#i want to play brisket!!!

[heelycular-manslaughter]

Not sure if I should explain this on every post or not but I'm lightly working on a Lumen game inspired by Hades & Kill 6 Billion Demons, all about you escaping a randomly-generated hell using a weapon of your choice. The weapon system is a core aspect of the game; it's similar to my other Lumen project, Luminous Vein, though you'll only start with one weapon instead of two. It might seem like a downgrade, however-

This is one of the (currently) two weird gimmick weapons with questionable function and clashing aesthetics. The yo-yo has a mechanical focus on gaining Casts - which if you haven't played Hades is essentially a little projectile you can fire that's usually disconnected from how your weapon attacks - but is characterized as being cool and doing tricks & shit. also I've been playing Penny's Big Breakaway so honestly I might change it to add more references and maybe make it more usable. The core combat system isnt too complicated but I dont really want to explain the whole thing in each post where its important, but I can answer any of the questions you have probably

Plaster Yo-Yo

Not a conventional weapon, made as a toy for children in Hypercrash and Cloud 9. Unlike the other weapons, though, this can be pretty easily smuggled into hell, and still used as a tool for violence. 

Stylish: Instead of actions being for direct violence, the Plaster Yo-Yo's actions can be used just to look cool. When you spend an action, you can describe an interesting way for it to play out, and gain an additional Cast for the rest of your turn. When you spend all your actions and none of them deal harm, you can also gain a Cast for the rest of your turn.

Plaster Yo-Yo Actions:

Toss: Can use a cast, a movement, or an action. Throw the yo-yo one range, dealing 1 harm to any enemies in the way. The yo-yo stays in that position until using Recall or moving.

Recall: (Can be used after using Toss) Can use a cast, a movement, or an action. Bring the yo-yo back, dealing 1 harm to all enemies in the way. 

Tornado: Requires 2 actions; deal 1 harm to all enemies within Near range. 

Plaster Yo-Yo Aspects: 

(Costs 1 Titan Blood) Aspect of Style: Gain +1 Cast (for all turns).

(Costs 1 Titan Blood) Aspect of Spinning: After using Toss, the Yo-Yo deals 1 harm to any target in Close range of it, and deals 1 harm to any enemies in Close range of it at the end of every round until it returns to you.

(Costs 2 Titan Blood) Aspect of Break: Recall can move you toward the yo-yo's position.

(Costs 2 Titan Blood) Aspect of Pose: When you gain a cast, cause all enemies within Near range to lose an action.

(Costs 2 Titan Blood) Aspect of Sticky Hand: The yo-yo can attach to a targeted enemy, who will move with it, taking 1 harm for each obstruction or enemy they collide with.

(Costs 3 Titan Blood) Aspect of Sawspinnin’: replaces Plaster Yo-Yo action list with the following:

Rip-It: Can use a cast, movement, or an action. Send a Sawspinner into the arena; if it hits something, it will deal 2 harm before bouncing to another target. Any additional harm added to this action counts as a separate attack. 

Arena Center: any Sawspinners in the arena will begin to orbit towards you, moving 1 range toward you at the end of each turn, dealing 4 harm to any enemies in their paths.

Sawridin’: use Rip-It action, then spend another action to jump on the Sawspinner and move with it. Any movement effects are applied when you bounce off an enemy

the final aspect turns it into a beyblade idk if thats clear or not

anyway vote on what you want to see next pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasif you want. idc

prev update (Hollow, Goddess of Rot)

[dirt-str1der]

Wanna kill kiryu and it wont be any sort of romance or poetry i just want him dead. Its a sex thing

[whitesuited]

sharo.n carter, grill gremlin #confirmed..... also #confirmed ---- share will threaten you with a spatula if that's what is available to her.

[nunchijeu]

starting to get baby fever. my family always said it would happen eventually. but they didn’t know it would be for a kitten…

[laurrelise]

okay all i want right now is an umbrella academy spinoff of just the deli fives working in the kitchen like in the bear

ok ok picture this:

deli owner five: i swear to fucking god five, if five has to wait any longer for the brisket, you’re fired.

brisket five: it’s not my fault! five still hasn’t finished the goddamn fries! (clearly at his breaking point)

fryer five: that’s because someone left his station dirty when he left after his morning shift. (also at his breaking point)

clocked-out fryer five: (sprinting out the back door) alright see you assholes tomorrow

server five: alright, i try not to get on you guys about ticket times… but five looks like he’s about ready to walk out.

deli owner five: fuck, give him a free dessert.

server five: okay, but can we hurry this shit up? i’d like a tip if that’s alright with you dickheads.

brisket five: get the hell out of my kitchen.

busser five: (bursting in with a full bin of dirty dishes) drunk five is demanding a fluffernutter and making a scene again.

deli owner five: (shuffling through countless tickets and slamming his fist on the counter) i have zero goddamn time for this five, we’re slammed with this lunch rush and im down two cooks today. help a guy out and get him to leave.

busser five: you pay me minimum wage and i could not give less of a shit. i’m not dealing with him again.

drunk five, bursting into the kitchen: i knew i smelled peanut butter in here (pointing at brisket five who’s currently on grill preparing a burger)

brisket five: this is literally a beef patty

deli owner five: alright man, we’ve tried to play nice, but you’re out of here. let’s go, don’t make a scene. (pulling drunk five out by his collar and dusting off his hands) fuckin’ hell, none of you make it easy, do you?

brisket five:

booth five watching from the dining room: jesus christ

[love4pascal]

"Summers In The Air And Baby, Heaven's In Your Eyes."

Joel Miller x F!reader

An: first fic! Feedback would definitely be appreciated!

Word count: 1k+

Warnings: fluff, age gap (readers 28 & Joel is 33) Joel and reader have been friends for 4 years so, Fake dating, creepy neighbors husband, protective!joel for like 2 seconds, THEY KISS.

You're My Best friend Series!

Part two here!

It's mid July and the Millers are throwing their annual neighborhood get together.

Every. Single. Year. The millers throw an outstanding barbecue, the best Texan brisket that’s been smoked for 12 hours the night before just for this big event.

Hours before the event the whole Miller household was in shambles, everyone on deck running around tidying up, making sure everything is perfect.

Thankfully Joel and Tommy had helpful hands with you being there. Sarah not so much but she’d pop in at times to see what the progression looked like.

Joel called out for your help in the backyard.

“Hey can you help me with the pool, while I check on the brisket?” He squinted his eyes due to the Texas sun in his eyes.

“Yeah, the skimmers in the shed, right?” With the nod of approval from the older Texan, you headed to the shed and grabbed the skimmer for the pool.

While skimming the pool, you were oblivious to the footsteps behind you until you were falling into the pool and loud laughs were heard from the two.

Sarah hunched over; giggles coming from her. Joel stands in the spot that you were just at, laughing.

The worst duo when it came to stuff like this.

“You’re a very lucky man, Miller.” Reaching your hand up to signal help getting out.

“And why’s that?” Grabbing your hand and ready to pull you up from the cool water.

You yank his hand and here he comes splashing next to you in the cool blue water.

“Because if I was wearing the clothes for the party right now, you’d be a dead man.” You laughed at his soaking wet form in the water

Sarah was practically rolling on the grass from how her father fell for the obvious.

“Sarah, could you help me carry this stuff to the table please?” Walking out and placing the paper plates and plastic silverware onto the white fold up table.

“Where should I put this..?” She stood next to you confused.

“I’ll put it away, don’t worry about it.” Grabbing the box of napkins and more paper plates and placing them on the table.

Once you were done putting stuff away , you decided to check on Joel knowing he tends to get anxious before everyone shows up.

“How are you doing.?” You rubbed his shoulder.

“You know how I get before everyone shows up.” Pulling the brisket out of the smoker.

“Yeah and every time, people are blown away from your amazing Texan hospitality that keeps them coming every year.” Following him to the table where all the food is set out and covered.

“You ain’t got a damn thing to worry about miller.” You reassure him.

“Yeah I know but-” he was abruptly cut off.

“Hey Joel, people are here. You want me to let them in or nah..?” It was the man of the hour, Tommy miller.

Joel looked at you for some help, and with a nod of approval from you, he told Tommy to start letting people in.

-

With about half of the neighborhood in Joel millers backyard, there was still enough room to navigate around.

Sarah and her friends playing in the pool, parents talking about the latest gossip going on in the neighborhood. Joel and Tommy talking to their construction friends.

It was one of the very many things you enjoyed during the summer.

Watching from afar, soaking up the memory of pure happiness, until it was rudely interrupted by someone.

