#i was basically grown in a vat to go to protests

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

me: it is unwise to repost transphobic rhetoric just to dunk on them, it just spreads their message to people who don't want to see it and it isn't constructive at all

also me: their signs are SO POORLY MADE though wtf I want to BITCH

[thessalian]

Thess vs the New Cabinet

Further on the UK politics front ... there is some good news, and there is some bad news.

Good news:

Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Victorian undertaker-looking motherfucker, has resigned and is now haunting the back benches instead of taking a place in cabinet. This is a good thing to a point because at least I don’t have to look at his smug-ass face anymore, hopefully. He is one of the few people on this planet upon whom I actively wish death. I do not say that lightly. See, he recently put in what some people are calling a “vanity bill” that, if retained and passed, stands to scrap our employee rights, safety standards (food, workplace, and everything else), environmental standards and rights in general, all in the name of Sovereignty or whatever the fuck (basically nuking every regulation we have that was taken from the EU standards on such things). When called on it recently, he said, and I quote, “Do you really think we’re going to make children work up chimneys? Do you really think we think the British public are that stupid?” Answer: A RESOUNDING YES TO BOTH.

Bad News:

Sunak, who is now our Prime Minister, was actually for a more all-encompassing version of this exact course of action which makes me wish Rees-Mogg would just ... fall into a vat of pigshit and die.

Sunak (again, Prime Minister) was the one who said that our anti-terrorist group should be keeping an eye on “anyone who vilifies the UK”. Fine. Let ‘em fucking deport me.

Sunak did his cabinet reshuffle. Rees-Mogg’s resignation is the only good thing in it. Let’s start with Jeremy Hunt still being Chancellor. Between him and Sunak, we’re looking at Austerity 2.0 at a time when the NHS is saying point blank that “there is no more fat to trim” and that they’d have to discontinue services if this shit keeps up. Which will probably happen because gods forbid “Prime Minister Hedge Fund Manager” and “They Literally Use His Name In Cockney Rhyming Slang When They Mean ‘Cunt’“ actually tax the people and companies who can afford it to fill the gap that twelve years of Tory government has left in the public finances because they plead the need for austerity and then give profligate amounts of money to their mates.

Suella Braverman - the one whose “dream and obsession” it is to send refugees to Rwanda - is the fucking Home Secretary.

Dominic Raab - the one who doesn’t think we should have rights - is the Deputy PM.

Grant Schapps - whose history includes supporting the bedroom tax and cutting benefits to the point of trying to (and bragging about succeeding at) forcing people on incapacity benefits off those benefits - is now Business Secretary, in Rees-Mogg’s place. Given the whole thing where there is literally a bill being looked at that will rip up all of our rights and protections in terms of employment and pay, to be rewritten at the whims of the Tories, I HAVE CONCERNS.

But most concerning? Michael Gove, who has gone on record repeatedly as wanting to dismantle the NHS for a US-style insurance system, is Health Secretary.

So ... y’know ... a lot of people seem to be relieved that “at least we have an actual grown-up with some fiscal responsibility in 10 Downing Street”. However, that combination, up there? That it took me about five minutes to double-check on Google? That says things about the direction they want to take this country. Put it together with the voter suppression and criminalisation of protest, and it says a lot more. Most people don’t look or listen, it seems. I, however, need to know exactly what’s coming.

I know, or at least have a very good idea. And I am terrified. And I’m sorry, but everyone else who lives here should be terrified too.

EDIT: Thank you to @lazybrainsoup for flagging up that no, thank the gods, Gove isn’t Health Secretary. Panic and fibro fog are not a good combination for my anxiety levels. However, we do have Steve Barclay. Apparently, the primary quote about him is “Steve Barclay is NHS leadership’s worst nightmare”, so not sure that’s better.

[breakingsomething]

the fall part thirteen - the storm (part two)

basic summary: the storm continues. anti's still a bitch. henrik works through some stuff.

trigger warnings: seizure, suicidal ideation

tagslist: @synonymsforzombie @spicydanhowell @skyewardlight @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars @cest-mellow @graveyardlettuce @lower-your-expectationss

half an hour after the blackout

anti was still on the floor.

marvin hadn't been able to move him. he'd gotten his wet hoodie off, leaving him in a plain black shirt, but he'd refused to change into the new clothes chase had brought him. he hadn't even spoken since his original outburst, instead opting to press himself against the cupboards and lash out numbly whenever marvin tried to get near. "come on, you fucking cunt, you wanted me to let you inside," marvin sighed, exasperated. "the least you can do is cooperate."

anti shook his head wildly, eyes black and wide, lips slightly parted. marvin could hear his breathing, loud and raspy. "hey," he said softly. "anti. this fucking sucks for all of us, k? but you're gonna get even more sick if you don't get changed out of those wet clothes and that'll be miserable for all of us."

"still being a bitch?" chase asked, walking into the kitchen with a bundle in hand. he sat down cross legged next to marvin, tossing a towel onto anti's lap. "here. take. use. and also -" he unfolded a blanket and tossed that at anti too. he didn't catch it, just stared straight ahead, twitching slightly. chase frowned. "jeez, did being in the rain for an hour do this to him?"

"dunno," marvin murmured. truth was, he thought it was definitely more than that. he reached out and shook anti's shoulder gently, causing him to flinch even within his mostly unresponsive state. "an-ti. come on, man. fuck, what am i supposed to do - anti!"

anti shook his head again. he opened his mouth, making a strangled sound in his throat, then promptly began coughing again, clutching at his neck frantically. he made a deliberate sign that marvin didn't recognize, slicing his left hand up and round his shoulders.

