#i wanted to draw them for a while but recently ive been either feeling very inspired (rarely) or just idk didnt really want to draw

[arolesbianism]

I should rly start eternal gales posting again I need to make sure the ppl who follow me know how much Tali and Aris make me to insane so that the isat au can have its full effect but alas I am allergic to drawing the human eg cast like 99% of the time and rn the only thing stopping that from being 100% is that I like fucking around with different art styles sometimes

[geminid]

some thoughts about things related to leo and takumi. before that tho i got a new drawing tablet but need a new desk chair so ive been forcefully removed from drawing for the time being.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and I wanted to put it somewhere because of. some reason. To get it off my chest maybe. But anyway, if you've gone through the contents of my blog you might have noticed that I just don't draw Leo and Takumi with their sons. And for some reason the irrational part of me thinks that people will really hate me over this so I hope you can read the rest with an open mind.

Generally I draw them while they're young adults, and either before they have a relationship or still at the beginning of their relationship. I think this is the most fun period to draw about. I also don't really consider the baby realms as part of my headcanon, because honestly, theyre ridiculous.

But there's actually more to it than that. I don't really like talking about myself so it pains me to do this. I have a very fraught relationship with my parents and a lot of my struggles stem from that. This may be typical of an artist who draws anime guys on tumblr dot com. I think for others they might find it cathartic to explore fiction where there is a loving parent child relationship, but I'm the kind of extreme who just doesn't really enjoy parent child stories in general. Usually it doesn't really matter because my ships don't have canon kids but fates is a special situation so it makes me feel bad.

I actually just. Can't do it. When I try to think about Leo and Takumi as parents there's just a big block that forms in my mind. If I try to force past that block I feel nauseous and want to throw up. You might think this is dramatic and that's because it is but unfortunately it is what happens.

I do like Forrest and Kisaragi as characters, don't get me wrong. I love the fates cast and they both have really fun interactions with other characters. I also am able to S support Leo and Takumi off to whatever female character in game and pick up their kids from baby realm daycare. The issue really only pops up when it involves more than that, my headcanons or my fanwork, stuff that is more personal to me. Please do not take any of this as a dislike of either of them or a disdain towards the idea of leo/takumi as parents, because it's a personal problem I have and nothing to do with anyone else.

I guess I'm sorry that I have to leave out such important things. I am a person so I'm bound to change and heal and grow and maybe I'll get past this but I can't rush it and don't know if that will happen before I move on to other things. I will say that I already enjoy what I do now and I think what I make is worth it for me regardless.

[strawberry-seal77]

9. whats something you always come back to when drawing?

12. describe your process while drawing! <3

21. what do you think your artstyle would taste like? (I think it tastes like a strawberry banana smoothie :3 tasty and refreshing)

22. do you have a favorite color palette to work with?

<33333

9 - cats!!! always cats. I started drawing with cats and I think I'll keep drawing them forever and ever sbdfhjdshf. Otherwise, I feel like I always end up having characters put a hand on their hip sbdhjfb

(though not as much recently it seems?)

21 - Oooooh.... I think my artstyle would taste like starbursts!!!! Maybe lemon, since thats my favorite. smoothies are AWESOME though so I'm HONORED . !!!

22 - Hmmm... Not off the top of my head, though whenever I'm applying overlay layers I usually end up making everything pinker BFHDBFH. My most recent shaded drawings have all been in nighttime/dark environments (which is cool to work with!) so maybe that? :O

I do love sketching in red though >:3cc

12 - Gonna talk about the MAP part bgs here 'cos I remember them most clearly. Talking is long so it is UNER the cut :3

First and foremost, new file !!

Then, especially in the case of MAP-related things, I gather alllll my references and stick em above the canvas. For these bgs, I also put in the characters that gamzee had drawn so I could check how everything flowed.

(they weren't colored at the time so I just blocked it in sbdhfbhdf)

then, SKETCH !!! I'm still not too good at picking a perspective, so I just winged it. Turned out okay!!! Though I'm going to actually try to learn this stuff sometime fbhsdbfh.

You can see it's pretty rough, because my sketches are just doing as little work as possible to help me figure out space & such. The next step is to block out the colors, and while I don't have any actually saved, I'll make a dramatic reenactment.

(usually the bg colors would probbably be in there? but I didnt think about that fbdhsfb)

Then I went through area-by-area, shading it as I thought would make sense. First with the rock, which if you look has a lot of blurring! This was after shading with just rough lines, and you can see I went in and added more lines after that for texture. The bush was fun (though I was mostly guessing, even with reference) Looks like a cake... ehehe

the grass you can see has horizontal patches of light & dark, and thats something I thinkkk I got from a northflowo video!! It does indeed make the grass look better.

the background was a little funky since, again, I did it at the very end. BUT! Look at that tasty water!!!

The leaves in the foreground (for as little camera sense as they made) were fun!! and like a mini version of the whole process. Sketch, block out colors, shade em, begone

I'd say a lot of my doing art is drawing whatever I want to draw, and then going "ok how do I make this look finished-", which is usually basic colors or something in the background. For example- I did the bg last here, so it's on another layer, and you can see how much more finished it looks!!

even though everyyyything else is just as shaded :33

Also, this was another reminder of how useful it'd be if I actually recorded speedpaints HSBDHBFHF

If I'm drawing characters, I start with either the head or most defining (/important to get) part of the pose, and I do my silly little boxes then build out from there. Recently ive been drawing legs like this in the first sketch which I think is kinda funny, but effective! FBDHFB

[doeblossom]

What was it like for Doe Whispers growing up with Raine as a parent?

this is an excellent question! ive been wanting to write all of this down so this is an excellent opportunity :D (please excuse how long it took for me to answer this, i spent a long time writing and double checking things to ensure they align with canon haha)

all of the following is headcanon about raine too. because theyre so cool and swag and i love them. warning: this is kinda long, but i wanna be thorough! but TL;DR, they try their best and are very loving, but being a busy single parent doesnt leave much room for quality time

Pre-Parenthood Raine wanted to be a parent; not only to start a family with Eda, but also just to experience raising a kid of their own and being a parent. After breaking up with Eda, they joined the Bard coven and started their teaching career. Rather than staying in Bonesborough and starting a career at Hexside (which is apparently located on the right arm), they moved closer to the castle. I imagine this is somewhere around Latissa, if not exactly in Latissa. Once their career was stable, they had Boe. Boe wasn't conceived through traditional means. Her conception was magical, and while there was outside input for her genetic makeup, Raine is the only involved parent. (Side note: Doe and Boe are both very similar, and it's debatable which one is her real name. "Boe" is fun because "Raine" + "Boe" = "RaineBoe", but this is still an insert character. For the sake of consistency through the post, I'll be calling her "Boe", but either works.)