“Hey, you know where Joel keeps the beer? I’ve seen everyone with one yet I can’t seem to find a single cooler of beer.” A tall man, graying hair and slight wrinkles in the corners of his eyes.

“Oh um, yeah it’s just this way.” Walking outside by the grill and pulling the large cooler from the somewhat hidden space it sat before.

“Thank you darling. I appreciate it.” The man smiled at you.

“Oh it was really no problem at all.” You returned a polite smile at the older man and just as you about to walk away to find Joel, is when you felt a hand on your wrist.

“Why don’t you have a drink with me?” His oddly warm hand still wrapped around your wrist.

“I would, but I really need to find Joel.” Using anything as an excuse to get away from this man.

“How about you have a drink with me and then we can both go find Joel?!” He said, it was sounding like he was more telling you than asking you.

You were about to reply until your thoughts were interrupted.

“Actually Mike, I need her help with something, so if you don’t mind, I’d like for you to let go of my girlfriend.” It was the man that you were looking for, Joel miller.

“Oh my bad Joel, didn’t mean anything by it.” The tall man, Mike was much shorter than Joel was, Joel was practically towering over the older man. Mikes hand quickly unwrapping itself from your wrist.

“I think Linda’s over there looking for you. Said something about your daughter, might want to go find her.” Joel softly pulling you in his side, watching Mike scramble to find his wife.

“So girlfriend huh?!” You grin looking up at him. Resting your right hand on his chest.

He playfully pushes you away, laughing as he speed walks away from you.

“MILLER.” You shout as you ran after him, laughing once you catch up.

“I only said that so he’d let go of you, or I was gonna have to ruin the barbecue because I would’ve punched him” he said slowly sitting on the outside couch he had.

“Joel miller, you would ruin your barbecue for me, I feel honored.” Nudging your elbow against his.

“Oh shut up.” He looks at the ground chuckling.

After everyone left, it was just you, Joel, Tommy, Sarah and her school friend Ellie.

You and the Miller men clean up the aftermath of the barbecue.

3 trash bags full, fold up table put in the shed, extra food placed in the fridge, and beer put in the garage fridge.

You were finally done.

Tommy called it a night after helping you and Joel take the trash to the garage cans.

-

After washing your hands and putting away the extra paper plates back into the pantry, and running the dishwasher even after Joel’s protests about how he’ll do them tomorrow.

You found Joel sitting on the outdoor couch nursing a beer. Sitting right next to him and laying your head on his firm but soft shoulder.

He offered you some of his beer, which you excepted.

You two say in comfortable silence, just enjoying one another’s company.

At one point you could hear Sarah and her friend Ellie laughing and giggling. It sends a pang of happiness to your heart.

You finally broke the silence, your voice soft and airy.

“You’re the best, best friend I’ve ever had.” You say looking up at him.

And for a second you could’ve sworn the world went quiet, no giggles of the two young girls upstairs, no crickets or chirps, just you two.

“Oh yeah?” He said looking at the full moon that had been looking right at the two of you.

“Yeah.” Turning your attention to the moon as well.

“Well you’re also the best, best friend I’ve ever had.” He turns to admire you, how peaceful you look, how the moon light dances on your beautiful skin.

He watches as you turn to look at him, your smile brightens and for the first time in Joel millers life, he gets butterflies.

It’s like something had taken over Joel’s body as he slowly leans towards you, before his lips capture yours.

You deepen the kiss, moving from sitting beside Joel to sitting on his lap.

He breaks the kiss for a second to breathe, your foreheads resting onto one another’s before he captures your lips for a second time.

“I think I’m in love you with you.” You whisper into the kiss.

“I think I’m in love with you too.” He whispers to you.

A/n: Hey there! I hope you enjoyed!

[talesfromawannabejournalist]

Green Eyed Monster

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

@beef-brisket

(this is the au that I was taking about in an ask with things a couple weeks ago)

Charlie was sitting anxiously as screams filled her ears as she waited with her family for her baby sibling to finally be born. Her knee kept bouncing up and down as she would occasionally glance down the hallway to the room where her father and Adam were being held. His screaming filled the entire hospital, no scratch that his screams probably echoed all across the sloth ring where they were. When she said her family, she meant the family that could cross rings. All her aunts and uncles, the sins, were here and of course Vaggie was by her side as she rarely leaves it.

They were all excited over the new heir of Hell finally making an entrance. Her Aunt Bee and Uncle Ozzie were currently trying to make small talk over the screaming along with other random noises in a busy hospital. her uncles Leviathan, Mammon, and Satan were playing cards. Her Aunt Bel was with her medical team in Adam's room doing her best to deliver the baby safely. Obviously, the sin of pride was right by Adam's side comforting and holding his hand as his new child was being brought into their world.

New child

Charlie slightly grimaced at the thought.

Charlie internally: more like sudden child, their announcement literally came right after the honeymoon

Suddenly the screams came to a stop. Her whole family, including herself, went completely silent. After a few moments the screams of an infant were replaced and cheers erupted from the sins. Charlie only winced at the screaming coming from her aunt and uncles, as well as that baby.

Charlie internally: That thing sure does have a pair of lungs

Aunt Bel came out to the lobby, her scrubs having some blood on them. Her dad was not far behind, wearing similar scrubs to his sister. He had a ginormous smile on his face which had grown bigger when his eyes landed on his now eldest.

Lucifer: Char Char! You want to meet your new little brother?

Lucifer took Charlie and they headed into the delivery room where Adam laid on the bed looking absolutely exhausted with sweat pouring down his head. Yet he still had the sweetest and gentlest of smiles on his face as he stared down at the creature in his arms. Her father pushed her forward slightly and she was standing by Adam. Adam slightly looked up to her and spoke in a raspy voice, throat no doubt

Adam: Hey Girly there’s someone your father and I want you to meet

He lowered the blanket where a stark white face that was slightly scrunching up. The newborns eyes were closed

Adam: Charlie this is Mallum your new baby brother

Lucifer: well little lady, what do you think of this little man?

Charlie took a good hard thought about it as she stared down at Mallum and all she could feel was deep resentment

[millersgirl80]

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby (Part 2) 18+

Pairing: Dbf!joelxf!reader

Word count: 1.6k or so

Warnings: unprotected p in v (Joel pull out game strong af, keep it wrapped)

Summary: Joel goes on a date…

Notes: Sorry this took so long. I promise it'll get better! 😫🫣

Previous Part Here, part three here

I leaned against the kitchen counter, the scent of fresh coffee filling the air, when my dad comes downstairs on the phone.

“Just a girl from work. Trust me, you’ll like her. She’s cute and fun. Just hired at the office. Don’t be late!” Dad laughs before hanging up the phone. “Playing matchmaker?” I smile grabbing the coffee pot pouring my cup full. “Something like that, just sat Lisa and Joel up on a date.” I spilt the hot coffee on my hand as those words left my dads mouth. “Thought Joel didn’t date?” I say cleaning the mess up. “Yea, so he says. Maybe this will help him out” dad shrugs.

After sitting in my room after what felt like hours, I got a shower and got dressed heading downtown for some much needed shopping therapy. I went to a couple stores getting some new outfits for the coming fall. After shopping I headed to the diner to meet my friend hanna for some lunch. “So after you fucked, he just left?” He summarizes my experience with Joel. “Pretty much, he’s usually at the house everyday. It’s been a week and dad’s been going over there.” “He sounds like a dick.”

“I just don’t get it, Hannah. One minute he’s all over me, and the next it’s like I don’t even exist.” I say poking at my salad. “Maybe he freaked out?” She sighed. “Maybe” I look down at my untouched salad “It just feels so awkward now. I keep wondering what I did wrong.” I slide my plate off to the side. “Hey, you didn’t do anything wrong, well, I’m not saying sleeping with your dad’s best friend is right, but if this is what you want. Then go for it!” She smiles. “Go talk to him!”

“I would but he getting ready for a date tonight” I roll my eyes. “I’m just gonna go home and rot in bed with ice cream and watch friends” I huff paying for my food getting up. “Count me in!” Hanna quickly follows.

Joels pov

Joel!” Mike shouted across the diner, waving like a maniac. I sighed, dragging my feet toward him. The place was crowded, the sound of forks clinking and laughter filling the air. I spotted her before I reached the table—a girl with dark curls and bright blue eyes. She was smiling, I straighten up a bit.

“Hey, this is my buddy Joel,” Mike said, gesturing to me like I was an award-winning trophy.

“Hi, I’m Lisa!” she exclaimed, standing and extending her hand. I took it, feeling the warmth of her palm. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah? All good things, I hope.” Mike winks to me and walks off. I chuckled awkwardly and slid into the booth across from her.

