#i want to kick them in the metaphorical nuts over the internet

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

"okay but what ACTUALLY happened in that minor characters backstory" "what did that character SPECIFICALLY do to become like this" "how does the plot device ACTUALLY work" oh my god i don't care! i don't care about your cinemasinsing about every little detail! does knowing this technical detail improve the audience's emotional understanding of the story? no? then i don't want to fucking see it in canon!

anything you come up with in fanworks is going to be more fun for you than what the author can do in canon! any attempts by the author to explain something technical in the story takes away time and investment from the main plot! so if the technical explanation doesn't inform the main plot then it's just useless trivia for completionism's sake! this shit should be written about in fanworks! or spinoffs! or idk the writers can tweet about it or smth! i don't need it in the actual main story!

[lukewarmkraftsingle]

hi can you elaborate on divorced au mp100. i saw your video and i just went fucking nuts sitting in bed. in my brain. i need to know is it /j or /srs i need to know. im really obsessed. i think it would be really good

[the post. for context]

8:44 AM

thanks for the question! i woke up the morning of January 1st, this lovely, beautiful morning, with some animal crossing song stuck in my head. i know it's from new leaf because it has the theme for that game in it, but i cannot for the life of me remember what track it was. it can't be any of the new year's ones, i know how the new year's ones sound. i have an excellent memory for music and not much else, you see. the song is in very vivid detail in my mind, but i just cannot put the face to the name. or whatever. i'm listening to the whole ost right now to see which one it is. but after my eyes were open and whatever, i opened my phone to see what time it was, about 8 am, which is fine. i didn't stay up until midnight last night anyway. i fell asleep much earlier, passed out sideways on my bed, until the fireworks they do nearby every year kicked up right at midnight and woke me up. but i did get back to sleep. had weird dreams.

back to this morning, then. after checking my messages and all, i opted to look at my tumblr, because why not, sure, i have been known to do that sometimes. i scroll through any new posts, then i see something in my inbox, i open this message, read it quickly, still only half awake, immediately started cackling. there is no better way to describe the sound i made.

the animal crossing ost is on the hourly music now. i know it's not any of that either. but i like the hourly music. i'll let some of em play out. whatever.

but this message intrigues me. i thought about it while i got out of bed and took a shower. the animal crossing song was still trucking along at this point. i cleared out my shower drain the other day, so it was nice and in full functioning order to start off the year. lovely. but i also washed my shower curtains and completely forgot to put them back, but it was too late by the time i realized that i needed to do that. i was already determined to go through with the shower. maybe this is some kind of metaphor. for the new year i mean. mayhaps i will have the strength to take on whatever sort of stress that the year will throw at me, as the shower drain did, but it will be done with a sort of messy transparency, as the shower curtain-less experience offered. maybe this is the only way we can properly take on our greatest challenges. insert reigen quote. whatever. the floor is dry now, it's fine.

anyway. i think i can offer you the initial discussion that led to me making that video. much like a weed-adjacent post i made a while back, this is a discussion between me and The wife. i will offer brief commentary and context as needed below each image. or as not needed. none of this commentary has been needed. i will keep up the trend.

i take a lot of screenshots when i'm going out and about on the internet. just of little things that i find entertaining. or intriguing. i find it to be a much more reliable method than just liking the post or putting it in twitter bookmarks or whatever. much less likely to get deleted, or buried, or whatever. said reigen folder does not really exist. i do have a collection of snippets of posts like that, but there is no dedicated folder. it's with all the other mob psycho ones. there are currently 150 screenshots in that folder. do with that information what you will. i may be interested in posting those reigen ones, though. i'll think about it.

oh. it's on the rainy versions now. i think i'll just skip over those ones. about the same, just less instruments. same for the snow ones. this playlist is thorough.

this is one of the major issues with the divorced au: is it a mischaracterization of reigen? there are concerns that no woman would ever want to be within twenty feet of him. gf has expressed such sentiments previously, and i am partially inclined to agree. but i cannot say much, as anyone can see my post history on here. and you can see my reigen profile picture in these messages. while my picture was not that exact reigen image in november of 2022, it was still a reigen image. i will provide below for full immersive experience.