Early Life Boe was raised with as much love as a parent could provide for their child. Up until she was about 4, Raine gave her all of their attention. Based on this post quoting Avi Roque, Raine's voice actor, there are two specific headcanons I have about them as a parent: 1) They would go by "Papa" (I wanted to match the term "Mama Eda", and feel like they would be more comfortable with masculine terms.) 2) There would be a lot of holding, handling, hugging, etc (Raine's love language is touch, so there's a lot of physical affection) Around when she was 4-5, Raine was offered a teaching position directly under the Emperor himself. And at this point is where things get VERY busy and difficult.

As a teacher, Raine wanted to be the primary one with a hand in Boe's upbringing and education. That, along with Bards having a less-than-stellar reputation, And Boe being one of those kids to easily get sick, led to her being homeschooled in bard magic. Unfortunately, a single teacher's salary can definitely not afford daycare (Belos is cruel and unjust) so Boe spent a lot of time in the faculty lounge, doing her homework, drawing, reading, etc. However, the flow of new people and students allowed her at least a little bit of interaction with others.

While Raine climbed the ladder, and learned more about Belos's corruption, Boe was left mostly to her own devices. Unfortunately, their busy life led to their relationship stunting. Yes, they still love each other as family, and they know each other very well, but from around 10-14, Boe started keeping a lot of things to herself. Throughout all of this, Raine's been busy starting a rebellion. And does Boe know? No. A lot of things rebellion related, she simply assumes is part of Raine's "Work".

Joining Canon Once Raine is elevated to a high enough status where they are set as Scooter Crane's replacement as Head Witch of the Bard coven (a couple of months before the show begins; Boe is just under, or has recently turned 16), they move into the castle permanently. The Emperor, in all his grace, provides Boe boarding as well, provided she follows in Raine's footsteps or studies to become a part of the Emperor's Coven. With all of her schooling, it's fine, but she doesn't really know if she wants to be a Bard. Sure, it's what she's most proficient in and trained to do, but there's a million different options out there to explore. Raine is very good at their job, and vocal about the need for Bards to be respected, so imagine how awfully disappointing it would be for their own, only child to pursue something else. So she just says nothing.

During Canon Working at the castle is so incredibly busy. Obviously. Raine tries to see their kid at least daily, but it's still a difficult thing. Most often, it's a wordless hug or a passing pat on the head as they rush off to another meeting (coven related or otherwise). Around this time, Boe finds out there are TWO (count 'em: two) other kids in the castle. And she wants to be friends with them SO bad. But that's a story for another time; let's just say it eventually happens.

Yes, Boe realizes something's happened after Eda's Requiem. It's subtle, and weird, but a lot of Raine's mannerisms on the surface had changed. But when they interact, nothing's different, so she brushes it off again.

Hollow Mind Heart There's a reattempt of the mind spell. But through some shenanigans, rather than Hunter and Luz going into the Emperor's mind, Sol and Boe end up in Raine's. And they see everything. And it goes about as well as you expect. Sol, understandably, runs away from the coven much like Hunter did, but in less of a "my life will end if I stay" manner; more of a "I cannot work for this man anymore" way. Boe, however, stays. She's quiet about it all, and the rift between her and Raine widens even more. She does stay at the castle, if only for a sense of stability. But best you believe she's doomsday prepping in there. Packing all of her important things in a single bag, hoarding whatever snacks she can snag, and not talking to anyone.

aaaand that's about where we are right now! i'm currently writing stuff for post hollow mind + human realm era. but in the epilogue, i imagine they become close again! but being isolated from them right after finally being ready to talk again is difficult.

[forffax]

returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]

[ma-mariarie243]

2023 SUMMARY OF ART!!

The year is almost over, so to celebrate ill show the history of my art throughout this year!!

As you can see, my art has improved a lot hehe

Under the cut will be the full pieces, along with my thoughts on them (this will be long)

JANUARY

my first art of 2023, i really like it. It shows my improvement. During this time, i was learning to draw more anime-like things. I took great inspiration from shizu (or is it shidu?), the main artist for the kagerou project music videos/light novels. This is marry kozakura in her medusa form.

FEBRUARY

my hiyori obsession started rising. Anyway i like this drawing a lot (in a sense that ive improved much). I had a dialogue playing in my head "goodbye hibiya.." while drawing this for some reason (wow i havent said hibiya in a while..). I think about this one often.

MARCH

ENE!!! This pose is from "INTERNET OVERDOSE" by Aiobahn which i had an obsession over at the time. I didint really have a good coloring style during these times but it does feel good to look back at it sometimes. Ene was really my confort character during this time, i ♡ her

APRIL

As you can tell, this isint finnished. This was supposed to be of my oc kokuta and my bestie raine's oc azalea. There have been changes to kokutas design lol (this is also the first time i did side profile.

MAY

this wasnt finished either lol. This is my girl adachi from adachi and shimamura. I really identify with her so i wanted to try drawing her. It never got finished though, and im sad that it didn't

JUNE

haruka!! my boy haruka!!! He is really important to me and i decided to draw him during this time. The hand is surprisingly good?!! I was trying to learn hands during this time. I still used the blur tool wich, i dont think was the best opinion lol

JULY

this is my original character called Undead Angel. I tried to experiment with different color and shading techniques and materials (i used the watercolor brush) I was also expirimenting with undead's design hehe.