“Mostly,” she teased, raising an eyebrow. “But I’m sure you have a lot of secrets.”

I shrugged, trying to keep my expression light. “Nothing too scandalous.”

“Hmm, we’ll see about that.” She leaned in, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “So, what do you do for fun?”

“I mostly just hang out,” I replied, “You know, work and the occasional barbecue.” I shrug “Just hang out”

“Barbecue, huh? I bet you make a mean brisket.” She smiled, and I felt a flicker of something in my chest. It was nice to be here, but the thought of Darlin’ crept back in, making my stomach twist, like it has been for a week.

“What about you?” I asked, desperate to change the subject. “What do you do for fun?”

“I love hiking and photography. I actually went to Big Bend last month. The stars out there are incredible.” She sighed dreamily. “I took a bunch of pictures. You should see them.”

“Maybe I will,” I said, forcing a smile. The longer we talked, the more I felt the weight of my situation. Darlin’ was always there, a shadow in my thoughts.

“So, Joel, what’s your deal?” Lisa asked, her gaze catching me off guard.

I cleared my throat, trying to focus. “I work in construction. It’s not glamorous, but it pays the bills.”

“Construction? That’s cool! Do you enjoy it?” she asked, leaning forward, her interest piqued.

“Yeah, I like working with my hands. It’s satisfying seeing something come together.” “built the gazebo down at the park. The one with the flowers?”

“You built that?” Lisa exclaimed. “That’s amazing!”

“Thanks,” I said, trying not to let the compliment go to my head.

As the night wore on, I tried to focus on Lisa, but every time I would focus on her. I'd find myself thinking about darlin bent over the counter in her kitchen. I was reminded of the invisible thread connecting us. After we finished our dinner we exchanged numbers and headed to our vehicles. “Do you wanna come back to my house with me?” I turned and asked Lisa “sure. Lead the way.” Lisa smiled out of her window. The drive to my house was quick, considering I was arguing with myself about whether I should do this or not.

When we arrived at my house, we raced to the door, I tumbled through the door, Lisa’s lips locked in on mine. Her hands expertly unbuttoned my shirt, as her fingers tracing the contours of my chest. My breath quickened as I undressed her, my hands shaking slightly as I revealed her soft curves.

I guided Lisa towards the bedroom, our lips never parting. I kicked my door shut, as I backed her up and laid her down on the bed, my eyes taking in her naked body, but I couldn’t stop the images of darling playing in my mind.

I positioned myself between her legs, taking a moment to try to get darlin out of my mind. "Fuck me, Joel," she whispered, wiggling her hips, her voice thick with desire.

I thrust into her, as Lisa moaned loudly, her nails digging into my back as she urged me on. The sound of our flesh slapping together filled the room, mingling with our loud groans. My guilt momentarily faded as i moved in and out of her body, my mind starts to betrayed me, flashing images again of darlings innocent face and soft moans. I thrust harder thinking of Lisa to push the thoughts away, but the forbidden fruit of my best friend's daughter was too tempting to ignore.

"Harder, Joel..I’m gonna cum!" Lisa cried out, her body bucking against mine.

I complied, pounding into her with renewed vigor, my own desire reaching a fever pitch. I felt her clench around me as she came. The sensation pushed me over the edge, and i pulled out finishing on her stomach, my body shaking with the force from my orgasm.

As my breathing slowed and returned to normal, I rolled onto my back, feeling a mix of satisfaction and guilt. Lisa snuggled up against me, her hand resting on my chest.

"That was incredible, Joel," she purred, her breath warm on my neck. "I can't wait to do that again."

I nodded, my mind already elsewhere. "Yeah, it was..."

She placed one last kiss to my cheek, before standing up and getting dressed. “I had a lot of fun tonight Joel. Call me anytime.” With a sweet smile, she walked out the door.

Darlins pov

After hearing about Joel's blind date with Lisa, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease. A couple weeks has passed since I seen or heard from Joel. I made my way to Joel's house . My heart raced as I climbed the stairs, my mind filled with questions and a growing sense of anticipation.

I knocked on the door, my knuckles rapping against the wood with a rapid rhythm that mirrored my racing pulse.

Joel, unaware of the visitor behind the door, open the door with an urgency. His handsome face, slightly weathered by the years, fell at the sight of me. "What are you doing here darlin?" He stepped aside, inviting me into his house, looking out behind to make sure no one saw me go in.

I entered, my eyes scanning the familiar surroundings, I turned around to face Joel, almost bumping into his chest. "Joel, I need to talk to you," I said, my voice laced with a mix of anxiety and determination.

Joel walked past me and led me in to the living room. "What happened between us was a mistake it shouldn't have happened and it’s not going to happen again.” Joel says sitting on the couch.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered her courage. "I heard about your date with Lisa."

Joel's eyes fall from my face as shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Yea, Mike set us up." He tried to keep his voice steady, but the guilt was evident in his expression.

"W-was it…Did it go well?" My voice softening. "

Joel's heart sank as he heard the pain in my voice."Yes, I had an excellent time.” Joel huffed

My eyes welled up with tears, I held my emotions in check. "Oh," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Did you fuck her?" I asked bluntly, blinking the tears away. The words felt like knives, slicing through my heart, but I needed to know. “Thats none of your business darlin.”

“It is when you were inside me a few days ago,Joel.” I spt back at him. “How was it, was she better than me?” I asked. “Or was she just another body to you?”

Joel's face flushed, and he looked away, unable to meet my gaze.

"That’s great." My voice cracked, feeling my composure starting to crumble. "I uh… I should go, glad we could talk.” I quickly say, making my way back through the front door across the street to my car. Joel called after me a couple of times but I ignored him driving off.

I drove to Hanna's house, getting out of the car, and knocking on her door frantically. “He slept with her.” I walk past Hanna. “He, who?” Hanna ask rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Joel slept with Lisa!” I said plopping on her couch letting the tears fall.

“Oh you poor thing!” Hanna sits beside me rubbing my back. “What happened to me?” I asked wiping my tears away. “I use to be able to do this, sleep with someone and just act like nothing happened, but then I fuck Joel ONCE and I feel like I'm the clingy girlfriend!”

“Look at me, this situation is different, you've had your heart set on Joel as long as I could remember, maybe he does feel the same way and he just can't come to terms with it.” Hanna comforts me for a little bit longer until then tears fade away.

“I know what we need to do.” hanna smiles. “The day of the barbecue, come over and get ready here. We will go together!” she smiles.

I stay the night with Hanna not ready to go home or have the chance of seeing Joel again today. I often ask Hanna what she has in mind for the barbecue and she just responds with, “You'll see” and a smirk.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

Little Seresin - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Wife!Reader

Word Count: 0.7k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Excessive Fluff; Use of "You" but No Y/N, No Names or Physical Descriptions

Summary: You surprise your husband by putting your daughter in an opposing team's jersey.

Master List

The second that Jake saw your daughter for the first time, all bets were off. 

The man soaked up every minute of daddy daughter time that he could get. For the first few weeks of your daughter’s life, he slept in the guest bedroom with her so that you could recover and have the energy to take care of her during the day when he was at work. Spending all of those nights together seemed to create a deep bond between them. And your daughter was very much attached to her dad. 

As such, they had a lot of traditions that they shared just the two of them.

Every evening that the Cowboys were playing, Jake would get her dressed up in the little jersey he bought her and they would sit on the couch and watch the game together. Jake would explain what was going on to your daughter, who sometimes paid attention and sometimes slept or tried to play with her daddy instead. But it was a tradition cemented in your family’s day to day life. 

But today you wanted to mess with your husband just a little bit. 

“Look at you all dolled up,” you cooed, picking up your daughter. “Do you like the Eagles jersey that Uncle Rooster sent you, huh? And the little ribbons?”

Your daughter sucked on her fist, eyeing you like she knew something was off. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, you perked up when you heard the door unlocking, meaning that Jake was home. 

“Let’s surprise your daddy, huh?”

Walking out of the nursery to greet your husband, you made sure to hold your daughter out to him so that he could see the jersey that she was wearing. 

“Hey, Baby Girl—what is she wearing?” Jake asked, turning to you with clear and overly dramatic betrayal in his eyes. 

“Rooster bought it for her. Isn’t she so cute?” you cooed, causing Jake to take your daughter from your outstretched hands. 

“She’s always cute,” Jake insisted, holding your daughter to his chest. “What did Mommy do to you, Baby Girl?”

“Jake, she can wear another team’s jersey.”

“She’s a Seresin! Seresin’s only root for the Cowboys. It’s the law.”

“What law?”

