#i was a sponsor to a girl in poverty and we were penpals and great friends | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

firefly-fez · 2 years ago

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hank and john i love u, ur doing amazing sweetie but do u have any idea how hard it is to sound professional and respectable when im emailing charities about the p4a. i am trying so hard to make this sound like a lucrative promitional opportunity and then i have to say ‘worldsuck’ with a straight face. like its a great term and it captures the impossible persistent reality of suffering and injustice like no other but. buddy. it dont exactly have a professional flair. i am trying to establish myself as a humanitarian advocate and honestly nerdfighteria is, like, a genuinely good foundation for that kind of advocacy and volunteerism but it’s a little like i am trying to build on an admittedly very sturdy steel frame that also happens to have a million little smiley face stickers all over it. like. this isn’t technically impeding me but i am concerned im going to raise some eyebrows.

#look maybe theres a lesson in this for me to be honest #after all those years of trying to be the prefect student the perfect girl to set myself up for good things in life #the thing that actually helped me get a leg up in the direction i truly wanted to go #was not in fact the hoity toity private school culture obsessed with reputation and prestige #but a couple of heartfelt and earnest nerds with known to cover their faves in sharpie #it makes sense doesnt it?#i was a sponsor to a girl in poverty and we were penpals and great friends #and i promised myself a long time ago whatever i make of my education would be to benefit kids like her #i want to make good on that promise but i have no idea how #so for a while there i bought into the idea that i should be impressive and successful and have resources and opportunities and good grades #and be their perfect student and all but eventually #eventually i fell from grace by becoming a little more like my friend than my prestige obsessed culture is comfortable with #and i realised i had turned myself into a perfect piece of propaganda for them to wave around as an example of why you should give em money #but at my least successful i was more has more understanding more nuance and more insight into the trials of my friend and ppl like her #i should have realised it would have me branded as a class traitor that i would never learn it from the School of Prestige #i wanted to be a student and you wanted me to be impressive #you cant exploit my intellect for your propaganda anymore i will not use it for you #i will not paint over curiosity or compassion or enthusiasm any more #i am free of you / i will take all the riches you gave me / and betray you by making no profit #but give freely and generously to those you kept out of your golden gates #you thought they werent good enough for you but there is wealth that you will never know in their hearts that you cannot see #because you only think of wealth as someting you can possess #there are riches in this world beyond your pocket; false prophet #i know now that i have sold too much of myself to you #i know now that if i continue in my plight to be good enough i am drawing a line between myself and the disadvantaged #dishonour them to exhalt myself and feed them the lie that human worth is earnt won and proven by feats purposefully impossible for most #my people love to brag about being the ‘land of opportunity’ but leave out the years they spent stealing; cheating; killing; plundering #that made ‘opportunity’ impossible everywhere else #now they have the gall to applaud themselves for success and lie about winning fair and square #gaslighting to forget all the world’s history and they almost had me fooled

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