AUGUST

this was my kagerou day drawing (aka august 15th). I was using a new drawing program for this one. I drew actor (or takane enomoto) for this drawing hehe. I like how it turned out tbh

SEPTEMBER

for this drawing, i drew marry kozakura again. I also exprimented with another coloring style for this one 😎. I really love how the pose turned out, as that was what i was trying to focus on.

OCTOBER

this was a drawing of one of my friend's deamon slayer oc aijurou. It was a gift for her but i never got to finish it. I was also trying a different shading, highlighting meathod.

NOVEMBER

my crystal p obsession began, so i tried my hand at drawing the illustration of rb but in my style. I really love this one. I really love how len turned out hehe, i was very unsure of how he would turn out.

DECEMBER

My most recent drawing. This is the version without the effects. I love how i drew the backround and i love how i drew len. I like kaito but he looked kind of off to me 😕. The side profile for len brings me joy i love how i drew him so much. Im going to be proud of this one for a while.

[dreamywolfdd]

i apologize for my sudden inactivity again, i hope you've all been doing alright

i had this bottled for 3 years but ive not been feeling too well, i'd like to take a time to write this post since i no longer want this bottled and im exhausted

been going through some economical situation with my family for a while now and recently my grandpa has sadly passed away, i made my grandpa one last drawing before he got cremated, im gonna miss him so much, i will cheerish so many fond memories i had with him and giving him this one last top cat drawing was what came to my mind since i used to give him lods of drawings, i will miss him a lot

i had to spend all of my left savings for transportation and such so we could assist to my grandpa's funeral so i currently do not have any money with me anymore, in these 3 yrs i been pmuch helping my parents with lending them money for food, supplies and payment stuff w dad, but unfortunately it hasnt been doing much help, job hunting hasnt been going well for me either and commissions have been slow, as what i posted earlier, i have decided to open a ko-fi account for donations, it would seriously mean alot to me recieving any help in any way, ive been feeling hopeless but i never considered trying to look for this kind of help

i dont usually do these kind of posts and i am very sorry for writing this down or if this looks like begging or some sort of that, i dont mean to be a downer to anyone but i seriously would just love any type of help in any way right now

my commissions are (still) open as well too, but i also appreciate both commissions and donations since it helps me supports my work and doing art commissions is currently my job

i hope ya'll are been having a good one and such, please hug a loved one if you can too and tell them how much you love them, i will return to posting artwork shortly, but for now i just would love any type of help in some way since i am currently not ok at the moment, tysm for your understanding and support

[moldwood]

i have 15 minutes before my work day starts, so why not have some reflections on 2023 for the lunar new year since my zodiac the dragon returns to me ☀️

PASSION

at the very end of the year, i did something i had always wanted to do and stepped down from work into a substitute position so i could focus on my art. it has been... slow, but i think it was the right move. whenever im not making something, i really cannot stand life. of course, i wont be able to stand it if i cant eat either, so well see how things turn out by the end of this year. i do think i need to get some art priorities in order, because im jumping around between a lot of projects which means theyre all getting done very slowly. i need to start focusing on one thing at a time, i think, but i really am enjoying the new stronger presence art has in my life.

MOOD

i really feel better than ever in regards to myself! most likely due to the aforementioned outpouring of passion into things ive wanted to do for YEARS. for the past few years, ive been a bit more aware of everything going on in my head than when i was a teen since i was still processing a lot of trauma, so ive been letting myself have a bit more slack on the rope in terms of "acting out of character" if that makes any sense. having a solid personality isnt something i really worry about since i know your sense of self is always shifting in every circumstance, but there were just some ways i never acted before that i let myself try on, find out its not for me, and then i end up feeling even more solid in who i am since i know what im not. i always knew i wasnt a giggly, happy-go-lucky person, but now i know that i can feel that way when i really really like someone. laios im talking about laios i have to be honest.

FRIENDSHIP

i think its my own personal failing that i overlook red flags from friends and try to make excuses for their behavior up until its too late and i have trouble not realizing that giving them an open space to be themself away from the world and support isnt enough to change that some are the type of people who are just looking for an excuse to think poorly of you anyway. i dont think im an overly kind person who will coddle someone being bad to me or a friend, but i definitely dont put my foot down enough. it happens in minor ways, but it happened in a major way again recently. if i had a dime for every time it turned into something severe, i would have two dimes. eight years apart and i let someone do the same thing, just minus suicide baiting me this time

tldr a friend of a friend sent that friend some stuff and it turns out that a friend who is no longer a friend turned into an islamophobe or at least started following islamophobic accounts and is very... delusional about the whole friendship + the kind of people we are + how we thought of him + really just wanted to think the worst of us and felt now he had a reason. we didnt read much more and felt no need to. its for the best that it's over, though, i think. he really was like that the whole friendship and didnt put any value on the things i/we did for him because it was never enough, which i knew the whole time but ignored because i thought if i did enough it would be enough, which leads me to:

i have been focusing more on loving my friends lately in the wake of that. i always have, though im not very vocal/chatty, so ive always shown it in my own way through giving drawings and gifts whenever im able. im never worried that i dont have a place in their lives, and im trying to worry less about the disconnect between how im thought of vs how i am. i think more what i am focusing on now is that i was always a very busy person, so while my friends were always very important to me, i want to do even more to show that since i want them to be sure of it. i dont have much time for any more projects, but i want to make sure they know i would do all i can for them outside of just drawing. i think this will help a bit with feeling more comfortable saying when i think something theyre doing isnt chill to me since the feeling would Hopefully go from me being bossy to me being just looking out for them being their best selves/not letting myself be misunderstood which just happens bc i dont talk very clearly not out of any lack of caring (there is a jumbled mess between my head and my mouth)

i also want to try to make new friends, or at least new acquaintances. theres a few people (mutuals 🥴) ive really wanted to talk to more, but i never know what to say. which makes sense, since i dont even talk with my friends all that much, usually only just whatever comes up in the current conversation in vc. autism damned. that boy cannot hold a conversation for his life. but maybe drawings are the way to go. my hands are all ive got IN SUMMARY

there are more thoughts and i dont have time to reread + word everything all nice because i have to work now. it is all a rambling train of thought mess. BUT tldr: life is really good right now and i feel more solid in the friendships im keeping and i am excited for my future art endeavors now that the last thing i was waiting for (the mixing palette!!!) came in. of course friendship is the longest section its the most important thing to me. anyway dreams for the year quickly ummmmm