"i - i don't know that one, anti," marvin said helplessly. anti gave up, sinking down and coughing again. marvin nudged the blanket and towel closer to him. "here. dry yourself. i'm gonna get you water, hang on."

he did as he'd said and handed the glass to anti, making sure to partially keep ahold of it as he remembered anti dropping his cup at the hospital. while he did that, chase tugged marvin's phone out of his jeans pocket, sliding it over to anti. "here. you need electricity, right? drain marvin's phone if you need to."

"hey," marvin protested. "at least use your own if you want to sacrifice, dickwad."

chase shrugged. "he's your friend. besides, i'm texting lucas."

marvin blinked as he took that in, then nodded. "ah, yeah, fair. lucas is… a pretty cool guy." fuck, how was he going to bring up the fact that he knew chase liked him? marvin was very bad at this.

"he is, yeah," chase murmured. he was on his own phone, texting as anti clutched marvin's in his hands. "we might go to costa this weekend if this storm blows over by then."

"oh," marvin said. "as a - as a date, right?"

wow. way to be subtle. marvin mentally kicked himself as chase spluttered, face going visibly red even in the darkness. "i - what - no! dude, i'm straight. stacy, remember? i had a wife, marvin."

"bisexuality is a thing," marvin argued. "i'm bi. jackie's - i know lots of people who are bi. you could be bi."

"i'm not - marvin, give it a rest!" even as chase turned away from him, marvin could hear the anger in his voice. "i'm not bi, so lay off it. fuck's sake."

a hot vat of guilt swirled in marvin's chest. he hadn't meant to upset him. "sorry," he said, voice small. "i just thought - i'm sorry."

chase snorted. "well, your thought was wrong." then he hesitated, still turned to face the wall instead of marvin. "why did you - think i liked him?"

marvin hesitated, wondering how much to say. eventually he decided to go easy. he didn't want to pressure chase into talking about anything he didn't want to talk about. "i don't know. i guess i just thought you looked sweet together."

chase rolled his eyes and mimed gagging. "ew, boy cooties!" he said in a childish voice, and the two of them giggled.

anti suddenly groaned loudly. when they turned to him, they could see him rolling his eyes clearly. "hey there, glitch bastard. have you recovered from your angst coma?"

anti snorted. he sat up properly, wincing as he pressed his right hand to the floor without thinking. "fine," he signed, yet again. he picked up the towel from the floor and buried his face in it on his knees. marvin and chase exchanged glances.

"well, here's some clothes for you to change into," chase said uncertainly. he nudged the clothes over towards him. "i'm gonna go - do… something else. that's not here. bye."

wait! came a voice. marvin and chase yelped with shock. the voice was flat and electronic, and also sounded australian, for some reason. it seemed to be coming from chase's phone, which anti was resting his hand on. where's my scarf?

"you can talk using a phone?" chase asked, amazed. "why didn't you do that before?"

anti sighed through his nose. because it takes a hell of a lot of energy. i can barely sign and just wanted to get your attention.

he started coughing wildly into his arm again, and chase's phone screen darkened. chase raised an eyebrow at marvin, who shrugged and looked back at anti. "your scarf is being washed, with your hoodie. we can wash the rest of your clothes too, i guess, if you go to the bathroom and get fucking changed. and for a shower too if you want. actually, i don't know where you've been staying, but i'm gonna say it. you stink. go do that or i swear we'll kick you out again."

they helped anti stand shakily, swaying on his feet. once he was up, he pushed the other two off, leaning against the kitchen counter. "did i die and go to hell?" he signed. "i hate this."

"we hate it too, don't worry," marvin said, not so gently pushing anti towards the kitchen door. "i'll walk you there to make sure you don't do anything. now go."

and he did. one step done. fantastic.

-

forty five minutes after the blackout

there was a knock on henrik's door.

"it's me," chase's voice said loudly. henrik groaned and pulled his covers further over his head. "can i come in?"

"please don't," henrik said in a small, wobbling voice. he scrubbed at his face, turning to bury himself in his pillows.

there was a brief moment of silence. "ok, i feel like i should come in anyway, cause you sound really upset and you always tell me you don't like to leave me alone when i'm upset, so i'm coming in. just a warning."

henrik didn't even have the energy to protest. he kept his face covered with his blankets like a child as the door creaked open and chase padded inside, clicking the door shut behind him. henrik held his breath, barely moving at all. the quiet was deafening.

a hand appeared on top of his blankets. it waved before pulling the covers away from henrik's face, slowly enough that he could stop him if he wanted. chase's face popped up, grinning. "hello down there," he said cheerfully. henrik flushed and turned away, embarrassed.

chase walked round to the other side of his bed and climbed on, much to henrik's dismay. "hey," he said, quieter and much more serious sounding. he pushed himself under the covers with henrik, rolling over and smiling softly at him. then his smile faded slightly. "you've been crying."

henrik huffed, covering his face again with a pillow. "well spotted, genius."

chase breathed out through his nose, probably thinking about what to say next. "anti's in the bathroom getting changed or something," he murmured. "marvin's dealing with him cause i bailed. can't be bothered with that shit right now." he gave a soft laugh. "anyway, marvin's the one who's so determined to be friends with him, so. he can do all that shit."

henrik hummed under his breath. he didn't want to think about anti being in their house, no matter how sick or hurt he was. didn't want to think about how they'd spent years trying to keep him away from them, jackie included. how they'd put up spell after spell, made fun of anti and made up dumb names for him, talked about what they'd do if he wasn't there, cried over the things he'd taken from them. so much time wasted. it physically hurt to think about, to remember. henrik felt like there was a rock of grief in his chest, aching and dragging him further into the bedsheets.

