#i wanted to stay and watch a documentary about the neon's history but they were already closing

[under-the-ladder]

I'll probably check Benidorm announcement tomorrow. Today I had a lovely trip around Warsaw. Went to the parliament and was absolutely amazed by it

Visited also the Neon Museum where the music video for The Ride was filmed. The neons were too close to see them properly imo but still it's fantastic they got rescued instead of left to rot

Anyways, here are some shots I took:

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[brentwatchesmovies]

Brent’s Top 10 Movies of 2019

Scorsese is probably my favorite living filmmaker, but I’ll be honest, when I heard that Scorsese was making this movie, and *how* he was making it (heavily digital de-aged actors) I was a bit skeptical. De Niro and Pacino haven’t been turning in interesting performances in quite awhile, and Pesci came out of a decades-long retirement for the movie as well. On top of that, the first trailer released did little for me. All that to say I was an idiot to doubt the master.

Scorsese returns to the crime genre that he re-invented many times over the years, this time with the eyes of a man in his 70’s, looking back on his life and career. The movie is very long, but in my opinion, it needs the length. The viewer needs to *feel* the totality of a life, and as is his intent with The Irishman, the *consequences* of this specific life. The final hour or so of this movie feels like a culmination of Scorsese’s career in many ways. The energy and entertainment of a crime/mob epic, with the fatalism and philosophical leanings of a movie like ‘Silence’. It’s a 3.5 hour movie that I’ve already rewatched, and actively want to again, so that alone ought to speak volumes.

Harmony Korine made one of my favorite movies of the 2010’s, the neon-soaked and often misunderstood ‘Spring Breakers’, so I was already in the bag for whatever he did next. When I heard it was a freewheeling stoner comedy where Matthew Mcconaughey plays a guy named ‘Moondog’ costarring Snoop Dogg, I reserved its location on my top 10 list.

This movie doesn’t have the empty heart at its core that defines Spring Breakers, opting instead for a character study about a ‘Florida man’ poet after his life pretty much falls apart. It’s basically plotless, stumbling from one insane, borderline hallucinatory sequence to the next, but I just loved living in the world of this movie. Beach Bum almost feels like a deliriously fun VR simulation of hanging out with Matt McConaughey and his weirdo friends down in the Florida keys. This is one that probably won’t pop up on many top 10 lists but I really adore, and will surely rewatch it a dozen times in the years to come.

Let the record show, I’ve been a huge fan of Bong Joon-ho since I first saw his monster movie/family drama ‘The Host’. Some time later, he went on to make ‘Snowpiercer’, one of my favorite movies of the last decade. All that to say, I think Parasite is probably his best movie, and a true masterwork of thriller direction. It also has his usual brand of social commentary and a script filled with darkness and humor, following a South Korean tendency to juggle multiple tones throughout, sometimes all in one moment or scene.

Parasite also follows a big 2019 trend of commenting on class and social dynamics between the rich and the poor. I think that’s part of why it’s done incredibly well at the box office (especially for a Korean language film), the fact that people can relate in a huge way, regardless of which country your from. Parasite is one of the most entertaining movie viewing experiences I’ve had this year and I’d recommend everyone check it out.

If you were to ask me what the funnest movie-going experience I had in 2019 was, I’d have to pick Rian Johnson’s ‘Knives Out’. Hot off making one of the best Star Wars movies ever made (don’t @ me) Johnson decided to make a passion project in the vein of classic Agatha Christie style murder mysteries, and the results are a total blast. Filled with clever twists and turns, weaponizing the structure of murder-mysteries against the audiences expectations, it stays one step ahead of you the entire time.

Aside from the clever mystery of it all, it’s the actors performances and chemistry that really sell this thing. Jamie Lee Curtis and Toni Collette are expectedly great per usual, and Daniel Craig is having the time of his life as Mississippi private-eye Benoit Blanc, but the heart of the movie is relative newcomer Ana de Armas. She brings an emotional weight and anchor to the movie that always keeps you emotionally invested amidst the terrible, money hungry backstabbing by the other heightened characters. I hope everyone sees this movie and Johnson is able to give us another Benoit Blanc adventure somewhere down the line, I’ll be there opening day.

Nobody makes an upbeat, feel-good movie like Ari Aster does! After last years light and breezy ‘Hereditary’ (which I liked a lot but didn’t totally love) he’s back with a completely riveting and emotionally draining (not to mention horrific) masterpiece. What I connected to most in Midsommar is the journey of Dani, played incredibly by Florence Pugh. The way the film portrays the relationship between her and her dog shit boyfriend played by the (usually) charming Jack Reynor keeps you invested in every twist, perfectly paced out over the movies admittedly long runtime.