“The law,” Jake stated, holding your daughter close, like he was trying to protect her from you. “Don’t you worry, Baby Girl, I’ll get you changed. Just hang on.”

“Jake! I just put her in that,” you called after him, unable to contain your laughter. 

“Oh, no. Look she just spit up all over it,” Jake lied as he pressed a kiss to her head. “Looks like we’ll have to burn it.”

“Jake!”

Ignoring you, your husband returned a few moments later with your daughter wearing a regular shirt and the Eagles ribbons out of her hair. Your daughter smiled that gummy baby smile that seemed to match her father’s so well.

“There, look at how happy she is now!” Jake insisted, ticking your daughter’s side. She squealed and pushed against his chest, curling into his side. “Crisis averted.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“You knew that I was dramatic when you married me.”

“Still wondering why I went through with it,” you lied, folding your arms over your chest. 

“No, you’re not,” Jake scoffed, turning back to your daughter. “Your mommy is all silly today. But don’t worry. Daddy’s here to save you.” 

Your daughter giggled and pressed a kiss to Jake’s cheek, causing him to absolutely beam with happiness. And though you were still playfully annoyed, there was nothing that made your heart warm quite like watching Jake with your daughter.

A.N. Somewhat inspired by the Brisket pics, which is probably why it reads more like Glen than Hangman but hey, I don’t do RPF, so it’s Hangman. Hope y’all enjoyed it!

[more-the-maryer]

I'm finally unpacked and getting back into the groove after my cruise, so I thought I'd share a bit about the trip

Every morning I started my day at the buffet. My usual go-to's were yogurt with fruit, bacon, eggs benedict, sausage, french toast, a croissant and a cinnamon roll. Sometimes they'd have gelato so I'd get that too ☺️

Between breakfast and lunch I hung out by the pool. They had a soft ice cream dispenser and chicken burger place right next to the pool so I'd snack on that while sunbathing. I think I had upwards of 6 ice cream cones per day haha.

For lunch there were a few different restaurants, as well as the main buffet. I cycled between getting tacos, burgers, and chicken sandwiches. They had a cafe that served really good milkshakes so I often grabbed one of those to pair with my meal :) 

Between lunch and supper I actually tried to not eat that much because I didn't want to spoil my appetite for my favourite meal of the day. I was also pretty busy in the afternoons, i went to some of the onboard events like trivia and bingo (yes, I'm an old timer at heart), and spent a decent amount of time in the Casino (I'm not any good, I was just having fun learning blackjack). 

For dinner I went to the main dining room where they served a three course meal every day. The menu was on rotation but every meal was amazing. Id get 1-2 appetizers (often alfredo, shrimp, escargot, and other unique samplers), 2 mains (the brisket and salmon were some of my favourites), and 2 desserts (my favourite was the melting chocolate lava cake and the Baked Alaska). I could rarely finish it all, but I ate until I was completely stuffed every single night 🤤 it was all inclusive so I just ordered as much as I wanted haha

Almost every night after dinner I went to the comedy show, followed by whatever big show they had in the theatre. The comedy shows involved a lot of crowd work so they had me cackling every time. The entertainment in the theatre was a little lacking, but I still enjoyed it. 

They had a 24 hour pizza shack so I'd always go there in the late evening after each show, then I'd sit out on the main deck and watch whatever movie was playing while eating my pizza, it was so relaxing. 

I had a great time at each of the ports too. One (San Juan) involved a lot of walking but it was a beautiful city with really neat forts. The bars there made a mean Pina colada, so truth be told I was a little tipsy while wandering through the city haha. Another port had beautiful beaches and really clear water, so I spent most of my time laying by the beach and swimming. I didn't go on any excursions because I really wanted to relax on this vaca ☺️

Anyway it was a really great trip and I made sure to overindulge the whole time ☺️ I plan to post a post-cruise weigh in video on my OnlyFans soon, I can't wait to share my progress with you all!

Here's some pics of my first day relaxing on the pool deck 🍹​​​​​​​

[mossyivy]

This thought just came to my head and I couldn’t help but giggle.

Imagine Chris invites Leon over to watch football on Sundays, and have a bomb ass barbecue of course; like all dads do on the weekends. But you didn’t really mind, it meant the kids would get off your back for a few hours and you could gossip with Chris’s wife.

The two of them would totally be standing by the grill, bud lights in their hands as they watched the TV outside on the patio, yelling at the players like they could hear them.

They’d hit that signature dad pose. Legs slightly spread apart, standing, arms crossed, you know which one I’m talking about.

Also they’d literally compliment each other on their barbecue and stuff. They’d spend hours just trying to smoke a brisket or something, having the typical bro talk while doing it.

- Anon! 🎀

(Chris looks like a Giants fan. No I will not be elaborating further.)

Literally can't decide which apron Chris would be wearing so here's all the options

With the middle one he'd definitely pat his wife's ass every time she walked by. She'd just stop and stare for a second and he'd point to the apron. She'd just nod and keep walking, use to his bullshit by now.

The wives would be talking about bitchy moms at the PTA as the kids play on the Redfield's giant playset. (Like think about a McDonald's play place and old chuck e. cheese playgrounds together. Just minus the child vomit and mildew smell). They're drinking wine, talking among themselves when they overhear their husbands talking.

"She's a beauty! Doesn't throw fits. Let's me do whatever I need to and I don't even need to put in much effort." You two life your heads, listening to Chris until Leon speaks up.

"Where'd you find her?"

"Street corner!" Chris's wife stands up, about to walk over until Leon's wife grabs her arm and forces her back in the seat.

"Some guy was moving and selling the old girl so I scooped her up and brought her home."

He's talking about the fucking grill...

Chris's wife sighs in relief. Feeling her heart return to her body as she chugs the rest of her wine. She was fully ready to knock some sense into that man...

Eventually Lulu walks over and wants to help her dad cook. He'd grab her little apron and make her stand by the side of the grill on a chair and hand his cheese slices for the burgers. Her apron:

To which Leon looks at Violet and asks her why she doesn't help him grill at home while she's getting one of the barrel juices from the kids cooler.

"You gonna pay me daddy?" He's stunned for a second and stares at her.

"What? Why would I pay you?"

"I was told to never do a job for a man who didn't pay me what I deserved."

"Who told you that?"

"Mommy." Leon looks up at his wife who's sipping her wine. Daring him to say a word. He just ruffles Violets he hair up.

"Good advice. Go play." His wife nods, going back to her conversation while Violet runs off.

I'd imagine the game would be a massive deal to the both of them. Like it's their teams against each other and they have a bet going. The game goes into overtime and eventually Leon's team wins and he's so excited he goes to cheer but sees his two girls are out like a light inside the living room of the house so he just tries keeping in his excitement so the kids can sleep until they finish packing up to go home.

[stelly38]

“I can’t remember how much bonking I did”  —Aidan Turner

With Ross Poldark behind him, the star of Di5ney’s adaptation of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals talks ’80s excess, intimacy coaches and beef brisket.

Here I am, avidly watching the first few episodes of Rivals, the sizzling new Disney+ treatment of Dame Jilly Cooper’s raunchy blockbuster, before my interview with dreamboat-y Aidan Turner, when my 22-year-old daughter walks into the room. “What the actual?” she cries, open-mouthed in horror. “Oh my God! What are they doing?”

I chide her prudishness. “Well, if you must know, Rupert Campbell-Black and a woman he probably just met have reached a shuddering climax on Concorde,” I explain. “Your generation didn’t invent sex, you know, darling – the Mile High Club has been around for…” but it turns out that’s not what’s triggered her.

“These people are SMOKING! On. A. Plane. Who even does that?” Everybody, that’s who. Welcome to the sassy, sexy 1980s, Missy. Double-breasted suits and taffeta skirts, booze, bonking, endless ciggies and hairstyles so fugly (the mullet, for pity’s sake?) as to have recently crept back into fashion. It’s all there: rampant sexism, social climbing and conspicuous consumption, to a banging soundtrack of Eurythmics, Hall & Oates, Haircut 100 and the rest – no idea how The Birdie Song got in there though. Did people really...? Yes, we did. Now run along. From the moment the opening credits roll on Rivals, it’s fair to say we are immersed in a very different, instantly recognisable universe.

I lapped up every transgressive minute. Why, dear readers, the last time I enjoyed a pleasure quite so guilty was when Aidan Turner took off his shirt in…  “I’m not here to talk about Poldark,” says Turner very politely, with a fabulously winning white smile, when we meet. So we don’t. At least for a bit. We are here, after all, to discuss his new role in this very different literary classic – and no, ladies, he’s not been cast as the libidinous blaggard Campbell-Black. As if. County Dublin-born Turner, 41, was a shoo-in for dashing Declan O’Hara, the saturnine Irish journalist turned reluctant chat-show host who finds himself at the epicentre of a battle royale in the cut-throat world of independent television. David Tennant plays Corinium TV boss Lord Baddingham, and Alex Hassell’s Rupert Campbell-Black has ascended to the lofty heights of Tory Minister for Sport.

