#i want a venn diagram with the overlap and i want to print out little pictures of all of his outfits and pin them to the wall so i can

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

kinda need to go through the manga and anime at the same time to determine if there are any manga-exclusive or anime-exclusive outfits (for light but tbh i will want to do Everyone)

[zmediaoutlet]

in support of Texas relief, @padaleckimeon donated $100 and requested Dean Jr. meeting Sam and Dean in heaven. Thank you for donating!

to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts) 

(read on AO3)

When Dad dies, Dean takes a week off. It wasn’t sudden, or a surprise. Dad had been sick for a while, his body starting to fail him. At first Dean had been scared, and then he’d been angry. He was only twenty-four when Dad got the diagnosis and it wasn’t—fair, in some stupid but essential way. He’d barely graduated from college and, yeah, Dad was kind of old, older than a lot of his friends’ parents, but—he thought, somehow, that him dying just wasn't… applicable. Dad was just—there, always. Solid, supportive, kind of boring maybe but also stronger than anyone Dean had ever known, or would ever know, and it wasn’t right that he could just be sitting in his apartment midway through a novel and get a call and kind of sigh, because he was in a good part in the book, and then to sit up straight with his hair standing on end to hear Dad say, quiet, I'm sorry, buddy. We need to talk about something. That’s what he said, first. That he was sorry.

There were treatments, but not many. Dean had flown out and gone to a few of the appointments with the oncologist and Dad had been quiet, listening to the options. He’d researched a lot of this on his own, because Dean had done the same thing, and they’d both been nodding along during the options. Injections, radiation. Chemo. Dad had asked, polite, what the life expectancy was for each option, and Dean had watched the side of his face and not the doctor, and when the answer was given Dad had closed his eyes briefly, and then looked away from both Dean and the doctor, out the window at the snowy day, and Dean had known, then.

Dad made it past Dean’s twenty-fifth birthday. He had a party with his friends, at his girlfriend’s apartment, and they tried to keep his spirits up but it was a pretty shitty party, all told. The next day, his actual birthday, he flew back out to Dad’s house and he was in good spirits—had a mini-cake, even, with a single candle that he made Dean blow out—but he was thin, and his hair was growing back in snow-white and tender-soft, and when Dad fell asleep in front of the crappy old cowboy movie that Dean had picked just because he knew Dad for some reason liked it, Dean went out onto the porch into the nearly-springtime air and he cried, pissed at himself. Pissed at everything. Then just—unbearably sad, because he liked his current girlfriend but he didn’t think he was going to marry her, and that meant that whatever girl he did marry would be one his dad would never meet—if he had kids, they’d never know how his dad concentrated like a motherfucker on crossword puzzles and obsessed over documentaries and knew every single piece of the inside of that behemoth car in the garage and was just the smartest kindest most stubborn person. Just—the best person. They’d listen to Dean’s stories maybe but they wouldn’t know, because Dad would never meet them, and that was just—unbearable, that night. In the morning, Dad made oatmeal and Dean added a bunch of sugar because Dad’s oatmeal was inedible otherwise, and Dad smiled kind of rueful like he always did when Dean did that, and then Dad said, I’m sorry, again, kind of quiet, and Dean reached out and held his hand—thin, and the bones feeling frail—and he said don’t be sorry, Dad, and four months later, Dad was dead.

Dad was always pretty up-front with him about most everything, especially after he and Mom split up. When he was twelve, Dad explained the supernatural very carefully, telling him that he was safe but that other people might not be, and why. When he was thirteen, Dad told Dean that Hell and Heaven were both real and that there was, definitely, confirmed, a God, and maybe it wasn’t the same God that other people knew but that Dad said he was kind, in his own way. The person in charge of Hell, Dad said, was maybe less so, but she wouldn’t hurt Dean, ever. Dad said he knew that for fact, and he said it so certainly, looking Dean in the eye, that Dean believed him. When Dean turned eighteen, a few months from graduating high school, Dad took him to a tattoo parlor and said for maybe the first time in Dean’s life that something was non-negotiable, and Dean hadn’t cared because what other kid in the senior year was going to walk at graduation with a kickass demonic tattoo?

There were other things, though, that they didn’t talk about. Dad said one day a lot when Dean was little but then, when he was older and it was clear that one day would be never, he just said—I can’t, buddy. I wish I could.

After the week off, rattling around the old house, and the cremation with no service that Dad had insisted on, Dean drives out to the lawyer in Sioux Falls. She’s nice. Respectful but not cloying. The Samuel Winchester Estate that Dean is the sole beneficiary of is—a lot of money. A lot more money than he knew Dad had, or that he could have ever earned. Dad has assigned some of the money to go to charities, and to some people Dean doesn’t know—the lawyer doesn’t say who in the specific, but says they’re kids of some of Dad’s old friends. Dean didn’t know Dad had many friends, much less ones who’d get trust funds in inheritance. Aside from the stock options and the accounts and all the money left over, Dean inherits a list of assets. The house, of course. The Chevy in the garage, with the stipulation that he can never sell it. A safety deposit box, from which the lawyer has already retrieved the contents.

She leaves him alone, to go through the box. Neatly organized, like everything else in Dad’s life. File-folders of pictures, printed out all old-fashioned. Some of Dean when he was a baby. Some of when Dad and Mom were still together, leaning against each other, Dean hugged between them. Some—much older, creased and faded, stored in little plastic sleeves so they can't degrade. He recognizes a few from the framed copies Dad always had in the house. Some he hasn't seen. Most of them—almost all of them—are of his Uncle Dean, who died before he was born, and he looks especially at one that just—hits him in the gut, in this awful way where he has to sit there looking at the soothing taupe paint of the conference room wall before he can look at it again. Uncle Dean's facing the camera, sort of, although he's laughing about something and not really looking into the lens, and there's Dad, laughing too. He looks… young. Younger than Dean is now. He flips the picture over. Dad's handwriting, careful: 2006, Bobby's house. Almost fifty years ago. An entire life he didn't know. He thinks again of his imaginary future kids. These lives they have, grandfather to father to son, that overlap like a venn diagram but—not enough. Not close to enough.

*

What's a life? How to summarize, from beginning to faded end, in a way that would make sense to anyone but who it happened to?

Dad left letters, explaining, but he's gone and the context is missing. There are so many questions Dean wants to ask but he can't, of course, anymore. The first letter is attached to the key to the bunker, where he would never take Dean when he was alive, and on winter break from med school Dean flies from Boston to Kansas and rents a car and drives alone through the snowfields.

Dark, inside. He throws the big switch and the lights crackle, hum on, almost reluctant. He has no idea how it's getting power. Dust, but not as much as there could be. A library, a kitchen. Archives upon archives. Dad had explained, but what little he'd said both in life and in the letters didn't come close. It was home, he wrote, for over a decade. The only one we had with four walls, for our whole lives, although we didn't think of it that way. I didn't, at least. Dean doesn't know what that means but he looks into the bedrooms and sees… emptiness, plain bunks and old desks and funny lamps. I just picked a random room, Dad said, and as Dean's looking he really can't tell which was Dad's. Figures. Their house when Dean was growing up didn't change a bit, no matter how terrible that wallpaper was. It's only when Dean pushes open the door to room 11 that there's any personality, and he flicks the light and stands there blinking, surprised. Guns and knives on the wall. Books, piled up. Empty beer bottles crowded on the little table. Dust, but—not as much as there could be. He walks in, cautious, this feeling in his gut like he's in someone's home and they've just walked out, and could return any moment. A food bowl on the floor. A shirt flung over the chair. On the desk: more books and magazines and a folded actually-on-paper newspaper from 2024, and a job application, half filled out. Dean Winchester, it says at the top, in mostly-neat capitals, and Dean rests a hand on the back of the chair and feels… strange. He tries to picture it—the man from the pictures, Dad's brother, filling up this space. Drinking beer and reading pulp westerns and checking out—oh, weird, magazine porn. Dean shakes his head. Impossible.

In the letters, Dad said: Hunting was all we knew how to do. With everything we knew, it was our duty to use the knowledge the best way we could. I went back and forth on it. Your uncle never did, even if I know there were times he wished he—that we both—could be something else. I don't want that for you. I want you to live exactly the life you want for yourself. No expectations, okay? Not from me or anyone else.

There are printed files that go back a hundred years. More than. Paper files, but old SSDs too, with connectors Dean has to find adapters for. Dad: If you want to know what we did, it's digitized. I know I always said I'd tell you one day, but I never knew how to say it. I'm sorry for that. I always thought I'd be one hundred percent honest, if I ever got a kid, because of how we were raised. I didn't know how hard that could be. Stuff that you'd want to say, but when it came time to just open your mouth and say it there weren't any words.

Dad wrote up all the old hunts, it turned out. Simple notes about where/when/how, the kind of monster it was, the number of people who died and the people who were saved. The people they had to explain things to, who knew now about the supernatural underbelly to the universe. He noted, too, if there were injuries, and Dean reads with his hand over his mouth a long, long litany of Dean W. shot, right arm; Sam W. broken bone in hand; Dean W. concussion; Sam W. strangled. On and on. No wonder Dad didn't make a big fuss when Dean broke his leg in the fourth grade.

He sleeps in the bunker overnight, in one of the spare bedrooms that's not room 11. There's a fan on the ceiling, dusty office supplies on the desk. By lamplight he reads the letters, on his back on the stiff terrible mattress, his eyes stinging and past-midnight tired. Our lives weren't the kind of thing anyone would want, Dad wrote. I spent so long trying to get away from it because I thought 'it shouldn't be this way' – and I was right, you know? It shouldn't have been how it was. But it was that way, anyway, and in the end that was something I was okay with. We were making what difference we could. We were happy. A lot of people have it worse.

'We'. Dad hardly writes Uncle Dean's name but he's in every letter. We, we, we. Dad told Dean stories, of course, the dumb stuff they got up to when they were teenagers, or the (sanitized, Dean's sure) adventures they had as adults, but despite the pictures on the wall at home and the pictures in the deposit box and the whole life that's here, Dean can't—see it. Beer bottles on the table in the bedroom, one on either side of the tiny table. The shirt slung over the chair. We were happy, he says, but—how? Dean can't imagine it.

In the last letter Dad wrote, I think I'm writing this when I've got a month or two left. Dr. Hendricks isn't sure. I wish I had more time, to explain how it was. Who we were. I never told you the most embarrassing thing in the world, but I'm old and I'm not going to be around and not much will be able to embarrass me anymore, so screw it. (Fifty years ago I would have gotten really mad at myself for that kind of comment; more things age can fix.) There are books about us. There's a hard drive, in the bunker. It's labelled BURN THIS. (That's your uncle's handwriting.) They're true, more or less. Written by a really crappy, amateur writer, but he was a kind of prophet, and he knew everything there was to know about us, and he wrote books for about five years, based on our life and the real things we did. Some of it is exaggerated and melodramatic. A lot of it is just how it happened. You'll have to decide which is which. I don't come off too well in some of them but I hope you'll understand that the world… I don't know how to describe it. Somehow the world felt different, then. It was just us, trying our best. I hope it gives you some idea of the life we had. No matter what happened, I'm glad that life led me to you.

*

What's a life?

Dean marries. Not the girl from college but a woman, later. Red hair, blue eyes. Absolutely no sense of humor beyond puns. Hates cooking and has strong opinions on movies from the 1980s. They have three kids, a girl and then a boy and then a girl again. All dark-haired, smart. Dean gives the boy the middle name Samuel and his wife holds his hand, says it sounds great.

He's a doctor. He meets hunters. He sets bones for free and prescribes medication when needed and when it will be needed. A woman, last name Novak, calls him and says you know, your dad was one of the greats?, and he meets people—older than him by twenty, thirty years, with scars and dangerous lives and guns hidden in every corner, and he hears stories. Sam Winchester, who saved the world. Dean knows—he's read the books—but there are more years that the books didn't cover, more people who didn't die because of his dad's intervention. "They were the best," one man says, shrugging, and gets no argument, nods and shrugs from every hunter in the room, and Dean goes home that night and kisses his littlest girl where she's already tucked up in bed, and he thinks: what will she know, about who her grandfather was? Who their family is? What could she possibly know?

