#i want to chew through concrete bc i love him so much and he deserves so much better

[ganondoodle]

( elden ring dlc spoilers )

(sort of personal rambling post about my feelings about it, not looking for lore discussions)

its so obvious to me that base game radahn and dlc radahn are two entirely different entities really

one is a nigh mindless mess of what remains of a respected and once, and still in a way, very powerful general, like a tragic memory of what once was, even in this zombie like condition you can get an idea of who he was, even if only a little bit, the way he fights in synch with leonard for example

the other a recreation of him but like it was made by someone who didnt know him at all, shallow and surface level, either unintentionally so bc he really didnt know him well (and didnt care to get to know him) or intentionally made into somethign that fit miquellas IDEA of him, who he wanted but not who he really was, it shares name and design traits, to some degree fighting style, but it lacks "him", he has no voice, no shift in expression, he does whatever miquella wants, a perfectly obedient, silent, animated statue (even more obvious in second phase ...)

i mentioned it in a previous post but even his changed designed feels strangely off, basic elements are there (red hair, yellow eyes, golden lion theme) but it lacks cohesion (imo), like an action figure not a real person, its shiny and cool looking but doesnt make sense for him, he even has the sixpack armor thing, and overall a roman aesthetic to him, mulitple braids in his hair (a trait of miquella), useless swords hang around his waist, arms exposed, overall incredibly thin compared to base game radahn (be it just the armor or not), like designed by someone who has no or little idea of how swordfight works, almost .. childishly cliché

and yes, the fact that leonard is entirely missing is significant in my eyes, he is very important to radahn, its one of the few things we actually know about the real radahn, but miquella probably either didnt know or doesnt care, he doesnt care about leonard, of course he isnt here

"promised consort", promised by who to whom? if miquella, perfect little miquella, says it is promised to him, it has to be true and good and no one would would dare suggest hed lie (i dont think radahn would like that title either, ...like even his title in the end isnt about who he really is)

its all about what miquella wants, his perspective is told to you over and over- what radahn wants, his perspective, what he believes in doesnt matter, radahn doesnt matter, the only thing that matters is how he can serve miquella, how this idealized, silent puppet that is nothing of himself apart from basic design traits and name obeys miquella

by rot or by miquella, just a mindless toy whenever you see him

and it just makes me sad and angry ......... its tragic but so much so that it borders on cruelty for crueltys sake, it was never about radahn :(

[dirt-cup-draco]

Sirius x Reader- Everyone But Me

Can u please do young!sirius x reader in which the reader is friends with Lily and the marauders. And in an attempt to try and see if Lily has any feelings for James, u flirt with James. And James being James goes along with it, also bc he knows Sirius likes u and he thinks it’s funny. Which does in fact not only make Lily jealous but also Sirius. Could the reader also be mega bffs with Rem please? I’m just a slut for jealous Sirius. I’m glad ur feeling better, I love you pumpkin

“I can’t believe you!” You giggled, head resting in the crook of Remus’ neck as you lost your composure. The marauders were devilish on and off the quidditch pitch and you weren’t going to tell anyone that peter had been muttering curses underneath his breath to throw off the Slytherin seeker while James worked on winning the game. 

“It was harmless, really, we would’ve won the game regardless,” Sirius chimed in, tossing his arm around you and pulling you from Remus’ side into his own as he fought back the small twang of jealousy he felt. He knew that Remus had his eye on that McKinnon girl that Lily was so fond of but he couldn’t help it. He loved that you were close with everybody he cared about. Sirius couldn’t ever fall for someone who wouldn’t give his friends a chance, but he also felt fear.

Fear that he wasn’t good enough in comparison to them. Remus was kindhearted and intelligent, possessing a calm and intelligence that Sirius thought he’d never have. Peter was in his head but he had good intentions and was cute, Sirius didn’t pull off cute well- in his own opinion that was. And then there was James Potter. James, his best friend and the golden boy of gryffindor. 

