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madridfangirl · 10 hours ago

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Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 20

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

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Love. Oh, what a wonderfully intoxicating feeling it was.

Jude had never been in love before. Having another person so deeply influence your happiness, peace and centre of gravity was an alien feeling at first. But eventually, as the months passed, he got so addicted to the highs that the lows were well worth it. Six months into their relationship, being with her had become second nature to Jude. At times, the attachment scared him too, especially when she wasn’t around and he missed her like hell, but one hug from her was all the balm he needed. Mostly, he was glowing under her love.

Ananya had been in love before. But this felt different - deeper, more passionate, more intense, more consuming. And definitely far higher stakes. The doubts of their complicated situation never really left her, not fully. Especially on some tough nights when their realities came to a head. But Jude had a way of pulling her back to him every single time. All her worries tended to wash away under his smile, his puppy eyes, his constant reassurances, his heartfelt praises and proclamations of love. Even her worst fears were losing to the depth of his feelings. He had well & truly shattered almost all the walls she had built around herself. And made his way into her heart, mind, soul and body. Claiming them all decisively. Making her his, and keeping her as his. And boy had he swept her off her feet.

Roma and Jobe had front row seats to their journey, serving as external voices of reason when they were too drowned in each other to realise what was happening.

‘You’re practically living together now, you see that right?’

‘What? That’s rubbish.’

Ananya dismissed the thought immediately, going back to her Wordle. Roma and her were plopped on her bed, enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon after ages. Jude was out of town for an away game.

‘Yeah? Let’s see.’

Roma got up from the bed with purpose. Something about her tone & stride making Ananya put her phone down & take notice.

She opened Ananya’s cupboard and pointed at one full cabinet stuffed with Jude’s things.

‘It’s just for convenience, so he doesn’t throw things around the room.’

‘Hmm.’

Roma went to the adjoining washroom, carrying out one basket filled with Jude’s toiletries. It was bigger than Ananya’s.

‘You know how he is. If he doesn’t find the specific product he’d bring the house down or send Agnes scampering for it. Just for conve…’

‘…convenience you say? Sure. I’m guessing your stuff would be in his room too, for convenience?’

‘….yeah.’

‘And that particular brand of sugarless pancake batter in the kitchen, those cereals that taste like mud, all that healthy vegan crap that you & I hate, is there for convenience too?’

Ananya averted her eyes, unsure of what to say. Or feel.

‘When he’s not here, you’re there. If you both are in Madrid and have time on your hands, you’re always joined at the hip. That’s called living together.’

Realisation set in for Ananya, followed by panic. She grabbed Roma’s hand & pulled her to the bed.

‘Is this…wrong?’

Roma’s tone softened immediately, looking at her friend’s state, knowing that the point had hit home.

‘Why should it be wrong? But it’s serious. And intense. And maybe a bit faster than what I would have done. But hey, to each his own yeah? Just want you to be aware that you’re in deep waters now, my friend. And maybe you should talk to Jude about it.’

Ananya nodded aimlessly. The idea of talking to Jude about this was unnerving. The dreaded conversation of where they were and where it was heading and if they were moving too fast. So she put it on the back burner for now, letting things unfold at their own pace.

Similarly, Jobe was amused to see his erstwhile ‘player’ brother turn more & more into what he called a ‘lovesick puppy.’

‘Say what now?’

‘You heard me.’

‘What do you know? You’re practically a child.’

‘I’m 18, bro.’

‘Exactly.’

‘More relationship experience than you. Just saying.’

‘Teenage relationship.’

‘Still counts.’

‘Whatever, you’re wrong.’

‘Yeah? So you didn’t discard last event’s outfit, custom-made by your stylist, just coz your girlfriend didn’t like it?’

‘She’s got taste. Picked me, yeah? So what if I listen to her opinion sometimes?’

‘What happened to having ‘uniquely distinct fashion choices that others are too stupid to understand’? At least that used to be the house line?’

‘She’s not others.’

‘Precisely my point.’

‘You have no point.’

‘Whipped.’

‘Shut up you loon.’

‘So you’re saying keeping the beard was your choice?’

The beard had been a sore point between Jude & Ananya. She liked him in the goatee but when he graduated to a beard she was thrilled. She had never been a fan of facial hair but she claimed that the beard suited Jude so so much. Plus she found it super sexy, which Jude always cashed in when he needed to. When he randomly moved back to the goatee one fine day, she just looked him up & down & didn’t kiss him like she used to. Didn’t wrap her arms around his neck when he kissed her, like she used to. That night, she didn’t deny him his tumble but didn’t doll up for him like she used to. He got the message, without her saying a word. He kept pestering her if she didn’t like it and she said it should be his choice. She shouldn’t have a say here. But he knew it was bullshit. She obviously had a preference and this was a passive aggressive way of showing it. Jude complained that it was discrimination and she was indirectly influencing his choice by using her sexuality. She retorted that she hadn’t denied him in any way that night and he shot back saying that she hadn’t invited him either, like she used to, especially after a difficult away game where he scored the winner. This half-hearted passion was unlike what they were accustomed to. The spark, the heat was not the same, coz she was not the same. And she simply said she couldn’t help it since she was ‘mourning his beard.’ Jude wanted to turn around and call her over-dramatic but decided not to, choosing to play the long game & not get kicked to the couch.

Her reaction to a clean-shaven look was far worse. Jude had to do it for a shoot and she refused to be anywhere near him, saying he looked like a child and she didn’t want any funny business when he had that babyface. She even tried to put a pillow between them when they went to bed, which Jude had to practically wrestle away. No amount of whining, cajoling or begging from him made her budge. That night, Jude realised he was in love with someone who could be as obstinate as him when she wanted to.

In an unfortunate moment, he had shared all this with his useless brother.

‘Never telling you anything else from now on.’

‘Pls you’ll die without babbling to me.’

‘Oh fuck off.’

Jobe ignored that completely.

‘Gonna change the trim too?’

Jude sighed. She didn’t like his hair too finely cut on the sides, said he looked bald under that hat. But net net she loved the overall trim. So he had decided to stand his ground here & keep the sides as is.

‘None of your fucking business.’

‘Gotta give her her flowers though - not a mean thing to have THE JUDE BELLINGHAM wrapped around her little finger.’

‘Should I tell her you said that?’

‘Go ahead. She’s cool & she adores me.’

‘Then why being a dick with me?’

‘Coz it’s fun. And you’re too thick to see it on your own.’

‘Bye now.’

Jude did see what he meant; his brother had used those words just to tease him. And he needed Jobe to show him that mirror at times, like he had done to make Jude realise his feelings for her in the first place. Yes Jude had fallen deep, he could see it well & clear now. But the perks of this phase he was in far outweighed any minor inconveniences. They meant nothing when she smiled & embraced him with so much affection that he could practically feel his heart burst with warmth. Much to his own surprise, he was loving being in love.

However, the relationship had not been a bed of roses, like any other couple.

The pressure of his job was not easy to deal with. Jude & his family still had 4+ years to get used to this limelight & stress, yet even for them Madrid had been astronomically different. Ananya never imagined or wished for such a life, so it was even harder for her.

When the weight of the world was on his shoulders before a big game or a big event in his professional life, she felt the burden too. When all eyes turned on him, trying to tear him apart for some behaviour or the other, or for a red/yellow card (sometimes undeserved), she felt the sting too.

When his injuries took a toll on his body, she felt the pain too. The shoulder & ankle ones had been particularly brutal - he had to miss matches, undergo intrusive treatments and sulk on the couch while his team carried on without him. Finding a balance between understanding his situation & comforting him had been tricky - Jude had flipped out on a few such occasions when she had tried to tell him it was ok. Coz it was anything but that for him. Later, he did apologise (after silent treatments from her) for taking out his frustration on her but she realised this was not sustainable & they had to find a solution.

With time, she was getting a better handle on his moods. When he wanted to be reassured - with comforting words or warm hugs. When he wanted to just be left alone. When it was better for his mother or brother to handle the situation instead. When he just needed company and wanted to sort out his head on his own, while laying on her chest and playing with the hem of her top absentmindedly. When he needed a mindless carnal release, as an outlet for his stress, which she allowed because generally their intimacy wasn’t mindless. He was a complicated man, under severe pressure, so she gave him a fair bit of leeway.

She had also learnt to not offer unsolicited advice on his game too much, which sometimes she was tempted to do as an ardent fan. She might disagree with his brashness or arrogance on the pitch at times but that’s what made him him. Without that earth-shattering confidence, he would not be a galactico at Madrid at 20. So she only shared her POV on these things when he specifically asked her, or when she felt things were going overboard. Jude once told her that’s exactly how Denise treated him as well, though his Mum was probably more gentle in her interventions while Ananya took him to the cleaners at times, saying he needed that.

Jude recognised that she did more in finding this balance between them than he did, and that she could have easily stayed on the sidelines and not be so emotionally invested in his professional highs or lows. But she did it out of love.

He loved her love for football and Madrid. Loved discussing & watching games with her, like he did with his family, teammates & friends from back home. Well, mostly. Sometimes he wished she didn’t understand as much and would be that girlfriend who just fawns over him unconditionally, no matter what he did. ‘Go find yourself a clueless bimbo then’ was her instant response when he joked about it once. Coz she was never going to be that & she made sure he understood that damn well.

Jude had also realised that while he could often take a lot of liberties with her, and she’d let him, but when she drew a firm line it was set it stone. He didn’t tease her or mess with her when she got in such zones or such moods, which were rare but not too rare also.

Work and family were two such no-go areas. She had no sense of humour when it came to those. If she was talking with her folks back home or on a work-call, even late-night, that space was sacrosanct and she did not like any histrionics there. Jude had spent a few nights laying next to her, waiting for her to wrap up work, but sometimes it spilled over & he had to go to bed unfulfilled. She’d feel guilty, offer to work from the living room so it doesn’t disturb him but he’d tell her he’d rather sleep with her next to him than be alone.

Her family still didn’t know about him, barring one cousin, who was quite ambivalent about him being in her sister’s life. So he was absolutely not allowed to yap from behind if she was calling home. Jude didn’t understand why it was so sensitive for her; she was an independent 20 year old adult living far away from home. She had tried to explain how India was culturally different from how Jude had grown up. Her family was not conservative, not by any means, but even then, being in a relationship with a) a non-Indian and b) a high-profile footballer would be a massive shock for them and it needed to be dealt with carefully/gradually.

Another touchy topic for her was anything perceived to be threatening her individuality / independence.

One morning, sprawled on her bed, Jude had half-jokingly cribbed about the dress she had put on, calling it too distracting for work. It wasn’t revealing or anything, that wasn’t her style, but it was well fitted and complimented her figure beautifully. Ananya thought it was aesthetic and Jude just wanted to rip it off. The way she had swirled around and told him he had no business telling her what she was supposed to be wearing, Jude would never forget that look. He had immediately raised both hands in surrender, trying to explain it was a silly joke, but boy she had been pissed that day. It took Jude a while to recover from that fiasco.

Another faux-pas he had walked into was when she took a rare girls night with Roma and a few colleagues from work. The couple had narrowly missed each other a few times that week so Jude was more than disappointed when she told him she was out instead of coming over to his. He had half-expected to see her at his place when he returned late from a shoot; sometimes she surprised him like that.

‘Oh baby, I’ll see you soon, promise.’

She had slurred on the line when he called her, half-drunk.

‘I needed you today. I thought you’d be here today.’

‘I wanted to see you too. But I didn’t know when you were getting done. And we were trying to get together for over a month, tonight was the first time all of us had a window. So came for a movie & now dinner.’

‘But what about us? What about me?’

‘Soon, promise.’

‘Will you come tonight?’

‘Jude, I can’t just take off on my friends like this.’

‘Why the hell not?’

The sheer entitlement & frustration in his voice set her off, like she owed him all her time. Oh the gall of him.

‘I’m not gonna be at your beck and call whenever you need me. I thought you understood that.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You heard me. I wanted to dress up & let my hair down & dine at a fancy place & not be cooped up in the house for a change.’

That felt like a harsh slap in the face. She could have done all those things with him. He could have taken her to the fanciest of places, anywhere in the world, if only she’d let him.

‘Cooped up in the house yeah? Who’s that because of?’

Her. It was because of her. She didn’t want to go public with him, wasn’t ready for all the drama. Not yet. He knew why. He knew it very well. So she was stunned when he weaponised that & threw it in her face.

‘I’m not your fucking property, Jude. If you wanna act like a child, be my guest. But you better watch your tone when you talk to me.’

She hung up, and Jude stared at the phone, not knowing what hit him. When his anger subsided (took a while) and he revisited the conversation in his head, he grudgingly understood where he had fucked up. She didn’t react like this when he wanted to chill with his teammates or have a boys night with his lads from back home. So he really didn’t have a leg to stand on here. Plus he could have done better with his tone. But he missed her. He just missed her like hell.

All night, her phone kept buzzing with messages, and she knew who it was from but she didn’t spare it a look, not for a few hours.

‘Sorry.’

‘Missing you.’

‘Didn’t mean it like that.’

‘Talk to me for a min? Just wanna hear your voice.’

‘Pls don’t be mad.’

‘Love you.’

‘Ping me once?’

She let him suffer that night, before going back to his place the next day. They made up, like they always did, tangled in the sheets. And Jude learnt a very important lesson - she would give him the sun & the moon if he appealed to her love for him, if he asks nicely. Respect, chivalry and understanding were the keys to unlock her, not confrontation or domination. Well, domination worked sometimes too, but she needed to be in the zone for it.

And they found that zone quite often. Intimacy and passion was at the heart of their relationship.

Jude loved exploring with her. Pushing her boundaries bit by bit. Breaking down her walls gradually but decisively. Uncovering layers to their intimacy. Cataloguing all the breathless sounds she made for him. The way her eyes rolled back in their socket as she writhed under him. Every little twitch of her face, the frenzied moves of her body. Her total and absolute surrender to him was intoxicating - like a rare, potent, lethally erotic drug. Every time he had her, it spurred him on to have more. He just couldn’t get enough of her.

He was also a shameless flirt, which he never denied or shied away from. Always checking her out, never in dearth of lines to use.

‘Thinking of those tiny blue shorts that flaunt your ass.’

‘Get some rest now. Gonna binge on your minge when I get home.’

She was used to these messages out of nowhere, and him invading her personal space without any prior warning.

Ananya was shocked to discover how much she wanted him too. The thrill she felt every time he touched her. How he had mapped all her sensitive spots & played them like a fiddle. The way his beard tickled & teased her skin. She could read his intent well now - through his deeply expressive eyes, the way his voice turned huskier when he was in the mood, how his hands wandered on her body or slipped under her clothes, how his lips lingered on her skin for a few extra seconds, his his breath grazed her neck, and sometimes even by the tone of his texts. She could tell if it was going to be a long & slow kinda night or a rough, rapid, intense bout where she’d need to hide the marks next day. Much to her surprise, she looked forward to both. Jude had introduced her to the latter. Initially she was hesitant, wanting to do it for him. But now, she welcomed him making her body his playground. Using his height & strength advantage to toss her around. Having her hands pinned over her head or behind her. Being on her hands & knees. Bent over the counter. Tied to the headboard. Pressed up against a wall. Thrown over his shoulder. Being bounced manically as he took her standing, without any support, using his ridiculous arm strength, while she clung to him for dear life. In this territory, she didn’t mind his aggression & control. And while she couldn’t match up to his impossible stamina or voracious appetite, she did meet him half way.

She liked dressing up for him too - a section of her closet reserved for such occasions. And that section only grew larger, some by her doing and a lot by his. But it kept depleting also, ripped & torn off fervently, depending on his restraint or lack of it.

Jude was used to taking the lead in bed, and he relished it. But he could also now tell when she was in the zone, trying to seduce him subtly. The way she leaned into his side. How she pressed her front into his chest or back, letting him feel her curves. How she batted her lashes at him, while wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a soft, deep kiss, moaning into his mouth. How she sat into his lap, moving in a way that was sure to get him excited. How she bit her lip, while moving her hands over his body, feeling his muscles. How her neckline was extra deep some nights, giving him a plump view of her cleavage. How much his sweaty glistening skin, from matches or workouts, turned her on. In most cases, he took the cue & took her up on her offer. But sometimes, he liked to hear her say it out loud. On those nights, he tormented her slowly, playing with her, keeping her on the edge till she screams it out. Only then he’d relent & smile victoriously, burying himself in her warm, inviting heat & rocking them to ecstasy.

He loved branding her with his marks, and enjoyed her efforts the following morning to cover them up thoroughly.

‘Why bother so much?’

‘Anyone would.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Any decent person would.’

Jude never cared when her nail marks on his back / biceps were visible during training or in the locker room. He just laughed them off when other folks teased him. Most of his teammates were like that, barring a few shy ones like Arda. Special teasing was reserved for the shy ones.

The winter clothes were a big help to her, for now.

‘What will you do in the summer?’

‘Discipline you.’

‘Good luck with that.’

Jude was spontaneous, but he liked the anticipation of planned trysts too. As did she. Especially during role-plays (another aspect she was shocked to discover that she loved).

His favourite such night was Valentine’s Day. Jude had pulled out all the stops that night to make it special - dressing in the black turtleneck that she was crazy about, decorating the living room (with red heart-shaped balloons but hey, he tried), ordering her favourite ravioli from a high-end Michelin star restaurant and a bottle of some very fine red wine which he knew she’d enjoy. Those were his gifts for her. As his gift, he wanted to see her in Indian attire. More specifically as an Indian new bride. Since he had seen that photo of her in a sari, this had been an open demand from him, and Valentine's Day seemed like the perfect occasion for it.

When she came down the stairs, dressed in a sleeveless v-neck cream blouse, red chiffon saree, open brown hair sliding down her back, cream heels, golden jewellery (bangles, choker necklace, earrings) and a fucking waist chain, Jude felt like he had died and gone to heaven. He stood frozen, unable to take his eyes off of her as she glided in front of him, waving her soft hands to get his attention.

Dinner was long forgotten. Every fucking thing faded in the background. His world revolved around this sorceress who had just made his brain short-circuit.

‘Earth to Jude, are you there?’

‘Naa he’s dead. You killed him. Mercilessly.’

Jude took her hand and twirled her slowly, taking in the full 360* view. She obliged playfully, flipping her hair for effect, as his eyes roamed over her form & the way that sinful garment hugged her at all the right places, accentuating her curves, particularly that round behind. His hands rested on her bare waist while her henna-painted ones went to his shoulders. Jude loved the smell of it, inhaling deeply.

‘Some things are different?’

‘Yeah. I couldn’t put the sindoor and mangalsutra - only married women can wear that.’

‘Not even for one night?’

‘No, it’s inauspicious.’

‘The bangles are different too?’

‘Yeah. The ones you saw are called chooda. Again, only a married woman wears that, for a few weeks after the wedding.’

‘Hmmm.’

‘You don’t like it like this?’

Jude looked at her like she had suddenly grown horns, thoroughly shocked at the comment, and she got her answer. Next second, she felt his large hand cupping her butt, pulling her close, moving slightly against her to let the bulge do the talking.

She glanced at the food longingly, then looked into his hungrier eyes, and relented. Without wasting any time, Jude picked her up and carried her bridal style up the stairs. He had considered the couch but tonight he needed the bed to properly enjoy her. Her sari was first to go, followed by her petticoat, panties & jewellery, only the waist chain stayed on (he was fascinated with it), along with her anklets.