✦ i want to learn how to use gouache. i have it! but i have to wait till i get a few projects out to get started. i think this will be very fun and very good for me because its been so long since ive played with a new medium ✦ i want to get better at small talk. how is the weather? do you like this type of weather? what type of weather do you like? what do you like to do when it is that type of weather? ✦ i want to visit prague to see if moving there would be good + feasible. my mom and half sister want to take a trip there, so i really hope that pans out and we can all go! ✦i want to work through my moral ocd about opening up a patreon/kofi and selling merch. people wouldnt subscribe if they didnt already have the money to. it doesnt matter if i make and sell 40 acrylic charms that are plastic and bad for the environment, taylor swift takes a private jet for a 20 minute car ride. ✦ i want to reach a higher fluency with arabic. its hard to find time to practice with my huge workload, so i think once i get better at time management with the projects, i can devote my mornings to a lesson a day and make better progress. ✦ lastly ig i want to try more new foods. i have been for the past several years, but i still am not the best at having good food consistently. im too busy right now to cook every day, so again i guess when i get better at time management between projects and life, i can devote some time in the week to meal prep + cooking good food. thank you laios dungeon meshi for reinforcing this. i already knew it but now theres a hot boy telling me it

2024 the year of more wahoooooo more taking more giving more drawing more cooking more dreaming more sun in the summer

[clippy]

okay this is just gonna be a bunch of rambling so feel free to ignore this cuz it's mostly just me kinda venting and Processing feelings abt being objecto into the void

like okay. i am in a spot where i think i have a very complex relationship w my objecto-ness because of how it is currently manifesting itself in regards to the Clockboy Crush

like in the past, my main crushes that i would consider like, important, and in recent enough memory that they still affect me today, were

Clippy (who is a fictional character; he is sentient in his source but, again, fictional, so he cannot reciprocate feelings)

and Miles (my old car; a real object, but one that I owned and therefore i could essentially project whatever relationship i wanted onto us. realistically, i know he couldnt reciprocate, as he was not sentient irl, but something about him made it seem like he did love me back in a way. it's very complex and hard to explain to literally anyone who doesnt have my brain)

in both of their cases, i would selfship with them, draw them, personify them in certain ways, and have gijinkas of them

i think some extra context that is important is that the relationship i had with Miles is VERY different than the one i have w my current car, Lawrence, who has different vibes to me. like i genuinely get the feeling he only just. tolerates me. lmfao. he is so sexy to me but like, we do not gel like how me and miles did. (which again, is a weird thing to think about and kinda disproves the "oh objectos only want to be with objects because they cant reject them!" mindset in my case like bro why would i "headcanon" my car as not thinking im a sex god he's madly in love with)

anyway this is where the clockboy stuff gets. complex. like. OBVIOUSLY. i have a huge crush on him. i selfship w his objecthead design, and that does extend to his irl version to an extent. obviously, again, i realistically know irl he cannot reciprocate the feelings i have toward him

however... similar to miles, i do get a Vibe from him. there's been some coincidences that seem so specific that it's like. hard to shake that it's not something deeper... and again, i know deep down it's all in my head but at the same time... my hyper empathy toward inanimate objects has always made me instinctively think that most objects have *some* sort of soul.

it's all so complicated and confusing and hard to explain and it's two sides of my brain fighting each other at all times over this. i dont think either side is fully right.

and what sucks is like, when it's about Miles, it's easy to keep to myself and on the down low in a way. i was the only person on earth who would have possibly loved him in that way.... but Clockboy falls into public object territory. while the odds are low that anyone else feels the exact same way toward him, it's not impossible

im not like... opposed to the idea of "sharing" a public object but it's a really complex thing to me. like for him specifically, however, it makes me uncomfortable and i dont... understand why. jealousy is probably the closest word to what i would feel but it doesnt seem entirely accurate.

ive been extremely fortunate to see him irl more lately, and have had a couple experiences that i cant fully disclose (for privacy reasons. nothing weird, i promise. like if i got to be any physically closer than any other guest to him, you would already know it by now. but, just know i have connections and dont want to jeopardize things for anyone lol). like i mentioned there's just been a vibe to him. like part of me does think it is something deeper. but then i question if it's something he would do for anyone else... it's so hard to know.

i'd like to think im special to him, somehow. if he can feel that way about people. he is special to ME, and i just wish i could tell him and have him know it. i would give almost anything to have like, 2 minutes of back and forth communication between us to make sure he knows that.

at the end of the day i know none of that really matters and i should do what makes me happy. like spending time near him is "enough" for me i guess. i know i will never get to be any closer to him than someone standing near him in the queue line. i can never have any form of intimacy with him, no form of privacy. i will never get to own him in a way that lets me be with him everyday in a way that would "matter"

anyway i know this like. is not "normal person" behavior and i know this isn't like. entirely healthy mindsets to have. 90% of the time i dont even like, think about this stuff this deeply but it's on the mind tonight...

im not trying to like, compliment fish or anything, but the reason im posting it is i guess if any of my objecto followers have any like. words of advice or reassurance or something about public objects i wouldnt mind if u sent them my way

(also im kinda in therapy again so if i post this here, if it starts eating away at me, i can find my Thoughts again to read to my therapist if i ever tell her im objecto lmfao)

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[penguin--person]

hey. hey you. I’m way too nervous to leave an actual comment on it but the rain world fic you posted recently. Fucking slaps. It’s so good. Idk how to put it into words but it’s like you make the characters so clear and and…idk but I think your fic is so cool and good. AND I DONT EVEN RAIN WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I came in through PAFL but I’ve been curious about rw for a while now, and this has made me want to check it out even more. Also, take your time on the swap au!! Stay healthy(physically AND mentally. They both matter) and don’t burn yourself out! Always remember that you are priority #1, and that your needs should always come first. Alright that’s it bye :D