I won’t get into spoiler territory, but where this movie goes in the end is what makes this a fully 5-star movie for me. After putting you through hell, like Aster loves to do with bells on, Midsommar ends in a euphoric, psychedelic orgy of music and violence that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Midsommar rules so hard and I can’t wait for whatever twisted thing Aster cooks up next.

One of my increasingly favorite brands of movies is a finely crafted, primo slice of dad-movie cinema, and James Mangold has made one with Ford v Ferrari. The story chronicles the partnership of ex-racer and designer Carroll Shelby and racer Ken Miles as they work to make a Ford that can compete in the 24 hour race of Le Mans. Bale and Damon are a blast to watch bounce off each other and the race sequences are pretty damn thrilling, combining (what I expect is) a solid amount of great VFX with practical racing to great effect.

I also didn’t expect it to have as much to say about the struggle to create something special by passionate people and not committees while also inside the very machine that churns out products on an assembly line. Just a random note, this original movie was just put out by 20th Century Fox, now owned by Disney but that’s completely unrelated and I’m not sure why I’d even bring that up??? Anyway, I love this movie and dads, moms and everybody else should check it out.

If you saw my list last year, then it must appear like I’m some diehard Mr. Rogers fan. I don’t really have many memories watching his show as a child, but what the documentary ‘Won’t You be my Neighbor’ and this film by Marielle Heller have in common is a shared fascination of his immense empathy and character. It’s only right that America’s dad Tom Hanks should play him, and I was surprised at the end that I was able to get over his stardom and accept him as Rogers. He’s not doing a direct impersonation, and I think it’s all the better for it, instead opting for matching his soft tone and laid back movements.

On a pure emotional level, this movie was a freight train. It didn’t help that the movie covers a lot of father stuff, from losing your own to becoming one yourself (2 big boxes on the Brent bingo card). Heller’s direction is clever in its weaponizing of meta/post-modern techniques, such as one incredible fourth wall break in a diner scene. It literally breaks down the barrier between Mr. Rogers, we the audience, and the films intent to make us feel something.

I cry a lot at movies, that much is well known, but it’s rare that a movie makes me weep, and this one did. Even thinking about scenes right now, days later, my eyes are welling up with tears thinking about the messages of the movie. Mr. Rogers and his lessons of empathy and emotional understanding have rarely been as vital and important as they are right now in our world.

Robert Eggers first film ‘The Witch’ from 2015 is one of my favorite movies of this decade, possibly of all time, so my hype for his black and white, period piece two-hander ‘The Lighthouse’ was through the roof. Even with sky-high expectations, it still blew me away. With dialogue reminiscent of The Witch in its specific authenticity to its era, to the two lead actors giving all-time great performances, It was one of the most entertaining film viewing experiences I had this year.

There’s something about both of Egger’s movies that I really keyed into watching this one: his fascination with shame and the liberation from it. Where Witch was from the female perspective, Lighthouse literally has two farting, drunk men in a giant phallic symbol fighting for dominance. It’s less a horror film than his first, but still utterly engrossing, demented and specific to his singular vision. I can’t wait to see 20 more movies from this guy.

This is another big movie of 2019, like The Irishman, where you can see the director looking inward, at what his films mean and represent. It initially caught me so off guard that I really didn’t know how to feel about it, but after seeing it again, it’s one of my favorites of the year, and probably Tarantino’s filmography overall. More akin to something like Boogie Nights or Dazed and Confused, letting us live with and follow a small group of characters, it mostly doesn’t feel like a Tarantino movie (until the inevitable and shocking explosion of violence in the third act, of course).

‘Hollywood’ is the most sincere and loving movie Tarantino has made, interested in giving us a send off to an era of Hollywood and artists that have been lost or forgotten (Some more tragically than others). In the end, the movie functions similarly to ‘Inglorious Basterds’ in it’s rewriting of history to give us catharsis. “If only things could have worked out this way.” Luckily in movies, removed from the restrictions of reality, they can. And once upon a time in Hollywood, they did.

Uncut Gems probably tripled my blood pressure by the time the credits rolled. A slice-of-life story about a gambler/dealer in New York’s diamond district, the movie follows Howard Ratner, played by Adam Sandler in easily the best performance of his career. Ratner is basically addicted to living at the edge of a cliff, being chased by violent debt collectors, juggling a home life and a relationship with an employee, and fully relying on risky sports bets to stay afloat. It makes for a consistently tense and unique viewing experience, expertly directed by the Safdie brothers.