Removing the sari was quite an experience. He pulled at it with force, spinning her around with ease as the garment slid off her body. While she tried to slow him down wherever it was held together with pins. She would have giggled at it, if he didn’t look like he wanted to eat her alive then & there.

Ananya shuddered on the bed underneath him as he licked down her face, lapping at her ruby painted lips, dipping into her mouth briefly for a quick taste, trailing down her neck into her cleavage, while pulling apart the threads holding her blouse together. There was silence tonight, only the sounds of their heavy breathing & her soft gaps cutting through the tension, along with Jude’s intermittent grunts.

He pulled at the waist chain with his teeth, inserting his tongue into her bellybutton and she nearly leapt off the bed, moaning his name wildly, his weight on top serving as her anchor. Jude was struggling to rein in his lust, and that served as the final straw. Pinning her hands on either side of her, he entered her fully in two precise thrusts, making her head spin and her toes curl.

‘J-Jude..’

‘Shhhhh.’

What followed was the most unhinged she had ever seen him. He was painfully hard already, so he went straight for her secret spot, hitting it repeatedly to get her pleasure to build rapidly, matching his own state, while his mouth devoured her sensitive peaks. Sucking with such fervour as if willing them to lactate. When she shut her eyes at the sensations, he bit the underside of her boob, a silent command to not hide from him. Gasping, she locked eyes with him, mouthing a silent ‘easy, jaan’ as he slid his teeth to her hardened nubs, tugging at them.

Jude was gone tonight. The bed creaked violently under them. It was an overwhelming intensity, so much that she could almost feel him in her throat. Ananya struggled under his hold to release her wrists. The more she struggled, the tighter his grip got, sure to leave bruises. She squirmed in vain as he continued his two-pronged assault, via his mouth & nether regions, taking her closer & closer to the edge. She willed her body to comply, knowing that he won’t let go before she did, and came screaming his name with a pointed, decisive stroke, shuddering uncontrollably underneath him. He didn’t relent, keeping up his pace through it, chasing his own high but it was too much & she had to use the safe word.

Jude paused, let go of her wrists, slowly returning to his senses. Still buried inside, he crawled up her spent form, caressing her face with the back of his fingers till she finally opened her eyes.

‘Hey.’

She just blinked at him. Jude lifted her palm, kissing the bruised wrist, trailing his lips down her arm and pecking the corner of her mouth. She hummed in content, as he repeated that with the other arm, wrapping both around his neck.

‘Breathe doll, nice & easy.’

He cooed softly. And she followed like clockwork, cupping his face, connecting their foreheads. Still hyper-aware of his hard, thick length inside her.

‘I love you.’

He whispered the magic words against her lips, and she sighed deeply.

‘Just a bit more, yeah? Can you do it for me princess?’

She would do anything for him if he held her like that.

‘Okay….okay.’

Jude grabbed a pillow & placed it under her back to turn her upwards, and changed to his preferred angle, as her legs dangled around his back. Her hands massaged his shoulders and upper arms, calming him down, slowing him down too, wordlessly. She continued to trace his face with her fingers, as he groaned gutturally, reaching his high. For minutes after, he just stayed inside (something he had started doing more & more) and on top.

When he finally rolled away, and she regained her breath thinking they could do down for their meal now, Jude had a different kind of meal cooking in his head. He sprinted downstairs to fetch the bottle of wine, and dragged her naked form to the shower, washing her, drinking the rich, rare wine off her body. Spilling it down her neck then licking it off her curves. Then repeating it on her back, drinking it off the curve of her hips. Pouring it from his mouth into hers, so she could taste him along with the wine. Turning her red in more ways than one. Later, he went down on her, making her see stars while she also worked up the nerves to use her hands on him (for the first time). His takeover of her senses and body was absolute tonight, and the colour never left her face. She hid under the blanket later, unable to meet his eyes, once her mind recovered enough to process their activities. Jude cajoled his way under the blanket, cooing into her ear, spooning her from behind, showering praises in that silky smooth voice as to how this was the best night of his life, and how she had been an absolute goddess. How she was made for him. They had their dinner in bed, and then crashed to a much needed sleep.

Condoms were antiquated history for Jude now. From the very beginning, since she got on the pill and he got a taste of what skin-to-skin feels like, he simply refused to go back, like his whole life had been a lie. Even on some rushed occasions, when there wasn’t enough window to clean up the mess later, he whined & reasoned to not have to put one on, only relenting when she absolutely put her foot down. But the frequency and intensity of their escapades always left a silent fear in the back of her head. The fear came alive one morning, when she realised she was two days late for her cycle.

It hit her like a truck. She never got late (barring some rare occasions involving health, stress etc), so the panic was in full swing. Ananya barely got through the day at work, mechanically finishing her tasks and confiding in Roma in the evening on their way back. She had iced out Jude all day, undecided on how to deal with him or what to even tell him right now. But the nosy detective that he was (especially when it came to her), he figured something was off and landed at her place unannounced later that evening. By then, Roma had almost convinced her to take a pregnancy test, while she cried into her arms on how her whole life was ending.

Jude was alarmed to see her state, and both girls were confused what to tell him. Roma suggested it maybe best if he comes back later but Jude absolutely refused, looking straight at Ananya, who was looking everywhere but at him. He could’t take it anymore & just held her tightly in his arms.

‘Dove, it’s me. What can’t you tell me? What’s gotten you like this?’

She just let her body go, resting against him, sniffling a little into his sweatshirt. Roma left the room to give them some space. A thousand horrible thoughts hit Jude simultaneously.

‘Has something happened? Did someone…hurt you? Baby pls I’m dying out here.’

He titled her face up, staring straight into her eyes.

‘I’m….late.’

It took him a few seconds to understand what she meant. And the world came crashing down on him too. Ananya was nervous about his reaction, but somehow those fears were proven unwarranted. Because he quickly got into a problem solving mode, getting over the initial shock.

‘You used the pill daily right? You even had the app.’

‘Yes.’

‘So we’re going to be fine. Take the test, I’m waiting here.’

‘But what if we’re not? What if…..’

‘Babe, let’s not speculate. Let’s take the test first yeah?’

‘I’m scared.’

Well, he was scared too, but he was steady for her in that moment.

‘I’m here. I’ve got you.’

‘Why aren’t you freaking out?’

‘Coz looking at you I thought it was something much worse. This, we can handle.’

The next few minutes were the longest of her life. Ananya couldn’t breathe till the result came out negative. She refused to even look at the stick, Roma checked it and broke the news to her. And finally she stopped hyperventilating. Jude ordered some blueberry cheesecake and ravioli, which she hogged, having starved herself under stress all day. Once the storm had settled down, and they were lying in bed together, scrolling through Netflix to pick a new show, Jude made a joke. At least he thought it was funny.

‘So you thought I could break even the pill yeah?’

She turned to look at his smirking face filled with a weird sense of cockiness.

‘You find this funny? No seriously is this a joke to you? Are you proud of your vigorous masculinity?’

Once again, he didn’t know what hit him, feeling like a proper fool for inviting this onslaught.

‘I was just…’

‘Just what? What if it was positive, huh? But you wouldn’t have to lift a finger even then. I would have to go through the procedure, and I bet you have no idea how painful it is. Did you study biology in school? Or did you only hear till the point of sex and nothing after? Not the consequences? Not what comes after all your fun? Such a typical guy.’

Jude was sitting with his head down, like a schooled kid.

‘Am sorry, I really didn’t know it was painful.’

‘….I would have to tell at home, coz how could I keep something so major from them? But sure, you go ahead & make your jokes. Seriously the universe if so unfair - I wish you guys had to go through half the things we do. If your bodies had to bear the brunt of all your fetishes. But no - even god is unfair to women. So what can I even expect from men like you?’

Without giving him a chance to respond, she stormed off the bed and slammed the door of the washroom to take a shower to cool down. While Jude simply stared after her.

Roma was standing in the doorway, shaking her head slowly at the mess, leaning against the side. She had come to check on Ananya after listening to all the commotion.

‘Maybe the club should take IQ tests along with medical tests before signing players?’

Jude gave her a half-hurt half-dirty look.

‘Gee thanks. What an awesome friend you are.’

‘You’re welcome. Now try not to dig a deeper hole for yourself & call me when she comes out.’

Jude stuck his tongue out at her and she simply waved him off while walking away.

When Ananya came out after 30 mins, smelling like strawberries from her shower, dressed in a comfy fluffy pink bathrobe, Jude simply hugged her from behind, keeping his chin on her shoulder, rubbing his cheek against hers, slowly swaying her in his hold, whispering in her ear how he was her silly baby. She gave in soon, because one needed to be a battle-hardened soldier to stay mad at that face for long. And she couldn’t see him sad, especially when it was her doing; a fact he knew & exploited with impunity. But she did keep him at an arm’s length for a few days after, still spooked by what nearly happened, and Jude has to slowly claw his way back under the sheets.

Thankfully, that had been the only pregnancy scare so far. And Jude never whined after that whenever Ananya suggested using a condom.

Passion was a cornerstone of their relationship. But it surprised Jude how much he craved her otherwise too. How much her proximity (or lack of it) impacted his mood.

Ananya thoroughly revelled in their domestic moments. The little things he did for her, almost instinctively now. All the sweet treats that came his way through events, sponsorships etc were passed on to her & Roma. As did some exclusive club merchandise, which both the girls simply loved donning. Pre-match & post-match messages from her was a ritual between them, irrespective of the result. As were the late night calls, when he was out for away games or international break. Jude never missed sending her flowers every week; by now Ananya had seen almost all varieties discovered by mankind since Jude’s brief to the florist was to send new ones every time. On the two rare occasions that he missed it, he sent extra large ones to her office to make up for it.

‘I know what you’re doing.’

‘And what’s that?’

‘Using this to re-establish to folks here that I’m taken.’

‘Calling me smart?’

‘Calling you ruthless.’

‘Love it.’

Weekly movie nights were a norm too, sometimes with the three of them. On most occasions, Roma & Jude acted like long-lost twins, perfectly in sync. On the rare exceptions, they got on each others’ nerves like hell and Ananya had to play referee in the middle, balancing between her boyfriend and best friend.

The absolute melting point for Ananya was to watch fans respond to Jude, and the love he had already earned in his first season. Watching him with kids practically made her heart do somersaults. And her ovaries burst with anticipation. The feeling was indescribable - the way kids sought him out, clung to him, played with him, laughed with him, idolised him, cried for him - it was just pure & serene, something to be felt only by Jude & those around him. He was special, and the kids’ love was the deepest affirmation possible.

Jude was chronically online whenever he was idle, which meant Ananya often had the most random & diverse messages waiting for her, at ungodly times. Holiday destinations, funny memes, quotes from classics (he was trying out of FOMO since Jobe & Ananya often discussed this at length), football history, Spotify playlists (too much of Elvis for her liking but she never said that out loud), new branded fits, videos from training sessions or matches, pics of lingerie he was planning to buy for her, pics of food he could never eat but lived vicariously when she did, pics of English countryside (he had taken offence when she claimed Switzerland was more picturesque) his selfies, some old photos he had clicked of her & of them together, and many other things. She had learnt never to open his messages in company, because sometimes they ranged from fluffy to downright filthy, and he owned both with pride.

Probably the trickiest point that they constantly navigated was her feelings on Jude’s previous lifestyle & the ramifications on their current life. After the Christmas fiasco (which had nearly ended them for good), Jude was quite mindful of his behaviour. And overshared with her for good measure even if the situation was borderline tricky - say with a shoot or some DMs or some fan attention. But given how popular & sought after he was with women, the kind of reactions he drew wherever he went, it was never going to be easy for Ananya. He was constantly flooded with propositions, some harmless, some not, and had immense access all the time. His submission was for her to trust that he won’t abuse that access, won’t act on it, simply because he doesn’t need to now that he had her.

But the aftershock of that Christmas picture was still buried somewhere in her heart; it never truly went away. The lingering doubt never truly went away. In a vulnerable moment, when both of them were slightly tipsy, she brought it up.

‘Do you ever miss aspects of that life? The carefree fun & thrill?’

‘No.’

‘C’mon Jude.’

‘Not at the cost of you.’

To his credit, his stance had always been this. Always consistent. But she chose to push further.

‘Did you ever feel like going back?’

He looked at her with those big eyes, pleading to not pursue it. But she was on a mission tonight.

‘You can tell me. I won’t get mad.’

‘Yeah you’re just saying it. Then you’ll get all weird & distant.’

‘I won’t. Surely there has to be something.’

Jude was torn, but the alcohol had numbed his brain more than usual, as had her soft voice & calming presence.

‘Like….very early on..,when we were fighting, and that whole asshole episode….when you weren’t…we weren’t….’

‘Sleeping together.’

‘..Yes.’

She had guessed as much. Sex was important to him. But how could she hold that against him when it was true for most men, especially those in his position.

‘I…just thought it’d be easier…less complicated….like maybe I wasn’t cut out for this…not now maybe…the feelings for you were new & confusing….but it was a passing thought…like super brief.’

She heard him out patiently, piecing together what he wasn’t saying, keeping her tone & face neutral, devoid of any judgement.

‘Then why didn’t you?’

‘Act on it?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Coz it was brief…I wasn’t…it wasn’t…’

‘But still.’

‘Because that would mean the end of us. That wasn’t an option. That isn’t an option.’

Her gaze was firm & piercing, trying to break through any potential charade. But she didn’t find any. And he pulled her close, kissing her softly, as she settled on his chest.

Now, Jude could have stayed quiet and could have let this moment pass peacefully. But he ended up yapping more & put his foot in his mouth.

‘Even for stuff you can’t do with your girlfriend, it just wasn’t worth it, y’know.’

She pulled away, crossing her arms, face all analysing again.

‘Yeah? And what is that stuff that you can’t do with your girlfriend? That you were doing elsewhere?’

Jude was alert now. He wondered if his mum had dropped him on his head as a kid, coz how could he consistently find himself in such situations, of his own doing? Especially when his girlfriend was a lawyer or Sherlock Holmes or a bloodhound in a previous life? How could he be so fucking stupid in front of her?

‘You promised to not get mad.’

‘Not mad. Just curious.’

‘Tell that to your face.’

‘Don’t change the topic, Jude.’

‘Can we pls let this go, Ananya? What good will come of this? We’ll just spoil our night.’

Thing is, his past befuddled her. She absolutely didn’t want to know yet a part of her really wanted to know. Like ripping off a band-aid. And getting through every unpleasant information in one go. So there are no surprises anymore. But she didn’t know how to do it without judging. He believed being single gave him all the freedom in the world and their moral wavelengths just didn’t match at all. It was never going to. So grudgingly, she let it go.

Jude’s abstinence from certain activities, which he was a regular in earlier, was soon noticed by some of his teammates, especially Vini & Cama. And the fact that he was on his phone a lot, with a gooey face (in Cama’s words). They figured it out, and hounded him till he had to come clean. But he didn’t tell them who he was seeing (he wasn’t allowed to), just said there is someone, and showed a quick photo to shut their mouths. Since then, they referred to her as Jude’s girl.

He had also been selective in introducing Ananya to his teammates. His previous partners-in-crime were nowhere on the list. The memo was clear in his head - committed guys with a clean reputation who will not blab him out.

Brahim and his girlfriend were invited over for lunch. Toni & his wife for coffee. Ananya was cool with Brahim - they got along well quickly and the conversation flowed naturally. But she hyperventilated when she saw Toni, the fan in her dancing a Flamenco inside. Jude kept elbowing her to reduce the pitch of her voice or not blink like a crazy person, but how was she supposed to be normal around one of Madrid’s greatest players ever? The cornerstone of their best years? Toni fucking Kroos. The absolute machine. And she was sitting across him in Jude’s lawn, just like that? Talking about fucking doughnuts? Like seriously?

The moment they walked out the door, she jumped into Jude’s arms and kissed his face all over. Jude balanced her by holding onto her butt, settling on the couch with her in his lap as she continued to put lipgloss marks on his face enthusiastically.

‘I love you I love you I love you I love you I loveeeee youuuuuuu!’

‘Because I got you to Toni?’

‘Yes.’

‘Not for me?’

‘Yeah that too.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Awwiiee my little bean my pumpkin my sweet babu - such a cute boy.’

Ananya was never one to bombard him with multiple nicknames (that was Jude’s territory), so the boy was extra amused at her antics.

‘I think my baby deserves a special reward for making his girlfriend so so happy.’

Suddenly, the mood shifted. She took off her top slowly, leaving her in a dark pink bra. Jude’s eyes were glued there. And his body immediately responded when she guided his palm to her breasts, letting him play with them as he pleased.

‘The baby agrees.’

Jude pulled it down, and started sucking the soft brown peaks like a starved man. This is how he wished to be welcomed home every night - his girlfriend all pretty & naked for him, serving her tits into his mouth.

‘Not so soon. My turn first.’

Jude groaned loudly when he was removed from his personal fountain of heaven. Her fingers in his hair tugging his head back, craning it up for her.

She smiled and bit softly at his cheekbones, the sharp tip of his nose, his plump lips. She tilted his head further up to kiss along his neck & his sexy AF beard, bite his prominent Adam’s apple (her guilty pleasure), then twisted her head to reach the taut muscles at the back of his neck. He sighed softly all through, loving the attention. It nearly made up for his deprivation, nearly. Plus his hands were still there.

Ananya ended with biting his earlobe softly, whispering seductively in his ear.

‘I see what you’re doing though, how you’re picking the folks. You’re too plain like that.’

Jude’s brain capacity was significantly reduced at this point.

‘I’m plain?’

She rolled her eyes at how offended and confused he sounded. Such vanity!

‘Not your looks, jeez. But your moves, yes.’

‘Huh?’

‘Still wanna meet the others, especially Cama.’

That messed with his mood.

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘You know why.’

‘Remind me.’

‘You find him more adorable than me.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Umm because you’ve said it like a zillion times.’

She threw her head back & giggled, slowly pulling his track pants down and sliding one hand inside, earning a desperate moan from him.

‘Maybe.’

‘Then maybe I should tell you about all his extra curricular activities. It’s a long list.’

She batted her eyes at him, tilting her head to the side, unperturbed.

‘Oh, but then I’ll get a sense of your extra curricular activities too, no?’

Jude always avoided this topic like plague; they both knew that. He stared at the sexy menace in his lap, who was out-manoeuvring & check-mating him with ease. How & when did she learn that?

His hand cupped her butt, then spanked it with force. She gasped loudly, surprised at the suddenness.

‘Getting too smart for your own good, little dove.’

‘Smart is my second name.’

Jude lifted her out of his lap & threw her on the couch, getting on top of her. Pinning her down decisively.

‘STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER MEN WHEN YOU’RE NAKED WITH ME.’

‘Yeah? What are you going to do about it?’

‘Gonna fuck this attitude right out of you.’

Jude grabbed her top from the floor and used it to tie her hands together, behind her. She immediately felt vulnerable, having no line of physical defence anymore. He pressed his bare leaking tip on her belly, enjoying her shudders, then slid it up her body to her tits, pressing into both, settling between them, cupping them with his hands to build friction. The tip hit her chin with each calculated stroke of his. And she knew he wanted nothing more than to shove it into her mouth, something he hadn’t gotten from her yet.

Her helpless whimpers were music to his ears.

‘Not so lippy anymore?’

She could only moan in response. Which turned into a loud gasp when he spread her legs impossibly wide, made a sloppy mess of her core with his mouth, then slapped it lightly, all while rendering her helpless. As if making a point that all of her belonged only to him. That he was taking what was his.

Before she could get any words out, he flipped them to move her on top. For the next 20 mins, he bounced her on himself mercilessly, thoroughly extracting his reward, as she struggled to find any anchor or purchase from the position.

