"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.”
— Franz Kafka, from letters to his father
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Harrowhark Nonagesimus is both of these at once:
[Image description: A screenshot from SpongeBob SquarePants showing a fish with full-body bandages, an eyepatch, an IV, and an oxygen mask. A caption reads, "I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms." End description.]
[Image description: the "Call the ambulance! But not for me!" meme that shows an elderly person drawing a gun on a would-be mugger. End description.]
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How Sodo Acts on Stage: Headbangs. Bends backwards. Jumps around. Bleeds all over his guitar. Puts his head in the smoke machine. Holds a note for over a minute. Jerks off. Smacks asses. Goes wild around fire.
How Sodo Talks About Himself Off Stage: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
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Lazy afternoons
Request: Joe with his lazy wife
If someone told you that you, the laziest person in the world, would be dating an athlete you would have laughed your ass off. But people say opposites attract and that's how Joe came into your life. In the beginning, you tried to be fit, and go for walks or jogging but the truth was...you weren't made for that. Since elementary school, you prefer to lose any game that keep you moving, you hate sports class, and although you dance around when listening to music, it wasn't as physical as practicing a sport. When you asked him why he married your lazy ass, he just shrugged. "I mean, I knew what was getting into" he explained "but you have the most interesting mind"
You raised your eyebrows. "Like I am crazy or something?"
He laughed. "No, you have weird ideas. And I like our weird conversations"
"It's because you are kinda weird too, baby" you said, smiling.
"Yeah, I know" You were grateful to have a rich, handsome, and strong husband who love you for who you were. The things you considered flaws, he found them endearing. He never told you to work out more or be something you weren't. He never suggested changing your clothes or style to fit more with the WAG lifestyle. He liked you.
You were resting on the couch watching Netflix and eating chips when he arrived from work. "Baby" he turned the lights on and came closer to you to kiss your forehead. "What are you watching?" "It's a documentary about mushrooms," you said.
"Oh, interesting" he went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
"Mushrooms are really cool" you yelled from the living room, "Can you bring me a bottle of water too, please?"
He appeared minutes later handing you a bottle of water. You sat on the couch and tried to open the lid, but your weak hands couldn't get the job done. After trying a couple of times, Joe said, exasperatedly:
"Give me that" he opened the lid for you.
"Mmmm, so sexy Joey" you murmur almost purring "My hero" "That's why you married me, right?"
"Well, besides your amazing face, your confidence, your hot body, and your bank account...yeah"
He left out a chuckle. You offered him your bag of chips which he rejected politely. He watched the rest of the documentary with you. In the end, he said "Yeah, fungi is cool"
You laughed, and he slapped your tighs gently.
"Let's go sleep"
"Would you carry me?"
"Nope"
"Why not?"
"Because you have legs"
"I also have a husband"
"That's isn't fair" he pointed at you "you need to move more"
"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” you recited the SpongeBob SquarePants line, trying to sound hurt and sad. Your voice started shaking.
Joe squinted, trying to look mad and serious, then started laughing. "You are the worst!" but he carried you easily, princess style while both laughed at your interpretation "did you really memorize the whole line, didn't you?"
"I am a very good actor, Mr. Burrow"
"I never doubted you for a second"
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Mechamaru x Reader
Warning for inappropriate/inaccurate use of drugs I guess? He steal morphine and gets high from it. Also evangelion and depression
Muta Kokichi:
You are a massive Evangelion fan, enjoy playing with puppets or just lay in bed all day.
First Date:
Your grandmother had fallen ill and had to be hospitalized a few months ago so you spent every weekend visiting her. You were so tired from studying that you failed to notice the room number. You walked in and were shocked to see a boy covered in bandages instead of your dear grandma. "Huh?"
You then noticed your mistake. "Shit. My bad, sorry. I thought this was nana's room. So... what are you in here for?" The boy looked at you but his expression screamed "dead inside". "I was born with glass bones and paper skin. It's so fragile that even moonlight burns it. Every morning, I break my upper legs, and every afternoon I break my left arm. At night, I lie awake in agony while it feels like needles are stabbing every pore in my body." 'This guy sounds like he's fun a parties'.