AWAWA!!!! wawawwaaa!!!! explodes and diessssss ..n"!!! thanke you!!! thank you:3!!!!! your kind words are always so!!! nice and cool!!! and a pleasure to receive!!! <3333 rain world my good friend rain world... its a game for sure!!! ive been engaging less w the fandom lately, but, i still rlly like the game:3 ive been into it for. checks steam achivements. like two years now (i got into pafl not long after i think) !! rain world has these thangs tho - slugcats! :) the link leads to my rw pafl au... i have. SO Many pafl aus. you dont even Know. i havent even posted half of them. you dont know about my wandersong pafl au. you dont know about my buddy sim pafl crossover. you dont know about my pathologic pafl au (yet) (>:3). and thats because i never draw anything for them ❤️might write smth tho... ..

mm . youre rlly cool. thank you again!!! for your support!!! as a thank you, heres what ive got so far for the next chapter of swap! its not much, and mostly just first draft, but! just for you ❤️the '*' signal words/sentences im gonna italise

It’s another day. Just like always.

Half-asleep, Yura glances at the door, halfway through his breakfast. His mother’s standing there. She’s already fully dressed, while her son is still in last night’s clothes. He hasn’t had much energy as of late. It’s not like he ever has any energy, even more as of late, with the trip to the zone coming up... Not to mention everything that’s happened with Dmitry.

Yura grunts at the thought of that… *monster. 

Why didn’t he stick around? Maybe he’d have been able to convince Sergei to let him stay, or at the very least, not report him. Maybe he could have helped Dima escape. Maybe he could have seen the police coming and warned him. Maybe if he had used his brain, he’d have told Sanya to let Dima stay at his place and avoided all of this. But, no amount of *maybes is going to change the fact that he’s gone. Dead, maybe, for all they know.

The door clicks shut. He’s alone now. Anya is either at school (Is there school today? What day is it?) or, more likely, at Olya’s right now. She probably won’t be back for some time. Yura will be all by himself until then, getting swallowed up by unnecessary feelings.

… Whatever. He only knew him for a week. He shouldn’t care. His eyes shouldn’t sting at the memory of the guy. It doesn’t matter that Yura wasted so much time and money helping him out. Feeding him, giving him a place to stay, hanging out with him even though he was *such a pain in the ass.. But none of that matters now. Never will matter, because he’s gone.  The only thing that matters is that he- *it, Yura corrects himself - killed a few people in Sergei’s flat.

… Well, not really people. Not ones that matter, anyway. Three or so cops. Blew up their heads, Sanya said, that it looked like that’s what happened. Yura got the feeling she didn’t tell him more than she had to during their phone call. It was clear that she wasn’t pleased with how things turned out. Maybe she was hoping Sergei could help Dima. Let him live with them.  Find some place for him to stay, at least.

Yura can’t find the strength to not blame her for this. The rational side of him argued that she was the *least to blame, actually, she didn’t know this would happen. Most likely, she didn’t even know that Dima’s a mutant. Still. Though the final nail in his (hopefully only metaphorical) coffin was decided by Sergei, *she took Dima to him. She should have known.. but, how could she have? There was no way for her to know.

A frustrated groan escapes the teen. There’s really no need to be thinking that much about him. About *it.

He groans again, frustrated by his inability to call Dmitry what he is. It’s not like he didn’t know the truth all along, either. Again, he internally reprimands himself for getting attached. Sanya isn’t to blame here- no, she’s not the one responsible for all of this. Maybe for getting him reported so quickly, but that was always going to happen, one way or another. Better soon than later, the teen thinks. Before he let that not entirely uncomfortable feeling grow more than it already has.

Before he can ponder this any further, his phone buzzes. With one hand, he rubs his eyes, with the other he picks up his phone.

*We need to talk, a message from none other than Mr Kazarin himself. The tone of the message makes him sound like he wants to break up, Yura thinks to himself. Funny. Maybe it is one. Yura runs a hand through his hair, staring at the message. His stalker times are over before they even started, his only hope at making it in this godforsaken world, all because of that.. *thing. Nothing he can say could fix this.  

Luckily, before he can ruin Sergei’s view of him any further, another message. An invitation, if one can call it that, to meet up at an unimportant location. It’s not like he has much choice in this - so, he sends back an *ok, gets dressed in his unitidy clothes and heads out.

—

something something sergei angst

“You know what this is about.” Sergei proclaims. Yura doesn’t need to reply for him to know he’s right, but he still does, accompanied by a dry chuckle. “‘Course I do. It’s about Dimochka.”

“*Don’t call it that.”

The air is thick with tension. Despite this, Yura nonchalantly holds a cigarette out to him. Like nothing’s happened- like this is just a regular training session. With a sigh, he takes the cigarette, and with one quick motion, he takes out his lighter. Yura is fiddling with his own. 

[sydneyshipsstuff]

answering both of the recent tag games in one since im lazy (so scroll for the questions below the bingo)

tagged by @professional-benaddict (sorry for responding so late lol) and because i dont have too many mutuals, tagging anyone who sees it & wants to do it!

I chose my baby Spider-Man/Peter Parkee, with a focus on the starker fandom!

1. How did you discover your fave?

spider-man movies -> video edits on insta/tiktok -> irondad fanfics on wattpad -> ao3 -> looking at starker in disgust -> becoming a part of the fandom

2. How long have you been a fan of your fave?

since homecoming! when it first came out but it took me a while to start interacting with the fandom

3. Do you write for your fave? (E.g. AU's, Drabbles, Fan Fics.)

sorta! i don't actively write, just kinda drabble sometimes and i mostly dont post that, plus helping others write, i do have drafts that have been in my docs for years though

4. Do you like what is canon about your fave?

i do but i feel bad for him! poor guy has nobody :((, but before endgame i was in love with canon.