Which brought him to the whomping willow, hours later, back pressed against the dusty planks within the tree. When it wasn’t being used as a safe haven for Remus during the full moon it was a nice place for them to meet up and spend hours getting up to no good and enjoying their youth. You were all sat in a circle, you sitting directly between Remus and James, Sirius across from you. 

It was a miracle you hadn’t noticed that his eyes had been trained on you since the second you had arrived with a smug smile and firewhisky tucked behind your back to share. 

It was a miracle that Sirius didn’t notice the sly look you sent Lily’s way. You had a gleam in your eye and you finished off the cup of firewhisky you had in your hand, just enjoying the pleasant warmth that had spread through you. It was late and the whomping willow wasn’t the warmest of places as October reached its midpoint. 

“So James, brilliant play today,” You cooed, changing the subject so the focus was on James and James alone. Sirius felt sick but watched in curiosity. 

“Course it was,” James laughed but smiled back, sending a long look to Sirius, assessing him. Sirius was too stuck in his own mind to realize that he was being studied, he didn’t realize that to James the jealousy was clear. 

You watched Lily similarly, finding the way that her expression soured as she watched you, her own jealousy beaming through. Remus watched in amusement. Sirius and Lily were quite possibly the two most emotionally constipated people he had ever met in his life. 

James looked to you for a moment and your lips split into a wide grin, you winked, you actually bloody winked! Sirius felt disturbed but mainly disheartened. He didn’t like watching you express interest in James, he wanted it to be him regardless what James might feel towards you. Which seemed to be similar to your own feelings as he winked back. 

“I did it of course, for you dear Y/N,” James nearly laughed at the painful flirt that made it way past his lips. It was like trying to flirt with his sister, awkard and unnatural. You two had been stuck on a bet of sorts recently. James was adamant that Sirius was head over heels for you and you were certain Lily was begging the universe for James to make the first move, just so she didn’t have to lose her Evans pride by asking him first. 

You set your hand on James’ thigh as you talked, both egging on the other teens in the room that you fancied. It seemed to be too much for Sirius though as he hopped up from his reclined and faux relaxed position. 

“I’ve got to go,” Was all he said before he was running out. Peter looked at you all with shame and Remus snorted, hand held open for James to drop nearly a galleon’s worth of sickles into his waiting palm. Lily raised her brow in question as Marlene sipped at the firewhisky, soaking up the drama. 

“On you go then,” James directed, head jerking towards the entrance. 

You chewed your lip pensively. “I still don’t think you’re right,” 

“Our plan went just like we thought it would so what are you waiting for?” James asked and Lily’s mouth opened to ask but Remus shot her a look that told her she would be finding out very soon. 

“If you’re wrong-” You argued, nervous that Sirius wouldn’t feel the same. What if he did but didn’t now that you had been cruel? Jealousy was a feeling that tied your stomach in knots and made your heart feel like a concrete weight in your chest. If Sirius was feeling anything like that then you didn’t doubt he would be cross with your little game. 

“He’s not,” Remus reassured, hand warm on your back as he sent you an encouraging smile. “Sirius is mad for you, so go to him already.” 

You finally nodded, brushing the dust from your jeans as you chased after the boy that you hadn’t had the guts to tell how you felt without playing childish games. You hoped he wasn’t too upset. 

--

“Hey,” Your voice drifted on the icy breeze, features distorted by the moon’s light being broken up through the clouds above and Sirius froze in his tracks that had been leading anywhere that wasn’t near the whomping willow. “You left pretty quick,” 

You stood a few feet behind him with a perfect smile on your face, concerned about him. He cracked his own smile but if felt cheap and brittle. “Just needed some air, drank too much probably,” 

“You didn’t touch the firewhisky all night,” You pointed out and Sirius watched you intently.

“Guess not,” He shrugged lamely, not offering any explanation as to why he was lying to you. You understood he was hurt, or at least feeling inadequate, and it was up to you to make the first step. 

“Want to talk about it?” You asked, not quite sure what to do now.

“Nothing to talk about,” He couldn’t help the bitter tone. Why tell you how he felt when you clearly fancied James? Why else would you be all over his friend? But... that begged another question. Why were you here and not with James when you had both seemed to be enjoying each other’s flirting? 