Something that might not work for everyone but that I personally loved, is the chaotic way in which the movie is shot. What feels like loosely directed scenes, with characters talking over each other and multiple conversations happening at once, adds an authenticity and reality lacking from most other movies. It’s more adjacent to Linklater (thanks to Adam for the comparison) or Scorsese’s earlier films (also fitting, that he’s a producer on this). Following Howard Ratner as his life descends into chaotic hell was one of the best times I’ve had watching a movie this year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

AVENGERS ENDGAME

DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

BOOKSMART

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3

THE FAREWELL

AD ASTRA

[acsversace-news]

Last week's episode of American Crime Story introduced Finn Wittrock as Jeffrey Trail—a sometime-close friend of Andrew Cunnan's—just moments before a jealous Cunanan brutally murdered him. This week, as the show's reverse chronology continues, Episode 5, "Don't Ask Don't Tell" delves into Trail's backstory, his troubled time in the Navy, and how he first came to befriend Cunanan. We also return to Minneapolis to chronicle the last few days before Cunanan's murder spree began. Spoiler alert: they are excruciating, and not for murder reasons.

And after two full weeks away from the Versaces, this episode reintroduces their storyline, paralleling Trail's experience with the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy with Gianni's groundbreaking decision to come out as gay in The Advocate—much to the consternation of Donatella, who's concerned this will negatively impact the business.

Here are five talking points from The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story Episode 5, "Don't Ask Don't Tell."

1) Andrew Cunanan pre-murder spree is somehow more unsettling than actual murderer Andrew Cunanan.

Look, I know this might seem like a weird stance, but at least once Cunanan flipped into murder mode, there was no ambiguity about what we were dealing with. In the four episodes we’ve seen so far, he’s a murderer, but in "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell," he is merely the most extreme Stage Five Clinger ever witnessed onscreen. His ability to completely ignore social cues and boundaries is breathtaking and deeply stressful. The portions of this episode that I spent hiding behind my hands were not the ones you’d expect; Trail trying to cut off his own tattoo is grisly, sure, but I’ll take that any day over Cunanan’s proposal of marriage to a horrified Madson, or his desperate attempts to insert himself into Madson’s life. When he yelled “Friend? I’m more than a friend!” I actually tried to crawl inside my chair. It became hard to tell the difference between Prints the dog’s whimpering and my own.

In any case, we learn that Cunanan winds up in Minneapolis because he’s run out of money in California and is living in a very creepy hovel injecting heroin between his toes. He goes to Trail because he knows Trail feels indebted to him, for reasons that become clear later in the episode. He’s also determined to lock down Madson, who he calls “the man I want to spend the rest of my life with," but Madson wants no part of him, for reasons that also become clear later in the episode.

Ultimately, Trail lets Cunanan stay at his apartment for one night of Cunanan's Minneapolis trip, while Trail is out of town on "business"—i.e., avoiding Cunanan while staying with his sister. In a deeply disquieting scene that also leads us into a flashback to Trail’s days in the Navy, Cunanan sneaks into Trail’s bedroom, goes through his closet, finds his old uniform, and just puts it on. He also steals Trail’s gun, which he will ultimately use to kill Madson, Reese, Versace, and himself. Wearing Trail’s full regalia, Cunanan watches a videotape of an old CBS News documentary about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, in which a soldier—his face in shadow—describes a harrowing experience. He saved a “closeted gay sailor” from being beaten to death, but now regrets it, because it made his colleagues suspicious that he is gay.

2) The scenes depicting Trail’s time in the Navy are some of the show’s saddest and most brutal.

Cut to two years earlier, with the revelation that that soldier speaking in the video isTrail. The opening moments of this episode have already made it clear that Trail harbors a lot of anger about leaving the Navy; in a scene from 1997, he flips out at an unsuspecting co-worker when asked why he left the Navy. Later in the episode, we see Trail save the closeted soldier from being killed, then comfort him with a hug—a moment witnessed by a mustachioed, homophobic fellow soldier. From that moment on, it’s clear to Trail that he is a target.

After hearing that another gay officer was offered an honorable discharge on the condition that he give the Navy a list of identifying tattoos on the men he’d been involved with, Trail tries to cut his tattoo off his own leg. It’s a truly harrowing scene, matched by one shortly after, in which Trail tries to hang himself, but changes his mind at the last moment. It’s seemingly right after this awful moment that Trail takes a walk into town, and ends up at a gay bar—where he meets Andrew Cunanan.

3) This episode shows us, for the first time, a genuinely charming Andrew Cunanan.

Seeing Cunanan in the past also illustrates how far he’s fallen in the present. The only thing he ever had to offer was being entertaining and charismatic, and it got him a long way. Now that he’s making everyone around him deeply uncomfortable, there’s really no way back for him.