5. Tell some of your headcanons of your fave.

•his spider abilities on top of the originals like purring, cant have peppermint, hibernates, etc

•his love of animals, always stopping on patrols to say hi to them or trying to keep the strays he finss

•being worthy of mjolnir and picking it up without knowing the significance

•that he worms his way into the hearts of everyone he meets

6. Do you draw for your fave? (E.g. Fan Art)

no i dont, but i love seeing others fan art obviously!

7. If your fave/s are portrayed by several actors, who are your fave portrayers?

basic, ik, but tommy.

8. Are you more into Books/ Comics/Films when it comes to your fave?

mostly the fanfics then anything, but the movies and comics are so entertaining.

9. Quote anything about what your fave has said.

this ones weird but when i went to new york i went out of my way to go to moma because of him mentioning it to tony

10. Quote your favourite line of your fave!

basic but the "When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you." because even though its sad/semi unhealthy to put that pressure on yourself, i relate to it in a way and uphold myself to helping whenever i can.

11. Ever made a edit for/of your fave?

i dont think so? maybe photos but that would have been a while ago

12. Songs you associate with your fave?

anything to do w new york really

13. If your fave was real, do you think they'd like you?

i think so, if we meant in a natural way lolol, i try to be social and i think id be able to joke with him

14. Amongst your fave/s who do you think are you? (E.g. You have 5 faves, amongst the 5 of them you think of yourself as fave no.3)

skipping because i only am answering for the one

15. Do you know your fave origin story?

yes i doo, radioactive spider bite, yada yada, parents dead, yada yada, uncle shot, rip, grew up in queens & stayed there

16. In 1 word describe your fave’s aesthetic.

akward

17. Is/Are your fave/s famous on A03?

yes very much, but mostly for irondad

18. Ships that you like with your fave?

i do like irondad if thats even considered a ship, peter w tony, harley, steve, stephen, and bucky, either seperate or at the same time, and im open to other pairings too

19. Is/Are your fave/s well known?

yes very well

20. If your fave/s have a fandom, what do you think about the fandom?

i like them, idk if theyd like me now that ive gone to the dark side lol

21. Describe yourself using something your faves have said

oops kinda did this already for another question but, "I am Responsible. I…Oh crap. My backpack’s gone." I try to be responsible but i am very clumsy and forgetful lol, and i do a lot of stupid shit

22. If you would feed your fave/s something, what would it be?

as big of a meal as i could possibly make, very carby, probably pasta, get some meat on those bones and feed the super apetite

23. How do you see yourself in any of your fave/s?

i see the optimism/ akwardness in myseld as well, we are semi-close in age so i think that contributes to it

24. Ever taken a break from your fave/s?

sorta, it was very short and it was mostly in between going from irondad to starker as well as small breaks i took from everything lol

25. If your fave/s were to have a crossover, who and which character would they have a crossover with?

well they did have one with stephen and the other spidermen but i think it would be cool to see him really interacting w the women of marvel, aka kate, yelena or natasha (also rip), pepper, captain marvel, america chavez, etc.

[the-kipsabian]

💫🎀🎉💞💥🍭💎🪄💌

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback? i honestly love everything i get be it just 'good' or a keyboard smash or anything, but ive always been extra fond of feedback that states the commenters favorite part of the fic or picks apart their favorite sentences etc. cause to me that feels like they took the time not only to read, but also to try to invest themselves in the story and understand it and what the words i was putting down were fully trying to convey. they are the very special kinds to me personally <3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing its the one i can keep repeating to the very end, but i love the way i can convey emotions in scenes. i think im pretty hecking good at that honestly

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!) oh wow i havent. actually rewarded myself for finishing and posting since i started doing it again lol. i do give myself credit when its due cause i think my work is pretty good at the moment so i dont feel like im posting subpar stuff, but i also dont know what to reward myself with. i cant afford anything and little things dont bring me much joy rn honestly lol. stay tuned maybe i figure this out

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language characters (and their relationships) and the overall mood. i usually want to convey a certain feeling through a scene so thats my top priority, and i take pride in my character work a lot so thats also up there, trying to make them feel as real as possible. reading-wise im a plot person tho, or again the mood is really important to me

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it. (unspirisingly) insomnia. i just thought it was really cute. it also helped my anxiety while working on it and reading it afterwards a few times so like. yeah. its also the piece that got me into writing kip so thats very special

🍭why did you start writing? i have always liked stories. i was a lonely child with no friends and talents, writing was the one thing i was maybe good at and ppl complimented me on when i dared to share something with them. currently im doing it as an outlet and cause it just makes me happy and my god nobody else is writing these fics and ships (except you <3) and someone fucking has to LOL

💎why is writing important to you? i mean its pretty much the same answer as above lol. im sad, im lonely, trying to make something that makes me happy since i have almost completely fallen off from the drawing bandwagon and i need a creative outlet. its the one way im most comfortable expressing myself and it keeps me sane rn. its like the One Thing i feel im actually good at i guess

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic? recently i think all ive done after finishing something is either eat or go to bed lol. i also more often than not let the written stuff simmer for a while, depending how im feeling about it if its an hour or a few days before editing and posting so im not constantly overworking myself, but yeah. food and/or sleep is the most common thing rn. as stated above, i cant afford any big things to celebrate with and small things barely give me any sort of happiness rn

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited! i love how this question immediately drew my brain into a blank lol. i dont really have a lot of things actually in works right now, i just have a very long list of ideas and requests, theres only like. actually three things im trying to work on that i have started (and i might have to scrap at least one of them hmm). but immortal fears is always good!! chapter 3 WILL happen eventually, its maybe 2/3 written right now and i just really. REALLY enjoy writing chuck. so im excited to share that and hope that people like him as much as i do!!

fic writer asks ~

[helahelahel]

chayenzo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tvseries-writings]

Difficult Choises II

Part I

WandaNat x reader

Prompt: the fight against cancer continues

Marvel Masterlist ~ Buy me a coffee☕️

When you wake up, at first you think it was just a nightmare.

You quickly think again, however, when you feel the drip in your arm.

From the nausea you feel, it's not the first infusion you get and to say you're pissed off would be an understatement.