“Alright then,” You said, smile stiff but you didn’t seem deterred as you grabbed Sirius’ hand in yours. “If you don’t have something to say, then I do. I’m sorry,” You opened your mouth to say more but it seemed stuck in your throat. 

Sirius could feel your palm, sweaty against his own as you struggled for words. “You’re sorry?” He prompted, not sure why you were apologizing. Your cheeks were red but he chalked it up the buzz and the chill in the air that was pricking at his own skin and undoubtedly battling the sweater you wore and winning. You shivered. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot, I didnt mean to make you jealous-” 

“I wasn’t jealous!” Sirius immediately squeaked, face hot. 

You laughed. Sirius winced. 

“Whatever you and James are it’s cool, I’m not jealous,” He defended again, shielding his own emotions from you. You were still laughing! Was this funny to you? Sirius tore his hand from yours, making his way back towards the school. 

“Siri!” You sighed, realizing you once again had shared too little. “James and I aren’t anything! It was a trick, a prank, really! I was trying to get Lily to admit she liked James and he was doing the same to you.... Both of us are idiots,” 

Sirius stood still once again but he was almost too nervous to face you as you caught back up to him. “What’s the point? Why make a mockery of us?” 

“I-it wasn’t supposed to be that... I don’t want to mock you, I want you to know I like you, a lot,” 

Sirius scoffed. “Funny way of showing it,” Yet, his defenses had fallen with that one blow. Y/N liked him? Surely she couldn’t mean it. 

“I know,” You sighed, fingers intertwining with his once more as you tugged him to face you, his eyes darting around as he refused to make eye contact. He was trying to keep from looking hopeful in case this was still just one big joke. 

“Why?” He asked.

“I told you silly, because I like you and I’m an idiot and-” 

“No,” Sirius cut you off. “I mean, why me? Why not James? He’s- well he’s just better... Honestly, anyone would be better than me. I like you, oh merlin, I like you, Y/N-”

“But?” You encouraged.

“But you deserve better and anyone else would be a better match...” Sirius continued, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone. “I thought for a while you liked Remus and now James and I- Well I thought you liked everyone but me.” 

To anyone that wasn’t you or the marauders, Sirius would sound indifferent as he admitted his own low self esteem. To you, however, you realized just how stupid it was to make Sirius sit in his self doubt to try and get him to say he liked you instead of just admitting it yourself. 

“James is like my brother,” You wrinkled your nose in mock disgust. “I couldn’t ever feel that way about him! It’s always been you Sirius, I don’t care about anyone else the way I care about you. Remus is my best friend and James and Peter are like my annoying siblings, but that is all. You mean far more to me,” 

Sirius blinked slowly. “But I’m-” 

“Perfect,” You smiled. “In every way,” 

Sirius felt like he’d been punched. 

“So,” You blushed. “All that being said, would you do me the honor of letting me make up for my mistake and take you on a date?” 

Sirius beamed, kissing your knuckles as he squeezed your hand in response. “How could I deny you the honor of going on a date with all this?” He motioned to himself, his false confidence blurring with real confidence as he tried to process that you actually liked him! 

“Can I ask one thing though?” He chimed in after a moment of charged silence. 

“Of course,” You let go of the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. 

“Please, never do that again,” Sirius laughed weakly.

You agreed and pulled him into a tight hug, only pulling away when the rest of your friends found you some odd minutes later, stuck in a cozy embrace.

That weekend, you and Sirius, as well as James and Lily, had a lovely double date. The kiss you’d given him after had told Sirius all he need to know. It was him and only him and had been for quite some time. All was well.  