Dean's wife dies in her eighties. An accident. A broken hip, an infection following. Still happens, even in this new century. The kids are grown, have kids of their own, and the funeral is big, and there are people at his elbow who say to him we're so sorry and who share anecdotes of her life and who support him to his chair, even though at ninety he's perfectly capable of getting to his chair himself. He's a cranky old man, he realizes. She would've laughed at him. He thinks, inevitably, of his own father's death. Silent and unmourned, except by one. What's a life.

He writes letters, for his children. The estate is handled. He calls the oldest girl and explains to her that she's going to be the executor, and that there are things she has to keep. A key. A car. Pictures, so that her boys will know where they came from. "Of course, Dad," she says, placating a little because he's old and clearly starting to lose his grip, but she'll do it. She's a good kid. Dean learned how to raise a kid from the best.

When he dies, he's expecting it. The trip to the hospital. The monitors. He knows the pain meds even if he's retired and his doctor looks like an infant but she gives him the good stuff. It's—easy. A slipping away. He closes his eyes to sleep and there is a moment where he thinks with surprisingly clarity, this is okay, isn't it, and has the feeling of someone's hand laid on his, and then he sleeps, and doesn't wake up again.

*

He opens his eyes in an armchair, in a house that he doesn't recognize but that feels instantly familiar. Music playing, somewhere, and a gold-tinged afternoon spilling through the window, and tone-deaf singing from the kitchen. His mind feels clearer than it has in… Tears come to his eyes but it doesn't hurt. He puts his fingers to his mouth and smiles, breathing in slow, and thinks—well, this is it. Heaven.

Time is no longer time. Space is—immaterial. There's a house, not their house, but it's roomy and it has what he needs and the bed he crawls into with his wife at the end of a day is comfortable, and that's what matters, as he lays his hand on her hip where he used to lay it always, and she sighs against the pillow and squirms and tucks herself into a fetal pretzel, like she always used to. The spill of her hair red against the pillow. Her warmth, plush against his bones. She smells not of honeysuckle or vanilla but just like warm, human skin, the faint bite of salt-sweat at the nape of her neck, the must in the morning in thin bluish light when she turns over and finds him awake, and smiles. Incredible. The weight of her is real, and the spot between her breasts when he kisses her there is real, and he'd always believed in some distant way that what his dad had told him was true—that there was a heaven, that there would be some kind of justice after death—but it was distant, and academic, because of course there was a life to live and patients to care for and children to raise and a wife to bury and a death to get through. What a thing, to come to. This place, with her hair on the pillow, and her smell. He hadn't forgotten it, in the end, after all.

The house sits in some place that feels like South Dakota. Home, or close to it. A lake among trees. A distance between things. He reads, and plays games he barely remembers from being a kid, and he watches the Ghostbusters movies again because his wife insists and they are, he has to admit, still funny, but he makes fun of the weird museum guy anyway, and she kicks him where her feet are tucked in his lap, and he tickles her in retaliation, and then—well, the movie will be there, later, when they're done.

She rides her bike every day. One day she comes back and says she was just visiting her mother, and Dean sits up and says, "What?" But—of course. What's time? What's a space, between this shared slow heaven and another? She shrugs—his mother-in-law says hi—and he sits there on the couch with his game paused, watching her go into the kitchen and shake her sweaty hair back from her face, redoing it into the practical twist at her neck like she always does, and he thinks—okay. Okay, maybe now.

The bookshelf has every book he could want, and seems to know what he needs to read before he does. Raining outside, spattering gentle on the eaves, and his wife made a huge pot of tea and took it to bed upstairs and left him just a cup, and so he sits at the kitchen table with his cup of tea and opens the book—Home, by Carver Edlund—and reads it, lingering, even if he's read it three times before online, his thumb brushing over the cheap too-thin pages of this physical copy. There's a poltergeist, preposterous. The psychic, odd and familiar. The brothers, united, and he reads the next-to-last chapter very slowly, lingering, as they find the box of pictures, as they get into the car together. Drive off, to meet some new dawning day.

He finishes his cup of tea. Puts on a clean shirt, combs his hair. "I'll be back," he says, to his wife, and she blinks at him from her nest of blankets with her own book and then only nods, and Dean goes downstairs and gets into his car and finds the road, beyond the garden gate, and drives.

He doesn't know where he's going but that doesn't matter. He turns on the car radio and it's playing—oldies, but really oldies, the stuff that was old when he was little. What childhood sounded like. Farms appear, melt away. Trees rising, through hills. He sings along, under his breath, remembering: a roadtrip to his grandma's house, Mom sleeping in the passenger seat and Dad driving through the night, and Dad singing very, very badly, as quiet as he could, and Dean thinking even as a kid that this was some private thing, to see, and he had to be silent and not show that he was awake or it would disappear. That feeling, it crept up on him at the oddest times, when he was an adult, and later. That sensation of the armored tank of the car moving through the dark, and the silence around them, and the quiet music inside, and Dad, in a world of his own, entirely separate from the world he shared with Dean.

Another hill. Climbing a mostly-paved road. Not raining anymore but the sun coming in slanted gold through the trees. Distance, and a curve, and then: a house. Old-looking. Older maybe than the one Dean and his wife share. In front of it, a car. The car.

Dean parks. He gets out, and the air smells washed-fresh, a little fecund. Like summer. He puts his hand on the hood of the Impala and it's sun-warm and he tears up, completely unexpected, and has to sit on the hood and hold his hands over his face, his heart—full, in a way he's felt since dying, but not in this particular way, this way of feeling that he thought had mellowed, a lifetime ago.

So much for putting on a good face. He wipes over his mouth and dashes his eyes clear. A porch, with new-carved railings. A door, painted blue. He knocks, his body feeling empty and clean and young, terribly young, and before he's quite ready the door opens, and it's—his uncle, in a purple plaid shirt and paint-spattered jeans and grey socks, frowning at him, saying, "Uh, hi?"

He looks—almost exactly like he looked in the pictures. Maybe forty, lines beside his eyes and heavy stubble on his jaw. The age he was when he died. Dean opens his mouth, can hardly dredge up what to say, and then he hears a voice say, "Dean?" and Dean and his uncle both turn their heads to see—Dad, young too, completely shocked, standing on the far side of the porch in running gear with sweat slicking his hair back from his head, and Dean drags in air and says, "Dad," and Dad grins at him, that big creased dorky-looking dad-smile that Dean only got once in a blue moon, and he steps forward and they're hugging, then, and it's—heaven. That's all he can think. Heaven, Dad's arms tight around him, his shoulders slotting in under Dad's because—Dad was so tall, and this is where Dean fit and never would fit again once Dad was gone. Here, under Dad's arm. Like being a kid again.

Dad's hand on the back of his head. A startled, shaky, deep breath in, and then hands gripping his shoulders, and being shoved reluctantly back to have Dad look down at his face, serious and worried. "How long has it been?" he says. "Are you—you didn't—?"

"I was ninety-seven," he says, and Dad's eyebrows go high and he smiles, big and glad and real, relieved. He touches Dean's face and Dean smiles back, tears rising again for no reason and for so many reasons. "I look good, don't I?"

Dad huffs a laugh. "You look great," he says, and then his eyes lift over Dean's head, and Dean has to turn around because—

What to call him? Uncle Dean. Standing there with his shoulder against the doorframe, his mouth tucked in on one side. Like from right out of one of the pictures, returning Dad's look. His eyes drop after a second to meet Dean's and Dean feels this odd jolt, in his chest. Bizarre, to see. He's real. All Dad's stories, the wall of memories, the books, and here he is, in grey socks, looking all over Dean's face like he's seeing it for the first time. "Guess you got your looks from your mom's side of the family," Uncle Dean says, finally, and Dad says, behind him, "Nice, dude," and Uncle Dean shrugs, unrepentant, but with an unexpected dimple quirking into his cheek, and holds out his hand to shake, and Dean takes it and has another shock at it, warm, callused, firm, real—while Uncle Dean says, wry, "Well, I guess some introductions are in order, huh?"

Uncle Dean and Dad share the house. It's nice, inside. Old fashioned in a way that feels comfortable, as Dean's come to expect. (He wonders, in a few hundred years—will new arrivals to heaven expect old-fashioned arcologies?) Uncle Dean brings beers from the kitchen and Dad takes his without even looking, drinking in Dean's face when Dean's doing the exact same to him. He looks so young. Younger, maybe, than he was even in the few pictures Dean has of him being a baby, held tiny in the crook of Dad's massive arm—some past time, some time Dean doesn't belong to, but Uncle Dean clearly does. Dad shakes his head after a few seconds, huffs again, rueful. "I don't even know where to start," he says.

Uncle Dean rolls his eyes, behind him, and says, "How about you ask the kid how he's doing, genius." Mean, but he squeezes Dad's shoulder too, and Dad bites his lip, looks at Dean, his head tipping. Asking.

It's awkward, but only in the way Dean would expect. To see his dad after so long—and both of them dead—and to explain… what? A life. Being a doctor, meeting a wife. Children. Grandchildren. "Great-grandpa Sammy," Uncle Dean fake-whispers, "told you you were old." Nudging Dad, half-sitting on the arm of his chair. Looking proud enough he could burst, although Dean doesn't know exactly why.

"Are you going to make dinner or are you just here to heckle?" Dad says, looking up, exasperated, and Uncle Dean raises his hands, says, "Oh, I'm here to heckle," but he gets up, too, says, "You get tired of the inquisition, kid, we've got more drinks in the kitchen," and cuffs Dad around the back of the head before he disappears down the blue-painted hall—and music comes on, after a moment. The kind of music that was on Dean's radio as he drove. Comfort sounds that go deep into some space beyond his bones.

"He's a lot, sorry," Dad says, after a second.

"I know, I read about it," Dean says, and Dad blinks at him, mouth half-open, before he remembers.

They have dinner. Uncle Dean makes burgers, fries, a spinach salad that Dean and Dad both groan at, and he looks at them across the table with his burger in his hands and shakes his head. No salad on his plate, Dean notices. They talk but about—nothing. Uncle Dean asks if the Broncos ever won the Superbowl again and Dean tries to dredge up an answer. Dad asks what his wife did for a living. Dean wants to ask things and doesn't know how. There's time, he knows, but for now all he can do is—watch. Dad leaning back in his chair with a beer, smiling at him while Uncle Dean tells some probably well-worn story about trying to fix the Impala in a rainstorm, and Dad was pissed for some reason and so kept handing him the wrong tools. "It was too dark to actually read the grip numbers," Dad says, patient like it's the hundredth time, and Uncle Dean says back, immediately, "Who needs the numbers? You can feel the weight in your hand!" Old arguments, well-worn, in the well-worn house. The way they move around each other, washing dishes, putting plates away. The way Dad's eyes will jump across the table, half a second before Uncle Dean's even opening his mouth, a smile already waiting to be pushed back down.

When it's night he says he should get back to his wife. "I'd like to meet her," Dad says, "some day."

"Gotta see who's willing to put up with a Winchester," Uncle Dean says, eyebrows waggling.

Dad sighs but nods, too. Dean gets folded into a hug, there under the tuck of his arm, and then he hugs Uncle Dean, too, impulsive and just—wanting to, feeling like a kid. Uncle Dean startles but hugs him back right away. "You're good, kid," he says, quiet against the side of Dean's head, and Dean nods and says, "Thanks," for more than he can say other than that, right then on this particular day, and then he gets into his car and pulls away from the house and looks back to see Uncle Dean gripping Dad's shoulder again while they watch him move away—and when he's home, after a blurring drive that's long enough for him to settle himself, he comes up the stairs to where his wife's warm in bed and slides in beside her and she says, sleepy, "How was it," and he says against her hair, "Perfect," because—it was. It was perfect.

*

Dean comes alone to their house twice more, on days when he needs it and doesn't see a reason not to. He brings his wife, the third time, and Dad's extremely polite and Uncle Dean asks her about engineering and Dean enjoys it, from the couch, while she gets the same interrogation he did, and they're driving home with her at the wheel, his eyes on the passing trees, before she says, "They're an interesting couple," and it doesn't strike him, for what may be a mile of blurring distance, why that sentence wasn't quite right.

It should be a shock. It isn't. That it isn't should, itself, be a shock, but he sits with it for a few days, the easy rhythm of heaven sliding around them.