i am not taking questions at this time. anyway. back to the important discussion.

this is the one part of the au that i provided myself at that time that is not included in the actual post, and the main catalyst of the divorce, perhaps. i have seen other proposals in the tags, yes, but i am refraining from bringing those up. this is the initial discussion, yes? i'm keeping it disconnected from anything outside of this initial conversation.

all of the creation of the picture in the video was done in paint, with it only being moved to photoshop later so i could better flip the image. this is relevant later. i feel the need to specify, i ultimately did not end up tracing a photo. much too difficult to do in paint, and it wouldn't provide a very good look for what i was going for anyway. i did, however, heavily reference another better stock photo i found. surely said photo is not very difficult to find, which is good, because i do not have it on hand either. sad!

and here is the reason why the drawing was turned into a video. for whatever reason, i was possessed to flip the small drawing of mob (psycho 100), and i discovered that it was, perhaps, the greatest activity i could have possibly chosen to partake in. it was mesmerizing. this message was sent after the video was made, but i feel as though it is much more clear than the message i sent before making the video, which was simply a crazed declaration of it "flip[ping] so good," followed by a complaint about the lack of a flip shortcut in paint. if anyone knows of a "flip selection" shortcut in paint, please let me know. i could not find one, even though i searched very carefully for one.

..

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh

ok

the animal crossing song was not the new year's one. it was the fireworks festival music. from new leaf.

listen to it. it's one of my favorites. i can't believe i forgot when it plays. very sorry! and to all of my one-earbud user friends out there, use both for this one. as you should for all animal crossing music. or turn your sound onto mono i don't know.

anyway. i suppose i should offer a brief summary of where we've gotten: reigen arataka, greatest psychic of the 21st century, had a wife at some point, and he no longer has a wife, due to a divorce, presumed at least a bit messy. questionably canon. it could certainly be inserted into canon fine enough. he is gay.

let's take some questions from the audience, then!

there are a couple of tags along these lines, i believe, but this provides a degree of severity to any sorts of divorce theorizing. it's a bit of a spectrum in my mind. i like the percentages. really meshes well with the rest of the series. 100% divorced. y'know?

not me creating lore for this. i think this one offers an interesting perspective on all of it. i suppose that my depiction does offer a sort of swapping of their usual dynamic. when i first saw these tags, it brought to mind an alternate approach to the usual depictions of the standard "age swap" au, in which i feel, in my heart, pushing 30 mob is at least 16% divorced. the dynamic in the video, when taken at face value i think, would be more descriptive of overly enthusiastic younger reigen and some degree of "divorced in vibes" mob. surely most are familiar with such au shenanigans, and surely you are too, dearest anonymous person, if you have read this far. you seem to have some interest in alternatives to canon. if not, it is certainly not hard to come across. i have no other constructive comments on age swapping. someone else go and do that. i don't know.

but i suppose i should be speaking with slightly more relevance. i do have some purpose in drawing them in this manner. i see the show as a bit more lighthearted, generally. this is absolutely not to downplay the themes it tackles. but the average episode is generally more playful. and with reigen often being the cause of that. uh. m. i feel like i was going somewhere with this. but uhh. such shenanigans in the drawing are for the purpose of exaggerating the uh. the abnormality. yeah. sure. definitely did it with Grand Purpose and not just because i thought the mob looked funny.

and now we come to some constructive criticism! i love receiving constructive criticism.

uh. yes. but this is divorced au. anything is possible. the fabric of reality is tearing apart as we speak.

and now, the question we've all been waiting for: who was he married to? there are certainly some possibilities. as i currently have none, i am turning to my notes again.