"i don't want this," he whispered, and more tears were building up and spilling over before he could even finish. his voice broke. "it hurts and i don't want this. this all fucking sucks and i'm sick of it, i just - i - this isn't right, it wasn't s-supposed to happen like - chase, chase, i -"

chase grabbed one of his hands, holding it tightly in his own. "hey. i get it. i get it, henrik. look at me. look at me, henrik."

he did. his little brother looked so fucking exhausted. bags under his somehow still bright eyes, his beard grown longer than he usually let it, blonde curls escaping from their ponytail and falling in his face onto the pillows. henrik couldn't see the right side of his head as he was laying down, but he knew there was a gunshot wound there, a scar where hair couldn't grow anymore. henrik's breath hitched, hot tears trailing down his skin onto his hand, resting underneath his face. he needed to stop thinking like this or he was going to start bawling like a child and never stop.

"i'm sorry," chase said softly. he squeezed henrik's hand. "i miss him too. i - i do. it hurts to think about and i miss him, so much. i miss jackie. i miss… i miss jackie. fuck, i…" he let out a choked laugh, eyes wet. "man, it sucks absolute ass right now. but henny? you've still got us. i know it's not much. and i know we miss jamie and jack too, and everything is sucky, and i'm probably not reassuring you, but... you have me and marvin."

he sniffled, tears falling suddenly and sobbing. he laughed as he did so, wiping his face with his hand. "fuck!" he giggled, and henrik suddenly found himself laughing too. "ah, fuck, look at us. big ol' crybabies. i mean, god, if anyone has any reason to cry i think it's us, eh?"

"i would say so," henrik agreed. he pressed the blanket over his eyes. "scheisse, this… this sucks. i'm sorry for -"

"no," chase interrupted. he glared at henrik, blue eyes stormy. "you don't let me apologize when i'm being a little bitch. i'm not letting you."

he shuffled closer to henrik, almost knocking their heads together. "there's nothing we can do to change the situation right now," he said firmly. "anti's not gonna stay long, alright? as soon as the storm ends, he's gone. we'll put the wards back up again and then we'll - we'll - do whatever comes next. i'm… i'm so sorry it's come to this, henrik. but i swear on my goddamn life, i will never let him hurt you again."

"you were going to make another suicide attempt, weren't you?" henrik whispered suddenly. he closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the look on chase's face, but he still heard his breath hitch, still heard the small noise of upset in his throat.

"yeah," chase whispered back. "i was."

henrik swallowed back dry bile that was rising. "when?"

"henrik, we don't have to talk about -"

"when?" henrik demanded, eyes flying open again. chase crumpled under his gaze, drawing even further into himself. he suddenly looked so small.

"i had it planned for… for, uh… a couple weeks after everything with jackie happened," he said, voice breaking. "i - i was - henrik, i -"

henrik shook his head wildly, and without warning, pulled chase into a proper hug. he could feel chase crying softly into his t-shirt. his brother's hair tickled his face, and henrik buried his face in it, trying to be as close as he could.

"why didn't we know?" he cried. "we didn't - i never even - i should have saw the signs, you're my brother and i couldn't even tell -"

he couldn't believe he'd been so close to losing him. his mind raced with possibilities, making his head ache. if marvin hadn't found anti, if all that hadn't happened -

"promise me you won't," henrik insisted. "promise. don't say you can't. i want you to fucking promise."

"i promise, hen, i promise, i promise, i do, i swear i won't."

they stayed in each other's arms for a while. eventually, someone knocked lightly on the door, causing henrik to stiffen defensively. "it's me," marvin said from the other side. "left anti for a sec to see if… if you were ok."

"we're fine," henrik said stiffly. he ran his fingers through his little brother's hair, knocking his hat aside. "just fine. go deal with anti."

marvin hesitated. "i'm - i'm sorry, henrik."

henrik didn't bother replying. marvin left after a moment, and henrik closed his eyes against the glow of the lightning outside.

-

an hour and twenty minutes after the blackout

marvin was starting to regret letting anti inside.

"are you - fuck, are you ok?" he said, again, for what felt like the five hundredth time in the past twenty minutes. he'd eventually persuaded anti to get in the shower, which had been a task in itself, but it seemed he also had to babysit him to make sure he didn't fucking die. which was definitely something he hadn't thought would be necessary until anti had somehow managed to knock over every single shampoo bottle in the bathroom in one fell swoop and almost accidentally drowned himself. marvin was now sat grumpily outside the bathroom on his phone, texting alice to get an update on naomi. apparently she was doing a lot better and wanted to apologize to marvin for her behaviour, which marvin had said he appreciated but didn't need. he definitely knew about how mental illness could affect someone and how they interacted with people. he didn't say that, though. he just told alice to send his love and then the conversation ended.

he wasn't sure why he kept asking anti if he was ok. he doubted that he'd answer even if he could. eventually, he heard the sound of the water cutting off, and sighed with relief. the risk of anti accidentally killing himself had just been halved.

it was maybe ten minutes later that the door opened and anti stepped out. "i hate you," was the first thing he said. he was now wearing an oversized ac/dc hoodie and black jeans. marvin frowned. he hadn't realized how goddamn skinny anti was until he saw chase's clothes on him. "i'll - get you a brush," was all he said. marvin tried to hold back a smirk at anti's explosion of curly hair, long enough now that it came down to his chin. anti didn't smile. even in the darkness, marvin could see how dazed he looked, eyes unfocused and flickering from colour to colour. eventually they came to rest on a silvery grey, and he blinked wildly, clinging to the doorway with white fingers.

marvin's chest tightened. "here, come on, you fucking…" he trailed off, sighing as he wrapped an arm around anti's waist and helped him down the stairs to the living room. anti groaned, falling over a few times before marvin could help him up again. "fuck's sake, you're so incompetent. did jamie have to see you like this on a daily basis? i don't understand how we never defeated you, i don't."

anti stiffened at jamie's name, making strange noises in the back of his throat. "d-a-p," he signed as soon as he was sitting down on the couch. "brother, my brother."