He goes to see his mother, finally. She's in a place on a lakeshore. Her first husband, kind but remote, giving them space. She presses his hands between her own and he goes through the list of answers to all her questions, smiling, feeling déjà vu, and then says, cautious, that he's been to see Dad. "Oh!" she says, and doesn't seem upset. "How is he?"

"Good," he says. They never married, his parents—Dad had told him, much later, that it just didn't occur to him to ask—and he knew they didn't resent each other, but there wasn't much closeness there. He didn't realize how little until he was married himself. Still, he's cautious as he says: "He and my uncle have a place. Uncle Dean, you know?"

Mom sits back in her chair. "Well, then," she says, soft. She's youngish, too. Fifty maybe, her hair shot with grey. "That sounds about right."

He doesn't know how to ask but there's no way to do it other than just—to ask. "What do you know about him?"

Mom smiles, slow, and looks out at the lake. "Honey, your dad's a good man, but I think you know as well as I do that he doesn't give a lot away." Dean follows her look. A boat, far out on the water. Not close enough to hail. "He didn't talk about his brother, much. That said more than I think he knew it did. All those pictures. Well, you remember." She shakes her head, looking down at her lap. "I resented him for a while. A dead man. Silly of me. But then I suppose your dad could have resented Luke, if he'd—cared more. Sorry. That sounds like I'm angry, but I'm not. There just wasn't much left in Sam, that's all. He loved you and he loved someone that wasn't here anymore and there just wasn't room for me, or at least not room for what I needed. I wished I could've known him. Dean, I mean. I would've understood your dad a lot more, I think, but then—I don't think I would've ever met him, if Dean were around."

When he gets home he pulls a book off the shelf. Frail, the spine cracked badly. Supernatural, the first book in the whole series. When Dad was at college and the whole thing started. He sits on the floor by the bookshelf and lets the cup of tea his wife brings go cold on the rug, and reads again and again the scene—coming down the stairwell, finding the car in the garage, going through the details of the voice on the tape, on where their dad (Dean's grandfather) could possibly be, and Dad says there's this interview he can't skip. His whole future, on a plate. In the story, it's Dad's point of view, and he looks at Uncle Dean and Uncle Dean smirks, and Dad thinks, This is exactly what I was getting away from. Dean drags his thumb over the page, looks at the shelf. All those books. All the years in them, and the horrors in those. Hell, and apocalypse, and none of it euphemisms or easy metaphor. All the things Dad wanted to get away from—and then all the years, after, where he stayed exactly where he was. And then—a lifetime later—to come back home to a house, with a blue door, and his eyes not bothering to follow his brother as he leaves a room, because he knows without doubt that he'll be back.

In bed, he asks his wife, "When do you think the kids will get here?" and she turns over and stares at him, and says, "Hopefully not for years?"

He shakes his head, folds his arm under his head. "Duh," he says, and gets her to punch his chest lightly. "Ow. I meant… I don't know. What do you think their lives will be? Like… who will they be? I can't even imagine."

She stops trying to lightly beat him and goes thoughtful. Her thumb finds the little scar on her chin and rubs it, as is her habit, and her eyes slip over his shoulder to the distance. "They'll be—them." He raises his eyebrows, and she shrugs, rolling closer. "I mean, what do you want from me? I knew Abbie for fifty-one years and I still think that girl's a mystery. When she's… probably a grandmother herself, now, I guess. Is she still at Notre Dame? Are she and Andre happy? Are the boys healthy and do they like each other, and did she ever get Jacob to stop drawing cartoon dicks on the walls?" Dean laughs—god, he'd forgotten that—and she smiles at him, props her head on one fist. Says, softer, "Did she live the life she wanted to have? I don't know. I guess when she gets here we can ask her, but we'll never…"

No, they'll never. Dean touches the scar on her chin and she focuses on him, instead of some other world they're no longer privy to. "It's a venn diagram," he says, after a moment. "All of us. Abbie, overlapping with you and me, and then us overlapping with our parents, and on and on, all the way back. I guess we don't get to know what's outside the center parts."

"Even if there's a hundred and four crappily-written books about the other parts," she says, raising her eyebrows, and Dean shrugs, caught. She grins, shaking her head at him, and then squirms in close, tucking in under his chin. Kisses his throat, sighs. "Why not stop at a hundred? Seems random."

"I don't know, maybe the publisher wanted him to stretch it out," Dean says, and she hums, and puts her nose on his collarbone to settle in. He smooths her hair back, away from her shoulder. His favorite book is Swan Song, probably. The final one, as far as most people knew. His dad, the hero, saving humanity and the world, but that wasn't the best part. The best part was the army man, stuck in the door. His dad, looking at that, and meeting his brother's eye, and that being—enough. Just that, and all the life it represented. Enough.

"Venn diagrams," he says, aloud, quietly.

"Yes, you're very brilliant, Dr. Winchester," his wife says, mumbling. "Now go to sleep."

He kisses her hair, and does.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Duty Now For The Future (part two)

In our previous installment, our erstwhile essayist was about to plunge off the deep end yet again with his ideas of what the post-coronavirus pandemic world will look like.)

Venn Diagram Society

Because digital communications eliminates the need for physical proximity, and because we can find or form “tribes” of like-minded souls linked together by a common interest, we’ve seen traditional neighbor socialization fade.

We’re starting to realize that no one person is all one thing, that you are the biological relative of one group of people, related by marriage to another group (who in turn have other non-biological relations they share, are friends in real life with a variety of other people for a variety of other reasons, and are online friends with even more people whom we’ve never met face to face.

(As David Gerrold observed, sci-fi fans had a leg up on the rest of the world when the Internet age started because we’d been establishing these overlapping Venn diagrams for decades via print and mail communications.  We were primed for this, compadre!)

What we’re in the process of hashing out right now is how these overlapping groups will interact with and among themselves.

There are people we do not wish in our lives, and online that’s easy:  Block ‘em.

But that’s a lot more difficult when it involves biological relatives or people we’re related to by marriage.  New rules and customs are being hashed out (or is that #hashtagged_out?).

If it hasn’t be created already in some part of the world where long distance familial relations are important, we should see apps that let us figure out how we are related to one another.  The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game will provide a template for this.  When we encounter others in real life or online, the internet will find out how we’re linked through family and friends and special interest groups and clue us in.

We will become more interconnected, like it or not.

. . .

Future Culture Is African-American

In 2048 white Americans will only count as 49% of the population.

Years ago I predicted we’d be seeing a lot more white extremist racial violence between now and then and so far, I’ve been proven right.

There will be more incidents in the future, and some of the specific incidents will be very serious.

But eventually biology will hammer it through the thickest skulls of the whitest bigots that they are no longer in the driver’s seat, and if they want anything they better learn to play well with others.

If we were a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant nation up to this point, what will we be past 2048?

I think African-Americans will finally come into their own.

They have spent half a millennia buttressing their families and their culture against a dominant culture determined to destroy them, if not through outright genocide then by utter subjugation. 

With all those odds thrown against them, with all the handicaps and limitations and exclusions they faced, they nonetheless created a vibrant and thriving social network linking a vast number of sub-cultures and sub-groups within the larger African-American community.

Look at how the Jews, surviving in the face of three millennia of attempts to eradicate them, produced a culture so vibrant and strong that they prospered wherever they went.

Lok how the Irish, the whipping dogs of Great Britain, suffered oppressive bigotry when they emigrated to America, but once the foot came off their neck they dominated politics and culture in cities around the country.

The same will happen to the African-Americans.

They are prepared for this. 

They are going to dominate politics and culture for the rest of the century.

This is not to say that other groups won’t have a voice, quite the contrary.

Their voices will be heard louder than before, because the voices that had shouted them down will no longer be strong enough to do so.

But there’s something unique about the African-Americans position in US history that is going to give them and their culture that little extra boost that will put them at the forefront of the parade.

Good.

I think they will prove to be both stronger than their white predecessors and less callous about the rights of others.

. . .

Less Touch, More Contact

We’d already begun moving in this direction re online dating, with more and more people expressing dissatisfaction at “Tindr nightmares” who can’t grasp the basics of interpersonal relationships.

The coronavirus pandemic is going to produce a “slow down, cowboy” ripple through the dating pool.  There will be a shift away from instant physical gratification (yes, I understand not everybody uses online dating for that, but it is a common thread among those who do use it) and more towards building actual relationships.

We’ll see a gradual turn away from the more obvious forms of using sex to sell products, this in turn will lower the expectation that all close relationships must have a sexual context to them.

Sex ain’t going away, of course, but we may find romance coming back in unexpected ways.

The various…uh…”special interest” communities won’t go away, either, but they will become more insular.  They’ll see discretion as a powerful recruiting incentive, and within those communities there’s likely to be an even great degree of group identification and commitment as anybody who makes it in will need to demonstrate a sincere desire to join, not just casual curiosity.

. . .

Young & Stupid

The age of majority may shift…upward.

The western world may recognize the late teens to mid-twenties not as the start of adulthood but the last hurrah of adolescence.

People -- young ones especially -- do a lot of stupid things (see: “airline toilet, licking” in our first installment).

We tended to shove young children into the labor force as soon as they could pull weeds on the farm or work a shift in the factory.

We saw eighteen as a symbolic adulthood because we needed mass conscription for armies and younger than that the soldiers became too problematic re discipline (not that there’s weren’t very young soldiers in all wars).

We’re not entering an era where we may be able to push that back a bit.

Instead of urging young people to form families, we’ll be giving them time to get things out of their system, make their foolish mistakes, indulge in their embarrassing experiments.

All digitally documented, of course.

I expect we’ll eventually come to some sort of tacit cultural agreement that nude pictures or similar personal scandal that occur before a certain age will be dismissed as “kid stuff” and attempts to hold such shenanigans over the head of an adult (i.e., anyone past that age) will be regarded as pointless and silly and gauche.

This won’t apply to criminal activities, or things that get people hurt, or blatant displays of bigotry that reveal an underlying pathology, but it will give a pass on a lot of other things.

(I’m not predicting this, but the sci-fi writer in me can easily imagine a society codifying certain types of behavior to be done at specific ages under chaperoned behavior.  That’s not a new idea; parents in the late 19th century organized and supervised kissing games like Post Office for their adolescents in order to let them enjoy limited safe experimentation and to introduce them to acceptable adult behavior.)

. . .

Incels In Hell

In the short term, a lot of incels with borderline or not-so-borderline personality disorders are going to lose parents who exercised some degree of control over them.

They are going to be truly alone except for their online buddies, and many of them are going to be dispossessed in the aftermath of their parent/s death.

Since a lot of them have guns and dangerous chemicals, this is going to have some very bad repercussions.

I expect to see a dip in mass shooting rates during the crisis (counterbalanced by a rise in domestic assault and familial murders), then a sharp spike when the all-clear is sounded.