i believe this tag presents an interesting possibility. this is not a marriage of romance. i was not actually familiar with the term "lavender wedding," but i am certainly familiar with the concept. two people going into a heterosexual marriage to conceal their true attractions, yes? this does go against my suggestion that the divorce is caused because reigen is gay, but it does resolve the constructive criticism presented above. i find this concept incredibly entertaining the more i think about it, however. imagine being so desperate to try to conform to societal norms that you marry Reigen Arataka. imagine coming to find the concept of having to pretend to be in love with reigen so aggressively unappealing that you are willing to forgo the social acceptance you've gained for yourself and divorce him, which depending on what kinda situation you're in, that's no good either. and after all the work you've had to put in to pull this off. imagine. incredible. does he fight for it? does he go deeper into the act?? do you start getting convinced that he was straight and in love with you the entire time?? actually maybe not that far. whatever. entertaining concept. love that.

and now we get into something a little bit funky. !!!!!!!!!!! and this section is a tad bit spoilery if you haven't read the reigen manga yet this is your first and final warning !!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!! and also go read it it's not that long and. i think you should !!!!!!!

i'm not sure how that timeline would work. they knew each other before the manga? imagine the drama though. a whole new way to read the spinoff. reigen's ex-husband (wife???????) comes across his goofy little psychic business, and reigen immediately starts trying to one-up him with spiritual level bs. and both fake psychics, they're soulmates <3 until they got divorced. whatever.

OK I'M DONE WITH MINOR SPOILERS YOU CAN COME BACK NOW

and finally, i uh

uhh. um. well. i sure hope not.

but i suppose as the arbiter of mp100 divorced au, i should offer my own thoughts on who his ex-wife is. uh. i don't particularly have any. it could be literally anyone. maybe they don't even need to be named. but i suppose if someone really needs to be his ex-wife, it's whoever you think is funniest, dearest anonymous asker person. whoever you feel is his ex-wife in your heart. i am only here to present a handful of possibilities. the truth that you seek lies within you. as long as his ex-wife isn't me. god i hope it's not me.

i guess i could consult gf about this hold on

.

.

.

HHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't do this

you don't have to listen to them. ok. you don't. it's not true.

.

anyway. just a few things to tie this up nicely at the end.

much appreciation to everyone who put keysmashes in the tags. i am honored. and everyone else too! i like reading my notes. fun times. you're all cool. i tried to keep the tags i put here focused on the task at hand, but every tag has been thoroughly appreciated, do not worry.

i am also honored to present the award for Tag That Made Me Absolutely Lose It When I Read It to this one:

thank you for being significantly funnier than i could ever dream of being.

and finally, to send all of you off, one last thing tossed together and heavily inspired by a couple of the tags, which i am upset that i did not think of myself:

is this all /j? is this /srs? i want to say it's /j, but i've put too much time into this now. very sorry dearest anonymous person. you have sent me into a sort of crisis. i suppose i put too much effort into everything that should remain as 5 minutes max /j Content. well.

hope that answers your question!

4:20 PM

[markipwiwer]

Hey, came here from AO3, on your Dantistache stories. I've had this idea kicking around for a while, where Anti and Wilford kidnap someone "as a joke" and Dark reads them the riot act for it. Also, can you have some mention of "We weren't gonna keep him/her overnight, what's the harm?" (BTW, I am E_K_Hannila on AO3.)

Finally got this done since I got inspiration recently aha

-

Anti and Wilford looked almost too happy for Dark to believe they weren’t up to something. He usually questioned their every move, every motive, and USUALLY they weren’t doing anything too wrong. So it felt good that they weren’t being questioned, at least not yet.

But after Dark noticed Wilford filling a plastic water bottle that was never seen again, he had to ask.

“Wilford, I know you and Anti are up to something. I am not a fan of surprises and you know it. So I expect you to tell the truth before I find out myself.”

Anti stepped in, glitching slightly while looking at Wilford from the side. They’d just come out from the basement - maybe not the best place to be doing anything suspicious, it wasn’t very inconspicuous - and Dark had met them just outside. His arms were crossed, this wasn’t good.

“No, no! No surprises here, Darky! Don’t ye worry yer head about it, just workin’ on a little project of our own!”