But in this bar, it’s completely clear why Trail would be drawn to Cunanan. He’s intriguing and fun and worldly without being intimidating, and he gently makes fun of Trail’s admission that this is his first time at a gay bar. Before they start talking, Trail is so overwhelmed that he almost walks right back out of the bar, but Cunanan makes this muscular, aggressively neon-lit world seem welcoming. When Trail thanks him for “stopping this night from being a humiliation,” Cunanan responds, “I feel like I’m part of your history. You’re going to remember this moment.” Not inaccurate.

4) Gianni Versace returns… but only as a framing device for the Trail/Cunanan storyline.

We’ve all pretty much accepted at this point that despite its title, this is not a show about Gianni Versace. And after two full weeks without a single Versace on screen, Gianni’s storyline is woven back into this episode, but only peripherally. After years of never having officially confirmed his sexuality, Gianni wants to come out as gay publicly in an interview with The Advocate. But Donatella is hostile to the idea, and initially blames Gianni's partner, Antonio D'Amico, accusing him of being publicity-hungry. He claps back: “I know my place. Unlike you.”

Donatella tries to convince Gianni that coming out will impact their business both abroad—in countries where homosexuality is still illegal—and at home, where rock stars and royalty may no longer want to be associated with him. “At least we keep Elton, no?” Gianni responds, because everyone is really on their clapback game in this scene. “You live in isolation, surrounded by beauty and kindness,” Donatella tells him. “You have forgotten how ugly the world can be.”

But Gianni is determined, and so we see The Advocate interview intercut with Trail’s CBS interview; one as triumphant and moving as the other is unceremonious and bleak. Strange though it feels to agree with Cunanan on anything, he’s not wrong in what he says to Trail about his CBS interview. While the homophobic soldiers who don’t want gay people to serve in the military are in their uniforms, facing the camera proudly, Cunanan notes, the gay soldiers like Trail have to be interviewed “in the shadows, with your face distorted, like a criminal.” This is crushing because it's clear Trail didn’t get the catharsis he hoped for from the interview. In fact, it likely made things worse for him.

5) Between this episode and Get Out, Froot Loops may now officially be the chosen cereal of villains.

Cunanan is just chilling with a bowl of Froot Loops while waiting for Trail to come home. He’s not eating the cereal separately from the milk, like Allison Williams’ truly deranged Get Out character, but nevertheless, this has been a rough year for Froot Loops onscreen. Do only sociopaths enjoy this beloved cereal?

6) Trail and Madson both have specific reasons for turning on Cunanan.

The fact that Cunanan is creepy and demanding and has no boundaries played a role, probably, but we also learn two new pieces of information this week, which shed light on why these relationships soured.

Madson is getting increasingly uncomfortable with Cunanan, who ultimately proposes to him in this episode—much to Madson's discomfort.

Trail, meanwhile, is angry at Cunanan for sending a postcard to his father which effectively outed him—it was signed “Drew xx,” and while Cunanan claims it was an honest mistake, Trail's not buying it. Given his lack of boundaries and desire to control Madson’s life, neither am I.

Additionally, Trail seems to blame Cunanan for the way his life has turned out, specifically the dissolution of his military career. The details of exactly why are vague—probably because there are a lot of gaps in the known facts about this relationship—but Trail tells Cunanan that he wants his life back and wants nothing to do with Cunanan. “When I found you that night at the bar, I was there for you. I saved you,” Cunanan yells, to which Trail responds: “You destroyed me. I wish I’d never met you.” But the real kicker is when Cunanan tries to declare his (past tense) love for Trail, and Trail spits: “No one wants your love!” This, more than anything, seems to be the line that tips Cunanan over the edge into violence. A few hours after this exchange, he shows up at Madson’s loft, coerces Trail into come over by revealing that he has the gun, and then waits behind the door, claw hammer in hand.

[webcricket]

The Truth is Out There [on Netflix]

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Sam and Dean Winchester, Crowley

Word Count: 1600

A/N: One-shot written for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing Kari’s Favorite Things Challenge with prompt – The X-Files. Castiel searches for the truth of the human condition on Netflix…with a little help from his friends and a pair of fictional FBI agents who exemplify something it turns out he very much wants to believe. Off-beat humor and saccharine fluff.

