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lillupon · 4 years ago

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So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask.

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it.

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF.

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community.

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless.

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well.

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags.

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn…

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

#asks #my writing #fic & fandom #I keep coming back to fiddle and add things to this answer #but I think I've said all I wanted to now...

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crystalninjaphoenix · 6 years ago

Text

The Crossover Episode

Septics Inverted

A JSE Fanfic

Doin’ something a little different. I may or may not really love the Swap Boys AU, and I was like “heh, what if crossover?” and then I was like “Wait! I can do that! Literally nothing is stopping me!” andalsoHuffleencouragedme So I wrote it! :D Hope I’ve done the characters justice, it was a little strange writing someone else’s characters (ignore the fact that fanfic is just that lol)

Swap Boys was created by...a whole bunch of people actually, but you can find a lot of its content on @huffle-dork��s blog!

Read the intro story: Part One | Part Two

Various other AU-related stuff found here

I don’t know if I should add the taglist to this cause it’s not normal AU material, but I have nothing to lose here, so if I tag you but you’re not interested don’t feel compelled to read this | Taglist: @evyptids @awkward-bullshit @watermelonsinmyattic @asunachinadoll @a-humble-narcissus @metautske @odysseus-is-best-boi @acuriousquail @beerecordings

If anyone had been watching the security monitors at the museum that night, they would have noticed when almost the entire system shut down, leaving only a couple cameras still operating. It was a very unusual blackout: all the feeds turned purple at the edges before the cameras spazzed out and died. But nobody was watching the security monitors. The single night guard had gone to check out a suspicious movement behind the building, and never come back.

The moment the system went down, a man in a black cat mask appeared in the middle of the museum’s latest exhibit. He waited for the pale purple smoke from the teleportation spell to vanish before looking around. The room was grand, marble floor and columns holding up the ceiling. Apparently an anonymous donor had decided to give their collection of antiques to the museum, and the museum put them here. He wondered who the donor was, because they were either unaware of what their antiques actually were, or an absolute idiot for letting these out of their sight. Even just looking at these things through the television had set off all sorts of magical alarm bells.

Well, they weren’t doing anyone any good just sitting inside glass cases. Marvin smiled to himself. Time to figure out what exactly was worth taking.

The central artifact of the exhibit was something that looked like an empty doorway made of stone. Except it had runes carved on one side and the other side was black, like obsidian. Apparently the donor had instructed that nobody pass through the door. Marvin wondered why that was. Looking at the doorway was sending shivers down his spine, echoes of power, but it wasn’t small enough to transport easily so he left it alone. The other artifacts were a different story. They ranged from jewelry to figurines to leather-bound tomes, everything so obviously magical that it was amazing nobody else had caught on.

Marvin strode over to the nearest display case, containing silver necklaces and bracelets. He placed his hands on top of the glass and muttered some words under his breath. A wave of purple spread across the case, and then the glass dissolved into sand. The jewelry was now out on the open, and Marvin could feel the pulses of magical energy coming from them. Luckily he’d thought to worn gloves; you never knew what these things could do when you touched them with bare skin. He’d figure out which ones were dangerous later, when he was back home. One of the necklaces was giving out the strongest pulse, so he grabbed it, and in a puff of lavender smoke it disappeared. All this teleportation was gonna take a toll on him eventually, so he’d have to be careful choosing which artifacts to liberate.

The lights overhead flickered and died. Marvin sighed deeply. Did this guy have nothing better to do than stalk them? With a flick of his wrist, Marvin conjured a globe of purple light, brightening his surroundings. It was quiet...until the hum of static slowly built up behind him.

“ Yo͟u m̵iss̴e̢d͡ a ̡f̢ew ̸c̨a̸m͠eras,” he said, amused.

Marvin didn’t even give Anti the courtesy of a reply, just spun around and sent an arc of violet magic in the general direction of his voice. The magic passed right through the columns in the room, as well as the glass display cases. A few of the artifacts inside let out spurts of color and unnerving hissing sounds. One even exploded into shards of colored crystals, which in turn caused the rest of the items in that case to either melt or also explode. “Fuck,” Marvin muttered. Okay, point taken, be careful using magic around these things.

An outline of a man appeared, leaning on top of one of the cases. He was glowing slightly green, which would make him an easy target if he wasn’t prone to glitching out of the way of any projectiles. “S̢hor̨t̴er͠ temp͝e͞r ̶than usual, I see,” Anti said. “What’s wrong, w͡hiske̛r͟s͢?”

“I’m kind of busy, right now,” Marvin growled. Maybe he could land a hit if he could keep Anti distracted. He ran through all the attack spells he knew, trying to find one that could avoid hitting the artifacts.

“Oh, we’re ̕ta̧l̵king t̨h̵i̡s̸ ̛tím͢e͡!" Anti laughed. “Can’t be th̀at̕ ̸b͡us̕y̨ then.”

“Well, you’re just gonna jump out of the way of anything I try like the fucking cheater you are. And everything's pretty sensitive in here, so why take the chance of blowing myself up? Anyways, what do you want?”

“Well, I ͏wa̢nt̛ you to ̶s̷t̴op ̧this sort of thing a͠l̸to̵g̷eth͟er,” Anti mused. “And maybe d̴i͡sappȩar from s͡o͝ciet͞y͝ while you’re at it. But I know y͏ou won’t do that, so I’ll settle for y̸óu leavi̷ng̢ th̛iś ͞p͟l͏ac̷e alone.” He glanced around. “Is it really a good idea to go after things that can b̶a̴ck̨f̛ire̵ ̀o̵n y̛òu̸ at a͏ny m͏oment? ̢Es̸p͟ećìally considering what ̵hap̢pe̢ned ̕la͞st͡ time one of your spells—”

A beam of concentrated magic, about the width of a pencil, shot toward’s Anti’s head, actually connecting. He stumbled back a few steps, coming apart momentarily before reforming.

“How do you know about that?!” Marvin demanded.

Anti shook his head, pixels flying away from his face. “I ̧j͞us̛t do.” He glitched and for a moment there seemed to be more of him. “Wha̧t...w͞a͞s tha̢t, by ̕th̡ȩ ͏w̸ày͞? F̕elt͡ ͠lik͝e a knif̀e in the̡ br͞a̸in.”