"yeah, sure, whatever," marvin mumbled, barely listening. anti's stomach rumbled, and he wrapped his arms around himself tightly. marvin resisted the urge to scream. "ok, you need food as well. what do you even eat? human meat? blood? doritos? come on, help me out here."

anti had curled up on the couch, ignoring him. marvin sighed yet again. "ok," he said aloud to no one. "i'll make you a fucking piece of toast. that's what you're getting."

by the marvin had made the toast and come back to the living room, however, anti had fallen asleep completely.

"oh, fuck you," marvin groaned, tossing the plate down on the glass table. "you're an asshole. i hate you so much. do you know how much i hate you? it's a lot. so goddamn much. i'm gonna pick you up and throw you the fuck outside again."

anti obviously didn't respond. even in sleep, he looked distressed, face scrunched up and holding both his arms to his chest. marvin just looked at him for a minute, frowning. anti's hands were red and scratched up still, his right wrist bruised. marvin also wondered about the white scars that trailed from his eyes down his face. had jackie done that too? or had anti had those scars when he returned chase's kids? marvin couldn't even remember.

he went upstairs again and knocked on henrik's door. "helloooo, bastards. anti's sleeping. are you two ok?"

no response. marvin peeked inside, shining his torch, only to see that chase and henrik had fallen asleep in each other's arms. marvin watched their chests rise and fall in unison, both their faces tear stained but calm in their sleep. marvin closed the door again.

he texted alice. any updates? no response yet. that was ok. she was busy. marvin could wait.

and wait he did.

-

two hours after the blackout

being alone with his thoughts for so long was absolutely, definitely not good for him.

marvin wasn't sure how he'd ended up sitting in the kitchen closet on top of the christmas decorations, curled up with his knees at his chest. every single inch of the house was somewhere he associated with jackie, for whatever reason. the bannister on the stairs they peeked through when they were about to pull a prank. the kitchen counters jackie always sat on when he ate because "tables are for pussies, marvin." the living room window that jaffa liked to sleep in and jackie would stand next to so he could pet her while scrolling through his phone. the shoe rack where jackie went to when everything became too much, and one of his brothers would have to help him calm down with his weighted blanket and some calm words. marvin was beginning to feel sick thinking about it, hand clamped over his mouth as guilt sank down in him like a ball and chain attached to his heart.

it felt like a constant ache that wouldn't go away. please, make the hurt stop, his mind screamed. but he wouldn't break down. he'd come this far without breaking. he wouldn't cry. he wouldn't scream and slam his fists against the wall. he wouldn't. he was the oldest now. he had to look after his brothers. and fuck, if marvin didn't let out a small wail of pain at the thought of them clinging to each other like they were the other's anchor, but he wouldn't break, he wouldn't. he'd hold on because that was his job and he knew he had to be strong.

something crashed in the other room.

marvin was on his feet instantly. he shoved the door open, boxes falling behind him, and raced out the kitchen into the living room. anti had fallen off the couch and was thrashing on the floor, crying out in his sleep. marvin was at his side in an instant. "anti? calm down, shit, calm down."

it took a moment to realize anti wasn't just having a normal nightmare. he was convulsing, his head slamming against the floor, trying to scream but unable to. marvin lifted anti's head and grabbed a cushion, sliding it under him and shoving the table to the side. "shit, shit," he cursed silently. that was all he knew to do when someone had a seizure. he thought about running to go wake up henrik, but another second considering that brought him to the realization that maybe that was dumb. instead, he stayed by anti's side until it passed and anti was left panting, whining in pain and breathing heavily.

marvin closed his eyes and leaned against the armchair, not even moving to sit up on it properly. thunder rolled outside, and anti flinched in his sleep. marvin, tired from suppressing his panic attack and dealing with the everything of that evening, eventually found himself drifting off as well.

-

"i'm going out today. are you coming?"

dapper didn't answer. he was pretending to be asleep, anti could tell. a small smirk spread across his face, and he poked his brother's forehead gently. "dap-per. wake u-up," he singsonged. he could see him holding back a smile, the corner of his mouth quivering.

"leave me alone," he signed, rolling over and raising his hands up dramatically. anti laughed and collapsed across his chest, causing him to let out a loud "oof." anti turned his face toward dapper's, sticking out his tongue at the grumpy look on his face.

"morning, bitch boy," anti grinned. dapper flipped him off, his face scrunching up in an effort to keep from smiling. "i asked a question. do you wanna go out today?"

dapper rolled his eyes and nudged anti to get off his arms. "tired," he said once anti had moved. "you go by yourself."

anti frowned. "are you feeling ok?" he asked, running a hand through dapper's hair. his brother closed his eyes, just breathing for a moment, him and anti in time.

"i'm ok," he said. "just - i'm ok." his hands flopped down onto anti's chest. anti watched his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking. dapper's expression was unreadable.

"are you sure?" anti questioned, tapping the other man on the nose. dapper didn't smile this time. "come on, dap. we can get food. and i was gonna get you another present."

"aren't presents supposed to be a secret?" dapper said, raising an eyebrow. his eyes were more silver than usual. anti had been paying too much attention to his hands to notice, but now, it was all he could see.

"if you care about such things," anti retorted. "have you rewinded today? you're glowing."

"no," dapper said, far too quickly. "i mean… kinda. i spilled water on one of my sketchbooks earlier and i rewinded that. sorry."

anti shook his head. "that's fine. i was maybe gonna get you another sketchbook while i was out anyway." he widened his eyes, staring deliberately at dapper. "if you wanted to co-ome..."

dapper practically deflated. "no, not really," he signed. "still don't feel well. sorry, anti."

anti pressed a hand to his brother's forehead. "you do feel warm," he murmured. "have you thrown up or anything? is it your magic? do i need to find that doctor again?"

dapper giggled, pushing anti's hand away gently. "i'm fine, i am," he signed. "you go. better get me good presents. also chocolate. lots and lots of chocolate."