Exhausted, they snuggled on the couch after, lying side by side, recovering from the impromptu session. Jude lazily played with her hair, while she wondered about the stain they would have left on the pristine white couch.

‘Still can’t believe I just met Toni Kroos.’

Jude gave her a side-eye, expressing his displeasure at this being her first thought, after what they just did. But she squeezed his cheeks in response, which he grudgingly got out of.

‘Wonder what you’ll do if I’ll call someone else…let's say….Zidane?’

She stilled, then turned towards him.

‘Can you?’

Well, he had just said it for fun, he obviously was not on such familiar terms with the great Zizou.

‘Maybe. What will I get then?’

‘What do you want?’

He nibbled on her bottom lip, a naughty smirk plastered on his face.

‘Anything. Everything. However many times I ask for.’

She met his lustful gaze head on, familiar with his game by now.

‘It’s possible. If you bring me you know who.’

‘Ronaldo.’

‘Bingo.

‘Nope.’

‘Why?’

‘You’ll jump on him in front of me.’

‘Pls, I’ll never embarrass myself like that.’

‘Don’t trust you around him.’

‘Nonsense. I might faint or get a heart attack if he knows I exist but I am not gonna jump on him for sure.’

‘You’ll tell him you love him. That he’s your favourite.’

‘I do love him. And he’s my favourite. You know that.’

‘Yeah not gonna happen.’

‘Whatever you’re just a hater.’

She made a face & tried to move away but his grip on her waist tightened.

‘What?’

She could tell he wanted to say something, but was hesitating.

‘Do you love him more than me?’

Jude was nervous about the answer. There is a reason he had waited months to bring this up.

Colour drained from Ananya’s face. In real time. But she was supposed to be the wordsmith here, she could get out of this.

‘I love him differently and you differently. Chalk & cheese. Can’t be compared.’

‘That’s not what I asked.’

‘Well, your question is flawed.’

She had loved her favourite player for 15-16 years. He was the reason she fell in love with football and Madrid in the first place. And a part of her died when he left Madrid. Of course she loved him, deeply. It was obvious. What was Jude even asking?

‘Still, answer it.’

‘Jude….’

‘It's him, isn’t it?’

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘So if we draw Portugal in the Euros, you’d root for them to win? Over me?’

‘I…it’s not that simple.’

‘Wow!’

‘I’d probably root for a draw.’

‘And if it’s a knockout? Will my own girlfriend not be in my corner in one of the most important games of my life?’

Jude was throwing the kitchen sink at her - the sad words, the long face, the puppy eyes, the hurt voice, the deflated shoulders. She felt very, very guilty. But she wasn’t going to lie to him.

‘I’m sorry love. Don’t know how to feel about this. Would always want you to do well, obviously, but I can’t also root against him in his last Euros.’

Jude couldn’t believe it, and sulked for a good while after that. She cooked for him & fussed over him for hours, and he eventually cheered up. Because, it was tough for him to stay mad at her too.

Introducing her to his friends from back home was far less complicated. They were coming over for a home game, and Jude invited everyone to his place the next evening to formally introduce them to his girlfriend.

‘No female friends or girlfriends?’

‘Nope.’

‘All guys?’

‘Yeah. That a problem?’

‘Problem? No. Just too much testosterone energy. Would have been nice to have a girl in the mix.’

Jude laughed so expressively that he nearly dropped the coffee cup on himself.

‘Will remember to be pally with more girls then, just for your sake.’

She chose to ignore that.

‘So, how deeply have they been instructed to not dish out anything about your escapades?’

Very deeply & thoroughly, in a serious tone. Many stories were off limits. Jude was well aware of her ability to connect the dots.

‘Don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Right.’

Ananya was nervous about meeting them. She wondered if they’d like her, given how different their upbringing and cultures were. It had taken Jude also a while to understand her sensibilities.

But Jude didn’t leave her side that evening, his proximity a warm assurance to her. An arm over her shoulder or around her waist, a hand on her lap, or just holding hands with her. He was right there. Explaining an inside joke she didn’t have context on. Or cutting the group’s banter when he thought it was too much / too soon for her. Ananya felt all fuzzy inside when he spoke about her work & pedigree, propping her up as best he could. She loved seeing him in his element too - unguarded, unfiltered, vivacious - with friends who knew him inside out. All his animated goofy antics on full display.

Whenever Jude couldn’t be around, Jobe was by her side. She had been relieved to know that Jobe was coming over too, and the duo had hung out that afternoon while Jude had been away for training. She had developed her own, easy dynamic with Jobe, outside of being Jude’s brother. Jude often wondered what those two talked about for so long, but never asked either of them. Mostly he was just glad that they had hit it off, coz both were reserved in their own ways, unlike him.

Jude loved showing her off that evening. Grinning from ear to ear when she dumbed down her work in basic simple words, just for everyone’s benefit. How the group responded to her natural ease & sharp wit. How some were secretly in awe of her confidence & brains, a little bit, Jude could tell. And when they discovered she was a genuine football fan (not pretending to be one to look cool or fit in), the ice broke completely. Many football stories followed after - most involving Jude & some of his ‘not so god-like’ moments on the pitch. She soaked in everything - paying close attention to everyone. Later that night, when the party progressed to some music and Jude put his hands on her, swaying her hips to the tune (as was their routine), there were loud cheers of ‘get a room’. Ananya was flustered, wiggling out of his hold while Jude just laughed & gave them a middle finger. It was a fun night.

Mostly a fun night, barring one unpleasant incident. One of his friends made a somewhat loose remark on Ananya, which Jude overheard. It wasn’t much, could have easily been written off as banter, and frankly wasn’t an uncommon or a new line in their group. He had heard it before. Hell, he had said it before. But this time, it made Jude’s head hot. While others had caught on that this was different for Jude, this particular friend was either too drunk or just daft.

Toby elbowed the said friend, telling him to shut his trap, while Jobe was on Jude’s side, watching his brother, ready to intervene if needed. Jude considered asking Jobe to take Ananya inside, who was helping the housekeeper set up the desserts some distance away, while he deals with the situation. But many eyes turned on him to impress upon him that it wasn’t worth it.

The said friend was apologising profusely, which fell on deaf ears. He eventually decided to not ruin the night, for others, but mostly for her. However, Jude wasn’t going to allow that guy to be anywhere near Ananya.

‘Get out.’

With that, Jude went to find the only person who could calm him down right now. Ananya felt his arm wrap around her waist, more possessive than usual, pulling her into his side. She smiled up at him, but could’t recognise the look on his face. Jobe jogged over, and the brothers exchanged a look. She looked between them, then at Jobe, who gave her a reassuring nod and walked away after patting Jude’s shoulder. While Jude’s hand fidgeted on her waist.

‘Honey, what’s wrong?’

Jude was mad at the guy. But somewhere he was more mad at himself. It was because of who he was, rather who he had been, that the guy was able to take the liberty to make such a comment on her. He was fighting the urge of going after the guy and apologising to her at the same time. His thoughts were in mayhem. His eyes reflecting the storm inside.

Her soft voice & concerned eyes anchored him back, as did her hand gently stroking his chest. When he didn’t say anything, she nudged him down for a soft kiss, breaking her rule of no PDA. Swallowing his irritation. When they parted, Jude smiled at his magical girl, and Ananya led him back to the group.

That night triggered something in Jude. He wanted to show her off to the world now. Wanted to have her on his arm. Wanted to go out to dinner dates & clubs with her. Wanted to claim her as his girlfriend. Wanted the whole fucking world to know who she belonged to, and what she meant to him.

The return leg against Manchester City provided the perfect opportunity. She was in London that week for work, 75 mins away from the stadium. When Jude asked her a couple of days before the match, it didn’t go down as he intended. There was silence on the line, and his mood already was in the bin.

‘Will you say something?’

She didn’t know what to say, completely caught off-guard by his question.

‘I-I don’t know what my schedule would be like. If I’d get done in time for the match.’

‘It’s at night. I can still send the passes and you can come if you get done? You can bring Roma too, I’ll handle the logistics.’

Silence again. Jude was losing patience and cut to the chase.

‘You don’t even wanna try do you?’

‘Jude, it’s not like that. But we shouldn’t rush into this. It’s a massive thing.’

‘6 months. We’ve been together 6 months, Ananya.’

‘I know. But I’m in the middle of this crazy cross-geography deal, and I still have a few MBA interviews lined up for next week. The safe schools, but still. There is so much going on. Maybe we should wait for a better time?’

‘And when would that be?’

‘Jude, we need to plan for this. I’m in the London office right now. How do you think I’d be able to walk into the boardroom with all our directors and clients next day if we actually go through with this? What would they be thinking when I’ll be running through my presentation?’

‘You tell me - what would they be thinking?’

‘They’ll only see me as your girlfriend Jude.’

A 20 yr old frivolous (easy) piece of ass. Not an investment banking analyst specialising in leveraged buyouts. That is, if her MD doesn’t decide to leave her out of the presentation to avoid any drama.

It was his turn to be silent. She could hear his heavy breath while she waited anxiously for a response.

‘Is it so terrible for you to be seen as my girlfriend? Even after all this time?’

His voice was low. Vulnerable. Hurt. How she wished she was there with him right now.

‘Nothing baby. So long as people see me beyond that too. Which is why we need to time this right - at work, with my parents - we need to find the perfect tim….’

‘There’s never going to be a perfect time. You’ll have to rip off the band-aid at some point. Given how painful it seems to be for you.’

The truth in his words cut deeply. There was nothing she could say to soothe him, despite knowing he was hurting. She tried, but no words came out, leading to a deafening silence.

He hung up shortly after, with a curt goodnight, and Ananya didn’t know what to do with herself. Sleep eluded both that night. Jude kept to himself during the flight next morning, saying he was tired. The team let him be. He didn’t respond to her messages of good morning or safe travels. Left them on unread all day. Only giving in at night after returning from the stadium.

The match was next night. He desperately needed some sleep but somehow his body was refusing his command. And he knew the cure to his restlessness - avoiding her was not it. Even his treacherous body didn’t allow it.

He dialled her number, and she picked up in three rings, on her way back to her hotel. It was 11 pm - Jude couldn’t help but check on the route she was taking & how far out she was, only slumping back in bed once he was satisfied with her response. Long silence followed after the pleasantries, which she eventually broke.

‘How was your day?’

‘Shitty as fuck.’

‘Mine too, baby. But it’s such a big day for you & the team tomorrow. Maybe let’s focus on that, yeah? Let’s win tomorrow baby. Think about it - you returning home & knocking out the defending champions, the favourites, on their turf. Avenging last year’s loss. With your family & friends cheering you on. We’ll get to the semis Jude, in your first year. Think how amazing that would be.’

‘You won’t be there.’

‘I’m so sorry, my love. Tell me what can I do to make it up to you and I will. But this can’t be the reason that holds you back tomorrow - I need to see you shine on that pitch. To give your 200% and more. It’s the big occasion, and I need my big game player to show the world what he’s made of. So tell me, what will it take?’

He knew the answer right away.

‘Come home with me this weekend. To Birmingham.’

Jude had a window after this match and before the international break. He was going home for a few days, she knew that. His parents had asked about meeting her a few times - she had met Jobe & his friends after all, but never the parents. Not even a few times they had been with Jude in Madrid. Jude had tested waters during one such trip, but figured it was too soon for her. She had told him she’d never met a boyfriend’s parents before, and it was a very big deal in her world. So he gave her space and bought time with his parents. But it had been 6 months now, more than enough time.

Ananya took a few deep breaths. What he was asking for was fair. Nerve-wrecking but fair. She couldn’t deny him this, she didn’t have the heart to, no matter how nervous this made her.

‘Ok.’

‘What?’

‘I said ok.’

‘You’ll come with me?’

‘Yes Jude.’

‘Not going to bail on me?’

‘No. I’ll work from there if I have to but I’ll come.’

All restlessness evaporated from his body as he slowly processed her words. He found a pillow, hugging it close, remembering her scent.

‘Gonna win for you tomorrow.’

‘You do that. I’ll be watching you.’

‘Love you.’

‘Love you more.’

‘Not possible.’

Ananya made him hang up shortly after, saying he needed the rest, and Jude drifted off to a sound sleep.

Once she reached her hotel, she banged on Roma’s door. Roma was taking a relaxing shower after a long day but ran out to find an impatient Ananya on the other side.

‘I’m meeting his parents.’

‘What? When?’

‘THIS WEEKEND. And I don’t have anything to wear. This is a nightmare.’

Roma stood in her bathrobe, leaning against the closet, listening to Ananya rant for 10 mins. It was ridiculous, her friend had the most age appropriate closet she had ever seen. And she was golden when it came to the kind of girls Jude was likely to bring home. Sheer fucking golden.

But Roma took her best friend duties seriously. She tried to talk sense into Ananya, promised to figure out her wardrobe tomorrow, then practically dragged her to the bathtub and pushed her inside so she could calm the fuck down.

Madrid won the next night. The girls were ecstatic, jumping on their hotel bed ecstatic, ordering late night champagne to their room to celebrate. Ananya was so proud of him. He had been imperial on the pitch, relentless. Her heart ached to be there with him, especially when he wanted her so. But it was only a matter of 2 days now - Friday evening she’d travel to Birmingham to spend the weekend in his family home.

Thursday night, Ananya turned her (& Roma’s) suitcases upside down to find the right clothes. Asking Jude what would be appropriate was a royal waste of time - he just looked at her like she was asking him the square root of 1691. Then said cool to everything she showed him. Jobe, the otherwise reliable, sane one just gave her an incredulous look too. She realised the brothers had the same WTF face. She also concluded that men were an utterly useless breed in most cases. Next evening, she got in the car that Jude insisted he would send, and was on her way.

At the other end, Jude was chomping at the bit all evening. Bouncing around the house in anticipation. When she was 5 mins away and took a wrong turn, he frowned at the screen.

‘Pls don’t tell me you’re tracking her phone.’

‘Oh she’ll murder me with her bare tiny hands. I’m tracking the driver.’

‘Of course.’

The car had barely parked in the driveway around 10 pm when Jude opened her gate, pulled her out, hugged her tight, lifting her straight off the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Both whispering ‘missed you’ together. They hadn’t seen each other in 10 days. Not even on her 21st birthday a week ago, since she was in London for work.

About 30 seconds later, she tapped on his back to put her down, and he did. Jude held her hand and picked up her bag with the other one, leading her to the house.

He could tell she was nervous; it was kinda cute. But she really had no reason to be. His parents were super cool and he just knew they’d love her.

‘You’re fine. It’s gonna be fine.’

He whispered before opening the door. And they met Jobe on the other side. He gave her a quick side hug, with a sweet ‘welcome home’. That put her at ease, somewhat.

Mark & Denise were in the living room. She wasn’t sure how to greet them or what to call them, so she had decided to go with Mr. and Mrs. Bellingham. But before she could open her mouth & embarrass herself, Mark came over & lightly patted her shoulder.

‘Heyyy Ananya, welcome. I’m Mark.’

The pronunciation of her name was perfect, and she could tell Jude had something to do with it.

‘Hey Mark, how are you?’

‘All good. So good to finally meet the girl my son can’t stop raving about.’

‘Thanks Dad.’

Mark just play-pushed Jude away. And Ananya could see where Jude got his grin and easy-going attitude from.

‘So good to be here.’

Denise was watching them from the side. Their eyes met, and both women slowly walked towards each other, shaking hands.

‘Hey Ananya, good to see you.’

‘You too, Denise. What a lovely home.’

‘Thank you. Come have some dinner? We saved some casserole - Jude said you’re vegetarian.’

She was about to say yes out of courtesy when Jude intervened.

‘Mom she had some takeaway on the road coz it was getting late.’

‘I see.’

‘But the casserole sounds lovely, I’ll have it tomorrow.’

Ananya quickly chimed in.

‘Sure. You must be tired. Get some rest, see you in the morning.’

After some quick good-nights, Jude led her upstairs to his room, hand-in-hand. The staircase wall was filled with family photos over the years, many more than his place in Madrid. She glanced through all, feeling the warmth of the family home, getting a window into their closely-knit unit.

Jude’s room was no different, littered with photos & memorabilia, a wide contrast to his squeaky clean room in Madrid. That was a man’s room, this was a boy’s. This still had memories of his growing up years, and they seemed to want to keep it that way. Jude let her look around, breathe it in, while he put away her stuff in his closet.

A minute later, strong arms wrapped around her from behind, and his chin rested on her shoulder.

‘Hey.’

‘Can’t believe you’re really here.’

‘Me neither.’

Both moved at the same time to lean in for a kiss. Jude lifted her, carrying her to the bed, as she settled into his lap in their trademark koala hug. Lips glued to each others’. His hand at the back of her neck guiding their pace.

After a long make-out, she slowly pushed at his chest, and he broke the kiss grudgingly. He had promised her to behave himself this weekend - Ananya’s condition of coming over was ‘no funny business’ and for him to keep his hands to himself. But she was so close & he couldn’t understand why he had to deny himself.

‘I’ll stop soon.’

She shook her head slowly.

‘You know you won’t.’

‘They won’t mind. They may not even notice.’

‘Jude, you promised.’

‘Fiiiiine.’

He plopped on the bed dramatically, as she stepped into the washroom to change, emerging in his jersey and her pyjamas. She snuggled next to him, and he pulled the blanket over them, holding her close.

‘I’m so proud of you. Last night was awesome.’

‘Thanks dove.’

‘All Madridistas are proud of you.’

He tapped on her lips lovingly.

‘But I care about this one the most.’

‘Such a charmer.’

He gave her a Jude grin in response, and they fell back to a comfortable silence, just soaking each other in.

‘Honey, I’m sorry about the game.’

She knew she had hurt him. She knew it was playing on his mind. His arms tightened around her in response, like she’d slip away any second if he weren’t careful.

‘Let’s not go there right now, yeah?’

‘Ok.’

It would have opened some existential doors that both weren’t ready to look behind at this point. She was here, that’s what mattered right now. Jude leaned it to kiss her again, enveloping her mouth in a deep, comforting kiss. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

‘Hey guys, can I come in?’

‘No. Go away.’

Ananya smacked Jude’s chest in admonishment, sitting up in bed and fixing her hair/attire quickly.

‘Come in Jobe.’

The younger Bellingham snuck his head in first, followed by the rest of him. He was already taller than Jude, and still growing (something he never failed to highlight). Ananya genuinely wanted to ask Denise what she had fed them as kids.

‘I come bearing gifts.’

Denise had sent over some sponge cake, mostly for her, since Jude couldn’t have this stuff. Her face lit up at the prospect of home-cooked cake, and she hungrily took it from Jobe, quickly stuffing her mouth with it.

The three sat on the bed, talking about random stuff for some time after. Jude couldn’t wait for his brother to piss off, and he wasn’t subtle about it AT ALL, despite glares from Ananya. When Jobe did leave in some time, Ananya threw him a dirty look.

‘That was not very nice.’

‘He’ll live.’

‘Jude.’

‘What? He’ll do the same in my position.’

‘I highly doubt it.’

‘Baby, he’s a lot like me. You just don’t see it yet, or don’t want to.’

Ananya didn’t want to ask what that meant. Maybe he was right, maybe she didn’t want to see it.

So she changed the subject.

‘How’s the shoulder now?’

‘Not killing me if thats what you’re asking.’

‘And the back?’

‘Very much killing me.’

‘Let me see.’

Jude laid face down onto the pillow, while she straddled him, keeping her knees on either side.