“Pointslice spell,” Marvin couldn’t resist explaining. His eyes flashed purple. “Good to know it did something.” And he sent another one in Anti’s direction.

Anti was prepared this time, glitching away. He reappeared right in front of the stone doorway in the center of the exhibit. Once more, he shook his head, blinking this time. He was confused. Good. Marvin sent one more pointslice towards Anti, this time hitting him square in the chest. The force of the spell shoved him back a few steps and right into the empty doorway, where he stopped. Frozen in place like someone hit the pause button. “C̵-càņ't͟—go̷—fa͠r͏-fart̛her,” he said through gritted teeth. The words came out haltingly, stuttering like a broken connection. “No̶t̢ su̴p̨pos͟-̴p͏o̷s̸-p̷os̵ed̷ t̶o—feȩl̴s ̛da͡nger-d̡ang̕e̛r͠-ger-ge͞r—”

“Dangerous?” Marvin finished. “I’m sure you can handle it.” Anti was unwilling and/or unable to move from the spot where he’d ended up. He probably wouldn’t be able to dodge a slower, but more powerful spell. Marvin gathered his magic, then threw a dark purple flame toward the doorway.

Anti’s eye widened. At the very last second, he tried to glitch away, but...something happened. The magic tried to go through the doorway and the cluster of pixels, but it stopped. It glowed brighter, then started to spin, gathering into a sphere that only spun faster and faster. Anti’s pixels were caught up in the magic’s orbit, swirling around it and speeding up as it did. The magic let out a low whine that grew higher in pitch until it was almost out of the range of human hearing, then it shattered. A wave of color and noise and indescribably bright light burst out, tearing through the glass cases, hurling anything not rooted to the ground away from the doorway in a circle. Including Marvin, whose head hit the far wall with a thud before he slid to the ground.

Anti reformed slowly, clusters of pixels becoming shapes, clumps of shapes becoming limbs and then finally a body. He was laying face down on the floor, eye closed. Standing would take too much energy. What the fuck just happened? First Marvin hit him with a new spell that messed with his head, basically slowing his thoughts down, then he got stuck in that weird doorway. He didn’t even mean to, it was just that the moment he was standing in it, he got this overwhelming feeling that he should not go through unnatural stop do not that added more fuckery to his head. And then Marvin, like an idiot, had attacked him. And he, like an idiot, glitched away. The combination of Marvin’s black magic and Anti’s own must have...done something. He wasn’t sure what, but it had apparently drained him.

“Now what do we have here?”

Anti’s eye fluttered open. That voice...it sounded a bit like Marvin, but since when was Marvin the type to say something so sinister and cliche? With some effort, Anti lifted his head up and turned it towards the voice. And there, he saw a man who looked almost like Marvin, but with some key differences. He’d upgraded from a dress shirt to a full suit, and his cape was flickering with static, which made Anti feel strangely offended. The man wore half of a white cat mask, and one of his eyes glowed bright green while the other was dull and lifeless. There was magic dancing around his clawed hands, but it was green instead of purple.

The man looked at Anti, watching him glitch wildly for a moment. “You didn’t tell me you had a new trick, Alt.”

“W̛h̸o̡ ̧t̨h̢e ̷fu͢c̢k is ̷Al͢t?” Anti pushed himself into a kneeling position.

For a split second, the man looked surprised. But he quickly buried it. “You can’t fool me.” The man stalked forward, grabbing Anti by his scarf and pulling him into an upright position. “You think a change of clothes and a new location would be able to hide you from me? I’m afraid you're wrong. Though I'm very interested in how you managed to pull that off.”

Anti scowled. “Loo͏k,͝ H̡ou͠d͢ini,̵ I d͢o̕ń't ķnow͏ ́w͞h̵ơ you̸ a̢re, I ͠d̢o͝n'͏t kn̡ow who̕ ͞y̸o̕u͏ th͢i͢n͟k ̶I ̕a̷m̶,͞ àll̡ I̕ k̷now ̛i͏s tha̧t yo̢u͏'́r͢e ̴th́r͞e̕at̕e̢n̛i̧n̢g͞ m̨e̷ u͝n͠deŗ ̧a ̸v̛eil, ̵anḑ ̶it͢'̕s do̶i̕n̢g ̕n̡o̴th̷ing.”

“Is that so?” The man flexed his fingers, and the claws on his hands extended. He smiled madly. “Perhaps I believe you. But that won’t stop me from taking your other eye out. Then maybe you’ll tell me where I am.”

Anti burst out laughing, spasms of distortion running through his body. “The̛r̷e's͠ th͞e u̶nveíl̶e̵d ͡threat͞s! Go a͠h͠ead́. ̨I͢ ̶o͏n̕c̕e h̢ad͏ ͠my h̷an̛d ̨cu͞t off̷ a͞nd̡ I ͢di͏dn'͞t f̡̢̛l͞i̧̢͠ņ̀c͟h,͢ y̵ǫu t̵hink̀ ̨a meaśly̷ l̵it͞t̡l̨e̛ ey̨e iś ̢g͝ǫn̕na ge̛t a̸ ͞re͝ác͟tio͢n̸?”

The man blinked for a moment, which probably meant he was confused or too angry for words. Maybe both. But before he could retaliate, something purple started glowing in Anti’s peripheral vision. He barely had time to brace himself before both he and the other man were hit with a blast of violet magic, throwing them both a few feet across the room. Anti forced himself into a kneeling position for the second time in a minute and looked at Marvin—was the other man somehow also Marvin?—standing with his hands full of purple magic, glaring at the other man. “Who the fuck are you and why do you look like me?!” he shouted.

The man stood up. “Why do I look like you?” he repeated, scowling. “I think you have that question backwards.” He scanned Marvin, and an understanding seemed to dawn in his eyes. “As for who I am...” He disappeared, reappearing a foot away from Marvin’s face, who jumped. He chuckled at the reaction. “...you may call me Magnificent.”

“Are you showing off?” Marvin’s eyes narrowed behind the mask. “Teleporting isn’t difficult, you know. And you say I got the question backwards when you’re the one using my old name! What are you, a copycat?” He smirked.