I could try to explain, but that’s about all the primer you need – rest assured that with this high-budget adaptation, even the most loyal of Cooper’s fans will find themselves safe in its (wandering) hands. “Rivals is about the three things that fascinate all of us: sex, power and money,” says Turner. “That trifecta is especially potent when there’s a clash of status and class. Class informs all sorts of things, including the sex, which is sometimes completely transactional on both sides. From the very top to the very bottom of the ladder, everyone’s slightly on the make.”

Speaking of the top and indeed the bottom, the eight-part series employed not one but two intimacy coaches. “They had a lot of intimacy to coach,” confirms Turner breezily. “I think they really improve sex scenes because they encourage creativity and it all looks so much more authentic. There’s a lot of bonking. I want to say I did a lot of bonking – I can’t quite remember how much.”

Declan is very much the dark-eyed, watchful outsider, his integrity as deep-rooted as his humongous moustache – “artist’s own”, remarks Turner. (He speaks in mellifluous Irish tones and uses his own accent to play Declan.) Amid the jostling for supremacy in the first few episodes, Declan’s only crime appears to be wearing mustard socks on air and having sensuous congress with his own wife (played with exquisite brittleness by Victoria Smurfit).

Such uxoriousness appears borderline scandalous in Dame Jilly’s masterfully constructed world of egos, oneupmanship and serial adultery, which signals that despite being a workaholic, Declan is clearly a good ’un – although, to be fair, I have only seen the first three episodes.

“I hadn’t read Rivals before. It seemed very British so it wasn’t really on my radar, but it’s really fun – although later on it descends into something much murkier. I just read the scripts initially and then was really struck by how faithful they were to the book,” says Turner, who is married to the American Succession actor Caitlin FitzGerald, 41. “You get a real sense of the characters in the first 15 or 20 pages and it’s a mark of excellent writing that you feel you already know these people.”

Whether or not you like them is up to you, but it’s absolutely gripping and Turner’s character is right at the heart of the story. “Rivals is a really truthful depiction of an era that in a great many ways was hugely problematic,” says Turner. “It’s not being refracted through a modern lens and some of it is quite shocking, particularly the way women are treated. There’s also endless back-stabbing; Declan is detached, the one who sees what’s going on, and because he’s not from this class-bound world [he] struggles to understand the playbook – but he’s married to a woman who does and that causes tension.”

To research the role of a broadcasting homme sérieux, Turner trawled YouTube to watch hours of Firing Line, the US current-affairs talk show presented by conservative pundit William F Buckley Jr for 33 years. From 1966 to 1999, he verbally sparred with leading figures of the age.

“I felt it was important to look to older shows, the way they were presented and the communication style,” says Turner. “The interviewee would be given time and space to answer questions in full. These days it’s very different; the nearest we have to that now would be podcasts.”

“Once filming started, to be honest I was channelling my dad the whole time. He’s an electrician, not a journalist, but Declan is very like him – the way he carries himself, the tone of his voice, his passion. He feels very Irish and so does Declan.”

For Alexander Lamb, an executive producer on Rivals, finding the right fit for the pivotal character of Declan was crucial. “The very first person we thought about – the very first person we cast – for Rivals was Aidan. He was the lynchpin because he just felt so right; he’s got depth but also such charm and that was exactly what we wanted. A lot of the cast was built around him.” That cast also includes EastEnder Danny Dyer, Katherine Parkinson, best known for The IT Crowd, Emily Atack of Inbetweeners fame, and Claire Rushbrook, who was in the first series of Sherwood. When it came to Turner, Lamb had been impressed by his previous standout roles as a vampire in the supernatural series Being Human and a clinical psychologist in police procedural The Suspect.

“Aidan hadn’t played sexy-dad-with-teenagers or an intellectual journalist before, so that gave the whole thing a freshness. I think there’s a lot to be gained from getting actors out of their comfort zones,” observes Lamb. “I’ve never really worked with an actor before who was so conscious of his performance. He would come back behind the camera to see if he could improve on what he’d done.” Dame Jilly, adds Lamb, needed no persuasion in casting Turner. “It did not escape her just how good-looking Mr. Aidan Turner was. Let’s just say she became quite the fan.” Turner responds in kind, with unalloyed admiration. “Jilly is so sharp, perceptive and really funny – she’s very kind, but as she was seeing the daily and the weekly rushes I am quite certain that if she hadn’t liked what any of us were doing, she would have told us very swiftly.”

Later, he quietly relates a telling conversation with Cooper at a garden party held at her Gloucestershire gaff (to call it a pile would be too excessive, to call it a house too modest), one summer evening last year, after filming. “I remember a surreal moment when she took me by the arm and led me around the garden, pointing out the place where she would write and how she would look over the valley,” he says. “And then she pointed out the houses where her nearest neighbours and friends lived and said, ‘This is Declan O’Hara’s house, and that one’s Tony’s house,’ and explained how she would visualise the world of Rivals. It was a very special moment.” How magical, I say. He nods very slowly, the corners of his mouth twitching, eyes crinkling at the preciousness of the memory. He’s so unabashedly soulful, I almost have to look away. And so, to business: is Turner really as handsome as they say? Hmm. Maybe that’s what strikes you first but, in truth, it’s the least interesting thing about him.

Born in Clondalkin, a town outside Dublin, before the family moved to a suburb of the city, Turner admits he was never academically inclined. With a low boredom threshold, he struggled to concentrate at school, but when his accountant mother took him along to dance classes, he excelled; he went on to compete in ballroom dancing at national level, but lost momentum.

There was a stint working as an electrician with his father, but it was a job at the local cinema that sparked his interest in acting, entering the Gaiety School of Acting, Ireland’s national theatre school, where he graduated in 2004. After appearing in several theatre productions, including Seán O’Casey’s Easter Rising play The Plough and the Stars, he got his first major television gig in 2008 in the Irish hospital drama The Clinic.

“I was a lowly receptionist and Victoria Smurfit, who is my wife in Rivals, was a consultant,” he smiles. “Let’s just say we didn’t have a huge number of scenes together back then, so it’s great to catch up now.” Soon the BBC beckoned and he was cast as Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood drama Desperate Romantics. The six-parter failed to make a mark, but led to a critically acclaimed role in the comedy-drama Being Human, where he caught the eye of director Sir Peter Jackson, who cast Turner as the dwarf Kili in The Hobbit trilogy between 2012 and 2014.

Various other parts followed, culminating in his award-winning portrayal of Captain Ross Poldark in the 2015 revival of the BBC classic, which ran for five series and made him both a household name and a pin-up among ladies (and interviewers) d’un certain age.

After he was shown scything a field shirtless, a sheen of sweat on his ripped – sorry – torso, the Sunday-night concupiscence became so pronounced that media commentators called out the reverse sexism and denounced the reductive way in which Turner was being treated as a piece of prime meat. A decade on, he still seems mildly baffled, but not ungrateful, for the attention, if loath to dwell on it. “There are worse things to be known for than having a nice physique,” he says, philosophically. “But that was a long time ago and I’ve done a lot of fully clothed work since.” Hilariously, in Rivals, Declan finds himself sharing a schedule with a series called Four Men Went To Mow, featuring a quartet of topless hunks – with scythes. Turner almost leaps off the sofa when I bring it up. “I know! I was reading the script and when I saw the Four Men Went To Mow reference, I assumed someone was deliberately winding me up. Then I realised it was actually in the original book, so I took a deep breath and let it go.”

I can confirm he’s fully dressed for our interview, wearing a mustard top by British menswear brand Oliver Spencer, which he dryly describes as ‘drab chic’, Levi’s 501s, and a pair of trainers. He points out they are classic white Reeboks with a natural gum sole. I admit I didn’t know that was A Thing. “To be honest, neither did I,” he shrugs in good-natured agreement. “They were a present from a mate of mine – he’s a musician so far cooler than me, obviously – and he was very emphatic that the soles were a big deal.”

