#i wanna snooze with a trans boy so much </3

[hawkingbishop]

It took me over two hours and constantly drifting off while writing and having to reread the same section a hundred times before I understood it, but I finally copied over the snippet of my TULOMB rewrite into a Word document! Five and a half pages, single spaced.

PS. I’m changing a lot in this draft. For one, you see she’s Persephone now instead of Rebecca. It just didn’t seem right to have the same name. So, she’s Persephone Alexandra Rhodes. She’s a light skinned black girl. She has a darker skinned younger brother.

Marilynn is essentially the same as before, though she’s now a trans girl.

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    Persephone found herself staring at Marilynn as she went up to grab their coffee order. She was wearing her curly ginger hair down, with a light blue cardigan covering a pink-blue-and-white striped shirt, a flowy light blue skirt with a white belt, pink tights, and black combat boots.

    Persephone was wearing a simple outfit of a jean jacket covered in band pins/patches, over a red flannel, black leggings, and an identical pair of black combat boots.

    She had a smile on as she watched her best friend-slash-crush. Persephone’s bright red lips nearly took up her entire tawny face. She brushed her wavy, russet hair out of her eyes. Her smile soon turned to a small frown, as she knew she could never act on her feelings, or else she might lose her friendship. Plus, it’s not like anything would happen anyway, since Marilynn’s straight…

    As Persephone was in her little reverie, Marilynn picked up the order of Lattes and turned toward their table. She saw Persephone’s gloomy face, and her own mouth twitched into a half frown.

    “Hey chica, what’cha thinkin’ about?” Marilynn asked while sitting down across from Persephone.

    That brought Persephone back to Earth. She slid her drink to herself and said, “…stuff.” And then she drank a long pull while looking away.

    “Stuff? Ooh, I like stuff!” exclaimed Marilynn. She then took a sip of her drink while waiting for Persephone to respond. Persephone was trying to think of something clever to say, but instead, answered with “oh, normal stuff that normal people think of, you know…”

    “Ooh, I see. But, since when have you been normal?” Marilynn joked, holding back giggles.

    Persephone laughed at that, then answered “oh, I’m so not. I’m just trying to see if I could pretend to be for a moment. Y’know, thinking about boys, and how I need to lose weight and look good for them.”

    Marilynn chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah, totally normal stuff. How was it?” She took another sip of her drink.

    Persephone toyed with her cup, sliding it back and forth between her hands. She smirked and then forced herself to frown, making a big exaggerated show of it. She said, “it was awful. I couldn’t do it for more than a second before I realized that ‘yep, I’m totally gay through and through, no doubts about it!’”

    Marilynn was in the process of drinking when she laughed uncontrollably, spitting her drink all over her cup and table.

    Persephone laughed harder at that and then got up to get napkins. She returned to the table to see Marilynn trying to wipe her mouth clean with just her dry hand. She gladly took some napkins and began cleaning herself off.

    Persephone helped, wiping down the table. As she crumpled the napkins and pushed them to the edge of their table, Persephone asked, “so, you excited for your very first college course? You look great, by the way. You’re gonna turn so many heads today!” She winked.

    Marilynn looked down at the table and a small smile crossed her lips. She responded, “thanks. I went through, like, 3 outfits before I settled on this one.” She held up a piece of the cardigan. After she released it and flattened it back down, she said, “and yeah. I actually am excited!”

She then reached into her bag and brought out a Mead Notebook. “I have all these new school supplies and I want to use them. My first class is Creative Writing, and I can’t wait to get going… I wanna work on my stories and poems and write new ones.”

    Her smile was so big; it took over her whole fair-skinned face. Her hazel eyes were bright and crinkled at the outer edges. Persephone loved how excited and enthusiastic she was when she talked about her writing. It was infectious. Persephone returned the great smile, her own light brown eyes bright and crinkled to match Marilynn’s.

    “Good,” she said, “your writing is amazing as it is, but I bet this class will help you write tons more stuff.” She was sitting on edge of her chair, hands on the table, palms down, fingers spread out. Then she pointed to Marilynn with her right hand. “Your professor is gonna love your work… and you.”

    Persephone didn’t think it possible, but Marilynn’s smile got even bigger. Marilynn said softly, “thanks, Seph, that really means a lot.” She reached over and touched Persephone’s left hand. She kept it there for a minute before she brought it back to her cup.

    During the hand-touching, Persephone’s smile faded into a smaller, sad one, eventually threatening to turn into a frown. It was hard for her—the contact, the closeness. She knew it was a friendly touch, but she wished it was much more than that. She wished Marilynn had felt like her. But, it’s a lost cause; Marilynn’s not into girls.

Plus, she reminded herself, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by bringing up my feelings.

Even if Marilynn felt the same way, Persephone was afraid of the relationship not working out, it might ruin their friendship. They had been best friends practically their whole lives.

Their parents were friends, so they always played together when their parents hung out. They were inseparable. They took baths together, played Barbies and action figures, played Legos. They loved each other.

When they started getting older, around 9 or 10, that’s when things changed… Not so much they’re friendship, but their lives; especially Marilynn’s. That’s when she came out to her parents as trans. She always felt like she was a girl, and was now anxious/afraid of puberty. She DIDN’T want to go through male puberty.

And luckily her parents listened to her and wanted her to be happy. It definitely wasn’t easy for them to take at first, but they tried to not let it show. They were always supportive, and after much thought and talking with Marilynn and therapists, they realized they had to let her transition. She had always been kind of feminine, playing with Barbies and dolls, always playing as a girl…

So, much to Marilynn’s delight and relief, she was able to start puberty blockers and living as her true self, a trans girl named Marilynn.