Magnificent growled. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Well, you do have power, weak as it is. We can come to an arrangement.”

“Sorry, all my spots for allies are full right now, wait until they die,” Marvin quipped. “And that’s not an invitation for murder. Unless you want to be on the receiving end.” The purple magic flared.

Magnificent’s green flared in turn. “It wasn’t an option.” The green magic started to swirl, spirals of mesmerizing colors hovering inches from Marvin’s face. At first he balked, backing away, raising his arms with his purple magic trying to form a shield in front of him. But the longer he stared, the more his magic died. His shoulders slumped and his arms fell as he relaxed. Behind his black mask, his eyes were fixed on the lights before him.

Anti watched the entire exchange silently, not sure if he should intervene. Neither of these magicians were the kind of people he wanted to help, but it was part of his instincts at this point. Human in danger meant he had to jump in, it was a rule.

Then something flickered. Anti’s eye snapped toward it, and he felt, more than saw, someone glitch. How the...? Nobody else was supposed to be able to do that. It just wasn’t possible. Unless...

He gave one more glance to the pair of magicians. You know what? He’d let that play out. If the outcome wasn’t favorable, he’d fix it. For now, though, he had questions. Neither of the masked men noticed when he glitched away.

“That’s it,” Magnificent purred, concentrating on the face of his other self. “Just relax. Let the colors take you away.”

Marvin nodded blankly. The colors were pretty. So beautiful...He didn’t even notice the magic probes burrowing into his mind. Didn’t even realize his body was going limp, like a toy doll. Or a puppet. None of that mattered. Why would it?

“You have potential,” Magnificent said. “I can give you the power you want. The power you crave. All you have to do is wrap my strings around your wrists. That’s it. Not too difficult. And you’ll get everything you ever wanted in return.”

That sounded like a good deal. Why wouldn’t he take it? Everything he ever wanted...it didn’t matter if the only thing keeping him standing was Magnificent’s strings. It didn’t matter if there was a faint buzzing in his mind. Those things were irrelevant...and sort of welcome.

Magnificent watched as the other him’s head lolled. Perfect. Now there was one final step. Magnificent pressed his fingers to Marvin’s temple, sending a flood of dark magic down his neural paths, deep deep down. In the future, he’d just need to touch that point and he’d have a perfect puppet ready to go. Magnificent smiled as he felt his magic flowing through Marvin’s mind. But then...it hitched on something. That was the only word to describe what it felt like. There was something there, something catching on his magic. And then whatever it was changed, like flipping a switch.

Marvin’s eyes snapped wide open, glowing purple. Magnificent didn’t have time to react before Marvin grabbed his wrist, yanked his hand away from his temple, and pulsed, sending a flood of pure black magic through Magnificent’s entire body. The force of it tossed Magnificent all the way to the other side of the museum room, crashing into one of the display cases.

“Fucking mentalist mind trick motherfucking bullshit!” Marvin yelled. “I knew there was a reason I used to hate you guys!”

Magnificent clambered to his feet. That should have worked! He almost had this version of him under control, but then...what happened? It was almost like he’d—like he’d set off a trigger. One that someone else had put in there, made to go off when someone dug too deeply into this Marvin’s head. But why would anybody do that?

“Hey hypno-shit, catch!” Marvin snapped his fingers and muttered some words under his breath. A glowing purple orb hovered over his head for a moment before zooming towards Magnificent. He managed to put up a shield of glowing green just in time. The orb crashed into the shield with an audible crack, bursting into what looked almost like liquid that splashed across the green magic, eating away at it. Magnificent gritted his teeth, then dropped the shield and disappeared, reappearing behind Marvin.

“You think you stand a chance against me?” Magnificent laughed. “Well, two can play at that game.” A wave of green slammed into Marvin, throwing him into the side of the stone doorway, which was standing as still and untouched as it had been before whatever this was started.

Marvin hissed. “Yeah, but you’re on my home field. And I know something you don’t.” Magnificent was standing near one of the display cases. The glass had been shattered by the blast, but the artifacts were undamaged. Not for long. Marvin sent one of the pointslice spells at a gold bracelet that was giving off particularly strong vibes. The moment it made contact, the bracelet vibrated intensely before exploding, pieces of gold blasting outward. In just a few seconds all the nearby artifacts were bursting as well, sending shards of hot metal and stone everywhere. Magnificent barely had time to cover his head before he was caught in the chain reaction, shards slicing into his skin and lodging there. He muffled his cry of pain. Can’t show weakness.

Marvin laughs. “I have potential, you say? A bit more than that, I fucking think! Here, why don’t I show some of my tricks?” A few muttered words, and suddenly a wheel of purple sparks was whizzing about the room, streams of violet cutting through the columns and displays like burning knives. It headed straight toward Magnificent.

The magician leaped out of the way, and the wheel flew past him, only for it to course correct and head right back towards him. Magnificent shot a bolt of green magic toward it, but the wheel split into two when the bolt hit it, and the two new ones were still zooming towards his face. Magnificent didn’t want to admit it, but he was starting to get nervous. He disappeared just before the wheels hit him.

“Aw, what’s wrong, Mag? Never seen an Insentro wheel before?” Marvin jeered. “Did you put all your effort into fancy mentalist shit and nothing practical?” He flicked his wrist, and the wheels stopped, slowly spinning in the air like a dog searching for a scent. “Also did I mention that advanced forms of the spell can seek out living creatures?”

Suddenly, the wheels bolted toward one of the columns, homing in on something invisible to the eye. They sliced through the column and something flared a dark green. The wheels hit the green, exploding into fire that quickly died out. Magnificent flickered into view, the shield he put up at the last minute almost spent. He glared at Marvin. “Your spells will have to be stronger than that.”

“Hey, you want some free advice? Never say that, you’re just asking for it.” Marvin cupped his two hands into a ball shape. Between them, a sphere of bright pink-purple light grew into existence. “And this is the it you asked for.” He threw the sphere in Magnificent’s direction. It gained speed and size remarkably quickly, little branches of lightning shooting off like a miniature comet. Magnificent barely had time to reinforce his shield before the comet became a supernova, filling up nearly half the room with buzzing purple magic that attacked the nearest surface. The frenzy lasted for about five seconds before it suddenly winked out of existence. And when it vanished, Marvin couldn’t see any sign of Magnificent.