"ok, ok, ok." anti sat up on the bed, ruffling dapper's curls. "i'll do that. although stuff like that is gonna be expensive, today of all days. so many people forgetting to buy presents for their loved ones and all that shit. imagine that, dap! i would never forget." he jumped off the bed, adjusting his yellow scarf in the mirror on the wardrobe. "how do i look? fantastic?"

dapper pushed himself up on his elbows, considering. "h-m-m," he signed, then twirled his mustache, pretending to be deep in thought.

anti threw a penny from the spare change he'd pulled out his pocket to count at dapper's head. "are you kidding? did you just fucking sign the word "hmm?" seriously?" he laughed and pulled on his jacket, flipping him off. "you're an asshole. i'm gonna assume i look wonderful as usual and i'm eating all your chocolate myself. bastard man."

"you look absolutely incredible, anti, a right king," dapper giggled. "look at that beautiful scarf, so bright against your black outfit! i mean, probably, i'm colourblind. tell me, brother, where did you get that gorgeous accessory?"

"a smartass cunt bought me it," anti said with a smile. he opened the bedroom door, clicking his tongue and miming finger guns. "ok, i'm going. stay here, don't answer the door, stab anyone who tries to come in, rewind if you have to, ect, ect. you know the rewind password. see you in a few hours."

dapper's smile faded. "wait," he signed, and swung off the bed and over to anti, pulling him in for a hug. anti's breath hitched, and his arms slowly came down to rest on his brother's back.

"you sure you don't wanna come?" he mumbled, forehead resting on dapper's shoulders. his heart was racing, and he couldn't tell why.

dapper nodded, then pushed himself away. "yeah, sorry, yeah. see you in a few hours."

anti forced a smile, then raised his hands to sign the next few words. "don't forget."

dapper hesitated, not looking at anti. "don't forget."

anti stepped out the door, starting down the stairs. then he stopped. "oh! and happy christmas, dap." he smiled up at him. "i'll get you something good, i promise."

dapper nodded, face blank.

anti shouldn't have left him alone.

-

six hours after the blackout

this wasn't jack's house. this wasn't the flat. this wasn't the waterworks.

once anti had gone through the list of places he definitely wasn't, he sat up, head aching like he'd been struck. had he? probably, actually. a sharp taste of copper lingered in his mouth. had he bit his tongue? where was his brother, what day was it, why was it so dark?

a quick memory evaluation reminded that he was in jack's boys flat, dapper was gone, it was wednesday, it was dark because of the storm, and no, he definitely had not bit his tongue.

the cat was asleep leaning against an armchair, head on his arms and legs folded beneath him. there were actually two cats that anti could see; one appeared to be a real cat, small with black fur and vivid blue eyes. it stared at anti disapprovingly as he sat up, wincing as he yet again forgot about his fucked up arm. he was starting to really regret glitching the x-ray that hecate used to trick them into taking the cast off. it had been really annoying, sure, but the fact that he couldn't lift anything or sign with his right arm was starting to piss him off.

the cat suddenly mewled loudly, leaping off its perch on the chair and slinking over to anti's side. he flinched, smacking the floor. "go away," anti signed, like the cat was going to understand british sign. "i don't like you. fuck off."

the cat just stared. anti stared back.

"are you have a staring contest with jaffa cake?" someone yawned, and anti jumped. the magician was sitting himself up fully, rubbing his eyes. "morning, jaffa. morning, anti too, i guess."

"it's four am," anti deadpanned. "also, you named your cat jaffa cake? seriously?" it was only after he'd signed all that that he realized the other man probably couldn't see his hands in the darkness.

"how do you know it's four am?" asked the magician, to anti's surprise. "also, this is chase's cat. her name is jaffa. say hi, jaffa."

"you can see my signs?" anti asked curiously. "also, i always know what time it is. probably so much time spent around -" he cut himself off. he didn't want to say his name.

"i can see in the dark," the magician said, grinning. "i know, i know, i'm awesome. magnificent, some might say." he laughed, filling up the silent room. then he yawned again. "did you eat the food i got you?"

"not hungry," anti lied. he didn't trust anything jack's boys might give him, especially with the doctor here. "i - did i have a seizure?"

"in your sleep, yeah," the magician confirmed. "were you having a nightmare?"

he had been, until he'd started dreaming about dapper, which was arguably worse. he didn't respond. then he suddenly realized the odd blood taste was because he'd bitten the side of his mouth. how annoying. anti quickly ran a hand through his hair to soothe himself. he'd almost forgotten about his shower, and his hair felt much nicer, somehow even curlier. no blood on his neck. something ached in his chest.

"i'm going back to sleep," he signed. his eyes fluttered shut. "talking takes so much effort. my arms are tired."

"ok," the cat murmured. anti could barely see his outline in the darkness. "ok. uh. anti, is it ok if… if i talk to you? in the morning? i just wanna ask some… some stuff."

anti turned his head away. "ok."

the cat brightened. "oh, good! ok! i'm - i'm also gonna go back to sleep, cause i've barely slept, and i'm tired as fuck. g'night - or, well. g'morning." he lay his head back on his arms, smiling softly. "night, anti."

he fell back asleep. he fell back asleep with anti watching him. was he an idiot? was he seriously a fucking idiot? did he forget what anti had done - things anti had done to his own brothers? how could someone forget that?

anti stood up calmly and went into the kitchen. they hadn't hidden the knives well. they were in the bottom drawer of the cupboards underneath the tea towels. anti picked the largest one. it was a dull orangey red colour, and the handle was cold.

he padded back into the living room. the man hadn't moved. he had genuinely fallen asleep, anti realized with a jolt. he trusted him enough to fall asleep in his presence. how pathetic, how sweet it was that he thought anti had the potential to be a good person. anti had stabbed the magician on his very first day of existence. he could do it again. he would. he'd wanted this for years.

so why was he hesitating, why was the knife hanging above the man's neck but not touching it, why was he shaking? anti sat back in disbelief, heart racing, mouth hanging open. he needed to kill him. he wanted to. why couldn't he do it? why was the bastard still sleeping, smiling from within his doze, hair falling into his face and eyes? why were anti's eyes burning, why did this hurt? why did this hurt?

the closest sound to a sob that anti could manage fell from his mouth. he stumbled back, away, needed to get away. he shouldn't have come here. he should never have come here.