He often joked that she had turned into a half physio by now, and should start charging the club as a side-hustle. She had picked up on a few things, from trying to help ease his pain on some particularly harsh nights.

Slowly, she massaged down the spasming muscles, applying pressure at the right points. He moaned into the pillow, asking for more. She went again, and he moaned harder. So much that she had to ask him to be quieter.

‘My dick’s hurting too. Badly. Can you tend to it next?’

She smacked his butt in response. Which had the opposite effect coz he absolutely loved it & laughed into the pillow.

‘Stop being a pervert.’

Jude twisted his neck back to try catching her eyes.

‘How can I be a pervert with my own girlfriend?’

She twisted it right back, pushing him back into the pillow.

‘You can write a book on it.’

‘You’re hurting my feelings.’

‘You’ll live.’

Jude smiled at the way she used his own words against him, ever the wordsmith. His body relaxed under her soft, concerned hands, and he pulled her back down next to him after some time, drifting off to sleep soon after, burying his head in the crook of her neck, one arm & leg over her body, as her arms draped around his shoulders.

Ananya was wide awake for a while, taking in the room and all that would have happened here. When he would have first thought to start playing football, as a 6 yr old. When he would have stared at the ceiling, dreaming of playing professionally. When he would have gotten into Birmingham City and had the season that he did. When the young boy would have cried for having to leave his room, his house, his city, his club, his family, his country to play for Dortmund. That was all he would have wanted but it would have hit then how much he would have to leave behind. When he would have come here after making it at Dortmund. And finally, when the boy had turned into a man at Madrid. This room witnessed it all. If only the walls could talk, she’d sit & hear every single thing about the man she loved - his dreams, his fears, his secrets, his little jokes, his joys, his habits, his whole life.

The thoughts led to a lump in her throat and a tingling in her eyes. Jude stirred in his sleep, moving his mouth on her neck, as if sensing her restlessness. She held him tighter, he did the same, and she didn’t realise when sleep took over.

Next morning, they slept in late, and no one disturbed them. The day was filed with fun family time.

First up was a barbecue in the backyard. She was touched to find they had gotten vegetables specifically for her. Mark & Jobe were on barbecue duty while Jude was helping Denise in the kitchen with salad & mashed potatoes. Ananya chose to side with the former team, having never seen this up close. And also because she was a little intimidated by Denise. This would have been the perfect organic window to break the ice, with Jude around, but she chickened out and picked the easier option. Mark showed her how to do the vegetables and she did the rest on her own, under his close supervision.

The family & her ate outside. Mark started talking about her work & plans, and he made it very easy for her to open up. At one point she even went into a monologue, speaking for a few mins straight, feeling embarrassed after. Jude & Mark started arguing about something random then, in a competition of who could yap more/louder, with Jobe joining in for some bits. Eventually, Denise put an end to the argument & the focus came back to the food. Which was frankly delicious.

Next up were home videos & photo albums, something she had specifically requested Jobe for. Her mouth was in a constant ‘aww’ mode looking at Jude’s childhood clippings. She was sitting between the brothers on the couch, and they kept filling her in on the context.

‘What happened to this cute boy?’

She was looking at his 3rd birthday album - big cheeks & puppy eyes tugging at her heart.

‘He got cuter.’

Jude giggled next to her, kissing her cheek, and she couldn’t even deny it factually. There were more clips of him with his little cousins, playing & laughing with them. He was a natural with kids, a downright magnet and hands down favourite.

For the first time, she wondered about having a little version of him running around the house. With Jude running right behind, pretending to lose the race. It did something to her. Something fluffy yet dangerous. She had to physically clutch her chest to keep her heart from hammering against it. Thankfully, they moved to watching a movie next. The first half was a blur, her thoughts still scattered, but the safety of being tucked under Jude’s arm brought her back out of her trance.

In the afternoon, the parents were busy with some calls. Jude wanted to take a nap with Ananya, while Jobe wanted to show her his new collection of thriller novels. She went with the latter, spending some time in Jobe’s room as they discussed their favourite thrillers. When she returned to Jude’s room an hour later, she found him playing a violent video game, filled with guns & explosions. She sat next to him, leaning into his side.

‘Didn’t sleep?’

‘Nuh.’

He kept his eyes firmly on the screen. And it took her precisely 3 seconds to understand he was sulking.

‘Will you teach me how to play this?’

‘Jobe plays this too. Maybe he can show you.’

‘But I want my boyfriend.’

Scrutinising eyes turned towards her, trying to find any hint of sarcasm or flippancy, but was met with sincerity. He softened, easing his stance, pulling her legs into his lap, and proceeded to yap for 20 mins about a game she had zero interest in. But she had always been a fast learner, and actually played two quick turns decently well. Jude beamed with pride, and the pair went to their nap after.

Dinner was brief. Everyone was still stuffed from the heavy lunch. And she had some work to finish. So Jude & her ate in the room - salad for Jude and yesterday’s casserole for her. They both crashed early that night, tired from the day’s activities.

Sunday morning came. She had to head out that evening, these were their last few hours together till next Sunday when he returned to Madrid. And Jude was particularly needy since waking up. He tried negotiating with all his might, to get her to budge on the ‘no sex rule’, calling it torture. Calling it unfair. An unjust punishment. He tried guilt-tripping, blackmailing, pleading but nothing worked. She stayed firm, and got out of his hold.

It was still early, around 7 am. The house was quiet. He followed her into the kitchen when she came down for some milk, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, trying to kiss her neck.

‘JUDE.’

‘Let’s go to a hotel.’

‘What?’

‘For a few hours. There’s one nearby.’

He knew there was a private one nearby, because he had used it many times earlier. But obviously omitted that out.

‘You’re out of your mind.’

His hands moved to her butt, cupping & squeezing with force, channelling his frustration. She tried swatting his hands away but was no match to his strength & resolve.

‘Not here.’

‘Yes here.’

‘Pls behave.’

‘Why?’

‘Decorum.’

Denise’s voice from behind made them jump apart in a split-second. Ananya wanted to kill herself. No, she wanted to kill Jude. And Jude knew that. So he stood a good few feet away, outside of her reach.

‘Morning Mom.’

‘Morning Jude.’

‘Was just helping her find…..sugar.’

Ananya cringed internally. It was extra sad because she knew he’d think he was being smart.

‘It’s on the counter.’

‘Right. So…..I’ll head back then.’

Jude retreated soon after, escaping the looks from both women he loved the most in this world. Then, Denise turned towards Ananya and the girl nearly dropped her cup.

She was dressed in Jude’s hoodie from yesterday, and was convinced the universe was trying to kill her with embarrassment. What would Denise think, especially after what she just saw? Should she give an explanation? Should she act like an idiot (like that boy earlier) & find a way to escape? This is not how she imagined her first proper solo conversation with Denise.

‘I..I’m sorry about..that.’

‘You shouldn’t be the one apologising for my son.’

Her tone was on point, but also kinda soft. Ananya just nodded in response, unsure of what else to say.

‘I’m making coffee. Want some?’

‘Yeah sure.’

She saw the graceful woman move around her kitchen meticulously.

‘Thought you’d be a tea person.’

Denise smiled. And Ananya breathed a bit more easy.

‘I was. But last 4 years in Europe changed me a fair bit I guess.’

‘Must have been hard - uprooting your life like that.‘

‘Yeah. But Mark & I kinda knew what it would take to get the boys here.’

‘And it still goes on.’

Denise’s smile was directed straight at her this time.

‘It still goes on. But they are happy, so I’m happy.’

Such a simple line, summarising years of sacrifice and putting her life away for her sons. But it was all worth it, she could see it from the quiet pride & joy in Denise’s eyes when she talked about her boys. What a great woman. A strong, smart, opinionated, loving woman. And such a great mum too!

They stepped into the backyard with their coffee, sitting side by side on the bench. Jude came down to check on the scene once, but saw them chatting away, so went back up quietly. Or so he thought, coz both women heard him & shook their heads.

‘So, 6 months huh?’

‘Yeah. Don’t know where time went.’

‘Happens when you’re in love.’

It was plain as day to Denise that they were in their head over heels phase right now. No question.

‘I guess.’

‘It’s good to finally meet you.’

‘You too. And I’m sorry you had to find out that way…during Christmas.’

‘Again, not your fault.’

‘Were you surprised?’

‘That he was seeing someone? No. That he was in love? Yes. I’d never seen Jude so desperate like he was to get to you that day.’

‘I…I’m sorry for all the chaos and for…taking him away during Christmas.’

‘Dear, you need to stop apologising for everything. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you gave him hell for that. I would too. All self-respecting women should, but most don’t, for various reasons, which saddens me. He needs to learn that actions have consequences.’

Ananya nodded absent-mindedly, still processing her words. The conversation moved to a few random things about life in Madrid. A few mins later, Denise looked at Ananya with purpose.

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Of course.’

‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, or if you don’t know how to.’

That put her on guard.

‘Okay.’

‘There’s something holding you back from Jude. Something gnawing at you. Am I right?’

Ananya had not seen that coming. Her eyes fell to her lap as she fidgeted with her hands. How did Denise catch that in a day? Literally no words came to her head. Zilch.

Denise watched her closely. She knew she had hit the nail on its head. Her intuition had just been confirmed. There was something about Ananya’s look, the way she paused in the middle of conversations about the future, or when Mark said she’d join them for Christmas this year. Something flickered on her face, which she usually hid away quickly, but Denise had seen it.

‘Like I said, you don’t have to answer.’

She really shouldn’t. When she hadn’t even been able to properly articulate it to herself. Her boyfriend’s mom, who she was meeting for the first time, should be the last person she should confide in. But there was something about Denise’s demeanour right now which made Ananya want to bare her heart - something kind, motherly, like an older sister or best friend. A wise, comforting, knowing, trusted advisor.

Denise saw her struggle, and reached out to squeeze her hand gently. Ananya held it back, ready to cry at the gesture.

‘I won’t tell him.’

‘I know.’

After a few deep breaths, Ananya let the cat out of the bag.

‘I don’t know if I’m the right girl for him. If I can give him everything he wants in life.’

There was no point denying this anymore. The argument from the last match was playing in her head. It had far deeper connotations, something the couple was avoiding to discuss. Because it would open a pandora’s box of questions & predicaments.

When Jude had asked her to go public that night, her whole system revolved against the thought. Something Jude sensed, which had hurt him. Which made him ask that piercing question. And he was right - there was never going to be a perfect time. Not now. Not for the next two years when she’d be knee deep in her MBA, an ocean away from him. Post that, it would be the first few years of her career, she didn’t even know what would be the best location for it. Maybe US. Or London. Or back home in India - she could always go back to the Mumbai office, to be close to her family.

And Jude was going to be in Madrid. Her MBA or work won’t allow her enough time to fly in. And long distance would not work for Jude - he simply didn’t have the patience or maturity for it. He needed the constant reassurance of company, physical touch, having someone by his side, someone whose arms he could fall into every night, someone whose world revolved around him, someone who relished his world & the spotlight that came with it, someone he could show off to the world, someone who could deal with all the media/fan frenzy that would always follow him. Without that, he won’t be satisfied, not fully, and at some point he’d look outside for that satisfaction, for companionship, for sex.

Even in the last few months, she had felt parts of that irritation and dissatisfaction in him, while she was in the same city. A part of her hadn’t been able to forget the despair she felt when she saw Jude’s picture on Christmas, and another part of her felt something like that was inevitable. Like it would come anytime now, and she won’t be able to take it the second time. Heck, she might even blame herself more this time.

Denise didn’t ask what that line meant. She had pieced parts of it together from everything she had heard about her from the boys, and her face was also telling its own story right now.

‘Have you spoken to him about this?’

‘In parts. On & off, when something or the other pops up. But not directly, no.’

‘Maybe you should.’

‘How? I don’t want to hurt him. I can’t. Really do love him.’

‘I know, dear.’

The heart-shaped locket Ananya was wearing was proof of it. Of their love. Denise had the same one & she recognised it immediately. Jude had only given it to two people in his life.

‘But telling him later would hurt him more.’

Ananya squeezed her eyes shut in pain, and Denise scooted closer to her on the bench, her hand still squeezing Ananya’s.

‘Look, you don’t have to do anything immediately. But at some point, you need to address the elephant in the room. It would eat away at you both otherwise.’

Ananya could only nod in response, the lump in her throat not letting any words come out.

‘Till then, best to not rush into anything.’

‘W-what do you mean?’

‘You know, like, you guys are young and….I can see how you are with each other. Don’t let a weak, vulnerable moment have serious life consequences….for either of you.’

Was she just getting sex talk from her boyfriend’s mother? To not rush into a….marriage….or a child???

Denise could see the mix of embarrassment and shock on Ananya’s face. But it needed to be said. The closeness they had, anything could happen. They were like pieces which weren’t even from the same board but somehow interlocked perfectly. Like magnets. Something she couldn’t articulate but felt deep in her heart every time she saw them together.

Ananya wanted the ground to split and swallow her whole. Now was a good time to run away, coz she couldn’t believe what had just happened with her. And she did run away, after thanking Denise for her counsel.

She ran straight to Jude. He was in bed, half drowsy, but his face lit up when she walked in. He lifted the blanket, inviting her in and she rushed to settle in next to him, letting him hug her close, burying her face into his chest.

‘That was some chat, yeah?’

‘I think your mom just gave me the talk.’

She was still in shock. And Jude just laughed loudly in her ear.

‘What?’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘To not let me knock you up?’

‘Pretty sure that’s what she was hinting at.’

‘Unreal. And she spoke to you about this, not me?’

‘Maybe she thought I’d take her more seriously on this.’

‘Yeah, possible. But that’s funny. No wonder you look so red.’

Jude tilted his head to kiss her cheeks and she sighed at the comfort of it.

‘Dad gave me the same talk by the way.’

‘WHAT? When?’

‘Last night. I just laughed it off. But mom? Wow. Can they not see we are kids ourselves?’

‘You are.’

‘Ouch. But yeah, you are older I guess.’

She smacked his chest with force.

‘By 2 months. Shut up.’

‘It’s cool. I like older women.’

‘You are such a juvenile. And they thought I’d let you get me pregnant? Nonsense.’

Jude whispered slowly, playfully in her ear.

‘Not now. But one day, you will. One day, I’ll put babies in here.’

She froze. Her skin turned cold at those words. Alarming him.

‘Heyy heyy I was kidding. Pls don’t freak out.’

She sat up in bed, throwing the blanket away.

‘Ananya - look at me. C’mon. Forget what I said, was just messing with you.’

He rubbed her arms & back, but she scooted away, setting some distance between them on the bed.

‘It’s too much. It’s too hard…Jude…’

‘Baby, what’s happening?’

‘Are you happy?’

‘What?’

‘Are you happy with me? Honestly?’

Jude stared at her incredulously, trying to figure where she was going with this. Did she really need to ask him?

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too. But….’

‘I AM happy. Aren’t you?’

‘I am…for now…but…’

‘But what? What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?’

‘It’s not all of a sudden. You know what I’m talking about.’

Her voice was barely a whisper now, and it scared the living daylights out of him.

Yes, he knew. All those little unsaid things between them that seemed unsurmountable, he had felt them too. Both had tried to brush them under the carpet. But it was all bubbling over now in a cruel way.

But letting her pull away was not an option. He reached for her, grabbing her arms, pulling her close, despite her protests.

‘We can work it out.’

‘HOW? I may have to leave in a few months for my MBA. And I want to, I really do. It’s my dream, my family’s dream. It’s all I have been working for since I was a kid. It’s why I have studied so hard. Can’t give it up Jude, can’t do that to myself or my family.’

Funny thing was, a part of her did want to give it all up, just to stay with him. And that scared the shit out of her.

‘I know.’

A part of him wanted to keep her back in Madrid too, by his side, selfishly, but he was starting to see it wasn’t possible. And it wasn’t right.

She slumped against him, speaking in whispers again, and he held her gently, like a delicate precious object.

‘Between you & my career - I don’t know how to do justice to both.’

Jude was trying hard to be strong for both of them. To not break down right now. But it was killing him from the inside. The thought of waking up knowing she wasn’t his anymore was so terrifying that he had compartmentalised this in his head, even though her going away had been on the horizon more & more.

‘And it’s not just that - we’re so different. I don’t know if I can really make you happy. If I can be….who you want me to be…I….’

Theirs was a clash of sensibilities, of moral compasses, of cultures, of core beliefs.

‘Shhhhh baby, baby, you make me so happy you have no idea. Can never put it into words what you do to me. You make me a better person. I love you. I love you so much, dove.’

Tears came down her cheeks, breaking his heart into pieces, but he let her soak his jumper with it.

‘Look at me. C’mon love, look at me.’

He cupped her cheeks, tilting her face up.

‘Here’s what we are going to do. No big decisions for now. Nothing that gets us like this. No need to go public or anything. Let’s just do what we are doing, what’s working for us.’

‘But that’s not what you want….you want to go public….you want more…’

‘Not at the cost of you. Not if I can’t come home to you anymore. Do you get that?’

She nodded slowly.

‘One step at a time. Nothing too drastic. We have 4 months before you leave, yeah? Let’s just make the most of it. Move in with me, if that’s not too scary for you. Let’s just stick to each other. And when you do leave, we’ll find a way to make it work if we want it that much. I know we can.’

She wanted to believe him, so so badly. But life just didn’t work like that.

‘It’s not so easy. You’re saying that now but….when I’m not around…will you….Jude I can’t take another incident like that I just can’t. It’ll break me.’

‘I know. And can you see why it won’t happen? Because I know that would be the end of us. You will never forgive me again. It’s not easy. No one said it would be easy. But tell me this - would you not have moved heaven & earth to be with your ex, no matter the challenges, the differences, instead of giving it all up?’

‘Y-yes.’

‘So why not now?’

Because life had taught her it wasn’t a bed of roses. She knew that now. She wasn’t that naive girl from earlier.

‘Is it because you….loved him more…than me?’

The crack in his voice hurt her in ways she didn’t even know was possible. Ananya reached desperately for his face, cupping his cheeks, kissing him all over.

‘No babu. Don’t ever say that. It’s not true.’

‘Then let me love you. Let me show you I’m not the same person anymore. Destiny & fate & distance can fuck right off - if you’re with me, if you trust me then we’ll make it. Remember I told you not being with you is not an option? It’s true. I won’t know what to do with myself. You’re my whole heart, I’m obsessed with you, I need you. And I’ll keep loving you till you love me the same way.’

‘I do love you the same way.’

‘Then show me. Fight for us. Don’t ever think of pulling away. Don’t leave me, Ananya.’

‘Oh Jude.’

They reached for each other at the same time, lips crashing together. She didn’t know whether she pulled him on top or he pushed her down, but there he was, kissing her like his life depended on it, pressing her into the mattress. Both channeling their love & desperation into the frantic kiss.

Ananya didn’t stop him when his hands reached under her clothes, pulling them off. She couldn’t. Because she needed to feel his love, his reassurance, just all of him. And Jude would have cried if she tried to take that away from him. Quite literally.

‘Just….make me forget this baby….just wanna remember you.’

‘Gladly.’

He lived up to his promise. In all his kisses and caresses and praises, she was transported to a different world. Their world. Where nothing else mattered. Just him & her. And it was enough. It had to be enough. They’d will it to be enough.

‘Say yes, Ananya.’

She didn’t know what he was asking for, or what all he was asking a yes for. But she wanted to give it to him. She wanted to give him everything.

‘Yes.’

‘My sweet dove.’

‘My beautiful prince.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you more.’

‘Not possible.’