The fateful day Sam instructed Castiel how to go about accessing Netflix was the day life in the bunker irrevocably changed. When not assisting with a case, the angel could reliably be found in his room binge watching yet another series, or two. You often tarried at the threshold of his ajar door on the way to bed to appreciate the television illuminated enraptured dopey smile glowing upon his normally austere features.  Frequently you surrendered to the temptation to join him, swiftly drifting to sleep listening not to the television, but to his gentle laughter. He didn’t seem to mind the company, regularly and uncomplainingly obliging the use of his shoulder as a makeshift pillow when your drowsy head rolled sideways. Generally speaking, you were happy he found something to distract him from his myriad of woes and fill his long no-sleep-required angelic nights, not to mention the perfect pretext to spend more downtime with him without drawing unwanted notice and subsequent teasing from Sam and Dean.

The angel’s initial viewing preferences mostly leaned toward comedic sitcoms and classic slap-stick thanks to Dean’s belief that Cas needed to lighten up and a worldly anecdote about laughter being the best medicine. Innocent enough suggestions until Cas spent an entire week indicating every instance wherein a laugh track insertion would be appropriate in daily life. He even downloaded an app on his phone to further illustrate the point. Dean, the recipient of the lion’s share of this attention, was not amused. The last straw came when Cas stood by during a tense alleyway confrontation with their on-again off-again ally Crowley, pointing out with a gravelly there, there, and there again whenever the King of Hell made a particularly witty retort. Grasping his friend very firmly by the shoulder, Dean informed Cas, in no uncertain terms lest the angel not understand, exactly where he could hilariously shove his proverbial laugh track. Crowley never before, or again, regarded his angelic counterpart with such high esteem as he did during that meeting.

Sam had the brilliant idea of filling the angel’s watch queue to the brim with documentaries. Castiel, already a walking celestial encyclopedia of all-encompassing universal knowledge, day-by-day became swayed by one extreme opinion after another. First, it was the evils of sugar. The angel took it upon himself one evening to smite every last granule of the substance from the kitchen while you all slept, blissfully unaware there would be no morning breakfast cereal when you awoke or sweet crystalline delight to dump into your bitter coffee. You habituated to hiding in the bathroom with the shower running to mask the sound of contented chewing to enjoy your favorite cookies free from the angel’s icy blue disapproving glare. Dean began keeping pie in the Impala’s glovebox, by happy accident discovering apple pie stored in a car sitting in direct afternoon sun was nearly as delicious as one pulled piping hot from the oven. Sam walked around with a smug grin for a whole week, soaring mood squelched only when Cas sternly questioned him about the provenance of his salad greens. Were they genetically modified? Was he aware of the pesticides used in their production and their impact on the drastically dwindling bee population? The land destroyed in the manufacture of the palm oil listed as the fifth ingredient in his favored salad dressing? Was that salmon topping his heaping bowl of wrongs wild caught, or farmed?

Amidst threats by the thoroughly vexed parent-figure Winchesters to cancel Netflix altogether and a sulking Castiel dejectedly retreating to his room like a grounded teenager, you interceded, promising the brothers you would find something totally innocuous for the angel to watch. You weren’t giving up your late night snuggle fests, that conveniently no one thus far had identified as snuggling, without a fight. Netflix received a temporary stay of execution. Stifling a victorious squeal, cloaked in a mask of utter calm, you slunk from the library to apprise Cas of the good news, pace quickening to an enthusiastic scamper when you rounded the corner out of the brothers’ sight. Neither Sam nor Dean were fooled by the feigned disinterest of your demeanor – your amorous interest in the angel practically a flashing neon sign to everyone but the aforementioned oblivious angel. They exchanged a knowing glance, punctuated by Dean’s signature smirk and Sam’s husky laughter – the socially stumbling stoical seraph was your problem now.

“There is no such thing as little green men,” Cas said, narrowing his ocean blue eyes. Nearly five seasons into a marathon viewing of The X-Files, and the angel couldn’t get past the alien mythology behind the show.

As far as you were concerned, he was missing the whole point. “Ugh,” you grunted. Sat cross-legged side-by-side with the angel on the floor at the end of the bed, you flopped against the edge of the mattress, “you do realize you sound exactly like Dana Scully. How can you be so certain, oh skeptical one?”

“Because, there is no such creature in creation,” he stated matter-of-factly, expression earnest as he peered into your exasperated aspect, “I was there almost at the dawn, and I am fairly certain God didn’t create little green men before he created angels.”

“It’s a fictional world Cas,” you lamented, “it’s not about the aliens. Ever hear of suspension of disbelief for entertainment’s sake? Mulder wants desperately to believe there is a tangible explanation for his missing sister. It’s the great unknown of his life. Speculating gives him hope, something to hold on to, to chase. He’s broken, he has made mistakes, he’s doing the best he can in an imperfect world.” You realized after the last word lilted off your tongue that perhaps Mulder’s plight might hit a bit close to home for the angel.