[sundropsam]

DEAR SAKUMOTO/SHOJUN FANS

I wrote a Sakumoto fanfic a while back that was based on Arashi’s Fukkatsu Love and I was rereading it recently and got upset that I never finished it and gave it the ending it deserved. So if anyone could add to it in the reblogs that would be AMAZING. (It’s Sho centric but can be changed) 

here it is;

Sho stepped into his apartment to be greeted by dark, cold silence. He slowly shuffled his way inside, toeing his shoes off at the genkan, overlooking the missing slippers next to his own. The rain had drenched his hair and soaked into his clothes. Sho shivered unintentionally and sighed heavily. Quickly, he slipped into his slippers and groggily made his way through the bathroom door, wishing to take a long hot bath, and finally have a good night's sleep. His muscles ached and his eyes were unwillingly getting heavier. As Sho stretched his limbs, a couple of joints popped. From inside the apartment a faint muffled sniffle could be heard. He abruptly flung his head up, eyes wide. “Jun?” Sho called out, slowly leaving the bathroom. He peered through the apartment hallway, subconsciously switching the lights on. The carpet underneath his feet suddenly felt itchy as bile began to form in his throat. “Jun? Is that you?” Sho asked again, the sharp squeak in his voice betraying me.

Sho’s heart began to hammer rapidly against his chest as he made his way to the living room. A curled up body was lying on the soft fabric of the couch, covered with a fuzzy blanket from head to toe. Tiny peeks of floppy chestnut brown hair haphazardly sticking out. A rush of relief swam through Sho’s body as he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He trudged along the floor and made his way close to Jun, kneeling to sit on the plush sofa. Still wet, Sho’s skin prickled from the all too tight suit hugging his body. The only thing he desired was to remove his suddenly very heavy garments.

The strong fragrance of the dew filled his nostrils as he inhaled sharply. Sho sighed again, “I didn't know you were home, why didn't you say anything?” The body beside him simply squirmed. “I know you're not asleep, don't play with me.” Sho chuckled softly. He was too exhausted and the thought of finally resting was overwhelming. He nudged at what he assumed was Jun's leg. “Come to bed with me.” Silence. “Hey, what the hell? Jun, there’s no need to ignore me.” only to be answered with a quick inhale of breath. Sho’s patience was running thin and he desperately wanted rest. He knelt in front of Jun's tousled hair to swiftly peck his forehead.

Sho moved to pull the blanket down, however, Jun was surprisingly quicker in pushing it up, unwilling to let Sho see his face. The room instantly became humid as a rush of anxiety swiveled inside of him. The skin around his neck felt itchy and suffocating. Sho loosened his tie reflexively and sighed for the infinite time. “Jun, what's wrong?” It came out impatient and harsher than he intended, only to hear a quick hitch coming from Jun's voice. “Would you please just tell me?” he silently winced at the unexpected volume of his voice. Jun continued to curl even closer to himself, and remained clammed. The sound of the blanket suddenly very loud in the dark room as he squeezed it closer to his body. Sho clicked his tongue in frustration and briskly snatched at the soft of the fabric to yank it off of Jun's unexpectedly small body. A pair of comically shocked brown orbs stared at Sho’s own in surprise. Sho gazed into Jun's wide eyes, little droplets of tears visibly covered Jun's long lashes.

It became very difficult to breathe.

He could only strive to urge the small voice in the back of his throat to spill out. Surprise evident in his features, the same etched on Jun's sharp contours. Sho’s mouth gaped and strangely went dry, the lack of oxygen seemingly suffocating him. he breathed in aggressively and managed to mutter out an almost inaudible, “Jun?”

Jun pushed himself up in a seated position, the light from the lamp nearby reflected his strong facial features, displayed his tear streaked cheeks. Fresh ones, lined the rim of his honey colored eyes threatened to spill out. Only then had Sho realized the heavy bags underneath Jun’s eyes and the soft quiver of his full lips. He wanted nothing more than to pull him in a warm embrace and kiss those burdens away. Hesitantly, he reached out his hand to caress Jun’s cheek, but Jun immediately turned away.