It was too soon to think of growing old together, so they decided to grow up together. Taking on the world together and everything it threw at them. One step at a time.

...................................................................

Well, there you go! 17k words. The end of Star Crossed Lovers.

I don't even know how to begin thanking you for all the love you have given to this series, and to Jude & Ananya. What your messages have meant to me.

Thank you for waiting patiently for 2 months for this final chapter. For constantly motivating me & sending me good vibes. You've been the best readers, so you deserved a long-ass chapter to conclude this roller-coaster journey.

I'll be taking a break from writing now. But it's been such a ride with you guys.

And ofcourse, as always, I am chomping at the bit to hear your thoughts on this chapter. This was truly a labour of love, and the last one, so pls do share your thoughts extensively with me. I can not wait to hear you guys 💜

Thanks again!

#jude bellingham #real madrid #bellingham #jude #jb5 #jb #jude bellingham smut #jude fanfic #bellingham x reader #star crossed lovers #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham blurb #desi girl #jude bellingham angst #jude fic #jobe bellingham

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maskedcrawford · 2 days ago

Text

Hidden Secrets

G-Dragon x Reader

Summary: Ji-yong told you the truth, but what's going to happen now?

Warnings: The usual, some angst but with fluff.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has showed this series love and for all the follows and support. Y'all have no idea how much it means to me! Chapter 5 should be out soon!

Requests are OPEN

Chapter 3

Chapter 4- Risk Takers

“Ji-yong,” your voice is barely above a whisper.

“I think we owe it to ourselves to at least try,” his voice is audibly worried you're going to reject him.

“I mean, can you honestly tell me you don’t feel anything, between us,” he’s standing in front of you now motioning between you. You look at the ground and feel tears prick your eyes. Could you take the chance with him? What if he broke your heart all over again?

“Aein,” he questions, voice slightly weaker.

“I’m just asking for a,”

“No,” you say and close your eyes tight. He’s taken aback.

“Wh-what?”

“Ji, I can’t, I can’t do it. I can’t give you that piece of me when you’ve all ready hurt the one you’ve had,” your voice is cracking but it’s the truth.

“I’m not the only one who’s done wrong here,” he tries to deflect.

“But you’re the one asking for more,” you say looking into his eyes, filled with sadness and despair.

“I swear I’ll make it right, I’m just asking for a chance to do that,” his own tears are in his eyes, and one slips over the edge and falls down his face.

“I know what you’re asking, but you don’t.” you sigh and turn to leave again.

“Then tell me,” he puts his hand on your shoulder and you freeze.

“You’re asking me to not only trust you, something I can’t do right now, but to let you in to an even more intimate place than I all ready have. Ji, this whole thing is so messed up. I mean, how the hell did we even get here?”

“Baby, please,” he can’t help himself. He falls to the ground in front of you. He wraps his arms around your torso.

“Just one chance, that’s all I’m asking.” He’s on his knees looking up at you. He wants to do right by you, to love you the right way, but you aren’t sure he knows how. Not without getting something in return. You pull him up off the floor and give him a soft kiss.

He tries to deepen it but before he can you pull away. He looks like a wounded animal, the pain and regret evident on his face.

“I need some time,” you utter, “to think about all of this.” You walk out of the room, it feels like you’re walking out of his life, and return to your work in the small studio.

Neither of you speak the rest of the day. You find yourself fighting an internal battle. You love him, you want to be with him, but he hurt you, used you for his own selfish needs. Granted you used him too, whether you liked to admit it or not.

You could hear him messing around with some music stuff that night while you were in your room. Different sounds coming from his in-home recording studio. Curiosity got the better of you and you couldn’t help but sneak into the door way. He’s so lost in the music he doesn’t seem to hear you walk up. You lean against the doorframe and watch him.

Ji-yong sits there, he can feel your eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn around. He can’t show you his puffy eyes, the way he’s been overthinking this whole thing, or the fear on his face that he’s lost you completely. He writes some lyrics down on a sheet and he gives it a few minutes, trying to see if you’ll walk away. He can’t help the sniffle that he lets out and silently curses himself.

You hear it, that tiny sound that lets you know he’s been crying. So had you most of the day, and while it didn’t make complete sense, you wanted him. You slowly stalk into the studio and slink your arms down his chest from behind him.

He freezes at your initial touch and his eyes close momentarily. He sits back in his chair for a moment, enjoying the feeling of your hands on his body again.

“We’ve both had a long day,” you say seductively in his ear. He nods his head and bites his bottom lip.

“Come on,” you whisper. You kiss the top of his head, a sweet and innocent gesture.

He stands up, almost zombie like and that’s when you see his eyes. Your heart hurts for him, despite how he hurt you. You pull him to you by the waist band of his pants and kiss him deeply. Everything you want to say and don’t know how to say is put into the kiss.

“Fuck, I missed you,” you breathe against his lips, “I want you,” you feel him stiffen under your touch and you pull away looking at him curiously.

“Ji,” you put your hand to his cheek and he, oddly, turns his face from it.

“Aein,” you say shocked, even when he was mad at you or upset he didn’t refuse your touch.

“I can’t have just this part of you,” he says and walks past you out of the room.

“What are you talking about?” You call after him as you follow on his heels down the winding hallway. He stops abruptly and he knows this is the rest of what can be said. It’s now or never.

“I’m in love with you, and I can’t just have you this way anymore,” he doesn’t look at you, just barely over his shoulder.

“It’s too fucking painful. This whole thing, its too fucking painful. I won’t stop you if you want to leave, but if you stay, we can’t keep this up. I physically can’t do it anymore, y/n,” you stand there shocked.

“Love? He loves me?” you think to yourself.

“What if I love you too?” you call as he’s about to go back to his room. He freezes with his hand on the knob. He doesn’t look at you.

“What if I’m terrified because of what we’ve been through all ready,” you ask. He stares at the floor.

“What if I’ve loved you for a long time and, and when we were together it wasn’t casual. What if,” you pause and you know this is the point of no return, “What if I’m afraid to let you in because of all of this? Because you hurting me is something I don’t know how to heal from and if it’s all ready happened this way, us really being together,” he walks up to you and cups your tear-stained face with his warm soft hands.

“At least let me try to make it right.”

“If I lose you, I can’t come back from that,” you sob. Your body starts shaking and he pulls you close, letting your head hit his chest. His arms are around your head and torso.

“Do you love me,” he asks quietly. You sniffle and close your eyes, as if not seeing him makes it any easier.

“With my whole heart,” you croak. He kisses the crown of your head.

“Look at me,” he mumbles against your hair. You look up at him and he’s offering you a small smile.

“Baby we can do this, you just have to let me in,” he rests his forehead on yours. You sigh.

“I’m broken,” you whimper out.

“Me too,” he sighs.

“But we can heal together if you’ll let us. If you’ll give us a fighting chance. I told you; I’ll make this right.”

“What if we fail, what if I lose you,” you sniffle again and look to him for answers.

“What if we succeed? What if we get married have 10 kids and,”

“I’m not putting my body through 10 kids, Ji,” you interrupt playfully but also seriously. He smiles at you and the mood lightens some.

“Then let’s start with this,” he rubs your cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

“What if we are the best person for each other? Y/n there isn’t much about you I don’t all ready know, broken pieces and all. I want all of it. The healed parts, the jagged pieces, if I’m going to fight for anyone, anything, Jagiya, it’s going to be us. Because I know we can make it. I just know we can,” his voce is confident, reassuring, and he pleads a good case.

He does know everything about you, the parts you don’t tell anyone else, the ugly secrets you hide from others, that time you went to band camp and your pants fell down in front of everyone. He knows it all.

You sigh and nod your head, “Let’s give it a shot,” you smile up at him and he kisses you passionately; you moan into it softly. Your arms snake around his neck and you gently tug at the hair at the nape of his neck.

He smiles into the kiss.

“You have an early morning; you should get some sleep.” He says against your lips. You whine quietly, “Then at least come cuddle me until I’m asleep.” You pull away from each other and you both walk into your room. Slipping under the covers you feel him pull you into him.

“I’m really excited to see you unveil your next piece. I’m so proud of you,” he whispers lovingly into your ear.

“Well, I have to be at the art gallery in the morning around 8,”

“I’ll make sure you get there personally.” You stiffen at his words slightly.

“What’s wrong,” his voice is unsteady.

“What about the public? I mean, do we want to give this a trail run before we tell people.”

“Nothing would make me happier than to scream from the roof top of the highest building in the city that you’re my girl,” he kisses the back of your neck.

“But if you want to wait, we can do that too.” You grin and scoot back a little more into him.

“I just, I want to keep this between us for a bit. Let it be ours before it’s everyone else’s to scrutinize and judge. I want us to be solid with each other first,” you try to explain.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. But I can still come tomorrow, right?” he quirks a brow.

“Yes,” you giggle, “Just not as my boyfriend.” He groans.

“Ji, it’s just when we’re out in public.” He moves his lips to your ear.

“And it was hard not to kiss you in public before all this,” you blush at his words and turn over to face him.

“I promise, as soon as everything is over, you can kiss me as much as you want.”

“I’ll take that deal,” he grins and gives you a soft kiss before you tuck your head under his chin and fall asleep.

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bapeach · 2 hours ago

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Stolen kisses - part 2 ~ Paige's version

Finally posting part 2 of stolen kisses! Sorry it's taken so long, i've been a busy busy bee :) Hope you guys enjoy it! Constructive criticism is always welcome :D Find my masterlist here :)

Pairing(s): Paige Bueckers x female!reader Word count: 6.4k+ Warnings: make out sessions, hickeys, jealousy Summary: Paige finally snaps as jealousy takes a hold of her, revealing your secret relationship to the team. ------------

A few weeks have passed, and you’re still happier than ever. Okay, that’s a lie. Classes have been kicking your ass, and practices have been leaving you completely drained. Relationship-wise, however, things have been great!

You celebrated your 6-month anniversary with Paige a while ago, and it was amazing. You felt a little bad about having lied to your team that night, but you had to. They wanted to have a sleepover in KK and Ice’ dorm and watch movies, but you weren’t about to cancel your date for that.

You’d taken her to a fancy restaurant for dinner, followed by a movie in your dorm as you held her in your arms. You’d looked up the nicest restaurant in the area because you wanted nothing but the best for your girl, but in the end, you don’t remember anything about the place itself. You were too enthralled by how beautiful Paige looked in that mouthwatering black dress shirt of hers. You didn’t notice the cozy lights, too focused on the way the Minnesotan lit up the room with her smile. The soft music was nothing compared to the sweet laugh that filled the air as you made a joke.

That day might’ve been the best day of your life. The restaurant was quite a distance away from campus and was pretty private, so you didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing you two in such an intimate setting. It felt so freeing. You hoped that it wouldn’t be long before you could finally show everyone that you’d managed to win over the prettiest girl in the world.

-------

You hum to yourself as you get out of the car. You woke up with a song stuck in your head, and it hadn’t left your mind for the past two hours. Mumbling the lyrics as you grab your bag out of the trunk, you hear your name being yelled. You close the trunk, turning around to see a grinning KK wave at you as she and Azzi make their way towards you. You smile back at the pair, greeting them as KK daps you up. You give Azzi a quick hug before you all start walking towards the facility.

“You ready for practice?” The younger girl asks with a wide smile. “Sure, if being ready means being dead-tired, sore, and barely holding it together,” you reply with a playful smile. “That’s the spirit!” KK laughs as she pats you on the shoulder.

When you reach the court, your eyes immediately zero in on Paige. She’s talking to some of the other girls as she’s stretching. Hearing the doors slam shut, she looks over and sends you a smirk, her eyebrow raised playfully as she catches you staring. You simply smile at her, not bothered by the teasing look on her face.

You quickly say hi to everyone, giving each girl a hug or a fist bump. When you hug Paige, you let your hands linger on her hips a little longer, giving her 3 soft squeezes. “I love you,” you say without words. When you pull back, the blonde looks at you with a twinkle in her eyes. She bites her lip to hold back the beaming smile that’s threatening to break free. You give a quick wink as you move away from her, walking towards the locker room to put away your stuff.

When you return to the court, you see everyone is already there, including coach Geno and a girl you don’t recognize. You don’t get the chance to ask who she is before KK starts rambling about a new game she’s been obsessed with. You give her your full attention, laughing at her dramatics and wild hand gestures. In the middle of her rant about a certain game mechanic she hates, Geno waves everyone over. KK huffs as she pouts at being interrupted. You pat her shoulder, telling her to continue talking about it later. The younger girl brightens up, beaming at the fact that you want to hear more about her current obsession.

Everyone forms a half-circle around the coach and the mystery girl, giving them curious looks. You know for sure she’s not a new player. She’s a lot shorter than you, standing at about 5’2”, with wavy, brown hair and big, thin glasses. She’s holding her laptop to her chest as she smiles sweetly at everyone. When you make eye contact, you send her a small smile of your own. Her eyes crinkle as her lips curl up even more.

You don’t notice the look Paige sends your way as she notices the interaction. You look back at Geno when he starts talking. “Everyone, meet Emma, she’ll be interviewing everyone for the school newspaper. I trust you’ll all make her feel very welcome!” He says with a smile, but his eyes hold a seriousness as he looks at the team. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you guys,” Emma says with a shy smile, her cheeks becoming a little pink at the attention from the tall, athletic girls around her.

One by one, the huskies begin introducing themselves. The atmosphere immediately becomes more relaxed as KK sassily introduces herself and immediately follows it with a playful jab at Paige. The blonde gasps dramatically, teasing the younger girl back with her own insults. Everyone chuckles at the childish duo as they both quiet down after getting a pointed look from Geno.

“Alright, practice will go on like normal, but Emma will call each one of you away for small interviews to get to know you all better for her article. She’ll be joining us for the next 5 or so practices, so you might not all be interviewed today. Let’s treat her with respect and show her what it’s like to be part of the Husky family!” Geno speeches. When he finishes, he gives Emma a nod, letting her slip away to go set up her stuff.

Practice starts like normal, a mix of serious training mixed with laughter as the girls tease each other. Chuckles can be heard as KK whines about not being picked first for the interview, Ice sticking her tongue out at the younger girl as she walks over to Emma. Once Ice is done, KK gets called away, followed by Azzi. You don’t pay them a lot of mind, more focused on fixing your trouble shots. Once Geno is happy with everyone’s progress, he changes the drill. “Okay, pair up! We’re gonna work on defense.”

You don’t get the chance to try to wave Paige over, as the blonde appears beside you in the blink of an eye. “Partners?” She grins. “Partners,” you agree. Once the team is paired up, you grab a ball and take Paige to a quiet corner. “Ready to get destroyed, babe?” She mumbles with a smug smirk.

Your heart flutters at the nickname. “In your dreams, baby,” you quip back. While you’d proven to her you were the better scorer that day you two first kissed, there was no way you were better at defense. That doesn’t mean you��ll back down and submit, however. You loved riling her up. Especially when you could convince her afterward to sneak off with you to go make out in a random janitor’s room. She’d kiss you with so much fire and passion that it made you see stars.

You’re glad the others are busy with their own stuff and that no one is looking your way. It’s not like you and Paige were being very subtle. You were constantly mumbling flirty comments while letting your hands linger on her body for longer than you would with any other player. You also didn’t need to be told to know you had that look in your eyes. The look that Paige calls your “adoration face”. But how can you not look at her with so much love in your eyes when the love you have for her is one of the main reasons that keeps you going in life?

Your banter gets cut short as you hear your name being called. When you look over, you see Aaliyah making her way towards you. “You’re up, L/N,” she announces as she takes over your spot with Paige. You send both girls a smile before making your way to the interviewer. You miss the sour look on the blue-eyed girl’s face as you walk away.

You sit down beside Emma, asking her how she’s doing and if the others haven’t been giving her too much trouble. She giggles a little, shaking her head as a few curls fall in her face. You try your best to make the shorter girl feel at ease, knowing your team can be a loud and intimidating bunch. The brunette starts her interview with easy questions, asking how long you’ve been playing basketball, who your favorite players are, and what your dream team would look like. She also asks about what the team dynamics are in your opinion and how you’d describe the other players in only one word.

Your natural charm (or your “otherworldly rizz” as KK would say) shines through during the whole interview. The girls keep glancing over when they hear Emma laugh at another one of your comments, all giving you a grin or a raised eyebrow at your “flirting”. You’re not trying to flirt, being very happy in your relationship with Paige, but that’s just the person you are.

You give the people you’re talking to your full attention, your eyes never leaving theirs. You make people feel comfortable with your genuine charm and warm smile. It also didn’t help that one of your main love languages is touch. You were always touching the team, be it an arm on someone’s shoulder, a knee against theirs, or a hand on their arm. You don’t notice you’re doing the same with Emma, a hand resting against her upper arm as you lean in a bit to tell her a funny story about your first practice at UConn.

Hearing your chuckles, which usually sound like music to the blonde’s ears, Paige looks over at the benches, a tiny frown on her face as you laugh with the girl beside you. Her mood only worsens when she sees the brunette slap your arm softly as you give her a little smirk. Being distracted, the blonde doesn’t notice Aaliyah coming a bit close, making her fall to the ground.

You look up towards the far corner of the gym as Aaliyah helps her up. You frown a bit as your muscles tense. You want to go over and check on your girl to make sure she’s okay, but you know it would look suspicious, so you stay seated. It’s moments like this where you wish you could just be open about your relationship with the girl so you could fuss over her without worrying about anyone seeing.

You don’t hear what the two players are saying, but you relax slightly as you see Aaliyah’s smile. Paige’s face looks a bit more thunderous, but you figure she’s just riled up from training and maybe even a bit embarrassed about the fall. You don’t hear anything the brunette beside you is saying as you continue to look at your girlfriend. When the blonde finally looks back your way, you send her a soft smile. You blink slowly at her, sending her another wordless “I love you”.

A few weeks ago, you’d read something online about how cats blink slowly as to say “I’m happy” or “I love you”. You two had immediately adopted the gesture, adding it to your list of ways to assure each other when others were around. When one of you would slowly blink, the other would do it back.

At least that’s usually the case. Right now, Paige’s frown just deepens a little as she eyes you and Emma. You tilt your head slightly, raising your eyebrow in confusion. You don’t see her reaction as Emma’s voice pulls you back into the moment. “You okay?” She mumbles, looking at you in concern. “Hm? Oh! Uh, yeah, no, I’m fine. Sorry,” you reply, rubbing your neck sheepishly as you look down apologetically.

“Don’t worry about it,” she responds as she puts a hand on your bicep. Your head snaps back up as you hear Paige scoff. You hadn’t noticed everyone had made their way over to the benches as practice had come to an end. You furrow your eyebrow at the girl’s sudden foul mood, intent on finding out what’s troubling her later.

As everyone starts making their way towards the locker room, you hang back a bit to finish your conversation with Emma. You give the girl your number, happy to have a new friend, before making your way towards the changing room. The second you close the door behind you, the girls start hollering at you.

“Well, well, if it isn’t our favorite player, finally making her way here,” Nika teases, emphasizing the word player to let you know she’s not talking in the sense of basketball. “Do you have to flirt with every girl you meet?” KK jokingly asks. “When’s the wedding?” Ice jumps in.

“Alright, alright, shut up,” you say, rolling your eyes playfully as you chuckle at them. “For the record, I wasn’t flirting.” “Sureee,” Azzi grins at you. You give her a good-natured push, looking at her with an open mouth in betrayal. “Et tu, Brute?” You gasp, making everyone laugh. Well, almost everyone.