  © Buzz Dixon

[musevassal]

Humble Selfie

A while back I made the statement that the expression “humble selfie” was a great oxymoron for our times. When I made that quip, it did occur to me that most people who do the whole selfie thing probably would have no idea what I'm talking about. Not just that they wouldn't know the word oxymoron means (although most probably don't) but that they wouldn't be able to get why it is oxymoronic. It would be like saying something like “noisy flower.” It's just nonsense: does not compute. The play on words that makes an oxymoron humorous is the juxtaposition of two opposing concepts. It's funny because there's no way for a selfie to be humble, but a lot of selfie takers probably have the self-delusion that some of their selfies are. So it's funny. Ha ha. Here's the thing about selfies: they are inherently narcissistic and self-involved. It's the whole point of them. That doesn't necessarily make them bad, though. Don't get me wrong: I like looking at tits and ass as much as anyone, so keep em coming. Something can be narcissistic and still be okay. It's one of those things that can be a harmless indulgence if taken in moderation. Like chocolate, whisky, or murder. It only becomes a problem when it gets excessive. The problem is, collectively as a society, we have decided that narcissism and self-involvement are not a problem. In any dose. As with so many other things the consensus is: well, if a little is fine, then a whole shit-tonne is just fine too. Just as we have decided that obesity is okay. That mass cyber-bullying is great as long as the target “deserves” it. However, just because you've decided that big is beautiful and you can be healthy at any weight, it doesn't mean that you really are healthy at that weight. Diabetes, heart disease, and a bevy of other ailments are rampant because of obesity. Society may have moved the goal posts on what is “normal,” in order to make sure that everyone doesn't feel excluded or upset for any reason, but that doesn't change our physiology. So it goes with narcissism, and the problems that come of that are psychological. The human mind is a product of the brain, which is an organ. There are physiological reasons why some people behave certain ways. Mental illness is real. Just as type one diabetes is caused by a malfunction of the pancreas, schizophrenia is caused by a malfunction of the brain. Sufferers of both these diseases had no chance to prevent or avoid these illnesses; they were dealt a shitty hand by genetics. There are many illnesses, though, that humans give themselves through their shitty behavior. Get obese and drink two liters of sugar soda a day for a couple of decades and guess what? You've given yourself type two diabetes. Work shoveling asbestos everyday without a respirator and you've got lung cancer. These truths are now self-evident. So it goes with mental illness. The most observable and self-evident of these is addiction. Take alcoholism. Someone drinks too much for too long and what happens? They change their brain and their behavior shifts to match the pattern of an alcoholic. “Oh there he goes! Come on, now! Alcoholism isn't a disease! Addiction isn't a disease!�� some might proclaim. I see why you would say that. I used to think the same. But then I went through alcohol recovery and was educated on the physiological process of addiction. So I am no longer ignorant on the matter. What constitutes addiction, medically, is an observable change in the brain of a user. When scanned, an addict's brain functions differently than that of an non-addict. With prolonged use of certain substances, people essentially change their brain's wiring. (Or chemistry, if you prefer. Choose the oversimplified analogy that works for you.) This is observable. This is medical fact. So I ask you: how is alcoholism any different in principle than type two diabetes? Drink too much soda and you fuck up your metabolic system and become diabetic. Drink too much beer and you fuck up your brain and become alcoholic. It's just a different organ under attack. If addiction isn't a disease, then type two diabetes isn't either. You can apply whatever moralistic code you want to it, it doesn't change the science. See a theme developing here? Imagine two circles. One represents what is. The other represents what we think about what is. They are separate things. Now they might overlap, like a Venn diagram (check my favorite below, included gratuitously because it's awesome).

In our diagram of reality and perception, where the circles overlap represents where our thinking is correct. Truth is a keytar playing platypus. The problem is, we don't have access to that diagram in our lives. What we do have is science, which is the surest system yet devised for moving those two circles closer together. Of course, few of us are scientists, and those of us that are are expert in only in only a very narrow area, and a lot of humbuggery is presented as science; so we have to put a pin in things at some point, just to get on with it. We decide what is probably true and move on with life, which is the right way to do things. But realizing that what we think and believe might not be correct is important. Only fools are certain. There are all kinds of reasons why our thinking might get fucked up. It might be physiological, it might be psychological, or it might philosophical. It's usually a fun combination of all three! One of the signs of pathological, willful self-deceit is the blind-spot. That which is glaringly obvious to an outsider is completely invisible to the person with fucked up thinking. “No, you don't understand, man! I know what this looks like, but Bob the Sun God is on a higher plane of thinking than the rest of us. He needs all my money because he wants to teach me about the futility of consumerism! Can't you see that? And he needs to fuck my wife so that she can be elevated as a vessel of his love. It's a great honor for us!” Imagine a space alien coming to earth to study us. Or even a human person from a society that has not yet been wired. They stand on a street corner in any bustling city and what do they see? A majority of people wandering around staring at little chunks of plastic they carry with them. When they do put them down, the devices soon beep and chirp at them, pulling their attention back. What the fuck is going on here? What has happened to these people? “No, you don't understand, man! It's just like a book, or a newspaper, only better, see? Look at this picture of commuters all reading newspapers on a train in the fifties. We're no different!” But I don't remember grandpa pulling his newspaper out at the dinner table. Or at church. He certainly wasn't mailing photos of himself to the thing to be printed ever day. And if he had done any of those things, he would have been rightly regarded as a damned lunatic. Blind spot. The addict refuses to see the clear and obvious source of their problems. We have seen how self-indulgence in other vises lead to genuine illnesses. But what about the selfie? What does an chronic abuse of narcissism give you? Anxiety and depression. Do you think Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop comes to exist in a world where people are engaging with technology in a healthy way? As with other vice induced illnesses, a symbiotic relationship between the industries that cause them and those that treat them has developed. There is a lot of money being made on both side of the equation.

I don't give a fuck whether you're happy or not. It makes no difference to me. But do not doubt there are an awful lot people who very much want to keep you unhappy. There are whole industries devoted to exploiting the miserable. Pharmaceuticals top the list in terms of tradition, old-economy industries, but there's no shortage. Cosmetics. Fashion. Social media. You have been trained your whole life to measure your self-worth in quantifiable terms: what your grades are, how many points you score, how many people come to your birthday party, how much money you make, how much your consumer goods cost, how many “friends” you have on social media. How many likes your selfie gets. So you get the same dopamine rush from a “successful” selfie as do from those other, real, accomplishments. But it doesn't last, does it? Because a selfie does nothing tangible for you. Nothing good anyway. The selfie is to your psyche as corn syrup is to your metabolism. As alcohol is to your brain. It's no different. The good news is that it's no worse. Have a coke. Enjoy! Have a beer. Why not? Post a selfie. Fun! It's all good. Just remember that we have learned that junk food, sugar, alcohol, and other drugs, for all their pleasurable benefits, have a serious down side. We have (hopefully) learned that moderation with these potentially dangerous things is important. Balance is the key. A key to achieving balance is avoiding blind spots about our self-destructive impulses. Don't ever forget that a selfie is inherently narcissistic and self-centered. Like whisky is inherently intoxicating. That's its whole point; it's why it is pleasurable. So it is important to remember that when we get carried away with our narcissism, as with an alcohol or drug bender, it's time to take some time off from it and detox. Or don't. Then you can explore the fun and exciting world of mental illness. There are so any pharmaceutical options for treating that these days. Ask your doctor what is right for you.

[kidslovetoys]

How Children Learn

How do children learn? How does your child learn? Like circles in a Venn diagram the answers to these questions overlap, but not entirely.

Every child is unique and though what you'll read below applies in general, it's vital that you take the time to observe your child's play and see what works for them. You'll be surprised what you learn.

NOTE: This is a new guide and a work in progress. I'd love to know what you think and what else you'd like to see included. Please leave a comment below with your thoughts.

Table of contents:

Children learn through play

Theories of development

Stages of play

The Zone of Proximal Development

Spaced repetition: revisit ideas to make sure they stick

Help your child develop a growth mindset

Ask good questions

The importance of observing your child’s play

The teachable moment

Where are you trying to get to?

Set a good example

Fewer toys = more focus

Plan-do-review

We learn when we do new things

Play

Children learn through play

Children learn through doing. They learn through experimentation and discovery. For babies, simply exploring their environment and interacting with others provides plenty of stimulation. And they don't need any toys. A simple treasure basket is more than enough.

If you have a toddler, heuristic play is the place to start. Explore materials and their properties. This is the age of the repetitive experiment. Read this post on schemas to learn more.

Of course, we don't learn everything through play. You don't have to climb into the lions' enclosure at the zoo to find out that it's dangerous. We learn some things 

Theories of developement

How do children learn? We start with a very brief overview of some of the most well-known theories.

The Blank Slate

Some early thinkers believed that children's minds were empty vessels to be filled up by the parent or teacher. This view is of the adult as the instructor. The child simply absorbs the information.

Behaviourism

Learning takes place when behaviour is reinforced by reward or punishment. A squirrel releases a nut by pressing a lever. Each time he succeeds, the behaviour is reinforced. He is more likely to do it next time. He has learnt.

Teachers used to punish bad behaviour to discourage it. Today's educators prefer to encourage good behaviour instead by rewarding it. Welcome to the land of the sticker chart.

Constructivism

Constructivists believe that we learn when our experiences don't match our expectations. A baby dropping food from a high chair expects it to stay on the floor. But what if she drops a bouncy ball? Or an egg? An unexpected result! This is new information that has to be added to the mental model of 'what happens when I drop things'.

If you're a constructivist, you don't teach. You offer novel experiences that will challenge your child's assumptions. Let them make discoveries and test them out.

Socio-constructivism

This is the idea that children construct their knowledge in collaboration with others. The adult asks probing questions. The child is challenged to test their assumptions against the new information.

Which approach makes the most sense to you? Do you use all of them with your child or is there one in particular which resonates more?

As a teacher, parents often ask me about their child's development: How are they doing? What is normal? What comes next? What can I do to help?

The problem, of course, is that children develop at different rates and excel in different ways. It's perfectly normal for a four-year-old to make recognisable marks on a page, but you'll also find plenty of two-year-olds who can do it too.

Unless you've been a teacher or had several children, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that a child is behind. You meet a much younger child and they are already ahead of your own.

If you understand a little theory, it protects you from these worries and gives you the confidence you need to offer the right experiences to extend your child's learning.

Stages of play

Does your child like to play alone? Or do they enjoy engaging with others?

The answer has as much to do with age as with personality type.

One influential idea is that as children mature they progress through stages of play. The theory was originally proposed by Mildred Parten, an American researcher.

Unoccupied play – This first stage is not really play at all. The child simply stands, observing.

Solitary play – Common in toddlers. You'll often see them playing alone, uninterested in what others are doing.

Onlooker play - Your child watches others play, without joining in. They may discuss the play but they don't take part.

Parallel play - This is play alongside others, enjoying the same activity, but without interacting. Think of two children both building with blocks but not communicating.

Associative play – Children start to talk to each other about their play. They share their excitement, but there is no formal structure.

Cooperative play – At this, the highest stage, children organise their play. Games have rules and each child has a role.

It's clear that there's a progression from the first stage to the last, but the theory has its critics. Children don't seem to progress through the stages in a linear way. They can be onlookers one day and participants the next. Much of this has to do with the familiarity of their playmates. 

Can you see how the theory of constructivism fits well with the earlier stages? Children play alone and make their own discoveries. And the higher levels are socio-constructivist. Children learn by playing together and from each other.

What kinds of play does your child usually engage in? Do they play at a higher stage when in familiar company? You can't force your child to play at a 'higher' level than they are ready for, but by sitting alongside them, you can give them the confidence to try something new. 

The Zone of Proximal Development

How involved do you get in your child's play?

Do you leave them to it? Do you jump in and show them how it's done so they can 'do it right'? Perhaps you start them off with a provocation (see our blog for more on this) and retreat to a safe distance?

Imagine you are watching your child build a tower. They choose the simplest way - stacking one block on top of another. They then decide to make it wider. A second, parallel tower goes up, abutting the first. Five or six stories up these two constructions start to diverge, teeter and topple. As adults, we know that a cross-piece was needed, something to span the two towers and hold them together.

It would be easy to intervene and supply the missing piece. But how much would your child learn? Or, like the constructivists we learnt about on Day 1, you could leave your child to figure it out for herself.

There is, as you may have guessed, a third way. The difference between what your child can do independently and what they can accomplish with support is known as the Zone of Proximal Development.

How much you help is a matter of judgement. As little as possible, ideally. You can't learn for a child; they have to do it themselves. But you can certainly give them a nudge. It is often enough simply to ask a question or to draw their attention to the crucial feature of a problem.

Observe your child at play. At times when she seems to get stuck, try to think of ways to help without giving the answer. What's the smallest intervention you can make that will still get the result? It takes practice to get this right, but it's worth the trouble. You can really accelerate your child's learning - and you'll both have fun doing it.

N.B. This is not a strategy to use all the time. Children need time to themselves.

Spaced repetition

Did you cram for your exams? Did you stay up late the night before trying to learn it all in one heroic push? How much of that subject-matter do you remember now?

That's because laying down memories doesn't work that way. 

Our brains remember best through repeated exposure. It's called spaced repetition, and the idea is that you revisit a topic several times over a period of months.

Preschoolers thankfully don't have to sit exams, but there's still plenty for them to learn. Letters, numbers and colours, for example. However, I'm not advocating flashcards or rote memorisation. At this age, it's all done through play. The trick is to offer regular opportunities to practice.

For example, if I wanted to help my daughter recognise the first letter in her name, we could try the following:

- Roll out long strips of play-dough and curl it into the shape of a 'C'

- Potato print 'C'

- Set up a pretend doctor's surgery and call out patient names from the appointment list (guessing from the initial letter)

- Label objects in the house that begin with 'c'

- Fish for the letter 'C' using a magnetic fishing rod and magnetic letters

- Eat alphabet spaghetti

Not all these are play-focused, perhaps, but I hope you can see that repeated exposure doesn't have to mean repetitive. Just make sure you revisit the topic regularly. 