-

eleven hours after the blackout

marvin awoke to a gift. the storm was over, and all of their kitchen knives had been stabbed into the table. all but one. the biggest one, the red one, which was missing. underneath the knives, in almost illegible handwriting, was written, "you should hide these better next time. ps. alice says your girlfriend is fine. stop texting her, for fuck's sake."

anti had left and taken marvin's phone with him.

"i told you we shouldn't trust him," henrik said drily when he saw it. chase silently began yanking the knives out of the wood. and marvin just stared, reading the message over and over again, feeling like an idiot.

maybe he was too trusting after all.

[leiathesleia]

A Date I mean Business Lunch in Drellin

Leia- @leiathesleia

Alvin- @broadswordandpistol

Guest Interruption Appearance by Jude- @honorsstudentjude

Leia: Did you have your scarf when you woke up? 😉”

Alvin: "Dammit, Leia!" And he hadn't slept that late.

Leia: “The cutest darn ninja you ever did see.”

Alvin: "You've made your point, can I have it back now, please?" He rubs at the back of his neck.  (Not in the mood to look like a goof chasing her all over this morning.)

Leia: "Haha. Oh okay then. I'm sure you have important mercenary/fruit guy things to do”

Alvin: "Just like you've got important stories to scoop, right?" And smiles to create — which she's actually been successful at, despite his complaining.

Leia: (Teehee. How did she get in his house anyways?)

Alvin: (Everyone seems to be able to break into my Alvin's place. Apparently he doesn't worry about it because the only valuables he has are basically the things he keeps on him.)

Alvin:( And generally the breaking-in consists of crashing on his couch or making him dinner. O.o)

Leia: (even though he can't seem to keep track of his own scarf, at least when Leia is involved :P)

Alvin: ("Hey." He knows exactly where it is, Leia has it.)

Alvin: "You like it that much, maybe we oughta get you one of your own." Teasing. He knows it's about the game, not about the scarf.

Leia: "That's right!" Though she won't turn the offer down.

Alvin: "I dunno, a gift from an older gentleman — your mom might take that the wrong way." Wink.

Leia: "I live on my own, travel from country to country daily, and work a full time job. I'm plenty grown up."

Alvin: "Yeah, but you'll always be her precious little girl, too. Despite being all grown up." He tugs at her cap brim playfully.

Leia: "Maybe so, but remember, I'm not a little kid!" She ruffles his perfectly messy hair and then darts away before he can catch her.

Alvin: "Hey!" He rolls his eyes and fixes his hair, still smiling. "Are you trying to make me late for work today?"

Leia: "Maybeeeeeeee"

Alvin: "That so? Any particular reason?" A wiser man might not take a step into her personal space. No one ever said Alvin was a wiser man.

Jude: As everyone seems to be able to get into Alvin's house, same goes for  Jude's office

Alvin: (Alvin points out that it's not like Jude locks his office, sooooo)

Leia: Leia blushes now she's embarrassed "Um, b-because you are so perfect and adorable!" -Tries to flee-

Jude: "Even if I did, you'd all probably get in any way!"

Leia: "Jude?! When did you get here?" “Can't you see we are having a private conversation?" Leia pushes him out the door.

Alvin: Wait what Jude's here. Alvin stuffs his hands in his pockets and tries to look innocent. Fails entirely because he's never mastered that skill.

Leia: "Alvin, don't you ever lock this place?"

Alvin: "I did. My lock's as bad as Ludger's." Whose is notoriously unreliable; Alvin can pop his door open with a flick of the wrist.

Alvin: (casually all nope nothing to see here not flirting with your childhood best friend kid)

Leia: "You're gonna be late for work Jude! Byeeeee!" Jude didn't even seem to care what was going on. Just wanted to remind us that we bust in on him too. "And he says pride is my downfall. Ha!"

Alvin: "You mean you don't have work this morning too?"

Leia: "I'm a journalist! I set my own schedule. When there's a scoop, I'm there!"

Alvin: He laughs. "The scoop this morning is: "Journalist steals ex-mercenary's scarf. What happens next will shock you!" huh?"

Leia: "And what will happen next Mr. Ex mercenary? Hmmmmmm?"

Alvin: "That's a good question. Maybe the journalist oughta stick around for an in-depth interview." Did we mention that wiser men would not take another step into her personal space, and no one had ever claimed Alvin was a wiser man?

Leia: "Okay and what is this interview about? How you can't seem to keep track of your precious scarf ?" Hopefully Alvin didn't think she was ignoring him all this time. She was just on her GHS. He should've been able to see that clearly.

Alvin: "Heh. Riveting. How about a color story on the good and bad points of Elympian/Rieze Maxian business relationships, done over lunch in Drellin?"

Leia: "Now you're talking!" Leia loves food. "But I'm not able to pay for the food of the people I interview so you're on your own there! Now let's go! I'm starving!"

Alvin: "Hey, I wouldn't invite myself to eat on your nickel." He lets her lead, which gives him an excuse to hide the shit-eating grin.

Leia: -Leia skips along ahead of him towards the train station- "Come on! I'll race ya there!"

