful, always finding a way to touch your hand if he could, always smiling when you walked into the room… Holy. Shit. You really are an idiot Y/N. This whole damn time…

“But...OK, if he likes me then why did he run away?” You tried to stand up, but the room spun around a little bit and you sank back down into the hard chair. “I was gonna give him a little taste of my milkshake,” you finished with a pout.

Again Dean laughed at you, “You are the most ridiculous drunk, you know that?”

You whined, bouncing in your seat and frowning, “Yeah, but why? Where’d he go? I want the Sam.”

“He probably didn’t want his first night with you to be while you’re three sheets to the wind.”

“I’m not sheets, you’re sheets in the... I want… I hafta…” You tried to protest but a bubble was forming in your stomach, churning in your gut. Oh no. “But, love me? He loves me?”

Dean nodded, taking another bite and talking while he chewed, a bit of peanut butter clinging to his lip. “Yeah, like he talks about you constantly, wants to whisk you away to Paris and slip a ring on your finger, quit hunting and knock you up a few times loves you.”

That was a long sentence. “Quit hunting?”

“That's what you took away from that?” He shook his head, grinning at you.

The bubble was growing bigger and bigger and slowly it made its way up your throat, popping from your mouth in a very unladylike belch. Yuck. “I don't speak French, Dean.”

“So you like him too?”

You nodded, “I do. I do Dean!” You rose to your feet again, this time with amazing balance. Everything was clicking into place, Sam liked you, you realized you liked him. It was perfect. You paced around the table, your head in the clouds, a giant smile on your face. “I can’t believe how happy I am right now. I mean…” Another rumble echoed through your stomach, this one far worse than the first. Oh boy. Just ignore it, it’ll go away… “I always thought he was pretty, so pretty, ya know, like... he’s like a… like a….” Oh god, please no… Your throat closed, gagging you as a bit of sludge made it’s way up your esophagus. You took a deep breath to settle yourself.  

“Are you gonna tell him?” Dean asked, unaware of your impending tequila evacuation.  

“Mmmhmm. I should. Definitely...Ooh…” You swayed a bit on your feet, covering your mouth with one hand. Don’t do this. I beg you.

Dean stood up, coming towards you, concern filling his face. “Are you ok?”

You shook your head quickly, only making your situation worse. “I’m gonna puke.”

Dean cringed and backed away slowly, “Please don’t.”

You swallowed hard and took another calming breath, pushing down the bile. “I’m good, I’m good.” Phew! “You know what? I’m gonna go tell him right now. I’m gonna march down…” Oh crap…not again. Another loud burp manifested and tore through your closed lips. “I’m gonna march down that hallway…”

Dean held his hands out, ready to catch you as you swayed violently. “How much did you have to drink?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know like twelve thingies.” That’s a lot, right? Too much.

“That’s too much Y/N. Sit down, let me get you some water.” Dean tugged at your elbow, trying to lead you back to the chair.  

“Bachelorette parties drink for free on Wednesdays.” You said defensively, pulling your arm away from him.  

“You weren’t at a bachelorette party,” he said, placing both hands on your shoulders and trying to move you again.

You laughed and winked at him, “Yeah, but they didn’t know that.” A massive wave of sick passed over you and you bent at the waist, grabbing Dean’s arm for support as you sucked in a deep breath. Do not puke.

“I think I’m gonna go lay down,” you said finally, thanking Dean with a pat on his arm. “Good night dude.”

He said something in reply, something about bringing you some food, but you couldn’t hear him over your own thoughts as you rushed into the hallway towards your bed. Your mind raced between images of you and Sam running away together into the sunset and visions of you with your head resting against a toilet seat. You should go puke. You’ll feel better.

You agreed with yourself and changed course, heading for the bathroom instead of your bed. As you rounded the corner, you came face to face with the man himself, almost knocking into Sam in your haste.

“Hey,” he said, his voice was low and apologetic. “Listen, I wanted to… are you OK?”

You pressed your lips together, trying to silence your screaming insides and nodded, “I’m fine.” Stay cool Y/N.

The pained look on your face and the slightly green tinge of your cheeks gave you away. Sam sighed, concerned, but decided to continue anyway. “Can we talk? I need to tell you something.”

Of course you do. I love you too, Sam. You smiled and opened your mouth to reply, but the rolling tidal wave in your stomach was too much. You couldn’t wait any longer. “I need to tell you something too, but…” Mayday! “Right now…” Just run away, he’ll understand. You cannot puke in front of him! Not now. “I have to go.”