Normally that would have been a victory, but this guy was apparently very adapt at teleportation. Marvin was tempted to go looking for him...but he forced himself to admit he was pretty drained. That Mun’iquo Steturit was supposed to be a last resort type spell, and he’d busted it out at the end there anyway. Magical exhaustion was working away at his brain, slowing his reflexes and giving him a pounding headache. He felt like he could sleep for days...no, it would be a bad idea to go after Magnificent just now. He could actually lose. Marvin yawned, looking around the museum exhibit at the absolute destruction the fight had caused. No doubt the curator would be wondering what had sliced right through solid stone columns, or caused half the artifact collection to fall apart. Speaking of which...there were some artifacts left untouched that were still giving off powerful magical signatures. Marvin grabbed a few of them. Couldn’t let this trip be a total waste. Then, with one last scan to make sure the other magician wasn’t to be seen, Marvin disappeared in a puff of smoke.

In the hallway outside the room, Magnificent did a quick overview of his wounds. What kind of spells did the other him have? He’d never seen anything even remotely like that last attack. Either this version of him was seriously powerful, or this world—by now he was sure he was in a different world—had a different form of magic. But whichever one it was didn’t matter in the long run. The other him had still managed to slice him up with those exploding artifacts, almost burn him with those wheels, throw him across the room twice, and cook him with that last spell. His entire body stung, feeling like it had been dunked in boiling water on top of the slices. And he almost had him too! That was what hurt the most. Magnificent sorely wanted to go back and make the other him pay, but he was in no shape to do so. He’d have to recuperate, make a new plan.

But eventually, the other him would be his. Or he’d be dead. And Magnificent would have a whole new world to play with.

Alt wasn’t sure where he was. He didn’t recognize this part of town. Last thing he knew, he’d been running away from Magnificent, again, then there’d been a bright, colorful light and a loud noise, and suddenly he was in a fancy museum-looking place. He’d been quick to duck to the edges of the room, scared that this was some new trick of the magician’s, but Magnificent had mistaken someone else for him...someone who also glitched. How was that possible? He thought he was the only one who could do that. Obviously he wasn’t the only person in the world with powers, Bro Fantastic was a prime example of that, but glitching...

He’d managed to escape when that other man showed up, the one who looked and sounded eerily like Magnificent, and now he was running though the streets, trying to find a way to his apartment—or at this point, any familiar place. He couldn’t find any of the streets or landmarks he knew.

Someone appeared in front of him. No, someone glitched in front of him. Was that really what it looked like? Alt skidded to a halt. It was that guy, the one from the museum-type place, the one who Magnificent threatened and he just laughed in response. He actually looked a bit like Alt himself, if Alt lost his jacket, traded his bandanna for a scarf and an eye-patch, and surgically removed his freckles. His glitches also seemed...different, somehow. Alt’s were often green or other vibrant colors, pixels floating in a cloud around him. But this guys’ were mostly white and grey with the occasional green, and they were actually coming off of him. “What̢ ̢a̴re̕ y̵o̕u?” the guy asked. His voice sounded like a broken computer.

“I don’t know, dumbass,” Alt growled. “The guy who’s about to shove his fist down your throat if you don’t get out of my way?”

“Rea̶l͡ cr͞ea̛t͡i͞v́è th̴ęr͞e.” The guy rolled his eye. “H̡o̶w o͝ld̴ ͢ar͞e ̵yo̡u?̢ ̶Fi͞f̵t̵eȩn̸?”

Alt felt a surge of rage. He didn’t care if this guy was also a glitcher, he didn’t care if he somehow looked like him, he wanted this asshole to leave him alone. He clenched his fists, green electricity arcing around them. “Ì̡͝ ̛͟͝ẁá͟s̸̕ ̵̛s̵̀eri̶̸o̸us͠ ab͢o̕͠u̡͡t̛ ̷͡th̛a̶̢t.” He lunged towards the guy, glitching lending him speed as he swung a fist towards his head. It connected with a solid crack and the snap of electricity.

The other dude fell backwards onto the ground. But he was immediately back up again. “Cáre̴f̸u͠l ̀w͟i̧t̶h ̨t͡h́at,” he said as if he hadn’t just been decked in the face. “You could really h̶úŕt͠ someone.”

“That’s the point!” Alt yelled. “You, for example!”

The guy chuckled. “Ǹo͞.”

The fuck did that mean?! Alt’s glitches intensified. “L̡̛é́͞ąv̶͟e̵ ̷͠͞me á͏l͡o̴n��̢ę̵ ̀͢b̵̢e͟͟͏fǫ͟͢r̀ę ̸̛I̕ ́m̢a̢̕ke̢͏ ̛y̨͟o͏̨u̢͢͡.”

“With what? Your lit̸t̷ļe̸ ļi͏gh͠t͟ning̵?” There had never before been a pair of words that filled Alt with as much anger as he was feeling now. A surge of green shot out from him in a wave, but the other guy didn’t even flinch. “You have a good swing, and you’re stronger than you look, but t̵h̛at̶?” The guy shrugged. “Could damage a human, but to me it’s m͠o͢r̵é ͝of a̷ b͡oo̴s̕t than anything.” He glitched away before Alt could attempt another attack, reappearing on the roof of one of the nearby one-story buildings.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” Alt shouted.

The guy stared down at him. He...wasn’t blinking. At all. “I want to know how you’re doing that. I think you’re húm̨an͝, but in my experience organic matter can’t glitch. At least, not we͝ll. Or s̶a̕fe̛l͞y͠. And then, I want to make sure you know w͟her̀e ̧th̶e͢ ͏hel̶l͡ you’re going.”

Wait...was this guy offering to help? Yeah, no. In Alt’s experience, people who insulted you and then tried to help you out were bad news. “Thanks, but no thanks.” He turned away, starting down the road. “I can figure it out on my own!”