Keep it fun and the learning will be effortless.

Help your child develop a growth mindset

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the belief that they are a good learner and that, with hard work, it is possible to become smarter.

If you think that intelligence is fixed, self-improvement is futile. This leads to feelings of helplessness. Worse still, if you have been told you are clever, you become less likely to take risks and try new things. You are afraid to fail as you will lose your cherished status.

However, if you have what is called a growth mindset, you see intelligence as malleable. You love learning for its own sake and are less attached to outcomes. You do your best. You don't believe that failure highlights some fundamental flaw in your character. You'll try again next time. You'll get better.

Do you have a growth mindset? Or is yours more fixed? Do you pass on these beliefs to your child by the way you speak to them? What could you do to make sure that your child goes to school ready to learn, willing to try and happy to fail?

Ask good questions

How do you learn best? When you get a new gadget, do you read the instruction manual or ask a friend? Or do you just fiddle about with it until you figure out how it works?

Children are the same. They like to experiment, to explore and to destruction test. They learn by doing. It's why I chose The 100 Toys Guide to Independent Play to be our first book. Having the confidence to work things out for yourself is vital.

You have to learn to see. What is this new situation? Based on what I already know, what's the most likely answer? What's the quickest, most efficient way to find out?

Being good at this comes down to asking yourself the right questions. As adults, we have learnt to do this, but children need a little help. Your role is simple. Ask good questions. Why do you think your tower toppled over? What could you do to make it stronger next time? Are some blocks better than others for building sturdy towers? Why is that? If you could make your own blocks, how would you make them better?

This kind of questioning encourages critical thinking, the undisputed superpower for children and adults alike.

The importance of observing your child’s play

Of all the topics we cover in this post, the ability to observe your child is the most impactful.

Pay attention to what they are doing. Really look. Sit in silence for a few minutes and just watch them play. 

A two-year-old might repeat the same action over and over again. A train going through a tunnel, a doll wrapped in a blanket. Even if you aren't interested in the theory behind their actions, in this case schema play, you'll learn a lot simply by watching and assessing. What can my child do? What other experiences could I offer that present the same challenges? Can I extend the learning by offering new materials or a different context? 

Through your observations, you are looking for ways to help your child make new connections.

A five-year-old who loves snakes and ladders and using a 100 square might enjoy playing battleships. The grid is still 10 x 10 but the focus is on co-ordinates. This might then lead to crosswords, draughts and programmable robots. From there it's only a small leap to simple coding with software like Scratch.

But if you weren't looking, if you didn't notice that your child was interested in grids, none of this can happen.

Take five minutes now and watch your child play. What will you observe? Where might it lead?

The teachable moment

There are times when we are more open to learning than others.

There are times when we are going through the motions, getting the job done, but there are others when we are full of curiosity, eager to see what happens next.

And then something happens. Our current understanding is not enough to solve the problem. We get stuck. But we really want to overcome this hurdle. It's something we care about.

We have arrived at the teachable moment.

You might be struggling to help your child understand the concept of 'counting on'. Nothing you've tried works. But now you're playing a board game and it's fun! Your son is in the lead and he wants to move the pieces himself. He's ready to learn. In this magical moment he's receptive to ideas he wouldn't previously engage with. And so you step in and something clicks in his mind. He has made a connection and the lesson is complete.

Where are you trying to get to?

We enjoy visiting Kew Gardens, a beautiful botanical garden here in London. There’s a log trail at the far end that the children love but it’s half-an-hour’s walk.

We try to take the straightest route to the logs because the children get very tired by the end. It’s not much fun carrying two exhausted children for over a mile back to the car, with two more in the buggy complaining that they’d rather be held.

On this occasion, as often happens, we are waylaid by Interesting Things.

It takes twenty minutes just to get inside. The children decide that the base of the tree next to our parked car makes a wonderful bath for snails, so they spend ages digging around in the mud with sticks. They could stay there all day.

No sooner are we inside than we discover badgers’ setts, trees to climb and sticks to collect. We’ve been there an hour and we are less than fifty yards from the entrance.

What to do? The logs are on the far side of the gardens. Do we remind the children that they'd like to get to the trail, cajole them to keep walking and insist that they avoid distractions along the way? For what? So that they can do exactly the same thing when they reach the log trail (i.e. have fun and do something interesting)?

What do we gain by uprooting them from their play and insisting we get going?

And what do we lose?

Set a good example

‘Try your best.'

'Have a go. Don't give up.'

'Don't just sit around watching television, go out and find something fun to do.'

'See if you can work it out for yourself.'

We've all said these things to our children. But do we truly embody these values ourselves? What do our children see us do all day? This sets the pattern for their attitude to learning as much as any well-considered activity.

My children rarely see me write. I work from a laptop. I tell the five-year-old to sit down and practise his handwriting, but if he thinks that writing is no use to a grown-up, what incentive does he have to do it? 

By far the best way to get your child to do something is for them to see you doing it.

Set a good example. Have an enquiring mind. Try to find things out, or even better, work them out for yourself. Model good behaviour and make it explicit. Make sure your child understands that you're doing it.

You'll be laying down good habits for life.

Fewer toys = more focus

I bet you've heard us say this one before: children have too many toys.

Too many toys means too much choice. Too many toys means too much mess. Children can't focus on on the task at hand. They flit from one activity to another, never sticking with anything long enough to deepen their understanding.

The answer?

Offer more opportunities for exploration. Cut down distractions. Present one interesting activity at a time. Better still, let your child create their own fun. They know where all the interesting bits are at home. The drawer full of string and ribbons, the cupboard where they can find an old shoe box.

Embrace boredom.

Don't give in at the first signs of rebellion. Tough it out. In the long run, you're making life easier for yourself. You are bringing up a confident, creative self-starter. Someone who will thrive in the 21st Century, where there are no jobs for life, where reinvention has become the norm.

Plan-do-review

Do you ever ask your child what they plan to do today? What they will play with? Which materials they will use? What they hope to achieve?

Simply by asking these questions, you help imbue your child's play with a sense of purpose. They become more focused and stay on-task for longer.

That's not to say that they have to stick with their chosen activity for the whole session, only that they have to start it.

Asking children how they plan to spend their day is a feature of the High/Scope approach, a preschool programme developed in the States. It's well worth looking up if you get the chance.

The counterpart to planning is the review.

How did the play go? Did you make the thing you planned to? Was it a success? What would you do differently next time?

Can you see how drawing your child's attention to their play helps them to be more intentional about their choices and can dramatically increase the amount they learn?

Give it a try today. Keep it light-hearted. There's no need for a 20-minute mission debrief. Just a couple of questions are all you need to get started.

We learn when we do new things

I bet you remember with crystal clarity - and more than a touch of revulsion - what a copper coin tastes like on your tongue. But you probably haven't tried it since you were two or three years old. The early years of childhood are a time for experimentation and fun, of deep learning and engagement. But when school starts, we can fall into the trap of focusing on traditional subjects. There is less time to explore and pursue new interests. Life is less fun. As adults, there can be whole years of our lives when not much happens. It's only when we try something new that we feel alive.  The key to learning is to keep it interesting. If it's interesting you pay more attention. If you pay more attention, you're more likely to remember it.  Seeing dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum for the first time is memorable. But, in its own way, inviting your child to help chop the vegetables for the first time is equally so. What could you do to keep that sense of wonder alive for your child?  What new experience could you offer today? 

Play

I hope you've seen that under fives can pick up all the skills they'll need for school and for life without any formal instruction. They learn through play. A good school is brilliant fun, but it's a different adventure; early childhood is the time for open-ended exploration and discovery. Children will never have those long, uninterrupted stretches of time ever again.

If you take one thing from this article it's this: make time for play. Let it stretch out. Give it room. And don't be afraid of boredom. It's creativity's best friend.

    from One Hundred Toys - The Blog https://ift.tt/35SKKMS

[verdantstylus]

Hello, I enjoy reading all your posts because they are very detailed and talk very in-depth about various styles and cultures and trends, but I was wondering what I can do to figure out what my style is or can be? How much is it just the physical aspect of going to my wardrobe and seeing what outfits I have the most pieces for, and how much is it more intangible where I have to match personalities or how I carry myself with the people representing and showing off these styles?

Hello! Thank you for asking! This can be a bit complicated so I’ll try and break it down into a series of steps.

It’s also a long ask so uhh… it’s gonna be a long answer.

Let’s start with the first bit: How much of it is going through your wardrobe?

♔ Step 1:

When you’re just venturing into the world of personal styling, you’re going to start with the basic usual clothes that you usually wear. I find that the best start is to put together your usual outfits, lay them out flat on the floor or on the bed and look over at the entire outfit.

♔ Step 2:

And once you’re done that and listed a few outfits you like, think about the other things in your wardrobe. Ask yourself what article(s) of clothing would complete this look. Another good tip is to think about what accessories you’d need to lvl up the outfit as a whole.

There are loads of guides out there for matching accessories, so I won’t go into detail there.

Try and match each garment to multiple options, so for example, try and match multiple shirts with the same pair of jeans. This also helps to narrow down and lessen the additional amount of clothes you need to obtain.

Try and do this with a goal style in mind. What kind of look are you going for? What is comfortable for you and how can you take one step (or maybe more, if you want) out of your comfort zone to try a new style?

♔ Step 3:

So, now you’ve made your list for what clothes you need to get. Try going to thrift stores and vintage shops, the clothes there tend to be cheaper and also more unique, but it may be hard to find the right size or the right fit.

My personal shopping rule is:

Each top, bottom and jacket you buy has to be able to form at least 3 other full outfits (including shoes) with pieces that already exist in your wardrobe.

Each one-piece (be it a dress or overalls or a romper etc.) has to match at least 2 other outerwear or accessory pieces and 3 pairs of shoes that already exist in your wardrobe.

This tends to help lessen the amount you have to buy even further, and the point is to slowly build up pieces that last, not get new ones that will be thrown out within a few months.

But what if you already have specific articles of clothing you want to obtain and it already exists in your wardrobe? Or what if there’s a specific colour palette you aren’t comfortable with straying from?

♔ Step 4:

When buying new pieces, the idea is to get a piece you don’t already own. So if there’s a specific piece you already want and know you need to get, but you already have some at home, try looking for variations in fit, colour and print/pattern.

Lets say you’re looking for a pair of pants. You have lots of other pants at home, so maybe try looking for one that is more flared than you’d normally wear or maybe is shorter or has an interesting print/texture to it.

Even if it’s the same colour as your other pants it’ll be a little more unique and you’ll have more variation to your wardrobe :3

This is what I call the Venn diagram of how to choose clothes. And your aim is to get that centre overlap.

Now the next part of your question: Matching outfits to personality.

If you already have a style or look that you’re going for, this would be a little easier, as I will explain later.

For matching to your personality, one important thing to remember is your comfort zone and how far are you willing to step out of it. For some, they can wear plunging necklines but not show off any leg, for others they won’t wear anything without sleeves but will wear shorts and skirts way above the knee.

It all depends on you and how comfortable you are.

What if you already have a style in mind?

Lets say you like decora. Break decora into its basic elements (childishness, exaggeration and colour) and then look at your own comfort zone and how far you’re willing to step out of it.

If you’re a person who doesn’t like showing leg for example, you can wear higher socks and longer pants in the typical bright decora colours. Or if you aren’t comfortable with your face shape maybe try styling a wig to help shape the face or wear a hat with dangly tassels. It’s about how you can find that nice balance between your personal style and the style you are trying to wear.

♔ The most important thing: confidence!

It doesn’t matter what style you wear, be it for a fashion walk or for personal styling, if you are uncomfortable in what you’re wearing, you won’t be able to carry it with the confidence you need to look good.

My suggestion is to sit yourself down and think about what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with, and then what you are uncomfortable with now but maybe with some practice/exposure/time you’ll be okay with.

Your body is the vehicle for your style, and you need the awareness of what you are okay with showing (be it in fit or the length) in order to carry it with confidence. Confidence is always the last and most important boost to your look. If you did the proper research into your style and put together an outfit that suits you, then wear it confidently!

You should come out of this proud of your personal style.