And all along this time, Persephone was right beside Marilynn. She knew her friend was a girl. She was super supportive and always there for her. If anything, Marilynn’s transition strengthened their friendship. Now Marilynn could be included in all the “girl” things with Persephone. Like playing on the girls’ side in “Boys vs. Girls” games at school, shopping for clothes, doing each others’ hair, having slumber parties with other girls. And everyone in their families was really supportive through the entire process.

Also around this time, Persephone decided to come out, as well. Not as trans, but as gay. Persephone always imagined herself with a wife, never a husband. She had crushes on her favorite actresses and musicians. She knew she was a lesbian, and just like Marilynn’s parents, hers went out of the way to educate themselves and be supportive.

The girls went to a Youth LGBTQ Support Group twice a month and were active in their school’s GSA and other LGBTQ activities. They both grew up being completely out and proud. Sure, they had their bullies and disapproving teachers, or other adults in their lives that disapproved, but the girls and their parents confronted each disrespect and tried to quell it.

Growing up together, going to the same classes, working closely side-by-side in the GSA, Persephone eventually realized she had developed feelings for Marilynn as more than just best friends. She wanted to be girlfriends, and not in the way most straight girls use that term.

Persephone wanted to hold Marilynn’s hand, she wanted to hug her and smell her hair; she wanted to grow old with her. But Marilynn had never spoken up about her own sexuality in regards to girls. She talked about boys and Persephone listened and gave her some advice. Persephone talked about crushing on girls and Marilynn would give her advice, but never let on that she was into girls, herself. She was barely into boys, Persephone noticed. Sometimes she thought her talks on boys were forced heteronormativity. But she never brought up her desires, hopes, or thoughts. She waited for Marilynn to come to her. But she never did…

So, Persephone threw herself more into the friendship. And if that’s all they could ever be, that was okay with her. For the most part. Though when times like these happened, i.e. the hand-touching, it was difficult to remember that she’s fine with just being friends. But, as quickly as her frown appeared, it was replaced with a smile again.

“So, what about you? Are you ready for college?” Marilynn asked.

Persephone answered, “Yeah, I guess. I just hope I like my classes. Hopefully they’re not all boring. Remember Ms. Philipps’ AP Calculus class? Sooo boring. I’m glad I like math and read the book ahead of time, or else I would’ve failed for always falling asleep in class.” She chuckled. Marilynn joined her.

“Oh man, totally. Such a snooze fest. And yeah, I’m glad you read ahead too, so you could tutor me.” Marilynn laughed again.

Persephone turned serious for a minute.

“You think there’s gonna be many out lesbians at college? I know college is supposed to be more open and free and it’s where girls supposedly experiment… But I don’t know what happens at a Community College, it’s probably completely different than on-campus life…” Persephone wondered aloud.

Marilynn shrugged. “I don’t know. We should check out the LGBTQ Club in person and see what’s what. I’m psyched to go and meet new peeps in the community.”

Persephone agreed, “Definitely. After our classes today we should head over and talk to the club, let ‘em know we’re here, we’re queer, and ready to get into gear.”

Marilynn smirked at that and said, “You’re so lame,” and then threw one of the napkins at Persephone.

She caught it and threw it back, saying, “that’s why you love me.”

“No,” Marilynn contested while smoothing out the napkin on the table, “I love you because no one else will.”

“Ouch,” Persephone exclaimed while holding her hand to her chest, “Go straight for the heart why don’t’cha?”

“So,” Marilynn started.

She began ripping up her napkin.

“So?…” Persephone asked after about 30 seconds of silence.

“So, I’m kinda scared to start school. To be in this new place where practically nobody knows me. Should I go stealth? Should I be out and proud? I know we’ll be a part of the LGBTQ Club, but everyone won’t know that. They won’t know me. Should I be upfront about it to people, or stay quiet?”

The napkin was now in about 30 different pieces and she was still ripping.

Persephone donned her frown again and said, “well you know I can’t answer that for you, but I will say—just be you and everybody will love you. So what if you’re trans? If they can’t deal, then they’re not worth your time. So, yeah, maybe just go stealth, but if anyone asks, or you want to tell them, do it. Otherwise just live your normal life.” She shrugged at Marilynn before taking another drink of her Caramel Brulée Latte.

Marilynn crumpled the napkin pieces back together and set the mound aside with the rest. “I guess that makes sense. If they know, they know. If they don’t, oh well.”

“Yeah. Just be you and all the suitors will be fawning over you,” Persephone suggested.

Marilynn gave Persephone a skeptical look, “suitors?” she asked, “Really? What are we, in the fifties or something?”

Persephone blew the napkins over to Marilynn and responded, ”Oh shut up, you.”

“Seph…” Marilynn tried to talk.

“Yeah, Mars?” Persephone asked.

“I’m just worried they’ll all judge me and hate me and think I’m an ‘abomination’.”

Persephone reached her hand out and grabbed Marilynn’s and held it with both hands. “Mars Bar,” she smirked. “you are an amazing woman. Smart kid, beautiful, giving, and did I mention beautiful? Everyone will love you, whether they know you’re trans or not.”

Marilynn put her other hand on top of Persephone’s. She couldn’t make eye contact as she spoke, “Thanks Seph. And ditto. You’re the best friend a girl can have.

Persephone winced internally, but replied, “Damn Skippy. I’m awesome. And, hey, so are you. Never forget that. No matter what anybody says. You. Are. Awesome.” She punctuated the last statement by lifting their hands up and then dropping them back to the table in between each word.

Marilynn’s glowing smile emerged again and she said, “Thanks Seph. Really. I love you��”

She stroked Persephone’s hand as she said that.

“And I love you, Mars. Forever and always,” Persephone responded while internally headdesking.

Marilynn looked into Persephone’s eyes, almost peering into her soul. ”Forever and Always.”