You look over at your favorite person when you don’t hear her angelic laugh. Paige is glaring at the floor, her jaw clenched. You take a step towards her before clearing your throat and moving towards your locker. You want to make sure the shorter girl is okay, but you don’t want to draw attention to her bad mood, nor do you want her to get mad at you again for “being too obvious”.

You hurry to get ready, seeing as the blonde is already starting to leave. You quickly say your goodbyes to the rest of the girls before running after her. When you call her name, she doesn’t react, only continuing her powerful strides. You finally catch up as you leave the building, grabbing onto her elbow. “Hey… What’s wrong?” You mutter, trying to catch her eye as she glowers at the floor. “Nothing,” she mutters, taking a tiny step back, so your hand falls from her arm.

You feel a pang in your chest as she does so. You raise your hand again to reach out to her, letting it hang in the air for a second before putting it in your hoodie pocket instead. You feel heat creep up your neck as you remember the last time she pulled away from you. You’d been standing too close when the girls walked into the room. Paige had taken a quick step back and sent you a stern look, making your heart hurt a little. You knew she wasn’t ashamed of you, she just wasn’t ready to tell people she’s not as straight as they think she is, yet sometimes it does feel like it.

You swallow harshly before saying her name. It comes out in a whisper as you try not to whimper. You absolutely hate it when the girl is upset with you. It makes you feel like your stomach is in knots and like your throat closes as your chest starts to hurt.

You quickly go over everything that happened in practice, trying to figure out if you’d done anything wrong, but you come up with a blank. Opening your mouth to say…Well, you weren’t sure what you were going to say, but it doesn’t matter as Paige starts speaking first. “I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.” She turns away from you, making her way towards her car. You want to go after her, but you know that would only make things worse.

As her car disappears from sight, you continue standing there. Your shoulders are sagged as you pout slightly. Hearing someone call your name, you straighten up, putting on a fake smile as you look over. “You alright?” Azzi asks, her eyes roaming over you as if that’ll show her what's wrong. “Yeah! Sorry, just lost in thought,” you reply, sending her a smile and a wave before you start walking away.

When you reach your dorm, you’re glad your roommate decided to sleep over at her boyfriend’s dorm. You plop down on the couch with a sigh, leaning your head back as you close your eyes for a moment. You don’t stay like that for long, sitting back up as you grab your phone. You open your messages, hovering your thumbs over the keyboard as you stare at your last messages with Paige. She’d been teasing you and talking shit about how she was going to destroy you in practice this morning. Everything was still fine back then.

You chew your lip as you think about what to text her. You know you won’t get a reply if you ask her what’s wrong again, having enough experience with her when she’s like this. “Dorm’s empty tonight, wanna stay over? :)” You send instead. You stare at the text for a while before realizing you’re not going to get a reply any time soon. Closing the app, you get up, throwing your phone on the couch as you walk over to get some water.

You sprint walk back over when you hear your phone ding. Quickly grabbing it, you deflate a little when you see it’s a message from Emma instead. “Thanks again for the interview today and being so nice 😊🤗” It reads. For a moment, you consider not answering, but you quickly shake your head. Emma was a nice girl and seemed like she’d be a great friend, she didn’t deserve any rudeness from you just because you were in a bad mood.

You start feeling better the longer you text the brunette, laughing as she makes awful dad jokes. Before you know it, you two start video calling, your fingers cramping from the hours of typing. You’re looking at her with a wide smile as she animatedly waves her hands around, explaining something that happened to her during an interview. Your eyes dart up as your phone buzzes with a new message. You make a face as you see your girlfriend’s message. “Can’t tonight, I’m busy”.

You’re now certain the blonde is mad at you. Because of the fact that you two aren’t out about your relationship, you always took every chance you got to stay the night in each other’s room. Sure, the girl could really be busy, but you knew she wasn’t, seeing as she would’ve told you about it already.

When it becomes silent, you look back at your screen to see Emma looking at you. You put another fake smile on your face as you apologize for getting distracted. The brunette shakes her head, sending you a soft smile. “It’s okay… Are you sure you’re alright?” She says, her voice warm and nonjudgmental. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I just…” You frown, not sure what you can even say. “Sorry, I should get going. I’ll talk to you later?” You say instead, sending her a small smile before letting her end the call.

You glance at your clock, seeing it’s already pretty late. You open your chat with Paige again, sending her a goodnight message. “I’m going to bed, I love you baby! Sweet dreams ❤️”. You get up and walk over to the bathroom to get ready to go to sleep. When you return, you see she already replied. You feel a bit better at the fast response, but that feeling quickly passes when you see it. “Night” is all it says.

It feels like someone is squeezing your chest as you read the message. You close out of the app, letting your phone drop beside you as you stare at the ceiling. You lay awake for hours before finally passing out from pure exhaustion. When you wake up again, it feels like you never even slept. Your head is pounding, your chest hurts, and you feel like you’ve been run over by a truck. You squint at the light coming in through your blinds before feeling around your bed to find your phone. As you try to turn it on, you realize it’s completely dead from not being plugged in. You groan to yourself, already annoyed with the day, as you plug your phone in.

When you look at your clock, you shoot up with wide eyes. You’d overslept. Of course, you had! Your phone was dead, so your alarm didn’t go off. Stumbling out of bed, you stagger into the bathroom, trying to put on some pants as you walk. You brush your teeth while you’re on the toilet to save time before running back to your bedroom to grab a shirt. Quickly grabbing the things you’ll need for class, you linger at the door for a moment, debating if you should grab your phone. You end up leaving it on your nightstand, seeing as it’s dead anyway.

On your way to class, you feel a little bad about not sending your girl a good morning, but you try to shrug it off, knowing she’d probably still be in a pissy mood anyway. You barely pay attention to what’s being said in class as you try not to nod off. Just as your eyes are about to close, the bell rings, signaling the end of class. “Saved by the bell,” you think to yourself.

As you make your way back across campus, you run into Paige, Azzi, and Nika. You greet everyone, slightly nervous as you say hi to the blue-eyed girl. To your surprise, she sends you a grin as she greets you happily. For a moment, you freeze, not expecting the girl to have gone back to normal, pretending nothing happened. You smile back, but it doesn’t reach your eyes as your mind goes a million miles an hour. You wonder if you should ask to talk to her alone for a moment to understand what was going on. You end up not doing it, however, scared of making her upset again. “She’ll tell me what’s wrong when she’s ready,” you convince yourself.

“I’ve texted you like 10 times already, bro. Did you lose your phone or something?” Nika asks, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Hm? Oh, nah, I forgot to plug it in yesterday, so it was completely dead this morning. I overslept and left my phone back in my room to charge.”

You glance over at Paige, hoping she knows you didn’t just not text her because you were mad. “You’re such an idiot,” Nika laughs. You see Azzi raise an eyebrow at the brunette, knowing full well Nika forgets to plug in her phone multiple times a week, meaning Azzi has to wake her up on most days. You just roll your eyes at her, too tired to give a good comeback.

“Anywaysss,” Azzi says, “you only had one class today, right? Wanna come over to our dorm?” You think about it for a moment. On one hand, you would love to go back to bed and sleep until the next morning, but on the other hand, you wanted to spend some time with Paige. The blonde looks at you with hopeful eyes and a soft smile, and you know right then and there you’d agree to anything they proposed, as long as she’d be there.

“Sure,” you shrug. “That’s the spirit!” Nika says as she swings an arm around your shoulder. You were hoping to hang back a little and talk to Paige, but it seems like the brunette has other plans as she guides you to her dorm.

The rest of the day you spend in Nika and Azzi’s room, laughing as you laze around. Your chest feels lighter as the star player teases you like she normally would. When it’s getting late, you walk your girl back to her door. You two don’t talk much, instead choosing to walk in a comfortable silence. When you reach her dorm, you lean against the wall as you watch her side profile while she unlocks her door. After stepping inside, she raises her voice, calling out, “Hello?”

Not hearing a response, she turns back towards you, pulling you inside. You barely have time to close the door behind you as she grabs your face and kisses you. Your back hits the door as she pushes you against it, hungrily attacking your lips. You’re not sure what’s happening, but you don’t mind, kissing her back with just as much fervor. It’s crazy how much you’d missed her lips against yours, even though it had only been two days.

She pulls back, her lips now assaulting your neck as you lean back, trying to catch your breath. You can already feel the purple bruises start to form, but you don’t stop her. Though you two had agreed not to leave marks on one another, you loved it when she did. You loved being reminded of your activities and liked the way the girl claimed ownership of you despite the secret relationship. You squeeze her hips as she sucks your sweet spot, a soft groan leaving your lips.

She pulls back, looking at you with a smug grin at the noise you made. You send her a smirk as you quickly flip her over, now pushing her against the door instead. You kiss her hard as you lean your body against her to keep her up. You let your own lips trail down her neck, but don’t leave marks, knowing everyone would know what you two did otherwise.

Once you have her gasping for air, you make your way back towards her lips. Reaching them, you give her a long, soft kiss before leaning your forehead against hers. She stares up at you, her pupils fully blown out, as she bites her lip. You lift your head, kissing her forehead as you mumble an “I love you”. She sends you a dopey smile as she says it back. You raise one hand to her cheek, rubbing it softly as you stare at her lovingly.

Once she regains her breath and can stand up on her own again, you take a step back. While you’d love to stay with her all night, you knew her roommate could be back any minute. “I should go,” you whisper, not wanting to break the moment. “Yeah,” she breathes out, a little disappointed. You give her one more soft smile and a squeeze before leaving.

You’ve barely left her hallway when your phone dings. Looking at the message, a wide smile breaks free on your face. It’s a selfie of a pouting Paige with the words “Already miss you :(” below it. You quickly save the picture, reacting to it with a heart and telling her she’s a dork but that you miss her too.

When you text her good night when you go to bed, you’re happy to see a loving message back.

The next morning, you wake up to your alarm feeling well-rested and ready for the day. You grab your phone, texting Paige a good morning and asking if she wants to go to practice with you or if you’d be seeing her there. She replies, letting you know you can pick her up at her dorm in 30 minutes, making you grin widely. You hurriedly get ready, grabbing some toast for on the way, before leaving. You finish your breakfast right as you reach the blonde’s dorm, knocking on the door as you tap your fingers against your thigh to the beat of a random tune.

The blue-eyed girl opens the door with a wide smile, greeting you as she steps out into the hallway. After she closes the door, she quickly glances both ways before pulling you down into a quick kiss. It ends sooner than you would’ve liked, but it still manages to make you feel dazed. The girl pushes you away with a tiny laugh, “Come on, Romeo, we don’t wanna be late.”

You give her a goofy grin as she links her arm in yours. The gesture is friendly enough that it doesn’t draw anyone’s attention, yet you can still be close to her. You both make small talk as you walk, teasing each other about everything and nothing. Once you reach the facility, you both go your own ways, greeting everyone before making your way towards the changing room.

When you make it back to the court, you pass Paige as she walks towards her locker. You playfully pat her ass, sending her a wink as she sends you a lighthearted glare. You throw her a kiss, grinning as you hear the girls around you laugh at the interaction. You start warming up with Azzi and KK as you wait for the rest of the team to arrive, only stopping when you see Emma walk in.

Seeing her struggle with all her stuff, you jog over to give her a hand. “Need some help, tiny?” You tease as you take over the bag that was sliding off of her shoulder. She sends you a dirty look as she grumbles, “M not tiny, you’re just a goddamn giant.” You laugh as you squeeze her shoulder. “What was that? You need to speak up, shorty, I can’t hear you all the way down there.”

You quickly sidestep to avoid the punch aimed at your arm, rushing forward to catch the younger girl as she stumbles from the momentum. You let out a loud belly laugh as the brunette’s cheeks become a bright red. “I hate youuu,” she mumbles as she reaches her usual spot for the interviews, putting down her stuff before hiding her face in her hands. “Nahh, you love me,” you grin, pulling her into a side hug as you pat her head.

You’re too busy making fun of Emma to notice Paige return to the court. She scowls at your proximity with the girl beside you, hating the way the interviewer is making you laugh the way she usually does.

When coach Geno calls everyone over, you give Emma a playful wink before running over to the other girls. Once everyone knows what today’s plan is, the team slowly starts dispersing. “I see you, girly,” KK says with a smug look. You roll your eyes as you reply, “I really don’t know what you’re on about. We’re just friends.” “Righttt, just friends… You like her, though, don’t cha? I mean, brunettes are your type, right?” Nika asks with a smirk.

Paige clenches her jaw and furrows her brows at the brunette’s words, walking away with her group for their drill. “In your dreams, Mühl,” You retort, giving Nika a little push. Sure, your last two girlfriends were brunettes, but that didn’t mean they were your type. You don’t really have a type, you just love all women. You love a certain star athlete in particular, though.

Looking over at your girl, you see her staring at the floor angrily. You tilt your head in slight confusion before it dawns on you that she heard the teasing comment aimed your way. “Oh… She’s annoyed because of what Niks said. I’ll talk to her later,” you think to yourself, shaking your head to focus back on practice.

When your girlfriend’s name gets called for her interview, you watch her walk away. She’s chewing on her bottom lip, stomping her feet a little harder than usual, her shoulders hunched. You stare until you get hit by a basketball, reminding you to get your head in the game.

Not long after, your attention gets taken away again as Paige comes back onto the court, being done with her interview much quicker than the others. You send Emma an apologetic look, feeling bad for her having to feel your girl’s wrath. She gives you a smile back, waving you over to finish your interview.

“‘M sorry about her, she’s not usually so…” You shake your head, not knowing what to say. “Don’t worry about it,” Emma grins. “I think she just has some stuff going on right now…” you trail off. “Mhm… I think she’s jealous,” the brunette shrugs. “Wait, what? Why would she be jealous?” You ask, your speech speeding up a bit, nervous that you might’ve given away your relationship with the girl.

“Well, the two days I’ve been here, she’s been grumpy. She started off being happy, but then she saw me, and she looked annoyed,” she says in a matter of fact way. You open your mouth to protest but get stopped by the younger girl as she raises her hand. “The fact that she’s also sending me a death glare right now kinda makes me think she doesn’t like you being near me,” she finishes with a smirk. You whip your head around to look at the girl in question, seeing exactly what Emma was talking about.

“I… It’s not like that,” you stumble, scratching your neck awkwardly. “Mhmmmm,” she hums, her eyes twinkling in amusement. “Okay, you can’t tell anyone!” You beg, your eyes wide as you look at her. “I won’t,” she replies. Seeing the uncertainty in your eyes, she put a hand on your arm, giving you a squeeze as she raises three fingers with her other hand, “Scout’s honor!” You relax with a chuckle. “Alright, dork.”

You continue your interview, taking quick glances at your girlfriend every so often. Every time you look, you see her frown has deepened. Whenever Emma notices, you apologize, making the girl giggle at the amount of sorry’s you’ve said. When you finish your interview, you get up, shoving your shirt in your pants to continue practicing. You turn towards the brunette one last time, apologizing for the glares aimed her way. “It’s okay, it’s kinda sweet,” she replies. “Yeah, giving people the stink eye is sooo sweet,” you grin as you jog backward, making the younger girl laugh.

Hearing Emma’s sickly sweet laugh, Paige finally snaps. Once you reach the middle of the court, she marches over to you. Everyone moves away, clearly seeing that the girl is on a mission. Once she reaches you, you open your mouth to ask if everything is okay, but you don’t get the chance to say a word. The blonde grips your collar, tugging you down with more force than you expected, and kisses you hard. You automatically kiss her back before realizing what’s going on.

Once she lets you go, you pull back slightly, looking at her with wide eyes. “You’re mine,” she growls quietly, not letting you get far. You immediately nod your head vigorously as you look her in the eyes before glancing around the room. The once lively gym suddenly having become so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Everyone is staring at you two with a shocked look, while Emma gives you a smirk and an “I told you so” look. You see KK open her mouth a few times but close it again when she can’t find the words.

Looking back at Paige, you see her anger has simmered down, an adorable pout on her face as she stares up at you. “I thought you didn’t want anyone to know just yet?” You mumble, leaning close so the others don’t hear. “Yeah, well, I changed my mind,” she mutters back, taking a glance towards the bench. You follow her gaze, grinning as you see Emma happily swinging her legs as she looks at you both, her cheek resting against her hand as she leans on the table in front of her. Chuckling, you pull your girl closer, leaning down to whisper, “Are you jealous?”

“What? N-no,” she huffs, burying her red face in your shoulder. You laugh at how adorable she’s being, ready to tease her some more. “You do realize Emma is in a relationship, right? She’s dating one of our hockey players.” The shorter girl becomes an even brighter red, embarrassed about the whole situation. You open your mouth to poke more fun at her, but the team seems to have overcome their initial shock, mumbling to each other in confusion.

“I’m sorry, pause,” Nika blurts out, raising her hand in a “stop” motion. “You two are dating??” She asks, her face still showing pure bewilderment. You look over at her with a wide, proud smile, nodding your head as you pull Paige closer against you, leaning your head on hers. “Since uh when?☝️🤨” KK interrogates. (A/N: Anyone get that reference?)

“We’ve been dating for 7 months and 13 days,” you reply, taking the lead as Paige is still too embarrassed to say much. “Damn, you said that with no hesitation,” Aaliyah says, looking a little impressed. “Yeah, you’re a simp,” KK laughs, making you roll your eyes. “You’re just mad cus I get bitches and you don’t!”

You look down at Paige, feeling her move away from you. She looks at you with a raised eyebrow and an “Oh really?” face. Stumbling over your words, you quickly correct yourself, “I-I mean, not bitches! Beautiful, gorgeous, smart, kind, amazing ladies- lady! One lady! Just you!” You cringe as you embarrass yourself in front of the team, proving just how down bad you are for your girl. Hearing the blonde’s soft laugh makes you feel a bit better, though only slightly.

“Wait, sorry, I’m still hung up on the fact that y’all have been dating for 7 months and somehow kept it a secret from us,” Azzi says, still looking baffled. “Yeah, come on twin, how could you not tell me?” Nika whines with a pout.

“Alright! Since clearly everyone has decided that this is more important than practice, let’s call it for today,” Geno says with an annoyed voice, though his eyes twinkle in amusement. The team starts smiling before the older man continues, “Let’s start practice 30 minutes early tomorrow, and you better come prepared because it’s gonna be a hard one!”

The girls immediately deflate, groaning as they throw their heads back. You’re not looking forward to the grueling training, but you can’t really be mad after today. At least practice was done early, meaning you could spend the rest of the day with your girl! Even though you were pretty sure the girls would bombard you with questions, your smile doesn’t leave your face, knowing that the whole interrogation, Paige would be right by your side.

#paige bueckers x reader #paige x reader #paige bueckers oneshot #paige bueckers #paige bueckers x you #oneshot #imagine #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #wlw fanfic #bapeach writes

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skippingstonez · 1 day ago

Note

yeah yeah very nice and all the legend stuff and sky's upcoming stuff, but imagine riding warriors so hard and so well that he ends up whinning like the pillow princess we all know he is, like, i look at him and I just want to please him until I ruin his pretty boy face with tears of pleasure<3

Not gonna lie I wrote this like 6 different times cause something just kept feeling off. Turns out you just gotta get out of the forest every once in a while <3

Take a Seat

(Wars x Reader)

Warnings: Self-explanatory smut with Wars having a boner basically the whole time. <3 Also a small tidbit of non-con touching.

“Watch out!!”

Wars quickly rolled out of the way, a large boulder crashing into the ground where he just was. The whole room shaking violently as he raises his shield, covering himself as more fiery stones rain down on him, threatening to crush him where he stands. He planted his feet, digging his heels into the rocky soil and using both hands to firmly keep the shield up as he tried to look for the others.