I hope this answer helped! And I hope you can go forth and try out the styles you’ve always wanted to :3

[mikebrackett]

5 Most Popular Spring Break Destinations — And Where to Go Instead

Whether you’re a winter lover or the type who groans at the first sign of snowfall, it’s hard to deny the excitement of an oncoming spring. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and even better, spring break is around the corner. After all, who among us couldn’t use a spring break getaway after a long, blustering winter?

About 42% of families take a vacation over spring break, according to a 2017 study by New York University School of Professional Studies. And a 2018 TripAdvisor/Viator/Offers.com survey shows that number increases to 53% among millennials.

Travel is fun, fulfilling and can even teach you a thing or two. But it’s also a great way to spend more than you mean to, especially in the super popular destinations so many of us flock to in March and April. Considering that most students are already graduating with five-figure debt totals, it’s worthwhile to find the cheapest getaway possible.

So we decided to pair up some of the hottest spring break spots (based on a study by travel insurance firm Allianz Global Assistance) with alternative options, where you can find the same amount of fun for a fraction of the funds.

Ready to get going? Here’s where to set your sights — and your GPS.

1. Mexico

Whether it’s Cancún, Cabo San Lucas or some other surf-and-sand scene, Mexico is a spring break classic for a reason. The tropical climate is sure to warm you up, even after months of icy weather, and let’s face it: Who doesn’t love margaritas?

But an international flight can be costly, even if you get an all-expenses-included resort package once you arrive. And if you’re looking for warm, sandy beaches, you don’t actually have to go south of the border.

Where to go instead: Key Largo

It doesn’t get more scenic than the Florida Keys, and by staying a few miles north of the popular Key West, you’ll avoid souped-up spring break prices. Caroline Savon, founder of Well and Often Travel, suggests using the money you save on the flight to rent a killer beach house.

And if you absolutely must get out of the country, she says, consider heading even farther south than Mexico.

“Belize is a good international substitute,” she said, and although the flight might run you about the same, the atmosphere will be way less chaotic. “The beaches are incredible, everything is laid back, prices are very reasonable and there’s some amazing diving!”

2. Orlando

What destination inhabits the Venn diagram circle where young families, college students and retirees overlap?

It’s Disney World. And yes, it’s more expensive than ever.

Where to go instead: Tampa

If you’re looking for a Florida vacation and are willing to skip Chef Mickey’s, consider continuing southward past Orlando. Tampa offers the same fun-in-the-sun climate with much better beach access, and you can still get in some rollercoaster time at Busch Gardens, where a ticket starts at $79.99, as opposed to Disney’s $109+.

You can stash that extra cash for later or spend some of your savings on authentic Cuban cigars and cuisine. And as a native Floridian, this writer contends that Tampa beats the heck out of Orlando in the nightlife department. Tampa’s Ybor City neighborhood is not only a cultural gem, but a never-ending party, with clubs ranging from pop music dance halls to industrial and Goth hangouts.

3. Las Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, they say, but so will a big chunk of your spring break budget if you’re not careful. Between expensive drinks on the Strip and gambling the night away, there are plenty of ways to make your carefully saved trip funds — or worse, your student loan check — disappear in Sin City.

Where to go instead: Reno

If you’re looking for a Nevada experience that might be a little gentler on your wallet, consider heading to Reno instead. A meal at an inexpensive restaurant, for example, could cost you 20% less than in Vegas, according to user-generated data at Numbeo. And you can still take your chance on the penny slots that show up at every gas station, grocery store and not-quite-so-famous casino.

“Reno is super close to Lake Tahoe,” Savon added, “and the Nevada side has casinos and gambling along with the insanely beautiful backdrop of the clear blue lake and mountains.” That makes this trip a home run for adventurers of both the indoorsy and outdoorsy persuasions.

4. New York

Although it’s no beatific beachfront, we’re not surprised that New York is a top spring break destination. After all, what can’t you do in the Big Apple?

Well, save money, for one thing. It’s true that there’s no place like New York City, but that goes for both its excitement and its expense.

Where to go instead: Montreal

This may sound like a strange switch, but hear us out. While Montreal may boast a fraction of the population of New York City, its many delights are also available at a fraction of Big Apple prices.

In springtime, the hard freeze the city is known for is starting to melt off, with daytime temperatures hovering between 35-50 degrees. In other words, it’s sweater weather, and you’ll still get to wear those cute, chunky booties — just like the fashionable Montrealers you’ll meet.

Although nothing can compete with Broadway, there’s plenty of live entertainment to be found in town, including live music and stage shows large and small across the city’s many venues. Plus, this Canadian city is renowned for its bagels, and you can exchange your Katz’s Delicatessen pastrami for a smoked meat sandwich from Schwartz’s. (Both are best served on rye.)

And finally: French accents. Need we say more, mon cher?

5. Los Angeles

The City of Angels is a popular destination for spring break and beyond. After all, the weather is pretty much always perfect.

But it’s also one of the most expensive and congested cities in America … and not the only southern Californian vacation option.

Where to go instead: San Diego

Who wants to battle LA’s infamous traffic when you could be spending your spring break with sea lions at La Jolla? There’s still plenty of nightlife to be had in the Gaslamp Quarter, plus the proximity to Mexico means the eats are authentic and the tequila is strong. ¡Disfruta!

Spring break doesn’t have to break the bank

As this article seeks to illustrate, the world is awash with great travel destinations. You can have a great time without choosing the spendiest on the list.

And considering that spring break’s popularity among college students and millennials, there’s good reason to choose a cheaper option: Today’s graduates average about $25,000 in student loan debt — and even more if they attend private or for-profit institutions.

Although everyone needs to cut loose from time to time, finding less expensive alternatives is a great way to get ahead of those staggering debt totals, which means you’ll be able to afford more adventures in the future. Plus, there are plenty of ways to save without wrecking your lifestyle. I mean, who can argue with a trip to Tampa or San Diego?

Bon voyage and happy saving!

Want to earn extra money? Here are the best side hustle opportunities!

CompanyType of WorkRequirements  RidesharingCar and smartphone

Become a Lyft Driver

Rent out your carOwn a vehicle

List Your Car

Rent out spaceRoom to host guests

Become an Airbnb host

Odd jobsSmartphone

Become a TaskRabbit Tasker

DeliveriesSmartphone

Become a Postmates Worker

Our team at Student Loan Hero works hard to find and recommend products and services that we believe are of high quality and will make a positive impact in your life. We sometimes earn a sales commission or advertising fee when recommending various products and services to you. Similar to when you are being sold any product or service, be sure to read the fine print understand what you are buying, and consult a licensed professional if you have any concerns. Student Loan Hero is not a lender or investment advisor. We are not involved in the loan approval or investment process, nor do we make credit or investment related decisions. The rates and terms listed on our website are estimates and are subject to change at any time. Please do your homework and let us know if you have any questions or concerns.

The post 5 Most Popular Spring Break Destinations — And Where to Go Instead appeared first on Student Loan Hero.

from Updates About Loans https://studentloanhero.com/featured/popular-spring-break-destinations-instead/

[aaronsniderus]

5 Most Popular Spring Break Destinations — And Where to Go Instead

Whether you’re a winter lover or the type who groans at the first sign of snowfall, it’s hard to deny the excitement of an oncoming spring. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and even better, spring break is around the corner. After all, who among us couldn’t use a spring break getaway after a long, blustering winter?

About 42% of families take a vacation over spring break, according to a 2017 study by New York University School of Professional Studies. And a 2018 TripAdvisor/Viator/Offers.com survey shows that number increases to 53% among millennials.

Travel is fun, fulfilling and can even teach you a thing or two. But it’s also a great way to spend more than you mean to, especially in the super popular destinations so many of us flock to in March and April. Considering that most students are already graduating with five-figure debt totals, it’s worthwhile to find the cheapest getaway possible.

So we decided to pair up some of the hottest spring break spots (based on a study by travel insurance firm Allianz Global Assistance) with alternative options, where you can find the same amount of fun for a fraction of the funds.

Ready to get going? Here’s where to set your sights — and your GPS.

1. Mexico

Whether it’s Cancún, Cabo San Lucas or some other surf-and-sand scene, Mexico is a spring break classic for a reason. The tropical climate is sure to warm you up, even after months of icy weather, and let’s face it: Who doesn’t love margaritas?

But an international flight can be costly, even if you get an all-expenses-included resort package once you arrive. And if you’re looking for warm, sandy beaches, you don’t actually have to go south of the border.

Where to go instead: Key Largo

It doesn’t get more scenic than the Florida Keys, and by staying a few miles north of the popular Key West, you’ll avoid souped-up spring break prices. Caroline Savon, founder of Well and Often Travel, suggests using the money you save on the flight to rent a killer beach house.

And if you absolutely must get out of the country, she says, consider heading even farther south than Mexico.

“Belize is a good international substitute,” she said, and although the flight might run you about the same, the atmosphere will be way less chaotic. “The beaches are incredible, everything is laid back, prices are very reasonable and there’s some amazing diving!”

2. Orlando

What destination inhabits the Venn diagram circle where young families, college students and retirees overlap?

It’s Disney World. And yes, it’s more expensive than ever.

Where to go instead: Tampa

If you’re looking for a Florida vacation and are willing to skip Chef Mickey’s, consider continuing southward past Orlando. Tampa offers the same fun-in-the-sun climate with much better beach access, and you can still get in some rollercoaster time at Busch Gardens, where a ticket starts at $79.99, as opposed to Disney’s $109+.

You can stash that extra cash for later or spend some of your savings on authentic Cuban cigars and cuisine. And as a native Floridian, this writer contends that Tampa beats the heck out of Orlando in the nightlife department. Tampa’s Ybor City neighborhood is not only a cultural gem, but a never-ending party, with clubs ranging from pop music dance halls to industrial and Goth hangouts.

3. Las Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, they say, but so will a big chunk of your spring break budget if you’re not careful. Between expensive drinks on the Strip and gambling the night away, there are plenty of ways to make your carefully saved trip funds — or worse, your student loan check — disappear in Sin City.

Where to go instead: Reno

If you’re looking for a Nevada experience that might be a little gentler on your wallet, consider heading to Reno instead. A meal at an inexpensive restaurant, for example, could cost you 20% less than in Vegas, according to user-generated data at Numbeo. And you can still take your chance on the penny slots that show up at every gas station, grocery store and not-quite-so-famous casino.

“Reno is super close to Lake Tahoe,” Savon added, “and the Nevada side has casinos and gambling along with the insanely beautiful backdrop of the clear blue lake and mountains.” That makes this trip a home run for adventurers of both the indoorsy and outdoorsy persuasions.

4. New York

Although it’s no beatific beachfront, we’re not surprised that New York is a top spring break destination. After all, what can’t you do in the Big Apple?

Well, save money, for one thing. It’s true that there’s no place like New York City, but that goes for both its excitement and its expense.

Where to go instead: Montreal

This may sound like a strange switch, but hear us out. While Montreal may boast a fraction of the population of New York City, its many delights are also available at a fraction of Big Apple prices.

In springtime, the hard freeze the city is known for is starting to melt off, with daytime temperatures hovering between 35-50 degrees. In other words, it’s sweater weather, and you’ll still get to wear those cute, chunky booties — just like the fashionable Montrealers you’ll meet.

Although nothing can compete with Broadway, there’s plenty of live entertainment to be found in town, including live music and stage shows large and small across the city’s many venues. Plus, this Canadian city is renowned for its bagels, and you can exchange your Katz’s Delicatessen pastrami for a smoked meat sandwich from Schwartz’s. (Both are best served on rye.)

And finally: French accents. Need we say more, mon cher?

5. Los Angeles

The City of Angels is a popular destination for spring break and beyond. After all, the weather is pretty much always perfect.

But it’s also one of the most expensive and congested cities in America … and not the only southern Californian vacation option.

Where to go instead: San Diego

Who wants to battle LA’s infamous traffic when you could be spending your spring break with sea lions at La Jolla? There’s still plenty of nightlife to be had in the Gaslamp Quarter, plus the proximity to Mexico means the eats are authentic and the tequila is strong. ¡Disfruta!

Spring break doesn’t have to break the bank

As this article seeks to illustrate, the world is awash with great travel destinations. You can have a great time without choosing the spendiest on the list.