"Tell me you didn't do what I think you did"

Your voice sounds cold, unmoved as you stare at the two girls on either side of your bed.

At least they had the good idea of ​​having you treated in the tower rather than in the hospital.

The two Avengers take a guilty look, settling on the loveseat, before facing your anger.

"We had to do it, y / n" Natasha murmurs, barely having the courage to look you in her eyes.

You shake her head, resting it on her pillow again, as a couple of tears form on the sides of your eyes.

"How long"

Your girls are silent - you don't know if you can still call them that given what they've done - and it pisses you off even more.

"Natasha, Wanda, for a long time."

"Two weeks"

Wanda's statement makes you open your mouth wide and stay still for a few seconds.

"I can't believe it, how the fuck did you think of doing such a thing!"

You angrily peel off the IV and your arm starts to bleed, but you don't care.

"Y / n, what ... stop!"

Natasha jumps forward, preventing you from getting out of bed.

"Take your hands off me Natalia or I swear I won't be held responsible for my actions"

You look at her badly but the former Russian spy doesn't move, her grip still firmly on you.

"I will not continue the chemotherapy, it is not your decision"

You both look into her eyes and Wanda shakes her head as Natasha just stares at you.

"It's not your choice, however"

"It is! It's my body, my life and- "

"And when it comes to your life you tend to try to kill yourself in a bathtub!"

Wanda screams, with tears in her eyes, and all the anger you have felt up to that point vanishes. It was before you got together, but you knew both of them, you recently joined the Avengers and you had a moment of weakness after a mission gone wrong.

"It's been years, I went to therapy, I have you now ..." you whisper, suddenly finding the blankets very interesting.

Natasha sits on the bed while Wanda turns her back to you, continuing to cry.

«We know love, we know that you worked hard on it» the former Russian spy takes your hand and begins to caress it, giving you a small smile: «we love you so much and all this scares us, that's why we reacted like this. Right Wands? "

Wanda turns, her tears streaming down her cheeks as she slings into your arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that b-but I don't want to lose you too ... I can't lose you too detka"

Wanda sobs in your arms and you just do the only thing you can do. You hold her in her arms, gently rocking her to try to calm her down.

Natasha continues to hold your hand intertwined with hers as she draws soothing circles on the Sokoviana's back.

"It's okay, deep breaths Wands"

You murmur in her hair, deeply inhaling the redhead's lavender scent.

Wanda's breathing returns to normal and her body stops shaking with sobs.

"We need to call Helen and get you to put that moya lyubov IV back on," Natasha whispers, wrapping her arm around your hips and forcing both you and Wanda to lie down.

A sigh escapes you from her lips; close your eyes and curl up a little more in the arms of Wanda and Natasha.

"That thing doesn't heal itself, detka"

You turn to Wanda, leave her a kiss on her lips and then do the same with Nat.

“I'll have chemotherapy ... but if there is no improvement within two months, we won't have to talk about it anymore and you won't have to do what you did. Was I clear? "

Your girls nod and hold you tight, a little tighter, as if they're afraid you might disappear at any moment.

"You can call Helen now, I can imagine how many she will tell me"

You smile and your girls laugh. Nat gets up and leaves the room to go get Helen while you stay in bed with Wanda, one in each other's arms. You really hope you won't regret the decision you just made. You hope so with all of yourself.

After two weeks, you wish someone had warned you. Maybe you could have "turned down the offer" in that case.

A groan resounds in the small bathroom as your head bends, once again, into the toilet, throwing up whatever is left in your stomach. You doubt there is still anything there as this is the fourth time you put back, in the span of two hours.

You're so busy throwing up you don't even hear the bathroom door swing open and your girls kneel next to you.

"It's okay, we're here"

Natasha strokes your back softly as Wanda pulls your hair back.

You throw up three more times before your stomach settles down.

"Ugh ..." you lean your forehead against Wanda's chest and she strokes your hair.

"Nat?"

You murmur, not even making an effort to raise your head to look at the blonde.

"Tell me honey"

Natasha keeps drawing soothing circles on her back and you reach out your hand to her, groping her for her and intertwining your fingers as soon as you find her.

"It sucks"

Wanda sighs and so does Natasha, they both approach your little body and gently squeeze you.

"I wish I could take your pain and take it away" Natasha squeezes you a little tighter and Wanda does the same.

"We love you so much and it kills us to see how much you suffer, detka." Wanda kisses your temple.

You three stay there on the ground for about ten minutes before you finally decide to get up. Your gaze is fixed on your reflection in the mirror. Deep dark circles dig into your eyes, your cheeks are sunken from the pounds lost from chemo and your complexion is paler than usual.

Natasha and Wanda stand up and also appear in the mirror. You bite your lip and try to hold back the tears as your eyes trace the shapes of your girls. They are perfect and you literally suck. Because they are still with you.

You look away from the mirror, as if you were sunburned, and quickly get out of the bathroom.

Natasha and Wanda give each other a confused look before following you.

You lie down on the bed and cover your face with your hands, passing a hand through your hair from time to time.

"Y / n, printsessa, what's wrong?"

Natasha caresses your thigh gently. You shake your head, letting them know you don't want to talk about it but your girls don't give up.

“Detka, you talk to us. You know you can tell us everything "

You throw your hand through your hair and sit up. You open your mouth to speak but freeze when you feel something rough between your fingers.

You look down and open your eyes when you see it.

A lock of your hair is stuck between the index and middle fingers and a sob involuntarily escapes your mouth.

"What…? Oh- »Wanda's gaze follows yours and fixes on your hand.

Natasha approaches and takes you in her arms, stroking her wrist so that you can let go of the lock.

“It's okay, we'll face it together. You are beautiful love and this cannot change "

You sobbing into her chest and the Russian hugs you tightly as Wanda looks at both of them, using her powers to try to calm you down.

"I-I want to cut them"

Your voice trembles as you say those words and they both nod.

"Okay detka, let's book an appointment with the hairdresser and-"

You shake your head vigorously.