Wilford fumbled a tad before backing Anti up.

“Yes… yes! A project that may ed up being profitable for you too, Darkling. Just leave it up to us, nothing to worry about!”

Dark looked the opposite of convinced.

“If it involves my finances, then surely you’d understand me wanting to take a look?”

Oh shit. He was being overly civil. Too nice. He knew something was up. Anti and Wilford exchanged a concerned glance, and Anti wrapped a hand around himself.

“Ugh. This wasn’t even my idea.”

Anti turned around and opened the basement door, stomping don the steps like a teenager having their weed confiscated.

Dark cocked an eyebrow at Wilford and Wilford puffed out his chest, despite looking worried.

“He said some rather uncouth things, Dark!”

Dark grunted.

“Just show me. Now.”

The last word was a little more commanding, and Wilford lost the puff in his chest, before turning with his metaphorical tail between his legs, heading downstairs. Dark followed close behind.

Sitting at the bottom of the stairs, tied to a chair with rope, duct tape over his mouth to complete the look, was…

“You kidnapped the theorist man?”

Dark sounded a little shocked. Anti shrugged, as if he was just as confused as Dark. Wilford attempted to explain himself, having difficulty looking Dark in the eye.

“His name is MatPat, and he said some very mean things! He made a whole video about us, about ME, and he said I took Celine away! Like I snatched her against her will or something! Which is VERY untrue, that’s not how it happened at all! And it’s not like he’s your every day conspiracy theorist either, he’s got a lot of subscribers! Not as many as us, but still… We weren’t going to keep him for long!”

Dark barely looked at the scared man, breathing heavily through his nose, hair matted to his forehead with sweat, regarding his as nothing but a mistake of Wilfords.

“Wilf said he might have an Ego. His fan base kinda made it a thing, or whatever. But no sign of it.”

Oh, right. The sketch that formed that security guard Ego. Sometimes Dark swore this community latched onto any time Mark wore a new uniform. But it was irrelevant.

“Wilford, I shouldn’t have to explain this to you. You cannot just kidnap and torture someone just because they said mean things about you on the internet. You’re over a century old, this is just childish.”

“But you do that all the time!”

Darks form snapped slightly, and Wilford regretted trying to speak back.

“I do what I do to command respect. This is just bullying. This is pitiful, playground nonsense. The information about your life and relationships is almost exclusively speculation. If you honestly think he was trying to offend you, then maybe you should attempt to be slightly less narcissistic for once in your life. Unfortunately, now he knows about us.”

Anti cut in, since Wilford looked a little downtrodden.

“I really don’t think he’s gonna try to really out us. He’d sound nuts and he has a kid now too, he’s not gonna endanger ‘em for some Youtube thing.”

Dark took this into consideration and gave Mat another look over. His fists were balled up, knuckles white and eyes darting back and forth rapidly between all three Egos. It was obvious he was terrified. He didn’t look beat up or anything, just shaking in fear.

Dark sighed.

“Wilford, send him home. If he comes out with anything else, it’s your problem to fix.”

Wilford looked at Anti, almost shocked that he was getting off the hook this easy. He wanted to question it but he wasn’t about to wait for Dark to change his mind.

Wilford summoned his knife, cut the ropes free and poofed for all of two seconds before he was back again and poor Mat was left alone in his home, figuring out how the hell he was going to explain this to his wife.

Dark looked at Anti this time, while Wilford was still reeling a little, waiting for the anger to set in.

“Don’t encourage him.”

And that was it. Dark walked off, upstairs to do more paperwork and watch that damn video again.

Truth of the matter was, he didn’t totally appreciate Celines depiction in the video either. But Wilford didn’t need encouragement.

[shirlleycoyle]

The Men Who Love Getting Their Balls Absolutely Destroyed

Welcome to Rule 34, a series in which Motherboard’s Samantha Cole lovingly explores the highly specific fetishes that can be found on the web. If you’ve thought of it, someone’s jerked off to it.

The links in this article may be considered NSFW.