A sharp cry rang out and his feet started moving before he even knew who it was that had yelled. Through the flames he could see you crouched low on the ground, struggling to keep your shield over you as one of the larger rocks slammed down on you. Knees shaking as you fought to stay upright against the heavy weight before it hit the ground beside you. With a clear destination, he reached you in record time, sliding in next to you as he yanked you into his chest, shoving his shield up next to yours to create a larger barrier of protection over your heads.

“Are you hurt”

You shake your head, trying to make yourself as small as possible next to him as you both wait out the pseudo-storm that ends as quickly as it started.

Wars lowers his shield cautiously, helping you back up to your feet as a fire keese makes a dive for him. You quickly notch an arrow, shooting it down before Wars can get his sword back in his hands.

“Gods I can't wait to be done with this place!” Wars groans out, wiping sweat off of his forehead. “And if I have to see another one of those blasted bats I'm throwing myself in the lava!”

You snort at his dramatics, “You mean to say our mighty Captain can't take a bit of heat?”

Wars gives you his best smile, holding up his left hand that you knew had the large scar underneath. “Oh don't worry doll face, I'm hot enough for this whole mountain.”

You roll your eyes, giving him a playful shove as Wind calls you from across the room. “Come on guys! We found the exit!”

Everyone is quick to follow the young sailor along with Hyrule who lead you to the large exit in the other room. The midday sun stinging your eyes as you all crawl your way out from the depths of Death Mountain. Soot and dirt filled the air still far too warm for comfort. The only true reprieve being that there is no longer any active threat of being caught on fire or tripping into lava.

Layers of clothing were immediately pulled off the moment the opportunity presented itself. Cloaks and armour being the first things to go, followed by tunics, metal jewelry, shirts and any other fire protective clothing that was no longer needed

Bottoms stayed on. A hard and fast rule Time had set after a rather embarrassing incident a few weeks back that only some members of the chain were ever able to laugh about. Pants were exchanged for shorts though for anyone able to do so while most of the group settled for just settling with what they had.

Wars plopped onto a large boulder jutting out from the ground, rolling up the legs of his pants a bit before somewhat neatly storing his stuff inside of his bag. The smell of smoke was a pain to get out of clothes and Warriors groaned at the thought of smelling like a walking campfire for who knows how long. He just hoped that they would be able to do some laundry before the smell spread to his whole bag. Though he supposed if given the opportunity this very moment he probably wouldn't take it.

He was exhausted, and so was everyone else given the ways half of them were strewn about in various stages of napping which Wars was strongly considering joining in on. So he settled onto the ground, using the rock he had just been perched on as a backrest with arms loosely folded over his chest. He ignored the small rocks that dug into his legs, or how the rock was still a bit too hot against the bare skin of his back. He was just so damn tired that for once none of it seemed to matter. All that mattered was that his eyes were heavy, and his brothers were safe.

He did a quick scan of the group, mentally reassuring that they were indeed all safe as his eyes really only fell to you. You were a little off on your own and looked just as exhausted as he felt as you peeled off the last layer of your top to expose your bare midsection and a nasty red mark on your shoulder blade.

Oh you little liar.

With a new wave of energy, Wars shoves his hand into his bag. Rummaging through it till he finds the small canister of ointment and a large bandage before he moves to sit beside you. His fingers brushing your hair over your shoulder to take a better look at the blistering burn.

“Thought you said you were fine.”

“I am…or at least I was..” you murmur, pouting as you avoided eye contact with him.

Wars couldn’t help but chuckle. It was the same thing Mask used to do when hiding an injury from him during the war. The young hero, now grown ass adult a few feet from him, hated admitting that he needed help which had taught Wars to simply give it rather than trying to convince the kid he needed to simply ask for assistance.

Wars however, remembered a few seconds too late, that you were not Mask and was now stuck in a rather odd predicament.

Without thinking, he had reached over, scooped you right off the ground and straight onto his lap. Hands still poised around your hips as his mind began screaming at him the moment he physically felt your bottom press against the now growing strain in his trousers.

Oh no. Ohhhhh shit shit shit don't think about it. DON'T think about it!

Warriors took a deep breath, trying to remain calm while his heart rate skyrocketing. Hands quickly letting go of your hips like the contact had burned him worse than any of the fire monsters they had dealt with today.

You had gone impossibly rigid, hands placed down on his knees that kept some of your weight off of him. Spine so straight, one poke and it could snap in half.

Oh but you'd love to break her back under the right circumstan-

NO.

No. It would be fine. He was clearly just overthinking it. He was just trying to help you with your injury, nothing more than that. If he could just stay cool then there would be no need to panic.

You awkwardly turned your head to the side so you could see him. “Y-you don't have to-”

“It's fine,” He said with practiced ease. If there was one thing he was good at, it was hiding panic. And as you were already sat on top of him, it was too far to turn back now. “I don't mind.”

You nodded, still looking a bit skeptical but made no attempts to dissuade him. Taking that as a sign that you were indeed okay with him helping, he brushed away the lingering strands of hair and uncapped the bottle of ointment.

You winced at the initial contact, shoulders raised to your ears to try and flee from the coldness of the medicine. He tried again only to get a lessened version of the same reaction. It didn't deter him though, giving you a split moment before he gently rubbed it into your skin. His other hand, having found the curve of your waist, rubbing small circles to try and distract you from the stinging pain.

It didn't take long before your shoulders slowly dropped, the muscles along your spine relaxing enough till even your hands stopped supporting your weight. Letting you rest entirely against him as he applied more of the cream.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep at bay the shiver that raced through him. Thinking of anything else besides the way your hips fit against his or how the goddess blessed curve of your ass pressed into him. And he definitely wasn't thinking about how much he wished he could just grab your hips and-

Oh Hylia he was so incredibly fucked.

He snatched up the bandage, having enough self control to apply it gently over the injury before practically shoving you off of him. Knees coming straight up to his chest as he prayed to Hylia that you wouldn’t see the large bulge you had just been sitting on.

“Uhm, thanks. That actually feels a lot better.”

“No problem.”

Neither of you looked at the other as Time called for everyone to start getting up. He watched as you walked off towards Four as he tried to come up with a quick solution to hide the rather obvious bulge. All he could think of was his shirt, so he begrudgingly threw it back on, wearing it loosely instead of tucked in so that it would hopefully cover it. And if anyone asked? It was simply to protect his skin.

_________

Wars sat on one of the tall bar stools in the Inns dining room, picking at the food he had been given though he hadn't taken a bite in probably 10 minutes. His mind too preoccupied with thoughts of you to concentrate on anything else.

He had avoided you like a pack of cuckoos the entire trek back down Death Mountain. Putting as much distance between the two of you as he possibly could until he could 1) calm himself down and 2) stop getting worked up every time he thought about it.

He was still working on that second one.

Adjusting his tunic for what felt like the 20th time that hour he sloshed back his drink, idling tapping on the now empty glass. The cool condensation sliding down to drip onto his fingers. Just like the way he could see the small beads of sweat roll down the length of your back. Wetting the plush soft skin underneath his fingertips despite the harsh environments. The way you fit so perfectly against him and Hylia the way your hips had moved. He wondered what sort of excuses he could come up with to get you on his lap again. Slowly building his way up till he could get you underneath him.

Wars hit his forehead, playing it off as simply trying to keep himself awake. He was still clearly exhausted, but after 2 hours of sleep evading him to replay the events of today in his mind on repeat, he decided to try and see if a snack and warm drink would help clear his head. Unfortunately it only seemed to have the opposite effect. Not only giving him space to freely think about you without the others around, but apparently encouraging it further into what could be happening if he ever decided to stop chickening out and admit his feelings for you.

Because he did. Not at first, though he has always found you attractive, but over time it was staring him in the face. To the way his stomach would do flips whenever you walked next to him, or how his heart fluttered at the sound of your laugh. And if you dared to smile at him? It was a miracle his heart hasn't stopped working.

He had fallen and fallen hard and it was infuriating.

He was the Captain, the strategist of the group that were all counting on him to keep it together. He couldn't afford to get distracted. No matter how badly he wanted to feel you against him. Grinding down on him so hard it-

He adjusted his tunic…again.

Its only gonna go away if you STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!

He crossed his arms on the counter in front of him, resting his forehead down with a frustrated groan. Might as well make himself comfortable here right? At the rate he was going it wasn’t like he was going to be getting any actual sleep soon anyway. A tap on his shoulder was followed by a thin hand resting on his bicep. He looked up to see 2 women standing on either side of him. Both had long brown hair though the one on his right with her hand on his arm had a much darker shade that looked almost black in this lighting. And both of them were currently looking him up and down like starving wolfos.

“Oh honey you are much too cute to look so upset.”

“Yeah, why so down handsome?”

Even with the odd tingling under his skin from where the woman’s hand was, Wars threw on his best smile for them, leaning back so that his arm slipped out from under her palm.

“No need to worry about me ladies.” He assured them with as much charm as he could muster. It was a poor attempt, one even they could probably see straight through yet it didn't seem to deter them as they both stepped a bit closer. One lightly grabbing his arm while the other dragged a finger down his shoulder.

“Awww, poor guy. We can always help cheer you up.”

“Mhmm I like that idea”

Gulping down the lump forming in his throat that felt too dry, he gently tried to push off their hands. Only for them to latch on to him again.

“T-that won't be necessary I can assure you.” He stammered out, stirring on his seat.

“Oh come on. What better way to get over someone than getting over someone else?” She whispered, tugging in his shirt a bit.

“Or between” The other purred in his ear and War's tried not to cringe at the proximity. He tried to laugh, playing it cool until he could slip away and go hide back in his own room with some of the others.

“Oh hey Ca- uhhh sorry didn't mean to uhh…interrupt?”

Maybe the Vet was right and Hylia did just hate them.

His neck spun so hard it cracked. Eyes wide as he saw you standing only a foot away in your night clothes. The ends of your hair still damp that left small wet patches on your shirt. Your eyes awkwardly shifted between him and the two women he was sandwiched between.

“(Y/n)! Hey, what are you doing down here?”

The two women finally let go of him, allowing him room to quickly beckoning you over. You come do so without hesitation, brushing right past the women who were now glaring at you with disgust.

“Couldnt sleep.” You stated, grabbing the hand that was still on his shoulder and flinging it off of him. “Figured I'd get a glass of milk or some. Why are you up?”

“Great minds think alike it seems.”

You hummed but your attention was still in the 2 women who seemed to need a more direct approach at being told to leave.

“Sorry, but can I help you?” You asked with a bite to your voice.

“Who us? We were just keeping your friend company.” Her tone eerily sweet as she tried to brush his arm again. You latched onto her wrist, shoving it away from him.

“How sweet of you. But it looks to me like you've overstayed your ‘welcome’ a bit. Have a good night.” You waved goodbye at them with a fake smile. Thankfully, they took the hint. Walking away with their eyes rolling and a short scoff.

“You have impeccable timing.”

“And you apparently really are too pretty for your own good.”

You both chuckle, the atmosphere around you lightening

“Can I buy you that drink for saving my ass?”

“*gasp* language Captain!” You tease, “but sure, why not.” You glance around, realizing that the only empty seats were on the other side of the room.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the drink he had earlier but for the second time that day, Wars brain didn't quite think through his actions. He snakes his arm around your waist, pulling you closer till you were between his legs and sat against one of his thighs. Unlike earlier though he made sure to keep enough space between you and him. Just in case.

You had other plans though. You leaned into him, wrapping an arm over his shoulders as you put whispered into his ear.

“Ya know Pretty Boy, if you want me to sit on your lap, all you gotta do is ask.”

Heat spread down to the tips of his shoulders and he gaped like a Hylian trout out of water. “I..I didn't…”

“I don't mind ya know,” the heat of your breath tickling against his skin. “There's a lot of things I'd do if you ask nicely enough.”

He swallowed dry air, that all too familiar stiffness returning beneath his clothes. “Yeah?” He whispered back, trying not to shiver when your hand lightly drummed on his shoulder. “Like what?”

He was playing with fire. Fire he should have dowsed hours ago. Weeks ago the moment he knew he had started catching feelings for you. But if you were the one to burn him he would run straight into the flames. So when you got to your feet, offering your hand to him he took it without question. Letting you lead him straight through the small room and up the stairs that creaked every few steps.

It was a blessing that Time has let you have your own room for the night. And a larger blessing that it only took a minute before you were opening the door and ushering him inside.

He could hear the door shut behind him as he strolled into the room. It was…a room. Bed, dresser, nightstand, everything a typical inn would have and nothing more. Feet planted into the wood floor it almost felt like he was back in training, standing at attention as higher-ups patrolled around to find any sort of flaw. He could feel your eyes on him as the distinct sound of the latch clicked into place.

“Well?” You asked. Fingers ghosting over his elbow as you came around to stand in front of him. “What do you wanna ask me?”

He cleared his throat, a bit nervous. “What can I ask?”

Your fingers left goosebumps on his arms as you ghosted over his forearms. “That all depends on what you want.” You explain, stepping forward till you were only an inch away from him. Wars lifts his hands, tapping his fingers against you as if to rest if he would be burned or not. But you were cool to the touch. A relief to the hot fire inside of him.

“Can I kiss you?”

You breathe out a yes, coming up on the tips of your toes to bring his face closer to yours. He grabs your face with both hands, lips ghosting over yours before kissing you softly.

It was soft, timid really. Not the kind of kiss you would expect from the group's so-called ‘ladies man'. But then again this was Wars and sure he could be flirty but deep down you couldn't recall a time he had ever tried to push for more than was given.

You deepened the kiss, swiping your tongue across his lower lip till he grants you access. He tastes like peppermint with the lingering hue of the alcohol you know he had earlier. You pull away, kissing a line from his mouth down to his neck.

“You could ask to touch me…or ask me to touch you if you prefer.”

“Surprise me” You chuckle at the slight trembling in his voice as your hands dipped beneath the edge of his shirt before lifting it up. He takes it off, tossing it aside before he reconnects your lips, hands beginner to roam up and down the curve of your sides. You sigh into his mouth, letting him snag your lip to give it a soft suck that makes you moan softly.

Pulling him towards the bed, you give his chest a soft push so he sits down, eyes looking up at you with a hazed curiousity.

“How about I take care of that little ‘problem’ you've had today hmm?”

His face is a bright red now which is cute as you grab his knees, pushing them open to slot yourself between them. Kneeling down on the floor as your hands rubb up and down his thighs. His breath hitching as he watches you unbuckle his belt, finger poised around the waist.

“Do you want me to stop?”

He shakes his head as you pull down, releasing his cock into the open air. Cheeks flushing as you lick your lips, dipping your head lower and lower till your mouth brushed against the sensitive skin. Wars titled his head back, gripping onto the sheets as your tongue licked him from base to head, swirling around the top before repeating the motions.

“Hah- shit.” He moans when your lips wrap around his head, slowly taking as much of him in your mouth as you can, using your hand the rest of the way till you reach the base.

Panting up at the ceiling, he leans back on his elbow as a hand comes atop your head that was now bobbing up and down. He stares up at the ceiling, knowing if he looks down at you, sees your beautiful eyes while his cock is in your mouth he'll be finished and goddesses he'd do anything to keep feeling your warmth mouth on him. But as you hollow your cheeks, sucking down harder he couldn't help himself. Fumbled curses leave his mouth as he looks down at you, his hips bucking up on accident that makes him hit the back of your throat.

“Fuck- s-sorry!”

Your eyes drag up to his, humming some sort of response that Wars has no clue the meaning behind. All he knows is he has to let go of your head, hand clenched so hard into the mattress his knuckles are white to keep himself from grabbing your hair and fucking your mouth.

He breathed out your name. “K-keep doing that and I-i wont last long sweetheart... ”

Hands gently grabbed your face, trying to guide you off but you swatted them away, pinning down his hips with a defiant stare that had him shaking. And when he felt the back of your throat again he came undone. Gasping your name as he came, watching as you happily drank it all down before finally popping off of him with a sly smile, wiping at the corner of your mouth.

Holy Hylia you were going to ruin him.

You opened your mouth for another snarky comment but yelped when Wars yanks you up to him, arms wrapping around your waist as he kissed you. He kicks his bottoms off the rest of the way, lifting your tunic off till it joins his clothes on the floor. His lips leaving yours to suck along your neck that made your knees go weak. Wars bends down, picks you up off the floor to lay you on the bed. Hovering over you as his mouth finds your chest, kissing the space between your breasts that were being massaged by deft fingers. Back arching when he pinches you nipple as they slid down to the top of your leggings.

“May I?”

“Please”

He pulls them down slowly, shimming himself down till he could kiss your navel. Hands spreading your thighs and without any warning his mouth is on your already wet cunt.

“Link~!”

Gone was the timidness from the first kiss. This man knew exactly what he was doing as he dived in, lips clasped around your clit to suck firmly. Your hand clutched onto his hair, tugging on it with the same force as his sucking as you panted.

“Should of done this hours ago” he murmured against you. The vibration of his voice only increasing the growing heat that seeped out of you that he was quick to lick away. “Goddesses you taste good.”

“Fuuuck! Link please I need you!”

“Eager much?” He teased. “What happened to asking nicely?”

“Fuck you- ha!”

Delivering a harsh suck he pulls himself up, kissing you gently. “Gladly.” You can feel him against your inner thigh, but a thought has you pushing against him, forcing him back till his ass hit the mattress. You crawled onto his lap, hovering just above the head of his dick that still leaked with cum and saliva. You teasingly slid down, letting it slide through your folds as Wars groaned.

You let your head fall to his shoulder, kissing along till you reached his throat. His arms wrapped around you, tracing up and down your spine as you slowly rocked your hips along his length.

“Seem a bit tense Cap, why don't you just relax and let me take care of you”

“Cant if you're gonna just keep teasing me like this sweetheart.” He said through gritted teeth as you lightly rocked back and forth.

“And you said I was eager~”

You pressed a kiss to the front of his throat, letting your tongue slide all the way up to his jaw. Wars shivered, grabbing onto your waist to try and lift you up. You let him, but stubbornly refused to lower yourself back down.

“Ah ah ah” You tutted into his ear. “Remember what I said? Ask nicely.”

You could feel his eyes roll, fingers digging into your sides as he tried to coax your hips back down. “Fiiiine,” He whined, letting his hands drop to your thighs, rubbing them apologetically. “Please?”

“Please what?”

“Can I feel you?”

Lips collided with his, capturing his bottom lip as you slowly lowered yourself on to him. The head of his cock prodded at your entrance before you let it slowly slip inside. You both moaned, hiding your face in his shoulder as your walls stretched to his size. You slid further down, going till he was completely buried inside of you.

“Holy Hylia. Youre so fucking tight” He groaned, pressing a few kisses to your temple. You stayed still for a few seconds, nipping at his neck before lifting yourself up and sliding back down, easily slipping into a slow rhythm

It only took a minute before the hero of warriors was a blubber mess beneath you. Moans and whines pouring from his lips as you kept up your pace. His hair a messily tossed around from when you had grabbed it earlier that completed the picture of the perfect hero being reduced down to a puddle by your touch.

You lifted your hips, letting him slide almost all the way out of you before slamming back down on him. Wars threw his head back as a loud moan was ripped from his throat. You smirked against his neck, doing it again and again, picking up your pace with each one.