"I want to do it now"

They take you to the bathroom without asking questions and after a few minutes of searching, they put the electric razor in your hands. You are too busy looking at it and feeling and calibrating its weight, to notice the knowing look your girls throw each other.

"It's okay detka, we're here every step of the way"

"Every step printsessa"

You turn on the razor and the sound scares you for a moment. Your mind goes back to the day your mother made you shave her hair and tears start pouring from your eyes and running down her cheeks. Natasha places her hand over yours, stopping the tremor in your hand, and then accompanies the razor close to your head.

"Are you ready?"

Wanda's hand also joins yours and as soon as you nod, a lock of hair falls to the ground and then another and another. You look at the emptiness on your head and your urge to cry increases even more. You don't know how-

Your mouth opens wide as Natasha shaves between her head without blinking, running the razor over her hair again and again until there is nothing left of her left, followed immediately by Wanda.

"Oh my God, what have you done"

Wanda and Natasha exchange a look and a small smile appears on the lips of both.

"We don't love you the way you are." Wanda smiles, shrugging.

"And we're in this together, don't forget it." Natasha nudges you lightly and you burst into tears.

"I love you so much, I-I ..."

They snap up close and hold you in a hug so tight that you're afraid you might break some bones but you don't care.

«And then… I saw some fabulous wigs, one has some amazing blonde curlers. Nat I'm sure it would suit you really well "

You laugh at Wanda's words as Natasha looks at her indignantly.

"You, little witch-"

Wanda screams, extricating herself from the embrace and running around your room chased by Natasha, she doesn't want to be tickled by the former Russian spy. She just doesn't care at all.

You watch the scene amused and your gaze falls to the floor at your feet, focusing on the myriad of hair on the ground.

Those girls are your guardian angels, you're more than sure.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and leave a comment if you like. Have a great day!

P.s: In four days it’s my and my sister’s birthday (yes, we are twins) and since I don’t know if I will be able to collect all the money to send her to London (it has always been her dream and I just want to make her happy), I wanted to ask you if you could donate something to buy her a sweatshirt she likes so much. It’s a sweatshirt with a cute Larry fanart and it’s signed by Harry and she’s been dreaming of it for a while and I wanted to make it for her for our birthday. It costs about 70 dollars but I only earned about twenty between one job and another so I wanted to ask you if you could help me. She is very important to me and her happiness matters more than anything else. Thanks so much for your help. <3

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[psychotrope777]

if i could give an example one thing ive been thinking about a lot recently was a few years ago when it was like a common talking point on mineblr whether or not villagers are antisemitic caricatures? and its like. obviously im not jewish ive never experienced antisemitism personally so im never going to completely disregard it because ultimately what do i really know and i think it is good to be mindful of how things can come off but. i really couldnt always help but feel like... what? 😭 and it's like again it's not really my place to speak + a lot of people who are either bigoted and / or hear something they dont want to hear about the piece of media they like will always try and downplay criticisms like this and i really dont want it to sound like thats where im coming from. fantasy as a whole has a huge racism & antisemitism problem that basically permeates throughout the entire genre. look at LOTR, TES and D&D. but its like here the argument was they have unibrows, big noses and are greedy. the first two is like. yeah, they do but whether or not that approaches the level of an antisemitic / racist caricature is contextual just like any fictional depiction of any real life feature that people have. and then the third thing is kinda just... there's nothing to suggest that? villagers dont really have any personalities in basegame. i think theres an argument to be made that they dont really do anything besides trading but they also arent really needed to do anything else and while i do think it would be cool giving them bigger personalities in basegame might go against the philosophy of it being a sandbox game and ruin the experience of the player being able to project their own original stories / traits onto them. i havent played them but from what i understand the sidegames do develop on the "canon" personalities of the villagers which. i dont know a lot about so i cant really say anything about them actually but generally seem to be generic "peaceful commoners". like i think i can see greed being extrapolated from shit trades but thats mostly because mojang hates us. or the only other thing that even kind of computes is theyre greedy because they use currency and have material goods which is bold but im willing to hear it out. the gamer subculture is as a whole infected with bigotry, it definitely used to be worse but its still frankly quite bad. i have definitely seen shitty comments abt villagers before and i have seen people characterizing villagers as greedy and unscrupulous because they have big noses and unibrows which is antisemitic and racist but from an objective standpoint i think i can say pretty confidently that theres not a lot of that in the source material

i will say that on a personal level it feels kinda weird to me because i do depict big noses and unibrows a lot in my art. i take a lot of inspiration from cartoons like spongebob, ren & stimpy and tgaobam with similar styles. its also a bit of a personal thing because i have a big nose and big eyebrows and i like those things about myself. i was insecure about them for a long time but now i think they r Cool and i think other people should think the same way and if anything thinking they are mildly funny is still way better than people thinking they are like hideously unattractive. (i will admit that cartoons tend to abuse unibrows in design but they are fun to draw.) one of the core tenets of cartooning is exaggeration and a lot of artists who have a similar design philosophy tend to depict the features theyre most insecure about in themselves, like zits, double chins or weird boobs and its the same idea. im still very careful with what i depict and i do my best to be socially conscious but at the same time its honestly incredibly annoying to see people jump to the worst possible interpretation of what to me feels like a very innocuous feature & i also dont see how it helps to fight the demonization of certain features to react with performative outrage when those features are depicted...? there was a lot of suggestion that villagers should instead have button noses and plucked eyebrows which like. why!!!!! why is that your answer!!!! why is that the most intelligent response that you can formulate!!!!

and again most of the people who were doing this in the moment were like white 14 year olds just discovering social justice who also werent jewish and had no real frame of reference for what they were talking about besides very basic debriefings on what antisemitism is. it really doesnt help anything that most of this websites userbase is white americans. there is a lot to criticize about minecraft which i will probably get to eventually but like that was so strange to me sorry for writing an essay

its good to be mindful of if something might look bad but still whenever i see someone on this site deliberately reaching to show they condemn the worst possible interpretation of something that is also clearly not what's going on it just kinda leaves me at a loss bc like what do you even say to that. its usually people who are pretty young tbf but its like come on man you cant be doing that