On his wrist is a 1969 Omega Seamaster. “It cost less than £2,000, it was an anniversary gift and the only watch I own,’”he offers, pre-emptively. “Oh, and I’m not sponsored by Omega, none of that.” Would he like to be? I ask mischievously. “Ah well, I’d certainly take the phone call. You always like to have options.” This is all the more interesting because later I ask if there’s any truth in tabloid rumours that he has variously been earmarked as the new Bergerac and the next James Bond. He denies both charges. “But you’d take the calls presumably?” I suggest. A pregnant pause follows. “You know, I don’t think I would. I have to say I think I’d pass on those.” Bergerac I can understand – but intimations of 007 are, like talk of knighthoods, not to be trifled with, much less dismissed out of hand, however cat’s-chance unlikely.

Turner just pulls a slightly apologetic face (possibly for the benefit of his aghast agent reading this). But really it should come as no surprise; Turner has built up a reputation as a protean performer, moving seamlessly between television, film and the stage in a variety of markedly different roles. Last year he appeared opposite Jenna Coleman in a minimalist two-hander, the West End revival of Sam Steiner’s 2015 fringe hit Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons, about love and language. Director Josie Rourke says she cast Turner not just because he is ‘brilliant’, but because he has an ability to connect with his character and with the audience.

“Aidan is a very technical and focused actor who really works hard to prepare – in that respect he’s not dissimilar to David Tennant. That might make him sound dour or serious, but he’s very personable and funny,” says Rourke, a former artistic director of the Donmar Warehouse in London. “He’s acutely aware, in a lovely way, of every single person in the room. There’s something fundamentally unselfish about his performances.”

Off stage, Turner leads a quiet life with his family in an 18th-century house in east London, which he famously furnished with the table and chairs from the Poldark set in Cornwall. He looks amused when I wonder aloud if he hangs out – virtually or actually – with the slew of young Irish actors, like Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan, who have made a name for themselves. “It sounds boring but I work, and then when a project is finished I start reading scripts again,” he says. “I’m not on social media, I don’t get wrapped [up] comparing myself to anyone else. Frankly, it’s hard enough keeping track of my own career. Since the birth of our son, my wife and I have agreed that only one of us will take a job away from home at any given time; we’ve not [had] a clash yet but we’ll have to see what happens when the time comes.”

They did, however, both have plays on in the West End at one point last year; he was appearing in Lemons while she was in The Crucible. “It worked out really well, we headed out in different directions during the day, catching up with friends and getting stuff done, far too busy to see each other,” he recalls. “Each of us did our show then we would meet up afterwards and share a cab home. It was really fun, but that sort of synchronicity is quite rare.” Like a lot of actors, Turner is guarded when it comes to discussing his personal life. Although frenzied interest from the paparazzi has calmed down post-Poldark, every so often pictures do appear in the tabloids – and Rivals will no doubt increase his bankability. It is something he accepts with equanimity.

“If I do get snapped, I don’t make a fuss or get angry, but I try to stay out of the way.” I remind him of a very striking photo of him putting the rubbish out in a frankly extraordinary receptacle. “Ah yes, maybe I should get rid of the fluorescent pink wheelie bin, a bit of an own goal,” he sighs.

I bet he doesn’t. Far too much of a compromise. I do manage to winkle a few details out of him by playing my fellow Irishwoman card and discover that he’s a ‘serious’ pool player – just this week he settled down in front of a recording of Steve Davis and his teammates taking the 2002 Mosconi Cup in Bethnal Green. He plays golf, enjoys music, and is an avowed Nick Cave fan.

“I’d have to say my favourite downtime is having friends round for good banter and food in the garden, weather allowing. I’m trying to perfect the manly art of beef brisket in my [Big] Green Egg barbecue. I think one of the reasons Rivals was such a happy show to work on was because so many of the scenes were us all together at parties. Then at the end of the day we’d kick back and half of us would still be in character.”

And what characters they are, all dressed up in their ’80s finery, jockeying for position, angling for seduction as Tears for Fears belt out ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World.’ Gen Z won’t understand, much less approve (lock up your 22-year-olds), but as a snapshot of a bygone age, Rivals promises to be TV gold, and at its glittering epicentre, Declan O’Hara, legendary brooding broadcaster with the biggest ’tache in town.

All episodes of Rivals are available on Di5ney+ from 18 October

Interview by Judith Woods from The Telegraph; Photos by John Balsom.

[ivystoryweaver]

Happy New Year, Jake

Happy Rosh Hashanah to the Moon Knight system

Pairing: Jake Lockley x gn!reader

Word Count: 820

Content: Fluff, slight feelings of unworthiness, mentions of food, alters mentioned, brief reference to past trauma, mentions of religion and religious practices, not beta'd

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

You asked Marc and Steven if you could do this.

Celebrate something with Jake.

Marc had some happy memories of holidays - Passover meals - finding the afikomen and getting a few dollars for it. The food, the wine, the prayers, the traditions.

Hanukkah wasn't quite as big of a holiday, but there were presents and dreidel to play and latkes to eat.

There were candles to light and services to attend.

Then, one day, there was no more happiness.

Steven's memories were spotty at best, but they were happy. His heart was rooted in the traditions of those before him.

But Jake had none of this. He was a shadow - a creature of the night. He had only been in your life for less than a year.

Jake was a difficult man to get to know. He preferred to keep to himself, but he was soft for you - that, he could not fight.

You didn't want to ambush him, or even surprise him. You asked his permission.

"Could...do you think we could have a little dinner for New Year's?" You asked him one night, moonlight spilling across the bed as you drew circles on his bare chest with your fingertips.

"New Year's?" He gruffed out, confused. "In September?"

"Rosh Hashanah," you supplied. "You know...the new year. If you want. I wanted to make you dinner - just something nice."

Jake's calloused hands scratched lightly down the curve of your back. "Not sure, mi vida. Better ask - "

"I did," you interrupted. "Marc's not ready yet and Steven is okay skipping this year - at least the dinner so you and I can share it. Only if that's okay with you. It doesn't have to be anything you're uncomfortable with."

The stubble of his chin tickled the skin of your cheek as he whispered back and forth with you.

"Okay. Yeah. I...I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do, but...sure."

You were excited, having hoped Jake wouldn't turn you down.

You prepared a savory meal - doing most of the work the night before. You set an elegant yet simple table, with your best dishes, a tablecloth and your grandmother's silver.

A round challah loaf sat on her silver serving platter. You prepared apples and honey to symbolize the hope for a sweet year. You also served pomegranates and some vegetables. You made some brisket for Marc to eat later. Wine glasses and water glasses were set appropriately. You were ready.

You put the finishing touches on the table just as Jake emerged from your bedroom, straightening his tie. Jake was no stranger to wearing a tie or looking absolutely dashing at any given moment.

But this was something else. Instead of his typical leather jacket, he wore a dark suit jacket. Noticing your blatant stare, he ran a hand over the stubble of his jaw.

"I think this is like a...proper dinner," he attempted, sounding a little like Steven. "This too much?"

"Jake," you breathed, floating toward him. "You look incredible." Placing your hands on his muscled chest, you leaned in and brushed your lips tenderly over his.

"Shana Tovah," you wished him, motioning for him to have a seat at the table. But he pulled you back to his side, pressing a sweet kiss to your temple.

As you sat down to enjoy your holiday meal, your heart burned within your chest each time Jake seemed uncertain about what exactly to do. The last thing you wanted was make him uncomfortable, or make him somehow feel less...Jewish? Than Steven or Marc.

You only desired for him to be who he was. But you wanted him to feel a part of his history too, if he was comfortable.

"You okay?" You quietly asked, watching as he dipped his apple slice into the honey.

He paused, his warm brown eyes going wide. "Did I do something wrong? Is there like a prayer?"

"Jake, you can't do anything wrong. This is for you. Just...be with me." You reached across the table and squeezed his hand, watching as his shoulders relaxed.

"This is nice, baby," he spoke up after a few minutes. Leaning in, he made sure to catch your eye. "It's really nice. Thank you...for thinking of me."

You smiled warmly. "Of course, I'm always thinking of you."

You shared your special meal and some traditions together, feeling so warm inside and so grateful for this man of yours. When you got up from the table, he pulled you close and told you how amazing you looked.

"Gotta dress up like this again so I can take you out," he roughly whispered against your ear while holding you against him.

Easing back, you brushed your fingers along his jaw. "You mean 'take me out' a date, right? And not...your nighttime job?" You teased.

"Very funny," he mocked, scooping you up into a hug, where you stayed for a while, content in his arms.

"Happy new year, baby," he whispered, feeling like he belonged.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Moon Knight Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[bump1nthen1ght]

To Be Cherished (Dragon x GN!Reader)

Pairing: Male!Dragon x Gender Neutral!Reader

Warnings: Kidnapping, Slight infantilization (of the reader)

Word Count: 2255 words

Summary: You'd never thought of yourself as the "darling" type; That seemed more fitting for demure nobility, fawned over by their one true love. Usually a knight, or a duke, or someone else.