The guy laughed. “Oh, yeah, good luck making it in this city. Choose your fate: would you prefer to be s̢hot,͟ bea̸t͠én t͞o ͞d̨ea̛th, torn͏ ͠òp̛en̸, ͝bùr̕n̢e̵d̷ ͏alive,͡ o̷r ͡h͞ypno̷t̷izèd?” When Alt didn’t turn around, he raised his voice. “I know you’re not from a̵ro͠u͏nd ͝her͟e͟, kid! Or maybe you just live under a rock! Otherwise you’d know that the only people walking around at one in the morning are either c̵ŕi͟m̸in̨a̢l̷s or v͞ìct̴im͠s̸. It’s really fucking stupid to go out on your own!”

Alt spun back around. “If you’re so eager to keep me safe then stop yelling shit at me!”

“Y̛ou͟ ̶s̛tar̵te͡d i̵t!” He either didn’t notice or didn’t care how childish that sounded. “But alright, let’s start over. I’m called A̢n̕ti, and you are?”

Alt froze. “What did you say?”

“I said I’m called Anti.” His eyes narrowed. “Why? Sound fa̷mil̕i̴a̶r͠?”

Alt’s breathing quickened. “Is this—is this another one of Magnificent’s tricks? Do you work for him?!”

“That half-cat-faced b͏l̴ac̷k̵ ͢mągįc di̴p̷shi̢t? Fuck no.”

“You’re lying!” Alt screamed. “How else would you know?! How do you know my real name?!”

Anti’s eye widened. In an instant, he was back on the ground. “That’s your name?” he breathed. “That’s impossible.”

Alt began backing up, looking up and down the street for the tell-tale glowing eye of the magician. “I—I won’t go back to him! You can’t make me!” His glitches sprung up around him, and he almost felt like he was in two places at once.

“I’m not gonna fucking—! Look, my full name is A͢n̷t̷i͞s̀ep̛tìceye, that can’t possibly be yours. Right?”

That even sounded made-up. Alt couldn’t see any sign of Magnificent, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t there. He made a split-second decision and glitched away, reappearing down the street. He took off, a combination of flat sprinting and glitching making a wild route away until he was even more lost then he already was.

“Hey wait!” Anti almost ran after him, but stopped. This kid—didn’t matter how old he was, compared to Anti he was a child in age—clearly didn’t trust him, and probably wouldn’t listen to a word he said. Maybe he shouldn’t have retaliated when he called him a dumbass. If he didn’t hate his temper sometimes... whatever, what’s done is done. He’d fucked it up. The kid was never going to let him come within three feet of him now, let alone answer his questions.

Part of him wanted to just show the kid how dangerous this city was, but most of him balked at that idea. After all, how was he supposed to figure out what this kid was if the kid was dead? Anti smiled. Luckily, if there was one thing this city had, it was cameras. Businesses had them, the streets had them, even people had them on their phones. He’d just watch the kid, see what he did. If he got into trouble, he’d get him out. Maybe then he’d listen to him.

And with one final burst of pixels, Anti vanished. Worlds had collided tonight, and only time would tell what would happen next, if anything did.

#see i think the difference is that i!marvin is more combat-oriented in spells and magnificent is mostly mind tricks #also i!marvin has four others that he (sometimes reluctantly) works with so he's got a support system while mag is pretty alone here #also alt and anti being just awful to each other is really great its fun dialogue to write i thank the rp huffle and i did for inspiration #let me know if you want a second crossover episode this was really fun to write so i left it open on purpose #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #septics inverted au #marvin the magnificent #antisepticeye #swapboys #invertedau #brigid writes fanfiction

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hideyoshineki · 6 years ago

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Writers Reflections: Tag Meme

I was tagged by @oathkeeperoxas my ultimate writing senpai uwu ❤💛❤

Rules: answer the following questions about your own writing, whether fanfic or original. If you can't/don't want to answer a question, just put N/A. If you don't have that many posted works, tell us about your WIPs or individual chapters/drabbles or even your ideas! Then tag as many writers as you like :)

AO3 name and link, if applicable: angeltrumpets

What's your most popular fic, by whatever metric is most relevant to you (hits, kudos, comments, reblogs, some other trait)?:

By Any Other Name is the most popular on AO3, but it's the only fic of mine that isn't a oneshot and it's also a soulmate AU (Hdkn from TG) so that just kinda automatically makes it more popular than my other fics.

On tumblr tho, my most popular fic has easily been A Source of Warmth, which as of now has 87 notes. It's a Hdkn TG oneshot I posted when the fandom was at its peak in 2015, however about a year ago it got a bunch more notes like a sudden attention and idk why but it was unexpected that's for sure.

What's your favourite fic that you've written?

Hmmmmmm Dancing Fireflies is my favourite in terms of the context behind it and how much damn fun it was to write, because it's a crack fic, but treated seriously, which made it more fun to write, and I also like going back and reading it again. It's also the fic with the most entertaining comments.

What's your best fic, and is it different from your favourite fic?

Recurring Illusions. It's the most recent thing I've written. (Hdkn oneshot, angst, an excuse for me to never stop being owned by Chapter 136). It really does FEEL like my best fic, as in I had a really good feeling as I was writing it! I was doing a lot that I hadn't written before, and I worked really hard on it! It came out really good!

Unfortunately because the fic is tagged with Graphic Violence and Implied Character Death, not many people are clicking to read it, but I expected that. The Graphic Violence was actually one of the things that was new to me, because most of my writing is very.... hmm uneventful? Like nothing big happens in most of my oneshots. Whereas here it was like Im writing a scene where he's killing people or eating people here how does that get written. Especilly the eating. I am very proud of the eating part of the oneshot especially because I pushed myself to go further with it and not shy away from details. I also am proud of the choices I made when writing it to display what state of mind Kaneki was in at certain parts.

Do you have a fic whose popularity surprised you?

OMG YES!!??!! Coffee And Thieves!! It's my second most viewed and kudosed fic on AO3 and I'm ????? like I'm still lost!!!!! It was a secret santa fic I wrote of the Amon/Hide/Kaneki poly ship and its popularity confuses me for two reasons: 1) I had no idea this many people would be clicking on it and reading it because honestly it's a super rare ship especially being a poly ship and I wouldn't have even known of its existence if it weren't for who I was gifting the fic to! But apparently more people are looking to read the ship than I thought! And 2) quality of writing wise it's more simplistic than some of my other fics. Like it's just fluff and I know people like reading that but it also means there's less room to like... show-off writing capabilities, you feel? Altho again, it's not like people are looking for that when it comes to fluff.