You sniffed the air and almost gagged. "You smell like mold. Why don't you take a bath?" He looked at you like the answer was obvious. "I was born without a right arm or anything below my knees. I have no sensation from the waist down. How can I possibly wash myself?" The boy appeared to be bathing in his own blood. "I think I'm just gonna call the nurse and tell her to give you a sponge bath." You then ran out of the room. "Well that was awkward!"
It was now a week later and you went to visit your elderly grandmother again. "I hope the old folks will enjoy the show I'm putting on!" You went through your bag and checked to see if it was there. You then held on to a small wooden puppet. "All right, everything's good. Let's go!" You walked in and noticed your dear grandmother in the audience. "I hope she likes this over playing bingo all the time..."
You then noticed a familiar face. It was that boy again. It seems that a nurse had propped him up in a wheelchair and forced him to "enjoy" something for once. He was glaring daggers at you. You gulped. This was going to be a long day.
Finally your show came to an end and you wiped the sweat from your brow. "He's creeping me out but at least he doesn't stink anymore!" You breathed a sigh of relief and went to exit when your grandmother surprised you. "Oh, hi nana. Did you like the show?" The two of you chatted and she eventually asked if the puppet could stay at the hospital. You agreed since you thought it would help their morale.
Over the next few weeks you began to notice some changes. Maybe it was just your imagination but we're things being moved out of place? Your grandmother told you stories about how the hospital staff believed that there was a ghost. It turns out items were frequently going missing and a culprit was yet to be caught.
"########, be a dear and ask if I can have some pain killers." You called a nurse but it turns out that their supply was low due to a shortage so you would just have to wait. Grandma only had a migraine so there wasn't any need to give her something insanely strong. You were just going to have to buy some Advil.
"Man, this sucks-" you were cut off as you soon fell over. "What the-?" It turns out that you had tripped on an empty syringe. You saw some scattered pills and followed them like this was some sort of insane trail and the source led to one room. "No fucking way! It can't be him!" You opened the door and were greeted by the sight of the boy getting high on morphine.
"So you're the thief!" It was then that he noticed you. "Huh?" He was smoking a fat blunt and eating Doritos. How the hell did he get all of this? It was then that you noticed your puppet in his lap. "How are you controlling it!?" He looked towards you and then the puppet. "You mean Mechamaru?" Did this guy seriously just name a doll after some sort of robot cartoon?
"Yes, that!" The boy sighed. "Okay but you have to promise not to tell anyone..." It turns out that his name was Kokichi and that he had some sort of strange ability that let him be able to control puppets? You two quickly became friends and you gave him your tablet just to show him the puppet master franchise.
"Those were awful. I'm never letting you pick again!" He then noticed a certain anime. "Hey, let's watch this next." Kokichi was now hooked on Neon Genesis Evangelion. He was a Rei stan, probably due to the fact that she's usually in the infirmary or her body is falling apart. "########, one day we'll pilot a giant eva and fly to the moon!" You laughed and ruffled his hair. "That's just the weed talking." You didn't know it but he really was working on creating a giant mech.
It was a week later and you still didn't show up. Kokichi looked around and called for a doctor. "Have you seen ########!?" The doctor was confused. "Who?" He groaned. " ########! They visit every weekend!" The doctor put his hand on his shoulder. "Mr. Muta, you need to relax. You're only going to make your injuries worse!"
"To hell with that! Where is ########!?" The doctor sighed. "No one with that name has visited the hospital. I know this must be upsetting but you just recently came out of a coma. I'm sorry. You must have dreamt it. I'll give you some time to yourself." Kokichi was now sobbing. "It all returns to nothing.. It just keeps tumbling down, TUMBLING DOWN, TUMBLING DOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNN!!!"
The heart monitor kept skipping until there was a flatline. The boy died of a broken heart. In came a very happy Mahito. It turns out that he had blackmailed the doctor into gaslighting his patient. "I should do this more often!" He then transformed into the girl Kokichi had fallen in love with. In this form, Mahito began to sing.
"You can sail the seven seas and find love is a place you'll never see. Passing you like a summer breeze, you feel life has no other reason to be. You can wait a million years and find that heavens too far away from you. Love's just a thing others do. What is love
til it comes home to you?"
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I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. -dream
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I followed you 15 minutes ago and I used to really enjoy your content but I was born with glass bones and paper skin and it's because of you drawing robot car ass that every morning I break my arms and every afternoon I break my legs
thats really what this sounded like, like. man jasdfdhsfh
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