But dragons were never ones to play by the rules.

Request: heyo, if it’s okay, could i have a male dragon taking a transmasc (or just gn) human to be their pet? kind of just petting and praising the reader, saying things like “good boy/pet” to them? thank you!

A/N: Another dragon! Feels like I haven't written a proper dragon fic in forever, glad to be back.

I wasn't sure if this request wanted NSFW, so I decided to play it safe and do SFW. But if people want a NSFW second part (or another part in general!), I'd be glad to continue this!

When you started this day, you had expected mundanity. Thats what your whole life up to this point had been, a slightly-changing list of chores on the same land your family has worked on for generations. It may have been boring to some, knowing that some towns folk would refer to your family as ‘simple people’, but you always brushed it off. You loved your life! You loved the ever present routines and the beautiful rolling hills, even the gray-blue mountains that seemed to loom over like a fog. It was nice, your life was nice!

Now, looking down the muzzle of a dragon, you think you may have benefitted from exploring a bit more. Maybe if you had gone into town more, talked to more adventuring parties, you’d have the proper response ready when you found a Dragon sitting in your pumpkin patch.

“Hello?”

You mutter, which has the dragon cocking its head. It’s eyes are frighteningly large, giant pools of yellow with a menacing black slit at the center. they sit several feet above you, even with its head tilted low to look at you. A wave of its hot breath rolls over you like a summer breeze, it’s nostrils right by your face.

“H-how can I help you?”

The dragon doesn’t move, just letting it’s third eyelid flit between, only adding to its uncaring (?) gaze,

“Uhmm…” You mutter, looking at your basket. “I have some cucumber, some eggplant, some tomato-” You hold up a fresh, fat red tomato to the dragon's nose, “-if you want some?”

You know dragons prefer more luxurious gifts, but maybe it's hungry? Whatever it wants, it can have, you’re just hoping it doesn’t sees you as the meal.

Another wave of breath is snorted over you, ruffling your overalls and the straw hat on your head. Your hands shake, still tired from harvesting all your vegetables this morning, your nails caked in dirt. You’re sure you look a mess right now, especially in front of something as regal as a dragon, you hope the smell of sweat and soil is enough to deter it from eating you.

The dragon eyes the tomato, but does nothing to eat it. You slowly put it back into your basket.

“Sorry, that’s all I’ve got it. Just a farmer, as you can tell.” You rub the back of your neck, mayb you could appease to it’s sense of humor? Dragons love wiley adventurers, don’t they? “I’ve been told I can make a mean brisket, though. W-would you like some of that?”

The dragon blinks again, but this time you see the sides of its mouth begin to curl up, it’s tail flitting behind it. Is it…smiling?

“Yes.” The dragon’s booming voice nealry rocks you backwards, just as noble and threatening sounding as you thought it would be. “I think you will do, just fine.”

Before you can even stutter out a “What?” the dragon's claw descends upon you, gingerly wrapping around your torso as its wings extend. The ground rumbled as it flaps the giant wings, pushing it’s massive body off the ground with you still in it’s paw. You’re gobsmacked, no words and breath left to exclaim as it begins to take off into the air. A million and one thoughts and panics run through your mind, but as quickly as you realize you are being kidnapped, you black out.

—--

You’ve never actually swam in a lake, but if it was anything like this 30 foot cavern-bath you were taking, you were clearly missing out.

You had woken up in a dark cave, so far underground that the only light source were the various braziers and bioluminescent mushrooms decorating the walls. Laying on top a pile of furs, you noticed how surprisingly intact your body still was before noticing the dragon sitting nearby. It’s only when the dragon huffs that you jerk upward and look at the beast.

“Oh….hello again.” You say, trying not to freak the fuck out. The beast is just a mere 20 feet away from you, the tip of his (at least you think its a he) tail just close enough to tilt up your chin. The dragon hums, appraising you, its lips curling into that same intimidating smile.

“You look so cute when you sleep, pet. I was wondering if you would ever wake up.”

Your jaw would’ve dropped if not for the sharp scales pointing it upwards. This is really not what you were expecting.

The tail moves to your cheek and coerces to tilt your head to one side, then the other. The dragon hums again.

“What nice features. I feel awfully lucky to have found you dear, before you had to suffer any more hard labor.”

Hey, it wasn’t that hard.

You rebut in your thoughts, not daring to speak out of turn. The dragon doesn’t seem to be dangerous…not yet.

The tail moves down your chest and to your hands, lifting them up by the wrists but not pulling you uncomfortably. The dragon leans its head closer, its black scales shining like mother-of-pearl in the mushrooms glow. It tsks. “Workers hands, I loathe the fool who callused these hands. Who has you breaking your back, picking those fruits.” The tail reaches up, and pats you on the head, almost like a dog. “But you mustn’t worry, my pet, you won’t have to do that anymore.”

“I-I think there may be a misunderstanding.” You meekly say, almost a whisper. The dragon tilts its head, still amused. “I appreciate your kindness, dragon, but I wasn’t an indentured servant. Those fields were my own, I chose to work in them, and wasn't forced to do anything.” Your shoulders shrug up, trying to appear grateful but embarrassed at the mix up. “So you can take me back, I promise I wasn’t being hurt.”

The dragon looks at you, not saying anything and still having the amused look on his face. You feel sweat bead on the back of your neck, trying to avoid losing eye contact, showing disrespect or weakness. But the tail simply tips up your chin again, the dragon chuckling.

“Oh no my dear pet, I’m afraid you have misunderstood.” The dragon stands up on its paws, circling around the piles of furs yet keeping his tail under your chin. “ I know you weren’t imprisoned, you just didn’t know any better.”

You furrow your brow. That literally explained nothing.

“You will find your accomadations much more suitable for you now, my dear. Now, lets get you cleaned.”

The dragon’s tail nudges you backwards, turning you to see the large cavernous pool of water behind you.

Huh, that's why it’s so humid in here.

The dragons tail moves down to your shoulder, moving with enough finesse to pull down a single strap of your overalls. Your eyes go wide and you find yourself stumbling away.

“I c-can undress myself!” You squeal, before catching the way the dragon’s brow furrows. “I-uhm- thank you. But I can manage.”

The dragon chuckles, retracting his tail.

“Of course dear, I forgot how important clothing was for human propriety. Here,” The dragon sits up again, sitting around the rim of the bath, though facing away. That long tail flops over the side and stirs the bath water, the fragrant steams of lavender and bergamot bath salts wafting across, “I won’t even look.”

You shrug. You think thats about as much privacy as you’re going to get.

—--

To his credit, that bath was amazing. You don’t think you’ve ever been this clean in your entire life, having grown comfortable with a base level of sweat and grime.

Still, did he have to get rid of my clothes?

You’re not sure how he did it, but when you stepped out of the bath all that remained as a silk robe and fluffy slipper for your to wear. No sign of those well-worn overalls. He even had you do a spin as you got out, cooing at the outfit.

“My, my, now don’t you look handsome?”

You rub the back of your neck, not quite sure how to feel. Embarrassed, flattered? The growl from your stomach does the hard part of filling the silence for you.

“Lets get you some food, huh?”

The dragon leads to a different part of the cave, an outcropping with a gigantic dining room table, several blankets and quilts, and a circular bed in the center. Theres a stack of books, paper and pencils by the bed, but what draws your attention is the platter of delicious food on the table. You walk a little too eagerly to the table, the site of a freshly roasted chicken and potatoes tempting you in. When you sit down, you try not to lunge for it. This is the most luxurious food you’ve ever seen, plates of figs and rinds of cheese for you to snack on, alongside various other fruits. You give the dragon a side eye, wondering if you could start.

The dragon nudges your chair, effectively pushing you in, and gestures with its head for you to eat. Trying to keep some sense of propriety, you use the fancy silverware to your right instead of just digging in with bare hands. You even try to take a delicate bite of one of the chicken wings, but find yourself quickly melting under the flavor.

You were right, this is the best food you have ever eaten.

“Do you like it?”

You nod, taking another large bite. The dragon chuckles, laying down its head and just watching you. You swallow and give it a smile. A real one.

“Yes, thank you. I…don’t know what to say.” You take another quick bite of a nearby fig, almost moaning at the sweet taste. “How’d you get all this?”

“I have my ways, sweetling.” The dragon winks.

“Well, good job because this is incredible.”

You eat until your belly’s full, the lingering heat from the bath weighing down your muscles and making you feel drowsy. Sitting back in your chair you hum in content, before looking at the dragon. He still watches you, that pleased smile on his face.