With a faint smile you twirled around him and took off for the bathroom. The booze was on it’s way up and you had to race to make it in time. Thankfully you held back until you reached the toilet and fell to your knees, expelling the burning liquid with painful heaves.

Just great. You sat back, wiping your mouth with a rolled up ball of paper. Of all nights to get wasted. But then again, if you hadn’t been so lubricated, you might not have tried to kiss him, and that’s what had set everything into motion. So, maybe twelve shots of tequila was a good thing. Nope. Never again.

The door opened with a faint creak and you looked up to see Sam coming in with a glass of water in his hand. Just perfect. How could this get any worse?

He came in and knelt down on the cold tile, holding the glass out to you. “Drink.”

You looked at him with the most pathetic expression on your face. “I’m sorry I jumped on you.”

He chuckled, “It’s OK. I’m kinda glad you did.” He pushed the glass at you again and you took it, taking a long sip of the cool water.

“Dean told me,” you said before you could stop yourself.

His eyes grew wide and he looked away, shaking his head. “Of course he did.”

You put the glass down beside you and lay your hand on his knee. “Me too,” you said simply.

 OK, so it wasn’t the most romantic way to express your feelings for each other, but it would make for quite the story down the road. Sam stayed with you for the rest of the night, holding your hair back and rubbing your shoulders as you let loose into the porcelain bowl. He practically carried you to bed, sweetly tucking you in and forcing another glass of water down your throat. He kissed your forehead and sat with you until you fell asleep, drifting off into a dream of a better day.

Tomorrow would be better. You’d probably have a massive hangover and cringe-worthy regrets of the things you said, but it would be better. Because you and Sam would finally get to have a little chat.  

Forevers: @1-800-misha @amanda-teaches @arryn-nyxx @atc74 @autopistaaningunaparte @ayeeitsemry @bea789 @because-imma-lady-assface @babypieandwhiskey @blanketmadeofstar @brewsthespirit-blog @britt-spn @buckysmetallicstump @bulletscrossbowpie @charliebradbury1104 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @chelsea072498 @cici0507 @clairese1980 @collectivekiera @cosmicpeanuthologram @createdbybadappreciation @cyrilconnelly @dannnyphantomm @dancingalone21 @deadinside-muser @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @demonangelimpala @docharleythegeekqueen @dustycelt @evyiione​ @faithfulpanicmoon @feelmyroarrrr​ @flowermisha​ @freaksforthewin​ @frenchybell @fuckyeahfeysand @gemini75eeyore @ghostkitty1103 @hamartiamacguffin @impalaimagining @im-super-potter-locked @inmysparetime0 @jpadjackles @jotink78 @kristaparadowski @kas-not-cas @katrodriguez99 @lavendellove @love-kittykat21 @luciisthebest @maddieburcham1 @mamaredd123 @mogaruke @megafrontliner311 @megansescape @mija-novella @milkymilky-cocopuff @mogaruke @mrsbatesmotel53 @mrswhozeewhatsis @my-life-is-here-soo @myfand0msandm0re @mysteriouslyme81 @naadestiel @notesfromalabprincess @notnaturalanahi @obi-wan-my-only-ho @pain-of-artifice @percussiongirl2017 @percywinchester27 @petrovadixon @pinknerdpanda @poukothenerd @riddikulus-obsessions @riversong-sam @sam-winchesters-long-locks @sarahgrace-1989 @scxrchy @smoothdogsgirl @spectaculicious @spontaneousam @summer-binging-spn @superbasementflower @supernaturallymarvellous @supernaturalyobessed @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @thecynicalnerd @the-latina-trickster @therewillbeblood @tom-is-in-my-tardis @typicalweirdbookworm @thegreatficmaster @vine-colored-assbutt @whatareyousearchingfordean @wi-deangirl77 @winchestersmut @wvnchxstxr @xxthevampirediariesexpertxx @yearoftheweasley @youtubehelpsmesurvive @yvngkinggchristyy

[writingfromkitchenator]

Past Perfect

This was written for the 2018 Louden Swain FanFic/FanArt Project!  Thank you to @mrswhozeewhatsis for running this again, it’s a great experience and I’m glad that we can all share a bit of our love with these guys!

Song: Past Perfect

Pairing: Crowley X OC (but it’s not a huge part of the fic)

Words: 1923

Not going to lie, it’s angst, I seem to be in that mood lately, but it is a slightly happy ending depending on how you read it.  Hopefully it makes sense because I did try and make it a little different to how I normally write.