Do you have a fic you wish more people would read?

THE WITCH'S SERVANT! It's easily the oneshot I spent the most time on like I posted it months after starting it because I spent so long getting it right and soooooooo many hours working it out. But yeah it got comparatively much less attention than my other Hdkn fics. But I am still proud of it because I worked really hard on it and I got to write up what I wanted, which was the play that Hide and Kaneki brought up in the series. I wanted to look more into that and write about it, because I had seen meta and theory writers talk about Hide and Kaneki's roles in that play in relation to their roles in the overall story of TG, so I tried to integrate a little of that meta into the fic. I also included dialogue from the unused draft from the last ep from Root A in the fic. So there was a lot I was putting in, and yeah while it's a shame it didn't get more attention, I'm still happy with it and proud of it.

Is there a ship or fandom you haven't written, but really want to?

I have been wanting to write Reigisa from Free since fckn 2014. Every year I have been like "This is the year I contribute to Reigisa Week" and then I don't. And since Ive been with the ship for a long time and seen a lot of it, I feel like I know the characters and ship dynamic well enough to be comfortable writing it. But yeah Ive never gotten around to completely writing anything. Ive started a few, but they had always ended up abandoned.

Tell us a random fact about your writing process:

Ok so Im slow as shit right, like my multichapter fic from earlier has 2 chapters written and I started the fic in March this year so lol i know slowness and going ages without writing is common with a lot of writers tho

Usually what gets me going is a song putting me in a mood. Often the song won't match the mood of the fic I'm writing, as it'll almost always be a more angsty emotional song that gets me motivated, even if what I'm writing is not emotional at all. It just makes me feel like I can get things out more easily and write more interestingly.

I also save my writing docs in dropbox so I can always add to it either on my laptop or phone whenever I feel like it and it's synced up, but it never really ends up that way because nothing happens when I try to write on my phone I'm rarely able to write without the laptop setup.

Tagging @akaaka04 because Red ur the only mutual who first came to mind when I was thinking of mutuals rn who write, anyone else I can think of I'm either not mutuals with or I don't know for sure if they write or not. Sorry if I'm forgetting someone

#tagged #long post

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fuckyeahkillianemma · 5 years ago

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OMG! thank you so much for let me know about your fic and tagged me bc I’m always so lost about fics! LOL!

I have to say that at the beginning was kinda hard for me to read it bc my brain relates you to rhekker, so in the beginning it felt strange (if you know what I mean), but the sentiment happened after a few seconds and as I was reading I could only think: DUDE! this is why she is one of my favorite writers in this whole fandom!!! (Just you and hailey-halstead/corgidaisies are my fav writers) And I'm not trying to be a toady, you both are really great and nobody can change my mind. And if someone thinks otherwise, they can come and fight me. LOL

I always try to be in order when I give my reviews because if I don't, I lose myself in my thoughts, but I need to put this first:

“Because I love you, that’s why!” He shouted back in frustration; his muscles coiled up with tension.

Hailey didn’t allow enough time for his words to sink in or for her to think about what she was about to say before she was yelling back, “Well, I love you too! Why do you think I’m so upset that you almost got killed trying to save me!?”

The room fell silent, their heavy breathing loud as the tension from the last few months rolled off of them in waves, pulsing between them. Their eyes were locked, saying all the things that they’d been trying to say ever since Kelton. Ever since the hospital. Fire and passion in both their gazes.

And then he was kissing her.

THIS! OMG ITS JUST SO RIGHT AND WELL DONE! and I'm tearing.

It's just so them. Arguing over Jay recklessness, Hailey not knowing what to do with him and annoyed bc of that, but also scared of losing him (as always after he has some verge of death). Them in their almost natural habitat: fighting -bc they love to fight, not as much as rhekker but good lord, they argue way too much too.-

Ugh, what I like most about this is that I can actually see this situ happening in CPD, just like that -actually not, knowing cpd writers and how envious and stingy they are with their dialogues, surely they would give us fewer words, so this is better- LOL!

He set his jaw, gesturing in frustration, “The hell I do! I’m your partner. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe.”

and:

But she could read Jay well enough to know that he was having the same thoughts except he was trying to do something about it. He was a man of action who always wore his heart on his sleeve whether he wanted to or not in all situations, including this one.

SHUT UP! This is so Jay, like i can actually see protective Jay saying that in the show, and it's so Hailey and so both of them that i can't even say how much i loved these tiny little segments, and i dunno why!

That a friendship like theirs was priceless and in between all of that pushing and support and those late-night drinks and the smiles and laughter, the stakeouts and undercover assignments and shoot-outs and all of the trust and affection it all led to this. To now. To something so undeniable there was no going back.

It was because they were both terrified to lose the best thing that had ever happened to them.

UPSTEAD IN TWO PARAGRAPHS! ...and then you gave me this:

“Just maybe try to be a little more careful and maybe tell your partner who loves you very much about the things she should probably know in order to save your ass. Okay?”

Jay chuckled, his arms moving to hold her torso, hands resting loosely on her lower back, “I promise.”

I CAN’T explain to you HOW MUCH I FANGIRL over this. And i want to cry my eyes out bc i want this to finally happen.

You nailed it. It's your first upstead fic and it was great. NAILED IT! i really love it so much and i’m so eager to read all your other fics! like: SERIOUSLY!!! i love them as much as i love your rhekker ones. You’re awesome.

Out off character? Not really! This is the thing (in my humble opinion): I think no one in the fandom is going to be able to write Hailey and Jay (as a couple) in an accurate way until we actually see them together on the show. Bc even if we have already seen Jay in a relationship before (with Erin), that cannot give us a clue of how it will be with Hailey bc his relationship with her is way deeper, he is way more open about his feelings, and their relationship it's in another complete lever (coming this from a former Linstead fan). If we compare the reaction of your Jay with Jay s4 (tv version) I would say that your Jay was too deep, but he is like that with Hailey, he is just so much open, so for me you nailed it. Same with Hailey, we have only seen her in her relationship with Adam... and i mean, clear as water that will obviously be very different with her bae (Jay), so it was great for me <i could have only written that you nailed it, but you know i love write my opinions (that nobody asks for) way too much. This is why i put this in the end so whatever.THANK U for another amazing story!

