#i want to get my paws on his gallbladder if he ever gets it taken out

[kaiju-booty]

anyone who's like "oh i want a weird gf" but is like "oh ew" when they try to keep your gallbladder after you get it taken out is fucking weak

[vio1315]

Okay, well I’m gonna write a memorial thing for my cat

At the time of writing this, he’s still alive, but I will post it after he’s passed

So

Basically

My cat has cancer and kidney failure

It came on extremely fast

We just had his bloodwork done to find his gallbladder was infected and all the other bloodwork was fine

Then about a month later we go back because he seems so unwell, and boom. Kidney failure. Anemic. Super super bad.

At this time he’s basically in kitty hospice cuz I really wanted him to have a few good days after like two months of feeling bad.  Now... he’s a very good cat

I think he’s the first animal that’s really been mine, and definitely the first I’ve loved to this extent.

He’s only eight years old right now, which is a lot, lot younger than I ever expected him to go.

I named him Poe, though my parents call him Boo, but it doesn’t matter cuz I call him Buddy and Baby so much he responds better to those names

My mom likes to call him Boo-ber and Boo-lardo

He had always been a very fat cat. I always got on my dad’s case for giving too many treats, and pressured my mom into giving him less food each day (it was definitely over the amount a cat should have), but he kept that weight. 21 pounds of it.  And he loves, more than anything, to lay on people. Or halfway on people. Even as I write this he’s laying on my arm, purring.

He would sit beside my dad on the couch, follow my parents to their room and lay on them until they went to sleep, and then come cuddle with me in my room until I went to sleep. He would lay on my shoulder and watch me on my tablet, I can’t remember what he did before I got one...

He had a bad habit of waking you up for extra attention if you didn’t kick him out, so that was basically his daily routine for a few years. As he got older he became really good at understanding just to lay at the foot of the bed instead.

We first got him because when we were walking through to look at cats, back and forth, he kept sticking his paw out of his cage and putting it on my dads chest to stop him. He has always been a people kitty.

They told us he was a girl cuz we only wanted a girl cat, but as we were driving home we saw the truth on his paperwork, but decided to keep him anyways.

He was so skinny at that time, and we found out why pretty fast.

He wouldn’t eat his food. They fed him science diet and he /hated/ it. Not one piece.

So finally we gave him Meow Mix which our other cats were eating at the time, and he suddenly showed us he could eat just fine.

He was always stubborn that way. He liked to find places I told him he couldn’t go and go there repeatedly no matter how many times I dragged him away. We had a good bout if battle of wills this way, but eventually he came to be very good about listening, only really getting into trouble if he was mad at me for not opening a door for him or something.

He is such a good cat.

The poor thing can’t jump up onto furniture anymore, so I have to pick him up and put him there. When I set him on my bed, the first thing he did when I got settled was lay on my shoulder and purr super loudly. He hasn’t felt super good all day and yet here he was purring back at his normal volume, and for so long too.

Earlier when I was crying he had his sorta soft expression on. Idk if he knows he’s dying or not, but he really is an absolute baby.

I have lost great grandparents and all my grandparents and many animals and even a childhood cat not too long ago, but this is the one, this is the one that hurts.

He has been there with me through the worst times in my life, been very loving, very loyal. He was my shadow so many days, following me everywhere I went, even though I never gave him treats or any such thing. He became my cat and everyone knew it.

For the first time in a very long time I cried in front of someone. I broke in front of my mom when talking. Every funeral we’ve ever attended together, I always tasked myself with being her rock. Idk why, but even when I was young attending that first funeral with her, I said to myself ‘I won’t cry’ and comforted her as best I could. And I have always held to that. Always.

But man I broke. Only once so far, but I might again when it’s time.

I definitely have in private a lot.

He’s my baby, and my whole heart, and it sucks to know he doesn’t feel very well, to see how his personality is different as he conserves energy . He was the strongest cat we ever had, it took multiple people to hold him down sometimes if he needed something. And now he can’t jump anymore. He lets himself be put in the cat carrier so easily. He looks so tired. He’s never meowed much, but the car ride from the vet was entirely silent. It’s going to come very soon.

But he still eagerly looks up for treats, after a week of starving and starving and enduring me syringe feeding him, he finally ate and can maybe feel a little more okay in that way. He’s 14 pounds now. He lost it all so fast.

I really didn’t want him to go out hungry, to go out without being less alone for a bit. The idea of him dying after the overnight vet stay was too much. I wanted him to have a lot of company, since so much leading up to this he was laying off in a corner because we didn’t know what was going on, didn’t know to pick him up and put him with us. So I just had to have him back home for a few more days, or even just one more if it comes to that. I don’t want him to have to endure much pain or anything, but I don’t want him to feel lonely. So we’ll see how long it is before the pain bears down. I think he’s already uncomfortable. It won’t be long.

There’s been times in my life I wasn’t sure I was capable of love. But I love Poe. Idk if time will take that away from me, but I love him very much, and I’m gonna miss him.

I believe fully in God’s timing, I know everything is in His control. No matter how this hurts, I know it has to be this way.  With how unstable things are, maybe this will be the most merciful thing for him, who knows. It’s why I probably won’t get another cat. I am fearful about having my ability to take care of a new animal taken from me, so I can’t risk putting an animal through that. Unless God puts another cat in my life, this is it.

My first and last cat, my most beloved and precious buddy-boy. Who’s been patient and loving beyond what I can expect of an animal, who’s seen me cry many many times in the dead of night .

I love you, Poe