Enjoy!  As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

There was a click from the front door of the cabin and Jamie pushed the door in silently, her expression tired, worn and defeated, ignoring the outlook of the cabin as she turns, shutting the door behind her and resting her head against the wooden door with a heavy sigh.

She didn’t want to be here, but she had nowhere else to go.

Turning, she stares at the floor as she walks, dropping her backpack, the dust stirring.  She heads to the fireplace and busies herself with getting it going, a small of wood still siting to the side.

As she reaches for some of the wood, her eyes catch sight of a picture on the mantel piece, a picture and Sam, Dean and her, all smiling, arms around each other.

God we look so

So in the know

So in the moment, it's there

And that's all we care

Jamie tears her eyes away, blinking back tears as she takes several deep breathes, keeping herself in control.  The fire going, she stands, placing the picture face down as she walks past, heading for the kitchen.

She walks past another picture, this one of her and Castiel, who looks a little confused by what she was doing, but it was just making her laugh.  Violently, she shakes her head and tests the tap at the sink, the water taking a moment to start running.

But now

It's takin' all I can muster

Just to wake up all pale and flustered

There is a shake in her hand as she fills a glass with water, one she chooses to ignore, taking a long drink, staring out the window, a lake and forest beyond, starting to grow dark as the sun began to set.

There is a crack and she jumps, looking at her hand, the glass having shattered, cutting her, blood now dripping into the sink.

She leans down, her breathing getting harder, her hand shaking more and finally, the tears come, flowing freely as she sobs, broken and alone, slowly sinking down to the floor and pushing herself into the corner.

The cards been folded, I busted

The plates are stacked and the shelves not dusted

 “Jamie!”  Sam’s voice made her look up and she caught the gun her tossed her, instantly turning and firing into the ghost that was charging at her, both of them moving until they were back to back, Sam holding an iron bar.

“You alright?”  He asked quickly.

“Yeah, good timing.” She said with a grin.  “Didn’t really feel like being taken out by a ghost.

“Me either.”  He said.  “Hopefully Dean can burn the bones quickly.”

“If we’re right.”

“I know we are.”

The two of them worked together easily, Jamie firing and Sam with the bar, keeping the ghost at bay until it burst into flames, both of them shielding their eyes until it was gone.

“See, piece of cake.” She said with a wide smile and the two of them high five as Sam laughs.

“One day we won’t be so lucky.”

 Takin' me back

Jamie tried to ignore the picture on the walls as she walked through the cabin, her hand bound tightly, a bottle of beer in the other.  Her eyes are red from crying as she sinks into a lounge, almost instantly flinching as she does, another picture next to her.

This picture on my lap

This one was of her and Crowley, a disgruntled Sam and Dean in the background, which just seems to please Crowley more, sharing your smile.

A dedicated slap on the back

It sits in the corner of her eye for a long moment, her grip tight on the beer bottle and she takes a long drink before turning sharply and slamming it down, hearing the glass crack.

Congratulations

She knew that there was another picture upstairs, a more private one, one of her and Crowley sharing a kiss, but she could worry about that one later, if she could even summon the strength to go to bed.

Taking another drink, she finishes the bottle, tossing it into the fireplace for no other reason than to hear the bottle smash, something about it satisfying.

And now

It's takin' all I can muster

A small laugh bubbles from her lips and before she can stop it, she’s laughing loudly, more tears coming as she does.

Just to wake up all pale and flustered

The cards been folded, I busted

The plates are stacked and the shelves not dusted

She curls up on the lounge, the laughter slowly dying back down into sobs, her arms wrapping around herself.  The final bit of light disappears outside and she’s only left with the light of the fire.

 “Jamie.”  Dean’s voice was low and threatening as he stalked through the bunker, eyes flashing black for a moment.

Jamie was pressed flat back against a wall, a demon knife in hand, her knuckles white on the handle.

“Come on Jamie,” Dean purred.  “You played with Crowley, am I really that different?”

He rounds the corner, but she’s gone, making him smirk.

“Cat and mouse huh?” He asked.  “Sure, I’ll play.”

She slips as she gets into a room, just muffling a yelp before she turns and closes the door as quietly as she can, frantically looking around for something to block it with.

A heavy shelf does the trick but it’s loud as she pushes it, but she knows that she doesn’t have a choice.

Jamie yelps loudly as two hands grab her from behind and she turns, knife at the ready, but one of the hand catches hers, Dean swimming before her, his eyes black for a moment before he blinks it away, his features concerned as she struggles.

“Jamie.  Jamie!  Hey! It’s me.”  He said, keeping a grip on her as she struggles.  “Stop!  I’m not going to hurt you.”