Upstead Fic

Finally, FINALLY, I got one of my multitude of upstead fics finished! I really hope you like it and please, please, give a comment! I live for them😊

Prompt: Upstead one shot of their confession/first kiss. I like the idea of it happening after a heated argument.

Thank you so much @ashesisme for the prompt! Loved this idea and had so much fun writing it! I hope you find it satisfactory!

I’m also tagging @fuckyeahkillianemma because she’s so sweet and she asked me too😍 I feel like some other people asked me to tag them but I can not remember for the life of me so, I’m super sorry if I forgot you! Keep telling me and maybe I’ll remember😂

Please enjoy!

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westfallingforchaol · 8 years ago

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Salaam! I’ve started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle. So, no more apologies. Just that school started, and it’s already kicking my ass. Also, my laptop broke down- I have no clue what happened. One day, it just up and decided to become stupid, and I couldn’t use it for about a week and a half. That happened. But I got it back this afternoon, so I thought I’d start off by doing a much-needed January wrap-up.

Even though I wasn’t blogging much, January was a pretty decent reading month for me. I read a total of 8 books, which is good since I wasn’t reading anything at all the past couple of months. Quality-wise, you probably know how I am by now… it goes up and down. For the most part, the books I read ranged from good to pretty good, and that’s honestly all I can ask, ha. I did read something awful though, but more on that later.

Personal

So… guess who I met? If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you might be unaware of this but I met Zayn a week or so ago. I love him to death- I think he’s both an incredible artist and an incredible human being. I was never a One Direction fan, but I distinctly remember thinking that Zayn was super attractive and had a unique voice; when he went solo, I really began to pay attention to him. Almost a year after his album release, I still listen to his songs almost every single day. I’ve binge-watched interviews and videos and stalked his social media, and he’s such a humble, grounded, adorable person.

Meeting him was incredible. He was so gracious and lovely; when I was taking a photo with him, my hand was shaking out of nerves so he reached out and steadied my phone. He was so kind to all his fans… and just in case you’re wondering, yes, he’s just as attractive in real life. :)

I also saw one of my favorite bands live! I’ve seen Kings of Leon live once before back in 2014, and they’re so incredible that I couldn’t possibly miss their 2017 tour. Protip: there are two things you need to do in your life:

See a rock concert in Madison Square Garden

See Kings of Leon on tour

I won’t pretend like I’ve seen a ton of concerts, but I’ve been to a few big rock ones, and there’s something that sets Kings of Leon apart from the rest. They make sure their fans get their money’s worth of performances. They performed 28 songs. One after the other with minimal pauses in between- so energizing, so rapid-fire but so, so good. If you like even just a couple of their songs, I’d highly recommend seeing them live. Despite not being my favorite band of all-time (that crown goes to Linkin Park) I still prefer their concerts over anybody else’s.

On Choosing a Different Path for Myself

Some of you might know this already, but I’m studying Applied Psychology at NYU. I just started the second semester of my junior year, which means I’ll be graduating in just over a year- which is insane just to think about. But I’ve decided that I want to switch…

Well, not really “switch” per se, but do something more advanced. Which is medicine! Surprise, surprise. When I went to Los Angeles over the winter break, I had a talk with a couple of my relatives, both of whom are psychiatrists. By talking to them and their constant affirmations that I was born to go into medicine, I started thinking. What do I want from my life? What do I want out of my career? And you might judge me for this, and I know this is probably why I’ve been sorted into Slytherin my entire life- I want to be successful. I want to be rich, lol, and I want to work for the money I earn. I want to travel. I want a good house, and a nice car. I want to be able to give my parents the chance to retire and sit back and relax while I am able to fulfill their needs. I want to buy stuff without looking at the price-tag, and I want to be able to give to causes that I support without compromising my day-to-day actions for lack of finances.

But that’s not just it. I wanted to become a psychologist so I could help South Asian youth who suffer from mental illnesses and are stigmatized and dehumanized. And I can do that. I can do that if I become a psychiatrist. I can do something good all while making a decent life for myself and my family. It’s going to take many extra years, particularly because I’ll have to take an extra year after my undergraduate to fulfill my pre-med requirements. But that’s a cost I’m willing to pay, you know? It was a scary decision to make. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m still not sure I have the brains to get into med school, but you know. I’ll go down with everything I’ve got. It’s honestly a little terrifying, but I’ve enrolled for the first class that’ll help me get there, and I’m ready.

But that’s all I’m going to ramble about. You came here for a reading wrap-up, so here it is!

Reading Wrap-Up

Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon | 1.5 stars | Review

This rating may come as a surprise to many, but I really disliked this book – not because the technical aspects were bad, but because the themes were so offensive that it didn’t sit well with me. I was enjoying it at first; the fun additions of notes and charts and illustrations added character, and I was interested in the character’s experience with her disability. But then the love interest was introduced, which made the book extremely insta-lovey, and that was also when the ableist themes came into play. This book was one big message of: you can’t be happy and you can’t have a normal love-life if you have a disability. Which is wrong on so many levels and completely downplays the experiences of so many. I explain it better in my review, so if you’re interested in learning more, check that out!

Goodreads | Amazon

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo | 3.5 stars | Review

I had high hopes for this book, and for the most part, it did not disappoint. The main character was immediately likable, and you fully empathized with her desire to move on from a traumatic event and to fit in with a new group of people. My favorite aspect of the book was definitely her topsy-turvy relationship with her father; the nuance and complexity of their dynamic definitely added an extra layer to the otherwise happy book. I also thought that the romance was incredibly cute, even though I thought it was a little insta-lovey. Also, let’s talk about how little attention is given to great female friendships in YA- if you’re looking for a good female-friendship dynamic, check this book out. Trigger warning for transphobia, depression, suicide attempt and outing.