Alvin: "You're not getting my scarf as a victory prize." He doesn't wait for her to say "ready, go" — he's already off and running because he's definitely slower than she is.

Leia: Before she could say another word Alvin had started running ahead of her. "Oh no you don't!" She darts after him, jumps high in the air (does a few aesthetically pleasing midair flips) and lands—right on his back. He's not getting away.

Alvin: Apparently this kind of thing doesn't happen in Trigleph every day. Heads turn, but he laughs and grabs ahold of her legs as if he gives her piggyback rides all the time. She's not getting away, either. They slew into the train station at Alvin's top speed, which admittedly is nothing impressive, but faster than everyone else who's walking.

Leia: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" This was way better than walking to the station. Even though they weren't going that fast, she still was enjoying the ride. They went past Technology drive where they received some strange looks but she didn't care. Finally they arrived at the station. Leia hopped off Alvin's back. "Thanks for the lift!" -wink-

Alvin: "My pleasure." He elbowed her gently in the side and went to pay for train tickets.

Leia: "Hey that tickles!" Leia realizes now that she should not have given up that information. She was sure she would pay for it later. Alvin came back with the tickets. "Okay let’s go!"

Alvin: Yep, she definitely should not have given up that information. He filed it away for later. He let her have the window seat; he was tall enough to lean over and look out, anyway, and it wasn't long before the bare Elympian countryside was zipping by.

Leia: Leia gazed out the window at the scenery. "Not too much longer to Drellin! I haven't been here in a while actually. What about you?" Heck yeah. Leia loves the window seat.

Alvin: "Last week, actually. I've been working a deal with that restaurant to bring in napples and poranges for their breakfast and dessert menus. Took some convincing, but it worked out okay."

Leia: "Oooh. That sounds good! You know, you can mix fruit with a lot of other foods and have it still taste pretty yummy!" Leia had a habit of putting two really great foods together and expecting something really great to come out of it. She has some success but more often than not it was a disaster.

Alvin: "Mhm, and real fruit makes a big difference. You know most of the fruits and veggies in Elympios are grown in a vat, right?"

Leia: "Oh wow! That's so different from Reize Maxia! I guess before the schism was gone Elympians didn't get as much nice produce." Leia shudders imagining her life without good quality fruit every day.

Alvin: "Everything was so depleted by the spyrix that getting things to grow was hard.  No blessings of Gnome and Undine here, remember? Which meant that a lot of stuff got grown in factories, using more spyrix. It's an ugly cycle, but hopefully things will turn around. You can't keep chewing up spirits to feed humans in the long run."

Leia: "Oh yeah. I'm glad things seem to be getting better. And I'm really glad we got to be a part of it too, you know? It feels really good having done something to help!" The train screeched to a halt. Startled, Leia grabbed Alvin's arm to steady herself. "Looks like we're here!"

Alvin: Her fingers on his arm should not tingle, Alvin reminded himself sharply. "Yeah, it does," he admitted with a small smile. "Have to admit I never pictured myself doing this a year ago." He backed up to let her off the train ahead of him before falling into step with her again on their way to the cafe. "Hope you're hungry, those portions are pretty huge."

Leia: "Heck yeah I am!" When wasn't she hungry? Leia was excited to be in Drellin again. It was so much different than Trigleph. There were a lot more food options and it had more of a natural feel to it as well rather than the big city vibe. "Hey there it is!" Leia grabbed Alvin's arm and pulled him towards the cafe.

Alvin: He obligingly allowed himself to be dragged, noting that despite his own internal protests, that small tingle had not gone away. Oh boy. A wink at the receptionist earned them a table outside with a great view of the plaza, and they settled in with menus and drinks. "Whatcha in the mood for, Sunshine?"

Leia: Somehow Alvin managed to get them a great seat outside. The view of the plaza was spectacular! Leia sipped on her lemonade. She got distracted for a moment by the view. Then she heard Alvin ask her what she was having. "Huh? Oh right! I think I'll have a large French Toast and a Small Fruit Salad. What about you?"

Alvin: "Hmmm. Man does not live on steak alone, despite the temptation. Curry for me." ... Which ... still had beef in it. What could he say, he was predictable when it came to food. "Theirs is good. Not as good as your dad's, though," he added, when the waitress was out of earshot.

Leia: -Leia giggled.- "You don't have to try so hard to get on my good side Alvin. But I mean, yeah of course. Nothing is better than my dad's, well, everything! You should really come have dinner at the lodge sometime! I'm sure dad will make you all kinds of delicious food!" Leia took another sip of her lemonade. "Hey, you really like steak right? Dad makes a really good one with a peach glaze. Mmmmm."

Alvin: At that, he cracked into a chuckle. "And you don't have to, either, Sunshine. But it does sound pretty good." Better than soda rice, for sure. "Wouldn't mind seeing your folks again. They're good people." Assuming, of course, that Sonia hadn't found out about what had happened in Hamil. Then he was a dead man. Urk.

Leia: "Yeah! Maybe next time we can go there and see them!" Wait. Next time? Did that sound like a- a date ? "I mean, we could invite the others too?" Phew saved yourself on that one, I think. (No you didn't Leia) "I don't think Jude has been home in a while and I know Ga- I mean Erston was eager to see my mother again. Something about comparing sparring tactics? Oh look! The food is here!"

Alvin: Did that sound like a date? ... Maybe, but it could have been purely innocent. Alvin could convince himself of that; he was all too good at lying to everyone, including himself.

"Heh, that's a fight I'd pay to see from a safe distance," he chuckled, digging into his curry. "It'd probably do Jude some good to get out of the office anyway. I swear he's turning into a mushroom, never seeing the sun."