“I understand,” Cas murmured, bobbing his scruffy chin thoughtfully, “then you value this show not for the accurateness of its subject matter, but for its depiction of the primary characters.”

“Yes, exactly!” you beamed. “And, you know, the complexity of their relationship.”

Cas squinted, his bewilderment palpably hanging in the air between you.

You suggestively waggled your eyebrows, “You know…the tension.”

“Ah,” Cas nodded comprehension, “you mean their continually dissenting opinions.”

“No Cas,” you shook your head, “I mean the sexual tension. Mulder and Scully are madly in love.”

The angel could not have appeared more gob-smacked than if you’d suddenly sprouted an additional big blinking eye in the center of your forehead.

“Look,” you snatched the remote, “I’ll just find a program more in your wheelhouse.” Clearly enjoying fantastic multi-layered character-driven sci-fi drama was off the scale of the angel’s emotional barometer and reading between the lines was not a skill he possessed with any degree of fluency. Maybe something in the realm of mystery like Murder She Wrote was a better option? Maybe a procedural cop drama a la N.Y.P.D. Blue?

Cas’ rough palm clasped over yours to prevent you from turning the episode off. “Please,” he entreated when you met his searching sapphire regard, “explain it to me. I want to understand.”

“O-okay,” you stuttered, focus dropping to his hand still holding yours.

He sheepishly withdrew the interloping appendage to rest in his lap.

“Um, it’s, uh,” you gaped, endeavoring to rally your thoughts beyond the lingering warmth of his touch tingling your fingers.

“I recognize they deeply respect one another,” the angel offered.

You nodded.

“And they would do anything to help one another,” he continued.

You kept nodding.

“And they make great personal and professional sacrifices to remain together as partners,” the tone of his voice rose, suggesting the waters of his perception here became muddied.

You looked to be exuberantly auditioning for the part of a life-sized bobble-head figurine.

“Yet they seem to me to be no more than friends,” he sighed, slouching against the bed in defeat of his own reasoning.

You reigned in your wildly bobbing noodle to articulate a reply, “For a long time they value their friendship too much to risk complicating it, but that doesn’t mean they love each other any less fiercely.”

“For a long time?” Cas lifted a brow askance.

“Spoiler warning,” you cautioned, “their relationship does become romantic, but as it turns out they were always much better friends. They each have a lot of baggage,” you paused, remembering to clarify so the angel didn’t think you were talking about literal luggage, “I mean, they bring a lot of pained history to the relationship, and it ultimately prevents them from being together that way.”

“And do they regret complicating their friendship with…with this romance?” Cas stared intently at you – oddly eager, in your estimation, for your answer.

You deliberated on your interpretation for a moment, taking into account the movies and the revival season in your verdict, “The way I see it?”

Cas nodded once, blue eyes glinting beneath an increasingly concentrated brow.

“No.”

Features relaxing, he sucked in a relieved, and for an angel, completely unnecessary breath.

“Why do you ask?” you motioned to set the remote on the floor between your bodies.

Cas caught up your hand in his again as you let the remote drop. Twining his fingers through yours, he waited for you to meet his openly adoring gaze before answering, “Because now seems like an appropriate time to tell you I value our friendship…very much.”

“I value our…oh,” your tongue seized, brain playing catch-up to the tender but insistent squeeze of his fingers. “Fiercely?” you whispered, agog.

“Fiercely,” he acknowledged. A soft smile curving his lips, he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your astonished mouth.

[marriagebase]

13 Anthony Bourdain Quotes And What They Mean to Me as a Travel Addict

Anthony Bourdain was one of those unique people that found a way to inspire people from all walks of life. Whether you were a foodie, a filmmaker, a photographer, a writer, a speaker, a traveler or just an armchair viewer. For some reason, we all saw something of ourselves in Anthony, and we couldn’t get enough of living vicariously through his adventures as he ate his way around the world.

For me, my love for the bad boy chef started during the first season of his show ‘No Reservations.’ The fresh faced adventurer launched the Travel Channel series in 2005, and through the next 7 years and 142 episodes, Bourdain took us everywhere from Iceland to Namibia to Beirut, the last of which saw him and his crew become trapped during the Israel-Lebanon War in 2006.

Through it all, we watched intently as Bourdain ate everything that was handed to him while having casual conversations with locals that kept viewer’s ears perked. As much as I loved the visual aspects of everything Bourdain did, his words and the smooth way he voiced over the episodes was what excited me most. In my opinion, his no-holds barred words of wisdom were Bourdain’s greatest talent. He wasn’t afraid to voice his curse-laden opinion, and even when they were at their most biting, they just MADE SENSE.

Anthony Bourdain has left behind an entire book worth of quotes to live by, but here are 13 of my favorite that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, in every corner of the globe.