She freezes and looks at him, really looks at him, the tears starting and Dean pulls her into his arms.

“It’s okay, you were dreaming.”  He said, holding her tightly.  “I’m not going to hurt you.  I’ve got you. Sam and I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”

 And every little picture shows a place

Jamie stares at the pictures on the wall, each showing something different of her times with the four of them, the only real friends that she’d even had.

Better than the last one

There were a few extra’s here and there, including Charlie, Bobby, Ellen and Jo, but they all made her feel worse, her arms folded protectively in front of her chest.

Every smile, it hurts me just the same

It had been a habit of hers, taking pictures in those happy moments, keeping it for memories sake, all her favourites scattered around, speaking more than what she had ever said.

'Cause I'm sad for all the lost songs

Stepping forward, she starts to take them down, one by one, trying hard not to remember each moment, an ache in her chest starting the more she took down, turning them to face the wall stacked together.

Frame it 'cause it hides the jagged edge

No more tears would come, but it didn’t stop dry sobs leaving her as she kept going, her hands shaking, dropping more than a few, glass scattering across the floor as she took them all down.

Better than the last one

The empty wall glared before her and she finds herself on her knees, staring at it almost blankly.

Put it in the front to block the ledge

Exhausted and drained, she collapses, slipping into darkness.

The ledge

 “Jamie…”  Castiel’s voice was cautious, hesitantly stepping towards her.

She shakes her head. “I’m fine Cas.”

“You’re not.”  He said, his voice quiet.  “You’re upset.”

Jamie is silent for a moment before she nods slowly.  “Yeah, I suppose I am, but do you know why, Castiel?”

Castiel flinches, but waits for her to answer.

She turns to face him, eyes burning.  “Because I’m sick of you lot protecting me all the time.  I don’t need it.  I don’t want it.  It’s not necessary.”

He swallows and thinks carefully.  “I assure you that we do it with only your best interest in mind.”

“Do you?”  She asked.  “And what, protecting me from Crowley was in my best interest?”

“You know-”

“I know that he has done nothing to hurt or harm me.”  She said firmly.  “Unlike you three at some point.”  Then and there, she didn’t care about the hurt in Castiel’s eyes.  “And now he’s gone.  So yeah, I’m god damn hurting Cas.”

“We didn’t want him taking advantage of you, that’s all.”  Castiel said.  “We didn’t want him to use us against you or vice versa.”

“Never,” She said darkly. “Now leave me alone.”

“Where are you going to go?”

“Home.”

 Always just smiles

The pictures all now sat in a couple of boxes, Jamie, looking tired but clean, hair tied up in a loose pony tail, sweeps up the glass from the floor.  The fire still burns and there is a faint trail of snow outside.

Always for the lens

She’ll occasionally glance up at the pictures, some of which she could still see, smiles within, but she’s always quick to draw herself away, turning her back on them.

Always for your friends

Jamie throws the glass away and then pulls out a duster, starting to free up the dust that lies around, ignoring a buzz from her phone that sits next to the broken picture of her and Crowley, the only one to not be packed away yet.

Always for their sake

She sniffs from the dust, her expression still holding the sadness, her eyes a little empty.  Her gaze wonders to the window, to light bit of snow falling, starting to pepper to the ground with small piles of white as it got a little heavier.

And now

It's takin' all I can muster

She moves to the window, resting her forehead against the glass, which is cold, but it allowed her to feel something.

Just to wake up all pale and flustered

Jamie’s eyes close and she breathes deeply, listening to the crackling of the fire, to the slight groans of her home as it adjusts, a slight whistle of wind.

The cards been folded, I busted

There is a knock on the door, a little unsure.

The plates are stacked and the shelves aren't dusted

Blinking, she looks at the door, unsure for a moment until the knock comes again, firmer this time.

Take it back and adjust it

Jamie opens the door finding Crowley standing there brushing white flecks of snow from his suit as he smiles at her.

The faint nostalgia cannot be trusted

“Jamie.”

Take it back

“What are you doing here?” She asks before she can help herself, her voice broken and full of emotion.

Take it back

Crowley hides his reaction to her voice, stepping inside, even as she steps back and away from him. “Do you really think I’m not going to tell those idiots one thing and do the other?”

Jamie blinks, staring at him for a moment before she throws her arms around him, burying against his chest, more tears coming freely even as Crowley returns the hold.

Take it back

“Please Crowley,” She sobs.  “Make it stop.  Let it all just start again.”

Crowley sighs and kisses the top of her head.  “Hush love, we will work this out, I promise.”

Take it back, my past

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