And considering that spring break’s popularity among college students and millennials, there’s good reason to choose a cheaper option: Today’s graduates average about $25,000 in student loan debt — and even more if they attend private or for-profit institutions.

Although everyone needs to cut loose from time to time, finding less expensive alternatives is a great way to get ahead of those staggering debt totals, which means you’ll be able to afford more adventures in the future. Plus, there are plenty of ways to save without wrecking your lifestyle. I mean, who can argue with a trip to Tampa or San Diego?

Bon voyage and happy saving!

Want to earn extra money? Here are the best side hustle opportunities!

CompanyType of WorkRequirements  RidesharingCar and smartphone

Become a Lyft Driver

Rent out your carOwn a vehicle

List Your Car

Rent out spaceRoom to host guests

Become an Airbnb host

Odd jobsSmartphone

Become a TaskRabbit Tasker

DeliveriesSmartphone

Become a Postmates Worker

Our team at Student Loan Hero works hard to find and recommend products and services that we believe are of high quality and will make a positive impact in your life. We sometimes earn a sales commission or advertising fee when recommending various products and services to you. Similar to when you are being sold any product or service, be sure to read the fine print understand what you are buying, and consult a licensed professional if you have any concerns. Student Loan Hero is not a lender or investment advisor. We are not involved in the loan approval or investment process, nor do we make credit or investment related decisions. The rates and terms listed on our website are estimates and are subject to change at any time. Please do your homework and let us know if you have any questions or concerns.

The post 5 Most Popular Spring Break Destinations — And Where to Go Instead appeared first on Student Loan Hero.

from Updates About Loans https://studentloanhero.com/featured/popular-spring-break-destinations-instead/

[aaltjebarisca]

5 Most Popular Spring Break Destinations — And Where to Go Instead

Whether you’re a winter lover or the type who groans at the first sign of snowfall, it’s hard to deny the excitement of an oncoming spring. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and even better, spring break is around the corner. After all, who among us couldn’t use a spring break getaway after a long, blustering winter?

About 42% of families take a vacation over spring break, according to a 2017 study by New York University School of Professional Studies. And a 2018 TripAdvisor/Viator/Offers.com survey shows that number increases to 53% among millennials.

Travel is fun, fulfilling and can even teach you a thing or two. But it’s also a great way to spend more than you mean to, especially in the super popular destinations so many of us flock to in March and April. Considering that most students are already graduating with five-figure debt totals, it’s worthwhile to find the cheapest getaway possible.

So we decided to pair up some of the hottest spring break spots (based on a study by travel insurance firm Allianz Global Assistance) with alternative options, where you can find the same amount of fun for a fraction of the funds.

Ready to get going? Here’s where to set your sights — and your GPS.

1. Mexico

Whether it’s Cancún, Cabo San Lucas or some other surf-and-sand scene, Mexico is a spring break classic for a reason. The tropical climate is sure to warm you up, even after months of icy weather, and let’s face it: Who doesn’t love margaritas?

But an international flight can be costly, even if you get an all-expenses-included resort package once you arrive. And if you’re looking for warm, sandy beaches, you don’t actually have to go south of the border.

Where to go instead: Key Largo

It doesn’t get more scenic than the Florida Keys, and by staying a few miles north of the popular Key West, you’ll avoid souped-up spring break prices. Caroline Savon, founder of Well and Often Travel, suggests using the money you save on the flight to rent a killer beach house.

And if you absolutely must get out of the country, she says, consider heading even farther south than Mexico.

“Belize is a good international substitute,” she said, and although the flight might run you about the same, the atmosphere will be way less chaotic. “The beaches are incredible, everything is laid back, prices are very reasonable and there’s some amazing diving!”

2. Orlando

What destination inhabits the Venn diagram circle where young families, college students and retirees overlap?

It’s Disney World. And yes, it’s more expensive than ever.

Where to go instead: Tampa

If you’re looking for a Florida vacation and are willing to skip Chef Mickey’s, consider continuing southward past Orlando. Tampa offers the same fun-in-the-sun climate with much better beach access, and you can still get in some rollercoaster time at Busch Gardens, where a ticket starts at $79.99, as opposed to Disney’s $109+.

You can stash that extra cash for later or spend some of your savings on authentic Cuban cigars and cuisine. And as a native Floridian, this writer contends that Tampa beats the heck out of Orlando in the nightlife department. Tampa’s Ybor City neighborhood is not only a cultural gem, but a never-ending party, with clubs ranging from pop music dance halls to industrial and Goth hangouts.

3. Las Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, they say, but so will a big chunk of your spring break budget if you’re not careful. Between expensive drinks on the Strip and gambling the night away, there are plenty of ways to make your carefully saved trip funds — or worse, your student loan check — disappear in Sin City.

Where to go instead: Reno

If you’re looking for a Nevada experience that might be a little gentler on your wallet, consider heading to Reno instead. A meal at an inexpensive restaurant, for example, could cost you 20% less than in Vegas, according to user-generated data at Numbeo. And you can still take your chance on the penny slots that show up at every gas station, grocery store and not-quite-so-famous casino.

“Reno is super close to Lake Tahoe,” Savon added, “and the Nevada side has casinos and gambling along with the insanely beautiful backdrop of the clear blue lake and mountains.” That makes this trip a home run for adventurers of both the indoorsy and outdoorsy persuasions.

4. New York

Although it’s no beatific beachfront, we’re not surprised that New York is a top spring break destination. After all, what can’t you do in the Big Apple?

Well, save money, for one thing. It’s true that there’s no place like New York City, but that goes for both its excitement and its expense.

Where to go instead: Montreal

This may sound like a strange switch, but hear us out. While Montreal may boast a fraction of the population of New York City, its many delights are also available at a fraction of Big Apple prices.

In springtime, the hard freeze the city is known for is starting to melt off, with daytime temperatures hovering between 35-50 degrees. In other words, it’s sweater weather, and you’ll still get to wear those cute, chunky booties — just like the fashionable Montrealers you’ll meet.

Although nothing can compete with Broadway, there’s plenty of live entertainment to be found in town, including live music and stage shows large and small across the city’s many venues. Plus, this Canadian city is renowned for its bagels, and you can exchange your Katz’s Delicatessen pastrami for a smoked meat sandwich from Schwartz’s. (Both are best served on rye.)

And finally: French accents. Need we say more, mon cher?

5. Los Angeles

The City of Angels is a popular destination for spring break and beyond. After all, the weather is pretty much always perfect.

But it’s also one of the most expensive and congested cities in America … and not the only southern Californian vacation option.

Where to go instead: San Diego

Who wants to battle LA’s infamous traffic when you could be spending your spring break with sea lions at La Jolla? There’s still plenty of nightlife to be had in the Gaslamp Quarter, plus the proximity to Mexico means the eats are authentic and the tequila is strong. ¡Disfruta!

Spring break doesn’t have to break the bank

As this article seeks to illustrate, the world is awash with great travel destinations. You can have a great time without choosing the spendiest on the list.

And considering that spring break’s popularity among college students and millennials, there’s good reason to choose a cheaper option: Today’s graduates average about $25,000 in student loan debt — and even more if they attend private or for-profit institutions.

Although everyone needs to cut loose from time to time, finding less expensive alternatives is a great way to get ahead of those staggering debt totals, which means you’ll be able to afford more adventures in the future. Plus, there are plenty of ways to save without wrecking your lifestyle. I mean, who can argue with a trip to Tampa or San Diego?

Bon voyage and happy saving!

Want to earn extra money? Here are the best side hustle opportunities!

CompanyType of WorkRequirements  RidesharingCar and smartphone

Become a Lyft Driver

Rent out your carOwn a vehicle

List Your Car

Rent out spaceRoom to host guests

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20 Best New Portfolio Sites, February 2018

Hey everyone! It’s February, and you know what that means: Hallmark executives get bonuses! Also, people make a special effort to show love and affection to those they care about, which is cool too.

The theme this month is minimalism and motion designer portfolios, pretty much. Enjoy.

Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea (TM), kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

Christopher Kirk-Nielsen

Christopher Kirk-Nielsen is a WDD reader who sent in his own site for review, and oh my God I think he’s been listening! You see, he is a front-end dev / motion designer. Typically, sites built by motion designers tend to suffer in the usability and accessibility department.

In this case, however, the site looks good. It looks original. It appeals to the love of the ’80s aesthetic. And so far, I can’t get the thing to break without going back to much older browsers. Even without JavaScript, everything has a fallback.

Less+More

Next up, Less+More is perhaps the very embodiment of the “white space and thick heading type” school of design. It has big type. It has big images. It has… a lightly-animated Venn diagram? Okay, I like that.

No prizes for originality, but it looks good.

Marina Rachello

Every time I see a site so brazenly colorful as Marina Rachello’s portfolio, I always wonder if my tendency toward monochromatic palettes is wrong somehow. While some of the bolder tones don’t contrast too well with the black text, it must feel freeing to just go nuts with the colors and shapes.

The only change I’d make (besides fixing the potential contrast issue) would be to make the background an SVG rather than a PNG.

Antoni

Antoni brings us another videographer’s portfolio that goes all in on the motion design. It’s got a visually pleasing combination of background video, and simple, solid minimalism that would just scream “professional” if it weren’t so darned professional.

Nikos Pandazaras

Nikos Pandazaras’ portfolio is as artsy as his photography, which is par for photographers’ websites these days. You have the minimalism, the somewhat unconventional layout, and even rather artsy animation. The whole thing really fits the theme.

Dow Smith

Dow Smith adheres to the trend of ever-more-minimalist sites, with the big, thin text, and the love of literal white space. Tons of it.

There’s also a fair bit of distracting animation, but I actually rather like the way it’s been used. Each portfolio piece is presented as a short video (embedded with HTML5) that shows how a user is expected to interact with the site. It shows how they work, not just how they look.

Prollective

Prollective’s website is minimalist and professional, but isn’t afraid to preen a bit. Gradients and bright colors haven’t looked this good since people kept mistaking Web 2.0 for an aesthetic trend. Despite relying far more on type than it does on imagery, this site still feels vibrant.

Blue Productions

Blue Productions properly commits to their theme by, well, using a whole lot of blue. Video is what they’re all about, so expect a fair bit of background video, and stills from their work. I particularly appreciate the cinematic presentation for all of their work.

galgo.studio

galgo.studio’s style of minimalism is bound to remind you at least a little bit of Google. They’ve worked with Google on at least one project, so that sounds about right. It’s clean, it’s smooth, it has that thin text you see on pretty much every Google site now. Some small usability issues on the home page aside, it’s a pleasure to browse.

Julie Bonnemoy

Julie Bonnemoy’s portfolio hits you with some rather chaotic lava lamp effects before revealing a classy layout that revels in its asymmetry and imagery in equal measure. I feel like this is one of those sites that is perhaps a bit over-animated. Even so, when it calms down a bit, it’s just plain beautiful to look at.

Dinner for Five

Mitsugu Takahashi’s portfolio is elegant. I don’t mean that it uses fancy type (well, it does), or that it uses imagery to project a high-class brand (it does that, too). Those are just surface level indications of a deeper understanding of the way something elegant is supposed to feel.

Page loader aside, the site feels graceful, pleasant, and stylish as you could wish for. It’s almost a miracle that only one of the featured projects has anything to do with fancy weddings. It just hits all of the right notes.

Jermaine Craig

Jermaine Craig makes a bold and risky move by hitting users right in the eye-sockets with a wall of text. The site as a whole seems to be a bit of a work in progress, but it’s already eye-catching enough for this list.

Paper Tiger

Paper Tiger is your classic minimalism that’s had few paint-filled balloons thrown at it. The people at Paper Tiger are apparently good at throwing things, though, as the use of color doesn’t overwhelm the rest of the design at all. It just takes an already-solid design and makes it stand out a bit more.

James Merrell Architects

I’m not sure why architects love the PowerPoint-style site so much, but James Merrell Architects is a fine example of the form. Even their blog is part presentation, and part print publication. The cool thing is that CSS (and JS) has come far enough to make sites like this reasonably usable, and even pretty.

Even though building sites this way goes against my personal preferences — and even though there’s no point in hiding the navigation behind a hamburger menu on the desktop — I have to admit that it just looks good.

Kickpush

It’s one heck of a power move for a company that makes mobile apps (and occasionally websites) to state that they don’t even like the Internet. And yet, Kickpush has done just that. Of course, they also call London “sunny” which is exactly how you know they’re kidding. That brashness permeates the site’s entire aesthetic and experience.