Goodreads | Amazon

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire | 2.5 stars

I had very mixed feelings about this book; on one hand, I thought the world-building was incredible. Or rather, the potential for the world-building was incredible. Conceptually, the book was so strong, but I felt that a lot of the potential was wasted in execution. A ton of the world-building happens through dialogue rather than actual action. Which really bummed me out and kept me from enjoying the book. The characters fell flat for me too. I did, however, really enjoy the balance between whimsy and dark; I thought the plot was brilliant, and had it been carried out better, it would’ve definitely gotten a higher rating from me. Look out for my full review!

Goodreads | Amazon

Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom | 4 stars

This was perhaps my favorite book of the month, which was a surprise because I didn’t know what to expect when I went into it. I’ve only ever read one other book with a blind protagonist, and this one was completely different in tone from that one. I was wary at first because the protagonist is so bitter and mean and sarcastic, and I approached it with caution because it seemed to give off the vibe that she was that way because she lost her sight. But as the story progressed, as the main character developed and grew through relationships and interactions with the people around her, as she learned more about her past and her life and came to terms with her vulnerabilities, the beauty of the book came to light. It was truly a beautiful book, and another one with really amazing female friendships. Definitely a must-read! And look out for my review!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Young Elites & The Rose Society by Marie Lu | 3.5 stars each

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So, I know I’m late to the game, and I know everyone and their mother loves this series- and I understand why. Even though I didn’t give either book a great rating, I really enjoyed them both and am definitely looking forward to the finale. I think what makes this series stand out so starkly amongst its peers is the fact that it’s basically a villain’s coming-to-power story and then I’m guessing her subsequent downfall. I love the complexity of Adelina’s character; I enjoy how you empathize with her but also constantly criticize her choices because she’s going too far. I love the world-building, and the writing’s solid. I sometimes feel that the secondary characters feel flat, and also that Adelina’s still too likable to be called a villain. I want to see her pushed further so I can fully give her the label of villain, because I don’t think she’s there yet. Which was my main gripe with the second book. I won’t be doing an individual review for each book, but I’ll do a joint review for the trilogy!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace (ARC) | 3.5 stars

I don’t read a ton of poetry, but I picked this one up because I’m mutuals with the author on Twitter, and it won an award, and it’s been getting a ton of hype. It’s basically word porn. I think a lot of the poems in this are incredibly relatable; it covers topics like mental health, body image, family dynamics, loss and death, abusive relationships, moving on, self-love, feminism and strength. A lot of the values I hold myself were reflected in this, and Lovelace definitely has a way with weaving words together so that they say a lot in very few characters. I enjoyed the first two parts of the book much, much more than the last one- which I felt was a little dragged and didn’t fit in with the tone of the other parts. But if you’re looking to get into poetry and aren’t sure where to start, check this out.

Goodreads | Amazon

Life in a Fishbowl (ARC) by Len Vlahos | 3 stars

Okay, so let me preface this by saying that the premise of this book is very misleading. The reality television aspect of it doesn’t come into play until well past the 30 or 40% mark- and believe it or not, I was really, really enjoying the book before the TV part was introduced. Definitely the strongest feature of the book is the writing. Vlahos is incredibly gifted; he’s clearly honed and polished his voice to perfection. It’s snarky, it’s intelligent, it’s satirical and hilarious and also surprisingly simple. Just reading his words made the experience delightful. His decision to tell the story from approximately eight perspectives was a gutsy move, but he pulled it off. The relationships, the themes were all spot on. It’s just that the storyline began to drag after the 60% mark, and the characters didn’t undergo any development, which I would have really liked to see. Even so, this was such a fun, fast-paced book, and I’d recommend it to anyone. Full review to come!

Goodreads | Amazon

Blogging

So, I’ve talked a little already about how I basically failed at blogging this month- I’ve never been so far behind my reviews. Because blogging sucked so much, I’m not going to do a post-to-post wrap-up like I usually do. But I’ll just leave a link to the Diversity Bingo 2017 event that I, and a few other friends are hosting. It’s basically a year-long reading event where you need to read 36 books that fit into a bingo sheet, each fulfilling a facet of diversity. You can find more information (and my TBR) here.

I also compiled a list of the diverse books releasing between January and June of this year. I know that I could have really used a masterlist, and in compiling it, I introduced myself to so many awesome-sounding books. If you’d like to check it out (and share, if you can please!), you can do so right over here.

The last post I’ll feature is my top 10 books of 2016. If you’re interested in seeing what the standouts of last year were, you can check them out here.

Also, I’m making a massive change to the blog- something that I think is important for my sanity, ha. I’m getting a co-blogger! I’ve already spoken to someone about it; she’s a friend that I got to know over Twitter. She’s incredible- kind, open-minded, thoughtful and just super wonderful in general. I’m not going to announce who exactly it is just yet- we’ll do that together when she writes her introduction post and she can officially be integrated into the website. Which also means that a URL change is in order. I can’t have a co-blogger and keep it my name. I’ll purchase the bookshelvesandpaperbacks.com domain soon, so just a heads up!

What I’ve Been Watching and Listening To

So, y’all probably know by now that A Series of Unfortunate Events was released on Netflix, which I binge-watched and freaked out over. The books were such an integral part of my childhood, and it felt so wonderful to revisit the characters and the story. The show stays so true to the books- from the narration to the sets to the whimsical, weird, magical-realism-type tone, everything feels like home. The casting is spot-on. I love Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, and it took me some time to warm up to the children, but I love them all dearly now. Go check the trailer out:

As for music, I’m going to be fully basic and just talk about Zayn a lot more, ha. I barely listened to anything except for his new track with Taylor Swift. I really don’t like her, guys. The fact that the song is the soundtrack for Fifty Shades Darker really doesn’t help, but come on, it’s Zayn. I had to give it a try- and I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I’ve often wanted a version where it was just him singing, and guess what- yesterday, he dropped an acoustic version where it’s just him and a guitar. It’s honestly heaven-sent, and even though it was released in February, I couldn’t go without including it here. Check it out- it almost seems like a completely different song, and I haven’t listened to the original since!

So that’s it for last month’s wrap-up. I know, I had a lot to talk about- it was a busy month and a lot was happening in life. Kudos to you if you made it this far into the post. Let me know in the comments below what your month was like? As always, thanks for stopping by and happy reading!

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Wrap Up | January ’17 Salaam! I've started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

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