*

Bitta VonSweet's foot slave loves when she stomps on his dick and balls. "He loves the pressure," she told me. "The feeling of my full weight on him is exhilarating. The meaner I am to him, the more he is willing to serve."

Once, when he was laying beside her bed while she stepped on his penis sticking out from a cockbox, she climbed onto her bed and jumped off—onto the box, full force.

"His eyes were as wide as saucers as he grabbed the sides of the box to brace for impact," she said. "I can only compare it to landing on concrete and smashing a water balloon, without it popping! He let out a gasp of air and replied, 'I love you, Mistress.' I thought, wow. That's loyalty and dedication. Not to mention I got the giggles and wanted to do it again. His reaction was priceless."

Much has been said, of late, on the topic of feet. Looking back, the last year has seen the triumphant rise and vindication of the foot fetishist. Quentin Tarantino's sole obsession was laid bare, the silicon foot-fucksleeve Vajankle debuted and continues to haunt me, the good fellas of Wikifeet helped me solve a mystery, and here at Motherboard we recently got to the bottom of our own footsie-wootsie enigma: the size of Jeff Bezos's feet. Everyone on my Twitter feed was toying with the idea of selling foot pics to pay off some debt.

While casual observers of foot fetishism might think being "into feet" means a gentle, longing to give someone a foot rub or pining after some piggie-pics, that's only part of the story. There's a whole subsection of people whose kink is someone planting that foot, as hard as they can, straight down onto their dick and balls.

The first time I saw cock-trampling in action, it was during a scroll through my Twitter feed. I stopped on a video of a woman jumping—jumping!—up and down on a board balanced on a lying man's torso. When I looked closer, I could see the man's penis sticking out through the board. With every landing of her bare feet, his whole body twitched in pain, and she lifted off again. I wasn't sure if I was witnessing a permanent maiming, or an incredible testament to the resilience of the human mind and body. I soon learned it was the latter.

This isn't your usual "send feet" amateur shit, or even a "foot job" video. This is cock trampling and ballbusting. And you might have some questions, as I did.

What are cock trampling and ball busting?

VonSweet, who lives a trample domme lifestyle with her current footslave and sells videos of their sessions online, tells me she's always been a "scrappy kind of gal." So years ago, when a man walked into her life who not only had a foot fetish but an affinity for cock trampling, it changed her world.

"I relished walking up and down on him, overpowering him with my full weight," she said. "It was my way of making him submit to me when he got too lippy."

As their relationship grew, so did their experimentation. The cockbox—a hard, square structure with a hole for the penis to poke through—was a revelation. "I was able to stomp, crush and grind till my heart's content. Even jumping up and down on it with bare feet, sometimes even wearing stilettos, just to be cruel."

According to a blog entry by the sex toy company Lovense, trampling, crush porn, and giantess fantasies (where a Godzilla-sized woman steps on a very tiny person) are not sub-genres of one another, but distinct kink categories that sometimes overlap. Trampling alone involves a lot of flavors: You can be into being literally walked all over, but not into your dick getting stomped. Or you might only want your penis pulverized. Or your balls. Or both, like VonSweet's foot-loving sub.

Cock and ball tourture, or CBT, is the name for the wider BDSM umbrella under which ballbusting and cock trampling falls. CBT might involve chastity cages, impact play with whips or paddles, or kicks in the nuts. For our purposes, we'll focus on when feet come in contact with the genitals. A simple form, no extra hardware necessary.

Why are people into cock and ball torture?

Nearly 10 years ago, BallBustedSub lost a bet.

"I’ve always had a thing for dominant women in heels," UK-based BallBustedSub, who requested to be cited using his Twitter handle, told me. Although he first got into ballbusting and tramping around the age of 16, his first in-person ballbusting experience came years later. "It all started with a throwaway comment I said, something like, 'I’d bet my left nut on it.' Can’t even remember what the bet was now but I actually lost," he said.

"I was shocked and delighted at this new point of weakness I had discovered."