“Uhm, could I ask you your name?” You set aside your plate, brushing imaginary crumbs off your robe. “I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”

“My name is Nyryym, dear.”

“Na-rim?” You enunciate, smiling when the dragon nods. “Nice to meet you, my name is ____.”

Nyryym nods, sitting upward so his head lies above the table, looking down at you. “A fitting name for my adorable pet.” He uses his tail to tilt your chin, admiring the way you fluster and blush. Your body responds almost naturally, that drowsiness from before weakening your resolve.

“Yeah, about that-” You swallow, a shaky smile on your face, “What’s the plan? Like, do you want me to do something or…” you gesticulate randomly. You’ve heard of dragons enjoying human talents before, like taking dancers or musicians, artists and poets to keep them entertained. But those were usually carefully curated picks, often from a big city or a royal court. You were just a farmer and while you’d like to think you're witty and charming, you didn’t have any extraordinary talents. “I c-can clean, or cook, maybe-” You look at the big pile of books near your bed, “Read to you?” You’d sometimes read to the children next door, putting on funny voices and such.

Nyryym chuckles again, patting you on the head with his tail.

“That is very sweet of you to offer, pet. You are such a dutiful sweetling. But I do not require you to do anything.” He sweeps his tail around your waist, nudging you to stand up and walk towards him. “Your company shall be delight enough, pet.”

“O-okay.” You nod, eyeing the large bed nearby. Surely he didn’t mean..

Well, you’re not gonna even broach that topic.

“I’m happy to help, Nyryym.”

His smile is less disconcerting than you thought it would be, especially with a mouth full of teeth that could grind your bones into dust. Nyrymm draws you even closer to him, his tail now fully wrapped around your waist. His head leans down dangerously close, enough that you yave to coach yourself not flinch away. Another hot breath of air blows through your hair, when you realize he’s smelling you.

Nyryym lets out a content sigh, rubbing your stomach with the tip of his tail. It almost tickles. After another sniff, he opens his eyes and stares you down.

“That’s a good pet. How about we retire for the night?”

You both look toward the bed, luxuriously plush and practically begging to be slept in. The combination of shock, the bath, the food and a morning full of work beforehand urges you to lie down. Now knowing that Nyryym doesn’t plan to eat you, that urge is even more compelling. So you nod, letting him guide you to the bed.

Laying down in the cotton sheets confirms your suspicions; You’re fucking exhausted. Your body sinks into the cushions, immediately pulling up the blankets to tuck yourself in. Nyrymm curls around the bed, lying his head so it's parallel to yours.

“Good night, my sweet pet.” He says, rubbing your face with his tail one last time.

“Good night, Nyryym.”

The hum of the cave and Nyryym’s heavy breathing, alongside everything else, quickly lulls you to sleep. It might be the best sleep you’ve ever had.

You guess things could be worse.

[delayed-affection]

Are you taking request ? If so, can I request one with Justin Herbert where you surprise him with a dog. Thank you 🥰

Brisket

Oneshots Navigation

Justin Herbert x reader

Warnings:

Word count: 0.8k

Justin always talked about wanting a dog but he could never bring himself to get one because of football.

So with his season sadly coming to an end due to injury, you thought it would be a great idea to not only fulfill his wants of a dog but to uplift his spirits.

And today was the day you were going to go to the shelter to see the dogs and bring one home.

Justin was going to be out all day today to help and support his team during their game against buffalo.

So when he left for the day so did you.

~

When you get to the shelter you look for a dog whose personality would best fit his. You want to find the perfect dog that will complement his lifestyle and personality.

You walk around the shelter with one of the workers and spend time with each of the dogs, getting a sense of their energy levels, behaviors, and temperaments.

You’re looking for one who is friendly, energetic, and fun-loving but also calm enough to be around the house and won't be too hyperactive for her boyfriend.

After looking around for a while, you finally finds a dog that fits what you’re looking for. It's a 4 year old rottweiler, who’s house trained.

They explain to you that he was brought in a month ago after his previous owner wasn’t able to move with him.

They let you go into his cage with him and he immediately brightens up. Even though his tail is docked you can tell that trying to wag his little nub.

You immediately feel a connection with the dog and know that it would be a perfect fit for her boyfriend. And the cherry on top is that his name is Brisket.

After spending some time with him you have come to definitive conclusion that this is the dog that would be great for Justin.

You proceed to file all the necessary papers and pay the fees in order to take Brisket home.

They help you load him into the car, giving you a leash and a collar to use for now.

~

Before going home, you stop at PetCo and bring Brisket inside with you so that he can get some toys that he likes.

As you let him sniff around and choose, you notice that he's pretty picky and likes to analyze each toy before deciding if it's worth taking home with him.

It honestly reminds you of Justin when he’s looking for equipment and woods for his smoker.

Letting him pick and chew a few things it’s time to get actual supplies and necessities for him.

You grab a harness, bed, grooming supplies, food, bowls, and make some new tags for his collar.

Before leaving you schedule a date for him to get chipped.

~

For the rest of the day you make sure that Brisket is comfortable in his new home.

As it closer to the end of the game you text Justin saying that you have a surprise for him. You know that he won’t see it until after the game because of the no phones on the sideline rule but it’s fine.

~

When Justin texts you that he’s on his way home, you can’t help but sit in anticipation for his arrival.

Hearing him pull up makes both you and Brisket perk up. You stand in the living room with him sitting next to you as you watch the front door.

Your stomach is filled with butterflies as you waits for him to come through the door. You’re eager to see his reaction to the surprise, and you feel nervous but excited about how it will all turn out.

When he walks through the door you happily shout, “Suprise!”

He tilts his head in slight confusion as he shuts the door, his eyes going from you to Brisket.

He drops his bag and walks over to you asking, “Who’s this?”

You kneel down and pet the dog, “This is Brisket, isn’t he cute?”

He lets out a little chuckle, “Cute… but whose is he?”

He puts his hand out to him to sniff and a small smile plays at his lips.

“Yours… mine… ours.” You say dropping your hands from Brisket.

He looks at you like you’ve grown two heads but in somewhat of a good way, “What? Really?”

Nodding you smile, “Yeah, really.”

Brisket nudges his hand allowing him to pet him.

Justin’s face lights up, “Well hello there Brisket.”

He squats down and uses both hands to pet Briskets face, “You got quite the name.”

You watch as they happily interact, “So, you like him?”

“Is that even a question?” He replies leaning over giving you a kiss.

[magsneezo]

Made the mistake of watching the entirety of season four of the umbrella academy. I’ve got some thoughts to get out so here we go.

-why did this whole marigold Durango thing just come out of basically nowhere? No real buildup besides the occasional view of yellow mist?

-also why it makes two people with it merge into some world ending monster blob? Ew

-Ben and Jen deserved more. The actors had chemistry and I would’ve loved a different storyline for them where they still got to be in love but didn’t turn into a blob.

-Klaus and his subplot contributed nothing. Gave me nothing. Not sure why that was his thing instead of, I don’t know, something more substantial to his character and the growth and backslide he went through? But creepy bikers and ghost dog I guess woof woof

-Luther deserved more than being a sexy lamp. That’s all he was this season it felt like. A pretty face and funny gags. Legs and eggs.

-Diego. Oh poor Diego. He has gone through too much character development for all of that. What a terrible storyline for him. Unnecessary drama.

-Viktor felt disconnected from the storyline while being in the middle of it. Weird. I don’t think any of the actors were feeling this writing and character assassinations.

-I have nothing good to say about what they did to Five. Worst character assassination yet. The only thing good was Brisket Five. What is his story.

-Lila was more than a love triangle enticement. She deserved better. Like the laser eyes tho. Unnecessary but cool.

-Allison, whom I hated last season, was maybe the most compassionate character again like she was in season one? That was good, but felt off since last season made her such a villain but now that she has Claire back she’s good again. There wasn’t any growth to be had or improvement. Disappointing. Her goodness is entirely dependent on her daughter’s presence. Boo. Face consequences.

-Abigail was underdeveloped and confusing. Could’ve been used better.

-you mean ten percent of New York (or wherever this was) was waiting on a Muse song to play on the radio before they go to start a mob?

-this season honestly felt like someone watched The Boys and wanted to take notes. Ew.

-great all these characters we’ve watched the last four seasons cease to exist. Love it.🙃

-this had the same feeling as the Olympic breakdancer. I could’ve done better.

-I love happy endings, but I would’ve been fine with a bittersweet one. This was neither. It was garbage.

-well thank goodness I was worried the Handler wouldn’t get a happy ending. That sure made it all worth it. All is forgiven🙄

I may make a post later on how I would’ve written it, but for now I needed to get the rant off my chest.