“If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them – wherever you go.”

This is such a great quote, for so many reasons. Having been to almost 40 countries, I feel like I am a seasoned traveler, but, I didn’t get my first passport and international plane ticket until five years after the age he references. Looking back, I had wish I found my love of travel at an earlier age, but I interrupt this quote as Bourdain looking back in a “I wish” way just like I do.

This quote is from his book ‘Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly,’ published in 2000. This is the book that put Bourdain on the map. It quickly became a New York Times bestseller and led to the first of his three television shows, ‘A Cook’s Tour’, which debuted in 2002 when the jack of all trades was 46 years old. Think about that. For the first 44 years of his life, the man we all feel we knew so well was known by almost none of us. While Bourdain then became known for his extensive travel documentary TV shows, maybe the quote was a self-reflection…’If I could talk to my 22 year old self.’

And lastly, even though food was his passion and what he was most known for, it’s telling that he mentions ‘Find out how people live’ before he mentions food. Food will come and go, but people and cultures will always be there, and at his core, that’s what Bourdain was passionate about. The people.

“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life—and travel—leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks – on your body or on your heart – are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”

This. My first trip out of the country was to Costa Rica back in 2007. I went to the cloud forest, the volcano, the beaches. It was amazing. But, I was a tourist, doing tourist things. It wasn’t until a trip to work with a non-profit organization in Peru changed the way I view the world and how I choose to travel. I know that my work in local communities has left marks, even small. But, most important, those experiences left huge marks on me and changed the person that I was into the person that I am now.

“The journey is part of the experience – an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.”

Bourdain is so right with this one. Most of the time, we always focus on the destination, not giving proper attention to the journey that gets us there. In my experiences, the journey, and the people that I met and the experiences I had on the journey, are often more rewarding then the destination itself. In our ever growing ambition to always be looking forward, don’t forget what’s right there at your side.

“I wanted adventures. I wanted to go up the Nung river to the heart of darkness in Cambodia. I wanted to ride out into a desert on camelback, sand and dunes in every direction, eat whole roasted lamb with my fingers. I wanted to kick snow off my boots in a Mafia nightclub in Russia. I wanted to play with automatic weapons in Phnom Penh, recapture the past in a small oyster village in France, step into a seedy neon-lit pulqueria in rural Mexico. I wanted to run roadblocks in the middle of the night, blowing past angry militia with a handful of hurled Marlboro packs, experience fear, excitement, wonder. I wanted kicks – the kind of melodramatic thrills and chills I’d yearned for since childhood, the kind of adventure I’d found as a little boy in the pages of my Tintin comic books. I wanted to see the world – and I wanted the world to be just like the movies”

Chills. This is pure Bourdain. Not everyone has the craving for chaos like he did, but this is an important quote to think about, even if you aren’t as adventurous or fearless as Anthony Bourdain. The lesson learned from this is that there is a certain romance to be found by putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Slowly at first, but as you get more comfortable NOT being comfortable, the rewards of the hair-raising experiences will be in your soul for life. Do you want to sit around the fireplace telling your grandchildren about the time you took a photo with Micky Mouse at Disneyland Paris, or do you want to scream with glee as you tell them about the time you tried to go vodka shot for vodka shot with Vlad the Russian Mafia boss?

“I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m a big believer that you’re never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one. Letting the happy accident happen is what a lot of vacation itineraries miss, I think, and I’m always trying to push people to allow those things to happen rather than stick to some rigid itinerary.”

“I learned a long time ago that trying to micromanage the perfect vacation is always a disaster. That leads to terrible times.”

This is actually two quotes, but they are one in the same. For me, travel isn’t about the swanky room at the Four Seasons. I would rather get off a plane and find my way to a cheap guest house in Amman, Jordan where the 24-hour front desk man is watching old videos of Hulk Hogan in cage matches. I was the only person staying in this house, and I understood why. Bed bugs, a death trap elevator, and creepy footsteps outside of my door at 3am made for quite the story to tell, all these years later. But the real reward? That front desk man told me every food cart I couldn’t miss and every back alley Shisha bar that would welcome me with open arms. I went to every place he told me. I was the only foreigner in each place, and I traded stories, laughs, good food and great smoke with the people I met. Those are the moments I would have missed if I didn’t put myself in a position to find the happy accidents. If I had a rigid itinerary. Tony is right. For me, that sounds like a disaster.

“It’s an irritating reality that many places and events defy description. Angkor Wat and Machu Picchu, for instance, seem to demand silence, like a love affair you can never talk about. For a while after, you fumble for words, trying vainly to assemble a private narrative, an explanation, a comfortable way to frame where you’ve been and whats happened. In the end, you’re just happy you were there- with your eyes open- and lived to see it.”