"She was the one who said right, 'I’m going to claim my prize, I want to stand on your ball.'" That escalated to her putting books under his nuts and standing on them, in different shoes, and barefoot.

Nowadays, BallBustedSub visits a professional dominatrix. "My favourite things are being trampled in the cockbox or lead on my stomach with my balls out behind me so she has full access to crush them. I love the feeling of being led in the cock box and giving over full control and then watching as the domme tramples my manhood for her own pleasure and amusement."

The dominatrixes that do the busting are often very amused.

"Ballbusting always made sense to me. I am a sadist and it's an easy way to hurt someone with balls," Danielle Blunt, a NYC-based domme, told me. "One of my early memories is playing catch with my dad. I threw the ball to him, missed his glove and hit him in the balls instead. He doubled over in pain and shrieked in a high voice, 'I think we are done with catch now.' I was shocked and delighted at this new point of weakness I had discovered."

Blunt's had a lot of experience busting balls, metaphorical and literal, so I asked her why she thinks her clients get off on something so excruciating.

"It makes sense to me that a client who likes pain would like trampling," she said. "I think everyone processes pain differently. I've seen people cum from ballbusting. It's such a sensitive part of the body and so many people with balls have experiences hurting them, it makes sense that some people eroticize that pain."

Can it be done without causing damage?

Personally, my biggest question about ballbusting and cocktrampling wasn't why people enjoy it—people get off on all kinds of wild things—but how it's done without actually breaking someone's dick off or exploding theiryes nutsack like a split beanbag.

I contacted a dozen urologists to try to learn more about the limits of these highly stompable wieners. None responded to my questions.

But after some pointed internet searches, I have my answer anyway. Despite being so sensitive, the penis is incredibly durable and resilient. There are no bones in dicks, but there are three tubes: the urethra, and two corpora cavernosa, which fill with blood to make a boner.

According the Urology Care Foundation, it's possible to "break" your dick, or at least hurt those tubes and the nerves around them, if "during an erection, a man sustains a level of unnatural force to the penis, with much more energy than the normal force associated with sexual activity, a break or fracture may occur." Basically, stubbing your dick really hard, to the point that it breaks those vessels.

But what about slamming two sets of pedicured toes down on the thing, from a few feet high?

Men's health platform Roman has some inspiring information on that front: A penis can handle eight times more blood pressure than the blood vessels in your brain. If the pressure of blood that rushed to your dick when you're horny ran to your (other) head instead, it would explode your brain in your damn skull.

So, penises are spongy and stretchy, as long as you don't torque or bend them too hard. That might explain why stomping flat down on one, on a hard surface, can happen without being permanently damaging. Testicles are more tender—they can rupture, fracture, dislocate, and deglove, according to WebMD's horrifying list of ball injuries. A lot of this can happen from a strike or blunt force, such as being kicked in the jewels for fun.

But BallBustedSub swears it's not hurting him long-term. Like most BDSM play, it's about starting slow and constant communication.

"It’s really a case of building up, and as the domme sees what you can take, adding more each time until she gets to a level where it’s almost unbearable," he said. "Obviously safe words are used too… I can always stop things at any time."

Blunt said she's taken anatomy classes from kink-friendly doctors to ensure what's going on underfoot isn't causing real harm. "I always ask about people's previous experiences to assess what their limits might be," she said. "I've had to be creative while playing with someone who was into CBT and trampling who had a prosthetic testicle."

VonSweet echoed that the safest precaution is preparation and working up to more intense play: Ball stretching, rough stomping with soft soled shoes first for a couple weeks, gradually moving into square heeled shoes, stilettos with the heels sanded down to be dull, then, eventually, stilettos.

"The human body is pretty resilient," she said. "I push him as far as his mind will take him, and even more, if I know he can give it." Aftercare consists of an ice pack on his meat and "a lot of 'thata boy' encouragement, she said. "He really will lay down his entire body for me to do what I like to it. He feels it's his job, and I wholeheartedly agree."

The Men Who Love Getting Their Balls Absolutely Destroyed syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/