Leia: Leia chuckled at the thought of the King and her mother sparring. "Haha yeah, I wonder who would win though!" Leia poured some syrup on her French toast and cut a piece to take a bite. "Mmmff thith ith tho good! Althin thu need th twy thith!" She swallowed her food and then held her plate up to him. "Come on, try it!"

Alvin: "Heh. Good question. Erston might have had a real fight on his hands had they met in the Coliseum." He waved her plate down so he could cut off a bite, and chewed appraisingly. "Hm, not bad," he agreed thoughtfully, and passed his plate back in turn. "Try this, see what you think."

Leia: Leia grabbed her unused spoon and dipped it in the curry. She took a bite "Mmmm. That's pretty good! Not too spicy, and, is it beef curry? I'll have to remember to order that next time!" Next time again?! Leia you've got to stop saying those things it's going to be taken the wrong way....

Alvin: "I could take it a little spicier, but the balance is good." Alvin caught himself winking at her. Had he intended to do that? He hurried past that traitorous thought and settled down with his food again. "So overall, Miss Reporter, what do you think about those complicated international business relations?" Yes, apparently he had intended the wink; that question came out playful and maybe a touch more loaded than he wanted.

Leia: "Huh? Wha?" Leia had been spacing out. What was he saying? Relations? She snapped back to reality. "Business relations? Oh! The interview!" Of course. That was the whole reason they were having lunch in the first place. Or was it? Also, did he just wink at her? I mean it was something he did often enough but why was he doing it this time? Whatever, she needed to respond. "Well it seems that there is still some tension between both Rieze Maxia and Elympios. They don't entirely trust each other, right? Do you think they ever will?"

Alvin: "A tricky question." Alvin chewed thoughtfully and set his fork down. "Suppose it's hard for either side to trust each other. Their cultures are pretty different, and it probably didn't help when Elympios attacked Rieze Maxia out of the blue." He flicked a glance at her from under lowered lashes, a cautious smile lingering on his lips. The parallels to their own situation had not escaped him. "But I think with some time to get to know each other, things'll work out in the long run, as long as no one gets too hasty."

Leia: "I hope so too. And I think it will also really help once Jude perfects his spyrite research. He's going to help so many more people someday!" She glanced up at Alvin and smiled before she went to take a bite of her fruit salad. "It seems like we have a long way to go still, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to bring both of these sides together! I'm hoping my articles are helping a bit too. I want people to see both sides of the situation and not just their own"

Alvin: "He and Balan really have been burning the midnight oil on that one. I just hope they get it done in time." The fresh growth in Elympios with the Schism down was both exciting and worrisome; Alvin could see where people would resist the new technology, refusing to understand that what they had now was only there because of the fresh infusion of mana from the Schism.

Hopefully that wouldn't happen.

"Hey, I think you're doing a pretty good job of it," he teased. "All those articles you've been getting published, and I saw the guest column they let you write the other day. People can tell this is an important thing." He flicked her a teasing smile. "Not just a job but part of your personal life too." There was a subtle, lingering question in that sentence, and the gleam in his eye was not entirely innocent.

Leia: Hearing Alvin's sweet words caused Leia's cheeks to turn a light shade of pink. "Oh, y-you read my articles? Thank you Alvin, you don't have to do that just because I wrote them though. I don't want you to be biased." She looked up at him but once she saw him looking back at her she quickly looked down and twiddled her thumbs. "But really, thank you. It really means a lot to me that you care so much about my work."

Alvin: Alvin shook his head. "It's not like that. You know I don't waste my time, right, Sunshine? What you're doing is important, and how people are reacting to it is important. It's good to have that perspective. It's not just about finding out what you're up to." Not that that didn't factor in. It was hard to keep track of everyone when he was always on the move. Leia's articles were a touchstone that he deeply appreciated when he was on the far side of Elympios or deep in Xian Du.

Leia: Leia perked up at Alvin's response. "Yes, exactly! I want to continue sharing with both sides about everything that's happening! Someday we will have peace. I'm sure of it!" Leia smiled at him. Her emerald-green eyes beaming. "Now then, there are important matters to discuss." She looked up at him with a serious face. "Are we getting dessert?"

Alvin: "That's a matter of serious international relations. One poor dessert choice could lead to a war over Gaius dumplings versus Drellin gelato." Alvin put on a mock-serious face. "I don't know how anyone could survive that catastrophe. Better get two and share, just to be on the safe side."

Leia: Leia laughed so hard she snorted a little. "Hahahaha!" Two desserts?? Leia liked the sound of that! "Okay, that sounds like a good idea. I wouldn't want to start an international war or anything!" she said as she winked at him with a playful gleam in her eye. She picked up the dessert menu and looked it over. "Oooh! I think I'm gonna have a chocolate parfait! What about you Alvin?"

Alvin: "Hmmm." Alvin pored over the dessert menu, upside-down from his angle. "I'm thinking that blackberry cobbler sounds good." Nothing wrong with chocolate, but he'd never lost his appetite for the fruits that were so rare in his childhood. "Maybe a little ice cream on top." Yeah, that'd do the trick.

Leia: "Oh yum! That sounds so good! You know I can't say no to fruit!" Leia delicately set the menu back on the table. "I'm having a really great time Alvin! Thank you for suggesting we do this!" I am having a really great time. Who knew Alvin and I could hang out like this. It just feels so right . "And thanks to you I also got some great information for a future article! I'll be sure to credit you of course."

Alvin:  He flashed her a grin, a shade on the smug side. Truth be told, Alvin was having more fun than he'd initially bargained for, too. "Heh, thanks for taking me up on it." A year ago, even the thought of doing something this simple and (mostly) innocent would have been next to impossible. "Any time you wanna work on those pesky Elympian-Rieze Maxian relations questions, I'd be glad to." Another wink.... y'know, he pointed out to himself, the odds were good that he was headed to a very special hell.

-End (for now)