Having been to both of those places Bourdain references, I can wholeheartedly understand this quote. While both are filled with tourists, somehow, you find your own zen and you feel completely at peace, and a silence envelopes your mind. You imagine the centuries worth of history that have lived in the walls. You think about the spiritual and religious meaning that they had for millions of people before us. Even in smaller, lesser known places, sometimes experiences just defy description and you can’t really express the feelings that washed over you.

In this day in age where many travel moments are simply experienced for an Instagram photo, it’s important to keep this quote in the back of your mind. Often, I am so consumed with getting the perfect photographs, I sometimes forget to have my eyes open, being happy that I was there and had lived to see it. But when I do put my camera down and live the experience, those memories are as sharp as any photograph I have ever taken.

“It seems that the more places I see and experience, the bigger I realize the world to be. The more I become aware of, the more I realize how relatively little I know of it, how many places I have still to go, how much more there is to learn. Maybe that’s enlightenment enough – to know that there is no final resting place of the mind, no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom, at least for me, means realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.”

Unfortunately, this one cuts like a knife knowing that Bourdain still had so much life in him, and in his words, ‘how far he has yet to go.’

The world is never-ending. There is always a story out there to tell. Always a new culture to explore. Always a new cuisine to try. And always, always something to learn. Travel isn’t a skill you can master. It’s simply a never-ending learning experience. And that, as Bourdain says, we are ultimately always going to be small and unwise in the grande scheme of the world. And that’s the beauty of it. You can’t learn anything by knowing everything.

“When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out.”

Thank you Anthony, thank you. Just a perfect quote to realize that, not everything is easy or under control while traveling. And often times there is nothing you can do about it. And that’s ok. It’s just an excuse to enjoy the moment and be thankful you aren’t sitting behind your computer desk running TPS reports. Just have a beer and make out with someone at a fuel station.

“I think food, culture, people and landscape are all absolutely inseparable.”

This is the reason why you can never see enough of the world. Each continent, each country, each neighborhood, is unique. That uniqueness comes from a multitude of factors, as Bourdain describes. But each inseparable quality comes together in a melting pot to make that location undeniably unique and interesting. When we try to change any of those, or don’t appreciate just one of those, the aspects that make a place an experience unique dwindles.

“Without experimentation, a willingness to ask questions and try new things, we shall surely become static, repetitive, and moribund.”

I have visited countless countries over and over again, seemingly on the almost same itinerary each passing year as I lead workshops for The Giving Lens. While the experiences are always amazing, I always ask myself ‘what can I do to try something new? To learn something new?’ Usually, those answers aren’t evident until they are right in front of my eyes. But without being willing to experiment, talk to every single person I can, and to try new things, even amazing places would start to make me static.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Very similar to the first quote in this article. Not all of the marks left on me have been positive. I have shed tears hearing the hard stories of children all over the world, been haunted by the images of children eating out of the discarded trash. I have found love and lost love. But through it all, every experience helped me understand the world and the beauty that this life is.

“If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food, it’s a plus for everybody.

Open your mind, get up off the couch, move.”

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to travel across the ocean. But, almost everyone does have the luxury of being able to travel across the river that sits outside of their own backyard. To me, this quote just says ‘get up, get out, and learn from as many people as possible, even if they are in your own backyard.’

Some of the most interesting people I have met and some of the most incredible experiences I have had were right in my own back yard, and I found them when I wasn’t necessarily looking. But I found them because I moved. Because I got off my couch and didn’t let anything stop me from just moving.

“Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonald’s? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria’s mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head? I know what I want. I want it all. I want to try everything once.”

So true. I have had a lot of weird food on my travels, some amazing, some horrible. But how can I fully embrace the local culture with a Big Mac? The Big Mac wasn’t being eaten by the Cambodians decades ago. Snake on a stick was. So, as hard as it is to take that first bite sometimes, I just think about Bourdain saying ‘I want to try everything once.’

Anthony Bourdain was truly one of a kind. It is said that he was really quite intraverted, although you would never know it from his on screen persona. If he was, he put his desire to see the world and connect with people above his fear of social settings. And in doing so, he taught us about life, love, food, travel. But most importantly, he taught us that the world is so big, yet so small at the same time. Everyone has a story to tell. He showed us that no matter where we live, we are all one in the same and there is beauty and romance in getting to know everyone’s story. Especially if it is sitting around a giant table filled with food and wine and surrounded by friends, both old and new.

Rest Easy to the traveler who, despite all the miles, never tired of the experiences.

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