Confusion fumed inside of Sho, and he tilted his head in question. Jun's eyes were puffy from crying and his nose was bright red. He continuously chewed on his bottom lip, forcing himself to gaze at the ceiling, begging his tears not to overflow. Sho’s heartbeat began to intensify immediately, the noise unbearably loud in his own ears. “Jun, what's the matter?” he managed to choke out. Heat rose to his face, surrounding the shells of his ears, a lump formed in his throat. Words became increasingly hard to come out as strange knots found their way into the pit of his stomach. “Why are you so upse-”

“Sho.” It came out hoarse, forced. “Sho, please.” Jun squeaked through gritted teeth. Sho’s heart clenched at the cynical way Jun spat his name, as if it was physically painful to utter it. The constant sound of the beating of his heart, the rapid change in the mood frightened him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and insistently tried again.

“Did something happ-” only to be cut shortly by Jun once again.

“Please, stop.” Jun moved to stand up, Sho’s eyes carefully followed his every movements. Jun hurriedly paced to the front door of the apartment and Sho quickly started to panic. Flustered, he followed him, demanding to know what the hell had happened.

“Why are you walking out on me like this?” Sho reached the doorway to find Jun crouching down, speedily tying the laces to his combat boots. Small pools of water still recognizable from when he came in. His body begins to sweat frantically. Jun made to stand up and run out the door, but Sho immediately latched onto his forearm, tightening his grip on the leather of Jun’s maroon jacket. Jun met his eyes, practically begging Sho to let go. But Sho only managed to grip tighter to the point where small crescent shaped marks would undoubtedly stain Jun’s porcelain skin.

“Sho, I-” Jun moved to turn his eyes on a particular puddle on the tiles of the floor, painfully narrowing his eyes, the hard lines of his jaw clenching.

“What?! What is it?!” Sho frantically yelled. The drumming of his heartbeat only accelerating, fear overtaking every fiber in his shaking body.

“Sho, we should take a break.” it was almost a quiet hush of his breath, but the words reached Sho’s ears loud and clear. So loud it was almost unbearable. “I'm tired, Sho. I'm so fucking tired.” It was only after Jun looked at him once again that he realized that he completely and utterly froze. Eyes wide, mouth going slack. Jun's eyes were dark and a deep void of sorrow. Tension clawed at the air surrounding Sho, an unintended shudder ran down his spin. Small streaks of tears brimmed at the line of his eyes and shamelessly danced down the skin of his cheeks, creating small little droplets to form at the base of his chin. Jun watched as Sho unconsciously let his arm fall to his side as it swayed gently. His shoulders slumped and he found myself staring at that same exact spot Jun was eyeing earlier. No matter how much he tried to swallow, the bile wouldn't leave his throat.

Before Sho could protest a quiet, “But-” Jun had already left.

He rushed quickly after Jun, umbrella and shoes be damned. As Sho made it out of the apartment complex, the tattering of the continuously pouring rain filled his ears. He squinted his eyes, hoping to view better in the showering of the rain. Sho’s eyes bleared from his forming tears and the loud rain that mercilessly showered down. His breath hitched and he let out an embarrassingly loud sob. His voice was caught in his itchy throat as tears continued to wet his face along with the rain. Sho loudly called out to Jun, chasing after the headlights coming from the taxi Jun seemed to have called. Reaching out his hand, too late by the time he reached the cab. Jun slammed the door shut and motioned for the driver to keep going, sparing Sho a questionable glance through the window of the car, but not relinquishing a goodbye. The water droplets covered his tired face through the glass, a frown tugged at his plump lips.

The taxi moved, slightly spraying him, the water landed on Sho’s ankles and his now soggy slippers. The car motioned into the distance, and even though knowing full well that Jun wouldn't hear him, Sho couldn't help but hold out his hand, a low murmur of, “Baby, don't you go.” He collapsed hopelessly onto his knees, his skin slightly scraping the concrete of the ground. Sho’s knees stung and small trickles of blood oozed out through the material of his pants. He arched his head up, incapable of staring into the darkness of the sky. Small driblets of rain scattered Sho’s face and slid their way through his drenched hair. He clenched his teeth and whispered out the rest of his hoarse voice.

“Don't go.”

.

As you can tell, it didn’t go very far in the song bc the original was supposed to be a lot longer but I just haven’t had the time smh ;-;