MoreSleep

MoreSleep is not just a good idea, it’s also a design studio. This one has gone for that holy grail of alternative aesthetics: the horizontal layout. Well, on their home page anyway.

Nathan Young

Nathan Young has brought us a multiple-slideshow portfolio for our enjoyment. This sort of portfolio is actually growing on me a bit, though I’d personally try for pure CSS slideshows.

Jack Davidson

Jack Davidson’s portfolio makes absolutely sure that you will read the title of every project by replacing your cursor with said title. Don’t worry, it goes back to the regular pointer as soon as you mouse over the navigation, so it remains useful.

The site is interesting, but I want to dock it a few points for using a “screen saver”. I’m getting a bit annoyed with those. At least this one is a slideshow of his work, so it’s still kind of useful.

Amateur.rocks

Okay, a thousand websites have done the “it’s all text until you hover on a project name” thing. I’d just like to point at amateur.rocks to say, “They did it right.”

See how the images are kept from overlapping the title of the project you’re previewing? See how they don’t have to worry about text contrast like that? That’s the right way to do it.

Giovanna Silva

Giovanna Silva has taken the unconventional route of allowing people to make their own collages (sort of) with her portfolio. Click on a country/location, then start clicking away to see every picture in the project.

After you’ve exhausted the stack of photos, you can see them all again in a more conventional layout. The rest of the site is a bit more conventional, too, but looks good.

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20 Best New Portfolio Sites, February 2018

Hey everyone! It’s February, and you know what that means: Hallmark executives get bonuses! Also, people make a special effort to show love and affection to those they care about, which is cool too.

The theme this month is minimalism and motion designer portfolios, pretty much. Enjoy.

Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea (TM), kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

Christopher Kirk-Nielsen

Christopher Kirk-Nielsen is a WDD reader who sent in his own site for review, and oh my God I think he’s been listening! You see, he is a front-end dev / motion designer. Typically, sites built by motion designers tend to suffer in the usability and accessibility department.

In this case, however, the site looks good. It looks original. It appeals to the love of the ’80s aesthetic. And so far, I can’t get the thing to break without going back to much older browsers. Even without JavaScript, everything has a fallback.

Less+More

Next up, Less+More is perhaps the very embodiment of the “white space and thick heading type” school of design. It has big type. It has big images. It has… a lightly-animated Venn diagram? Okay, I like that.

No prizes for originality, but it looks good.

Marina Rachello

Every time I see a site so brazenly colorful as Marina Rachello’s portfolio, I always wonder if my tendency toward monochromatic palettes is wrong somehow. While some of the bolder tones don’t contrast too well with the black text, it must feel freeing to just go nuts with the colors and shapes.

The only change I’d make (besides fixing the potential contrast issue) would be to make the background an SVG rather than a PNG.

Antoni

Antoni brings us another videographer’s portfolio that goes all in on the motion design. It’s got a visually pleasing combination of background video, and simple, solid minimalism that would just scream “professional” if it weren’t so darned professional.

Nikos Pandazaras

Nikos Pandazaras’ portfolio is as artsy as his photography, which is par for photographers’ websites these days. You have the minimalism, the somewhat unconventional layout, and even rather artsy animation. The whole thing really fits the theme.

Dow Smith

Dow Smith adheres to the trend of ever-more-minimalist sites, with the big, thin text, and the love of literal white space. Tons of it.

There’s also a fair bit of distracting animation, but I actually rather like the way it’s been used. Each portfolio piece is presented as a short video (embedded with HTML5) that shows how a user is expected to interact with the site. It shows how they work, not just how they look.

Prollective

Prollective’s website is minimalist and professional, but isn’t afraid to preen a bit. Gradients and bright colors haven’t looked this good since people kept mistaking Web 2.0 for an aesthetic trend. Despite relying far more on type than it does on imagery, this site still feels vibrant.

Blue Productions

Blue Productions properly commits to their theme by, well, using a whole lot of blue. Video is what they’re all about, so expect a fair bit of background video, and stills from their work. I particularly appreciate the cinematic presentation for all of their work.

galgo.studio

galgo.studio’s style of minimalism is bound to remind you at least a little bit of Google. They’ve worked with Google on at least one project, so that sounds about right. It’s clean, it’s smooth, it has that thin text you see on pretty much every Google site now. Some small usability issues on the home page aside, it’s a pleasure to browse.

Julie Bonnemoy

Julie Bonnemoy’s portfolio hits you with some rather chaotic lava lamp effects before revealing a classy layout that revels in its asymmetry and imagery in equal measure. I feel like this is one of those sites that is perhaps a bit over-animated. Even so, when it calms down a bit, it’s just plain beautiful to look at.

Dinner for Five

Mitsugu Takahashi’s portfolio is elegant. I don’t mean that it uses fancy type (well, it does), or that it uses imagery to project a high-class brand (it does that, too). Those are just surface level indications of a deeper understanding of the way something elegant is supposed to feel.

Page loader aside, the site feels graceful, pleasant, and stylish as you could wish for. It’s almost a miracle that only one of the featured projects has anything to do with fancy weddings. It just hits all of the right notes.

Jermaine Craig

Jermaine Craig makes a bold and risky move by hitting users right in the eye-sockets with a wall of text. The site as a whole seems to be a bit of a work in progress, but it’s already eye-catching enough for this list.

Paper Tiger

Paper Tiger is your classic minimalism that’s had few paint-filled balloons thrown at it. The people at Paper Tiger are apparently good at throwing things, though, as the use of color doesn’t overwhelm the rest of the design at all. It just takes an already-solid design and makes it stand out a bit more.

James Merrell Architects

I’m not sure why architects love the PowerPoint-style site so much, but James Merrell Architects is a fine example of the form. Even their blog is part presentation, and part print publication. The cool thing is that CSS (and JS) has come far enough to make sites like this reasonably usable, and even pretty.

Even though building sites this way goes against my personal preferences — and even though there’s no point in hiding the navigation behind a hamburger menu on the desktop — I have to admit that it just looks good.

Kickpush

It’s one heck of a power move for a company that makes mobile apps (and occasionally websites) to state that they don’t even like the Internet. And yet, Kickpush has done just that. Of course, they also call London “sunny” which is exactly how you know they’re kidding. That brashness permeates the site’s entire aesthetic and experience.

MoreSleep

MoreSleep is not just a good idea, it’s also a design studio. This one has gone for that holy grail of alternative aesthetics: the horizontal layout. Well, on their home page anyway.

Nathan Young

Nathan Young has brought us a multiple-slideshow portfolio for our enjoyment. This sort of portfolio is actually growing on me a bit, though I’d personally try for pure CSS slideshows.

Jack Davidson

Jack Davidson’s portfolio makes absolutely sure that you will read the title of every project by replacing your cursor with said title. Don’t worry, it goes back to the regular pointer as soon as you mouse over the navigation, so it remains useful.

The site is interesting, but I want to dock it a few points for using a “screen saver”. I’m getting a bit annoyed with those. At least this one is a slideshow of his work, so it’s still kind of useful.

Amateur.rocks

Okay, a thousand websites have done the “it’s all text until you hover on a project name” thing. I’d just like to point at amateur.rocks to say, “They did it right.”

See how the images are kept from overlapping the title of the project you’re previewing? See how they don’t have to worry about text contrast like that? That’s the right way to do it.

Giovanna Silva

Giovanna Silva has taken the unconventional route of allowing people to make their own collages (sort of) with her portfolio. Click on a country/location, then start clicking away to see every picture in the project.

After you’ve exhausted the stack of photos, you can see them all again in a more conventional layout. The rest of the site is a bit more conventional, too, but looks good.

Art Text App for Mac Turns Text into a Masterpiece – only $17!

Source p img {display:inline-block; margin-right:10px;} .alignleft {float:left;} p.showcase {clear:both;} body#browserfriendly p, body#podcast p, div#emailbody p{margin:0;}

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Is UX Really That Important?

One of the most oft-repeated criticisms of any design is that it’s “poor user experience”. UX is set up as the ultimate achievement for any design project. But is this an over-simplification of the designer’s role? Should everything be about user experience?

To paraphrase Leonard Hofstadter: “UX is a ‘smart decision’; it is like a bran muffin—a thing that you’re choosing because it is good for you…But sometimes, you want things in your design to be a Cinnabon, you know? A strawberry Pop Tart. Something you’re excited about even though it could give you diabetes”.

Today I’ve put together a list of sites that are rarely credited with good user experience, but that are still praise-worthy despite—or perhaps because of—that fact. We can admire their originality, their interactions, and their creative direction.

1. Scrolling: parallax, long and infinite

While scrolling, in all its hypostases, underlies a bunch of today’s websites—especially those that bring to life a storytelling experience—UX gurus find this technique “mauvais ton”. They consider it bad for many reasons:

users may not know what to do when first they stumble upon such a site;

users can feel confused and frustrated;

users often become bored after several minutes of constant moving;

there is no way out, whatsoever;

the navigation is not transparent and habitual;

relatively bad site performance;

in some cases, it does not work in mobile devices;

etc.

However, we still eagerly click on a website that promises to take us on a long exciting adventure. Does the “comfort zone” matter? When all you need to do is to toy with a mouse scroll wheel and amuse yourself with some inventive tricks.

What does the Bank of England do?

Ivan Toro

2. Experiments with Typography and Taglines

As all we know, your message to the targeted audience should be as clean and clear as a little angel’s tear. Good contrast, optimal readability, and some other factors ensure the successful transmission of the company’s message. For example, Six Potatoes or Biron: their titles are pretty straightforward and plain. Without a doubt, this technique works: it is really hard to miss the tagline.

Six Potatoes

Biron

However, what about the homepage of Bolden? Their “welcome” message is a true mess. Letters overlap each other looking much like the Venn diagram. The first thing that comes to mind “What a…?” Undoubtedly, such a peculiar solution evokes mixed feelings. Nevertheless, these feelings ignite our interest. Curiosity is our natural instinct that is truly powerful.

What’s really hidden inside this tiny chaos? The team is managed to seize and hold our attention, and not only convey the message and reflect a creative thinking but also use our short memory span to their advantage.

Bolden

3. WebGL Experiments

Can anyone call WebGL along with Chrome experiments an example of good UX? Absolutely, not. Some of them even do not work on the majority of browsers, so a lion share of online audience are simply unable to open them on their desktops, to say nothing about the tablets and mobile devices. But still, the upsurge of using high-end features and experimental libraries in building web applications is evident. Interland by Google, DEVX Experiments, 86 and half years—all these and many more concepts slowly but surely are earning their place in the sun. They are impressive, ingenious and intriguing; and if they open in your browser you will definitely forget about the comfort at least for 10-15 minutes.

Welcome to Fillory

Senso

4. Original Navigation

“Should I stay or should I go?”

Navigation plays a decisive role in whether your users stay or leave. No one wants to fish in the dark. Navigation’s power to destroy user experience (or vice versa) take it to the next level. Good practice encourages us to make the main menu simple, handy, intuitive, but at the same time all-embracing. Everything should be on the surface, or at within easy clicks. The user should get answers to their questions quickly and without much pain.

Plain top bars with nav links, hamburger menu buttons and of course, sticky nav bars that accompany us on our journey through the website are really popular these days. Staying conservative and pragmatic in choosing the navigation lets you provide your visitors with a Navigation GPS Unit rather than a map with descriptions written in Moon-letters. Nonetheless, to a certain degree these trivial solutions will take away all the fun and playfulness of your interface.

Unexpected menus are creative, thought-provoking and captivating. Yes, they can be misleading, but when done right they are almost flawless masterpieces that pique our curiosity.

Daniel Spatzek

In The Box

Conclusion

Without a doubt, user experience is a vital aspect of a good web application whether it is just a plain blog, complex corporate portal, or huge e-commerce website. Along with such important things like mobile-friendliness or cross-browser compatibility it forms a safe and sound foundation that ensures success. However, sometimes, like in the real world, there are things that we find truly uncomfortable, like taking long trips in a sports car or wearing high heels, but still we admire them, want to possess them, they make us turn our heads.

So, should everything be about UX? Should we all abandon the desire of going off the beaten track and follow the same old roads over and over? Is it possible to strike the balance between creativeness and pragmatism?

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