“Fuck, please don't stop!” He whined, roughly grabbing your hips to help guide you up and down his shaft. You let him, focusing on your pace while sucking on the spot just below his ear. Hands dragging through his hair as you added a slight roll to your hips and you for a moment, you thought you had broken him.

Small tears rolled down his cheeks. His mouth hanging open as he heavily pants for air.

“Look at you, asking so nicely,” You cooed, watching the way he twitched at another rolled motion of your hips. “Keep making those sounds for me okay?”

He nods, whimpering as you praise him. His hips jerking upwards into you, slamming his cock further inside of you that hits just right. Your nails digging into his shoulders till the coil inside of you snaps. Liquid covering him and sliding down your thighs that burned as they continued to support your work.

“Shit Im..I’m…fuck (y/n) please~” He whined, hips jerking upwards again to meet yours.

“So polite” You teased, slowing down just enough for him to notice. “It's alright, tell me what you want.”

“Can I…? Please~, please I..Im so close”

“Since you asked so nicely” You picked up your pace, going faster than your original speed. Your walls clenched around him perfectly till tears ran down his face, mixing with the sweat that clung to his skin and now very messy hair. He brought his knees up behind you as he squirmed underneath you. You leaned down just enough to give another open mouth kiss to the front of his throat. “Cum for me? I wanna make you feel good.”

That was all he needed to tip over the edge. His body went rigid as you felt his cum squirt inside of you. You slowed your movement, working him through his orgasm until the exhaustion hit and you slumped against him. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close as you both collapsed down into the bed. Keeping each other close as you're lulled into a blissful oblivion.

#link x reader #lu wars #warriors x reader #lu warriors x reader #warriors is such a pillow princess #link x reader smut #mdni #skippy.writes

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ilium-ilia · 3 days ago

Text

In Limbo

simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader | mafia!au | masterlist

Chapter Eighteen: incoming call

tw: none

Your phone is ringing.

You almost don’t hear it. With the speakers on the TV cranked up loud enough so you can hear the documentary, (Simon tried to put the captions on for you so you could also enjoy the show, but the latency between your eyes and ears made your head throb) it drowns in the mess of noise in the living room. It takes the flashing screen to get your attention. Unsticking yourself to Simon’s side—a place you always seem to be these days—you lean forward on the couch as your arm extends toward the coffee table.

Buzz buzz! Buzz buzz!

It vibrates so fiercely that it dances on the table before you, and when you take it into your hands, it rattles your bones. It trembles in your palm like a creature being held by its creator—its destroyer.

Incoming Call from Captain Jack Sparrow

“It’s Row,” you say, mostly to yourself. Part of you is surprised it’s not Bee again, who has been calling you incessantly ever since you took your unofficial break from Sapori.

Simon hums in response as he reaches for the remote and mutes the TV. Your thumb hovers over the answer button, but an unexplainable trepidation wreaks havoc on your heart. Still, you answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey! Chip, I… Did I wake you?” Aelin’s voice croaks on the other end of the line, stiff and still shaking off the morning fog.

Brows narrowing, you shake your head. “No, I’ve been awake. Just… watching TV. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Her reply is quick. Too quick, and sharp enough that you know you shouldn’t push unless you’re ready to bleed. “I just wanted to call. Check in, all that stuff. John and I got back home the other week and I miss you.”

Leaning back, you situate yourself against Simon’s side once more. Over the last few days, you’ve been so caught up in your own life. The mess of your apartment that Simon squared away, Marco, your kiss with Simon and the subsequent ones after that… you nearly forgot all about Aelin and John’s trip. The Maldives, right? That sounds correct. Someplace more temperate than England this time of year.

“Right, your trip. How was it?”

“It was great. Wonderful, really. John got a bit more sun than he should have, though. You should’ve seen him, he looked ridiculous. Bright red like a lobster,” Aelin humors.

Somewhere in the background of the call, you can make out John’s voice. Static overtakes his words, but whatever he says gets Aelin laughing. The sound of her titter is contagious enough that it gets you giggling, but you stop when you feel the tension in her voice.

There’s something empty about her words, as if you’re only hearing the echo of her voice instead of it emanating from the source. Sniffles break through the line every now and then, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say she was crying. Every now and then she quietly chokes on the tail end of a word when it forces her to use the back of her throat.

“Are you feeling alright?” The question leaves your lips before the realization completely forms in your mind. When she doesn’t respond right away, instead of letting the silence sit, you fill it with a half formed explanation. “Sorry, I just—well—you sounded a little congested, I guess.”

More silence follows, and for a fleeting moment you’ve convinced yourself you’ve said something wrong. Something out of turn. Then, there’s a long draw of breath.

“Oh, you know. Just… one of those days,” Aelin says.

Her words ignite a memory that begins to flicker as a lone flame in some forgotten corner of your mind. Shoved back into your sixteen year old body, you find Aelin on the kitchen floor in her mother’s house. Hair undone, back against the cabinets, her fist chokes the neck of a beer bottle as her feet tap against the tile. She’s an adult, but this is her childhood home. You’re the stranger here, and she apologizes to you for the mess.

When you ask her what’s wrong, she only shrugs.

Just one of those days.

It’s a stupid question to ask. Her dad has been dead for only a week.

She doesn’t invite you to sit next to her, but you do anyway. Just far away enough that you don’t touch, yet still close enough to feel the feverish warmth of her intoxication. You don’t say anything, but she talks about everything. Voice tense, body loose; every time she starts to cry she drinks until the tears are burned away.

Tell me about him, you say.

And she does. She does.

“Do you want to come over? To mine and John’s?” Aelin asks, pulling you out of your anamneses. “I could come pick you up so you don’t have to take the bus. We could watch a movie or something.”

The smile on your lips bleeds into the tone of your words. “A movie sounds great. And don’t worry about it, I can have Simon take me.”

Simon’s ears visibly perk like a dog that heard the word treat. His body shifts, arm falling around your shoulders and pulling you closer, but he doesn’t speak.

“Oh?” Aelin’s voice quirks the way it always does when she teases you. A broiling heat tingles in the tips of your ears as the realization settles in; you talk so easily about Simon now. As if he’s always been in your life—like you’ve never felt any other comfort besides him. There’s been a missing chunk of your skin, and he’s filled it so perfectly with the shape of his body. “You’ll have to tell me all about that, too.”

With plans created, you bid each other goodbye, and when the call ends, you’re stuck staring at your phone screen.

7th of January

Well past the day you were supposed to pay your late fee to Marco.

It’s today. It’s—

“I take it we’re headed to the Price’s?” Simon asks.

Shutting your phone off, you nod. “Row wants to have a girls day in.” Setting your phone to the side, you look at Simon who’s staring at you with tightly pressed lips. “What?”

“Don’t like the thought of you goin’ anywhere without me,” he admits. He thinks on his words for a moment and feels the odd weight on his tongue and the sour implication, then explains further. “Not while all this shit with Marco is happening.”

“I won’t be going without you. You’ll be the one driving me,” you retort. “You really think Marco would do anything at Aelin’s house? At John’s house?”

Mulling it over, you see the way Simon’s teeth chew on the inside of his lip. “Alright.”

During the drive to Aelin’s, Simon holds your hand like it’s the last time he’ll ever see you. Fingers interlaced with yours, your knuckles begin to ache at how wide you have to spread them to accommodate the width of each digit. Eventually, they begin to hurt so bad you have to settle with him holding you princess style, and even then his thumb traces the dips and peaks of your knuckles as he memorises each curve.

Things have changed between you and Simon, and it’s more than just in the superficial circumstances in which your lives have become intertwined. He’s sparked something inside of you. This entire time he’s known you, he’s been watering a grave and something has finally begun to sprout out of the stone. Something’s growing—something you swore was long dead.

His touch is the first touch that does not make your skin crawl—that does not smell like blood. His lips are the first to press against yours that do not maim, and now that you have a taste for it, you’re not sure you can ever live without it.

Aelin’s house comes into view and you’re suddenly plagued with an odd apprehension. It’s a strange and vicious penitence that begins to slither around your heart before constricting tight enough to evoke a wicked jolt of pain. By the time Simon parks next to the curb, you feel every molecule of air leave your lungs.

“I won’t be far,” Simon tells you as he squeezes your hand.

“Plan on staking out at the park?” you tease.

“I might,” he deadpans.

Simon’s hesitancy is palpable. His fingers feel so tight against your own that you think you’ll have to pry yourself out of his grasp just to leave. Dark eyes scan your face as you look at him with a small but reassuring smile, but not even that offers him comfort.

“I’ll just be a text away,” he continues.

“Si,” you laugh. “It’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna be fine. Besides your house, this is the next safest place to be.”

When he still doesn’t seem convinced—staring at you with firm eyes and a clenching jaw—you find yourself leaning over the center console. Falling into the gravity of him, your lips find his just as easily as if you were taking the path back home. Eyes fluttering shut, somehow this union is able to quell the squeezing in your chest. He is warm like fire, and you can taste the pepper he used to season his eggs for breakfast.

His free hand cups your face just as you pull away. “I… Call me when you’re ready.”

Aelin answers the door not even three seconds after you knock. Fresh popcorn wafts around the entryway as she greets you with a tired smile and glossy lips. Red traces the delicate line of her eyes, making the aqua hue of her iris pop. Stray tears seem to linger along her waterline, but you make no mention of it as she ushers you inside before the bitter cold steals too much of your warmth.

Blankets and pillows obscure the couch in the living room, and you nearly gawk at the obscene amount of food laid out on the coffee table. Two large bowls of popcorn, various bags of small candies—Jelly Babies, Maltesers, Imperial Mints, among others—and of course, refreshments. When she had mentioned wanting to watch a movie together, you hadn’t imagined anything like this.

“John may have gone a little overboard with the treats. He’s left the house to just the two of us,” Aelin chuckles as she begins to fight through the nest that’s been made of her couch. Clearing a few of the blankets to the side, she sits and then pats the spot next to her. “Come on, grab a seat then.”

With a plush blanket tossed over your lap, and a comically large bowl of buttered popcorn nestled against your hip, you and Aelin settle down for the movie. It’s some chick flick you’ve never heard of, but you end up not paying attention to most of the plot. Not even five minutes into the film, Aelin twists her body so she’s facing you with a grin.

“So… tell me about Christmas with Riley.”

Really, you should have expected this. She’s been trying to get the two of you together since October, of course she would be curious.

October. That’s how long you’ve known him? Only that long? That doesn’t seem right. Your body aches and sings as if you’ve known him your entire life.

Still, you tell her everything, and you make sure not to skimp out on any details, lest she attempt to fill in any of the blanks for herself. You tell her about the quiet drive to Manchester, and how loving his family is. You gush about little Joseph and sweet Mrs. Riley. You talk about the food you ate and the bed you slept in—how polite Simon was through it all—how he enveloped you in his arms when the world started to feel too small.

You don’t stop there. You lament about how he comforted you when you came home to find your apartment a mess—weaving in a little white lie about how it was wracked with water damage from a burst pipe while you were gone—and how he’s been letting you stay with him. How he insists on you sleeping in his bed. And—

“Seriously?”

—the kiss.

“I dunno, it just sort of… happened,” you admit sheepishly.

“In his bed?” Aelin confirms.

You nod. “We had just woken up.”

“And then?” she asks, tone leading you on.

“What?”

“What happened after that?” She asks her question like there should be something more—some vivid details you’re meant to share.

You blink. “Well, then he asked me if I wanted breakfast.”

Aelin’s lips turn into a small pout. Not anything patronizing, but rather in the way you look at a child when they say something sweet—something innocent.

“Oh, Chip. I’m so happy for you,” she says, head leaning back against the couch. The more you talk, the more the red in her eyes seems to soften to a dull pink, and the less she sniffles. “I’m just… so glad you found someone.”

For your girls day in, you and Aelin end up watching two movies back to back; both being less than subpar romance comedies. Each time the male lead does something stupid, she always throws in her two cents about what to do if Simon does that to you, which leaves you rolling your eyes. Then, of course, there are the obligatory and awkward sex education courses she gives you during anything remotely lewd.

“That’s not how that works!” Aelin huffs as her teeth crunch into more popcorn.

“What do you mean?” you ask, poking at the kernels in your bowl.

“She was magically wet enough for him to just slide in? Like that? No foreplay, just kissing? Yeah fucking right.” She playfully tosses a small bit of popcorn at you from across the couch. “If Simon ever tries that shit, you blue ball him, okay?”

After a few hours, when the sun begins to scrape along the horizon, both you and Aelin begin to yawn. John returns from whatever escapade he set off to do, arms and hands occupied with bags from various stores around the city. He smiles and greets you the same way he always does before waving at his wife to keep seated—mutters something about how he can put the groceries away himself.

Of course Aelin doesn’t listen. One thing leads to another and the three of you are in the kitchen weaving around one another and storing items. It’s a strange feeling, assisting them with such a task. There was a time where you once lived in this house; where you once did these very same tasks with them. They took you in shortly after you had graduated since you hadn’t secured an apartment of your own. John and Aelin were freshly married—after a brutal broken engagement due to Aelin’s previous fiance cheating on her—and still they treated you like you were no bother to them.

When they convince you to stay for dinner, it’s as if nothing’s changed at all. Everyone cooks together. Cleans together. Eats together. Your spot at their table is still the same as it always is.

Ever since your parents died, your family was shattered, but you manage to find their fragments in others. Here, with John and Aelin. Sometimes with her mother. Now, in Simon’s family.

As you look down at your phone to check the time, the date shines brightly at you.

7th of January

You wonder if Aelin feels the same. With her family shattered; with losing a part of herself in her father. Your first ever meeting was at his funeral. You were both dressed in black, both sporting the same irritated eyes. Sean had told you so much about her, and instead of greeting her yourself, you hid from her. Tucked yourself away in some corner of the funeral home, unable to bear the weight of facing the daughter of the man whose death you caused.

She found you anyway, of course.

She always does.

When eight o’clock rolls around, and you feel like you’ve thoroughly stayed your welcome, you give Simon a call. Aelin pretends to be occupied with something else as she clears the table, but you can see her slow, deliberate movements and the way her eyes keep flickering over to you.

“Is everythin’ alright?” It’s the first thing that spews over the speaker. Worried about you as always, your Simon Riley.

“You’re silly,” you giggle. “We’re just about wrapped up here if you wanna come pick me up.”

“On my way.”

He knocks five minutes later. It’s such a short amount of time considering how long ago you called him, and it even catches John’s attention. It’s quickly brushed aside as Aelin swaddles you in a hug. Arms locked tight against you, you fear she plans to keep you forever, locked away where the world can’t see you. She whispers a quiet thanks into your ear before releasing you, allowing you to return back to Simon.

The ride back to Simon’s house is surprisingly quiet, but he seems less anxious than he did when he dropped you off. Hand carefully absorbing your own into his, he lets the radio drone on for a little while until traffic begins to pick up in the city. Incandescent lights brighten the shadows of the street, smothering the stars that would otherwise be in the sky. Everything is bitterly grey and cold.

“How was your visit?” he asks as his thumb taps against the back of your hand.

You lean back against the headrest as the vibrations of the road cloak your body. “It was good. I think… I think Aelin really needed it.”

“Yeah?” he prompts.

“Yeah. I dunno, she seemed like she’d been crying. I don’t know what about but… Sorry, I don’t know. Just a weird feeling, I guess.”

For a moment, Simon doesn’t say anything. Despite the crowd of cars around you, everything is oddly arcadian. No sound makes it to your ears—only the beating of your own heart.

“She called John the other night while we were all at Terminus working. Couldn’t really hear much, but she was cryin’ about something,” he informs. “Might be goin’ through some sort of rough patch.”

“Yeah just having… one of those days,” you echo.

You’re in the kitchen again. On the floor. Aelin is talking about her dad. She smells like beer and roses. She’s recalling the story about how Sean obtained a scar on the side of his elbow—an accident while teaching her to ride a bike as a kid—and all you can think about is the wound in his stomach. Fighting the queasiness that grips your gut, you stare at the floor.

Linoleum.

For a moment—a single, fleeting moment—you think about telling her about the way you were picked apart in front of your mother’s body. Maybe if you show your wounds, it would make her feel better. Ultimately, you decide against it. Your wounds don’t make her father any less dead.

Your wounds don’t make it any less your fault.

“What’s on your mind, baby?”

Nothing good.

“The anniversary of her dad’s death is today.” Saying it out loud feels like an admission. Some avowal of your guilt in the fact that he no longer draws breath—and now each one you draw stings. “I keep thinking about telling her. I wanna tell her about everything. I do all the time. There’s not a single moment when I’m around her that I don’t think of just… you know? But I can’t.”

Simon hums, thinking for a short moment. “Why not?”

“Because she’d hate me.”

“She wouldn’t hate you.” His answer comes just as quick as yours, sharp and unfaltering. When you don’t respond, he continues. “She wouldn’t. That wasn’t your fault.”

“But it is my fault,” you mutter.

“It’s not,” he interjects firmly.

“If I had just lied like they told me to, he would still be alive,” you retort.

“And if Marco hadn’t threatened you, you never would have had to worry about it. Just like you wouldn’t have had to worry about it if Marco hadn’t killed your mum, which never would have happened if your dad hadn’t aligned himself with Makarov. And I’m sure something else forced his hand to make him involve himself in that mess.” Simon pauses, eyes straying away from the road for a split second to look at you. All you can do is stare at your lap. “Actions and reactions, sweetheart. That’s all life is.”

A rigid obloquy slithers around your stomach until it has your intestines weaved into knots. You are stuck at the intersection where shame and guilt meet grief. It exists all at once inside of you; coalesces in a heaping mass in the cavern of your chest. There is a desperate want—a pitiful plea—for your contriteness to cleanse you.

All it does is remind you that you will be forever sullied.

“You did what you needed to do to keep yourself alive. That was a reaction, not an action,” Simon continues. “Everyone thinks that they could’ve changed their pasts if they just tried hard enough, but that’s not how that works. Sometimes, things just are the way they are.”

There are several flaws in the lesson he tries to teach you, none of which you bother to point out. Things would have gone much better had you thought about someone other than yourself during the moment Marco made his offer to you. You could have taken that deal. Halved your debt and ran off with him to do whatever he wanted to do. Your parents would still be dead—broken fingers, slashed stomach and all—but Aelin would have had a perfect life.

Not that you would have been around to see it, but you think you could have shouldered all that if you had known at the time.

“I know you don’t believe me,” he says softly. “That’s alright. We’ll work on it.”

You nod just as silent tears begin to fall, and you use your free hand to wipe them away. It’s frustrating, being as weepy as you are. You think back to the laundromat when Marco kissed you, and how he cooed at your sorrow as if it were some sweet delight just for him. He told you not to cry, but you could still see the enjoyment lurking in the mossy shade of his eyes.

This anguish would smother you if it weren’t for Simon. He does not whisper at you to keep quiet, or demand that you make your sadness bite sized and easy to swallow. Wordless, he raises your hand up to his lips where he kisses your knuckles as if there’s some sort of physical wound for him to mend. You don’t know if it’s because of his care, or because of something else, but it helps. Your heart quells, as do your tears, and he lowers your hand yet still refuses to let go.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

“Course.”

He replies like it’s obvious. Like his help shouldn’t even be thanked—it’s a fact. Something he yearns to give.

Things fall quiet again as the car weaves through traffic, but Simon’s presence is loud. The way he squeezes your fingers. The heat of his palm against yours. Despite the tears that danced on your cheeks just moments earlier, you smile as you allow yourself to melt into him.

He’s right. You don’t believe him. But you think that you’d like to someday.

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#ilium writing #sr ilia #in limbo #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #female reader

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